Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1301 - Group Sex & Hook-up Etiquette at Swinger Clubs, Swinging with a Partner and More w/Lexi

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Lexi Sylver (ep 925), called in to discuss swinger club orgy and hook up etiquette, how to swing with a partner and more. Tune in to hear her discuss the typical newbie questions she hears all the tim...e, how she got into the swinger world solo, her first solo experience and exactly what went down and how and why she realized she was an exhibitionsit, newbie meet-ups and what goes down at them, how to navigate your first time in club, the prep a couple should do prior to going to your firt swingers club, group sex etiquette in sex clubs, the proper way to join and orgy and hook-up with others, how to approach and how to say no, protection and lube in clubs what’s available and what’s not, how newbies can find clubs and meet ups on your area or anywhere plus a whole lot more. You can find her here: https://lexisylver.com GET A COPY OF MY BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics MARIE & MATT plus pics of my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712  Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠strictlyanonymouspodcast@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.  Sponsors: ⁠⁠http://loadboost.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — To get 10% off LOAD Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://motorbunny.com/strictly⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Holiday Sale PLUS $50 off! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Use the code STRICTLY at checkout for 20% OFF your entire order⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Get your first month of Bluechew FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2536-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Use code ANONYMOUS69 to get 50% off your yearly pass plus a 14-day money-back guarantee⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 call into the show. Just send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or just go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com, and click on Beyond the Show. Now listen, if you have a secret confession that you want to get off your back. I have a confessions hotline. You could call that number 247. Just call from a quiet place, okay? I change all the voices over there, too.
Starting point is 00:00:22 The number is 347, 4-203579. That's 347-4-203579. Some of those confessions make it onto a confessions episode. The rest of them go on to my Patreon. Now, my Patreon is a really great deal. I literally only charge $7 a month, which isn't a lot because you do get all of the episodes early, intro, and ad free, as well as some Q&As that I do every other month, as well as you get all of the naughty hot picks of all of my guests.
Starting point is 00:00:55 If you want to put a body to any of the episodes of the female, that call into my show. They're all over on my Patreon. And you also get a complimentary link to my private Discord. Now, my private Discord is a super fun place. It's a not safe for work site. It's a place where everybody gets to interact with each other. And there's like tons of channels over there. Like I said, it's very not safe for work. It's a place where you could upload your own videos and your own pictures. I think people are hooking up over on my Discord. Okay, the only way you could get into my Discord is getting the link from me. I give it to people who, sign up for my Patreon and I also give it to people who buy my book. It's called Secret Sex Lives
Starting point is 00:01:33 with Total Strangers with 17 stories from my show told in the third person. They all represent a topic that I typically talk about on my show and each story is super interesting just like my episodes. Okay. It's called Strictly anonymous confession, secret sex lives of total strangers. These are all true stories. The book is available in an e-book format as well as paperbook and you could get it wherever you buy books. The link will be in the description. But if you buy it, I will give you free access to my Discord. Okay, I will throw that in. All you got to do is send me a picture of your screenshot of your purchase, and I'll send you a link to my Discord. Okay, the last thing I also want to tell you about is I do have a free trial that I offer any of my
Starting point is 00:02:18 listeners to get onto SDC.SDC.com is like the world's largest adult website. You not only could hook up with people in there, but you could also get in the know of all the swingers clubs and the meet and greets and the munches, all the meet and greets and the sex parties and all that kind of good stuff in your neighborhood. Or if you're going away on vacation and want to play, you're going to get to find out what's going on wherever you're going on SDC.com. You get a free trial over there. All you got to do is use my code 37712 or just go to the description. Click on the link. The link to my Patreon is there. The link to buy my book is over there. Everything is in the description. Okay, today I'm on Lexi Silver. She actually helped me with my book,
Starting point is 00:02:57 a bunch because she's an erotica writer. She's super smart. She's also a sex and relationship coach, but she's also a swinger. She's an advocate of a lifestyle solo. She does a lot of educational stuff on SDC. So I had her back on the podcast talking about like Swinger club etiquette, orgy etiquette, uh, what goes down at a swinger club. It's really like a great episode for newbies, anyone trying to get into the Swinger lifestyle and wants to go to a club. She talks about the whole process starting from the meet and greets to getting to the club, to the orgies, and all that kind of good stuff and playing together as well as all the specifics of what's happening at the swingers club as far as like, you know, condoms and lobe and what to bring, what not to bring,
Starting point is 00:03:38 what's there, what's not there. Like I said, what to do, what not to do. A lot of Swinger Club etiquette, the orgy etiquette, you name it. She talks about it. She had her own experience navigating a lifestyle solo and she does talk about her experiences. she was very much an exhibitionist. She talks about the first meet and greet she went to and how it turned into like a whole exhibitionist thing.
Starting point is 00:03:58 She talked about that very early on. You're going to love this episode. It's full of so much great information. So I'm going to get right to it with Lexi Silver. Her link to her website because she is a sex and relationship coach is in the description, but I'm going to be right back on with Lexi. Hey, Lexi Silver. Welcome back to the Strictly anonymous podcast.
Starting point is 00:04:15 How are you today? I am amazing. Thank you so much for having me back. Listen, I know you through a. a lot of different ways. I know you through SDC.com. Okay. They're like an affiliate of mine.
Starting point is 00:04:27 I love SDC. I'm always telling people to go sign up for SDC. I'm going to give my code 377.1.2. They get a free trial, right? I send people to get free trials over at SDC.com. And then I get a lot of people sign up there. And I always have a welcome email. Like, hey, and they're like, oh my God, Kathy, we love you.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Like we have so many things. We're on here looking for people. I'm like, come on the show. And then I get guests because they go into SDC. They start fucking people. Then they come onto my show. So. SDC is like the gift that keeps on giving.
Starting point is 00:04:54 You run. Like you're a huge person over at SDC, but you are also like a sex and relationship coach. You do that. You also are one of those people that you're not just like coaching people. Like you live in the lifestyle, very much so. You were a solo girl in the lifestyle for a while. So I was thinking of doing some like, you know, swinger etiquette episode, you know, threesomes, orgies, swinger clubs, like that kind of information.
Starting point is 00:05:22 we're going to talk about here. But what is your title over at SDC and then let people know what you do as well with your coaching? Real quick. You did such a great job with that introduction. I didn't stop talking. I love it. I'm the media director over at SDC,
Starting point is 00:05:39 so I work with awesome educators and individuals and content creators to get fun, sexy educational content on our media site and to also share that with our members inside of our site. So, yeah, and lots of other fun things that I do as well there. And it's just, it's amazing. I get to talk to people about sex and swinging almost every single, like, minute of every day. It's insane. I could talk about gangbangs and like a staff meeting.
Starting point is 00:06:08 And it's like, you know, it's very, it's a very neat job. I love it. And beyond SDC, I'm a sex and relationships and lifestyle coach. So I coach people in and out of the lifestyle. solo or, you know, two on one or three on one in cases of throuples, because yes, that is, that happens. And that's amazing. And I've gotten back into my erotic writing and some very exciting things, or like exciting things, as I say, things coming with that too soon. So yeah, I can't wait. Yeah, well, because, yeah, well, we know about your, there's a new, there's going to be a new book on the
Starting point is 00:06:49 horizon when it's going to be a little bit more than erotica because it might, you know, be a little bit more truer than your other stories. Because you do, like I said, you have been in the lifestyle and you have lived a very hardcore life. I do have your whole backstory. I'll leave the episode next to your name in the description, like your origin story episode. But when you say, let me ask you this when you say, and that's what I always say about SDC. Like, listen, SCC is not just a place where you could go and you could hook up with people. Other people, you could find out about swinger parties, events, all that kind of stuff, all in like one place, right? So if you're like a couple and you want to travel and you want to like hook up with people, only when you're away from your town,
Starting point is 00:07:29 you could find people there. But you also, like you said, like you could get educated on there, right? Like you literally go out and give content and create content on SDC for people to learn about the lifestyle and everything, correct? Yep. I and we. We like create webinars for members like live stream specific to get like, you know, lifestylers and even talking about kink and things like that where people can, members can ask questions and get more info, which I love because it's very hard for people to
Starting point is 00:08:02 talk about sex and the lifestyle, especially. Like we get a lot of newbies, like a lot of newbies who are basically either like they're monogamous and they're just kind of cute. curious about opening up their relationship. And when you're talking to your partner about opening up in your relationship, you have a gazillion questions. And there's so much shitty information out there. So going to a site like SDC, like we have tons of experts. We also create our own content to educate about stuff like that. I help with a lot of that. That's like my job, essentially part of my job. And there's just so many questions that come up for newbies. And yeah,
Starting point is 00:08:40 So we talk a lot about, you know, newbie questions, like what we're going to talk about today. Yeah, I was going to say, like, what, yeah, I don't want to put you on the, the, what, I don't want to back your, your, you against the wall, but ask, and ask you, like, what are the top three questions, like, newbie questions on the lifestyle and could you answer those? Do you have three that come to mind real quick? One is about jealousy. I think we may have covered that in a previous podcast, but what happens if I slash my partner get jealous? That's a huge question. But also like practical questions. What happens at a swingers club and every question surrounding that?
Starting point is 00:09:16 How do you get in? Who can go? How do I wear? What do I do? What if someone approaches me? And, you know, in the virtual world, a very common question is, how do I write, you know, like a message that people will respond to? How do I find people?
Starting point is 00:09:32 How do I vet potential partners? So we have a million questions of depending, you know, newbies that are just very basic and we take for granted. Even if you're just in the lifestyle for like a year, the amount of information you accumulate is, you know, is incredible. You learn so much, but you also learn through experiences and sometimes through shit that you, that goes wrong. Right. But I feel like if you have a very solid foundation, that's the key to getting through it. Like a big deal if something goes wrong, you should be able to be able to work through those things as well. And that's the true test of the couples who make it through the lifestyle and who don't. Because I'm sorry, most couples will have like maybe a time where they might feel jealous even though they never were jealous before. Shit might come up and there might be hurt feelings on one side or the other. But you have to know that even if that worst case scenario happens, that you'll be able to communicate and work through it. Let's talk about Swinger Club etiquette and an orgy like in an orgy etiquette. Because like I think sometimes a lot of people don't know. I would have no idea. Like,
Starting point is 00:10:38 didn't you go to your first swinger club alone? I did. Wow. How did you remember that? I have a very good memory. Because you were like a single girl, a solo girl in the lifestyle. I mean, there's only like, that's like few and far between. I've talked to solo guys and some solo women, a handful.
Starting point is 00:10:55 I talked to most people or couples entering in, but I remember my solo women and my solo guys. Wow. Yeah. So when me and my at the time partner opened up our relationship, I wanted, I was very excited to explore. I also was just getting to know SDC. And someone from SDC invited me to my first meet and greet. Now, here's a wonderful newbie tip for all of you as I'm talking about this. Going to a meet and greet is a great low-pressure way for you to.
Starting point is 00:11:34 meet people in the lifestyle, get a feel of like a swinger's club without it being in party mode. So giving you a chance to get to know the venue, to ask questions to other more experienced lifestylers, without there's always an opportunity to go and play, but without that being the focus or that kind of pull like it would at night when there's, you know, the club turns into a club. So typically that's like an amazing way to meet people. So I went and it was an amazing meet and greet. I met tons of people. The person on SCC who was like showing me around and everything was introducing me to different people.
Starting point is 00:12:17 I got to, I became friends with them. See, this is what we're talking about the lifestyle is not just about hooking up. You can also, it's a huge community of people. So by like, and sometimes you don't hook up with those people. that's fine. Maybe they'll introduce you to a friend of theirs or somebody else that you really do click with. So meet and greets, awesome way, newbies, all right? To get started with that. And meet and greets at Swingers clubs. You'll see it if you go, if you have like a local club and you could find the directory of like all the international swingers clubs on SDC.com. But you can look on the club like at the Swingers
Starting point is 00:12:54 Club's website or page and see what events they have coming up and find out, okay. Is this for couples only? What kind of theme is it and everything? And often those swingers clubs are going to have meet and greet. So you can always think about, hmm, if that goes, well, maybe I will stick around for the party that's after the meeting grade. So you can always time it like that if you want. And yeah, so definitely trying something like that with your partner, just getting a feel for it without doing anything else. That's it.
Starting point is 00:13:24 You're just going to learn. And like you said, you can go as a single person too, if someone may be. wanting to dip their toes. Did you go to your meet and greet solo? Oh, I did. Okay. My partner was like, yeah, no, go ahead. And it was an exploratory thing. It was very exploratory. I met someone and he and I had very exhibitionistic, crazy sex in front of, I don't know how many people who were cheering us on. I don't think that it is. So, I mean, you know, sometimes like, you know, for folks who've never had sex in front of other people, there is something really special about having people actually cheer you on as you were having sex.
Starting point is 00:14:09 That had never happened to me before. Maybe in my imagination, like, yeah, you're doing great, you're awesome, you know, like that kind of cheering on, but never with like actual people actually cheering us on. That was unbelievably wild. And I was hooked. Okay, guys. Let's talk about Jizz for a second. I don't need to be a guy to know that men are into shooting big loads, right?
Starting point is 00:14:33 The bigger, the better. I'll admit, I'm impressed by a bigger load, I have to say. And the good news is, I know a supplement specifically designed to increase your load and your pre-com volume. And it's called load boost by VB health. Their vitamin is great for overall prostate and sperm health. And not only that, the latest formula includes an enzyme called bromoline in it, can actually make your jizz taste better. I mean, after taking it, maybe your girl's going to agree
Starting point is 00:15:04 to swallow finally. Even if she doesn't, though, she's definitely going to be impressed with your bigger loads. And honestly, you're going to be too. Over 88% of verified users give it four to five stars and porn stars use it too because it works. And the good news is it works fast. Most people see results in a couple of days and get full results in just two. to three weeks. So for bigger, better tasting loads this holiday season, go get yourself or your partner some load boost by VB Health. VB Health offers my listeners 10% off. All you got to do is go to loadboost.com and use my code strictly at checkout to get 10% off your holiday order. That's loadboost.com. Use my code strictly at checkout or just go to the description, click on the link and use my code
Starting point is 00:15:57 strictly. about having people actually cheer you on as you were having sex. That had never happened to me before. Maybe in my imagination, like, yeah, you're doing great, you're awesome, you know, like that kind of cheering on, but never with like actual people actually cheering us on. That was unbelievably wild. And I was hooked. Wait a second.
Starting point is 00:16:19 How many people were around you guys? Oh my God. It was a Saturday, late afternoon going into an evening. and it was an SDC meet and greet. Okay. SDC at like did such an and my friend slash the representative for SEC at that, in that area at that time, did such a crazy good job of packing the place. They were probably about 150 maybe or so people there between, yeah, and not all of them
Starting point is 00:16:52 were watching at the same time, but it was a lot of people, the room, one of the playrooms that we were in was full. And, you know, other people having sex, watching us have sex. It was really a wild experience. I'd never done anything like that before. Did you go in knowing you were like going to get it on with somebody? Or were you just so horny for the guy or the experience because you were seeing all the sex around you? Like, what got into you that made you like, you know, become the big exhibitionist?
Starting point is 00:17:22 Sorry, what got into me. I could tell you what got into me. But it was, so I can't say I wasn't, I wasn't expecting to, but I prepared for that. I had condoms in my bag. I was wearing a cute skirt, so on and so forth, made sure I was ready if it happened. But it, I wasn't expecting it to happen. I was really just curious about the club. I was curious about the people.
Starting point is 00:17:51 So, yeah, no, I wasn't, you know, that was, it really was. But what? Did that guy just have game that you were like so attracted to him? Because you've been like a specific guy, right? That you met when you were there. And so you just had met him. I had just met him. And I think that was like maybe, yeah, I had just met him. And he was introduced to me by several different people. And we clicked. But yeah, I mean, look, I don't know. It's, it's, it's, it's sometimes you are just horny for the experience. That's what I mean. It was more. Yeah. It was, you know, like, it. very attractive guy, had a great time, you know, but everything was awesome. But yeah, it was mostly because having that experience, it was the right set of all of the factors that you would want for an experience like that. It was a great experience. Yeah, and let me tell you. Yeah, and let me tell you, I've heard from people who have walked into a club and
Starting point is 00:18:48 had the exact opposite experience, because at this point, you're in the club of time, right? We're past the meet and greed. but I've heard of people going and getting like a weird vibe or being on the wrong night. But like don't you say to that person like you, you know, try another club or maybe another night, right? Because a lot of times, you know, every place might be different. It's not like just because you might have a bad experience. One place doesn't mean like you would have a good experience someplace else.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Because I typically hear good first experiences in a club. But sometimes, every now and then I'll get people will be like, oh, we walked in and it was so clicky and the people weren't nice and everything. like, wow, that just might be that club. Or that night, like you said, yeah, because that is an excellent point. I can guarantee that you and your partner will have a better time if you align before you leave the house about what it is that your limits are going to be for that night. So if you're brand new at this, it is going to be hot enough for you to just go to a swingers club, be with your partner, meet some people, and vow to do nothing but.
Starting point is 00:19:54 you know, maybe flirt or and take it from there one baby step at a time. So if you do, if you can do that by the time you and like part of the getting ready for going to a club is picking the right club for yourself. So go to the site of the of whatever the club is that you want to go to and figure out for yourself like, okay, which, which, uh, what kind of meet and greets are available. Almost every single club that I know of has at least one meet and greet a month, meet and greet a month. So, oh, that's a typical thing that they do to allow new members to get a feel for the place and bring them in. And at those meet and greets, are there any talking to everybody or it's just a mingle
Starting point is 00:20:38 kind of? It's, but it's both. I mean, like sometimes they even hold workshops. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. With an educator or, or an expert. That happens too sometimes. They often have guided tours through the areas so you can see what the facilities are. So you can understand what the rules of the venue are. Do they have lockers? Is it a cash only? Is there no bar? Is it B-Y-O-B?
Starting point is 00:21:03 You know, or do they, maybe they have stripper poles on the dance floor. And you're like, wow, that's awesome. I want to definitely try out a stripper pole in a safe environment, you know? Yeah. There's so much going on. And, you know, the focus is not really on partying. The focus is more on just. connecting and learning more about the space and feeling comfortable in the space because when you
Starting point is 00:21:23 feel comfortable in a space, then you're more likely to be, to allow your, you know, to drop any inhibitions. You obviously did. I mean, look, that version of myself was ready to fucking, like, like explode out. Yeah, you last up, like you got the free pass from your partner, right? Like, you were obviously horny for the experience. And so like you were down. And then once you, I would assume, because I'm a voyeur, I'm a little bit of an exhibitionist, but I'm also a voyeur.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I would think it's hot to see other people having sex because, like, you know, the worst thing about porn is that a lot of times it looks fake, you know, but if you're seeing real people and there's nothing fake going on, you know what I mean? It's like the best porn available because it's like real, you know? And, you know, so now you're in this club. You're horny for the experience to begin with. And now you're seeing all these people getting it on for the first time in your life. was probably the first time you had seen other people having sex in front of you, correct?
Starting point is 00:22:22 Oh, yes, absolutely. And it was, you know, up until that point, I had really, I mean, I had had a three, I had, I had had several threesomes before I came into that club. Yeah. So a lot of my other crazy experiences happened only after that point. That really, that experience of that meet and greet unleashed a whole other level of lectuality. Oh, I like that.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Yeah. And, but yeah, no, it's really something like you, just having, you know, the ability, the freedom to do that. And like, it's just not expecting it's going to happen, but being ready for it. And that is like a huge tip too. Don't go to a club expecting that you're going to have a threesome or expecting that you're going to have any kind of first experience. You might not connect with people. You might decide that it's not for you. You might, whatever the case is, is there just don't have an expectation you will be disappointed. But prepare in the case that something, the mood does align and something is, the music is perfect or the atmosphere is awesome and you meet the right people and things
Starting point is 00:23:30 click and it just feels right. Then you're ready. Yeah. And I've got to tell you from doing my research, at this point, I've talked to over 1,200 people, right? And so I feel like I have some good data. And I will say, so I've heard so many newbie stories that go in and they did. the right thing, like you said. They had the conversations. Nothing was going to happen. They
Starting point is 00:23:51 walked in. And I would say it's like a very small percentage that walk out with doing absolutely nothing. What comes next is a lot of couples. They don't wind up playing with other people, but they definitely play with each other there because they get kind of horny. And they like stick to themselves and they do a little bit exhibitionist stuff because, you know, that's like they're still not playing with other people, but they get horny enough for that. And then, you know, what comes after that is a lot of people do wind up playing more than they thought because, you know, when in Rome, you know, everyone's fucking naked and you're hot and you get attracted and you're horny for the situation like Lexi and you go for it, you know, and I've heard all those three stories. I would say it's very rare that a couple walks out without doing anything. That's the smallest amount of stories I've heard is that story, you know, because I think most people by the time they enter, you know, they're down and, you know, there's like, like you, and like what I said, and I could imagine, you're seeing people have sex and, you know, and everyone's doing it. And this is something that you
Starting point is 00:24:56 wanted and you were thinking about and probably fantasizing about and horny about for a long time. Most likely you're going to get horny when you're there and hook up somehow. Oh, yeah. Well, but that's what the prep is for, right? So like couples who are at that readiness level, okay, that's a bit different. They're more inclined to do that. But a lot, there are a lot of newbie swinger couples where one partner was the one who was a bit slower on the idea of opening up or was more reticent for whatever reason. So in those cases, they could go to a club and not do anything at all. I hear lots of those stories in my coaching practice too. That's why they need coaching.
Starting point is 00:25:33 That's why they need coaching. And that's it. But that's part of prep. When you have good communication in your relationship, and I'm telling you now, if you're monogamous and thinking of opening up and you cannot communicate with your partner and even tell them what you want sexually, you are going to have massive issues before you go into the lifestyle. Or what you don't want sexually. That's equally as important.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Oh, yeah. Know myself. Like, you know, it's so sad when you hear people trying to like twist themselves into a pretzel to please their partner, you know, and you hear a lot of women. I hear a lot of unicorns talk about how irritating it is. You know, they have the like the women that are by for their guy. And it's like so obvious that they're just doing it because their guy wants to, but they're not really into it, you know, and it happens.
Starting point is 00:26:16 Oh, yeah. We call that taking one for the team. Yeah, but you need to speak up for it. It's one thing. And I've heard for people, took one for the team so many times that eventually they're like, I'm not doing it anymore, as you shouldn't. Yeah. You know, there's no reason for that.
Starting point is 00:26:29 So, yeah, you have to speak up what you want and also what you don't want and what you're not into. And also remain flexible because, you know, the story I've heard a lot of times is like what some people think that they don't want. They wind up, you know, wanting later on. You know, you never kind of know. You know, like did you learn stuff about yourself that you were into stuff that maybe you never thought once you enter and cross that line? Oh, for sure.
Starting point is 00:26:53 I mean, look, we are human. Evolution is necessary for us. You learn new things. You grow. You change. And then wanting or new things or, you know, novelty is something that a lot of people see. You know, people in the lifestyle. It's all about novelty.
Starting point is 00:27:11 It's, you know, it's different people. I won't say almost all the time. maybe sometimes you have regular play partners. But I mean, it's about novelty. And like, you know, you're, anyways, you're basically seeking, you're seeking different things. So as you evolve more as a person and as a couple, because then you're, when you're a couple, you're two different people evolving independently and together. If you've been together for 10, 15, 20 years, which a lot of people are before their kids leave the house and they feel safe opening up their relationship, for example. Okay, that's a huge thing.
Starting point is 00:27:44 right, waiting until the kids are old enough. They're not around as much. It's okay if like, you know, mom and dad are not around all the time type thing. You know, lots of parents in the lifestyle, tons of them. So you're evolving as a human and your tastes what you want in your regular life, your vanilla life, are going to change. Of course, it's very possible that your desires what gets you hot can change. You might find out that you are into something that you never thought because you never tried it.
Starting point is 00:28:14 That's what I hear most. It's not even like they've changed over time. It's that they realized, like they looked over and then they realized they were into something that they never thought that they were, you know? Also, rules go out the window. You have to be flexible yet. You have to, like, I think you have to go in rules and regulations and boundaries, but you also have to be flexible and know that they might most likely go out the window. You might be interested in things you never thought. And I think most people, though, that are going on that journey like you went on, tend to be more open-minded and flexible to begin with, right? Unless you're dragging along someone that maybe isn't right for the lifestyle.
Starting point is 00:28:50 And that's when you're going to have a problem. Okay. Anyone who listens to my show knows I recently got a motor bunny original. And I am effing obsessed with it. Okay. It is my new favorite sex machine. Okay. It is not a sex toy.
Starting point is 00:29:05 It is a sex machine. It's a subtle-like vibration fuck toy. Okay. I don't know. It's like my favorite booty call guy ever. Let me tell you. I still have not put the vibration up until 10 because like literally you would get off in 30 seconds and I just like to savor the motor bunny. I turn it to the side. I put an attachment on. There are so many different attachments for the motor bunny. You name it. You could attach it to it or you could just use the flat attachment and vibrate the shit out of yourself and come in 30 seconds. But the actual attachment like swirls around and vibrates while you're sitting on it. Oh my God. It is like. the best thing ever. Motor Bunny has the motor bunny original and the motor bunny buck, which also thrusts. And then they also have a fuck machine called the Jack. So I think a fuck
Starting point is 00:29:55 machine is a great thing for any couple to introduce into their bedroom to have some role play fun. I promise you if you invest in a motor bunny sex machine, you're going to be super effing happy. This holiday season, why not treat yourself, your girl to any of the motor bunny machines. And the good news is they are offering my listeners $50 off your purchase. So all you got to do is go to the description. Click on the link. It's motubunny.com slash strictly an non. And $50 is going to be automatically applied at checkout. Okay. That's motorbunny.com slash strictly a non. $50 will be automatically applied at checkout or just go to the description and click on the link. Okay, everyone, listen up. I have a great holiday gift idea.
Starting point is 00:30:44 for you. And that is the butter wellness perineum massager. And I am recommending this as a holiday gift for a girl to get a guy or a guy to buy himself because I am on a mission to get every guy into anal action. And that's why I love the butter wellness perineum massager as the first sex toy for any guy that wants to get into anal action because their paroneum massager is not allowed to go inside of you. Okay. It is only meant to be used externally. All you got to do is take their massager and push it down right on your taint and you're going to hit your prostate and you're going to be on your way to having a prostate orgasm. Now, I've never had a prostate orgasm because I'm a check. But you know that every guy who calls into my show who has had one says it is like the best effing orgasm ever. It's like all over body orgasm. And
Starting point is 00:31:36 once you have one, you will never look back. So what are you waiting for? Treat yourself this holiday season or treat your guy this holiday season to the Butter Wellness Paranium Massager. And the good news is, girls, you could use it on yourself too. I have a Butter Wellness Paranium Massager and I use it on my clit because it is a very powerful little vibrator. So what are you waiting for? Go get yourself the Butter Wellness Paranium Massager for the holidays and make sure to order up at Butterwellness.com because you're going to get 20% off your whole order.
Starting point is 00:32:08 All you got to do is go to Butterwellness.com and use my code strictly for you. for 20% off your entire order that's butter wellness, B-U-T-T-E-R-W-E-L-N-E-S-S.com. Use my coach strictly for 20% off your entire order. So order up for the holidays. Most likely go out the window. You might be interested in things you never thought. And I think most people, though, that are going on that journey like you went on, tend to be more open-minded and flexible to begin with, right?
Starting point is 00:32:42 unless you're dragging along someone that maybe isn't right for the lifestyle. And that's when you're going to have a problem. Because it really is for people. Yeah, of course. It really is for people who, like you said, want that novelty and need it. I just had the like the best episode ever with Dr. Jana. She's like an NYU PhD professor of like sexuality.
Starting point is 00:33:00 And she's doing a whole study and writing a whole book. And she's talking about all the different relationship and sexual preference groups that she has created. There's five different. And she has, She has studied it. She's studying it more. There is genetics that they have found that point to why some people have more of a desire
Starting point is 00:33:20 and a need for novelty when it comes to sex and relationships than other people. Like it's literally in you, right? It's like the difference between someone that likes roller coasters and doesn't like roller coasters. You're just born one way or another. It is kind of like genetic. And some people are just wired that way. The problem comes when you're with someone that isn't wired that way. wrong either. You know what I mean? They're not repressed. They're not whatever. You know, they're just not
Starting point is 00:33:46 wired the way you are. But some people are very wired for non-monogamy and kinky sex. That's what I titled the episode. I just aired. It's like, are you wired for non-monogamy and kinky sex? And some people are. It's a fucking in your genetics. And I have a smart bitch talking all about it on episode 1280. It's so good. You would love it, Lexi. It's a great episode. Oh, my God. I, I, because you're wired for it. You're wired for it. Yeah. right I'm definitely why I am definitely wired for kinky sex like if you had asked me 15 years ago are you into like erotic asphyxiation I would say no I don't want anyone choking me let me tell you people it was a wild experience that I definitely repeated after the fact
Starting point is 00:34:28 only a couple of times I've never I'm not as into it as it was really partner specific I think yes wow so but who the hell would have thought it just evolved as like a natural progression of my sexuality and my interests. As you try certain things, it opens up doors for other things. And just keeping an open mind, it's all about keeping an open mind. Yeah, yeah, totally. You're absolutely right. I've heard from a lot of couples where the guy, you know, sort of puts it out there
Starting point is 00:34:59 that they want to play with another guy and maybe it's the first time, maybe it's something they just cop to and they've done it before. But the wife was very, didn't know how she'd feel, you know? when I would tell you nine out of ten times, or ten out of ten times from the couples that I've heard, the wife was like fucking down for it. And she didn't even know. There's plenty of women, I think, that are into guy on guy action anyway, regardless and they know it going in.
Starting point is 00:35:20 But there's plenty of women that don't think that they were into it. And I've heard these, because I've heard these stories. And then they saw their guy suck a dick or take it from the other guy. And they were like really turned on. And they would have like, and I said to them all the time. Like, oh my God. Like, did you think that you'd feel that way? And they said, absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Like, you just said it's hot. yeah i mean did you know that about yourself or would you see that at swingers clubs because sometimes it's very anti you can't do that shit in swingers clubs so that's a really good point there is a huge fucking double standard and so far as bisexuality is is concerned like and this is the same that goes in society it is socially acceptable for two women to fuck each other not so socially acceptable to watch two men going at it for whatever reason Now, I have always, I find it super hot, like to see two men go at it. I'm, listen, I find it very hot to watch people.
Starting point is 00:36:16 I am definitely a voyeur. I am definitely like a voyeur, basically. I'm definitely, definitely. So I find that very hot watching people have sex in general, some people more so than others. But watching, I've always known that was hot. But at a swingers club, it's very rare to see that. However, some swingers clubs, and you could check on their websites, have nights, for male bisexuals.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Specifically. Some LGBTQIA plus friendly clubs do have specific nights, let's say, for bisexual guys, for trans folks, and so forth. So it's really interesting. But even, you know, like it's, but even so, it's very much like a, not a forbidden thing. It's something that even a lot of bisexual guys in lifestyle are not necessarily comfortable telling other couples that they are bisexual because they don't want, let's say, the guy in the couple to think that they're going to specifically want to have sex with them.
Starting point is 00:37:19 That's not always the case. I know. I know. There's still, you know, unfortunately, like as there is in mainstream society, still that huge double standard. Yeah, it makes me sense. And I can't believe it's still in this huge, this like amazing community that's supposedly so open and I get like really weird feedback. I posted something about an episode with a by guy and the
Starting point is 00:37:42 whole by thing and how it's like my mission on my show to get rid of that stigma because it's really ridiculous. It doesn't make sense. And I don't like unfairness. I'm just like a very fair kind of person. It doesn't make and it doesn't even make logical sense and I'm very logical. And somebody said something on Facebook. It was like the weirdest reply. And he's like, you know, there's not a by, there's not a stigma to it. We just think it's disgusting and we don't like to see it. And that's why it's not allowed. And it's like, wow. You know, okay, so like, let's take the word out of there. You're, like, that's actually worse to say.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Like, to say that it's not because it's a stigma, but it's because you don't fucking like it. And that's why it shouldn't be in front of you at a place. Like, what about a woman that you don't find attractive? Should she not be there? Like, it's so gross the way people think about it, you know? And it really bothers me. But can we go back to, like, I want to talk about because here you are, like, at a
Starting point is 00:38:30 Swingers Club, you know, having sex with a guy in front of a whole bunch of people clapping and stuff. I want to talk about the etiquette of like joining in, getting involved in an orgy because there you are having sex and like, how do you know for sure that people aren't going to jump in? How does that work? Like, how do you know you're protected and other people that you're not interested in are going to join? You know, like how, like explain all of that stuff. Okay. So basically, if you're, if you're brand new and you know what, even experienced swingers, sorry,
Starting point is 00:39:00 somebody you have to hear this, okay? Cut it. You don't touch or join in or even masturbate or play next to another person or a couple unless you ask permission. A lot of people think, yes, okay, there's a big mattress area. Don't come sitting directly next to me where we're in touching distance without asking if I'm okay with it. Oh, okay. That's good to know because how would people know that? I am sure there's plenty of people who might do that without knowing that it's not allowed because you're kind of thinking,
Starting point is 00:39:31 oh, there's a free for all. It's a fucking swingers club. I don't know. Yeah, but then it invites them to feel comfortable like they could touch you. No, I don't think it's right. I'm just saying it must. I believe, though, that a guy or a woman might do that without like a terrible intention. You know what I'm saying? Like without being a creep, they might not know that that's not what should go down.
Starting point is 00:39:53 And that's why I think it's important these kinds of episodes to let people know. I mean, maybe it's just a Canadian thing because I am Canadian. Maybe it is, but I have never gotten, you know, I like those, like, as I mentioned, I'm an exhibitionist. I'm a warrior. I love to watch and be watched. So in those mattress areas where it's a wide open space and not all clubs have a huge play space like that. A lot of, you know, a lot of clubs have also individual rooms. So it's a bit different.
Starting point is 00:40:24 If you're in an individual room, then there are ways sometimes like there are signs you could put on the door or different, you know, different things to indicate to other people, are you open for them to open the door or not? Is it closed play or open play? And so that is one way that, you know, you can sort of set that boundary. But in an open play space, it's very different. You can't just sit in front of you. And I've had this happen before. I've had men like masturbating almost directly in my face without asking me at all. And I was like, move the fuck away from me. Like that's not cool. Why totally killing my buzz, you know?
Starting point is 00:41:02 I know, but they're just thinking with their dick they can't help. That dick is like, it's just like a second brain. I think they're just not even in reality. It's the only brain. They don't even realize how like uncomfortable they're making the girl. You know what I mean? It's and because they think that because you're in that position that it's okay. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:21 But this is where I think, I don't think that the guy thinks that he thinks it's okay. Like I think he's just doing what he wants to do because he's so fucking horny and he's pulled to do it. You know what I mean? I don't necessarily think that guy's being a jerk. I think he's just so fucking horny and he's not thinking properly
Starting point is 00:41:42 because it's so obvious it's like inappropriate, you know? But I think they might not know. Well, I know. But they need to know. Exactly. It's on. Yeah, it's on the, I think like every club has their own rules. and, you know, a lot of clubs also have like a security person who's around that area, those types of areas.
Starting point is 00:42:04 And there are maybe a number of security people. Most of the clubs, you know, like that I know of do have security. So if something should happen, like let's say that situation where someone comes close to you and make you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason. Like, look, I don't care if a guy fucking jerks off in my face. That's fine. If I'm okay with it, if I invited him to do that. Of course. That's why, you know, I love that.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Yeah. But yeah. And that's why etiquette is important. But I remember asking some people, like, do swinger clubs have these rules anywhere? Because how would people know? I'm just saying there might be some guys who are in total scumbags that do scumbag things, but it's not like intentional. But because they just don't know.
Starting point is 00:42:44 And I think that a lot of swingers club, I haven't heard that a lot of swingers club have actual rules and stuff. And so I don't know if that's where they do most of the time they have them posted. Oh, yeah. Some of them have it posted at the door. They should. Some of them have it posted at the opening of the club. When you become a member, often they make you sign something that shows that you understand the rules of the facility. There are a number of ways.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Some clubs are very diligent with how they vet people. Not only do when you become a member, you know, you can't just do it online. You have to send in photos. You have to. They will do a background check. on you. Like there are some clubs that are very good with that. And then when you go in, you feel a lot safer also. Yeah. And I think that's important. You know, they know, they know in order to get, you know, because listen, it's a very vulnerable position to be in. Everyone's like fucking naked. You know what I mean? Especially I think more so for women a lot of times, you know, with all the guys around. It could be intimidating and you're very vulnerable. You're being intimate with people and a bunch of strangers. So I think you have to feel safe, right? Like that's what's most important. So. So. So you could really relax and enjoy yourself and know that nobody's going to, you know, start touching you that you're not interested in.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Like if somebody wants to join in on an orgy that's going on on a bed, like that orgy and those eight people that are there, have they all consented it, right? Like what goes down in an orgy? So in some cases, I've like, you know, dragged some playmates with me to have group sex. So it was all people I wanted to play with. Yeah. I've been pulled into orgies before by people who were, who saw me passing by and were like, oh my God, come play with us, you know?
Starting point is 00:44:32 And I was like, all right. But even in an orgy situation, if a new person comes in, you know, before you, like, okay, maybe that person who pulled me and wanted to play with me, but I didn't, I mean, although everyone wanted to play with me, I didn't assume that was the case. I always ask, like, is it, like, you know, can I kiss you? can I like your pussy? Whatever the fuck came up, you know? You got to ask.
Starting point is 00:44:55 You got to ask. And even in any situation, if you're, even if you just want to play next to another couple, then like just make sure that you are, you're respecting their space too. You're not like getting into, you know, you're not having sex and like smashing into them as you're doing it kind of thing. Yeah. You know, it happens. I have been through it, okay?
Starting point is 00:45:16 Yeah, but it happens. Yeah. No, and it is important because you don't like, you. said like, oh, can I lick your pussy? Like, you don't know if a woman is into women if you're a woman. Like in, you know, you have to also be prepared to politely decline too, which I think sometimes might be uncomfortable for people, but you have to know that you could say no and should say no if you're not interested. And that might be hard for people. Yes. Yes. And the other thing, too, though, is, and so something that I, you know, I take seriously too is sexual health. Like I get,
Starting point is 00:45:45 I get tested. Now, when, you know, finding out how, if, you know, if, you're, you know, if you're somebody else like when you're, look, when you're in an impromptu threesome or orgy situation, it's a little bit harder to just like, you know, you want to just dive in. Sometimes you do need to take a minute though and ask questions. And I know that sounds unsexy, but feeling comfortable opens you up to a lot of things. So if I know that the person that I'm about to play with or the people in this orgy situation, like I, in orgies that I've started, it's all been people that I knew, I knew their risk assessment, they were my regular playmates, a lot of regular playmen,
Starting point is 00:46:22 and who also liked to play with each other. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. Those scenarios were amazing orgies. Everyone had a great time. People cheered us on again, like it happens. But knowing who you're playing with is a big thing. That's quite, while you can go to a swingers club and have impromptu threesomes or foursms,
Starting point is 00:46:44 like with, you know, two couples or orgies, you can just know. like where you're at with your sexual health. Like I wasn't just diving in like all unprotected like, you know, everyone's using barrier methods. Like things are, we're being safe even in a spontaneous type of environment. You know what I'm saying? So.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Yeah. And that's an important thing. That huge questions that newbies ask are how do I know? How do I protect myself? What about SCIs and SDDs? And SCIs and SDs are not the end of the world anymore, you know, maybe things are, you know, like, antibiotic resistant to the picture.
Starting point is 00:47:25 But it's important and, like, that part of etiquette, too, is being comfortable talking about your status. When you were last tested, how many partners you've been with. Like I said before, if you're not comfortable talking about sex with your partner or with other people,
Starting point is 00:47:39 maybe a lifestyle is not for you. And do you bring your own condoms just in case? Because they will have them around the Springers Club, right? Like, them as well, but you should bring your own if you have a preference, correct? Most swingers clubs do provide condoms. However, it might not be the brand that you like. It might not be the right size for you. You know, they make custom-sized condoms for some dicks. Yeah. Yeah. And they most definitely, most swinger clubs do not have dental dams. They will not have
Starting point is 00:48:11 female condoms or internal condoms. They will not have those. They will not. They will have regular, like, you know, external condoms, like the, that's all that they're going to have. And they'll have latex. So if you're allergic to latex, if you're with someone who is sensitive to latex and you need, you know, non-latex condoms, you need to bring your own. If you, if you have a need a specific size, you need those other barrier methods I talked about, you need to bring your own. I also recommend bringing your own lube.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Most swingers clubs that I know don't necessarily have lube. They'll have towels and stuff to clean up, baby wipes, things like this. and like I said basic latex external condoms, but they will not have those other things. So make sure to always bring your own stuff. And let me tell you, I never really used lube because I was always overly wet. And Uber Lube wanted to sponsor my show recently
Starting point is 00:48:59 and sent me like a big box of Uber Lube and I used it to give my guy a handjob the first time I used it. I was like, holy fucking shit. And I vetted them as a sponsor before because I only like to sort of have people on that I really believe in their product. And I asked my Patreon members like, what do you think of Uber Lou? And it's like, oh my God, it's so superior past
Starting point is 00:49:17 Lebe Ever and I'm like, I don't know. Like, I'm thinking, right, because I had never tried it. Like, okay, you know, how different can it be? It is like apples and oranges to, you know what I mean? Like, it's not silky. It's velvety. It, like, kind of disappears, but you're still sliding. It is, like, so far superior than any other loop out there.
Starting point is 00:49:34 If you, like, bring your fucking Uber Loub to the club because there's no way they're going to be having that shit around. And that's the best loop ever, right? I mean, like, they're not even sponsoring this episode. And I still talk about them because it is the best loob. right? Don't you think? I mean, it's one of the best I've tried for sure. And I think if you want, like I said, milk clothes won't even have any lube. It is so important. I don't care how wet you are. If you are in an orgy and you are fucking multiple people who are wearing condoms,
Starting point is 00:50:01 that latex, those columns will dry you the fuck out. You need some lube sometimes, you know? So bring your own lube. Also, also, nice to be prepared. I always, always, always had at least one vibrator on me, whether I use it on myself or someone else. Having those is amazing and it can extend your playtime so much. Especially, so for newbies, you know, performance anxiety is a big thing. And, you know, like especially for, you know, for men. So, you know, having, like making it harder for them to stay, get hard, stay hard or maybe they come too fast. So having, yeah, having a vibe on you means that you can extend playtime. Just be, you know, you can still use your mouth and hands and everything on your partners,
Starting point is 00:50:46 but, you know, having a vibrator really, really changes things up. So I always recommend if you're going to go to a club, even if you just use it on yourself and you're just watching other people while you're getting off, just fucking bring it. Yeah, but can you jerk off on the side and watch people? So you could jerk off like far away from people.
Starting point is 00:51:03 You just can't jerk off in front of their face. Yes, correct. Yeah, if like I can go against the wall and like I'm a couple of feet away from like people who are playing. And like I can, I can do that and watch. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I'm okay with that because they're at a respectful distance.
Starting point is 00:51:16 I'm not feeling like they're about to come in my face. So, you know, and like, and, you know, I'm talking a lot about men, but women are also offenders of this. Sometimes they'll come over and touch because some women have this idea that, oh, it's okay if it's a woman touching another woman, like without, let's say, consent, but it's not okay if it's a man. It's, yeah, it's not okay. It's not okay in any situation, especially if I'm, like you said, vulnerable and naked and fucking.
Starting point is 00:51:41 And someone just comes up to me and touches me. even if you're just touching my hair, you take me out of the moment. I didn't ask for it and I don't know who you are and or I do know who you are and I didn't consent to this. It's, you know, like, it's hot when someone says, can I blank you or can I do this to you or whatever? It's hot to get that to say yes or hell yes and be like or whatever or, you know, like or just grab their hand and put it on my body. So ask. Always ask. Yeah, oh God, but then do you feel bad when you say no?
Starting point is 00:52:17 No. I mean, you can't, right? But I would feel bad. No. Well, you know what? Here, as a recovering people pleaser, at first I did feel bad at first. I'm not even a people pleaser. I would just feel bad.
Starting point is 00:52:29 I don't know. Oh, well, but that's the thing. Like, I would feel worse going into something with somebody I don't really want to touch or play with and not have a good experience with. Yeah. And, you know, but it's, it is not easy to say no. But it is doable for sure. And it's necessary for it.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Unlike you mentioned that person on your show who was a take one for the team, right? Was, you know, bisexual for her partner. Yeah, it's tiresome to do. So saying yes to things that you don't want, don't do that. As a coach and as, yeah. But do people get insulted like, you know, and then they're like rude to you? You don't know what I would feel worried about. Like, you know, because you're kind of saying like I'm not attracted to you, not interested.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Well, yeah, but you know what? Sometimes it's also in the moment or not right now. It's not never. It's not right now. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah. But you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. No is a full fucking sentence.
Starting point is 00:53:25 And here's the thing. A lot of people are actually very graceful about rejection. And if you're in the lifestyle, you need to be. Because it also gives you a good reputation because that means you're polite or you're a gentleman or, you know, you're respectful. And then even if I'm not interested, I'll introduce you to my friends who might be interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are a tight-knit community. So, but yes, I have had guys being like, oh, whatever, like I'm not understanding what the
Starting point is 00:53:52 fuck or why or why you're fucking this guy or whatever. It's not anyone's like it's not anyone's business why I'm saying no or why I do or don't want something. It is no one's business. I don't need to explain myself to anyone. I am shamelessly pursuing what I want to pursue when I'm in that situation. And you know what? That's how you should go about it.
Starting point is 00:54:13 If you don't be a dick, if you're like, no, go fuck yourself. Don't say that as a way to reject someone. Be polite about it too. You could say no, thank you or no, not right now or like, you know, whatever the fuck you want to say. You can also stop. You can also stop play. If you feel uncomfortable, if you need a break, if you want to change it up, whatever the cases you are allowed to say, stop, I need to pause. You're allowed to leave.
Starting point is 00:54:39 You can do whatever you want. want to do. It's a lot of people do feel bad saying no or bad stopping or bad telling their partner that they're feeling jealous and they need to pause play. There are a lot of things that people feel bad doing. But some of the worst situations that you, the things that you will feel in the swinging or open lifestyle is then when you are not true to yourself about what isn't working or what is. Yeah. So I mean, you're speaking like a professional, right? Like you've been there done that. Like you have zero. Even personally, I've been through it. I know, but you have zero, like you are like where everyone needs to be. Like just, you just have to
Starting point is 00:55:15 own it and you have to get, you know, and I think for like it's hard in the beginning to do it, but probably over time it becomes easier and you realize everyone's doing it and that's just the way it is in the lifestyle. Like you said, most people don't get hurt feelings or whatever, right? So you might feel uncomfortable doing it at first, but like you're not uncomfortable about it at all. You're very clear. You have your boundaries. You're like whatever, but you've been at this for a long time. And I think that's probably where most people get to after a while. Because it's just the rules of business. Like that's just the way it goes down in that world.
Starting point is 00:55:44 It has to be because not everybody wants to fuck everybody. Even though a lot of people might want to fuck eight people at one time, but it might not be, you know, the other person that wants to come in. You don't, so you get, you have to get used to that. And I think, you know, you found so, like being a professional, being involved in the lifestyle for so long, going to meet and greet and making all those friends.
Starting point is 00:56:02 And like you said, it's such a community. You wind up meeting so many people that you could vet. you don't even have to vet the people. Like you could have an orgy and it could all be preplanned because you have eight friends that you could pile on. Literally pile on. Yes. And saying no is like it's like using a muscle that a lot of people don't use very often.
Starting point is 00:56:20 After a while, it becomes second nature and you don't feel bad. That's what I mean. Because you realize that, yeah, by saying no to something, you had a better time or a better experience and that reinforces the power of the know that you use. Yeah. So just keep doing it. Keep practicing. Keep saying no.
Starting point is 00:56:36 Yeah. But say fucking yes, because obviously Lexi did. You should listen to her, I'm going to wrap it up now, you should listen to her first, her first episode because she said yes to a lot of things. She has been in Orsies. She has been in all kinds of different things. Oh yeah. Was in the lifestyle for a very long time.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Open relationships, all that kind of good stuff. But you do also run SDC and educate people even more on so many more topics over on SDC. People could use my link in my code in the description. Just click on a link. You'll get a free trial or use code 37712 and you'll get a free. trial in SDC, you know, and you could, you know, for all the newbies, this is like a great, great information that you gave. And there's more information on there, right? Like, you could go to your first meet and greet. Like you said, that's a great first place to start. And if they
Starting point is 00:57:18 sign up for SDC, how do they look for the meet and greet? Like, where do they go specifically? So once you remember, you can go into the party calendar where you can see all the events and you can change the geographical distance, like from you. So let's say you just want something local. You're like, okay, within X amount of miles or kilometers or whatever. And then you can see what is available, like what's around, what parties, what events are around you. You can also look at just the businesses section where you see all the clubs that are in your area. And then you can go and check out their profiles, check out their website, what the rules are, you know, what their opening hours are. Do they allow single men if they have a unicorn night, if they have couples only nights, if they have gang bang night, whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:58:04 So they will have a list of all of that, and they'll have a list of their upcoming events. So look, some people live in more remote areas where there aren't a whole lot of swingers clubs. Maybe there's one. But there are some, like, probably in neighboring areas. All of those are going to be listed on SDC. So there are also, you might also find that there are house parties going on private house parties that are on there too. people can post their own parties and they can keep the guest list open. They can get people to apply.
Starting point is 00:58:38 So there are ways even beyond a swingers club to get started. Sometimes the private house party is a really nice way to kind of ease in a little bit in a little bit more of a comfortable environment that's a little less intimidating than a club, for example. So you can find those also on SDC all in the party calendar. Okay, great. And yeah, it's great. There's also a huge feature that we have is a travel calendar.
Starting point is 00:59:00 So like Kathy, you were saying before, you know, people who go and they travel, maybe they want to swing only outside of their hometown. So they can post up their plan saying, hey, I'm headed to Kansas City or whatever for the weekend, you know, and then have people who are locals there say, hey, I'm going to host you or come to this party or whatever. And that's a great way to meet people and connect with them in a more personal way. So, yeah, lots of different ways. And you could do all that on SCC with the code you provided. Yeah, it's in my link. I mean, it's in the description. The link is in the description.
Starting point is 00:59:31 And then give out all your information if people want help navigating and, you know, personally with you through your coaching or buy any of your erotica books. Why don't you give all your information as well? Awesome. Well, you can do any of those things. You can look into coaching with me. We can have a discovery call just to talk about what your goals are in life, and your relationships and the lifestyle and how I can help you achieve those.
Starting point is 00:59:56 and all of everything from my shameless education and my shameless and erotic novels. Yeah. Everything, all those links are on LexiSilver.com. So Lexi with an eye, silver with a line. All my links, all my socials, everything is all in one place right there. Okay, I will put a link to your website so people driving don't have to remember what she just said.
Starting point is 01:00:18 That will be in the description so people could click over there. But thanks so much for calling in and giving some newbies all. a lot of information that they could, you know, take if they're about to make their first steps into their first swingers party. I think this kind, you know, people nowadays are listening to listening to podcasts to become educated as well as like going to SDC. It's like great that this kind of education is out there because people need it. More people are exploring and, you know, changing things up. And, you know, I think that this information is super helpful. So thanks so much for calling in and sharing your info with everybody.
Starting point is 01:00:56 Thank you so much for having me back, Kathy. Thanks, Lexi. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.
Starting point is 01:01:26 I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person.
Starting point is 01:01:47 And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around.
Starting point is 01:02:07 You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord, My Discord does not disappoint. Okay.
Starting point is 01:02:28 There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels.
Starting point is 01:02:44 We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community. And you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access. to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link
Starting point is 01:03:16 to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.