Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1228 - How to Get the Spark Back in a Sexless Marriage w/ Susan Morgan Taylor

Episode Date: September 20, 2025

How can you get the spark back in your sexless marriage? Well Susan Morgan Taylor called in to explain how. Tune in to hear her discuss the different reasons why couples wind up in a sexless marriage, how men and women are different when it comes to sex and how and why it’s important to understand where the other is coming from, your “erotic blueprint” and why it’s important to know what both you and your partners blueprint, how to bring up getting help if you’re in a sexless marriage and what to do if you’re partner isn’t interested in getting help, how and why it’s scary to bring up what you want in the bedroom but how doing it can change the game, the difference between making requests vs expressing your desires when it comes to opening up about sex, the pleasure keys process she created and how it helps couples to clear out baggage so they can eventually get to start having better sex plus a whole lot more. YOU CAN FIND SUSAN'S CLASSES HERE: https://www.pathwaytopleasure.com **To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To get 10% off Drive Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2528-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Use code: ANONYMOUS to get 50% off your yearly pass plus get a 14-day money-back guarantee ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://uberlube.com/discount/Strictly⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use code: STRICTLY for 10% off Uberlube aka the BEST Lube EVER ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get your first month of the new Blewchew Max FREE! use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use the code “STRICTLY” at checkout for 20% off your entire order To get $15 OFF your female oxytocin arousal tablets and more, use code STRICTLY here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shamelesscare.sjv.io/xLQ3Jv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow me! Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, now, because this is a sexual health Saturday's episode, I want to tell you about my favorite sexual health company, and it is shameless care. Okay, Robert, the guy who owns it and runs it and started it has been on my show many times. He's in the lifestyle, and that's why he calls his company shameless care, because there's no fucking shame in whatever you're doing. He gets it. He lives it. And what he offers people is amazing. The best, most comprehensive STI testing. He has doxyPas. And he now has like all these great things that are going to make your woman hornier. He has shameless chemistry, which is oxytocin pill for women, as well as shamelessly aroused, which is a topical viagra cream for women that not only will make her hornyer, but we'll make her wetter, okay? That's what it did for me. They also have an oxytocin nasal spray for both men and women. That one could be for men and women.

They're a sex positive company. I love them. It's like a one-stop shop for everything that you want or need to have great, safe, killer sex. It's called Shameless Care. You get $15 off. When you use my code strictly, just go to the description and click on the link and use my code strictly. There's no subscriptions. Everything is done online.

So what are you waiting for? Go to the description. Click on the link and use my code strictly for $15 off. I'm always looking for people to call. call in the way to get in touch with me if you want to be on the show. I change everyone's voices, by the way. That's why it's called Strictly Anonymous. You make up a fake name. I'll change your voice. If you want to be on the show, send me an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast.com, or go to my website, strictly anonymous, podcast.com, and click on Be on the Show. Now, if you want to leave

naughty confessions on my confessions hotline, you could do that 247. The number C-474-40-3579. That's 347, 4203579. That number's in the description. You have four minutes leave a message. I change the voices there. Some of those, confessions, if they're really good ones, and if you speak clearly and there's not a lot of noise in the background, make it onto a confessions episode.

The rest, I'll make it on to my Patreon. Now, my Patreon is super fun, and I think it's a really good deal. I mean, some people complain about the ads and the up and the intros, and let me just tell you on Patreon, you will get every single episode. I do six a week, so six times four, that's 24 episodes. they're all early and add free episodes. You also get picks with them, mostly every single episode. I would say probably like three episodes in my whole years of doing it. The girls didn't send in picks. But every single episode comes with a, you know, a hot pick of the female guests. Sometimes even the guy send it in. You see

those. You also get, like I said, all the anonymous confessions. I do Q&As. We do pools over there. I have over 2,600 people on my Patreon. I switched it to being an 18 plus page. So sometimes, when you go to Patreon, like on your phone, I think it is. Like, you won't find my Patreon page, my, my Patreon page if you put in strictly anonymous. Go onto your desktop or the quickest way and the cheapest way to get into Patreon is click directly on the link in my description, because if you go through the Apple app, you will have to pay more. It should only be $7 a month, okay? But if you go through the Apple app, they charge you 10. So click on the link in the description. Now, if you do join my Patreon or buy my book. Pre-order my book that's out. It's called Strictly anonymous confessions.

Secret Lives of Total Strangers, 17 of the best episodes from my show, written in third person if you buy my book or sign up for my Patreon. I will give you free access to my private discord. Now, my private discord is very fun. I have thousands of people on there too. Everyone gets super naughty over there. I don't get involved in my Discord. It's more of a private community, but that's a not safe for work site. It is 18 plus as well, but you could get in there. Like I said, I give it as a incentive if you sign up for my Patreon or buy my book. Send me a screenshot of your purchase order and I'll send you the Discord link and if you sign up for my Patreon, I will email you the link to Discord. And all the links to everything like I said is in the description. The last time I'm going to tell you about

is I do have a great deal with SDC.com. They're my favorite adult dating site and they offer my listeners a three-day free trial. What's great about them is you can not only meet people there to hook up with. You could also learn about all the gangbangs and all the lifestyle events in your area as well as read up on articles and learn about the lifestyle. For your free trial, go to SEC.com and use my code 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link. Everything I talk about is in the description. Okay, today I have on Susan Morgan Taylor. I loved her. I love talking to her. She's a sex therapist. We talk about couples that just aren't feeling each other in the bedroom anymore. It's a very common problem. That's what we focus on. She talks about how she helps couples. She

sees couples all the time in her practice. She has something called the pleasure keys. It's a process she developed. But we talk about so much more than that. We talk about the reasons why a couple gets disconnected and stop having sex with each other. We talk about the differences between men and women. We talk about the things that she does to help couples through that problem. It's like I said, a very common problem and that's why we focus on it. That's why I'm doing sexual health Saturdays now to give the experts opinion of these problems because I've had people on my show that have had these issues and talked about it. And she's talking about what you could actually do. She's a sex therapist. She's great. You're going to love her. She offers like free consultation. So if you want to maybe

see her, she does in person counseling, she does retreats. She does online counseling. And she also has stuff that you could just get online and buy like an eat, you know, and she also does, has courses online that you could take. So she's the real deal. You're going to love her. You're going to learn a lot. So I'm going to get right to be right back on with Susan Morgan Taylor. Hi, Susan Morgan Taylor. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? I am so good and so excited to be here. Thanks for having me. Yeah, well, listen, you know, I just started to do a sexual health series on my podcast. And when I talk about health, it's like physical, mental relationship health, right? Like,

And you are a sex therapist, which I've always, you know, been interested in having on my show because I get a lot of people on my show that are having great sex, but I also get a lot of people on my show who are having issues with sex or issues with sex led them to my podcast. You know, they're kind of living vicariously, you know, and I was like, we were talking about, I mean, you do have a podcast. I just want to give a shout out. And at the end, I'll give, you know, you'll give your shout out to everything and people where people can find you and everything will be in the description. But you also have a podcast called Sex Talk Cafe yourself. I do. And that, what's so great about that podcast, it is really dedicated to normalizing these conversations and really providing a real education on sex, intimacy and relationships. You know, the one that we never got, right? Like, most of us never got it from our high school. We never got it from our parents. We definitely didn't get it from our friends. And the internet kind of also sucks. Yeah, exactly. Poor. Yeah. Sex Talk is a great resource. I get a lot of guests experts on. And we talk about all different topics. It's a wonderful spot to get a little more education for your listeners. Yeah, I love that because I just do that once a week, but I do believe that people are hungry for that information.

That's why I started it. And I think it's important. A little education goes a long way. So we're going to be talking about couples today. I mean, like you were saying like one of the typical things you help couples with, which is something that I hear all the time. I used to do private calls and I get these private calls from these guys and it's kind of like I never cheated on my wife. I never would cheat. I'm not a cheater. But my wife hasn't fucked me in 10 years and I'm like, what am I supposed to do? You know what I mean? It is. the age old, it is a very typical problem, right? That's something that couples come to you, right? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, my specialty is in women's sexuality. However, when I, you know, started into my sex therapy practice, what mostly started showing up was couples. And it was the men dragging their women in saying, can you fix her? She doesn't want to have sex with me. And I love that because that is a problem that I can solve. And clinically we call that desire discrepancy where there's a difference in sexual desire.

But part of the reason I was so passionate about the women's sexuality, because I was that woman. Like, I was the woman in my marriage who did not want to have sex. It was totally not interested. But I still really, I longed for something more. Like, I still wanted an intimate and sexual connection. I just didn't know how to create the thing I wanted with my husband. And so I ended up, that marriage ended for a number of reasons. And kind of in my own learning and desire to not repeat that pattern,

I really found that pathway really into my own turn-on end, my pleasure in a way where I no longer had to make my partner responsible for that. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it was just life changing. And that was really, you know, a turning point for me where I really wanted to dedicate my life to really helping women drop into their pleasure and their turn on. But what ended up happening was it was couples that came to me. And so I understand that dynamic and why that happens. And it's both people is the thing. Like, it's not just her and she needs to be fixed and she's the low desire partner is actually both of the partners. And one of the things I would say to couples, is we have to get out of this binary black and white thinking of high desire, low desire.

She's low desire, I'm high desire. And we need to get her desire up to meet the high desire. And inside of that conversation, there's just not a lot of room for any new information to come in. And somebody always ends up feeling broken or like they need to be fixed, which is never conducive to growth and learning. And how do you solve that problem? So we want to get out of that black and white thinking and kind of reframe what's actually going on. And that's really where my work with couples begins. Yeah, and listen, I think that the fact that you went through it yourself, right?

You've kind of been there, done that. Like, what better than you to sort of help other women get through that? And then, like you said, for the men who have the women that are going through that, you could help them. And it helps the guys as well. What is the biggest misconception that the men have walking in, first and foremost, that you, like, clear up? Yeah, it's the fix her mentality.

She's the problem. And, you know, the things. And often she has bought into that. She also is blaming herself. I'm the problem. I'm the reason. And, you know, the fear is that the relationship's going to end or someone's going to cheat. One way or the other, exiting the relationship, might not look like having an actual affair,

but exiting the relationship through pornography, scrolling through social media, sitting in front of Netflix, like, there's a disconnect that's happening. So once we can get out of that, like, she's the problem, fix her, then we can start to look at what are the things that he can do different. How can he, you know, there is a certain aspect of loaded. desire in women where it is on her, right? But there's also an aspect of her capacity to feel safe in the context of the relationship, meaning like, can she, is it safe to open to him? Now, if you're, you know, kind of trying to fix her all the time and you're bringing that

kind of energy to her, you're actually working against your own agenda for getting what you want, men, men listening. Yeah. So the fix it attitude of like, okay, how do we fix this? What do we do different to you? how do we get you? That actually is working against you and what you need to do is start to be a little more neutral around it. And the feminine grows through appreciation, not through challenge. The masculine, the mask inside of all of us grows through being challenged. So a lot of times what men will do the

mistake they're making is they're trying to fix her and bringing challenge in. I know you can be more. I know you could be better. But what that does to her is it shuts her down. Yeah. And so it's not working in your favor. So we have to kind of shift, make a shift there. And then the shift that she needs to make is learning. A lot of times, as women, we need to learn how to be a little more like, I don't like the word selfish, but that's the word a lot of women will use. Like, why don't want to be selfish? And if I focus on my pleasure, I'm being selfish. And then what if my partner's not happy? But I promise you, no man has ever said, I love it when my wife has sex with me out of obligation. No, they love a selfish girl. All I ever cared about was orgasming myself and I never cared how long I made

the guy go and everything. And all guys loved me because I, yeah, they want you to be selfish. They, because they want to please. They want to please you. And there's nothing hotter than a woman in her pleasure. I mean, men will stop the world to see a woman in the midst of massive orgasms. So there's some retraining there for the women as well that I have to do with the couples. But let's take it back a notch.

Like, let's just talk about the things that sort of lead that couple to wind up in your office, you know, like what are some of the reasons why, you know, they're, becomes this disconnect in people to begin with, like maybe, you know, some warning so people don't wind up at that place. Yes. So it's rarely physiological. There are moments, some instances where it's like, you know, the hormones are off or there's some physiological thing happening for the woman like menopause or she just had gay birth. But usually nine times out of ten from what I have seen, and over a decade that I've been a sex therapist and working with, with couples, it's usually not physiological.

More often than not, it's psychosexual or spiritual even, meaning it's more emotionally based. So there's something, you know, if you're in a long-term relationship, especially, there's a number of things that happen. Number one, you've got more emotional baggage, right? Shit happens. You know, stuff doesn't get, stuff, kids happen, life happens, stuff in the relationship doesn't get resolved, it gets brushed under the rug, that grows more disconnect. So there's that aspect too. For women, we need to be able to have access to our emotions and to be able to feel them fully.

That's literally very connected to our sexual arousal, our capacity and desire for intimacy. So if we're shut down emotionally, that leads to a loss of interest in sex. Then there's also just the thing, what's called habituation and relationship, where you just habituate to your partner. You become accustomed to them. They become familiar. And so our brain chemicals aren't doing all that crazy stuff they're doing when something. something's really new and novel, that dopamine let down, all the crazy love chemicals that flood our brains for the first.

They say up to two years is that, you know, honeymoon phase. But love really is a series of cascade of chemicals in our brain that are happening in those first up to two years, what they call the honeymoon phase. Yeah. Literally like all these different chemicals are happening and, you know, it's exciting and there's, so when you're in a relationship for a long period of time, a long-term relationship, things start to neutralize over time. Plus, if you're married and you're living together, you're doing the daily grind together, maybe you're raising kids together, all of that stuff

can just suck the life force out of us in a way where we feel more like roommates than lovers. If you're like me and you never used UberLube, well, then you need to listen up because I'm going to change your life right now, okay, because UberLube changed my life. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that UberLube is the most superior. you're different than every other, better than every other fucking loop out there. Loeb, okay? When they first wanted to sponsor my show, I put a call out on my Patreon like, hey, anyone ever use UberLube?

Because I don't like to hawk stuff that's garbage to my listeners. I want to make sure I have people sponsor my show that have great products. So I ask people like, well, would you love UberLube? Everyone's like, oh my God, it's the best. Like 47 comments of people saying UberLub is by far the best loop. So I get a big package from UberLube. and I used it. And let me tell you, it blew my fucking mind.

And let me tell you why. Like when you use it as you're using it, it has like zero sticky feel to it. It feels like silk. The first time I use it, I use it for a hand job. And my guy was like, oh, it's going away. It's like, no, it's not fucking going away. It actually like kind of disappears when you're using it, but still creates like the slide that you need.

And it's so silky and smooth. And there's like zero tacky. tackiness and stickiness and afterwards you just feel like you use like the most amazing moisturizer. It is by far the best lube ever. You need to try it. Once you try it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about and then you're going to email me and be like, oh my God, you were so right. And it's also super clean. There's zero parabins, preservatives, and petrochemicals. And it stays on the surface of your skin and does not enter your bloodstream like water-based loop. It's also latex compatible. So it's safe and effective to use with

condoms. It also works underwater and it has zero taste. And listen, UberLube is offering strictly anonymous listeners a special offer, which is 10% off and free shipping when you use my code strictly at UberLube.com. That's 10% off and free shipping. Just use code strictly at UB-E-R-Lube.com. UberLub lets you feel what you want to feel. So go get yourself some UberLube at UberLube.com. Use code strictly or just go to the description and click on the link and use my code strictly. Things start to neutralize over time. Plus, if you're married and you're living together, you're doing the daily grind together, maybe you're raising kids together.

All of that stuff can just suck the life force out of us in a way where we feel more like roommates than lovers. So I was saying about sexual, it's called habituation, where we just become accustomed to our partner. And so that can also lead to sort of a flatness in the sexual connection. our brains crave novelty, learning how to bring in novelty new things into the sexual relationship, that can help because that actually creates some of that dopamine and that rush that was there at the beginning. So that can be one of the things that a couple can do if they want to start to bring the spark back.

But it's not going to work if you don't deal with really the underlying cause to begin with, which usually has to do with the emotional disconnect, number one. And also sometimes not not being able to ask for what you want. And that can be because sometimes we just don't know, and that's especially common with women. Like she's just been defaulting to what he wants all the time. And what happens over time, she starts to shut down and lose interest in sex because she hasn't found what's in it for her. And what women tend to need can look very different than what most men tend to need. And we're just speaking in generalities here.

So we have to also learn how to know what we want and how to ask for it. And that's one of the first places. And men and women are turned on in very different ways. And I think like you were saying before, it's kind of like you project what you want onto the other person, right? Like so a guy is very, oh, solution oriented and he's going to, you know, motivate her in the way he would be motivated. And the same for a woman, you know. And we're so different. I really do that one great book, where you so many years, you know, men are from Mars, women from you.

It's a real thing. Yeah, I love that book. Yeah, I don't understand why they don't teach that shit in school because men and women are very different. And I think, like you said, the guy gets it wrong. Like they think that she's like them and they just want solutions and stuff. And maybe just like compliments. The foreplay is all mental for women. It's all in our head.

But in the same sense, I think women really miss the whole thing about guys. And they just sort of look at like their partners like, oh, what a fucking pervert. Like, all he wants is sex. He just grabs my ass. And they really, and sorry, but that's the way guys are. Like, that's how he feels.

Like, that's the way you compliment him is by wanting to sex with him. I'm sorry. It's just like, I think they don't get how guys are. And they look at it as like, like as a bad thing. But it's just how they're wired. Can you just explain the difference? Absolutely. And I love that you brought that up.

Well, yeah, there's so much inside of what you just said. And number one, I believe men and women are different. And I think what's happened in our modern day, we've gone into this narrative of like, men and women are the same and we're not different. Oh, my God. We've neutered it. So like, fuck that. You know, like, no, we are, we literally have a different amount of hormones in our body. Yes, that's going to make us, it affects our brain matter.

Women have more of the, whatever the, what's the gray. I think it's the great amount that connects the brain. We have more of that just as a result of being in a female body and probably having all that estrogen, you know, seeping through and men have less of that connectivity in general. So there's that happening. And then also women, you know, we tend to over-emphasize the emotional connection and he just wants sex. And we shame men for that. We should not want or shame anybody.

But it shouldn't just be the heart connection either. We need both. So the gift that your man brings is the gift of that. the sex. And the gift that a woman can bring is the gift of the heart and the love. And when we learn to have a unity of that in the relationship, that's where the ecstasy really resides. So we can't just prioritize one over the other. Because the woman's most vulnerable place to open is her sex. Yeah. It's the genitals. And the man's most vulnerable place to open is his heart. So if you look at that way, we really bring a beautiful opportunity for growth and balance. So it's not fair

to demand, oh, I just want the emotional connection or I just want the sexual connection. We have to learn the art of how do we turn sex into love. And that's the gift that woman brings to the relationship. Yeah. And typically, I think both partners are doing it wrong. Both partners are trying to get the other partner into bed in the wrong way. And neither is getting, you know, what they need. You know, and sometimes it's basic stuff.

But, and that disconnect could happen just for like, you know, your life just becomes like Groundhog Day after a while. Like, I mean, it happens to a lot of couples. It's not like this is uncommon. No, it's very common. And that's the other thing. I mean, there's another piece on this, you know, is also about understanding that we're wired, like know your arousal map or your blueprints,

the erotic blueprints are lovely body work that I use in my couples retreats and in my private coaching with couples. It's one of the tools that I use. And that's really showing us that we have different pathways to our arousals. So some people, for example, the very stereotypical example is the man is wired as a sexual blueprint and the woman's wired as a, let's say, essential blueprint. Yeah. The sexuals always want to go straight for the grab the ass, grab the ass, tits, throw the lingerie out on the bed, like let's get down to it. But sensuals will get shut off, turned off by that. They'll shut down. They'll feel pressure, they'll lose interest. And so what we need to understand is what's the language that you each speak? If you are wired

in that way and your partner is the opposite, you need to learn to speak her language. But she also needs to learn how to speak the language of the sexual. So I tell this to my couples all the time. You can't just expect your archetype to be the only one that gets fed. So some of the time you're going to have to be willing to just pin him down and give him a a hand job or a blowjob or just, you know, like, so we have to be willing, not coming from place of obligation. That's a different thing. That's another piece of the work that I do with my couples is pulling that apart because there's a lot of times patterns of giving that out obligation. I have to keep him happy. I don't really want to do this. We've got to get out of that also.

But are you, what are you willing to provide? And would you be willing to just feed that in that way it's just purely sexual where it doesn't necessarily have to be, you know, four hours of romance and roses and chocolates and, you know, essential massage. You know, we get that too, but we also have to be willing to be flexible and be able to give and feed that person as well. Now, how do you get, like, are you typically, because like I had a private call, I don't really do them anymore, but I owed this guy one. And it was, you know, he was in this situation. And he, I was like, you need to go to the sex, a sex therapist, like it will totally help. Like you've been having this same conversation with your wife over and over again.

Obviously, it's not going to work. It's not going to change. You could say it 10 different ways. If it hasn't worked, it's never going to. Like you need someone else to come in here and change the game, right? Because you're just not communicating probably. But he was like, his thing to me was like, she's never going to go with me. I'm like, so start yourself.

Like how does that partner, whether it's the man or the woman, get the other partner on board? Because sometimes, unfortunately, I think if you lose your sex drive for so long or you're not connected. You don't even want it back. You're so far away from even remembering how great it was. And that's a problem. I mean, absolutely. Well, first of all, if she is not even willing to work on the relationship with you, that's a really big red flag, number one. But yes, in the meantime, absolutely, go and start working on your own pleasure. Right. That's what you would say, right? Absolutely. And the other thing, too, for a lot of women. it's not really real until there's some threat to the loss of the relationship.

So not that I would never suggest that somebody play that as a manipulation tool of like, I'm going to leave you if you don't go to therapy. I mean, I would never, ever say don't do that. But it really is eye-op and a wake-up call to just start telling the truth, because what is really the consequence of not fixing this problem? This is what I will ask my couples. What is the consequence of not solving this now? because usually, you know, on average couple sit on a problem for an average of seven years before they reach out for help.

So by the time people get to me, by the time like your guy there is actually reaching out, he's had this problem for quite a long time usually. So do you want to go another seven? What happens if you even go another year with this problem? Where is this going to leave you? If you're, if you fast forward one year or five years and you look back and you did nothing about this. And you know, nine times out of ten, what I hear is the relationship will end. someone will cheat or I'm not going to really live up to my potential. And that's going to really feel awful.

Like I'm not going to self-actualize. I'm not going to become all that I was meant to be. And those are really big things. So that's what's at stake. And so I would suggest to that guy that your client, like have a conversation with the life of here's what's really real. And it's okay. I'm going to go pursue this on my own without you.

But let me just tell you when one person grows in that area and the other person doesn't, sometimes it does mean the end of the marriage or the relationship. Yeah. And unfortunately, that's not necessarily a bad thing. A lot of times people look at the person that leaves. And I always say this. Like,

people look at the person that leaves the horrible relationship as the terrible one. I'm like, you're looking at that. That person evolved out of it. That person doesn't want to be stuck in something miserable anymore. Actually, to me, that person's the better one. The other person still needs to learn their lessons.

Because why were they fucking happy in that anyway? Right. Yeah, we really, totally. And I mean, I think that that's, you know, because I left a marriage. I was married for 10 years and I was the one that left and I'll tell you it was really hard to get to that point. I believe I had two little kids.

Oh yeah, of course. I was financially dependent on my husband. I mean, I left with nothing and I made it happen. And that was not an easy thing to do. And I think we tend to look at the, we call success and too often success and relationship means how long are you together? Exactly. Instead of what's the measure of success?

How about the measure of success is there's mutual respect, there's joy, there's mutual desire to serve one another, to meet the needs of one another. There's healthy boundaries, healthy communication, and great fucking sex. You know? That's a piece of the pie. I'm sorry, it has to be. I mean, that's the one thing that separates an intimate relationship from every other relationship that you're having out there in the world.

So if you're not having sex with your partner, that's a red flag to me. You should be able to cultivate that. Otherwise, what is it? It's just a friendship. It's a roommate. You're just living under the same roof and paying. the bills together. Yeah, and I'm sorry, things like that, like, you know, I did a poll on my Patreon the other day, like, oh, do you think once a cheater, oh, he's a cheater? Because, you know,

I hear from people, I love having cheating stories on my show because I think they're very real and they teach people, you know? And I'm sorry, but people that sit there and judge, like, oh, I would never do that. You just don't know. Because, like, if that's happening at home what you're talking about and your partner's at work every single day, and there's somebody there, giving them something that you're not for so many years. Like this is how these kinds of things happen. And people who would never cheat wind up cheating. Like this shit does happen.

I'm going to say something that a therapist said to my sister's husband. And you touched on this. You said I wouldn't tell someone to cheat, but I want them to know the truth. And I thought this was so fucking brilliant. And I've said this on my podcast before as a tip for other people. So my sister wasn't banging her husband. And he was like asking for it all the time.

You know, and he's like not a cheater. She knows she's got him in the fucking bag, right? Like nothing's going to happen. So I'm just not going to fuck him anymore, right? So he was going to therapy talking about this. And you know what his therapist said? And she told me this whole story. And I was like, oh my God, that's kind of brilliant.

Like he came to her and his therapist said, go to her and tell her the truth. And he said to my sister, like, listen, I have never cheated on you. And I don't want to cheat on you. But I'm just telling you that I'm afraid that I might because of what is happening. Like that is going to happen. And it changed the fucking game. That lit the fire. And I was like, how brilliant.

Because that is the fucking truth. It's the truth. Yeah. And this is a man that would never cheat. but he was afraid he might because of this was happening. Absolutely. And it is not fair to commit somebody to lifelong monogamy and then refuse to have sex with them. Oh, my God.

Go on to the menopause board on Facebook and talk to those women. You should hear them. I know. And, you know, here's the myth about menopause, though, too. Is we think that all women just lose interest in sex at menopause. But what the studies are shown, it's maybe about half of women do have a decline in, the sex drive but the other half have either an increase or they stay about the same so what does that tell you you know there's so much that we can do going into menopause if we be a little proactive or just

if we have a desire for it to have something different because i know me personally like i will not dry up and i will not be one of those women that's like oh my god all of a sudden like i'm having pain during sex like i refuse to become that woman so one of the things that i started doing was a pelvic floor practice called pompure, which is so fun. Oh, what's that? Yeah, it's this very sexy practice where you learn how to basically, you're strengthening all the muscles in the vagina, but what's so fun is you're also learning how to isolate them and have dexterity so that you can give a hand job with your vagina pretty much. The next time you want to get down and dirty, why not take your time? And instead of getting right to the action, why not start off with a hot.

central massage. Trust me, guys, your girl will never complain about foreplay. The more, the better. Now, I know sometimes that it could be intimidating for a lot of people to give their partner a massage because you don't know what the fuck to do, right? Well, that's okay because you could find out exactly how to give a great central massage to your partner on beducated.com. Begated.com is like the Netflix of sex education. They have so many different types of courses. on sex all in one place. And they have so many different massage courses. They have a course on lingam massage, yoni massage, there's a full body massage course and a breast massage course. And the best thing about their courses to me is you're not going to learn by reading it. You actually learn

by seeing it in action. Want to know how to give you a partner the hottest massage or a yoni massage or a lingam massage or a breast massage well you're going to see real people performing it so what are you waiting for go try bedicated bedicated believe so much in their product that they offer a 14 day money back guarantee so you really have nothing to lose all you got to do is go to the description and click on the link and use my code anonymous and you're going to get 50% off your yearly pass that's 50% off your yearly pass plus a 14 day money back guarantee. All you got to do is go to the description, click on the link, and use my code anonymous, and you're going to get 50% off your yearly pass plus a 14-day money back guarantee.

Yeah, it's a very sexy practice where you learn how to, basically, you're strengthening all the muscles in the vagina, but what's so fun is you're also learning how to isolate them and have dexterity so that you can give a hand job with your vagina pretty much. Wow, interesting. Where do you Or that like YouTube? So there's a course out there. I can give it to you if you want the link to put in your show notes, but it's called the goddess course. It's spelled kind of weird.

It's G-O-H-D. How are these? Is there two D-D-E? Whatever it is, but it's G-O-H-D-E. Maybe I'll have them on my show. Yeah, you showed it as Bell Di Lorenzo. She created a course. So Pompore is it's a practice that's been out there for, you know,

decades or maybe even hundreds of years. And it was used by the sex workers. And they actually use it in Thailand. If you've ever been to Bangkok, Thailand, and you go to the Red Light District. Yeah. Actually, I love Bangkok. The Red Light District is quite racy.

And the women in some of these sex bars are like shooting ping pong balls out of their pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a big thing. And we all know about that. We don't need to go there. We know it happened. Oh, it's so cool. Yeah. But that's how they do it.

They learned how to do the pompoir is one. Actually, they think it originated in Thailand back when it was called Siam. And, you know, it's spread around the world. And it's used by a lot of. sex workers as a way obviously to please their partners. But as a woman in relationship, it has been game changing for me because it has, I mean, I have had so many crazy experiences, orgasms now without even needing to be touched, squirting orgasms. And it gets your turn on going. So you're just constantly in that state of desiring sex. So yeah, I think that's an awesome practice that every

woman at midlife should consider taking on. And that's neat about it to what I really like about it you don't have to stick anything up there because a lot of women get weird about the yoni egg or kegled balls they don't want to put stuff in there they're afraid the egg won't come out and so with pom-par you don't have to worry about any of that you can do it without any external device oh my god i'm so curious i'm going to have them on my show i yeah real quick i just got to tell you like i have had and so like when i was going through peri menopause i was like this is like perry fucking menopause like what the fuck's going on with me you know what i mean like i would draw these cartoons i made these really funny cartoons and i paired up with a doctor

a gynecologist and we wrote a whole book about it, you know, and she talked about how with menopause, like losing your sex drive. And I've noticed this on my show, because I have women on my show who have lost their libido and they totally get it back with hormones. I mean, hormone therapy does work. I'm on hormones. I love it. But I have talked to women and I love when I'm talking to like really fucking horny, sexually active women in their 50s and 60s. And I like to ask them, were you on hormones? And I love when they told me no and they went through menopause and they didn't lose your sex drive. And a lot of times it's, you know, it's one of two things. Like there are, You know, it's that they're still banging.

They're still with the same guy. They're still attracted to him and they're fucking all the time. Or it's, they got divorced and they met a new person and they're still in that beginning phase when it's all good, you know? And so it's like you don't use it. You lose it as a real thing. And unfortunately, and I remember her explaining this to me and I didn't think it was true. I thought it was just all hormones.

But she said it just so happens that most women around that time are married to the same guy for a million years. They've had their kids. They've lost the connection. So they're not fucking. They're maybe fucking once a month, once every two months. And so then you're going to lose it because you're not losing it. You know, you're not using it.

So it is not a definite thing that happens to every woman. You're right. Yeah. And you're right. If you don't use it, you lose it. And the cool thing is, is that we can learn how to use it where it actually really benefits our pleasure. And that's the thing with the pampore practice that I've been doing it.

Yeah, I can do cool stuff to my partner's people. penis, but more than anything, what it's done is helped my, not that I needed a lot of help with my turn on my sexuality, because I've always been kind of through the roof. Yeah, but it's important to you. I like that. Yeah. Well, you know, I just didn't, well, I'm at the time of change. And I just was like, I've had too many women, you know, people who reach out to me in social media, like, help, what do I do? I haven't had a partner in five years. I have a new boyfriend. I'm 55 and now it hurts. You know, I'm like, I will not be that woman. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's good. What's happened for me is just the constantly like,

and like squirting orgasms and just from pompor. Yeah, just a whole new realm of pleasure for me. And my partner loves it, of course, because he gets, you know, to see me in that pleasure. And then he gets to kind of take credit. You know, I mean, I'll give him the credit. You know, like, yes, like I can have an orgasm just from kissing you. And, you know, and I can do cool stuff to your penis if I want, like,

during sex and, like, being in control, you know, like, this is so much fun stuff. So it can be really fun. It doesn't have to be, like, clinical, like you're just doing. and pelvic floor physical therapy, that's great. It's got a place, but it's very clinical and kind of dry and not very sexy. So why don't we just be sexy? Yeah, no, totally.

And with that guy, like that same guy, like what I said, if he goes to a therapist, say he reached out to you, like I feel like sometimes like he just needs the right, because I think sometimes it's a communication problem. I don't know what he's saying to her to get her into bed, but it's obviously not working, right? So like you can help that partner communicate to that other partner in a way that maybe, you know, will change the game. Because I was like, okay, just go alone.

Eventually, that therapist will help you get her on board in a way that probably will work that you don't know, right? Yeah, exactly. And who knows? Because, you know, he's not here with us and I can't ask him these questions. No, but like in general, yeah. Yeah, a lot of times what's happening too is like what a man can do. So here I'll give this to your listeners here. Like, ask her.

I mean, inquire about her day. If I know how, you know, like ask questions. Dig. get interested in her and then ask her like what would you need so that you could or might might be interested in intimacy like get curious about what her needs are because sometimes what's happened is especially if a man is highly sexual sometimes it's hard for a partner who doesn't have good access to their own desire and what they want and need it gets overshadowed so she probably doesn't have good maybe doesn't have good access to what she would need she's been accommodating him

I don't know that I have any sexual desires. I've just been kind of doing what going along with what he wants for all these years. So if you slow down and you open some space and you start to invite her, you know, what would you, what do you need? How would you like, if it was just for your enjoyment, what would you, how would you want to be touched right now? Maybe that's just she just wants to cuddle or just wants to, you know, I kind of say let's get out of talking. Like as women, we talk way too much anyway most of the time and we don't want to be up in our heads. So don't just, you know, maybe let her talk for five minutes. And after that, no more talking.

And what else would you need right now? And just kind of get curious about that. That can be a place to start is because sometimes it gets so black and white. Like it's a yes or no. Yes, I want, I'll have sex. You know, I won't. Yeah, exactly. Instead of, okay, I hear that you're a no, but what would you need to get to a maybe?

Yeah, that's a, yeah, I like that. It shouldn't be a yes or no. It shouldn't be a one word answer or question. That's going to open up a conversation. So how does a partner, though, like pretend it's just a regular, couple that's having issues. Like, how does a partner bring up to the other one, like, let's go to a sex therapist without kind of insulting them? Wow. I mean, I think let's go to a sex therapist. It's a great spot to start. You know, you've got to be able to talk about. Like, if you're at that

place, like, wow, you've got some work to do. But a lot of couples do have a hard time talking about sex. Yeah. And I think you have to lay it on the table of like, this is a really, you've got to speak the truth. And this is really important to me. And I haven't been telling you how, important this is to me and I've done us a disservice by not making it known how important this is to me and I really would like to have someone help us through this because we're not finding the way through it ourselves. Yeah. That's how you do it and you know if she's not willing to go then maybe you need to really have a more raw moment of truth like what's really the truth around that. Yeah. What's this going to turn into if you're not willing to go here's where that could lead us and I just want you to

no and I'm going to go anyway. Yeah. You know, you can join me when you're ready. But if this continues, you know, this is really what I'm afraid of for us. Yeah. And like you said, when one person evolves and gets better, you know, then the paths go separate ways and that's just life and that's okay. Sorry.

Yeah. Yeah. And so for like, because I have heard on my show many times and I've experienced this in my life. Like when someone sort of opens up and starts talking about like different fantasies and being honest about what they're into it, it could totally like change the game, you know. And I do think a lot of. people, both men and women hold a lot of things inside when it comes to sex, right? Because they're so

afraid of like someone saying, ew, like you're into that or whatever. You know, and I feel like there's so many people out there that have so many things in their head and they're jerking off to it or whatever, but they're not telling their partners. And sometimes it's just a matter of people being more open about what they actually are into to add some spice. Do you get couples to that place eventually? Yeah, absolutely. A big part of that. And how you is safety, number one, because it's one of the scary, the most vulnerable things to do to speak, A, a sexual desire, and then B to actually ask for what we want is a whole, like, teaching that I do and just ask you, why is that so hard? Because it just is, there's a whole host of reasons why it's hard to ask for what we want.

And as a result, we end up doing other things that are not productive and don't create connection. Exactly. So there's got to be that safety, number one. And number two, the other piece is we can express something that turns us on, like, oh, wow, I want, I want experience or I want this or I like that. But we have to learn how to hear that as just an expression of desire because how a lot of us will hear that is, oh my God, now I have to give that to him or to her.

And oh my God. And now I'm like totally terrified and now I'm going to try to shut him down because that's too much. Or, or sometimes the other way around. Well, that's all you want? Why don't you want more? Really? You just want that?

like, we judge people for their desire. So we have to get out, get away from that and learn to hear an expression of I want. It's just an expression of desire. That's not a request. A request sounds like, will you or would you? Will you do this or would you be willing to do this with me or to me or for me? It's very different than I want. Right.

I want you to do this thing. That's just an expression of desire. So it's a really fine distinction, but it can be a huge. game changer and I've seen relationships completely turned around when one of the partners has been able to just hear their partner's desire is just that. It's not a request, but okay, I can celebrate that. That's not what I, you know, I'm not really willing to experience that with you, but that's great and I can celebrate that that's something that you want and that turns you on. That's really cool. It's not what turns me on right now or maybe ever, but that's awesome. And thank you so much for

sharing that with me and for being vulnerable and trusting you enough to share that with me. So we'd need to have this practice of learning how to celebrate desire and then also hearing what's the difference between making a request versus just expressing a desire. And I'm assuming, like, so a couple comes to you, they have these issues. I mean, is it first you're like trying to figure, like, what's your process? Is it first trying to figure out like why they have this loss of connection to begin with and then you take it from there and then where do you go? Yeah. So I have a process that I developed called the pleasure keys. And so I'm usually using that as my guiding compass, so to speak.

So where I find a couple on that compass, it sort of depends on the couple, but the roadmap is almost always, it's almost always the same. And oftentimes where we're starting usually is just with clearing out some of the resentment and the baggage that's on the emotional level. So we're not usually starting directly with,

all right, let's go straight into... Exactly. That's kind of too much too fast for most couples by the time they come to me, but we're starting to pick apart with actually going on and where I come in is I can help them understand. Once they understand the roadmap, I teach them that and they can start to see it and they can feel it in their body. It's not just a mental exercise. This is very much a body-based experiential learning where they're starting

to really see how they are, where they're stuck and why they're stuck, and then they get the tools in the roadmap for how to get unstuck. So some of that is communication that tools, actual structures. So we're not just stuck in these loops. That's why people get stuck in communication loops and why couples therapy can really be a dead end after a certain point. Because you need actual structures

that actually clear the crap out so that then you're in connection. And there's also practices I teach that don't have any words at all because we talk things to death. And we're up in our heads. We're not in our hearts. So there's some connection practices

that I help my couples do where they're learning how to reconnect intimately with no words at all. just through breath, through body, through eye connection and through energy, coming back into just that, you know, intimate connection in that way. And then there's other structures and practices that I teach where they learn how to know what they want, how to ask for it, and how to negotiate the receiving of the thing where no one's giving out of obligation or tolerating or just doing it because they have to do it. Like we're trying to get out of that patterning. And so there's a lot of nuance in that aspect of the work. But once couples really start to sink into that and they get it, suddenly it's like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. I get it. Now I see why it wasn't working and now, okay. And then the lights come on. That is such an amazing moment in the work. And it's really what motivates me to do what I do because I know now they can find their way out and they can do it if they continue, you know, just to stick with the skills. learning and practicing and being self-accountable in that way, that they can, they don't need me anymore. They can fly solo and they'll be able to in the future really navigate through any

challenge that arises because they have that basic foundation and they have a roadmap. And they could always go back to it. If by accident they start to drift apart, they know and they have those tools. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, you're obviously changing the game for so many couples because I have had couples on who have been through that time of like not having sex lost it totally in one, you know, in one way or another, they got it back and it completely changed the game and reju-it. It's like they're in a whole new relationship with each other. You must do that with your couples, right? It just changes their whole marriage. Absolutely. Save marriages. I've had couples tell me you saved our marriage. I mean, I don't take the credit for that because they did the work.

But that's how, you know, they're like, wow, like, oh my gosh, like he just totally helped us not get divorced. Yeah, major. Or, you know, sometimes some people don't get divorced, but they're cheating. They're having total affairs or getting their other, you know, and what kind of relationship is that when someone's like half not there really on some level. Yeah, the cheating is really, gosh, it's damaging when it gets discovered and it always gets found out. It might take years, but it always gets found out one way or the other. And it's just really devastating. So it's better to just tell the truth. And heck, I mean, a lot of times couples will think like, oh, let's open the relationship as a solution. Maybe we should join a swingers club as a solution.

And I would say those things aren't necessarily solutions. Yeah, no. But if that's what you want to do, like that's great. And that could be some really cool ground to explore together. But it's usually not a solution to fix the problem. Because if you're already not having levels of raw truth and honesty, forget about kind of going to some of those more escalated places of like having an open relationship,

for example. No, and my show will, seems to say that that's false, but it's not. Like, I have talked to many couples, and the couples that that works for are the couples that are strong, their foundation is strong in every other way.

The only area they were having a little problem is in their vanilla sex life, but they were, everything else was cool. But if you're like emotionally disconnected and the reasons for you guys not having sex as all these reasons we're talking about, that is not going to be the fix. It's not going to be the fix. And neither is a new fancy sex toy or a new position. No, no, exactly. You know what I mean? Like that'll help later. Yeah, it's not treating the sort of the underlying root cause of this difference in sexual desire or the disconnect. So we want to

look at those pieces first. And by the way, the skills that you learn in overcoming that challenge will apply if you do want to end up, you know, exploring some alternative styles of relationship or joining a swingers club just to spice it up. Like you need skills of being really good at knowing what you want, asking for what you want, having good boundaries, not just doing something to go along with things. And you want to get good at that stuff. And you have to communicate. Yeah. And good communication.

Yeah. Absolutely. It's like over communicating. I mean, that's really what brings like, that's what my show is here to say always is like, you know, I don't believe in non-monogamy. I think most people are never going to live the lifestyles that the people on my show do. But for the people that do it and they do it the right way, it can. be successful and it can and does bring people closer together because what I hear from all of them and I

always like to ask them, you know, because I've never been had a relationship like this or, you know, like the people on my show. I'm just like a host and I learn from these people. But like, it's always like what how has it changed your relationship, you know? And it's always that they feel so much more closer because of that over talking. When you are doing the kind of things of those people do, they are over talking. So it just goes to show that talking like that in a vanilla relationship that there's totally monogamous or is going to do the same thing. It's going to bring you closer because that's true intimacy. It's not just the physical aspect. It's being really close in every other way. And that's communicating is going to do that. Absolutely. Right. And that's why I would say

but that's where a lot of monogamous couples, their headspace sometimes goes, maybe we should open the relationship that would make. But no, if you are not even talking about it, that's going to be a train wreck. I have seen the train wrecks too. You know, I've, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love a swing or gone wrong story because it's, no, because I'm a realist and it's like real life. I'm sorry, this isn't the movies and it's just going to be the quick fix. And I don't want to lead people on in that way either. You know, I think it's like super important. That's why I am having sex therapists on my show because these problems really exist more than the happiness that I'm talking about here, you know.

Absolutely. Yeah, very, very true. Yeah. So more people are broken than having fun. I just like to show that you can have fun on the other side, you know. I do know that. Do you offer like your stuff online? Like is there, do they have to hire you?

Like how do people like if they wanted to go to you or do you sell like I see an ebook on here? Like is it like how do people like get the pleasure keys process and do that with you? Yes. So I do have different ways that I work with clients. And I do primarily offer online. So I work with clients online. So worldwide.

I also do couples retreats. And that's an in person of three day experience where we go deep into the pleasure keys process and I really teach you the skills of getting back on the same page while you're pulled away from your crazy chaotic life. We really go deep into that. So private coaching or the in-person couples retreats. And then I do have online programs as well. I just launched a online program for couples.

So couples who can't travel or do the retreat format have a program called Back on the Same Page that teaches you kind of all of the same stuff, but over the course of six-month online program, I teach that live. And then the e-book is great. Anyone who's listening who wants to kind of see what the pleasure keys are, there's three triads in the pleasure keys, which are nine principles that we're working with that are broken into three triads, you can discover the first triad of the pleasure keys in my e-book called the pleasure keys. And everything lives on my website at pathway to pleasure.com. Right. And you have like a 20-minute consultation, right?

Complementary? Some people could call? I love that. Yes. Yes. Anyone listening, if you feel like you're in that place where you're ready for, you know, maybe just to, you know, maybe just to even find out what it would be like to work with a professional. I do offer that complimentary consultation and that can be booked on my website as well.

And when you do it online, now, so because it's couple therapy, right? And it's about the specific thing. I'm assuming it's not like, you know, people see you for five years. I mean, how long do you typically see couples? Do you, do you, is the average? Yeah. So on average, like for a starting initial scope of work, we're talking usually to get that foundation there.

It's about a six to eight months process. And then I do have some couples that want to work with me continue on. So, you know, but I'm never going to tell someone you're going to need two years with me. Yeah, of course. If that's not what you need, but I'm not going to tell you I can fix your problem in six weeks. You know, there's maybe some things that I can help you in in that short of time. So there's really sort of a certain amount of time that's needed. And on average, that's about what most couples need.

And it depends also on just how much you do, you know, how much you show up for yourself. And then also how much you really implement the things that we want. work on outside of our session. That's really where my couples who get the best results are the ones who make time to implement and work on the do the practices and such outside of our session time together. And is it a once a week thing? It, you know, I really customize it. When I'm doing private coaching, I customize it because sometimes we need that weekly for a little while and other times that's too often. So it's very custom tailored for private coaching. Now, if you do one of my other programs, like the back on the same page program, for example, that's two times a month. It's a live

call with me where I teach a different aspect of the work for each call. I take you deep into practice. We have group sharing. So that's a little bit of less of a time commitment in that regard. So that can work really well and a little bit more cost effective as well. If you're on a tighter budget, the back on the same page is great because it's a little bit more of an affordable option because it's a group program. But I think we need to learn in groups. I think we learn better in groups, to be totally honest. There's so much shame around sexuality and our relationship that in the group setting, we learn that it's totally normal, that other people have the same problem you have, and we don't have to hide from it. So I think in a lot of ways, having that format is just

something that can be really energizing and illuminating the lightning for a lot of couples. Yeah, for sure. And now, where do your workshops take place, like the in-person, three-day workshops? Yeah, I host them in different locations. So I live in Western North Carolina in the mountains. So I do host in that area, usually just outside of Asheville, North Carolina. My upcoming one for 2026. The next one that's available for 2026 is going to be in Tucson, Arizona, in February, which is a beautiful place to be in February, especially if you live in a cold climate. Totally. Yeah. And so I do them in different locations. And eventually I'll be looking at hosting some probably in Tulu, Mexico is on the list for 26 for one of the future retreats. But you usually

keeping them domestic here in the U.S. with the exception that I'm looking for Mexico sometime next year. So you do them once a year? No, I do them about four times a year. Oh, awesome. Okay, and it's a three day. It's a three days. Correct. Yeah. And it's all, and how many couples typically are there? Like, do you have a match? Yes. I cap it at 10 couples, but usually it's not even that. It's maybe about six is a really nice sweet spot. So you're not like in a room of a hundred couples. You know, it's very intimate. Lots of time for one on one. Well, not really one on one, but support. You can ask questions. You can get, you have me and my full dedicated attention. And so I really. can take my couples deep into the learning and into that embodied piece, which is so important. Anytime we're working with trying to access desire, give voice to our desire, how do we get back on the same page when two people want different things? We go deep into that. And it's all fully closed. By the way, I do want to just give that caveat. We're not doing in these workshops. Yeah. Yes, we keep our clothes on. We're not doing genital or sexual touch at these workshops.

Yeah. And it's called the Pleasure Keys, by the way, the Pleasure Keys, couples retreat. And so that's like a fast track. It's kind of like what you would do with a couple one-on-one, but they could go for like, you know, like all day, every day for like three days kind of thing. Exactly. Exactly. And that's one of the reasons I started doing the retreat format because what I would find is for some couples, it's very hard. They've got very busy lives and it's very hard A to pull away for the once or every other week one-on-one meeting. And then in terms of trying to carve time and space out to implement things we're working on, they have a hard time doing that.

They just have distractions all over the place. So the retreat format's really ideal for those couples that just kind of need to pull away from their busy life. And they want to learn the stuff kind of all in a condensed format. And then I have support options beyond that. I do like a monthly practice call that's part of the retreat. You know, anyone who's done a retreat with me is invited to that monthly practice call. It's, you know, free. Right now I'm offering it.

You know, I don't charge for that. It's just a way to build that community and continue to stay in the work and continue to grow. So the retreat format is just awesome for that. I love it. I like to be able to do them in different locations. I usually, because I just love nature. So I try to do them in locations that are close to beautiful places of nature, where we can really kind of get out of the city and just be near trees.

Or the desert, no trees. There's something about the fucking desert that's insane, right? It's magic. Yeah, it is so magical. The mountains in Tucson and the cactus. Actually, the location we have in Tucson is right next to Saguaro National Park. So all those cactuses everywhere is cool. It's very cool. Yeah.

So I like to have just that natural surroundings are really important, I think, for our healing and just for relaxing and for sinking deep and getting away from the distractions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that.

I mean, I feel like you're like you have a little bit of, you offer something for every type of person, whether you want to just do it all at once or you want to do it, you know, weekly. You know, everyone rolls a different way. So I love that. You also have the online if people could take it. I love that. You have the 20 minute consultation. So just give all your shoutouts. And I will put links in the description so anyone driving doesn't have to like remember everything.

But just shout out like all your stuff again. Yeah. I mean, I think that was most of it. I really just to keep it super simple is pathway to pleasure.com is the best spot to find me. All of my stuff lives there. You can anything you want to connect with regarding what we talked about today lives at pathway to pleasure.com. Great. I have a coaching couples or treats the ebook, my consultation.

Anything that's like, oh yes. finding there. Yeah. And yeah, I would love to connect with anyone who feels called and like they're ready for that next step. Awesome. And your podcast is Sex Talk Cafe if they want to hear more. Because you have experts on your show too, right? I too. Yeah, I love that. No, it's a lot. Sex Talk Cafes on all of the podcast platforms. And I've had that show since 2019. I started in 2019. So I've been at it for a little while. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a lot of fun and would just love to have anyone who wants to go learn more head on over to sex talk cafe and check it out yeah i love it i'm gonna get the pompor person on my show just because of that you said if you want to shoot me an email i'll get

you her uh i can get i can connect the two of you oh i love that yeah just shoot me an email to remind me i will i will all right susan morgan taylor i like three name people i like your name i got to say it all together you can't say it's ever susan morgan taylor goes uh thanks so much for coming on the show you This was a super interesting conversation. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. Okay, thanks, Susan. All right.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically.

17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book.

It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot

of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community. And you will love I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast.