Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1164 - Newbie Swingers: Everything Single Men, Single Women ad Couples Need to Know About Swingers Clubs and More w/ Sarah

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

Thinking about entering on the lifestyle and going to your very first swingers club? Well then make sure to listen to this episode with Sarah (aka Toronto Unicorn) to learn everything you need to lear before your firsts outing. Tune in to hear Sarah discuss when she and why she decided to enter into the lifestyle as a solo woman at such a young age, how she feels about sharing her partner now that she’s in a serious relationship, the GILF gang bang she recently set up at a swingers club and exactly how and why she set it up, why she thinks its great to go to a swingers club solo, what she got out of going solo herself,  how single guys should act when they’re there, the key things a solo guy can do to pick up a woman at sex clubs as well as the things he shouldn’t do, the dress code that most clubs have and why you need to follow it, where you can be fully dressed and where you have to be naked at most clubs, condom usage and availability at clubs as well as other things you might need that you should bring with you, the shower situation at most clubs and how its set up, how a lot of solo people in the lifestyle are meeting their partner snow at swingers clubs, orgy etiquette, how consent is set up and how its enforced, the specific nights most clubs have and when to go and when not to go depending on what you’re looking for, how to turn someone down without feeling bad about it, the hierarchy at a swinger club and where single guys are on totem poll plus a whole lot more. YOU CAN FIND ALL HER STUFF HERE: https://campsite.bio/torontounicorn and Onlyfans here: https://onlyfans.com/torontounicorn **To see HOT pics of SARAH plus my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2520-anonymous⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Use code anonymous to get 50% off your yearly pass plus get a 14 day money back guarantee  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Drive AND LOAD Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY   Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I do change everyone's voices. So if you have an interesting, naughty, true story that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous, you could be on the show. All you got to do is send me an email at Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show. Now, if you have a naughty confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline, you could do that 247. Just call 347, 4203579. That's so. 347, 420357. Make sure you're in a quiet place, okay?

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for just $7 a month, you get every single episode, which is six of them, early and ad-free, plus you get every anonymous confession that's come into my phone line. Plus, you get all of the naughty, hot, R-rated, sexy picks of all the females that have been on my show. I think probably like one or two, haven't sent it me in picks. Plus, you also get private personal Q&As where I answer all my listeners question. and the best thing that you get is access to my private Discord. Now, I have over 2,600 people now on my Patreon, and they're all over on my Discord now,

and they're all like sharing naughty things, sharing pics and videos, and there's a lot of stuff going down on my Discord. People are like literally hooking up, okay? It is a whole community over there, and it's super fun. And what I love about Discord is everyone gets to talk to each other. It's a not safe for work site. It's all locked down, but it's very X-rated, and it's super fun and you could get in there by signing it for my Patreon or you could actually

get a free link to just my Discord by purchasing my book. I did write a book. It's called Strictly Anonymous Confessions. It's a bunch of short, sexy stories taken from my podcast told in the third person. It's up for pre-order. It's not available until October, but if you pre-order it now, the link is in the description. Send me a picture of your pre-order and I will send you a free link to my Discord. Like I said, the link for my book is in the description. If you want to sign up for a naughty adult website, the best one that I recommend is SDC. And I get to offer all my listeners a free trial to SDC.com. SDC.com is like the world's largest adult online dating site, but it's more than just a dating site. Okay. Not only can you pick people up on SDC.com,

You also get to learn about the lifestyle there. You can find out where all the gangbings and hotel takeovers and meetups and munches are in your location or in any location. They are worldwide. You want to sign up for SDC and get a free trial. Use my code 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. The last thing I'm going to say is if you love my show, please write a review because I really do love here. hearing from my listeners. I fucking love it. It makes everything that I do worth it. So keep those great reviews coming. It helps the show. Okay, today I have on Sarah, aka Toronto Unicorn. She's so

interesting and fun to talk to. She really is an expert on swinging. She like in her early 30s went to a swingers club solo as a single woman by her fucking self and entered into the world and never came out. she became like an expert on the world. She was an orgy coordinator. I have her whole origin story in another episode. I also have her story about her orgy coordinator days. She still does that, okay, by the way. The links or the episode numbers will be in her description.

But on this episode, we talk a lot about the Swinger Club experience, especially for single people, whether you're a single guy or a single girl or even a newbie couple. And you want to know what the fuck goes down. what the fuck to do at a swingers club. She's here to tell you all about it. She really knows everything. She has some great advice. We talk a lot about so many different things, consent, condoms, pickup lines, you know, dress code, what to bring, what not to bring, all this kind of information that you're going to need if you are thinking of going to a swingers club.

She still goes. She is in a relationship. She talks about that, her new relationship with her guy. She's been with him for a while. She talks about, you know, how they roll now that she's in a relationship as well as like what they plan on doing. They do go to swingers clubs. And she talks about what they do in swingers clubs. There's so much to this episode. I can't even list it in this intro. So I'm just going to get right to it and be right back on with Sarah. Hi, Sarah, aka Toronto Unicorn. Welcome back to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm so good. It's been nice to catch up again and have a little update after my last interview, which was, I don't know how long ago, but it seems like we're following each other's journeys, which is really cool.

Yeah. Listen, you are a YouTuber. I know you as a YouTuber. Now you're a podcaster too, right? You made that transition. You're also like a, now you're not single and that's going to be like our little update we have here. I do have your whole backstory.

I'll put your first episode number in the description. So if people want to hear your like journey into the lifestyle as a single woman, they could listen to that because I think that that's an interesting journey. And we are going to be talking about like solo people getting into the lifestyle because you're very deep in that world. You're definitely like an expert. You like to talk about it. You like to teach people about it. You started your YouTube channel. Then eventually you started your podcasting. Correct? And that's what you discuss. Exactly. Yeah. And it's all Toronto Unicorn, correct? It is. If you search the word Toronto Unicorn and Spotify, you'll see six podcasts show up. Oh my God. They'll have a little bit of a different purpose. Oh, okay. So they all have different. So tons of content, all on lifestyle?

Yeah, like one of my podcasts is literally called LifeHack Your Breakup. And it's a 30 episode mini series of some helpful tips that I've like personally found have helped me dealing with grief. So my podcasts are such a, like they have such different topics. But the sex and swinging is my main podcast. That is where I have full on interviews with lots of different swingers. There's lots of single women, swingers, single men, couples. And I can really show like a mosaic of the type of people that are usually in the swinger lifestyle. So that's the one that I think helps the swinger community or curious to be in the swinger community folks the most.

But then I wanted to actually tell you, I love Spotify because over the last month, they have like literally fixed or updated their technology. And so suddenly now, for the first time, I can actually host my videos on Spotify in place. of a podcast. And so what I did, and this is news, I didn't get a chance to update you previously, is I went and I, with a lot of caffeine, and I downloaded 900 videos off my YouTube, and I, and I categorized them and labeled them. And then I went into my podcast and I backdated 500 episodes of my best content. And so all of those videos that are also on YouTube are now safely on Spotify. And it's been pretty cool because those experiences are, hey, I went to a podcast. Bukaki night. This is what I saw. Or hey, I went to a DTF gangbang theme night. You know,

my friend just got broken up with and she came out a different woman, you know? So I have all these like different experiences like through my times going to sex clubs. And it's more to be, you guys can be like a window or an eyes through a window of what my experience is like in order to maybe feel more comfortable approaching the lifestyle for themselves. Yeah, I love that. I love that. I mean, you definitely are an expert, and that's why I have you on here, because I was like, why don't we do a whole episode, like, for single women and single men. I think you could, you know, talk from both standpoints because you're kind of like, you're in a relationship now, right? That's what we're going to get your little backstory. But you were single woman navigating it.

Plus, I'm assuming you know a lot about single men entering into the lifestyle as well. And now you are dating someone, right? Let's just get the quick recap. I think you said you're like monogamous. So funny enough, I came in as a single woman at 34, 35, right? And I had a few years of exploring as a single. I would be joining couples or joining groups or, you know, just going and having one-on-one experiences and then reporting my experiences on YouTube. And through my journey, funny enough, I found who I think is like my partner, my life term, like long-term life partner. And he found me through my content. He started off as a fan. We've got, you know, he's also local to. me. So anyways, we fell in love and now I'm in this phase of monogamy where I'm like, fuck that shit. I don't want to share them right now. So it's funny how it's like a phase, right, where I'm like, I was a swing or more when I was single than when I'm in a relationship. Suddenly it's a little different to be like, oh, the person that I, you know, that holds me and caresses me at night is now going to go put his dick in that woman. So it's kind of a different adjustment. Now, I'm still on board

with it and I'm still looking for a unicorn for me and my boyfriend who technically hasn't even had a threesome yet. But yet I have different feelings about it than I did as a unicorn. So I have loved that the progression over the years has shown me the different sides of the Swinger lifestyle and definitely the singles. And the single men, I love to be an advocate for the single men because some of my content on YouTube talks about how they can be treated in a little bit of a negative or stereotype way at sex clubs.

And so I try to humanize people, remind the people that, you know, this is John. John has a job. John has fears of rejection, you know, and all these things. So like, don't just look at his dick and judge them yes or no. You know, give these people a fighting chance

because, like, half them are shaking in their boots nervous too. Right? So I like to make the single man experience, you know, feel just as equal. And in the sex club world, it can sometimes not feel like that. They can be a bit objective. Oh yeah, for sure. It's super interesting. I know that when I started doing, promoting SDC to my listeners and giving out free trials, at first they didn't want to give free trials to men. And I was like, well, I'm sorry. Like most of my audience is men. Second of all, I can't offer something that is only offered for, like, it's like so anti everything my show is about. You know what I mean? So unless you offer my single men a thing, I'm not working with you. And so they said, okay, you know, and because, but I'm like, why the fuck did they not? But I've heard what you've had. Quick question.

before we get into like talking about single men and single women with your guy does like I know you don't want to see him play with other people except but does he go to swing or clubs with you? Yes. So I I do want to see him fuck another woman but I want to be part of that scene, right? So that would be different than, you know, having him go off and do something different. But yeah, so we go when we go to sex clubs now, it's a date. So we'll go make out, for example, at Oasis in Toronto. There's a beautiful outdoor pool. So we'll go make out in the pool and then. go fuck upstairs amongst a bunch of other couples fucking. Yeah, that's hot. Why not?

Yeah. So we use a sex club differently. So yeah, we're there, but we're not swapping. We might make friends with people in the pool. And unless, you know, like, for example, I don't want to actually fuck another man right now. Yeah. I'm very much, I think, naturally oriented to monogamy with my sexual attraction. And so when I'm happy and in love with somebody, I actually just, the idea of sucking somebody else's dick just doesn't appeal to me. Yeah. And so it's funny because I'm not looking for a swap. I'm not looking to, you know, get my partner away while I take someone's husband. Like, that's just not what I'm, I'm into. Yeah, it's funny. I'm, I've learned through, so I've joined the sex club a couple years ago,

and I've seen a lot of stuff, Kathy. I have seen a lot of stuff. I have a shirt that says orgy director, and I have worn it many times when I have helped conduct, you know, human pyramids of sexual fantasies and I've seen a lot. Yeah, I love all this. Just keep going. Just do your thing. Right. Well, that's just it. Like, I have a friend, Tanya, who on my channel, she just came in a couple months ago to the lifestyle. She's a grandma. She just finished raising her kids. She never got to live out her younger sexual promiscuous years. And so she was a fan of my content. She got in touch. She said, look, I'm going to go on this DTF night, hoping for my very first gang bang. It'd be cool if you

could show up, right? So I show up. I do a whole vlog on it on my YouTube. I interviewer for my podcast. And I go in there and, you know, I get her requirements and I basically gathered up the men and helped run a coordinated gang bang. Now, not only did we, I asked her, what do you like? She wants her hair pulled. She wants to be dominated. She wants her ass lap. She doesn't want to be asked questions during sex. Like, you know how some people, like especially me as a woman, I'm like, don't fucking ask me what position I want next. Just like move me. Like, you know, don't make me think, right?

Yeah. And so, yeah, so I take her instructions and then I basically lean into the guys that I've selected for the scene and I give them the play, right? I'm like, okay, you know, if you could be dominant with your pull her hair, even to she has short hair. So I used my hands and I showed how to pull a girl with short hair. Yeah. Just because like you're giving these guys the playbook, right?

Yeah. And then they basically gave her her sexual fantasy. I would be there to make sure condoms were used. I'd remind them, you know, what she was looking for. I'd be like, make sure you caress her body. So she left there having the fucking time of her life. And, you know, now she's gone back and had many more gangbangs and Bukaki Circle. So she's full on in the lifestyle now.

As a grandma. Exactly. Gilf, Gilf, grandma, I'd like to fuck. Yeah. She, you know, she only like in her early 50s. So she's, you know, she's, you know, she's, just finally living out this sexual prime. And I find her story specifically really, really inspiring because it shows that this is not about age. You can live this lifestyle when you feel

ready for it. And that's the thing about singles, Kathy, that breaks my heart is there's a lot of single people that want to go. They want someone to go with them. They want to have somebody to make it easier on them. And I have never had positive experiences getting somebody from Vanilla World, which I consider to be mainstream society, non-sex positive communities. They don't want to go. So it's not fun to be like, do you want to go to a sex club and have everyone say no? And so my best advice that I've ever given on this topic is, first of all, go if you can't be alone having a dinner, that's your first step because you got to go.

You got to face that uncomfortableness. You got to realize that you're going to be okay. Then you go to a sex club, you pay your fee, you walk in, and then, you look for friends because the people who also paid money and walked into the sex club are the people you want to be friends with. Right. And so the best advice is to go to a sex club. Your friends are already there.

You just haven't met them yet. Oh, I love that. Your friends are already there. You just haven't met them. That's like a slogan. It is. That's like a title or something. You know what I mean?

I love that. It gives me goosebumps. Yeah. It's so true. I met my best friends in the pool at Oasis Sex Club. Like my best girlfriends. Yeah. And you went alone.

You did it alone. When you were younger. I mean, this wasn't a sexual awakening at 50 something. I mean, you were a younger woman, right? All alone. 34. Yeah, but that's still young compared to the 50-something year old, right? I mean, you know, 34-year-old single girl.

You know, a lot of times at that point, you know, single girls are looking to, you know, white picket fence. You're like going to a fucking swinger club, you know, it's like, interesting. Now that it's summer, I want to turn up the. in your bedroom, well then you need to try Begicate. Beducated is truly the Netflix of sex education with hundreds of courses on how to be better in bed all in one place. But educated believes good sex is trainable. And I believe that too.

