Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1122 - Lyla is into Pantyhose, Crossdressing, Pegging and More

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

FETISH FRIDAY Lyla is into pantyhose, crossdressing, pegging and more and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including how and when he noticed his mom wearing pantyhose and why it stood out to him, what he liked about them, how his parents confronted him about what he was into and what he told them, when he started wearing female clothing and where he found the clothing he wore, when he met his girlfriend and how and when he started wearing her clothing, when dressing up became sexual for him, what dressing up was about for him and how he felt about it, how porn shaped him early on and how it got him into anal action, the degradation he got into and when he told his gf about it, how he hid all his dressing and anal from her for a long time, how he got her into bdsm and eventually brought up pegging him and how she reacted, how and when decided to be honest about his crossdressing and how she reacted to that, how she eventually allowed a little but of anal action into their intimate life, how he recently was able to dress up for her and how she reacted the first time she saw him fully dressed plus a whole lot more.  **To see anonymous a pics of LYLA plus my other female guests + get TONS of exclusive CROSSDRESSER and or HOSER episodes and content + hear all the anonymous confessions, join my Patreon Crossdresser tier it's only $8 a month for Hosers and $10 a month for crossdressers (you get also get Hoser episodes too!) and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠ MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.  Sponsors: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2512-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use code anonymous to get an additional 10% off the campaign’s current discount - that’s 60% off ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shamelesscare.sjv.io/xLQ3Jv⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get $10 off Shameless Care’s female viagra cream, just click on the link and use code: Strictly   Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's called Strictly Anonymous because most people who come on my show. I would say 99% of the people are anonymous. But if you're out and proud about your secret naughty life, you could be on the show too, okay? But I do change the 99% of the anonymous people's voices. You can make up a phony name. You can email me from a phony email. I don't care. Just email me at strictly anonymous podcast.

Atchml.com or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show. If you haven't wrote a review for my show, a long time ago I started begging for reviews. I never did before my life. Now I do. And people write reviews and I love reading them. I just got one best sexy podcast, another one super hot. Everything that you guys wrote in those reviews are so appreciated by me. I read them all and I love them because I work my ass off for my show and it's so great

to know that people are listening and people love my show. So if you do love my show, hit five stars or write a review, it does actually help the show too besides making me be happy when I see them. I don't care about the trolls that write better. reviews. If you want to write a bad review of my show, go ahead. The fact that you took the time out means something. Anyway, if you have a confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline, I have a confession's hall. You could call that number 247-347-4-203-5779. That's 347-4-203-5-7-9. You have four minutes, leave a message. If you need longer, just call back and make sure you're in a

quiet place, okay? Most of those confessions make it onto a confessions episode, and the rest go on to my Patreon. Now my Patreon is super fun, since this is a fetish Friday episode. What's great about my Patreon is I also have two separate tiers. Each tier, whether it's the hoser tour or the cross-dressing tier, it gets one extra episode a month, an exclusive episode. So the hoser tier gets one extra exclusive hoser episode. And the cross-dressing tier gets one extra cross-tressing episode and the one extra hoser episode. So hoser tier is $8 a month. Crosschester, $10 a month. It's very specific. What's great about that is that you don't just get the episode for the month that you sign up. You get access to all the episodes that I aired before, right? So for $10 a month or $8 a month, you're getting access to probably

50 episodes. I don't know how many years I've been doing Patreon, but you're getting 12 extra episodes a year, a couple years. We're talking about like maybe 50 extra episodes specifically on your fetish available to the minute you sign on, which is a great deal. You also get access to my Discord, which has a hoser and cross-dustac search here as well. And right now, okay, I am doing a whole best pussy pick contest over on my Discord. I did a dick pick contest. You could still see that over on my Discord. It was super fun. I got over like 150 dick picks. Me and Layla went through and rated them. Now we're doing a pussy pick contest if you want to put your partner up for that contest. If you want to join it, you win a hundred bucks and a clone your pussy kit.

But you also see a lot of picks over there. You could get into my Discord through signing up for my Patreon. With my Patreon, you get early and ad-free episodes, plus you get every single picture of all of my female guests. They all send in hot picks. You also get all of the anonymous confessions. But you also, like I said, get access to my Discord. And my Discord is a not safe for work site. That's a place where everyone gets to join in and post picks and videos and talk to each other over there.

It is great. My Discord is super cool. People are hooking up over there. Like I said, there's the Pussy Pick Contest going over there. There's so many different channels with so much content. Okay. So definitely you want to sign up for my Discord. You could also get on to my Discord by buying my book.

I do have a book coming out. I work my ass off for that book too. It's coming out October 14th. It is up for pre-sale on Amazon. There's a link in my description. And if you purchase the book, pre-order, just send me a pick. And if you send me a pick of your pre-order, I will send you a free link to get into my Discord.

You won't get into my Patreon, but you'll get into my Discord and you can participate in that Pussy Pick contest and I run contests all the time. And you could also see all the other shit that's going down there. And there's a lot of stuff. The last thing I want to tell you about is SDC. SDC is like the world's largest adult dating website. It's not just a place where you're going to meet people to hug up with what's great about SDC and what I love about.

is you could find out all the information you want to know about the lifestyle. They also have information on all the gangbanks and the meetups and the munches and the hotel takeovers and the swingers clubs in your area or all over the world. So if you're traveling, you want to go hook up or do something naughty on your trip, you could find out about it on SDC. And the good news is I have a free trial for all of my listeners. All you got to do is put in the code 37712. That's 3771 or just go to the description and click on the link in my description is links to everything that I just talked about. Now, today I have on Lila. Lila is so interesting. He's got such an interesting story. I really didn't have to talk much. I did, you know, sometimes interrupt him and ask questions,

but he was such a good storyteller. This is a young guy. He's in his early 30s. He's married to a woman. He started getting into pantyhose and crossdressing when he was younger. He did get caught when he was Dengree talks about that. He went in and out of the fetish. Eventually the panty host turned into more feminine clothing. He started like fully dressing up. And then he also got into at some point anal action playing with himself anally.

Now this is a totally straight guy, but he's a cross duster and he's into anal action. And eventually he did wind up meeting a girl that he started to date. He's married to her now. They've been together a very long time like since the beginning. And eventually he did wind up telling her both things over time. over time. Not only just the cross-dressing and the anal action, he also got into BDSM. There was a lot of different kinky things that he was into, his degradation. He brought that up with her. He eventually brought up the anal thing and he eventually put up the cross-dressing thing with his girl, you know. That was a real

ballsy things to do. He talks about how she reacted each time he told her things. He didn't tell her all at once. He told her over time and she came to accepted over time. And that's what you're going to hear. The whole story is super interesting. You're going to hear. You're going to hear all the details from him. Like I said, he was a great guest. He's very good at telling a story. So I'm going to get right to it. I do have picks of him dressed over on my Patreon and on my Discord. So if you want to see him go over there. But anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Lila. Hey, Lila. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm great. You're another cross-dresser. You're married. Your wife knows, which is super interesting.

You know, we're going to get the whole story. We'll work up to your wife, right? And we're going to about your sex life, your cross-dressing, all that good stuff, correct? Yes, that's correct. Okay, so let's get a little snapshot of where you're at now. Like, how old are you now and how long you've been married for? I'm in my early 30s. We've been married about five years now. How long together?

We've been together almost 15 years at this point. Right, so you've been with her for a really, really long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've spent almost more than half of our lives together. Yeah, exactly, right, when you're that age and that at 15, yeah, it is half. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, so let's go all the way back. Like, before you met your wife and before somehow she finds out, we'll work our way up to that point because I think that's super interesting. Let's go back to like when you sort of noticed feminine clothing. What are those first memories like for you? So I don't remember the exact age, but it was around six or seven years old. I think I had, and I can't really tell you why, but I had noticed, my mother wearing pantieshows or other woman wearing pantos and something in my adolescent mind saw that and decided that is something amazing. It wasn't really a sexual thing,

obviously at that age. But it was just something that I really found fascinating. So I started going to my mom's dresser and grabbing them when she wasn't around and I would put them on. And that was it. You know, it just put them on and kind of sit there. And okay, cool, that was fun, take them off, put them away. And yeah, I mean, that's how it started at the beginning. It was really only panty hose for the first, I would say, six months to a year. And just for perspective, nobody that I ever know of has ever actually found out about it aside from my wife, which will obviously get to. Yeah, but let me ask you this, because listen, I, the two tears I have besides my regular patron is, you know, two fetish tiers or cross-dresses and hosers, because

those are two of like the most popular fetishes out there. A lot of people have both of those. And sometimes I always say, like, you know, if you're going to take a, if it's a Venn diagram and you have like hosers in one circle and crossdresses in another. There is an overlap. Not every hoser is a hosters or not every cross jesterer's a hoser, but there's some cross jesterers are hosers. And a lot of times it does start off with panty hos, like your story, you know? Let me ask you this. Like when you saw those pannios the first time and you were fascinated by them, is it like, was it like a tactile thing, a visual thing? Was it all of the above? Like did you want to see it and touch it or feel it? Like, do you remember like what it was about the pannios that stuck out to you?

I think it was very much tactile. Yeah. because I never, you know, I didn't do anything like, you know, dress up and look in the mirror to, you know, or like stare down at my legs. It was more of like just the feeling of them. Right on you. Yeah, it was just, I guess, the smooth feeling of them. I mean, I'm sure you can relate. It just feels great to wear them kind of thing. Yeah.

And yeah, so it was just about feeling nice while wearing them. And I guess it was a bit of that taboo in it because I knew that it was, you know, it was women's clothing. It wasn't for men to wear. Yeah. Exactly. And so it just made it feel better. like, you know, stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. You're a lot to eat them sometimes.

If you steal it, it's more fun. Yeah, like you got a little rush out of it. And at that point, like you said, it's not a sexual thing, but that little rush thing is like a shot of endorphins, right? Exactly, exactly. Yeah, so you keep going back to the panty hose for a while. You never got caught. And then how did it progress? So, and there's a bit of a caveat on it.

So I never really got caught, but at some point my parents figured out I was doing it. something I shouldn't be doing. Because I was sneaking around. I was, you know, locking doors and taking a little bit of time to open them. And they didn't know what I was doing. So it never like caught me with any of the, you know, the pantyhows or anything. But at one point they both kind of just sat me down and said, look, we know you've been doing something. You've been hiding it from us. We haven't found out what you're doing, but you're going to tell us now. And they didn't let me leave the room until. And I was a kid. I didn't like think to just make up some lie. So you told the truth? Confessed there. Yeah. So I just said, look, I've been wearing the panty hose.

and they said, you know, you shouldn't be doing that. You're a boy. You don't wear a panty hose. That's for girls. And I kind of said, like, okay, I won't do it again. And they said, okay, we trust you. But for the next few months a year, they would check in now and then, like, it would do a room search. Like, oh, what do you go out there?

What's in your bag? What did you just put under your pillow, that kind of thing? And honestly, I didn't even touch them for that time just because I was kind of scolded for it and thought, okay, I'm not going to get involved with that again. Yeah, interesting. but it didn't go away. And I'd say it went away for a couple years maybe. Okay.

There was a lot of pauses from like the beginning until now. Of course. Yeah, I've heard that. Like it was a slow ramp up, but like there was a little bit big gap, a little bit big gaps on. So yeah, there was nothing really for a few years. Then, you know, I'd start going over to family for parties or family lunches and that kind of thing. And, you know, the kids would run around and play and go around and, you know, going into the bathroom and then maybe in the laundry basket,

I'd see a pair of panty hose in there or something about, oh, okay. And then someone that would reignite. And I'd gone like a little bit of like a binge for a couple weeks and getting back into it. Again, keeping it hidden. No one ever found out about it. And then it would go away. And then I started moving on to other pieces of clothing. I started finding things like dresses and skirts.

I started liking high heels. Yeah, just kind of, you know, progressing into different parts of feminine clothing, whatever I deemed as a very feminine item. And, you know, again, a panties, that kind of thing. And, you know, if I was kind of left alone for whatever reason or had some space, I would kind of sneak off and go and try and find a pair or find some clothing and try it on and then quickly put it away. And again, no one ever caught me.

So it was also part of the thrill, I think, was that I was doing something I was as opposed to and how fast can I get it done before anyone comes around and I have to quickly hide kind of thing. want to get your confidence back in the bedroom and know that you're going to be rock hard and ready to go all the time. Well, then you need to check out Blue Chew. And not just regular Blue Chew, you need to check out Blue Chew Max. Blue Chew Max. Blue Chew Max, and it's doubly strong. And the best part is, just like regular Blue Chew, Blue Chew Max is super easy to get because everything is done online in the privacy of your own home. You don't have to go to a doctor's office. You don't have to have an awkward convoy. and you don't have to wait in an annoying line at the pharmacy. You just go to Bluetooth.com. You meet with one of their licensed medical professionals. And once you're approved, your Bluetooth max is going to be shipped right to your door

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Visit Bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information. And I thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. Go and try and find a pair or find some clothing and try it on and then quickly put it away. And again, no one ever caught me. So it was also part of the thrill, I think, was that I was doing something I was as opposed to and how fast can I get it done before anyone comes around and I have to quickly hide kind of thing. Yeah. So that progressed. And then after that, I'm trying to think just like of a timeline here.

It would probably, yeah, it would be that on and off again until I met my, my only real girlfriend is actually my wife at the moment. She was the only serious relationship I ever actually had. Right. So we met and I hadn't really cross-dressed for, I'd say, a couple years before then. and, you know, we start going out and everything. And at the time when she was younger, she used to wear heels more often. She was never really much of a dress person, but if she did, she'd wear panty hose.

So, you know, that obviously excited me a bit. So I knew she had the clothes. And a couple of years down the line, she gave me a key to her place, so I could come over during the day or after work or whatever and, you know, be there when she got home. And then I discovered, you know, her closet full of clothes. and stuff. And I was like, well, I've got a few hours here alone. Yeah. What else am I going to do? So I would borrow her clothes, borrow her penny hose, her heels, that kind of thing, dress up for a bit. And it was around about this time that I actually started getting more of a sexual kind of charge out of it. Charge. Like a charge. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So it was the sexual element

to it. And, you know, I'd start masturbating while wearing the clothes. Now let me ask you this. At that point were you looking in the mirror at your self-dress, thinking about yourself dressed, or was it still the feeling of the clothes on you? Like, what was the turn on? Was it that it was naughty, taboo, all of the above? I don't know. You tell me. Yeah, exactly that. All of the above. And it was definitely around then that I started looking in the mirror and hiring it. I almost saw it as a way to, like, you know, as a guy or whatever, you kind of have that ideal image in your mind of a woman like, oh, I would love my girlfriend to wear this and this and this and this. And I'm like, well, I can kind of make that happen myself and look at how great of an outfit that is.

Exactly. And I'll just preface this with a saying, I'm not gay. I'm not even by, I'm only attracted to women. And in one way or another, it's actually hyperfeminity that I'm attracted to. Exactly. So if a woman is kind of very butch or masculine, it's not attractive to me. Whereas if they're very feminine. That is what kind of is pulling me. It's almost like I'm looking more at the clothes than the person wearing them. Oh yeah. You have to listen. I had a crosschester on the other day. And she was talking. She said what you just said, but she said it's so much funny. She's like, when I see a girl walking down the street that has no jewelry or no makeup, it's like I'm looking at a boy. He's like, you know what I mean? Like he wants a girl that's like jewelry like the nines,

you know, like that's his idea of what a woman should be. And when he sees a woman. woman, no jewelry, her nails not done or anything. He's like, I might as well be looking at a guy. Like, it doesn't turn me on in the slightest. But so, yeah, I think it's important to say that because a lot of people have the idea that like it has something to do like, that it's the opposite of being attracted to women where it's like, no, it's like the fascination with the women. And like you said, not just women, like the most feminine women out there is what you're fascinated with and interested in. Exactly. Exactly. That's it. So, so, Yeah, so I would dress up in her clothes and I'd be at her home.

But can I just ask you at this point because you're all alone in this, right? We're still haven't gotten to the point. Yes. Where you tell your girl and you do have a whole other side thing where you're like into anal action. And we're going to talk about that, right? You start that up on yourself as well and which is interesting because you're not into guys, but you're into anal. Okay. Like I'm here to say like that could be true.

Yeah. But like at this time, because you are into all this kind of stuff that is very taboo and you got to keep it a secret. Like, how are you feeling about your sexuality and who you are and this whole fetish? Like, what's going on in your head about it? Like, are you really confused or are you okay with it? Like, how do you feel about all the stuff that you're doing? There was definitely a lot of confusion, especially the older I got and the more I kind of started analyzing it from more of an adult perspective. Yeah. Because when you're a kid, you kind of just do it because you can. When you're an adult, you kind of start to analyze your actions and why am I doing this? And you know, you know,

know it's wrong because you don't want anyone to ever find out. So you're trying to analyze why do I think it's wrong? Is it wrong? Because I'm lying. Is it wrong because of the actions I'm doing? And, you know, there would be a lot of self-hate with this. You know, sometimes I would dress. And then, you know, you get that post, not clarity. And you're immediately like, what the hell have I done? Yeah. You know, you're sitting there and you're like, no, I need a pack everything away and I have I made sure everything's away. And it kind of, in a way, because I've been doing it for so long, I became pedantic of making sure things went back exactly where they came from. Of course.

You know, like, there's those old, like, tricks you see in movies where, like, a dad will put, like, a hair on the doorknob or something. And you'll know his son's gone into the room because the hair's missing. And I got to that point of analyzing something before I touched. Like, okay, you know, this button was on the dresser in this position. It needs to be there when I come back or it's going to look obvious. So that's also what kind of led to me never getting caught is just being. But it also then made me feel like I'm being. being so careful about this, is it because what I'm doing is wrong and should I stop?

Right. And in some ways, using someone else's clothes. Yeah, and you're sitting with that. I think it's really hard, you know, and the reason why I ask that is because some of people can relate. And I think, you know, you got to feel for the person that has these kinds of fetishes because they sit with it by themselves for so long, right? I mean, eventually your wife does find out and you are sharing this with somebody else. But, you know, you've been, you know, this has kind of been in you for a long time, right? And all you have is yourself. Like, you're the only person that knows about it, right? So you got to sit with it by yourself. And I think it's like really hard for someone to go through that. It definitely is. Yeah. Because I don't to speak to about it because,

you know, if you speak about it, then you're outing yourself. Exactly. And especially in the earlier days, it wasn't like social media like you have today. We can go into forums or like Reddit or Twitter or whatever as an anonymous person and just speak out and kind of like speak to other like-minded people because of so taboo people didn't really talk about it so it was anything you ever heard about it was always was in the media it's like oh you know this guy got caught I don't know doing meth in the back yard of someone's house and he's dressed in women's clothes and everyone's immediately so saying oh so crossdresses are weird druggie creeps and I'm like is that what I'm going to become when I'm older is that kind of where I'm leading to yeah yeah it's confusing because

you don't have anyone to explain any of that stuff and you're just being bombarded by it and right yeah I get it. When did you get into the anal action? Is this around that same time like before you're with your girlfriend? Yeah. So all three of like parts of the cross-dressing, the anal and then I guess the general sex life and stuff, all of them kind of intertwined throughout my time. So I'm trying to like pull one story forward and then I'll go back. So for anal, the first time I think I did anything was around about the age of 10. It was around about when I discovered porn, which I'm not one to kind of shame or anything,

but 10 is way too young for a kid to discover hardcore porn, which I did, which I think has affected me a lot in my years. When I was 10, it was around that time where porn was starting to become relatively common on the internet, especially free porn. You know, they'd have either trailers for movies or that kind of thing. And then you'd start getting like the tube site. start coming up and then you can get like a full-length movie. So it wasn't like, you know, my parents' generation where you had to sneak around and grab a

playboy. But it's also not modern-day generation of, you know, everyone has an only fan. So it's somewhere in the middle. So I was kind of growing with it. And see, I was around about the age of 10, roughly, that I discovered porn. And immediately it was BDSM porn because it just happened to be the site that had the most free content I could find. Yeah.

So I started getting into that. and it was mostly kind of lesbian domination porn. So it was always about, because I didn't like seeing men and porn. If it was a guy in the video, I didn't really like watching because I'm like, especially when you do the panning shot to the guy's face just as there, he's about to come. And I'm like, that's not what I wanted to see. I don't even think women like to see that. The like calming faces, yeah.

Well, that shot from when she's in doggy, from behind you, shoot from below and you see his nuts flapping. And I don't know which director thought that that's a good idea. Someone that likes balls. Anyway, go on. Exactly. Yeah. So I was always looking for that.

I kind of also kind of skewed my mind a little bit there into, you know, what's quote unquote normal defined in the world, you know, is every woman that you find some slutty lesbian who will do anything to have a vibrator on her? Yeah. And at 10 years old, you're like, yeah, that sounds, that sounds right? Yeah, because that's all you know. logic. Because that's what they taught you. Exactly. Yeah, unbelievable. And through that, there was also obviously anal content. And I had come across one video at some point of Femdom where a

Domnatrix had pegged a guy. And I looked at that and I was like, because I didn't realize at first, because I saw the strap on and like just from the clip, it just looked like a woman getting fucked with the strap on. Yeah. And it was only after started watching that I was like, oh, it's actually a guy. And I was about to close. And I'm like, well, wait, why is he like, a woman do that, that's gay. But it's a woman, so it can't be gay. So I kind of had that kind of thing going in my mind. Like, okay, so is it a good feeling? Because he seems to be enjoying it. He keeps asking for more. And so what I'd done is I'd found small household objects, whatever I could find, like a toothbrush holder and anything really. And I kind of just went to the

bathroom, put a bit of soap on it because that's what loop is, apparently. And, you know, shoved it up. they shoved it up there and I was like okay now what and then you know I'd pull it out clean it off put it away and every now and then I would come back and try but it had never actually been a sexual thing it was more of like a and I can't explain it because it wasn't always having pleasure it was more of like an achievement I guess like oh I managed to get that in okay I'm done now and carry on so never really mixed until around the time when I had dressed up in my girlfriend's house in her clothes because at that point I was like, oh, I kind of remember I used to do some butt stuff when I was younger.

Oh, now you're putting it together. Yeah. Exactly. So I was like, let's do all these things together. And so I ended up doing it was I took a hairbrush with a longish handle, stuffed it under the couch, so it's kind of wedged there, and then backed up onto it while dressed up and jerked off onto the floor. And that was my first time ever kind of having any kind of sexual interaction with anal.

Oh, okay. But you were dressed at the time. Yes. Okay. Yes, I was. And I think that that added to it was, I think I started to associate anal pleasure with being feminine, not being a woman, but being feminine because someone in a feminine role would be the bottom.

Exactly. And then someone in a matching role would be giving. Yeah. But again, like when I was masturbating, I wasn't imagining some guy behind me. I was imagining exactly as it was. Oh, I'm just enjoying being dressed. I was a one. while putting a hair brush up my butt.

Right. That's what it was. It wasn't like you're wanting to be with a guy. You're not mocking up that situation. It's like it's what's happening. And it's also, listen, you got wired into it by the situation of a woman doing it to a man, right? Like, that's what was, that's what you got wired into because that was what you were watching, right? Exactly. And it became more common for me to watch it because I started liking the idea of being submissive to a woman because in my normal life, I'm Not like some super macho man that's, you know, woman must obey me and all that kind of thing. But I have a more dominant kind of general role and persona than submissive. So it felt like a bit of a change, which is what attracted to me to it as well.

It's because I'm like it's a way of kind of reversing your regular role for your sex life, which I think really made it enjoyable, fun, exciting. Yeah, that's why a lot of guys want to be sub. You don't know what I mean? A lot of guys are into that Because they tend to be That a more dominant person in their regular life across the board You know there is that typical stereotype of you know And sometimes you see it in movies like the really wealthy CEO

You know like getting whipped in the fucking dungeon And it's like of course why wouldn't he He's the one that's like really doming everyone He's in charge of thousands of people you know what I mean So of course how does that guy relax by being the opposite you know What's the opposite like really subbing in a fucking dungeon you know And you could see in a weird way how that would be the way to sort of escape, right? Yes, yes.

Because it's a way of escaping your normal life. And it's also more recently, but it did kind of start back then as I started getting into the whole degradation. Oh, interesting. Okay. Now, for perspective, and I'll get to details, but the degradation like in my sex life has only started in the last year or so, not even, maybe six months. Oh, okay. Up till then, I kind of liked the idea of it. Like when I'd watch the porn, I'd kind of imagine myself in that scenario.

And I like the idea of being degraded because it was a contrast to my normal life. Because in my normal life, I hate it. I don't want someone to mock me or make fun of me or say I'm lesser than them. But in my sex life, I'd like to do the opposite of that because it feels, again, like taboo or different. Yeah, naughty. This Father's Day, instead of getting your god. guy or yourself, if you're a guy, something boring and practical, why not get yourself something that's going to be a whole lot of fun, like the butter wellness, perineum massager.

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sterticot, which includes a massager and a water-based lobe. It's pH balance. And right now, Butter Wellness is offering my listeners early access to 20% off your entire order. When you enter code strictly at butterwellness.com, that's B-U-T-T-E-R-W-E-L-L-N-E-S-S dot com. And use code strictly to get 20% off the perineum massager or the butter starter kit. That's butter wellness.com. Use code strictly or just go to the description and click on the link. Make fun of me or say I'm lesser than them. But in my sex life, I'd like to do the opposite of that because it feels, again, like taboo or different. Yeah. Noddy. Uh-huh. Yeah. So I started really getting into that and watching a more point of that. And what kind of degradation is it physical,

or mental, like, is it verbal abuse? Is it physical stuff? I mean, or is it both? It would be physical and verbal. So, you know, like, small penis humiliation kind of thing. And again, that, like, I'm not a stallion or anything, but I'm also not a microp penis. So it wasn't something that would make sense in my normal life because no one would look at me and think it's tiny. But I like the idea of imagining someone telling me it is because then it would make me feel like, wait, but I thought it was pretty decent. Like, no, it's fucking shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know guys are into this kind of stuff, even if they're not small, like you said.

Exactly. So it's just a fun kind of role play for me. And then also, you know, the physical degradation of maybe being tied up so that I'd have to really work for it to like, you know, move around on the bed or something to get to the woman, like those kinds of scenarios. So, you know, I have this all going through my imagination. And for perspective, my girlfriend slash wife now was never, she was, she's extremely vanilla. You got to do a scaling and put me at like an age. You'd be like a one or a two kind of thing on the kink scale. So this was all in my head. It never really came out. Also because there was a lot of internalized, what's the word, hatred, I guess, for it and like. Of course. Embarrassment around it.

That, you know, it's seen as, you know, it's always portrayed in media as like being a weirdo thing to do, being into BDSM, being into any kind of kink. So I was always saying I kept very close myself. even in like chats with other people like you know guys sitting around someone would say oh do you know there's guys actually like being degraded or tied up was like oh that's such a you know you'd be the little bitch if you did that and I'd like yeah totally who would want that. Exactly. Secretly I'm like me I want that. So it was a lot of that just hiding it which led to me not, you know, being very closed in and I would

never tell my partner at the time because I was just always worried about her reaction to it and the fact that, you know, for her, like, it took us a while before she even wore tights during sex, because she thought it was kind of weird to wear any kind of clothing while we're having sex. It took a few months of kind of getting her to that point, and then she finally did it, and then it was okay. So I thought, if it's that hard to get her to just wear some clothes, how would she react if I started talking about, like, BDSM and dressing in her clothes and anal and all that kind of stuff? So I just kind of assumed it's something I'll grow out of. It's a phase, and I can kind of live with it. Right. So, yeah, so we did that for many years, you know, occasionally adding things. I mean, we only added a toy into the bedroom after we were together, I think, three or four years at that point. And she doesn't really get any pleasure from penetrative sex. It's only from cladryl stimulation. Yeah. So because of the logistics around it, it would usually end up either I would get her off with oral or with my hand first and then I would go in or I would go in and then her off afterwards. Right. And then eventually I convinced her, hey, we did try a vibrator for you.

Right. Like she could play with her clit at the same time. Yeah. Exactly. So we got her a little bullet vibrator, you know, those cheap dollar store ones. And she had one of the quickest orgasms of her life and she was, you know, in love with the thing. Exactly. Yeah. And so we would use that anytime we had sex, she would sometimes she would get off before and then she would, you know, give me a blowjo after or she would get off during sex. And it was a way of like kind of advancing our relationship a little more and a sexual orientation. Yeah. And yeah, so we started going more and more and more. And then, you know, over time, eventually we got married, moved in together full time. And there was times where I was alone at home, maybe she'd go away

for work or to visit family. Or, you know, she's just laid home from work so I could dress up in her clothes some more, so I'll be dressing up still. Again, all in secret. She didn't know any about any of this. And being very smart about it. So she's not catching you ever, right? Exactly. No, never, suspected a thing. Everything went back exactly where it was meant to be. I mean, I even learned a little trick for panty hose. If you put them on, like if you've just got pantyos at the wash, they're kind of tight and kind of shriveled up. Yeah. And if you wear them, they get a bit loose. Here's a little trick. Grab them by one end and pull it like tight while like dragging your hand across it all the way to the gusset to pull it like as tight as you can and then roll it

quickly around your fingers and let go it goes back into the exact state as if it'd just come out the wash you're kidding how do you learn that like was that a google thing or you just figured it out of it. Nope I just sat there and I'm like okay well these need to look like they just came out the wash because that's how they did look and she didn't have a lot of pairs so she wouldn't be like hey she only had like five pairs so if she went and saw like two of them look like they've been worn and put back in she's gonna maybe get suspicious so I was like okay got to be clever here we got to think of how to figure it out like that so just yeah exactly just being inventive is

one of those things that's a skill I've had in general paranoid and inventive yeah yeah so um so that would kind of go on and then in terms of anal it it was again you know there was just household objects eventually you know I started noticing that there was like fruits you know we'd have something in a fridge those maybe you know been there for a couple days we were going to throw it out anyways like a carrot or something's like, okay, well, I'm not going to throw it out just yet. She's going away in today. Then I'll use it and kind of throw it away.

And the evidence has gone as well. Oh, okay, right, because it was going to be gone anyway. Yeah, that makes sense. Exactly. And she wouldn't, she wouldn't ask why just threw out the brand new carrots or why half the carrots are missing from the pack after we bought them yesterday. And I'm like, I'm not eating them and you notice I haven't eaten them. So, again, you know, paranoia, being careful with everything.

And, yeah, it would be very occasional that the anal would happen. because it was a process. And I couldn't really have any kits or anything to keep around because she would notice it. It was a small apartment we were living in. So it had to only be when she was gone. And then I could use disposable items that can be gone and deal with it that way. Right. And the dressing kind of same kind of thing there.

And yeah, our sex life stayed extremely vanilla. You know, at most it would be a bit of dress up. There wasn't even really any role play because she was never into role play. And it stayed like that for, let's say, up until about three years ago, roughly. When I started talking to her, I'm like, look, I want to expand our sex life for it. I want to have a bit more fun. I want to explore BDSM. And she only knew BDSM kind of thing from the media, like 50 shades of gray and that kind of stuff.

So she was under the depression that's gross. It's hervey. It's abusive to women. And I said, no, no, no. I know you say you don't like being tied up and you don't like being hit or anything. I want you to do it to me. which kind of, you know, she raised her eye about. She's like, really? You want me to hit you?

And I was like, yeah. And I'm like, you know, you can bite me, you can scratch me, you can deny me. Yeah. Put a blindfold on me, tie me to the bed, all that kind of stuff. And about a week later, she did a little bit of research on her own and kind of had an idea in her head and like what to do as a dominatrix. And it was relatively like calm. The only thing she really did was she blindfolded me, told me I'm her, like I belong to her. and I'm going to do whatever she wants.

I said, yeah, I agree yes. That I must call her a miss. I'm like, okay, I'll call you a miss. And it basically just ended up being vanilla sex after that. But she thought to herself like, wow, I've made this huge jump. And I was, you know, I'm just being supportive of her. So I tell yes, of course, you know, that's huge for you. Maybe next time I can try something else.

Maybe you could tie my hands up above my head. Maybe if I touch you without asking, you can hit me kind of thing and tell me no. And, you know, we try and, you know, to play around with it a bit, but it would be once every few months she would try it. And she'd kind of forgotten what she'd done before that. So she'd go into kind of blind and like we'd restart from square one. So it was never really scratching my itch. So most of the time I would just be watching porn because that's kind of where I could get my it scratch.

And she knew I watched porn. She didn't really have a problem with it. Her sex drive was a lot lower than mine. I mean, I'm at least once a day kind of thing. Yeah. just to kind of keep up and everything. And so she was happy. And I was like, well, I can kind of get my kinks and everything done on my own.

And then when I'm with her, it's more vanilla. So just balance it out like that. And then we went on like that for about a year again. And then I'd really just been reading a lot about anal. And I'd never had any sex to her. So I'd only ever use things you're not supposed to use. And as a caution to also all your listeners, don't put anything up your butt that doesn't have a flared bass.

I had a very close call once of the banana and it's the last time I did that. You're kidding. You might have wound up in the emergency room like getting lost. Yeah, it was yeah, because I was using it going in and out. And then with the lube, it slipped with my finger and went completely in. Oh, my God. And I had an entire panic moment and just like basically like squat in

push as hard as I could and like just pulled it out. And I'm like, nope, never again. Nothing is ever going like more than halfway and never again. So I wanted to kind of expand on that. I thought I'm in the prime of my life. I want to be able to enjoy myself sexually and I want to explore my sexuality as much as I can. So I kind of brought it up to her and I said, look, this thing I wanted to want to tell you for a long time. It's been bugging me for the last few days.

I've been trying to find a way to tell you. And the thing is, I want to try anal. And her first reaction was, I've told you, there's no way you're putting in my butt. Yeah. And so I had to say, no, not your but mine. Oh, my God. And she looked at me with a face. She didn't believe me.

For about five minutes, she legitimately thought I was just playing a prank on her. Because in her eyes, I've never wanted or even thought about anal myself. I was always like, ew, who would ever put stuff up the butt as a guy? And that's gross. And, you know, putting up the facade to kind of keep up the anonymity behind it. Okay. So it wasn't like you never brought up, but you would actually talk down about it. yeah yeah you know just to kind of thou doth protest too much yeah exactly

so it took a few minutes for her to understand like you know you're serious i'm like yes i'm serious she's like so what do you want me to do about it and i'm like well i'd like you to be a part of it and maybe you know buy a strap on and you could use it on me because you know then you'd feel powerful as like a dom and it would help you maybe powerful in that moment and you'd have the power and the control and I'd be submitting to you. And then she kind of looked to me in the face, like, there's no way in hell I'm wearing a strap on. You know, the light kind of left my eyes at that point. And we had like a mini fight for about an hour with her discussing.

Like, you know, you've never mentioned this to me. Are you gay? And it was, yeah, it was probably for the next week or two. She'd questioned my sexuality the whole time. Like, is this your way of time you're gay and you just don't want me to know? Are you trans? Do you need to talk to someone? And I was trying to convince her, like, you know, sending her articles.

There's plenty of men that are into anal that aren't gay that are completely heterosexual. They're not trans. They're cisgendered in their mind. They don't want anything else. That's all they want. And she kind of couldn't believe it because she, I don't know, maybe it was just, it really caught her off guard. And so I kept trying to convince her and I'd leave her alone with it. And she'd come to me and say, you know, she's really upset about this news.

and it's, in my mind, I'm thinking, crap, she's going to ask for divorce. Right. And I'm like, this is like my biggest fear is like, I don't want my kink to be the end of my marriage. Of course. Like, I'd rather,

I'd rather bury it and never see it again than lose my marriage. It's worth more than. Yeah, well, I'm surprised that, like, that thought didn't stop you from bringing it up. You don't mean, that fear. And I think that's the reason why a lot of people don't, right? Because that's the biggest fear would be to lose everything just for this, right?

Because it's a small part of a marriage. right? You know, you're happy in every other way. You, like you said, you could give it up if you had to as opposed to lose it. But it's interesting that you still did bring it up because that was a risk. That was very risky. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I mean, that was the biggest factor keeping me from bringing it up was just once it's out, it can't go back in. You can't, you know, just say April fools and I didn't mean it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay. So now she's, now she knows and what is she, and she's questioning you and all that kind of stuff. And then what happens?

Yeah. About two to three weeks after that, she'd kind of absorbed the news and kind of was okay. And at least to me was saying she doesn't believe I'm gay, but it would turn out later that she told me like for a few months, almost a year she was still questioning it because she wasn't sure. She was like, she told me like, you know, I trust you and I believe you.

But deep down, she'd like, she's still kind of questioned that she later told me. And this is what I want to say to everybody. No, this is what I want to say to everybody. And you could have used this with your girl, you know, and I bring this up with other guys sometimes because it's a good analogy to show, to sort of explain to somebody that thinks you're gay because you want a dildo in your house. Like there are plenty of lesbians that have their lesbian partners strap on a dildo and fuck them all the time. Like that's a big part of lesbian sex. But by no means is that make those lesbians straight. Do you understand?

Like, just because they're getting fucked by their girls with a strap on doesn't make them want to go out and date guys. So the same way it doesn't make women straight. It doesn't make men gay. Do you know what I mean? And it's so dumb that people think that because they don't think that about women, right? If a lesbian woman is using a cock at home, a dildo, no one's thinking, oh, you must be straight, you know? So why if a guy is using a dildo at home, he must be gay? It doesn't make any sense.

It's just the feeling. And listen, some guys are. Some guys are that like that, but not every guy. Okay, sorry. Exactly. Exactly. No, completely agree. And funny, you should say that, I did actually use that as analogy when I was trying to kind of convince us.

Oh, good. You're smart. Say, you're smart guy. Yeah. Yeah. I'd also done a lot of research. I'd found people that had come out to their wife about it or partners and like, what did they say? How did they react?

So I was reading a whole bunch of other people's responses, trying to take out the positives and the negatives and see, you know, which way am I going to guide this to have the best impact and, you know, what's the easiest way to say it? And yeah, so eventually about a month after I told her, I said, look, I know you said, you don't want to be a part of this, but it's something that I want. Is it okay if I explore it on my own? She's like, well, what does that mean? I said, well, can I buy sex toys for myself? So she kind of hesitantly said, well, I guess, but I don't want to know about it. So, you know, keep it in a box, keep it hidden, and that's fine. You can do it, just don't tell me about it. Don't let me find. mind it, don't let me, you know, see your dildos drawing in the bathroom or whatever. Okay. So I said, okay, and that's when I went and ordered my first sex toys. I ordered some butt plugs. I got lube.

I got an enema kits. I got a dildo. And, you know, I got it all. And I was like, okay, now I can start with it. And for the record, if anyone's listing that has only ever used household objects, it is a world of difference actually getting your first real toys. feels a lot better. You feel better because you know you're safe. And it's just an amazing, amazing feeling, to be honest. Yeah, exactly. I'm surprised at Turkey that one. And so, yeah, so I had all

my toys. And what I did was I went and, you know, whenever she was out at work, you know, late for work or out for drinks with friends, I would grab it, go to the bathroom, use my dildos. And it was amazing. And it was such an amazing feeling just being able to use them the way that I'd seen in the videos and seen online and being able to kind of experience it all for myself and understand what I was actually seeing all that time and feel it myself. So it was great. And I kept doing it for the next year or so. And then I kind of brought it up to her again. I said, look, it's been about a year. Has your mind changed at all? Is there any chance that you'd want to be a part of them? She said, nope.

still no chance that I'm getting involved with that. It's all on you. And I'm like, okay, fair enough. And so yeah, so I went about it myself. And then around that time is when I had thought to myself, well, I have this box of mine that she knows is mine and she won't open because she doesn't want to see what's inside.

What if I bought women's clothes for myself kept them in the same box or another box and just said, hey, it's sex toy stuff. And she doesn't want to know about it anyways. so does it really matter? And I thought, okay, let me do that. So I started buying it. I bought my first pair of heels.

I bought tanyhows. I bought stockings. I bought dresses, panties, all that kind of stuff. Kets it all in the box. Again, we'd use it when she wasn't around. And I'd done that for about a few months. And then I thought, I don't like lying to her. I haven't lied.

I'm admitting the truth. But I feel like I'm lying every time that she's in the house. and she doesn't know about it. And what if she finds it one day? And the two options are either she accidentally discovers them a cross-dresser or she thinks I'm having an affair and some woman's left her clothes behind. I didn't know which was actually a worst outcome. I always wonder which was worse.

Apparently when I'd spoken to her about this because I told her that I had kept her from her, she said she would have actually found it harder to find me cross-dressing and secret than cheating on me. Like she would have ended it either way. but, or rather she would have ended it if she found I was cheating anyways, but it would have been harder for her to understand because she wouldn't have believed me. Yeah, yeah, I get it. She wouldn't have believed that was my clothes.

And I do think the first thought would be that you're cheating, you know, and I always say that. Like if I didn't do my show, I wouldn't think, I don't think anyone thinks the first thought if they find some clothes, women's clothes in a guy's house that he's wearing them. They think he's cheating, you know, for sure. because a lot of people don't understand that this fetish exists, that guys do these kinds of things, whatever. So keep going, I'm sorry.

So now did you wind up? So you're hiding that stuff because you know she's not going to go in there. You don't even have to worry about it. Exactly. It's my place. She wouldn't open it because she personally doesn't want to see it. So I'm like, okay, so it works for me as my little secret, Heidi Hall.

And but it had been about six months and I thought, or I think about a year in total from when I told her about anal for the first time. I was wondering, I was like, maybe I should tell her now. It's been a bit of a break. She's come to terms of the whole anal and maybe now I can tell her about cross-dressing as well. So I sat her down again. I said, look, this thing I haven't told you and she kind of got a big sigh because she's like, well, the last time he told me this, it was this huge news about being being into anal. Oh, my God. She's like, what the fuck is this guy going to bring up now? Yeah, it's like, what's next? You've got a side piece you've had for a few years?

Yeah, what's worse? So I sat her down, I said, look, the singing you know, and I'm a cross-dresser. And she said, what do you mean? And I'm like, well, I like to dress up in women's clothes. It's a kink for me. It's not because I'm trans. It's not because I'm gay, but it's something I like to do. And there was like a long pause.

And this time she took it better than the anal. I think also because she had kind of prepped herself from that time to expect a little, you know, she was more prepped for a bake shock than the first time when she had no idea that I was into any of this kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. So I kind of explained to her and I said, look, I don't need you to be a part of it, just like the anal if you don't want to. But I just want you to know that I'm doing it.

I don't want it hidden from you. We talked back and forth for a while. She kind of agreed, yeah, much like the anal, keep it to yourself, it's for you. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to see it. But you're welcome to kind of do it on your own, out of sight, out of mind. And, yeah, so that was about two years ago. And then roughly five months ago, I think, I sat her down again.

And I said, look, there's nothing new. I want you to know that. Because I've been having this whole thing in my mind where, you know, it would be great when she goes out. I get to play with my sex toys. I get to dress up and I was having a lot of fun with it. But it always felt like I was sneaking around because I could never let her see it. So I could make, I'd never, you know, she couldn't find the clothes and the wash with the same cycle that we were doing. We couldn't have toys out by accident.

She couldn't stumble upon it. She couldn't like allude to the fact that I was, that's what I was doing if like she came home unexpectedly. Right. So it still felt very hidden to me and kind of sneaking around. and I didn't like that feeling. So I told her, I know that you don't want to be a part of it, but you have to know for me, I'd like you to be involved at least to some extent,

because then it feels like I'm not hiding it from you. Right. And so the first step we took was she said, well, why don't we try the anal thing, but like it has to be very basic. So what we did was I put in a butt plug and we had sex. She wasn't, she didn't see it because, you know, at the other end. She wasn't looking there anyways. We had sex. She asked me how it was. I said,

you know, it was fine. It wasn't, you know, mind-blowing, but it was fine. And, you know, are you okay? She's like, yeah, well, I didn't know it was there, so it's fine for me. And then, you know, the next time we tried to step it up a little bit more, I had a remote-controlled prostate masser. So I said, okay, well, why don't you control the remote while we're having sex? And that was, you know, a bit more fun because she was kind of getting involved with it. And, you know, when she was getting close, she could put mine up so we could finish together. And then, you know, we, okay, that was cool. What can we do to step it up a little bit more?

And then after that, she decided, okay, well, and this was, this took quite a while. So this is, you know, it's not a week in gaps. It's months gap. And then eventually she said, why don't I use the toy on you? Like you lie in your back and I'll use the butt plug or the, prostate massager and I'll pull it in and out on you and yeah with her hand and then jerk me off and get me off like that so I said okay let's try that and it was actually an amazing experience because it was much more like what I was doing myself but having her be part of it made it that much more

special and that much more fun and so I really enjoyed that and we really had a good time of that and we've done it probably about five or six times in total with a few different types of toys but still I ask her now and then like you know have you changed your mind about pegging. She said, no, she doesn't want to see anything fallical shape. So even the toy she uses on me, it has to be kind of as far away from possible as looking like a penis. Because she doesn't like the idea of using a penis on me. Which, yeah, I mean, from my perspective, it's like what difference is it make? It's not attached to anyone, like whether it looks like a penis or a flower or a bowl. Yeah, that's just her thing.

And she might get past that over time. You know, listen, she's come a long way. if you really think about it. This is a girl on a scale of 1 to 10 vanilla or not vanilla and she was a 2. Okay? So, you know, she has become more open as time has gone by and maybe, you know, most likely eventually she might get there. You know, because what is the difference if you really think about it? Exactly. And it's not that I use penis-shaped toys because I like a penis going into me. It just, for whatever reason, I've tried a few different ones. Those ones just seem to be, in general, the best feeling ones. Maybe it's because, you know, the bulge at the front end it tends down that goes out.

Maybe it's the design or whatever it is. It just happens to be those ones I feel the best. So those ones I like using the most. But obviously, not with her. That's only what I use in my personal life. Has she ever thought to, like, try anal herself? It has been an extreme no in her book since the day I met her, and she has not even come close to changing mind on it.

Right, right. Like she's, yeah, as far as it goes, yeah. I would love to change your mind about it. No, because sometimes, like, speaking from experience, I think it's great. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, you know, if she, like, because I say the opposite sometimes, like, you know, because guys really want to get their girls into anal and they just, like, shove a cock up their ass and the girl's, like, horrified.

And it's like, no, why don't you try anal on yourself first, figure out how to do it properly and then get your girl into it. Because then you, you know, anybody that does it the right way will realize it feels fucking great, right? And you know that because you try it. And she would know that if she tried it, but a lot of people are very anti-it. And that's cool. Listen, she does allow you to do a lot.

And that's like pretty amazing. And I feel like she has become more open as time has gone on. So most likely as time goes on, she's not going to give a shit about if it looks like a dick. You know what I mean? Like I think she'll eventually get there, don't you? I'd like to think so. because of how much she's progressed. Exactly.

I mean, obviously, I'm the hopeful optimist here. Yeah. But just, I think just because of how it's progressed, it's more than likely going to. I don't know if it'll be a year, two, five months or, you know, how long it'll be. But I think eventually we'll kind of get to that point once we've gotten more comfortable with it and tried more things. Now, how do you feel like being honest and open about yourself has changed you, your relationship? I think it's definitely helped a lot. It feels there's much less of a burden

because you're not afraid. Like if I accidentally left a sex toy out by accident and she came across it, it would be more like a, hey, you forgot to put this away and I'm like, oh, my bad, go grab it and put it away. It wouldn't be like a, what the fuck is that? Exactly. And what about the fact that like, you know,

you know that now at this point, she really loves you for all of you. mean like there's not a part of you that she doesn't know about it anymore that you're hiding and I think there's a big thing to that you know when you're hiding like a big part of who you are you always on some level know like they don't know the real you and would they if they did you know you know you know that she does still love you you know and you're all you and I think that that's like a great place to be and that's where people should be in relationships you know so many people are hiding like a whole big part of themselves in relationships but you were able to put it out there

and she stayed with you, and now she really knows exactly who you are. And she loves you, and she's still with you. Yeah, and for me, that's amazing. It's probably the best, what's the most important part of opening up for me, was we're able to share this with each other and actually be open with each other and, you know, be, yeah, I guess I would just say, you know, being open at each other is so important. And just to touch on that, like about three months ago is also the first time she ever saw me cross-dressed because I brought it up and said, you know, the whole...

I can't believe you waited all this time. I got five minutes. Come on. Tell me that story. Okay. Yeah. So I had spoken to her again and said, you know, is it... I know you don't want to do it sexually because you're not attracted to woman.

So it doesn't do anything for you to see someone dressed in a female way. But is it possible that we can, you know, maybe I dress up for you now and then just to show off my outfits or that kind of thing. And she said, eventually she said that she thinks it would actually help her to see me dressed up because then it would take out the kind of the boogeyman in her mind of what she imagines it looks like versus what it actually looks like. Yeah, I think so. She said, yeah, go upstairs. Yeah. Yeah. And she said, go pick out an outfit. Tell me and you're ready and I'll come have a look. So I went in, put on a thigh highs, put on a high slit dress, put on the heels,

everything. And then she came in and looked and she was like, you actually, your legs look great in pantos. Guys' legs look better than girls' legs. Guys have better legs than girls. I've had contest with my hosers. And wait, I'm just going to tell you real quick. I had a contest where all the panty hose, all my hosers had to wear hose and send them in, but it was like anonymous, right? No faces, just the legs. And I had my sister and my cousin come over and I had them judge all these legs in panty hose, but I didn't tell them that they were guys' legs. I told them that they were girls' legs, and they believed it. And they analyzed the whole thing. And then at the end, and I have this all on recording, I told them, by the way, these are all guys. They, they feel. They

fucking flipped out. Like they could not believe it because like all these guys legs will kill her. You know what I mean? But honestly, I think. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, it was so fucking funny. They had no idea, you know. So she actually liked your legs and hose.

Yeah, she was, she actually said she was a little bit jealous because when we sat down off her, she said, I just need to know, what size dress are you? And I was like looking at her and I'm like, are you worried that my dress size is smaller than yours? Because I said, so now I was actually a size of. bigger than hers, which she kind of had a sigh of relief. And then she asked me, like, you know, what size shoe are you? And I'm like, that's a US 11. She's like, they make heels that big. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. Like, you know, you like to rap about interesting, funny things. Exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, it was, it was fun. And we've done that a couple times now just, you know,

randomly she'll say, oh, why don't you go pick out a new outfit or something and show me what you've got. And, you know, she'll critique it or say, I don't think that looks good on you or. So it's not, I'm not dressing full-time. I'm not walking around the house, completely dressed up all the time, but every now and then we'll do it just as like a kind of fun five-minute activity type of thing, which has also helped me a little bit,

I guess, be more comfortable with her and all that kind of stuff. And I'd spoken to her, and I even created a Reddit account to post pictures, just completely safe work-type pictures of below-the-waist, you know, legs and heels kind of thing, just because I felt like, you know, I wanted to kind of share what I've made and, like, pictures and everything in, like, my outfits with people completely anonymously just because I thought, you know, I've got a pretty good sense of style here. And, I mean, some of my Reddit posts have gotten hundreds of likes and comments and everything and people saying I have amazing legs.

Right. You like to appreciate it. Yeah. It feels good because it's not that I'm, you know, tricking people, but just the idea that, like, hey, I, you know, I do. I'll chew my own horn a bit. I do have great legs, I think. Yeah. Especially, well, I have great female legs. Yeah, well, guys have more muscle, natural muscle tone in their legs than women.

So I'm sorry, but every single guy's legs in my Panahos contests were nicer than most of my girlfriend's legs. Sorry to say. I mean, it's just a fact because they have more shape to their calves and their, you know, because there's more muscle in men's legs just naturally. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. You're going to send some picks for my Patreon? Yes, yes, definitely.

And my discord, I'm going to give you free. Listen, you know, we got to give credit to your girl. She has really come a long way. You got to be very proud of yourself for being able to get to the point where you put everything on the table, you know. I think it's really hard to live a double life. You know, there's so many people listening to this that have been doing it for a lot longer than you and are still doing in hiding and are like salivating over your story and wish they could do that. I think it takes a lot of balls to do it. So, you know, like, kudos to you for getting the balls to do it and doing it, you know.

And what I always say is I really think that most women, I don't know, if they meet a guy and they really care about him and all the stars align and everything, like it's not easy to go out and find somebody else to take their place that, you know, most likely they're not going to completely leave you for it, you know, if you're just honest about it. But it might take time for them to understand it, just like it took time for you to understand it, right? it has taken time for her to come to terms with it. But that's normal, you know, but she kind of has and she's come a long way. And I think that that's amazing. And you're lucky and she's lucky that you were honest with her, you know, and I think that that's the way to do it. And you're still super young. Because like you live so much of your life, like in shame about all this stuff. And like, I think there's a big difference when you're doing something in front of somebody than that. Like there's no more darkness to it, right? There's no more shame. You don't have to feel that bad

feeling afterwards anymore now that it's not a secret, right? Don't you think? Is that true? Yeah, I completely. Yeah, I completely think that has helped me a lot between my wife and, you know, posting just being able to kind of be open about it and talk to people about this kind of, this lifestyle and open up and hear other people's views and it doesn't feel as dark and scary anymore. And I think also just with the way that the world is changing, it's becoming a lot more accepting of people straying from like the norm that it makes it a little bit easier to reach out. I mean, there's still a lot of work to be done, obviously, you know, for the whole world. But it's definitely, I think, a much easier time now than it used to be.

Oh, yeah, for sure. You're so lucky. Like, I'm telling you, the people that are listening that have been living this life, you know, and that are double your age, you know, it's because they didn't grow up in a time where they could talk about this stuff. you're growing up in a very different time. You're way younger. Your generation is more likely to be open than someone who say 55 or 60, you know, because in their time, it was even 10,000 times worse. And so things are really changing, which is so great. Do you want to give out your Reddit by any chance? No, no. It doesn't matter to me. No, just, no, I'm not going to give out the Reddit. Okay. But if someone found out about it, I wouldn't care. But yeah, okay. No problem. But do me a

favor, send me in picks for my Patreon. Those will be posted for my hosers and my cross-dusters and then I will give you free access for a month to see like the comments when your episode airs and I'll give you free access to my Discord and there's like cross-dressing channels in there and stuff and my Discord is locked down so like no one could get in there

so it's pretty private so you could go in there as well I'll send you those links okay and do me a favor and if you're going to send in picks send me them sooner than later okay because you know I don't know when this will come up yeah perfect and you could just send them either text message or email them to me, okay?

Okay, fantastic. All right, this was great. I love your story. I really didn't have to say much. You were a great storyteller. Yeah, I hope I wasn't talking too much because I've listened to a lot of your episodes before. I mean, that's actually what got me into talking about this. And speaking to my wife about it was actually just hearing so many stories from cross-dressers

on your podcast, hearing you speak to them. One of the things that you said now that I actually heard from another episode is the whole, you know, your wife loves you. It's not easy to find a good man in this world. She's not going to leave you for one little thing. Yeah. And that's actually one of the things that kind of got me enough courage to actually bring it up because I was like, you know what? You're right.

It's someone's not going to leave you for this whole thing. It might make things awkward for a bit, but they're not going to leave you. Yeah, no. And you want to know what evidence is for that. How many women out there are getting, like, beaten up by their husbands? They're with addicts that are like drooling in the street on meth. there were guys that treat them like shit and they never leave women have like hope i can't explain it like they stay with the biggest scumbags and never leave i have put up with it way worse with guys

and wouldn't leave a fucking relationship you know they're not gonna leave for that so i love that that actually helped you because you're proof to say that that that was the truth she's not gonna give up everything for that you know it's a lot easier to come to accept it and she did and i'm glad for that so uh thank you so much you did not talk too much you know i like you took over You did a great job. You're like one, like, this is my favorite kind of guess. I don't have to do much, so. But anyway, Lila, thank you so much for calling in and sharing your story.

It was super interesting. Thank you. It's been amazing to be here. Awesome. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available, not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook.

It's still not going to be out until August. 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it. like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them.

They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could be available. You can be available. pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot

of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link. to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. Okay, good news. I do have a book out. I wrote a book and it's coming out. The book is called Stricklandonymous Confessions. Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. What I did was I picked out the

17 best episodes. That was very hard to do. Okay, I picked like one from each category. And I retold the story from the third person. So it's not interview style. It's a little bit more erotica. The only place where I took creative liberty was in the sex scene. So it's even hotter than my episodes. Like I said, it's told in the third person. And they're all true, just like my show. I mean, these are real stories from my show, just written out.

Like I said, in the third person, not an interview style, more like a story. But a true story, a true super hot story. Now, listen, it is available for pre-order now. And it's not coming out until October 14th. And I was like, oh, my God, that's a long time. way. So I figured I'd incentivize people. If you want to pre-order it now, I will give you free access to my Discord if you pre-order it now. All you got to do is screenshot, a pick of the receipt. Just screenshot it to me. Send it to Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And then I will send you the link to my

Discord. So that's a little incentive to pick it up now. It's on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Simon & Schuster. The link is in the description. So make sure. to click on it and if you get it, send me the pick of you purchasing and I'll give you free access to my private Discord that is a totally naughty super hot community with a lot of people over 2500 people over there having fun. Remember email me the pick at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.