Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 116 - Izzy has Inappropriate Thoughts about his Mom and Sister

Episode Date: March 7, 2016

Izzy has been sexually fantasizing about his female family members since he's been a teenager and he calls in looking for advice because he wants to stop. What happened to him to when he was younger to create his incestuous thoughts? Has he ever acted out inappropriately because of his thoughts? What can he do to control his thoughts? Tune in to find out plus hear whole lot more on the taboo subject of incest. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your Greek flag lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy.

If you want to follow show on Twitter, follow show at Stricted Anonymous, or follow me at Cartoon Therapy. If you want to write a review, that would be really great too. I always need reviews. I'm just going to get right into who I have on the call today. Now, why don't I remember his name? Because I have mom brain. That is like a real thing.

I recently had a baby and I'm very forgetful and I don't remember it, but you'd probably, if you listen to my show a lot, you're probably like, yeah, Kathy, you're just blaming it on your baby, but you never remember a guest's name. And that's really true, actually. So I don't remember this guy's name, but I remember what we talked about. And we talked all about his problem. He had a problem that he wanted to talk about. Like, he had just like thoughts, thoughts that freaked him out that he and he needed someone to talk to. And in terms of that his thoughts are like sexual thoughts about his mother and his sister. And he's had them ever since his teenage years and he can't get rid of them. And he actually can't even get turned on by anything

else other than those thoughts. And he's really looking for help. And it's really fascinating because I always believe shit like that comes from someplace. You know, so I kind of question him about his past. And we talk about all that stuff. And he's a real likable guy. I really believe that he's somebody that maybe could get rid of those thoughts eventually. I give him my unprofessional advice. of course I tell him he should probably seek regular therapy as well but I just believe in this day and age when so many people are like molested by people and I don't know everyone's kind of fucked up in one way or another that there's probably other people like this guy out there that has this problem and if you're one of those people like we and this guy talk about like

how he could get help and he doesn't have a lot of money so it's like hard for him to sort of find therapy but I think what would be really helpful for this guy is actually to find to talk to you that has the same problem and maybe has gotten help or knows about it and can help him. So if you're one of those people, you know, shoot me an email and I'd love to, and you think that you could actually help him. Shoot me an email and I'll put you in touch with him. If you're like a purve and you're just looking to sort of like, you know, go down that incest route with him in a dirty way, like don't bother because that's not what he's looking for.

He actually needs somebody that will help him at this point. Anyway, so, and I only bring that up because after we taped the podcast, he wrote me an email saying, like, thanks so much. It was so great to talk to someone that wasn't like a purve, like wanting to discuss. Because I can imagine he puts that shit out there and then other people that have the same dysfunction that aren't at his place and looking to get rid of it or just still horny for it or just like looking to get it on with other people like them. But anyway, this guy's really looking for help.

So I will reiterate, if you have the same problem and comment, conquered it or know of a forum or something. I don't know. I'd like to help this guy because I felt for him. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with the guy that asked thoughts about his mother and sister. I don't remember his name. Okay, I'll be right back on. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. send us an email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name and remember everything is strictly anonymous strictly anonymous hey izzie welcome strictly anonymous podcast you're on

with kathy how are you i'm doing great thanks okay cool so let's get right to your issue you're having some sort of i mean i don't really know exactly what your crazy thoughts are but you're having these crazy thoughts that are making you feel a little bit weird about yourself and you were looking for somebody to talk to or get advice from. I know that you said you were hoping that the person that you spoke with was non-judgmental and maybe had a little kink in them. So I'm assuming it has to do with sexual thoughts. So why don't you explain what your thoughts are and what kind of advice you're looking for?

Well, basically, I've had thoughts on and off for a while. And I've gone to the point where I think I may be a little bit too. for these thoughts. You might be a little bit what? I may be a little bit too old for these thoughts. Okay. What are your thoughts? So why do you think?

How old are you, Izzy? I'm 27. Okay. So what kind of thoughts are you having that you would think at 27 you're too old for? I mean, I'm thinking if you're like 85, maybe it's too old to fuck a 25-year-old. But like, what are your thoughts at 27 that you're too old to be having? Well, primarily my thoughts revolve around incest. Oh, okay.

And now, so they're, right. Well, I would say that it doesn't matter how old you are. Probably those thoughts are a little bit, you know, alarming, right? Like, I don't think that there's an age where that's appropriate. Or maybe when you're really little, right? Like, there's Freudian stuff that goes down, right? I don't know. But so what are your, how long have you been having these thoughts where?

You're 27 now. Are these thoughts that are just coming up now? or were they always there? Well, no, I've had to start on and off. For pretty much over a decade now. For a decade? Yeah. When did they first start?

Like, when they first started to happen, did it freak you out? Like, what were those first experiences like when you started to realize like you were having these thoughts that they turned you on? Well, when I first had to touch, I admit I did feel a bit weird,

but I figured, Hey, I'm a teenager. Maybe this is normally, you know, to be turned on by my surroundings. Uh-huh. You know, it's been so wrong now, you know, I'm kind of freaked out by having that. I feel like half of me feels like the top, but half of me feels like really good to you, but yeah. No, that's good.

That's the good news is that you have the part of you that you can't sort of control and something and whatever that is that's attracted to it, right? That's the dysfunctional you. There's a healthy you that understands that maybe something's not right there and you don't feel good about it. So it's good that you have that part of yourself because sometimes we have to use that part to like conquer the other part. You know, a lot of times you have to like go against yourself really in life to, you know, fix like issues that you have. So what are your thoughts? Like who are the family members that you're thinking of?

Are they cousins? Is it like your sister? Is it men? Is it women? Like what's your deal? No, actually, that's a thing. I say they're not really focused on one person. My thoughts like bunch around between like the women and my family,

whether it's my mom or my sister or cousins sometimes, you know. Is it always women? Has it ever been guys too or just women? No, it's just women. So it could be your sister, it could be your cousin, it could be your mom. But let me ask you this, do you have thoughts for women that aren't related to you or your strongest sexual thoughts related to people that are related to you? Well, it's not, I wouldn't say I have as many thoughts as I do, you know, towards

your answers. Like, for instance, my while ago, I got oral from a woman and, you know, as a good as a phone, you know, I couldn't even get into it when I, you know, imagining somebody. You couldn't get into it, so you imagine somebody else? Is that what you said? Yeah. And who did you imagine someone you were related to? Yes.

Yeah. See, that only, like, help. Like, I got to tell you, when you have, like, that only would help that fuel that, right? Like, I don't know, but we'll get into that later. So let me just keep asking you some questions just to get the basic information. So you've been having these thoughts since you're like a teenager. Like, do you remember when you were, like, really, like, do you have, like, a lot of memories of yourself and of things that went down with you when you were really young? I mean, if you're leaning towards like, okay, maybe this guy got abused or something, no, nothing like that, you know.

You know, like I said, thoughts like really ramp up when I was around from, you know, teenager. Right, I know. But when did you start jerking off? Do you remember, did it happen around the same time you started to have these thoughts? Um, I don't recall. Actually, it's been so long. And I came out of town. It was really screwed up, you know.

I actually going on with, you know, family getting divorced and everything. Everything was just so messed up. I just don't remember. So your family was really messed up. When you were younger, your parents got divorced. And so things were, like, really not good for you when you were growing up, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know much about, like, I'm sure there's, like, psychologists out there. that you could go see, which you definitely should, right? I think, like I said, I think it's, the good news is that you have that part of yourself that's looking for help because there is some part of you that gets that this is like not right, right? And that's the good news. And you have to like go get counseling for it because I'm going to give you my unprofessional advice and I'll give you think, I'll tell you what I think about it. But I think that there's probably therapist out there that really know the real deal and could really help you and rewire your brain. I just think it's like a wiring issue. Probably something happened to you. And I don't know

that it necessarily has to be abuse, right? I don't know. Like I said, I've never read a book about it. I don't have this issue. But I would guess that it has to be somehow when you were growing up and when you were really young and those sort of, you know, your sexuality was coming into play, somehow you got wired to be attracted to people that were related to you. And then now that you're getting blow jobs and you're older and you're, you know, you go to that place where you try, because you can't get off on someone regular, you use people that are in your family to get you off. It only is going to make that stronger, I'm going to tell you.

That's like the worst thing to do. I would say the best thing to do is keep getting blow jobs from women that aren't related to you and don't think about anything. try to get to yourself to a place where you could eventually get turned on by, you know, people who aren't related to you. But that I think will take some time. But I think that that's eventually what you're going to have to do. You're going to have to rewire your brain to learn or to see, to figure out or to wire yourself to be attracted to other people. Because the whole thing with your family members is something that probably happened to you when you were very

early on and you went with it, right, because you were probably too young to know that it was wrong or not right, right, or not natural. And you just kept probably maybe fantasizing about it because it felt good for you, right? You didn't probably know any better at the time. And then after doing it for so long, I think it becomes like a habit. And then you don't know how to be turned on by anybody but. But I could imagine that it makes you feel terrible sometimes, but yet good, right? It's like that fucked up thing, right? That I get why you say that you feel crazy because there's probably a part of you that really feels good when you're in the moment, and then you feel terrible the minute you've come, right?

Like right afterwards, you just feel like, what the fuck did I just do? Right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, and that's very... Yeah, and that's very common

when somebody has some sort of dysfunction or addiction to something that they don't feel good about. And like I said, there's plenty of people out there that probably have incestuous thoughts or maybe they don't even care, and then they go on to molest people or they rape their sisters. Like, I don't know, but like the fact that, you're calling me and the fact that you're putting an ad out there and you're thinking that it's wrong

is very is great and which means that there is hope for you to change that around and you need to change that around because you're 27 years old right don't you want to like get married one day and have kids or have relationships with women that are right like i would assume that that's what you want one day that would be nice yeah right and let me ask you this like let me ask you about your dating history you're 27 years old have you had a girl friend ever? Um, I mean, I wouldn't say girlfriend. The closest thing would be like a long-distance girlfriend.

I mean, in days, you know, the girls I've just gone with, they've just been like cookups. Okay, so like one-night stands. Yeah. Okay, when, how old were you when you lost your virginity? Have you lost your virginity? Honestly, like, you know, I put that out for personal reasons. so really that's not recently.

Okay, that's fine. Listen, nobody knows who the fuck you are and this is, this is, I do that on purpose so that people could be really honest

because no one's going to judge you. I don't know who you are. You don't have to put, but you know, it's really important to be honest so that I could get like the full picture. And when you go into therapy, you'll be able to do that same thing

because it'll be a safe place for you to be really honest about your life so somebody could help you, right? So you just recently lost your virginity? Like, how old were you?

like 26? Oh, I know. I mean, like, recently, I mean, within the last few months. Oh, okay. Well, congratulations for losing your virginity. I don't know if that was something that was freaking you at that you hadn't lost it or something. How come do you think that it took you so long? Do you think it's because of the thoughts that you had or do you have issues with women?

No, like I said, a lot of personal shit. I was like, you know, I don't, the whole, you know, losing Virginia and fourth marriage was like, I don't know, that wasn't my thing, but then they thought when this thing was traveling a big cut, I just needed, you know, one good release. You needed one what? I needed one good release. You needed one good release. And if you had that, you didn't really need a woman, is what you're saying? yeah okay how many can you count like on your one hand how many times you fooled around with women like and i'm talking about anything like whether it was a blowjob or you had sex like i'm assuming you just

had sex once right because you just did it how many and you had sex you got you had oral sex right with a woman once before have you fooled around with many other women yeah um no not really not recently, just that one. But no jobs I've done. I'd say maybe six or seven. Okay, cool. And now how do you meet those girls? Like, how did you meet those girls?

And what went down with them? Were they, they were just, like, random hookups, like that you met in a bar, or were they people in high school? No, actually, I found them online to Craigslist. So what did you put out? What ad did you put out on Craigslist that you got girls? Because let me tell you,

a lot of my guys call me from Craigslist. and a lot of times it's very hard for them to find girls to hook up with on Craigslist. How did you find them? Were they, like, escorts, or you put an ad saying I'm looking to hook up with a girl and they emailed you? No, actually, no, I look for the ads. Like, it's somebody looking for help. You know, it's an help-for-help situation where, you know, I do something for them. They do something for me.

Right. So what have you done for the blowjobs that you've gotten? Like, what were the girls looking for from you? Uh, yeah, actually, I, I haven't paid more than them, too, you know, some were looking for rent or card titles or, you know, some they need groceries. Oh, okay, so it kind, okay, so you paid for it kind of, right? So the women said, hey, I'll give you sexual favors if you help me out financially on some level. Yeah. So groceries, what's the most you ever paid for a blowjob? When you say two, do you mean 200 or 20? dollars? Like, what do you mean by two? Um, well,

you know, from, for no jobs, um, I'd say the most I've paid is maybe 90, you know. Okay. And, and actually I've had sex twice.

And, you know, both times with different women. Uh, it was like one, 150. Uh-huh. And yeah, that's about it. Okay. So, so recently was,

the first time you had sex and then you had it again, right? From Craigslist ads. Yeah. Okay. Let me ask you this because I ask all of my collars. On a scale of one to ten, what would you rate yourself like full package, looks like the whole shebang? Like what would you give yourself on a scale of one to ten?

One being the lowest, ten being the hottest. Honestly, I probably get myself like 7.5 maybe. Okay. that's not bad. That's like a little, that's like, I would say seven is average, so you're a little bit better than average. Now, do you have like a lot, like, you went to high school, I'm assuming, right? Yeah. What do you do for a living now? Do you work? Currently, no, I don't have a job.

Currently, I'm just out of. Okay. That's cool. But what did you use to do? Or like, what is your trade? I don't think people would consider anything because, on, you know, I don't think people would consider anything, because honestly I would like make stuff you know to sell or buy stuff and reset it I've never had like yeah but that's the thing now now people do that online like people spy shit on eBay and sell it they set up stores I mean that is something that people do nowadays that is considered a job you know what I mean there's a lot of new things that young people are doing for work that isn't necessarily what people

did when I grew up I really feel like I was born in the wrong generation because I had to go in places where people wearing certain outfits and you had to be all buttoned up and guys wore suits and it was so ridiculous. I never understood that whole mentality. And nowadays you have like these super cool new companies and internet companies and all these other things that people could do online, right, by themselves and they could start their own business and make money without having to sell out and go work for somebody else. Right. So that's what you did. You would set up shop and like sort of buy and sell stuff. You could turn that into something. That's a gig. I consider that like a, you know, a job, right? Is there anything like in your life, like that, you know,

you're 27 now? And I think that it's still, you're still super young and sometimes it takes a while to figure out what you want to do maybe for the rest of your life or whatever. Maybe, you know, that's unrealistic to say, but is there anything that besides like selling and buying stuff online that you always wanted to do when you, quote, unquote, grew up? Well, like, you know, stuff for me, it was. crazy. I drug problems and, you know, trouble with school, basically. So what I want to do is out of my breast, but I really love technology. I want to go, be started game developing. Be a game developer?

Yes. Okay. Listen, I had, I got thrown out of three high schools. I was, I had a difficult childhood too, and I definitely acted out and was thrown out of a lot of schools and fucked up a lot of stuff of my life, and I didn't go back to college until I was 26 years old. I didn't have my first real job until I was 30. So it's always like, it's never, as long as you're alive, Izzy, like I really believe that you could do anything. You could start anything. Like if I decide to be a doctor tomorrow, I could go to school and be a doctor and I'm 46 years old. And I would fucking do it because I just don't buy into that whole like, oh, you have to do this at a certain time age thing. Like you could do it

whenever. So that whole technology thing that you're really into, that you really love, that you really want to do, you still have plenty of time to do it. And it doesn't matter that you fucked off in high school and you were like bad in high school. You know, you're going to grow up and you're going to get older and you're going to be like 10 different people than you were the person you were in high school. So it doesn't really matter. You can let go of that. You know what I mean? You could eventually get into that gaming thing when you get your shit together and you feel right about it. So don't ever give up on that. I mean, why do you think that you can't do it? Now, Um, well, right now, I, you know, because I, I don't even have a GD.

I, you know, I dropped out of high school. Okay, so you didn't graduate high school. No. Okay, what grade did you quit or get thrown out or whatever? Um, well, that's a thing. I went to a turn to school. When I went back to regular school, I was a, um, I had enough credits. They went, okay, I had caught up to my classmate.

they want to talk grade. But, you know, the school refused to give me those credits or, I don't know, something messed up. So basically, I was in, I was going to be in 10th grade all over again. So I had to do double the work at that letter school and come back, you know, find out that that word didn't mean shit. I'm like, I was pissed off. I could imagine because it wasn't, that's not fair. like that's total bullshit. Like you had done all the credits.

You should have been caught up and they were, was it like on a technicality? Like what were they, how did they decide that you didn't do the work that you did? That doesn't even make sense. Well, I guess they weren't, they said they weren't going to transfer the credits or whatever and it wasn't even guaranteed that I would get those credits

at the end of the semester. So I spent like, maybe, maybe, I don't know, six to eight weeks, thinking about to finish school, so it's worth it? And it just wasn't worth it to me at the time. Yeah, well, listen, you could always,

I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, you could always go back and finish that schooling if you wanted to, right? Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, you may change your mind. Listen, I couldn't stand, school. I was very, it was very, I was like very anti-authority. I was like really rebellious. I couldn't stand going to school. And I literally got thrown out of three high schools. And the last thing I wanted

to do when I was done with high school was go to college, go to more school. I'd rather fucking kill myself, right? So I didn't. But I have to tell you that when I was like 26 years old, I decided to go back to college. And I graduated when I was 30. And that's because that's when I wanted to. And I was, to do it. So you may change your mind and feel like maybe at some point in your life and it could be in the next year, it could be in the next five years that you want to maybe do something else with your life and you know that you need that degree. So you'll go back and do the work, get your GED and then move on. And let me tell you, when you do that stuff when you really want to do it and when you're a little bit older, you'll be really proud of yourself. Like I was proud of myself that I don't

care what people would say that I went to college at 26. I went when I wanted to and I got so much more out of it because of that. And when I graduated, that was like a big accomplishment for me. And I think that eventually at some point in your life, you should probably try to go back to school and finish that degree and get your high school diploma, so or your GED, whatever it is, so that you can maybe get into the gaming industry, don't you think? Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah, it would make you feel better about yourself.

You know, if you're at like a crucial time when your life you're 27 years old, eventually you're going to be 30 and then you're going to be 40 and then life's to go really fast. And what separates the winners from the losers that are like older are, you know, the people that like is like the motivation to sort of do the harder things in life that you need to do to change yourself. It's a matter of like choosing that path. You know what I mean? If you choose nothing right now, right, and you don't ever get that GEDA, you may never amount to anything. And that's like a waste, right? You don't have that sort of desire to get detected on and gaming for no reason.

It's probably what you're supposed to be doing. And eventually you should do that. But let's get back to your sexual thoughts. Because I know that's what you called. But I mean, everything goes together, right? Because like when you feel better about yourself and, you know, you feel more motivated to do different things. I feel like sometimes when you have thoughts like this, it could probably affect your

whole life, right? Because it's like you don't feel right about yourself. Is that true? I mean... Yeah. Like you feel like something's wrong with you, right? Have you told, besides talking to me, I'm assuming that have other people, have you talked to other people from Craigslist about this?

No, no, really. So, besides me right now, we're talking about this. Who else, does anyone else know about these thoughts that you're having? I mean, probably in that old, you know, ex with that kid. What? Your ex, you had a girl that you were with? so I know that long distance relationship I had been in.

Oh, so you were honest with her about it? Yeah. And what did she have to say? Like, how did you tell her? Were you guys, like, emailing or texting? Like, how did you, or were you FaceTiming? Like, what was your form of communication? Yeah.

No, we had emailed back and forth, you know, forever, you know. Uh-huh. And so, like, how did you eventually tell her that that was your deal? Well, wait, the heart and the incess or the whole incest, the thing? Yeah. The incest. How did you tell her that? Well, honestly, I, you know, I wasn't even going to start, but, you know, one night I didn't get a real drug.

And I started email and just left up. Mm-hmm. And did she, like, freak out? Like, what did she do? What did she say? Well, she tried comfort me about, you know, saying it was okay. You know, people have different thoughts and whatnot.

And, you know, stuff just went on and, you know, she tried to talk to me about it every now and then. Like, kind of brush it off. But she had to seem to be into it. Into it or okay with it? I guess okay really Right right Now would you guys have like virtual sex

Like online sex like would you guys do sexting Like how would how would you be intimate with her Did you ever meet her in person? Well yeah eventually Eventually we When you know Web tag you know we can But yeah you know we would sex

Here and there You know But you know And this is also why I say You know she's partying into because during like what we were sacked and whatnot she's bringing the idea of you know interest into the mix oh to turn you on because she knew that that's what you you were into yeah right maybe she had a little bit of that going on too you know i think sometimes like attracts like right so maybe

you were both like sort of having this relationship with each other because you maybe had that the same thing going on, you know? Because most people, right, if you want a relationship, you want the girl to live down the block from you, right? Because you actually want to see her. I think long distance relationships sometimes are pretty safe for people that aren't ready to be fully intimate, right? Because you can't really be when somebody's that far away. Not saying that there's nothing to a long distance relationship, you know, but maybe she was going through the same thing you were, you know. When you were with her, all these other girls, all these other girls that you got blowjubs from, you told me one time you thought of like your family,

members. And have you done that all the time with sex? Have you ever gotten turned on by another woman just strictly for who they were or does it always have to be? Do you go in your mind to be the whole incest thing? Um, it probably has to be deeper than just like someone. I'm not blind. I have saying, you know, heart girls and whatnot, but, you know, I'd actually have to like get to know somebody to like be attracted to them. Right. But have you ever, so, the goal that you met online, you obviously probably really known her, knew her, right? And did you eventually get attracted enough to her that sometimes when you guys would be sexting or whatever, that you would be turned on just by her without the incest sort of thing going on?

Yeah. I tried to bring into her as much as I could. I just didn't see it happening. I'm like, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't happening. I mean, you know, so I just didn't know what to do at that point. And, you know, later on, you know, the whole distance thing happened. So it kind of broke out. Right, right.

And now with these, and with the girls that you find on Craigslist, when you use them for sex, right? And you're with them. Obviously, you don't have a connection with them, right? Because you don't really know them. You're just sort of, like, you know, getting it on. I'm assuming that when you're with them, you're thinking, about family members when they're blowing you or whatever? So you've never, have you ever, okay, there's a lot of porn out there, right?

And everyone sort of uses it to get off, right? I'm assuming you use porn to jerk off. Like, have you ever, when you use porn, what do you, what scenario do you go looking for? Have you ever gone and just turned on by like the regular porn or do you look for like incest porn? Like, does that exist like that's legal out there? well I mean you know

before I used to be you know I go like at porn or erotica or whatever they'd call me down but now I'm at the point where it's like any I could say any porn or you know

any erotica and for some reason I don't know why my you know I can imagine like you know a family memory in this scenario oh okay that's what you put

Well, that's because that's what turns you on. That's why your mind just creates that, right? And now, when you're with your family members in person, like, do you get turned on by them in person when they're sitting across from you? Or is this strictly like when your room alone jerking off? No, no, no, not sometimes. I don't get turned on in front of the way. And I have to, like, hide a second body part or something.

Right. And now, are you close with your mom and your sister? or like, what's your regular relationship like with them? Well, I want to say I'm as close to them as I used to me. You're not? I wouldn't say so, but however, right now we do live in the same house. Okay, why do you think you're not as close with them? Do you think that you're a little freaked out because of your attraction,

so you've kind of distanced yourself from them? Possibly. I mean, were you close with your mind? mom growing up? Yes, I was close. I was close with my mom growing up and obviously the whole

divorced thing, you know, me and my sister were pretty close during that. Now let me ask you this. How old were you when your parents were getting divorced? The whole thing started when I was pretty young.

I'd say, you know, at the peak of it, it was, between 12 and 14 years of age. Okay, and let me ask you this. When you were like going through that and you were really upset about what was going on, right? Did you like cry about it or did you find that maybe like you got like, because I think everyone checks out and sometimes feelings are just so strong, right, that we don't, we get afraid to actually have a bad feeling, right? So we check out by using different things, right? instead of just being sad and crying or really facing our emotions, we check out, right?

And so some people check out through drinking. Some people check out through drugs. And some people check out through sex, right? Because when you're doing those things, you're like outside of yourself and you don't feel the pain that you're going through. Do you think that during that time when your parents were getting divorced that you like jerked off a lot? Because maybe that was like a way to get out of the situation. Like did you fantasize a lot about sex and do a lot of that kind of stuff during that time? Um, I remember during that time, I tried to, like, not be around, you know, the whole drama and whatnot.

Uh-huh. You know, I just, like, go. Yeah, even if I was by myself, I'd just go hang around outside or something. Right, because you were trying to get away from all the negative energy. Yeah. Uh-huh. But is that when you started, like, jerking off at that, during that time, during those years? no actually

I did jerk up none of those years but okay so here's something that happened when I was 14

obviously my sister was like 17 you know she did the whole you know she wasn't supposed

to enjoy basically but she did right she came home one night well one day

like one morning she was a she was drunk and uh you know I'm just, we're talking or whatever. And all of a sudden, you know, she drops of pets. So I'm like, I'm 14.

I'm like, what am I supposed to do? Like, I like what I'm saying, but I'm not supposed to. Like, it's a vagina, right? Like, it is what it is, right? Like, maybe it's not even about that it's your sisters. It's just the part of the body part that just turned you on because you're a heterosexual, right? Yeah.

And then what happened? Well, I had curiosities before that, but there's just curiosity. After that point, I thought, you know, looking at the thoughts and they actually, like, I went haywire after that. I basically, basically, how I put this, I'm bringing her privacy after that. Okay, so what did you do? Do you start spying on her? Um, that was one thing, yeah. What else?

Um, well, okay, I guess I'll be honest about this. I usually go to, like, her clothes and stuff. Mm-hmm. You know. Like her panties? Yeah. And what would you do with them when you, like, smell them and jerk off to them? Like, would you steal them when you wear them?

Like, I've had guys that are into panties before, so they do different things with them. Like, you would steal them or just, like, what would you do with her clothes? clothes. Well, let's see, I don't want to do it or anything. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. I used to jerk off and sometimes I put them back in her drawer.

Oh, okay. And so that kind of that thought, and then would you use that thought later to, like, to turn you on, that the fact that, like, she's going to have your stuff in her in her panties? Yeah. Uh-huh. And then would you feel

guilty about that after? Well, you know, Back then, I didn't feel good to, you know, how, you know, always gone. Uh-huh. I was aroused, you know, going, whatever. But now I think about it. I think back to that. Like, I'm telling you part of me feels like really good to somebody.

Yeah, totally, of course. But that's like I said, you know, you're going to have to resolve those feelings, but it's good that you're in touch with them, right? And therapy will really help you because somebody will help you sort of understand those feelings. and because eventually you're going to have to like forgive yourself for that stuff when you clean your act up and like sort of get less, you know, more functional and, you know, and start to change yourself, right? Or start to be rewired. You're eventually going to have to forgive yourself for that because you'll understand that maybe, you know, these, you were doing those things because you had problems, right? And then you could go on with your life and feel better about yourself because, um, feeling bad about that stuff and carrying that around is a heavy thing, right? But you do still have this. your problem. But I think that that, you know, that sort of moment when your sister, did she drop her pants because, like, she needed to pee and she was just wasted and she didn't really even understand that you were there. I mean, wouldn't she drop her? No. No, like, we were talking and,

you know, she seemed like, you know, it was fun and to play with her thing to do. She didn't have to pay. She wasn't, you know, money. We had a spy or something. Like, you know, she just seemed happy when she's money. So she takes off her pants and then, what did she do? No, like she just, she just, she just, like, she just, like, she just, like me, smile, you know, kind of, you know, spank herself, but, you know, that was it. She, you know, she put her clothes back up. I kind of kind of help her pull her towards back up, but, you know, and that was all.

Okay, right. You see, that's a tough thing to handle, I think, like I said, you're going to have to go to serious, you're going to have to go to real therapist that really knows this stuff, but I would say that that's something that could have really started that wiring for you, right? Like you even use the word. I had a therapist. I went to hardcore therapy in my life too. So that's why I totally believe in it.

And she would go with the words. Like there were certain words that you use, like, you know, they sort of look at and they mean something, you know, because a lot of stuff is coming subconsciously. But you even use the word I went haywire, right? And it's just like I really think that like maybe something like that, I think. could really be powerful enough to create like this thing in your brain, right, like a wire that goes in this other direction, right? And you're like, oh my God, like I was attracted and that was my sister. And now you create this connection, right, with your sexuality to your sister's vagina.

And then because it felt good once, you keep doing it, right? And that's just natural human being behavior. And then what happens is you make that connection stronger. And then all of a sudden, and you have that connection in your brain. That's what addiction is, right? I quit smoking. I quit drinking. I've conquered a lot of my addictions because I understand about that wiring. And the only way to unwire yourself, Izzy, is to stop feeding it, right?

It's sort of like a current, right? And you have to, like, block it or not feed it so that it dies, right? So the more you don't do whatever it is you want to do, that's how you kill it. And it's very hard. It's like harder than hard. It's the reason why most people can't quit drinking or can't quit smoking or can't quit jerking off to things that they know are wrong because every part of your being will want it, right?

But you have to have the discipline to not do it. And that's how you eventually kill that wire that was created so long ago. And then you would eventually be able to create another one that is attracted to women, right? So that you could have a relationship. and be more, quote unquote, normal and not be tormented by these thoughts that are making you crazy and probably taking up a lot of your time and ruling your life to the point where you can't probably even think about like going back to school and maybe getting your GED and figuring out

what you want to do with the rest of your life, right? And this is the time that you should be doing those things. Because there's a point in everyone's life where they either go down the loser path or the winter path. I mean, I do believe that as long as you're alive, no matter how old you are, you could always change yourself and you could always be better and you know, there's always that opportunity, right? But you're still super young that you have many paths to choose from. When you get older, there's less and less, but like you're really young. And like I said, a million times, I'm going to say it again, it's really great that you don't feel good about what you're doing and that you want to sort of figure it out because that means that you will, right?

Now, is there a way that you could go to therapy? Well, I'd therapy before, but I'm on government help, so I don't get much in. I'm a bit paranoid about the government, funny, kind of funny, I guess. But it would take me maybe a month or two to save up for one session because they're pretty pricey, actually. No, I know. It's really unfortunate that, because I've had really good insurance, right? and it hasn't even really, maybe they'll give you like 12 sessions free and then you're screwed or they'll pay 30% of like, you know, $500.

Like it's like ridiculous. They don't make it easy for people to go to therapy, which is so dumb because I feel like that's the root of a lot of things. Like there would be a lot less money that people would need for other things if they would just get mentally healthy. Do you know what I mean? So you've been in therapy though in the past? Were you honest with your therapist about these? thoughts? No, I haven't been into therapy. I just look for therapy, but I never actually went to it. Yeah, you need help. Like maybe even if there's like books out there, have you ever sort of Googled and tried to look for some books on the subject to see like maybe somebody that is a sort of, like, you know, that maybe had those experiences and changed themselves or maybe psychologists that write about the topic. Have you ever Googled stuff?

into bucks i'm like you know i'm just searched you know craigs seeing if there was somebody out there that could help me that was it well other than that i haven't really sacked out any self-help books or anything like that you have to yeah you have to start looking in other places too i don't think it's bad like you know to put that out on and craigslist look for someone to help you you just might get a lot of perverts out there that just want to like fuck around sexually that are into the same thing and are just going to just going to actually take you down the wrong path, right? If you really looking, are you looking, I'm assuming, right? This is what I think. You're that you're looking to stop this, right?

To stop having these thoughts. Am I correct? Yeah, I'm looking to stop. It's not at least to like slow them down because they seem, they seem so frequent, you know. Yeah, it just gets worse and worse. Any kind of thing like that gets worse and worse because every single time you jerk. off and think about someone that's related to you, that thought in your mind becomes more powerful, right? That connection becomes more powerful. So basically look at it like you're feeding it, right? And if you want to kill it, right, the only way to do it is to starve it. And it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Like I said before, it's the reason why most people don't fucking quit anything. You have to like start saying no. And sometimes what helps with that is

Like when you get like super horny and you're thinking about maybe your sister or your mother or whatever starts to go down, distract yourself. Go take a walk. Like start to just do anything you can to get out of that mode so you could stop going down that path and you could correct it. Right. And the more you do that, sometimes that will help. It will be hard. Like the first couple times that you don't do it will be difficult.

But the more you do that, if you could try to do that, that can have. help. But like you need professional help somehow. Listen, you're not working, right? You're looking to solve this problem. When you want to change yourself and solve your problem or do big things in your life, it requires really difficult things, right? That's just the way it goes. So, you know, know that going in. So if it's really difficult to even get one session of therapy out there through the state, whatever, do what you have to do. Because you know what might happen and you never know. because I really believe that when you really want something the universe provides, like maybe you'll go get one session from the government and talk to a therapist,

and then they really feel for you if you're really honest and they may lead you in the direction of like someone that could help you maybe for free. You know, there are places like that out there and there are people that will do work like that with people just to help them. So I believe that you need professional help for sure. But before you get that and until that happened, you have to stop feeding your desire And that's strictly like when you get horny, like I said, you have to stop doing it. What other things?

I'm just curious, just because it's interesting to me. And I was just like, I don't know if you still do those things now. But besides stealing your sister's panties, have you done that kind of stuff to your mom too? Or just strictly you've done the snooping around with your sister? So actually, uh, with my mom things, you know, I try to have more. I try to remind myself like, okay, this is my mom. I shouldn't be doing this. But a lot of old she was, like, living here.

And I did get the arts to look to her stuff. But that was it. As you went through it, I didn't rub anything or whatnot. So I put her clothes back. Okay, but besides stealing your sister's panties and, like, spying on her, have you done anything else to her? To hold my sister. Yeah.

Well, well, I've seen there. was in different cases that happened after, you know, the initial thing that happened when I was 14. After her dropping her pants, right? What happened after that? Yes. Like, one, like, one of the times I did act on something, her and my mom, they were, they were drunk, and I did sort of smike their ass. Mm-hmm. and what did they do when you did that? You know,

well, you know, and this is, these were like on separate occasions. My mom didn't, like she didn't react and my sister, she like kind of jumped kind of gaywood,

but didn't say anything afterwards or anything. Right. So you did, did you slap their ass or squeeze their ass? Like, what did you do? Like, you said you grabbed their ass? Like, what did you do to their ass? Yeah, yeah, I simply smacked it.

You just smacked it. Yeah, so your mom probably thought you were just, like, playing around, right? Like, and it was no big deal. And she was wasted, so maybe she doesn't even remember, right? And your sister, it just seems like a lot of times when people are drunk, like shit happens, right? So maybe she didn't even really, in her right, in her right, sort of focus. Was that the only time that those kind of things happened, or did you do that on more than one occasion with your sister? I was the only time I basically touched her.

Right, but besides a snooping, like have you done anything where you've tried to watch her in the shower, stuff like that, or just basically the other way you sort of snoop on her is by stealing her panties? Yes, actually, yeah, I stayed around the same time when I was 14. That was when I started, you know, trying to see her in the shower. Now, now in the future,

that wouldn't have been any matter because I didn't see nothing but later on as we grew up and she got more drunk eventually I did to her like like fully nude like you know top off and how did that happen? Did she know that you saw her?

I don't think she knows she was actually passed out oh okay so you would hear your sister drunk come home and then you'd go in and sort of look inside her room and see her there? Yeah. No.

She was better on the couch. Oh, in like your living room or your family room or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And she had taken all her clothes off? Yeah. Yeah.

It was summer and it gets pretty hard down here. Oh, God. And that happened to you again at 14 after she pulled down her pants? No. By that point, I mean, I would say the kids. I was, I was 16, I think. Yeah, but that's like super confusing for you, I think.

Like, that's really tough on you. I don't think that, like, you know, in a way you weren't abused sexually, but I feel like that is like, it's not abuse, right? Because your sister was drunk and she didn't know what she was doing. And it does, you know what I'm saying, at all, right? And even if your mom had done anything appropriate, she was drunk, right? So that's really the worst problem is maybe your sister has an alcohol problem. But the fact that you, like she crossed the boundaries and sort of got naked in front of you

and then got naked in, you know, in the middle of her house where anyone could see her, you know, is really fucked up and really confusing for you, like for sure. And I would think that that's where this problem started because it all started after those experiences, right? Like that was that time. It was maybe for your sister, that was her way of acting out. because, you know, of the divorce too, she was just getting really wasted

because she couldn't deal with the pain of the divorce of your parents, right? So that's probably why she was drinking so much. So you feel bad for her, but the fact that you saw her naked and probably that was like the first time you had seen a woman in real life naked, right? Yeah. Right.

So I don't know. Like, it's really, it's like a hard thing. Like I wonder to myself, like as a male animal, let's pretend like you're not you. because we're animals first, right? And then we're human beings and we have these brains, right? But we're wired to just be attracted to certain things just because of nature, right? And you're like a guy and you're heterosexual, right? And you see like tits and ass and a pussy in front of you. Like it happens to be attached to your sister, but she's sleeping. So, and that's your first time you ever see it and you

get aroused. Like I just wonder if that's like inappropriate or maybe just naturally you couldn't help it, right? Because it's tits or tits, right? Like, I don't know. Like in that moment, like maybe just the animal in you gets attracted to those body parts, right? And then your mind is like, oh my God, that's my sister. That's fucked up. But you're horny, right? Because your dick is hard. And then you jerk off. And then this crazy sort of thing gets in your head. And then now you can't get off on anyone but your sister. Right. And that kind of makes sense to me that it all could have happened in that way. You know what I mean? Whether you're 14 or, seven. I think that it's like you're still a child like at that age. You know what I mean? And you were really

super young and it must have been really confusing. You know, and now you're 27 and you're kind of fucked because you've been jerking off and creating this sort of wire in your head to be attracted only to, you know, to family members. So now you're full on. That's all you could get off on. So you have to unwire it. And I think that you need help. And I'm sure that there's places that offer free help. Like I said, you have to do what you have to do, even if it's difficult. Do you know what I mean? Because it is something you're really young still and you have the rest of your life ahead

of you. And if you don't do stuff now to change this behavior, like it will just stay. Like things don't just go away on its own. It's not the movies. You don't know what I mean? You don't have like massive problems and they just fucking disappear. I think that's like what a lot of people think, not you. I just think in life people think that you could have an issue and one day it'll just disappear. You know, changing yourself and your

deep-seated problems, which we all have, okay? Everyone has shit is really, really difficult. And it's the reason why so many people are fucked up and stay fucked up because people don't want to do what they need to do to change it. And most of the time, real change is very difficult. But you have the time. You're not working. And there's something about you that I feel like you have it in you to do what's going to be needed to change yourself because you want to. Do you know what I mean? So you have to like, A, look for therapy, try to get it through the state or try to Google places where you live that offer help for people that don't have the financial means to get help. I'm sure there's places out there like you. Like that for you. Do you understand? Yeah, I get you. Like for sure.

You need to be honest with a professional that will help you and understand you. And like you say, not be judgmental or not think you're crazy. You know, putting your ad on on Craigslist, you might get like other people that are interested in that and do they just want to like sort of get off sexually, you know, and that's not what you need right now. You need the opposite. You need people and somebody, even if it's one person that's going to help you, you know, and guide you in the right direction and undo what was done to you at a very early age. And, but that's like, you know, that's like professional help that you need. And let me just tell you this, okay, this is where you need to be worn too. Just because someone's a professional

doesn't mean that they're always so great, I hate to say it. Do you understand? Sometimes it's hard to find the right therapist. And sometimes therapists are more fucked up than they are normal. So you have to be careful with that too. So you have to like use your instincts. But you like it's and I hate to say that because then it's just like I kind of like like I'm like it's kind of like well then why bother right because you don't have the money as it is so if you find somebody that's actually going to help you and that person turns out to be a sleeves bag like what do you do you know but like I said I do believe that when you really want with every part of your being to like change something or do something like and if you

really keep at it you will there will be a way like you will you will you will figure it out you will be helped you just have to help yourself and you have to try more places than Craigslist to look for people to help you. Maybe there's a support group. I would start Googling, like help for incest survivors because that's what I think that you are. I don't think that you're just somebody that's like into it and that's never been touched and just has these dirty fantasies. I think you were sexually abused, like I said, by your sister, but not by her knowingly. You know what I mean? She didn't do it knowingly. Like she was, you guys were going through really hard times because there was a lot of shit going down in your family, right?

She was older than you. So she had access to more shit to check out. So probably the divorce really affected her. She was like really wasted and she acted really inappropriate in the house in front of you, you know? And that was her way of acting out. And that's her problems. And she probably has problems too, her own shit that because of what happened to you

guys in that house, you know. But, you know, maybe look for like support groups. for incest survivors because like I said, I believe that that's, you could label yourself that and you could look for help that way. There's got to be groups like that or places. Even nowadays, you know, your generation doesn't even need to meet up in person. Like there's meetup groups or there's like places online and forums that you could start talking to people. That's where you need to, that's where you're going to find the right people to talk to, not Craigslist. Do you know what I'm saying? You need to like get on your computer, right?

And you need to Google that kind of stuff. And then somehow you will find people to talk to, people that are like you, people that understand you. And then maybe they can help you figure out where to go to get that free help, you know, that help from somebody that's maybe not going to be super expensive. And I know that like places do, you know, there are places like that. And there will be, you can find somebody. And maybe you won't be a professional.

Maybe it'll be some other. person who was like you, maybe to a different degree, whatever, but could understand it will help you because they've been through it. And they'll tell you what they learned from their therapist that they paid for. Do you understand? That's who I am to all my friends. I paid for all the therapy, fix myself. And now I tell people like what I learned, you know, because not everyone could afford it sometimes. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, I get you. Yeah. So you need to go online and Google like, you know, places and help for people that have those thoughts. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Can you do that? Yeah, yeah, I can do it. It seems pretty easy. I mean, it's easy. I wonder why you haven't thought to do that yourself. I'm like, you know, I think that and that whole, the whole therapy costs money thing.

I just got that engraved into money right now. Yeah, but forget about the money thing, okay? Let's just say you're going to find some, you're going to find it for free, right? And like I said, now I just, listen, I'm helping you and trying to figure stuff out and this is the first time I'm talking to you. So I'm just thinking of things as we talk, right?

So now I'm like, okay, try the therapy router, look for places like social service places in your place where you live and see if you could get somewhere. But what could really help you too, is the internet finding a forum finding people online that are looking but you're looking in the wrong place craigslist is not the place like you if it's hard though when you google i think it's like a little

scary to google incest but like there has to be groups that you could google like you know and find out information or find out people that have went through it to or no it's pedophilia that you can't google like i just don't know like if it's like you know i mean like incest survivor groups you know you know you know, help for people who were molested, people with incestuous thoughts, like just Google stuff like that. And I bet you you will find some really interesting things. And there has to be a forum out there or a group that you could become a member of that even if it's online, who cares? You're not the only one, right? That's the good news. Nobody's the only one of anything in this world. Okay, we're just millions of statistically, it's not possible. You know, just when you think, oh my

I'm the only one that has this problem. You're not, okay? There's probably millions of people that have these same thoughts and struggle the same way you do. And there's got to be people that put together some groups or people that are talking about it online and people that have already cured themselves and are looking to help other people. And you need to find those people. And nowadays, listen, you know, 20 years ago when I had problems, I didn't have the internet. You know, I had encyclopedias and that's about it, okay? You have the internet. That's like where you just is like information overload. You could find anything that you need to find. So you need to look for people to talk to about this who are much more knowledgeable about it than

I am, who can help you. Though I do believe my stuff that I'm telling you is actually good and right advice, you know, to start off with, but you need ongoing advice. You know, you need to really be talking to somebody all the time. You need like a friend. It's like, in AA, they get like a sponsor and they talk to that sponsor every day. And that sponsor is there for them so that they don't fall off the wagon and go out and drink. You know, you need that person. You need somebody that you're going to talk to, whether it's once a day or once a week, that you could check in and sort of be honest about where you're at and they could pull you in and tell you to stop doing something, you know, because really it's at this point, it's going to be a discipline thing. You know,

it's going to be you stopping, like jerking off in general to anybody or doing. You know, it's going to be you, any kind of spying on your sister and cutting that all out, you know, and then, you know, maybe figuring out why it happened and stuff. But that's what it's going to come down to at first is just like putting that down, like not doing it. It's like the alcoholic that stops drinking. You have to just stop jerking off. I don't know if that's funny shit. Stop drinking off. I mean, I can stop drinking off to someone so dark. I think I can. Yeah, you have.

it's like, I get that you say you think you can. You have to force yourself to. Even when you feel like you can't, you have to force yourself not to. Do you understand? That's like what willpower is, right? Yeah. You have to push yourself to do something sometimes. It's like, it's, you know, that you want to do and then you say, no, I'm not going to do it.

That's like real willpower. You know, people that act like they're so strong and they don't do things. It's like you don't even want to do it. Like there's no strength of that. Real strength is like when you actually want to do something and you don't do it, right? You know, prove that you have that. And everybody has that in them, right? You know, you have to summon up that part of yourself.

You have to start being disciplined in the way you, in the way you think when it comes to your sexuality, you know? So right now I would suggest just not jerking off at all, right? And when that urge comes up or you see your mom or your sister and you get a little horny, distract yourself. Like don't even go there in your head. Take your mind and put it someplace else. What else are you into?

Are you into like games online, like shit like that? Like what are you really, what else are you like really into? Yeah, that's a, well, that's what I've been doing lately. I mean, since I do this with my mom and sister, you know, yeah. It's difficult. But whenever I think I'm out of thought, I just go play little games. I write poetry.

Or you what? Or I write poetry. Oh, that's great. Are you right? So you write poetry? Yeah. So, you know, I do those things to distract myself from, you know, either thoughts I'm getting or, you know, whenever I'm almost in the mood.

Yeah, see, this is what I mean. There's something about you that I believe can really conquer this. Like, are you already, like, I have a bit of, instinctually, like, you knew, like, certain things to do. Like, you, like, to me, like, you're smart. Like, you're smart. Like, you know the deal. And you've already been implementing things that I think would work. And you started doing that already. You know, you have a lot going for you. Like, you could fix yourself. And you should. As long as you're alive and you're, you know, that's what you're here for. Like, so we're all put on this planet,

I believe, to have certain problems, fix them, become better. are people and then we die. Like that's just what it's all about, right? This is your problem. Whatever. On some level, this is what you have to deal with. You can't give it back, right? This is what it is. And now it's a matter of like conquering it. I think you can. I think you're smart. Like I said, I think you're very self-aware. It's great that you are putting ads out there looking for help. It's great that you already know to distract yourself. It's great that you feel guilty. that's like a real good thing to have, right? Is like that guilt because you know right from wrong, right?

You're not like a person. You're not a bad person, right? You're just, you got, your wires got crossed at a certain time in your life where you were really susceptible to shit going down with you because you were really vulnerable because of what was happening in your family. Do you understand there was a lot of confusion there, a lot of negative energy? you were picking up on it, right? And then you have your sister and she was fucked up too.

And everything like you said went haywire. And you have to undo that now because now you're an adult, right? You're past the stuff with your parents. Like it's going to be your life from now on, you know? You have to make it what you want to be. There's no reason for you not to be enjoying women more and having sexual experiences that are satisfying that don't make you feel guilty afterwards. And listen, even if it's really difficult,

work and say it takes three years, big deal. You have the rest of your three years is nothing compared to like the next 60 you'll have of being okay, right? So look at it that way. I think a lot of people never want to do work on themselves because they think it's going to take a lot of time and they only like sort of think in the present or whatever. And it's like stupid because even if it takes you a couple of years to fix yourself, like you're going to have more years after that of being healthy and happy. I quit drinking. I've been sober 13, 14 years and I had to do that for. myself and it made me a much happier person. It was the hardest thing I ever did, right? But it has made my life so much better. So those first couple of years that were brutal were totally worth it,

whereas some people will never go through those brutal first couple of years because they don't want to go through anything brutal, but they'll never have that happiness afterwards, right? There's a book called The Road Less Traveled by this guy named Scott Peck. It's an old book from like a long time ago. But like one of the first sentences is like life is difficult, right? And that's like the truth, right? But he talks about how you need in life to learn how to give up instant gratification for future gratification. And that's what people don't want to do, right? And that's what you need to do now. You need to give up that instant gratification when you're hard, right, for that future gratification. And at first, it's going to be really difficult to do. But there's

future gratification for you. The real gratification will come when you don't have those thoughts. anymore when you're free of them. And I believe that you will be one day. I believe you have it in you. You just have to keep wanting to fix this part of you and keep doing things to try to fix this part of you and you will eventually succeed. And don't give up until you do. And listen, trust me, you will jerk off to your sister again and you will feel guilty. Like it's not going to be a perfect path to changing yourself. Do you understand? Like you will say, okay, I'm going to be disciplined and then you're going to do you're not going to be and don't let that make you not try again do you understand expect to mess up and not to be perfect because nobody is perfect but you have to

keep trying and eventually you will succeed i believe you have it in you i could just tell you're going to be okay you just have to like conquer this and you have to go find a group and some people out there that are like you that have been through this and are on the other side that could help you and you have the interest you that is the place for you to find the people. Yeah. Okay? Yeah.

Well, thanks. I mean, talking about this has helped a bit, I mean. What? Talking about this has helped a bit, so thank you for that. Of course. That's why I, like, I love doing my show because I don't know if you looked at a lot of my shows, the categories. Like, how people think it's like a dirty sex show, but, like, I talk to people about

their sexual desires and, like, I talk to people about their sexual desires and, things that they do. And I help a lot of people, and I have to say that most people always say that talking about it and being honest about something that they haven't been able to be honest about before really feels good and helps them and takes, you know, it's like releasing a burden. And that's why I do my show anonymously because nobody knows who you are. I don't even know who you are, right? So it helps you to feel more comfortable being honest. And it feels good to be honest, but like, you need to do this on a regular basis, you know? Yeah. It will help you. Imagine like you, you know, just talking to me,

For the time that we talked, it made you feel better. Once you start doing that on a regular basis with somebody that could really help you, you're going to feel better. And then the more, once you start feeling better about yourself and you, you're going to want to probably go back to school and get into this. Like, it's just like a domino effect, you know? But it all starts, it all starts here by fixing this. You'll feel better about yourself.

Because when you feel guilty and you feel terrible and you feel like, it's like you feel like a failure when you do something that you know you shouldn't be doing. And that just makes you feel bad about yourself. then that gives you low self-esteem. And then when you don't feel good about yourself, you don't feel like you could do anything. So therefore, like, it affects your whole life. That's why it's really super important for you to keep looking to fix this part of yourself. Yeah. Okay. I'd love to, I'll talk to you again. Like, we'll have you on for a part two, but you need to, like, call me back and tell me that you, like, found some forum online and you're talking to people or you found a therapist,

something. Go do something. start with, you know, something. And then I'll have you back on. Okay. Okay. Good luck with everything. Okay. Right.

Bye, Izzy. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August. 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said,

17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it. it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you can, could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a

complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contest where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous

podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com with your story. and your anonymous name.

And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.