Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1297 - Jealousy, Mistakes in Relationships, a Cuckquean Gone-Wrong Story and More w/Ally Iseman

Episode Date: December 6, 2025

Ally Iseman, Modern Relationship coach called in to talk all about jealousy, mistakes in relationships, cheating definitions and more. Tune in to find out how and why she prefers "modern relationships" vs non-monogamous, monogamous, poly etc., how and why she sees jealousy as a tool in a relationship, what to do with jealousy when it does comes up, how “mistakes” in relationships can actually help the relationship, boundaries and rules and agreements and how they differ, how and why asking your partner what cheating means to them is important to know, her open relationship and her cuckquean gone wrong story and what she learned from it, relationship default vs relationship design, real stats on monogamy and non monogamy, her journey into non-monogamy and the first play party she went to, the bumps she experienced and how they all led to her helping others and creating Passport 2 Pleasure plus a whole lot more. You can find everything she talked about here: https://www.passport2pleasure.com GET A COPY OF MY BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.  Sponsors:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://motorbunny.com/strictly⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Black Friday Sale PLUS $50 off! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Use the code STRICTLY at checkout for 30% OFF your entire order⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Get your first month of the new Bluechew Max FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2536-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Use code ANONYMOUS69 to get 50% off your yearly pass plus a 14-day money-back guarantee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — To get 10% off LOAD Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://brooklynbedding.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Use my promo code STRICTLY at checkout to get 30% off sitewide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

could call into the show. Just send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or just go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com, and click on beyond the show. Now listen, if you have a secret confession that you want to get off your back. I have a confessions hotline. You could call that number 247. Just call from a quiet place, okay? I change all the voices over there, too.

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Lives with Total Strangers with 17 stories from my show told in the third person. They all represent a topic that I typically talk about on my show and each story is super interesting just like my episodes. Okay. It's called Strictly anonymous confession, secret sex lives of total strangers. These are all true stories. The book is available in an e-book format as well as paperbook and you could get it wherever you buy bucks. The link will be in the description. But if you buy it, I will give you free access to my Discord, okay? I will throw that in.

All you got to do is send me a picture of your screenshot of your purchase, and I'll send you a link to my Discord. Okay. The last thing I also want to tell you about is I do have a free trial that I offer any of my listeners to get onto SDC. SDC.com is like the world's largest adult website. You not only could hook up with people in there, but you could also get in the know of all the swingers clubs and the meet and greets and the

munches, all the meet and greets and the sex parties and all that kind of good stuff in your neighborhood. Or if you're going away on vacation and want to play, you're going to get to find out what's going on wherever you're going on SDC.com. You get a free trial over there. All you got to do is use my code 37712 or just go to the description. Click on the link. The link to my Patreon is there. The link to buy my book is over there. Everything is in the description. Okay, today I'm on Ali. Isman, she's a certified relationship coach, and she's a non-monogamous educator. Now, listen, I wish I could get Ali Eisenman's whole life story on this show because she definitely lives in the lifestyle. She's even a cock queen. I was like slightly obsessed when she said she was a cock queen. And she does give like this one little story of how she realized that. And she does talk about how she became a, you know, open and non-monogamous and how she figured that all out about herself. But we talk about jealousy in relationships, mistakes in relationships. She talks a lot about relationship design versus relationship default. She believes there's a lot of different choices out there as I do.

She talks about all of that kind of good stuff. I typically ask experts how and why they became educators in this space in the beginning. But I wind up asking it at the end. And she talks about her journey into becoming non-monogamous herself. And she's very non-monogamous. And she was very monogamous beforehand. So that's really interesting too. She built a platform called Passport to Pleasure.

I'll put the link in the description. She really helps couples and single people who want to get into the world of non-monogamy. She talks all about what she does offer people. She's got some bunch of free quizzes on her website and all that kind of good stuff. She explains it all better than I'm explaining it right now. So I'm going to get right to and be right back on with Ali Eiseman. Hey, Ali Eiseman. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast.

How are you today? I am doing great. How are you? Good. So, Ali, you. are a certified relationship coach. You're a non-monogamous educator. That's why you're here on my show. Ed Speaker, you talk all over. And you're also the founder of the global platform passport to a pleasure, right? And you want to just explain what passport to pleasure is all about?

Absolutely. So passport to pleasure, as you said, is a global platform. It's a relationship education platform. So for all modern relationships, tools and resources for you to design the relationship of your dreams, not someone else's. Yeah, I love that. And when you say, because I was like just talking me before we start taping and I'm like, oh, like, what are we going to talk about? Let's do non-monogamist. You're like, oh, you know, sometimes I like to say modern relationships because sometimes people have like a problem with that other kind of language. Like what is what does modern relationships mean to you and what is like what is under that umbrella? Yeah, I think language is so interesting. I'm such a word nerd. So I love, you know, I love language. So for a lot of folks,

whether they identify as monogamous or non-monogamous, there's a really. interesting sort of inference from the term non-monogamy. So folks who do identify as some version of non-monogamous, whether it's polyamorous, open relationships, what have you, there's some folks who don't really like that because it still infers that monogamy is the baseline. Or when we say ethical non-monogamy, that sort of non-monogamy is inherently unethical. We don't say ethical monogamy, and a lot of folks are in a lot of unethical monogamy. So it's just always interesting to kind of look at that. I think I like the term modern relationships because it really includes everything. I'm also not into saying non-monogamy good, monogamy bad. It's about understanding what

your needs are sexually and emotionally and creating a relationship structure that supports that. Yeah. And isn't that, you know, I always say like my favorite saying is like, know thyself and it sounds very easy. But I typically think like that's the biggest problem people have. They're really, they might think they know what they want or who they are, what they're all about. But a lot of times they don't, right? And that's a big problem, especially when it comes to relationships. if you don't know your relationship style. Because we treat identity and relationship like it's a destination. Oh, I am this thing, the end, end of sentence.

