Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 124 - Pocahontas Can't Find a Guy to Date

Episode Date: May 2, 2016

Pocahontas calls in because she thinks that white guys won't date her because she's a light skinned, black woman. Is it true that white guys don't want to date black women? What type of guy has she dated in the past? Does she maybe have other issues that are keeping guys away? Tune in to find out plus hear a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your Greek flag lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts. Kathy Kay and Tommy.

Hey, welcome to Stricle and on this podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the show, you could follow the show on Twitter. It's at Strict Anonymous or you could follow me on Twitter at Cartoon Therapy. I probably use that account more than the show's account. You could like my Facebook fan page, even though I don't do anything there. And if you want to be on the show, I'm always looking for people to call in. This is a show where I give Total Strangers my unprofessional advice. you could send me an email to strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.

Today I have on somebody who did just that. I have a listener who was listening to the show and figured she would call in because she had a question for me, kind of like a problem. She, her name is Pocahontas. That's what she called herself. I think it's a great name. But before she called herself Pocahontas, she asked me first, oh, you know, I don't, just make up any name for me.

So I went on to Google and I put in like stripper generator name. Like I'm like, I'm just going to generate a stripper name for her like because they have those things. Those, I don't know. I've seen them on Facebook. So anyway, I put her name that was on her email into the stripper generator name thing on Google. And like I have to say I got back bunny swallows, which I thought was like a fucking killer

name. Bunny swallows, right? But I was like, that would be insulting to call her bunny swallows. because she wasn't really calling up about anything sort of sexual. Her problem was more, goes more with the name Pocahontas, even, not in any way other than it's just not a sexual name Pocahontas. And this is not really a sexual question. She wrote me and was like, oh, you know, I am a light skin black girl and I just want to know why no guys will like me. That's basically the gist of it. But it gets like more confusing than that. And like, and that's what we discuss in this

podcast, but we don't, she wants to keep it more about sort of the fact that white guys don't like light skin black girls. And I, of course, like, try to go deep and make it more personal and more about her and see what's going on with her that, you know, might be the reason why no guys like her, because that's what she thinks. Or no guys are interested in her type of guy. So anyway, we go around in circles. We kind of butt heads a little bit on this podcast because she doesn't really buy into anything that I'm sort of saying that much really, which is cool with me. I love a good argument. And so does she. She's as feisty as I am, which I like. I like Pocahontas. I just don't think that I gave her the information that she was looking for. And I have to say, I coordinated a call

with her. I told her, let's do a do-over, because I really felt like she would be a listener, I mean a caller who would do much better with my co-host Tommy. So I got Tommy to a good. to do a podcast with her because I felt like he could help her better than me. And she just like sort of disappeared. We tried to schedule and it just got too confusing. And then eventually she just never emailed me back. But Tommy was into it and he was going to get on and help her. So if you're listening, Pocahontas, we could still do a do-over call with you with Tommy.

And he could give you the advice maybe that you're looking for. Because I don't know that I resolved any of her issues on this call. I don't think that she even thinks she has any issues. maybe she doesn't. I don't really know. I'd love to hear from listeners what you think after you listen to this podcast because I was a bit confused and she might have been a bit disappointed because I was just trying to pry a little bit too much into her life. I don't know. But that's what I like to do. I like to go deep. I like to ask questions. I like to talk. I don't like to talk about big picture stuff. I like to talk about like just personal stuff about people. But like because she's anonymous and

nobody knows who she is, it wise to be a bigger thing because I think that people could relate. to people's stories. I don't know. Anyway, I'm just going to be right back on with Pocahontas. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is Strictly Anonymous. Strictly Anonymous.

Hey, Pocahontas, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you? You're on with Kathy. I'm well. Thank you. How are you? I'm good. So Pocahontas, you were a listener of my show, right?

You recently found my show, and you wrote in and you're like, I don't have like a sex story for you, but like you have some issues that you want to talk about. And you wrote me a lot of information in an email. And I was a little confused because at one point you kind of started off like saying like you're not into sex or you don't have sex unless you're in a relationship, right? But then like later on, you talked about how you love sex, but you can, you can't hit on guys and there's like this whole issue. So I was like, you know, are you calling him because you have like, you think you have maybe commitment issues or is it that because you said that you were a light skin black girl, right? And that

you had problems with picking up guys. Was that the issue? Because you also said other things too. So I'm just trying to figure out what you think your problem is, though we're going to talk a lot about it, and maybe we'll figure out there's something else going on. Cool. So, yeah, like you said, everything is right. I am like a light-skinned black girl. I just feel like we never get hollered at.

We never get talked to. I have, like, all my friends that are black, I mean, they're ranging in color, of course. But they're all single, all great ones. women all have their stuff together, and yet they're single. It makes no sense. But wait, all the light skin black girls are all black girls in general or all your friends. Well, all my friends.

Yeah, but all white girl friends are single too. Trust me. It's an epidemic right now. Guys just don't want to date anybody. I think that's a problem across the board. I'm telling you that. I mean, that's what I see in the young girls here in New York. And I understand that, but just talking amongst people, black girls aren't.

in that conversation there. Everybody does want a white girl. Everybody does want an agent or Latina. Like, no one goes, yo, I want a black girl like that. You don't, not saying no one because I'm not going to speak in, you know, indefinite, you know. Of course. The majority of the people that I've been around, no one talks about it. Yeah, but I find that hard.

I don't understand because, like, first of all, I have a lot of white guy friends that are into black girls for sure, right? you know I don't know where you live I don't want to talk about where you live but like where like but I just want to know like in general like are you in a community that is mostly black or are you like in a community where it's mostly white and you're like the only black person there I mean like what's the deal that you know like no the demographic is well of course mostly white but I live in a big city a major city and we're perfectly split almost you know there's many races there's very races there's very much there's very ridiculous amounts of races, you know? So it's kind of like New York. It's like you're in a very diverse place, right? So when you see other, like, okay, besides your friends, because you say you and all your friends are sort of single and you just feel like nobody's into black girls. But don't you, when you're walking down the street see like black girls, like holding hands

with another black guy or a white guy or like, you know, any of that stuff going down? Or is, or do you never even see that? I feel like yes, but it's in a niche. Like all the gossip people. yeah I see that and all like it's a niche kind of deal I am super normal super you know there's nothing nichey about me I'm just normal and there's that's not there's nothing for me in that spectrum but what is the niche like I was right you say that you see people being hooked up like what like what's the niche like it's like it's like I don't know like I don't know what to call

like the weird kid like it would be the weird kid and in high school like the uh the golf kids or like, yeah, that's what I thought you said, the goth, uh-huh, but like the ones that have a lot of piercings or like, what do you mean? Yeah, I mean, not to classify a group of people, but yeah, like, I don't know how to explain it better than that. Right, so you feel like those black girls could get dates, but you, because you're more normal and your girlfriends, I'm assuming, are more normal like you, right? You guys find it difficult. Yeah. Okay, but let me ask you this first, so let's just get a little history on you. How old are you? I just turned 31

You just turned 31 Now in your 31 years Right When how many like Long-term boyfriends Or even like you know Half a year boyfriends have you had Uh one

Okay and how long was that relationship And how old were you It was six years And it was we started When I was 23 22 23 Okay so you guys just broke up Like maybe a year ago right

So that was a long-term relationship friendship. Yeah. Okay. And now how did you meet that guy? No, no, my life. Okay, so he was like a friend or somebody in high school that you knew? I don't want to get into specifics. Why not? Nobody knows who you are. You're Pocahontas. I'm sure that. Nobody knows about you more. What do you mean you don't want to get into this specific? Because I know a couple of friends are listening to them. Because a couple of my friends listen to the podcast and I've raved about you. It's hilarious. Okay. But, uh, so, um, I mean, but we're off and on, you know, we just knew each other off and on throughout our lives.

Okay. Okay. Cool. And so, yeah, and then finally we just, just made it happen. But let me ask you this, Pocahontas, because sometimes I think when people have a relationship and it ends, like, badly, which most relationships end badly, because if it doesn't end badly, it wouldn't end, right? No, it didn't, you know, it didn't invest way. Like, we still love each other. I swear to time. No, no, no, no, but you're probably rewriting history. Listen, I'm friends with all of my exes, right? And eventually I always wind up being friends with them and still love them and still know them to this day. But there's always a time period where, you know, you're sort of devastated and there's

bad feelings. That's why you break up. Like, what did you do? Like, okay, maybe now you guys are friends and everything is cool. But, like, during the initial breakup, like, what actually happened? I honestly couldn't tell you that it was a. a bad relationship, honestly. No, no, no.

I'm sure your relationship was going to say, why did you break up? I mean, the, it really sucks. Because I was fat. You broke up because you were fat? Yeah. But what, you were fat and you could handle it, so you broke up with him or he was like your two fats

were breaking up with you? What happened? Yeah, he just, like, he disguised it as in, like, I'm just tired of your relationship, and then later on, I thought I was just, I was bad. But I was, I don't know. Okay, but let me ask you this. Were you in love with him when you were with him? Of course. Okay. And you were with him for seven years, right? Yes. I mean, six, sorry. And so one day he turns to you and says, I don't really want to be in a

relationship with you anymore. And you were okay with that? I mean, it totally came out of left field, but my thing is, like, I'm not trying to keep you if you don't want to be kept. So what can I do? Like, honestly, what can you do? No, no, no. Listen. Okay, there's always two things going on in relationships. We always have like a logical mind and then we have feelings, right? So yeah, you could logically say there's nothing I could do, right? And that's what has happened. And that's just common sense, right?

But you have feelings. I mean, you love this person and then he just changed his mind. And it always feels terrible when somebody that you care about chooses not to be with you. Rejection is really difficult to handle for anyone. And it doesn't matter how many times you get rejected, it always sort of blows, right? And that's kind of hardcore rejection because. here's a guy that you're with for six years, right? And out of nowhere, he says, oh, I'm not into it anymore.

And then I'm sorry, but when you find out it's because you were fat, which I just hate to even say that word because it's like, I don't know, it's so rude that I would think that that would be on some level when you found that out. That would be a second blow. And maybe you'd have some feelings about that as well. Definitely. But I kind of figured that was the reason anyway. I know, but didn't that devastating?

Wasn't that hard to take that somebody would just discard you because you gained a couple pounds? Because, I mean, you're the same person, right, that he fell in love with. You could have lost the weight. I mean, weight is not something that stays the same for anybody. I mean, and let me tell you, Pocahontas, I'm sure. Guys are stupid. They don't see further than five minutes. I'm sure if he got fat, you would have stayed with him, right?

Or he might have even been fat, okay? There's, right? Yeah, but definitely, like, you know, it goes, I lost the weight. Like, I'm super thin now, but, yeah, I don't know, like, we do this after the, after the breakup, we didn't talk, well, I didn't talk, call him for a year. That's what I'm talking about. Exactly. That's just what I mean, is that, like, you're rewriting history and a lot of people do it. Okay, we all look back and we just tell stories about how, oh, we broke up six years and, I didn't, it was easy. It was a great breakup,

but, like, you didn't talk to him for a year because you needed that time alone to sort of heal and be okay and then you could eventually go be friends with someone but that's and that's normal right but that probably wasn't a good breakup you probably didn't talk to him because you were upset and had to process feelings that you had right um no I feel like no just because it's still not fully processed I mean that's okay what do you mean not fully processed you see that you feel like you're still holding on to feelings about that I mean that's where I'm going with this questioning by the way maybe you know that already But do you know, yeah, I got that.

You do, right? Yeah, this is, okay. Yeah, no, yeah, of course. Of course. For like six years, we had plans. They didn't go through. Like, it happened. It's devastating.

Listen, it's devastating. And maybe, like, and this is where I was kind of, this is why I was questioning you about that relationship, because I think I do remember you saying in the email that you had this long-term relationship. And when you were talking all about how now you can't find someone, a lot of times when people are in a long-term relationship and the rug gets pulled from underneath them,

It's so devastating and they've become very fearful of having another relationship. And that's where a fear of commitment comes in, right? And then when you have a fear of commitment, it starts to sound a lot like what you're saying. Like, oh, no, guys. Like, you know, like there's all these kind of excuses for why you can't meet somebody. You know, and you also brought up something about your mom, which was a little telling, which we'll talk about in a second. But, you know, you start saying these things that are just like, okay, like in life,

like there's somebody for everybody. and, you know, I think it's probably more so the fact that you have a fear of commitment now because of what happened than nobody likes normal, light-skinned black girls like you that are 31. No, but I feel like I could say that because of different elements. So I can say that not a lot of people like black girls because I have been rejected and have told me to my face I'm not dating because you are black. No one says that to not that many. Oh, just so you know, okay, but just so you know.

You know like that? Yes, I have been told to my face like I couldn't date you because you talk too much, okay? Like everybody had like. I feel like that's a character trait. Like that's like to me that's something that you could. No, I cannot change that. Okay. That cannot be.

That does. But I thought that was, that would easier be changed than me changing my skin color. No, no, no, just so you know that couldn't be. I'm an alpha female. Okay. So it's the same kind of. thing. I've been told actually like if I was black, I wouldn't even be that interesting because I have more like qualities like a black girl and a white girl. Because white girls tend to be a little bit of

tight and quiet and I'm more sort of loud and opinionated and whatever. So I don't think like that part that part of me can't be changed really. And I've been told that a lot. But I do believe and I do know, I mean, that there's there are guys out there that like women that are exactly like that, right? So there are. Definitely. Yeah. I mean, there are tons of guys who like, like black girls, black guys, white guys. I know in my friends, like I would say 50% of my white guy friends like black girls. Okay, totally. So, you know, I think that it goes out.

I personally believe you're using that as a way to sort of, like as a way to sort of not look at yourself so much, right? You're looking at other people. No, no, I think I've already looked at myself enough. I do think I'm a fair commitment. that was before and after a relationship. Like I've never been a relationship kind of person. I did happen to fall into one.

Love the guy. It just happened to last for six years. That's a long time. You should be proud of yourself. So I kind of am. You should as a person with a fear of commitment. Like, I mean, I've never had a relationship for six years. I think that that's, you know, that takes,

I don't think you had a fear commitment to be able to have a long-term relationship for six years that you were making plans that you were totally comfortable in. You know what I mean? Like that's a really long time. You're not talking like six months, you know. You're talking six years. I could see why you'd have like a fear now because of what happened. But I also know that you said that your mom is sort of very much in the belief that she has that like there's never one person for like your whole life, right? Like I mean, is she like drill that in you since you were little or does she have like issues with guys that she sort of puts on you? Like, what's the deal

in that situation? So, no, my parents are, like, perfectly fine. Like, again, they're perfectly normal. They have a regular relationship. They're happily married. I can honestly say that neither of them have ever cheated. They work together. They come home together. They love each other.

You know? So, no, I don't think so, but my mom speaks openly of sex and her thoughts of sex and relationships. So she doesn't, and we've gotten to this point, and she doesn't think there's everybody, you know, there's someone for everyone.

She understands that, you know, she even understands that I'm kind of different. So she was like, I don't kind of expect you to have a normal relationship either. In one sense, you just told me before you're so normal. And now you're saying that your mom feels like you're so different that you would have a very different kind of relationship.

What do you mean by that? I honestly don't know. This is, I'm just going off my mother. This is what my mother says. So I'm just like, okay, that's fine. Because I feel like everything I do is very normal. Right, but she sees you as different. She doesn't, wouldn't you say before,

she doesn't believe that there's somebody for everyone, or she does believe there's somebody? She doesn't think there's just one person for everybody. Yeah, of course not. There's a couple people for everybody, right? Like, you could always find somebody. Yeah, absolutely. Exactly.

And she, yeah. And so I think that also plays a part in everything, too. So, yeah, I think I examined myself. And I can honestly say I know where my fault lies. Where is your? What is your fault? I mean, I think I am a commitment for, like, I don't want to be in a commitment. And I, and I'm very picky now.

Well, yeah, that, well, that goes hand in hand. And the pickiness and stuff goes hand in hand. But I think because, but I have to tell you, this is why I think that you're, like, some people that are, like, I was a commitment for my whole life. and my commitment issues were very hardcore because they came very much from my childhood. I looked at my parents' relationship and it was horrific. They're still together too, but it was like a terrible relationship. And I was like, oh, I would rather be alone than ever have that kind of thing.

So my stuff was like really hardcore and I had to like work it out for a long time before I could even have relationships, you know. But with you, I don't think that you're, I think you're just a little gun shy and your commitment phobic now because you were so screwed and, you know, in your. last relationship that you're afraid because of that. And I don't think that that's that deep-seated. I think that that's a kind of commitment issue you could resolve just by facing the feelings that you probably have from the ending of that relationship and releasing them. And then you'll have the courage again to have a relationship. And then you'll start seeing all the stuff that you talk about very differently. That's what I believe. No, yeah.

But I don't think so. Just because... Of course not. Just because I have been in, like, I wouldn't even call them a relationship, but I've been dating. And it's gone fine until I've done things. You know, it's like, what fuck?

Like, people have, like, just left me in places. And so, of course, I stopped talking to them. Like, I don't... That's nothing that I'm interested in. You know, it's just... You've met... You've met douche. guys, right? And you've had your share of, right? That's normal though, but that's like the cost of

doing business. That's dating. That's going to happen until you meet like, I'm sure that happened before you met this guy that you dated for six years, right? Like, I mean, you met a lot of assholes, right? And then this guy was the first like good guy that didn't do all that terrible stuff, right? Yeah. Of course. Yeah, that's normal, right? You know, so, but what does that have to do with you sort of, um, facing the stuff from your past, like this, this story that happened to you with your ex-boyfriend. I really think, like, that's where you need to focus your energy on. Like, I really do. And I really believe. I honestly, like, I have, I literally have no animosity towards him. Like, I have no heart feelings. Like, I understand. And I honestly feel like,

I'm over it. I'm done with it. Like, it's done. Like, he has a girlfriend. He's, moved on, it's done. Listen, it's obviously it's done. Okay, when something, it's not, I'm not talking about like resolving things with him. It's like resolving things with yourself. Like when you break up with somebody,

like, you know, what happens is you have to get closure and you have to like go through and process emotions. And that's for you. That's not for your relationship with the other person. A lot of times people don't ever even keep in touch with that other person, but they still have to resolve things within themselves. So they don't have what's called baggage. You know, that's what everyone talks about, that baggage, right?

Everyone wants to sweep things under the table after they break up with somebody or, you know, no one wants to really have, like, bad feelings because it feels terrible. So they sweep it under the table, but they bring that baggage with them to their next relationship. And that's, like, the problem, right? I have seen, I'm just telling you now that, right? I just don't feel like it because on every relationship that I've had, like it's never come up.

It's never, like, everything is gone fine until. the guy has done something dushy and then I'm done with it. Right, totally. We're not talking about that. I'm not saying that it's going to come up in your relationships. It's just it could be a block in yourself, like a subconscious block. So, you know, it's keeping you from meeting the right person. And sometimes these things like if, you know, if you're like really afraid of facing

something because it's too, you believe it's too painful, you're not going to be aware that you're even doing that. Do you know what I'm saying? so that could be going on without you knowing. I don't think that you would know these things. I'm just trying to point it out to you that maybe that's happening without you knowing it so that you could kind of maybe start to think, oh, maybe that's the deal and then maybe be open to that.

And then maybe stuff would start coming up inside of you and then you would face it, deal with it, and get on. Because I'm going to tell you right now, I'm a lot older than you, right? And a lot of times people, like I say right now, you have this. issue. I think you're commitment phobic because of the ending of that six-year relationship. And right now, it's pretty easy to change that because it's sort of new. And you could just bring it up, face that stuff, and then move on and start having real relationships again. Or you could be like people that I know that are 50 years old and had one relationship that was long term that ended badly and they never

had another relationship again. I'm telling you. And it's because they couldn't ever, they never wanted to deal with that ever again because it was just too much or whatever. They swept under the table, but it didn't go away. And you don't want to be that person. Do you understand? Because you were capable. You had a six-year relationship. Do you want to be married?

Do you want to have kids? No. At the point now, I don't think I do want a, just a plain relationship. Like, honestly, I don't think now I would want one. Honestly, I don't. What do you want, though? Because you start off saying like you're really into sex, but you don't like to have sex unless you're in.

a relationship, right? So what are you looking for now with a guy from a guy? So I don't know, like, because I honestly, because I'm just now, like, I feel like I'm just now like getting my thoughts to get, because I have been thinking about this more than, than just like a day thing, you know? Mm-hmm. But I think that I just, I just want to have, like, a main guy, I guess. I just want one kid and that's it. Okay. Are you looking for a relationship like that right now? Forget about the kid thing, but like, are you looking? As of right now, because of this problem that I initially called you, because, okay, so first off,

so I don't like approaching men just because I am very dominant and everything I do, and I feel like I just want to be treated like a lady in this respect, you know? Uh-huh. Having a guy approached me, I think it's very masculine and it's very attractive to me. Totally. But it never happens to me.

Men do look at me all the time. and they, but they won't come and approach me. So that makes me have to. What are you on a scale of one to ten? Um, I don't know. It's so relative. Uh, I would say, um, I've had guys tell me I'm an eight. Okay, that's good.

So you're very attractive, right? So maybe some guys aren't, do you believe that they're intimidated to it? Why do you think that guys don't approach you? I don't know. I don't know. A lot of men, I don't know. because I've asked some people, like just friends and stuff, but, you know, their opinions are kind of slighted because of you're your friends. But the most I've gotten was that I'm intimidating, but I don't understand how I'm intimidating.

Right. I know that. I'm five even. Like, I'm a little, like, I'm a little lady, and I don't think I should be intimidating at all. Yeah, but it might be like your energy, you know, intimidate. Like, I was always told I was intimidating and I was always like, what do you mean? Like, I don't get it. But I do know that you would, we were trying to schedule,

and people, my listeners are going to be really irritated by this comment. I'm going to make because it's about astrology. But you were trying to schedule our podcast. You're like, oh, it's my birthday. I'm like, oh, you're an Aries like me, right? I'm an Ares. You're an Ares. And let me just tell you, Aries women are a certain kind of breed.

They're alpha females. They're strong personalities. They're super honest. And they tend to be a little intimidating. and you I know what you mean like you don't get it like you don't feel that you're intimidated but people experience you that way right I've had that all my life so I don't think your problem is that you're black I think your problem is that you're an aries I mean I agree with I think that's a compounded problem but I honestly still believe just because I'm getting

this this answer a lot I just feel like and lately I've been getting it more than more than normal and that's what earned me that's I was like, y'all, this is the biggest male audience that you have. Like, I would love to. Like, I don't understand. But a lot of men just will flat out. I would say it's just because you're black. Are you serious?

Like, give me in. Where did I? Okay, tell me, like, a real conversation that you had with a guy. I want to know what his race was and how he actually said those words to you. Because I think that's, like, really fucked up. We're at the, where I think it's extremely fucked up. Okay. But, okay, just you give me an ex-

We're at the bar. We're at the bar, order a drink, and then, of course, make some, like, small conversation. I don't know what it is. Now, what is the race of this guy? He's white. Okay. Oh, white-ish. I don't know what kind of white, but he's white.

And so, I ask him, you know, like, you know, do you have a girl been da-da-da-da? We get into that kind of conversation. And he goes, no, but I don't date black girls. Okay. Like you felt that saying and I get it, but you still said it. Right. Okay. And that's kind of how the majority of them go.

Right. And then when I do get white, and then, because I'm not saying I've never, because I have gotten a white. I've actually, too, before. Very attractive men, but I was quickly done because I wasn't black enough. Now. Like, and I mean that in acting. Like, I don't, because I'm not ghetto.

Like, I'm not a ghetto chick. Like, I grew up in a very nice neighborhood, you know. and I'm not black enough now for the white guys. So it's either like a niche that white guys want that I'm not, I don't want to be someone's fetish. Like I just want to be, you know, you're a woman, oh, you know? But I don't want to, I'm not into being your fetish. Right, of course.

You can't be like a caricature of what they're sort of looking for. You're just the way that you are. And you're like an interesting concoction that maybe doesn't fit in most people's sort of idea of like, say, a black girl or whatever. Right? It's just like you're kind of full of contradictions. I personally think that the more real people are like more like of a contradiction, right? Because like if you like sort of, I don't know, if you're so sort of typical or you fall into like, you know, you like read the book and you act like the certain kind of person, I think that's kind of like weird and phony, right? I feel like mostly people that are really real are people that don't really fit in. But maybe sometimes it does make it harder to me people are harder for people to accept. them because people are used to people sort of fitting into like a specific box, right? Or like a specific description of what they think, right? People think a black girl is this way and you're kind of not that way, right? Exactly. So you're not going to change that, right? But like your

guy that you met was he, I forget, did I ask you already your boyfriend for six years? Was he white or black? He was. Okay. Now, so do you date, is it, is this, do you just have the problem with the white guys? Like, what about the black guys? Like, what's your issue with them? I'm, uh, black, I just, I'm not interested in them at all anymore, like, at all. I don't know. Why not? Uh, I don't, um, I, I feel like as a younger, uh, as a black girl, you're raised to like black guys, but as a black guy, you're allowed to be open with whatever you want. So, um, I dated black guys all my life because I was like, you know, my parents won't be okay with it, even though I knew my parents would, you know?

Mm-hmm. But I don't know, but then I meet, the ones that I meet, they're extremely, it's just too much. It's just too much to me. Like, they're not, they're rude, they don't appreciate what I have to give. And so I move on, opposed to, like, when I met a white guy, like, it was just, I had to leave him just because I was his fetish. It was extremely polite.

He took care of me. Like, you know, but it just, it just didn't work out for them. Right. So these are short-term relationships you had, right? Like, what's the longest relationship you've had since you and your boyfriend broke up? Well, all my life, it's been, like, one or two months. Like, I'm just, I'm, like, I've been a commitment, so, like, like I said, like, and two months was pushing it. Yeah, but you had six years.

How do you, why do you? Six-year worked. Why do you think the six-year relationship worked and turned into six years? I don't know. I would just, I don't know. I think I just loved him. Okay. Do you think maybe it was like you guys were friends beforehand, were you guys, like,

really good friends beforehand and you, like, really trusted him? Yeah, definitely. And you really knew him ahead of time, because sometimes, like, people are better at those kind of relationships where, like, meeting someone that you don't know, you know, you can't get past those. Because when you meet someone that you don't know, and you, you know, you got to go on dates and you have to get to know each other. There's a lot more of like a chance of those relationships not working out because there's a lot of things that could go wrong within that, you know, beginning period of getting to know each other.

Whereas when you're friends with somebody, right, and you sort of trust that person already, a lot of that stuff that you have to do in the beginning of the relationship and have to have balls for gets out the window, right? Because you kind of know that person. So it's a little bit easier, right? No, I feel like it's easier to meet strangers people because, I mean, there's, there's nothing that you have to like keep up with it like it's a brand new person it's a brand new start you can do right but your relationship with those guys never lasts any longer than one or two months

yeah i don't know yeah i mean they're all jerks right i mean they're all wind up to be but like i said listen it's very normal to meet guys that aren't that aren't that great that aren't going to treat you that great i mean that's why people have relationships and actually settle down with one person because it's really hard to find somebody that's special, right? And that treats you the way that you want. And as an alpha female like you are, it's going to be very hard to find a guy. Sometimes it is harder for an alpha female to find a man who's going to make her feel like a female, right? Because what happens with stronger women like you or like women that are more alpha, like guys are not that into that. They want a girl that's less alpha, right? Because it makes them, it sort of like makes

them not feel so much like a guy, right? So you need a real man to really come in and like, you know, put you in your place, right? That's going to make you feel like a woman, right? Definitely. Right. And that's sometimes hard to find. I have the same problem. I totally get that, right?

And then what you have on the other end of the spectrum are the guys that are just like overly nice when they're really nice, but they don't make you feel like a woman. You're kind of like the dude in the relationship. What was your boyfriend like, like the guy that you lasted for six years? What was his personality like? Because I'm areas And I probably, you can probably attest it. I don't know.

I just attract quieter men. Mm-hmm. Right. So, and I honestly don't mind that. That's fine. Yeah. So he's extremely quiet. And he's, I think he was extremely manning.

Right. So he was quiet and he was, but he was more passive to your aggressive, right? I mean, in time, I mean, at times I feel like he knew when to be passive and he knew when to be aggressive with me. Right. I mean, that's the kind, that's the perfect kind of guy for you, right? That's why it worked for six years. Like, that's the kind of guy you're going to need again, right? That's the only kind of guy you're going to get along with. Definitely. Right. And I got to say, sometimes it's very hard to find those guys because a lot of guys are alpha males, right? They need to be like the king of the castle. They're not quiet. They are always the loud ones. You know, that's what I find, right? A lot of men want that role in the relationship. right you those kind of guys you're just going to battle with it's not going to work out with those kind of guys you need another quiet guy and I know I think you should personally open yourself up to black guys because in one sense it's like kind of like I don't know no no okay but just listen

I just want to call you out on something I like fighting with you listen I'm just going to call you out on this okay because here you are like calling in saying it's like so terrible that nobody likes like black girls or like light skin black girls or whatever but then on the same sense you're sort of being the same way about black guys right? Totally Right and I totally get to like

like that you know excuse me and I totally get that but I feel like that's all I've been experiencing so I'm done with that like I'm done with that touch in my life. None of them are actually even attractive to me anymore like they just stop being attractive to me like I'm just

done with their bullshit so I'm being Did that happen recently or did that happen after your boyfriend? It happened during my boyfriend actually. What do you mean during your boyfriend? Because of the way he treated you? Not towards him. No, no, no. He treated me perfectly.

I have nothing bad to say about him at all. But in the middle, like, I'd be going out by myself. And guys would tell me they don't date black girls, even when I didn't ask if I was, you know, to talk to them. And so, like, I there, I was like, yo, if, if. If we ever, if me and him ever break up, I'll never date another black guy. Oh, I see what you're saying. Right, right.

I think so. Yeah. And so, like, and that is, like, but I just feel like it's tough to listen to. Like, and I, I feel like I hear it every weekend. Like, it is too much. It's too much. Right. And I'm, and I'm also, like, I'm also willing to talk it up to my location.

Like, even though, I don't know, like, guys are just too pretty here. Like, they want a certain look in a certain standard, and I get that. And I probably don't fit that, but that's okay, you know? But I don't know. It's just, and again, I'm looking to chalk it up to some of these things. And I would hate to move because I love this city. Just to meet a guy. Sometimes cities are hard to, like, sometimes cities are so fast-paced and there's so much going on

and there's so many pieces of ass running around that guys in cities don't, you know, it's not like a good, it's not very conducive to relationships, right? New York is definitely that way, right? If you're living in a suburb where there's nothing better to do, people wind up like hooking up and having relationships a lot more often than they do in cities, right? That's definitely a fact. But, you know, it just depends on how serious you are about, like, you know, settling down. Just because it's not like a, it's not like a city.

And it's hard enough to tell you where I live, but. Right. It's not a city, right. But it's, yeah, like, and it's a city. Everything is close by. The desert is here. The urban areas here. The city's here.

The beaches. I'm in California. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You know, everything, everything is right here. So it's not like I'm just in the city at all. Like these problems happen when I'm outside of the city. Right.

Like I said, I think they're happening everywhere. It's very hard. But it just depends on how serious you are. Like, what's your deal now? Like, when was the last time you got laid? I feel like that's a long pause. I don't know. That's your pause, though.

I just asked you the question. Yeah, right? I know. I was like, oh, crap. It's been a lot. I don't know, it's been a lot of. Do you want to tell? Do you want to say out loud how long it's been or do you want to not?

I don't think I told you, but I don't know. Like, you can, rare, like, I just don't know. Like, it's been a long time. Hasn't it been two years? It feels like near there, yeah. It feels like, or it is. Come on, you should know. I mean, as a woman who doesn't sort of sleep around,

That's what you kind of said, right? And you had one boyfriend for six years. You could probably count on your two hands, how many guys you fucked, right? So you should know how long. I even know how long it is since I, you know, the last time I had sex was. I think most women know that kind of thing because we're not like, you know, out there. I don't because I don't. True, but I feel like I don't, even though sex, it's weird to say.

Like, even though sex is important in me, I feel like it's not, I don't put that much value in, like, the time. Like, even though I can count how many people I've had to. that's called unactually on one hand. Okay. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't count time like that just because now it's irrelevant. Like, it's past. Like, I don't know.

It's irrelevant. Right. But you could kind of remember the lot. Like, after your boyfriend. It's been around two years. Okay. Was the last person your boyfriend? That's a trick question.

No, it's not. That's a very direct question. So, it kind of was. Okay. So you haven't had sex with anybody else since your boyfriend. And there's nothing wrong with that. No, no. No, I've had somebody, I've had a couple other people after my boyfriend.

It's just, uh, he was the last person. Right. So, no, no, we had, no, we had sex. Oh my God, you're so confusing to me, Pocahontas. So, okay, so what you're saying is you guys broke up, you had sex with other guys, and then you've had sex with your boyfriend since you guys broke up? Yes. Okay.

There we go. Why is that so hard for you to admit? When was the last time you had sex with your ex-wait? Maybe you guys are going to get back together. Is that a chance? Is there a chance for that? No, I don't think there is. Why not?

I don't know. When was the last time you guys had sex? A while back ago. How long ago? Two years ago or two months ago? Like two years ago. Okay. Like right after, kind of.

What? Like after, after we broke up, it was a time where we, after the year, we broke up. And then I was dating and everything. And then, then we had sex. Okay, listen, that happens a lot, okay? And it's very normal. It's because you're comfortable with that person. That's what were you going to say?

That's why it's not what? I feel like it's, I don't know, I just, I'm not comfortable because I feel bad. You feel bad? Yeah, I feel bad because he cheated on his girlfriend. Because what? Because he cheated on his girlfriend. Oh, with you. He was with a girl.

Are you crying? Yeah, because that's not what I, that's not like who I am, you know? Yeah, and you know what? That's, that's, okay, that's what is good to know about. yourself. It's something that you did. Like sometimes like, you know, and I think I said this before on my podcast, because we've all done horrific things in our life and nobody should judge anybody else for what, you know, the wrong things they've done because you just never know what's going to happen and what you're going to wind up doing. Like, look, you wind up having sex with somebody who was with

somebody else and that's not like who you are, but you did it. So what you say to yourself is like, I did a bad thing. I'm not a bad person, right? That's not, you don't define yourself by that moment. that was your ex-boyfriend. You dated him for six years. You know, whatever, you know, somehow you fell into that situation. And shit happens. Okay. So, you know, you could give yourself a break.

You haven't done it for two years, right? I mean, it was like a one or two-time thing, right? Did you feel bad immediately after and then you completely stopped? What was the deal with that? I mean, after we, I lived, that was. this is. Like, I didn't, like, yeah, I felt bad. Like, once, like, I was driving home and stuff. I was, like, I was like, shit, you know. Mm-hmm. Now, is he still with that girl? Yes. Okay. Now, let me ask you this. Did he ever cheat on you? Is he a cheater? Not at all. No. Like, there's no, no doubt in my mind that I don't think he was a cheater at all.

Okay. How did it come on? How did it happen that he cheated on her with you? Like, what was the circumstances. I would love not to talk further about the fact because I respect him, but it was, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, nobody knows. He's not going to be listening to this show. This is just like a situation. It's like you could be talking about anybody.

It's more like, that's why I do my show anonymously because it's not about like you as a person and him as a person. It's just, you know, people in general, this is the shit that goes down, right? So it's just a story. And it's interesting to hear people's stories. you don't really need to know exactly who they are personally, right? But people could relate to shit. So it's not like you'd be putting him down.

It's just that I think it's interesting to hear how these things happen. Because what happens is people judge people just by hearing, oh, he cheated on his girlfriend or she fucked a guy that had a girlfriend, right? But when you typically hear the whole story and you hear how things really went down and you know, you're not so lazy and you go a little bit deeper into things, a lot of times things make more sense. and people can understand it more and people become less judgmental, right?

But most people don't sort of ask those questions or people don't explain themselves further, right? Or people don't want to know more. They just want to judge people. So I think probably if you explained the story, it probably would make more sense in the scheme of things. Do you understand?

I don't know. I love you. I guess. I mean, how did it turn? Let me ask you this, okay. Did you screw them once or more than once? I mean, I know that you advocate. I know you advocate for alcohol, but alcohol.

I don't advocate for, well. I haven't drank for like 14 years. Yes, you do. I know you haven't drunk, but you always thought, you know, maybe I should just drink a little. Everybody's listening to you. Knock it off. You're right.

Right. Okay, so you guys were drinking. Yeah, we were drinking a little. and just, I don't know, it just fluidly happened. Like, you know, you just happen. Yeah, because there was probably a lot of feelings there. Was this like the first time you saw him, like after not seeing him for a whole year? Yeah.

Yeah, that kind of stuff happens all the time. Let me ask you this. After you did it that one time, did you do it again? Or was it just a one-time thing? Just a one-time thing. Right. And did he try to hit you up again and try to make it be? more of a, you know, a regular thing? Or did he leave it alone as well?

He wanted, he told me he loved his girlfriend and that's all I need to hear. Okay, now, did that, like, sort of hurt you when you heard that? Because, like, you had just, like, had sex with him and then he turned around and said that. Like, was that hard to sort of swallow? No, because I figured that's what it was going to be. Like, like, I don't know, like, I just, these things are just understood, I feel like. You what? I feel like these things are just understood. Like going into it in the back of my brain,

like I knew he wasn't going to leave his girlfriend for me. I know. You always say that a lot. Like I think that you live like logically, like you understand the logic end of things. But I think that we can't help with be human beings that sometimes have hope and sometimes have like sort of, we just want things not to sort of be as we think they're going to be.

You know, it's like I think we're dished, you know, we listen to fairy tales our whole life. We have like these hopes of things maybe being different. So I think sometimes, you know, we have expectations when we shouldn't because logically like you say, it's like, oh, you should just know and that's of course the way that it is. But sometimes that doesn't matter. Like you still want things to be different, right? And that's why people get hurt. And that's very normal, you know. And I think that sometimes you try to logically, like you look at things logically and you don't allow yourself to sort of process your emotions about things, though I believe you have them because you're

a living, breathing person. Do you know what I'm saying? You can't just look at things logically and just be okay. Nobody, like, have you ever heard a love song? Like every song that's written, every book that's written, every movie you go see. I mean, there's never, like, it's never logical. Like, logic doesn't rule relationships and feel it. You know what I'm saying? Like it's like, but you, I think you don't like to go there or you don't think you should because logically it should be a different way, you know? Well, I said, no. Like, of course people have still. Of course, yeah, I wish that would have made everything better. But in my mind, I already knew it wouldn't. Like, that's not what is he's about. That's not what I'm about. It's just, you know, it was honestly like a fluke. And so I knew I knew

what it was. I knew what to set myself up for. And yeah, it hurt a little, but I feel like it was minimal. It was very minimal for me. Okay, cool. But you guys stayed friends, right? And do you know his girlfriend? Are you guys friends? No. No, I choose not to know

who she is. I think that would hurt me. What, to actually know her? Yeah. Really? Even though you're like over the relationship and everything, you couldn't, you, it would be too much to sort of know her, to meet her? I don't know why I didn't say I was over-in-lawish

I'm not over-the-lil relationship I'm not him I feel like but yeah excuse me to see him happy makes me happy but to see him happy not because of me

hurt totally see now you're getting real of course that's like normal human being emotions it's the same thing of like oh you don't want somebody anymore but you don't want them

with somebody else. Like, I mean, like a lot of times things that we feel don't make sense because, but that's just normal, you know? So, right. Like, you're happy for him, but it still sucks that he's happy without you because all, like, also it's always hard, I think personally when you're in a relationship with somebody and somebody, you know, gets somebody and moves on before you have, right? Like, if you had a guy and you were in a relationship, you wouldn't be feeling any of those

things, right? You'd be able to move on, I think, a little bit easier. But because he's happy and moved on, I think sometimes that. kind of sucks too, don't you think? I don't know. I feel like even if I did have another boyfriend, I'm still not one would see it. I don't know. It's still, even way it goes.

Yeah, because you, this is what everybody does. I think it's ridiculous. It's because nobody really deals with the end of their relationships properly and they hold on to everything. And I get girlfriends calling me up crying because their boyfriend from 20 years are getting married. It's like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, get over it already.

Like, I can watch any one of my exes make out or fuck a girl in front of my face and I could care less because what I try to do is I really try to process my feelings and really go to the pain of the ending of every relationship, get it all out in whatever way is possible and then move on with my life and then you're fucking done, you know, holding on to the past like that and not being as like it was like weird to me. But honestly, I think it's more normal. People are very like that. So people think it's always weird when people are friends with their exes and everything. But I, for me, I would be opposite. But when I say friends, like, mind you, we're nice, we're quarter to a

other. We don't talk every day. We don't talk once in a month. Well, of course. He's got a girl friend, right. Like, you're not that friend. Yeah, like, I don't call him. I don't, yeah, we don't talk.

Right, and you're not friends. Right. So you're not really friends. Yeah, we're not friends at all. No, but you're not like, you're not like you were for that year where you were really not talking. No, but we weren't, like, he called me for my birthday. I called him for his birthday.

But, like, we weren't not talking. We just, I gave him his space because that's what he asked for, and that was it. He asked for his space when? Well, we both up. Oh, okay, right. Yeah. Did you think that maybe there would be a chance that you guys would get back together? Like, did he just kind of say, oh, let's take a break?

Or did he say, oh, I really just want to be done? He just said he wanted to be done. He was like, I need to be done. I need to be done. I need to be done. How did you find out it was because you were fat, quote unquote? Because I just can't, I don't like that word. Did he tell you that?

I mean, later on, like when I laughed on him, he told me. What did he say? I just ask him to be real with me. Like, let me know. I just want to know. And it was because I was fat. You just said because you're fat. Oh, God.

Really? Like, really? like see I wish how he was on this call because I'd call bullshit for that too like seriously like he would like how much fatter were you were you like did you go from like being 120 pounds to being 400 pounds like I mean how

no I mean granted so I got I did get extremely six so I got six and and and I just got fatter so I went from like 130 to I topped it off at 210 but now I lost it so now I'm at 1 15

and so you got sick, what happened to you? I don't know. No one knows. Like you never told me in the hospital. They never told me. Oh, really? So, but it was like,

Yeah, they don't know what it is. Oh, interesting. But they, and you just stayed sick for a while and then it eventually resolved? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's kind of crazy, right? It's freaking creepy, right? Yeah.

And that happened while you were dating him, right? Yeah. That was probably hard in your relationship because maybe, like you guys he didn't get you it wasn't just that you had gained weight maybe you guys weren't having sex right and like it didn't that change things in your relationship or no

no no when it comes like I said sex is extremely important to me in my relationship so it was sex was fine was perfectly fine okay but your sickness

did it affect the relationship no because I asked him if I did and he said not really he said he loved taking care of me all the time. And yeah. No, I don't think it did. I think it was just because of fat. That's worse.

I don't know. None of this makes sense to me, Pogon. Did you almost get really upset when you started to talk about your sickness, too? Was that something, like, really difficult to go through? No, because he was normally there when it, uh, he was, he always came to the hospital when it happened. So whatever the doctor told me, he told him. So it never really, there's nothing.

to discuss really. No, I'm saying was it difficult for you? Was it a difficult time for you? Of course, yeah. Right. Of course. Okay. No, I didn't know if you were getting emotional when you were talking about it again.

Like before you got emotional. Oh, no, no. Oh, okay. Because before you got emotional when you were talking about like sort of being with him when he had a girlfriend, I didn't know if that, you know, because I think, you know, going through something like that that's pretty hardcore could have also, you know, played a number on you emotionally. I'm trying to find out that, you know, you listen to my podcast, you know, I like to go deep.

Too bad I don't have my, you know, my guy Tommy as my co-host still, because I know you're listening to my early episodes. I know I don't whatsoever, because I like to go deep. He just like to say stupid shit, but like I don't know you. He might be able to help you more. But let me tell you this, Tommy loved black girls. And the other thing is, you should date Tommy. Tommy also loved alpha females, the crazier, the louder, the more.

fucked up you were like the more strong personality you were like he loved it and he liked fat girls too I once found fat porn at his house okay he liked all it's okay but the good thing is is he's like skinny girl I'm super skinny he liked me and if you gained a pat wait he'd like you then too he liked everything so trust me there are guys like that out there's hilarious yeah he would and so like that's what I'm saying like and I'm willing to talk this up to location like but yeah no I think it's like deeper. Listen, I think if you really want a relationship and you want to get back out there and you want to get back in a relationship and you're, I think you're afraid. I think you were really hurt in the ending of that relationship. And I think you're gun shy. So, you know, and I think until you really

face that shit, you could stay like this for a long time. You could go being single dating, you know, scumbags for like 10 years blaming it on the fact that you're, you are who you are and you can't meet somebody. And time could just go by. I've seen it before. You know, you don't. want to be one of those people. You know, like at all. If you really want a relationship eventually and you're really open to it, I think that you could find somebody. I do believe that there's somebody for everyone.

Like your mom says, there's more than one person. So why shouldn't you be able to find that? And that's exactly what I'm asking. But I feel like I'm having more trouble than my other non-black friends is what I'm saying, though. But you're, so all your black friends, none of them have boyfriends. but your white friends do. No, I'm not saying all.

Like, again, I don't say all or none, but the majority of them, yeah, do not. And they're great people. And I would, okay, one of them is ugly, but I feel like they're all great people. Yeah, but I don't care. That doesn't matter. No, there's, no, please, that's so rude.

There's an uglier guy than her that would think she's fucking hot, okay? That's so wrong. Anyone could find somebody. It doesn't matter if you're ugly. You don't have to be good looking to meet somebody. No, totally. I was just playing.

But, uh, but, um, but, but yeah. And I think that's, uh, I don't, I don't know, because I know that I've heard it from more than just my group of friends or even my area. That you've heard what? Oh, that, that, that's the deal. People on date. Yeah. And I'm not just talking white guys because I'm open to everybody except the black guys.

And I feel like, and I understand that like there's, you know, I don't know there's a lot of white guys that like black girls, but my thing is, where are they? What am I doing? Like, I feel like am I doing something wrong because there's none around here? Okay, let me ask you this. I mean, and this is just a given, you're 31 years old. Haven't you done online dating, Tinder, like any of that shit and just put in there that you're looking for a white guy? I can't, no, I can't do Tinder.

Like, that is the worst. And then they... What about OKCupiter, Match.com? Stop. Listen to me. What about one of those where you put up your thing and you write what you're looking for? And then like tons of guys email you. No, because I just get dick pics.

That's all I get it. That's all I get. So what? The amount of digpicks that I have, I could build a freaking book. No, I know. I was going to make a book for one guy. Actually, he sends me the most dick picks. I was going to make him a book for his birthday of all of his dick picks that he sent me.

Yeah, and then there are ratchet digpicks. Like, at least put a hat on it. It's like, geez it. Listen, but that's just common. But I'm sorry, but listen, okay, if you go on a real website, like, okay, Cupid, forget about Tinder because that shit is, like, different. But if you go on, like, Match.com or OKCupid where people are really looking for relationships, some people are or people are looking to date and stuff and they're not really set. I didn't get any dick picks when I've been on those websites, okay? But I feel like this, that's like the, like, that is such a cop-out, though.

I feel like that is such a freaking cop-off, so, Kathy. just because, like, on male's part, like, you have to sit behind a computer to talk to a way. Oh, my God, you're out of your face. First of all, you're 31. You act like you sound like a 60-year-old lady. This is what goes on nowadays. I totally get that, but when I'm in front of your face, the same guy that was going to hit me up on, okay, people were not doing a person. Oh, my God, listen to me.

Don't you understand that this is just, stop. This is just a way you would be used. Forget about the guy in his moment. motivations and everything and just think about yourself. You would be, it's a numbers game. Dating is a numbers game. You want to find one guy that's into you. You have to go out and look at hundreds of them, right?

Where are you going to find those guys? You're going to have to go out a lot and it's going to take a really long time to find a guy if you just go out to bars. Wait, just let me finish. But if you go online and you put in a profile, it's just a way of weeding out a lot of things if you're really looking for something specific. That's it. And you might not even meet a person there. but you're going to have more. It just might add the options,

and it will increase your chances to meet the one. And I get that, and I feel like I'm such a social person that, A, I don't have time to jump on the online, and B, I feel like I'm in so many different places in different, you know, different people that can talk to me. Stop, you are so aggravated. You are so aggravating.

No, there's not. Listen, you have a cell phone. You could be hitting people. people up on OkCupid writing back to them while you're in the bathroom peeing in the middle of your social fucking rendezvous, okay? It's like nobody who's sitting home on the computer doing things and people are doing things while they're walking down the street while they're sitting on the subway while they're driving in their car, people are texting, okay?

This is shit you could do in two minutes. It's not, it's not time consuming. And the great thing about OKCupid is like write one sentence, throw up three pictures. I'm sure you have a bunch of selfies in your phone and it'll take you 20 minutes to fill out and then you'll just start getting hit up. And then you don't have to go out with anybody unless they're super good looking and you're attracted to their face.

That's all you should really look at because everything else is bullshit on those sites, right? Find the best looking guy that hits you up, go on a date with him and you never know what happens. You ever listen to my podcast with Dr. Guy, any of his podcasts? Have you got there yet? Yeah.

I've heard the first one. Yeah. I just saw him for the weekend. And I met him on OKCupid and he's the hottest guy. So, you know, you should be doing that. Okay, everybody does it. That's just a fact. And it's very easy to do. You're making excuses. And I get that. Everybody, no, and I, no, I feel like this is not excuses. Like, I think it's just, I don't know. I feel like for a guy, it's just a cop, I'll just sit on a computer. I really do. What do you mean a guy? Every guy does that. Every guy I know. Tommy, okay, the guy who likes black girl. Like, every guy that I, like, did it. I managed his account, by the way.

I would, right. But he would probably talk to that same girl in person. My thing is, I've actually met. three guys that wouldn't talk to me in person, but like me on, what was it, Tinder. Okay, but listen, you were like, it is a cop out. That is a cop out, Kathy. If you can't talk to someone in person, but you can talk to him behind.

But how are you going to, you're going to know that? They're going to talk to you on the computer, and then you're going to meet them in person, and if they can't talk, maybe you've got a free drink out of it. Big deal. What's the big deal? That's what you're going to do. I met him.

I met him, and he didn't, like, out and about, like, walking down the street. Okay, well that's a little bit odd I don't know Where did you meet him? I met one of them in a bar I met one of them in a park I met one of them at the gun range

Okay well you never met any of them online I don't think that the guy's online I met all of these people No I met all of you They like me online Oh okay How Tinder works Oh it's Tinder no I don't know

I've never done Tinder actually Okay so you can't see who likes you Until you Yeah So both of you guys have to like each other to know that you guys have to match. Okay. And so they'll match with me, and then I've seen them out in person, and I'm like, hey,

and they won't talk to me. Okay, well, that's fine. Forget it. But that's a cop-out. Okay, that is a cop-out, but that's not every guy. I have not found that experience with anyone I know. Okay, listen, everyone that I know that does online dating, I've never heard that story. You've just had the unlucky chance of having it happen to you a couple of times,

but I'm telling you if you stick with it, it's not going to happen. It's just the way that it goes. Like, if you want to find it. a person, like a guy you have to go through that kind of stuff. And if you're like the type of person that doesn't think that there's a lot of people, like if you really want to find the white guy that likes the black girl, the light skin black girl that has the personality like yours, you could literally create a profile which really puts all that shit out there and weeds out the guys that aren't going to be interested. So you don't have to waste your time and have guys sit across

from you and tell you I'm not into black white black girls after you wasted your time hitting on them in a bar. If you put that shit online, those guys aren't going to talk. to you. Maybe you get a dick pick. Maybe you get fake people, but that's just, that's just life. Like, you have to deal with it. Okay. That's just a thing. But if you really want, you know, things to change, you just have to start doing things a little bit differently. We can't change the race issue. Like, I don't know why if you, white guys don't like black women. Some white guys don't. There's nothing we could do to change that. I know we can't, I know we can't change it. My question was, like, what am I doing wrong? I'm going to tell you, you, you are

totally closed, like, I say this, like, you're a problem-hiver. Right now, you don't want to solve your problem. There are problem solvers and problem havers. Right now, you're having a problem, and you're not looking to solve it. I'm telling you that. I've given you 10,000 solutions, and you literally are very closed off to anything that would sort of give you a solution to this problem. You don't want the solution right now. You're still, I think... But I have done all the things I can spend, though. Like, I have been on okay stupid. And then I was a little on there for a year. I quit it. Didn't like it. I was on Tinder. I'm actually still on my phone. Okay, but did you put on there like you're looking for white guys? Of course I do. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Of course I do. So I'm telling you, I'm blocking these things down because I have done them. Right. All right. Okay. So you've done them. So that, but that's like, that's like, that's, like, you either have to keep doing that or like it's like, that's just, I don't know what, like I said, I don't know what the answer is to your question because I, the guys that I know are very different than the guys that you're meeting. And I live in New York City and New York City is not conducive for a relationship. It's probably the worst place for a relationship. Yet all my guy friends have had relationships. Tommy has dated black girls since I've known him. You know, and like I said, I'm very strong personally black girls. So I don't, you know, I know people in my life that are, that would, that don't

go with what you're saying. I believe that you put, you're just keeping yourself blocked because of stuff that went down in your past. That's what I believe. I believe all this other chitter chatter about all this other stuff and the analysis isn't going to go anywhere because okay, so guys don't so black guys don't like, you don't like black guys, right? White guys don't like

black girls, your light skin. There's like you said, there's nothing you could do. You're a strong personality. Guys don't like that. So then what? Like what's the answer? I mean, I like, what do you say from that? That's like the end of the conversation because nothing, you know, it's like either you're going to have to die and be reborn as somebody else

or you're going to have to believe that maybe, you know, things are different than the way you're perceiving them right now. Because if they are the way that you say that they are, you're never going to meet anybody. But it's not, but what I'm saying is not just me though.

Because I've had, like, even when I'm not thinking about it, even when I was talking to, the white guy that I was talking to for a little while, again, I wasn't thinking about that because I'm in the situation. Like, that's not in my friends and my and other co-workers and people that I'm around they have this problem as well it's not like I'm calling on just me I know but I believe like I mean look at like celebrities like there's tons of black celebrities that are dating other people I know tons of black girls that are

dating people like I just think that if you look it all depends on what you it's all there's people that okay but if you it just depends on where you look you know what I mean you want to look at your friends and you want to look at the people that sort of are like are going to perpetuate your beliefs. Like that's what you're doing. That's what I believe. Like you're just like... I don't think so.

Okay. Well, I believe that there's probably a lot of examples out there that would show that, you know, white guys date black girls, that maybe black guys aren't so bad to date, that maybe an alpha female can meet a guy and people like that, light skin black girls, people like them. Like, I mean, I think that there's probably a lot of things that you could look at. Like I said, that would actually go against those beliefs. you have but right now because those are your beliefs and you believe them like you just that's all

you could see and you have to be open to saying anything different yeah of course and i and i'm not disagree with anything that you're saying because i know they are like people that i mean different races that love black girls and i would love to have one but i don't know like i don't i just i think you should also like be i know you i think you're also like crazy to close yourself off to black guys just because of a couple of bad experiences because you had a wonderful relationship relationship with a black eye for six years. So I think that's also another. But I feel like it's right now my body doesn't even want anyone.

Like I don't want a black guy. But if you open yourself up, that's what you think. Sometimes you, like sometimes you think that you know everything, but you really don't. And I love those moments in life where I think I know everything that I know and then something comes in and shows me that everything is different than I thought. And that's like what's fucking cool about life. You could sit there and say your body doesn't believe in or whatever, and you could call me up four months from now and be like, oh my God, I'm dating a black guy. Like, you know, because you just don't know.

Sometimes we think we know what's right for ourselves and we just don't. And the universe has plans that are much better and greater and knows much better what is right for us. So just remain open to that. That's all I'm saying, because I think you're closing yourself off by putting up these rules and regulations with yourself. That's it. If you were a little bit more open, I think you might be able to attract. say, you know, if the perfect guy for you is a black guy and he's really nice and he's going to treat you well and he's out there waiting for you, but you're like, I will not date a

black guy. Well, that's not going to be able to happen, you know? But my thing is like, if that were to happen, I need someone to step up and show and prove and that's the only race that's not stepping up and showing improving for me. So that's fine. You guys could stay over there and do that, do that over there. Why? When I do date white guys or Arabs, which I absolutely love, like Middle East then, they do. step up until they do something douchy and then we're done. Yeah, well, you know, like, you know, you will, listen, all of this will end when you meet the next right guy that you're going to date, whether he's going to be an Arab or a white guy or a black guy.

I don't know. But I do believe if you stop thinking the way that you do, even though everything that you see in front of you is telling you all this terrible truth, if you just close your eyes to it and stop thinking about it, okay, and just remain open and believe and know that it's your time to meet somebody else and you want that to happen. It will happen. That's it. It's that simple.

But what I'm saying is like, if a black guy did come up to me today and he was perfect, I'm not going to be like, no, because you're black. Of course I'm not going to do that. That would be stupid. But no one's even coming close. I know. I know. But I'm just saying you just, if you stop thinking all those things and stop talking about

or looking at the lack of and the problems and the barriers to having a relationship and just start to be open to it and know and believe that it actually can happen, I believe that it will. That's it. I mean, no, and that's what I'm saying. Like, I do believe it can happen

and I do believe it will happen. But I'm just, I was honestly just calling on my one problem, like, because I know that other people have it. And I was just kind of... I don't, I think that people, I would say the same thing to, all the other people that believe that I hate when people say to me even, I have a baby, okay, and I don't have a guy, and I believe that I will meet a guy with a baby when I am ready

for a relationship. And people could look at me and be like, oh, you're never going to meet someone because you have a baby. And I don't believe that. And probably statistically or logically, you could say that is absolutely the case, but I don't buy into it for one fucking second. I believe when I want to meet somebody and I'm ready for a relationship, I will absolutely have one.

And that's the way that it goes. if you buy into all this bullshit that people tell you exist, you're never going to have anything. Life doesn't work that way. Amazing things that don't make sense happen on a daily basis. You have to be open to it. When you start believing if you're too old, you can't meet someone. If you're too fat, you can't meet someone. If you're black, you can't meet someone white. Then you close yourself off and tons of people will believe that. Tons of people will tell you that. You'll be able to look at a million situations that will only make you believe that even more. But you have to believe in stuff that exists outside of that.

You can't buy into that. It's all fucking bullshit. And it's only blocks you and keeps you normal and average. But what you're saying is like you're saying like you can't buy into it as if someone's dictating this to me. If no one's dictating it to me, people are, I'm actually living it. That's fine. You lived in for a couple guys.

You haven't met every single guy on this planet and every single guy has told you that. Okay? Sorry. Statistically speaking, it doesn't exist. It does not. True. None of my other non-black friends who say that they have had that problem more than once. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. So what? Everybody has problems more than once. But my idea is like, I'm living it. So that's a, I don't know. I feel like maybe it's, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You're living it now. That's true. But when you're ready to stop living in and stop thinking about it and start just imagining yourself in a relationship and forget about all this other bullshit. But how do you stop living it when it's happening all the time? That makes no sense. You don't need to file it as like the end-all be-all just because one guy tells you something. That doesn't mean that the whole world exists that way. No, you do. You do. No, I'm not.

I'm just saying like, lately it's been happening a lot. That's why I've just. Yeah, so what. So what. Who cares? Exactly. Exactly. All your life and now just now.

So that doesn't mean that the whole world like exists like that. that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying, I'm just kind of just, I was kind of calling this, A, to pull your audience, and be to see what you kind of think about it. I'm not,

me personally, I'm slightly affected by it. Like, yeah, it sucks and it hurts my feelings a little bit, but, you know, I'm over it. I know you're over everything. This is where I call bullshit polka hondas.

Listen, okay, we could argue all day. We're two Aries. I love arguing. Like, this is fun for me. I really like you. I love your sort of passion for things. I love that you stand up

yourself. I love how you believe what you believe. I would love to find out when you meet a guy. I don't think you're going to meet a guy anytime soon. I think this is going to happen to over and over until you're so sick of thinking negatively and then you're going to stop thinking negatively and then you'll meet somebody. But I don't think that we're going to come to a resolution. I don't have the answer for you. I don't really know. But let's poll my audience. If anybody wants to write it and tell me I'm fucking crazy that everything that you're saying exists is true and that they've had the same experience. Like, let's have that conversation. I would love to. Like, that would be so interesting to me. I tried to get Tommy on this call because he would totally be like, I love girls like you,

and he would tell you things are different. You know, I would like for this conversation to go on further if you just want to talk about the whole race thing. But I don't tend to talk about those things because I think it's very limiting. You know, I like to get personal. I want to know more about Pocahontas. I believe that there's stuff deep down inside that is holding you back. But you don't want to go there right now. So this is the end of our conversation. now, but it doesn't mean that we're not going to talk again. Okay. Okay.

And maybe we'll have Tommy on. Maybe a caller or a listener will hear this and say, hey, Kathy, you know what? Like, I could help her because I was what, you know, I don't know. Let's see what happens. But we're just going to keep arguing because I believe what I believe and you believe and we're two Aries and we're too stubborn bitches. But that's like, cool. Do you know what I mean?

So let's see what happens. Let's, we pull the audience. You want to know. What do you want to pull my audience about? That's the last thing we're going to do. You just say your little speech. I wasn't ready for that. What do you want to pull the audit?

What do you want to know? Because I don't think I could help you with what you're looking for. But what is it that you want to know? Let me help you. Is it that you want to know why white guys don't like, like, light skin black girls? Is that what it is? No, just black girls in general. It doesn't have to be just light skin.

Just black girls in general. Okay. And, like, I don't know. Okay. I guess that's fine. Let's see what people write it and say. I hope people write it and talk about this episode because I think people might think that I'm an asshole to you right now.

I don't know. I don't know how people are going to see this, you know, and what they're going to say. But I think it was like great and interesting talking to you. Like I said, I would, I think there's other stuff going on. That's what I'm most interested in. If you ever want to go there because you start to feel feelings about stuff, I'd love to have you back on. But I'd also love to have you back on.

If you get a relationship anytime soon and things change in your life, I think that would be really interesting. Or we'll have you back on when Tommy wants to be back on or a listener, you writes in, okay? All right. All right. Thanks, Pocontas. Keep listening.

You'll like the podcast without Tommy eventually when you start to listen. Well, tell Tommy he has to do some special appearances, though, sometimes. Oh, no, I have an episode taped with him. I have to wait until the divorce is final to air it, but we already taped it. Stay tuned for that one. It's really good.

Okay. Okay, I will. Thanks for calling in. Good luck. All right, thank you. All right. Bye. Bye.

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