Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1185 - How to Jumpstart Your and Your Partner's Libido w/ the Libido Doc

Episode Date: August 2, 2025

SEXUAL HEALTH SATURDAY: Tune in to find out how to jumpstart young your partner’s libido. Tune in to hear the Libido Doc, Diane Mueller discuss how and why her and her husband tried non-monogamy/polyamorary and why it didn’t work out for them, how and why she chose then to set out working on the challenges of monogamy, the first step a couple can take to get things back on track in the bedroom,  how communication is key and good conversation starters and why they’re important, the correct convo to have before you even start having convos about your fantasies  and why an initial convo is necessary, how all the stuff that is happening outside the bedroom dictates what’s happening inside, arousal vs desire and how it differs for men vs women and why understanding it is key, how long it takes for arousal to kick in for women, the pleasure cycle and how it works, how to get men and women on the same page when it comes to sexyeven though they’re wired differently, what she has couples do to help them make time for better sex, her four sex languages and the free quiz she offers to help you figure out who one you and your partner are and how and why they help plus a whole lot more. You can find her book, podcast, free quiz and course all here:: https://mylibidodoc.com/club **To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.  Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://viia.co/STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Try VIIA and use code STRICTLYANON for great SEX and sleep ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://liferx.md⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Start your transformation now and get $50 OFF your first month, use code: ANONYMOUS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Load Boost and Drive Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2520-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Use code: ANONYMOUS to get 50% off your yearly pass plus get a 14-day money-back guarantee  Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and click on the link. Everything I talk about is in the description. Okay, today I have on Dr. Mueller. She is the libido doc. And that's what we talk about libido, lost libido in relationships. You know, we talk a lot about sexless marriages. She really helps couples get that spark back. That's what she does.

She has actionable steps. She talks a lot about a lot of different things. She first starts off with, you know, the issues in her marriage when her and her husband, sex life went out the window and what they did to fix it, which was become polyamorous. And she talked about how it didn't work and why it didn't work for her. So really what her focus is is helping monogamous couples. She talks about how, you know, communication is key in getting the spark back. But it's not like a one-time thing.

She breaks down the different steps and what you have to do first. then what you have to do second. She talks about the differences between men and women and the reasons why libido and both men and women can be non-existent. We talk about love languages. She has her own that she created and she's got a great free quiz on a libido code.com, okay, that you could take and you could find out what your love language is. And I personally think it's a great thing to do with your partner. It's free. You could go on there. You could get your type. And then you could talk about it with your partner. She's super fun to talk to. If you want more information on any of the topics we talk about, she's got a lot of extra information and education on her website by libido.com.

I will put links to everything, including that free quiz in the description. She also has a book that's on pre-sale that you might be interested in. We talk about that towards the end, but this whole episode is super interesting. I think you're going to learn a lot. She's great. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Dr. Mueller. Hi, Dr. Mueller. Is that how you say your last name, Mueller? Correct. You got it.

Diane Mueller. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. I did want to call you the libido doc. You are the libido doc, right? I mean, that is a term you use. You do have your own podcast called the libido lounge. And we're going to talk about libido. But I know that, like, I just have to be honest.

Like before we started taping, I was like, oh, you want to talk about libido? What else you can say? And you were like, oh, I do have this fun story about like the time I try. being Polly and sometimes like, you know, people get a kick out of that. I was like, you know, you're not Polly anymore, but I would have to like hear your personal story real quick first before we get into like, you know, what we're going to talk about in this podcast, which will be, you know, how to increase like, you know, you have this thing on your website. It's like less stress, more sex. Like you're going to teach people how to get the spark back in their bedroom,

right? Or their libido going again, correct? Oh, 100%. Yeah, 100%. And my, my story is so tied into that because I think it's, you know, it's real common, right, when people are in longer term relationships that a spark kind of dies and people are like, how do I get the passion back? And I think it's so common that people wind up being like, well, like, less think about bringing another person in or less thinking about opening up and, you know, those kind of things. So, you know, so that was kind of my story with my, who is now my ex-husband. And so we were in a relationship for about 10 years and eventually we ended up having this conversation about wanting to open it up. We were just different places in lives and thought it would

bring more, you know, benefit to our relationship. But there was so many things. Like I read, you know, all the books that are out there that I could find on how to do this and do this like respectfully and do this ethically and, you know, talk to other people who had been doing this. So I feel like I went in arms. But even going in armed, it was like, there's like just certain things that like I was not prepared for and thinking about. For example, like, what really the feeling is like when seeing a partner fall in love with another person? Or what happens when, like, at the time, my ex-husband started dating a woman who

really was into, like, these, you know, exoticifications and wanted to take all these exoticifications with him. And then I was dating somebody who did not have that flexibility in their life and relationship. So then my, you know, my husband at the time started going on all these like amazing vacations and leaving town and coming, right? I mean, talk about FOMO. Right. FOMO at all things.

And so, you know, even though like I felt like like we work through like jealousy and all those things and, you know, you talk about like this concept of compersion in the poly world of like just being happy for the other person. It's like happiness. And even though I was like working through, I feel like all of that, honestly, from like a pretty, like I was like felt like. felt like very emotionally mature in my process of that. But even all that being said, it's like it's like takes a toll to like watch your partner go through all of these experiences and, you know,

have all this and, and, you know, not be able to be part of it. And it's something I feel like nobody can like prepare you for is like, okay, well, what happens when they come back from their date and they're like,

there's a smile on their face that you haven't seen in forever? And you can't put that smile on your face, their face anymore and it's like oh my gosh i wish i could do that to you and i'm not doing that for you and so it just brought up like so many different things like you know another thing that never came up or like that that that never comes up ahead of time i feel like in some of the prep work for stuff like this is like well what happens if there's like an STD exposure like like he at one time had a exposure to somebody who who they found that later that they had herpes and oh God. You know, and so then, like, and he told me this, like, that was great. It was, like,

out in the open and he told me this, but then I need it to make sure that I stayed safe. So then I was not having sex with my husband for several months so that we could clear that initial time of what it actually shows up in the blood to make sure he was good. Thankfully, he was. Yeah. But, you know, so then it's like that kind of came into our relationships where, like, it affected our intimacy because of that exposure. So there's, like, so many things like that. I think where people go into. to those decisions around, oh my goodness, like this is, you know, not for me. And in the end, like where, like, the thing that I kind of concluded in the end was there are amazing joys that that type of relationship has. Just like there's amazing joys that monogamy can have. And there's amazing challenges that both of the relationship styles can have. So in the end, like where I like started like leaning is like basically where I am now,

which was like, that was a really, really cool experience. Like really cool experience. But when it comes to like the challenges of both, you know, an open relationship versus a monogamous relationship, I basically decided that I like the challenges of monogamy better. And so I ended up getting divorced. We ended up deciding that we were just going very different ways in our life. He was very into that relationship and, you know, that style. And that was how he decided he wanted to live. And I decided I didn't want to.

So, you know, we respectfully went our different ways. and in the end, you know, that's kind of my passion now, is like, okay, so how do we create that sort of feeling of like passion and newness and excitement and, you know, want and desire while keeping to some of the, you know, traditions of monogamy around, you know, that single person and the safety and security and foundation of that. So I call it modern monogamy around like, let's just the good stuff, but let's actually add even more of like even better stuff to the monogamy. this picture. I love it. So you're taking the challenges of monogamy and that's what we're going to talk about here.

Because one of the biggest challenges that I hear is exactly what happened with you and your husband. Like you lose that spark. It happens more than a dozen almost, right? Like kids happen. You've been with someone for the dawn of time. A lot of times people have called into my show. Yeah, they do wind up swingers and everyone's happy, you know. But I'm talking to a very small percentage of people, right? A lot of people I think who are listening are stuck in sex. marriages and they're listening to, you know, live vicariously through the people on my show, but they're more like you and your husband. So for that couple that doesn't want to go try poly or do anything, you know, where do you start when you're going to, like, you know, for that couple that has lost that spark between them for whatever reason? It's a great question. I mean,

I think that one of the first things is like bringing awareness to it, right? That like you said, it's like it does happen without us even thinking about it. And some of it is like, you know, we think about it, it's like we are major creatures of habit. Like if anybody's listening and you think about, okay, well, which route do you take to go to the gym? Which route do you take to pick your kids up? Which route do you take to go to work? Like everybody generally picks the same route, right? And we just like rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. And, you know, so the same thing happens in our sex life, right? We get into these sexual scripts around like, wow, this was really maybe like a hot, like, say, process, a hot story and the new relationship energy. And by the story, I mean, like,

you know, the step by step of like we kiss in this way and then we do this next and then we proceed to that. And right, and that's the script we get into. So I think one of the first steps is actually beginning to name it. What I say, name it without shaming it. And the more we can begin to say like, hey, this is like, this is happening. This is nobody's fault. I think that the thing we get into with sex conversations is we all want to protect our ego, right? And the ego does have a tend to. to want to know that, hey, we are good in bed, that we are providing this pleasure for our partner. So there's like this protective nature that we have to be very careful about in our conversations around sex because there's this tendency if we talk about sex and it's like, oh my goodness, I'm doing something wrong. I'm not pleasing her. I'm not pleasing him.

And if the conversations come out that way at all, it can lead to people shutting down and being like, well, that sucks. I'm never going to have that conversation again. And then that kind of makes things worse. Okay, everyone, are you like a lot of people out there stuck trying to lose weight and no matter how hard you hit the gym or diet, nothing seems to work? Well, a lot of the times it's not just about hitting the gym or dieting. Sometimes you just need a personalized plan that actually fits you. And that's where LifeRX MD comes in. They are one of the largest custom peptides and GLP1 companies in the country. And what they do best is build personalized doctor-guided protocols

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All you got to do is click on the link and use my code anonymous. The ego does have a tendency to want to know that, hey, we are good in bed, that we are providing this pleasure for our partner. So there's like this protective nature that we have to be very careful about in our conversations around sex because there's this tendency if we talk about sex and it's like, oh my goodness, I'm doing something wrong. I'm not pleasing her. I'm not pleasing him.

and if the conversations come out that way at all, it can lead to people shutting down and being like, well, that sucks. I'm never going to have that conversation again. And then that kind of makes things worse. So one of the first things is actually learning how to begin to start the conversation and communicate about it. And it was a really interesting, Kathy,

there's a survey that showed that 92% of people that report it having the best sex in their marriages talked about it. 92%. Yeah, that's that communication. Mm-hmm. Exactly. So, you know, the more we do that, and another thing that I think is important in the communication conversations to understand is when we look at, like studies on conversation

and kind of conflict conversation with couples, regular conflict or regular hard conversations, not even talking about sex. So just like normal conversations. Yeah. There's three threats to the relationship. And one is going to be the threat to one individual. another threat is to the second individual and the third threat is to kind of like that shared

team space. Yeah. And they're all pretty equal like all of those three threats in like a normal conversation. But when we get into a conversation around sex, one threat is way worse and that's the threat to the self. So that means that if I bring up to my partner a conversation around,

hmm, you know, I want to change something in the sex life, statistically speaking and now, you know, just kind of subconsciously driven, I'm going to naturally have this tendency to protect myself and be like defensive of myself the most. He's going to be defending himself the most. And that shared space doesn't even almost come into that picture. So like the conflict risk is more of a threat to the individual. And so people have a tendency then to be like shut down more easily because they're worried about protecting themselves in this conversation at a heightened rate as other conversations.

Interesting, isn't it? Yeah, totally. And considering that, you know, you want to be in that 92%, but probably 92% are not having the conversation, right? I mean, you know, like are not talking about it, unfortunately, right? Exactly. Exactly. Most people don't because, you know, most of the time we're like, I think one, we're not taught how to have the conversation. And two, this obviously is something that it's like so many people are looking at their sex life and comparing it to the movies, to images.

People on my show. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And it's like, and so it's so easy to do that. And like you said, just like live vicariously through this other person without realizing that like our sex life is unique for us.

And we actually have the capacity to create our own version of hotness, even when we've been with our, you know, partner for decades. Yeah, I think sometimes it's really hard to go to a partner and say that you're not happy, you know, but I do think like, you know, all it takes is one person to do one thing different and it's going to totally change the game, right? but typically people are in that like groundhog day life. And even if things aren't so great, they wind up, you know, figuring out ways to deal.

Like sometimes you're so far away from like some, the way something was when it's good that you become like, like something so bad becomes normalized. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like them not having sex and not being interested in each other is just like the way it's been for so long that they could become complacent. But that just leads to the other things that I hear on my show, which is like cheating and having affairs and people,

going online and doing all that kind of stuff, right? Right. I mean, the, say, drives the sexuality is one of the most, we could say, normal human functions that there is, right? So if people are not engaged, they are typically, like, very commonly going to do this, you know, outside of their, you know, relationship and just try to get their needs met that way. Yeah.

And I think, you know, there's a couple of things here, like in comments of what you just said. Like, one is when we are having these conversations, one of the fundamental, you know, one of the fundamental of places to start is to focus on like what's good without bringing up anything that people want different. And eventually we want to get to a point right where we have to do that because like a good sex life is going to be like, oh, that didn't actually like feel that great. Maybe let's not do that thing again. But initially when we're building that skill, it really is like focusing on what we love. Right. And so this can be, you know, this can be very, you know, challenging for people if they haven't been having sex for a long time. It kind of takes going back

into the memory bank to say, okay, what things did we used to do that I actually really love? Right. And a great way sometimes to bring this up is like, you know, hey, honey, I was, you know, listening to this really interesting podcast on Strictly Anonymous and this, you know, this woman was talking about sex. And it just made me start thinking about this, you know, this thing that you used to do. and then if you can name it and just be very, very, very specific about it and just be like, wow, I used to love that. Like, you know, I used to love that. Like, what can we do to start maybe exploring that again?

Right. And we want to just build that thing up. And then the second thing I would say in comment to what you said is there is an element where when people have not had these conversations for a while, like, so many people will be like, ask me things like, well, what do I do if it's awkward? And how do I, you know, get around it not being awkward? And what I find is it's less about like that, that like avoiding awkwardness and just accepting that like, oh, remember that first time you went on that first date and maybe you were trying to get conversation together and maybe you're trying to learn about each other. And, you know, sometimes there's those awkward moments in the beginning. And when it comes to rebuilding your sex life, it's almost like dating each other from the beginning again, except for now we have all this baggage. So there can be a level of just like needing to accept. Yeah, this is a little bit awkward. But that's, that's okay, just almost being okay with the fact that it might be awkward and just kind of accepting

that that's part of the normal part of repair. Yeah, and I think unfortunately that, and it's always like so weird, because if you think about it, it should be the opposite. But a lot of times it's actually way harder to go to somebody that you know really well for a really long time and, you know, express or tell them about a part of yourself that maybe you never did, that maybe you have this fantasy that you never did. Whereas a lot of times I hear like, and that's why sometimes cheating sex, is so great because it's very easy for that same person to go to someone they never met and put it on the table on the first date, right? But it's, I think, a lot harder to say it to the person that you've never said it to. I think that takes balls. And that's what, but that's what you're saying

you have to do. You have to do that, that hard thing. You know, it might be scary and it might be hard because you are, I think there's nothing worse than sort of putting something on the table about yourself that maybe you did. And even if it's not, if it's more like, I'm talking like maybe you're talking about fantasies and you're going to tell them you're into something that What if they say, ew, and they shame you for it? There's a lot that goes into that kind of stuff. Even for women, I think a lot of women don't put a lot of the stuff that they like about sex on the table because of the shame and how they feel, how sexuality has been repressed in them because of like, you know, how society sees people that love sex, right? Like, there's just a lot of stuff going down.

Oh, 100%. And it's one of the things I teach in my courses, too, is like how to have these conversations without shame, right? And one of the initial steps that I teach people to do, I'll tell your audience today. about, which is before having, like, there's kind of like layers, right? So the first layers is kind of like introducing the foundation around like, honey, I love that thing you did 20 years ago and I miss it. And this is why I love it. And just like, you know, taking that first step to say, oh, we had that conversation, you know, great. It was a very successful thing. Right. And that's just talking about sex again, starting to talk about sex like you said. That's what you need to do. Yeah. Exactly. That's kind of like

layer one, right? But then once we get past some of these, you know, some of the layers and we get further down into like, okay, now we have gone through this erotic repair process. Now we're further down. And now it's like now we want to start talking about our secrets, our fantasies, right? Our turnons or turnoffs. Maybe we've never told each other. One of the things I really encourage people to before having a conversation around your fantasies is that the first conversation is actually to have is what sort of response your partner and you are going to give to each other if you hear something that's shocking or that you don't like. Oh, you negotiate that ahead of time is what you're saying.

Correct. Before you even name it. Okay, I like that. Correct. Because we want to have a situation where it's like, okay, well, let's say, you know, somebody is talking about anal play or BDSM or whatever it is, right? So somebody is talking about something and the other partners like, oh my gosh. Like this is like so far beyond what I'm like, like, I'm shocked, I'm horrified.

We want to have a way of saying, like responding to that person to say, like, I hear you. Like, I respect you. Your fantasies are safe with me. I might not share them. And maybe that's not something we share together. Yeah. But here's how I can reflect that back around like, hey, I still think you are a beautiful person. And I respect your fantasies as unique and you're safe to share them with me.

Because what's so interesting, too, I find when couples build the safety around the fantasy sharing, like, oftentimes people are on different pages with it, right? That's not abnormal. But sometimes when we start the conversation, we realize, like, oh, you might be interested in, you know, one person might be interested in a threesome and the other person might not. Well, here's ways we can still play with that energy. Like, you know, maybe one partner's interested in role playing or maybe one partner's interested in, like, dressing up to, like, just bring a new vibe into that. You know, there's like different ways the energy can be played with without actually going down that road. Right.

And sometimes once we build those conversations, we can find there's ways of actually expressing the fantasies that serve both people very well. but it might not look like that original fantasy. But we have to, of course, not shame somebody in order to get further along in that conversation. And yeah, having that plan ahead of time makes the world of difference because now you're safe to say, and you're like if somebody doesn't like it, you know, they're going to respond in a way that is not going to be shaming you or making you wish you had never opened your mouth. Right. And now what?

Now you're talking about fantasies. That's a phase, right? Is there something that comes next? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. typically, so typically before, like, once somebody goes through a period of, okay, let's first have this conversation.

Yeah. Then the next phase is, is almost getting kind of a buy-in from both partners to say, like, hey, I'm really interested in bringing back sex and passion into our relationship. And I'm wondering if you're interested in this as well. Yeah. And so, you know, that kind of next phase is like, you've got to get that buy-in for both partners because, you know, no other is, if one person is truly like, well, I have zero interest in having sex ever again in my life, you know, that does kind of close down that conversation.

Now, in that conversation, though, when you're getting the buy-in, one of the things I have found for people, if somebody is more disconnected, is to take a step back and have a conversation around like, well, what does sex and intimacy actually bring? Like, what does it provide you? Because so much of the time, we're thinking about sex just as a physical thing, but we're forgetting that it's like, well, I feel more connected to you and I can feel your love more. And, You know, I feel just this, this sense of like stress relief. And I feel that, you know, I feel more powerful as a human being because I'm able to provide something that makes you feel so good.

And that makes me feel so good to be able to do that for you. And we can start to name these things that are behind the sex. Sometimes I find that if somebody is like disconnected from that and they hear that around like, oh, well, I am actually interested in feeling more connected. I am actually feeling, you know, interested in all these other things. so okay maybe I will be more interested in you know in taking a first step with you in this direction because now I understand that it's not just sex it's sex and and and and and and and and yeah and unfortunately I mean a lot of times especially if someone is in a quote unquote sexless

marriage or they're not as intimate or they're not and they're not doing that like they had and they've lost that spark they you know there's other reasons for it right like I mean maybe the guy isn't complimenting the woman and the woman the woman the woman the woman just keeps denying the man for sex. I mean, there's all these other issues that started way before, right? Or it can be hormonal. I mean, like, you know, I guess maybe there's a certain point even before these phases, you got to figure out, like, why did that spark go away? Because couldn't it be hormones, right? We know the people that are going through menopause. It happens. Even women after pregnancy, sometimes their hormones get messed up. Sometimes it's that, you know,

the couple are not attracted to each other because they're not paying, you know, they're not talking anywhere. There is no intimacy outside of the bedroom. So, they're not horny for each other, right? Oh, 100%. I mean, that's one of the huge topics in my upcoming book that we're going through is like all the reasons for sex drive to be low. Yes. And it's so important, right?

Because I look at like sex drive, erectile dysfunctional, vaginal dryness, pelvic pain, any of these things, right? Like there's so much taboo around them. But I really like people to understand, like, this is just a symptom of an imbalance in your physical body, in your personal life, in your relationship. it's just a symptom, all it is. We've got to get the taboo out of it and just be like, all we're saying is there's an imbalance or imbalances that really need to be corrected.

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Or imbalances that really need to be corrected. Yeah. And you're right. I mean, there is so much to be said around like those kind of hidden hurts and those hidden traumas and the vicious cycle people get in. is that much of the time we have like small little hurts and then we are still engaged sexually. One of the things that can happen is that if we're having amazing sex with the hormones that are created, it can create such this feeling of closeness that it can then help people like look beyond

those hurts and being like, oh, right, this is my teammate. This is my partner. I love this person. Let's go back to that conversation now and not saying we're going to sweep it under the rug. But because now we're feeling so close because of these hormones, we can now look at. at fixing it. But then the vicious cycle people get into is like they have those little hurt and then it's like, well, we're not going to have sex because we're hurt. And now we're not feeling close. And now we're not going to have success with that conversation. And then it just

tumbles out of, you know, out of control and gets worse and worse. So we're really talking about teasing apart multiple different problems that are involved here. You're absolutely right. And there is this huge thing for sure around what happens inside the bedroom is a reflection of what happens outside of the bedroom and vice versa. Like, you know, really, like, common example is something like, like, something I see often is, like, the way in a longer-term relationship that a man many times will, like, kind of flirt with his wife is walk by the kitchen and slack her on the ass. And, like, you know, and things like, oh, wow, like, I'm giving her, you know, this love. Like, oh. And it's like, and that can be fun and playful and there can be, like, great benefit of that.

But if that is the main way, most women are actually receiving touch, For most women, it can lead to this feeling of like, well, what about, like, coming up and, like, giving me, like, a central, like, shoulder massage or, like, rubbing me instead of this, like, more primal ass, you know, slap, that sort of thing. Yeah. So, you know, so it's like those little tiny things we want to start teasing apart for sure and saying, hey, this is, you know, this is more my erotic needs outside of the bedroom. And sometimes it's important in those beginning stages to go back and try to fix those things. but oftentimes in the beginning stages, it's largely around starting with the erotic repair, just stopping the things that don't feel good

and saying, hey, we're going to repair this by just like even outside of the bedroom, just in the bedroom being like, okay, well, how can we show, you know, phase one, how can we show care and touch in a non-sexual way outside of the bedroom that actually is going to help to repair, you know, the sensuality? Yeah. And we still, you know, for some couples,

it's starting there. Like this is how we touch when we see each other in the kitchen. This is how we touch in front of the kids to show deep care and love that it's going to start that repair in that way. Because there is a difference in why a woman would, you know, have a lower libido versus a man, right? I mean, there are big differences between the two, correct? Well, I mean, physically speaking, the medical, you know, medically speaking, they're often the same. No, I mean emotionally.

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From an emotional standpoint, it's a huge difference. And one of the biggest difference I would bring up is the difference between arousal versus desire and men and women. Has that ever been No, I know. Talk on that. Someone spoke briefly about it, but I would love for you to go into that because I think it's important. It's so important. In fact, in relationships, in hetero relationships, I think it's one of the most pivotal things. So for men, desire comes before arousal. For women, arousal comes before desire. That's important. That say that two, 10 more times so that people understand it.

It's so important. And it makes sense. So let me break it down. I'll say it again. Let me break down like what I mean by that. So desires of the mind, arousals of the body. So here's a classic,

you know, very classic man desire to arousal story or, you know, situation. So man sees women walk across the room, sees her cute butt shakes, sees her breast bounce a little bit. The mind sees,

sees that and it's like wow that looks yummy and then that's the desire right that's the mind and then after is the arousal meaning then we get blood flow to the penis we get all of a sudden the genitals change that's the arousal now for women desire comes second arousal comes first so this what this means for a woman typically is she has to begin to feel sensations in her body so meaning like the monkey mind of the women which is a very big amazing superpower of ours because we have this ability to take in so much information and multitasking in this phenomenal way. But the tradeoff for that is when it comes to feeling sensations in our bodies, our arousal

system as far as our bodies, as far as feeling like, oh, that touch feels really good on my skin and I'm so focused on that and that is so amazing. It takes longer for a woman to drop into that because it's so easy because of estrogen's impact of our brain for us to be aware of everything else that we've done throughout the day. Oh, that's what they say. It's all in the head for women. I've never heard it like broken down. Like it sounds so simple, but it's like I'm like the light bulbs going off of my head. Like I just never heard it clearly stated. It makes so much sense. Yeah. And this is okay. So the classic thing that we see is women. Like this is so classic for women.

So many women I tell us start relate to this around like, okay, you finally decide to have sex with your partner and you're like, not that into it, but you're doing. it anyways and then 15 to 20 minutes all of a sudden it's like huh this actually kind of feels good yeah and then you get done and then you say to your husband your boyfriend whatever and you say like well that was really great why don't we do that more often yeah and what that is is it's that arousal cycle has finally really kicked on so it takes you know 15 minutes 20 minutes oftentimes for a woman to feel the sensations fully yeah and our bodies actually say oh this feels so good now she's aroused. Now the arousal for women comes first. So that's when the thought kicks to her head around like,

oh, this is, we should keep doing this. This is good. That's the desire. So we keep as women waiting for like when our busy days and we're overwhelmed and this and that. And we keep waiting for like, oh, well, I don't feel like sex. It doesn't sound good to me. Yeah. Well, it's almost never going to come first in the head except in those new relationship energy situations because there's so many other chemicals that override that. But once we lose those chemicals of the new relationship energy, then we sink into this and we're just waiting to have our desire first like men when it's second. So many times when I start making love with my partner, and he knows this, like, I'm not

going to be in the mood totally most of the time. Like, it sounds good theoretically because I know where we're going to get at the end and I'm pleasure oriented and I want it. Yeah. But we will oftentimes start with like, okay, honey, like, let's do a 20 minute sensual massage. you know and in that there's no you know no requirement that it ends in sex usually it does but there's no requirement it's just like him helping me get into my body and start feeling aroused and then once I feel aroused and usually it's like oh yeah let's do this yeah but it's amazing so all I'm committing to in those

moments is to relax and to just receive intimate touch that's allowing me to get into my body more oh that makes so much sense I just like like had a flash of like me with my guy and And like there was a time recently that I was like, you know, you could come over. Like, I'm just going to do this and that. But I don't want to do anything because I just have too much going. Whatever. I was like, my pleasure is off the table. I just will blow you.

You know what I mean? And then we'll go have lunch, whatever. And but because I said I didn't want to and there was nothing on the table, like all a sudden I was like so horny. I was like, oh, no, no, no. Like I have to. But I think it's like exactly what you were saying because there was no pressure. I was taken out of the equation.

It wasn't going to be about me. But when it wasn't, I was able to relax. into it and I got into it and before you know it I was like had the best orgasm ever. I mean it's kind of safe right. Exactly. Exactly. And that's, you know, there's another really interesting thing about the pleasure cycle is that so in medicine we have this thing that we call negative feedback as far as our hormones, which basically means that like the example is if my thyroid is low, my brain will sense it. My brain will send a chemical that says to my thyroid, hey, make more thyroid.

We need more of us. Yeah. Well, then what's my thyroid? goes up and it's normal, then it sends a signal to my brain that says, hey, stop, you know, stop telling me to make more. I'm good. So we call it negative feedback because when the hormone goes high in the body, it sends a signal to the brain that says stop the signal. Right. So that's how most everything works on our body.

But what's fascinating is that the hormones of pleasure, like oxytocin, is one of the few times we have a positive feedback in our brain. So when we have those chemicals of like orgasm and pleasure and all those things, instead of the brain like I'm full like I don't need this for a while. Yeah. It will send a signal that says actually that was really good. I want more of it. So what tends to happen is when people slowly start prioritizing this and learn this and

learn their arousal cycle and all that, then they wind up starting to have more sex and better orgasms. And, you know, there's women that can't orgasm very well. I help them with that. There's, you know, processes we can do around that. But like that aside, once the pleasure and the oxytocin is flowing, then it's actually signaling the brain instead of saying like I'm good, it's saying, oh, let's prioritize that more. I want more of that. I want to go deeper with that. And it starts building and building and building,

but it's never going to work if we don't first take the step to say, hey, I have to start with my, you know, being aroused before I do anything else. Otherwise, I'm never going to even get there. Yeah, no, that's how I was going to ask you. So what is the perfect dance, right? When you have the aroused, you know, the man and the woman coming from, you know, wired, being wired in two different ways. Like what's that perfect way for them to both, you know, meet on the same page, you know, 15 minutes later? Yeah. And I have a huge course on this on desire mismatch, right? Where we go through this like concept and a lot of detail because it's like such a, you know, a live thing for most people. And right. Right. We could do a whole episode on it. You have a, you know,

we could. Yeah. We could. I mean, it's, you know, a many week course. So we could talk very, very long on it. But, you know, just to give some like insight and value today. Yeah. you know, on this. And one of the first steps is like when I was talking about, okay, what does sex and intimacy provide is actually starting there? Yeah. And the other conversation, you know, so to like write down like, oh, this is everything that's coming out of this.

This is everything that I love about this. This is why this is valuable to me. And then also within the context of that, another place I have a couple start oftentimes is with naming things that are like that are sexual. that have some version of that without actually being penetrative sex. Because another thing that we can find sometimes with desire mismatch is like, oh, if we're actually broadening sex to me more than penetration, sometimes we can get closer than possible.

Like even your example of like, oh, okay, my partner's coming over. I'm just going to blow them and that's going to be, you know, it for the night. Sometimes we can find that, okay, well, if we can bring in more nights where maybe it's not full penetrative sex, that might actually get one partner that's less interested. be like, oh, we're just going to like co-masturbate together. We're just going to like give each other massages with happy endings. And so sometimes if we can like broaden what sex actually means, we can actually find that there's more activities that kind of are in that world

that can actually satisfy both people that might help to, you know, close that gap. So that's one thing that I have found. And then another thing is just like a point of awareness. Like another early exercise I give people is to start with making like a, a list of everything that are your top values in life. And hopefully your partner is like right up there, right? You know, your top value or your second value. You know, I'm very into kind of a thought around.

Like, we got to have our partner there at the top. But the second thing you do with this is you draw a pie chart and make 24 pieces of pie representing the 24 hours in the day. Okay. And then you're going to mark seven to nine off of them, hopefully for sleep. And then fill in on the average day, what takes away all of your other pieces of pie. And what is interesting for many people when they do this is they have their top,

you know, couple values with their partner hopefully being right in there. And then they'll look at the pie chart and it's like, oh my gosh, there's no place for this person. Oh, wow. And that can be a very, very big aha moment in like the desire mismatch standpoint because like the first thing is actually finding place for our partner to exist in our life on a day-to-day basis. Yeah.

Right? And if that's like the first problem to solve is like from a standpoint of like sexual intimacy, if we're not even having time to actually place this person in our lens and in our world emotionally or otherwise, then where are we going to even begin to cultivate the energy for the physical thing? So usually that's like step one for people is like, let's make sure this person actually has a piece of our pie before we even get into the nitty, gritty details. But it must be very helpful for like what I love about that.

It's like it's very visual. Like you're taking it outside of your head. You're putting it into something that people could see. And I bet you a lot of times people are surprised that they don't have that pie for their, you know, that slice for their partner. They didn't even realize that that's how they were operating on a daily basis. Well, 100% because I think so much of the time it's like, okay, especially in living with a partner. It's so easy to just be like, well, we see each other in the morning and we pass here through here. And then, you know, we pass each other at this point.

And you pass each other through these various parts of the day. So it's like, oh yeah, you know, they're in my life. You know, I have this couple of minute conversation here. And they, you know, they text me to tell me what time they're coming home or yada, yada. And we actually realize is that most of the day is spent like ships passing in the night versus actually sitting down and being there, you know, physically, energetically, emotionally, present fully with that other person. Right. Do you believe in like love languages? I do.

I love the love languages. I've actually created my own version of that for sex languages. So that's what I call the libido code. So I have a free quiz for everybody at libidocode.com. Oh, great. Is that on your website or should I just give that exact link? Give that exact link. Okay, cool.

That's when I just give out. So that's just like super easy. Libido code.com. And what it is is if you go through and people take it, you learn about certain things like your turn on style and your turn off style. And like just kind of like the love language is where it's like the concept with Gary Chapman is like, as I'm sure many listeners know, around like, oh, one person expresses their love in, you know, maybe something like giving gifts and another person expresses it maybe

by something like words of affirmation and saying nice things. Yeah. And we can be expressing love and not even realize that it's not that the person isn't receiving it. Yeah. Same thing with like turn-ons, right? So the idea is like, okay, you learn more of like your turn-on tendencies and your partners turn-on tendencies, which can help with, like, not missing the cues from the other person, because it's another thing sometimes that happens in, like, longer, you know, relationships is, like,

it's not uncommon that people are like, well, I, you know, I tried to put myself out there for my, you know, partner and, like, give the cue that I, you know, I wanted them, whatnot. And then they feel rejected. And, like, we can still feel so rejected in, in our long-term partnerships. So when we have, like, the code, and we have, like, the libido code, and then we start to understand, And like, oh, this is also a cue of my partner saying, hey, they're, you know, they're interested in us and they're interested in me. And so it helps us miss some of those, you know, prevent from missing some of those cues. And it also helps us to make sure that when we are bringing some of these other things in,

like, how to flirt with your partner again after so many years, we're also like doing it from a place of understanding each other's languages. Yeah. I mean, like, as a woman, I know I get horny from things that guys would never understand that women get horny for, you know? I think it's like and that's where like a little education goes a long way like my booty call guy. Me and my sister were joking the other day. Like he will open the door to the Uber get in it first.

If my food is incorrect, he will eat his without waiting for me like these little things. And he's just like someone like it's like a booty call. But I would never like this person. I was me and my sister were joking. I'm like he just does nothing that I as a woman would find like super duper hot to the next level. Right. Like it's it's and it is little things like that for women. it's very different things for men. I do think, do you think, I don't know, I tend to think that a lot of times the key to like what your partner kind of digs or like what their love language is is how they give it to you. Like are we kind of projecting, right? Like I know I like gifts and I'm like a great gift giver. And but and that's like my thing. Like I gauge someone's love on me of how thoughtful they were for my gifts. You so but I feel like I projected by giving great gifts. Like don't you typically see your partner.

love language in the way, like you typically give it the way you want it back. That's a long way of saying it. Right? Yeah. 100%. And like, that's why it's like nice to go through and like understand the different languages, right? Because another simple way of like getting it besides taking a quiz is like knowing the

language is well enough where you can like recognize somebody that, you know, recognize something. Like before the love language book without somebody having that terminology, they might not recognize like, oh yeah, this gift is like, look at how good she's a, she is at a gift give her like that must mean that you know that this is how she expresses love but once we have that terminology I think it really helps like one example I'll give you from the libido code is one of the code types is a sensate okay and then the sensate is like the person that is so turned on by anything of the five senses so like one of the examples I give in the report once you will take it is it's common where somebody it's like somebody is dating a sensate and they don't know it they

might have experiences where like they're starting to make out and it's getting hot and heavy. And all of a sudden, this person will get up and to like walk across the room to like light a candle or to put on a song. And if you don't know what that person's doing, it can be like, what are you doing? It can be like so disruptive, right? Like, you care more about this song than like, you know, me taking my shirt off or whatever. Actually, they do. But because the sense is going to know that like, yeah, they do.

but it's because they know that when they do that, it's going to help them experience it so much deeper. So it's worth it to them. Yeah, I love that. And so what are your other ones? Can you tell me? Because first of all, I'm obsessed with your,

I'm going to put the link to it in the description because it's literally a perfect thing to start that conversation, right? We started this whole conversation about how that initial conversations about sex are the key to, you know, opening things up again. And so like what a fun way to get talking

once you had that. initial thing, right, to go on and maybe take the test together and then come back and talk about your results, right? Exactly. Exactly. It's like, it's a really fun way around like, oh, I like learned about this fun quiz and it just kind of opens up the conversation. Yeah, and everyone wants to know about themselves.

So you find out what you are and then your partner finds out and then you go back and tell each other, you know, what are some of the other, besides a sensate, what are the other types in your language code? Yeah. Yeah. So another one will go to this one next and face upon what you said with love language is another one I call the giver. And the giver is going to be so turned on by giving pleasure to the other person. So this is somebody that like, okay, maybe they're like not super aroused and then they go down on their partner.

And all of a sudden it's like, wow, I'm like way turned on. Yeah. Right. So that's that's the giver. The iconic teaser is the one. Like think about this as like the person that just like loves like absolutely loves. like absolutely loves the chase. So this person is really going to need the flirting. It's this person that's really going to need those like sexy texts, right? So that buildup is really important

to them. Then we have the kinky. And the kinky is not what a lot of people think of as kink. This is not like, you know, BDSM. Like kink by definition, I think a lot of people get confused about is just doing something out of the norm. So if a couple only does missionary sex and all of a sudden they do, you know, reverse cowgirl, and that's the first time they've done that in, you know, five years. That is a kink. Yeah. So, you know, so it's like that, you know, so it's like back to this novelty type of thing where it's like, okay, we have to have that type of that experience. So those are the big ones. Yeah. I love that. I mean, do you find that like certain ones get along better with other ones, or I'm assuming, because you are the libido doc, right, that you, you know, are there to help.

people, regardless of who they are and what their style is, how to, you know, mingle together, right, and bring those together. Yeah, I mean, I've definitely found that kinky people in particular seem to do well together because they're going to be the ones that are like, oh, yeah, let's put the effort in to try new things, that sort of thing. So I have seen that one go, you know, especially well together, but I've seen, you know, any configuration work extremely well together. It's just more around like having that awareness around like, oh, yeah, this is worth putting that new

song on. Or, oh, yeah, we do need to get a book on sex positions and talk about which ones feel good for both of us to try, you know, to bring that novelty into this person. And sometimes it's like anything. I think when we have more like that opposite, too, there's benefits of that too because a kinky person is going to bring, you know, newness in. But then the giver, if I could give us with a kinky person, they're going to be like, well, how can I think about ways to like do this in a way that is me,

giving them this incredible pleasure first. And they kind of feed off of each other as well. Yeah, I love that. I think that's super fun. The link is going to be in the description. Now, listen, you all, like, I heard you mentioned something real quick. Like, sometimes if a woman can't orgasm, I help her. I mean, you offer services, right?

Like, if there are, like, people that have lost that, you know, they're in a sexless marriage or, you know, the spark has gone from their relationship or they want to get, you know, the spark back, even with themselves. Like, do you help people, solo people? Do you help couples? do you do all of the above? And what kind of things do you offer? Everything I do is through courses and workshops.

Okay. So I do have a libido club. So libido club is a great way for people to get started with my work. Okay. It's a monthly membership, no contract. You know, think of it as like Netflix for sex in many ways. Very professionally done. So there's not, you're not going to find any like, you know, porn things or anything like that in there.

No judgment there. That's just not, you know, that's just not what I offer. Yeah. So, so from that standpoint, it's like in the club people will get a, you know, walk through of like, okay, how to deal with desire or mismatch. How to work through getting your labs tested right to make sure you have the right testosterone, how to advocate for yourself. What do you do if your testosterone is low? How do you fix it naturally? So you get like all those types of things as well as how to have, bring fantasy and safely. So I kind of give you like a tasting in the club of a lot of my other work. And it's for both men and women, correct? Like it's both men and women. Correct? Both men and women. Right. Correct. Yeah.

Some people take it like solo. Like there's plenty of people that take it without their partner. Yeah. You know, I've had women take it for like them as a couple and then tell me like, oh, my husband's ED went away and he never even joined the course. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, so like really cool stuff like that I've seen happen.

And then there's guest experts three or four times a month that also have content that we pre-record ahead of time. But they'll bring in guest experts several times a month to continue. you to add various types of content to that as well. So that's fun. And then I have other, you know, deeper dive courses. My main one right now that I'm really been promoting is my desire mismatch deep dive. And is that what we've been talking about this whole time? That's largely what we've been talking about this whole time. Correct. Right. And so what do you offer for like further information on that? Like what, what is it that people are going to get more? I mean, we touched

on so much here, right? So what is your your course? Is it a course that you have on that? it's a course and it's much more like linear step by step so it's just kind of what I've seen around like okay here's the exercise to start here's the process and then in that course too I do also go through similarly like lab testing and that sort of thing but the biggest difference is like it's like a very linear like you know here's your action step here's what to do here's what to do of the conversation doesn't go well and then it also has some live Q&As with me so that if something comes up people have the ability then to also ask me questions at a live Q&A session. Oh, I love that.

So that is for couples to take together, correct? It's usually that one's couples together, correct. Yeah, that's great. And where do they find that? And now, does everyone get everything on your one website? I mean, I'm going to put the link to that fun quiz that you have because I think that that's such a great conversation starter. But, I mean, is it my libido doc.com?

How do they find the specific things that you just talked about? Yeah, so super easy. Thank you for that. And the easiest thing is always just to go to the libidocoad.com or if you go to my libido doc.com, you'll see a tab there that says freebies. So if you go to the freebies tab and download any of the freebies, you'll get on my mailing list and certain things like the desire mismatch course I do in cohort. So the next cohort is coming out early November. Oh, interesting. Okay.

With your book. With my book. Correct. Exactly. So it's partnered with the launch of my book. So the easiest thing from that is to go just in my website to get the freebies, download any of my free material of lots of free stuff on there for people. And that way you'll get alerted when my cohort classes come out like the desire mismatch.

And then for people that want to start earlier, that's super easy if you just want to get into the club like I was talking about, which is easy to find. It's just if you go to my libido doc.com, you'll see a tab for the hot. in Modern Monogamy Club. You can also access it directly at modern monogamy club.com. Oh, I love that. And now if you had to pat yourself on the back, like, what are like the things that couples are saying about, like, your courses and

taking them, like, what have their experiences been like if you could remember anything like off the top of your head? Like great reviews. Oh, yeah. I mean, one of my favorite things is just hearing from people that say things like, like I said, like the erectile dysfunction going away. I've heard things like if I help people's marriages, I've saved people's marriages. People say things like they felt like they were able to ask questions to me that they never felt

like they could ask before in a Q&A without being judged. I've heard people talk about how they could now talk about sex without being embarrassed. They talk about how I also give them like actionable steps so they know like the step by step process. And really it's one of the biggest things is just like helping people be comfortable with the expression of sex both from communicating about it as well as experiencing it. Yeah, I love that. Now, doesn't your book go on pre-sale like any day now? Basically now. It literally, literally this morning.

So let's shout it out because I have a pre-sale book and it's hard, you know, and things go pre-sale. I want to hook another author of. Give a shout-out to like what your, the name is, where they could find it and then, you know, give it a little summary of what it's about. Yeah, happy to. So you can find it at want to wantit.com. So that's the, name of the book. This subtitle is How to Want Sex, Have More at it and Get More of it and get better at it. Oh, I love

that. Yeah, so wantto, want it.com and it really is like looking at a lot of the things we talked about today as well. It's talking about how to, from a standpoint of like the physical root causes, what are the top physical root causes, what tests? Like, one of the problems

we see oftentimes for like the physical root causes of low libido is that when people do talk to their doctor, which they generally don't. But if they do, they get like a superficial level of tests that don't really tell them anything. Yeah. So I really talk in there too around like I'm big into action, right? Like let me tell you, let me make this actionable for you. So I will tell you specifically like the test that you need, what you need to ask your doctor for, why you need to ask them what's important, why this is related to your libido. The other things we go through are things like how to improve

pelvic floor function for women and men. We start to talk about things like, what to do if you can't orgasm, how to deal with desire mismatch. So it's a lot of what we talked about today around, hey, how to deal with this low desire thing and how to actually look at as a symptom and fix it. Yeah. And then for people that do the pre-sale right now, I have all sorts of free bonuses that are normally paid bonuses that I am giving to people away as well. Yeah, that's what I do. I'm like, you want to get, yeah, you give some incentives for people to pre-order. I love that. So if they can get, they could only get that on that website, correct? Your book? Correct.

Exactly. All right. So you're going to send me all your links. Now listen, when your book comes out and we could do like a, you know, an overview of it if you want to on that topic specifically. We'll have you back on and we'll promote it as well. But maybe I'm sure you'll get people to go now that it's on pre-sale. I'll put, you know, send me whatever links you want me to put in the description. I loved having you on.

I feel like we touched on a lot of different things. And I love that you have like a lot more information. on all of this on your website because you are the libido doc. So thank you so much for calling in. Thanks, Kathy. Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.

I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person.

And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total. Erotica book. Think like Penthouse Letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short. Chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book.

There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it.

I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.