Strictly Anonymous Confessions - ⁠1161 - Premature Ejaculation, Masturbation, Male Sex Toys and More w/ Sex and Relationship Coach Caitlin V⁠

Episode Date: July 5, 2025

SEXUAL HEALTH: Sex and relationship coach Caitlin V called in to discuss premature ejaculation, masturbation, male sex toys and more. Tune in to hear her discuss how and why she decided to become a sex and relationship coach, why she decided to focus on premature helping guys with premature ejaculation and how she prefers to tackle it, how and why looking into the psychological reasons for sexual issues is important, the first thing she asks guys to do when a guy has PE and why it works, how and why most men masturbate in a way that might be creating other issues, tips on how to masturbate in a healthier way, premature ejaculation vs. delayed ejaculation and how they’re similar, why delayed ejaculation happens and what you can do about it, sex toys for men and why they don’t use them as much, her fave sex toys for guys and why she loves them, medications that kill your sex drive and what you can do about it,  why she continues to work mostly with men and what she gets out of it plus a whole lot more. You can also find two of her best programs for guys here: Come When You Want - How to End Premature Ejaculation: https://caitlinvneal.com/come-when-you-want-2/ Hard as You Want - Get Harder and Stay Harder Longer: https://caitlinvneal.com/hard-as-you-want/ **To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.  Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Drive AND LOAD Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2516-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use code: ANONYMOUS to get an 50% off plus a 14 day money-back guarantee Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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that's going on in your neighborhood or somewhere close by or the next hotel takeover. All that kind of stuff is on SDC. So go to sDC.com, use my code 37712 or go to the description and click on the SDC link and it's going to take you right there. Okay, today I have on Caitlin V. I effing love her. She's like the real deal. She's so smart. She's a sex and relationship coach. We first started talking about like how and why she got into being a sex and relationship coach. I mean, she knew very early on. This is a sex and relationship coach. I mean, she knew very early on. what she wanted to do. She's also the host of a show on HBO Max called Good Sex. You got to check that out if you haven't yet. It's such an interesting concept. She explains what she does on that show.

But on this episode, we talk about premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, as well as erectile dysfunction. We talk about masturbation. We talk about male sex toys. We talk about sexless marriages. We talk about all that kind of good stuff. And she talks about how she helps guys with all of those things. When she tells me what she tells guys to do about premature ejaculation and how she gets them to overcome it, it was like super interesting. Okay, you're going to have to listen because she can help you if you're having that problem. She does coaching. She has programs. She is the real deal. Okay. She gives all of her shoutouts at the end to her website. If you want to go take one of her program, she has a 90-day money-back guarantee and all of them. I love somebody that offers that because you know what that means.

They believe in their fucking product, okay? Or else they would not be giving you that long of a money-back guarantee. So her programs are great. She does coaching if you need her. You're going to really like her. I loved her. I'm like, she's got to come back on and talk about other things too. But this episode is super interesting. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Caitlin V. Oh, she's also a big YouTuber. Sorry. She's got a big YouTube channel. She's got like almost 200,000 subscribers there. And she's got a lot of quick videos there. All the links will be in the description. But anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Caitlin V. Hi, Caitlin V. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Hi, I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me. No, thank you for calling in. I've like literally talked to you for like probably 25 minutes before we even got on. I love you already. You do so much. You do so much. You're so interesting. You have, uh, you're a YouTuber. You have a very popular channel, right? Is it just called Caitlin V? Your channel? Yes. Yeah. So you're Caitlin V everywhere. You're a sex and relationship coach. And you also are the host of a show on HBO Max called Good Sex. And I was like, oh, really like,

what is that about? And you were explaining it to me. Can you just, explain it again. It's like super interesting. Yeah. So on good sex, we follow five different couples. We put cameras inside of their bedrooms. And then I actually use clips from their bedroom cameras inside of their coaching sessions, which allows me to move like lightning fast. It's amazing. You know, they say like a picture's worth a thousand words. Well, the video has to be worth a million then. And it allows us to like really see as an audience all of the ways. I mean, you'll see yourself in each one of these couples. Right. And it's like it's this beautiful sort of. symbiotic relationship between like being witnessed in how normal we all are and also moving things forward in terms of like each of the struggles that each of the couples is going through. Yeah, I'm obsessed with reality TV. I always have been because I like psychology and like analyzing things and stuff. And I just love that you get in there and are like analyzing people in the privacy of their own home in their bedroom where and I think a lot of times like that's like the questions that people have is it comes from like that place, you know, when they're in the bedroom alone. And you know, who are they going to talk to about it? a lot of times they don't, right? But there you are with their little cameras, which I think it's like super smart. Because you don't just get what they're saying. You get body language, everything, because you're seeing it too. Exactly. Not to mention, so I was a sexual health researcher before I became a coach. And one of the studies that I was on was actually on having people,

or part of the study rather was like, we were trying to figure out when a particular STI is actually transmitted, like when inside of the sex act does this happen? And one of the things that we developed was this tool to have people describe step by step, you know, this happened with person A and their hand and person B's genitals and then a toy and then a mouth and then this other person and we made out and then that's right. And what we learned through developing that that tool to capture that step by step sort of like history is that it is so hard for people to describe what happened in bed. Ideally, we're very present. We're not really paying attention to the order of operations here. You know, great sex is like spontaneous and we're like we're in the

moment. So it's very hard for people to go back and describe afterward, not to mention that all of the terms that we use to describe the sex that we're having are relative, like gentle, hard, fast, soft, intimate, close, like even positions. Like, do you mean missionary or do you mean shell position? Is it missionary with the hips tilted up? But did you use a pillow? Right? Like, there's so many just factors and variables. And when I use a word like hard, it means something to me. It doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to you. So when my clients come in and they're describing what's going on in their sex life, they're only able to paint a very limited picture and I'm only able to guess at, you know, kind of what they mean by the words that they're saying.

Yeah, you got to fill in the gaps. But when I can actually see them on video, it changes everything because now we have something objective and now we have actual, you know, we can all look at the, we can all look at the recording and we can all describe what we are seeing and that helps us to get all on the same page. And it honestly made coaching like a lot more like, I'm not going to say more fun because I think coaching is really fun. But it allowed us to move a lot faster. Yeah, I could imagine. And they were, I mean, how many couples did you have in that episode, like in your season? There's five couples. We witnessed them over six episodes, but there are also one-offs. So I talked to a 30-year-old male virgin. I talked to a couple different couples that just

come in to see me for an individual challenge. And also there's couples and there's even like a thruple that didn't make it into the show, but we're amazing as well. We recorded with them too. So it's a combination of like getting to watch people over time and then also these kind of like quick educational but also transformative one-offs. And you help people like across the board, right? Like your sex and relationships coach. First of all, what got you into this business? Like what's your backstory real quick? I've known since I was 14, 15 years old that I was going to help people to enjoy sex more for a living. So I was just one of those kids that was fortunate to know from day one what what I was going to do with my life. It took me a while to figure out exactly how to do that.

Like I said, I became a professional researcher. I was going to go the empirical science route. I'm grateful for the time that I did do empirical science. I did policy. I was in, you know, delivering samples to a chlamydia lab for DNA sequencing. Oh, interesting. But ultimately what I determined is I do too. And I enjoyed being in the ivory tower, but I reached a point where I was I was out working on my doctorate, and I just felt so disconnected from the people who I was serving. You know, the higher that you get in academia, the more that you're kind of publishing stuff that other people that are also in academia are reading, right? And at night, I was teaching sex ed.

I was a peer sex educator. I worked with LGBTQIA youth. I worked with unhoused youth. I worked with non-monogamous communities. So at night, I was teaching sex ed, and that was the thing that was more rewarding for me. But, you know, part of my journey is just that I figured out how to masturbate and have orgasms from a really young age. Like very innocently like a lot of kids do with the jacuzzi in the whirlpool.

And then eventually this like vibrating pen that a lot of kids had that like, you know, it was like a wiggly wabbly, wobbly pen that had a couple of double A batteries in it. And I figured out how to bring myself to orgasm. And it didn't occur to me that what I was doing was considered wrong by some people until I got to a certain age at school and shared about it. And, you know, one of my friends who had been raised Catholic was like, you know, you're going to go to hell. And then I went through this period of like, oh my God, am I going to go to hell? I went to my mom, told her what I was doing.

Fortunately, she was very cool. She was like, you're totally fine. You're not going to hell. You continue to do that. You're doing that in the privacy of your, right, keep doing that in your bedroom. You know, like no problem at all. But I didn't know that what I was doing was, quote, unquote, supposed to be shameful. And I think that when I got to sex ed in high school and I was so excited to start having sex with other people because I was like, it feels so good alone.

You mean I get to do this with somebody else? Yeah. And then going through, you know, public school sex ed and then putting up these giant pictures of, syphilitic genitals on the projector, I was like, this isn't what I've been experiencing. You know, I have at that point 10 or more years of like regularly having orgasms and knowing that this thing feels good. And now you're telling me that it's dangerous and bad. Like, it just didn't compute at all. And I knew from then that I was going to commit, you know, my life to helping people to have a healthy and joyful relationship with their sexuality,

which I believe is a human right. Right. So you were just always like super open minded, curious about it and add a healthy perspective with it. And I think that makes, I think I've always just been a safe space for this. Like, again, because I didn't even have a brush of shame until later in life. And the gift that I have or my superpower is making these conversations, and I think this is your superpower too, right? Making these conversations that can feel really difficult to have or we're not sure where to have them feel like very easy and natural.

Yeah. And it's because it's that word shame. You know, you take that out of the picture, right? Like, I mean, I'm like a very non-judgmental person. And even before I started doing my show, it's like, people would sit across me and be like, why am I telling you all this? I don't even know. And it's like, I know because you know on a subconscious level that I am not coming at

you like to judge you in any way, shape, or form. I've just never been that person ever, you know, for real. And I think people could smell that from a mile. Like, that's who you were. You knew very early on what you wanted to do. Now, you do, like, really help guys, right? Like, I have a large male audience. You know, I wanted to talk to you because you talk a lot about a lot of different things.

You'll probably come back on again and talk about other stuff. But like I wanted to talk about erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation. Now, I'm wondering because you've done so much research and studying and writing of other things. Like, I mean, are you coming at those things from like, you know, from, you know, a medicine standpoint or from like a psychological standpoint? Is that correct to say? Hey, everyone. Have a partner. Well, then why not reboot your sex?

life by getting beducated. Your partner's going to thank you. Begicated is like the Netflix of sex education. They have hundreds of courses to choose from on sex all in one place. They literally have something for everyone. You can learn how to give your partner a yoni massage, which is a.k.a. a pussy massage. You can learn how to go down on your girl and you can learn new techniques to jerk off. Plus learn a whole lot more. And the best thing about bedicated to me, is you learn by seeing the action. That's right. If you take the cunnelingus class, okay, I've checked it out. It's not only going to give you new techniques to use when you go down on your girl. It's going to show you exactly how to do them via a video that features real people

in real action. So go get yourself Beducated. They believe so much in their courses that they offer a 14-day money-back guarantee. So you really have nothing to lose. And for listeners of my show, Beducated is offering 50% off the yearly pass. That's 50% off their yearly pass plus the 14-day risk-free money-back guarantee. All you got to do is go to the description, click on the link, and use my code anonymous. That's code anonymous. Use it now for 50% off plus a 14-day money-back guarantee. Again, go to the description, click on the link, and use my code anonymous. Now, I'm wondering because you've done so much research and studying and writing of other things. Like, I mean, are you coming at those things from like, you know, from, you know, a medicine standpoint or from like a psychological standpoint?

Is that correct to say? Yeah, that's a great question. Or from a woo-woo standpoint, too. Right. Which one are you coming from? An energetic standpoint. Yeah. So I got into coaching men and specifically premature ejaculation sort of by accident.

Okay. When I first started coaching and left my doctorate, I got invited to be on someone's YouTube channel to discuss squirting. And I was like, yeah, sure, I could totally talk about squirting. We made this video. It went pretty much viral, 2015. It took off. It got millions of views in just a matter of a couple months.

And all of a sudden, literally thousands of men were contacting me, asking me to coach them. And it turns out that a lot of the men that were interested in squirting in particular were also dealing with some kind of performance things. that was usually manifest as premature ejaculation. And I, you know, was a young coach and was very, you know, almost, I would say cocky. And I was like, you know, sure, let's try. So, you know, being a researcher, I went into the literature. I looked at what was available on premature ejaculation with sort of like the therapeutic

protocol was, which I kind of felt then and definitely feel now was crap and isn't current, isn't updated. It's not contemporary. It's not reflective of what we really know about sex and sexuality today. And so I really set out to develop my own protocol and my own methodology behind working with premature ejaculation that was a lot more holistic. So my system starts with the body, but it also includes the mind, our emotional body and our energy body. So my system is a lot more holistic. And then like you said, I'm also a relationship coach.

And I think sex is so flashy and so interesting that a lot of people forget that relationships are, you know, kind of the road that sex drives on, you know. Yeah. And so I also do a lot about, you know, helping detangle the influence of your familial relationships, culture, religion, and then also working on the relationship or relationships in which you are having sex. So yes, it's a little science. It's a little, I guess, psychology and sociology. And it is a little woo in the sense that I also think about the energy and the intangible aspects and the spiritual aspects of sex as well. And now you're saying, I mean, because you have a lot of things that you just said there is like anyone or the, five of those can be the reason for someone having this issue, right? Same thing with erectile dysfunction as well, same kind of stuff, right, that you're going to go into and look into, right, and go back on and treat them, right? When I went to, I have a course on erectile dysfunction and when I sat down to write it, it was one of the, I had put it off. I did a course on premature ejaculation and that went really well. And it was like several years later before I finally decided to sit down and try to tackle erectile dysfunction. And one of the things that I did in the early phases of

course creation is I sat down and I wrote based on just my client experience with my own clients, what I'd heard from other coaches and therapists and what I'd seen in comments and on YouTube into my courses, the reasons that men had said that, or that we had determined that they were dealing with erectile dysfunction. And I came up with 45 independent reasons that someone that I knew or had worked with or had heard from had dealt with erectile dysfunction. And of course, like, That was just the distilled sort of list. But they branch across. Of course there's the physiological body.

A lot of people go to the urologist and they don't really get a long-term workable solution because they've just addressed the physiology, right? If you don't also address your mental game, if you don't also address how you relate to, feel, process and share your emotions, if you don't relate, if you don't bring it back into the relationship in which the ED is actually happening in, you're missing the bigger stuff. And the other, and this is also the basis of my book, you and I were just talking, about having books that are coming out. The basis of my book is walking people through all of the different engines that have to be working together in order to not just have great erections or to

ejaculate when you want to, but also to have a great sex life. I like to think about it like you're built for sex. We have, you know, 300,000 years of uninterrupted evolution. Almost all of your ancestors, you know, only recently IVF has made it possible to even create life without sex. So this is one thing that your body is built to do. My job is to go through. My job is to go through, all of the different systems and figure out what's gunking up the works, what's getting in the way of the flow, because the flow will happen naturally when we get those out of the way. Do you typically say, hey, let's start with like, go to your doctor, get check, let's make sure it's not, you know, blood pressure or some sort of cardiovascular thing or something, and then

you start to dig into other areas, or do you have like an initial intake conversation? You can maybe gauge from that combo. Yeah, so for erectile dysfunction, I always recommend that guys go to the doctor, especially if they're not getting hard first thing in the morning. If you're not waking up at least a few times a week with some kind of erection, then that is a sign that you need to go get checked. And fortunately, or unfortunately, I guess, one of the reasons that men will go to the doctor, even if they've been putting it off for decades, is because their penis isn't operating the way that they wanted to. That is like the final straw they're willing to go get checked. So a lot of the guys that I work with, like, they haven't had a check up in a while anyway. So we use this as a

reason to go get your hormones tested. Make sure that your endocrine system is in good shape. Your circulatory system needs to be in good shape. Your nervous system needs to be in good shape in order to get in sustained erections. So it's a good excuse to do that anyway. So I usually send them. For the guys that come to me with premature ejaculation, the way that we start with the physical body is by changing the way that they masturbate.

Usually PE, for only a teeny tiny percentage, maybe up to 2% of people of men who deal with premature ejaculation, is it physical? zological in nature. A lot of guys will come to me and they'll be like, no, my penis is different. It has more nerve endings. I swear I'm more sensitive. And I have to be like, you know, average. We're all statistically average, right? It's very unlikely that what's going on relates to any sort of nervous system irregularity. And it's very unlikely that it has to do with neurotransmitters, brain chemistry. Of course, for two percent of men, it does. But for the other 98 percent, the way that we start with their bodies, I start in shifting the way that they relate to their body and the easiest and quickest and, you know, most effective way to do that is to start with masturbation. Because a lot of guys don't realize that the way that you practice when you're solo is the way that you're going to perform when you're with a partner. And so if every time that you masturbate, you're doing it in the same way with a really strong grip with no loop and as fast as possible, you're just associating from your body because you're watching porn or whatever. Like you are not setting

yourself up to succeed when you get into the arena with another human. Oh my God. What you just said probably like is like probably how every got most guys jerk off right and that and so and there's so most guys are doing it wrong yeah I mean yeah I would use the word wrong but I can I'm not the doctor no I have no no I was saying I have no problem using the word wrong I think I literally put a YouTube video out last week that said you're masturbating wrong oh okay good certainly I don't want to shame anyone like if you if you thought about it and you're like masturbation is uh something that I'm okay with like abusing in my life. I totally get that. Like, I can't tell you to do anything differently. But my thought is that when you don't treat yourself like a lover and instead you treat yourself like a tool or you treat,

you know, you treat orgasm like it's a Xanax. Like I'm just stressed out. I need to have an orgasm. Or you treat it like a, you know, you're numbing out from your life. Like you're single. You'd like to be in a relationship. But instead you spend hours with porn every single week, you know, making that meet your sexual needs. And then that, you know, disincentivizes you from actually doing the hard work of risking getting rejected by going out into the world and trying to have sex with real people. Like, I totally understand how masturbation can be co-opted to do all of these things. But at the end of the day, that's not what it's there for, you know?

And so if you want to change your relationship to masturbation, I think the best thing to do is think about yourself as a lover. Like, think about how you would make love to yourself. Would you just make love to yourself, you know, in the bathroom after work while watching yourself? Like, a woman probably wouldn't appreciate being made love to like that, right? She would want creativity. She would want different positions.

She might want some music or candles. She might want like a little kinky fantasy going on. She might want, you know, to have an extended floorplay and to like touch your whole body and arouse all of your senses. First, I'll encourage guys, you know, depending on what their individual preferences are, like get embodied before. Like, you know, maybe do a foam roller, right? Like stretch out. Like, you know, if you're into it, put on some music that you like and like dance around a little bit. like make it a date with yourself. I promise that just like with anything else, when you add

intention and you do it from a place of like love instead of expectation or forcing, it's going to change the whole game right away. And then for those guys with premature ejaculation, I get them started on that immediately because as we know, the body takes the longest to change, whether that's showing up at the gym or a new supplement regimen or whatever. You know, often the body takes months in order to truly, truly, deeply adapt to those changes. And, you know, I'll tell guys, why don't you take a 90-day break from porn? And then they don't watch porn and then they don't get hard. And then they freak out and they panic and they're like, oh my God, my dick is broken. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's give it a month. I promise you, your body was built to

do this. It will get back to, you know, a state that is similar to what it would be if you hadn't started jerking off this way or watching porn to begin with. But it takes time and it's difficult to be patient because sometimes they've waited, you know, a decade before they called me and they want those results right now, which I also am impatient. I totally get it. But the body takes time. The body's built that way. And the sooner that we start, the sooner that you can see results. Oh my God. How many times does a guy push back at 90 days and they try to negotiate? Can I just do 30? 90 days a long time. But that's typically what you need to do to make something a habit, right? It's at three months. You got to work out the gym. Three months. You got to do it. Yes. Three months, right? 90 days.

I mean, the first several years of me coaching men, I was really like, Wham, Bam, thank you man, in and out, 90 days is like all that we did. We would do like 12 sessions, 90 days. I would like get these folks out the door. I had like a revolving door of clients. And my goal was really to like create a difference in their lives, create a permanent transformation, land the plane so that like the transformation feels like it's locked in and then move on to the next person because they wanted to serve as many people as possible. Now, you know, a decade into coaching, I've been working with some of my clients for two years because they got the result that they wanted. They're able to last longer in bed.

We did that in 90 days. Not a problem. I can do that. Probably can do it faster nowadays. If you're like really on the, if you are fully committed and accountable to yourself, like we can make big changes. But the other pieces, the relational pieces, like, you know, thinking really critically about what you want your sex life to be as a whole, how you relate to your what,

how you relate to dating. All of that is way deeper work. And it's such a pleasure for me now as a coach to say to someone, you know, you don't have to continue to work with me indefinitely. But after we get through this first period, like, I'd love to continue to stay with you because I'm continuing to invest in your life, your quality of life, your transformation. So I feel very privileged now that I get to work with people for a longer period of time. But yeah, for years, I was like 90 days, we're going to change, you know, it doesn't matter how long this has been going on. years of premature ejaculation, like give me 90 days. We'll change your life. It's exciting. It's good to know, right, if it's a guy listening, the way I hear that is like, it's good to know that if that's all I got and I just have that one thing, I'm going to be in and out and I can do it in three months. But if you're talking

to a lot of these guys like that I'm talking to, you know, and that are listening to my show or these guys that, you know, might not just have that issue. They also are like in sexless marriages or they're not being, you know, their intimate life isn't what they want. It's maybe not totally sexless, but it's on its way, you know. And typically when I'm talking to these people and I get their backstory, it doesn't start out that way. You know, it eventually makes its way to that place because people are like groundhog day living, you know, getting having kids and going into their work.

It's the same thing. And it just, they wind up like that without even thinking, you know, like, so I think it's great that you help. You can also help those guys maybe get back in the game with their partner, right? That they're already with. Totally. And, you know, I had a client who came to you. because he was dealing with premature ejaculation.

Some of that was caused by the sense that his wife didn't really want to be having sex, right? So he's like, you know, okay, she's saying yes and she's consenting, but like she's not that enthusiastic. So let me get through this as quickly as possible, right? So his premature ejaculation are of it, well, we get him to a point where he can last longer. Then he's like, you know, I want to be having more sex. We're having sex, you know, once every other week. I'd like it to be maybe once a week. I was like, okay, you know, like, let's, we can work on that.

So we work on that. Eventually he and the wife get to the point where they're having sex like at least. once a week and she's way more into it, right? But then he realizes that it's not enough to just last for 20, 30 minutes once a week. And that was his goal, by the way. I mean, he could last longer, but that's the time that they had with their two children and their lives. He finally got to the point where he realized that it was actually about quality over quantity. And it didn't actually, he would be happy to have sex two times a month if it was super high quality sex, right? So all of those things came, you know, in order.

We had to get to the point where, like, he addressed the thing that he came into coaching for, right, which was lasting longer. But then you can last longer and then you realize, oh, my God, it's not just about the time on the clock, right? Hey, guys, want to impress your girl with more volume and your next load and or increase your libido? Well, then you need to check out VB Health, load boost, and drive boost supplements. VB health products are doctor formulated using scientifically backed ingredients.

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You know, in order, we had to get to the point where like he addressed to the thing that he came into coaching for, right? Which was lasting longer. But then you can last longer and then you realize, oh my God, it's not just about the time on the clock, right? We don't actually care that much about how long, the purpose of lasting longer in bed or being able to control when you ejaculate is not so that you can say that you lasted 30 minutes, right? The purpose is

so that you can have the great sex that you want to have and great sex takes time so that that means she gets to have an orgasm. That means you get to try three or four different positions. That means you're free to have a quickie or to spend all Saturday morning in bed, right? Like, you actually really want to have the freedom and the competency that allows you to create the kind of sex life that you want to have. And the time on the clock is just one portion. of what allows you to do that. Quick question, because I remember having a couple couples on or guys or women talking about the fact that their guy could get it up, could fuck like usual and everything, but they can't

come. Like, is that kind of like the different side of the same coin thing? Like, it's premature ejaculation, but like, you know, could be sort of the same problem, but just coming out in a different way where, you know, they're hard and they're fucking, but they can't ejaculate, you know? Totally. So I think premature ejaculate. or rectile dysfunction and what you're talking about delayed ejaculation are all different ways that performance anxiety manifests.

Exactly. Right. So say, in all three cases. Exactly. Now, they can all have physiological underpinnings, right? But for the most part, they're also mental and emotional underpinnings as well. Yeah, listen, I had a boyfriend who couldn't get it up. And I always tell the story. I'll say it real quick.

But like, and it was obviously a head thing because I was so horny for him. It was a very dysfunctional relationship. But I'd be like just put it in soft. I could care less. I never looked at his dick and said, what the fuck is wrong with it? You don't like me. You know what I mean? I didn't say one thing.

I just fucked him. And I was so horny and I would orgasm and I never even brought up. And that guy started to get it up. Okay. Like he had no problems after a couple months of me using him like a sex object. And then I have to tell you, he totally dumped my ass because and the last thing he said to me when he kicked me out of his house is you made me like sex too much. And that's when I realized that's why he couldn't fucking get it up because he was a control freak.

And listen, when you are horny, like sometimes it controls you, right? It's a very powerful thing. So it could be a fucking control issue, right? Like he didn't want to give up that control. He felt very uncomfortable with it. And that's why, I mean, that's what I, that's my analysis of the whole thing. You know what I mean? Because he wanted to be in control, you know?

So whatever, you know, so sorry that you went. I'm so sorry that you went through that. I mean, it sounds to me like someone, well, it sounds to me like you actually like offered him some healing, brought him back to life in a way, right? because sexual and erotic energy is life force energy. It's how all of us come into life. It's how new life is generated. Like, you know, I think that, you know, having a healthy relationship with our drive is the

goal not suppressing it. And actually, you know, what you're pointing to there with him is one of the primary causes of delayed ejaculation. Oh, really? It is an unwillingness to really feel things all of the way, right? He probably recognized on one level that if he allowed himself to feel as deeply and to experience as intensely as. as sex feels and orgasm feels that that's scary.

Yeah. It's kind of that feeling of like, well, what if I start crying and I never stop? Well, first of all, it's never happened to anybody. You might as well let the tears out, right? But when we repress any one emotion, we repress all of them. So if you're not willing to feel sad, guess what? You're not going to also be able to feel joy. If you're not willing to feel anger, you're not going to be really totally willing to feel happiness.

Right. Like we can't suppress a single emotion. It doesn't work that way, right? We either suppress ourselves or we don't, or I guess maybe it's more like a spectrum. How much are you suppressing yourself? Because the more that you are willing to feel, the more easy it is for you to have control

over your orgasm or ejaculation. Yeah. But orgasm for men requires a combination of your rest and digest nervous system and your fight-and-flight nervous system. So you have to be able to like really go into relaxation, right? which is what, and if you're thinking too much about your performance, you're not really going all the way into relaxation, right? And your nervous system has to quickly snap into the sympathetic

or the rest of fighter flight nervous system in order to cause an ejaculation. So if you are so singularly focused on your performance, or if maybe you have, you know, in the case of that caller, I think for some men, they've sort of desensitized themselves quite a bit because they wanted to be able to last longer. Right. But the way that they went about lasting longer and developing stamina, was by making themselves numb and kind of cutting off their sensation.

And so they get to this point where they're not able to, like, lose themselves totally. Or they get to the place where they feel like they need a ton of stimulation, like a really firm grip, really dry, a lot of vibration, et cetera, in order to get to orgasm. But my recommendation to them is always like, no, instead of adding more fuel to the fire, what we need to do is decrease the amount of fuel in the fire so that your body can become sensitized again. And this is where maybe the more energetic aspects of sex and sexuality come in. I know for me, when I've had lovers who dealt with delayed ejaculation, and I have had several, that the way that I have found most effectively in my own bedroom to help them to develop the capacity to ejaculate is to really hone in on my own energetic connection to them so that they're no longer focusing so much just on physical sensation, just on performance. but instead making sex more of like an energetically significant or spiritually significant like or amping up the intensity of the connection between us. Therefore, it's less about, you know, how much force is being applied to the nerve endings and more about this thing that is actually a little bit harder to quantify.

But actually once you're practiced at doing it, it's a lot easier to get into. Yeah, I saw weird, like when I was like Googling you like just to just get the skinny on you, I found something where you said something about like, oh, guys. This is about, you know, when you said people to go masturbate, I was like thinking, like, how should they masturbate and what do they get to do if they're not watching porn? And I saw one thing where you were saying something about like, oh, every guy should use a sleeve. Like, is it I always talk about like how I just don't think that guys have a lot of great sex toys out there or they don't really utilize them. I love as a woman that I could go online and just get like a million toys. Like I love that. We have them all. And I don't think that guys try a lot of things out for themselves. You believe in like a sleeve? What are those things? Yeah, I believe in male sex toys all the way. I think it's 20, 25 at the time that you're reporting, and it is time for men to be able to own sex toys without shame. I one time I had a client. I recommended that he get a masturbation sleeve, and he goes, those are for perverts and truck drivers. Yeah, why is there such a stigma for guys and sex toys? I don't get it. You know, I think with all things with men, the gold medal, like what you are supposed to be, this is society. It's getting a hot check. This is their conditioning. Yeah. Like, men are supposed to have sex with women, and everything else is a silver. silver metal, right? So if you have to masturbate, that means there's something wrong with you because you can't get a woman. And if you have to masturbate with a toy, doubly so, right? Like,

why you being such a bitch that you had to get some, you know, that you like, right? Like, just get a woman to stick it in instead of spoiling yourself this way. I think it's an old way of thinking, but unfortunately it's still a part of how, you know, all of us were raised because it's just kind of the water that we swim in. Oh my God. Yeah. That's the whole thing with Guy and Guy and Guy action too. Like you can't get you. Yeah. It's such an unfair double standard. Right. I mean, The guy and guy action thing is such a good example, too, because I was just explaining this to someone the other day. My inbox, like, for the most part, women in threesomes, and I'm working on a course on threesome's right now. That's how this came up. A lot of women identify as bisexual. It's like cool for women to identify as bisexual today, right?

And so like most of us, we get into a threesome, we feel good about having some like girl-on-girl action, right? But a lot of guys feel like even in that environment, even if they would like to have guy-on-guy experience, like, that that somehow impacts their identity. And what I always say to them is like, I've known plenty of how. heterosexual men who have sucked a dick before and never even for a minute question their sexuality. So for that matter, you can suck a dick, you can own a fucking, oh sorry, am I allowed to cost? Yeah, totally. Okay, I figured you can own a fucking sex toy and it doesn't make you a pervert. Okay, so here my thoughts on male sex toys.

Yeah. Good news is that they are getting so advanced nowadays. I mean, compared to when I started working with men, which is almost a decade ago now, the toys that are available today are amazing they are like technologically advanced i mean they're definitely appeal to men they're like tools almost uh there's like almost something you'd see at home depot more than in a sex toy shop they're more affordable than they ever have been before and there's far more variety in options than there has ever been like 10 years ago you could get like a pocket pussy you could be like sasha gray's mouth or something you know and then obviously there's always been

the fleshlight but if if those were options weren't available or didn't work for you for some reason. Like there weren't a ton of other options. Now, there are toys that are self-heeded. There are toys that create suction. There are toys that track the hand or the mouth of someone in virtual reality porn that will move up and down with the motion of the porn that you are watching. Not that I necessarily recommend that you run straight over there, but it's certainly a cool

option. Yeah. There are toys that spin and suck and blow and make noise. I mean, there's just, my office right now is there's even a toy. that will track how many times you thrust and how many breaks you take. Oh, is that a lesson for stamina? Yeah, yeah. No, it's called My Hixel.

I actually have an affiliate with them if you want me to include that. I'll happily send that to you. Yeah, for sure. Because it's a great compliment to my premature ejaculation course because I want you to be able to last longer in bed. And I also don't want you to, like, obsess about the clock. So that toy allows you, it times you. It times the number of breaks that you take.

There's sort of like a gamified gamification aspect to it, which I think is so cool. So the market for male sex toys is only growing. It's going to continue to grow. There are both, you know, domestic and international companies that are introducing all kinds of wildly advanced toys for men. They come in at like a really wide variety of price points. The lowest, I mean, obviously you can get like a silicone sleeve for, you know, under $20. But you can get a toy that like heats itself, vibrates, creates suction and, you know, pretty much will do everything but say your name for like sub $200. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And do you think it's changing, though? Like, maybe that's why there's more stuff coming out because like I've always,

like I said, I've always wondered like, why don't guys buy the shit for themselves? Like, because I think it's fun for me. Like, why, you know, and I get now that you said there's a stigma. Do you think that that's changing? I think it is changing. But I think that I also have a little bit more of a pessimistic perspective on this. I think that this may be a byproduct of men having less sex in general, which. other people, right? I wonder if this is partially a byproduct of, especially younger generations,

you know, the data that's coming out on Gen Z and yeah, people who are just now becoming sexually active, having far less partners, having less sex, being less willing to approach someone of the opposite sex for a date, being less willing to even like put themselves out there because of the fear of rejection, because of the experience of isolation, because so much of, you know, maybe even their coming of age, you know, if you were maybe 16 to 20, you know, if you were maybe 16 to 20, during the time that during lockdown and you weren't like socializing with your peers during some of that time period you may feel like you're inept or you're inadequate or you don't know necessarily like how to engage other people as potential sexual partners. So I do wonder if

some of the movement that we have in this direction is a consequence of that. But what I hope is that men will use these toys to thoughtfully engage in masturbation in a way that is intentional in a way that honors and loves themselves, like in the way that they would be making love to a partner, and that they don't use it to replace a partner or replace human touch because it can't. But I think we can, for years even, kind of fool ourselves into thinking that this is meeting the knee, right?

Like, this is, oh, it's fine. Like, I'm having great orgasms at home with porn, with whatever, with the VR, with the toy, whatever. I don't really need companionship, right? And that's not true. You cannot replace one with the other. I think also this is why like I'm sure you've heard this like men were concerned that like they would be replaced by a sex toy right like how many guys have said I don't want to bring a sex toy into the bedroom because I don't want it to replace me I was always like this is such a weird argument for me like I can't wrap my mind around a sex toy could never replace you I own hundreds of sex toys I still want a partner you know but I wonder if that was actually a projection because they were thinking oh god I could replace her with those sex toy right yeah exactly and I hope that that's not the way that we're headed but you know The other nice thing about some of this is that for men who, let's be real, let's have

the slightly harder conversation to have, there is a percentage of men who have, for a variety of reasons, reason to believe that they will not have sex again in the rest of their life, right? So this could be a man who's disabled, right? Who maybe doesn't want to work with escorts or sex workers, but would like to be able to have a toy that like literally manually creates sensation like up and down on his cock because, you know, his hand or his arm or whatever he's dealing with, his disability prevents him from being able to masturbate in what we would consider like a traditional sense. So like how cool that these toys exist, right? He or a caregiver can help hook him up with his toy and then he can

experience release and satisfaction. It can feel good. That is amazing. And on the other end of that spectrum, we have maybe say men who are in sexless marriages or sexless relationships who are staying together for the kids, but whose wife have made it clear, like, I don't want to have sex ever again. And this guy may be, you know, 50, 60, 70 years old. Like, he still has decades of life left. Yeah. And he wants to have pleasure. And I think it's his human right to like get to experience his erotic satisfaction and fulfillment. And, you know, I hear from guys all the time who are like, I sleep in a separate bedroom. I'm committed, though, to like seeing this marriage all the way to the end. That's what I signed up for. I, you know, I don't want to get divorced. I don't want to ruin our

finances like this. I'm happy, but I need to feel satisfied in this department. And, you know, these advances in sex toys, VR porn, real dolls, sex dolls and all of that are actually like helping those men to adapt their needs to the actual circumstances of their lives. What's your favorite toy? Like if we have to give one out and we'll put a link to it in the description, like for a guy for men? For men? Yeah, good first toy that you think is like killer, that they should go out and try. I think that so I would say like the budget toy that I would recommend is the male rose. I have an affiliate link for that too. I can share all of those.

The male rose is a, it's an early, it's a good entry model toy. It doesn't work for everyone. There's four models, you know, I've heard men say, you know, they really preferred one model over another. One of them like rotates only in a singular direction. And some guy wrote me recently and was like, I didn't like that it didn't change directions. Like, okay, I can't do anything about that. But that's good feedback, right? Yeah, totally.

They, there are, I'm trying to think of what the name of the company is. There's another company called V Secrets that has several different toy for men options that are also not like outrageously expensive. And they kind of offer a variety of different sensations, including some that do vibration and some that do suction. And then there's another company that's actually out of China called Cyberskin. And I highlight, and I think V Secrets is out of China as well. And obviously a lot of American manufacturers get their sex toys. made in China. Anyways, but I've personally been reluctant to recommend Chinese toys because they don't necessarily have to meet any particular standards for quality of materials. Same is true in

the United States, by the way. We don't have real strict oversight determining the safety and quality of the materials that sex toys are made out of. So when you are doing your research on any sex toy company, make sure that you are asking critical questions about the quality of the materials because there's no standardization. It's really unfortunate. But I think that cyberskin, I've tried out all of their, I think they also have like three or four models, and they're very impressive.

I think all of them look like futuristic thermoses, too. Like, they're all kind of beautiful. They're all kind of like look like little art objects that you kind of pop open and then it becomes a thing that you put your dick in, which I think is pretty cool. And there are other companies, too, that I think I would recommend. We have a recommended products page on my website. that I'll also share with you.

But yeah, what is the name of the one that you said that will track your information and give you back that data? Oh, that one is called My Hixel. Yeah, that one sounds good, too. If you're dealing with premature ejaculation, My Hicksel. If you just want an entry-level toy to kind of experiment with and see what it's like, I would recommend the Mail Rose. If you want the VR tracking more complex, more like technologically advanced one, that toy is

called My Handy. That's the one that will track porn and move along with the problem. porn, that one's pretty cool. And then if you're looking for something that's like a little bit more advanced or a little shaker, V-secrets and cyberskin. Right. Now, I did put a call out to my Patreon members like, oh, do you have any questions? I'm having a sex and relationship coach on. I'm like, she talks a lot about ED and premature ejaculation. And it's just so funny that the first question is this, and you already already talked about this. It's like, I masturbate three times a day, but now I don't shoot anymore. Why, all in caps? It's like, didn't you just give that answer?

in the beginning like when you started off right? And also he answered his own question. You're ejaculating three times a day. I mean, trust me, your body is amazing. It's very adaptable, especially when it comes to anything that has to do with mating. But the male body produces like, what, 60,000 sperm every single day. I mean, it is a factory in there, right? Right.

But when you're ejaculating that often, and, you know, who knows what his diet is like, is he drinking enough fluids? Like, you're kind of draining your body of seminal fluids. You're draining your body. You know, the prostate can only produce. so much fluid. And remember that the majority of ejaculate is made up of semen, not sperm, right? And semen is the liquid that your prostate makes. And essentially, I'm really oversimplifying things. You're kind of ejaculating yourself dry. I had a guy in my Patreon community asked me a couple

weeks back, like, I am spending like two hours to four, maybe two hours on weekdays and four hours on weekends masturbating every day. And like, am I edging too much? So this guy, your guy's having three ejaculations. My guy's hedging, so he's not ejaculating multiple times, but he's bringing himself to the edge and then not going over it. He's also, by the way, in my opinion, creating the perfect circumstances for delayed ejaculation. Right? Because if you train your body not to get to orgasm, hardly ever, then it's going to default to that, right? It's very habitual in this way. But what I said to my guy and what I would say to this guy who's ejaculating three times a day is like, what are you avoiding in your life broadly that you're committing this much

time and energy to masturbating. Like, look, I'm very pro-masturbation. I think, I mean, if I were a doctor, it would be my number one prescription is like, jack off. And for women, too, masturbate, masturbate intentionally, right? But it wouldn't be spend hours and hours and hours every day on it, and it wouldn't be spent, you know, have it be part of your, like, you have it three times a day. It's not a square meal.

It's not vitamins, you know? And it's not the answer to everything. And let me put it this way. More is definitely not the answer. Yeah. When it comes to masturbating, better, higher quality, more thoughtful is the answer. So my question for him is like, what are you not doing in your life that you would like to be doing, whether that is like a hobby exercise, you know, training to advance in your career, dating, spending time with friends. You know, there's a male friendship epidemic that's been getting a lot of news recently

that one in seven men don't have a best friend. Yeah. One in seven men don't have any friends and one in four don't have a best friend. Like the numbers are outrageous. So I would say maybe masturbate five times a week and use that extra time to develop some friendships and social ties so that your quality of life improves and you don't want to spend all of your time, you know, solo drinking off. Yeah. Or maybe just like sit with you. yourself and see what comes out because I mean I'm an addict right I've been sober for over 22 years and there's over my time being an addict I use different things at different times and I think you can use

anything to fucking check out and that would be what it is the problem is not the alcohol problem is you can't sit with yourself right so what are you doing and when I was really young I think I jerked off a lot you know what I mean I used it a lot to just check out and not be in reality so I definitely believe in sex addiction anything could be an addiction and you know and And if you are needing to escape all the time, a lot of times it's like, what are you fucking escaping from? Like what comes up or what happens when you just sit with yourself? Another guy did ask, he said, and this is a common problem.

And I don't even know like what the answer is because, you know, he takes Zolf, right? And he has difficulty achieving orgasms. And I know girlfriends of mine that have been on medication that like lost their libido or couldn't, you know, their clit when numb. Like a lot of times those kinds of medications do affect sex drive and orgasms. correct? Yes, yeah, absolutely. So his question is like, what can I do about this? Yeah, I mean, what do you, like what do you do besides go off it? Right. And even if you do decide to go off of it, your sex drive doesn't always come back, unfortunately. Really? Yeah, I can't quote the study because

I was just made aware of this the other day, but apparently there is a small group and maybe a growing group of folks that when they come off of SSRIs, they continue not to, they're like they continue to have a low libido or low sexual desire or inability to orgasm even after coming up. I wish I could quote an actual study on that. Like I said, I was just, I was at a conference last week and someone was making me aware of this. So it's new to my awareness. But I would say, yeah, if you can, if you can work with your team, which hopefully includes more than just a psychiatrist, you know, hopefully you also have a coach or a good therapist or a nutritionist or you're doing some personal growth and development stuff. Like my dream for folks, and this may be a little

Pollyanna of me, is that you develop a context for your whole life where SSRIs are no longer necessary, right? Ideally, I think most people don't want to be on SSRIs for the rest of their life. I certainly can't speak for everyone, but everyone that I've worked with and know personally, who's ever been on them has been like, I would like for this to be, you know, one chapter of my life while I rebalance my brain chemistry. And eventually, I'd like to be. be able to exist in the world without this. Now, again, there's no shame. You know, if you, if you need Zoloft in order to operate in the world, like amazing that it exists, right? My preference as a coach is that you adjust your life. I did this for myself. So I used to deal with pretty intense

depression episodes. And I, around the age of 27, I left graduate school. I started exercising more thoughtfully. I changed my entire diet. I changed my life. I moved to a new city. I was privileged to be able to do that. I had a partner at the time who was willing to help me financially, and I had, you know, I knew that I had the, like, love and support of my family so that if I, you know, if I had needed to, like, go home and live with my parents again, I could have done that. That's a huge parachute. I was very blessed to be able to do that. But what ended up happening is that over the course of, say, like, the next three years, I changed my context, the, my surroundings so much that I was able to

not have to take medication or deal with any of the symptoms of depression, which is not to say that I've been like flying high ever since. But I was able to create the circumstances that made, that supported my mental health. And I really think that part of our, for me anyways, I'll just speak for myself, that part of my mental health is being sexually active. Like I, I, just like going to the gym and eating well, when I am having great sex, I generally feel a a lot brighter, a lot more optimistic, a lot more like happy about engaging in life. And so I think that we could consider your sexual well-being as a top priority. And if you want to be able to orgasm and you want to have that libido and you know, you want to engage in life in this way, like,

it may take time. It may take years. But I think you can certainly get to a point where maybe the medications aren't necessary. That may not be true for everybody. But I certainly hope that people, you know, listening that you feel like you have enough agency to at least try. Yeah, totally for sure. Now, let me ask you this. Who are you typically, you know, getting hit up by? Like, it's men, right? I mean, do you ever talk to couples? I mean, do you do couple therapies? Or you're just talking to men? I have worked with men. Sorry, I have worked with couples and I have worked with women over the course of my career. And obviously, you know, when we're, when we're talking about one gender, when we're talking about heterosexual couples, we're talking about both, right? But I'm

talking to men, I'm also talking about women. Part of the cool thing about my work, is, is that when I focus my attention on men and men are, you know, carrying the torch of improving their sex life with their partner, like a lot of the conversation around sex and sexuality or sex problems is aimed at women, right? Because the conversation is usually, men are fine. They should be able to want sex all the time, get it up, get off, no problems, like nothing to see here, right? And all of the sex-related problems are women's, right? Women have problem reaching orgasm. have problem getting wet. Women have problem with menopause. Women have problems with it. Like, women postpartum have issues with their bodies, right? Yeah. It's like, first of all, it's not true that,

like, one gender has all of the issues and one gender is like totally fine, right? We're painting with such a broad brush. And what ends up happening is that men's sexuality doesn't get elevated. And therefore, the men who are suffering and struggling, they don't see themselves in the larger conversation. and then they tell themselves, oh, my God, there's just something wrong with me. I'm alone here. I'm the only guy that's dealing with this, right? So many people that have come to me for coaching, the very first thing that they say to me when you get on the call is like, you know, you might not have heard something like this before. Or I feel like I'm alone or I feel like I'm the only person that's dealing with this. Right. And like after 10 years of being a coach, I can tell you with pretty much 100% certainty, I've heard it. I've heard it. I've heard it, you know, multiplied by being an Orthodox Jew or by also, you know, being a public fee. or being the head of a country. Like, there's so many people out there who are dealing with the exact same thing that you're dealing with.

It really is not about age, race, gender, location, job, income. Like, you're not alone. But when we don't elevate men's sexual challenges publicly and we don't talk about them, then men end up suffering needlessly in private. And so when I started my career or when I started on YouTube especially, I noticed that there just was a total lack of high quality information for men. and people talking to men. And I'm going to be shady for just a second here.

I think you and I are of a similar mindset with this. Not what I'm about to say, but just that like we should speak it how it is. There are on YouTube a number of men male sex coach male influencers who speak to a male audience. And it drives me absolutely nuts because they will get afforded all kinds of like respect and credibility that I don't get just because they're a man. Right. Because they have a cock and they're talking to people with cocks, right? here's the thing about that is that they maybe solved premature ejaculation for themselves right they figured out a system that worked for them and now they are out there hawking it and selling it to you right

i have slept with a lot of men seen a lot of cocks it worked with hundreds of clients one-on-one thousands across my courses and all that like i as a as a woman who loves men have developed a way of thinking and seeing and working with men that exists outside of, you know, my own body, right? And so I think it's a huge advantage. But it wasn't at all how I thought I was, you know, who I thought I was going to work with when I started coaching. It was just kind of like a happy series of coincidences that led me to working primarily with men. So my YouTube channel is targeted to men. And then in my coaching practice, we work with men, we work with women, we work with couples. I have certainly worked with non-binary and with people that are like somewhere in the queer universe. And I, you know, look forward to continuing to create content that addresses men because it needs to exist. And it's been such a privilege to work with men in this way. And I also welcome the opportunity to like serve other populations as well. Like I, in my own experience as a woman, as a cisgender, bisexual, pansexual, erotically curious.

woman, you know, I can only speak to women from my perspective as well. So, no, I love that because listen, I, whenever there's, like, this is the reason why I started my sexual health Saturdays is because whenever there's, like, little bits of a part of a whole life story, because that's what I'm typically getting on my show where there's a little dysfunction or there's a certain issue coming, you know, being talked about, I get so many emails about it. You know what I mean? And I'm like, oh, I have to devote like whole episodes on these kinds of topics because men are hungry. I know, I've been doing my show for 12 years. My audience became, you know, is, is, guys and they reach out to me and they're very, uh, they're, they're dying for a lot of the information

that I give them when I put an episode up, even about like HRT for women. They would, because they, they want to tell there are women who don't want to fuck anymore. Like, maybe you need to go on hormones and like, they want to get the information to bring it back. Or if there is someone that talks about ED, even for one second, people will email me like, oh, can you get someone on to talk about this? Like all of this kind of information they do need because I think that they, they're, women get to talk a lot. like we're more open about our stuff and we're able to, you know, it's just like a different kind of a thing. And I think men don't have that kind of, like they don't just talk to each other about stuff, right? So I think it's great that they could come and talk to you. And I'm sorry,

but like, who better to talk to than a chick, right? Because now you're going to get, she knows how to cure your pee, but she's also a woman and she's going to also probably help you with your woman because you're a woman, right? I don't know. I just see that as a positive, not a negative. And anyone that doesn't think two steps into that is there just, they're just, they're not thinking enough. You know what I mean? Like on the surface, it might be like, yeah, talk to a guy. It's like, no, no, no.

The woman's going to double help. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. I mean, the number one that people, a lot of guys come to me and ask, like, what do women think about this? Like, how do women feel about this? The more interesting thing about existing as an influencer on the internet is I will

put a video out there that's like, women want you to talk to them like this or to look at our boobs like this. Yeah. Or to seduce us like this, right? And then I'll get in the comments. guys being like, nah, don't listen to a chick. She doesn't know what women want. And I'm like, I, who could say that? Who could actually get that comment? You'd be shocked. Oh my God. I know. It's like, well, at least, first of all, you're, you're, you're discrediting what I, that I don't,

you're suggesting that I don't know what I want, right? Which is a huge problem, right? Yeah. But not just that. You, you, to your point, like, I've been talking to my girlfriends about sex and sexuality since before I was ever even sexually active with another person, right? We spend, I wish that it weren't the case, but I spend hours and hours and hours, you know, on a weekly basis talking to my friends about sex and love and relationships. And I would be doing that even if this wasn't my career, you know. Are you familiar with the Bechdel test? No. So the Bechdel test was actually created by, I think, oh God, I'm not going to remember her first name.

But she's a great author. And she created this test for movies, actually. And so it's a three question test that you ask about a movie. And the first question is, is there a woman character? or sorry, is there more than one woman character? Second question is, do they talk to each other? Third question is about something other than a man. Oh, interesting.

So in order for a movie to pass the Bechdel test, you have to have at least two female characters that have a conversation about something that is not a man, and you would be so shocked at how few movies pass this test. Yeah, you're right. It's getting a lot better. Every year gets a lot better, but if you look back into the 90s,

it's like one out of every 100 movies past the Bechel test. But I often joke with my female friends that we have to have more conversations that pass the becktle test. Because if someone's going through a breakup, we might talk for two hours on like men and sex and relationships. So yes, we do know what it is that we are, you know, we can speak for women when we say like this is generally what we want

because we put in the work. But every time I get like if you want to catch a fish, don't ask the fish, ask a fisherman comment on my YouTube videos. Like a little dad part of me that gets, you know. Yeah, I don't know who could say that with a straight face. It doesn't even make any sense. I had a friend once who, like, and he was like this really hot guy that got any girl he wanted him. You know what his little secret was? He watched sex in the city. He's like, Kathy, I learned so much about women. He's like, Kathy, I learned so much about women. I learned so much, I learned so much, I learned so much, I learned about women. You watch the shows that I watched. Trust me, you know. Or read romantic fiction. Read erotica. Like, you want to understand what women want. Read one of the gillian different erotica books, and you will understand. You know, read aillion different erotica books, and you will understand. that it's not like an eight-inch rod that can hammer them into, you know, into dust.

Exactly. But you know what they could do that's even better is they can hire you. I love you. Listen, you, I feel like I want you to be my resident therapist, you know, sex coach on my show. We're definitely going to have you back. You talk so fast. You're so fucking smart. I know my audience is going to love you and have like want even more information.

And they can get it on your website. Like you have programs. You have coaching. You offer a lot of different stuff, right? but if people want to hire you, like, please do me a favor and give like all your shoutouts and let people know where to find you, what you got, what you offer and all that kind of good stuff. Oh, yes, thank you so much. So you can find all my free content on YouTube. You can search Caitlin V-C-A-I-T-L-I-N-V as in Victorious. But if you really, you can kind of

just mash any combination if it sounds like Caitlin V and you throw in the word like squirting, you'll find me on YouTube. But more importantly, you can find me at Caitlin V-Neil.com. That's Neil N-E-A-L. And you can find all of my courses. Like I said, we have 14, I think now, different courses ranging from like last longer in bed to how to give a yoni massage to squirting and sex positions. And there's something on there for everybody. All of those come with a 90-day money back guarantee. So if you just want to check it out and like take it for a test spin, like test spins on me. Try it.

It's more important for me that the information be out in the world. That's my mission. And then like you mentioned, if you want to work with me as your coach or a member of my coaching team, you can apply at my website. site as well. And any of the products that we talked about today, any of the like lobes and ED devices and everything that I have personally tested or had my audience test and I believe in also exists on our recommended products page on the website. And I'll make sure that you get all of those links as well. Yeah, I love it. Well, yeah, and anyone listening that's trying to remember all that, don't worry, it will all be in the description. Okay, I'll put your website in the description

as well as your YouTube so people could find you. I definitely want you back on. You wrote a book. It's going to be out, right? One day, I'm like, you got to come back. for that but I'll have you back on for other things. It's coming out in January of 2026. So you'll be. Yes, I would love to. Love to come back anytime. I'm happy to answer your followers questions anytime. I'm such an honor. Yeah, this was so much fun. You're the best. And thank you so much for calling in. I'm definitely having you back on before January. Okay, we're going to, for real. But I'm going to put your links out and I'll let you know when your episode is going up. Okay. Okay. That sounds awesome. Thank you so much for having me.

Thanks, Caitlin. Yeah, this is so fun. All right. Bye-bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go. that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a, Cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third

person and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters. Easy. read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way

you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.

It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the e-book, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.