Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1167 - Mismatched Libidos, Sexless Marriages, Infidelity and More with Dr. Laurie

Episode Date: July 12, 2025

SEXUAL HEALTH SATURDAYS - Dr. Laurie Betito called in to discuss how and why couples stop having sex and then addresses what comes next. Tune in to hear all the details, including the collaboration she has with Porn Hub and what she does for them, gender differences and how they show up sexually, how desire discrepancy can happen to any couple at any age . why it happens and what couples can do about it, how, why and when desire tends to dissipate for women in relationships and what both partners can do about it, spontaneous vs responsive desire and how they differ, how sex for a man is more then just sex and how denying really makes him feel, the questions she asks a man who comes to see her who’s in a sexless marriage, why how knowing your partners love language is important, the difference between couples who successfully navigate desire descrepencies vs. the ones who don't, how she treats couples who want to work through infidelity and how they feel on the other side, ADHD and the issues it can lead to in sex and relationships plus a whole lot more.  Sex Bible for People Over 50 book link: https://amzn.to/4lnhgg2 Link to her website: https://www.drlaurie.com **To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2520-anonymous⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Use code anonymous to get 50% off your yearly pass plus get a 14 day money back guarantee  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Drive AND LOAD Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY   Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So if you have an interesting, naughty, true story that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous, you could be on the show. All you got to do is send me an email at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be on the show. Now, if you have a naughty confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline, you could do that 247. Just call 347-4-2-0-3579. That's 347-4-203579. Make sure you're in a quiet place. Okay, people call me up from their car all the time or with tons of noise in the background. I can't use those confessions, okay? So make sure you call me from a quiet place and hold the phone up to your ear.

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go to the description and click on the link. Okay, today I have on Dr. Lorry Petito. I love Dr. Lori Petito. She's super smart. She's an internationally certified psychosexual therapist. She's also a licensed clinical psychologist. And she's here to talk about sex. She wrote a book called Sex Bible for people over 50. There's going to be a link for that in the description. But we talk a lot about desire discrepancies in relationships because that comes up on my podcast all the time, right? In a lot of relationships over time, one person wants sex more than the other. And we talk all about that. She talks about the differences between genders and how that affects things. She talks about all the other things that could be creating that kind of issue in your relationship.

She gives all the reasons for everything. She gives great tips on what you could do to fix these types of things. She works with couples all the time. She really knows her shit. We also, of course, touch on infidelity in this episode because, of course, sometimes, you know, when someone doesn't want sex, the other partner does go and stray. So we talk a little bit about that. She talks about how that's not the only reason why people,

We talk a little bit about a lot. She's super smart. Like I said, she's a sex therapist, but she also has her own podcast called The Passion Podcasts with Dr. Lori. There's going to be links in the description to her website in the description. So you could find her podcast. She has TED talks that she's done. I'm going to put a link, though, also to the Sex Bible for people over 50 because

that's a great book for anyone that's in like a sexless marriage. There's a lot of information in that book that she wrote. So I'm going to put the link to that as well as a link to her. website in the description, but you're going to love this conversation. You're going to learn a lot. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Dr. Lori Petito. Hi, Dr. Lori Batito. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm great. So pleased to be here with you. I'm excited. You know, when I started my sexual health Saturday series, I went out looking for sex therapists, right? And I came across you. You have a podcast. It's called The Passion Podcast with Dr. Lori. You're

an internationally certified psychosexual therapist. You're also a clinical psychologist with a PhD. And I was telling you before, when I go looking for a therapist, I do not even contact one without a PhD next to their name because that's when you know you're getting the smart bitches out there and that's what you want. Yeah, it's a lot of education to get there. But yes. Yeah.

You have to have a good head on your shoulders to get all the way through a PhD. You know what I mean? How I see it. I don't know. There's something about that that I like. That's where I, that's the pond I fish out of. I told you that before. You have, I mean, you have so many topics we could discuss. You wrote a book called The Sex Bible for people over 50. You just told me before we started taping that you're also like, you're the, you're on the board for Pornhub. What did you say about what you do for Pornhub again? I'm the, I'm the director of the Pornhub Sexual Wellness Center, which is basically a sex education platform, a sex education site on the Pornhub Plath. platform and it's all like experts writing blogs. I answer people's questions from around the world. We've been around for about eight years now and we have millions of visits every week

and it really answers. It really fills a void, you know, instead of people just going to porn for sex education, which we all know that's not where to go get it. We provide like anything and everything you need to know about sex on that wellness site. So I'm very proud of that site because it reaches, the reach is huge. And that was really important to me, that we reach areas in the world where they don't get sex education. Yeah, I love that. And is that something that Porn Hub did and they reached out to you?

Yeah. That's so interesting. Well, we created it together. We created it together. They were looking to, they actually are involved in community. project, if they have other, they give back to the community in many ways, but this was, they were looking for something and I was looking for something and we had somebody in common and they said, hey, aren't you toothed down at a table and hash something out? And we did.

We came out with this, the sexual wellness center. I love that because, you know, listen, I think that we could do a whole episode on porn and sex addiction and all that kind of stuff that I'm, and I also do a Fetish Friday episode, you know, every week we could talk about fetish. eventually. I'm like, you know, I already told you all have you back on because there's so many different things we could discuss. I thought this time we would discuss something that I'm always talking to people about, which is like, you know, I'm talking to guys that are in sexless marriages, women who's, you know, not having sex with their husbands. I don't know what that topic is called, but you had called it like desire discrepancies, right? Desire discrepancies. Yeah, which is the

most common. Most common issue as people who work in the sexual health. health field as therapist, that's probably the number one thing that people will seek help for, especially couples, right? It's like this, like where one person wants it, the other one doesn't. And there's a lot to learn about desire and a lot to learn about gender differences as well, not that I like to be that black and white because nothing is really black and white, but for the most part, we need to be aware that most, most ways. in are born a certain way.

Most men are born another way. And we are not identical, okay? And there are differences, and those differences show up sexually. They really, really do. And it's not that it's more about the motivations for desire, what motivates us, what gets our motor running, what gets our desire triggered can be quite different. And so we need to.

to have these conversations. I actually did two TED talks about this topic, by the way. So if people want to look me up, they can watch the TED talk with their partner and get a much better understanding because I talk about female sexuality and also sex and long-term relationships, which addresses this issue, very important issue to be discussed. Yeah, listen, there was that great book so many years ago. Remember men are for Mars, Women for Venus. They should do a sex edition, right, something exactly like that. Like, that's what you're discussing. Because it is true.

At the end of the day, we are animals, right? I believe in the nature part of things too, right? And like you said, it's the majority of people. Yeah, you're always going to find people that are on, you know, fall somewhere in the middle, right? And maybe don't fall into the categories you're saying. But the majority of men and women are wired very differently. So I'm, you know, always talking to both men and women who have desire discrepancies in their marriages, you know?

And it is a big problem. Yes, and it's not always the woman in a, if we're looking, talking about heterosexual relationships right now, but if it's not, it's not always the woman with the desire issue, sometimes it is the guy. So in about 25% of cases, it's the man who has the desire issues. Yeah. But in 75% of the cases, it's the women. So it is important that we talk about it.

And again, I don't mean to be heterosexual. I see couples of all kinds, you know, same-sex couples. They have desired discrepancy issues. So it's not just in straight heterosexual couples either. Okay. Yeah. Be clear on that. No, I know.

Because I have a lot of cheating stories on my show, and I always like to have those kinds of stories on because I think people could really love. learn from them, right? And I have plenty of women calling in who have been having affairs or cheating on their partners. And we're going to talk about that too because I feel like this whole topic is going to eventually get to infidelity, right? But there's not just, that's not the only reason for infidelity. There's a lot of different reasons. Absolutely not. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think it's really important that we understand that it's not a lack of desire that leads to infidelity. There are way worse issues in a relationship that lead a person to

stray. It's not just, well, if you're not giving me any, then I'm going to go get a health right. It would be a problematic relationship if that was, if that was what was being said in that relationship, right? If that was the thinking process, that relationship has bigger issues. Listen, I just did a whole episode talking about how guys don't use sex toys as much as they should. And you know what else guys don't do enough of is play with their prostate. There's still such a stigma with any kind of anal action with guys. And that's why I love. The Butter Wellness Paranium Massager. It's the perfect first sex toy for guys to use because you can stimulate your prostate

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So order up or just go to the description, click on the link and use my code strictly. Stray, it's not just, well, if you're not giving me any, then I'm going to go get it. It would be a problematic relationship if that was, if that was what was being said in that relationship, right? If that was the thinking process, that relationship has bigger issues. Yeah.

Let's talk about the issues that lead, though, to the desire discrepancies because it's not always like, I could talk to people and they're like at the point where their wife is in menopause and she just lost her sex. That's one thing. But a lot of times these discrepancies start way before that, you know, and what are the reasons for those that to happen in relationships with two people that are like healthy and still have a libido but are not feeling it anymore for some reason? Right. So I see this in all age groups. So you know, I have couples who come to me in their 20s with desired discrepancies as well as couples in their 80s. So it's not an age thing. It's a function of oftentimes the length of a relationship, right? So at the beginning, so let's take any couple, any age. At the beginning of that relationship, the newness factor, the excitement of a new relationship,

triggers certain chemicals in the brain that make you pretty much horny all the time, right? It makes you like almost obsessive about the person. You think about them all the time. You have butterflies in your stomach. You feel the passion. There's like intense attraction. Every time you see them, you want to have sex with them. So that is pretty much the same for most of us in the beginning of a relationship.

So we think, oh, wow, wow, I found the person. who likes sex as much as me, but they don't realize that for women, that dissipates. So that, whatever chemical is there, the chemical kind of dissipates over time. And they,

that lasts anywhere from the, like six months to 18 months. For a woman. For a woman. Yeah. Again, I'm just, just bear in mind,

I am generalizing. Yeah, that's okay. But for the purpose of this episode, you're generalizing. Right. Exactly. So this is common of what will happen.

Now, that doesn't mean that the woman never has desire for sex. Doesn't mean she loses desire for sex. We do have to make a distinction between interest and desire. So when we talk about interest, we talk about women. You can ask women, do you ever think about sex? Yes, I think about sex. Do you like sex? Yes, I like sex.

Do you enjoy it? I enjoy it. And, you know, when you see something sexy, does it turn you on? Yes. So all the, like, the interest can still be there. Yeah. The desire part is the spontaneous part. The part that says that, that might, you might say, oh, I'm so horny, I could just do you right now.

Right. Right. That part, the hunger part. So sometimes for a lot of women, that hunger, the spontaneous hunger goes away. Maybe not completely because at certain times of the month, like, you're in operation or whatever. The hunger kicks in. Right. Exactly.

So, but at other times, the hunger may not be there spontaneously. Now, that doesn't mean she's not interested in having sex. It just means that there's no, if you're not hungry, you're not suggesting going to the restaurant, right? That doesn't mean that if you go to the restaurant, if you decide to go in a company, your partner that you're not going to eat. You will eat. You might taste something and then it opens up your, you know, you start salivating and you're like,

ah, now I'm hungry. Now I want my own steak, you know, something like that. So the key is about triggering, triggering the hunger. And so we call that responsive desire. So instead of spontaneous desire, which is about horniness and hunger, it's more about responsive desire. Responsive desire is you have to trigger it by stimulating, right? And women have to make the choice.

So it's not like, if you wait around for you to feel like it, like, oh my God, I'm so horny. Now I want to have sex? You might wait a while, right? Yeah. But if you, if the conditions are right, and men often grown when I talk about conditions because it's like, oh my God. It's like, why do women take so much work?

Like men are often like a switch on and off. Totally. And women are like dimmers, right? They need to be worked up. But if you start to stimulate and you work, you kind of work it up, right, then the, the, the desire gets triggered and the woman continues. And I know this because for the most part, when I speak to women who, even though they show up in my office with desire discrepancy issues,

I always ask them, when you have sex, how is it? Because if they're not having the sex that they desire, if the sex is lousy, then why should they desire it? But for the most part, they say, no, when we have sex, it's amazing. It's great. I enjoy it, right? And this is where it gets confusing because the guys are like saying, well I don't understand if you like it so much why the hell wouldn't you want it every day

yeah makes sense they're very logical that's right but it isn't about that that's the thing is that the hunger has to keep being re-triggered every time right so so that's why the the goodness of it like the fact that it's great great sex isn't enough to trigger that desire we need the stimulation now at that point so and that's part of the decision making right for women. It's like, okay, maybe I don't feel like it's so much, but I know that if I say yes and I let him or her stimulate me, then I will get there, right? I will want to continue and it will feel good. And that's part of the thinking process that has to happen to be able to get you to make that decision. Having said that, that isn't a healthy relationship. My job

is to often look at, okay, why is there a desire discrepancy? Is it as simple as, this, like I just described, oftentimes it is. Other times it's a much deeper issue. There's something else going on. So whether it's a type of relationship dynamic that has been created where I see a lot of neurodiverse couples. So let's say one person has ADHD, right? And then the other spouse has to be like parenting that the ADHD partner.

Well, you start to have a parent-child dynamic and that is, that's a killer. of sexual desire, let me tell you. Okay? No one wants to fuck their mother or their, but you know what I mean? Exactly. Exactly. So the incest taboo is there for a reason.

Yeah. So there's, so that's a relationship dynamic. Sometimes there's a lot of resentment that just don't get spoken about or things that have not been hashed out or things that have just been put under the rug

or somebody has, is walking on eggshells and didn't want to talk about it, whatever it is, like something in the dynamic of that relationship where there's built up anger, resentments, et cetera, that lead to distancing. Yeah. And isn't that a big one? It's a huge one. And in fact, that's what I often will look at, right?

Yeah. Is that's the biggest culprit, really, aside from the simple one, sometimes it's just a simple one. Other times it's this. Other times it's medical. So a lot of medications do. impact desire in men and women. So that could be some, and we know today with all the mental health issues and everything,

a lot of people are on SSRIs or like antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication. And there's the sexual side effects to those, which are arousal or desire issues or erectile issues. So those do cause, they have this direct link. and oftentimes, you know, people have prescribed these things and they're not told that this is a side effect. Yeah. So we have to deal with that. I'm sorry.

I used to tell my guy, because I hated the pill. I took it once for one month and I felt like I was dead, you know, because I had zero sex drive. I felt like all my, you know, and I used to tell my guy friends. I'm like, get your girl off the pill and do something. Because like that's why she's crying all the time. That's why she never wants to have sex. Like, you know, I mean, like there's a lot of it. Like, I don't know.

Like I think sometimes the pill really affects your sex drive too. That's also, poor women are on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah, you're 100% right. So the birth control pill also can have, again, it's a hormone and it has an impact. Yeah, it's a real thing. So if you are experiencing this in your couple and it's not just a passing phase,

because let's be real, in long-term relationships, there are going to be times when you're more sexually active and other times when you're not. And that might mean because you have little kids at home or you have teenagers that are walking in and out or you don't have privacy or you have, baby screaming or whatever, like life happens and it does get in the way. It's important that couples find the time to connect somehow, right? It doesn't necessarily have to be full on lovemaking, although that would be ideal. If you could take a night away and leave the kids behind with a parent or something.

But it's about putting in the effort so that you don't find yourself like, 10 years later going, ooh, who are you? Like the kids are grown. They don't need us as much. But now we have time and I don't know you anymore, right? Yeah. You don't want that. Yeah.

And that's a lot of times like who I'm talking to, right? It started like after the kids. I was like a woman who had a child on my own at a certain point in my life. And I can't tell you how many times at the end of my day. I was like, thank God I don't have a guy that I have to blow right now. Because I, that's the last fucking thing that I want. I always people always were like, Oh, it's so hard being a single mom.

I'm like, no, I actually have it way easier than you to my girlfriends that had guys, you know, because they also have to do that job, which is go and be a partner to their husband. I think it's really difficult when you have a baby and you're a mom, you know? And I think a lot of problems start there after kids because I don't think guys understand what a woman feels like all day with her baby. And then, but the guy still has his drive, you know, but I think a woman changes. is. Well, it does. And also a woman with a baby is constantly being touched, right? Whether Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that. Yeah. Or touched or, and what she wants is her body back at the end of the day when the baby goes to sleep. It's like, give me my body. Don't touch me. Nobody touch me. Oh, yeah. You're right. Right. And so, but then I end up feeling horrible for the guys because

they don't know that feeling. They go to work. They're not there. They lose out. Like, we get stuff that they don't get, which is that extra bonding that we do get, but we also get the other exhaustion factor. And it's, they want to feel close to. They're rejected. They, their position has been completely taken over, right? This baby now takes up your entire body, your entire attention, and you got, I feel bad for the fathers. Like, they need to be part of this. We need to not forget about them. Now that it's summer, want to turn up the heat in your bedroom? Well, then you need to try Begicate. Begated is truly the Netflix of sex education with hundreds of courses on how to be better in bed all in one place. Betucated believes good

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They're rejected. They, their position has been completely taken over, right? This baby now takes up your entire body, your entire attention. And you got, I feel bad for the fathers. Like they need to be part of this. We need to not forget about them. Yeah. And can you explain like what sex is and a man who's horny?

like what's that about? Because a lot of times, and I see this, I remember making a joke about like being on a Facebook page, one for, you know, hormone, women who take hormone after menopause, as well as the women who don't, just the regular menopause. And all the women on the menopause page complaining, their husbands are pigs, they just want to fuck them. They're just all they are horny all the time. It's so gross. Like, blah, blah, you know, and a lot of times women, I feel like, and whether it's the woman who, you know, at the end of her day after taking care of her baby or the woman who doesn't want sex because, you know, she doesn't have the drug. anymore for menopause. Like when their husband's coming after them for sex, they just see it like for sex. And I feel like it's deeper than that for men, right? Like I just feel like a lot of times

they just look at it like it's, oh, they just pigs. They just need sex. Like it's not. It's more. Yeah. No, it's terrible. First of all, no, that's not what I see. The men, I find men to be far more sensitive than that. Those few men that behave that way, yeah, maybe you are married to a pig. I don't know, or a narcissist or whatever, but for the most part, those are not the loving, caring men that I see in relationships that want to pleasure their partners. They don't want to be with a partner who isn't enjoying it. They don't want to be serviced. They don't like the idea of, like, no, they want you to enjoy it. Those are the real men. And those, okay, so that's for the most part the men that I see. Yeah. The others, those are the assholes. So I, you know, that's a

smaller group to me. Yes, it's a much smaller group. Yes, that is a much smaller group. I even get guys on calling in that are like cheaters and they'll put in their email like, I'm like the worst cheater, you know, ever. Anyway, and then when I start to talk to him after an hour of talking to him, I find out that like he's cheating for a lot of the same reasons. Women cheat too is because he doesn't, he thinks he's just cheating because he loves pussy or variety or whatever, but it turns out that he's not feeling intimate at home. His wife hasn't been giving him attention. He doesn't feel wanted.

Same shit that women feel. Right? That's right. That's right. So him not feeling desired. Ask women whose husbands don't pay attention to them or aren't seducing them or aren't after them sexually. That's what they'll say.

I don't feel desired. I feel ugly. I feel whatever it is they feel, right? It's normal that this is their, they don't feel they're worthy of law. Like over time it affects yourself, esteem and, you know, obviously. So, yes, it could lead to cheating because they're looking not for sex. They're looking for a different kind of validation. Yeah, they're looking for that feeling that someone likes them again.

And, you know, your partner, whether it's a man or a woman, are going into work every day. And if there's somebody there and it's like very cliche, but it happens. you know, someone starts giving them this attention that they're not getting at home, you know. That's right. That's right. And then when you start, like, let's say you, it's a perfect example, right? You meet somebody at work. Yeah.

And they're, you know, you just go have lunch with them. You have no intention of having an affair or anything. But you start to share with that woman, let's say it's a guy and he starts to share with that woman or it could be a woman and a guy, whatever. It doesn't matter who's the cheater because men are almost, women are almost equally cheating as men are these days. Totally. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah. So what you find is you're finding somebody who is listening. You're sharing. So now you're talking about your intimate life with this person. You're commiserating. And they seem to understand. And maybe they start to develop feelings and you're attracted to them.

And then an opportunity presents itself. Maybe you're on a work trip, whatever. And alcohol is involved. And shit happens. Like unfortunately, it shouldn't, but it does. You know, and it's important to understand what leads up to that moment where in your head, where especially if it's not in you to do this, right? Because not everybody, like some people are cheaters.

Like some people have always done this and they have done it in every relationship they've ever been in. And this is their, this is who they are. Yeah. And that's a very different breed than somebody who finds themselves and will tell you, like, I don't know how I got here. And then we start digging and we start realizing, okay, well, what were the conditions of this marriage of yours? And this is where both people are responsible, have to take some ownership of where the relationship ended, especially if we're talking about healing from infidelity. Yeah, that's true. The person who was cheated on also has to take some ownership.

Yeah, absolutely. What happens? So let's talk from like the guy's perspective because I have a larger male audience and female. Like so the guy comes to you and he's having this kind of issue where his wife just is never in the mood, you know, like how do you like where do you go from there? Say it's the situation where they've just gone. They're separate ways.

They're still in the relationship, but they're not talking as much. You know, it's that common thing that we spoke about before. Like, where do you start with a client like that? What advice would you give to that guy that comes with that problem? So first, that guy, I want him to start taking ownership of what he's doing or not doing. Right? So what is your wife complaining about? That's number one, right?

What is she complaining about? And what have you done about it? Have you told her you're going to change, but you don't? You revert back. I would look at how often do you talk about wanting sex? How often do you, like, to show him what pressure feels like to women from the women's perspective and how a woman who feels objectified, a woman who feels like all he wants is my body, he doesn't really care who I am or what I am.

He just wants to have sex because he needs to get his, you know, whatever, his desire. fulfilled, a woman who feels that from her partner is not going to have desire for her partner. That's the problem. So one of the things, so these are some of the things that I question, right, and I want them to look at is, are you, are you ever, like, how do you seduce her? How do you do this from, in the morning? Do you have a fight with her in the middle of the day and then expect to have sex at night? Do you grope her? Are you the, are you a gropey kind, right? Do you, when she goes to give you a hug, do you go grab her breath? Do you grab her ass?

Because a lot of women complain, they say, like, I just want affection. I just want a hug. Why does it always have to turn sexual? And then the guy's like, well, I'm always hoping that it's going to go somewhere. She's not. He wants affection. Right. Yeah.

So she's going to start avoiding even affection with you if she can't get what she wants. Exactly. And she needs the affection to feel close. And I, I can understand their need for, they also, they want the sex to feel close, but they have to know how to get to it. And it's, it's not a simple, it's a circuitous, like, way to get to it, right? It's like, there's a few things you have to fulfill before you can get your needs met as well. So, and if they're, if they're compassionate, empathetic, loving guys, they'll get it.

and they will work towards that. And then I want to see the wives because, and then I usually say, can you have your wife, your partner call me and make an appointment? Because I need to hear her side of the store. Oh, I love that. And then I get a whole,

you know, then I get a whole other perspective, right? Of course. Then it's like, then I hear about the parenting dynamic and I'm so sick and tired of telling him what to do. And I'm so sick and tired of doing everything. And he just lies on the couch

and he just plays video games. Like, I don't know. I hear all kinds of stories. Of course, but it's a very similar stuff, you know. And I think that a lot of times it goes back to what you talked about. Like there is, you know, these basic differences between genders. Like I think men don't realize, like, just because they get horny seeing their wife bent over, you know, in hot pants isn't, doesn't necessarily mean that your wife's going to be horny that way. She's going to be more horny if you start complimenting her.

If you start, you know, like do these things that you, no, no. guy would ever think because they don't give a shit about that, right? So I think we're always projecting like what we, how we like it onto others, but you can't do that. It's not going to work. Right. And we don't have, we're not that, we're visual, but not like men are, right? So, like, you just said, like, he, she can come out of the shower completely naked and

he's going to get an erection. Yeah. But if he comes out of the shower naked, you know, I'm talking, you know, in a long-term relationship here. her clitor is throbbing at that moment, right? It's not like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm like throbbing right here. It's not, she needs way more than that. And it's not that she doesn't find her mate attractive, by the way.

The desire has nothing to do with the attraction. Yeah, no, that's why you find. Men have to wrap their head around that. Yeah, that's why you see so many tens walking around with, like, women that are tens walking around with guys that are sixes. I mean, we're wired to be attracted in a very different way, right? Like, it's like how they talk, how they, how they, how smart they are, how they make us feel when we're with them.

It's not just like, you know, physical. Oh, my God. It's so much more than that. It's absolutely. And I often ask women, you know, did you, did you end up marrying your physical type? You know, like when you're younger, you have a certain type. Maybe you want the six-pack ab and the guy who looks like a fireman. I don't know, whatever, right?

And then you ask them, did you marry that guy? And they're like, no. I married the, you know. Totally opposite. A lot of times. There's a short guy, but the nice guy. The guy I wanted to have children with, right? The guy I wanted to have a family with.

The guy I wanted, I felt safe with. The guy like that was dependable, the guy I could trust. But still the guy, but those are the things that make that guy attractive, not just the physical. Yeah, exactly. And that's where they were very different. I remember a guy friend of mine telling me, like, you don't understand, Kathy. Like, for me as a guy, like, I could see a.

woman across the street and like the wind blows and her skirt goes up and I see a little bit of her leg and like I'll go home and jerk off to her. I'm like, oh my God, like, no woman is wired that way. I mean, it's not my, you know, but for the most part, no. Yeah. Yeah. So what does it take though, like to get that sort of connection back? Is it a matter of being like very specific within your own relationship, like communicating with your partner and finding out what it is about them that turns them on because there is that love language thing right and that's a real thing right everyone has a different way that they might like things right so that yes and it's interesting i do love i do like the idea of knowing my own love language and my partner's love language but not because i'm trying to

convince them of mine it's because i need to know how to show my love to my partner in a way that he understands and he needs to know how to show love to me that I see it as love. I can't love him my way and say, yeah, but I love you because look what I do for you. I said, yeah, but I don't see it. I don't read it like that, right? So it's important that if my language is touch, that even though you're uncomfortable with touch, you have to make an effort to touch me, right? You need to be affectionate, even if it doesn't come naturally, you still have to do it.

And that's, in responding to that, that's a big, certainly that's a factor. Understanding these differences and having some compassion for what your partner may be going through or where they're at, truly listening to them because oftentimes, you know, people don't feel heard in a relationship. Yeah. And that goes for both. Like, you need, his needs have to be heard, your needs have to be heard. But the reality is, and this is, you know, often not really fair. but who controls the sex in a relationship.

Right. Women do. Yeah. Women, so women, it's their bodies after all, and they should. I'm not saying they should. But you can imagine if you are a guy and she is the one who controls the sex. It's frustrating as hell, right? You're right.

Yes. Yeah, that's how they, because a lot of times they'll think it's very manipulative when women aren't being manipulative at all, but they take it that way. No, exactly. They're like, you're right. She's withholding. sex from me. Right?

It's like, not to say that some women don't, because some women do and can use it as a bargaining chip or what have you, because they are and they are very well aware that they're in control of it. But imagine that. Like it's how unfair it can seem to the guy who's married, who loves his one wife, who doesn't want to cheat,

doesn't want anybody else, but loves her and finds her attractive, wants to touch her once have sex with her, and she keeps rejecting him. Yeah. It hurts. It's going to be hurtful. And that man will end up in my office very sad, depressed, and not knowing what to do.

And he, I'll often hear from that man saying, I tried everything. I don't know what to do anymore. You know, I buy her gifts. I buy, do this. I try to do more around the house. I try to, r and, you know, all kinds of stuff. So I feel for the guys. Yeah.

I really, really do. And, but I get, but it's, it's also such a pleasure to work with these couples because they get it, you know, when you start to really talk about it and pick it apart and see what's actually going on, we can make it work. And we do increase the quantity of sex. It's absolutely doable. And you could bring back that desire. What do you think are like the top? No, it's not, no, you don't bring back, again, you don't bring back the desire. Okay. You bring back the choice. Like, you still have to make the choice. Right. And then your desires, you still have to. to stimulate, you still have to stimulate the genitals to get to the desire.

Right, right. You still have to do something. So it's not like it just comes back like that. There's no pill. There is no pill that you can just take and say, okay, now I'm horny. Like it's so much more complicated than that. Yeah. This is why, this is why the, a desire pill for women is like the Holy Grail.

It is, there is nothing that has been developed. that is 100% like great efficacy some maybe but nothing great with no side effects like no there just isn't and that's only because women's desire is tied into so many other factors

including that things that have nothing to do with the partnership it could be that she's anxious and stress and distracted doesn't feel good about herself what happens when she doesn't feel good about her body. That's right.

Her body image. There are so many factors that can be, that go into this, which is why it's important to really seek help so that you could figure this out instead of suffering in silence for a long time. Because these are things we could do something about. Yeah. And what do you see in the couples that are successful? Like, you know, you're talking to a lot of these couples they come to you.

I mean, is it typically like if they're, if they get to the point where they're there, they're the type of couple that could weather through it. Like, is there something about the couples that make it? you know, that you see is different than the couples who just don't? Well, yes. And I will say that the word is compassion. So I say compassion leads to passion. Oh, I like that.

When there's some compassion, it's so much easier to connect and people want to connect, right? When they feel compassion from the other person instead of anger and resentment and all those other yucky negative feelings, right? Yeah. So that's a key to me. That's a key factor. And then the willingness, the willingness, and most couples who come to see me are absolutely willing.

That's what I was thinking, because they're there, right? You know, they were ready to. They are willing. Yeah. And sometimes it's teaching women how to get in touch with their erotic side. Yeah, that's important. Right. Many women have trouble with their own sexuality, so that's another thing that we have to evaluate.

I tell women to read erotica, but reading, like, sexy stories and, I don't know, I grew up on Harlequin romances. They were so, and Harold Robin, like, super steamy stuff that I read as a teenager. Yeah, yeah. And they were like, oh, my God, so sexual. And now they've up there, like there's Harlequin X, X, X, X, X, X or something. Oh, really? For women.

Yeah, I like that. I understood. Yeah, I heard that. And there's so much written now for women. It wasn't, you couldn't get your hands on that stuff before, but now so much. Because we, we understand this. This is like our pornography. Yeah.

Not that women don't watch porn, but more, we are more stimulated by the storyline, by the seduction, by the buildup of the sexuality. And why do you think 50 Shades of Gray was so freaking and popular and popular among every age group. And every age group of women. And not just women. The men were getting, were like,

oh my God, this book is amazing. Why? Because it was turning on their partners. And they saw it. They saw the result. And I talked to women in their 70s, mid-70s,

I remember at the time. And they were all like, I can't believe I found my, I'm sexual again. I said, yeah, because you were triggered. You need to be triggered. Exactly.

And so women could be triggered more so that way. Maybe that's not a guy thing, but that's like a woman thing. And that you used to help women get back in touch with their sexuality. Especially women of a certain age, you know, like I know I was brought up in a time where women were way more repressed sexually just because, you know, the word slut existed. I think it's very different nowadays for younger women and stuff. It's so much better for them because it's, there isn't that stigma around it. But, you know, for a lot of women there was.

I mean, I'm sure there's other stuff there. Listen, those young, poor young girls are just. dealing with other scary things. Yeah, yeah. But they're not repressed sexually at all, right? But I was and, you know, in my time it was that way. So I think a lot of women have pushed their desire down. I talked to a lot of women actually that, you know, came into their own when they were like 50, 60, you know, and sort of, yeah, live in their life and doing all kinds of things and feel so happy because they feel like they came full circle, no shame. And you know, and they're just expressing their, their sexuality in a way that they never thought that they could.

And part of it is, I know that once I reached 50, it was like, it wasn't a bucket list, it was a fucket list. Yeah, it was like, fuck that.

Right. It's like, you just didn't care anymore what people thought. Yeah. So it's like you were able to say, no, I'm going to try this. No,

I want to do this. No, this is for me, you know, and so you start to have less of a filter in that way. And you cut, you do come into your own. Yeah.

And you, and it does. It takes women longer to accept their bodies, and especially for us after 50, for sure you have to learn to accept your changing body. You're not going to have your 20-year-old body anymore, but that doesn't mean your body can't give you pleasure. Exactly. And you have to find the ways to get that pleasure from your body.

So sex toys are a big thing as you get older, and yeah, those are also my recommendation. I also talk to a lot of men at around 50. you know what's happening to a lot of guys I talk to around 50? They are also at the point where like if they have a fetish, they're like sick of keeping it hidden. They're just like want to do the same thing that those women are doing and just be themselves. You know what I mean? And not sort of hide their shit. Or if they're into guys and they've always been, you know, it's a big stigma with that.

They don't want to hide it anymore. They just want to be who the fuck that they are. So I think that's a turning point for both men and women. Well, it's a turning point in our society. I suppose depending on where you live, you know, we are, I feel very blessed being in Canada. We're pretty liberal country, but there are, and I hear it from people all around the world, so much repression, and even in the U.S. Oh, no.

And there are so many pockets in the U.S. that are hugely repressive. So, and how do you think that affects sexuality? I mean, when there's no sex education and where do you think people are getting their sex education from. They have access to porn, but they don't have access to comprehensive sex education. Does that make any sense to anybody? Not to me. So how do you expect to then develop a healthy approach to sexuality if it's all, if sex is all based on sin and negativity and disease and all of that? Not that those things don't exist, but how about a balanced view of sexuality?

Why do people have sex? They have sex because it feels good. Yeah. So what about talking about that and then protecting yourself? Like, yes, we know you're going to have sex because we know what drives it. We know that it feels good and that's what drives it. But please, protect yourself and protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy. So you don't have to go through an abortion and protect yourself from getting any illnesses

that are going to affect you for life. Like we need to, how do you protect yourself from all of that if you're not having those conversation. That's to me what I'm like blown away by. And unfortunately like what you resist persists is a very true thing. And I just feel like a lot of times the more repressed you are sexually sometimes you, I think you put in your email to me like maybe we could talk about compulsive sex. That's another thing. And that could happen because of that kind of repression. I remember when I was first having my child and I was doing my podcast for like past 12 years. So when they're like, oh, what are you going to tell your son about what you do? You have a sex podcast. I'm like all I'm going

to my son is like make him like not like perverted probably you know what I mean because there's no sort of like oh sex is bad in my household you know I feel like you know you're just going to be healthy and normal because I'm not taught I was raised by irreverence so and I was like very slutty and I acted out that way because I was repressed I mean that's what happens right you know that's so funny it's funny because my kids same with uh you know I have two grown grown kids now but I mean they're in there they're getting married and they're in their friends. Anyway, but at the time, and I was, I live in Montreal and I'm a local, like a talk show host. I had a nightly radio show for 22 years of their existence, so since they were very little.

Yeah. So I was very well known in Montreal on the airways talking about sex. Your mother talked about sex. Oh, my God. And I thought, you know, maybe they would get them, I don't know, something would happen or whatever. or they'd be bullied or they, but it didn't happen at all. In fact, quite the opposite happened where I'd have lineups at the house like asking questions. Like I have whole pow-wows for their friends as they were teenagers to talk about this.

And then one time, somebody asked my daughter, when did you learn about sexuality? And her answer was very interesting to me. She was like, hmm, you know what? I've always known about sexuality. Yes, I love that. I've always known. It was never a sit-down conversation. A moment.

Never. We always, like, our carpools used to be, we used to talk about things. I used to have moms calling me. Could you carpool my kids? I can't, like, I can't have the conversation. I want you to do it. Wow. I have, like, I'd be carpooling kids, you know, just for the sex education part.

Oh, my God, love it. Yeah, that's super cute. And that's true. I like that. You know, I had an adopted friend who said the same thing about the, you know, like he just always knew he was adopted. There was no sit-down moment where, he was told, right? So there's not that trauma of having that moment. You remember 50 years later,

right? Because, like, you were always just open talking about it. So your kids are healthy. But so many people aren't raised that way. I wanted to talk about infidelity. Like, real quick, because, like, I talk to a lot of people. Like, I give anyone credit who can sort of get through an affair and stay together, right? Because a lot of times, like, it's like kind of like, why would you throw away a whole marriage, right? for a one-time thing, you know. I think it's really difficult and it's hard, but like when someone comes to you and there is infidelity, like are you typically bringing them in

and trying to talk them through getting through it? Right. Yes. Yes. So when they come to me, it's because of that. Yeah. And I often ask the question, is what he or she did? Do you hate, do you love him or her more?

more than you hate what he did. Oh, I love that. Right. So if you love the person more, you could get through it. Now, it's not easy to get through it. It's really, really tough, and it requires a lot of hard work and dedication. Yeah. But let me tell you, it's extremely rewarding, and the couple usually does so well and just

a really strong bond. And I've seen some beautiful success stories like that. So it's up to you to decide if the, if the, if the, problem is bigger than the marriage or the marriage is bigger than the problem. Right. And the couples that do make it through, it was probably because you uncover at some point in those conversations, like what was happening that led to that. So it was there anyway, right?

Like there was something wrong. You know, that sort of act just brought it all up to the surface, right? Because like most of the time, right? That's exactly. So yeah, that's exactly it. You have to start uncovering all that stuff. and you're repairing not just the infidelity. That's the surface stuff, even though that's the traumatic part,

because it is traumatic. Of course. But there's all what led to the trauma has to be healed as well, right? So you're strengthening, you're creating a new relationship. And so those couples that do come in and want to fix it, as long as it's not a serial cheater. Totally. Depends on the guy's, or the woman's attitude as well.

if they feel very entitled, if they, if they're just kind of assholy about it, and if they blame the other person and if they don't seem to have, if they don't seem to be, like, have remorse for what they've done. And like, really, you have to have so much remorse. And you have, that's the only way that your partner can forgive you and move on from there. Right. Well, that's the compassion you talked about again, too, right? Exactly.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. But the key is never to get to that point to begin with, right? And that's a matter of like what. Having date nights, making sure you're intimate with each other, you know, and don't let a lot of time go by. Like what are those things that you would tell a couple so that they don't make it to your office?

I mean, all those things. All those things are important. But there are other things too because you talked about compulsive sexual behavior. Now, I work with people who have ADHD. and ADHD, unfortunately, can have consequences on your sex life, which is the impulsive part, right? So you might not be able to regulate your emotions, you might act out impulsively, especially if you crave the dopamine rush and you crave variety and you are preoccupied with sexual fantasies and there's like a real preoccupation with sex, that might lead to.

cheating. But the core issue is the, is the, is the ADHD. That's what I was just going to say. So all those things that you just mentioned can be traced back to ADHD. And because in my time, like, that wasn't a diagnosis, right? Like nowadays, a lot of people get it. So I remember hearing all these things and I'm like, oh my God, I probably have ADHD, but they just labeled me different things when I was like thrown out of all my high schools and shit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Here's just a troublemaker at that point. Yeah. But so these are the signs. though is what you're saying with what it comes out this way and it could be 80. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. So what happens there? If I see other things. Well, if I see other things going on. Yeah.

With that, then that's, then I will take that avenue and have a look there. And then I work on emotion regulation, finding other coping mechanisms. You know, we, we do a whole, like, we just focus differently. Right. So it is important to know so that. you can do that, yeah. Yeah, because that's not that uncommon, right? Oh, it's very common. Yeah. And I diagnose, I see a lot in adults that were never diagnosed. Because they didn't have it.

Well, we didn't have the diagnosis, but we had the behavior. That's right. So if I trace back, like, what were you like in elementary school? And what did your parents say you were like? And what did the teachers say? And how did you blah, blah, blah. So if I go through all of that, and sometimes it's like, okay, well, plus all this, plus how are you today, plus how distracted do you become, plus are you forgetful? I mean, there's a whole list of questions, obviously.

And then it's like, okay, that makes sense. And then sometimes at that point, either I send them for neurological tests, like some to a neuropsych, just to confirm the diagnosis or else we don't actually need the contract. It gets confirmed when they tell me, oh, yeah, my kid has it. You know, and I'm like, okay, well, now we know where you got it from. Yeah, I remember listening to Gwyneth Paltrow talk about it for women. And one of the things for women was like, oh, you just, like, you can't handle cooking. And I was like, oh, my God, that's so me. Like, I was just always like, I can't imagine cooking and getting everything done at the same time.

Like, it's like to me, it's like a miracle. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's a lot of things. So there's a lot of things that can do it. Yeah. But, you know, we could talk all day. Yeah, but let me just tell you, like for people, like, because you wrote, a book called Sex Bible for People Over 50.

So anyone listening, I mean, I'm assuming there's a lot of like really great tips on how to keep that connection going and everything in that book, right? And how to revive a relationship that's been sexless for a while. Oh, I love that. That's in that book. Yeah, that's in the book. And it's a book that I wrote for couples. It has sexy pictures in it.

So, you know, it keeps guys. I know that's terribly sexist of me, but it does keep them like, They're short chapters. Like, it's not a big, thick self-help book. It's really a colorful pictorial and just a lot of, like, here's the problem. Here's the solution. I love it. I'm going to put a link to that book in the description.

Also, should I put a link to your website in the description? Yeah, sure. And everything is there. If people go right to Dr. Rory.com, they'll have access to everything I do. So my podcasts are on there as well. my TED talks are on there so people can link up to those and those are fun to watch as a couple as well. Yeah, so they could get further educated.

And I did make sure I asked you ahead of time before we started taping like, oh, can you see people from the states? Because I know people are always asking me like for recommendations. I mean, you can, you do virtual visits like you could, you could. I do virtual, yes. I do virtual visits, no problem. And if you want to see somebody in person, I do have a network. Oh, that's good to know. International Association of Sex Therapists that I can help you find somebody in your state or in your, yeah.

And so if they want that, is that just like they go onto the contact part of your site? If they want to get in touch with me, they could just go through my website and fill up the contact form. And then I'll get back to them and just mention that where they heard me. And then so I'll. And if they want to use you. Because like I said, I always get people out. asking me. And, you know, I was typically always talking to just regular people about their secret lives that they're living. But like now I started the sexual health Saturdays thing.

So I'm getting more experts. And I love to offer somebody like you up to my audience because they're always asking me. So I loved having you on. I'll definitely have you back on. We got to do a whole thing about fetishes and all these other things that you speak about. Lots to talk about. Yeah, totally, totally. So listen, Dr. Lori, thank you so much for calling in. I'm going to put all your links in the description. This is going to be up next Saturday, okay? Wonderful. My pleasure. This was fun. Thanks so much for calling in. Okay. Take care.

Bye. Thanks. Bye-bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order. it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all

told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay?

There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook,

the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.