Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1193 - John Met his Second Wife & Started Swinging After his Failed Suicide Attempt**


Episode Date: August 12, 2025

John met his second wife and started swinging after his failed suicide attempt and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including what was going on in his life that made him so depressed, how and why he tried to kill himself, how and where he did it, why he wasn’t successful and what happened immediately afterwards, the consequences he faced and how they ultimately helped him, how and why he got divorced and how he met his new wife, how and why they got into lifestyle right from get go, the swinger club they went to early on and why they weren’t into it, the rules they had going into their open relationship, the nudist, swinger resort they went to and exactly what went down, their first couple swap and exactly what went down, their second couple swap and what went down, his poly relationship with a trans woman and his wife’s poly relationship ship with the cis woman and why it didn’t work out for either of them, how they continue to play with other but are no longer poly, how he lives his life now after what he faced and how it changed him for the better, the EA group available out there that helped him that is open and free and can help others plus a whole lot more.  **This episode talks about a past suicide attempt but ends on a positive note. If you’re struggling, please reach out — 988 is a great resource in the U.S.** **To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.  Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://liferx.md⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Start your transformation now and get $50 OFF your first month, use code: ANONYMOUS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Load Boost and Drive Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2520-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Use code: ANONYMOUS to get 50% off your yearly pass plus get a 14-day money-back guarantee Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Okay, today I have on John. Now listen, I'm just going to give you a disclaimer that the first part of John's story, does mention a past suicide attempt, but it ends on a hopeful note. I just want to say, if you or someone you know need support, call or text 988 in the U.S. or look up local helplines where you are. Okay, so back to John's story. There's a couple different parts to John's story, like two parts, right? One is this whole story that we start out with where he tried to kill himself. And the way he tried to kill himself, like made the paper. Okay, you could probably Google it and the stuff that he talks about and find him because it was pretty crazy. The way he

chose to kill himself, where he chose to kill himself. He talks all about that whole situation, like what was happening in his life, why he decided to do it, how he did it, how he actually survived it, what the consequences were afterwards. He was married at the time he was having an affair. He talks about that. And then after he got through all of that, the second part of his story that we talk about a lot is that he's remarried to somebody else. And they are in a very open marriage. They started swinging.

They've done BDSM. They even tried being Polly. They fucked other couples, had some full swaps. He's got some booty calls. She's got some booty calls. And he talks all about that too. It's super interesting. He does at the end give some information of great places where anybody who's suffering

depression can go. I didn't realize that there's like an AA for an AA like meeting place that is available for people with emotional issues. I didn't know that. He talks about that at the end. I think that's like really interesting. And so you're going to want to listen to the end to hear that information. But his whole story is fascinating because of what he went through before. I mean, it would just be interesting on my show if he's just a swinger, but you know, that he had this whole thing happened to him that really change his perspective on life because he did survive. It makes it extra interesting. So anyway, I'm going to get right to and be right back on with John. Hey, John, welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today?

I'm doing pretty well. Good morning. Well, I'm glad you're doing well now because there was a time in your life that you were not doing well. We're going to talk. We're going to kick it off with that story first and then move on to the fact that, you know, you have a second wife and with your second wife, you guys entered into the lifestyle. How long you in your current wife have been in a lifestyle? How many years? do you know? Has it been yours? It's been about five years. Okay, so you guys are not newbies by any, you know, by any stretch. But you're in a lifestyle with your new wife for five years.

But your first wife you were with, you guys obviously were in the lifestyle. But there was like a suicide attempt that made like the news. And I was like, oh, that's kind of interesting. And like, why don't we start there? Like, what was going down in your life at that time that led to not only you committing suicide? Because the truth is you didn't just try to commit. tried to commit suicide. You did it like in a very, you know, local place so that it would, you would be found. I don't know. It was like kind of like a, you know, that's like a double sort

of thing on top of, like the place that you chose is kind of interesting. The reason that I chose that was because at the time I honestly had, I have dealt with depression most of my life. One of my earliest childhood memories is just the fact that my mother was scolding me and I went and hit under the covers of the bed. And she stopped by and said, going to suffocate under there and my retort in my brain was well i hope i do i mean there's you know everyone has a memory of their mom yelling at them but i mean was she constantly yelling at you like what made you so depressed not really i think it's i honestly do think that it is a chemical issue okay um but at the time of my attempt i was having an affair i had not performed well at work i was a

teacher. My students' test scores were not good. I was not a good dad. I was being very snappish with my child. And, you know, I just had just made the decision that I'm going to go to my safe place, which at the time was the supply closet off of my classroom so that it was secluded from the rest of, you know, the rest of the building. And I made my attempt there. Yeah, which is crazy. I mean, that's what I alluded to. Listen, I think when you are that depressed that you literally feel like you have no hope and the only solution is to kill yourself, you're not thinking properly, right? Like nobody is, nobody in their right mind does that, right? Because there is always hope and there is a solution and there is so many things you can do. But when you are in that place, I think it's like delusional thinking, you know, but it and it happens.

And it's a scary place to be, right? Because here you are thinking, oh, I'm going to go into this closet. where like kids could find me or, you know, but you're not thinking properly, right? Right. And I mean, I was thinking, but twistedly, I had a collaborative teacher who would come in in the mornings and set up with me in the classroom and I figured that they would find the body. Right. But I mean, you're not even thinking properly enough to know that like the solution for your problems is not to kill yourself. You're a dad. You know what I mean? I'm just saying that I do not think people are thinking things through properly. They are in a state of delusion. I think when you're, and

that's why I think personally, it is so important that if you are depressed to like get fucking on it immediately, because if you allow yourself to be depressed for so long, you start to forget what it's like to be happy. And that becomes like your norm. And the more you stay in that space is the more you could literally click over into this delusional place where you really think that there, you have no hope. You know what I mean? There's no hope. And it's a scary place to be because you could make decisions like this. You were lucky, right? You weren't successful, but imagine you did. Were successful. Right. And yes, I thought I had suicidal ideation every day of my life multiple times per day. You never sought to help for it. I didn't. I didn't think I was worth it.

Yeah. I knew that it was very costly at the time. My insurance didn't come. I didn't. cover mental health very well. They still don't. They still don't. And it's sad that so many people can't get help, you know, and because the money, you know, they want to, right? But they can't afford it. That's like so sad that that's the case, you know?

Exactly. I mean, and I was so, I knew that this was how, I knew that that was going to be how I ended my life so much so that the gentleman who taught next door to me for multiple years was always on me about retirement. I'm like, dude, I don't need to worry. about retirement. I'm not going to make it. Oh my God. I hope you, like, you sought counseling afterwards. And do you, are you like a change person like we're talking now? Is that whole vision of yours and thought pattern gone from your minds? Yes. Okay. Yes. I have, now that I have

been through treatment, I'm still in recovery. I'm still seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. And I'm, you know, yes, I, and I'm, I'm medicated. That's great. Yeah, because you said you believe it was a chemical thing. So the medication probably definitely, like probably 100% helps, correct? Absolutely, yes. Right. And you're smart enough to stay on it. Who were you having an affair with? And did your wife find out? Or like, were you in the middle of the affair and the bad marriage at the time where you tried to do this? Well, I was in the middle of it. I had had been having that affair for about five years. And my my wife then or my ex never found out. Oh, wow. And who was your woman? Somebody that I met on one of the,

you know, one of the dating apps geared towards cheaters. Oh my God, which one, Ashley Madison? What, do you remember the name of it? Yeah, that was it. Yeah, you were on, so you were on Ashley Madison looking for a fair. You didn't want to leave your wife, but you just, you know, you went to. And what was going on in your marriage that you sought out this affair? Like, what was going down? We, I mean, we were married young. I married the first person that I ever had sex with. And I got to the age of, I guess I would have been about 39 and looked at my life. And I'm like, I've only been with one person. This is not how I want to end.

So it was just a sexual thing? Like, everything was fine at home. Everything was great. You just wanted new pussy? That's it. I've heard this a lot of times. Esther Perel has a really great sort of take on infidelity. She talks a lot about how most of the time it isn't really coming from a

place of a problem with the partner, right? It's sometimes like that person wants to experience something in their life for whatever reason, right? So it was really like for you, it had nothing to do with issues with your current wife. It was more about you sort of wanting to get some new experience in your life. That is very fair and accurate, yes. Right. I mean, I've heard that that sometimes is. It's just about feeling alive again. I mean, were you, did you feel like it when you had that because you said you were like chronically depressed was that something that like helped your depressing was it like a temporary fix for it at the time looking back yes i would say that it was i yeah i do believe so right because here you were this really depressed person so maybe you're

thinking oh maybe this is going to help me right and make me happier and probably in the beginning it did because there's all those endorphins when you're with somebody new and everything oh yeah new relationship energy and all that yep absolutely yeah i could definitely add something after you've been with the same person for so long. And that's what's so unfortunate, you know, that sometimes these kind of cheating scenarios are very supercharged and they give you something that a regular relationship isn't going to give you and not because a regular relationship is bad. It's just that a regular relationship becomes regular. You know what I mean? You can't hold on to that beginning shit. So now, now that day, like how did you, like what happened? Like, did you, like, do you

try and kill yourself and it wasn't successful? Did you stop in the middle of it? Like, what exactly happened that day that you decided to do it? Do you mind talking about it? Oh, no, I don't mind talking about it at all. Okay. I got up early. I usually did. I had a key to the building, so I didn't have to wait for others to arrive to be able to unlock doors.

I got there, like I said, super early, went into my office. It took a handgun out of my backpack, loaded one round in the chamber, laid down on the ground. Honestly, laid there and thought for a while, put on some music that I, you know, really enjoy, and ate the muzzle of it. how did you not die every medical professional that i have spoken to since has used the word miracle what the fuck you survived that yes i i i joke now that i taught geometry for over 21 years and i just fucked up an angle or i mean it depends on how you want to look at the cup okay half cup full kathy sees that as you actually got the angle fucking perfect okay that's why we're talking exactly Oh my God. So you did it at this precise angle that somehow you were able to survive?

Yes. My sinuses are a wreck. There is a scar directly between my eyes across the bridge of my nose where they extracted the bullet. It never occurred to me to reload and try again. Yeah. I just realized I'm going to be able to see my son walk across the stage. Yeah. Wow. I'm going to, I mean, and, you know, it was a lot of grandiose things like that and also little piddly stuff like, you know, oh, I'm going to get to see the new Star Wars movie, you know, that kind of stuff.

No, but that's like the important stuff in life. Like that's not grandiose or meaningless. Like those are, that's, that's the real life stuff that you would have missed out on. And that's like huge in life to have those moments that you now still had because you were still alive. Exactly. Yeah. Hey, guys.

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why not go check out the butter perineum massager yourself? And you could get the butter starter kit, which does come with the water-based loop. All you got to do is go to butter wellness.com and use my code strictly for 20% off your whole order. That's butter wellness, B-U-T-T-E-R-W-E-L-N-E-S-S-S.com. Use my code strictly at check out for 20% off your whole order. So make sure to order up. Oh, wow. I mean, you know, it was a lot of grandiose things like that and also little piddly stuff like, you know, oh, I'm going to get to see the new Star Wars movie, you know, that kind of stuff. No, but that's like the important stuff in life. Like that's not grandiose or meaningless. Like those are, that's the real life stuff that you would have missed out on. And that's like huge in life to have those moments that you now still had because you were still alive.

Exactly. Yeah. I remember seeing this documentary. It's so great. It's about the kid who jumped off the San Francisco Bridge and he actually lived. And he said the minute he jumped off, he regretted it. You know, the minute, right? Yes, I've seen that.

Yeah. And so, like, you had this moment where now that you had tried and failed that now you have this choice. Like, do, right? Like, you were starting to think, oh, maybe I don't want to die. Right. Yeah. And now I've got a really good reason to live because, you know, I've got. you know, I was with my ex.

She did find out about the affair after my attempt because my mistress attempted to contact me. And she and I, my ex and I were going to work things out. We tried for a year, year and a half. And then I just realized she's never going to trust me again. Between the affair was foremost and being able to hide my depression from her for our entire marriage slash relationship. I'm never going to be able to get her trust back. So we decided to divorce. Yeah, I mean, you have to feel for the partner of the person who tries to kill themselves or kill themselves. Like, you have to imagine how they feel about it, especially if, like, she had no sign of this.

And then you do, you know what I mean? She's like, I'm living with a stranger. Plus, he's having this affair. I mean, oh, my God. It would be hard to come back from that for her, you know. Oh, yeah. And, you know, did six weeks at a local mental mental. hospital, Ridgeview Institute's very good. But there are codes that they put you in places like that with. 1013 is against your will. 1021 is a criminal charge, if I remember correctly. And I was 1021 because I had discharged a firearm on the campus of a school. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, of course. And for that, I faced legal troubles. My lawyer, who was also a good friend of mine, still, did an absolutely.

absolutely wonderful job, worked with the DA. I did not face any jail time. I was very fortunate. I did receive 10 years probation, 1,500 hours community service. And, you know, most of the people I talk to who are like, I can't believe they gave you such a sentence. I'm like, dude, uh-uh, I discharged a firearm. Oh, no, I understand why they did. You're in a school. Like, is this a high school and middle school? These are young kids. Like, you could have put so many people in heart, like, you know, and you brought a gun to inside the school. I mean, there's a million reasons why you deserve that sentence. No offense. Like, I, like, I don't think you went in there thinking all that through, obviously, right? Of course not. You sound like a reasonable person now, but at that point, you were out of your mind, not thinking

properly, you know, not on meds. And so what, but what you did was bad on so many more levels than just if you did it at home because it was in a school where, you know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, all of my, the friends who think that I got too heavy of a sentence were like, well, you know, you weren't, you, you're not in all the things you just said. You're not in your right mind. You're sick. You're et cetera, et cetera. And I'm like, look, if I had shot myself anywhere else, it wouldn't matter. If I had chosen a weapon that was different. Yeah. It would not matter. But you put those two things together and I'm a felon. Yeah. Well, listen, I mean, like, did the consequences of everything like help to change you for? the better really anyway looking back? Yes, because the sentence helped me concentrate on my community service, which the community service that I did was I worked at a local food bank through the church that my wife and I now attend. I also met people in the access center at Ridgeview, basically the front lines of people coming in for the first time to get evaluated. And I would approach and speak to them and ask, you know, would you like to hear about what a day is like here?

Yeah. And I would talk to them about, you know, what to expect, the daily routine, the fact that the cafeteria was really good and so forth and so on. And at, it really brought, first of all, it brought a lot of comfort to the people that I spoke to for the most part. Every probably 20th person would be like, I don't talk to you. I understand. You're very courageous for coming here.

there's always going to be that one, but really it was, and I'm sure that that was fulfilling for you in turn, right? Absolutely. Of course. Yeah. And that did wonders for my recovery because I was constantly reminded where I had come from. Yeah, I'm sorry. I like consequences because they are made for like this, right? Like to help you in the long run.

And it did help you in that way. And I think that that's great. Yep. Right? Oh, yes. I was, in hindsight, I am very grateful for the sentence that I received. Unfortunately, COVID hit. And about, and then six years later, so about a year, two years ago, my probation and

community service were commuted. Right. All done. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. So right now, I do not have a criminal record. Thank God.

Right. So it was taken off for all that, for you doing that. Okay. So now you, that all happens. you're in the paper. How do you meet a new girl? Let's see. My wife and I decided to divorce. The day that she moved out and took my son with her, I noticed a former colleague on Facebook Messenger, a little green dot. I'm like, it's four o'clock in the morning. What are you doing up? Right. And we started talking and from that day, we never stopped. Wow. And so now how,

so you get with this girl. I mean, it sounds like, I mean, because you're, you know, you're talking about, you guys are in this church and blah, blah, blah. And so you, and it sounds like, you know, in your past life, in your previous marriage, you know, you might be cheating, but you, vanilla, right? Like, how do you and this new girl wind up in the lifestyle? Well, she was also divorced. She had gotten divorced probably about nine months a year earlier than I did. And, you know, as we spoke, it came out that the reason that she got a divorce was also infidelity on her part. Oh, okay. Interesting. So we knew that, you know, we're not monogamous people. It's just not, we're just not wired that way. As a matter of fact, and I share this with everyone I meet in the lifestyle, the way that she indicated her interest in me was to send me a message saying, you know, if you ever find a girl willing to be in a threesome, I'll be your third.

Oh, wow. So we were kind of in the lifestyle from the very beginning. Yeah, I've heard that a lot with second and third marriages sometimes like it does start off that way, you know? I've heard that before. So it was like straight up from the beginning. She was very open about who she was. Now, had she heard about your story about you trying to like off yourself because it was in the papers and she was somebody? Oh, yeah.

Okay. So did she have a lot of questions about that? Yeah, she had a lot of questions. As a matter of fact, she still worked in the same school district as I did at the team of my incident. Wow. And they gathered all the people who worked at that particular school who also had come from mine to tell them so that they didn't find out through like the media. And she tells, she has told me the story a few times of how she reacted and acted and really thought that day. And it was, you know, it was, it was a pretty tragic day for most.

to the people who knew me. And speaking of people who knew me, RISVU is expensive. The school that you were working in, you mean? No, the mental hospital, the mental institution. Oh, okay. Yeah. Or did my treatment at. One of my ex's cousins set up like a pseudo go fund me thing. I can't remember exactly which, which thing it was. But I received so many donations from former students and former colleagues and current colleagues. And that was that was what paid for my treatment at Ridgeview. Wow. That's amazing. It was. And that's where that's when I really started to realize that I'm not worthless. Yeah. Wow. Look at and look at what it took. It's kind of sad. But you know,

like you're lucky you got that chance, right? Because so many other people don't. And that's why like I said, it's so important if you're having these kinds of thoughts or you're starting to get depressed. Like you get fucking on it because I think once you cross that line and you just allow it to go on, you can you become, I think it's a delusional state of being. Don't think you're thinking about your son or your wife or the kids or I don't think you thought, oh, I'm going to be criminally charged. You know what I mean? Like you're just thinking there's no hope.

And that's insanity. You know, it really is a place of not knowing. And that's why it's so important that now, thank God, you have. that help and you're on medication. I mean, imagine, like, how was it for you when you finally all those voices went away in your head? It was pretty amazing. I mean, I tell people now, and part of my story is I tell people now, look, I tell them what I did to attempt to take my own life, and I fucked it up. Right. Seek help because there is a very big chance you're going to fuck it up and you'll have to suffer all of the physical issues that I do as well as

finally getting help anyway. Yeah, of course. So just take the easy way out and get help to start with. Beforehand, right. So you don't have to deal with bad sinuses and the big scar and all that. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it's only going to get worse before it gets better if you take that out. Yeah, it's really, really hard to eat when you can't breathe through your nose.

Yeah, right. So you live with those consequences always. that'll always be a reminder. Not anymore. My E&T was a miracle worker. Oh, great. Yeah. There is still a very, very small hole. Fistula, that's the technical, the medical term. Yeah. In the roof of my mouth, but I was also fitted with a appliance that replaced the teeth that got knocked out. And it comes with what's known as an obdurator, which is basically a cover so that I don't have to worry about that hole unless I take my appliance out and cleaning it. I mean, sometimes, especially when I'm using mouthwash,

I'll move in the wrong direction and, you know, it'll go into my sinuses and I'm like, oh, yeah, I can't do that. Oh, my God, one's burned. But wait, let's just get back to when you guys start having, I don't know, like, did you start having those threasons with a woman because she brought it up? No, my response to that offer was, well, let's, how about not with the threesome?

And so, you know, she invites me over this, Even before she made that statement, she had invited me over to her place, to ostensibly to hang Christmas lights. And when I got there, they didn't work. Right. Oh. Yeah. And so I wound up sitting on the sofa, actually where I'm sitting right now,

playing board games with her three kids. And she swears that's the night she fell in love with. And she saw that, you know, I was. I don't like to use the word normal, but that I was no longer dealing with the demons that I used to. Right. She saw the lightness of you. Yes. That's amazing.

And she swears that's the night she fell in love with. And she saw that, you know, I was, I don't like to use the word normal, but that I was no longer dealing with the demons that I used to. Right. She saw the lightness of you. Yes. Mm-hmm. That's amazing. And so about a week later, she invites me over again. I come over. We go downstairs, have our first kiss. She's like, okay, the very next day, she makes that offer. And she comes over. And I was, you know, at the time, I was in a trailer. My ex had just moved out. My bedroom was like, we have cats and they had ruined the room. And so I laid out a nice little palette on the living room floor. And,

and that's where we, I guess, consummated our new dating thing. Right. So now you're with her, but like, how does it, because you're in the lifestyle, you said from the get-go. So what is it that you guys start doing? Do you go on apps looking for people? Do you go to the Swingers Club? Like, how do you get involved in having an open marriage, considering you both are ready cop to the fact that you're non-monogamous? Right. Well, let's see. During our engagement, I can't remember if we actually did go to a club, or not. We may have once and then after we were married, we went a couple more times. There's a local swing club, a trapeze. We're in, you know, the Atlanta area. But we went and

we had a good time being voyeurs and exhibitionists and that kind of thing. We never hooked up with anybody any of the three times that we went. But we really enjoyed it. I always thought, and now looking back at, you know, some of the venues that I've been to, that one, seems to be like the beautiful people. Trapeze? Yes. Okay. Well, that's good to know for some people.

Yeah, exactly. That's where the hot people are. Yes. And listening to, I think it was Jessa a few days ago, saying that you shouldn't go on couples nights because people are very clickish. That's all we got to. And that was exactly what we found. So apparently I should have listened to her podcast five years ago. Yeah.

Yeah, he just says warning, don't go. Don't go on a couple's nights. So you didn't like the clubs is what you're saying. We didn't. Not that one. Because again, it is a little bit more expensive. The door fees and the membership fees than some of the others that we've been to. And, you know, it was just, like I said, it's the beautiful people.

And they were very cliqueish. And we're, you know, I got dad bought and she's a big, beautiful. woman. So where did you go to hook up with other people? Because you obviously do hook up with other people. I just don't know what you're doing. We then decided, okay, clubs are not going to work for us. Let's get on the apps or get on the websites at the time. We did try SDC. We did meet a couple from there. Had dinner. Things didn't really work out with them. We did find a couple on the other big one, SLS. And we spoke with them for a few months just because, you know, four people trying to coordinate

schedules. It's really difficult. But we finally found a weekend that we could meet them at a local nudist resort. Okay, let me ask you this, though, what now? Because you're obviously talking about things and stuff, you know, what's on the table for you guys, you know, when you guys hook up with another couple of, were you wanting to go all the way? Was it going to be full swapped?

Were there any rules, regulations? boundaries? There were a few, but they were, you know, relatively superficial. We decided, you know, we're not going to do anal with anyone else. There are certain keywords and phrases that we weren't going to, they're reserved. For example, I don't get to call anybody babe or baby and, you know, nobody gets to call me sir or master or whatever. We were going to do, you know, we did full swap the first time that we were with this couple that I mentioned. Let's see. So no, Like there wasn't like, oh, no kissing, but there was no anal and there was a like a couple of phrases weren't allowed to say. But you were going into like both of you were going to fuck other people in front of each other.

And this was going to be your first time, right? Absolutely. Yes. Okay. So walk me through that first time. Like, how did it go? What went down? It went really well.

We went, we stayed on premises the night that we went. Oh, you went to the nudist. What was it? Because typically like, well, listen, I'm sure they have different places because some nudist places, there's no sense. going down, right? It's just like a nudist colony, but was this like a nudist swinger colony or something? There are two local. One is basically a swingers resort that you don't have to play at. We went to the other, which is a nudist resort that kind of caters to see swingers because they have a club where things happen. Oh, okay, interesting. Okay. So at night there's like a club that opens or

whatever and then people hook up. Okay. Exactly. And so we got there, we checked in. We spent the day. Went to the pool. It started to sprinkle. That's fine because, you know, there was no lightning or anything. We sat, you know, naked in the pool with this couple, talked, got to know them a good bit. Went to the hot tub because we got tired being rained on and it's covered. More of the same.

Eventually, went back to our rooms, got ready, went to dinner. At dinner, I will distinctly remember the husband of the other couple and I were in line to, you know, get our food. It was buffet style. and he looks at me and says, how in the hell can you do this stone cold sober? Oh. Because I don't drink. Yeah.

They knew that. Mostly because of the meds that I'm on. Of course, yeah. And let me just tell you, I'm very surprised, especially when I talk to the women that are like fucking gangbings and everything. And most of them are not doing it,

like, cocked out of, half cocked out of their minds. Like, seriously, a lot of these women and couples I talk to are not. sober are sober and they're not having to get like totally drunk to hook up you know what I mean at all.

Oh, I know exactly what you mean and to me that's the difference between swingers just you know straight up swingers and people who are into kink. In the BDSM world if you go to a dungeon you're not allowed to drink. It's dangerous. Exactly. And you don't want to because then consent is very like sort of blurred and stuff that I think most people that are responsible and are doing this are doing it stone cold so, you know, maybe a glass of wine here or there, but no one's getting totally drunk out of their minds. And if they have to do it, maybe it's not something they should be doing. Exactly. Right. And they did it. I mean, they were not like plastered. But, you know, they were tipsy and giggly and having fun and that kind of thing, or at least she was. He was pretty, he was a good guy?

Were you attracted to the wife and was your wife attracted to him? I mean, sometimes it's hard to do a four-way, you know, attraction. It is very difficult. But, But luckily, yes, we both were attracted to the other's mates. The two girls were attracted to each other and they did some girl and girl play. Now, was that your wife's first time doing girl on girl action? So far as I know, yes. We have discussed that and she says that it was and I'm sure that it was. But I, you know, previous to me, I do not have any reason to think that she was being untruthful.

Yeah. So how was the whole experience with them? We really enjoyed it. So much so that we repeated with that couple, a couple of times. But it was great. We went to the club. You know, the girls danced. Us guys were, you know, we, we quote unquote danced because, you know, we're all white dudes. Got no rhythm. But, you know, we get back. We get, you know, finish with the dancing, decided to go back to the back rooms. luckily there was a private room open because this particular venue didn't have a whole lot of them. And we went in, shut the door, and started playing. I started with the two girls sitting on the bed, making out, touching each other, you know, above the waist and so forth and so on.

Eventually, us two guys went down on our respective partners. and at that point, when I'm going down on my wife, I'm not aware of a whole lot of things that are happening because I'm concentrating on what I'm doing. Yeah. And so at some point, I just remember at some point, she stops me,

sits up and says, you need to take your clothes off. And I look around. And the other three are completely naked. And here I am, I have like unbuttoned my shirt. That was it. And so I just,

I did. And then, you know, we swapped partners as far as going down on. And I went down on his wife. She went down on me. And then, you know, out came the condoms. She laid back her, his wife laid back on her back. I, you know, fucked her missionary. Same thing with my wife and him. And then I felt kind of bad because, you know, kind of like your first time ever, your first time with somebody else. It was kind of short. in duration. But, you know, then I look over. And so, you know, I kind of whisper. I'm sorry. She's like, look, that that's it. Yeah, this is your first time. You're fine. She said, I had a really good time with you going down on me. Don't worry about it. And so, you know, and then, you know, we, I started watching my wife. And this dude is a fucking jackhammer. Oh, God. Some girls don't. I don't like that. She usually doesn't, but it was a new experience for her. So, you know, it was, it was a novelty. Yeah. We talked later.

She's like, I really don't want to do that again. But, you know. Yeah. No one likes a guy that fucks like a rabbit. Yeah. Exactly. And so he was, yeah. At some point, you know, she finishes.

He's still going. He gets with his wife. She finishes him off. And, you know, we really, really enjoyed that first experience. How was it seeing your girl? Did you love that? Oh, that's fucking hot. Right.

And how did she like seeing you with the woman? Same. Mm-hmm. I am big on compersion. Right. And so I love to, I love to see. I like to hear. I like to hear about my wife with other people.

Yeah. And she's pretty much the same way. As a matter of fact, she has, you know, I have a text that I like to share with other people also that says, look, you can have anybody over to the house that you want to when it's empty as long as you tell me how much they enjoyed my car. right because you know we we we we own each other's bodies and so forth and so on right that's where the no calling me dom or whatever comes in because you're you're her right okay you guys have that we do I collared her probably a year two years ish after we were married oh okay so you got into the whole BDSM thing too because you did talk about being in those clubs as well right besides

being in the regular because I think you know Being a swinger and going to swinger clubs and doing swaps is very different from BDSM. Sometimes people are into both. You guys are. Right. We are. And there are a lot of people, a lot of people in the BDSM world look down on swingers. A lot of swingers don't really care for, you know, it just.

Yeah. Isn't it ridiculous? It is. Why does anyone give a shit about anyone else, especially when you're open yourself? But yeah, sometimes there's no crossover, but sometimes there is. But I don't understand, you know, one's not better. It's like what you're fucking into. Exactly.

And you're into both. You guys are into both. We are. And we've moved kind of back towards the swinging from the BDSM mostly because our local dungeon shut down. Oh, okay. We went there probably three or four times and really had a good time also. Right.

But, you know, we, yeah. So take me back to, so you have that first experience. You realize you're very into seeing her because you've got that compersion thing going on. Does your wife really like it with, because it's, It's something that she kind of brought up in the beginning, you with another girl. Is she a little bit of like, does she have that conversion thing in her too?

Or maybe a little bit of a cuck queen where she really likes you to be with other women in front of her? Whenever she has the opportunity, yes. But she doesn't necessarily want to just sit and watch me with other people. Right. She likes to be involved. You guys are having like threesomes and stuff. So who did you want?

So what did wind up happening after that first experience? Let's see. Well, that first experience was April after, let's see, I think it was 21. So COVID was still sort of kind of a thing. Things were starting to open back up. And so we didn't, we were very unsuccessful in finding a lot of other people. So that couple, we invited them up to the Atlanta area. They lived down in Middle Georgia.

We were going to go to the other, the quote unquote other swingers club. for an afternoon event. But when we got there, we walked in and either the air didn't work or somebody didn't show up early to turn it on and cool down the building because, you know, it was June in Georgia. And my wife was like, uh-uh, I can't handle this. We got to go. Right. Like, this is too fucking hot. No.

And so, you know, we met them out in the parking lot, which is actually out on the street. And they said, well, let's go get a room. And so we went up to what's known as the battery. It's around Atlanta Brave Stadium. They got a hotel room and we played there. Very similar to the first time. I think I lasted a little longer. Honestly, that one is a little bit of a blur,

mostly because of, you know, I'm on the spectrum and things didn't go the way that I expected them to. And I'm not really good at like rolling with the punches. Right. That kind of throws you. Yeah, it does. Yeah, that makes sense. So after that, like have you seen a lot of couples?

Like what, you know, because you've been doing this for years, right? So did you start to meet other couples? Did you start to get into BDSM at that point and meet couples at the BDSM Club? Not really. We, let's see, from SL, we saw that couple one more time. They came to our place on, I think it was Columnist Day weekend that same year. But then we discovered Fat Life. Okay.

And we went to a local month. And we met a couple of a couple of ladies. One is a cis woman who was in her late 20s. And then there was also a trans woman that, you know, I had been speaking to through Fet on just DMing and stuff, who was a little bit older than we are. I'm 51, my wife is 42. And, you know, we started seeing them.

And we would go. to the four of us would go to the dungeon together. The two girls that we met or the two women that we met were really good friends after that. And, you know, things went pretty well until they didn't. What happened? Well, I mean, we were, we had decided before that that we were going to get into the poly lifestyle. We were going to be polyamorous. Oh, God.

I know. Yeah, that was a poor decision. and, you know, I'll get to that. But we loved each other so much. Maybe we have enough love to share with other people. I'm, you know, and so my wife really developed feelings for her girlfriend, the cis woman younger. I developed some feelings for the trans woman, a little bit older. But long story, you know, we had fun.

We played and so forth and so on. My wife's girlfriend, the younger, had a boyfriend who did not want her play. with men at all. That was a bit of an issue. Because again, I'm full of compersion, but when there's this cute 28-year-old sharing a bed with me and my wife, it's kind of, I did everything I could not to, you know, look in the mornings when she'd get up.

You know, I'd try to get out the door before, you know, the two of them woke up and so forth and so on. so yeah it was it was it was odd why because you wanted to be with her and you couldn't and it was hard to like keep that like boundary because you know here she was she was just with her and you were not involved in the slightest i mean i could i could see that yeah i mean the green-eyed monster reared his head and the straw that broke the camel's back on that was the two of them that my wife and her girlfriend went to a month together and my wife and her girlfriend went to a month together and my wife sends me this text with just a, you know, a photograph of both of their pairs of breasts.

I'm like, why would you tempt me with something that I can't have? Right. Right. And, you know, she was trying, she was being funny. She was being cute. It was, and, you know, in that, in that context, it would have been. But, you know, and part of the thing also with the girlfriend, she was trying to get me to help her actual boyfriend. like get into the lifestyle and BDSM and she really wanted him to dominate her and you know he basically I was trying to be his teacher yeah so what happened did you like say listen I can't do this like you can't see her anymore like did that whole Polly thing go out the window because of what

you guys experienced or what you were experienced in that situation that was a big part of it yes ultimately my wife's girlfriend broke up with her because her boyfriend made her and then the trans girl, we found out that, you know, we had, when we started dating, she assured us that her wife was completely on board, understood what she was doing, accepted her transformation, et cetera, et cetera, and that turned out to be not completely 100% accurate. Right. This kind of stuff happens. But you also weren't okay with it, right?

but you weren't about to say stop, but maybe it's best that somebody else did because it doesn't sound like you were down for this kind of setup anyway. Well, no, not really. It was okay. I mean, like I said, I am very compurgent driven. This woman made my wife happy.

I'm good. But was your wife, like, did your wife want to continue being Polly or did you guys decide not to do that again? Or are you guys still open to that? That was it. we once once the girlfriend broke up with her and we stopped seeing the other woman we decided okay this poly thing first of all we do not have the time or energy to put into a polyamorous relationship

not only that don't you find it weird if you're like having to console your wife because she's upset that someone dumped her yeah i mean i don't know it says i always am curious about that kind of stuff like when you're in these poly and some people do poly very well i feel like they're so much more evolved than I am because I could never, you know, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Like I said, I think they're more evolved. They have more love. They're so open. But like I just like it must be bizarre that, you know, your partner comes crying to you because like one of the issues is having relationship issues. Right. And you're talking about relationship issues with your partner, but relationship issues with

another partner must be bizarre a little bit. To me it would be. It's something that if, if you're in that mindset already. It's kind of like if she had, yeah, I mean, it was kind of, it would be like if my wife had a spat with her sister or her, you know, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't, but you, but it was hard for you because you were having a little bit of FOMO, it sounds like. Oh yeah. I was. I mean, like, maybe you guys are a couple that should just like play together. And that's what we do. Yeah. I mean, immediately after Polly was just not even a

consideration. Then we had a discussion. And like I said, we decided we don't have time for this shit. Yeah, I could imagine. Well, we have four children amongst us. I have one biological. She has three. They are very involved. None of them drive.

Yeah, I get it. There's no time. It's a lot of work. Exactly. And we just, nope, we're good. And so we also decided to play separate, mostly because she is extremely busy just between. I mean, like, she's involved in a lot of the things that our children are involved in.

She's part of like the boosters and, you know, the adult coordination. It's hard to coordinate her schedule with everyone else's schedule. So what happened when you guys were allowed to play solo? I started to play a lot more than she did. She does have, let's see, two or three guys that, you know, she's interested in. One, she has not interested in anymore because he stood her up, even just this past Sunday. That's okay. I mean, like, at this point, does she have like people that she sees and you see solo, but there's just no feelings? Is that how it's different that it's not Polly? It is. It is.

We just, you know, we have, you know, we have friends with benefits. Right. You both do. And, and typically, are you playing more solo now than together? Yes, just because of scheduling. Yeah, I got it. But does it work for you? Do you enjoy sort of, you know, that anticipation? Some people have a little bit of a cuck in them in that they like to maybe use their imagination and be thinking about what's happening and then get told afterwards. I don't know. Do either one of you get off on that whole part of not being there? Because sometimes that's a, that's a kink that some people are into. It is. I'm going to say yes and no because, and I just had a discussion with somebody yesterday. This guy was like, you know, do you, he, I was on some other discord, not yours, unfortunately.

but he said, does anybody allow their wives to play with other men? I'm like, I do. He said, so what do you do? And I described, he said, I guess I have a little bit of a cuck kink. And I'm like, not necessarily. You are strong enough in your marriage and, you know, in your relationship and in your manhood and knowing that no other person could steal your wife away from you, she's allowed to do whatever the fuck she wants.

But that's a cuck, too. Cucks aren't weaker. than the guy. Like, there's no difference. A cuck is not a weak person. Yeah, there's no, like, like, and I had it. You should listen to Venus cuckoldress podcast, because we spoke a lot about this, because a lot of times people do look at the cuck, quote unquote, as like weak or less than and what, you know, and it's really not about that. She doesn't think it's not bad, and that's what she does. So I don't think that there's any difference, whether he's a cuck or not. You are right in that, you have to be pretty secure to let your girl go and then come back to you.

it doesn't matter what name you're using for yourself if you're into that right you still got to be secure enough the cuck isn't insecure though sometimes listen some cucks like to feel a little bit of the jealousy and all that stuff but they're still allowing it to happen so i i think it takes some strength they're not like losers that can't get a fucking girl i didn't mean to imply that but i do need to educate myself a little bit more because i always saw you know the stag in vixen the stag is more of a you know dominant over his wife. Yeah, maybe. But if you're not, just because you're a submissive doesn't mean you're weak either. You know what I mean? It's like dominant doesn't mean stronger. It just means dominant.

You know, like I just don't see things that way. I've had a lot of cucks on my show. And I know what they do for living and who they are in real life. It's just like a thing that they like to do. It's like a kink. But it doesn't sort of define their way. I don't think so. But so that guy is. also into it. He was talking like he also likes for his wife to go and play. And you do too. You're fine with it. Yeah. Oh yeah. And I encourage it by, you know, not only do I condone and understand and but I encourage her to go play whenever she can because she very rarely can. Right. But you can and you do more than hers is what you're saying. I do. I'm a stay at home dad. Mm-hmm. I do have, you know, the whole people can't come over to play because I have children in the house all the time. Yeah. So you play more. How many girls you, how many booty calls you got like in your roster right now? Currently, too. Okay.

I have been as high as four at the same time. But, you know, things don't work out or, you know, people get busy. We lose touch. We just, you know, yeah, it's done. Right. One has been for a while. The other, I just started seeing on the fourth, which was just last week. Right. So you could always meet new ones and everything. thing. And how is this relationship with your wife different than the first one? I mean, you know, considering this is very open and your first one was a regular monogamous relationship. Right. My new wife, she's, whenever I was in my physical recovery, mental, or sorry, the medical ward, a couple of friends of mine came by and said, look, we believe in a higher power. I've mentioned

church this that and the other. We call our higher power God, but you know, my ex would have called him Mr. Rogers, whatever. But they said, look, you were spared for a reason. I know what that reason is now. It's my new wife. Right. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I came into this household and I'm helping her raise her three biological children. She's helping me raise mine. She and I are true. soulmates. I love her to death. She's, she's the reason I'm alive. I'm convinced of that. Right. Well, that's amazing. I mean, I would assume it's your whole life, too. I mean, you know, you don't want your kid listening to this and being like, and it's not me. Isn't it your son, too, and your extended family and everything else, I'm assuming, you know, it's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean,

like I said, it was... You have a whole new life. Like, of course there was a purpose. Every day you live, every single thing you do, a move you make is happening because you didn't wind up huffing yourself. So it's really a gift to everything that you have, you know, and a reason. Absolutely. And a reason why you're here is for this conversation right now, for your son, for those kids, for your wife, for everything, you know, and you would have not had this if you had succeeded. So, you know, it's amazing. Oh, I live. Yeah. You know, in recovery, they tell us to make gratitude lists. I live gratitude. Like I am extremely grateful. I tell people that I meet, I am the luckiest son of a bitch that ever walked this earth. Yeah, but you could really

explain, you know, because you have that perspective of both sides, you know, and because you did like sort of face your death and go there and then come out on the other side, you have, I think, a perspective that most people don't. It's kind of like people that go through cancer and, you know, come out and they survive. I think it a lot of times changes people for the better in that they do appreciate and have more gratitude because so many people are walking around just kind of just thinking that they're just going to be alive forever and this is it. You know what I mean? Like they're like probably always the most miserable of people because they don't really understand that life is short. You only get one chance. It's like it's going to be over in a fucking blink

of an eye and you Carpe Diem, right? Like I'm one of those people that realize that all the time and I savor every fucking moment. But I think a lot of people walk around so distracted with everyday nonsense that they don't really get that kind of stuff. You probably, because of what you went through, really captured all these moments in a different way because of what you went through, which is a gift, I think, because, you know, but like you said earlier, like, you shouldn't have to get to that point to have that perspective, right?

Because everybody's moments are a gift. Everyone that's life has a purpose, everybody's relationship that they have. is a major purpose like yours is, you know? But you could see it more because you went through it, and that is a gift, like you said. And that is also something that anybody who expresses issues with depression, I use myself as an example. Yeah. Like I was at this point.

I did this thing and now look at my life. This can happen for you as well. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. It's a true story. I love stuff like this. Like, I could have just talked about that. I couldn't have made a whole episode just about the suicide.

and depression and all that because it's a very important topic. I always think it's really sad when you hear of people doing that I've had. It happened to me in my life with people that I know. And like I said, I think it's like a place that, you know, you should never get to because it's a scary place. And so if you know somebody that you that mentions things, that says things that's super depressed or it's you're having these thoughts like you did for many, many years, you know, you have to go get help, you know. And I do think there are places that offer free kind of help and stuff nowadays. Like, you know, even though it is harder to find that stuff, I think you can sometimes find like assisted kind of places. True. And even though it's not, I mean, there is a free program. There is an offshoot of alcoholics anonymous

that most people don't know about. It's called Emotions Anonymous. Oh, I love that. So it's like people could get together and talk like about this, people that are depressed. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, Oh my God, that's amazing. And so forth and so on. Yes. I never knew that existed. And most people don't.

I mean, everybody knows about AA. Yeah, of course. Because, you know, but EA is also a thing. And if you do a Google search, you can find meetings close to you. I guess this is the part of, you know, this is my PSA part now. Yeah, I love it. And that program helped me. I worked the 12 steps through them.

Yeah, yeah. I had no, I'm so glad that you brought that up because like you don't want to talk about all the things that we talked about here without sort of giving this kind of information. Like you're literally saying like if you have this like this is also what you could do, you know, which is like amazing. I never knew that EA existed. And it's so they're just like AA in that there's groups all over and they're private and you could seek them out and they're free and you could go. And listen, I think that that's what it's all about. Just like knowing that there's other people like you. and talking to them, right? And that could really, it could really be a game changer. Yes. Now, I will say with EA, they're not as ubiquitous or as easy to find as AA. In other words, I mean, AA meetings, we make joke where I live that you can throw a stone and hit, you know, a venue that has an AA meeting.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas, you know, there's going to be a meeting somewhere close to you all times the day. usually EA is a once a week and you may have to drive 10, 15 minutes, but it is definitely worth the effort to find one. Yes, because it can be the difference between life or death and, you know, like feeling it horrible and feeling better. And, you know, like we said before, life's too short to not get better, you know. So it's amazing that that's available and it's free.

Thank you so much for calling in and sharing your story, John, right? That's what we call. You're on my Discord already, right? And everything. Yes, ma'am. You could post in there and the guest channel. I'll make you a guest channel access. Are you in my Discord as John?

I am. Okay. My icon is a little statue of group that a couple of my former students made me. Oh, okay. How funny. All right. So I'll give you guest role access there. If you want to send me in anonymous pictures, I do anonymous and R-rated for my Patreon,

if your wife knows. If not, just go on to Discord and you could do whatever you want there because I don't post that stuff. Okay. I got you. All right. Thanks so much for calling in, John. I'm glad everything worked out the way that it did. Thank you.

And I appreciate you taking my call and hopefully this will help somebody. Yes, I believe it will. The right people will find this episode. So thanks for calling in. You're very welcome. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly

Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio. book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third point.

person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available. coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay, there's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to

people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. and I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast.