Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 098 - Melissa from Brazil is Dating a New Guy

Episode Date: November 1, 2015

Remember Melissa from Brazil from episode 63 & 76? She was the young, hot girl who was having great sex with a totally unavailable weirdo in the hopes that it would one day lead to something more. Did it ever turn into a real relationship? Of course not but she recently meet a new guy and she calls in to talk all about it. How did she finally manage to end things with the unavailable guy? How did she wind up meeting the new guy? Are things going well or is he another total weirdo too? Tune in to find out and hear a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

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I wish I wasn't fucking narcissist. Narcissuses have it so easy. They don't feel one feeling. And they rule the world. I'm totally the opposite of a narcissist. But I want to not be sort of narcissistic and talk about myself and just get right on with the fucking intro. What else?

Oh, my book is finally available in hard copy version. And it's like great. I think it looks great. And you can buy it on Amazon.com. It's called the Cartoon Misadventures of a total train wreck. It's 1195. Maybe that's too expensive. I don't really fucking know.

If you want to buy my book and you think, oh, 1195 and you go check it out and you think it should be 895, you know, let me know. I'll change it. I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. I'm just trying it out. If you want to be on the show and you have a problem, any kind of problem, write in and I'll have you on. You can write me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. Today I have on a caller who wrote in to the show, a woman, Melissa from Brazil. She's been on before. It's an update show all about her new relationship. She met a new guy and we talk all about that. We talk about how things ended with that old guy, that weird, that she was dating and then we get into all the shit that's been going down with the new guy. So I'm just going to get right to it and come back on with Melissa from Brazil. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you.

Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hey, hello. Hi. Is this Melissa from Brazil? Yes. My God, I always laugh when I hear the name. I mean, there's not one Melissa that lives in Brazil, right? That's totally the most... Of course it is. There's plenty of Melissa. There's a brand that is called Melissa. Like a shoe brand.

You're kidding me. Yeah. But with... Say Melissa. How do they say it? Melissa. Melissa. Yeah. Not Melissa.

Oh, yeah. I am so bad with accents. Whenever I travel to other countries and I try to speak their language, I mean, I could say the words, but I sound like an asshole because I could never do the little flare of the accent, you know? And I wish I could. First of all, the Brazilian accent is totally hot. But yeah, I thought Melissa was like the most obvious, like, not Brazil.

Brazilian name, but it turns out it's a, it is a common Brazilian name. Yeah, that's so weird. Okay, so I don't remember getting much from you in your email, but I always love a good update show, so that's what you're going to do, right? You're going to update us on what's been going on with you? Yeah, I didn't say much because it was funny because I haven't been able to catch up on your show lately because, like, so much going on. my mom was here last week and been working a lot.

So I was like, oh, let me just like see how it's going. And then I went back to the email that we exchanged. And it was so funny because last time we talked like beginning of June, I guess. And then you were saying that like you were like giving me a month to meet someone. Remember that? Yeah. I made a prediction. Oh, yeah.

We made a prediction that I had a feeling you were going to meet somebody else. Yeah. And that was so funny because when I saw it, I was like, no. Well, it wasn't in a month, but it was kind of in a month. See? In July. See? That's pretty fucking good.

You did meet someone, right? I did. Isn't that weird? I think sometimes we're all a little intuitive. I don't know. I sometimes call stuff out for people and I'm like right on the money. I just really had a feeling. So you really actually met somebody.

I did. And so I'm calling from our predictions. I'm okay. I'm just going to say something right now. I was a psychic of you now. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to say something right now. I never predicted whether he would be a good guy or a bad guy. So if he turned out to be a total douche, that's totally not my fault. Yeah. Okay. I'll spare that for you.

Okay, so let me just explain what your deal is because sometimes I don't know if everyone listens to everyone's episodes. He called in a while ago. This is going to be your third podcast. You called in a while ago because you were dating or like kind of sleeping with a guy. It was kind of, but it turned into like a booty call situation. You were like definitely like not good with that. You know, you were getting confused about that because you like, but you like the sex,

but you didn't know if you want a relationship, but he didn't want a relationship. He was a really fucking weird dude. He played around with a lot. Nothing ever worked out. You called in months later and he was, he was still. playing the same games yet you guys were like staying friends like you know and that's what i think i predicted that for some reason i believed you were going to meet somebody else and you know go down a whole other path and that would be done let me ask you this like it so how did that ending happen did

that ending happen are you back with the guy like i don't even know so why don't you just like pick it up from there yeah so the last time we talked we were like kind of like being friends stage but that really didn't last long. Okay. So, like, we, like, that same day that I talked to you, we went out with everybody, and a few days later, we also hang out, like, and then everybody ended up leaving, and it was just me and him, and we had, like, a very good day, like, a very good talk. It was really nice.

Because, like, I think I told you, like, I moved to the city. Like, last time I said I was. I talked to you, like, I was, like, here for a month or so. Yeah. And I was working as a nanny still. And then, like, a week after that, I got fired. Oh, my God. Why?

Did you, like, shake the baby or something? What did you get fired for being a nanny? Because, like, I think her mom, like, decided to move here or something like that. Oh, okay. The person was not a great, like, she was, like, 48, five. Uh-huh. and her husband was 55. Mm-hmm.

And they were, like, having the first kid. So they were, like, very, like, neurotic about everything. I hope you're not neurotic with your kid when you have a family. Oh, my God. Me, too. I know. I've seen that. It's so bad.

It really is. It's, like, it's, like, they would, like, they didn't even know how to carry the kid. Anyway. I'll be like, dude, you're not going to hurt her. It's just, like, anyway. So, and I'm, like, not. That wasn't great, like, great match for them. Okay, right, okay.

But then that was, like, a very big turnout, like, because, like, then I was like, whoa, shit. So, like, I just moved here and now I have to find a new job. But I end up, like, being great because now I work with some people different. Like, I work in a coffee shop and, like, I got to meet new people every day. And, like, I don't know. I feel better now working with kids. So then everything.

yeah everything happened really quick and then that was also when me and him were like this so at one day I was like having a bad day and I called him and he was like oh I'm having a bad day too but if I want to come here like we can just be here I was like okay so I went there and that's what we did like we were like being just being there you know like watching TV and everything and it was like I was like, well, this is good, you know? Like, we are here in the presence of each other, and that's good. Mm-hmm. And I, like, I was tired and I fell asleep.

I woke up with him creamy at me. You gotta go, you gotta go. I was like, what the fuck is happening? So I was freaking out. He had, like, a panic attack with me just because I was laying his bed not doing anything. Oh, my God, hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, we always knew this was a classic case, or at least I believed, and I could, listen, I've been attracted to these kind of guys my whole life because I was that kind of girl, too.

So I totally knew this guy's type. He was definitely the type of guy that when you just got too close, alarm bells went off and he got so freaked out, you know? Yeah, but that was like insane because, like, he really freaked out. I was like, just shaking or don't get up. It was like, I don't feel good. I was like, what the fuck is happening? So I was like, no, I gotta go. I'm doing too well.

I was like, but why? He was like, I took something. I was like, what did you take? He was like, no, I didn't take anything. He was like, he didn't even know what to say. And I was like, dude, just chill. Like, I'm here. I know it's scary for you, but like this doesn't mean anything.

Just like calm down. Anyway, so he calmed down and then like he was kind of too much, you know. Well, listen, that was the best thing that could have happened for you because I think sometimes, and I think it's women in general, we need to know, even if we have every part of our being tells us like something's wrong with a guy, sometimes we don't want to believe it, right? We've all done that. I think women do that much more so than men. And so sometimes we really need it to be like really in our face so that we really know 100% for sure that this person isn't right and then we could finally walk away. So in a weird way, like I think you needed that. Like, you You really needed to see that he was a freak. Even though it was so obvious he was a freak because of all the weird shit he was doing, he was making you nuts, okay? And it wasn't because you were nuts. He was nuts.

And so finally you saw, you know, full-fledged nuts inside of him. And I think that that was good because then you knew for sure this guy's a weirdo, right? I mean, come on. Like, who freaks out. And I was like, I remember being there, like, thinking like, like, this is not what I want. Like, this is, like, feeling, feeling the way that I was feeling,

like, there was way too much. Like, I don't want to do with this, you know. So, like, after that, I would kind of, like, stop, like, would stop seeing each other, of course, and she was in his little world for a little bit. And I was like, and then a lot happened in my personal life that I was, like, just so busy with

that I couldn't even think about it. Uh-huh. And then one day I was like at a bar with my friend and I was like because a lot actually happened. So I was like it was a hard time for me. I was like like with my friend like kind of out of cry at the bar. Not because of him like because of your whole life. Like you got fired from that job. Like all this shit was going down.

Right. And I had like visa problems. Yeah. Uh-huh. I had to hire a lawyer for that. So it was like a mess. Right. At that point.

And then like at the bar and then I was like I come up and I was like, well, I'm going to go to the bathroom. I don't go to the bathroom. I jumped into him. Like, I saw, he was there. Okay. At the same day. And I was like, well, shit, this is all I needed. Like, I already felt like shit.

And then he's like, oh, who are you here with? And then, like, he sat down with us. And it was just so weird. And that was like, so weird. Like, I didn't want to, like, it was like the end for me. It was like, this is just like not. what I need now. I just like I don't want to do with this.

Mm-hmm. So I just, after everything kind of calmed down, I was like, okay, so I thought a lot about what you said. I wasn't available, so that's why I was like, mm-hmm, and available people. So I was like, well, so what do I want now? I was like, do I want to be my own myself or I want to have someone? Totally. So, like, I kind of, like, got to the sense where I, like, I want to have someone, like,

but I want someone that is going to help me, like not help me, like just be normal. Yeah, you wanted someone real. Like you wanted a real, you were ready more for a real relationship and somebody that was going to be present. Yeah, and I was like, I don't want drama.

I don't want to feel like shit. I know, I just like. What's the point? It's better off being alone than having that nonsense. I mean, not to say that relationships aren't difficult. You know, real relationships are difficult, but real difficult is a lot more easy to handle than crazy difficult.

You don't know what I mean, that difficult where, like, you know, it's not even, I don't even call it difficult. I would call it like insane, you know, when you're with someone unavailable, to push,

pull games and all the crazy shit that goes down. Like, you can't even get to the point where you're having a relationship because you're constantly dealing with nonsense, you know, so. Yeah. And I got,

like, I got to a point where it's like, there's so much, like, I'm so used to having all this shit, like, that I just don't know what is to have a real relationship. Okay.

So I was like, well, so what I did was like, okay, so I'm just going to, I'm going to do this. I'm just going to, like, my friend, she told me, like, she has a boyfriend now. So she was like, I got to the same point where you are, where you are and said, I need, I want to have a boyfriend. So I'm just going to go and meet as many people as I can until I find someone. Yeah. Which is how people do it. And I was like, that sucks, but that's how people do it. So I need to do it too.

Right. So. Yeah. It's all about creating intention, I really believe, and just making a real clear decision about what you want, whatever that is. When you're confused, like, you know, you put out confusing vibes and then you get confused people come back at you, you know. But when you know for sure, I really feel like people say, and to me it's always the opposite. They say, oh, no, you'll meet someone when you least expect it. Or sometimes when I say, like, I'm not looking for a relationship. They'll be like, oh, that's when you find it. It's like, no, in my life, it's always worked out. Like when I really, really, really wanted to sort of do. that in my life, I find somebody. When I really want to be alone, I don't find somebody. And I think, so I think if you're pretty self-aware, it sort of goes

with whatever you want, right? So if you decide that you really want a relationship and you want someone and you really know that, like I think you'll meet somebody. Will it be the relationship for the rest of your life? Who knows? But you'll get someone, you know? Yeah, and I feel like when my social

life and whatever thing I do is like, I don't, I never go out to meet guys. So, like, I'll, I'm not going to meet guys if I'm not looking for them or at least being visible. Right. And being open to it. Being totally open. Like you're on your like you are looking for guys.

Like whenever I turn that on inside of myself, I feel like I'm like I always turn a light on. And then I notice that men feel like they could totally, you know, approach me. And when I'm not in that mode, I feel like there might be men around me that like me, but I totally put out a vibe. Like don't even fucking bother. You know? Yeah, exactly. So it's like, and then like for a period of like three weeks, I went to like, oh my God, I have no idea how many dates.

Like where did you meet your dates? Like Tinder or like plenty of fish or where were you beating them? The okay Qipid thing. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's the best one because it's free. Yeah. I just update that thing.

I was like, I'm doing this. And then like as more as you use that shit, it more it works. So like I'll get like 10 messages. a day. Right. And I'll be like replying. Like I'll be like, I'll get home from work. I'll sit on the couch.

I'll be doing that. You know, like, I was like, this is, like, my friend was like, this is what I have to do. It was like. Do it like a job. Yeah, I was like, it's my mission, you know. I was like, oh. So it was like, okay, I have a day today and I don't even know his name.

Let me just, okay, I have a day today. Let me see. So, but, and then I end up like meeting cool people and meeting not. that cool people and meeting people that I'll be friends with but I wouldn't date and meeting people that are totally nothing to do with me but so it was like fun at the same time it was weird so I started like going out with this guy from Brooklyn and um and he was like really like different for me but at the same time he was like I'm 27 he was 39 uh-huh so he was like like totally different place in his life now, but like at the same time, we like the same thing.

So it kind of got along, but at the same time he's like, was so different from mine. And, but it was good because for the first time someone was like caring about me. Like, you know, and then I go, well, it's not perfect, but like, I'm having fun. He's cool. So let's see how it goes. Right. But at the time, I was still going on. other dates.

And then I remember there was this guy that I was talking to, and we had a lot in common talking, but he was from Jersey. Right. And in my mind, I was like, I don't want to date anybody from Jersey. I know. I won't even date someone more than 10 blocks away from me in New York. Yeah. And I'm like, I live in Astoria, so Jersey is far.

Very. It's like another, you know, country. Yeah. And I was like, no, it's just like, it's not worth it. And then I remember that he texted me and said, oh, like, you're going to do something anytime. I was like, yeah, this week is not good. You want to do something next week because, like, I already had a lot of dates that week. And then he was like, yeah, sure, like, text me and was going to get it out.

And, of course, I didn't text him. Right. And then that's texting me back, oh, I'm not sure if I feel like, you want to do something. And then I look, I was like, oh, okay, let's do something. I thought I texted. Like, I was, like, really not, like, really not giving anything for him. Right, because you just thought he lived too far away. What's the point?

Yeah, but, like, I was like, he's, like, trying hard. Yeah. Oh, let me try. Yeah, you know. And we set up a date, and then I, the morning of the date, I was like, I don't feel like going to a date today. So I'm just going to cancel that. Uh-huh. And I went to work, and I was supposed to text him.

And I was, like, wearing, like, vans and a torch. Like, I was, like, not ready for a date. Uh-huh. And then he texted me all. all too like, oh, I'm really excited to meet you today. Night little. Making all these plans. I was like, oh, shit.

Oh, okay. But then I looked at me. I was like, I look like I'm going to a day. And I was like, you know what? I don't care at this point. I'm just going to go and whatever. Like, if he doesn't like me or whatever. So I went to the date, like, you was good, but at that point,

all first dates are good. Like, you get along. and then at the end, we must have all the guys appear or, like, you know. Or you forget about them. Yeah, totally. I understand.

I've been on something. It's like, okay, it's just another first day, but it's fine. Mm-hmm. So, but in that he kind of had texting me

for the whole weekend and we made plans to see each other. And then he, he turned out to be, like, um, way more, like, she was very interested.

And I was like, okay. And, How old was he? He's 36. Okay. So then I saw him, I met him on Thursday, and he went away for the weekend for his family, but he texted me Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then on Monday, we were talking about

work. He was like, well, you work really close to me, so I was like, oh, nice. He was like, yeah, I could stop by someday. I was like, yeah, sure. And then he did stop by. And I was like, well, so he's an interest. Like, you know. Right.

And did he live far out? Like, I mean, because I know there's a lot of places in New Jersey that are literally right across the river and very close to New York. No, yeah. He lives in Jersey City. Okay. So he's very close. Yeah.

Yeah. It's closer, like, closer for my work than my house. Yeah, exactly. And then, so, like, kind of, I saw him again on Tuesday. So, and right there, like, There was like five days that we met each other. It was like already really, I felt like really comfortable. And I felt like, well, this is good, you know, it's a good thing.

And I thought we had a lot in common, like, what we were looking for. And then that was it. Like, and then on Friday already, like, he said, like, well, do you want to come to go out and go out and we made plans? I was like, well, maybe it's too soon. But then in a week, we spent 24 hours together. Yeah, I love that. I believe in, I call them Insta relationships,

but I think, you know, at a certain point in your life when you're older, like, you know, I think Insta Relationships, stuff that happens, like right off the bat and you start seeing someone a lot right off the bat. Like, I prefer that. I think that that's the best way to start a relationship. Yeah, and I remember that we even talk about like, well, if we don't want to waste time, if we're going to spend 24 hours together and it sucks,

at least we did it after a week and we can just move on with our life. You know, like, it's a great opportunity to see if it's going to work or not. But anyway, and then, like, I was really worried about, like, sex life and everything because with the other guy that was, like, a big part of it. Yeah, I was just about to ask you, like, when did you have sex with him? Like, how many dates in? Sure. I'll wait after until that was it.

So I saw him, like, three times. And then all the things, like, oh, like, you have to wait. And I was like, you know, I just, like, and it was really. natural, you know, like really good. And everything happened, like, it didn't seem forfeit or whatever. So it's like we did later, like, we started seeing each other like at least like two times a week. And after like...

But wait, was the sex good? The sex was good. Yeah. The first day was like already really good. Okay, cool. That's great. It was good. Like, I was like happy.

It wasn't like anything different. our special buddy was very good. Right. And then, like, we, like, we went, like, I went to the beach with him and his friends for, like, after three weeks we, we were together, like, like, with all his friends, we spend a weekend together. So, and then, like, now is, like, what, we have a great sex life. Like, the sex is every time better. Mm-hmm. And he's also very open-minded.

And so, it was like, he met my mom already. is like, but at the same time, it's not a crazy thing. It's like we're taking it slow in a way. What do you mean? In what sense? I mean, because listen, it doesn't, like, how are you taking it slow? He's met your mom, you met all his friends, you guys hang out all the time. You already have sex.

So what part of it is taking it slow? I don't understand. I mean, like, emotionally, I guess. Like, I'm not, like, jumping on this thing as I, like, oh, I'm crazy love with him. Let me ask you this. At this point, do you guys text you? each other every day all day long. Yeah.

Okay. They're not a day, right? You see each other all on the weekends? Yeah. Like, I, no, like, we had the talk. Yeah. Like, a month. So I was like, we're, like, we're exclusive.

We're not seeing anybody else. All these things. We did that. But, like, I think it's like, not that we're taking us low with our, we're just, like, taking time. I think he had also a lot of bad relationships, and I had bad relationships. So, like, I know his friends, like, this weekend, we went out with my friends on Saturday. Yesterday I went to a birthday party.

Like, I know his friends. Like, I stay in his place every weekend. I have two first-day. I have, like, we are in a relationship. But, like, the difference for me is, like, I really like him, but I'm not, like, insanely crazy about him, like, as I was. Yeah, but that's the same. No, no, no, you're insanely crazy about someone.

To me, that's more, like, obsessive kind. And sometimes we feel that way, but for much more so for people that are unavailable because there's a lot of drama and you get like addicted to that kind of shit. I think real relationships and good relationships are a little bit. Maybe sometimes they feel less intense. But I don't think that that's a bad thing. I think that that's more reality and that's like more of a good thing. You know, I don't think you feel so high. And even if you do, that is eventually going to wear off.

And I mean, a relationship is just going to be you and another person and your regular life. So you might as well figure out whether do I like this person when it's sort of like not that obsessive feeling because that's what it's about. And that's what you're going to have long term, you know? I think everyone looks for that high and that rush. And if they don't feel it, they think I got to go find someone else. Nobody's going to have that for 10 years. First of all, that would be very bad for your body to be feeling that way all the time. I don't think you can sustain it.

And it's just not the way that it goes, you know? I mean, I think like I said, a real relationship is not totally like mundane. Dane and boring, it just is what it is, but it's good if you like that person. No, but it's not at all boring. Exactly. Like, we have great sex. Like, we, like, he's also, like, I don't know, maybe, like, we're, it's a little different because he's older than me.

And we're in different, like, we feel that, like, when we are with my friends and when we are with his friends, like, the things that people talk are totally different. But it's like, it's, we kind of find it. common ground of it is like so good and you know what happened like two weeks ago so my friends from the Los Angeles was here the one that is responsible for me meeting the other guy and then I was with my mom and my now boyfriend which is weird to talk about yeah so we were together like we went for to see a Broadway show and then I checked my friend I was like well so where are you so we can like get together and she was like well I'm at the bar but I'm with that guy she was with

the other guy oh you're the guy from the past because she was friends with him I remember that uh-huh yeah so I was like well but like she was here only for like a few days and if I didn't hang out with her and then I told my brother was like well so they're like she know that's the thing he knows everything already he knows like we talked about this and like we talk about like I don't we have I kind of know everything he knows everything and I was like well so he's gonna be there do have a problem with that I'm like no I don't do you I was like no I guess we're fine and then we went there so I go from that guy that's great why not listen why not you know what I mean yeah and we were fine but the guy was really like he was not comfortable he wasn't comfortable with you sitting in his bed he wasn't comfortable with a lot of things he's a weirdo And that's okay, you know? Yeah. But it was so, like, good to see that, like, I, and I, I even said that.

I was just like, I idolize him anymore, too much, you know? Like, like, I was liking love with something that was not real. Exactly. And so it's like, now, like, I'm really happy. I'm just, like, now my problems are different. Like, it's a totally different way of having a relationship. like I never had a relationship here so it's like different

you know what I'm like I'm really anxious so like I'm like still like I don't understand a lot of things and it's hard like I like it's been like different thing for me but it's good like he's really like

but wait did you say you are anxious or you aren't anxious? I am oh you are about what about the relationship like you're nervous about it whether it's going to stay or like what do you mean Yeah, I like I I think I want Like I want so much to have like

Someone that I can count on It's like That safety of a relationship And it's also because My ex-boyfriend like from Brazil She would do everything for me You know like And then I kind of like

Keep keep expecting this And it's not real And it's not like what else Actually it's not even what I want It's like I don't want someone That is going to drop everything And do everything for me Right

What this guy do does is already enough so he's like there for me what I need like we have great time together it's like I it's just weird for me like like I think I want everything right away you know like I want

totally and you probably listen when you go through a lot of bad relationships and you date like weirdo guys and you have people that leave you unfortunately the older you get you know people call it baggage and but what it is is that you start to like know, get trust issues because of stuff that you've gone through.

I mean, that's just the way that it goes, you know? Yeah. And so, you know, you might be a little freaked out because of what happened in your last relationship and I don't remember what happened in your other one. So you might be like a little distrustful of like things going well. Like that might freak you out. You might be like waiting for the ball to drop and you're like, what the fuck? Because it's not normal for you to have things go right.

Yeah, I keep waiting for things to be wrong. And he always, he always says that. So he's like, I don't see why you see that. Like, I told, I told him the other, like, these week he was sick, so he was, like, kind of in a bad mood. Uh-huh. I was like, sometimes, I said, like, sometimes it feels like you don't want to be with me. She was like, seriously, like, we woke up today, we had sex,

we went for brunch, we came back, we had sex again, we're here. Where in this? I don't want to be with you. Right. It's just because for two, for one day, because he's, kind of sick, he doesn't feel so good, he talks to you a certain way, and that's like an alarm goes off in you, and you start to think, oh, he's going to leave me.

Yeah, he was like, you leave in the story. I'm leaving New Jersey. It's not like you can bring me chicken soup and just kept up all me. Right. It's like you're going to have to travel one hour to do that. It's like, you don't have to do that. And like, what I think he's patient enough. Right.

What I think about him is like, he was like me. Or what I know from him, he was exactly like me. distrustful. Yeah, and it's like, he's a very emotional person, but he got it under control, which is I'm trying to do. Yeah, but that's great because, you know what? I'm going to tell you the difference because I have those same issues that you have, and I've been with the two different types of guys, guys that are totally the opposite, and they

have their own issues, but it doesn't come out in that way where they're fearful, and they push people away. They're more avoidant types of personalities. And then I've been with guys that are more like me and have a band. issues as well. And what I find is that those are like the best guys to date if you have those kind of things because those guys will totally understand it. And I think sometimes when you're feeling those things, some people would probably say, oh, it's best to keep that shit to yourself and don't put that on the other person. But you kind of need to let it out a little bit so it doesn't make you

nuts and you don't start like subconsciously doing crazy things because of those feelings. So if you could kind of talk about it rationally with the guy that you're with and he understands it because he's been there and has that, I think that that's really beneficial to a relationship because if you're with somebody that's like cool with that stuff and gives you the reassurance that you need, because that's all you need. Someone like you just needs a little reassurance from the guy to put out that fire of that crazy feeling that you have. And then you could go on and eventually you could get to the point where you really trust this guy and everything's cool, you know? Yeah. And that's what I want. Yeah. I just can wait to pass this phase where I like don't trust

him, even though I don't have any reason to trust him. You don't have any reason to trust him. You only know him for a couple weeks. You have to understand that trust is not something that is just a given. There's not like, you know, that's like blind trust. Like nobody goes into something. You'd be a fool to just trust somebody the two months in. You don't know him. It takes a while. Trust comes over time. And what you're afraid of more so is that you're going to reach a point where you're going to realize, oh, he's not trustworthy and then you're going to have to leave him. That's probably more of what your fear is. Right now, you're learning to trust him, and that's normal.

And you, the only way to get to the point where you trust somebody is to have them go through that beginning of the relationship where they do certain things to you. And, you know, you see whether they totally let you down and you realize they're not to be trusted or they do the opposite, you know? And the only way to figure that out is, you know, through time. He's, like, always surprising me because, like, I don't expect much because I'm always, expecting him like with my mom I was like well I know it's like really soon for him to meet my mom but my mom I haven't seen her more than a year I have no idea when she's coming again so I was like she was coming on um Sunday on Friday I said well so next week I'm gonna probably go off for dinner with everybody and my mom so if you want to join us like you're more than welcome but I understand if you don't want to do that because it's you soon. He was like, of course I want to do that. Like, of course I want to mean your mom. Like,

it's part. Like, I know, like, he, he wanted. Like, and then at the end, like, we end up, like, doing something just the three of us. And he was really nice. And I wasn't expecting that. You know, I was like, well, that means something, you know. Every time I expect something from him that is not, he always do, like, the back of it, you know? Yeah, but that's the way a guy will be that really cares about you, but he won't be perfect. Like, like, at least you're seeing the, the way that it really is. Like, sometimes a guy will be in a bad mood and he won't want to talk to her. He won't want to fuck you one day in the morning because he's like whatever, but it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Like in a natural relationship, you know, there's times where people don't like each other for a day or that you have a fight, you know, but over time you'll trust that. That doesn't mean that the person's going to leave you. You know, it's not like that. Someone doesn't leave someone just because of one argument or one bad day or, you know, whatever. And that's what you have to learn. Yeah, it's like, I think it's just different from me, you know, because, like, my ex-boyfriend, I knew him for seven years before we started. And then actually, it's like two months or anything, I love you.

You're, like, already making plans. Like, we're faster because we're a more passionate people. Right. Like, everything that my friends complain about their boyfriend, and I would say, no, it has to be more. more like like I would give them advice to be more patient now annoys the shit out of me but then I know it's because it's like it's the same it's like it's a different culture you know and what I understand I was like I think the middle ground is the best thing it's like Brazilians are way too much yeah and here for like nothing you know so yeah I don't want to be I saw a video one day about this

couple that were together for four years and never said, I love you. Oh, my God. That's so weird. That's just sad, you know? Yeah. It's like, how much pride a person has to have, you know? Right.

So, like, it's just like, no. They were leaving together and didn't say I love you. Yeah. Is it going to hurt you, say that? I think everybody's like, I think everybody has different levels of intimacy that they're comfortable with. And I think sometimes, and whatever we have for ourselves, we believe like other people should have.

So sometimes it's really hard to understand people that are like way more closed off than we are or maybe way more, you know, open than we are, whatever that is. But I think what's most important is to find a partner who is needing the same amount of closeness and intimacy that you're looking for. Yeah. So it's just like I now feel like it's like so everything that I always wanted and I didn't know. you know kind of like that I didn't know that that's what I needed

you know right how old are you again I forget Melissa how old are you 27 right so yeah this is like figuring yourself out yeah so it's like it's just weird being a relationship where it's like working but how did I know I'm sorry

can we just like take a moment again to talk about how great it is that I predicted that shit of course I even told him I was like oh my not because I told him about your podcast. I was like, you can't ever listen to it because I don't want it to really know.

Right, right, totally. Everything that would be just too much. Yeah. Maybe one day I'll tell him. Yeah, totally. Maybe when we get married. Yeah, exactly. That would be funny.

But like, when I saw the email, I know. Because like, June, and I'm not in July, actually. So you were kind of right. Oh, come on. I don't, if it's five weeks, four weeks, Like that's like, it's not like I was two months off. I was weeks off. I mean, come on.

That's like pretty crazy. I didn't just say it to you in emails. I said it to you on the podcast, like for sure. I remember that. I have that shit on tape, okay? So. I don't have it on email too. Never have both.

Yeah. I put it in writing. I put it in writing and I put it on the podcast as my prediction for you. And I was totally right. I totally felt that for you. I don't know. Sometimes I could see patterns in people's lives and I could see how things work. and I think a lot of times people come into our lives

for certain reasons to teach us certain things. I always knew it was really obvious that you were like learning a lesson from that guy and he was important for you. He was important. I think everyone's important. You know, he wasn't a bad guy. If I haven't had that before, it wouldn't be where I am now.

Exactly. With myself and knowing what I know. It's like, and you know like sexually or like about like with all of this like the last year I did a lot of shitty things, but at the same time was, like, very important to me to, like, know what I want, where I want to go.

Yes. Knowing how important is to find someone that is okay with where I am now in my life. I was like, this is where, like, I always say that to my voice. I was like, I'm nine years younger than you. So you need to understand that maybe nine years I'll be at the same place as you are. But now it's impossible. for me to be in the same place where you are. Yeah, but you have to take off a bunch of years

because he's a man. Yeah. He's like five years. No, he's like, how old is he's five? Nine years? He's about five years older than you, okay? And that's okay. Emotionally.

Because men, I think, and I know, I say shit on my podcast, it's so bad to say, but I don't really care because I'm no psychologist and I'm not claiming to know everything. So I'm just throwing my shit out there, you know. But I do believe that, you know, that's why women tend to date older men

and men get along with younger women because I think that men are emotionally a little bit behind women most of the time so it's fine you know and I also I think it's kind of a reinsurance like when I see when like last week when we went out with my friends like my friend from L.A. was here like all my friends

like we really like I don't remember last time I hang out to 4 a.m. and that's what we did and he came along and he like drank shots and like I kissed my friend he was like all this guy i was like you're just a meet old like meet age uh guy like trying to have some phone with a young girl yeah kind of like i always make fun of this like i was like yeah you're like a old guy dating a young girl to so young again yeah but 39 to 27 you're gonna are you gonna be 28 this year no separate but he's 36 so oh he's only 36 oh so yeah i mean is he turned

turning 37 this year or next year? Next year in April. Yeah, so 27 or 36? I don't think that that's bad. And listen, nowadays with guys, I think it's different for your generation. I think guys around your age probably aren't looking for serious relationships so much that sometimes it's better if you're really looking to settle down or you're looking to get serious at that, you know, when you're in your later 20s as a woman, I think a guy in his mid-30s is actually better because I think that's when guys start to settle down in their life. So I think that that's fine. I think that that's an okay. And like all his friends, all his friends are married or, like, have kids. Right. So that means he's probably looking for that too. Yeah.

We were at this birthday party yesterday. Like kids and it's like all couples. Like, and we went to the beach and like, it was funny because I was like, that's the only couples here. You come here and then you're by yourself. He's like, yep, I come here and I'm by myself. I was like, so sad.

I'm so glad I'm here. But now you guys are. a couple, right? So he's no longer single. Yeah. You guys are like boyfriend, girlfriend, right? Like you had that talk. Yeah. That's all good. Yeah. We are. Yeah. It's like just weird, but it's weird for you? Well, how many months is it? So we're like July, August, September. Three months? Two months. Two months. Two full months. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, you have, it's going to take a while before you really fully trust the situation. And that's okay. But probably around like between six and eight months of him, you know, just still being there and everything. Like, you'll,

you'll cross that line that you want to get to. Just don't be in a rush to get there. Know that it takes time to trust somebody, especially for someone like you because of what you went through, that it's going to take a little bit of a time. And that just because you don't have that trust now doesn't mean that something's wrong with him or something's wrong with the situation. It's just, first of all, it takes, like I said, time to trust somebody. How do you trust somebody by them proving themselves to you? And that takes time. And because of of what you've been through, it's going to, you know, that's just the way that it goes for you.

And that's just normal for you. Doesn't mean that anything's wrong with him. So try to enjoy the relationship as it happens, you know? Yeah, I think it's like I keep waiting for it to be wrong. It's like I don't want to do. Yeah, no, that's so bad. I know it's like you don't get to fully, like, no, in that way you ruin the present moment.

I understand it though. You know what I mean? And like I said, unfortunately when you have like issues with past people because I've had that you get almost traumatized, you know? And you start to, I remember when I had one boyfriend that massively cheated on me when we broke out. When I dumped him, I was like, oh, I could finally, because I turned into a psychopath with him because I stayed with him after I knew he cheated on me and I turned into like a total distrustful, crazy person. And I remember when I dumped him, he was like, oh, fine, who's

going to want you? Like, you're so distrustful, you know? And I was just like, that's not going to leave. Once I dump you, like, I'm going to trust other people. Like, that's not my problem that's yours but he was kind of right like I didn't realize unfortunately that when you have when you have a situation where you fully trust somebody and you don't even think twice about the fact that maybe they could be totally you know distrustful and then it happens and that rug is pulled from underneath you you could get traumatized by that and you do carry that distrust to other relationships which I totally did which sucks right but that's just the way that it goes you know um so you know you know, it's all good. The fact that you got exactly what you wanted, exactly what you were looking

for, just proves that you're ready for a more real relationship. And what you're learning with this guy is trust and how to be in something more real. And now that you have experience, like this is helping you experience what having a good relationship is about, you know, so now in the future, even if this didn't work out five years from now or 10 years from now, like you'll, you have something different to gauge it by as opposed to. to, you know, like comparing it to something bad and always just thinking when's the ball going to drop because that's what usually happens. Now this is like what it's like when the ball doesn't drop.

Yeah, and I know at this point I feel like if we didn't, if you don't work out, it's not going to be because he's an asshole. Like, I just like, he always said that. It's like, I'm not going to disappear. Like, what do you think? Like, I'm not going to do that. Like, I'm 36 years old. I'm not going to do that.

I'm not a kid. Right. So stopped waiting for that. Like, in the beginning, I'll be, like, waiting for that. Like, when I had sex with him, I felt like he's going to go away, a lot. And he would be like, you're so, like, stupid. It's, like, not like that. But anyway, like, it's good.

What's going on is good. You know, like, and, like, cellar says, like, what I do for you is more than what I can say. And it's, like, the way he, like, little things. Like, when we were together, like, in a group of people, he's always, like, touching my head. like, like, look, the way he looks at me and everybody says, like, he really likes you. I can see that he likes you. Everybody likes him. Like, nobody likes the other guy.

Right. But everybody's like, everybody likes him. Like, I, like, we see the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you. And then when we have sex, the way we do it, like, the way, like, the connection we have is great. Like, when we had a fight, a lot of fight, like, we had an argument. Uh-huh. And afterwards, I was like, you must say. all the arguments are worked

after the text. Like, we're great. Like, now it's like, it's better than the other guy. Right. Exactly. Uh-huh. Like,

we have sex, like, constantly and I know, like, we know, so it's good, you know? Oh, yeah,

you can't, listen, you can't get worse than that other guy. That other guy was a weirdo with a capital W. I mean, if anyone listened to this podcast,

I mean, it's like night and day difference, you know? But that was because you were in a different place. Like, I do believe that people come into our lives at the right time. I don't know.

And this is why I'm friends with all my exes and I don't hold any grudges to anyone because I really believe that relationships teach you really important things. And sometimes the toughest, worst relationships that we have are doing something for us. And they're good for us in a way. And if you could try to figure that out in each of your relationships, you would have less resentment to people in the past for what they did. Some of my worst boyfriends that were like the worst for me, I believe they were like angels and down from heaven to teach me.

really important things to just show me how bad I felt about myself. Because if you're attracting people that treat you like shit and say terrible things to you, all they are are reflecting how you feel about yourself. That's just a reflection of how you feel about yourself. People come in and show you that. So if you meet somebody that's treating you well, that means that you're at a good place in your life and that you believe that you deserve that. If you have somebody treating you like fucking shit all the time and telling you really terrible things, that means on some level that's how you feel about yourself and that's what you think you deserve. So that person's doing you good to show you that this is how you feel about yourself and you need to work on

that shit you know so for you yeah the fact that you were with that guy he was showing you you were confused right everything that he was was a part of you you know he wasn't the only weirdo in that relationship you were a weirdo too because you were like doing business with him right you can't take yourself out of that equation right but you learned from that and moved on and figured out what you wanted and decided saw what was going on with you and made a judgment and changed your life. And now because you changed, you're sitting across from a different person.

And that's what life's about. And that's a really great thing. Yeah. So yeah, I guess like everything happened, like the way you were supposed to happen. Yeah. And that's why I knew that you were going to.

That's what I was saying about patterns in life. Like I could always sense when someone's life is going to change. And sometimes when people's lives break down, like you said you lost that job and everything was really terrible. Like sometimes those are like those amazing moments in life that create that massive change that you finally need to go to like a totally new place in your life and then everything kind of works out. So I could always see stuff like that in people's lives and I felt like you were ready for a more real relationship. And that's why I knew it was like obvious about

what was going on. Even though you were still trapped with that guy, I knew that the ending with that guy was like any day now. Like that was outdated in your life and you were ready to like shed that skin and move on to something and that you would be with somebody that you could do more practice with. You know what I mean? Someone more available. So you can have a real relationship and learn from that because there's a lot of learning and you know, you learn good stuff.

You're still going to learn stuff like a real relationship is going to be difficult too, right? And you need to learn those things now. Yeah. So now you're ready to learn trust with somebody that actually really cares about you. Yeah. There needs to be more patient. You do.

You just sometimes our minds want to be. you know, some place that were just not there yet. I once had somebody explained it to me because sometimes I could see things, you know, I see the future really easily. And it's, I don't know, I don't call it psychic because sometimes I just see patterns and I could see how things are going to play out. And someone explained it like, you know, it's like you're on a bus and you could see like way ahead of yourself and you're already there and you're not looking out to the right of where you are at the moment. So you don't enjoy the present moment. And that's what I try to do more. Because sometimes I can see where something's going to go. And I don't, and then I don't enjoy.

the journey. And that's what really everything is about. You know, who cares where the end of this relationship is going to be if there is or whatever's going to happen. What it's about is like the journey. That's really where all the good stuff happens. And that's what you have to sort of stop and just experience and take from because that's where all the lessons are. That's where all the joy is. That's where everything is is like just where you're at right now. Where it's going to end up, you need to just be okay with knowing that whatever happens, you're going to be able to deal with it at that time. You don't have to deal with the ball dropping now

because it's not happening. But you need to trust in yourself that if it does happen when it happens, that you'll be fine with it. Yeah. Yeah, I just need to like enjoy the little things that are happening now. It's like, like

last worry about like, oh, if it's going to, like, I was like, really, where I don't want to put someone in my life and then have to take it out. But at this point he's already in my life. Like, all, I already know those on my friends. I already spend all the weekends with him. So it's like...

Oh, no, he's in your life. And it takes balls to decide that you're really going to put yourself out there and let yourself fall in love with somebody because that's a risky thing and it's a scary thing. And just keep having balls. Don't be afraid. Don't let your fear stop yourself from having a real relationship and just fucking do it. You know, you jump off that cliff and you just know that whatever happens you'll be able to deal.

And that's what it's about. And you'll be fine. And that makes you a stronger person. I think people that could fall in love and put themselves in that riskier position. You know, I think that that's a ballsyer thing to do than the person who's really super closed off. And I was always a person that was super closed off. And I always let that fear of commitment get, you know, become stronger than my desire to be with somebody. And I think that that's the pussy way out of things.

You know, I believe in like sort of facing your fears. And so if you have a fear of commitment, like to have a fucking commitment and see how it goes. And what you realize is that when you face your fear, there was really nothing to be that afraid of. Even if shit went down and he turned on you tomorrow, you will survive. You'll be fine. So what does it matter anyway?

You know what you mean? Enjoy what you have with him now. Exactly. And then like, now I kind of like know that, like, I just have to be there. Like, if he doesn't work with him, there's still plenty of other guys. And then I was, like, going out with that Brooklyn guy.

And then I kind of had to stop seeing him when I started liking this, like, my boyfriend. Like, the other guy was, like, texting me, texting me. And then when they had to say, look, so I'm sorry, but I, like, I met someone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I feel like I want to keep doing with the other guy. Yeah. And then the guy texting me, oh, like, I'm so sorry. Like, it's going to be really hard for me to find someone as cool as you.

Right. And I was like, oh, so see, like, there's, like, there's more people that could find me. Like, I think I was kind of like thinking that nobody would think me think I'm interesting. Right, right. That's what you start to feel like when you're with somebody that's like you, you totally put yourself off for. And they're like, oh, I don't even want you. You start to feel like you're not wanted. And it has all these things with me because I'm not from here and I don't like, even though I have a degree and everything, I don't have a real job, they would say.

It's like I don't have a career. And everything is going to take more time for me. do here than for regular people and I like when my boyfriend went for to my work and I worked with this like ridiculous pink uniform. He just bow my head. Oh my God. And it's like just ridiculous. And I felt like I was like Jesus Christ, this guy's here and he's going to think I'm ridiculous. And he was fine with that. I was like, I gave this guy a chance. You know, like he saw. I told him like, he saw my weak spot. Like my work. but here is what I'm more ashamed of

even though I know that I didn't have to I know that I'm doing like And then when we went to the beach I was like kind of telling Everybody will like how I end up here and everything And everybody was like oh you're so brave Where you do so like you should be really proud of yourself And like the fact that he's His life is like acceptance of what I do

And that they see it for the truth I mean like you don't need to explain to him Like because if you look at the situation on the outside like, oh, you're this age and you work in a coffee shop and you have a bow in your hair. Like someone could like judge you or you could judge yourself just like with that sentence and think, oh my God, you're doing really poorly for yourself. But if you really explain your story about how at such a young age you leave your country with most Americans will never have to do, right? We all stay in our same country. So we could all act like we're so fucking brave. But would we leave our country and go to another, total other country with a totally new culture, not even speak to land?

language and have to, you know, make a life for ourselves. Like, how would we be able to deal? So the fact that you're doing that is really brave and really strong. And the fact that his friends are cool enough and mature enough to get that because that's the truth. No one could really say that you're not doing well for yourself because the fact that you, you know, it is going to be harder for you. And you do need, you are like it's, it's fair to give you a pass on where you're at and your career because of other stuff that you've done in your life. So you're making big strides, you know, your career could common time. You made a big move to a whole other culture and a whole other country and you're you're working that out and that does take a lot of balls and there is a lot of strength in that. Yeah. So I think it's everything together, you know, like I feel like now I feel like even though this doesn't work out, kind of now I know that like I kind of accepted that like, yeah, I am doing something like in someone will be okay with the fact. But let's, okay, but let's end this podcast. Right, but listen to me.

We're at 56 minutes. We're going to do an hour, right? Let's end this podcast with no longer saying, like, when, if this doesn't work out, like whatever. Let's just, like, this is where you're at. Like, you're in a relationship. The start of something really good. Okay.

Like, this could be like a bunch of years relationship. This doesn't sound like something that's going to end anytime soon. This sounds like a mature, good, solid beginning to a relationship that lasts a long time. Okay. The way I always believe that we know other relationships. relationship's going to like go for years is like to me when you pass the six or eighth month eight months mark when you're older it's like when you pass the three month mark you know But when you're younger, your age, like once people make it past like eight months, because I think sometimes that's how long it takes for everyone to really show who they really are

and see how compatible they really are in real life. You know, because in the beginning, you're dealing with a lot of, like, fakeness. You know, we could all sort of hide who we are and we're all kind of so perfect, you know. But about six to eight months, you know, all the flaws have shown and everything and you've had fights and you, you know, you could kind of gauge weather. And if you can make it through all that stuff at that point, most couples that make you through that last for years. The couples that break up before that, you know, don't make it.

So you don't have that much longer to go. You know, when you're younger, time goes by so much slower. I mean, when you're older, time goes by so fast. Like you have like maybe six or five or six months to wait to see whether this moves into like, you know, a bunch of year-long relationship or maybe the guy that you marry. You know, so you don't have that much longer to wait if you were my age. It just might seem long for you, but it's not. But I can't wait to see what happens.

I think it's going in the right direction to, and you're building a strong foundation that has the potential to last a long time and be a solid, good relationship that lasts for years, if not, you know, to be something. Let me ask you this. You're 27 years old. Are you looking to settle down and get married and have kids? Like what is your five year plan for yourself? Like what do you see for yourself or what do you want?

I still think I have, I want to do a lot of things before having kids. Okay. But I would like to have someone. Like, what I think I look forward with like someone that is like a partner for stuff, but also understand that some stuff you have to do by yourself. You know, I still have to do a lot by myself. And I kind of see that we have that, like now already, kind of. Like, I don't, even though, like, I'm securing some stuff, I never question, like, he can do whatever, he can take whoever he wants, he can go, whatever.

I don't have this kind of, I'm not jealous or anything. And he is not either, you know, like, so, like, I'm going to, I'm going to Los Angeles and chewy with my friend. And it's not a problem. Like, like, I don't mind what he's going to be doing here. He doesn't mind what I'm going to be doing there. So I want to have someone that I can just still be my friend. myself, but also I have so much to share with, you know, life. But I mean, like, when if, like, say you could set up your life and you were allowed to do it, right?

And you could make those plans for the next five years. Like, would you say, oh, I'd love to be married in a year, two years, five years, or I don't want that now? Like, when do you, if you could plan it out for yourself, when would you plan it that you would get married? Do you have an idea or no? I mean, I get it if you don't, but I'm just wondering. Okay. So for me, that's other things. like being completely honest.

Getting married would make my life way easier. I don't have a green card. That's why I have to work in a coffee shop. If I had a green card, I could work whenever I want. I could do way more. Like I can make a loan. Like I'm going to have to borrow. Like I'm saving money for my, like I'm going to do a certificate next year.

And it's like $8,000 that I have to pay uptown because I'm not from here. And I can't get a loan. And it would be way easier for me to get married now. Like, you know, it would be easier. But I don't want to do that just for, like, you know, I don't want to have a relationship based on that because I have a lot of friends that are in this relationship. Like, okay, you need to get married. Like, we need to get married now.

Otherwise, I'm going to go Brazil. And I don't want to be in that position. Right. You want to get married for the right reason. So emotionally, do you feel like close to ready to settle down in your life? or do you feel like you still have a lot more growing up before you want to do that with somebody? Pretend that the whole green card thing didn't exist.

Yeah, so I would like to get married. Like, I feel like I don't want to have, like, I want to have time before I have kids married, you know, so I want to, like, I want to be able to have, like, five years married before having kids because I really want to make sure, like, you know, so I will, like, and I feel like I'm 27, so I don't want to have kids when I'm, like,

so older because my mom. You shouldn't wait. Trust me. Like you want to have kids when your eggs are good and you can just have a kid. So yeah, don't wait to that. Like I want to like I think like 35 will be a good age, you know, like maybe not be

a mom or something. And then we were even talking about it was like well if I wait because I like I was at the IUD today Yeah. I was like well so that's great. So five years is a good rain. that can just wait until this thing is over and then I can have kids.

But then we were talking like, if he waits five years, he's going to be 41. Mm-hmm. And for him, maybe that's too late, or he wants to do it sooner? Or that's perfect for him? He said he's okay either way. So he's like, he'll be fine having kids. He'll be fine not having kids. Right.

I think he's wrong. He wants to have kids. He just says that. He was like he likes kids. Like, he doesn't interact with kids. It's just like that kind of thing. But I think it'll be fine. You know what?

I'll be 32, 33 and then, you know. But at the same time, I still want to, I want to have a career for myself. You know, I want to settle down in a way where I don't want to have to be, like, in trouble. You want to get yourself figured out and get certain things under your belt before you become a mom, before you become a wife. And I think that that's, like, really smart. And I think that, you know, you could do a lot of those things in five years. Five years is a lot is a good chunk of time for you to You know develop a career figure out what you want to do

Get better in this relationship Maybe settle down get married and then you start trying to have kids and you know by the time you have one You could be 33 years old, you know Yeah I don't want to have like I don't want to be in a marriage where it's like filled with like Little tiny things that makes everything worse you know like I see a lot of marriage couples and I like still fighting for a super

shit. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. So, funny. Like, a couple

friend of mine, like, date, like, she got married when she was, like, 21,

she's 31 now. And the guy is, like, 10 years older than her. And then, so it's, like,

she never had a life. She, like, she's, like, she's, like, speaking out because she realized

how much she didn't do because she was married for the past than years. Right. And then I'll

go, and they have your kids. I don't want to be that person. Well, never be that person. You're not that person already. Yeah, I leave. So I know, like, I'm not going to

regret anything, you know, like I did whatever I, I still do what I want what I want. I think that that's the most important thing. I think, you know, because we've talked to a bunch. This is our third podcast. I get the sense from you that you're more similar to me in that you really just, you're really self-aware and you know what's going on with yourself and you're doing what you need to be doing at that time and you really listen to yourself. So you're never going to be that person that does something before you're really ready. So whenever that happens, it happens. But for now, just enjoy your relationship because that's where you're at right now.

And that's all you have to worry about. But I want to hear back from you in six months. Maybe the eight months mark. Yeah. Uh-huh. Or like, listen, if for some reason it goes out before then I want to hear, but I want to hear around the six to eight month mark to see because like I said, once you pass that, then I believe you go for years.

So let's see if you guys make it past that. which I think that you have a much better chance to make it through than not. So that's my prediction that you guys do make it through. So let's do a podcast six months or four to six months from now, okay? Okay. Let's see. I hope so. Besides being proud of myself that I predicted right, I'm happy for you because you're

out of that annoying relationship with that annoying guy. And it sounds like you're with a good guy and I wish you the best of luck. And I can't wait to hear what happens. Thank you. All right. I look for it. All right, cool, Melissa. We'll talk soon. Good luck. Enjoy yourself. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly

Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories. taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over.

the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own

pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.

And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. It's the strictly anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous.

Drink the anonymous.