And that's why I call them a relationship, because it's an ongoing conversation just like identity. It can shift and change. Right. I know you wanted to talk about jealousy, you know. I mean, I love talking about jealousy in my stories. I mean, I literally have talked to 287 people at this point. and I've been podcasting for 11 years, and I do talk to people in very modern types of relationships. And I think, you know, jealousy is a very normal kind of feeling and it comes up, you know,

and it's always interesting to me to ask about it and to find out how people sort of work through it and stuff. Like, what do you have to say when it comes to jealousy as a tool for? Like, I mean, you talk about it being a tool for greater trust and deeper intimacy. Oh, yeah. I have so much to say about it. Yeah, I love that. Imagine treating any other emotional experience like that. like, oh my God, you felt joy today, that's so awkward.

Or, oh, my gosh, you felt, you know, confused. That's so weird. That means something's wrong. Yeah. Jealousy is just an emotional experience. It's just data. It's just information, right? So, and it's also, I love also looking at sort of like the social misconceptions and the things

that kind of cancel each other out. Like somehow we're told that jealousy, A, inherently proves that you care about someone or that someone cares about you. But B is also proof that something's wrong. Yeah. It's not a good thing to feel. So which one is it, right? Like, it can't be both. I don't think it's either. Exactly. It's just data. It's uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable data. But it's just data. It can be related to insecurity and yourself. You might be in, you know, competition or comparison with someone else. You might be, you know, triggering a fear of abandonment from your childhood. You could be noticing some distrust in the relationship. Those are the four types. I call them the four types of romantic jealousy and really understanding which one is being triggered for you and most of us are going to experience all of them at one point or another. And sometimes if we're really lucky, a few of them at the same time. Yay. But it's just information.

And it lets you see like, okay, like what's going on for me? Am I, you know, is there an insecurity being triggered or is something I need to look at within myself? Am I in comparison or am I competition with somebody else for some reason? Because really jealousy boils down to the fear of someone taking from you what you have. That's the difference between jealousy and envy, right? Like envy is you want what someone else has. Jealousy is the fear. someone's going to take what you have or that what you have is going to go away. So really understanding what that is and also understanding that it's okay. It's like so fucking normal.

Like everyone experiences it. The idea that, you know, oh, I'm a jealous person or I'm not a jealous person. It's a name. There's not a happy person. There's not an angry person. There are just emotional experiences that we all have. So if you can release that sort of identity to jealousy and just recognize it, that it doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong.

it's just information. It starts becoming like your BFF for personal growth. And when you really lead into that, you talk about it with your partner or your partners. That's where that beautiful trust and that intimacy comes in because that's vulnerability. And you have to have vulnerability in order to build trust and in order to have intimacy. Right. And when you and like talking about like modern relationships like I mean you see jealousy can come up in any kind of relationship, right? I mean, it doesn't have to just be. Oh yeah. I mean, talking to a lot of people in monogical. monogamy or poly relationships. I talk about jealousy and those relationships, but Chelsea could come up in any relationship.

100%. Yeah. And what do you, like, when you say builds deeper trust and intimacy, is that about like, you know, like literally if you have that feeling or you're feeling jealous to you bring that up to your partner and talk it out, like what do you suggest to do with your jealousy? Well, I have a whole process. I call the nerd out on jealousy technique, N-E-R-D-O-U-T. It's a whole process that walks you through how to transform the green-eyed monster. like into a personal development tool. Yeah. And it's actually like pretty fun.

Once you get the hang of it, it's, it's not that complicated. It's just a totally new way of framing it and understanding jealousy when it shows up. So to answer your question briefly, like, yes is the short answer because jealousy, like you said, bring it up, right? Talk about it. That's the vulnerability. You don't build trust by avoiding risk, right? Just like you don't get stronger by not going to the gym.

You challenge the situation. That's why I like to call, you know, like open relationships or non-monogamy relationship exposure therapy. It's not like agreeing to an monogamous relationship means you're never going to be attracted to or interested in or connect with somebody else. But you have the language to talk about it and then make a decision about your actions. We don't control our feelings like jealousy, but we do control what we do with them. And that's where those conversations come in. You build trust not by avoiding the things that make you uncomfortable and, you know, are scary to you. you build trust by actually addressing them, talking about them, and seeing how you and your partner

show up in those experiences. And really, I want you to speak on, like, how jealousy isn't like a insecurity or a weakness, because, like, I remember having this one guest on this woman. And I can't tell you how many times she called her husband weak and insecure because he was jealous of, like, certain things. And I was like, you need to, like, change that language. Like, he's a human being. Like, isn't it just a normal sort of emotion? I don't think it means someone's weak or insecure. It's how you deal with it, right? The emotion itself is not inherently good or bad, weak or strong, none of it. You know, the barbell sitting in the gym, I'm going to keep using gym references.

I just got back from the gym. I love it. I was just there. Me too, girl. I'm picking my shape right now. Let's go. Yeah, go on. But no, it's like the barbell is not inherently, like it just is, right?

So jealousy just is. What you do with it, how practiced you are with it, says a lot more about your character than whether or not you experience it. Oh, I like that. Some people, some people are more prone or less prone, but again, it literally has nothing to do with your development. The development part, the, you know, strong, weak, whatever, you know, adjective you want to use to describe someone.

The character is about how you show up. Right. Not whether or not you're feeling it. Right. Yeah. I love that. I know that you also want to talk about the importance of mistakes of relationships. And I feel like it kind of goes hands in hand with this kind of topic.

back. 100%. We have this whole social construct around relationships built on avoidance. Like avoid discomfort at all cost. Do not talk about hard things. You're just going to bring stuff up. Oh, my God. It's like opposite.

Oh, my God. The opposite. And it's really important, especially when we're looking at mistakes, right? There is a huge difference between a mistake and an intentionally broken boundary. I knew we had the thing, this agreement. I understood what it meant because we clarified it and I chose to step over it anyway is not a mistake. Right. It's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about when you think you've agreed to something, but you haven't really talked about it, but you both have said, we don't cheat, but you never really talked about what cheating actually means to you specifically. And let me tell you, this is the number one issue I see with a lot of couples who come to work with me, is they think they have the same definition of cheating and they absolutely do not. you have to define specifically what those boundaries are. Because to some people, it means, you know, just flirting with somebody else. And to other people, it means watching porn. And to other people, it means everything's fine, just don't have sex with them.

So you really have to get clear on what that is. Otherwise, mistakes happen. And having room for mistakes and relationships is so important. And again, repeating the same mistake over and over and over again, that's a behavioral issue that needs to be addressed. but one mistake should not end everything. Gotta learn from it. You got to mine it for information.

Where did we drop the ball here? Did we not make an agreement clear? Were you not understanding something the same way I did? That doesn't mean it's not going to be like so fucking uncomfortable and feel terrible and be icky and you might need to take some space for each other for a minute and then come back to it. But lean into that discomfort and really see what's available because working through that together, I mean, that is like, that is the muscle tissue of some of the strongest relationships I ever seen. Okay, if you listen to my show, you know. I'm always talking about my fave sex toys. I've had a

couple over the years. I'm very picky when it comes to sex toys, but when I find one that I love, I want to share it with everyone, okay? And my new personal fave is the Motor Bunny original. Don't be jealous. I was sent a Motor Bunny, and let me tell you, it did not disappoint. Okay, Motor Bunny is the world's most powerful vibrator, and it's packed with features that make it perfect, not just for solo play, which I've used it for, but for couples and anyone who is sexually adventurous. Besides the original, they also have a handheld buck machine that thrusts, okay? And they also sell another saddle style vibration machine that thrusts as well. And listen, the Motor Bunny, even if it just had one attachment, it would be fucking killer,

because the vibration and the rotation is like unbelievable. But the truth is motor bunny has like so many different attachments that you could add on. They sent me the original sturter kit, which has everything from a small, medium, and large, along with my personal favorite attachment, which is the double penetration attachment. It's pink and it does the job. My motor bunny is by far the most incredible sex toy I've ever had. And I highly recommend it.

And right now, they are having the biggest Black Friday sale ever. So if you want to buy yourself or your partner, a Motor Bunny, now is the time to buy. All you got to do is go to motorbunny.com slash strictly and $50 is going to be automatically deducted from your purchase. That's motorbunny.com slash strictly. You're going to get $50 off your purchase. Or I made it really simple. All you got to do is go to the description, click on the.

a link there and $50 is going to be automatically deducted from your card. That doesn't mean it's not going to be like so fucking uncomfortable and feel terrible and be icky and you might need to take some space for each other for a minute and then come back to it. But lean into that discomfort and really see what's available because working through that together, I mean, that is like, that is the muscle tissue of some of the strongest relationships I've ever seen. Oh yeah. I've had lots of couples on and I get their whole. life story and you know they're you know they've had those big bumps in the road where something very bad happened like cheating or infidelity you know but I'm talking to them 10 years later and

they can definitely look back and be like we're happier and more closer because of it because they were able to work through it and now I don't think everybody should stay if someone cheats but I do admire people and I don't judge anyone who does work through that kind of situation and get to the other side and stay with their partner I just aired a woman yesterday she wrote a whole Polly book and she's like Polly with her husband now and he cheated on her twice after he cheated on her once they became swingers and then he fucking cheated on her again and then they became Polly and she just got to the truth of like what he needed you know to be with her and she wanted to stay with him and then she has her boyfriends and everyone's happy I'm like this is a great story that's the power of intentional

relationship design and we're not like defaulting to it's either this or it's nothing and we're actually talking about what we need and like look you can feel however you want based on the version of their relationship that we hear about because we never really know what's going on behind the scenes of somebody else's relationship. We just get the cliff notes, whatever they're willing to share. But it's such a great example of, again, by design, right? And how mistakes can be utilized. We can actually learn more about each other if we actually go in there and do that, do that mining, do that excavating. Yeah. I mean, this was a man that wanted and needed to be, like this was a man who was Polly, you know, obviously. Well, this is a man.

And she realized she was too. She loves it now. I mean, they've been doing it nine years. Exactly. And she may never have even experienced. I'm not saying go looking for boundaries. Exactly. But I'm saying, this is actually a great example.

I'll talk about, like, I'll talk about something that kind of, you know, put some people's antennae up. Yeah. But when we think about boundaries, we think about rules, we think about agreements. The easiest way to break that down is boundaries are about me. Rules are about you or controlling behavior. Oh, interesting. Okay. And agreements are about we.

So boundaries are about me, rules are about you, agreements are about we. Agreements are really just boundaries for the relationship that we've agreed upon. So a boundary is I get to decide whether or not I want to be with somebody who sees other people. A rule is I get to tell you whether or not you get to see other people. We actually don't get to tell our partners whether or not they get to see other people. I don't get to say, hey, you know what, I'm polyamorous, so you have to date other people too, any more than I get to say I'm monogamous so you can't see anyone else. I do get to decide if I want to be with somebody who does or does not see other people. Yeah, I love that. That's a boundary. And I think

it's important for both people to know their place in that situation, right? The one person to know they have that choice, right? And not that they have to do what that other person wants as well as vice versa. What I love when you talked about cheating like that whole thing. Like I just feel like everybody that's listening to especially the couples, like you need to have that conversation because I think a lot of people do have a very difference of opinion when it comes to cheating. I'm going to do that whole poll on Patreon. I mean, there's so many different things, right? Like so many people.

What's your definition? Yeah, what is your definition, right? I bet you it's so different for so many people. And like you said, they don't have that conversation. So I think it's like everyone that's listening to is go have that conversation with your partner. I think you might be surprised what they think. Because somebody recently was saying to me like, oh, someone kiss someone and they made out and like they think it's cheating.

I'm like, I think it's cheating. but that person didn't think it's cheating. I mean, like you say, some people think my husband watched porn, he's cheating on me. Like, you know what I mean? And other people like, what the fuck are you talking about? You're right? Exactly. And that's, if you're going to have this conversation, which I agree, definitely do it.

Do it from the context of curiosity, not blame. Yeah. It's not, oh, you don't have the same definition as me. You're wrong. No, get curious. Learn about each other. And then maybe find a definition that you can create together so that you have what's called an agreement on your relationship.

That's a boundary for the relationship. Yeah, I think it's super interesting to find out what your partner's thinking and if you're on the same page. Because maybe not. And like you said, it's not right or wrong, right? But you need to know what you do each other think and feel. Like after that, after the Natalie's episode I posted, I did do an episode. I did do a poll saying like, would you stay with your partner if they cheated on you twice? Because I've done it once, but twice, you know? And it was like, I allowed a choice to be like, it depends on the situation and explain that because I think it does. depend on the situation. That's why I have a lot of cheater stories on my show. I feel like it's important to know that like you can't just take things out of context like oh this person cheated and like it's not so black and white and like that person didn't leave them and what the fuck's wrong with her. Like you have to hear the whole story. A lot of times there's reasons for cheating and the fact that she worked through like you said like she found out the story and she was able to work through it because they were both at fault. There were things that were going on. She was able to move past

and like that's great for her. Yeah, I think it's so important the context too because like, you know, I'm happy to share to a specific, you know, story for myself as well if that's something that would be valuable. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's not even about sex, you know, even if your boundary is defined by that. Yeah. For me, like, it's about intentionality. So I'm someone I identify as non-monogamous.

I have multiple partners. I enjoy, you know, experiencing group sex. I enjoy all kinds of different dynamics. I particularly enjoy. watching my partners, I enjoy exploring what's called erotic jealousy. So like, you know, Oh my God, you're a cock queen. Yeah. I love it.

With the right people and just do a whole. Can we do a whole cuck queen episode with you, Alice? I mean, we can talk about it. Sure. Go on. But I'll use this as an example too. Because while we're talking about, you know, cheating and it's sex and all that stuff. So when newer, one of my partners and I were newer is about, you know, six, eight months

earlier than now. And we were in a group dynamic. We had met this couple. I really wanted to play. I really wanted to just watch him and her. And then just on the sidelines with the other guy. And this was a first for him. He's newer to the space.

But he, you know, of course, sounds fun to him. And he knows loving exploring this with me. Like, let's give it a shot. And so we're having a great time. It's super hot. We're watching. I'm enjoying. They look amazing.

And he's, you know, having a little stage fright. It's a new experience. He doesn't know if it's because he's not used to having a partner there or being watched or what, but he's not able to come to fruition in this environment. And so we're like, you know what, no worries. We'll step out for a minute, give you guys, you know, a few moments to kind of, you know, connect and, you know, close it down and have, you know, be on our way for the evening. To me, as we had pre-negotiated earlier, the agreement was I was going to be watching them engage because he is newer to the space. When I left the room, he didn't understand. that that meant the dynamic was now different. To him, he's like, I'm still in bed with the same person. It's the same situation. Right. And he was able to conclude and finish and follow through in that experience.

And to me, I was extremely hurt because to me, I left, the dynamic was now different. They were alone. That's not what we agreed to. Yeah. And so we had this really challenging but super important and meaningful relationship conversation after because it was like, hey, I'm not. okay, we're okay. I'm not okay right now and here's why and I want to talk about it, but I'm super triggered. So give me like 10, 15 minutes. We're going to come back to this. And he was so confused

and felt terrible. And he's like, but you don't understand. You know, like this is why I thought this. And I was like, look, I know why you thought. I understand that you thought that. If I didn't think you thought that, you would not be here anymore. Like you would be gone. Right. You, it's like you said, it's all about intention. Exactly. So I know you didn't intend. it to harm me. But this is what the agreement was and this is what was broken and we need to figure out how that happens so we can put some things in place to prevent it from happening that way again in the future. Because I'm sure we'll both make mistakes again in the future, but ideally not the same ones. And because we were able to talk through that, I wasn't able to

explore erotic jealousy in the way that I am now in this partnership because of what we unlock the depth of trust and clarity. It's been such an incredible incredible exploration. And I'm someone, I've been doing this work and personally and professionally in this space for a decade plus. Like, I've been organizing play parties. I've, you know, I had a morsome before I had a foursome before I had a three-sum. This is not a new thing for me. Did you call into my show 10 years ago and I just don't know? Are you one of my girls? You just use the fake name. Oh my God. No, that's the thing. I've always been so out. It's so funny. Like I went to my first play party solo. I did not know that was like a thing. Like I've always just been somebody who's like,

I know I'm curious about something. I'm going to try it. Yeah, that's awesome. I might not like it, but I'm going to try it. Yeah, you're super progressive. But wait, in that situation with that guy, like, was it because like you got a little jealous and you felt a little turned on too by the scenario? And then you're like, okay, I could lead into it.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and because we were able to talk about it, right? Like, I already knew I had a little bit of that and that's what I enjoy exploring and cup cleaning and that sort of a thing. Uh-huh. But nowhere near the depth because I had never experienced that kind of safe fracture. is what I call it.

It was extremely uncomfortable. Like so uncomfortable. And again, I'm somebody who's professionally trained and these communicate all this stuff. That doesn't make it like fun. Right, of course. But being able to go through it with someone who's just as a vet.

I mean, that whole experience unlocked an even deeper level of this frame. And it's just been some of the most fulfilling, pleasurable, deliciously uncomfortable, wonderful experiences since. Yeah, and listen, if that didn't happen, maybe you wouldn't have, you wouldn't have known this for five more years. Like, you needed that kind of to happen, right? So it's so super interesting. And I like to look, I'm like a cup half full person always, right? So you can look back at that situation, be like, that was the best thing that ever happened. Right? Because it really

sort of unlocked this whole new thing and made you develop a trust for him. And that's what it's all about, you know? I know a lot of like, I live in New York City. I have a lot of friends that like or in that world and they're very non-monogamous and very happy. And I'm like, I call them like professional. You know, they're professional. But it doesn't mean that just one day they might feel jealous for no reason or something might come up or something. And the whole thing is about like you say, it's not like it doesn't have to be like a deal breaker. It's not black and white. It's just about like talking about it and working through. And like you said, you develop more trust that way like you did with your guy. And self-knowledge, right? Like I get to look at it first of like, oh, what's going on for

me. Is this something I need to talk to my partner about or is this just for me? Your data, that data like you said. Exactly. You talk about relationship design versus relationship default. Like what is that all about? What do you mean by that? So it's just the idea, well, first I'm going to preface, please never hear me as saying this type of relationship is good and this style is bad. Right. That's not what I'm saying. It's not a conversation about like polyamory good, monogamy bad. Absolutely not. Yeah. Default versus design is we're told, We're socialized in what's called a mononormative world. So where monogamy is seen as the only viable, real, valid relationship structure and

everything else is alternative or unhealthy or what have you. But that's not statistically or evidently true. And it's important to be able to reflect on that and say, am I in a relationship that I've created in a way that actually supports my needs? Do I even know my needs and my partner's needs? And have we created something that supports. that or are we just following the script that we've been given? Exactly. And you could find, you could find out through this excavation that, oh, actually monogamy works for me and it looks like

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You're not in it by default. You're not asleep at the wheel. You're actually writing the story. Yeah, I love that. That's very, I mean, you know, listen, I just had someone on named Dr. Jauna. I don't know if you know her. Oh, yeah, she's a dear friend.

Love her. Yeah, and she's doing a whole study just to get all that kind of data about non-monogamy and monogamy, like all the different types of things that were available. Because when I grew up, it was either you're like single or married, you're monogamous or you're a slut. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, there was,

there was, there's very black and white. Yeah, that was that. There was like two choices, you know, and listen, like I still, I listen to tons of podcasts

of really big people. And I hear so many people say the most ridiculous things when it comes to non-monogamy. And that's kind of like what I always say my show is about and like what my book is, that's coming out that has all these like real stories in it.

It's not that I'm promoting non-monogamy like you. Like I never, I always tell people like, I believe in monogamy. Most people are going to be monogamous. Are you open to some facts? I love it. I love it. So it's important to understand because when you say things like, oh, if this, then never that. Like these absolutes, right? That's a cognitive distortion. Yeah. When we speak and think in absolute. So statistically speaking, studies show us that regardless of relationship style, so polyamorous, monogamous, what have you, there is no difference that determine, like, the style of relationship does not determine the longevity of it. It's the actual experience of the relationship itself. So it's everything we've been talking about. Are you able to? Are you able to? The style. It's the style. It's to have uncomfortable conversations. Can you navigate jealousy? Do you navigate mistakes? That is actually

what determines longevity. If longevity, again, is the only measure of success, which is a whole episode in and of itself, how we define relationship success. Oh, yeah, please. But this idea that if you open up monogamous and non-monogamous relationships are the same statistics as far as length. So if, to address another thing that you said is most people are monogamous, that's actually statistically and accurate. Statistically speaking. I love that. Most people are actually in a non-monogamous relationship. It's just about whether or not it's consensual. So I don't promote non-monogamy. I promote relationships by design. So we have a 45, or 43 or 45, 43% reported infidelity, which people have experienced it or done it, which means the number is probably a little higher,

but let's keep it in 43. Both men and women. Both men and women. Both men and women, exactly. 100%. So, 43% reported infidelity. And again, you can cheat or be cheated on whether you're monogamous or non-monogamous. It's about breaking agreements. So 43% reported infidelity. We have 20% of the population has at some point been in some version of consensual non-monogamy in their lives. And currently, depending on which study you look at, three to seven percent are currently in some version of consensual non-monogamy. 30% of the population reports that some version of relationship other than monogamy is actually their preference. So just based on the numbers alone, the majority of people, again, are actually in some version of

non-monogamy. It's just whether or not it's consensual. And I stand for consensual relationships by design, whatever the structure is. Yeah, I love that. Listen, I mean, you know, a lot of people that listen to my show are like vanilla people that are living vicariously. And I know those are like, you know, non-monogamous people trapped in a monogamous relationship. Potentially. But non-monogamese is not only about, like, oh, you have to be kinky or you have to go to play parties. If you're non-monogamous, there's plenty of monogamous folks that go to play parties.

You can be monogamous and kinky. You can be non-mogamous. Totally vanilla. Yeah. I love my new me stories. I love people who have across the line because I think that they sort of offer like ways to do things to spice up your sex life without being like super hardcore. You know, I like to show the gamut because I think there's so many different.

options and one isn't better than the other. It's what's most comfortable for you and your relationship design, right? Exactly. What sparks curiosity? Follow that. Living from curiosity is a recipe for a very fulfilling and enriching life. But is that whole relationship design versus, like, is that something you could discuss with your partner? Is it something that you want to think about for yourself before you meet a partner? Like, you know, is it, what do you do if you're like, realize you're in a kind of relationship that isn't really right for you? I mean, I think a lot of people know that, but they don't do anything about it. Well, I think it's like anything, whether you've realized, oh, shoot, I want kids.

They don't. And I initially said I didn't or whatever it is. When you realize something new that could be, you know, ground shifting. Yeah. It's really, there is not only nothing wrong with getting professional specific support. That is the benefit that shows you are invested in the relationship outcome. It kind of goes back to what we're saying. If the only definition of success of a relationship is staying together, we've got some

work to do because what is the point of staying in a relationship that isn't supporting the happiness and fulfillment of anyone involved? No. And how is that successful? Yeah. And I know a lot of people think success is like meeting one person staying with them your whole life. I was like, oh my God, I'd rather kill my, right? For some people, but like I don't necessarily, I just think it's kind of sad that we see divorce after 20 years as a negative thing. Like it's sometimes like your life. I could not agree. Right? Like, why is that negative? That's a successful relationship 20 years together. We had a beautiful life together. We created children or a house or a company or whatever. And you know what? And we've now both

grown to a point where like that relationship served its role. Why does that immediately mean that failure at each other's throats and somebody failed and whatever like no, it's so absurd. And it's such a shame too because on the on the flip side, just because say, you know, say you're no longer sexually attracted to each other, but you still co-parent, great, you run a household together. There's all these other animals, why do you have to get divorced? Right. Just because one area of your relationship has shifted. Right. If you can talk about it, you can redesign again, relationships by design because you're always growing and changing. So is your partner and so is your relationship. So that, you know, we don't have to always look at for any, if we're either together or we're not together.

Exactly. Maybe it's just a renegotiation of what the relationship looks like for this new chapter. I remember when poor Gwyneth Paltrow did like a conscious uncoupling and they were like best and great friends and she got so much shit for it. I'm like, it's so sad that we live in a society where people have the most vile, toxic, horrific divorces. They hate each other for the rest of their lives, which is so to me unevolved. Yet we look at somebody who actually, like, decided to be friends and, you know, take it for what it was and do it in a healthy way.

And we look at that as weird. And we look at everyone, everyone thought she was like, fucking weird. It's like, no, what's weird is people that stay mad at somebody for, you know, know, 20 years after their divorce. That's fucking weird to me at least. Or stay in a relationship or they resent their partner and everything. Like, how is that benefiting literally anyone? I mean, what's the quote to be, I'm just going to butcher it right now, but to be,

to be well in an unwell society is not a marker of health. It's a really impactful thing. Like, yeah, I would so much rather be considered weird if, oh God, I had a client share this with me. They had a friend say when they were talking about how they're talking about. potentially opening up their relationship and exploring, you know, polyamory and stuff. They had a friend that said, why can't you just, you know, have an affair like a normal person? Why can't you just lie and go behind each other's backs about somebody that you think you care about?

No, like you respect each other enough to have the conversation, even if it's uncomfortable. That's love. That's commitment. Yeah. Not lying. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, it's weird that somebody who would be looked at it as a cheater would be, I think, looked at better than like a swinger.

You know what I mean? People would still think the person, right? Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. Yeah, it's weird. And that's unfortunately why it still happens because of the stigma and all that kind of weird stuff. I know you did want to, I mean, you did want to talk about the world of pleasure, travel and luxury, erotic lifestyle. We all know you live the life.

So you must know how to roll out in the world, like in traveling and doing things because this is your, you live this. You are in the lifestyle. Yeah. It is very much a lifestyle for me. It is also a relationship orientation, right? So it can be both, it can be either, it can be one or the other. So for me, it is like once I really started learning about this and exploring it, I just, we have a world that is so, I'm just very pragmatic.

Yeah. And we have a world that's very sex negative. And what I mean by that is anything related to sex from a place of, you know, self-empowerment, knowing of self, self-pleasure is like demonized. But when it's commodified for other people's purposes, that's fine. Right. But we have this like aversion to empowered sensual. sensuality in our lives. And that doesn't necessarily even mean sexual, just empowered sensuality.

And for me, there is no life without sex. You know, ideally we're most, most of us are doing it at one point or another. So why are we pretending like we're not? It's a perfectly normal, healthy part of life, if you want it to be. And so why is it not integrated just like everything else? So for me, I really like exploring the sensual side of life, which can be sexual, but not necessarily. I just really enjoy. I guess hedonism is a word that people will use, just really enjoying what my senses can bring me. What is a pleasure-led life? And I can tell you, it's led me to a lot of fulfillment and just so many incredible people and experiences. So again, that idea of just pleasure-led life.

And I love to travel. That's why my company is called Passport to Pleasure is I saw that there is a lot of curiosity and people lean in. They get excited for vacations. They're planning a trip. It's the unknown. anything could happen. It's very exciting. But then when we have that same, you know, inward reflection on, like, we don't know what's coming in our relationship or in our personal growth, we retract and we get fearful. So I want people to have that same excitement for possibility for the inward journey as the outward one. That's why I call it a relationship. Again, it's not a destination you're getting to. It's all these different experiences, things you're learning about yourself and each other, ingredients you're adding, places you're going that create the ongoing conversation known as your relationship. And so does that, oh sorry? No, keep going.

I was just say, you know, and that doesn't just, I'm not talking, you know, no disrespect whatsoever, but I'm not talking, you know, swingers cruises and all-inclusive. Like, that is one version. Yeah. But it seems to be the more well-known kind of swingers-focused version of pleasure travel. But there's so much more out there. Immersive luxury art experiences, like immersive hands-on retreats with workshops and all kinds of things.

I mean, the list goes on, you know, taking over this incredible historic palace and having a whole weekend with, you know, 20 other intentionally minded couples or throuples or what have you. There's so much out there to explore with really, really wonderful intentionality. But again, if you're coming from curiosity. So where do people, how do people figure out where all of that exists? Well, passport to pleasure.com. And that's the number two. There's a reason I created a platform is because there's a lot of information and I want people to have access to it in an informed way. Right. So yeah, you can Google, you know, sex party and whatever city you're in and you'll probably get some hits because they're everywhere.

Exactly. But I really want people to have access in an informed way. So not just do I not have a database? I absolutely have a database that I'm adding to all the time for sensual and neurotic events all over the world. I think we're at 150 plus now. always adding to it. And that includes links to apply, learn more information, check out their Instagram, all that fun stuff. But I also have resources so you can understand what this scene is really about. I have workshops like Become a Play Party Pro. If you're looking for, you know,

potentially opening up your relationship and you don't want to like blow it up in the process, I have resources for that. Like my course, E&M 101. I have all kinds of stuff available at Passport to Pleasure.com so that you can make these choices in an informed way. And that includes my jealousy, mastering jealousy program, which is the nerd out. on jealousy technique that I mentioned as well. Yeah, I love that. And now let me ask you this, who are you typically seeing? Are you seeing singles? Are you seeing couples? Are you seeing everyone? Like, you know, who typically seeks you out? And for what purpose? Well, my clients run the gamut. So individuals, couples, thruffles, polycules, I would say the bulk of folks are usually couples

that are either curious to open up or explore play parties or they've tried and it didn't go so well and they need some support. That's a lot of my client base, but I also have folks who are looking to date in a more modern-minded way, you know, E&M dating or they want to go to play parties or whatever that is. So I work with all kinds of folks that are curious about what it means to create relationships by design

and what it means to be in the modern dating world. And now I'm doing this very backwards. Typically, I would have asked you, like, right off the bat, like why did you get into this? Like, how did you become a sex educator? My origin story? Yeah, yeah. Let's end with that.

Like, just tell me how you, like, who were you before you started passport and pleasure? And how did you, how and why did you decide to create it? Let's end at the beginning. Yes. So for me, let's roll back the clock a little over 10 years, about 10 years ago. I had been what I call a serial monogamous for pretty much my whole life up to that point. So up to about 30, right? I was only dating men at the time.

I would date them for about the same amount of time. Then I'd be single for about the same amount of time. then I'd boom right into the next relationship. So again, I'm a nerd. When I see a pattern, I'm like, oh, let's fuck with a variable and see what happens. So I was like, let's see what happens if I stay single for a little bit longer than I'm usually single. And what's on the other side of that. And I discovered what's on the other side of that is all of my shit.

And so that began my personal development journey. And I got to know a little bit more about myself and my own desires, my sexual and emotional needs and all of that. And then I started dating again. and I got into a few more still monogamous relationships with men, but now I knew myself a little bit more. And I said, you know, I know there's a little bisexuality going on. I'm a little curious about some other stuff. Are you down?

And I had a few partners who were like, yeah, okay, we can have a threesome with another woman. That works. Never manifested. And then what inevitably became my last monogamous relationship, this person is a speaker, so they travel all over the world. And I would join him when I could,

but I wasn't always able to be there. And so one of the times he was away, we had talked about this a little bit beforehand, And again, I would have done things totally differently if I knew then what I know now. But I said, hey, you know, you're out and about if you meet someone, you know, the hotel bar, you know, after your talk, whatever, and you know, strike up a vibe. Take a consensual PG-13 pictures. I know who you're talking to.

And have a great night and tell me everything afterwards. So one time he did meet someone, sent me a cute pick. They were adorable. They had a great night. They stayed up all night talking. But I was so excited. It felt so good. I was like, yes, okay, we're exploring.

This is wonderful. another time he was away, I had a friend of mine coming back into town. And this is a friend. We had known each other six or seven years at this point. We had had a sexual history in the past. We had already explored that. It was very much just friends. We just are too attractive people who like having sex.

So we did that too sometimes. And so I was like, this is perfect. This is somebody I already know and trust. We've already been down that road. It's not romantic. Like, this is a perfect person to kind of test those waters with. So my partner gave me what he called his green light. my friend and I had an amazing night together.

I learned his last relationship. It had been an open relationship, which I didn't even know. So we had this wonderful bonding. But it opened up what I call expansive love, something I had never experienced before. I thought I had loved my partners to the fullest capacity until now. But this was like a whole other level. Like even though my partner wasn't physically present with me, he was such a part of that experience. I felt so connected to him.

So just, oh my God, my heart just like expanded three sizes. And so we had agreed that I would call him after. So I leave my friend's place. I'm like gushing. I call my partner. I'm like, I love you so much. Thank you. This has been such an incredible experience.

I'm so excited. What do you want to hear? Like anything you want? I can't wait to see you. And it was just dead silence. And then all he said was I can't believe you did it. And it was just like, yeah. It was like a twist.

I didn't see that coming in the story. Me either. Me either. And it was honestly like it felt like, you know, like that scene in the movie, right? All the other sound goes away. Your vision gets really small. It was just like, wait, what's happening?

Wait, what? And the short version is we imploded. There were other issues in the relationship, for sure. Obviously, communication was not the best. But, you know, we tried for another couple of weeks. We sought counsel with friends of ours who had actually been the couple that introduced us two years prior. And this is something, this is why I say it's important to get the right support when you're going through a transition like this. what I'm about to share is not the typical experience.

So our friends who are a very monogamous couple, rather religious, sat down with us, and they surprised the hell out of me. And honestly, I will be forever indebted to them because of this. Because again, this is not what normally happens. But they were like, no, Ali stayed within the agreement that you guys had. Like you made an agreement she stayed within it. You don't get to make her wrong for that. You do get to decide.

And this is something clearly that's very real for her. that she wants to explore, you get to decide whether or not you want to explore it with her. You don't get to make her wrong for wanting to explore it. That right there, I was just like, oh shit. Like, I needed to be seen. Yeah. And I'm sure even if I wasn't, I would have found. And he needed it too.

You were both seen. That's the key. That's the key. And because there's nothing wrong. If he doesn't want to do it, that's absolutely fine. Yeah, he can't help that he felt weird about it. But you weren't wrong to do it. No, exactly.

It's like, I don't know to this day if he had been, you know, testing me, you know, or if he had thought he'd be okay and then wasn't, which is exactly. It has nothing to do with me. He learned. But either way, like, we tried for a little, it's just there, again, other issues. And ultimately, we ended the relationship. And I was like, okay, this is real for me. But I need to explore this on my own at first because I don't want any more, you know,

emotional casualties on my conscience. Like, I don't even know what this is. So, okay, universe, like, I'm going to get on the apps. I had never done that at this point. This is a while ago. I was like, I'm going to get on the apps. I'm going to start checking off, you know, experiences, casual dating, never really did that before either. Let me like go to events.

Like I know there's, you know, I've seen eyes wide shut. I know there's stuff out there. And I just made myself kind of available to experiences and started saying yes. And I just had just wonderful connection after wonderful connection and some not so great stuff because, you know, dating. Yeah. But I got to go to my first play party, which I was a very lucky and wonderful, positive experience as well. And it was just kind of all these experiences building into validation of like, no, this is real. There are other people like me. This is a safe environment. There are good people here, too, finding myself within that. And just, again, when I'm interested in something, I nerd out.

So I was just reading everything I could, workshops, classes, social events, anything I get my hands on. And I started helping organize. I started hosting parties. I started helping other organizers host parties. I started growing community. People were coming to me for advice. And that's kind of when I realized, what is this now, about two years ago, I stepped away from my last role as VP of at a company. And I was like, all right, I want to do something for myself. You know,

what does that even mean? And then I just reflected on my life. And I was like, I'm already doing it. I'm just, it's not formalized. People are already coming to me for advice. I'm coaching couples. I'm mentoring folks. Like, I'm already doing this. How can I turn this into something that helps more people in a way? And so that's was the creation of passport to pleasure.com and making these resources available online and growing, growing that impact. And now I speak on stages and screens of all sizes have been in the New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Pop Sugar, Grazia, Ask Men. I've been very, very, very privileged to speak about something I care very, very passionately about and ideally help a lot of people create relationships that support them.

Yeah, I love that. You must pitch yourself every day. I know I do. Like, I get to talk for a living and talk to people the way I would talk to someone in a bar and, like, get their whole life story. And like, that's what it's like. It's my favorite topic. And they do say it's like, you know, do what you love. And like that's the key to success. And it's like literally that just happened so organically for you, right? Like would you have ever thought like 15 years ago? This is what you'd be doing right? Probably not.

No. I'd be like, what are you talking? What are you even talking about? What is polyamory? Yeah. Oh my God. And you're a cuck queen. I didn't learn.

I remember learning that word for the first time with some girl who called it many, many years ago. And then any time I talk about cuck queens, then I realize I'm a cuck queen. And then like I had all these, you know, I always get so many emails from girls. And it still is something that like needs to be talked about more because a lot of people don't know the term yet. Right. And like I said, when I ever have someone talk about it or have a girl on who cops to it and talks about scenarios, I have women emailing me like, oh, I didn't know this existed.

I have this too. You can't even find that much porn on it, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, you know, it's super interesting. So, you know, it's interesting what you found out about yourself. I love what you're doing now. Why don't you give out all your shoutouts again? Let people know. It's passport to pleasure.com.

But anyone driving? Just know that like the, the, the link will be in the description, but just explain to people like what you offer and what they could find there and all that kind of good stuff. Yeah, absolutely. If you go nowhere else, the website has everything that you need, but I'm on all the things, right? So Instagram, TikTok, substack, YouTube, like, you name it. Passport to pleasure is there. And again, it's the number two. Passport to pleasure. And you can also follow me on Instagram as well at my own personal page, Ali Eisman, which we can link to as well. And if any other things that we've talked

about today are, you know, confusing or maybe spark some curiosity, curiosity doesn't mean you're going to a play party tomorrow or you're opening up your relationship tomorrow but curiosity is a great place to start just to learn because even if you are monogamous learning about the relationship skills needed for non-monogamy will strengthen and improve your relationships as well even if you continue in monogamous ones so i have a bunch of free resources as well i have tons of free content on youtube again passport to pleasure on youtube substack as well i do videos written posts and then i also have some free things on my website so i have have a free quiz called the relationship ratio quiz, and that will tell you if your relationship

is ready to open up without breaking up. Yeah, I love it. And I also have a free tool called What the Fuck Do You Want? It's a little workbook to help you understand if you are curious about this, why? Because that's where you need to start before you do anything else is understand why you're even curious about this in the first place, way before you even talk to your partner about it. And if you're not partnered and you're single, but you're like, oh, this sounds kind of fun. I think I'm a little kinkier than maybe I thought.

I'm not really sure how to navigate that in the dating world. Or maybe you are in a couple and you are starting to date, but you're not really sure how to do that. I have created something called the Swipe Stopper System. It's a three-step system. So whether you're single and curious, partnered and curious, or kinky and curious, it will help you design your foolproof dating profile

for all the apps to bring in exactly who you want, not just a bunch of bad fits. So all of that we can link to all of those free resources as well because I want to make sure you have everything you need to do this in an informed way. Yeah, I love that. Listen, people, you know, the people that are listening to this are curious people, right? That's why they're here. My favorite kind. Yeah, that's why, you know, that's what a lot of, I get so many emails nowadays, like so many people are coming to podcast to learn and to, you know, and stuff. And it's great. And I started my sexual health Saturday episodes because I love kind of this kind of stuff anyway, but I also love to give the people listening,

like real experts that could help them. Because I'll get emails from people asking for me to help. And I'm like, that's not what I do, but I love that I'm offering now real experts that can help people if they want to open up or anything because that's my audience. You want folks who are trained, but you also want people who experience too. I think there's something for like firsthand life experience and another for professional training. I think getting those two together is really, really valuable. Yeah, I love it. So I will put the link in the description. Thanks so much for calling in.

If you ever want to call in and tell your talk, you know, I'd love to get your separate story, but I know you don't do that. I need more cuck queens. Any other cuck queens? Call into my show. If you go to my substack. Oh, it's all there. I do share some more personal stories there. Oh, okay.

People are going to go check that out too. Okay. So, anyway, thank you, Allie. Thanks so much for calling in. This was super fun. Send me some picks. You got some great picks on your stuff. Absolutely.

Send me a couple of picks for my Patreon and stuff as well. Okay. Happy to. Happy to. Thank you for having me. Thanks, Allie. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Okay. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession. Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it.

The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica.

I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me.

Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly. Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to

Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast.