Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1003- FETISH FRIDAY: Dian Hansen, Former Editor Juggs and Leg Show Magazine on Fetishes

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

Dian Hanson , former editor of Juggs and Leg Show magazines called in to talk all about fetishes. Are you born with a fetish? Or, is it bred out of trauma or some other experience? Do fetishes only exist because they are taboo? Tune in to hear all the details including how and why she left Leg Show magazine ad wound up at her current gig at TASCHEN books, how her an her sister dressed up her brother when he was little, how her mother reacted to him dressing up as a child, how the way she treated him differed than the way she treated them and how that effected him, how many of the crossdressers who wrote in to Leg Show magazine with a similar story, how she found out he crossdressed after his suicide, how what happened to him helped her accept her husband’s crossdressing, how predispositions can be effected by what happens In childhood and how it It doesn’t have to be trauma that shapes fetishes, how her husband and boyfriend would act out their fetish, how resisting a fetish can sometimes only make it stronger, how males in nature other species might have fetishes too, why women don’t have fetishes and how nature plays into that, how nature effects women when they have kids as well, her recommendation on when and how to bring up your fetish to your partner, why finding something in your fetish that pleasures your partner is key and how’s to find that something, why porn and masturbation should be looked at as an acceptable and healthy form of release and a whole lot more. To hear her backstory episode it's number 403. REPEAT originally aired 1/23, **To see anonymous a pics of DIAN HANSON plus my other female guests + get TONS of exclusive CROSSDRESSER and or HOSER episodes and content + hear all the anonymous confessions, join my Patreon Crossdresser tier it's only $8 a month for Hosers and $10 a month for crossdressers (you get also get Hoser episodes too!) and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You're going to get so much. You get all my episodes early in ad free. You get Q&As where I answer all kinds of questions every other month. You get all the anonymous picks of all of my hot female guests. you get what else access and you get access to my private Discord where people get to be naughty. People used to always send me X-rated stuff and I'm like, I don't touch X-rated stuff on my Patreon. Everything on Patreon is R-rated. But I was like, where can I put the stuff? And it's like where you can put it is on Discord. It's a not safe for a work site. It's locked down. It's very private. And what's great about Discord is like I said, you get to post your own stuff and talk to other like-minded people. It's a great community over there. There's tons of different channels, a lot of different things.

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$8 a month, cross-duster $10 a month. It's very specific. What's great about that is that you don't just get the episode for the month that you sign up. You get access to all the episodes that I air before. right so for $10 a month or $8 a month you're getting access to probably 50 episodes i don't know how how many years i've been doing patreon but you're getting 12 extra episodes a year a couple years we're talking about like maybe 50 extra episodes specifically on your fetish available to the minute you sign on which is a great deal you also get access to my discord which has a hoser and cross-dustocer tier as well now listen the other thing i want to tell you about is right now you could get free access to us to which is like the world's biggest adult dating website.

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description and click on the link that I put in there. It'll take you right to your free trial. So today I have on Diane Hanson, the queen of fetish, is you got to maybe want to go over to my Patreon because I have other episodes. exclusive episodes with her over there. If you don't know who she is, she's my guest today on the show. And her leg show and jugs. I mean, she was very successful and well known for taking leg show from being just a regular

magazine to being Uber successful. It was her that did that. She then left there, went to Toshan Books, a book publisher that puts out amazing, beautiful, arty, coffee table, high-end, books. She is the sexy book editor over there. She's responsible for the books, the big book of legs, the big book of butts, the big book of breasts. I mean, that is her.

She's the woman who does those books now for Tosh. Like I said, she was the editor of Leg Show. And when she was there, the way she became Uber successful is she read all the guys email, not emails at that time. it was a particular letter, paper letters that guys with fetishes wrote in, and she read them all. And she took into consideration what they said and gave them what they wanted in that magazine. And by doing that, she learned so much about guys with fetishes. She also had a brother who was a cross-dresser.

And she also talks about her ex-husband who was a cross-dresser, as well as her ex-boyfriend was also a cross-dresser. And both of those relationships played out very differently. So she knows the fetishes from the angle of the guy with the fetish, as well as from the angle of the partner who is with a guy with the fetish. So she has a lot of great advice on this podcast. We break down fetishes, you know, where do they come from? Are you born with them? Are they put on you because of things that have happened?

And then she gives the advice on how, if you have, have a fetish, when to bring it up to your partner, what to do, what not to do. She talks about why do women not have fetishes? And then we also talk about men looking at porn and why she believes that that's okay, why she believes in it and why it's healthy. And there's so much more to it. She's like brilliant. She's super smart. I could have talked to her for a lot longer. At the end, we do cut it a little short because she needed to do a critique of a contest that I had on my Patreon. She did that for me. That is aired over on my Patreon as well as her first episode where she talks all about her history and her past and all of her time at Leg Show and how she got into that.

It was super fascinating. If you want to join my Patreon, you could sign up and cancel at any time. There's a whole community over there of like-minded people. It's a lot of fun. So if you want to join, go there. The link is in the description. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Diane Hansen. Hi, Diane Hansen. Welcome back to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Hi, Kathy. And I am strictly not anonymous. I've never been anonymous all through my career. Was it a good idea? I don't know. No, but wait. But wait a second. First, please, we need to say that you are the Diane Hansen. For people that don't know, you are like a big magazine editor, porn magazine editor. You know, the biggest, the most well known maybe leg show and jugs and I mean you were the person who took leg show

magazine as a woman back in the day from like a small magazine to hugely successful that was all on you correct I mean you were the one I forget the exact numbers but you made it as big as it was for people that remember it yes I am the Diane Hansen who took over like show magazine in December, 1986, I believe. And after I got fired for Christmas, my previous publisher was an asshole. And he took us all out to lunch.

We thought we were going to get bonuses and instead he fired us on. So I immediately did, however, by the publisher of Leg Show, the wonderful George Mavidi, who actually was himself a cross-dresser.

Oh, I don't know that I knew that. Well, it wasn't public knowledge. Okay. He shared it with a few people, and then there are other people who knew him way back when, who knew about it. But he would drop these hints to me sometimes. I got a fur coat at one point, and he said, oh, you know, I've always wanted a mink. I've always wanted to have a mink coat, but because he was a big, big, big. man.

Yeah. He said, you know, I would have to have it custom made and it's going to kill so many little mink. He talked in a grand way. And it would cost so much, but I really have to think of all the little mink who would die. So if there was faux fur back then, he would want one. He would have had one. But, yeah, when I came in, Leigio was every other month, they printed about seven,

75,000 copies. They did not sell even half of them. They sold maybe 40%. It was just a scattered magazine. And it had actually been started by Lenny Burtman, the great fetish publisher from the 1950s and 60s, Lenny Burtman, who had gone to jail. He took a fall for the Ruben Sturman,

of porn and went to jail and when he got out of jail, Maviti was his buddy and he let him restart his 1960s magazine, like show. That was in 1980. And Lenny Burtman then just died. So it was being done by the gay editors who were doing all the gay magazines from Mavidi. And they really didn't get it. They didn't care to get it. It was just, some little side thing they had to churn out. Right. Yeah, remember that from the first one. Have they ever contacted you? Or, you know, this would be a great documentary on Netflix. I mean, you were going into the past history and I could have asked you a million questions,

but I have so many questions about fetishes. I want to get to that. But I mean, I feel like, you know, your life story or even just the Leg Show magazine or that whole, that whole world back then would be a great documentary because it was a very different time. You know, I feel like what a lot of people don't understand because they might have not grown up in that time is, you know, for a woman like you to not only have become as successful as you were, but wind up in that world, doing what you were doing, out and proud. I mean, you were really going against a lot of social norms at the time, right? I mean, it was not mainstream at all. And there you were a woman, like I said, getting into that world and then like becoming super successful.

successful. That's really hard to do back then. I think it's different now. Well, actually, it was my old mentor, Peter Wolfe, who kind of introduced the idea of women as editors of porn magazines. He was a hippie. He was a political, radical, and considered himself a feminist, though. I think that would be debatable today. But He understood that men did not want to talk about their sexuality with other men, particularly if it was an unusual sexuality. Yeah. And let's face it. Almost every man has some unusual part to his sexuality that he feels he can't really share with the rest of the world, with other men, certainly, but also with his wife, his girlfriend. You know, they all have something.

and Peter got it that men would rather see a sympathetic woman at the helm of their pornography and started that at High Society magazine with the first female editors. And so when I started working with him in 1978, I believe, to bring out Partner magazine, he encouraged that. We had this all-female staff who wrote columns in the magazine and interacted with the readers. And I saw how strong fan base you could make like this. So when I got the opportunity to do anything I wanted in publishing,

which George Maviti gave me with not just leg show, but also jugs, I started reading all the letters and looking at what the men wanted and what they were desperately begging for and started just modeling the magazine to their desires. And there were no other magazines that were respecting men who were submissive, men who were gender non-conforming, as we call it today. Yeah. And there were no other magazines that were respecting men who were submissive, men who were gender non-conforming, as we call it today. Yeah. And I know that you read, that was one of the ways that you became successful or changed the

narrative of Leg Show because you really started to read all the letters and then give them exactly what they were looking for, which those guys before you didn't even, like you said, think about or they weren't interested in doing that and then you started to feed that. Is that where you got your Ph.D. on fetishes and learned about them? Or were you someone that was always interested in it before? I was an outcast. I was, you know, taller than my kindergarten teacher. I was the tallest kid in the school in the second grade.

That's my fun. Yeah. Yeah, I see my final height by the time I entered seventh grade. And so I was over 5 foot 10 at that age and just gawky and clumsy and everyone made fun of me. I was an outcast. So I spent a lot of time in the library and the local library, the community library, not the school library. and I found a copy of Psychopathy as Sexualis there in a section that was only supposed to be for adults, but I was 14 at the time, and I looked grown up because, you know, I'd gotten so tall.

I entered puberty at age nine. So I was able to go into that section, and I stood there in the aisles day after day and read the entire book. Wow. all of sexual perversion, sexual irregularity. And because I was such an outcast, I felt sympathy for these people who were societal outcasts for reasons they couldn't help. Yeah. You know, because they were, they developed a sexual interest in childhood that they felt compelled. that they felt compelled to think about that they struggled not to act on.

And there was nothing they could do about it. I saw it was not a choice. Yeah, well, with that said, could you expect, yeah, it's weird that you knew at that little young age you had, I mean, it was like foreshadowing. I mean, you know, which came first, your interest and then you, you know, those people found you. But, I mean, you, that you knew early on. you didn't seek it out, but you were looking for that information just on your own,

but then you wound up in that profession, I think, is not a coincidence. Maybe that's what I'm trying to say. I just said it's so dumb. Well, and let me say some things here that relate directly to your cross-dressing audience. When I was, my parents got married straight out of high school and had three kids in short order. first my older sister than me then a year after me my brother and my mom was worn out she was exhausted they didn't have any money and my brother just came in a bad time she had been raised with just a sister her father was a very shy man who really didn't take part in things so my mother grew up in

this entirely female environment and she didn't know what to do with a boy. And she admitted to me, and I'm sure to others, and he knew it, that she was never able to love him. Oh, wow. And through our childhood, she, because we didn't have money, she sewed all the clothes for my sister and I, and we would go to the fabric store and get to pick out fabrics and trim and then, you know, have fittings.

and she would give us home permanence to our hair, fuss over us in all these ways. And my brother got none of it. She never made him any clothes. And he would beg her to make him something too. And she'd say, oh, no, boys don't have pretty things. She gave him a crew cut, you know. So he was just, he just felt excluded from everything. And so when he was about five and I was six, he initiated a game.

where he would go in the big closet in our shared bedroom and put on one of my dresses and then pop out and reveal himself and dance around and I would clap and tell him how pretty he was. And this was his favorite game until our mom walked in on it. She was horrified. They were part of a Christian cult. They were all right politically. she told our dad our dad spanked him that night told him you know and me that we must never ever do this game again right and so his comfort and his sense of love was taken away then there was just nothing more for him he was also not allowed to do any chores around the house that were feminine. So he couldn't join me and my sister, my mother in cooking, in the sewing. He couldn't join us in anything because there were no for him. And this sense of isolation and being unloved

made him a cross-dresser when he grew up. Oh, I don't think I knew that either, that you had a brother that was the cross-dressing. I didn't really discover it until his suicide at age 27, and I went to clean everything up and, you know, just make sure that there was nothing that he wouldn't want the police or anyone to see

and found his wardrobe and references and all of that that he had been doing. And his, what I saw happened to him as a little boy is what made me accept my first husband's cross-dressing at age 18. Right. Because as he described his childhood, it was the same way that his sister was loved and coddled and he was excluded and unloved.

And when I started doing leg show, you know, so I had an interest in this. And I began questioning the guys who would write me in, who were cross-dressing. And I heard this story repeated over and over and over that they had felt they were never truly loved by their mothers, not loved by their fathers, that they saw the sister getting attention that they didn't get, the sister getting pretty close, and them being told, you know, no, boys aren't interested in that. Boys don't want to be pretty. Boys don't want to look nice. And it just made me have an understanding and sympathy. Yeah. Oh, my God.

You know, because I have, I've spoken to a lot of cross-dressers. I have a whole Patreon full of them. But, you know, also on my show, I've been doing it for eight years. I've spoken to many guys with a lot of different fetishes. A lot of times it's the panios or the cross-dressers because those are two big, you know, very popular. fetishes. I don't know what you would say. But, you know, I have never, I haven't heard that, but I question differently. You know, that's going to be one of my questions now. It's always like, for me, I go to, like, what are your first memories of, like, picking up a clothes or when you realize

that you were into this, you know? It's more about, like, when they started to wear and what they started to dress, but no one has ever, I haven't heard them put that together, but it makes sense. And I was like, and so with that said, because you talk to so many people, do you believe that a fetish is you're born with it or it is something that happens to you, you know, because of something when you're younger? You know, there's so much human variation. Yeah. That there's no one thing that affects everybody.

Yeah. There are, I think that there are people with natural dispositions to certain things. Like we take the photographer Ed Fox, I think, who we have discussed before. you know big foot and leg photographer for me at Leg Show and he has told me that his interest in feet

was there from his earliest memories that he remembers his grandma lived with them and he would get under the covers and smell his grandma's feet and made it a game with her and then but he was ashamed so he didn't talk about it

but then in adulthood his brother said that he had played the same game that he also was into feet. Yeah. So there are obviously predispositions and then they can be affected by things that happen in childhood. There are so many letters that I got from guys about their various fetishes will mention one thing that happened. when they were four or five years old, it's always around that period that stepped them on a path. One guy said he was lying on his stomach,

watching a Western on TV around that age, and a woman was tied to the railroad track and was struggling and then tied. And the whole thing gave him an erection, and he didn't know why. Of course he didn't know why he had an erection, but he was on his stomach. So he, you know,

started moving around and found that it gave him this wonderful sensation. Well, that was just a random set of circumstances that set him on a path for life, that he then liked to see women tied up. He liked to see women helpless. He liked to imagine that he was the good guy who would come and save them, and it just became more and more ornate with time. So it doesn't have to be trauma. It can just be a memorable event. Right. And then it's triggered because, like you said, he's laying on his stomach and then, you know, those first orgasms you have, those first experience of pleasures, I think definitely wire you a certain way, don't you think? Yeah. And there's a lot of research behind this that our, the experiences that we have around four and five, particularly, this is the kind of edible period where a boy is, very very connected to his mother so he is falling in love with his mother often having

childish romantic thoughts about his mother or maybe about his mother's friend or his aunt you know he's suddenly becoming aware of the difference in male and female and you know learning what love is about he's getting outside himself because when they're very young you know they're the child is completely self-directed. Yeah. And he starts to look at the rest of the world. And generally around age seven, the heterosexual boy will then begin identifying with his father. And whatever sexuality relating to women was set in place at four and five, that just stays there and he grows up and goes on.

If he's a gay boy, you know, he may continue identity. identifying with the mother then as his role model and begin identifying with his father, his father's friends and things like this as romantic interests. Right, right. Yeah, no, I know. Somebody asked, because I put a thing out to my Patreon members, like you want to ask Diane Hansen in question. Somebody said, like, do you think that someone that has a hardcore fetish, if like the taboo of it was taken away, would it, is it still considered a fetish? Because a part of the reason why they feel it's a fetish is the rush that comes with it

and because they're doing it secretively. Do you think if you removed it in 20 years from now, which I think is going to be the case, you know, guys could wear panty hose out and about because I see a lot of younger guys doing that now. Do you think it will be considered a fetish or it'll just be considered something that guys do? I think that we're already seeing this with. of Gen Z, you know, a generation that's having less sex, less partnered sex than any in known

history that most of these kids started looking at porn on average at age 12. They saw everything and it was all normalized because it was completely available on the internet. Therefore, they don't have an understanding of it as illegal or taboo. They know maybe mom doesn't want them to look at it, but that's mom. Yeah. I know young people have been surprised when I've told them that people go to jail for making this kind of stuff, that it was illegal. They don't get that.

And I think that, you know, a lot of this like comfort that we see, you know, the hairy style is kind of just comfort and wearing anything they want. And now Timothy Shalamee doing the same thing, just wearing whatever they want, is that normalization. I don't think that these guys are getting boners doing it. Right. Because it's simply a style choice now. Right. But when it was it, maybe that boner came in because there was that rush and it was something that you weren't supposed to do. Yeah. You weren't supposed to do it. You were having to do it secretly. If you were caught doing it as a child that hammered at home that it was, you know a very very forbidden thing to do and therefore you would struggle to repress it and

struggling to repress it would make it grow bigger and bigger in your mind more exciting in your mind and I can say from you know my first husband and then from my later the boyfriend I had when I was doing leg show who was also a cross-dresser they they would exude a sweat when they would, when they expressed that they never exuded at any other time. There was this pungent odor that was associated with acting out the fetish. Yeah. And yeah, it was, you know, they would tremble. It was clearly

just fraught with danger and fear and fear and excitement and transgression. And maybe a little compulsion. I mean, is that the difference between a fetish and a kink or something that you're just into? Is that what makes,

all that stuff that you're talking about is what makes it a fattish, correct? Compared to? Yeah, I mean, definitely, definitely it was compulsion. and the the compulsion of it can, the recognition that it's a compulsion can make you fight harder against it. Yeah. So, you know, if it's just an inclination, if it's just like, oh, you know, yesterday I jerked off looking at a big girl,

Today I'm going to put on some panties and jerk off, you know, where it's just a choice. And people who used to try and tell me at the magazine, oh, no, you know, my foot interest is not a fetish. It's just something I like because feet are pretty. Yeah. No. No. You know, you're not jerking off to pictures of feet because you just think they're pretty. Flowers are pretty too.

Are you jerking off to those? Right. No. It is so much that we are not supposed to do it. But on the other hand, there are many animal species that masturbate in really funny ways. And it is part of the male psyche to seek sexual stimulation outside of intercourse. because in the natural world, the majority of males do not get much opportunity to procreate. Right.

And yet they have this powerful sex drive that they can't help. It's there. You know, they're given a powerful sex drive in order to keep procreated. Yeah. And therefore, you have to, you know, if you're. you just have that powerful drive and you never get to do anything with it, well, that kind of ruins your life. Right.

Where do you put that energy? Where does it go? Yeah. They find outlets for it. And this is why so many male animals are self-flaters, why deer rub their antlers through bushes and will have spontaneous orgasms that they figure out a workaround. figure out a way to have a sex life somehow that does not involve a vagina. Right.

With the procreation. Do you think that because what you're explaining right now is one of the reasons why women don't have fetishes? Because do they have them? I feel like you said no once and it had a great explanation, which I can't remember right now, but I want you to give me the reason why women don't. Because I have yet to meet one with a fattish. Nobody, I have never got an email for a woman that says she has a fetish.

And I'm, you know, I get thousands of emails a year, a month practically now, you know. And I did, you know, this magazine for 15 years. And the, whenever I would get a letter claiming to be from a woman with a fetish, it sounded like a dude. Oh my God, that's so funny. Yeah. It's just the way, the way they would describe themselves. Totally. would not be the way that women would describe themselves.

You know, it was always from a male perspective and the things that males would notice about a female body. And, yeah, you know, oh, I get so hot when my pussy gets so wet when I pull my panties up. Oh, just feeling my panties against my pussy. Like, okay, no. There's a huge difference in testosterone. Let's consider that. men make 10 to 20 times as much testosterone as women. Testosterone drives all sexual desire.

100% of all sexual desire in men and women comes from testosterone. The male brain is masculinized by testosterone in the womb. So by the time a fetus is 12 weeks or so, a male fetus, its brain is entirely masculineized. Right. so that it's already, it's already been organized to be, be the pursuer, be, you know, to be more aggressive, to be angrier even. But so we have all of that, but then at the same time. And I got so many letters from men saying, well, there must be women who feel the same way

about sex as I do, you know, that want it and pursue it. Like, how would that benefit reproduction? How would it benefit? We forget that sex, sex was not, I mean, okay, I'm an atheist, but it's not like sex is a gift that was given to us to have a bunch of fun. No, sex is just a natural phenomenon to keep the species going. Right. And in all the other species, the female is the gatekeeper.

The male tries to get in the gate, and the female is there looking up and down and thinking, eh, yeah, I don't think you are what my offspring need. Right. So females simply can't be as ready to fuck anything and everything. and, you know, run wild with their sexuality as males because it would be to the detriment of reproduction. Exactly. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

I mean, that's nature. Yeah. And nature is crude. Yeah, nature is crude. It's not like nature is like, oh, every one of these creatures will have a soulmate and some kind of radar within them that will draw them quickly to their soulmates. they will then bond and breed. No, it's just very crude. Make the males, you know, you're to spray it all over the place and make the females,

the more careful ones to control that. And that leaves the males with a whole lot of extra energy and extra semen and sperm. And the male needs to empty the prostate on a regular. basis, like at least three times a week, or they hurt the prostate. They become prone to prostate cancer. Prostate cancer is caused by semen not being expelled on a regular basis. It's like women with, it's like women who haven't, you know, ever had a child have a higher risk as well because they were supposed to not have their period all that time. They were supposed to be pregnant for nine months and giving birth and same thing, right?

Yeah. And it doesn't matter that it doesn't make us happier. Oh, sorry. It doesn't matter that it's not what makes us, you know, happy or gives us better relationships or anything like this. Yeah. We're just animals. Yeah, first and foremost.

I love the whole animal analysis because I just feel like I always, I see that in play, you know, a lot. I mean, then there's so much more that comes to. We're more evolved and, you know, you have a brain and you could think for yourself and go against your natural urges. But we are animals. That's why, I mean, for me, and this is just like a little side note, I get so angry when men put down women that go for guys with cash. I'm like, you know, if I was a cow, okay, I would not, as a female cow, go and look at all the male cows in the, you know, in the field and pick the lazy one that's sitting in the corner, are licking his balls.

I'd pick the most successful cow for my babies. Like that's just nature. It's that's what it is. It's no difference than the reason why guys like young hot girls. It's because they have the eggs still. They're fresh. They can make babies. It's just the basic nature.

And neither is wrong for having those urges. Yet everyone, you know, they look at women like a gold diggers or guys that like young women, they're fucking perverts. You know, it's just like, no, they're animals. You can't help it. Yeah, they're animals. And, you know, I think it's also kind of natural that when women get past the reproductive age, that some of them like me are going to look at the same age guy they're with and go, well, if I can get a younger, less broken down guy, why wouldn't I think? because I'm not guarding the gate anymore.

Exactly. They will become open to having more fun. Yeah, that's interesting. I know when I had my child, there were a couple of years, those first three years where you're just like, you know, blinders on trying to figure out. It's like you started a new job

and every day you're learning something new. Around two and a half, three, you're like, okay, got this and you're back to your life. But for that time, I was not into sex. I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And a lot of women were like, No, that's just very natural.

And I think what happens is we're designed to take care of our babies. And I think that all those other kinds of urges go away so that you do tend to what you need to tend to. And like I said, two and a half, three years old. And I figured it all out and you're, you know, you got it down. That went away. But for a while. I was like, what the fuck's going on here? But I think it was a nature thing.

Like you need to focus on this baby, not having sex, not, you know, not going out and having another baby. you take care of this one right here. Well, and also in, you know, more basic human culture, nursing would suppress menstruation. Yes. So while a woman was nursing, she would tend not to get pregnant. And not having sex and not having sexual desire when the child is young. Yeah.

Because if you get pregnant, your nursing will. stop. You will not be able to care for the child that you have. Exactly. So of course, yeah, you're going to, you're going to want to pull away from that because, not because you don't love the man you're with or whatever, but because nature, nature, nature, nature just wants the young to survive. Yeah, totally. And I always say, like, I mean, nature also gives you that intense love for your child that's, like, so unconditional. Because if not, and they make them cute so that you don't throw them out the fucking window because nothing can make you more angry than a fucking baby. But wait a second. What? Oh my God. All of it. I'm just like I have so many jokes I could have told one of my child was a baby. But as a woman who had, I mean, you had two guys, your husband as well as a boyfriend that had a fetish. Like what would you recommend for guys who are listening to this that have a fetish that maybe are still in the closet about it and they want to talk about it to their partners or they're not with someone yet?

and they want to do it eventually come out. Like, when do you suggest that they do that and how? I mean, there are two different times. One is near the beginning of a relationship when you see that it's going to be serious, that you really care about this person, that you think you want it to be going. It would really help you then,

before you're too invested, before you move in together, to try and introduce it in a way that isn't terrifying. Yeah. To talk about it at a time when you're not having sex. You know, don't get yourself all dressed up and come charging into the bedroom as a surprise for the women you've been going out with for three months. But once you have said that you love her, once she has said that she loves you, once you see that there is a genuine connection. I think you need to talk about it then because what my second boyfriend did is he knew about my first husband.

So he knew that not only had I been through this, but that it ended up a very traumatic experience when my husband's childhood trauma surfaced after we had a child. and, you know, he knew that I had gone through a lot with that. And he waited. He waited until we were living together to spring it on me. Wow. And I felt then that I had been tricked because he already knew. And he just waited until, you know, all the furniture was in the house, till I didn't have my apartment anymore where I kind of was trapped.

So before you move in that, but if you have kept a secret for a long time and you're finding that it's making you unhappy, you think it's a wedge in your family, you know, in your relationship, that your wife knows, thinks there's something wrong, again, talk to her, sit down with her, but make sure that you're in a good place with your relationship. make sure that you are doing your part to show love, to show support, to be the man she wants you to be in every other way before you bring this up. If you're having a lot of problems and you feel like the relationship is breaking down and you spring it, that's probably going to end your relationship. Right. So you have to put your energy in to make your wife feel secure in your love or your girlfriend, but that she feels secure, that she knows you care and that you are taking the time to satisfy her romantically and sexually. And because what I hear a lot of times for the guys is that the woman's biggest thing in the beginning is like you don't like me. it's just you just want me in hose, you know, because they're always asking put on panty hose,

you know, and she starts to feel like he's not turned on by her. He's just turned on by the panty hose. How do you convey that the right way to the woman and let her know? And that's where I think you have to, you have to let her know that there are other forms of sex you can have. Yeah. One of the problems that I found and that other women have mentioned is that when they accept their man's fetish, He then wants it to be all fetish all the time and nothing else. Exactly.

And most women are going to be put off by that because they're engaging with you because they love you, but they don't share your fetish the same way you do. You have to find something in your fetish that benefits the woman. If you're in defeat, it's easy. You start giving her foot massages. you can buy her nice shoes. Almost everyone will like to have nice shoes. Just don't, okay, we're going to have sex. Now put those shoes on.

Exactly. Yeah, that's smart. So she feels like she's getting something out of it as well. Yeah, exactly. With my boyfriend, my later boyfriend, where I was able, you know, where I knew more and was able to address it, you'd think, okay, we have our fetish night. We had one night a week that was Fetish Night. And I would play out his script with costumes and story and all the stuff that he liked.

So we had, but he then, before that, you know, the night before, he had to give me a massage. He had to do all the things that I liked. Right. So you had your night and he had his night. I think that that's a great trick. Exactly. We each had our night. And then he could elaborate on the things that I liked. He had to learn what I like and think of things that would make it more fun for me so that I could have surprises too. I could have things to look forward to. And he could then have, I won't go into the scenario, but he could have the whole scenario and, you know, the dressing. and the conclusions that he wanted. And yeah, I felt good about it because my night came first.

Make her night come first. Right. That's smart. And then what about, you know, because I feel like there's been some women, I think that they get insecure because they know their guy has that fetish. They feel like they can't, you know, give enough to them. And then they maybe find pictures of women in pantyhoes or, you know, they're sort of getting their rocks off in other places.

I mean, personally, If I was a woman, I wouldn't mind that because I would be like, that's like actually perfect. You know, just like not going with other women, but if it's some magazines, like your leg show magazines, you found a stash underneath the bed. But some women get really upset about that. Yeah. I have tried to talk to women all throughout my career about the place of pornography in men's lives and how different is that a man looking at porn.

on his phone, a man looking at magazines in the old days and masturbating is a man who is probably not cheating on you. He is a man who is satisfying his fantasies in a complete way through masturbation. It's not like he's building up to go cheat on you because once he comes, he is far less likely to cheat on you than before he came. So, you know, you're better off finding the porn that the guy is using than you are finding out that he's making appointments with sex workers to be a person. Yes. Right. Yeah, I think it's a great outlet for that because I think the difference between a fetish and a kangaroo is that compulsion and that need for it. I don't think any woman wants to be tending to that 24-7.

I think it's even a burden sometimes for the guy who has the fattish, but if you allow that, it's like a healthy way to keep it in its place. Because what you resist persists, it's very true. It's only going to grow more if you try to shove it down. And encourage them. Yeah. I encourage them, you know, honey. Exercise.

Exercise is our current code word, you know. Hey, honey, you're, you look kind of stressed. why don't you exercise. That's your code for jerking off. Yeah. I don't need to know what he's exercising too. I don't need to know. I really don't even care unless he feels he wants to talk to me, needs to talk to me about it for something.

Just go ahead and exercise. You know, you'll feel better. Right. And does the woman, because I know I think a lot of times what the man is always looking for, and this is the unicorn. and I don't know that it exists because I don't know that women have a pantyho's fetish, but they don't, you know, they're fine that, like a lot of them find that their partner will wear and will entertain it, but most of the time, they're not getting turned on by it,

you know, and they really wish that they were, like, where are those women? And what do you say to the guys that do they not exist and how do they get past that? Well, and I told this story before, but, you know, John, Money, who's now pretty much vilified. John Money, he invented the term parapheria.

He was the greatest researcher in the 20th century on fetish and all kinds of unusual sexuality. He wrote books about it. In the 90s, at the end of his life, he called me up after seeing an interview with me

about fetishism, and he blurted out, where are the female fetishes? Do they write to you? You know, find them all through my career. Where are they? And I'm like, doctor, you wrote the books on this. You don't realize that they're just aren't really any.

But it's not, you know, if you find, oh, you know, the woman in your life is not into your fetish. And you then are longing for a different woman and feeling dissatisfied with your wife and thinking, you know, you need someone better. You're not going to find that woman. If you, if you, if this is really, really important to you, maybe consider a trans woman. Right. Right. You can, trans women are as prone to fetishism. I'm sorry, but they also had the burst of testosterone in the womb.

And no matter how they, you know, grew up to you. and now feel and identify and all of that, they're still going to understand sexuality more like a male does. Right, because they had that early wiring regardless of how they feel now. Yeah, that makes sense. I see, you know, I follow you on Twitter and I don't really engage in social media that much because I'm just too busy with my stuff. But every now and then there's like one or two people that I find fascinating and I just love

how you engage on there. I don't know. Whenever I see your name, I read who you're talking to and stuff. And half the time I want to like fucking. And I know you don't need anyone to stick up for you because you don't give a shit. You're solid in who you are. But there's a lot of trolls online. And you're always like giving these really smart, great opinions on trans people and all the stuff that's going on. And some people will just go fucking after you. And I'm like, do they know who the fuck she is? Because I don't think it's a parent. And I think a lot of the younger people don't know. And I just sometimes wish you'd be like, do you know who the fuck I am? I mean, you're not just talking out of your ass, you know. I love the ones who will, oh, you know, don't your 10 cats need some attention? Yeah, oh, my God, I can't even. They assume I'm some pathetic old lady. Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to get into bragging about my.

I know. That's why I don't say anything. I don't want to get into my private life, but I have to. laugh that all of these guys and they're usually they usually are actually like older guys who believe that every woman over 40 is a lonely spinster they you know they should they should talk to some women on dating apps right every woman i know who goes on dating apps it doesn't matter what their ages. It doesn't matter what they look like. They are swiped by hundreds of men. Yeah. And whereas my, you know, young, beautiful boyfriend said he was on Tinder for 15 months and was

swiped eight times. Oh, you're still dating your guy. Yeah. Give a shout out to how fucking old your guy is. Okay. That's what I mean. This is what I wish these people that are trolling you new. But like I said, I never say anything because I know you don't need to. But it's like they. just really have no clue. How's old your boyfriends again? He's 26 now. And you've been with him for how long? Uh, going on four years. Yeah. Like, how amazing is that? You know, I and effing love it. I remember hearing about that in the first episode. I'm going to put a link to your first episode in here. I feel like I could talk to you for three more hours and I know you only have an hour and I want you to do for my Patreon members. I want you to do just go through. I had a whole

Halloween costume. Critique that that's going to be for my Patreon. members. But thank you so much for calling in again. Like I said, we should do a three-hour call with you because you're so super smart and could talk about so much. But I love everything that we discussed in this episode. Your first episode is all of your backstory. And it's a lot more of this, more personal stuff, which is really great. I'll put a link in there. Of course. And we will talk again soon. I've got to go and get a bunch of emails now before I go to the doctor. All right. Thank you, Diane. Thank you so much. Bye. Take care. Bye.

Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talked about on my show. show like there's a hot wife story there's a cuck queen story there's a cuck story there's a gang being girl story like i said 17 stories and they're all told in the third person and they're all true i took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and i wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book

think like penthouse letters it's more direct it's not so over the top like erotica i don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not. not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with

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