Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1090 - Rob is Bisexual and is Now Married to a Trans Woman
Episode Date: April 16, 2025Rob is bisexual and is married to a trans woman and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including how and why he labels himself as bisexual. the stigma that surrounds be...ing bi and how and why it’s difficult being bi, when he realized he was bisexual and the porn he was into when he first started exploring and why and how that changed over time, how and why he started losing his attraction to women who first looking into his attraction to men, how embracing his bisexuality helped his attraction to women to come back, how he believes sexuality is fluid and can change over time, the first guy on guy experiences he had and what would typically go down, how and why he digs gloryholes, his dating life after he came out and how women would react when he was honest with them, how he met his wife and how she presented when they first met, how she felt when he told her he was bisexual, when she told him she wanted to transition and how he felt about it, how they were monogamous at first and how and when they decided to open up their relationship, what he does with his free pass and who he hooks up when he plays solo, who his wife chooses to play with when she plays solo, why they don’t typically play together, the gay group sex parties he attends and what he digs about them, the masturbation parties he enjoys and why he digs them as well plus a whole lot more. His website: www.RobertBrooksCohen.com and his linktree: https://linktr.ee/twobiguys **To see pics of ROB AND HIS WIFE plus see HOT, anonymous pics of all my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at strictlyanonymouspodcast@gmail.com or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://beducate.me/pd2508-anonymous Use code anonymous to get an additional 10% off the campaign’s current discount - that’s 60% off Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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going to get a free trial to check it out. Okay, today I have on Rob Cone.
I loved talking to Robert.
You're going to like hearing from him.
You're going to like him too.
Okay, he's a really great speaker.
He happens to be a comedian.
He's also a podcaster.
He has a podcast called Two Buy Guys.
He's a bisexual man.
How he came to figure out that he's by is super interesting.
He happens to also be married.
Who he's married to is super interesting.
He's married to a trans woman.
That whole story, how they met, how she
transitioned, how he felt about it.
Super interesting.
They have a very open relationship.
He talks about that.
The whole conversation is so interesting.
He happens to actually, like, besides being a comedian and having a podcast, he does like
helping people.
And he wrote a book called Bisexual Married Men where it's like a bunch of stories of
by married guys in their experiences.
And he does do coaching where he helps by guys who are married, who want to come out of
the closet and be like fully accepting of their sexuality.
and out and proud.
And he happens to help people like that, which I love because anyone that listens to my show a lot
knows that this is like my mission in life is to just like get that stupid stigma gone so that guys
don't have to be doing all this shit on the DL.
There are so many by guys out there that are living on the DL.
I've had them on my show so many times.
I love the fact that Robert's not on the DL.
He's very out and proud.
His story is super interesting, like I said.
So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Robert Cohen.
Hi, Rob, Rob Cohen. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you doing today, Rob?
Hi, I'm doing great. Thank you for having me on. It's a lovely day. You know, I have this like mission on my show to get like all guys into guy and guy action and you happen to be a really interesting guy. You have your own podcast. It's called Two Buy Guys, which I like. I like that name, Two Buy Guys. It's kind of rhymingy, right? And you are a by guy and you are also married to a woman.
So you're, and you're out and proud, which I love, and you're a comedian.
And people who know my show know I used to work in the comedy world.
So I know comedians.
I like them.
They're typically a little complicated and have many layers.
Oh, indeed.
Yes, we have to.
Yeah, but they're like real.
When I got into entertainment, I was like first working with actors and I'm like, oh, my God,
they're so boring.
And that's why I switched to comedians because they were like fascinating to me, you know?
So let's get your whole story, Rob.
I mean, you're currently married to women.
And you do, like if you had to label yourself, you would label yourself by, right?
Yeah, I use the word by.
I also use the word queer a lot.
Oh, okay.
I like that word.
You know, more, because I like the more broad version of it that connects sort of the whole queer community.
Because I think we all have much more in common than we have differences based on the different letter as LGBT.
So I am the B.
I'm definitely by.
but I like the word queer too.
And I identify as pansexual as well.
To me, it's a very similar definition.
Let me ask you this because you mentioned like the queer community and that whole umbrella.
Do you find, because I feel like the last stigma that exists, right?
I mean, right now trans people are getting hit heart, right?
But like for a while, I was always saying like, why don't the by guys get like the trans person's PR person, right?
because they were like so exalted, right?
And like the only stigma I see left still a little bit is the bi guy for some reason.
You know, I'm wondering inside the queer community, do you feel like everybody welcomes everyone?
No.
Easy answer.
I mean, I think it's definitely getting better.
It's getting a lot better recently.
But I think that bisexuality was often looked at.
sort of sideways by some gay and lesbian people.
And in many ways, I understand that.
And I think there's a lot of gay men especially who, before they embraced their gay identity,
maybe they stopped over at the by label and they thought that that could sort of be a nice
in between for them where they wouldn't, like, maybe have all the stigma of being gay.
Like, I don't exactly know.
But then they realized they realized they.
were gay. And I just think there's, not everyone, many gay and lesbian people are great allies,
but there are some people who, because Bai wasn't accurate for them or ended up being just a
transitory label for them, they assume that that's how it is for everyone and that they're still
locked in a binary view of sexuality. And so again, I think it's changing. And I would say the majority
of gay and lesbian people I meet are very open-minded to bisexuality, but there's definitely
a portion of the queer community that still has not embraced fluidity and looks at it as a
binary.
Yeah, so interesting.
And I think what you said makes a little bit of sense.
We're always kind of projecting whether we want to admit it or not, right?
Like if we were this way, then everybody else must be that way, right?
So it does make sense.
And I do know that the gay community did have a big beef with the bisexuals, right?
for sure. I do think it is all changing. I think the younger generation are much more open-minded
and pansexual and all these new terms I think are helping with that, you know? And I think because
so many more people are out and proud, people are understanding that like, yeah, you can be by
and that does exist. And I even have talked to two guys, okay, they're called the Maverickmen.
They're as gay as they come, right? These are two like super raunchy guys who are totally in love.
they have this like really amazing gay relationship.
But they started like,
they became porn stars kind of by accident.
The Maverick men,
they're very famous,
you know?
And the last time I talked to them,
and I had talked to them 10 years ago,
and they were just basically bringing guys in
and having threesomes and they fill them,
film it, you know?
And recently,
even them who you would have been like,
these are just totally gay men,
like never did they see a vagina.
They're like hooking up with couples.
They're kind of getting a little bit more.
fluid. They're a little bit more open, right? Like, who would have thought 10 years ago? Probably
not even them. Yeah, absolutely. Let me say two things. First, on the first point, I do think,
yes, there have been some beefs among gay and lesbian people about bi people that, like,
also, again, it is understandable. I think there's some sense that, like, from their point of view,
bi people have it easier because they can pass for straight. They could end up in a
straight appearing marriage. So bi people then don't have to deal with all the stigma of being
gay or lesbian and it's not as visible every day. And I get that point of view. It might seem easier.
But what I would say is those people aren't really aware of what is actually going on among the
bi community and how hard it actually is to live that way. And the ability to pass as straight is a
blessing and curse. But what I would say is those people aren't really aware of what is actually going on
among the bi community and how hard it actually is to live that way. And the ability to pass as
straight is a blessing and curse. Like, yes, it does keep you safe in certain situations and it shields
you from some stigma. But the psychic toll that it takes is not to be discounted. Like, it's huge
to not be able to live in alignment with like with yourself and for other people to see you.
Yeah, I mean, listen, I listen to Jeff Lewis was like one of my favorite people to listen to on Sirius and he's a gay man and they have like a buy.
Of course, like the people that work for him are younger so they're more open-minded, right?
And they have like this by intern that works with them and they're always trashing him and talking about like, I would never fucking date you, blah, blah, blah.
So I do think, you right, because it's very confusing because there's a lot of issues that by, sex.
people have. Look, these are gay men and they're always trashing and for being by and talking about
how difficult it is. They're not talking about their difficulties as gay men to go out and and pick up
people on Tinder or on a date. You know, you sit across from someone. How, let's get you your story.
I could talk on this subject so much. And by the way, by people get it from both sides. They get it
from the gay and they get it from straight people. And then also just real quick on the on the two
guys you mentioned doing porn, that's something I'm seeing a lot, a lot more is gay men who have
identified as gay since they were young, who are just now, as it's becoming more accepted
and invisible, they're exploring their own fluidity and they're exploring other genders and realizing
maybe gay feels right as a label, but actually I'm interested in more than just sex with men.
I'm interested in other kinds of sex. Yeah, 100%. It was so interesting because I literally
have two episodes with them, one taped 10 years ago where that was not even a part of the conversation.
And then 10 years later, how different it is.
And I love people that could grow and change with the times.
You know, why not, right?
Yeah, so let's get your story.
I mean, you're currently married, you're bi.
I mean, when did you realize you were bisexual?
I would say I didn't fully, like, consciously realize it until my late 20s.
Although, looking back, there were a lot of other moments that I could have realized it,
or I realized something about it.
But I just, until my like mid to late 20s,
I was still really locked into that binary way
of thinking about sexuality.
And I knew from a young age that I had attractions toward women.
So for the longest time, I just thought,
well, if I have those attractions, I'm straight.
And I just didn't even consider another option,
even though these moments came up
where I noticed attraction to men, I just kind of thought, well, that must not be important or
everyone must have that.
Or like, I know I'm dating women and I'm attracted to women.
And like, so these other thoughts are just not very important.
And I just kind of downplayed it and minimized it for the longest time until my late 20s
when I kind of started to feel like I couldn't.
Like all those moments started adding up and I couldn't ignore them anymore.
And I was starting to watch more gay porn and realizing, like, if I'm watching gay porn,
there must be something about this that, like, is with me still.
And I was particularly into gay for pay porn or like straight gay porn that featured straight men,
straight and quote.
That was you.
You were putting yourself in the scene.
Yeah.
So, right.
I was basically trying to construct a narrative that made.
sense for a straight man to be engaging in sexual activity with other men. And I was really into
that kind of porn. And so it was like gay for pay or like hazing porn, like college fraternity hazing.
And so the guys maintained a straight identity, but they were having gay sex. And that appealed to me.
And after a couple years of that appealing to me, I was like, maybe there's something to this.
Maybe I actually am this way and I'm not just like fantasizing online, but maybe I would enjoy this.
Let me ask you this.
When you started to change your mind about it, did you start to look at different kind of porn?
Yeah.
I mean, once I like fast forward a few years, once I'm fully embracing it, then I'm starting to watch like other kinds of things featuring gay identified men or by identified men.
I didn't have to maintain that, you know, straight facade.
Like, these are straight guys.
Although I do still think it's hot, but it was like exclusively that at first.
And now I've broadened into lots of other things.
I wonder if like there's people listening that are like light bulbs are going off and they're putting stuff together that maybe they didn't put together.
Because listen, you were watching that stuff not putting it together.
It was like one day it all came together for you, right?
Like it doesn't, it's not like the movies.
It just happens automatically, right?
it's over time you start to realize this. Yeah, it built up over time. Yeah, that's super interesting.
So, because late 20s is older. So now you're in your late 20s. Is that like, you know, when you
start to really realize? I mean, you did now, was it confusing to you because you do like women? Did
you ever question your sexuality as if like you were totally gay or did you, you know, how do you feel?
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, great. I mean, that's a great question because like a thousand percent,
I questioned that. That was the hardest part about it was because, you know, it was because, you know,
Because as I was realizing this, I was still not fully accepting of bisexuality as a concept.
Like this was still, you know, 10 years ago or more 15 years ago.
And I didn't really fully believe that bisexuality was real.
And so that was the thing that held me back from embracing this for so long was like, I was scared.
I was really gay.
and I was lying to myself about my relationships with women.
And actually in my late 20s,
when this stuff started becoming more conscious in my mind,
then I started having weird performance anxiety with women.
And I was watching gay porn,
and I was starting to feel like I was losing my attraction to women,
and then that would put so much pressure on me with women
because every time I was then with a woman,
And I was, it felt like I had to prove, like I had to prove that I was straight.
And then I was to yourself, to yourself.
And that's not a fun way to myself, to them.
Yes.
Which is not a great way to be enjoying sex.
Like I was in my head so much.
And then I, yeah, I thought then at that point, maybe I'm really gay.
And it was so scary.
And, you know, the short version of how that worked itself out is once I fully embraced
my attractions toward men and then came out and embraced bisexuality and really integrated the idea
that bisexuality is normal and real and you can be attracted to more than one gender. Eventually,
after a few years, I relaxed about all that and my attractions to women sort of resurfaced and became
relaxed in a way that I didn't have that performance anxiety. So once I was out to women,
as by and told them before we dated that I am by, that relieved so much of the anxiety.
And then I stopped having those issues in the bedroom with women.
Listen, looking at your story and listening to you talk, it all makes so much sense.
But, you know, you could have never put that all together unless you experienced it, right?
Exactly.
Oh, totally.
I mean, so many things happened from actually doing it that you can't.
process without feeling those things in your body. You could have never said what you just said without
having gone through that experience. You could have never gotten to that point where you have such
clarity over all that stuff without going through it. Exactly. I mean, you could read a thousand
articles about bisexuality, which I did, and you could like listen to a hundred podcasts and you could
know that it's real, but it's that's not the same as feeling the actual real. The actual real
attractions you have when your body is relaxed and not ashamed and just like when you let yourself
be, you feel things in your body that are different than just knowing it in your head.
Yeah, of course. Yeah. And then you could totally accept all of it and then fully be like you said,
attracted to women again. You know, that's like a really interesting thing that I think like I'm
always thinking about people that are listening, right? Like there might be a guy listening that has
maybe lost that attraction and maybe there's like oh maybe you can get it back like maybe you're
going through exactly what you went through i think everybody's journey is a little bit different you know
but it's super interesting to hear this part of things for you because i feel like it's going to
click for other people to hear it because you're explaining it really well yeah thank you well and what
you said also about like you know what if if there's someone listening who is exploring gay porn or
something and is scared of what that means or you know am i and they're really gay
The advice that I give is I believe that sexuality, like many, many things in life, is fluid and it's not fixed.
And it can be somewhere in the middle and it absolutely can change over time and shift.
And in fact, if it doesn't shift over time, I think that's really unusual.
I think it's very common to shift over time.
And so to just allow yourself to be where you are at the moment and not be afraid that you
lose something or not be able to have, you know, experiences that you used to have that you like.
Like all of, everything is possible. And when you resist these things, that's when it builds up
and becomes bigger, actually. And when you, when you surrender to it and accept it and just
like allow yourself to go wherever things go, it's just, it's better. And it's, I don't know.
you don't have to fear these worse things like it will all work itself out if you surrender to it and don't try to resist.
Yeah, well, what you resist persist.
That's like one of my favorite sayings that it's so fucking true.
And I think that like what you're saying is like don't worry about going like deep, doing a deep dive into gay porn and just like go, those are like go there.
Do it.
100%.
And then maybe when you're done at the end of that, you'll figure out something.
You know what I mean?
Like that, but that, but you had to go there.
Like you had to fully go in that direction to then realize that you were open to both directions, which is super interesting.
But I could see how some people would be afraid that, oh, if I only go over there and or like you felt at a certain time, like, I'm not even attracted to women anymore because I'm so deep into this.
But that wasn't the case.
That was just where you were at that time.
Right.
Exactly.
I thought if I suck a dick, I'm gay and I'll never be with a woman again.
Well, let's talk about sucking dick.
Like when was your first experience with a guy, like in this process?
Age 29.
And I remember thinking I don't, like I was becoming aware of all this.
And I remember thinking I don't want to turn 30 without exploring this.
Like I know now that this is a thing.
And I don't know if I'm gay or by or straight or what this will mean.
But I'm almost 30.
Let's try it.
So yeah.
So that was when I tried it.
And basically at the beginning, I was like going on apps like Grindr and saying that I was straight but curious and exploring.
And mostly what would happen is people would offer like a no-recip blowjob or something like that, which means no reciprocation necessary.
Like they would suck my dick and that was it.
And I would go home.
No kissing.
I thought kissing was too good.
at that time I wasn't intercourse I wasn't ready for but I was like well a mouth is a mouth
and let me see if I like this with a guy let's just try it and it was great I did that a bunch of times
like in cars or at your apartment like usually I was living in New York so it was usually at someone's
apartment this spring why not get ready for summer which to
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If I like this with a guy, let's just try it.
And it was great.
When I did that a bunch of times.
Like in cars or at your apartment?
Usually, I was living in New York, so it was usually at someone's apartment.
Usually I would go somewhere else because I wasn't comfortable having someone over to my apartment yet.
So yeah, I would just go there.
Let me ask you this.
Who were these guys?
Who were these guys?
Like, were they typically, like, married guys doing something on the DL?
Were they gay guys that were looking to suck a dick?
Were they other bi guys?
Like, did you have any idea of, like, who those guys were?
I think, I don't know every one of them for sure, but I think they were mostly gay men who were kind of into the idea of sort of helping out a, quote, straight guy or, like, newly exploring guy.
which now that I'm at is like a very common thing like that that is hot to a lot of gay men or by men who are just out longer like helping someone explore for at the beginning is kind of exciting to some people so that was all the porn you were watching they don't have that genre for no reason yeah exactly the like trying it out is a very yeah hot yeah hot every guy wants it's like this they've
feel the same way for girls, too, they want to take their virginity.
You know what I mean?
It's like a guy thing.
Yeah.
All right.
So you start.
And so now in those times, though, you're just getting your dick sucked.
Are you sucking dick?
Like, is it just oral both ways?
At first, it was just one way.
And I was not comfortable doing much else.
Like, I wouldn't suck their dick.
I wouldn't even kiss a guy.
And then basically, like, it just happened very slowly step by step.
Like, at some point.
someone wanted to kiss me and I had been doing this now for a little bit of time and was like,
well, I was starting to realize that I'm not straight and I was also starting to be a little less
afraid that I was 100% gay. And so to know, just to know that I was somewhere in the middle,
I think gave me permission to like take little steps toward that middle, if that makes sense.
So once I had 10 blow jobs, then I was like, okay, let me try kissing and see what happens.
And, you know, eventually let me try topping someone and having intercourse.
And then further down the road, I tried sucking a dick and getting fucked and all the other things.
But it was very slow, gradual process over like probably a two-year period where I was doing a little bit more.
And now was it always like just like a one and done? Like did you have any regulars that you were going back to that would like walk you through these things? Or was it always like, oh, just go on Tinder, find a random guy. I mean, guys rule very different than women. So I could be random guys every name. I don't know. Tell me. You know, I think there were a few people who I then would see not, not regularly like I was dating, but like more than once who I kind of got to know. And I and you know, I wasn't out to anyone.
at the time, but actually looking back, I was out to these people. And so some of those relationships
that I met people multiple times, even if it was only three or four times over that year,
those were the people I was the most out to and the most authentic with and telling them like,
yeah, you know, I've identified a straight for a long time, but now I think I'm somewhere in the
middle and I'm exploring it. And some of those guys were really nice and just like wanted to
helped me explore that genuinely.
And that was really validating.
Because before I was out to friends, those people validated that experience.
But there was also a lot of one-offs, too.
Like, probably the majority was one-offs because it's very, very easy on Grindr in New York City.
I know.
I always tell my straight friends, you'd be happier if you were into guys.
Sorry, you'd be getting a lot more action.
I'm like, I know.
I mean, the amount of glory holes that they could.
visit and they could imagine a woman on the other side. It would feel great. Nobody would know.
They go home and everyone's happy. Did you ever go to glory holes? Yeah. You lived in New York,
right? Yep. And I lived in New York. And I still do because even though I'm totally out,
it's like kind of a fun dynamic sometimes. And the guys who have their glory hole set up,
they like it. It's great. Yeah, I'm all about glory holes. I think we need more of them.
I want to get to the...
I mean, you obviously...
Because you just said, I still go to them,
and I know you're married,
so you obviously have a free pass
to hook up with guys.
Yes, we have an open relationship.
We talk about everything.
Sort of the rule is like,
we don't keep secrets from each other.
And if something comes up
that the other person is uncomfortable with,
we talk about it,
and we hold off until we are comfortable.
But for the most part, these days,
like,
Yeah, whatever happens is cool with my partner and vice versa.
And, you know, it's not easy to be Polly, but it is the best choice for us.
We're enjoying it.
Yeah, well, let me get that whole story.
So, I mean, we're at the point where you're trying all this stuff with guys.
Do you wind up finding out whether you're top or bottom or verse?
Like, what, what are you?
Is it verse?
I think, I mean, I'm definitely.
Yeah.
Yeah, versus the right word.
I'm more of a top.
I guess I'm sort of averse, but leaning toward top.
And part of that is probably because with women for most of my life, that was the default
role.
So I didn't even know there was another option and I just got comfortable in that role.
I definitely, once I came out, then I tried bottoming and I've done that, you know, a decent
number of times and I do enjoy it, but it's just not like, it's not my preferred.
Like, I enjoy it once in a while, but I'm more.
Yeah, that makes sense.
So, okay, so in this, so you're hooking up with all these guys and stuff like, are, are you
dating women at that same time?
A little bit.
Yeah.
I mean, I think in the early days of just coming out, a lot of women didn't want to date me was
the feedback I was getting.
Like I went on a few dates with women and told them I was by on like date three or four and then things ended.
And then so then I would start telling people earlier like right away and some and then I found it harder to even schedule dates.
And so for a little bit of time I was like, well, this sucks.
I was afraid coming out as by would lead to me not being able to be with women.
And I was right.
I was right to be afraid.
and what I've realized over time is like, yes, it is harder to date women as a bi-man,
but it's a good filter.
And it's true that I'm by and like I can't change that and I don't want to change that at this point.
And in hindsight, I shouldn't be dating anyone who is uncomfortable with bisexuality or with dating a bi-man.
And there were probably people who I wanted to date and then it didn't work out.
and I was sad about that, but actually that wasn't going to work out in the long run anyway.
So coming out early is actually a great filter.
And yes, the numbers are worse.
Like the number of people who will date a byman is lower.
But once you filter that out and you're, you know, with those people,
your relationships will be much stronger and healthier and potentially can laugh.
still listen.
Whereas before it was an illusion.
You're still only looking for one person, right?
I mean, so it's not like, I mean, I get that.
It's still good.
Well, you're right, I guess.
I don't know.
We've got to get to the point where your Polly relationship is explained.
But I mean, you are looking for one person and you sound young to me.
Like, I feel like younger people have more of a chance of finding a woman that would be down with it than these poor guys that are like 55 and divorce and really want to maybe, you know, come out and be all the.
they are now to somebody.
Though, you know, many women are into guy and guy action, and some of them don't even
realize it until they first see it.
I've had those women on my show, you know, and I've had men come out way later.
But when you met your girl, you told her on the third date, like, so you just kept that
in, like, that's how you did it?
Well, okay.
No.
So with my wife is the most interesting story and unique story.
And because I was dating women for a few years.
I met my wife in 2018, so I was 33.
So I had just really come out to the world at age 32 after like a year or two of exploring it.
And then I was out for maybe a year or a year and a half when I met my wife.
So my wife is a trans woman.
And when we met, she had not yet transitioned.
So when we met, she was presenting as a guy.
and I thought I was dating a guy.
Oh my God, this is fascinating.
Make sure you tell me this very slowly.
So I want to make sure I understand.
But you meet, you meet her, but he's presenting as a man.
Like you meet a guy, right?
Like he's like, I'm a guy looking for a guy.
Yeah.
And we say she, even though in my, in the story, she is presenting as a man.
I still use she even to describe her back then.
But yeah.
She was like, and I met her.
at Pride in New York City in 2018
through a friend. We met in Washington Square Park.
She had her shirt off. She's like this cute little boy with abs.
And I was like, wow, hot.
And I think she told me very early, maybe even that first day,
that like she was sort of gender fluid or gender nonconforming.
And then within a month of dating, she told me she really truly was like non-binary
and did not identify as a man.
And like might, you know, she said there was like part of her that is a woman.
Like she's described like, I'm like 20% woman.
And then over time that percentage went higher and higher.
And then kind of in the pandemic, we were still together.
And she kind of said, I don't, she was identifying as non-binary using they, them pronouns.
And during that time was like, actually, I'm not non-binary.
I think I want to fully transition.
and I'm a woman.
So over the first like two to three years, we knew each other, she transitioned.
Now, during that time before she transitioned when she was like, oh, I'm 20% female.
Like, would she express that side by like dressing up or anything like that?
Like, would that part of her come out?
Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah.
We were actually just talking about that recently.
Yeah.
Sometimes she would dress up in private just for me.
and then like there weren't a lot of like socially acceptable ways to do that without sort of being out as trans but I do remember that first year we dated we went to the drag march in New York City which is like where everyone dresses in drag and she uh you know dressed in quote drag at the time and it was so validating for her like I think that was a really big day uh that just thought you know she had this socially acceptable reason to be
seen as a woman and she realized like actually this isn't just drag for me this is how I would like
to be seen all right because drag is a little bit more of uh you know it's uh what is what would you
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so okay so now during this time were you always down with all
these parts of her and like totally cool with whatever was going down
absolutely like I I was
And I actually, I thought it was cool.
Like, I thought it was interesting and wanted to just allow her to explore whatever she was exploring.
And I also think, you know, she, at the time, she had only dated gay men.
She had never dated a byman.
And she was really interested in my bisexuality.
I was out to her the moment I met because I was marching in pride that day with the bi contingent.
So she like knew I was with the by group that the moment we met.
And we hooked up that night.
Like it was a pride hookup that then just turned into a relationship.
But yes, I think when she heard I was by, she asked me a lot of questions.
And I think something unlocked in her where she could date me right then as she was because I was into men.
But she could also allow herself to think about being a woman.
and who she really was because she knew that that wouldn't end our relationship.
Unlike the gay men she was dating,
if she thought about transitioning while dating a gay man,
that relationship might end.
Yeah, now that makes, yeah, you were like the perfect person for her.
Yeah, and in some ways, she at the time was the perfect person for me, too,
to really, like, just understand that I was attracted to people regardless of gender
And whatever she presented as, wherever she was going with her identity and the future, like that, I got to feel and experience that that didn't affect my feelings or attraction or arousal or love.
Like, seeing her be authentic, you know, increased our connection.
But the actual gender just didn't matter.
So when she started transitioning and her body started to change and everything, you were equally as attracted because you're attracted to both, right?
I mean, did she get, she fully transitioned.
She's transitioned.
She's had, you know, hormone therapy, facial feminization surgery, other surgeries.
She hasn't had bottom surgery, but she's done a lot of a lot.
And so she looks and sound, and she had vocal surgery.
so she looks and sounds very different.
Like when I watch old videos that I have on my phone of,
oh my God,
I like forgot that that's what she looked and sounded like.
And it's not like a,
it's not good or bad.
I just like,
wow,
it's so different.
And I was attracted to her then and I'm attracted to her.
Let me ask you this because somebody was once on my show and it was,
it was someone that was trans and they were talking about the differences.
And I think that they do studies and it's super interesting to me as a woman
versus, it's like a woman versus man kind of question, you know, because all of a sudden, this is, you know, when you met her, she was a male and she had those kind of hormones, right? Then she fully transitioned. She's got female hormones. Did you see a big change in her personality because now she's a female like, does she think more like a female? Does she cry more as opposed to get, you know what I mean? Like, are there differences? I would think so, right?
Yeah, yeah, I do think so. I do think.
there are some, but I also think in some ways, like, some of that was already in her,
and she's been able to fully, like, become that.
So, so, yes, there's been a change, but I, like, saw the inklings of it in the beginning.
And there was just a lot of, like, tension at the beginning there.
if I look back of like she wasn't comfortable with her gender identity.
Like she was sort of softer and more feminine and more of a care.
Like I don't exactly know how to describe it, but I just got this feminine energy from her.
And actually, you know, at the time, I was hooking up with lots of men, but I hadn't really dated men.
Like, I thought at the time that I was sexually attracted to men and women, but more romantically interested in women.
And then at the time, I was like, oh, this is the first what I thought was a guy who I'm romantically interested in also.
And that made me think, oh, I'm totally bisexual.
I'm bi-romantic as well.
I can have relationships with men.
And then over time, she transitioned to female.
now I almost, you know, it actually turns out I've never been in a romantic relationship with a guy.
Like you said, she presented like very female in the beginning.
Like her romantic even way about her, you felt like was more feminine, correct?
Yeah, that's interesting.
Right, right.
I think so.
And I think I connected with that and it felt familiar to me.
And I had been in those relationships before.
So it, you know, it didn't feel so different even though it looked a little different.
And so actually I don't know what kind of bisexual I am.
Like I feel like I have the potential to be in a romantic relationship with a guy.
Like I feel like it's possible.
But it actually has not happened.
I thought it happened and then it actually didn't.
Yeah, that's so interesting.
But okay, so now you go into this relationship with her.
Now, was it always an open relationship?
Because it's obviously open now.
You called it Polly.
You know, how did you guys start off?
Yeah.
It's been back and forth. I would say like maybe the first month or two was open just because it's that early phase of dating where you don't necessarily define things and you don't see each other all the time. You're dating multiple people. I was still hooking up with people. And then I feel like after a couple months, she said, you know, do you want to try being exclusive for some amount of time? Like she didn't say, do you want to be
monogamous forever. She said, do you want to try this? I think she kind of knew that I was still
exploring and I wouldn't want to be monogamous forever. But at the time, I was kind of like, you know,
I do want to keep exploring, but okay, let's try monogamy for a little bit. And I think we did maybe
like a few months of monogamy. And actually, I liked it. Like, I actually, it actually brought us
closer and I kind of realized I do really like this person and you know we're we're having great
sex and I don't like need not that I don't need more but like knowing that this was a experiment with
an end date I kind of embraced it and enjoyed it and then and then after a certain point I was like
okay there are still things I haven't tried that I want to try and I want to keep going especially now
that I'm more out. And so we opened things up again. And we had an open relationship for like another
year or so. And then the pandemic happened. And we were essentially monogamous from March 2020 until
we got vaccinated in April 2020. Like everybody else. Yeah. Yeah. And so it, you know,
it wasn't like our choice, but it was a choice. It was a choice reacting to the circumstances. And
So we were monogamous then as well.
Now, what was she exploring?
So we've kind of gone back and forth.
What was she exploring at that time?
Like, I know that you're still exploring with guys, right?
So when you're not with her, were you like cooking it with men and women?
Or was it just men?
And then also what does she do when she's, you know, sort of exploring her own sexuality?
Yeah.
For me, at the beginning at this time, it was very much exploring with men because I felt like I'd explored with women for,
20 for 30 years or whatever and like I had tried it and I had lots of new things to try with men
and it was difficult to date women being by and also being in another relationship like that's
another thing many straight women just don't want to deal with so I kind of set that aside for
some time and then after the pandemic I've kind of gotten back to that like I'm dating other women
currently but for a while I stopped
My wife was really, it was interesting.
Like, as she was transitioning, she was exploring dating as a non-binary person.
And then after the pandemic, dating and having sex as a woman.
And she had never done that.
And so from before the lockdowns to after, she basically went from dating mostly gay men to dating all straight men.
And now she hooks up with, you know, now she identifies as straight.
She doesn't identify by.
And she pretty much, you know, she sometimes will hook up with bymen, but mostly is with straight men.
And so that's, and she's a woman.
Like, you know, the whole experience for hers is different because of the identities of everyone involved.
It's sort of flip-flied.
No, I love that.
That makes sense.
And I totally understand that.
And like when she was, now, do you ever, though, together explore men?
like do you guys have threesomes? Do you guys bring guys home for each other? Or is all of the stuff
do it like solo play? We've tried it a little bit and like it is a little difficult for us because
A, we just have different taste and different types. Like she and I like, you know, she and I look
very different like we have different kind of body types and obviously genders but like, you know,
I'm more masculine, hairy, tall,
mud big. She's very small, smooth,
feminine, soft. And that's
more what I'm into and I'm more what she's into.
So we have trouble finding like a third who were both attracted to.
That's a lot of couple problems, okay?
Like that's what I hear the most from a lot of people that bring in thirds.
Right. And she's also most attracted to straight men who are not
attracted to me because I'm a man. So we'd have to bring in a by guy. But we have done some
group play experiences and sex parties that have been kind of fun. Although I guess I would say
for the most part, our exploration is separate. We tend to not have a ton of sex in groups
together. But I have a lot of group sex. Oh, really? Like where? At the glory holes or the
swinger parties? Like, where's that all going down? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for a while, I went to a lot of
men only, like gay group experiences. I'm getting more into co-ed stuff. Like, there's a, there's an
event called BFF, which stands for Buy Fuck Fest. It's twice a year in Palm Springs. I had the
best time there last year. I'm going to go again this year. Talk about like older guys coming out as
buying to explore and having trouble.
That makes sense, but they will not have trouble at BFF.
That is where you should go.
Oh, my God.
Buy Fuckfast.
What a great name.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, for a while, I'm like very into gay sex parties as I was really into
the anonymity of it and the openness of it and how just easy it is to not, to like,
to do what you want and to navigate.
I mean, it's not easy to navigate those spaces. There's a lot to learn at the beginning.
But just like how different the sexuality is there compared to mixed gender spaces or being with women.
I mean, it blew my mind how open and free a lot of it is. And I, in particular, I like masturbation parties, which is like no penetration allowed, only touching.
and for some reason like, A, that's something I'm very into,
but for some reason, like, sometimes the choice of what to do and with whom is, like,
overwhelming to me.
And I don't want to decide.
I don't want to decide are we having oral sex or anal sex and who's topping and how are we doing it.
I just want to, like, be in a space where everyone's doing the same thing.
There's no decision other than, like, walking up to someone and making eye contact or not.
and the masturbation parties feel like that and it's really low stakes and you just kind of walk around touching people and having a good task.
Oh my God.
Where do you find out about like the masturbation parties near you?
Like how do you have where?
Well, I have a whole stand-up bit about this.
I did a whole set on masturbation parties.
You are a comedian.
Would we say that already?
We'll give out your plugs at the end.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, they have them in a lot of major cities.
Like, if you're living a big city, just Google your city plus masturbation party.
Plus Reddit.
Like, I know.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
The big one in New York is called New York Jax.
And in L.A., it's called L.A.X. Jax.
So a lot of them are called Jax.
I have a joke in my stand-up that, and the one in Jacksonville, Florida, is called Burn and Hell Faggaggots.
Yeah.
So, I mean, there, there.
easy to find in big cities. In other places, you kind of have to build your own party on like an app.
Like, do you know that? Yeah, I've heard of me for sure from a lot of guys talk about sniffies.
Yeah. So that's becoming a big way to it's kind of like organize or host or attend group events like that.
And I think like circle jerk masturbation parties are very common because it's like that low stakes thing.
and you don't have to worry about diseases as much
or being on crap or HIV.
Like, you know, nobody's penetrating anyone
so it can feel safe.
And I suspect, and I know from my experience,
that I think there's a lot of straight, married, questioning guys
who go to stuff like that
because it's low stakes and it's safe and it's also so anonymous.
Like, you can talk to people there, but you don't have to.
You could go to that party and not say a word,
and navigate consent non-verbally in ways that are safe.
And you can walk out of there and go back to your life and you've explored.
And nobody has any idea outside of that room.
And you suspect correctly.
I have like, you know, thousands of episodes.
I have over a thousand episodes on my show.
But I've talked to a lot of guys that are doing that kind of stuff,
unfortunately, on the DL, because they are way older than you.
And they, you know, when I was growing up, there were, you know, being by,
was a thing you could be, but nobody was. It was like, you were like, you know, you were either gay or you were
straight. And no one wanted to be gay because there was such a stigma around it. So, so, you know,
so many guys are living in the closet and they can't cop to it. And that's why I always talk on my
show. I love having stories like this on. And I love people who are out and proud. And I love to
tell people that, like, you could suck a dick. And some people suck a dick and there doesn't mean
anything. Some people, it's like, they're by. Some people are gay. It's like, you know, I love,
And a lot of people are like very anti-labels.
And I'm like, I fucking love labels.
I mean, if labels existed when I was younger, I would have been a lot less confused.
You know, I think eventually you get to a point you don't need them, right?
But they're very helpful, I think, when you're trying to figure shit out.
And I love that there's so many different ones now that are available to people because I, like you, do believe people are more fluid and people can grow and change and who knows, you know?
And I like that freedom.
And younger people have that.
Let me ask you a question with your girl.
Does she ever want to fully transition or will she ever or will she not have bottom surgery?
Like isn't bottom surgery dangerous for her?
I don't know.
You tell me.
I think there's risks.
Losing sensation.
That's what I mean.
You know what I mean?
Like that's risky to me.
Like you don't want to, you could never have an orgasm again.
Like that's fucking scary shit.
I'm sorry to say.
Right.
I think no, I think that's probably the scariest part and maybe one of the things that's holding
of course.
Or back from fully committing to that right now.
I think there's definitely a chance she will do that surgery, probably more likely than not,
but she hasn't fully decided or committed to it yet.
There's also this kind of idea that, like, you know, she's like special now as this sort of unique, more unique.
And that she want to lose that and become just like a normal, you know, quote, normal.
So there's tradeoffs.
I mean, I feel like to me she has already fully transatlantic.
because she's totally passing.
Like you wouldn't, I don't think you would know that she's trans unless she came out to you.
So to me, that's like, that's, she's got to this place where that's how people see her.
And that was like, the big goal is like it was really hard for her to not be seen as a woman and treat it as a woman.
So I don't know.
You know, she'll, I think when she's sure about the surgery, she'll do it.
And if she's not sure, she's okay.
as it is right now.
And just one other thing on the label thing,
I think you're totally right.
Like, if labels hold you back or box you in,
then that's not good.
And the goal is to be like a labelless society is a great future utopia.
But at the moment, like,
there's so much stigma already that the labels can often be helpful.
Like if I had known,
if I had known more about the label bisexual,
and realized that that was a real option,
I might have explored fluidity sooner.
Like I was too attached to the label straight.
And that label is boxing.
Even with relationships,
there's so many different kinds of labels now.
Like you're saying, Polly, you know,
when I was younger,
I had a lot of,
I dated a lot of different people,
and I had multiple relationships that the,
you know,
but I was, like,
thought as weird or dysfunctional.
That's how I felt I was
because I couldn't fucking figure it out.
But nowadays, people,
because of the labels
that everyone poo poohs,
like they, you know,
people can be all those things and try different things out.
And who knows where you land.
Like I said, I think you get to a certain point.
You don't need a fucking label.
You just are who you are.
But I think they're very helpful when you're trying to figure shit out.
Right.
And also, like, you know, you mentioned the older guys who are coming out and things
were a lot different when they were growing up.
You know, that's because of my podcast and I wrote a book about this.
I'm now doing.
Yeah, I'll tell you in a minute.
but I'm now doing life coaching, mostly for five men.
And most of them and most of them are coming out later in life or after they were married.
And most of my clients are older than me in marriages to women.
And it's, I think it's a huge, a hidden experience.
Like, I think there are way more sexually fluid men in straight passing relations than what you, what you would know or see or think.
and it's uniquely challenging because of that tension we talked about at the beginning of like
how do I explore this and live out my true identity while also like valuing my marriage and
validating that commitment and connection like they don't want to leave their marriage but
they do want to finally explore their full sexuality and that can be really difficult later in life
but but also very possible very very very possible very much totally and I
I have those stories and I love those stories on my show. I mean, listen, I lived in a time where
even girl on girl action was stigmatized, right? But I lived during the time where that like changed,
right? And then the minute it changed and it was like cool to be into checks. Every girl's like,
I got a girl crush. Girls are making out in bars. You know, every girl was like raising her
hand. I'm fucking into chicks. Right? Because it became like the hot thing. But it wasn't always.
And so and but if that happened for men, the same thing would happen. All these guys would come out.
people think that there's not as many by guys or guys that are into guys as girls because
they're hiding it.
They're all on my show.
I see the downloads.
I know.
Right, right, right.
People need you to talk to them.
Exactly.
And I think it's like starting to happen where where it's, it's lagging behind for women, but it's
starting to happen that even male bisexuality is becoming more accepted and more people are coming out.
And it is like going to be a tipping point.
At some point, the stigma, you know, the benefits will outweigh the stigma and more and more people will be out.
And already these stats just came out last week about how queer Gen Z is.
And like, you know, almost a quarter of Gen Z is queer.
And the majority of those LGBT people are bisexual.
I have a nine-year-old son.
We go to Disney movies.
We watch like teenager shows on Netflix.
They're all making out with each other.
doesn't matter what sex.
The guys are making out what guys.
In Chucky,
in Chucky,
they were gig men in that show.
Like,
we watch all these little kids shows
and they're all by.
But I love that because I'm like super open-minded
and I think it's horrible for people
to have to live double lives
and all these poor people that feel shame for who they really are.
I think, you know,
most people,
if there's like a spectrum,
I think it's,
most people probably are somewhere in the middle,
you know,
not totally hetero,
not totally homo,
maybe 5% whatever, but, you know, I think most people live in there.
And it's sad that so many guys, you know, still have to hide it.
So why don't you give a shout out?
Because there's a lot of those guys that could use your help listening to my show.
Give me all your links, all your stuff because you're so much more than just like a podcaster, right?
You have this podcast.
But I love that you also help guys.
Give out all your shoutouts.
And I'll have you back on because I love talking to you.
This is one of my favorite topics.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We could talk about this.
hours, I think. There's so much more. Yeah, we covered a lot, though. Okay, so my podcast is, I renamed my podcast. It's now called two by guys by one by guy because the other by guy doesn't do the show anymore. Fuck him. Who cares? I fired my co-host too. I fired my co-host too. Two by guys? Wait, what did you change it to? Yeah. If you search two by guys, it'll come up. But it's now called two by guys by one by guys. Yeah, that's so funny.
And that's, you can find that wherever you listen to podcast or to bygagas.com.
And then I wrote a book that's sort of based on stuff that came up in my podcast.
It's about bisexual men who are married to women.
And it's called bisexual married men, stories of relationships, acceptance, and authenticity.
And it's an oral history that features 13 interviews with actual bi-married men.
and then also my story as well.
So you'll, if you want, you know, you'll get to hear like lots of different diverse stories about all about this same experience.
Oh, I love stuff.
I love reading stuff like that because there's a little bit of a lot, right?
And it's all different kinds.
It's like a compilation of a bunch of married guys story.
Each one is a little bit different.
Yeah, I love it.
That's a smart idea.
Yeah.
Are you good?
Do you have like a website that all your links will be on it?
Okay, good.
Yes.
Yeah.
So, I mean, on the two by guys, like I'm also on social media at two buy guys on Instagram.
And my personal Instagram is Robert Brooks Cohen.
There's a link tree on those.
But then my website is Robertbrookskoen.com.
And my coaching practice is there too, Robertbrookscoen.com slash coaching.
And I do group coaching and individual coaching.
There's also a page for the book on my website and the podcast and my stand-up comedy.
All of that stuff is on my.
website Robert Brits. I'm obsessed with everything. I love your story. You're great at talking about this.
I'll definitely have you back on. I do like Guy Talk episodes on Wednesdays or Girl Talk,
I talk, I talk episodes. And I love this topic. So I'll definitely have you back on maybe even to just talk about
stuff like that goes really with your book, you know, for all those married guys, right? You could talk and
you get a lot of clients out of it. I have a big audience. So thank you so much. But we needed your
backstory. I love that we have this down already, right? We have your whole backstory. Can you send me
picks of you and your girl. Do you have picks like that? Okay, can you put my Patreon? I'll put them there.
Send me whatever link you want me to put in. You have a link tree, right? That'll put that one in there.
Okay, great. Thank you so much for calling in. This was a great conversation. It's super interesting.
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. This was a fun conversation.
Yeah, thanks so much. And send me everything now. And I'll give you like a free month access to my Patreon so you could see the comments as well as like free access to my Discord.
And you could go in there. And I have like 2,500 people on there. So, you know,
you could also like promote whatever you want once you're in there.
Wow.
Amazing.
All right.
Awesome.
Thanks Rob.
Yeah.
Thank you for this.
It's really cool to see how you do it.
Yeah.
I love that.
All right.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
Okay.
I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly
anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback
and ebook, but you can pre-order the,
audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is
basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category
that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a
cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all
told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it.
in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book think like penthouse letters.
It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right?
But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read,
you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback
format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available.
coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or
pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay,
there's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to
people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other,
and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of
channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.
It's a total, strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys
my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot
of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me
at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.
and I will send you the link to Discord.
So anyway,
thanks so much for tuning in.
This is the Strickley Anonymous Podcast.
Okay, good news.
I do have a book out.
I wrote a book and it's coming out.
The book is called Stricklandonymous Confessions.
Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers.
What I did was I picked out the 17 best episodes.
That was very hard to do.
Okay, I picked like one from each category.
and I retold the story from the third person.
So it's not interview style.
It's a little bit more erotica.
The only place where I took creative liberty was in the sex scene.
So it's even hotter than my episodes.
Like I said, it's told in the third person.
And they're all true, just like my show.
I mean, these are real stories from my show, just written out.
Like I said, in the third person, not an interview style, more like a story, but a true
story, a true super hot story.
Now, listen, it is available.
for pre-order now and it's not coming out until October 14th and I was like, oh my God, that's a long
time away. So I figured I'd incentivize people. If you want to pre-order it now, I will give you free
access to my Discord if you pre-order it now. All you got to do is screenshot, a pick of the receipt,
just screenshot it to me. Send it to Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And then I will send
you the link to my Discord. So that's a little incentive to pick it up now.
It's on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Simon & Schuster.
The link is in the description.
So make sure to click on it.
And if you get it, send me the pick of you purchasing
and I'll give you free access to my private Discord.
That is a totally naughty, super hot community with a lot of people over,
2500 people over there having fun.
Remember email me the pick at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com.
