Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1148 - Scott is a Queer, Poly Dom who is into BDSM

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

Scott is a queer poly dom into bdsm and he called to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including when he realized he was queer and what that means for him, the open community he grew up around and how that shaped him when he was younger, his first open relationship he had in high school and how that was set up, how old he was when he lost virginity to guy and how old he was when he lost it to a woman, how he has always knew he was a dom both in and out of the bedroom, what inflicting pain on others does for him, how he met his current girlfriend and the type of pain she enjoys, how and why he felt uncomfortable about inflicting it on her in the beginning and how he got past it, how and why they define their relationship as top and bottom vs. dom and sub, the relationships both of them have outside of each other, how jealousy is normal in poly relationships and how they deal with it when it comes up in their relationships, how and why he recommends going to bdsm and kink workshops and where you can find them plus a whole lot more. **To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.  Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://promescent.com/kathy⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠To get 15% off your WHOLE order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2516-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use code: ANONYMOUS to get an 50% off plus a 14 day money-back guarantee Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I do change everyone's voices. So if you have an interesting, naughty, true story that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous, you could be on the show. All you got to do is send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show. Now, if you have a naughty confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline, you could do that 247. Just call 347, 4203579. That's so. 347, 4203579. Make sure you're in a quiet place.

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You get every single episode, which is six of them, early and ad-free. Plus, you get every anonymous confession that's come into my phone line. Plus, you get all of the naughty, hot, R-rated, sexy picks of all the females that have been on my show. I think probably like one or two, haven't sent it me in picks. Plus, you also get private personal Q&As where I answer all my listeners question. and the best thing that you get is access to my private Discord. Now, I have over 2,600 people now on my Patreon, and they're all over on my Discord now,

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about the lifestyle there. You can find out where all the gangbings and hotel takeovers and meetups and munches are in your location or in any location. They are worldwide. You want to sign up for SDC and get a free trial. Use my code 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. The last thing I'm going to say is if you love my show, please write a review. I never asked for reviews.

I don't know. I always felt weird about asking me. for them, but I did on, I think Valentine's Day or Christmas, I don't know, one day I decided to use the holiday to beg for reviews. And so many people wrote me so many nice reviews. And I was like, oh my God, I should ask for them all the time because I really do love hearing from my listeners and hear what people really think about my show. I fucking love it. It makes everything that I do worth it. So keep those great reviews coming. It helps the show. Okay. So today I have on Scott. Scott is super interesting. I felt like.

I talked to him a lot longer than an hour because we got a little bit of everything from him. I, you want to want him to get his whole life story because that's typically what I'm doing on my show, but he was like so uber smart and so educated on kink and BDSM and all the stuff that he's into, that we talked a lot of bigger picture too. Like I said, we talked a little bit about everything. We hear his story. He's a queer, polly guy who's very into BDSM. I think that would be the quickest, easiest way to describe him.

He goes a lot more detailed than that and explains, you know, when he really. realized he was queer when he had his first experience with, you know, both men and women. He's, you know, what Polly means to him and how he's been there, done that. He's in a relationship now. He's got a partner now. He talks about how their open relationship works. He's always been ethically non-monogamous. He talks about that. And then he talks a lot about BDSM. He's very much a dumb. He talks about how that was always clear to him. And he talks about a lot about that. He talks about his partner and his relationship. She likes pain. She goes into subspace. He talks about how he deals with that. He talks specifically about their relationship, her other partners that she has while they're together

and his other partners and how that all works out between them. I do bring up the jealousy thing. He talks a lot about how they deal with feelings when they come up because there are a lot of partnerships that are going down at the same time. And it's super interesting. He talks, a lot about doming or subbing or, you know, being in an open relationship, whatever it is. He talks about how he learned so much because, like I said, he's very super smart. So you get to learn a lot from Scott. I was like, oh, he needs to come back on for a Wednesday episode and talk bigger picture, you know, about things because he knows, like I said, he's super smart.

So anyway, I'm going to get right to be right back on with Scott. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Doing well. How about you? Good. So, Scott, you're a lot of things. You've been a lot of things.

you're 38 years old. You've been Polly, which I always have a headache when I think about it. Like a Polly is so confusing to me. And I love hearing stories when Polly works for people because I think it's a really hard thing to accomplish. But you've also been ethically non-monogamous. I'm thinking most of your life. Let me just get a quick snapshot of where you're at now, Scott. Are you a married guy? Are you in, you know, are you dating a bunch of people because you're Polly? Like, what's your status currently? So I have one very long-term partner, female, who I've been with for quite a few years now. And then I occasionally date on the side. I will say, Polly is kind of the best word in the lexicon at the moment, but I tend to not identify as much.

I think that there are people that are much more, they just have a different feeling about it, where it is very much easy for them to truly love quite a few people with, yeah, and I will say, but it's hard, but people do it. That is challenge. Some people do it, usually, especially for most of my life, I've been able to hold maybe two of those relationships. Yeah. At once.

So I think a much better, you know, usage of the term would be ethically non-monogamous. Yeah. Which I think is different than Polly because when I think of just ethically non-monogamous, I typically think, oh, that person is just allowed to like, you know, have sex and they're open with other people and they could go out of days. But like Polly to me is like, oh, you could be emotionally attracted to other people. So probably the way I think about Polly is the way you live it because you do have full-fledged relationships, meaning more than just sex, like emotional relationships with more than one person at a time.

Like you're open like that, correct? Yes, and it is as challenging as you can imagine, and the Google calendar is ridiculous. Oh my God. I know. I have heard a lot of Polygon wrong stories, but I have heard some stories where it's completely, people, the people are completely successful. And, you know, those people, I'm always like, wow, you are just way more evolved than I am because I couldn't even have more than one child because I was like, I don't know how I could love another one as much as I love this one kind of thing. I'm one of those. But let's get, let's go all the way back, Scott. Like, when did you start being more alternative than most people, you know? 15. When you were 15? Well, let me ask you real quick. How do you define your sexuality? Are you by? Are you straight? How do you define yourself? Yeah, I would consider myself,

usually when people ask, I usually just say queer. I'm very much bisexual. I've had boyfriends in the past. So I think that that's probably the most accurate description. I like queer better because it does just allow for a little bit more, as you would say, fluidity. And it, I tend to not like being put into boxes, regardless of what that box could be. Queer is such an interesting word to me, because in my lifetime, it was a very negative word to use, right? And now it's sort of, it's rebranded, and it means something totally different. And I like it because like I said, and what you said, it's just it's all encompassing now, right?

Like that means like you could be down with anyone. Yeah, and I very much enjoyed being part of that reclamation process. Yeah. Of at the time, you know, as a teenager, starting to use it and to, you know, as a little bit of a form of pushing back on the man. And so, yeah. But I think it, you know, as I got older,

it just became much more natural. and more of my friends would use it too. And so I think that, I think it's a, I think it's a good term that has been relatively successfully reclaimed in some parts. Oh, yeah, for sure. When you were younger, right, you said like you sort of realized things at 15. Did you realize you were into both men and women super early on? Yes, very early on.

Probably when I was, oh, 12 or 13 I was making out with a boy. Oh, no way. Like I'd like spin the bottle making out or like secretly like when you went over to play video games with your friend making out. Yeah, yeah, like secretly doing like backyard camping. Yeah. That happens, you know, that's been happening since the dawn of time, you know, so honestly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I hear this.

Yeah. And so I had previously been kissing girls and was like, oh, this is fun. And then started kissing this guy and was like, well, it was like, well this is also very fun isn't this excellent this this works for me i enjoy this but let me ask you this did you know early on that you were also like did you ever have crushes on guys whereas you knew that it's not just about like a sexual thing right that you're not just a horny for both men and women but that you also like one would date both men and women oh that's a good question yes but much more infrequently growing up i actually didn't have very many male friends

I primarily had female friends and my peer group was almost exclusively female. And part of the reason, honestly, that I think I had a little bit of a kind of a pushback on that was I saw a lot of my female friends having not great experiences with guys. Oh my God, hilarious. But I'd say my first real crush exterior

of a kind of a sexual desire was probably late. teens with the guy in a class and nothing ever happened but man I was happy in that class. Right. So what happened at 15 that made you realize that, you know, you were going to, you know, be into these different things? Because when I asked you, like, when did you realize you were so open-minded? You said 15. Yeah. Where I grew up was fairly liberal, even by today's standards. And so it was not uncommon at the high school level, especially for there to be throuples that were actually fairly open. Wow. Rupples.

Yeah. And the prevailing community, as I've learned since, has a very high percentage of swingers and poly couples. at least two or three people that I can think of immediately were part of a very kind of a Pauley household with multiple parents. Oh, I do that you're meaning. Even in their extended family, not just them. So it was like generational. Correct. Yes, their parents were either swingers or or Polly.

And so there wasn't anywhere close to the kind of. taboo and even, you know, people that were a few years older than I was, marriage was seen not anywhere close to being as a religious experience and much more of a, you know, much more of a partnership kind of thing. So it was a, you know, I fully admit to having kind of grown up in a weird place. Hey, everyone. Have a partner that you want to explore and learn to do new hot things with. Well, then why not get bedicated? Beducated is like the Netflix of sex education where you and your partner can go and get access to over a hundred courses to choose from all in one place. They have courses on how to give head for both partners as well as a sex paramed course

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off their yearly pass plus the 14-day risk-free money-back guarantee. All you got to do is go to the description, click on the link and use my code anonymous. That's code anonymous. Use it now for 50% off plus a 14-day money-back guarantee. Again, go to the description, click on the link. and use my code anonymous. Experience and much more of a, you know, much more of a partnership kind of thing. So it was a, you know, I fully admit to having kind of grown up in a weird place. I don't, I think it sounds like a fine place. What's wrong with that?

I mean, there was like no taboo. I personally think like sometimes like the more repressed places have, you know, wind up sort of growing people who are more, you know, perverted and into. crazy things because what you resist persists. So I feel like sometimes when things are so open and so accepted and so on the forefront, all you're doing there is like taking away the dirtiness of something and making it okay. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, you know? Yeah. And some of my contemporaries will even joke with kind of your traditional husband, wife raising kids as like, oh, you've chosen to do it with only two of you. That's interesting. thing. Right. Right. Like, so average. Right. It's like, oh, wow. So you're intentionally outnumbered. Okay. That's a choice, I guess. We're not going to out you. I don't know where the

fuck you're from myself either, but like you grew up in the upside down world. It's kind of interesting. But so, okay, so let me, so were you in a thruple when you were 15? Is that what happened? I was in a relationship. with a young woman and it was known that we were a couple, but at the same time there was no penalty for like making out and having sexual interactions with other people in that group. Right. And everyone knew that. Especially when the group was together. Right. So I don't think that we had the language at the time to do it. In my time, I'm sorry, you guys would have been the biggest whores. Everyone would have been talking about you.

You would have been like, you know, it would be very taboo. But it's interesting that where you grew up, this was common knowledge and it was accepted and everyone was down. Yeah. And in fact, we were not anywhere close to being kind of the popular or scandalous groups. There were groups that were far more scandalous than us. I was very much in the near nerd level. Oh, my God, hilarious. Let me ask you this.

Who did you, like, how old were you when you lost your virginity to a girl? And then how old to a guy? I was 14 when I lost my virginity to a girl. And probably 16 to a guy where it was, where there was kind of genuine, yes, we're here for sex. And that was a relatively quick kind of one-night stand kind of a thing. There were a handful of those through kind of the next few years. And then I learned, yeah. And then kind of in my early 20s is when I learned a lot more of the kind of etiquette around kind of the gay community.

And what was the etiquette that you didn't know when you were. Yeah, what was the etiquette that you learned when you got a little bit older? It just, I think probably the biggest thing was how when cruising you can flirt so. well without actually talking to somebody. You know, I think that the gay men that I was interacting with, who were almost exclusively gay, not bisexual. Yeah. I never felt more seen as a desirable creature than when there was some guy who was looking at me

from across the room and giving me flirty eyes. And it's like, oh, man, your body language. You can flirt with just body language alone. How amazing. That's so cool. Yeah, well, that's how women feel when they're walking down the street and every fucking guy is checking them out. It's like, it's almost like, you know, constant rape. Yeah.

Because that vibe is like, you can fucking feel it. I was walking with my son the other day. It was like an 80-year-old man walked by and stared straight on my tits. I was like to my son, like, look, when you're 80, you're still going to be doing it. Like, you know, you pick up on that energy. guys guys you know you feel it but in but and I get that you would like that right because you're into the guys and if you're seeing a guy across the room and he's giving you that look and you're feeling that it's you you like it I think for women why it could get hardest because they don't they don't want it all the time it's coming at all anger sure yeah let me go back to your first experience with a guy like did you realize like you were a bottom a top were you down for everything or you vers like what was your deal when it came to you guys to just like sex with guys. I have been a top and a dom for as long as I have known.

I have never once really questioned it. It was just an absolute internal. It's one of the most profound I know myself. Yeah. Levels of understanding. It is super clear to me. It was super clear to me, even as a young teenager, that nope, I can be in charge.

And not only can I be in charge, I enjoy being the one that has the, I want to say a mixture of power and control. Yeah. But both of those have evolved over time. And so I think at first it was, oh, I have control over the situation. And then I realized, well, that control is derived from power.

And that power is kind of the more, I don't know, the more advanced, more mature understanding of what control is, because you can cede power to somebody else. And I've gotten it, and I've done that a couple of times. I have bottomed. I think that as a, do you prefer doming both men and women?

Yes, 100%. And listen, I got to say, there's so many guys want to be a little subby, right? So I think it's great being a dom, right? Aren't there more like subby guys than there are doms out there? Or I don't know, you tell me. I mean, in my experience, I think that I attracted a fair amount of more subby and bottom males.

Because you were dumb, right. So who knows, right? Because you were always sort of projecting that. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's difficult for me to walk into a room and not feel that I am. The most dominant in, the most centered, most, right. And, and a lot of that comes from the, that, that was honed later through aspects of my, career, oddly enough. But yeah, so that level of kind of authority is... Yeah, it's interesting, though. I got to say, though, a lot of times when someone's very... I mean, you're only 38. Maybe when you're 65, you'll be subbing. It'd be just to relieve all the pressure. But a lot of times, a lot of guys who are very dumb in their regular life. And I always say this. It's kind of like, you know, that's, you see the CEO of the Fortune 500 company wearing panties in a dungeon.

because how does that guy let go of all of that fucking pressure of like all those people that were, you know, it's to, how does he release all that by going the opposite, you know, so a lot of times it is the opposite. And that's not always true. You know, I just had a woman on who was a professional Femdon. I mean, she was like, Dom in her regular life, a dom in her sex life. And she never was going to change. That was never going to fucking change for her, you know. But that's why I think there's a lot of subby guys because a lot of guys are very dumb in their regular life. And the way they like to check. out is to flip it, right? Yeah, and I genuinely don't understand that. I understand that. Because it's not your way. You need to meet Dom and a C. Aphrodite. She was the same as, you know, Dom in regular life and Dom in the bedroom and never any desire

to really switch at all. Right. And I have bottomed. I think that if you're going to be a really effective Dom, there are times that, especially if you're trying something new, you should know what that feeling like. Yes. Yes.

Absolutely. Very important. Right. And especially kind of the like, you know, a fair number of my partners over the years have been very new into the BDSM space. And so I think it's incumbent upon me as a Dom who's attempting to introduce things to be like, okay, when I tried this the first time, this is what made me nervous. And so, you know, I don't like pain.

Pain is a great example. I very much enjoy inflicting pain. Pain does nothing for me sexually. Absolutely nothing. But inflicting it does? Inflicting it does, and that's just a power dynamic. That's just the enjoyment of the power dynamic. Yeah.

But at the same time, I was at a workshop a year or two ago, and there was a new electrical product that was being showcased. And I was like, yeah, great, let's go. You know? And it hurt like, yeah. You know, it's like, Jesus.

Yeah, okay. I can see. You can get the tingly kind of hurt where you can go to like white searing pain. Yeah, but I mean, that's never going to be a Dom's thing. It's never, you know, I mean, that's why you're a Dom and not a sub, but the sub likes the pain.

And they all different types of pain. You're right? Yeah. Exactly. Stinging, thumpy. Like, I've heard it all. Yeah. And my primary partner is absolutely a pain slut.

Like that is, she is a pain slut. Yeah. That's why she's your primary. Yes. And she was there when I was going, when I was experiencing some of this electrical stuff. And she just started getting antsier and antsier. And I'm like, you know, are you? you okay? And she's like, yeah, I want to be doing this.

I'm like, okay, great. Wait, where did you mean her? Did you mean, obviously, you met her in the BDSM community because eventually you got into that community because you're into being a dom and all that stuff. So you're in that world. Is that where you met your primary partner that you're with now? I actually met my partner. This one on field. Oh, okay. The app field. Yep. And we went on a, we went on a date and it was fine. It was enough for a second date. And we dated kind of off and on, or we dated regularly but infrequently for about a year. And she was very much beginning her BDSM journey. And so, you know, we were originally kind of spending one evening together at a time.

And then it became two evenings. And then there was a, you know, long four-day weekend kind of a thing. and we live with each other for 50-50 at this point. Right. What kind of pain is she into? Like what's her type of like what's her go-to? She very hardcore. She is super hardcore.

She can take a, she can take a genuine thumpy beating. Oh my God. Like bruises. You leaving bruises? Oh yeah. Yeah. Stingy she'll tolerate. Uh-huh.

But she'll she'll yellow out pretty quick on stinging. Yeah. And that means like slow down. right? That's the yellow out. That means, that means, yep, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm good. Yeah, yeah. But what the page she likes? Thumpy, thuddy, thuddy, that is the more hardcore one.

Yeah, you can, you can do some damage. And for a while, the really amazing thing with her was that for, for the first year, year and a half, and especially the first handful of times, because I really prefer to do kind of a sensation scene with somebody who I don't know really well, just to kind of see what they're up to, a very kind of a light taster. And she would drop into subspace so hard and so far that for most of the first year, I would read before she did.

Really? Yes, because, Because I would, I would, well, I didn't think that she was able to consent anymore. Oh, interesting. She was someplace else. That's how hardcore. She's subspace is what you're saying. Yep.

She just completely goes away. Yeah. And the first time it happened. And you feel that shifted in energy, right? Like you could feel that. So you, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She went, she, I asked her to check in. And she was completely. not verbal. And I was like, oh, okay, we're done. Yeah. You know, all right, start to, start to ease this, you know, we're going to start downshifting now. Yeah. And again, I mean, for most of the first year, that would happen, she'd start getting annoyed. It's like, no, no, no, we got to keep going. I'm like,

look, I just, I gave you like a, like an eight or a nine out of ten impact multiple times. And you had almost no reaction. Oh, my God. Okay, guys want to have better sex and be more confident in bed every single time you get down and dirty. Well, then you need to try Blue Chew and not just regular Blue Chew. You need to try Blue Chew Max. That's right. Blue Chew now offers Blue Chew Max, which combines the active ingredients of both Viagra and Cialis into one chewable.

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Go get yourself some Blue Chew Max. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at Bluetooth.com. And I've got a special deal for my listeners. Try your first of Bluetooth free when you use promo code strictly anon. Just pay $5 shipping. That's promo code strictly anon. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and I thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. That would happen. She'd start getting annoyed. I was like, no, no, no, we got to keep going.

I'm like, look, I just, I gave you like an eight or a nine out of ten impact multiple times, and you had almost no reaction. Oh, my God. Yeah, and in the beginning when you started. I don't know you well enough. No, but like in the beginning when you. started to really care about her, right? Because I had a guy friend who met a girl and she like really wanted him to like, you know,

hit her when they were like, you know, get really abusive in a physical way. You know, it's probably like she wasn't explaining it well. She was probably into BDSM. But he was not. So he was just kind of hearing it differently. And he didn't, he couldn't do it. He was just like it. Yeah.

And he couldn't because he just liked her too much. And, you know, my friend, I knew him. This is a good, nice guy. And I don't listen. And you sound like a very lovely guy. You know, there she is in subspace and you could be fucking abusing her and you're like, oh my God, I can't do this. You know, you're obviously responsible, nice person.

But like, you know, I would imagine there might be a little bit of that, right, when you're starting to really care about her to, like, how do you also like physically, you know, put her through painful situations? Yeah. And I come from a medical world. And so I'm pretty. well versed on what is pain versus what is damage. And in that first year, you know, I kind of, it would flip to like, ooh,

ooh, that was damaging. And I'm not getting any response. Like, you are super in your own world. And I've just done something that is right across the damage zone. It's like, okay, so, yeah, I can't. ethically keep going because you're not giving me you know how did you get past that you can't how do you get past that with her so so i learned a lot more just by by sheer experience with her the the levels that she the levels that she can take and the levels that she can go to now again

this is relatively early into her experience as well and so she also was practicing. And so her experience of being able to kind of go into subspace and kind of understanding that and what that feels like, the more comfortable she got with that, the more, the easier it was for her to communicate. And for me, BDSM, you know, it requires consent to be play. And so if, and so if, and so if one partner can't consent because it's so good, that's still not consent. And so, you know, I see a lot of, not a lot, thankfully, but I, you know, I hear a lot of horror stories of, of especially relatively new doms who don't understand that

at some point in time, even if it's going amazingly well, one party is no longer able to consent. And they're not necessarily aware of it because they say, well, I got consent to see this scene through. And it's like, yes, but consent also implies that you can continue to consent. And so if they cannot, then you're, then you need to back off. fucking blacked out. Okay, I'm a sober person now. And I remember being at like a party very soon after I got sober and I'm watching this whole drunk and mask go down. And there's some girl that's so half out of her mind drunk. She's basically like a dead person. And this fucking creepy dude was hitting on her. And I was like, how could someone find that attractive? She is not even present. Do you know what I mean? Like she's not even there. There is nothing happening. She's a cool. corpse, okay? And there's this guy leaching on her, hitting on her, trying to get her, trying

to fool around with her. And I'm like, that's like non-consensual to me, right? She's not there. She's not present. And that guy has a fucking problem because what regular guy would find that hot? Some guy called in the other day. He's like, yeah, I was fucking a girl behind from her behind when she was like throwing up because she was so drunk. I'm like, that's fucked up. Like, that to me is not cool. Like, you shouldn't be fucking anyone when they're throwing up. I mean, like it's no different. And I just think sometimes, you know, people, you know, maybe the girl's in some space. And unfortunately, sometimes when, whether it's a guy that has a heart on or I'm horny, you know, you're like in another place too, right? You're not thinking properly sometimes. But people should, okay, because consent is always super important. I got to say, though, what I love that you said before was, and I'm kind of going off topic, but I think it was like really great because I always say it. I'm always like getting guys into like trying anal action. And I think it's great. And who, who's the fuck cares and there's such a stigma around guy and guy action or any kind of anal action. And you saying that you have bottomed only because how could you be a good top? And I always say like there's so many

women out there who are like horrified by anal because some guy just like, you know, turned her around and shoved his dick inside of her before any foreplay, before getting her turned on, you know, and that guy may not realize it's not like a vagina. Like it just doesn't open easily, you know, but he would know that if he tried to shove something inside his ass at one time. So I'm always like if you want to learn how to fuck a girl in her ass or get her into anal, start playing around with yours. And then you'll understand how it works because yours is exactly like hers. You know, so I think it's smart that you've learned to bottom.

You did it a couple times. And that has made you understand more being the responsible dom that you are, right? So when you are, whether you're with a woman or a man, you know what's going down. yeah and I I don't I don't mind being pegged yeah like you know there have been plenty of of times where it's just like hey you know for with my part yeah with one partner or another being like I'm interested in peggy it's like yeah totally what yeah I'm good for that yeah like you know is it you know if I had to plan my my fantasy night would that be a part of it probably not right there are those things that I would I would do but but but

You know, the, it's like, well, yeah, I, you know, I, let me ask me this. How is your, sorry, cutting off, how is your, I'm trying to fit your whole life story in, in one hour. How is your relationship set up with your girl, right? Like, I know you're the Dom. She's into BDSM. You guys are into that. She's, you know, very much your sub.

You have, you could have other relationships. I'm assuming she can too. And does she, like, does she have other partners right now? Like, what's going on currently with the both of you? Like, how is your, open relationship set up. Yeah. So first and foremost, she is not my sub. Okay.

And we were very upfront about that relatively quickly. Yeah, tell me why. Like, what's the difference? Like, what does it mean if you say someone's a sub compared to someone who just wants to be dumbed, like or wants a pain inflicted on them? Like, what is the difference? Like, what does that word mean? Sure.

Yeah. So I taxonomically differentiate a dom and a sub as a specific relationship type. Yeah. Whereas. Like a dynamic. Right. Correct. And it may be part time and it may be full time, but it is a distinctive relationship.

Whereas with her, we are partners. We are 50-50. And the vast majority of the time, though, I am topping her. and she is the bottom. Yeah, I think that that's a good distinction. Yeah. To make. Yeah.

So when I talk to somebody who's new and they're like, I'm looking for a dom, it's like, okay, great. I am willing to play and kind of see where this goes. Yeah. But I'm not your Dom yet. I'm going to top you. And everything I do is a top may eventually become part of our dynamic. Yeah. But at first, no, Dom and Sub, I think, is a, is a very special type of relationship, whereas

top and bottom is, is much more topical and situational. Yeah, that makes sense. I remember when I had my first Dom on, I was very surprised at how it all went down because, you know, I never read that book, 50 Shades of Gray, but that was very big at the time that I was interviewing this guy because I've been podcasting for like 12 years. and I was like, whoa, like I thought this was all just about sex and it was just about, you know, hurting. So whatever. And it was no, it was so much more intense.

There was so much homework being done and essays being written and, you know, talking and, I mean, contracts and stuff. It was like, oh, my God, this is like nothing like that book said, you know, or what people think. And it was, but it was very eye opening. I think the worst punishment I ever gave somebody was they had to write me a 500 word essay. There you go. I was like, oh my God, thank God I'm not a sub. I could never. I'd be like, go fuck yourself.

I'm not writing three sentences. Yeah, exactly. It's a lot of work. It was a lot of work. Right. Yeah. Right. And so, yeah.

I don't have that. Yeah. That makes sense. No. But does she have other relationships with other guys and right now like I know. She does. Okay, cool. And does she have, is she into women too?

She is. So, so if you were to ask her, she would say that she has, kind of two partners. She has a very large anchor partner, which would be me. And then a woman who she sees very frequently has a wonderful, very long-term relationship with. And it works just perfect that they see each other every couple weeks. Right. Yeah. More than that, more than that has caused problems. Less than that has caused problems. You know, so they have done a very good job over the last four or five years of really kind of dialing down just who and what they are to each other. And how they could stay together and make it work.

Exactly. And what kind of support does this other woman give that I necessarily can't or vice versa? Right. And then she has another partner. And then she has kind of part of that kind of friend group. There's another, there's two other couples that she plays with, one of which is just a very kind of traditional partnership couple. Another is, is a Dom Sub relationship, which is a 24-6 dom-sub relationship. Wow. And so she'll actually, she gets to top in, in, in, in, in, in that regard. She gets to kind of exercise her top and dom kind of feel. She's very much a pain bottom, but she, she likes to top women.

So, yeah. So she has a couple. Like, mingle. Like, how many partners do you have? And then my question, second question would be like, I know, now we know hers. Who are you currently seeing on the side as well, if, if any? And do all of you ever? like get together. So I have been very casually dating two people for the last eight or nine months. My anchor partner and I, we have played with one of them and we actually have

plans to play with the other one in the next couple of weeks. But otherwise it's this is kind of part of the, we live with each other 50, 50% of the time. And so in the 50% of the time that I'm not with her

is primarily when I'm dating these other two. Now let me ask you this, and all this time that you've been having all these kinds of relationships and not just with her, with people before her as well. Has jealousy ever come up? You know, I would assume sometimes it does and can. I mean, that's just real life.

And if it does and it has, how have you worked through it? I think it's constant. I think that if you meet somebody who says that they are not jealous and have never been jealous, they are delusional. Right, yeah. Or they use a different word that everybody else thinks of as the word jealous.

Yeah. Oh, that's an interesting way to look at it. Yeah, they don't, maybe not even realizing it. Yeah. Right, exactly. So, yeah, it comes up. I, we have kind of a language for it. As you can tell, I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to language and terminology.

Yeah, used a word before that. I'm like, I don't even know what that fucking means. It was started with a T. I don't know what it was. But anyway, go on. Yeah. Well, so we use, we have one of my favorite facts about language is that kind of your environment dictates the level of nuance that you have. So the Inuit language has something like 15 or 16 different words for snow. Right. And it's because it's always snowing. They just need to differentiate what kind of snow. And so we've developed a fairly nuanced language around

jealousy. And so almost, I would say almost always, we feel a, well, we would call it twinge. There's just a little twinge or a little tweak of like, oh, that person's going to be, you know, okay. And a lot of that comes to FOMO. You know, I feel that twinge because I wish I was the one doing that with you. Right. And being able to articulate that and to have the language to be like, hey, we haven't connected very well because, you know, 50% of the time we're long distance. And it's been, you know, we've both kind of been out of contact with each other for the last couple of days due to circumstances. And you're going to be going and doing this really big thing that I really wish I was doing it. It's more than a twinge.

And being able to, and so what we have done is spent a lot of time communicating and coming up with language so that she can understand it or talk about it, right? Well, yeah, and so you, and so both of us can feel understood. Yeah, that's important. Right. And so in my experience, I feel much better knowing that she understands that, I'm not angry at her for doing this. I am really wishing that I was able to do it with her, and I'm bummed that I can't. And it just, it may come across as I'm annoyed with you. And so we have a specific language and understanding for what that is and why and how that person feels.

And so as soon as I, and so we do a lot of the, the, what I hear you saying is, I say that a lot to each other. What I'm hearing you say is that you wish you were here and you're bummed that you're not going to get a chance to do this with me for another three weeks. Yes. And as soon as it's like, oh, amazing. I feel, yeah. I feel understood. And, and, and so there's, so there's just been a, there's just been a, there's just been a, there's just been a, lot of practice with that. And in fact, when I have a new partner who is not necessarily used to the fact that I travel a significant amount, and a lot of times when I'm unable to communicate, I really can't communicate. It's like, no, you will not hear anything from me, even a message receipt for four or five days. Which can be really.

really disconcerting for people. Someone in a relationship. Yeah, that's a long fucking time. Totally. And so when I'm with somebody who's new... I would have a real hard time understanding why. What the fuck's wrong? You can't get you for five minutes.

Explain. Right. And so I tried, you know, I, in the same way that like if I'm working with somebody who's never, you know, done any real bottoming or stuff, I go through some exercises with them of how to say no. Yeah. And how to say no to something that you probably really want. And so in that same way, you know, my partner and I and another partner who kind of comes to mind who I was with for a couple of years, a few years ago.

We would just practice what it was going to be like in certain situations. That's what we're talking about. Like you would say, like how you would be able to convey that, sorry, sometimes I'm going to check out for five full days. and you might have feelings about that, but that's just what I do kind of thing. That's where you were heading with that thing. Yeah, yes, actually. And here is, if I'm going to be checked out,

you know, there's no even sell service for five days. Oh, okay. Here is the phrase that I'm going to use. So if you see this phrase and this message, that is the signal that says I am not going to be available and we would do that even when I was available for a day or two days and then three four months later yeah and let's just a little sort of understanding goes so is so it's such a long way and so many times in relationships that it blows my mind and so many relationships It's like the people seem to be much more against each other than a part of a team, you know, and I don't understand that.

And I think why I typically, a lot of times, and I listen, I love a gone wrong story. I have many of them on because this is real life here, right? But like a lot of times when I'm talking to people that have very open relationships and stuff, the real successful ones are really a lot closer than even a lot of vanilla relationships because they are just talking so much because they have to. That's what keeps that kind of relationship going. Like what you're saying, a lot of people, I think, would not have it in them to do this much talking, this much understanding. You know what I mean?

A lot of people just want to be on autopilot. And it's like Groundhog Day every day. And then they forget all that kind of communication and no one's talking. And then it is a very tit for tat and people are defensive and don't understand their partners. And that's there and lies all the problems and relationships, you know. But you're forced to over communicate because you have all this stuff going on. It's the only way to keep it going. and I think that kind of brings you closer together.

Yeah, and I, you know, my advice at workshops and stuff to new couples is practice when it doesn't count. Right. That's interesting. And, you know, practice where it doesn't count. Yeah, where there's no stakes. Right, when there's no stakes whatsoever. Yeah. When you have a brand new bottom who's super excited.

And it's just like, oh, yeah, I'm sure. so ready. I am so ready to be beaten. It's like, excellent. We are going to spend the next 10 minutes with you saying no to the thing that you really want. Right. And I think that and and it's hard for it's it's hard for most people. And it comes back to I'm going to be doing something to you that you desperately want. And if you feel a little bit of a twinge of. I'm not sure. I'm uncomfortable. You know, there's no penalty in stopping for me. Yeah.

But there may be an internal penalty for you. And so you're not going to necessarily want to stop. And that's not healthy. No. And so we're going to practice. We're going to practice you getting everything you want for something that's kind of small. And then you're going to say, I don't. And it's going to be super hard.

And then I'm going to stop. And you're going to realize, oh, he stopped. And, oh, I can say stop. And it doesn't mean I'm never going to get it. It just means that I might get it a little bit later. Yeah. And I've talked to, I've had a couple of bottoms who have bottomed with other people. with other tops who didn't quite understand that.

And there was one woman who she sent me an email. So you know it's a big deal if they're sending you an email. And she just recounted a hey, I was working with somebody who is less experienced as a top. And I tried out. I brought up the I want to do this kind of practice. saying no and it and and and she just had a wonderful experience with this other this other top because they had just taken five minutes to practice saying no and the top is the one who ended up benefiting most from that because it was the top who what we would call redding out you know or

and and and call the stop yeah yeah and said no and right and and it was just like oh that's a that's that's you know, that, that warms my heart. And that's really... The way it should be. And listen, in that kind of relationship in that scenario, a lot of people think, like, the sub is the one not in control. But typically, if you really think about it,

they're more so in control, right? It really is what they want that's happening, right? It's what their say goes. And listen, as well as for the domen, I just think that the trust for each other, it has to be both ways, right? Like the sub has to really, really trust the dom because of the nature of what's happening, but also vice versa, right? And that's,

and that's probably why you have, you're very successful. I love the way you roll when it comes to all of this. I really feel like, I don't know, you said something about your workshops. Do you teach, like, Dom's how to Dom and stuff because I think you're like super smart and you can like really break it down. But like, do you like teach people stuff or whatever? Is that, do you do that on the side or no? I, I have taught it. I have taught several workshops. And every chance I get to go to a workshop, I take the opportunity to, even if it's something that I, you know, and there are quite a few workshops where I go to and I'm like, oh, that's, that's not for me, but. So you recommend that to people, like if people, if you don't want to give a shout out to

your workshops, or you have no going on, like, would you, like, as closing words, like, would you recommend for people that want to do Polly, that want to be doms, that want to have subs, that want to get into all this stuff. Like, you learn, that's a great way to learn is what you're saying? A hundred percent. And where do they find those kind of workshops? Often at your local BDSM dungeon. And how do you find a dungeon?

You just Google it? I'm always thinking of my listeners, newbies, you know? Newbies. You're talking to newbies. Yeah, totally. On the West Coast, especially, West Coast, Eastern, like Western Europe, Parks of the East Coast, New York, you can find meetups. Like, you can go to meetups, right. Smart.

Uh-huh. You know, go to Monday. munches. Those are like meetups for BDSM King Community, right? It's different word that they use. Yep. And there's never, and the vast majority of time, it's at like a local coffee shop or at a park or something. There's no play. There's just, it's just an information exchange. You can, I think a great, a really great place to understand top and bottom dynamics is to go to a Shabari class, even if you are an absolute beginner. And you, and you, are interacting with some of the most I, I think that the person that I learned some of the most from was one of my bottoms, who was essentially a professional bottom. She did all the workshops across the country. And I learned so much more from her as a bottom about being a good top.

And she did it through rope. And so if you can go to a Shabari class, and a lot of times you can find those a lot more nowadays, especially. Right. That will kind of snowball you and point you towards a, you know, oh, I didn't even know that this little club, you know, existed. And that club almost certainly puts on workshops. So go to, go to workshops that you don't think interest you. Yeah, I like that. Because you never know, like you said. Like a Shabari, you think that's just role play, but you learned other things from there. And that instance. So I love it.

those that little tidbit of information because it kind of goes against what somebody would naturally think but you've learned that you could learn things even in those places stuff that you would never know because you did should correct shabari will teach you more about negotiating than just about anything else yeah I love that and you're going to see that beautiful rope tying that's what shabari really is right that too yeah yeah yeah for people that don't know listen Scott I love you're I'm like oh I was gonna you know I'm like where do I air this what day do I air my this episode because It's a little bit like, you know, I have a fetish Friday where I do kinks and fetish episodes. And then I'm like Wednesday, I do more bigger picture stuff.

And, you know, because we got a little bit of everything on here, a little bit about your life story, a little bit bigger picture, a lot about BDSM and kink. And I love it. I mean, you were super informative like on this episode as well as, you know, of course, you've lived a very interesting life. Now, for my Patreon, I do have people send in pictures if they want anonymous pictures. I will give you access. You don't have to. A lot of the girls do because they say. send me like hot picks with themselves, you know.

But if you want to, I'll give you free access to my Patreon for a month so you could see the comments and stuff as well as free access to my Discord if you want to go in there and check it out. There's a lot of crazy stuff going on on my Discord. There is a BDSM channel and stuff. You could go in there. I'll give you free access to that if you want to check it out. But thanks so much for calling in. Like I said, I feel like, you know, we just did the tip of the iceberg with you.

So maybe we'll have you back on talking even bigger picture again at some point about Polly or BDSM. or whatever because I do six episodes a week now. So I'm always looking for all kinds of content for my listeners. I'm always thinking that I'm listening. You know, my listeners are newbies and people want to learn stuff because that's where people are learning a lot like you said for their workshops. But now people are listening to podcasts to learn, you know, and I think it's really great. For sure. People are going to learn from yours. So thanks so much for calling in and sharing not only your story, but all of the stuff that you learned along the way. Absolutely. I feel like it was hours ago.

that we talked about sexuality. Do you know what I mean? It's only an hour ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. So thanks so much, Scott, for calling in and I'll send you an email with all the links and stuff right before your episode airs so you know when it's going up, okay?

Sounds great. And, you know, I especially recently have been working very much kind of in the academic field. Yeah. And have been spending a fair amount of time researching, actually, specific things about language and terminology in different contexts. And so, you know, if you ever, if you ever, me to have come on i can i can throw you an outline of of kind of a newbies take on how to communicate

and how to negotiate i love that my wednesday episodes are all about bigger picture stuff so could you send me that in an email like what bigger picture topics you could like call in and be informative about just strictly on on that level you know that's like what i said i typically do on wednesday so yeah email me that's why i don't forget okay i love it i absolutely can i'll even send you the questions my partner and I use. Oh, okay. I love it. All right. Thanks, Scott. So we'll be talking again. Thanks for calling in. Have a great one. You too. Bye. Okay, good news. I do have a book out. I wrote a book and it's coming out. The book is called Trickling on Miss Confessions. Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. What I did was I picked out the 17 best episodes. That was very

hard to do. Okay. I picked like one from each category. And I retold the story from the third person. interview style. It's a little bit more erotica. The only place where I took creative liberty was in the sex scene. So it's even hotter than my episodes. Like I said, it's told in the third person. And they're all true, just like my show. I mean, these are real stories from my show, just written out. Like I said, in the third person, not an interview style, more like a story, but a true story, a true super hot story. Now, listen, it is available for pre-order now. And it's not coming out until October 14th. And I was like, Oh my God, that's a long time away. So I figured I'd incentivize people.

If you want to pre-order it now, I will give you free access to my Discord if you pre-order it now. All you got to do is screenshot, a pick of the receipt. Just screenshot it to me. Send it to Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And then I will send you the link to my Discord. So that's a little incentive to pick it up now. It's on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Simon & Schuster. the link is in the description, so make sure to click on it.

And if you get it, send me the pick of you purchasing, and I'll give you free access to my private Discord. That is a totally naughty, super hot community with a lot of people over, 2500 people over there having fun. Remember, email me the pick at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers,

is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically

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There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica.

I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay?

There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there you can post your own pictures and videos there's tons of channels we have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money it's a super fun place to be it's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it i will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord it's private like i said all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase whether you did the audiobook the ebook or the paperback

send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast.