Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1202 - Amanda was a Pro Domme and Now she’s a Kink Consultant

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

Amanda went from being a pro domme to being a kink consultant and she called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear her discuss all the details including how and why she decided to become a pro domme, how she learned the art of domming and where she worked, what she enjoyed about being a pro domme, the common patterns she saw in the clients she worked with, the bdsm clubs she attended when she wasn’t working, why she eventually stopped being a pro domme,her spanking fetish and when she realized she had it, how and why she won’t date anyone anymore who isn’t into what she’s into, how guys she dating feel about what she does and what she’s into, how and why she went from being into domming and kink to helping others as a kink consultant, why people seek her out and how she helps them, how she helps her clients work through shame and how her journey working through her shame helped her, her tips on how to reveal your kinks and fetishes when dating on apps plus a whole lot more.  TO BOOK A FREE 20 MIN CALL WITH HER, CLICK HERE: https://www.amandadames.com/store **To see HOT pics of AMANDA plus my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Drive Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://viia.co/STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Try VIIA and use code STRICTLYANON for great SEX and sleep ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://liferx.md⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Start your transformation now and get $50 OFF your first month, use code: ANONYMOUS ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2520-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Use code: ANONYMOUS to get 50% off your yearly pass plus get a 14-day money-back guarantee To get $15 OFF your female oxytocin arousal tablets and more, use code STRICTLY here: ⁠⁠https://shamelesscare.sjv.io/xLQ3Jv⁠ Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I change everyone's voices, just send me an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com, or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on Be on the Show. If you want to call the Confessions hotline and leave a naughty confession, you could do that 247. The number's 347-4-7579. That's 347-4-203579. Some of those confessions make it on to a Confessions episode where me and Erica or another co-host talk about them, all the rest go on to my Patreon. Now my Patreon is a really great deal, especially if you don't like my intros. They get all my episodes early, ad free, and now intro free. Okay. You also get to see all the hot anonymous picks of all of my guests, plus you get Q&As, plus you get if you sign up, I will throw in complimentary access to my Discord. I offer a couple to

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You could also get in by being on my show. Everyone who calls into my show gets a link to my Discord. So if you want to get into that, like I said, do all the things I said. All the links and to everything is in the description. The last thing I want to tell you about is I do have a free trial. to anyone that wants to sign up for SDC, okay? SDC is like the world's largest adult online dating site, but you also get to learn about all the stuff that's going on in your area. Okay, you also get educational information. They tell you everything you need to know is on SDC.com.

If you want the free trial, use my code 37712, or the easiest thing to do is go to the description and click. I'm like, oh, and I want to tell you about my Patreon. Sometimes if you go and Google it yourself, you're not going to see it because it's like 18 plus. So just click on the, link in the description to find my Patreon and it'll take you where you need to be. So anyway, I have a great caller today. It is Amanda Dames. The Kink Consultant. I don't know why I haven't

had her on before and it took me this long to have her on. I've been doing like a fetish Friday episode for the past 12 years. I had so many questions for her, but she has like a super interesting backstory and I got her super interesting backstory. She was a pro dom at one point in her life when She lived in New York City, worked in a dungeon. She talks all about that. And then she became a sex and relationship, a somatic sex and relationship coach. She talks all about that transition. She talks about being a kinkster herself because she is into kink.

She also has a fetish, a spanking fetish. She talks about that. And then she talks a lot about, you know, how she helps clients now that she is the kink consultant. And it's super interesting. She has a lot of different things she offers to help people. I feel like so many people listening could use. her services, her courses, because she is the real deal. You're going to love this whole conversation.

You're going to learn a lot. I'll put links to her website in the description. But anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Amanda. Hi, Amanda Dames, aka the Kink Consultant. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm doing well. And thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here. Well, why haven't you been here before? Like, it's been too long. I've been having a Fetish Friday, talking about Kink for so long. I've needed you on my show. I have so many questions. I know. I'm so slow to reach up, but I think it was even maybe a mutual friend who hooked us up. And he has been on me to come on the podcast. I'm like, I will, I will. And I think he may have stepped in. Yeah, well, I do. Well, I do have a million questions for you. But before we get into you as like a professional Kink consultant, I do want to go back into your history.

because when I was Googling you, I did see that, like, you kind of, you know, you live in New York City like me. You kind of started perusing Craigslist like I did for, I did it for my show, by the way. That's where I got all my collars in the beginning was Craigslist. But you actually went on there, I think, and that's like where you started like being a dominatrix, right? Like, you have this whole backstory that's super interesting that I'd love to get first. Sure, yeah. So I was working at the Wall Street Journal in their customer service department, right?

Yeah. I was like training their customer. service teams and I was not being paid nearly enough to live in New York City. So I was like, I'm going to find a second job. And back in the day, it wasn't as crazy to do this. It was still a little nuts, but I went on Craigslist to find a gig. And I saw like a dominatrix gig posted. And that that sounded right in my alley. So I was like, I'm going to try it. And I went and interviewed for this job. And I was hired as a pro dominatrix, like with zero experience, by the way. I just said, yeah, I'm kinky.

And they're like, okay, fine. Show up. And I, yeah, I got the job on the spot. It was like, when do you want to come into work? So I was moonlighting. Yeah, but let me just ask you two questions because you said something, like two things that were super interesting. Like, first of all, because you're like, when I saw this thing, like, oh, be a dominatrix and it really spoke to me. Like, what about it spoke to you?

So I'm eternally curious. Okay. But I think the main thing to note is that I always say I was born kinky. From the age of five, I knew I was like, I call myself lovingly a weirdo. I was super into spanking, like the idea of being spanked and smanking, not by my parents, but like I'd want to play house where spanking was a part of it. Yeah. But I knew it was a weird thing, so I just didn't talk about it with anybody.

And it wasn't until I was 13 years old that I figured out, oh, this is actually possibly a little bit sexual because I was watching late night TV and I was, I saw this like, you know, documentary type of show where this couple were both submissive and they went to visit a professional dominatrix and I just it was like fireworks in my brain. I was like oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh this thing that's that's what I'm into oh when I'm 18 I'll be able to go to a dominatrix and have my needs met oh so this was planted in you a long time way before you saw that ad probably yes so at least I know I knew it existed I never thought I'd go be a domino no no but I'm just saying when you you saw that ad, you said it spoke to you because you were, it spoke to that 13 year old that was

like a little interested in it back then, right? That makes sense. Yes. Because listen, I think about myself, like I would never look at that ad, right, and say, oh, that spoke to me. That's why I was curious. And my second question was like, because you're like, I had to go in an audition. I got the job on the spot. Like, what do they make you do at a Dominaig's audition? Is it a whole thing or they just ask you if you're kinky and they hire you? They don't even ask if you're kinky. It's like literally like, Do you look put together enough? Are you going to not offend the clients? I think they just want to make sure so much of that job is being able to talk to people.

So if you show up and you can't talk to the manager and hold your own, because they're a little bit harsh with you in the interview. They're like, they ask questions in a kind of like aggressive type of way of like, how did you hear about us? What made you want to come here? It's with that tone. It's not like a friendly like, hey, welcome. Yeah.

And I think they're sort of vetting you to make sure you've got tough enough skin to handle it, but that you're also able to carry a conversation when it's a little difficult. So I actually think that's part of the vetting process for getting that job. For sure. They're weeding out the people that could never fucking handle it. Because if you're not intimidated by that, you know, that says something about who you are. And dominatrix has to be that kind of person. You know, like you said, thick skin, sort of, you know, not shy, you know, right? Like all the things that must have been. Yeah, because even if it's not, even if you're not trying to be big-skinned and strong to be a pro-dom, let me tell you, the competition and the other girls, the hazing you get when you start that job is intense. Yeah, because you're competing with all these other girls. You're sitting a shift at a dungeon. You're only getting paid if you get hired, right, for the hour. Yeah. But you still have to sit the shift.

And the other girls, your competition. So they don't want some new girl coming. in picking up all the clients and potentially A, stealing them, or B, just getting them for that week because they're new, maybe slightly naive or like shiny new object. So you kind of, you're harsh to these new girls to keep order it in place. Yeah, I know that makes sense. Of course. Yeah. How is it all legal? Is it because like there's no sex exchanged really so money can be exchanged? Or is it not? What I will say is it's legal to be a pro dom. What is illegal is to be. any penetrative anything. So no exchanging of body fluids. I believe that even includes kissing.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Definitely no type of penetrative sex, oral, none of that. But you can't even peg someone legally, you know, wear a strap on and or put a butt plug in or anything to a man. Right. Yeah. No, that makes sense for it. I mean, you know, if you can't kiss them and you can't fuck them in the ass, of course. So as long as you weren't doing that, it was legal. Right. Okay, cool. So you get this job and like were you immediately into it and also like were you just doing it for the money or was it like a turn on to you it wasn't exactly a turn on it was a morbid curiosity i wanted to explore everything about kink and i had just moved to new york nine months prior to that right and i was grown i'm american but i grew up in ireland so i had moved from ireland to new york it was a big

scary world here but i was here for all of it i wanted to experience everything new york had to offer. I didn't know how long I was going to be living here. And this was part of it. Yeah, totally. That's like a time to do it. Yeah. And such an underground New York thing to do. So you're doing it more out of like a curiosity. That's probably one of the reasons why you transition out and become who you are now, right? Because of that curiosity that you have. Yes. And believe me, I found the job thrilling. I loved playing all of these different roles. Like you would go in and need someone and not know what they were looking for. And in five minutes, you had to figure out how to get that to them.

Yeah. You know, whether they wanted a role play as you're their nurse or they want to do an interrogation scene. It's sort of like improv acting. Yeah. On the spot, you have to like be what they're looking for. And I thought that was a lot of fun. But then also I had time at the end to ask them like, oh, how did you get into this?

What made this interesting to you? Did anything specific happen? And they would just tell me about their lives now, their lives prior, how they started coming to see a dominatrix in the first place. and I was all about that. I wanted all of these answers. Yeah, are you like me? Like, I mean, this is why I do my show because I'm like a like hyper-analytical. I love like picking apart things. I'm very into psychology. So like did you start to like sort of see patterns and things and stuff like that, you know, through talking to all these people that you were talking to? Yes. One of the saddest pat- like the first thing that comes to mind is this pattern that I actually thought was quite sad and is probably the most reason I do what I do. I had a bunch of my clients. I had a bunch of my clients. were probably the demographic was 50 plus, like 50 to 65 white man. Right. Who worked some type of corporate job in the city.

That was the majority of the clients that came to this dungeon. Yeah. I would say all of them, most of them were married. And when I would talk to them and ask, well, why don't you ask your wife to do this? They said, you know, they'd been married a long time. It's not that their wife wasn't totally open. It's that a lot of them didn't feel comfortable. bringing it up. And what they say is they wish they had known that exploring this was an option when

they were younger because they would have sought out someone into this. But they didn't even think that they could. And I just realized if someone was out of here saying, hey, this is okay. If you're into it, speak about it. Try and find a partner who's into it. It never occurred to them that someone would exist who was into it. And then by the time they did find a partner, they were too shy to bring it up. Because you also have to remember this is the time only fans didn't exist then. Now I feel like every third apartment there's an only fan star living in it. Oh yeah, no, it's very different times. I talk to people in their 50s and with fetishes and kinks and, you know, secret lives all the time.

And I'm like, you know, those people are going to be like a dying breed at a certain point, right? Because the younger generation, it's very different. But back in those guys' day, you couldn't bring that up. Of course not. Like you said, like there was no way that they could bring it up. there was not an option to tell any woman that on a date, right? So no one would. And people kept that on the deal.

Exactly. They had to. We live, yeah, we live in a different world now. And thank God. Oh, yeah, for sure. That it's a lot more open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it. Okay, so now, so you, how many years did you work as a pro dom?

Two. Two. And now, were you dating during that time? And, like, would you tell your boyfriends, like, or, you know, what would you do? Like, what was your deal? Yeah, I was, I was dating. it was a little bit of a date ender. You never brought it up on the first date.

You waited until the second day. I'm surprised you even told them on the second. I'm too open and honest. Like I just need people to know. Also, kind of came up because on the second date, I was telling them I was kinky. Yeah. So it was a little bit of,

like let me just tell you everything right now. There's no point in, there's no point in breadcumming you information about my secret life. Yeah, but you didn't get any guys that got like an instant Woody and we're like totally into it because I feel like there's a lot of guys out there that like to be domed every now and then because, you know, it's kind of like the switch from their alpha lives. Hey, want to boost your sex drive and overall experience in the bad room? Well, then you need to try Drive Boost by VB Health. Drive Boost isn't some sketchy supplement. It is doctor formulated

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Health and use code strictly for 10% off your order. That's code strictly. Use it for 10% off at VB.com. Or just go to the description, click on the link and use my code strictly at checkout. Yeah. So it's a little bit of, it's time, like let me just. Let me just tell you everything right now. There's no point in, there's no point in breadcoming you information about my secret life. Yeah, but you didn't get any guys that got like an instant Woody and we're like totally into it because I feel like there's a lot of guys out there that like to be domed every now and then because, you know, it's kind of like the switch from their alpha lives.

Some. I mostly dated doms. A lot of the dons that I worked with, a lot of them, not all of them, also only dated doms. Because they wanted to be submissive. We were all switchy. I never, you know, it was a weird thing of like people were either cool with it, either or they were too into it, and then you just became this interesting thing for them to ask questions to as opposed to a person they wanted to date or they were totally judgmental. Yeah. And that was off the table. So, you know, I got a mixed bag. And unfortunately, though, the people who were cool and still treated me the same were few and far between. Right.

Okay. So, all right. So two years goes by and then what happens? my job starts to take off they are literally sending me around the world to train customer service globally like truly to Asia Europe wow I am working a lot more and I can't make my shifts at the dungeon and my travel schedules erratic yeah and the owner of the dungeon contacts me and he basically says Mila that was my name as he was like you need to start showing up to your shifts or you can't work here anymore and I understand it's his business but I'm sorry I can't it's like then you need to go somewhere

else right yeah and so you transition now did you transition into I mean during those two years did you start to think about doing this like and become the king consultant or do something around you know that world I mean like how do you make that switch I never thought about it because it just didn't occur to me I was still I was 25 years old my mind or maybe just turned 26 My mind wasn't open enough. I wasn't thinking, oh, the world is my oyster. I don't even know if I was on Instagram at the time, right? So the idea of starting my own business and doing social media marketing was beyond where I was at.

But I do remember talking to a lot of the girls who worked there and had been there. This was 2013. They'd been there eight, nine, ten years. Okay. And I asked them like, oh, what were you doing before you did this full time? And a lot of them had careers, but this was pre-recession. So their work at the dungeon was so lucrative that they gave up their full-time jobs. And then they were in this job that they were either aging out of because that can happen or they were just sick of it.

But they never progressed their actual career. And they couldn't go back to it because, I mean, of course they could, but they would be going back to the start. Right, right. And after you're making a lot of money, you can't. It's a, you could back yourself into a corner sometimes like that. And they kind of were because the, The post-recession money was not the same as pre-recession. Right.

Like the 2008 crash. Like that really messed them up, but they stayed and the money was still good. It just wasn't so good that they wouldn't have been better off kind of building their careers. So I was scared off by that. I didn't think this was something that I could turn into the King Consultant, which I am now. I didn't think I would ever stay at Dominatrix because to me, these were kind of, I felt they were trying to figure out what they were doing next to the life and that seemed scary to me. So I saw stay in corporate America as the safe option that I was going to do. I mean, I had health insurance. I had benefits. It was, it was safe. And between being a

lifetime like kingster who worked in the space versus the safety net of corporate America, I decided let me just work a nine to five. Now, during this time, before we get to the point where you do get into becoming a sex and relationship coach and all that stuff, you know, did you also, like get into figuring out or learning more about your kink side by going to like clubs or doing anything else or was it all like done in the dungeon? Oh no I was always going to kink parties. There were amazing clubs back then. There was a club called paddles. It was a really great club on 26th Street. There was a dungeon slash club called Pandora's and no, sorry, excuse me, I think paddles opened into Pandora's box. But anyway, I was going to parties,

throughout the city, whenever I wasn't working. I would just go to explore it for myself. And I knew I was kinky. I was dating kinky. I just wanted to explore everything. So I was going to the parties and clubs and further exploring there. Could you just real quick to find, like explain the difference between a fetish and a kink? Yeah.

So a kink, think of it is that a kink is a nice to have thing that's not part of mainstream sex. So to define a kink, it's basically anything that's not mainstream. What becomes kinky? What's kinky? It actually changes over time as things become mainstream. Blow jobs, anal used to be considered kinky. Now they're mainstream pretty much. No one really thinks that as kinky, right?

So it's anything outside of the norm. And then the difference between a kink and a fetish is a kink is a nice to have. It's fun to be tied up in the bedroom. It's fun to be spanked a little. That's kinky. A fetish is a need to have. You can't achieve orgasm without. having your fetish and I have a spanking fetish. I need the spanking punishment discipline side of it,

whether it's actively part of the foreplay or I'm running a scenario in my head during sex, I don't orgasm without thinking about that. And that's a foot fetishist might be the same way about feet. Some people are the same about certain types of power exchange or bondage. They need to be thinking of it or it needs to be present for them to achieve orgasm. It's interesting. It's a nice to have And a fetish is a must is a need. Yeah. And it's interesting that you said you had the spanking fetish because I've done like polls like because I'm typically, you know, I've done a fetish Friday for the 11 years I've been podcasting. So I've talked to so many guys that have a fetish like every like maybe one or two women that have one. And I'm always like do you do women have them? You know, like what do? Why do so many more men have fetishes than women? Do you know the answer to that? I wonder if so the, no, I don't know the answer to it. The foot fetish. one I'm a little obsessed with because I cannot find a single woman who has a foot fetish. Right. Not one.

Right. I know women who love feet, but would not classify as a fetish. So that one is interesting to me. I've heard so many theories on foot fetishes in general, like it's the foot area and the pleasure center of the brain is close together. I've heard that when you're crawling as a baby, you see your parents' feet as comfort and safety, so people become obsessed with that. Nothing really adds up to me to say definitively, like, yes, that is the reason. I think when it comes to spanking, I go to weekend long parties that are all just spanking. There are as many men as women there.

So I don't believe that more men have fetishes than women, but I do think certain fetish. That's for sure. Absolutely. Certain fetishes, I think, are more common in the mainstream that only men have. And I'm wondering, are they like pushing this then so it gets out there like foot fetishes? Yeah, interesting. That's almost mainstream now. Yeah, that's interesting. Could you like, do you typically like tie, can you tie your spanking fetish back to anything? Or do you think you were just like kind of born with that thing inside you?

I was, I am convinced I was born this way. There are too many of us that all have the same story of we discover it when we're like four or five. But also, do you know I invited my mom onto my podcast to say like, hey, did you know I was into this when I was a child? And she had no idea. She also didn't spank me as a child. So it's not like I had this experience and then it affected me. And so did that your spanking thing come up like when you were like, you know, getting hormones and it was totally tied to sex right from the get-go or did you, were you into spanking way before you were even sexualized? Way before I was sexualized. I was obsessed with it.

I was eight, nine, ten years old. Yeah, yeah. It happens even before it's a sexual thing. yeah and I was like thinking about it all the time and I was you know I didn't know any better to be concerned about myself but I also knew don't bring this up with anyone this thing is interesting how you're so smart even though you're so young you right everyone kind of knows well like I think it's worth noting when I was 14 I got my first boyfriend and I got him to spank me oh okay I I never went without what I was looking for because I entitled is the wrong word I was just I believe I

understood that my pleasure was important too and if I wanted it I was going to ask for it. Yeah, that's how you get what you want. Yeah, that's great. Probably no guy looked at you funny. I mean, they probably were all into it. No, everyone was into it. But then somehow I made this like a terrible mistake of marrying someone who I kind of who knew but didn't know the extent of it because I liked him so much. I was like pretend to be normal. Yeah. And it was almost just like a snowball effect if we stayed in the relationship too long. And ultimately, I think our marriage ended in part because the kink thing just didn't line up. I was so into it and he was so not into it. Like, of course, anyone can spank their girlfriend a couple of times, but I wanted it a lot. So we ended up ending it.

You're kind of like those guys you met in the dungeon, unfortunately. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Do you have a partner now? Are you on second marriage yet? I mean, are you in a relationship now? Or I'm assuming after that kind of experience, you really look for people that are in line with you, correct? now? You are spot on. I ended an engagement last year with someone I had been dating for seven and a half years and I think the reason I stayed with him longer than I should have is because we aligned. Our sex was great. The kink was great. We aligned on that. And I think that I was just like ignoring certain incompatibilities that we had because I was like, I don't want to lose this. Right. But you need the whole package and that guy exists. I mean, come on. That's not right. I mean. Absolutely. I'm dating.

dating again and having so much fun. I'm having too much fun now. I'm kind of like, oh, like, how much longer can I stretch out this fun period? What's the difference between like dating now as someone you're sitting across a guy and you got at some point say, hey, like this is what I do. I'm a kink consultant and I'm into all this stuff, you know, as opposed to when you were like telling them you were a dominatrix. Like what's the kind of reaction you get from the guys when you're going on dates? So sometimes people are like, oh, well, I can't be public about this. I'm dating now when people have kids and they're very cautious of the job I do so they don't see anything long term. But also the way I pose it now, and it was the same back then. Now I pose it as I'm an entrepreneur.

I'm building a business and you can get on board or you can get out of my way. I am not that harsh in how I say it. I deliver the message a little softer than that. But basically that's the points. I'm busy and if you have a problem with that, please get out of my way. Yeah. So what was the change? Like how did you go from like corporate job to who you are now? Okay. Great question because I was in

corporate America then, by then probably, I guess it was just eight or nine years. And I was missed, I missed the dungeon so much. It was still maybe even to this day, one of the best jobs I ever had except for this current job but in terms of working for,

you know, working on someone else's shift schedule. Yeah. I loved it. And I always wanted to find a way back to it, but it just didn't make sense was what I was doing. And then I discovered sex and relationship coaching. And it was, I found a course that I really spoke to me. It was called somatica. It was one where you are encouraged to, like, touch your clients to teach them about pleasure all clothes on. It's like talk therapy, sort of, but with touching.

Interesting. And more experiential somatic practices built in. And I just thought this is the closest thing to doming. can probably find where I can speak to people about their desires, help them explore them a little bit more, teach them physically how to give and receive different types of impact or sensation, and then send them on their way into the world to get what they want out of life. So I took the course, I got certified, and I started, excuse me, I realized, okay, I'm still working in corporate America.

At the time, I was the director of retention strategy for Peacock, which is NBC's streaming service. Yeah, I don't want to. Yeah, I didn't want to give up that job. I loved it. Yeah. But I also wanted to do this. So I said, okay, let me specialize in kink as opposed to general sex because I'm just, now I'm moonlighting as a sex and relationship coach, doing it as a side hustle thing. Yeah.

So I set up my, I set up my business and I'm thinking, okay, how am I going to get clients? I don't want to advertise on my personal Instagram page to say, hey, I'm a sex and relationship coach specializing in kink for multiple reasons. I didn't want them to know I had a side job. I definitely didn't want them to know with specialized in kink because I am managing teens of people, mixed in like men and women, older and younger than me, and I just don't want that to get out and for that to affect anyone's decision of me, because you have to remember as open as I am about this and as encouraging as I am for people, to explore. I also recognize we live in a world where kink is shamed. My aim in life is to deshamify it, but until I do that, I have to work within the parameters I exist. No, I got it. I know

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thanks to Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. And as encouraging as I am for people to explore, I also recognize we live in a world where kink is shamed. My aim in life is to deshamify it, but until I do that, I have to work within the parameters I exist. No, I got it. I know what I know what I do for a living. I'm anonymous for a reason. I got a son and I got to live in reality.

The reality is we still live in a world where you could be judged. You know, there could be ramifications for doing stuff like this. So you got to take those precautions. And it's so hard because look at you. You are so successful. but it's almost like secret success because, you know, you can't step into it.

And sometimes I felt that way because I was working in retention marketing, or it's still a type of marketing. And you know, I would come up with these wacky ideas that I would know what to work and they're like, oh, Amanda, she's so wacky. And it's like, excuse me, I'm going viral on multiple videos on social media right now, but I couldn't tell them. I was just like, yeah, that's me, the wacky girl.

Yeah, so go on. So you're doing this, but you're keeping it, like you're kind of living a double life still at that point, right? Absolutely. Yeah, which is a little bit of a theme because I think I enjoy that a little bit. I enjoy the secrecy of let me be this person during the day. Yeah. Are you Gemini? No, I'm a Libra. So I need balance. Oh, yeah. I like it. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. That makes sense. So I decide to make it a not, like I'll make a new Instagram and TikTok account and I think, what am I going to call myself? And this all just sort of happens very, it's not, it wasn't a lot of plan. landing. There wasn't a lot of strategy and brand. I just decided, okay, I'm pretty business focused. I enjoy that part of my life, but I'm also kinky. I'm going to be the kink consultant. So I just made a video for TikTok introducing myself as the kink consultant. I came up with my tagline. I talked about all things kink and dating, um, dating relationships and pop culture. And the second video I made was about how you can still be kinked and dating relationships and pop culture. And the second video I made was about how you can still be kinked. even if you're asexual because at the time Paris Hilton had just come out this was pre her meeting her current husband she had come out and said she was asexual.

Really? And yeah, because it was such a blip before she met her husband and then had a whole show on Peacock actually about marrying her husband. But that video started to get traction. People were reaching out to me and I was like, wait, there's something here. And then what happened first was my TikTok blew up. And then after that, I started to get clients. And it really started to take hold. And I was like, okay, this is possibly something that could be bigger than just a couple of side clients.

Yeah. And that's where it started. And what are people reaching out to you for? Like what kind of people, like what are they looking, what are they coming to you for these couples? They want help introducing and maintaining kink in their lives. Whether if they're single and dating and they want, they want sort of like a partner in to help them strategize how to bring it up in their dating profile or how to bring it up while you're still exchanging messages in the app or to bring it up over text how to introduce

it to a partner who's totally new to kink but willing to explore with you and one of the reasons it's super important to have someone like me as part of that journey is when you have a kingster who's really into something or a fetishist they have been obsessing over this for five 10 15 years right and they're introducing it to someone new And their excitement can actually negatively affect the new person's experience because there's so much pressure. There's so much get it right. Can it be exactly like this? The person who's into Kink has forgotten how to find balance and introduce it in small doses to their partner.

And the new person is sort of lost and they don't fully understand why their partner needs certain things. So I kind of come in as a mediator a lot of the time. Oh, my God. Or if I'm just working. Yeah. It works really well. and that's sort of what I've moved more into. At first, I had all individuals as clients, and I was helping them date.

But then I sort of realized the real change happens when I'm working with couples or people in new relationships. And a lot of my business now is working with couples where one person is kinky and the other is not. And I help them introduce kink in a sustainable way in their relationship. Yeah, you said in the beginning, I mean, it ties into that story that you said that, you know, what you kind of saw the pattern was all those guys that were in those relationships and not able to bring it up. And, you know, you said that you felt like that kind of tied into what you do now, right? Because you see that, that's the person you're, you're helping now, those guys.

Yes. It's, yeah, I've never really thought about how full circle it's really come, but yeah. Yeah. And listen, I talk to those people all the time. And somebody once said it was a guy with a fetish, so I can't give them, like, I say this now, but like I can't get, it's not me that said it. It was someone else. And he said, you know, listen, what people don't understand is like most people that have a fetish or even a kink, like they've been sort of, sort of, of figuring it out and thinking about it and coming to terms with it their whole lives. And then they put it on their partner and they expect their partner to understand it immediately. So, you know, it took some guys with fetishesly years to figure out what the fuck it means and how it plays out in their

lives. You know, you have to like give your partner time. And I think that's the hardest thing. And I think it's so great to have somebody in the middle of that to help. I didn't even think that that was like a possible or available because I can't tell you how many people I'm talking to that could use your help. You know. Oh, yeah, we'll let them know about me now. You're right. We should have been talking a long time ago.

Yes. I get the story all the time. So many times, you know. I love the stories with the younger people who, you know, they're bringing it into their relationships right from the get-go. But then I'm talking a lot of times to that guy who's been married for a really long time and still living in double life. And a lot of times, I got to say, around 50, I feel like for men,

a lot of times they come to a point in their life where they just don't want to live a double life anymore. They just want to be who they are. And I think it's, like, super helpful if they could put their stuff on the table. Like, so are you dealing with kinks and fetishes, correct? Yes. And then, but that is 90% of my business. I also still have 10% who just come to me because they think, like, and it's true, they're like, oh, well, if she focuses on kinks, she's definitely not going to judge me.

And they just like my non-touchermental nature. So 10% of my clients are not kinky at all. And what are they coming for? Just regular therapy? Yeah, it's coaching and it's more like they just want to reintroduce intimacy in their relationship. And that's what it is. Sometimes they're navigating opening up their relationship, which I guess is kind of considered kinky too. But most of the time it's just a couple who has been together for a while and they are not connecting in the bedroom.

So I'm figuring out what's going on? Why are their misconnections? Is someone's libido really dropped off? Is someone not able to stay hard for long enough? And we work through those things together. And kink never enters the conversation. Yeah, of course, because it's not just your sex and relationships coach. So it's both.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And now, where does a somatic part of it come into play? Like, could you explain, like, specifically how that's different than if it's just like talk therapy or talk coaching? Yeah. So what I will do is I have, I do a lot of my sessions online, but I also have in-person

sessions. I split my time between Vegas and New York City. So I take clients, and L.A., actually. I take clients in all three locations and what I do with them is I will rent a space, literally just like a therapy space, but I'll work with them on how they're feeling in their body, really feeling the embodiment of pleasure and I get them in touch with their, I'll do breathing exercises to get them more in touch with their pussy or their cock where I feel like there's a lot of us are misaligned or we've been able to cut ourselves off from our sexual pleasure zone in order to survive in the world. sometimes there's trauma. So I get them in touch with themselves again so that they can really understand their core desires and needs. And the only way you can fully open up to discovering your core desires and needs in my belief

is being in touch with your body and feeling aligned. Right. So I do some breathwork with them. I talk about energy where they're feeling things in their body. We're very focused on feelings and less about talking through things. Now, a lot of my clients do love to talk through their fetishes or their kink and why they're into it. Yeah. But I always try and bring people.

back a step. I'm like, what desire do you have that your kink is fulfilling for you? And I use my own spanking fetish as an example and discipline fetish. For me, I'm like, I'm constantly scared. I have this irrational fear that I'm going to fuck up my entire life. And if I

just have one other person sort of looking out for me and being like, hey, you didn't go to the gym three times this week. I'm going to stink you. And so we're a good example. I feel like, oh, I am not in this alone. Someone else is looking out for me. So the chances of me fucking up are much smaller, which speaks to my need for safety. I feel like I am safer with someone looking out for me,

and that all plays into a part. So the reason it's important to figure out your core desire when you're kinky, especially if your partner isn't, is sometimes instead of saying, hey, I like to be spanked, it's easier to say, I like to feel really safe during our intimacy. And one of the things that makes me feel safe and grounded is being spanked. That is a much easier thing for someone to digest than, hey, will you spank me during sex? Spank me during sex is scary. Or spank me during foreplay is scary. Saying, I want to feel safe because it makes me feel more grounded and connected with you.

And that happens through spanking. Much more manageable conversation. So that's what I want to do with all of my clients. And that's what I focus on. It is very, it's much faster to do that in person, right? because you're with someone and you can see their entire body, how they're reacting as you're discussing these things with them, especially if they're getting uncomfortable in their chair while you mentioned some of these things. That might be a trigger. You want to peel that back a little bit further.

The other thing I do, though, is I will actively teach people how to spank, how to push someone against a wall, become primal with their partner. Again, all clothes on, but it's teaching them how to touch their partners. some of my clients just want you to teach them how to go on first, second, third dates, how to touch, how to do floor play when they finally get someone back to their house. They don't know how to do the simple, like, step one. It's zero to 100, and I have to teach them zero to 10, 10 to 20, 20 to 30. So I'm teaching a range of different things that sometimes require in person so that I can work directly with my clients, especially with the king stuff, like teaching impact play, teaching a little bit of

of light bondage or, you know, even pushing someone up against the wall in a very primal way. I'm able to show them how to do that. Sometimes I even choreograph out with my clients a scene for them to do with their partner because they want to have prepped it, but they don't want to be practicing on their partner in real time. Right. They want to show up like they know what they're doing. And you could help them with that.

Yeah, it's like a rehearsal. Yeah, I love that. And what about shame? Because that is something that, you know, a lot of time is there on some. level. And I wonder, like, did you have any of that in your life because of all the things that you were into and had to conquer it? Or do you, I would assume you see it, though, a lot in your clients, right? Yes. I, so that is probably one of the biggest reasons that I do what I do, actually, is I felt so much shame about what I was interested in. I was embarrassed. Even though I was getting people to,

I prioritized my pleasure, so I got boyfriend sustaining me, but I never felt super empowered doing it. I felt a little embarrassed asking for it, but I knew it was what I needed to enjoy myself. And it took years. I was also raised in Ireland, Catholic, there's a lot of guilt that goes into it. And then we're all just conditioned to want to act quote unquote normal. Obviously, normal is a lie. But at the time, I just thought, oh, I'm not normal. This is weird. I should be something I'm not. Or I am something I shouldn't be, both of those. And that takes a while to sort of push away and just realize, no, that is a false narratives that I've been fed by society and it isn't true. There's nothing wrong with the desires I want. And I'm trying to internalize that, help other people internalize that too. So it was a

long process for me and working at the dungeon really fast-tracked for me because I was like, oh, look, if all of us are feeling this way, that's ridiculous. It's too normal to have this many people feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Let's work on deshamifying it. Yeah, no, I could imagine. And what are, like, I mean, do you just see people with all kinds of different kinks and fetishes? I'm assuming. Maybe you even have seen or heard of things that I don't know about. I don't know. Can you tell me any interesting ones?

Yeah, I don't think there's many that are. The media is such an interesting thing in sex work has become so common now. Do you know about a gigantes fetus? That's, yeah. I had, I think it was Eden Evil, and I had a giant task on my show on my show once. Yeah. Yeah, I've played a giantess before. There are very few bug squishing.

Is that one? I think that that kind of ties in. Wait, it was so funny. I had a guy email me. He did this thing with bugs, but he was like kind of killing them in his kink. And I was like, sorry, that's non-consensual. I can't. Yeah.

I don't want that animal people against me. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's fucking non-consensual. Those little spiders. don't want to get off on your whatever you're doing but I had someone email me with that kink yeah well when I worked at the dungeon we weren't allowed to bring no one was allowed to bring bugs in because like obviously that would cause a huge problem yeah but like I would pretend to squish bugs yeah um I'm trying

to think there's it's been a long time since anyone has told me anything new or surprises you right so long and shocking because so long since I've heard anything surprising because things are just not that surprising anymore. Yeah. Based on how common knowledge all of this is. Yes, I get diaper wearers. I get adult, it's called ABDL, meaning adult baby diaper lover. I'm sure you've had at least one person on.

More than one. Yeah. And those sometimes you could tie it back. I mean, I had a really interesting episode with a guy that was into wearing diapers. And, you know, when he went back into his history, he was wearing diapers in the minute he got out of them, his parents got divorced. And for him, the only time he felt comfortable and secure in his life was when he was wearing those diapers, because it was when he came out of them, his parents got divorced. And he, you know, so for him, it was tied to that, right?

Like, don't you see that sometimes these things are tied to something in the past? And sometimes they're not and they're just like in aid or maybe they're both. I don't know. 100%. This is not my personal story, but when I was younger, I was reading Reader's Digest. And I read this story about this woman whose boyfriend used to like to be spanked by her while she was wearing a yellow rubber glove. And I, that story stuck with me. Obviously, it was a spanking story. But then she found out that that's how he was punished as a kid. His mother would wear a yellow rubber glove and spank him.

And then that was, and she would, this, it was a woman writing in because she was really freaked out by it. But that story stuck with me because I'm like, yeah, okay. So that definitely came from somewhere. But that only further confused me because I was like, Where did mine come from? Right, because sometimes... But sometimes we just don't know. Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Like, sometimes maybe... I did hear this really... I talked to this really interesting woman. She wrote a great book called Ex-A-D-S-D-I. She was really into BDSM. And she talked about... It can, like, if a child, like, she felt like it came from being, you know, very tied up in the womb, kind of, you know? And through birth, it's like a kink that they're into now.

Does that make sense? Kind of, I don't know. Yeah, it makes sense. But I have literally, I've gone down every avenue to try and figure this out because so many people ask. And I know some coaches that I talk to try and push, like, oh, don't worry so much about it. And it's like, no, humans want to understand themselves better. So, yeah, we're going to worry about, we're going to think about how this came to be. I've heard exposure to different hormones in the womb, unrelated to being all tight up in the womb.

Yeah. But, you know, there's just so many different things. that it could be. And I think for a lot of us we'll never know. Or, you know, I will never know also. I don't think science is prioritizing, helping us discover what this could possibly be. Yeah, yeah, totally. And now BDSM and Kink, same thing.

Like, I don't know, people get, we, sometimes we get those terms confused. And Kink is like an umbrella term, but then again, so is BDSM. I wish we had a better acronym because the D and the S are, stand for like two things. It's bondage, dominant submission. masochism but also sadism masochism the letters are being used for so many different things and kink is sort of like the massive umbrella over that and then bDSM becomes the umbrella

and then there are other little sections under it you know like power play might be the dominant submission there's role play that doesn't always require dominance and submission and again it's all under that huge umbrella of kink yeah Let's talk a little bit about the single people that come to you that, you know, do you, like in your coaching them, you know, what are the things that you tell somebody about, you know, going out, whether it's on the apps or dating, you know, what are your, what's your advice to people that are not currently in a relationship with a partner, but they have a kink or a fetish and they really want to be with someone that accepts it. Okay. I want to understand how important it is to them because if it is so important, they absolutely need it.

If it's a fetish, I will push them towards specialty dating sites for kink and fetish. Or I will recommend they use maybe some of the more open dating sites like field where they can talk openly about it. And I will tell them to put it in their bio because there's no use in hiding it if they know it's a need. If it's a nice to have or something that they're like, it's important to me, but it's not everything. I will encourage them to bring it up on the first, second or third date. but I want to get to know my client to find out how confident are they how easy are they to talk to? Like if they bring this up, are they going to be able to talk about it, knowledgeably, confidently, calmly? Or are they going to make it seem like this weird thing they're into?

Because if that's how they're racing it on date one, they're probably not going to get a second date. So I tailor my advice to the type of person. It's like, okay, if they are sexually confident and I trust that they're pretty suave, I'm like, okay, you can probably work this into a conversation on date one, if they are not like that, my work begins before I even suggest they go dating and I work with them to deshamify it so that when they approach these conversations, they are able to talk about it openly and confidently. And I'm sure there's a lot of times you do have to get past all that stuff before they're at the place where they feel like they could just put it on the table because a lot of times I really believe that like whatever you get back from somebody else is what

you're putting out. You know, it's not like a coincidence that when you fully accept who you are and what you're into. You meet someone that does as well. And sometimes if you're still confused or you have a little shame about what you are, you find somebody that might project that on to you, right? And that's just like, because people are mirrors of wherever you're at. You know, and I think, unfortunately, because sex is still like this hidden thing and kinks and fetishes are still like, oh my God, so taboo. And you think you're not normal or like you use the word weird, whatever these words are that probably a lot of people have to work through that first, right? Before they get to the place where they could just going to put it on the table when they're dating someone.

A thousand percent. Even today, even in a society that's really open where they have access to the entire world on their phone, there is still a lot of shame and embarrassment or discomfort with their own desire. Yeah. And are you here to say that there's plenty of women that are open to these kinds of things? And I mean, listen, I'm just assuming that you're talking mostly to men. What is the ratio of like men to women as far as your clients are concerned? Oh, it's it's the craziest thing.

In the last three months it has flipped. I used to have, it was sort of like 65% women, 35% men. And now probably because I'm taking on more couples and I have a lot more people coming to me for dating advice. I would say it's now 65% men, 35% women. And that's only in the last three months. A few months ago, I did a video on. Instagram because I just hit my 100th client and I like then did the breakdown of the numbers. And I on a separately, I like looked at it over time and the number of men coming to me has

definitely increased. Wow. I would have thought it was the opposite. But I, you know, I wasn't even think, I've been thinking so much about guys because I have a big male audience on my show. But I love that it was mostly a lot of women. And were they coming to? It was like the shame for women like a lot of it like they felt like they had to repress

their sexuality and not. be so into certain things because of like society and what they, you know, like that word slut is still kind of negative. That is such a good question that I don't think anyone's ever asked me before, at least not like that. I think for a lot of women, they are type A in their lives and they want to submit, but they're finding it hard to find a dominant man. And part of that is that they don't actually want to submit to a man. So we have to work out what they're actually looking for. like I'm lucky enough to have learned that because that's how I am, I think. And if I'm like, oh, I'm submissive until I meet a dominant man and I'm like, don't you dare fucking tell me what to do.

So it's sort of like working through what you actually want. And I think women, rightfully so, have to and want to be super specific about that. They should be. So for me, they were like, I'm not finding what I'm looking for. They don't exist. And I was like, no, they do. We just need to look at the right places and figure out what it is. Like, let's get specific about it. part of that for me was figuring out, helping them figure out their core desire so that we could find what core desires they were looking for in a partner. Oh, so maybe I have it wrong. So, like, were the women that were coming to see you more so women that were just trying to

figure out how they could be someone like, like what you're looking for now, fine, like that right person that they could express their desires to and they're going to like dig them the way that they are? Like, because listen, a woman that's like easily adaptable to guys and maybe is easy to easy to submit and it's not a switch when she gets into it. You know, that woman doesn't need any help getting guys, right? But you were typically talking to the women that maybe were a little bit, had a harder time getting into relationships. Yes, they were really struggling with the relationship side of things. Absolutely. Because they, I think we are forced to be one type of way. And same with

submissive men. A lot of them are like large and in charge in the boardrooms. Some of them aren't. Some of them are submissive throughout their entire lives. Same with women who are submissive. It's not easy to paint them all with one brush, but I can tell you the ones who hire me are the ones who are struggling to lean into their submissive side. But they ultimately desire it. So that's kind of where they're out with it. But also, I'm realizing I also had a lot of women who came to me because they wanted to be,

I had a lot of women come to me because they wanted to be a pro-dom, and they sort of wanted an intro course because they wanted to work for themselves. I think there's where the consulting comes in. I'm sort of like, okay, let me like help you learn how to be a pro. I do encourage people to go work in an actual dungeon, though, if they can, where they are able to be trained by other doms, because that's a really great way to learn the skills. I mean, my skill set is huge because I worked at a dungeon, as opposed to working for myself and having to learn on my job, learn, like, on the job.

Yeah. I learned how to needle people. I learned how to whip people. I learned so many skills by working at a dungeon where, I had skilled people teaching me. It was almost like an internship at times in kink. Yeah, of course. It was. I mean, that was on the job training. Yeah, literally. I have, so I have women who, I especially early on had women come to me who wanted to learn how to dom. He wanted to learn what to say, how to act. And I just basically taught them

how to tap into their dominant energy. And equally, some people, the ones I described earlier, who were submissive and just not really able to lead into that as much. I taught them how to tap into their submissive energy. And that became, those themes were so common. I created online courses for them. Yeah, that's what I wanted you to go to now. Like, explain, like, how people could take your online courses if they want to see you in real life. You know, give out all that information.

Sure. So if you go to Amandadames.com, you can find my link to book. You can find my courses for sale. And there they can book, I offer, it's a 20-minute. a consult to start to make sure where the right coach client fit. And if not, I'd happily refer them to someone else. But most of the time, um, we figure out on that 20 minute call that if they are kinky and looking to either introduce it or maintain it in their lives, I'm the right coach for them. Right. My courses are on Amandadames.com. But equally, they can find me on Instagram at the underscore kink

consultant. All my links are also there. And that's a great place to follow if you're just looking for like little bite-sized pieces of education or just fun memes or jokes about kink and this kinky lifestyle. Right. But if they do see you, is it sometimes you could do it in person if you're in New York, L.A. or Vegas or everything else is done virtually, correct? I can see everybody virtually. And then I'm in New York and L.A. once a month. And then half the month I'm in Vegas. So I split my time across. And I just fit my clients in. Sometimes we'll do, sometimes it's online, sometimes it's a person. For some clients, they only want to see me in person.

But yes, everything can be done online. And what was the online course you were just going to explain that women were into? Oh, yes, tapping into your dominant energy and tapping into your submissive energy. And in those courses, I teach people how to feel more dominant, tap into the energy. Because I'm convinced we all have a little dominance, we all have a little sum on us, even if it's just 1%, and it's about choosing to tap into it. And then once you learn how to tap into it, I describe it as carving a path. The first few times you do it, you're carving the path.

But then you learn how to, like the path is carved and you, it's easy to walk in and out of it, right? So you can tap into it a little bit easier. So there I give different tips and tricks on how you can sort of harness that energy and make it yours. So if your partner wants to be more dominant or you want to be more dominant, or you want to be more dominant. This course kind of, it's a one hour intro on how to do that. And I teach you how to think about your core desires, what your needs are, and different tips and tricks of things to say, ways to get in the mood for yourself when you're not really feeling it so that you can continue to practice even on days where you're not feeling your super dominant or super submissive self.

Last question. So if you had to pick like one course that you think that like a lot of guys really like, you know, what's that one that you could recommend? Is there one? I would recommend tapping into your dominant energy. That is one for guys because I just think that there's even in dating, even if you're a submissive guy, that dominant energy is appreciated even in dating. Because it teaches sort of like how to be in command of a situation, open doors, pay attention. Those are important things. But for anyone who's single, I do an, and there's also an introduction to kinky dating where I talk about how to talk about it, how to, put on your profile that you might be kinky and then there's some just general info of how to be on a

first date in general. I love that right so I would recommend that too. Yeah perfect. I'm going to put the link to your website. Just shout it out again. Now do you have the Instagram right? You got your yeah but they can find everything through your website right. That's what I'll probably put down there so they could find anything but just give that shout out again. It's amanda dames.am.m.D-A-M-A-M-E-S-com and also on Amanda dames.com, I do have a freebie where you can put in your email address and what will send you is speaking your desires with confidence. It's a worksheet that you and your partner can work through to introduce Kink. Right. Start the conversation. That's all it takes. It's like a domino effect, right? You have that one conversation. Exactly. God knows what happens after. Yeah, it leads to so much more.

Listen, thank you so much for coming on. You'll be back on again. I feel like, you know, we should have been talking, you know, a long time ago, but I'm glad you came on. I got your story and I'll have you on again in the future because I feel like there's so much more we can talk about that all right awesome thanks Amanda thanks so much for calling in I don't know how we got in touch but I'm happy we did absolutely thank you so much okay we need to do this again okay cool bye Amanda bye okay I just want to tell you before you go that my book it's called strictly anonymous confession secret sex lives of total strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th,

but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book.

It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there you can post your own pictures and videos there's tons of channels we have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money

it's a super fun place to be it's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it i will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord it's private like i said all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase whether you did the audiobook the ebook or the paperback sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.