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this show, Begated is offering 50% off their yearly pass plus a 14-day money-back guarantee. So you literally have nothing to lose. All you got to do is go to the description, click on the link, and use my code anonymous. That's code anonymous. Use it now for 50% off plus a 14-day money back guarantee just go to the description click on the link and use my code anonymous right i mean you know 34 year old single girl you know a lot of times at that point you know single girls are looking to you know white picket fence you're like going to us fucking swinger club you know it's like interesting and i was also a plus size uh girl who was not used to being comfortable in her body yeah even more balzy it was and so the whole point of uh you know some of the communication i do on my

channel and showing, you know, the plus size girl experience is to show that I fell in love with my body by going to a place where people were accepting and non-judgmental. And when you're suddenly in an environment where that's ingrained because you can't be judgmental towards others, especially not outwardly, you could get kicked out of a club. Yeah. So if you can't be judgey towards others, they're not being judgy towards you. suddenly this comfort can come over people. And I've seen it in other women and other men at the club that makes them suddenly okay with the body they have now.

It's not about, okay, now I've got the motivation to go lose five pounds. Then I'll come do it. No, fuck that shit. What I say is stop giving power to tomorrow. Bring the power back to today. Get the best outfit you can get for your body size and shape today. And do it. because you will love your body more after going to a sex club once or twice than you'll ever get before going at all.

So I just like people to realize that, yeah, go even if you're uncomfortable because you might fall in love with your body. As is. As you are. Exactly. Yeah, like, what did you find out that you would have never thought when you went, you know, in your regular form without losing any way, just going there, maybe not feeling so great about yourself? Like what, you know, what changed after you went a bunch of times and, like, were naked in front of people? Well, when you see micro penises, when you see mastectomy scars or other really plus-sized people or bodies of every shape, you know, and color, you realize how just, you know, you don't really stand out that much.

Everybody's being accepted no matter what they're presenting. And I think that's the freedom because then you kind of, what I've seen, And it's not just in me, it's in my friends too. You relax into the body you already have. And I think when I first joined the lifestyle, the reason I thought I could be sexy as a plus-sized woman is because there was a theme night back then at a club called Club M4 in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada. And it was for BBW, sexy BBWs, which is big, beautiful women.

Yeah. I should mention that they no longer objectify bodies and theme nights at sex clubs in my city. Yeah, okay. or you won't find that theme night now, but you might find a similar titled one, right? So anyways, it was the concept alone that there was a theme night

for people who liked sexy plus size bodies that mine fucked me the most. And that's when I realized, wait a second, there's people who do think I'm sexy like this. And then that opened the door. And then when I went there to Club M4 in my plus size body,

you know, I dressed it up as, but as good as I could, I felt sexy as hell. Yeah. Because everybody there wanted you. Yeah. Well, even if not everybody, I still felt that I belonged there, right? Like, I had a place there.

I was getting the eyes that. I don't know about you. If you've ever had a bad day or if you've ever just got freshly dumped, go to a sex club in a sexy outfit. Just let them look at you. And you go home a different woman. Like you're just, you feel like, oh, I still got it, you know? Is it common?

Let me ask me this. Is it weird to go alone, whether you're a man or a woman? And we'll get to the, like, the whole stigma with the single men and, like, how it's a little bit different for them. But, like, as a solo person, is it weird to go alone? Are you going to be the only single person there? And, you know, and then after you answer that, like, even if you are that single person there, do people and couples, like, tend to gravitate towards you or do they not talk to you?

Like, you know, what does it experience? And is it different for you compared to the, you know, couple? So I would say as a single woman and single men, if you go to a sex club alone, the only person that's weird for is you. Right. Like for me, if I see a single man or a single woman walking it, I have no judgments about it other than, oh, there's another single man. Yeah. Right. So, yes, there's lots of people that go as singles.

Now, this is my biggest pet peeve is the men. When they come into the oasis environment specifically, there's no loud music. They all just kind of stand in the pool and not talk to people. And I feel like it's just like a bunch of, you know, single men that are sprinkled throughout the pool. What I wish would happen is if they could talk to the other single men, right? Make friends. Right. Even with the guys.

You don't need to want to fuck them. You don't need to want to fuck them. But just like talk to them like a bro like you would in a fucking regular bar. Exactly. And then suddenly you have a friend that might want to come to the club with you another time and it makes it way more fun. Yeah. So I think that people need to get the sex, you know, the sex, you know, the sex, Focus, hyper-focused, sometimes often realize if you're a single person there, go and try and make

friends as your goal. You can always decide if you want to fuck them later, but make a friend. And then you're going to have a network and then, you know, this is the way it works. It's like, well, so-and-so has a friend that you might like, right? So just because you made friends with somebody, maybe you're not even sexually attracted to the person you made friends with. Well, yeah, well, maybe they have a friend that is a match for you. Yeah. So it just feels like that's a lost opportunity for some singles is to go and really just kind of limit themselves to what they're specifically looking for instead of using it as a networking and a social mixer opportunity. Right. Because listen, it's not like you're going to walk in there and just start fucking somebody,

right? There's like a lot that could happen. Like there's a lot of time before that's going to happen. So maybe try to initiate some conversation, correct? Exactly. And I think that's what some of the videos I put on my YouTube channel. I have one of them that's called, you know, like the number one thing everybody wants to talk about at a sex club. And it's really just like tone psychological information for people to have a little bit of an advantage. You know, how do you not be boring in a conversation? Like, uh, for example, I recently had someone come up to me in the pool and he lost all interest because he asked, how are you? I hate small talk. It is so annoying. I didn't care what his person like personality was like on the other side of that. I wasn't really interested in engaging further.

It feels like I'm being blunt, but this is how I feel. But if that person came, up and immediately said something interesting, then he's got my attention. Oh my God. You're so mean. The poor guy comes up to you and says, how are you? And you're like, oh, fuck you. I don't want to talk to you. He actually interrupted me, though. So I was talking to a friend and he interrupted me to do that. If he had interrupted and said, hey, I'm a fan. Well, suddenly he's, I adore him, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But because he's like, how are you? I looked at him and I was like, I'm actually in a conversation right now. And then I turn back. So I felt a little rude, but I also know if you want someone to talk to you in a sex club,

don't be boring as fuck. Okay. Okay. So be interesting. Right. Don't just say, how are you? Don't just say, how are you? Exactly.

You have to, but I do think you have to break the ice a certain way. And I do think, like, this is what I think happens to these poor guys is like, you know, the Swingers Club is a woman's world. Like, look, you're kind of like in that power position to be like this guy comes over to you. He's probably more nervous to talk to you than you are for him to. you know, for you to talk to him. Because in the Swinger's world, it is like a woman's world, right? Like the men are like bottom of the totem pole.

Like they have to sort of work around the women. So I think it's more scary for them, you know. So, you know, I think it might be hard for them to figure out how they can sort of approach a woman, especially if she's naked standing in front of them or there's all the sex like on the table. You know, they might not know what to do and how to navigate that because it's kind of weird, right? even the navigating talking to the guy because you're like maybe they worry like if I start talking this guy is going to think I want to suck his dick and if they're not into that right like

I mean I feel like there's a lot of this undercurrent like insecurity going down for newbies that is probably normal it it is and I feel a little rude now home on what I but the point of it is it is awkward and I had a guy who came up and he was so nervous and he sat in the same spot and he didn't talk to anyone and then he went up to a girl and he asked if she wanted to play. Yeah. And she said no. And he comes and he's like, I'm leaving.

I just keep striking out. And I literally, I felt for him because he's not, he doesn't know the game, right? The game is not just, let's explain it. Well, the game is not like some random girl's not going to suck your dick for no reason. Like, you've got to give them a reason to say yes. Right. And so I, like, he didn't think that they needed a conversation first. Oh, explain that.

So, like, give me a guy, like, teach. guys how to have game, okay? You just told them what not to do. Don't say how are you, okay, without anything to back up, right? Okay, just don't say that. But like, give a guy some information on like how to have some game in a swingers club and be like the guy, you know, when they go. Right. Well, one of the things is to keep an eye and like keep people good eye contact. So even though people's tip throughout and stuff, like don't be gawking. Just try to look people in the eye. Have an interesting conversation. Now, one of the things that I like to suggest is to wrap a compliment in with an interesting question because people like to be complimented right and so if you

you know you look so confident in this environment and i am shaking in my boots what is your best advice on how you can feel as confident as you do that's a good way to get somebody engaged in a conversation right because you're also complimenting them um i think it's also one of the best pickup lines i've seen so in a sex club you need consent to touch people it's just a thing you can't even touch people on the shoulder, it's kind of, it's really not okay. You've got to get consent. And so one of the best pickup lines I've seen is a guy who was drinking his drink in the pool and he would look over to someone. He's like, just so you know, you got consent to touch me. Oh, my God, hilarious. You know, whether that person laughed or whatever, they still know that in the back of their mind, they have a choice now. Right.

So it can open a door of interest, right? And so I think those are the things. I just think put your personality on display, a lot of people still want to, you know, even if they're proud sluts, sometimes they still want to know who they're fucking. And so if you could be funny, bring that, right? If you know how to do a card trick, bring your deck of cards. Like, do something that makes you feel like you're adding some personality to it. And talking about personality, like, what is like, and because I think sometimes the way you dress sort of is a way of expressing yourself. Like, what is the dress coat for a swingers club? Should the woman come in like the sexiest outfit shirt or a man come like, you know,

know, dressed nicely like he's going someplace. I don't know. You tell me, like, what you like to see on people walking in. Well, the good news is, like, most sex clubs have a dress code and you could read about it. Oh, interesting. Okay. So they'll tell you what, how, what they're down for. They will. But Kathy, let me tell you how many men turned away at the door. Really? Because they didn't look that up. Oh, okay. So rule number one, look up the fucking dress code. They're going to abide by it at the door. Like no hats? Is that one of those? Oh, well, there's no hoodies, no casual, like, clothes allowed at, like, the X Club, which is in Mississauga.

Okay. I remember, like, there's, like, rules about, like, you know, how to look a little sharp and, like, certain pants are allowed on men, but not, like, baggy jeans, things like that. So there's just, you know, I wish I knew the dress code, but I know Club M4 is a little bit of a different dress code. It's not as much enforced. But the sex areas usually have a dress code. and that is down to either naked, lingerie, a towel.

And so what I recommend for someone going to a sex club is where will you feel good in? I know when I go dancing, I might have a lingerie outfit on underneath and maybe I put a miniskirt over top, right? So that's my outfit in dance. And then when it's time to go into the back room, then I take off my miniskirt. Suddenly I'm in a little bodysuit and I stroll around like that because I don't get naked in the back room a lot. So I like to wear something.

Right, like hot lingerie or something. Yeah, yeah. And I've been stocked before because I was wearing too many clothes trying to walk around. So like they do enforce it. In certain areas. But you can walk in and be like if for the person that's maybe like afraid and doesn't know how far they want to go, right? Can someone just be like an observer that first time keep their clothes on and go in

without the pressure of thinking that they have to take their clothes off? I sometimes think that sometimes, you know, if you don't have the pressure of doing something, you're more likely to wind up doing it, right? Because you're not even thinking about it, you know, but are you allowed to just go and kind of observe? Okay, no. No, not in the sex spaces. In those areas, it would be very, it would be very odd to see somebody walking through

with jeans and a t-shirt on. Oh, that makes sense. So, right. So the clothes people, like, you can't get into the back and just be a voyeur watching people dress. Like, you're going to have to, like, sort of even the playing field. field, right? And be as open and vulnerable. That makes sense. To be in the room where shit is going down. Yeah, I'm a big voyeur. So there's lots of times I go to the sex clubs with my friends and I have no

intention of fucking anyone. And I just go to watch my friends fuck or help matchmake or whatever. And I still have to drop down. Yeah. You still got to get down. Like you could get down. You could get into lingerie as a woman, right? But what about a guy? What does a guy get to wear in the back? Boxers, underwear. a towel. Right. Okay. Uh-huh. I think that's pretty much it. I don't think like it's not very often we see somebody with a tank top or anything on. It's usually just their underwear. Right. But you can't have a towel around you or something. Oh yeah. There's always towels. So you don't ever have to be naked anywhere you don't want to be naked. Right. And do you have to bring condoms? That's like a weird question. But I, they typically have them around? They do. But if your dick is big and thick, you best be prepared and bring your own because free condoms. are great if they fit. And so, yeah, most clubs have condoms. But you know, not every club provides lube of all things. Oh, that's a good thing, yeah.

Oh, and I've needed lube in the middle of that club before. And that's the situation. Like, I was like, are you fucking kidding me? We're like, we're going door to door being like, do you have lube? Yeah, it's like it was awkward. It's like tanning lotion at the beach. You could ask somebody next to you. Hey, you like, I forgot my tan and created.

Did you find lube? I did not. Oh, my God. I know. So it's one of those things where, you know, now my friends know to pack a little thing of loop. Like some people bring in little bags with them, like cosmetic bags into the back room that's got some condoms, some loob, wet white, things like that. What about toys? People bring toys.

I've heard of people. Oh, my God. People bringing toys, right? There are so many toys. I've seen people wheel in duffel bags of toys. Like a medical doctor. Especially dominant, right? If there's somebody there who likes to give impact play.

and they'll have a lot of different whips or like, you know, paddles or things like that. So I even had a friend that had like an electrical toy where he would plug in and use electricity on people and stuff. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, people like to bring their toys. There's even like Sibian nights at sex clubs where you can go and, you know, they clean the Sibian after every use and you use a condom on the dildo. But you see a bunch of people riding a Sibian. Yeah, yeah. I heard of that.

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description, click on the link and use my code strictly. You know, they clean the Sibian after every use and you use a condom on the dildo, but you see a bunch of people riding a Sibian. Yeah, yeah. I've heard of that. Yeah. for sure. And question, do they typically have like places to shower off and stuff like that? Yeah. So, okay. Every sex has got to shower. Right. And is it co-ed? It is. Everything, everything's co-ed at the sex clubs. It's not like when you're done, you go into the men's room or the women's room. Like the fun continues. Like some sex clubs have a private shower. Some sex guys have like a big shower at the glass wall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.

but they all do have showers and they provide towels. There's usually security that roams around. Yeah. I know you did tell me something very interesting. Before we started taping, I'm like, oh, remember that for the podcast because we're talking about singles and we'll go back to it. But you have said that you are finding that a lot of singles who are coming into the club as a single person are winding up finding love.

Yes. L-O-V-E in the Swinger lifestyle. If you would have told me that five years ago, I would have been very confused. Right. Because, you know, when I first joined the Springer lifestyle, one of my guy friends at the time who was somewhat in it, he's like, this is not for love, Sarah. Like, Sarah is my real name. So, this is not for love. You don't go in there looking to date anybody.

And I remember being like, I disagree. Like, if you are single and you find someone else that sex positive and you, even if you hook up a few times and then you like each other, what's the fucking problem? Yeah. How could that not be? Yeah. Why not? Exactly. And so funny enough, that guy that I told you about that was like,

there's no love in swinging, Sarah. Well, didn't you know it? He fucking fell in love with a girl and dated her for over two and a half years. Wow. And he was the one that said, you know, keep that out of the swing your lifestyle. So I've seen him fall in love. I fell in love. I've seen at least two women that I've very regularly showcased on my YouTube channel as single women.

They fell in love. And not only like in love, they found great. partners and they found these partners including myself when we decided to live life for ourselves we decided to do the things that made us happy and not worry about you know how we're going to meet that guy how are we going to you know it was just about living for ourselves and then along come these people that love us for who we are and it's just this most beautiful way of being seen by someone in a relationship is to be accepted for your sex positive side

Yeah, yeah, amazing. Yeah, no, totally. Yeah. And these people met their people like hooking up with them one night at the Swingers Club and maybe just like continuing to hook up with them and then like starting to see them outside. Well, one of my friends named Curly Vixen, she has a tendency of recommending men to her friends. Yeah. And so she'll have sex with a guy.

If he's good at giving oral or whatever, she'll give the full report to her friends. And then her friends will have a turn if they would like one. Yeah. And so that's how one of my friends found her guy. was because he had fucked her other friend and she had come with a highly wreck like we call it a Yelp review. And so, you know, that's how that happened. My guy met me through watching me on YouTube and then he reached out. I know the other people, one of them met someone on the way home from a sex club at 3 a.m.

I still thought that was funny. So it's funny how it happens. But yes, what I've seen is that the singles in a lifestyle club are usually not single for more than a little while. Um, there's lots of singles that relate to other singles. Now, what I haven't seen, and maybe I just don't see it, but I have not seen singles breaking up marriages, but because they swung and then they stole the partner for themselves. That's not what I've seen. I've seen ethical relationships built in this fair lifestyle. Yeah. I'm typically talking to people that have like success stories, you know, with a little bumps in the road because, you know, people are human and shit happens. But typically I'm talking to the people who are successful. And of course, there's just as many, you know, unsuccessful stories out there, but those people are back to being monogamous again. They're not calling into my show, I guess. I don't know. You know, I do love a swinger's gone wrong story, right? Because I think people could learn from it, you know, what to do, what not to do. You know, jealousy is going to come up, you know, like, look, you even know now as a person who's

been out there swinging, like, you might feel jealous to see your guy with someone else. Like, you don't want to share him, even though you are considered a swinger, right? right so i do have a fantasy of of sharing him with another woman but that fantasy is very specific of a threesome it's not you know my boyfriend driving away to go fuck someone and then text me how it went like that's not that's completely acceptable for people who want that type of dynamic yeah that's what i would like that is not a hit that is not a match um i've tried polly with this partner i actually did have a temporary time where we did polyamory which for some people who don't know the difference Swinging is like multiple, you know, sex partners or swinging with couples or singles without romantic attachment.

Polyamory is romantic attachment in addition to multiple partners. Very big difference. And so there is a big difference. And so just because you're a swinger doesn't mean you're a poly. And just because you're a poly doesn't mean you're a swinger, but you can be a swinger poly person. So it's fun. And so my partner and I did try that out. And within a few months, we both concluded never again.

We're never going to be poly, but we might swing. So we're still figuring out where we belong and, you know, what happens after I have my first reason with them? Well, I want to have more. So we'll see. What about those other people that met love? Like, do, are they like you guys in that they became a little monogamous to each other? Are they actually just open with their partners because they were open when they met them? Like, what, what are those relationships like? Well, that's the crazy part is it's more, I would say, the majority of people I've seen fall in love, then became monogamous with that partner. Right. And maybe it's for a time, because I've talked to people down the line, right? And I've

heard a lot of stories of people meeting in the lifestyle, even, you know, or, you know, because they were open and meeting in a crazy way like that. And then sort of locking things down for a while just because, you know, they're in that honeymoon phase. But with the knowledge of, you know, knowing that eventually probably they will open things up at one time or another and then they eventually do and all is good, you know, but I could understand that time of things being so great between the two of you why, and not needing anything else, you know, but maybe eventually over time, you know, when it becomes like Groundhog Day, which eventually doesn't any relationship, right? Like it starts to become like, you know, every day that maybe, you know, a couple years in,

you wind up doing other things with each other. It's true. And my friend who is in a relationship with her man, they also have a rule where there's no such thing as cheating. If he wants to go fuck someone, if she wants to go fuck someone, it's allowed, but they should just communicate it to one another. Now, neither of them has done it. They're just a lot. Right. They don't need it. Yeah. They're not open. They're like how you feel like you don't have any desire for any other guy. Maybe you never will, right? But you are going to try the other thing with the other woman, right? Yeah. The unicorn. Now, are there a lot of unicorn? I mean, like, you know, the whole unicorn thing is like a big, uh, interesting topic to me because, you know, they call them a unicorn for a reason. Is it hard to find a unicorn at a swingers club? You know, it is. And it's, it's not just because they're rare, but also unicorns from what I've seen, like attention. And unicorns don't go to sex clubs a lot if there's no single men to give them attention. Because frankly, the couples, if we go on a couple's night without allow single women. I have never felt more lonely as a single woman than when I went on couples and women night,

right? Because you think that you're going to be swarmed by these couples. But instead, you're sitting around watching everyone on a date and you become the third wheel. Like one of my YouTube videos from one of my experiences was called, was it Unicorn Night or Third Wheel Night? Because that's how I left, right? I didn't get any couples and I felt like I was just alone and, you know, no one was even talking to me because they were all facing each other. Right. So it was very odd. Yeah.

So the single women I know avoid those nights entirely. You can't even drag them. You can't convince them with gifts to come on that night. You need them to come on nights when single men are there. So if, for example, now that me and my partner are looking for a unicorn, I know what nights to go that will have the most success, right? Then that's, you know, at the clubs that allow single men, even though I'm not looking for a man. It's like knowing where the fish

are going to get fed, you know? It's like, I'm going to go when the most are there. And so I've learned that, but it's not just that. Then you need that woman to be compatible with both people, right? So they might hit it off with the man, but maybe not the woman. Well, then you don't have a match, right?

So it's statistically not very often, but if there's some women, I know, who just love being a unicorn and there's no, no big onboarding. If you are cute, they're cute, fine, let's go fuck. So there are so many different types of unicorns, too.

Ones that are down to fuck more than one couple in a night, right? Like there's unicorns that sometimes will go have an experience shower and then look for another couple. Yeah. Well, and there is a way to treat a unicorn. Like I remember the first unicorn who brought this up to me and then after they brought it up, you know, I heard it a lot. And I started asking it because like what, I never thought of this from a unicorn's

perspective, but she talked about the loneliness. that a unicorn can feel when hooking up with couples. Because at the end of the night or the end of the day or whenever everyone just fucked, that couple goes home to each other. And that unicorn goes home alone, right? So, you know, there is like this thing where they feel like they don't, you know, because they don't have somebody, you know? So like what is, like what would you do to your unicorn that would be different?

Because you know what that single woman feels like. like what is there some sort of thing that you would recommend how to treat a unicorn? Right. So first of all, I would remember that that unicorn might have their own fantasies in mind, right? Just because I want some girl to swallow my boyfriend's thumb doesn't mean I should lead with that, right? Yeah, that's important. It is because as a unicorn, I had so many couples come up to me with their laundry list of sexual acts that they wanted me to do before even knowing my name. Right, not taking you into consider, like you're like their toy, right, not even thinking of you as your own.

person with your own feelings. That's important. It is. And if you make that unicorn feel seen and you're like, so, do you have any unfulfilled fantasies that you'd like to accomplish or that we could help you out? It just gives them some place, right? And I think that making that unicorn's experience is valid

is a very good way to even get them to want to fuck you, first of all. But I also think the woman should lead. If you're especially if it's a bisexual women experience, the woman should be the one, because we already know the men gonna fuck us. No offense to the guys. I know you have choice here, but you know, you're pretty much

down. So it's the girl. The girl is where you need to match as a single woman. And so let them lead. Let them be the huntress, right? Like, and I, and I use that word affectionately because I like, I think the unicorn, there's actually a lot of controversy over unicorn hunting, right? Because it's considered unethical. And it's, you know, you can see how some women do feel a little use. But if women are going into these experiences looking to have a threesome without any romantic attachment, then this is a completely consensual thing. Right. So yes, it can feel lonely. If you're, if you're a single woman out there looking for love and you're using threesomes to get by, it's going to make you fucking vomit when you see that husband and wife start, you know,

holding hands after sex because you're going to be like, well, where's mine, you know? So make sure you're in the right mindset. Make sure that you're there to be, you know, a spicy. I like to call myself sexual candy for a couple. And like, I like to lean into the fact that I'm a, um, and I'm, I'm the exception, right? I'm not, I'm not moving in. I'm, I'm just coming to lick your boyfriend, you know, balls and move on with my life. But were you hook it up with the women? Like, and in your fantasy with your guy, right, this three that you're going to set up. Are you, are you going to be with the woman too? Are you going to sit back and watch? Are you going to engage, but not do anything to her? Like,

what's your deal? So I am, um, fully into, women. Now, I don't think I'm bisexual, but I still would, I would go down on her. I would do everything. But some of my fantasies are literally watching my boyfriend have this experience because he's never even had two women suck his dick yet. Oh, wow. Double. Yeah, double blow job. Exactly. And look at, I'm a fucking veteran, Kathy. I have been in this lifestyle for years. Yeah. So for me, it brings the newness, newness back to it. And I think that's really exciting. But yes, I do want to play with the women. but I also have specific fantasies. Now, well, I do want a woman to swallow my boyfriend's come. I don't like come in the mouth.

I would love to see a girl do it for my man, right? Oh, interesting. Okay. Yeah, that's like a huge fantasy of mine. But I'm not going to walk into a conversation with a woman asking if she's willing to swallow my boyfriends come before she's even knows who we are. So that's the thing that I did learn is, you know, keep, you know, we may have a bucket list of items, but are we also okay to have that experience without those things?

What if that girl doesn't want come in the mouth either? Well, that's fine. So you have to also be flexible about what the experience is going to be and manage those expectations. But treat the unicorn well. If you can pay for their Uber home, if you could offer that, if you could offer drinks at a club, do those gestures. They matter. How do you kind of handle consent and everything in a swingers club? Because it's different than picking somebody up in a bar. Like how do you sort of like say you see somebody or car? the way, whether you're a man or a woman and you're attracted to them, you know, how do you approach them when you're like sort of maybe in the regular room? And then also how do you approach someone like in the middle of an orgy? Because it's kind of the same thing. You have to get consent before you jump into anything, even in a swatter's cut, right? You do not talk to anybody in the middle of an orgy. That's the big of, but how do you get consent if you want to join? Well, that's just it is you can't. Oh, you can't. Once an orgy is in play, you best not put your hand up and ask to be on. put it. It is considered bad. Yeah. I've never been to an orgy party. I've never been to the Writers Club. I'm so fucking clueless. But no, but people still do it. Yeah. I still see people

lean in and tap, tap, tap. Well, there is something called FOMO, okay? They're going to be standing there watching this fucking hot orgy going on. They're like, fuck, I miss the call time. Like, now I got to wait it out for the next show time. I mean, like, it's like missing a movie.

Having said that, if the people in the G, look up and engage with somebody in the audience, that's different. Okay. But you can't be like, you know, asking to join. That's something that you shouldn't do. But if you are in a sex club and you want to go up to somebody, first of all, don't touch them. Do not touch them unless you have permission to touch them. So what you could do is go up to them and ask them an open-ended, interesting question, usually about that themselves, right?

Because people like to talk about themselves. So you could say, like, you know, what is, you know, what is your most, you know, interesting experience at a sex? clip so far. You know, I'm new here. I'm getting the lay of the land. That gives somebody an opportunity to like, you know, answer you. So I just think that make sure that even if you're looking at hardcore anal porn in the background, you remember to make conversation with someone. Right. Just because it's sex everywhere doesn't mean that people want to fuck you yet. But maybe they will after a five minute or ten minute conversation. But how does it go down after the conversation? Like, because it's so, it's kind of like a weird thing. You know, like how is that like, how is that like, how is

that bridged from like regular conversation to let's go in the back and fuck. So this is a great question. And what I love about the Swinger lifestyle is how normalized discussion is about consent. Yeah. And so what I would do when I was, for example, if I was a unicorn picking up a couple, I would say, so like, do you have any hard limits? You know, these are my hard limits. And do you have any fantasies?

For example, I don't like come in the mouth. And so I make sure I tell them that, right? And at the time, I didn't want my hair pulled. So I had to make sure I told them not to pull my hair. And it's just so normal, right? People are like, oh, okay, okay. And then condoms, yeah, uh-huh. And then, okay, and then you start kissing.

Like, it's just, you talk it out. You get the consent. And it's so normal. So it's a matter of being direct is what you're saying? Well, it's direct, but it's a comfortable direct, right? Right. It's a, let's like sit on the sidelines and talk about the gameplay before we get on the field, kind of feeling. Yeah. And so that's when you have an opportunity to say, I'm actually really shy,

or maybe you could even say, look, I might have some issues with my dick staying hard because it's a lot of people around if that happens. Are you okay if I please you with my mouth? You know what that does? That already takes the pressure off that person in case their heart on goes down, and it already gives a gameplay of what's going to happen if that happens and everyone's more comfortable. So if you have an insecurity, that's when you could bring it up, right? If you have a fantasy, if you, like, For example, some guys like to make me squirt, even though I don't fucking squirt. And so I have to say to them, can you not finger fuck me like that? Like, can you not do that?

Yeah, but you know, I'm sorry, Sarah. You know when you tell a guy, no one's ever done this for me. They're going to want to try harder. So, that's the problem. So funny to tell you. I have to tell you this. So I'm a content creator. I carry my little fucking tripod with me, right?

I set it up at these sex clubs outside and I do vlog. And every time I've asked a man to help me, I was very clear. And I would be like, okay, don't move the camera from side to side. I want you to hold it still. And don't zoom in or anything. Like, no funny business. Just hold it still. And then I'll go review the footage.

And there's spanning. There's zooming. And I literally think to myself, this is why you can't make women come half the time. Because you're not fucking listening. You don't listen to a fucking word, I said. Exactly because they think they know best, right? Even though I knew exactly what I wanted and I communicated it, they thought, oh, I'm just going to do this.

This will be great. You know, she'll like it. And it's just such a good metaphor for sex. If somebody says, I want you to give me a, you know, clockwise rotation around my clit, then that's what you give them, you know, not a knuckle. Right. And if they say, you know, I'm not going to squirt, so stop finger fucking me. You stop.

Exactly. That's just good etiquette. But how do you wrangle up? But like, I mean, you're an orgy director in a club. So you will set up an orgy for people. But like in a regular club, if people like are going a couple, they want to set up a gang bang or their fantasy is to be a part of an orgy, like how do you wrangle that up?

Like how do you start that? So first of all, don't expect a fucking orgy on just any night, right? There's sex clubs. And so if you went to a normal social mixer night looking for an orgy, you're not going to really find it. So the best thing I could recommend is go to the theme night. That's for DTF, down to fuck, or gangbangs theme night. Then you can talk to the staff.

So I know that there's some clubs in Toronto and the outskirts that have people that if you tell them you're coming in for a fantasy, they'll help you get that fulfilled. So I know at Oasis, they have aquiflurts. That's the staff. And they will literally help you even find the men to participate. Right, if that's what you're looking for. So it's a safe experience. They even have whiteboards that they write down your limits. it's on. So if you want a gang bang and you don't have a Tarani unicorn to take with you,

go and talk to the staff at these clubs. And at the very least, you'll probably have a situation where at least you feel really safe. Right. And what about condom usage? Like, you know, how is that, is that discussed ahead of time? Or most people using condoms, you know? Yeah. Most people are using condoms, but I always check. It's just something that, you know, guys can accidentally, you know, have a condom slip off or get stuck in a girl and not even notice. So, you know, there's human error that can happen too, but I would say always check. If you can bring a spotter with you, if you're about to have a fantasy scene with a bunch of men, bring a friend along that's there just to make sure the guys are using condoms because it has

happened where guys have gone and, you know, avoided a condom. And, you know, it's technically a crime in my country to do that. And so, you know, we have to keep an eye on that. But yeah, for the most part. It's the funniest thing, though, because a lot of, lot of the people who I help runs fantasy scenes, they'll say like no anal, right? Like no finger, no, no dick in the anal, nothing in the anal. And then I watch these guys,

and I say this with affection, but like fumbling around with this condom, putting it on, and poking towards the pussy and just hoping for the best. And I've seen them hit the ass and the girls like, hey, I said no anal. And then I literally look at the guy's face and I'll tell you,

I think he was just lost. I don't think he's not. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Right? And so you've got to also be human. Like if somebody makes a mistake like that, right? It's like, he really wasn't trying to violate your boundary. He didn't know which whole he was in.

Yeah. I mean, for the single guy, like, are they typically welcome at Swingers' clubs? Or are there typically knights that they allow single guys? There are only specific nights that allow single men. And if I could make a holistic view of the Swinger sex club world, they cater to couples. Yeah. That's their bread and butter. Yeah.

Then it's women, single women, and then it's single men. Yeah. So there's usually a few nights a week. Single men will be allowed. And I just make sure if you're a single man, you look up the day that you plan to go and make sure you're allowed because I've seen guys get turned away because they show up on, you know, a night that's for couples. But yeah, so the single men are, you know, just as a valid of a part of this lifestyle. And so I hope that they feel that way. And one of the biggest questions I get from single men is like, how do you not come across?

cross like a creep, right? They don't want to be one of those guys sitting alone, you know, not knowing how to act. And I think the best advice is, like I said before, is to go make eye contact with people, don't just spare people, you know, rotate around. I think in terms of the best way to start talking to the person you want to talk to is to put yourself geography-wise located beside them. Yeah. So if you're going to enter a pool, for example, at Oasis Aqualounge, don't just go in the corner and hope that the person across the pool. And cool is going to want to talk to you. Make that uncomfortable trek. Put your body against, you know, the wall nearby and then eventually within the next few minutes, find your opening

to have a conversation. That is a more natural way to start talking to somebody than to just kind of go straight beeline for them and then, you know, it can show a little direct. So I think just like make yourself know, you know, go and position yourself around the people that you're hoping to talk to, find an opening. And again, don't just straight up ask for sex. There is nights where sex is on everyone's mind, like down to fuck nights and gangbang nights. And so not everybody on those nights is looking for, for, you know, conversation. But for the most part, it's best practice to at least lead with that. Yeah. And when you're hitting on couples, I think it's always important. Like if you're a guy and you find a guy's wife attractive, you want to hit on her,

like, you got to go through the guy. Don't wait for him to go to the bathroom and then hit on the girl. And vice versa, I think, same thing, right? Oh, I'm so glad to mention that. Yes, don't wait for them to separate and then approach one. It's just, it rubs the other partner a little bit the wrong way it can. It might not for some season of experience people, but for me, it would bother me. So, yes, approach them. And if you're a man looking to join, be respectful to that man, right?

Shake his hands, compliment his wife, right? Like, you know, just be like, yeah, like, you know, you're cool. Like, you know, like, you don't have to be submissive to man. You don't have to dominate the man. you just need to be able to, you know, have a respectful, you know, contact with them. But I do think that, you know, there is some social dancing you've got to do here, right? Because if you go and just hit on the wife without even looking or talking to that guy, that guy's not going to be down with you fucking his wife.

No, no. Now, we've been talking a lot about like consent and how to get, you know, seal the deal. But like, how do you kind of say no if you're not attracted to somebody? You know, how do you like turn someone down without feeling bad about it? because I would feel bad kind of. You know what I mean? Yeah. So remember how I told you I had six podcasts?

So one of them is called Live Unapologetically. And it's little clips on how to do certain things that could be uncomfortable, such as saying no to somebody, right? And so one of the episodes I have is called How to Say No and Mean It. Another episode is called How to Get People to Shut the Fuck Up. So you can see there's a trend of like, you know, it's meant to just help you out. But the way to say no is without a. apology or explanation. So you shouldn't say, oh, I have a stomach ache or I have to work early. If the

truth is, you're just not interested. You don't have to say or not interested. You could just say the word no, no thanks. There's no follow-up really allowed in a sex club. There's a very strict consent policy in every sex club I've been to. And no means no and you're only allowed to ask once. Yeah. And do you find that people are more respectful in a regular in the swingers club? Like, do you get a lot of like people doing things the wrong way or do typically people behave in a sex club? Typically they behave because when you get a membership, you go through a list of rules with this club staff. And so they are made aware of the policies and things like that. But it's also important that you don't walk in, careful of your conversation in a sex club.

If you go in and you make a judgmental comment about somebody and a staff hears you or somebody who is that to say, you can get banned. Really? Right. No one is looking to go to a sex club and be mocked for the outfit they're wearing or anything. So if you go into a sex club, be respectful. Even if you are not interested in someone, be respectful of those people as humans, too. It's just there's a certain level of acceptance and non-judgment that you basically need to subscribe to in order to be part of the lifestyle. Right.

And so, and the membership, like typically, like you can't just show up at a sex club, right? Like, and be at the door. You have to sign up ahead of time? well not every sex club some sex clubs you can show up at the door as a very new person and just buy your membership then and like you know get your read your list of rules yeah so i don't always this you don't you can just show up at the door and pay and become a member um i know like x club and m4 you can just show up but you still have to become a member before you can get in yeah and as a single woman like how did it change you like i mean you mentioned a little bit about it in the beginning that it made you feel better about yourself and everything like did you find it empowering to enter you into this lifestyle. And when you went in solo, it took a lot of balls. You said, like you said, you went in with not the perfect body, right? Like it's like it wasn't like you were at the top of the mountain for yourself.

You just like fucking went in and did it. And how did you come out on the other end after so many years in it as a single woman? I mean, you're not single anymore, but like what did it do for you? It made me fall in love with my body that I have now. And even now, I've been played over the years too, even though I'm a YouTuber and I'm publicly facing. And at first I thought, oh, God, I'm going to show people like, oh, I'm gaining 10 pounds here and there. And I realized, yes, people gain weight. People also have weight problems in the lifestyle. And I just felt like, yeah, I got to keep showing myself. I got to keep putting myself in a

bikini on YouTube, even if I feel a little bigger. Because the truth is when you get that freedom from the lifestyle, which is what it gave me, it's permanent if you let it. You know, that freedom of loving yourself no matter what you look like. So that was a gift from the lifestyle for sure. the number one question that every woman, woman I asked when I was like, okay, I'm here to fulfill your sexual fantasy. And I would ask, okay, what do you like in sex? I would hear crickets because they had no fucking idea what they liked in sex. And so that's the thing that I've learned about working with single women is we learn what we like. We learn what we don't like.

We get to try out all the flavors on the menu and then actually have an answer to the question. you know, I like my hair pulled or I like, you know, I like to be fingered or I like to be crested. But if you just, most of the women that just joined, they don't even know the answer to the question, what do you like? How do you want to have, how do you want to be fucked? And I think that's the empowerment is now one of my friends, Curly Vixon, she's so funny because she's at that era where she's like, look, I want to be pussy eaten and I'm going to get that up front before I suck your dick. Like she's so empowered that she makes sure she gets the sexual experience she wants before she'll even reciprocate. So, yeah, there's an empowerment there. Yeah.

And I'm sure she was like the opposite of that, like most women, you know, sort of pleasing and, you know, keeping herself second. Yeah. Before. Well, I think she was like a long marriage without a lot of sexual pleasure. So now at that no fucks given, you know, mentality. So, you know, and it's seen, I've seen that in other women. learn what we like even if it's different than our friends, right? Like one of my friends likes to get her ass bruised with with paddles and stuff. I'm not into pain, but it's really cool to see how

everyone can evolve in their own way based on, oh, well, I did something and it gave me a little tingle. Well, let's, you know, go down that rabbit hole a little bit. What have you, okay, let's just bring it back to you before we end this whole thing. Like, what about you? Was there something interesting that you learned that you liked or didn't liked, you know, like throughout. your journey? You know, I'm going to be really honest. I learned that I'm a fucking prude compared to the people I've met. I like that. I was this brazen, sex positive, really out there person. And I am to mean student society. I am too much, right? Yeah. But then I go to sex clubs and I see people who fuck all sorts of people. They don't need to know their name. They don't need, and I can't do that.

I'm a demisexual. I need to have a connection with somebody before I have sex with them. And so I have just seen how deep the rabbit hole goes, right? I've seen the people who have way more sex than me or people who have way kinkier sex than me. And I've realized just a bit, like I'm a bit more of approved than my friends are. And I think that that's the shocking thing. Yeah, I know that answer. I was a mainstream middle world. I was nothing but approved.

Yeah, I love that answer. I mean, listen, I'm not even in the swinger world, but when I was in my regular world, when I was younger, I was considered so slutty because I just like fucked random guys and you know what to have three guys I was banging at the same time. You know, not all in the same room. I did nothing compared to the people on my show. I'm just like I can't believe I was labeled anything, you know, compared because now I'm talking. I'm a little bit more like you in that like I'll have one booty call guy all the time. I don't need randoms. I couldn't walk, you know, fuck five different guys in one night without. And so I love having those kinds of women on my show because I just can't believe they exist. You know what I mean? Because there's so much more hard. court and there's a lot of that out there it's like crazy like you see it too right like i went to my very first sex house party uh a couple months ago and i put the whole experience on youtube and i interviewed my friends before and after for my podcast so i really covered it yeah and i was so excited because i stuck my boyfriend's dick in in front of people that was my think that was my limit yeah meanwhile my friend who was running the party was up in a room taking five seven five to seven guys in a row

So that's what I mean is I was so proud of my like you know taboo blowjob. Yeah. And she was up there taking strangers probably walking in the room just making friends and putting it in, you know? Wow. So it does. It reminds me that I was pretty out there. And if you look, compare me to mainstream. I'm very out there in extreme.

But I am a shallow in a depth of a world that can go as deep as you want it to go. So, yeah, it's an interesting, it's an interesting journey. But what I have found is that you find your comfort. And as long as you lean into the things that give you joy and lean away from the things that don't, you can carve out a pretty special and enjoyable path. Yeah. What I love about that answer is that, you know, here you are, you know, giving the blowjob. And that's like your sort of naughtiest thing. And your bestie is upstairs taking seven guys.

And, you know, all these things can exist in the same place. And it's all accepted. And nobody's judging anybody. You could go as far as you want. or not as far as you want, right? And it's all accepted in that world. Exactly. Because I think it takes away the pressure of feeling like you'd have to sort of do stuff like that if you don't want to.

Yeah. It's so true. It's so true. A lot of the people who come to the sex club can even be there to be a voyeur. Maybe they want to be around sex, but they don't necessarily want to have sex with, like, another person. Yeah. Or couples like you and your boyfriend.

They don't want to do other things. I love having couples like that on my show because I'm always showing like really hardcore couples, right? But I love having the couples on who just go and they just fucking other people in front of other people and they watch other people and that's as far as they're ever going to take it. I love that as an option for people because that is an option. And that could be like super hot. It is. And there's no pure pressure like there was in the school yard, right? You don't need to go further than you're comfortable with. And I think that's a really beautiful thing. But I also, I have one of my episodes on my podcast called Write Your Swinger Rules and Pencil, not Penn, because

the evolution of people is so significant that I've seen so many couples, Kathy, that I've said, they're entirely soft swap only. And then they'll have a full swap situation. Yeah, I love that. Right. So I've seen people change after years being in the lifestyle. So, yeah. I love what you just said, the right in the pencil. This is why you're a YouTuber, because you got all these great sayings. Yeah, I spoke a lot of weed and I come up with some crafty saying. Oh, is that your weed? That's my secret. Oh, my God. That's so fucking funny. Well, listen, give your shoutouts to everything, you know?

And thank you so much for calling in and giving up all this information. It was like super interesting. But give your shoutouts. Awesome. So you can find all of my links on my website, Toronto Unicorn.com. I've got a fan page, an explicit fan page. I have a lot of like my unblurred, uncensored content there, Swinger interviews, Swinger advice.

I even give Swinger advice by chatting on my fan page. And yeah, I think. If anybody is interested in learning more about the lifestyle, I also have a lot of YouTube playlists that are specifically curated videos that I've made. One of them is called advice for singles who don't want to go to the sex club alone. And it's literally like a bunch of videos about like, what to wear, what to pack? Like, how are you ready? So I'm here to help.

What I like to say is I like to take this scary other sex clubs for people because it was the own awakening for me to walk into a sex club and not only find a threesome for the first time, but to find a community and a lifestyle of people that I feel like is my tribe. And I have seen the impact of other people finding this lifestyle for themselves and finding in a way themselves again. So I hope that anybody who is curious about it can help feel a little bit more comforted. And there's lots of sex clubs in all the different states and in some countries all over the world.

So take a look on my website. I've got some Swinger resources there. And yeah, hopefully on my next update, I'll have that threesome with that boyfriend. If not, should I still be providing coaching? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, I love your whole angle. I love even what you guys are just doing now as an option. I love because you got all your friends to do all the other.

Like you've got enough friends to give some like hardcore stories and you're the the softer one out of all of it. Right. Like that angle too. I love like all different perspectives, right? That's what I like to show on my show. So I love where you are at considering who you. are and what you do, like I love that sort of contrast, right? Because you would think you'd be

the most hardcore, because this is like you're fucking living it, breathing it. It's what you do. Right. But you're kind of not. But I kind of dig that. It's like, it's more interesting in a weird way. A humbling revelation to also feel like, oh, yeah. Oh, I'm pretty, pretty tame when it comes to what's out there possible. Yeah, yeah, that's okay. So, okay, so I will put links to all your stuff in the description. So anyone drive it doesn't have to remember everything that you just said. you know, for people that want even more information, because we just touched on a little bit of a lot of interesting stuff, but you have even more information on all of the stuff that we just talked about. They could go to your YouTube channel, your podcast, your website, blah, blah, blah. So thank you so much for calling in.

This was super interesting. Awesome. Thank you so much, Kathy. Thanks, Sarah. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a

hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any

format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares with each other and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback.

sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.