Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1332 - Physical Causes of Low Libido, Boredom in the Bedroom and More w/ Diane Mueller

Episode Date: January 10, 2026

Diane Mueller called in to talk all about the physical causes of low libido, boredom in the bedroom and more. Tune in to hear her discuss all the details including the myths surrounding low libido, how and what you can do to advocate for yourself while at your doctors office, the tests you should add on to your blood work to get more info on what might be going on, why you need cholesterol for libido, estrogen for men and testosterone for women and why they both need it for libido, symptoms of a tight pelvic floor and how that can effect libido for both men and women, the actual thyroid tests you need to get for more info when t comes to libido, how and why stress effects libido, boredom in the bedroom and the root causes of it, what you need to discuss first before you start talking about novelty in the bedroom plus a whole lot more. you can get her book here: https://mylibidodoc.com/want-to-want-it/ GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics mY FEMALE guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — To get 10% off DRIVE Boost by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Use the code STRICTLY at checkout for 20% OFF your entire order⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2540-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠— Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Get 10% OFF your first month of Bluechew GOLD! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://motorbunny.com/strictly⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Click to get $50 off! Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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All you got to do is use my code three. 1712, that's 3-7712, or just go to the description and click on the link. Okay, today I have on Dr. Diane Mueller. She was on before. She's a libido doc. This time we talk about libido, but we talk about it from like the physical standpoint. Last time we talked about it like, you know, from the mental standpoint and, you know, that kind of thing and desire. But, you know, desire and libido from the mental standpoint. This time we talk about it from the physical standpoint, which I love because I started my sexual health wellness. series to talk about like health and stuff like that. So we start off with talking about a lot of myths when it comes to libido, but physical myths. And she goes through a whole list of stuff that I was surprised even to hear. She talks about cholesterol. She talks about hormones, testosterone for women, estrogen for men. She talks about kegles and how and why sometimes they're not even needed. She talks about pelvic floor relaxation for both men and women. She talks about things you could do for your pelvic floor. She talks about specific panels to get checked for when you go to your

doctor to look deeper into your libido. One of them is thyroid. She talks about that specific test that you should be doing to learn more about yourself if you have to learn more if you do have low libido. So basically all the myths are around low libido. And then we talk a little bit about boredom in the bedroom and then, you know, some new things that you can do, mainly start fucking communicating to get things going again. That's what we end with. The beginning, though, is super interesting all the physical myths about libido. I, like I said, I was shocked to hear some of them. I learned a lot from her. She does have a new book out. It is available now. Last time we spoke, it was like, you need to pre-order it, but it is out now. It's called want to want it. How to

want sex, have more of it and get better at it. So if you want more information on everything that she talks about on this episode. Go check out her book. It's on her website, my libido.com. I will have links to everything in the description. But anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Diane Mueller. Hi, Diane Mueller. Welcome back to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm great, Kathy. Thanks for having me back. It's good to be talking to you again. Listen, we call you the libido doc, right? You came on before and we talked to libido. We're going to talk a libido again. The reason why you're back on is because your book just came out. It is available now. It's called want to want it, how to want sex and have more of it and get better at it. I mean, like, who doesn't want all those things and who can't use all those things, right?

And we're going to talk about libido again, but a little bit different than we talked about last time. We talked more specifically about like how to reignite it and all that kind of stuff from like the mental aspect, right? What's going on in your head or your partner's head? And this time we're going to start talking about like the physical things that could be going down. But let me just give a quick shout out to, first of all, your book is available on your website. Is your website libido doc.com? My libido dot.com. Now, and all this stuff I'm spewing out, the links will be in the description, right? You go to her website and get her book. And you also have a podcast. It's called Libido Lounge, where you talk about all kinds of sexual wellness stuff there as well, right? You

have experts on too and interview them like I'm doing here? Exactly. Exactly. It's every once in a while I do a solo episode, but 95% of it is by interviewing other people, other experts in the field. Great. So if anyone wants more of this, they go there, but we're going to be talking libido again. Like I said, we're going to start with some physical things that could be going on in

the bedroom that could be the reason, right, for any kind of changes in libido, whether it's for you or your partner. I'm assuming we're going to be talking about men and women. Yeah, and really dispelling myths because, you know, it's so interesting, Kathy, is like so many times, like things that people know for like men also apply to women vice versa. But yet, we don't realize that. So I really want to dispel some myths today around that as well. Yeah, I love that. Where do you want to start?

Well, I think the most obvious place to start is let's let's start with the thing that people realize because I think a lot of people have awareness that circulation is important from a standpoint of libido, just from a standpoint of erection. Yeah, blood flow. Yeah. an erection, right? Blood flow, exactly. And, you know, one of the myths to start with the spelling right away. Well, there's a couple. Like, the biggest one that men need to hear is that having any sort of change in erectile function is not just about libido. I mean, we are talking about that in sex and all of that, but it's actually an early warning sign oftentimes of a cardiovascular issue, because when something's happening in the penis, it's actually happening to the entire body. So it's a really

good, you know, good thing if that's happening to a man to take it seriously as soon as possible to be like, oh, erections aren't as hard as they used to be, not responding as well as I used to be. Let's go get this checked out to make sure that we actually get proper blood flow. And it's one of the things I go through my book as well as like talking through like labs that a lot of doctors give because a lot of the times that the labs that doctors are giving are just so superficial that they're not even able to really get to the root cause of the problem. Oh, so in your book you have like extra labs, like stuff that you can tell your doctor, hey, look, can you throw this in and that in as well and take a look because maybe they're not going to the standard testing isn't going to include it? Exactly.

Like my whole work is all around self-advocation and action. Oh, right? Nothing changes if we don't do that. So absolutely. So yeah, that's all in there. And you know, and then speaking to the ladies, it's so common that we just think that, okay, well, our little blue. blue pill, you know, it's like what we do for men. And what we, what ladies don't realize is when they're dealing with like common things that oftentimes are libido killers, like, I'm not wet,

you know, there's no lubrication or there's just no, there's like pain, so it's not enjoyable. Oftentimes those are actually caused by low circulation as well. So there, of course, you know, we're going to talk about other root causes. But if women are experiencing any sort of vaginal or pelvic pain or they're experiencing a lack of lubrication, it could actually be an indicator of a circulation issue as well. Yeah, of course. And that's why you tend to see it more and older people when they're a little bit when they're starting to get older because that happens across the board. You just, right? Exactly. Yeah. And I think it's important just to go back to the guy thing. It's just like a lot of times when that kind of happens, they do just pop the blue pill. Right. And then they,

and that works, right? Because it's just going to be like a quick fix. But you're, you could be putting a bandaid on something that's like a lot worse than you think, right? So maybe like that's the thing to before you just take the pill, like go get it checked out as well, just to make sure everything is okay. That's totally my point. It's like, you know, band-aids have purposes, right? Like, I'm not opposed to, like, band-aids here and there. Like, we, you know, we have band-aids for reasons. But the problem I do have from a standpoint and just, like, helping people thrive, both in their sexual wellness as well as just their health in general is when we take the band-aid and then we, like, stop there. So it's, you know, one of those things that's like, okay, well, let's, you know,

use the band-aid where it's appropriate, but let's actually find out what is causing the bleeding, what's causing that circulatory issue. So, you know, for most people, it turned out to be like a both and around like, great, let's, you know, let's have something to fix the acute problem so that we can get back to lovemaking and we can get back to our connection and our relationships and all that. But let's also figure out, like, is this a bigger problem so that it doesn't, you know, we're not missing a sign of a cardiovascular problem, for example. Right. And like you said, back to what you were, what you were talking about was like women could have problems with blood flow as well. And like, who do you go, like, is that something where you could go and do you have it in there where you could go to your, the,

the women could go to their doctor and get labs checked as well? Like, how do the women know whether anything is a blood flow issue? What do they have to check? I would definitely check. And, like, you know, I'll tell you, like, I'll tell everybody, like, one instant thing to do or, like, easy thing to do. There's, like, a lot of advanced tests. But when people go in and do basic things like, like cholesterol testing, for example,

oftentimes people just get, like, total cholesterol run. And that doesn't really correlate with problems like plaque on our arteries. we're talking about plaque on the arteries to the genitals, that's one of the biggest problems, both from a blood flow to the genital, but of course then it's like problems with blood flow to the brain, to the heart, these other places. And so a better marker you can ask your doctor for that if you pay for out-of-pocket costs around $15, $20, right? It's always different with insurance, but the cash price is really cheap is apolyproprotein B. So it's otherwise, that's a big mouthful. But if people just remember, APOB, that's the shorthand for it.

And that's a much better marker. It's a very cheap marker. And it's a much better marker that actually is telling us about is there truly plaque on the arteries. So it's a nice, easy, cheap, superficial test that Western medicine is not running very often, but can tell men and women a ton about their health. Yeah. And I mean, I could do a whole episode. And I need to do a whole episode on the whole cholesterol myth, okay?

Because I can't tell you how many times I've gone and got and checked for my cholesterol. And they like I've had two doctors be like, oh, you need a statin because I'm a little, I'm high. you know, I'm like 250 or whatever it is. And I'm like the I'm like top two percent of health in fitness person all my life. I don't eat sugar. I don't eat bread. I don't eat dairy. I've been working out since I'm 20. I'm 50 something. You know, like I'm skinny and I'm like Uber healthy. And I'm like there's no way I have like a bad high cholesterol, you know. And I did, I eventually learn that like so many people could have a high number, but it's you could be having high number because you have like the big fat stuff that isn't like clogging your arteries. And it's the

good cholesterol and you need it. And people actually who, who tend to be very healthy, tend to be higher because of that. And I did the deeper dive test because I learned that this is a real thing. And a lot of regular doctors just haven't been to school yet again. And they don't know about this. So they'll tell you to go on a statin. But if you do the deeper dive, like I was like perfectly healthy and fine. My numbers were like great, you know?

So I mean like I said, I could just go on and on. I need to do a whole episode on that. But I'm sure you know about that whole thing too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We could definitely do a whole episode on that. it's a very important topic. And because the problem is, and this leads to another kind of obvious root cause of low libido.

Yeah. Is that cholesterol is a building block of our hormones, right? So it's like if we are doing things like statins, if we are doing, you know, natural cholesterol lowers like red yeast rice. And of course these things have a place. Of course. But they really need to be used when somebody has the right problem for it and not just because they have an elevated cholesterol and they haven't done any more investigative research on that. And, you know, it's like, and so we take cholesterol. And so we take cholesterol and we make estrogen, we make progester, we make testosterone, we make

all of these sex hormones that are driving our libido out of cholesterol. So if we're doing something to lower our cholesterol, we can imagine like what that could do to our hormones and therefore even our libido. Hey guys, why not start the new year off the right way with better orgasms and way bigger loads that also taste better? That's right. There is a supplement that is doctor formulated that will not only increase your loads. It will make your jizz taste better. Okay. And it is called load boost by VB Health. Loadbooth is not some sketchy supplement. Okay. It is literally a fave supplement of adult film stars for a reason. And like I said, it's doctor formulated. And besides giving you bigger loads that taste better, let me tell you what else load boost is good for. It's great for prostate and sperm health with ingredients that promote fertility by improving sperm motility and morphology. Their latest formula also includes an enzyme called bromoline that makes your semen taste

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Use my code strictly for 10% off or just go to the description. description and click on the link. Like all of these sex hormones that are driving our libido out of cholesterol. So if we're doing something to lower our cholesterol, you can imagine like what that could do to our hormones and therefore even our libido. Right. If we don't need to really be lower, right? And that's where I think. Listen, I believe in statins for people that have, you know, real high blood pressure, high cholesterol and they have the bad cholesterol going through. And, you know, like that, then you absolutely need it. And the pros of that medication totally outweigh the cons. But for someone like me, it would have been detrimental to my health, you know, to have taken it if I was just like a dumb dumb that walked into a doctor's office and just listen to what they said. So I just love that you say, like, you always advocate for yourself and do your own research nowadays. Because unfortunately, you know, sometimes just because your doctor says something doesn't mean it's totally true. I always double check everything. You give us some more myths that maybe our doctors have been telling us or other people have. Well, I mean, a huge one when we're talking about hormones is that women don't need testosterone.

or that men don't even need estrogen. Right? So this is super interesting about the men. So there's been studies that have shown that when men are given estrogen, men are always like, like, why do I need estrogen? Estrogen is a female hormone. But there's been studies that have been shown that when men are giving estrogen, it actually improves erectile dysfunction.

Oh, I've never heard this. Tell me more. This is so interesting. And so the theory from some of those studies is that estrogen is actually helping testosterone and essentially like work better. It's like they're kind of co-doing and co-working on that erectile dysfunction. So it's, of course, we don't want to have like a lot of it, right? Of course.

Then you want the appropriate levels. But oftentimes men aren't even looking at estrogen. And it's just one of these things around like, well, it doesn't matter. It's a guy. And it's actually not true. Like estrogen is absolutely doing a very important, you know, component. It's beyond that it's building bone and helping brain health and, you know, other things. but from a standpoint of libido, estrogen is actually an important player in libido for men.

Yeah, and I got to like hop to something. Like right now while you're saying all this, I'm thinking to myself, did I ever even really know that guys had estrogen in their system? Yeah, that's a good point. You know, like, honestly, like I know, like when I say that out loud, it sounds so stupid and I realize, no, of course they do because I have testosterone, but I don't think I've ever really thought that men have one ounce of estrogen in them. Right.

Yeah, they have testosterone. too. We don't know as much for men about like what progesterone's doing for them. That hasn't been as well like research and figured out yet. But we definitely know that estrogen is playing a very important role for men. And I'm sure progesterone is too because they have it. Of course. We just haven't figured that out in science exactly around like, okay, what exactly are the major functions that it's doing for men. Yeah, that's interesting. And for women, go talk about the testosterone because I think that's important. Well, I think the biggest thing is like testosterone from a standpoint of like FDA approval for doing things like HRT, like hormone replacement therapy, testosterone is not

even approved by the FDA for women. And it's just insane, right? Because it's one of the most important things that we find is women for our libido. But here's what I want people to hear. Because it's super common that if people have gotten their doctor to prescribe testosterone, right, they've tested, their levels are low, and they get their doctors to prescribe it, it's super common then that their libido will increase for like a few weeks and they'll be really excited and then all of a sudden after a few weeks their libido will fall and so then oftentimes people in that scenario are like okay well I guess I don't need the testosterone yeah and for most people I find that like a low libido low desire is about 10 different root causes for the average person and it's going to be 10

different a mixture of like 10 unique root causes person to person so then from one person to another like you give testosterone, your body will recognize if you need it. It'll recognize it and you'll get kind of this initial boost. But then you'll start to kind of normalize back the baseline if you haven't addressed the other nine things. So that's really important to people to understand. If you try it and it works and then all of a sudden it doesn't, it doesn't mean that it's not still important. You just want to lab test and all that. It just means that, oh, it might not be the only big root cause. That's actually driving the low desire and the low arousal. Oh, that is super interesting. I was on, I've been on HRT since I've been in pari menopause. I love the fact. I mean, can we just say

big thanks to the fact that it just, they just took off the box warning, the big box warning for HRT for women. I'm so excited about that. Oh my God. I can't believe it. Like I was always, because I've always been in health and fitness and I always was like a little out of the box and believed a lot of healthier things before other people did. And so I was always pro hormones and was never afraid of them. And I have a lot of cancer in my family and stuff, but I was like, I'm going on them just so that it doesn't happen to me. And I've been. on them since I'm in perimenopause. But a lot of my first doctors, even like, and one of them was the top menopause specialist in New York City. I mean, I had to beg her to put me on

testosterone. And the minute I went on it and she tested me, she's like, oh, it's high. Got to go off of it. Like, I mean, of course it's going to be high. Like, you know, high for my age. Like, and that's what happens when you get hormones. You're always going to, if you're really optimizing them and with the right kind of doctor, you're probably going to test high because it's, like, for your age, you know, and a lot of times what happens is a regular doctor will be like, oh, it's too high like that woman, and she took me off of it, you know. But I have to say, uh, when I went back on it, I went to a place that was optimizing my hormones and went on testosterone, besides the libido thing for me, it was muscle tone and so much more. Like I was

always a working out person, work out the gym with weights all my life. And, you know, for a long time when I didn't have it, I could work out so hard. I wasn't seeing any results, you know, at all. And then the minute I went back on testosterone, I could go three times. And I could go three times. a week, do my regular basic workout, and I'm like Jack, like I always was. You know, muscle memory came back, but I needed that testosterone. It would have never happened without it. And muscle is so important for so much more, you know? Yeah, that's true. I've noticed the same thing on HRT. Like, all of it has saved my life. I'm in perimenopause now. And testosterone in particular, I've noticed the same thing. Like couldn't do pull-ups, like, you know, would do assistant pull-ups,

all that. Now I can only do a few, but I can do pull-ups. Yeah, but that's killer for a woman. Like, I think the most I ever got up to was like 12, and that's like a lot. I mean, pull-ups are really fucking hard. People don't understand. Totally. It is very exciting to me that testosterone pushed me over that level. And, you know, same thing. Like, you know, nothing's really changed in my workouts.

I work out the same amount as I was before. But it's just, it's having that ability to actually grow muscle with that. Yeah. Testosterone. And, you know, I think another thing with that, too, it's like when another thing that's so related to arousal and libido is self-concant and how we're feeling in our body. And obviously, there are going to be some changes that happen as we age and the body is not going to be the exact same in our 20s as our 60s.

But that being said, like, we can, like, maintain a lot of muscle and physique and all these things. And I think being on the hormones, it's like a vicious cycle, right, if we're not using these things because we see so many changes in our body otherwise. And I totally believe we can work with our mind to, like, you know, feel beautiful at any size and any weight and, you know, and all. of that, but that being said, all of the mental work that we do to do that is not going to work the same if we're not feeling like good in our body. And some of that is just like, you know,

doing these things that are going to make us feel healthy and more confident and want to get our clothes taken off. Right. And then you feel sexy. I can't tell you how many women, you know, I'm talking to extreme people on my show that went from vanilla to swinging. And I can't tell you how many times when I'm talking to these older couples that got into it way later in life. Like, you know, I've had these stories where it was like after massive weight loss, after they totally changed your body and became, you know, and got it back or became better than they ever were because they went through like a whole, you know, changing themselves for the better. And then they became so horny and like into sex because they felt confident. And, you know, and that's not

about like, like, like you said, it's not about like, oh, people don't like people who aren't perfect and you don't have to look perfect. But it's the way you feel about yourself. Like these people felt better about themselves and they felt sexy some of them like for the first time in their lives and it made them hornier exactly exactly and I mean a big thing too I find is like another thing I talk about in my book is like the capacity to experience pleasure is directly related to the capacity to experience presence oh I like that yes if we're in bed right and we're rolling around and all of a sudden we're like oh god my fat rolls in this position our brain is on that it is impossible to think about your fat rules and have an orgasm at the same time.

And I think I've been 40 pounds heavier in my life. I have tried. It does not work. Yeah. Maybe a man can, but not a fucking woman. No way. We have to be between our legs, not between our ears. Exactly.

Exactly. So all of these things that just help you feel better in your body allow for that more presence around exactly like you said. Like between your legs, what is happening? What is happening on your body? Where is the touch? Where is the hands? Where is the kissing?

And the more, you know, we're able to be fully present with it, the more we're actually able to experience. And I think anybody is like, you know, it's like thought about this can talk about a time that they're like getting close to orgasm and they're like, like, you know, it's building and it's building. And all of a sudden they have like a random thought around like the kids or whatever go through their mind. And all of a sudden it's like they're, you know, their climb up the, you know, the orgasm or the pleasure ladder. And they drop back down to rung two and they have to build themselves back up again because that's what happens when. we're not present. Yeah, yeah, totally. And if you feel so, and you're going to be able to, like, forget about all that stuff if you're feeling hot about yourself and the way that you look. It's so true, especially I said, like, you know, for women. So that testosterone, it's not FDA approved. Hopefully

it will be soon because more and more people are talking about it. It should be. It's approved for men. I mean, it's like ridiculous that it's not, but it's still not. I mean, I do injections and I have to say, like, my testosterone injections are not that expensive. I mean, I think I pay like 80 bucks in that lasts me four months. I mean, so it's not like it. It's not like, it's that big of an outer pocket cost right now anyway. Right. Yeah, but it's just making sure you find a doctor.

But there's so many doctors that are like are really on board with it. Now it's not nowadays. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've come a long way in a decade. Yeah.

No, totally. It used to be brutal. That's why I was seeing my lady in New York and it was so expensive and it was out of pocket and there was like, you know, five people maybe talking about it or prescribing or whatever. Now it's a totally different thing. Thank God. But okay, keep going on with your myths.

I totally went off. the HRT because I love that topic. Oh yeah, that's such a fun topic. Okay, so here's another one. So we talk for women, like one of the things that we talk about for women oftentimes are kegels or kegels, however we wanted to pronounce it. And women are taught to do this oftentimes just by squeezing their pee muscles, right? Their urination muscles stop flow.

And so that's largely how women are told to kind of take care of like their urogenital region and the muscles down there and everything. But there's a few myths that happen here. And the first one, we'll go to the men first and we'll come back to the ladies. So I want to make sure the men are included on this. So the first one is that the pelvic floor muscles, there's basically 14 muscles that make up the pelvic floor. They kind of sit like a hammock and hold up all our abdominal organs and go into our penis. They go into our vagina.

And so they're kind of all in these genital areas. And essentially, men need these muscles. to work in order to have an erection. So erectile dysfunction can be fixed when men actually work on these muscles. It's a huge root cause for men. And so as women were just taught, like I said, do your kegles, do your kegles. But men actually need to be strengthening their pelvic floor as well. And it can make a huge difference with how hard they can get, how long they can last,

and, you know, and their ability really to control even orgasm. Yeah, that was another thing I learned on my show from talking to someone. Someone talked about like cagels for men. I'm like, there's cagels for men. Like they needed. I was like shocked. I had, I never thought.

And I think there's probably a lot of guys out there that don't even think that that is a thing for them. It's mostly associated with women. Exactly. Exactly. And largely it's not even associated all that much with sex. We think of it as like, okay, incontinence around you sneeze or you cough and you pee. But it's actually so related to sexual function. So now for women, as well as for men, here's the other side of the.

coin that we're often not taught. It's like so much of the time we are taught that the whole point and the whole idea of working on this pelvic floor area is really to strengthen, strengthen, right? So that's why we're doing, you know, the kegles. Well, so much problem as we age is not about the strengthening of these muscles. It's about these muscles being too tight and not relaxing, right? Yes, I'm getting that. I have had that myself. And I love when I, the first time I heard it, I'm like, oh my God, I think that that's what I'm having and that's an issue that I have and that's like a thing that comes with like I started doing like a deep dive investigation into it and I couldn't believe how like exactly what you're saying that like half the time people are doing things that are the exact opposite of what they should because you're you're making your you're tight to begin with like that's the problem. Exactly. We would never go to the gym and be like, okay, well, I'm going to work at my bicep and I'm just going to for the rest of my life every time I work out my bicep only hold the bicep curl and like.

never do the release. Like we work both sides of the muscle. And so it's like logical when we think about like, you know, gyms and like regular exercise science. But when it comes to these muscles for whatever reason, like it's just not been taught. So like a really helpful tool. So, you know,

so it's like helpful. There's products I talk about in my book that will go through and help with the pelvic floor relaxing for both women and men. But sometimes it's even getting the brain to find these muscles. and so like men what they can do is lie on their back and basically put put two fingers one on each side of their penis. Let me just let me just ask you a quick question. So men could be too tight too is what you're saying. Correct.

Okay. Interesting. Okay. So go back to so they get laid down. Get lay down, put two fingers on each side of the penis. And then women can do the same exercise. Lay down. You're on your back, but you actually insert fingers inside the vagina.

and then you kind of push on each side of the vaginal wall, so they're right and the left side. Yeah. And so now, you know, men or women, now you're laying. What you can do with your fingers there is you can like windshield wiper your feet, so your kind of feet go in and out like a windshield. That's going to start moving some of those muscles. It's not going to get to all of them, but it's going to start to move some of those muscles.

And so then with your fingers, you can actually feel them. And the reason this exercise is valuable is like, you know, if we think about like, okay, like taking a deep breath and pushing out our belly. Our brain knows how to do that, right? We know how to like, okay, I can find my belly. I can allow my belly to expand and relax. But oftentimes we've been so disconnected from this muscle group for so long that when it comes to like, okay, well, let's squeeze and less relax.

Many people can't even find these muscles with their brain. So what you're doing is you're helping your brain actually make that neurological connection to find these muscles again. I wouldn't even know that it's a muscle. You know what I mean? Like I would have no even clue that like my pelvic floor like there's a whole muscle thing going in there. You know, I remember and it's like it, I felt that this is where you were going with the fingers. Like when I went to my gynecologist, I'm like, I think that I have like a, my pelvic floor is a little too tight.

And she went in there and she's like, she's like tapping in there. And then she tapped on one side. I'm like, oh, that hurt. You know, like I felt that. And she's like, oh, that's where it's tight, you know. So you could actually even like kind of feel it. At least I could. Exactly. Exactly. 100%. And, you know, this is too, it's like some some vibrators have actually been approved for FDA, like from the FDA as medical devices. Because what they're finding is that vibrators will will reduce pelvic pain. In fact, there's been studies that have shown that three times a week for 12 weeks have a five X reduction in pelvic pain.

Wow, that's interesting. It's interesting. And I think there's a lot of reasons for that. I think when we use vibrators, that we are, changing the circulation. So we are getting more circulation there. We're flushing the lymph out. But I do think there is an element, right, where it's like, okay, we know in other exercise science when we stand on like vibration plates, that sort of thing. It's actually allowing our muscles to engage different. It's getting those micro muscles, kind of those micro fibers to engage. And so I think there's an element where we're using that vibration there, that it's doing that, that it's breaking up like adhesions where the muscle bundles have all. all kind of clustered up and they got in tight.

And so we're actually using that to also heal the pelvic floor muscles. Yeah, that's super interesting. I think mystery vibe was one of those. And mystery vibe was a mystery vibe is. Yeah, they were one of my sponsors. They sponsored my show for like a whole year. They had that killer vibrator. I think I still have it.

I got to pull out that like, you know, you could totally move it around to fit anywhere you want it. Yeah. Yes. It's a great one. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I have one. I love it. Yeah. So the pelvic floor. So women could do that just in. and like what you were talking about as far as like, you know, sort of getting in tune with that muscle, like feeling it so you could like make that connection.

Exactly. So like doing that is a really good exercise and then getting like products. Like I mentioned, like there's balls you can get like sit on, for example, that are going to release the pelvic floor muscles and soften it. If it's really, you know,

there's a real big problem like especially for women. Like sometimes you do need to have a pelvic floor therapist, even sometimes go inside and do like, inner work along the interior of the vaginal wall. So, and that's usually if that's needed, people are having like pretty significant pain with sex and sometimes even like the inability to insert, to have penile or vibrator insertion. Right. Because it's just gotten so constricted.

And usually if it's that bad, it can be helpful to have like a therapist to help, you know, kind of break up those muscle adhesions and all that and get back to a baseline. Yeah, it's interesting. How would women know that they have it? Besides, like what I had that made me do my deep. dive like, do you know what the symptoms are? Well, I mean, huge symptoms are going to be things like low back pain or incontinence, right? So those are like non-sex symptoms.

Yeah, and that's interesting because they would think they're, they would think they're loose, right? That's what they have incontinence. The first thing you're going to think. Exactly. Exactly. So those are really big, like non-sexual signs. And then, of course, any sort of, you know, pain discomfort. And really, you know, even if there's like some level of low libido issues or circular

issues or lubrication issues, any of that stuff could have an element here. And this is where, you know, it gets back to that idea around like most of the time if we're experiencing low libido, low desire, it's multi-factorial. Yeah, yeah. Do you have those nine things in your book for people to think about? Are those included? Yeah. I have, yep, yep, I do. I go through a ton of them. Yeah, I love that. Okay, keep going. I love this information. It's so interesting to me. Yeah, me too. I could talk sex and science all day long. Yeah, yeah. I love. I love health and fitness stuff. It's like so interesting to me.

Anyway, go on. Same. Okay. So another big thing. So thyroid. So thyroid is huge for healthy libido. And so from a myth perspective, like a lot of people can like wrap their brain around just kind of high level around like, okay, well, I know thyroid helps with energy. And if I don't have energy, then of course I'm not going to want to do it.

Yeah. That's obvious. Right. But one of the things to just help people understand quickly here is that the lab, you know, test that conventional docs are running, most of the time are not even testing thyroid hormone. So the lab tests are so rudimentary for what we're doing for thyroid hormone. So I'll tell you a story. Like there's there's a thyroid marker, a thyroid lab test people can run called reverse T3.

And what this test is running, it's a, is running for a type of thyroid molecule that essentially the easiest way of saying is that it blocks thyroid hormone from working at the cells. Like if you have too much of this reverse T3, your cells cannot use any thyroid hormone in your body. So you can have all the great thyroid hormone in your body. Everything's working great. You know, your doctor even ran, you know, some of the right lab and it looks awesome and it's blocked. And I have this one patient. The range of this goes that says it's normal for like to have reverse T3 up to like 20 to 24 depending upon the lab. But from an optimal perspective, it's like, why do we want thyroid blocked at all?

So I had a patient a couple weeks ago. He was at a 16.9 with this reverse T3. So like the lab would say, okay, that's fine. In my mind, it's like not fine because I don't want your thyroid to be blocked. So we put him on a tiny bit of thyroid hormone. His life changed instantly. Like brain turns on, drive turns on. You know, fatigue goes away.

And it was missed for like 20 years this poor man was suffering. Wow. And it's all because it was being blocked and the right test wasn't run. And so we really want to think about that. We really want to think about that if we're having low libido, if we're not able to wake up in the morning, if we're having afternoon fatigue, if it's like eight o'clock at night and we're dragging ourselves to bed

and can't even make it. Like who's going to be able to enjoy life at all or their sex drive when you're feeling that way? So that's the big myth there is like, like, okay, the labs that you're running are like adequate. it most of the time when it comes to thyroid, people are missing it over and over and over again. Right. And they're not going to make that connection or do this test.

They might do other thyroid tests because there's a couple. Because I go to like the hormone replacement therapy place that I go to, I get tested every three months. They always do a deep dive into my thyroid. So I know about all this stuff. But the typical doctor isn't going to, I've never had those deep thyroid testing done on a regular panel ever. Yeah, exactly. It's like functional doctors, anybody that's like trying to optimize will know this stuff for sure. But the biggest message I just want to get across is like so many people come to my office and they're like, oh yeah, we don't need to check thyroid.

Thyroid has been checked. And I look at their labs. Like, no, cyberd really hasn't been checked. And so I think that's the biggest thing. And back to our self-advocation thing around like it's important for you to understand the people to understand the differences of these tests. Yeah. So they actually know what's been tested and what is not. Yeah, love it.

Okay. That's interesting. What's your next one? Yeah. Well, I think another one we have to mention. And then I think it's like we can get into some of like the non, you know, super physical things. But I think it's like, and this is going to be a little bit cliche, but we absolutely

have to mention it, which is stress because and it's like, it's obviously like cliche. And I was like, I was talking to somebody, my colleague of mine about this earlier this week. is like I almost hate saying this on podcast because it just sounds like, oh yeah, I know stress is bad. Exactly. Who doesn't know that? Like it's like the old thing I've been hearing this for 20 years. But, you know, I think a big difference in like understanding is when we understand like the level of mechanisms that are happening here.

So like our stress hormone cortisol, a lot of people know it because too high and it causes body fat, our stress hormone cortisol actually will lower testosterone. For sure. So, right? So when people are running around stressed out, like that can be actually the reason their testosterone slow. So it's not just as simple as saying, okay, well, don't, you know, don't involve stress. But it's also saying this.

Like if we're, if stress is causing us not to deep sleep, we wake up the next day and we are insulated, if we sleep less than six hours or less than, you know, quality hours, we wake up the next day and we're actually insulin resistant, meaning we have like pre-diabetes for a day until our body re-regulate. And that's going to lead to weight problems, and that's going to lead to inflammation. And so, you know, I think the biggest thing in understanding this is really like, okay, everybody knows stress is a problem,

but it's not just like stress is bad for you. It's like there's these chemical processes that are happening that are destroying hormones that are causing insulin resistance, that are ruining people's metabolism, that are really, really important to deal with. And every once in a while, like Emily Nogoski, she like works in her book, Come As You Are, she does a great job of describing breaks and accelerators for sex for people.

You know, in her research, she does, you know, she talks about like, yes, there are some people that when they go through stress, it's a real accelerator for their libido. But that I find to be like much more of the rarity and it happens. But for more people than not, I find that stress when I ask them about it, stress is like a libido killer. Well, let me tell you when I, because I do, I'm on hormones, I get tested every three months. And there was one time, and it happened to coincide with, like, the deadline for my book. And writing my book was the hardest, worst experience of my life. Like, I never was more busy and more stressed out in my life, okay? And I have to say I did my blood work, you know, and it was like my progester on a head tank,

like all my numbers like I had tanked. And I felt like I was like talking a psychic instead of a doctor. He's like, are you very stressed out lately? Like, is that maybe what's going on? I'm like, how did you know? I mean, like I, of course didn't dump on him. But I was like, it's like the worst time of my life. I'm so stressed out.

He was like, yeah, well, this is why this is all happening, you know? And he was like, it's going to take a couple of weeks because, you know, once my book was handed and I was like back to normal. But it really, I saw the number, like I saw it like factually in front of me, you know, because I was being tested every three months that 100% it was directly correlated to like, you know, that stress. Exactly. Yeah.

And it was, it was a problem, you know? I mean, like it really does happen. It's not healthy. It really does. It really does. It's like it definitely is one of those things where it's like, all right, everybody knows it, but we have to keep saying it because we're all in this human world of, you know, overproducing many times and moving too fast and creating this much of the time unnecessary stress.

That really is killing our hormones. Yeah, exactly. So it still has to be said, even though it's cliche. Yes, love it. Okay. So you want to talk about boredom? Yeah. And then we'll go into a little novelty, which will help the boredom, right?

Correct. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, you know, born is so interesting, right? Like, this is, this is something that in surveys comes up, at least in the surveys I've seen, comes up more commonly for women than men that women are bored. Interesting. And yeah, and, you know, I'm not saying that men can't be bored too. Of course, men can be bored. But from a standpoint of, you know, if we look at like desire and what's like driving desire and we're looking at how the brain gets excited about life. you know, when do we think about like non-sex, like when we're excited about life? It's like maybe there's that new vacation or maybe we're going to go, you know, take our kids and do something new. And like that newness is actually what's driving the brain. It's driving the dopamine and that's driving the interest. And so a lot of times I find that people are just stuck in their sexual scripts and they're doing the same thing over and over and over again. And they're bored.

And it's not really motivating to like, you know, it's kind of like food. Like, okay, you can think of like your favorite thing to eat, but if you ate it every single meal or some version of it every single meal, eventually you're going to be like, I don't want this anymore. Yeah. And I think that's even, you know, a huge thing that drives people to, you know, to wanting open relationships. And, you know, that's the right relationship style for some people. It's not like the only driver, of course. But for some people that wind up doing that route that maybe are not successful with it, sometimes I think is that they're trying to satisfy the boredom outside of a relationship. relationship structure that works for them. And they didn't realize they can like satisfy it inside of the relationship.

But that's cheating too. I mean, that leads to cheating. I mean, that's one of the, a lot of times the reason for cheating, you know. Exactly.

Not just, not just consensually opening up your marriage, but non-consensually opening it up, you know, because of that part. I mean, it happens a lot. You know,

people, unfortunately, we get, it's like Groundhog Day. You know, you, the older you get, the more you're like,

you know, you're just sort of, wired into the same day, same shit every day. And you could, if you don't make a conscious decision and be very intentional with keeping things fresh and hot and new, and, you know, it's very easy to become bored in a lot of things. It's exactly right. It's exactly right. We are creatures of habit and the brain loves to compartmentalize and loves to say, hey, if there's like less decisions I have to make, this is easier for me. Yeah. So we're just going to, you know, do the same things. And, you know, for so many people too. It's like bodies change throughout life and desires change. And so,

you know, something can, it can be even beyond boredom where people get stuck of doing things. Not only are they bored about, but maybe it's not even working for their body anymore. Maybe it's like, I don't even like even like, not only am I bored with it, but like, it doesn't even feel good anymore. Yeah. And so I think it's a huge thing that leads to a level of disinterest in sex. And, you know, I get on Reddit and read some of, you know, read things on there just to see what other people are talking about. And it's, it boredom comes up a lot. And it's an important thing to name because I think it's also one of these things where it's like, it's almost like shameful sometimes to say that, right? It's like almost shameful to admit. But it's actually

incredibly common, especially when we get into long term relationships, that boredom comes up. Of course. Yeah. I mean, and that's where the novelty comes out. Like what do people, what can people do? Is that what you have? You also have all of this in your book. right? I had this in my book and I even have on my website. I have a, and I have a freebie section on my website. And so when you go to my website, there's a freebies button. People will see and I'll give you the direct link to put in your show notes too. Okay. But I have a yes, no, maybe checklist. And the yes, no, maybe checklist is one of those things where people do and they go through and they're like, oh, yeah, I'm interested in this and you're not interested in this and we're a maybe here.

So it's a really fun way of bringing novelty in because, you know, novelty for some people can be as simple as like, oh, I just want to change and add a couple positions or, you know, add a, you know, do it in a different room at a house. Like novelty sometimes can be literally that simple. You know, sometimes it can be putting on a wig or roleplaying. And other times it can be, you know, much more dramatic in trying new kinks and fetishes and all that. But, you know, for some people, it doesn't even have to go there to bring that novelty in.

Totally. And so the biggest thing, though, is, you know, you can read all day around like novelty. And I have my checklist. there's lots of checklists out there. But the biggest thing that I teach and I have when people download my checklist, I have more information on this is that we have to be careful in the conversations around novelty about not shaming each other. Because that's where I think people go wrong is like, okay, well, if we've never really

talked about this and we're, you know, new to talking about this, I think it's very common that like if somebody, you know, let's say like one partner is like interested in a threesome and the other partner is like, oh, hell no, never trying that. It can be so easy to hear something like that. And then all of a sudden launch into like shame. Exactly. And that will ruin the conversation and it'll put such a stain on the conversation that some people never wind up having the conversation again.

So before people talk about novelty, one of like the things I love to tell people is like the first conversation is actually not, hey, what do you like? Hey, what do you want to try? hey, where are your fantasies? Yeah. The first conversation is, okay, if you hear me say something that is shocking to you, how do you need me to reply even if I'm not interested so that you still feel safe? Interesting.

And so the first conversation we're really having is teaching each other how what we need, if we feel shocked so that it's like, oh, well, if I'm shocked you say this, I know how to respond in a way where I'm still protecting my own boundaries and saying like, I don't think for me, but I'm saying that in a way that I'm still showing love and care for you so that you still feel safe to, you know, to share things with me again in the future. And that's a pivotal difference that I see make such a difference with whether this is an effective conversation or a really harmful conversation. Yeah. And I think, unfortunately, what happens a lot of times is there was a time where this

conversation happened and someone said like, ew, or are you kidding? You know what I mean? like they got that kind of response and they'll never bring it up again because I think that that's like a very vulnerable position for anyone, whether it's a man or a woman, to put something on the table, you know, when it comes to like their intimate life that they're into. And if they get an ew or a weird look from their partner, it's going to shut them down. And it happens all the time. You know, like what it brings up to me what you're talking about is like the difference when we're talking about like big T traumas and little T traumas is like it's so common. And I think this is

a really important thing too to explore when it comes to arousal when it comes to desire and when it comes to like deeply reaching higher and higher potentials of our like sexual and orgasmic potential is any sort of like shame that we have and a lot of shame really like the big T traumas are like obvious right those are you know the the assaults right those kind of things but the little T traumas are you're just saying these little things to a partner or receiving a little thing from a partner and it it can be as simple as like you know a partner not like liking how our genitals look and like maybe they don't even like mean that yeah but they just say something like like say something like oh wow like you know i've like i've never seen hair like this

or i've never seen labia like this you know just like whatever right yeah like it can be something just like so minor in the grand scheme of things but it's not minor to us and it's not minor to our nervous system and all those little tiny things that we like sweep under the rug and we don't address, they make it so that these, you know, when we're trying to have these other kind of conversations, it becomes unsafe. But if we start to, you know, build this muscle and start to say, oh, okay, how are we going to have these conversations and how are we going to keep it safe and how are we going to have a plan around it, you know, one of the things it starts to do is it starts to just build that muscle where we all of a sudden

can start to feel like, okay, it is safe. And a lot of that, too, like, Another thing I've really encouraged people to do is, you know, before you try, like, bringing up anything you want different or anything you want to add or any of that, you know, try to say over a period of a few weeks, 10 things you love about your partner, specifically when it comes to sex life. And that's, you know, and that comes from, you know, I pick that number. It's not just out of thin air. I pick that number because when relationship experts that do studies on,

when things are like not about sex, how many times we need to say good things versus bad. So like the Gottman Institute, which are like, I love their work over there. They're relationship experts. And they study a lot more just like not the non-sexual stuff. And they have found in their work and their surveys that when couples are healthy

and when they actually stay together, they have at least five positive at a minimum, they say, for every one negative. And if it skews out of balance, like that's the minimum. If it goes out of balance at all from there, that's actually one of their big predictors of separation or divorce. And so, you know, I come from the standpoint of like, okay, well, what we see when we talk about sex, the research has shown there is so much more capacity for the ego to be damaged than when we talk about a lot of other things.

So when I see research like that and I apply it to the five to one, that's when I say, you know, I have come up with like, hey, this makes more sense to be. at like the more 10 to 1 because we have more of a need to protect the ego here than in other conversation. So we kind of need to take that number and then overcompensate a little bit. Yeah, no, that makes sense because it is the most vulnerable, I think, for people. And listen, the truth is, and I love my, I mean, have a lot of hardcore couples on my show. But what I also love is the couples who have been on my show that never opened up their marriage or never did anything crazy like a lot of the people on my show. But all they started to do was talk about their fantasies and open about up up to each other about what they were into in the bedroom and it completely

changed the game. And what I love about those episodes is I feel like they're so relatable and take it. Because I think most people are not going to want to become swingers or have polyamorous relationships or do all these things, right? It's not like the majority. But I, you know, I have had many couples on my show where just literally being able to take that step and do the risky thing, which is start talking about it and start opening up and have those conversations. First of all, they wind up finding out things about their partner they would never know. And, you know, most of the times they're very surprised at what their partner has copped to being into. And it leads to like so much more fun in the bedroom, which then changes the game in their whole relationship.

Because it's all about communication. If you're talking more about sex, you're just talking more. And sometimes that's what's lacking in relationships. Is any kind of conversations? That's why unfortunately, a lot of times couples in the lifestyle are closer because of it because they're over communicating because they have to because of all the sex that they're having, all the players in the game and blah, blah, blah. And that's why they wind up closer because they're just talking more. So vanilla couples could do it too. Like you need to talk more. So if you're like having more conversations in the bedroom too, it's just going to lead to more intimacy, you know, and being feeling closer to your partner. Yeah. And we see that in surveys. Like all the couples that report having like the best sex. Yeah. 92% of that. talk about it. 92%, which to me is like basically saying, like, you can't have the best sex of your life. You can't really have like a lot of passion in your longer relationships, really in any relationships

that you're not talking about it. And then some of that, too, is like it's so many different things. It's communicating, you know, your fantasies and things you want to try. But it's also as simple as like, hey, baby, a little left, a little right, a little slower, all of that. Yeah, yeah. And I think that comes with it. Once you start, I noticed that, like once these couples start.

opening up and they feel more brave to do all these things, they start to feel more confident to speak up in the bedroom and all that kind of stuff. You know, I think it's like a domino effect, you know, but it starts with, I think, like you said, which I think was really smart, like, you know, sort of making that initial thing like, hey, let's make sure that if we start to have these conversations, this is where we come from. And so that no one is going to feel. And then once you start having it, having those conversations, I think it could completely change the game. So listen, they have, there's so much more information in your book, right, on all of these things that we talked about. I feel like you gave a ton of information on this episode. But this is

like what you're what they're going to find in your book, correct? Like all this kind of info. Exactly. Yep. That is my book. And then like I said, there's, you know, beyond my book, additional free information on my website as well. But a book is amazing, you know, starting point if you want to go deeper in any of these things. Yeah, I love it. And it's called want to want it. It's on her website, my libido doc.com. I will have links in the podcast description to everything that we talked about. So people could just go and click there. People are driving and have to remember anything.

But thank you so much for coming back on. This is the kind of stuff, like I said, I could talk about all day. Like, you know, so it was like super interesting to me too. Same here. Thank you for having me. I wish we lived closer. I would love to go out and grab a coffee or wine with you.

I know, I know, for sure. Thanks, Diane. Thanks so much for coming back on and get it. I'll let you. This will be out very soon, okay? All right. Thank you, Kathy. Okay.

Bye, bye, bye. Did you come here looking to hear some, super hot stories. Well, then I know where you can tune in and read a ton more hot stories, and that is in my book. Strictly anonymous confession, secret sex lives of total strangers. It's finally out. It's available anywhere where you buy books. The links will be in the description.

The book contains 17 stories, sort of like the best of from every category I have on my show. There's a hot wife. There's a cock. There's a bull. There's a bunch of swingers. There's a gang bang girl. There's a gilf porn star. There's a girl that fucked her best friend's mom from high school.

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It's super fun. The only way you get in is through me. If you purchase the book, send me a pick of your screenshot. Email it to me. It's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I'll send you a private link to my Discord. So if you want to buy the book, just go to the description and click on the link. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook.

It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord, my Discord. My

does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook,

the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast.