Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1035 - BONUS EPISODE: A Valentine's Day PSA- Blowjobs NOT Balloons !

Starting point is 00:00:00 Listen, this is just like a quick little bonus episode I have for you today. I have two episodes I'm airing today, my real one as well as this little PSA for Valentine's Day. I'm airing it a day before Valentine's because I want you to make sure if you're going to listen to the advice I gave you in this episode that you could do it before Valentine's Day hits, right? Because I talk all about what you should get for your girl or what you should do for your guys. If you want to get me something for Valentine's Day and give me a nice review, write something nice. So many people emailed me into my email all the time. I love your show every day, hundreds of emails, but not hundreds of reviews. People only write reviews when they're pissed off. Most people don't think to write a review

Starting point is 00:00:39 when they love something. But, you know, if you feel it in your heart on Valentine's Day, because you've been listening to me and you love my show, do me that favor for Valentine's Day. Hit five star or write me a nice review. It would really helps the show and I love reading nice reviews. But anyway, this is my PSA for Valentine's Day. It's my little Valentine's Day ranch. I think you're going to love it. Listen to the whole effing thing. Okay, it's very short, but I think it's entertaining.

Starting point is 00:01:07 And you're going to learn something. I talk about what to get and what not to get. No, what to give and what not to give your partner for Valentine's Day. Lots of stuff about blowjobs and swallowing. I also talk about what to do if you don't have anyone on Valentine's Day. Day. I could totally relate to that most of my life. I never had anyone on Valentine's Day and I talk about that. I also tell a couple of interesting stories or maybe we just won about me. I don't know. Anyway, it's a fun episode. It's a short episode. It's a bonus episode. You're still going to get another episode today. That's about as many times as I'm going to say episode.

Starting point is 00:01:48 So instead I'm just going to get right to it and be right back on with my Valentine's Day bonus episode. No, with my Valentine's Day bonus episode. No, with my Valentine's Day. Day, P-S-A. I'm not going to say happy Valentine's Day, even though it is Valentine's Day, because for people who don't have a partner, it's not Valentine's Day, okay? I am a person that, it's not like I've been with one for 20 years. I've never been with anyone longer than like two and a half years, I think, with my longest relationship. So, you know, the way I always felt about Valentine's Day is that, you know what?

Starting point is 00:02:27 why would I celebrate it if I'm not with someone? It's kind of like celebrating your birthday when it's not your fucking birthday. Do you know what I mean? Like if you don't have a partner, Valentine's Day doesn't exist for you. And who the fuck cares? Okay. I used to love going out on Valentine's Day solo because that was the only time you could go to an effing bar and know exactly who is available and who you could hit on without being

Starting point is 00:02:54 disappointed that they're taken. Seriously, I just always thought it was like the best night to go out. So I'm going to give you a little public service announcement for Valentine's Day. A, one of the things I want to say is if you don't have somebody, it's not your day and who the fuck cares? Seriously. If you do have somebody, okay, and you're a girl, don't get your guy balloons or stuffed animals or anything like that. Just give them a fucking blowjob. You know, no questions asked blowjob.

Starting point is 00:03:24 Like just a blowjob. have to do anything from me. You just sit down. I'm going to blow you and swallow. Make sure you swallow. Even if you don't ever swallow, even if you hate swallowing, even if you never have in your whole life, swallow. That would be like the nicest thing you could do.

Starting point is 00:03:42 And it's really not that bad. I swallow. I always have. Just fucking swallow your guys jazz for Valentine's Day. He would like love you. I swear. Seriously, it's that easy. And a blow job, I'm telling you, if you do it the right way, is.

Starting point is 00:03:54 is not going to take that long, all right? Make sure you lube up your hand with your spit, okay? Use your hand and your mouth at the same time. You don't have to deep throat when you're giving a blowjup to make it good. I've heard that. I give great head, okay? I swear to you, I do, and I don't know how to deep throat. You don't have to.

Starting point is 00:04:14 I've asked guys, like, how can I give such a good head if I don't know how to deep throat? They're like, deep throoting isn't even that great. Like, it doesn't even feel that good. It's kind of like squirting. Everyone thinks, I always think, oh, I want to swear because it's going to be like the best orgasm. No, not really. It's just like a trick. Just like a swallow.

Starting point is 00:04:30 Not swallowing. Swallowing isn't a trick. It's just like deepthroating. It's just like a circus trick you could do that I'm very impressed with girls that could deep throat. But I can't. I want to, but I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. But it's not that great. You don't have to deep throat to give your guy a great blowjob.

Starting point is 00:04:50 Like I said, use your hand. and your mouth at the same time. Make sure your hand is wet. Spit on it. Make it fucking wet. Okay. And then jerk him off and blow him at the same time. You could grab his balls. Every guy likes their balls touched a different way. If you're with the same guy, you know how he likes his balls touched. Some guys really like them touched a little bit. Some guys like them touched hard. Some guys don't really fucking like him touched at all. So if he likes his balls touch, touch it at that at the same time. But what's the most important thing I think you should do is like, fucking swallow, especially if you've never swallowed before. You know how happy your guy will be and how impressed he will be? And I don't know if you're like me, but I have an ego, okay? So if I do something, I want to do it the best. And if I give someone a present, I want it to be the best fucking present. So if you have an ego, then make sure you give the best blowjob. And to give the best blowjob, you should swallow. And if you're not going to swallow, then take up your bra and let them come on your

Starting point is 00:05:55 tits or do something hot with it afterwards. I don't know what people do. Maybe that's what people do. See, I've always swallowed. I've never not swallowed. So I don't really know. I almost always assuming that people that aren't swallowing or like pulling their mouth away and just letting it go and you know what I mean and looking horrified.

Starting point is 00:06:13 What do girls do that don't swallow? What I would say, if you can't swallow, if you can't take one for the tea, even on Valentine's Day to prove your love, then, you know, make sure you let them come on your tits or something. Make it hot. Okay. And then for guys, do the opposite for your girls. Send her flowers at her work. Now, if you're listening to this, I'm probably airing this on Valentine's Day. It's probably too late to do that. But I would say that that is a really good thing to do for a female on Valentine's Day. Okay, the times that I have had guys in my life,

Starting point is 00:06:52 anyone that sent me flowers at work, cha-ching, they always got massive points for that because, you know, it's like everybody looks at you and they're like super impressed and they're like, your guy looks really effing good. Okay, and especially on Valentine's Day. Let me tell you, there are a lot of girls with guys that send them flowers on Valentine's Day.

Starting point is 00:07:15 So, you know, if she's looking around, your girl, and there's another girl in the office that's getting them and she doesn't, she's not going to probably swallow when she gets home. Do you know what I mean? So why don't you make sure, I should air this the day before things for the day before Valentine's Day. Or no, this is going to actually air very early in the morning. So it's still time. Okay. All you guys that really want to impress your girl, send her flowers to her. blowers to her work. Now, I know it's post-COVID and nobody's fucking working. So then I don't know.

Starting point is 00:07:50 If she's not working and she's working for home, do something that she loves. Like as much as you love a blowjob, what does your girl love? Does she love to watch the real housewives and begs you to watch it and you never do? Fucking watch it with her. The whole point is do something for her that is what she absolutely loves that you don't. Like that blowjob. A lot of women don't like giving head, but she's going to give you the best blowjump, if that's what you want to do for you and you want her to swallow even though she's never swallowed before or fucking hates jizz, but she's going to do it for you, then do the same for her, okay? Whatever it is, she likes that you are not into. That's the thought that counts. Like when they say the thought that counts, that's what it's about. So like with the

Starting point is 00:08:37 swallowing for the girls, it's like the thought. It's actually the action too. You're guys going to love it, but it's the thought that you're doing that for him. Do not. I told you ready, right? No balloons. I remember having a friend who had a guy who worked for him. And his girl was very vanilla. And he loved her. Okay. Totally loved her. Was, you know, in it for the long haul. This was his girl, but he wasn't satisfied in bed. And guys talk, you know, so we would all talk when we would go out to dinner and he'd talk about how his girl never let him, like she was very health conscious and she was very uptight about food for herself as well as for him. She had like food issues and she definitely projected them onto him so he wasn't allowed to eat anything ever. She was always watching their meals. You know,

Starting point is 00:09:21 they were married and the kids meals and stuff. So he said on Valentine's Day, I remember one day him saying that like he came home. And you know what his girl had for him? His wife, the girl with the eating issues that never let him eat anything. She had a burrito at a table, a burrito on the table and a balloon tied to the chair. Oh, my God. He was like, I would have rather had a blowjob, but I'm like, you know, right there. Duh. Like, of course.

Starting point is 00:09:53 And this is where there sometimes is a disconnect. Probably for that girl, she would love to eat a fucking burrito, okay? Like she was projecting onto him what she would want. You know, this poor girl was starving herself. She had eating issues. So probably for her, the best thing in the world on a holiday would be to eat something really unhealthy. But that's not her guy.

Starting point is 00:10:14 This isn't what he wants. Okay? You got to think about somebody else when it comes to presence. Don't think about yourself, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Now, personally, for me, if I was dating someone and they put rose petals, like from the door to the bathtub, I would get dried up from that scenario. I would actually laugh. It would be so stupid to me.

Starting point is 00:10:38 But I am not normal. Okay. I am not the normal girl. 99 women out of 100, and I would be a part of that, would love that scenario, I think, because I see it all the time. I love reality TV. I watch it all the time. Okay, and I see this scenario where the roses on the bed, and they do it in these hotels,

Starting point is 00:10:58 and on the honeymoon, and then to the bathtub, and the girls go mental for it. So I suggest that, too. If she doesn't work in an office and you can't send her flowers, do that flower. thing that all girls seem to like. And girls, no balloons, no, you know, cutesy things for guys. I don't know. I live in New York and I don't think younger girls do this anymore. Younger girls are way different.

Starting point is 00:11:26 But I remember when I was younger and I'd be walking around on Valentine's Day and I'd see these poor couples walking around. It wasn't poor couples. It was the poor guys. Like they'd be walking candid hand with a girl and they'd be holding on to like a bunch of balloons. And you'd see in their face. like how embarrassing, but like, what are they supposed to do because their girl got it for them or like

Starting point is 00:11:44 a fucking stuffed animal or a big heart box of chocolates? And I'm just going to tell you straight up why I'm so harping on the balloon situation is because I learned the balloon thing the hard way. When I was really young, okay, if you listen to my 500th episode, you know that one of my first boyfriends I dated, I was very young, like 15 or 16 and he was 21. I think it was probably in a legal relationship. But I was dating him. He was the bartender. he drove in a car, you know, I didn't even have my license yet. And it was his birthday. We were dating and I really looked up to him and was really into him.

Starting point is 00:12:19 And for his birthday, I was always into giving presents. I went all out and bought him like a dozen balloons. You know, I'm fucking 16 years old. I don't know what to buy a guy. It's my first boyfriend. So I get him this. This is so hilarious. So I give him those.

Starting point is 00:12:38 He goes home. Thank you so much. I think I brought him into work or something. I don't know how I gave it to him. But he lived close to me and maybe like two days later, I went over to his house to meet up with him. Oh my God. I walk up to his house and what do I see stuck in the tree in front of his house?

Starting point is 00:12:59 Is all the balloons I gave him. Of course, he was so embarrassed and hated the balloons that he let go of them when he got home. They got stuck in his tree. And I never forgot that lesson. Don't ever buy a guy balloons. I mean, come on. What was I thinking? I was 16, okay?

Starting point is 00:13:18 But learn from that 16 year old. If you're 25, if you're 45, whatever, don't buy guys' balloons. Don't give them a burrito for Valentine's Day or for any day. Don't project what you want onto someone else. Give them like the basic things that men and women want. men want blow jobs women you know they want flowers they want romance you know if i worked in an office i work from home but i would like i am the girl that wants if i'm in an office you know i want to be one of the girls that's getting fucking flowers sent to me and not deli flowers okay well you can't send

Starting point is 00:13:58 deli flowers but that's another thing like i don't know and most people don't have deli flowers in the suburbs but in the city if you're going to give a girl flowers don't give her deli flowers i think That doesn't even count in my book. I'm snobby when it comes to flowers. Getting a nice arrangement of flowers. And if you're getting her roses, you really want to make her happy. This would make me happy.

Starting point is 00:14:21 Buy her double. Not just one dozen, two dozen, three dozen, like go all out. If you're going to send them to her work, make it better than any of the other roses that were sent to the office. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you get where I'm going?

Starting point is 00:14:36 Girls are competitive. make her have the best. She'll be happy. I don't know. This is where I'm projecting how I feel what I would want. But I think that girls are like that. When they do like those rose pedal things, you know, put some rose petals in the bathtub maybe.

Starting point is 00:14:53 I don't know. But anyway, I just wanted to send out a quick Valentine's PSA, like I said. I was trying to think, oh, what episode could I put out? And I was going to put out a bonus episode. But I'm like, I'm just going to talk about. about Valentine's Day from my perspective. If you are single,

Starting point is 00:15:12 like I said, I've been single many Valentine's days in my life. And who cares? I never cared. You should not care. It's a great night to go out and meet somebody because you know for a fact

Starting point is 00:15:27 they are available if they're out by themselves. Even guys that are unhappy with their wives and girls that hate their fucking guys. Everyone's with each other. if they're partnered up on Valentine's Day. So if you go out, it's the best night to go out. Because you can meet tons of people because everybody that's taken is out.

Starting point is 00:15:47 It's like weeds out all the unavailable people for you. So be smart about it. Don't give a shit that you don't have anybody. Who cares? It's like I said, it's like it's not your birthday today. Big deal. If you're alone and you are lonely and you want to meet someone, go out. If you're like me, you don't even care that it's.

Starting point is 00:16:07 Valentine's Day, stay home. Definitely write in and let me know if you're a girl and you swallowed for the first time, I would like an email telling me how it went and maybe like a thank you note from your guy. Just do it. If I could get one girl to just swallow. I mean, just swallow. Don't tell, don't taste it while you're swallowing it. Don't smell it. Did you ever like do an oyster? I do it the same way. just like fucking open your mouth and let it go down and don't think about it. Oysters are fucking gross. If there's anyone out there that eats oysters but doesn't swallow jizz, let me tell you, jizz is a lot easier and better.

Starting point is 00:16:50 I would rather swallow jizz all day than eat one oyster, okay? So I'm sorry, girls, if you are out there or guys and you love oysters, swallowing calm is so much easier and less gross. and taste better if you ask me. Unless your guy does drugs, you will taste it in his come. But you don't have to taste it, just like fucking swallow.

Starting point is 00:17:16 Let me know how it goes. If you're a guy and you, for the first time of your life, you set your girl flowers at work. I want to high five, you let me know. But anyway, anyone who's coupled up, have a great Valentine's Day. And anyone that's not,

Starting point is 00:17:33 have fun tonight. Go fuck a stranger. go pick someone up, go give your number to somebody, go out and have fun, or stay home and don't give a shit that you're alone because it doesn't matter. Anyway, thanks so much for listening. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25. but you can pre-order it.

Starting point is 00:18:09 The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person.

Starting point is 00:18:29 And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories.

Starting point is 00:18:47 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available. coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay?

Starting point is 00:19:15 There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.

Starting point is 00:20:01 and I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Good news. Strictly Anonymous Podcast is looking for people to call into the show. So if you lead an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about

Starting point is 00:20:30 while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, that's cool too. Send me an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at Gmail. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be on the show. If you have a short confession that you want to get off your back, call my confessions hotline. 347-4-203579. That's 347-4-7-4-2. You could call that number 24-7. I change all the voices

Starting point is 00:21:03 on the confessions too. So you remain anonymous. The number, the website, and the email address will all be in the description. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on either Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. And if you want to sign up for my Patreon, you're not only supporting my show, but you're going to get all of these episodes early and ad free. You're going to get anonymous picks of all of my guests. Most of the girls send me in anonymous hot picks of themselves. And some of the guys are sending me in anonymous picks as well. You also get access to my private Discord. where people are getting super naughty.

Starting point is 00:21:41 If you sign up for my Discord, you could post whatever you want and talk to my other listeners. To sign up for my Patreon, just go to patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's Patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The links and everything else I spoke about are all in the description.

Starting point is 00:21:58 Thanks so much for listening.

Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1035 - BONUS EPISODE: A Valentine's Day PSA- Blowjobs NOT Balloons !

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