Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1050 - Amber Hull a Queer Poly Doctor Into Kink and Human Sexuality

Episode Date: March 1, 2025

SEXUAL HEALTH SATURDAYS : Amber Hull is a queer, poly doctor who’s into kink and human sexuality and she called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear her discuss how and why she went to school to by an OBGYN and why she chose a different path, how she’s openly queer and poly and how and why she enjoys writing about it, how she also has an interest in and writes about human sexuality, how and when she realized she was queer, why she hadn’t realized it earlier, how and when she came out and divorced her husband, how she started swinging and how that made her realize she was solo, polyamorous instead, how she enjoys having feelings for all her partners, how her solo poly relationships work for her and why she prefers being poly over monogamy, how and why relationships/marriages can drastically change for the better or the worse after having a baby and how she helps people in her practice deal with it, her interest in getting sexual health and STI info out there and how she writes about that too, how and where to find STI testing without going to your doctor, her own Sub Stack she created and what she posts there plus a whole lot more. LINK TO HER SUBSTACK: https://dramberhull.substack.com **To see hot pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors:  https://butterwellness.com/ For 20% off your Butter Wellness perineum massager use code STRICTLY https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://beducate.me/pd2504-anonymous Use code anonymous to get an additional 10% off the campaign’s current discount - that’s 60% off Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So anyway, today I have on Dr. Amber. Amber Hull is a doctor. She's a pediatrician, but we're not talking about babies here. Well, we are kind of going to, we do wind up talking about babies and how they change relationships, but she is a pediatrician who has a very intense passion for human sexuality. She's got a super interesting backstory. She identifies as a solo poly. She's also queer, but this is like not who she was from the get-go. She talks a lot about her journey when she realized she was queer, when she, you know, how she realized she was into being Polly, what solo Polly means, because that's how she identifies.

she's also very much into kink. We talk about that. And she talks about a lot. And then we talk a lot about intimacy between couples, safe sex practices. These are all the things she talks about on substack. She does have a substack where she writes a lot of articles and gives out a lot of information on human sexuality because that's what she loves. Like I said, it runs across the board. She talks about Polly being non-monogamous. She talks about safe sex. She talks about. She talks about. about king, kink, and all that kind of stuff. We touch upon all of that on this episode. She's super smart. She's out and proud of who she is. She's a doctor who identifies as a non-monogamous solo poly person, which I think is great. And she's out and proud. Her name is Dr. Amber, Amber Hall.

I will put links to her substock because you're going to want to go get more information from Amber after you hear her. The link will be in the description. but anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Amber. Hi, Dr. Amber. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Good.

Thank you so much for inviting me to come and talk to you today, Kathy. I really appreciate it. Yeah, well, listen, you are a professional. You're a doctor, right? You're a pediatrician. Well-accomplished pediatrician. You work out of Vegas, but we're not going to be talking about babies today. That's for sure.

You are a pediatrician who, like, has a passion for human, sexuality. And like when I saw that like in your bio, I was like, you know, that would always be like my first question. Like, you know, because listen, if a gynecologist all of a sudden gets into talking about that, you get like it's not such a jump, right? But how does a pediatrician, right, who deals with like children become super interested and have a side passion for human sexuality? Like, what's that backstory? Right. So this is something I've actually been like trying to square. in my own head, but truly, my backstory is that when I was in medical school, I thought I wanted to be an OB-GYN. Oh, really? So I did, yeah, I did all of my elective rotations in med school

in like GYN oncology and high-risk pregnancy and pelvic floor reconstructive surgery, which is, you know, a big problem for older women, especially if they have a history of childbirth. And so I came like right up to the edge of getting ready to apply for residency. And there were so many, you know, OBGYNs who were like, if there's any other specialty you're interested in, do that. Oh, my God. Really? Yes. How come?

Well, obstetrics is, it's a very high risk, high litigation field. And like 80% of OBGYNs are sued at some point in their career. And aside from that, like, yes, it's wonderful. And I love like women's health. I love women as patients. You know, I love hanging out with women in my personal life. Yeah. But, you know, when as a physician, when something goes sideways during childbirth and you either

lose a mother or an infant or both, which happens, it can, you know, it can be psychologically devastating. And so, and at the end of the day, I just, I didn't want to be a surgeon. I like taking care of patients. I like medicine and surgery is a big part of obstetrics. So ultimately, I decided to go peds. But after I finished my pediatric's residency, I did like nearly a year of newborn intensive care fellowship after my PED's residency.

So I took care of a lot of high risk pregnancies. And, you know, we would work with families throughout, you know, the last trimester in preparation for a complex delivery. So there's a lot of overlap, actually, between women's health and childbirth. And, you know, if one isn't using contraception, the result of sexual activity is the birth of a child. So from a medical standpoint. Right.

Yep. Yeah. Yep. So from a medical standpoint, it kind of makes sense that way. And now, but you, and you also do, I mean, because you do have a substack, you do write about this. this. You do have this whole other life.

It's not just an interest. It is a passion that you live out. And, you know, it's not so much a stretch because in your personal life, you do have a background in non-monogamy, polyamory, correct? Like, can we get some of your. personal backstory just to let people know that first? Yeah, absolutely. And I think that this intersection is really important because as I've been writing on subsection and speaking about human sexuality and relationships, having a medical context, especially from a holistic standpoint,

is really what resonates with people. And the fact that, you know, I am like openly queer and openly poly, you know, I, and I talk about kink from the standpoint of, like the psychology of kink and how you know it can be used to deepen connection between couples and you know when so much of the mainstream media will depict kink as you know abusive relationships or you know cartoonish sort of clown-like behavior like i talk about kink in a way that really validates its potential for connection between people and so my kind of personal backstory is I had sort of followed the life scripts of what you're like supposed to do. Like if you want to be a good girl, you need to like do, you know, you need to be in a monogamous

relationship and you need to submit to the man in your life. Like I was raised religious and, you know, you need to have children and you need to, you know, do all of these things that society tells us that we need to do. But I got to a certain point in my life where I was like, I looked at the man that I was with at the time and I was like, I do not want to have children with this person. You know, and I, it was after that relationship ended, that was my last monogamous relationship during medical school. I was like, you know what? I like, why?

Like, this is not what I want. And, you know. But you did say you were queer before. Like, at that point, did you not know yet? No. So, again, because I was raised in the South and very religious. Yeah. You know, I, like, I can remember my best friend in high school and, like, walking in her bedroom and just

being intoxicated by the sense of her perfume, but like I, that sort of like internalized homophobia of the environment that I was in, I was like, no, like that is off limits. Right. And so like many women, it wasn't until like later in adulthood that I was like, you know, I think I like girls and I think that's okay, you know, and there. Yeah. And data shows that there are a lot of women who come into their bisexuality. and lesbianism later in life.

And I fall into that category. Yeah, now you have all these younger people who are never going to have to go through this because they're all sort of out and proud. They like whoever, right? It's a very big shift. I think women are realizing that because they, you know, grew up in a time like you, whether it was religion or just society in general. It wasn't like that was taboo.

It was a hard path to go down, you know, because of the stigma. So people were very likely to repress it. Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, to get back to your original question, like, I kind of had to go through a process of self-exoneration and being like, you know, I don't want to be in a traditional heterosexual monogamous relationship where I'm submissive to a man in, you know, raising children in society that really doesn't have a lot of great structural support systems for parents. Right. Like, I want to have relationships that make me a better version of who I am with. people without restricting myself to this sort of like relationship escalator. Right.

And as long as I am transparent with the people in my life that, you know, about what my expectations are, and I'm also sober. So like I have a zero tolerance policy for like substance use and alcoholism and stuff like that. Like as long as I'm being honest and transparent with the people in my life and everybody here is a grown ass adult. like it's okay to have relationships that don't fit the mold. Hey, want to give yourself like the best orgasm ever?

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Use my code strictly for 20% off your entire order. Honest and transparent with the people in my life. And everybody here is a grown-ass adult. Like, it's okay to have relationships. relationships that don't fit the mold. Right. And it's important to say that you are now out and proud with everything that you're into, correct?

It's not just that you're out and proud that you're queer. You're also out and proud that you're Polly, right? And all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I write about this stuff on Substack as well. And I've found that, you know, other physicians are kind of like coming out of the woodworks of the internet to be like, you know, I'm recently divorced and I don't think I want to do

that path again or you know i think i may be by but i'm married to a straight guy you know and so i'm starting to get questions from other professional women who are like thank you for being honest and thank you for putting yourself out there in this vulnerable way because it kind of gives me permission to start to start to question some of these confining social constructs and really sort of like develop a deep a deeper self-aware awareness, which allows for deeper connection with romantic and sexual partners. Yeah. And what a great poster child you are because I think sometimes, you know, in the vanilla world or people on the outside looking and they sort of have a picture or an idea of, you know, what the person that's into kink or that's Polly or that's non-monogamous like looks

and acts like and is, right? And it's always, that's not the case. I just interviewed Molly wrote in winter, she's like a New York Times bestseller. It's so amazing that her book got on the New York Times bestsellers because it was about her and her husband being Polly and non-monogamous. And so for a book like that to come out and break out into mainstream right now is like amazing and so important. And she even said it was like very important for her to put her name on it to be who she was and put it out there. And it's like people like her and you, right, these really uber successful professional people that don't fit the mold. of what people think. It's so great that you're out and proud because I think that helps other people so much. Yeah. And I listened to Molly's book on audiobook, and it was a very vulnerable account.

Like, she really put herself out there in a way that took a tremendous amount of courage, and she got so much blowback. Like, that's the risk of, you know, coming out in the age of social media is that anyone with an opinion and a keyboard can, like, drag us. on the internet. And so I, to some degree, I'm putting myself a significant risk by saying, like,

you know, this is who I am and this is why. And, you know, and it's okay. And I think Molly, like, I applaud her for the courage that it took to write that book. And it's been pretty amazing to kind of watch the cultural zeitgeist. Right. Yeah. How does that book hit the New York Times bestseller? Like, that's major. You know? Yeah. Absolutely. for everyone. And I do think it's, you applaud her. I applaud someone like you too who's in this, you know, powerful position. You're a doctor. Like I said, it's not what people think. Yeah. And I think it's great to show people. And I'm always trying to say that like on my show. It's this, you know, these are regular people that are doing these things. They're your lawyer. They're your uncle. It might be your mother. I mean, Molly's mother was also in an open relationship she found out. Remember that in the book? It's like, who knows? You know, it's like. So it's. Yeah. So interesting. But back to your story. So like you said you were with that guy, you decided to, you know, throw that out and sort of live and be more honest about who you were. Is that when you

came out at that time? Not really. So that was in medical school. And the thing about medical training is that it's kind of all-consuming. Yeah, yeah. You don't have the time to have relationships. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And so like during residency and fellowship, like my sole focus was patient care and learning medicine and, you know, trying to sleep or get an actual meal whenever time allowed for that because the training is very intense. And so it really wasn't until, and I, like, finished training in 2018 and then COVID started in 2019. So it was like at that point, oh, wow. Okay. And so, you know, my, much of my 30s were wrapped up in medical training and sort of like slogging through the trenches of a pandemic, but, you know, I had a major injury in 2021.

I had a pathological femur fracture that left me disabled for most of that year and I had to learn to walk again. And there's something about like that kind of major medical. Slowing down. Slowing down. Yeah. It puts you in the present and you have no place else to go. Yeah.

Absolutely. And it really like kind of is like what's really important to me? Like how do I want to live my life? Like why am I living? life according to, you know, a set of expectations that I've inflicted on myself to meet the approval of other people. And so in learning again to like walk again and recovering from disability, I decided to start my own medical practice. And so my practice here in Vegas, I only do house calls. I don't take insurance. Like I don't go into a clinic. I meet families in their homes. And

many of my families came to me when mom was still pregnant. And so I got to be a part of that. like last trimester of pregnancy and checking in to make sure she's okay. You know, I'm one of the first people to know when people deliver their babies, which again is the crossover into sexual health. Yeah, for sure. We in the medical community, I feel strongly that we don't prepare people for how dramatically

the birth of a child affects a romantic relationship. Right. You know, not just in terms of it's going to be a minimum of six weeks, just from a wound healing standpoint, point, but, you know, your hormones tank after the delivery of a baby, your estrogen and progesterone levels fall, prolactin levels elevate, especially in women who are breastfeeding. And so it can affect libido. It can affect vaginal lubrication. It can affect just, you know,

like your weight change and your body change and, you know, just that the way that you self-identify as a mother can affect your sexual relationship with your partner, right? And so, again, And like these are all things that are delicate things to talk to folks about. And some OBJWANs will do it, but many of them are so time limited because they've got, you know, 25 patients to see in a couple of babies to deliver in the hospital. So they're not really paying much more than lip service. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, now did you though, like the whole Polly thing, like how did that come into play? Because to me, Polly is very difficult, you know. I've talked to a lot of people who have open relationships like swingers, people who, you know, hot wives, cocks and everything. Polly to me is a whole different thing, you know, and I feel like I've talked to a lot of people who haven't been able to do it successfully or think that they're doing it, but it's not Polly at all. And then I talk to the select few who do do it successfully. You know, and I'm always like, oh, they're like so evolved. Because I think it's like really difficult, you know, to do. I mean, did you always know that you were Polly? Did that like evolve over time when you started to have? relationships with women? So I have done a lot of reading on this topic and I'm a nerd at baseline. I mean, you have to be a voracious reader to be successful in medicine. And so like I was actually introduced to the like quote unquote lifestyle through like swinging. And you were swinging. I well, I wouldn't really identify myself as a swinger. I was dating someone who was into the lifestyle who sort of introduced me to the concept and was like, you know, this is possible.

We can play with other people and it's okay. And I was like, hmm, but it became evident through the course of that relationship that really I was more of a sexual pawn in his fantasy fulfillment. Yeah. Than anything else. And I think that a lot of women fall prey to that because it's like when we allow ourselves to open up to the possibility of, you know, playing well with other people, whether it's with singles or couples, you know, it's many times it's driven by the fantasies of men. And so that's what happened to me. And then over the course of that happening in a couple of relationships where men were like, yes, you know, this is, this is amazing. We can do this together.

And it'll be great. And I was like, but really, this is for you. And so I, like, at this point, I identify it as solo polyamorous. And to me, it's like I don't throw shade on the swing or community. I have many friends who are swinging, including some physicians swinger friends of mine. And, you know, and that is, it's totally fine, not that I need to give them permission, but the thing that bothers me about the swinger community is that they have this, like, I don't want to develop feelings. Like, I don't want to catch feelings for the people that we're playing with. And you're not allowed to have feelings for the person that you're playing with or whatever. And for me, that just kind of feels like you're basically treating someone like a human

vibrator with a pulse. And I've had other people treat me like that as a solo poly woman. And I don't like being, I don't like feeling that way. I don't like feeling like someone's play thing. And I enjoy the relationships. I enjoyed the conversation, the intellectual stimulation. Again, kink, which takes you to a whole other different level from a psychological standpoint in terms of like power exchange and the development of trust and, you know, just exploring. one another's boundaries in a safe container together. Like all of that stuff lends itself to deeper relationships, which for me kind of falls more into the category of polyamory.

And, you know, many people I feel like, and you talk to a lot more people about this than I do, but I feel like there is a sort of evolution over time. And I've known many swingers who kind of start off with these very strict rules and limitations on how they're allowed in air quotes to engage with other people. But then when they find people that they're like, you know, we like hanging out with you guys and we like doing barbecues and vacations and, you know, we like doing all of this stuff together. Like we are starting to develop feelings for these people that we're playing with. And maybe that's okay.

So just like hormone fluctuations and changes in our medical physiology changed throughout the course of the lifespan, for me, I think it's important to keep in mind that like, your libido is going to wax and wane and how you feel about monogamy or swinging or polyamory may change over the course of a relationship or a lifetime. And that curiosity, I think, is just, it's one of the most special parts of being human, right? But when you say you're a solo, Polly, could you just explain what that means? Right. So my. I don't have any desire to intertint. Like, I don't have any desire to get married.

For my standpoint, that's like it's a legal contract that's easy to get into and very expensive to get out. Exactly. You know, and I don't, I don't have children. I don't want children. And I don't have any desire to intertwine my finances with a romantic partner because, you know, at least from my experience, romantic relationships tend to be, you know, more volatile or, you know, you know, changing over the course of my life. Like, I don't want my financial security to depend on a romantic partner. Right. So in any relationship that I enter into, it's like this is the framework. Like if you're looking for the series of steps where, you know, we date for a while and you delete all

the apps off of your phone and you don't talk to anybody else and we move in together and, you know, I get to monopolize your erotic imagination and your sexual life and, you know, you, you, You belong to me and I belong to you and nobody else and that's it. Like, that's not going to happen with me. And I actually enjoy the freedom that my partners allow me to have. And that's not to say that I'm disrespectful of their role in my life. I'm very respectful of the role in my life. And frankly, like, two partners is kind of like a maximum for me.

I'm not like constantly like scrolling on the apps looking for the next best thing. Yeah. You know. And so, but you're right that there's a ninja level communication skill that's required in these types of relationships because it also requires a lot of self-awareness. Yeah. And like understanding, we talk a lot in the poly community about like what are your boundaries, right? And understanding that those boundaries may change over time and may change. change from partner to partner.

And, you know, it's like a constant negotiation. And like there are feelings of it, you know. And like there feels like a little needle going into your heart when like a partner has a date with another person. And it's just sort of like, oh, I like I need some reassurance. And I've had a partner come to me and be like, I, you know, I know you had a great time. And I know we talked about this in advance.

But I'm just really like I'm needing some reassurance. And I'm able to provide that. sometimes I need that myself. Like, ouch. Of course. Like, help me feel a little bit better about this. And so there's, there is a safety and a security that comes with monogamy. And I, I try to be very cautious that I don't think that polyamory or open relationships are a more evolved or enlightened way of conducting relationships.

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Visit avocado mattress.com. That's avocado mattress.com. I try to be very cautious that I don't think that polyamory or open relationships are a more evolved or enlightened way of conducting relationships. Monogamy is completely valid. Totally. I agree. And if that's what someone wants, then that's what they should go out and negotiate and get.

Just like for some people who are kinky, it's like it's a part of my identity. Like I don't want to have missionary position sex in the dark for three minutes. Yeah. Like that's not how I like to play. And to lead someone to believe that they're going to get something out of me that they're not is disingenuous. And it's bad for the relationship. So, you know, this is where on a sub-sac and sort of in my talking about this stuff, it's like, whatever you're into, whether you're asexual or whether you're a swinger or whether, you know, you're kinky and whatever. Like, just be honest about that.

like know that about yourself and own it and communicate it clearly to the people in your life because everyone's going to be so much better off and more fulfilled with that honesty. Yeah, know thyself. I always say is my favorite quote and it just sounds so simple, but it's so hard and so many people don't really know themselves. And it's because of like a lot of the things that you talked about in the beginning in your own life. Like you kind of read the book and you were following it, right?

Trying to fit into the, you know, two boxes that. were available when you, you know, you're either straight or gay or, you know, married or single waiting to be married, you know. And but there's tons of boxes out there. When you say kink though, I just want to like, I think because some people get confused. Like when you're saying kink a lot in this conversation, kink to you is BDSM, correct? Is that like, that it's interchangeable that term, right? So in, in my mind it is. And some people, there's, there's this community, like, within the community who's like there is one way, there's one right way. And I don't espouse that there is one right way. The thing that I've found with sort of writing and speaking in the sexuality

education space is that shadow banning is real. Right. And you will be censored. You will be silent if you use certain terms. So like am I writing on substack? And I know that Zachary Zane is writing, you know, voice blood on substack and telling all these useless stories and, you know, more power to him for doing that. I tend to use the word intimacy. I tend to use the word kink. Smart. Because I think that, you know, when you say the word BDSM, it sort of conjures this like whips and chains and dark dungeon, you know, almost like abusive kind of 50 shades of gray, an abusive relationship masquerading as impact play. And so for me, it's only kinky if you're not into it. right like the the definition of kink can be very broad and i think just talking about it in a way that

makes people curious right like i i was listening to an interview with melany rose who did how to build a sex room on netflix which is also kind of like a cultural phenomenon like touching on a lot of curiosities that many people have right and so you know when i say like i'm going to build a dungeon in my downstairs basement, that is going to conjure a different image in your head than I'm going to put together a sex room in my downstairs basement. Totally. I'm then going to like put my toys in a box so that the cleaning ladies don't find them. Like those are two very different images, right?

And like for for people in, you know, in my world and, you know, the medical world or whatever, who would be like, oh my God, she has a dungeon in her basement. Like she is, you know, this terrible, awful person and needs to be, you know, invest. But if I have a room full of toys that I indulge and have creative play with my lover, whose mind, body and soul mean the absolute world to me, like that conjures a whole other different image. Right. And that's kind of the line that I try to tow. And when did you realize, though, that you were into King?

I mean, was it around that time were you with the partner that introduced you to the lifestyle? Like, was it after? I was kinky right out of the game. I remember, like, it's 17 with, like, my second ever sexual partner, like, having him, like, finger paint on my back. Right, right. And again, like, the kink can mean a lot of different things. It's basically, like, from a textbook standpoint, it's sex that is not for the purpose of procreation is kink, right? And so, I don't know.

I'm a creative. I'm an artist at heart. I went to art school before I went to medical school. I love, you know, I live in Vegas. You know, I go to Cirque du Soleil. I love concerts and music and art. And, you know, I love to watch people dancing with fire and, like, doing flips on stage and stuff like that. It's like, you know, I play creatively the same way that I enjoy, like, art and music and visual stimulation in the vanilla world. I, I, enjoy art and music and visual and sensory stimulation in my like erotic world. Yeah, that makes sense, I feel like, you know, for sure. I mean, you bring that creativity or your brain is right there with you when you're, you know, being intimate. So it would make sense that if you're wired that way, that would be the way you're wired in bed, right? Yeah.

And for some people who, and I talk to vanilla people who are like, nope, I am vanilla through and through. And that's, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That's what you're into. But I think the problem lies in when a kinky person leads a vanilla person to believe that they can live their entire life without kink, there's the potential for that to not go well. And then the kinky person is like looking at, like looking at things on FetLife or making like arrangements with play with other people, yeah, behind the back of their vanilla partner. And then that's where things become explosive. And so I think that just like one of my physician friends posted on social media last week,

like, oh, I think, you know, my relationship goal is to be having sex three times a week. I'm like, that's fine if that's your expectation. Right. Like for me, I don't enjoy maintenance sex, right? Like when I play, I want like two to five hours of, you know, intense, like, earth shattering, you know, forget what day it is. Like I'm walking out of the room, vibrating, and so are they. And I'm satisfied for a couple weeks, right? And it's just a different thing.

But, you know, again, understanding that if your expectation is three times a week, forever and ever until the end of time, like, what happens? after the birth of your child? What happens if one of you is diagnosed with cancer? You know, like prostate cancer is one of the most common cancers in men, especially over 65. And it's not like your libido just evaporates when you're 65, right? When you qualify for Medicaid, you don't just like stop wanting to have sex. But like there are medical things in life circumstances and relocations and, you know, children and like mental health issues. Like all of these things can affect libido over time. And that's where you kind of have to step in and, you know, look at your partner and be like, look, I don't know when I'm going to want to have sex with you again.

Like I just brought a human into the world through my vagina and you're going to need to like sit down and wait for me to tell you that I'm ready. Yeah. And so. No, it's very true. And I think sometimes people are very, you know, they're very idealistic thinking that these kinds of things are going to be. forever. It's no different than the person that works out. I've been a working out person at the gym all the time. And I, like, I see people that like start to work out. And they're like, you got to go every single day. I'm like, you know, life's going to happen. I've been working out for 30 years. Like you're not going to be able to work out for six weeks and you're going to like have to deal with it. Like I mean, that's just sometimes people don't understand that these things will come up and you have to learn to adapt and you're not going to be able to be so rigid. And you have to prepare for like, like you said, the differences between the people that, you know, I have. I, I, I are successful through those times, especially when it comes to intimacy in their relationship. Like, you know, they could work through those times because they know they will come.

It comes in every marriage, right? And therein lies the problem if you're not communicating or over communicating. I know as a mom, I used a surrogate, so it was a lot easier for me in the beginning with a child because I didn't have the hormone crash. All that stuff happened to me, right? Which I was like very grateful for because I can't even imagine, right, having that baby. but I did lose 100% of my libido for a while, you know, and I remember women saying, like, you're just nesting. It's the nesting face. And it's a real thing that happens.

And I just, and I'm a single mom. I had a child on my own. And I just remember all the time, like, going to bed at night after taking care of my baby, I was a stay-at-home mom for the first three years. That's what I wanted to do. And just being like, I'm so glad I don't have to blow somebody right now. Like, I would fucking die. I would, like, I was like.

Like, you know, all my girlfriends would be like, oh my God, you're a single mom. Like, it's so hard. I'm like, I don't think so. I think it's actually easier. I felt so bad for my girlfriends who have to also tend to their husbands who have no idea what they're going through. Their libido is exactly the same, you know. And the girl is like now a mom and you lose yourself. There's so much that goes into it.

And it really, it could be a real big problem. I mean, you see it all the time. It's a big problem in a couple's life. And this is the kind of stuff, though, that you do discuss, right? Like this is the stuff that you're interested in, right? Oh, yeah, absolutely. And this is stuff that comes up in my clinical practice on a regular basis. And, you know, first of all, I applaud you for having, like, the courage and the wherewithal to be a single mom by choice.

And I have families in my practice who have done that and are very happy with the choice to do that because they want to be a parent. And, you know, it's like, if you're just looking through the world to be like, I just want someone to bear children with you, you know, you'll work. And then, you know, you get a year or two years into parenting and you're like, oh, God, like, what have I done? Yeah. And I've also, like, I sort of usher in many families through the process of deconstructing their romantic relationship that doesn't work out in the first, you know, four years of parenting. Yeah. Because they weren't adequately prepared for the magnitude of, like, what happened? how their relationship was going to change as a result of parenting.

And so like half of relationships fall apart. And many of those fall apart during the transition into parenting. And so I have clinically worked with many families where I was like, you know, listen, your relationship is not over. It is changing. You are going from a romantic and sexual relationship into platonic co-parenting. And hopefully that co-parenting situation will be amicable because you're going to be doing this for the remainder of your child's life. Right. It's not just about like who wants to

vaccinate and who doesn't or you know, who wants to go to private school and who doesn't or how like, are we going to raise a child in religion? Like you guys are going to be showing up at graduations together. You're going to hopefully be able to go to this kid. If they decide to get married, you're hopefully going to go to their wedding together. Like you're constantly going to be negotiating your relationship through this child's life. life because once you have a child as a couple, what's important to you become secondary to what's in the best interest of this child. Oh, yeah. And so there's, I do a lot of work in that space. And I, I have had to also enforce my own boundaries, which goes back to the communication piece, right? Like,

I'm not a referee. Yeah. I'm not here to take sides in this. Like, my interest is what's in the best interest of this child. Yeah. And helping you guys to negotiate your relationship together, understanding that you're still on the same team. Parenting is a verb, right? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it goes back to when we were talking about my med school boyfriend and I just like there, I remember very vividly this moment like standing in our kitchen doing the laundry or doing the dishes. Yeah. And he was like drinking beer and playing video games in the living room. And I was like, I do not want to have children with this person. You know, and, and I feel like there are, at least I've heard many stories of, you know,

women who are like, I feel like I'm doing the overwhelming majority of the domestic and household labor here. And I don't feel like I have an equal partner. Yeah. And I'm expected to put out sexually. And, you know, and I feel like a lot of relationships and marriages and for that reason. And I want to be fair here in that I take care of a lot of kids in my practice where, you know, the relationship has fallen apart. And dads are really stepping up like they want, like half of the responsibility.

And they, you know, they want custodial time and they want decision making. And they're stepping up and they're, you know, reaching out to me and making sure that their kids are getting their medication. So I want to like put the hashtag not all men on this. Of course. But, you know, the reality. is that parenting changes, romantic relationships, and it can be either for better or for worse, which is where, you know, and in the queer community, there are plenty of people who are coming up with like chosen family structures and in the poly community too, right?

Like, where you're incorporating what the goals are of parenting and, you know, who are going to be the adults in this child's life that are stepping up and helping with child care or if a child, you know, develops cancer or becomes disabled or has special needs out of the NICU. Like there's a book, I don't know if you're familiar with it. The Other Significant Others by Raina Cohen. Yeah, no, I never heard of. She does a beautiful job of talking about chosen families and the importance of platonic friendships.

And she talks about these two platonic female friends that take responsibility for raising this child with special needs. Yeah. And, you know, sort of like the legal documentation that has, to be in place, you know, for signatures and financial reasons and all this sort of like, you know, business stuff that is tedious but important in the raising of a child. And so all of this like business stuff generally isn't talked about when you enter into a romantic relationship. And you're like, oh, I want to get married and have children. Like, well, what is that actually going to look like?

Exactly. Yeah. No. And you won't real. And most people don't realize it's after, you know. I know you do talk a lot about like sexual health and testing and safety. And I think that that's such an important topic to talk about, especially for non-monogamous people, but also vanilla people. Okay. Like everybody always gets off like on my show, what I would always get comments is like, oh, do these people use condoms? Do these, you know, and all this stuff. It's like people in the vanilla world don't use condoms. Condoms not being used as a problem across the board.

And if anything, I feel like probably in the lifestyle people, it's more intentional. know exactly what's going to happen. So they're probably like, you know, using condoms more than in the vanilla world. But a lot of people don't and a lot of people have no idea about safe sex. And that is something that you also talk about. Correct? Yeah, definitely. I actually, on my substack, I have a sex ed reboot talk that I put together. Oh, I love that. We'll give links to your stuff, right? We're going to give links because I think like, you know, this is a really important topic and they can, they know that they could go get more information there and we'll have links for everyone. I just want to say that anyway, go on.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and Substock, I feel like is a great platform because I write essays and, you know, articles, but I link out to other resources for folks who are interested in further reading. But one of the things that I'm doing on Substack is putting together these medical education videos that talk about like STIs, right? And like, these are the ones that we test for. These are the symptoms.

This is the treatment. This is how you prevent it. I am a huge proponent of HPV vaccination. because the rates of human papilloma virus and like head and neck cancers, like I don't think a lot of the public realizes that you can get head, neck, throat, tongue cancer from human papillomavirus from putting your tongue on someone else's genitals. Like it's that HPV rates have fallen and also genital warts, which, you know, like, who wants genital warts?

Like, just go get, if you're under, and I also don't agree with the fact that the cutoff should be 45, but like when I was 43, I was like, I'm going to pay cash. I'm getting my HPB vaccinations. I have no interest in head and neck cancer, cervical cancer, genital works, no. Right. So that's a big one. And just routine STI testing. And I know that a lot of people either don't have insurance or aren't comfortable talking to doctors and healthcare providers about their sexual experiences. But there are, you know, like talent testing and cleared and Hello Whisp that will do confidential online STI testing and treatment without you're having you go into a doctor's office. And I think those resources that are now available online have a lot of potential to make

an impact from the standpoint of public health. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I do talk about all of that stuff, including, you know, like you can get HPV, even if you are wearing condoms. You can get HSV even if you are wearing condoms, like barrier protection. doesn't protect you from everything. And that's why it's so important to own your own sexual health and to hold your partners accountable for routine screening and treatment and prevention, right? Because we have now things like doxypep and prep to prevent things like gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV. And we do a terrible job in this country of educating people on sexual health. And I think there's only like 17 states where medically accurate sexual health information like education is required in the schools.

Crazy. And yeah, which is why I was like, you know, I need to be on a platform where I can do some public health education around sexual health, around like women's anatomy and childbirth. And like, did you know that the clit is not this actual like little pea-shaped thing? It like goes back into the wings around the vestibus. This is how you stimulate the pleasure center. And I'm going to do another video. that talks about like the penis and the mechanism of action of like celadis or sildenafil,

the what's it called Viagra. Yeah. And I'm going to talk about like the pleasure stimulation of the prostate and like a blood flow and the nerve sensation and how like prostate stimulation can increase pleasure for men, but you also have to be mindful of the potential of prostate cancer as men age. So putting all of this like sexual health education out onto a platform like Substack where people can engage in thoughtful discourse, they can direct message me, they can suggest like topics for me to cover. It just really has been a great resource for me and for my audience. Yeah, I love that.

So you have all of the information there. Is that what you're saying? And people could go there and go into because I'm not really that familiar with Substack. Yeah, substack is a platform. I refer to it as like only fans for people who took AP lit. Oh, that's so interesting. Okay. Yeah. It's like another platform. It's like it's like it is a platform where people have their own sort of site, right? Like you have your own substack. Yes. And so I it was originally built as I understand it for like independent journalists and authors and creative writers. But there are there are a lot of other doctors writing on there. There are. There are. are, again, like, independent journalists, like people who cover culture and beauty and cooking and travel. It's like basically like designing your own magazine. Yeah.

But as Substack has continued to grow because I think they're like 17 million writers and like 40 million users on this platform. Wow. And Substack has started to like be able to host video content and like I'm planning to launch a podcast because obviously I like to talk. But, you know, this is a way that people can go in and access information that I've written. And I try to be very mindful of providing legitimate sources of information and further reading. And I talk about things like mental health. I talk about, you know, parenting and communication and, you know, navigating the health care system and medicine and all this stuff. But people can go to my substack.

It's Dr. Amberhall.substack.com. And I'll put the link. Yeah. And you do also, though, talk about like, like for the lifestyle people that are listening or non-monogop, non-monogamy, non-monogamy, that kind of stuff as well, correct? Yes. Yeah. And I have articles on there about kink. I wrote an article recently called smoke and mirrors and how to sort of like pick out terminology in the dating world that can be red flags for people who are sort of like saying I'm solo polyamorous, but. really they're just like fucking around and don't want to commit to other people. And, you know, so there's just like in the vanilla world, there's misrepresentation. There's also misrepresentation. And, you know, folks who are looking around for kink partners or poly partners and things like that. And so I write about how to communicate that in a way that's respectful of the people that we want to play with.

Right. So I think that's important. So for substack, what people follow the link, they could go in there and then they they're they they they they once they join it's kind of like oh you join like you would join someone's only fans and then they have access to all that stuff is that how it works so you can create an account on substack that doesn't commit you to like paying any money or anything it's basically like you just have an account just like you would with like facebook or instagram in order to see what other people are posting on the platform but there's an option to follow and like I'll post notes so there's like a feed just like with instagram but it tends to be be longer form content. So I'll like a couple of my notes that have gone viral recently have been

about, you know, just what it's like to practice medicine and the healthcare system that's completely profit driven. And that's really struck a chord with people because everybody has an experience as an American in terms of like accessing healthcare and how much it costs and, you know, the barriers to care. But once you're, once you have a little account on substack, you can follow people, you can subscribe. I have, you know, like over 600 now free. Free. subscribers, but some people are paid subscribers and some of my content is paid. You know, my video content, the STI talk is free because I think it's important for public health, but like the videos that I'm doing about male and female anatomy and that I'm going to be doing about like talking to your kids

about sex and technology and, you know, extortion online and things like that, like that type of stuff I'm putting behind a pay well because it requires my medical education. My medical education was it free. Right. Of course. substack as a platform, you can just sort of get on there and figure out who you want to follow. And it's basically supporting independent journalism and independent voices in medicine and politics, which I think is really cool. Yeah, no, I love that. I mean, I have a sponsor, Shameless Care, and they are all about, they do all that

STI testing. It's online. They sell doxyPAP. And what was so interesting when I spoke with the guy who started it, he's in the lifestyle. So he created this, you know, shame. That's why it's shameless care, right? You could go there. They don't care what the fuck you do.

They're going to help you. They got the doxy PEPPEP. They got the testing. And what was really interesting that he brought up was that, you know, a lot of people don't know. And I think you kind of touch upon is that you, you could get it like, say, like you said, like just putting, like blowing somebody, right? You could get an STI.

And like a lot of times people are not testing you in your throat, correct? Like there's not that kind of testing that's going down in a regular place, a regular clinic a lot of times. I don't think I've ever been tested when I've gone in for an SDI test in my throat. But they do that now, like, through shameless care. But like, that's like a thing that I think a lot of people don't know. And that's the kind of stuff that you talk about as well as like doxypep, right? And how, how, what that does for you and how great it is. Yeah. And this stuff to me is so important. The article that I'm going to be publishing this week actually is called the courtesans of Nye County where I talk about the legal frameworks for prostitution in Nevada.

And I also talk about human trafficking because Las Vegas is one of the top, like, I hate to use the word destinations, but this is where a lot of victims of human trafficking are sent and exploited. And so I wrote a whole article on these legal frameworks and, you know, of the world's oldest profession in my state. And as a result of some of the work that I've been doing in the sexual health space, I've met a number of like courtisans and content creators. and, you know, independent sex workers. And this is an incredibly marginalized group of people, but they tend to be very well aware of their sexual health and very protective of their sexual health. But, you know, like with the big porn studios and what have you,

there's an organization called Pass. It's a nonprofit organization that monitors for outbreaks of STIs among adult industry performers. And the level of testing that, is required for those like film sets. It goes far beyond what I've ever seen in any doctor's office. And like you said, most doctors aren't swapping throats,

especially for straight women, which they should be. Of course. If you've got a very, like sexually aware, especially like docs who take care of gay men, like they don't make assumptions about how their gay male patients are having sex. It's like you get swapped in your throat,

you get swapped in your butt, you get, you know, either your urethro swab a urine, or and blood, right? It's like you get the whole gamut, but like a lot of cis women have never experienced what it's like to get like a really, a full panel of STI screening. And so, and I talk about that both in my lecture on subsect and in my writing because I

think it's important. And I think it's great that you have a sponsor who does this. And I would love that type of sponsorship going forward to work with these organizations. Oh, I can put you in touch with Robert. You should talk to him. Yeah, absolutely. It's really important from a public health standpoint. And again, like I like promoting safe, healthy, fun, consensual, soul nourishing sex. Right? Like, that's how I want other people to be able to play. And part of that is taking responsibility for our physical health. Yeah. I'll reach out to him and tell him, you know, that I'm doing it. But why don't you give a shout out, Amber? I feel like I could have talked to you for like another hour, right? You're just so full of so much. different, you know, information. So much information. Give a shout out to all of your stuff and how

people could find you, but what I'm going to do, which will be the easiest as well as to put the link to your substack in the description. But just give a quick shout out to anything you want to right now. Yeah, definitely. So I'm all over substack. My substack is Dr. Amber Hull.com. It's D-R-A-M-B-E-R-H-U-L. My substack is under the white coat. So if you Google under the white coat, you don't have to remember how to spell my name. I am on Instagram, although I don't really use Instagram that much, but I'm Dr. Amber Hall on Instagram. But substack is really like, that's where you'll get me raw, unfiltered access.

I'm very good about responding to comments. I'm good about responding to DMs, at least right now while I'm kind of like small. I love that. So there's interaction too. That's great. That's great to know. So people could go there and not only pick up that. First of all, I think it's great that you have that STI information for free for people to go,

but they could also go in there and start talking to it. Well, I didn't realize there's like that interaction that goes down there. That's amazing. That's great. Yeah, totally. It's not as robust or, I guess, populated as Discord and, like, Telegram and some of those other platforms. But I've had some really interesting conversations with readers. And it tends to be more like thoughtful and respectful discourse, which, you know, I'm not on Twitter, but people, like I've had pharmacists and vets and academics and other doctors respond to my posts on Substack.

And it really turns into a rich conversation about everything from sexual health to, you know, navigating the health care system. Yeah, well, those are your people, right? I mean, you said you're like a nerd that goes reading everything, you know, at anyone that's, you know, anyone that's, going to your substack is sort of wired the same way. So of course, they're going to be right on the same page. I love that. Well, I have a big audience and I'm sure people are going to go check you out. I am going to put a link in the description. Thanks so much for calling in and sharing everything. And thanks so much for being like out and proud about who you are because like I said, I do believe that that only helps. There is a shift going on. And that's like great. And it's because of people like you

and Molly and everybody else. So I give you credit for having the balls like you said for her. I give you credit for also having the balls to do it yourself. Yeah. Thank you so much for the invitation, Kathy. It's been a rich discussion and I really enjoy talking to you. So thank you again for the invitation. Thanks, Amber. Thanks so much for calling in and I'll put your link in the description and all that good stuff.

Great. Thank you. Thanks. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th,

but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay?

There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.

It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. that's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com and I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Good news. Strictly Anonymous podcast is looking for people to call into the show. So if you lead an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, that's cool too. send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. Or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on, be on the show. If you have a short confession that you want to get off your back, call my confessions hotline. 347, 4203579. That's 347, 4203579. You could call that number 247.

I change all the voices on the confessions too. So you remain anonymous. The number, the website, and the email address will all be in the description. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on either Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. And if you want to sign up for my Patreon, you're not only supporting my show, but you're going to get all of these episodes early and ad free. You're going to get anonymous picks of all of my guests.

Most of the girls send me in anonymous hot picks of them. and some of the guys are sending me in anonymous picks as well. You also get access to my private Discord where people are getting super naughty. If you sign up for my Discord, you could post whatever you want and talk to my other listeners. To sign up for my Patreon, just go to patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. That's patreon.com slash strictly anonymous podcast. The links and everything else I spoke about are all in the description. Thanks so much for listening.