Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1325 - The Roots of Your Desire, Sexual Healing, Virgin Island and More w/Celeste
Episode Date: January 3, 2026Celeste called in to discuss Virgin Island UK, the roots of your desire, sexual healing and more. Tune in to hear her discuss all the details including how and why she became a sex therapist, how she ...rolled sexually when she was younger and when she was married, how she got on UK Virgin Island and what she did on the show, the ages of the virgins who participated, why there are more virgins lately, what the roots of desires are and why it's important to know what yours are, how to figure out what yours are and how to communicate what they are to your partner, the main reasons for a sexless marriages, how far she goes with her clients when helping them heal sexually, how both she and her clients do get turned on by each other, what women come to see her for vs what the men come for plus a whole lot more. You can find more about her here: https://www.somatica.com GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To see HOT pics my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at strictlyanonymouspodcast@gmail.com or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! https://vb.health — To get 10% off DRIVE Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY https://butterwellness.com/ — Use the code STRICTLY at checkout for 20% OFF your entire order https://beducate.me/pd2540-anonymous— Click here to take the quiz and get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness https://bluechew.com — Get 10% OFF your first month of Bluechew GOLD! Use code: STRICTLYANON https://motorbunny.com/strictly — Holiday Sale PLUS $50 off! Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ X https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else: https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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one to or just go to the description and click on the link. Now, today I have on Celeste
Herschman. Celeste is a sex and relationship coach. She has her master's in human sexuality,
but she's a little different than a regular sex and relationship coach. Her and her co-founder
developed Somatica, which is a revolutionary method of sex and relationship coaching. She
explains exactly what that method is. Eventually, over time, I realize she's actually like, you know,
really showing people what to do like in real life. Like she gets hot and heavy with people. There's no like
clothing being taken off or anything, but she does go there with her clients and it's super interesting.
She, her and her partner are on a very popular show in the UK called Virgin Island where they help
virgins like lose their virginity. We talk a little bit about that. We talk a lot about core desire.
She talks about what that even means, how, you know, why people don't understand what their core
desires are and why we should know what our core desires are. We talk a lot about also why people
seek her out, how she helps people. Like I said, what she does and how she does it is super
interesting. She teaches people how to become sex coaches now. She's got online classes. She gives out
all the information at the end. But anyway, I'm going to get right to and be right back on with
Celeste Hirschman. Hey, Celeste Hirschman, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today?
Great. Thank you so much for having me.
No, thanks for coming on. You're here today solo, but you do have a partner that you work with. You
are, you guys both founded the Somatica Institute. You're both sex and relationship coaches. You teach
other people how to become sex coaches and you also teach people classes. You are, like I said,
a sex and relationship coach. You've got a master's in human sexuality. And I always am curious about,
you know, like how do you get into that? Did you start off as like a regular therapist? And then you're like,
oh, I'm going to hone in on human sexuality and like why and if so, why?
Or did you just go straight there?
I like to joke that I have a twice recovered psych major because I did think I was going to go through that pathway,
but then I really found that it wasn't for me.
And so I ended up going directly to my master's program.
I knew that I wanted to help people around sex from a very young age.
And when I found this program when it came around, because we were part of the, I was part of the first class
that they ever taught there at San Francisco State.
Oh, interesting.
on it. I was like, yes, I want to do, you know, I want to help people with sex. So that's,
that's, I want the direct route in that sense. Yeah, well, considering that it was the first
class that they ever started teaching in something, it was like even more taboo to be talking about
sex back then. So I always, like, think it is interesting for someone to take that route because
there's still, you know, there's a stigma attached to it. There's a lot of barriers when you're
talking about sex, even on social media and stuff. But still, like, you know, you're telling your
family, I'm going to be like talking about sex and everything. Like, I mean, why, why at a young age,
Do you know why?
Like at a young age, you were like that girl that wanted to help people when it came to sex?
Yeah, definitely.
And I will say, even in my master's program, they did not talk about sex enough for me.
And it wasn't human sexuality.
You were like way ahead of your time.
You're like, I'm going to start talking about this.
Why is no one else talking about it?
But I was just very sexual from a young age.
And I loved sex.
And I, like, wanted to connect with people.
And I wanted to be sexy and sexual.
It was very much a part of who I was.
And I saw that people were so uncomfortable, and I could feel like the joy and the power in it for me.
And I thought, well, I want to help people with this because, you know, it's great.
It's like such a resource in my life.
I would be a mess if I didn't have, you know, regular sex.
So, I mean, I don't mean regular sex.
I mean sex regularly.
Exactly.
So, yeah, it's really been an important aspect of my life.
And I see the way when people open up to their eroticism, like how much fuller and more joy.
whole life is. Yeah. Now, listen, I have a very big male audience, but I know as a woman who grew up
during a certain time that, you know, I would assume you as a woman back then really saw the need
especially for women to have help sort of getting in touch with their sexuality and, you know,
getting out from the repression put on them, right? I mean, because this is a while ago that you
got into this, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, there was so much, there still is, but there was so much
slut shaming back then. It's like you couldn't be a sexual woman or you were going to be like
ousted from society. You know, it's so terrible. Thank goodness for Madonna. She came around, you know,
my teenage years. Yeah. Yeah. She was like, I, she's like, I remember this one interview where they
asked her like, well, you know, it seems like you use sex to sell your records. And she's like,
no, I'm sexual. If that happens to sell records, that's great. And I was like, yes. Like,
let's not like, you know, she was sexual, not just sexy. Yeah, isn't that interesting.
and girls nowadays that are like, you know, 20 or like, who the fuck cares?
You know what I mean?
Like how crazy is that?
But back then it was.
That's how much things have changed.
I think the younger generation women are very different, you know, but it took a long time.
And there's still, you know, it still needs to be changed.
Now, have you been, are you married or have you been in relationships?
And I'm just wondering, like, how people sitting across from you felt when you told them
about what you do.
That's my last personal question before we get into the other stuff.
Oh, I love, I have no problem with personal questions.
question. Yeah, yeah. So I think sometimes people are intimidated by what I do. I was married and I have a, you know,
deeply loving, beautiful relationship with my ex-husband, but we're not, we're not in that
structure anymore. And so, you know, when I date, I definitely have the experience of people being like,
either like, ooh, you're going to teach me things or, ooh, like, that's a little scary. Either way,
I like, I like both of those responses. What I like, what I don't like is when people see that I'm a sexual,
and they automatically think that means I'm going to have sex with them because I'm, I'm horny, but I'm still discerning.
You know what I think?
Yeah, big difference.
Yes, of course.
So, you know, like I like when people are a little shy, a little intimidated when they want to learn something from me.
If they're like, oh, she's a sure thing that I'm like, you, I will never have sex with you.
You know, that's not the vibe that works for me.
So your husband played it right.
Which one was he one of those two that you sit across from?
Was he a guy that was like not intimidated?
at all or was he a little shy and you got had to teach him and that was fun?
You know what was wonderful about him?
He was like my family right away.
I felt so comfortable to be myself.
It was almost like less of a romantic partnership and more of like a deep buddy familial friendship.
And, you know, certainly we're both really sexual people.
So we had lots of sex, especially, you know, for the first X number of years, five years.
Probably we had a lot, a lot of sex.
But for me with him, it was very familial from the beginning.
So yeah, that was, and that's why he still is such a big part of my life because he was from my family from the start.
Now, how did you hook up with your co-founder?
And you guys did do a show.
And because like when I was Googling you, I was like, I got slightly obsessed with your show that aired in the UK.
That was very popular, right?
Like, I mean, I saw the numbers.
It said like 1.4 million people tuned into every episode.
Like, that's pretty killer.
It was called Virgin Island.
I'm like, what the fuck is this all about?
And like, have they brought it to America yet?
because that's typically what they do, because I worked in an agency.
You know, when they see things doing well in other places, they bring them here to the U.S.
Because you've been picked up for a second season there, right?
Yeah, we're about to leave for the island in, you know, a couple of weeks.
And so we're just really excited and prepping for that.
But, yeah, Virgin Island came around and we, you know, we were invited to be on the show.
And actually, it kind of speaks to what you were saying before about, like, people, you know,
women being much better now around all of this.
But I have to say a lot of people are actually really intimidated by sex now in a whole different kind of way than they were when I was a teenager and people are like not having sex, not connecting, not getting intimate, which is one of the reasons that we've done the show.
And we really hope that it will be picked up all over the world.
That's our dream for sure because people need to learn about intimacy on a deeper level again.
So I'm assuming Virgin Island was you got a bunch of virgins onto this island.
I mean, what was the age range of those virgins?
I hope you don't mind me asking these questions before we get into the other stuff too.
Oh, I'm happy.
You know, all I want to do is talk about Virgin Island.
It was such an amazing experience.
I can't wait to be back on the island.
They were about 21 to 30-year-olds.
Okay.
And they were just so, like, sweet and earnest.
And it was like, I think of it as like, you know, the great British baking show of sex.
It was like so lovely.
And it was extremely popular.
you know, many, you know, the whole young generation in the UK watched it and really were like,
they started out like, ooh, cringe.
Oh my God.
It's so cringe.
And then they're like, wow, this is amazing to see the transformation that's happening here.
So it was, it was beautiful to see how many people, how respected everyone was to it.
Yeah, I'm like obsessed with reality TV.
I was like back in the day when MTV Real World came out like I couldn't get enough.
And I've always loved reality before anybody was brave enough to say they loved it, you know,
because it had such a bad rap.
hitting that felt like many years ago, but now everyone watches it. I love it. I like real
life shit, you know, so I think it's super interesting. Was it break down like 50-50 men to women as
far as the virgins on the island? It is 50-50 men to women. And what I love about the production
company that invited us is they're very much documentarians. Yeah. So, you know, I think it was like,
like nothing was fake. It was really, really real. And it was us doing our actual work with people
who earnestly wanted it. And to me, that's what's beautiful. So I think it's like sort of in this gray
area between documentary and reality TV in that sense, because it was very true to the stories.
Yeah, no, I saw a video of you guys. This is how I found out you had this where you guys were
reacting to people who had been on the show and they were very grateful that you had helped them
so much and you didn't sort of expect that. But I would assume, I mean, like, what was the end goal
to get these people like comfortable enough to go and lose their virginity or like, you know,
Like, what was, like, what was the premise of the show real quick?
Yeah, there was even an opportunity to lose their virginity on the island, either with each other or there were sex surrogates on the island.
And so, oh, my God.
I don't think you could get away with that in the United States.
You guys are so, there's so much more progressive over there that they allowed that, don't you think?
True.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
So maybe they would have different types of experts if they did it in the U.S.
We don't have sex with our clients.
And so we keep our clothes on.
It's more the seduction phase that we teach people.
So, you know, us being honest.
it I think would still work in the U.S. for sure.
So you, so literally, like, they were allowed towards the end.
I mean, like, that's what you were working them up towards.
Getting to that point where they could maybe even, not only lose a virginity soon,
but do it like right there on TV either with one of the other virgins or with a hot sex
coach that was there as well.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
That's so much.
A very, well, a very adept.
I would say a very adept sex surrogate, you know, like, Cat is a really, really amazing
Andre is really, really amazing. We have some other circuits joining us this next season. So, you know, I think
they're very, very good at what they do, very professional. And my last question, because I'm kind of
curious. I'm just, this isn't the problem with me. I ask a million questions. I'm very curious by
nature. Like, what were, what, because you said something really super interesting before and I, and I
know, like, kind of the reasons, but I want to hear you tell it. Like, what are those new reasons
why people are repressed sexually and not having sex? Like, why are younger people who, it typically
seem like there's so much more open. Like, why are some of them still not having sex and they're
winding up on Virgin Island? Like, what are the reasons nowadays for that? I think there's so many
reasons. Firstly, we're constantly surveilled. I think everybody is afraid to make a mistake and be
ashamed and try something and being caught on the video camera and, you know, put all over the internet.
Yeah. So I think social media is really tough in that sense. I think there's a lot of comparison.
I think most people are on their phones or computers and not actually interacting with other human
being nearly as often.
There's not, we were free-range kids.
Our parents didn't even know where we were half the time when I was young.
Now, everybody, you know, it's like everyone knows where everyone is all the time.
It's like, how do you even get laid?
It's true.
And so I think there's all of that.
And yeah, just a comparison.
And they feel like they have to be perfect because everybody's airbrushed and showing
themselves off and they're projecting perfection on to other people.
And then porn is just everywhere.
And I think the thing about porn that really is demotivating because I'm not anti-porn, you know,
It's like it can be a great turn on.
But it's like if every time you get aroused, you just quickly turn on a porn and masturbate.
It's like there's no motivation to go out there and like actually engage with other people.
And it's so prevalent.
It's so easy to do, you know.
So used to be like I remember, I would hear people's stories from like, you know,
clients that I worked with who were in their 50s or whatever.
They're like, and then I found a victorious secret catalog.
Yeah, exactly.
So they're masturbating to you.
And it's like, you know, it's a really different world.
Now it's now it's like, then, I have hardcore, X, X, X, X, X, X, you know, and they're watching these things.
And I think that's also intimidating because that's not what sex looks like.
And if you think that that's what you're going to have to do with someone, how do you get up the courage to go have sex with them?
You know, the kind of sex you see in porn is like very intense.
It's not what it looks like in, you know, the bedroom.
Yeah, no, totally.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, no, all those things totally make sense.
So now, I know you said you wanted to talk about, like, the roots of desire.
and I was like, okay, could you just explain like what that means?
So I know where we're going with it.
And you were about to tell me, I'm like, oh, just save it for the podcast.
So why don't you just explain like what the roots of desire are?
Yeah.
In Somatica, we really talk about like what turns us on psychologically and how to understand.
Because all the time when they're trying to help people fix their sex lives, it's like,
here's some hot tips and tricks and new positions and new toys.
And it's like, that's all good and well.
But how do you get to the depth of like what, you know,
what makes all of the hassle worthwhile to actually go up?
there and get sex and it's because of what we want to feel during sex. We call this your core
desires and your core desires like I want to feel love, desired, seen, humiliated, tempted,
you know, played toyed with like degraded, celebrated, merged, you know, there's all of these
different things that we might want to feel during sex and when we really identify those things
and what gets us to those feelings. Like that's where our highest levels of arousal come from. And it's
such a process to actually create that in your sex life. And if you do, then, you know, the payoff is
tremendous. Like, the intensity of sex just goes through the roof when you learn about your core
desires and how to get them to happen for you. Do you feel like when couples meet and they're just,
like, so horny for each other, like, core desires aren't even playing a part in it. It's just,
like, kind of chemistry. And then that's why you eventually you could have, like, mismatch libido
and everything down the line? Or do you think our core desires are always sort of guiding us without
us even knowing it. I think, I think in some sense, both, but for sure what you said at first,
like at the beginning, you don't need that as much because there's all sorts of other things,
lubricating the system, like uncertainty and novelty and just like learning a new person
and seeing like, what's going to happen, are you going to be in a relationship, blah, blah, blah.
So a lot of that is built into the system during that kind of honeymoon phase. And then afterwards,
it's like, oh, do we even, you know, are we even sexually compatible in terms of what turns
us on. And a lot of times people will fall in love, they'll go through that honeymoon phase,
and they'll be like married, and then they'll be like, uh-oh, you know, we're both total bottoms,
or we're both total tops, or, you know, like we, I want gentle romance and you want BDSM, you know,
and it's like, how do we, or I'm spiritual in my sexuality and you're not at all, how do we bridge
those differences? And that's a big piece of what we teach in somatica, you know, especially in
our couples training, we help people bridge those differences, but it's part of the whole
process of understanding and core desires.
Now, do you find that when you're, when the, I mean, I'm assuming that most of the time
when people come to you, they have some issues. So maybe they don't know their core desires.
Do you think most people even know what they are? Because I don't know that I would know
what my core desires are. No, I don't think most people even know what they are. People don't
even know that that's the conversation they should be having. I know. So, you know, that's why we're
writing books and doing shows and like trying to get the word out. Like, there's a way to have much
better sex, but it's not just about hot tips and tricks. It really is about this depth and is
very vulnerable to find out what it is that you really want and share it with another person.
So, you know, that's a big part of what we train our coaches to help people do. And it's such
a fun, amazing career because you kind of get to be like a core desire detective. And then you
flesh it out and you can help people get really precise and communicate about it. It's so hot. It's so
fun. So wait, do you think, so are we born with our core desires? Do they change over time? Do you know?
I don't think we get bored with them. No, not bored. No, no, not bored. Born with them. Like,
are they innate? Like, you know what I mean? Oh, yes. I'm sorry. Yes. Yes. So I think they're shaped by our
experiences and particularly our challenging experiences, right? So let's say we have a challenging
experience. And then we start to fantasize about how it could be different. Like,
maybe we felt really unwanted.
And so we just imagine somebody really, really wanting us.
And then we start masturbating to that thought.
And then it becomes paired, right?
The healing.
And it's so much part of our healing journey to, like, actually play out those core desires
with someone else because it's like a balm to the wound that happened early on.
And it's like, oh, this is, you know, this really.
And sometimes it's like playing out the being wanted.
And sometimes it's playing out being neglected, but with agency.
Like, yes, I want you to really.
neglect me because it super turns me on, but then, you know, at the end, I want to be able to get you or something like that.
So there's different, there's different ways to play it that can be more like the resolution or what we call
repetition with agency. A lot of BDSM and Kink is around repetition with agency. And so we want to flesh out
all of those without any judgment because some people want to be, you know, some people want to be
objectified or degraded and other people want to be like celebrated. And there's nothing wrong with either
of those desires. It's like, are we doing them in a way that's healing as opposed to
re-harming ourselves? So that, because I was going to ask that, because I have a fetish
Friday's episode where I talk to people, even know my regular episodes, you know, a lot of people
that are into hot wiping, like, you know, they had cheating in their past and eventually they
just got turned on by somebody like cheating on them, quote unquote, but it's not cheating
anymore, you know, and so you could see that sometimes these core desires could come from
trauma, and like you said, that you could be shaped into them, but that's okay.
Yes, yes, exactly. It's okay when we become aware of it, and we're doing things in the bedroom that are healing as opposed to just playing it out in our lives in negative ways that are retramatizing. That's like repetition without agency is when things go wrong, but when you're really like, no, I'm going to own this and, you know, make it happen for me. Like, yeah, I was just playing Rihanna song the other day, you know, sticks and stones can break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.
Yeah, exactly. So let's play it out in a way that feels good.
So when you're talking to couples, it's typically that their core desires don't match up.
And if so, what do you do? Or is it that they don't even know what they are and you help each one find it?
And then that helps them have better sex. Like, what are some of the like issues they're bringing to you?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, to all that you just said.
Sometimes they have no idea and we really need to flesh out the menu and give them all the different options that are there.
and sometimes they know or one of them knows really well.
And then you can see like, uh-oh, it doesn't quite match.
Like, you know, do we need some turn taking?
Do we need bridging?
Like, how do we really?
We wrote a whole book on it called Coming Together, which addresses a lot of that as well
because, you know, we want to help people be able to do that and then get the help
of the coach if they need it to really bridge those differences.
Like, is this like, is like core desire or something like you could take a quiz and
figure out which one your core is, kind of like love languages?
are there so many that like each one is very specific to a person and could involve a couple
different desires?
I think that's a great question.
And actually, we're about to come out with a quiz and a book around it that fleshes all of that out.
Both are kind of what we call character strategy and and how are how it's related, how our core
wounds and core desires are related.
And so it is complex to really get to the bottom of it just with one simple quiz.
But you can get to the bottom of your your wounds and then you can find out what your core
desires probably are based on that. So we are we are working on that quiz. I mean the quiz is done.
We're just about to roll it out right now. So love that you said that. Okay, everyone, listen,
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It's at beducated.com.
Beducated is the Netflix of sex education.
They have over 150 courses all on sex.
They have classes on yoni massage and guided masturbation and sort of.
squirting and they have a blowjob class, a cunnelingus class, you name it, they have it. And what I
love about Peducated is, like when you take most of their classes, there are actual videos of people
in action teaching you what to do live. So if you take the conalinguish class, you're going to learn
10 new moves that you could use on your girl the next time you go down on her and you're going to
learn them by seeing a guy doing it. Okay. And to me, that is the best way to learn and not by
reading about it, but seeing it in action.
So what are you waiting for?
Go take the educated quiz and get your personalized roadmap to your sexual happiness for the new
year.
And all you got to do is go to the description and click on the link and it's going to take
you directly to the quiz.
That's right.
It's that easy.
All you got to do is go to the description, click on the link, and you're going to take
the quiz and then take all of their classes.
You can get to the bottom of your wounds and then you can find out what your core desires probably are based on that.
So we are working on that quiz.
I mean, the quiz is done.
We're just about to roll it out right now.
So love that you said that.
Yeah, I think that's interesting.
I mean, everyone likes to know about themselves.
It's a great place to start.
And then you help.
So, okay, so, like, guide me through, like, questions that people could ask themselves or that you ask that could help them figure out what their core desires are.
I don't know if that's where you want to start.
yeah that's something you know that we we have like a whole online class around it and the book really goes into depth of all of the different angles that you can get to your core desires but i think the first thing to do is to sort of like imagine the best sexual experiences that you've ever had or the porn that you watch or the you know the fantasies that you have and start to see like what is the feeling that that comes from those you know that is involved in those right and once you start to get a sense more of your feeling
words like the ones that I've listed so far, you know, merged or seen or held or punished,
you know, whatever they are. Then you start to see what would make you feel that way? And then
you can paint a picture of kind of like the kind of sex that you want to have is going to bring
you those feelings. You know, like when someone touches my face gently, I feel very, very precious,
you know, when someone tells me how lucky they are to be in bed with me, I feel very special. Those
are things that I really want to feel. Sometimes, you know, when I feel those things first,
I also want to feel very pleasing. Yeah. And so like I want to like be like really good at what I do
and have someone be pleased by me. And sometimes really a tiny bit of feeling used, peppered in,
can get super hot. So, you know, that's kind of the, the, what I'm, what I'm looking for sexually.
But, you know, it's sort of like there's an order of operations and things have to be established
first and for me to know that very precisely and to be able to communicate about that or create a
sex life that fits me like gives me the most amazing sex that I've ever had.
Like, I mean, I always say know thyself is like my favorite saying and it just sounds like so
easy or it's like my favorite quote, but it really is a lot harder and most people don't know
themselves and it's hard. I mean, I was, I've been thinking about like my core desires as you've
been talking and like you said something before and I was like, oh, I remember, like you
doesn't when someone touch your cheek? And I'm like, you know, I feel like there are moments in
your life that whiz by, like for a second, that you get like clues to what these things are, right?
In you. But you don't hold on to them. You don't write them down, you know, so I could see how it would
be like super helpful to have someone sort of get those moments back from you because I feel like
we've all had them, right? But we just don't put it all together. Yeah, I'll never forget the first
time somebody called me a good girl. I was like, what? Like, oh my God.
Yeah, that's so funny.
It's interesting.
I just feel so much.
So there are these very intense moments, and if we pay attention for them, then we learn a lot about ourselves.
Yeah, that you might not take into consideration.
What you made me remember was, like, I was going biking with someone, and he was putting on my helmet for me, and he was, like, helping me with it.
And I felt, like, horny for him, and it was, like, nurturing, you know?
And I was like, oh.
And then I had a doctor who I, like, fell for because he was, like, nurturing.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm like, oh, I like, baby.
Being nurtured.
Like, that's like a thing, you know?
Yeah.
But like, how do you...
So when you have those things, like, so let's say you're talking on like my audience, right?
And you're kind of helping them come to terms.
Like, what it, like, how do you, like, if you know these things about yourself, like,
how do you suggest that people bring this, the, like a conversation about this, like,
into their relationship with their partner?
I think that that, you know, actually saying, like, let's have a conversation about what we want
to feel during sex.
and you know and it needs to be not a conversation about you need to do this or you need to do that or you're doing this wrong you're doing that wrong but like but just like you know these are things that I really want to feel during sex and these are some things that I would love for you to do that way and and what I do also is like you know like when you're trying to teach somebody how to do something you give them a little pellet of like approval you know like a bird so for me those are like sounds and words so if somebody touches my face in that way I say oh my
my God, I love it when you touch my face like that.
And I moan and like, I love looking in your eyes.
I like, like, you look at me.
So I give a lot of positive reinforcement if somebody's landing on things that feel really
good for me because then it's almost like teaching them.
And if somebody can learn that way, then they'll kind of do those things more often.
And if they can't learn that way, then I might have to sit them down, you know,
afterwards.
I remember this one partner and I was like, hey, we've got to talk about sex.
Because he wasn't learning from the subtle clues, you know.
And so then he's like, okay, I'm listening.
And then I told him and then he got it.
And then we were able to play in a way that was much more arousing.
Yeah, but I mean, I just feel like a lot of couples, though, unfortunately,
because I talk to, you know, I have cheating stories on my show and I have them on because I think people could learn from them, you know,
because a lot of people have been married to the same person over time.
And the last thing you want is it to wind up a cheating story, right?
So they're always like words of warning, you know, but I do know that I have.
have in those stories and a lot of people who call in, even like my swinger stories and my
hot wiping stories, a lot of times they start off with couples who were like in sexless marriages,
who like this, sex had just, have just gone out the window, you know? So it's like, do you see
a lot of couples like that coming to you? And this is like a way for them to like reconnect.
Like literally all the time. That's some of the main clients that we see coming in our door.
You know, if it's a couple's client. Yeah. It's most often a sexless marriage situation.
or low sex or boring sex or somebody or but one or both of them are unsatisfied with their sex life,
really big differences in desires.
And all of this that we're talking about right now is super helpful in those situations.
And what is the reasons that you see that these couples have gone so far away and aren't like banging anymore in the bedroom?
Is it just a communication issue?
Is it a mismatch libido?
Is it probably all of the above and more?
All of the above, but also it takes more than just communicating.
about something to learn it.
You know, you actually have to teach people in a more,
and that's why Somatica is very much an experiential practice.
Because you can say, look, look, I can say to somebody,
hey, I want you to be more romantic.
But they don't even know what that looks like for me.
So we have to break it down and we have to like show how, you know,
like what's a romantic kiss look like?
Well, I'm going to have this couple in front of me and I'm going to be like,
you show your partner what a romantic kiss looks like to you and then see if they can do it
back for you.
Like, we break it down.
and actually practice so that you can learn because, you know, that's where learning comes from.
It doesn't come from just talking about something or complaining about something.
It comes from taking the time and patience, both to have the conversation and then to teach
and learn with each other.
So that word, Tamatica, can you just explaining like what that means by definition and how
it's different than regular talk therapy if you were a regular sex coach?
Yeah, so the word somatic means of the body.
Right.
And we named our, we named it somatica.
We just added an A.
It's, you know, we love the word.
And we, we, because we wanted people to understand that it was an embodied experiential
approach that sometimes even includes touch, not always, but sometimes depending on what
people need to learn.
And you can see on the show Virgin Island, you know, we're teaching through experience.
And so somatica is based on experiential work.
And it's not just like sexual experiential work.
It's also emotional.
Like, how do you share feelings vulnerably, you know?
how do you, everything from like sharing erotic energy to like doing repair around emotions.
Like all of that needs to be experienced and practice in order to learn how to do it and to take it out
into your day to day life. And so we don't say go do this for homework. We say here we go,
right here in the office. Let's see you kiss your partner.
Oh, really. Let me teach you how to touch. I'll teach you how to do feather and holding touch with
me. I'll teach you how to touch in a way that's most arousing on my body and help you learn how to bring
subtleties of escalation with ongoing consent and, you know, active receiving, like all of these
things are things that sometimes need to be learned because people have never, you know,
had the opportunity to really learn and get feedback around them.
Now, I know you said on Virgin Island, you guys keep your clothes on.
You're not sex, like, because I've had some sex surrogates on, right?
They do maybe actually engage in sexual activity, too?
I don't know.
You tell me, is that what you do as well?
Do you go that far?
or is it just, because you say it becomes physical, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So we don't take our clothes off.
Right.
And we don't kiss our clients.
We don't touch genitals.
But if you could imagine like a super hot makeout session without kissing,
that's like as far as we go.
You can kiss the neck and the cheek and stuff like that.
So that's as far as we go in somatica.
And then sexological body workers are also on the island.
And their clients can be naked on a table and they touch their body.
But it's not two-way touch.
Surrogates can have full sex with their clients.
they can have oral sex and they can have intercourse, but they always work in a triatic relationship.
So there has to be a therapist who's working with you with a surrogate.
So you can't just go and like, I'm going to go seek out a surrogate.
If somebody says they're doing surrogacy but there's no therapist involved, then it's just sex work.
Oh, that's good.
That's interesting.
That's good to know.
So people know they're not getting scared.
Yeah, yeah.
People realize that like that's not what's happening.
Like surrogacy is a very specific profession and it has a triadic model with a therapist.
therapist involved for really good reasons. And so Matta doesn't go that far because we want to be
able to, we don't, there doesn't need to be a therapist involved. And we want to be able to do a lot
of practice and all of the escalation and seduction and turn on pieces. But we're not having,
we're not getting naked. We're not having sex with our clients. Well, but let me ask you this.
Like how many, because like there is this thing, you know, what is it called when, you know, the,
the patient gets like horny for that, you know, falls in love with the therapist because we're seeing
them so much, you know, transference, you know.
So like if you're physically touching your clients of a, how do you keep that boundary from like your clients kind of falling for you?
Yeah, there's a lot of like erotic and emotional connection with our clients.
We just keep the boundaries of the container, you know.
So we say, yeah, it's okay.
All your feelings are welcome here.
We're just not going to date out in the world.
But I would just say, I mean, I don't know.
I would assume that some of them still get horny for you and you just, I mean, they're obviously horny.
Right.
I think it's hard for them too.
Yeah. Oh, interesting. Okay, I like that. That's interesting. So it's blurred. I mean, it's not like it doesn't go there. That's interesting to me.
No, it goes there. It goes there to mutual attraction to, you know, I love all my clients. They're wonderful human beings. We're just not going to, the boundaries stay the same. Like, if they say, hey, I'm totally in love with you, it's like, that's beautiful. You know, I love that we have this time and connection together. And if they say, and now I want us to stop being coaching client and I want to date,
then we say, no, we can't do that.
That's not within the boundaries.
So that's the, we keep the boundaries of the method,
but we don't reject the feelings.
Oh, interesting.
Because I guess how could you, if, like, if you're really going there, right,
and really having an experience and how could you make that experience valid if it's not real, right?
So it is real, like when you're having this hot, heavy situation with them
and getting them in touch with themselves, like you're going there too.
Well, not only that.
It's like, how do I know if they're good at it if I'm not even, like,
paying attention or letting myself become aroused.
It's like that's my gauge.
Yeah.
Interesting.
I think I just didn't understand how hardcore this was or I, you know, now I have a
million more questions.
You know, somatica sounds so nice.
I mean, it's a little bit more, you know, it's a little bit more nodding that I thought.
It's so sweet and gentle and also has a lot of erotic play and fun in it.
Yes.
Oh my God.
That's probably why we haven't seen your show in the UK.
There's no way you could see the,
the Virgin Island here in the United States.
Is it on any streaming thing or no?
Yeah, sometimes you can see it come up if you like search around.
You can also, you know, like do a VPN or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's possible.
There's different ways to do it.
But yeah, I'm hoping that it just gets picked up here.
That's the big dream for sure.
So now do you see mostly men, women, couples, all of it.
And then I'm assuming you see it's all of the above in your practice?
Yeah.
And what's the difference between why women, like, if we're talking singles,
you know, like what are the difference between like the, what the women are coming to you for and the men?
Is there a difference that you see?
Yeah, a lot of times women are coming with low desire.
They're not, there's lost interest in sex.
And I think this a lot comes from slut shaming, from them not knowing what they want,
expecting other people to lead or to know what to do for them instead of really owning it and figuring out what they want for themselves.
And also just feeling like it's not okay to be sexual.
So all of that comes in for women, for men.
a lot of times they'll want to be good at dating, be better lovers, or sometimes there's some
dysfunction that they want to deal with, erectile dysfunction, ejaculation control, those kinds of things.
So those are all things that kind of motivate men.
Now, do your clients stay close and you don't, or do they also stay close?
They stay close.
Everybody's cloth.
Everybody's cloth.
And we're not touching genitals.
We're not giving each other orgasms.
You know, so it keeps within a set of boundaries that make it so that the intensity of
so high. Yeah, well, listen, I've dry humped in my 40s and 50s, okay? And I'm always like, don't knock until you try it.
Like, there's something super hot. I'm into tease and denial. You know, because after you could
fucking do everything, like, it's kind of hot to not allow yourself sometimes. You know what I mean?
I don't know. It is. I love anticipation and build up and production and favoring. All of that is, like,
it's art that people aren't really learning very much. Like when I'm, you know, being with a new
partner. I can't tell you how quickly they try to touch my pussy before, you know what I mean?
It's like, hey, like, I haven't even like, well, I'm not even slightly warm yet. I'll just
gently take their hand away and say I'm not ready for pussy touch yet. Like, when you kiss my ears,
I feel it more in my pussy than when you touch my pussy. Yeah, exactly. And they don't realize
that if they like tormented you by not going there by the time, like they eventually did, you'd be
soaking wet. And how horny would that make them? Yeah. Dr. Ripping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Girls love the foreplay. I don't think guys understand, you know.
So the guys are coming to you for like EED issues and stuff like that and you could help guys with stuff like that.
Oh, for sure, for sure. Because a lot of it is like figuring out what it is that you want during sex and how to communicate how to make it happen in your sex life.
And also a lot of men have like shame.
They have performance and anxiety. And so working with all of that can really help as well.
Yeah. And do you have a, do you see a lot of guys that come to you because,
like maybe they might know their core desires or like a little bit like, you know,
they're like they have a kink or a fetish that is, you know, out of the box and they're feel
shameful about it and they don't know how to bring it to the table or they haven't come to
terms with it.
Yeah, because I know I talk to those people a lot on my show.
Yeah, and we really have people who kind of have that niche.
So we have like a special BDSM and pink mastery class.
We have a teacher who teaches that.
We have people in the, in our, you know, who have done our.
training who are specializing in that.
And for sure, people come to them and specifically want to, like, you know, de-shamify their
kink and really, like, own it and see how they might get that met for themselves out in
the world.
So that is one of the motivators for sure.
And so how do you help people?
Like, if people see you in person, I know that you keep saying that you have some, like,
courses that people could take, you just explain, like, all the stuff that you have
to offer people and also books.
I know you have a lot of bucks.
Yeah, so on sexcoaching.com, you can actually find a sex coach. On somatica.com, you can see there's,
there's all different, all the different options are there. So we have learn dot somatica.com, which is all
the classes where people can watch, like dating class and learn your core desires class.
We do train coaches in our method and certify them. They become certified sexologist, certified
sex and relationship coaches, somatica have relations, sex and relationship coaches.
and that's a year-long training where we really go in depth in all of this.
It's completely life-changing.
I've just been like, I just had a weekend with them.
And they're like, I have gotten more out of this eight months so far that I've taken in somatica than I got for 20 years in therapy.
You're kidding.
It's experiential and it's practical and it changes people's lives.
And then they change their lives as people and then they go out and help other people as coaches change their lives as well.
And the ripple effect just makes me feel so good.
That's the world we're getting so much sexier and more loving and more securely attached.
And that's all I want for anyone anyway.
So you can become a coach.
You can take classes with us.
You can get coaching from people who have been trained in somatica.
And those are, you know, some of the main offerings that we have.
Yeah.
I see so many different classes that you have.
How have you seen things change over time?
Because you've been doing this for a long time, right?
Like, I mean, I guess maybe it's like what you were saying in the beginning that you still see all these issues,
but maybe they're different because the younger generation.
It's like different reasons for it, but you still see the same issues and you're still treating people for the same problems?
Or has it changed a lot.
Yeah, I think one big change also has been the me too.
Yeah.
You know, people are starting to realize that consent is really, really important, but maybe they don't quite know how to make consent sexy yet.
And one of the things we do in Somatica is teach people how to make consent sexy so that it becomes part of the seduction process to get ongoing consent while you're escalating an experience.
and all of that creates a lot of trust and, you know, safety and confidence in the system.
And so that's a big, a big shift in what we've seen in terms of how we help people really bring
consent into their practice, into their sexual life.
And do you see all ages?
Do you find you're talking more so to older couples and singles, or do you see a lot of young
people looking for help in this area as well?
We see people of all ages.
You know, I think a lot of times people don't realize kind of it takes a minute to sort of go, uh-oh, I have a problem here, especially with sex because it often gets back Bernard.
Yeah.
So people might not as often get to us until their 30s or something like that.
But, you know, I would hope that like the younger you deal with these kinds of issues, the longer you have in your life to just really enjoy yourself.
So, you know, I really love that Virgin Island happened because I think it brought a lot of awareness to a much younger audience, which is super exciting.
and yeah, I just want everyone to have these tools as early and as often as possible
so that they can, you know, so that people live these more fulfilling lives in their relationships
and sex lives.
Yeah, because listen, I was like you when I was younger and I grew up, like, I was in high school
in the 80s and like I was considered very slutty because I'd fuck whoever I wanted.
I would never date anyone.
I didn't want to grow up and get married.
Like I just was, you know, and now I talk to people that are doing all these crazy things
and I'm like, I can't believe I was called a slut.
Like I've done none of these things, but back in my day, like, all you had to do was like sex and you were like a slut.
You know, all I had to do is I would always talk about sex.
I was like, everyone was like, Kathy's a slutty because I would just like talk about sex.
And I think I just did it because I realized like I got a lot of it.
Like I was always like, I think I just did it because I got a lot of attention because like it was so taboo just to even talk about it.
Like I wasn't having like group sex and orgies and gang bangs, but I was still considered super slutty and crazy because I fucking like sex.
And it's just like, you got to be kidding me.
But as a woman, that's what it was.
was like, you know.
But let me tell you, I always loved sex, been there, done that, had the best fucking time,
have always had the best orgasms, and have always been very sort of open and have a voice when it
comes to sex.
And I just, you know, none of my girlfriends were that way, though.
You know what I mean?
So I do think it's like, and, you know, and they probably had bad sex and so I think
eventually like women find their voice later in life, at least at my time, you know,
women eventually found it.
But I always had it from day one.
So, you know, my point is like, why not?
get to that place early as opposed to, like you said, 30s and 40s, right?
Like, why not get there when you're younger and get in touch with that so you could be having,
you know, great sex?
Because there's not a lot of, like, life's difficult, right?
The older, you get the more problems you have and everything.
There's a couple things that are fucking great.
You know what I mean?
Food and sex, right?
Like, those are two great things you can enjoy.
Why not enjoy them as much as possible?
Nothing wrong with that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more for sure.
And I think as a young person, I really loved the power that came from, like, I dressed super slutty.
Yeah, me too.
I was really, like, very relationship-oriented when I was younger.
Now I'm a little bit more like solo, but, and so I was kind of having longer-term relationships
with people, but I loved the feeling of that sexual power, you know.
Yeah, interesting.
So I think people thought, I remember one time, like, it was a little cutie on the bus.
And I think it was a freshman in high school and I, you know, that we'd been in high school for, like, a week.
I was super dressed lady and we sat next to each other on the bus.
And we were talking and he goes,
oh, I didn't know you were smart.
Like you couldn't be smart.
Yeah, for sure.
At the same time.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, yeah, actually, like, yes,
I'm a straight-day student.
I was like valedictorian in my fucking class,
you know, and I like sex.
Yeah, that was me.
I feel like women have had to fight that battle for so long.
Yeah, it's super interesting.
Why don't you give a shout out to like where people could find you?
I'll put a link to your website.
I'm assuming everything's on your website.
why don't you give that out and tell people where they could go to, you know, take your classes or become a sex coach or can people hire you to see you in person?
Yeah, I do occasionally take new clients very rarely. So, you know, I do work with some people. But you can find our coaches who are amazing and, you know, trained by us. And everything, somatica.com, S-O-M-A-C-A-C-com is the hub.
And from there, you can find Somatica Institute, which is our training.
website, Celeste and Danielle, you know, that has all of our classes on it.
So they're all linked to the somatica.com website, and that's a way to find all of our
offerings.
Okay, I'll put the link in there.
Do you know that there is a Virgin, like, did they steal this to you?
Do you know about that Virgin show?
You said you know about it, right?
That new reality TV show that's out.
So at first, yeah, at first they said they were going to call it Virgin Island.
And then luckily because, you know, the UK folks had all of the trademarks and all that,
they decided not to.
but they made a show that's completely different than what we have to offer.
Like, I don't think they're getting any expert help.
It's like, even I heard that, I don't know, part of me just can't even watch it because
even I heard that they were like kind of making fun of these young people and that and voting them
off the island.
Like, it's some kind of competition.
I don't think I want to cry.
Like, these folks are so tender.
You know what I mean?
It's like, that's just, yeah.
So that's not what we're doing at all.
We're really about like helping people have, you know, have the life and relationships that
they want and the sex life that they want. And that's what we did. And, you know, like, that's what we
did on the island. That's what we're going back to do for a second season. So I'm really proud of
it. And I really hope that the whole world gets to, you know, experience it at some point.
Listen, it's not easy to make a successful show, especially not nowadays where there's just so much
content out there. Well, listen, thanks so much for calling in. This was super interesting. Celeste,
that's what I'm talking about. I could have asked you a million more questions, but thanks so much
for calling in and I'll put all your links and stuff in the description.
Oh, thank you so much.
It was really good to talk with you.
Thanks, Celeste.
Bye.
Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly
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it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way
you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy
my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's
what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels.
We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.
It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it.
I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord.
It's private, like I said.
All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook,
the ebook or the paperback.
Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com.
That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.
And I will send you the link to Discord.
So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.
