Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1352 - Angelica’s Crossdressing Might Be Ruining Another One of his Relationships

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Angelica’s crossdressing might be ruining his relationship and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including the first time he realized he was into crossdressing, how he felt when he first fully dressed up, when and how he got caught and how they reacted, how he and when he started going out to a drag bar dressed up and what he’d do while he was there, the first girl who asked him to dress up an wear make up and how she reacted when she found out he was into crossdressing, how she allowed him to dress up at home and outside of the house after they got married and why she divorced him, the next woman he met and how she encouraged him to start taking hormones, the changes that happened when he went in them, why she’s now not into his dressing and hormones and what he plans to do about it plus a whole lot more. GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics ANGELICA plus my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE plus exclusivess episodes, join my Patreon! It's only $8 a month for Hosers and $10 for Crossdressers. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Get 10% OFF your first month of Bluechew GOLD! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://learn.nocd.com/strictly⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started ⁠⁠⁠https://butterwellness.com⁠⁠⁠ Get the BUtter massager and get 20% off your whole order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://vb.health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — To get 10% off DRIVE BOOST by VB Health use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠PikaVibe.com/Strictly⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Click to get $15 OFF your purchase ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2540-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠— Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I don't even need to know who you really are. I just want to hear your true naughty story. So if you have a true naughty story that you want to tell on my show, all you got to do is email me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, Strictly Anonymous Podcast.com, and click on Beyond the Show. Now, if you have a naughty confession that you want to leave, you could call my Confessions Hotline anytime.

The number is 347-4-7-4-203579. That's 347-4-7-4-0-3-7579. You could call that number anytime. Just call when you're in a quiet place, okay? Some of those confessions will make it onto a confessions episode. The rest all go on to my Patreon. Now, my Patreon is super great, especially for guys who have like either a pantyos or a cross-dressing fetish because I do have a hoser tier.

I call guys who are into panty-hose hosers, and I have a cross-dressing tier. Now, both of those tiers get every single episode on my show early, ad-free and intro-free. You guys also get all of the picks of all. of my guests. Plus, you get exclusive extra content, hoser and cross-dressing episodes that can be heard nowhere else except on my Patreon. I give each tier one free episode a month and you have access to all the ones I've put up there previously. So there's tons of, like I said, exclusive hoser and cross-dressing episodes over on my Patreon. And you'll also get a free complimentary link to my Discord, which has a hoser and cross-dressing tanner.

channel. There's lots of channels in there. You can meet people, like-minded people. It's a great place. It's not safe for work. It's locked down. But you can get in there if you join my Patreon. The cross-dressing tier is $10. You get the hoser episodes and the cross-dressing episodes as well as everything else. And the hoser tier is $8 a month. Now listen, you could also get access to my Discord by buying my book. I have a new book out. It's called Strictly Non-Mus Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. Those fetish stories in there. Hot Wife Stories, Cuck Stories, you name it, I got a story in there. 17 Hot Stories, all written in the third person taken from my show.

That book is available anywhere you buy books. I will put the link in the description. And if you buy the book and send me up screenshot of your receipt of purchase, I will also give you complimentary access to my private Discord. All of the links to everything that I talked about are in the description. but anyway, today I have on Angelica. I loved talking to Angelica. She had a really good story. Angelica is a cross-dresser. She knew she was into cross-dressing, and I'm talking cross-dressing from head to toe, the whole she bangs, and she was really little. She had a very alpha dad. She had a very feminine mom

and a lot of women around her. And when she looked at both, she like really was into the women that she saw. She loved seeing them dress up and put on all their clothes and do all the things, including makeup and nail polish. And she got into that early on, started dressing up fully, even with makeup when she was little. She got caught. She talks about getting caught by her sister and her mother. Oh my God. Crazy kind of stuff.

And then she talks about how she started to go to this bar. I don't know if I forget what kind of bar it was. And she talks about dressing up and going out. I mean, she had a lot of balls, if you ask me. And she knew how to get out of like certain situations of getting busted. Okay. And then she met her first. wife and she talks about you know kind of how she let her in on the fact that she liked to dress there

were subtle things that she did and then eventually the wife found out over time that he was she was fully into dressing and she accepted it at first and then like fucking dumped him and they got divorced he talks about that whole story which was kind of crazy out of nowhere and then she after the divorce met another woman and she was like the perfect woman for her she got she totally was into her of doing everything got her even on hormones and she was down to taking the hormone she grew breast she was like she just wanted to like appear better look better looking you know when she was fully dressed as a woman and all of a sudden this is the dilemma like her girl comes to her and is like i don't like this anymore and she's like what the fuck and she doesn't know why and i'm like you need to find out why

like why all of a sudden is this new girlfriend who he's been with for a long time like suddenly like his ex-wife suddenly out of nowhere saying i can't accept this after they accepted it for years This is a story that's playing out in his life. It's a super interesting episode. Trust me, I gave you a lot of information, but I didn't give you half of the information that he talked about. So you're going to love the episode. And I'm going to get right to be right back on with Angelica.

Hi, Angelica. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today? Hi, I'm good. Thank you for having me. Angelica, wait until you hear your voice. I'm going to make you sound like Angelica, okay? Not only is your name, Angelica.

And I'll probably have pictures of you looking like Angelica. I'm going to make your voice way higher. Okay. you are a cross-dresser, lifelong cross-dresser. You know, that's pretty typical. Most of the time I'm talking to someone who realize they're a cross-dresser very early on, and I typically like to go all the way back.

But before I go back, I also like to get like a snapshot of where you're at now. Are you married or single and around? How old are you now? I'm 46. Now I'm divorced, and I'm currently in a relationship with an airline stewardess. Okay, so we'll get to that

because we'll get your life story. Okay, let's go all the way back. When did you realize what was that first memory or the first experience? I was eight years old, and I was watching my mother and my aunts get ready for a wedding. Mm-hmm. And in that, my dad and my uncles were out in the yard. We used to have a big house. There was 13 of us.

And they were fighting. They were drinking and fighting and missing teeth and bruised and bloody. Oh my God, guys for you. That's guys for you. Between watching them and watching my mom and my aunts and my sisters get ready, it was kind of like a no-brainer. It's kind of like the lesser of two evils, and I chose to get pretty. Oh, my God, that is so funny.

Even your male brain was like, I don't want that shit over there. It looks a lot more fun to be with the girls. I like that. Right, right. Okay. And mind you, this is back in the early 70s. Yeah. And back then they would paint their, they would put their legs, shave their legs on the, on the cloth with bathtub, and they would paint their toes by themselves and stuff.

And they would be putting the stockings on with the garters. So I was around all of that. Right. And it was interesting to you. Like you, you liked watching all that. It stood out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Interesting. That was definitely a reaction going on. Yeah. So go on. So from that, the first opportunity I had to actually try them. And they went out of town. Try them.

When you say them, do you mean stockings? Well, try everything. Oh, like just try to dress like them, the whole show. I tried to mimic exactly what they did. Okay, cool. So they did the stockings with the garters. I tried that. I did the little silky panties.

I did the bullet bras. I tried that. I had a hard time latching them because back then they used to be behind your back. So I struggled with that for a while. And then the dresses, since I was relatively small, everything fit. Yeah, I can imagine. And did you like look in the mirror? Was it about seeing yourself dress?

Was it about feeling it on you? Was it all of the above? You know what? I think it was more feeling it. Yeah, interesting. Mm-hmm. Because again, I'm young. And the reflection that I was getting in the mirror wasn't me, but it was the clothes.

Right. It was wearing them. And did you feel different when you put them on? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you feel more feminine? Like, what was the feeling back then if you could put it into words? I know it's hard because you were so little.

If I could put it into words, it'd be glamorous. It'd be pretty. Yeah. And then you add in the perfume. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. And it was just over the top. Yeah.

And it's probably those would have been the words you would have described, you know, when you saw those women putting the stuff together, right? Like they were pretty. They were glamorous, right? And that's what you felt when you put it on. Yeah, definitely. And then like I say, back then it was the cat eye liner kind of thing. Yeah.

Or the bold eye shadow with the silvers and the, and the chargels. and the blue hues and stuff. Yeah. So it was all, it was all very appealing to me at a young age. Wow. And you like went for it. I mean,

you like put on the whole outfit that that first time. Yeah, I did it. I did it head to toe, which is my version of what I saw. Yeah. And then from that, it slowly progressed.

Okay. Because every time that I would dress up, it would be, let me try a little bit more. Let me do a little bit more. Yeah. And how did it progress? Like what,

What came next and what did you add on? Was it like makeup and shoes and all that kind of stuff? Yes, exactly. It was makeup and then it was learning how to place it and where to put it and how to apply it. And then it was trying to find a walk to fit what I saw in the mirror in heels. Wow. And then came wigs. Oh, wow.

Who had the wigs? wouldn't have wigs in your house? My mom. My mom. Okay, cool. My mother had a closet full of pretty much everything that she would ever dream of. Stockings, panty hose. Oh, my God.

Yeah, this would have been fun for a little girl to get in her closet too and dress up. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. Yeah. It was definitely fun. Yeah. And then, like I said, on the ladder, you'd have my dad, he'd got my uncles or his brothers, and then you'd be missing teeth, breaking fingers.

black eyes, stitches, and I was just like, oh, no, that's not for me. Yeah, totally. But let me ask you this. How are you getting away putting on makeup? Like, would you do it when no one's around and you grew up in that time when your parents didn't even like talk to you? I mean, I grew up in that time. Our parents didn't hang out.

Yeah, yeah. So, exactly, exactly. On your own. So my dad, my dad was a boxer. So he'd spend his time at the boxing gym. And if not that, he'd be drinking. He was a heavy alcoholic. Oh, my God.

Okay. So most of the time I was on my own. and then my mother was busy selling Tupperware or having Avon parties and stuff like that. Right, right. Yeah, that's how our parents were back in the day. So I'm kind of like watching them and kind of seeing and kind of building like a routine slash schedule of when I could get away with things. Oh, yeah, because I would like make up it like that's a, you know, you put it, it's one thing to put it on, but how did you figure out how to take it off? I mean, sometimes, you know, that's harder than you think.

God, that was a problem I ran into many occasions. I could imagine because you wouldn't know. I'd show up to Little League practice. I'd show up to Pop Warner practice and I would still have traces of eye shadow or lipstick on me. And I got called out a lot on it. And my reaction was, my God, my brother, my sister did it to me again. Smart. You're smart.

I got to stop taking naps during the day. Yeah, not only did you kind of have balls when you were little of you put it on full-fledged makeup. You were kind of smart to know what to say to get out of it. And then growing up, it wasn't to where I've got an hour, two hours to do it. Yeah. It'd be like, it'd be like she went to the store. Yeah. And then I time it.

I got about 25 minutes, 23 minutes. And I would try. And I would try to fully dress up head to toe. And then look at myself and kind of like, for lack of a better term, get my, get my jollies off. Yeah. And then it would be like, let me put everything away. Let me, let me try to get a wash cloth and kind of like wipe off some of the perfume,

some of the makeup. Let me get an oxym and all that. Yeah. Oh, my God. And it was a constant rush every time. Wow. Did you know the million dollar question is, did you ever get caught? Yes.

I got caught by my sister. And that was, that was awful. I got caught by my mother. and then I eventually got caught by my father. No way. And how did they react? My sister blew up because when she caught me, I was wearing her stuff. And she let me have it.

She was my older sister. And physically she was bigger than me. Yeah. Body-wise, she was bigger than me. So she let me have it. She let me have a couple of knuckle sandwiches. What do you mean when she caught you like because she didn't like what you were doing? She punched me.

Yeah, she punched me. My God, your father, the boxer was like sort of, you know, she punched me for, shaping the kids. Yeah, she punched me for using her stuff and getting caught in it. Yeah. And then she had some choice words for me. And then she threatened to tell my mom and my dad. And then it was kind of like, I'll do your chores, I'll do whatever you need.

Just don't say nothing to anybody. So she kind of kept my secret for a little while. Yeah. And then in my moments of dressing, I would let my guard. down and my mom caught me eventually. Right. And my mom caught me because she had a pair of heels and I ended up taking them, like completely taking them and hiding them in my backpack. Oh my God. And I put it underneath my bed thinking that they would respect my privacy. And sure enough, my mom came in. You weren't respecting their privacy. I know, right? And,

She found her heels. She found some makeup. She found one of her wigs. And she found bras and pantyhose and stuff. And that was a big one. That was a big deal. All right. It's dating confession time.

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you love your partner the right way or whether you should leave and find somebody better, you might be dealing with something called relationship OCD. OCD isn't just about being neat or organized. It can latch on to anything you care about, including your relationships. Relationship OCD creates a cycle of doubt and anxiety follow. followed by reassurance seeking and constantly checking your feelings to make sure you, quote, unquote, love them enough. But listen, the good news is relationship OCD is highly treatable with a specialized therapy called ERP or exposure and response prevention. And that's where no CD comes in. NoCD is the

world's leading provider of OCD treatment. And all of their licensed therapists specialize in treating OCD with ERP therapy. Therapy with no CD is done through live virtual sessions and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. They also provide support between sessions so you're never alone. So if you think you might be struggling with relationship OCD, don't wait, visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team. That's nocd.com or just go to the description and click on the link. And I put it underneath my bed thinking that they would respect my privacy. And sure not, my mom came in. You weren't respecting their privacy. I know, right? And she found her heels. She found some makeup. She found one of her wigs. And she found bras and pantyhose and stuff.

And that was, that was, that was a big one. That was a big deal. Okay. So you're getting caught and everything. Do they sort like, do they ask you any questions? no, what they did was my mom talked to me. She says, you know that this is all for girls. It's not for boys. Boys do different stuff. Yeah. She says, maybe you need to spend more time with your dad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I played it off. I mean, kind of like to save myself, I was like, no, no, you're right. Yeah. I was just curious and kind of curiosity, kill the cat kind of thing. Yeah. And then she's like, I don't want to tell your dad because your dad will go off on you. Oh, my God.

You'll be in the boxing room with him. And then my dad happened to walk in as that was going as that conversation was happening. And my dad was like, what's, what's this go? What's this here? What's going on here? Yeah. And my sister was like, ask your son. And my dad kind of like put two and two together.

What are you implying? What are you saying? Yeah. And then I was waiting for a hell to break loose. And he says, not my son, not him. Exactly. Yeah. Maybe the other one, but not him.

Yeah. Don't never say that about him. Yeah. And he blew up. He literally blew up. At them instead of. You're right at them? Yeah, yeah.

Grabbed everything, picked it up and threw it in the trash. I don't want to hear about it. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to hear about it. And at that moment, as soon as it hit the trash, it's kind of like, it's gone. I don't want to talk about it ever again. Don't never bring it up again. Yeah.

So my mom came back to me and she says, your dad would have killed you. No, listen. He was not, he was, there was no way he was going to, like, allow that truth to enter his brain. You know what I mean? What he did is he flipped around. to survive. Like he did, there was no chance he would have believed it anyway.

He didn't want to because it was literally right in front of his face. And he like sort of changing it around because that was easier to do than sort of face the fact. So you weren't getting killed. He knew he'd fucking kill you. And that's why he couldn't like, he couldn't really face it. Big time. Yeah.

And then back then my dad was in his prime. I mean. Yeah. Forget about. He was just. Yeah. Oh my God. My dad.

And that whole generation though is very similar. They all just like swept shit under the wrong. You know what I mean? They didn't want to face the truth about their kids. No one did, regardless of what it was. You know, that's much more typical. Right. So, okay, so you're wearing all this.

But let me ask you this. Did that whole experience deter you at all, or did you just go back to dressing all the time? No, I was scared. I was legitimately scared that my dad would, would, like, beat me to a pulp. So I stopped. Okay. So I stopped. And then a few years later, I'm not going to say,

purged because I didn't throw anything away. Everything was theirs or my mom's or my sisters. But the stuff that my dad threw away was kind of like, it was kind of like a wash it was done with. So I was like, oh, there's always more stuff. There's always more panty hose in her drawer. There's always. So again, the, the urges were strong and they were there. But the fear of me getting beat was tenfold. So I was like, no, you know what? No, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. Because I don't want to, I don't want to have my dad go off. But how long? So when did you pick it back up?

So I want to say around 11, my aunt passed away. And I went, I'm not going to say I went through a depression because I don't think I was in prison, especially at 11 years old. But something just drew me into her closet. Mm-hmm. And then I started wearing her clothes. Mm-hmm. Not my mom's specifically my aunts. Yeah.

And initially the first few times, it was just to get her scent. So as soon as I put on her dress or sweater or something like that, it was just to get that smell and it would comfort me. Right. And as soon as I was in that moment again, as soon as I felt that comfort, I knew that it was going to be another step. So then it was her dress. then it was the silky panties

then it was the panty hose and then we had those old-fashioned locks I don't know if you remember the old keys so I'd go into a room and I lock the door and I'd stay in there for hours and fully dress

right and then I would take everything off so you're back to your old tricks I mean this is very common you know you think you're over it and whatever but then it just comes back right right well I knew I wasn't over it, but I knew it wasn't safe to do.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, of course. And I didn't want a chance my dad blown up because, again, me being a little kid, I didn't know to what extreme we'd go to. You know what I mean? When they say, you're going to kill you, it was like, I'm a little boy. My dad's going to kill me. I don't want to die kind of thing. Of course.

So keep going. I know you have a crazy life, so let's keep going. So then from that, again, I picked up dressing and then it was little by little. And then I meet a girl in junior high. and we're getting ready for Halloween and I kind of coaxed her into hey wouldn't it be funny if I go as you and you go as me kind of thing and she kind of laughed it off and yeah yeah yeah and back then I was a football player and she was a cheerleader so I said you know what and she and I kind of put that in her head planted a seed and she says it would be funny okay so again we dress up and we're doing that and she did like this little Mickey Mouse makeup job on me. And I wasn't happy with it. Because what she did and how I looked, it looked like a boy.

You know what I mean? Of course. Yeah, you were like used to real girl makeup. Yeah, yeah. So when she goes to her house to finish up and stuff like that, I went back into my room and did my final finishing touches. And when she came back, it was I was somebody else. What'd she say?

And she was shocked. She was shocked. So she asked, well, who did this? And I said, my sister finished it up. She touched it up. She said that this would be funnier. So that's how that came about in junior high. And then from that, I said, well, I said, if they accepted it at this point, I said, well, maybe I could start doing it a little bit more.

Okay. So then I started plucking my eyebrows. Wow. And then I got them to a point where they were nice, shaped, and arched and everything. And then I wasn't growing any facial hair, so I had a relatively smooth complexion. And so that helped out a lot. And then again, came the wig, the makeup, the eyelashes. But you're doing this in private, right?

You're not walking out like this, are you? I mean, I know you're plucking your eyebrows. I'm doing this in private. But again, when there was an opportunity to get out, I would. get out. Okay. Where would you go? At the beginning, just in the backyard, kind of like prancing around. Kind of like get the breeze going and kind of like see if I could walk in heels. And then from that it slowly progressed because around that time, I had a car. So now I say, well, I could put my stuff in my backpack. I can put it in my car and I could drive around somewhere and

and do my thing. Right. So, hey, I'm going to go out on a date. And I wasn't lying because I was going out on a date with myself, by myself. Oh, interesting. I was going to say, who are you dating when you're dressed up? So I'd go somewhere where I knew it was kind of private or secluded, and I'd dress up. I'd dress up, and I'd use the little dome light in the car.

And that would kind of be like my guide light to do makeup. So I would go out for a few hours, drive around, and then I would try to leave my neighborhood because they knew my car. And I didn't want anybody to recognize it or see a female driving it because then, you know, I mean, I was afraid that they'd put two and two together. So I'd go out to neighboring cities. And then I'd look up. And this is, this is in the phone book back then, kind of like where areas are at, where we're certain discothex, right, kind of stuff like that. And I got, I go, even though I was young, but I went to, um, a drag queen bar. And I saw other, other girls like me or like myself.

And I was hooked. Oh, did you start going there? Yeah. That was like by go-to spot. Okay. So now do you start hooking up with people there and stuff? I mean, you're like living a very double life at this time. Let me ask you this of like your sexuality.

Like are you attracted to women? you're attracted to men? Are you attracted to cross-dressers? Do you know anything about that about yourself at this point? I'm attracted to women. Okay. I'm attracted to women, but I also, from my standpoint, I can appreciate everything that they do because I also do it. Okay. So I try to mimic them. So if a woman takes a bubble bath, I try to mimic the same. She saves your legs. I try to shave my legs, I try to shave my legs, smooth. I get manicures and pedicures and all that. And now for me the part, or the, The problem is how do I hide my toes being done around family and friends? How do I hide my hands being done with the semi-gloss polish on my fingers or my nails being shaped?

Sometimes like a flat French tip or it was like the coffin. You know what I mean? So that came about. So where I could get away with wearing gloves and, hey, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I would do it. And then when I couldn't, I kind of like clinched my hands. hands in a fist and kind of like oh well i don't know like my hands hurt you know what i mean yeah so i would

do that and then now now that i know that there's like a i want to say like a safe haven as far as a drag queen bar or whatever that that would be like my motivation be good do good and and don't say anything don't get in anybody's way kind of thing they ask you to do chores you do them so when friday comes or saturday comes hey i'm going to go out on a date oh my god i already have i already see anyone at that bar that you knew? Was it like in your neighborhood? One time I did. Yeah.

And I went in there and I kept my head down. Yeah. I thought that I would be recognized instantly. Mm-hmm. But as it turns out, when I'm fully dressed up, you wouldn't be able to tell kind of thing. Oh, right, because you look so good. Yeah, but I was just wondering if you noticed anybody else that you knew.

No, no. No, because it was out of my area. But like now today, yeah, I can't go to a gay bar or a cross-ressing bar without knowing people that I either work with or work with in the past or even some of my neighbors. Yeah, right. But wait, so let's stay there. So you're at this bar. How old are you when you're going to this bar?

18. 18. Okay. So are you like talking to people, making friends? Like, are people trying to hit on you? Are you just sitting there looking at people? Well, initially I went in and it was kind of like a safe haven. Yeah.

So I'm in there and I'm like, there's other people like me so I know I'm not alone. Yeah, for sure. But I knew that there was older men that would come after me and try to hit on me and they were aggressive. Right. And the majority of the time it's like, no, thank you, thank you. Thank you for the compliments. I'm not interested. And then someone would be like, well, I bought you a drink or I just,

just spent an hour talking you. Well, I thank you. I appreciate it. But, you know, I mean, that's not where I'm at. That's not where my head's at right now. Mm-hmm. So it was, it was, it was, it was a lot of that for, for a while. Right. But you, but you, but you loved being there. Like, you probably felt really great. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Like, no. Oh, my God. No. No. With other people around you, like-minded people, totally being accepted for exactly, like, for this whole part of yourself you've been hiding. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Okay. Definitely. Okay. Let. Let's,

Let's get to your wife. Do you meet your wife around this time? So this is around when I'm 18 and then I hit this phase where I'm kind of like a femme boy, but not not dressed, if that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, so I'm doing the, and this is when you used to take in your leave, I don't know if you remember that. used to flip the Levi's inside out and kind of like put pins on them and and kind of like to take them in. So my my Levi's were kind of like taken in to kind of emulate skinny jeans. And then I'm wearing and you still have your eyebrows, your little eyebrows. Yeah, yeah.

And I have my eyebrows done. Yeah. And then I'm young and I'm, you know what I mean? And I'm thin. Yeah. You know, five nine, 160 pounds. So I'm kind of like, you know what I'm feeling that. And then it's like, well, there's no need to dress.

And then I start meeting women. Okay. Some older, some younger. So I said, okay, well, you know, I mean? They're into my luck. I'm into their look. So I start dating that route and it's going good. So that's kind of taking my mind off of dressing for a while.

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And you still have your eyebrows, your little eyebrows. Yeah, yeah. And I have my eyebrows done. Yeah. And then I'm young and I'm thin. Yeah. You know, five, nine, 160 pounds. So I'm kind of like, you know what I mean?

I'm feeling that. And then it's like, well, there's no need to dress. And then I start meeting women. Okay. Some older, some younger. So I said, okay, well, you don't mean? They're into my luck. I'm into their look.

So I start dating that route and it's going good. So that's kind of taking my mind off of dressing for a while. Okay. Then I meet. I'm not going to say the one, but I meet, I meet someone. And we click. Mm-hmm. And we click.

And I don't know how it came. about but it was it was have you ever tried or would you consider and I said you know what I would I would for you if you asked me to tried or considered what what are you talking about um dressing up because she was making comments about my eyebrows and stuff like that okay you got to say that they were shaped and then from that it led to another conversation to her would you ever considering dressing up or would you consider trying and then I was like you know what would you let me try eye shadow putting an eye shadow on your eyes like no no what are you talking about I can't do that.

Yeah. And then she did it and she says, you have beautiful eyes. You have beautiful green eyes. And with the smoky look, it makes your eyes pop. And then would you can, you know what? Let me do eyelashes on you. And here I am saying, no, no, no, no, stop, stop. But instead, I knew.

I knew that my eyes would pop because they were green and then with the eyelashes. So she does that. And then from that, it was kind of like, let's obviously take the next step. But I didn't see that. Right. You know what I mean? She's looking at me and she's like, hmm, would you dress up for me? No, I don't want to.

But all right, you know what? If you wanted me to, I would. Yeah, you're smart. You're not acting like you've been doing this all your life. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't put up a fight. Of course, yeah.

So she has me dressed up. She takes some pictures and she says, you know what? She says, you can pass. You're really good looking. And she says, you better never go out without me. And again, I just, I just, I'm like, no, you're crazy. I said, I would never do this without you, right?

So sure enough, we're dating. And then a year into the relationship, Halloween comes up. So I, hey, no, when you made me up, she's like, yeah. I said, what if we do that? Wouldn't it be funny? Because I said, here we are a year later. No one expects that. They see you, they see me.

And they're like, no, tough guy and, you know, pretty girl. And I said, what if we flip it? Oh. And she's like, and she's like, yeah. So she dresses up as a witch. And I said, you know, I'm going to try to be a sexy devil. So again, I already knew in my head what I envisioned or what I saw. So I did the, I did the red heels, red strappy heels.

I did a pedicure with bright red fire engine red nail polish. I did red fish nets. I did a red thong. Wow. A red bra. And you're going to a regular party? This was a Halloween party back then. But I'm just saying you're going like, you know, listen, it's pretty balzy because you really are like, I mean, some guys, you know, they dress up as girls.

But like a devil isn't necessarily a girl. The fact that you put that spin on it is very telling, at least it would have been to me. Right? I think so. I mean, you're like in a thong and you don't need to do that as a guy if he dresses up as a devil. He's like, you know, fucking Satan. And that's a man. You're like dressed up as a chick devil.

Now it's like, yeah, yeah, you would think, right? Yeah, you would think. And no one thought anything. You went to the party dressed up as the hot devil. Yeah, I do all that. I get the pedicure, the manicure. I have French, long French tips, and I'm in a tight red dress. And then with my breast forms, kind of squeezing it together to give me cleavage.

And then again, with the high arched eyebrows. Yeah. And then my wig. and then it was kind of like a flowing, wavy red wig. And then I stuck a devil's tail underneath my dress. So it mimicked like it was coming out from in between my legs. Yeah. So we go out and she's having a good time,

but she's more focused on the attention that I'm getting. Yeah. So I'm getting attention. So this goes down and she's looking at me. And she's initially accepting, but she's, she's leery, you don't I mean. Yeah, of course. And you can see it, you could see it in her. You can see

it in her where she didn't appreciate it. Because guys had be coming up to me in front of her. Yeah. And kind of like rubbing my legs and then I cup in my butt. And she's telling me, she's telling me, you didn't fight them off, you didn't push their hands or anything like that. Yeah, she's already

like, why the fuck are you wearing nail polish and, you know, and now guys are touching you? She's like thinking you're Okay. Yeah, and she's saying, she's saying, you didn't bother to fight them off. And I'm like, come on, it's all in fun. They're drinking, we're drinking. It's all in fun. But deep down inside, it's like, there was a plan. There was, you know, there was a method to the madness kind of thing. Of course. So then. You do have balls. I'm sorry to say. You got a lot of balls. So then we get over Halloween and the next few weeks, we're arguing over that. Yeah. She's upset over it. So I tell her again, you know what? I'm sorry. I apologize. I'll never do that again. I'll never disrespect you like that again. I apologize. I said, I was drinking.

I said, maybe it did go too far. I apologize, right? So it dies down. She ends up moving in with me. So we live together. Is this your wife? Is this my wife? Does this wind up becoming your wife?

Does this girl wind up becoming your wife? This is your first wife, the one you divorced. Okay, I just wanted to make sure that's what we're going with us. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So she moves in. moving together and then now that she's got access to my place full time yeah she starts discovering

little things oh so she did know about your shit she didn't know she didn't know at the beginning she didn't okay she was in she didn't know probably but she didn't know she had clues i'm just saying you weren't like it's totally you didn't show up as like i was i wasn't hiding it but then exactly you weren't up front about it i wasn't yeah i was it i was it i was it i was that up front either or come and check this out see what it is, I'd have my stuff and my stuff would be stashed. I know, but you're like, you're kind of dressing up in front of her. I'm just singing like, it wasn't like, oh my God, you're presenting like your father and then she found a dress in your, in your room. I mean, you're going out as a chick, a devil chick and, you know,

and all this stuff. Like there was, there was signs you put on makeup in front of her, you know, there was like signs. And she didn't, you know, and the good news is when those things came up, some girls might have been like deal breaker, like, what the fuck are you doing, run for the hills, you know. She was cool. She was okay with it. Yeah. Yeah. She don't know. Definitely. She was good with it. And then like I say, down the road, we argued for a while. And then it was kind of like, you know what? It's my fault. I apologize. And then that's when she, wait, sorry, because I took you off track. And that's my fault. And you're such a good storyteller. I'm not going to interrupt you anymore. Just get back on track. I took you off. So when she started to find things around the house, is that when she started arguing with you?

No, she was arguing me after Halloween. Oh, right. Right. Okay. Yeah. It bothered her. It bothered her. It bothered her to where we didn't get over in a day. It took a few weeks to get over. Yeah, she was like coming to terms with stuff about you. Yeah. So, so from that and me. Then her finding things. Go back to her finding things in the house.

So, so for, yeah, so, so, so in order for me to avoid further headache down the road, it was kind of like, you know what, I apologize, I apologize, come and live with me. Yeah. Thinking in my head, my stash is okay because she's too short to get it. Mm-hmm. So eventually we're arguing and then we get over it. She lives with me now. We're having a good relationship.

And then she finds my stash. And it's the breast forms. It's the wigs. It's the makeup. And inside my Nike shoe boxes, she starts finding heels. Mm-hmm. Okay. And it wasn't one pair.

It was a few pairs. So when I get home one day from work, it's all sprawled out on the, the bedroom bed. Oh my God. That's her saying, look what I found. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So again, I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah. This is obviously back in the day where there's no text messaging, so you couldn't blow your phone up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So it's kind of like, think, rabbit think. And it's like, well, let me explain. And it's not what you think it is. And it's kind of like, you knew, you knew, you knew. And then finally I said, you know what? I said, not today because you're hot and I'm hot. I said, cool down, cool down a day, cool down two days. And I said, we'll come back.

We'll come back to this and we'll talk. And I said, at that point, you can ask me anything. I said, all cards on the table. I will answer you anything, 100%. So we go back a few days later and she asks me, what's this? And I said, it's my stuff. I said, I am a, I said, for lack of a bitter term, I said, I'm a cross-stressor. I said, I don't know.

Maybe even a transvest. I said, I don't know. I said, but that's what I do. I said, that's my vice. That's my chosen vice. I don't, I don't like to drink, to get drunk. I don't like to smoke to get high. I said, that's my vice.

I said, when I'm having bad days, stressful days, I said, I find comfort and I find solace in that. I find peace. Wow. So she, so she buys it and it kind of dies down. and then a few months later, she's like, would you consider dressing for me so I could officially meet your other half?

Wow. So, yeah, yeah. So I say, oh, God, I don't know. Because now it's always been let me dress at my leisure, and at my convenience. It's never been, hey, I know what you do, dress up for me. Right. So she asks me to dress up for her,

and I give in, I give in, but I think it was, more okay I can breathe now now that she knows there's no more secrets I'll just go ahead and dress up for her so I dress up for her and I and it's we're having a good time and then one thing leads to another and we become intimate while I'm fully dressed up right okay so so now it's like it's like a lipstick literally a lipstick kiss it's like so so in my head all the stuff that that like I kind of want and I kind of look forward to from her. Now she's on the other end experiencing it. So it's my perfume that's that's on her or my scent.

It's my legs that she's rubbing. You know what I mean? And at this point, I let her assume the masculine role or the more aggressive role, if that makes sense, or the Dom role. Yeah. So we go with that. And we have a good time. And then the night ends and we don't say anything the next day.

It's not like, God, what we did or what we didn't do or anything. It's like it never happened. And then a few weeks after that, she tells me that she's pregnant. Oh, no. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. That's why she's your wife.

Yeah. So she tells me she's pregnant. Right. So again, my upbringing and the way I was brought up, I was like, well, I said, I've got to do the right thing. So we get married. We have a big wedding stuff. And it's good. And then my daughter's born.

But that urge is there. Right. So now it's like, well, the baby's small and you're going to need help. So what if you're taking care of the baby? And I said, I kind of like assume the role. and I do everything else. I clean the house. I'll cook, wash, clean, and all that stuff.

But I'll do it in my own way, in my own persona kind of thing. So she agrees to it. So now I go to work, I come home, and she lets me dress up. So now I'm dressing up and I'm doing everything. Right. I'm cleaning the house. Wow. I'm cooking.

I'm washing. And I'm going to the grocery store to buy stuff. I'm coming back. And she's just basically a full-time babysitter there. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. So in that, we're fast forward a little two years. That's kind of like how we're going back and forth. And I meet people that, hey, this is what I also do. I'm also, I'm also married. And we go here. We go hang out here. Yeah. So she let me go out dressed up a couple of times. And then in that, we got pregnant again. Uh-huh. So then that's the routine for a few years.

So I'm dressing up and coming home and doing the same thing, same thing. And then one day out of the blue, she just, it's like as if she had been in a dream and she just woke up. Right. And she says, that's it, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. And there was kind of like, what do you talking about? Meaning what? Like all of a sudden?

Well, again. Because you were doing it for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, what's going on? Right? And then she says, she says, I can't continue. I can't do this.

I can't do that. I can't do the other. And I'm like, what's going on? I said, maybe I'm thinking in my head. Maybe it's early menopause. I don't know. But, you know what I mean? I'm trying not to think the worst.

Okay. Yeah. So then I go to work. Then I go to work and someone knocks on my window. And I'm thinking it's a union brother. And they throw me an envelope. Okay. So I opened it up.

I got served with divorce papers. Wow, but did she, I mean, what was it that all of a sudden she just couldn't handle the cross-dressing? I don't get it. I don't know. I don't know. She just made comments that she couldn't take it no more. And then I get hit with divorce papers. And then it's kind of like I called her up by the way.

And I said, hey, what's going on? And she's like, I can't do this no more. She says, I deserve a real man. Oh, yeah, it was a cross-dressing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And I deserve a real man. And I just can't do this no more.

Yeah. The problem is you guys weren't talking. You were just doing it. She was pretending to be okay with it. You know what I mean? Like that was the problem. And all of a sudden and then she's like... We did talk about it at times, but it was never brought up to like it was an issue.

It was kind of like, okay, well, you do your thing. And as long as you're not cheating on me and kind of stuff, it was like, okay. So was that a lie? Like why all of a sudden she could... I just feel like she must have been keeping her real feelings to herself to suddenly say, I can't take this anymore. It could be. In hindsight, it could be. Yeah. And a lot of people do that. So we went through that to where it was kind of like, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you kind of thing. Exactly. And then my neighbors. She wasn't okay with it on a certain level, though.

Yeah. And then my neighbors started coming up to me and saying, hey, do you know that your wife is down at the local VA? And I said, what? She's down at the local VA. And I said, what? I said, how's she getting in without me? right and then and then it's and then it turns into um well she's there so they finally tell me they're like hey there's this guy that's always showing up at your house so I tell my cousin I said hey I'll give you some money I just want you to sit in front of my house and kind of like tell me what's going on so he sits there and he says hey there's this guy here right now so I go home and I'm like what's going on and she said that's over and I said so you're cheating on me and I said you're bringing this guy into my house and in sleeping with them on my bed. I said that's so wrong on so many levels.

And in that, my divorce is happening. It's going through. It's getting finalized. And I'm like, this is, this is, this is, this is bull. She tells me, she says, with your next girl, don't lie about anything. Tell them up front who you are and what you are. So I meet, I meet the stewardess. and the first thing out of my mouth is, hey, just an FYI, so there's no surprises or you get caught off guard, I cross-dress. Yeah. So she says, can I meet her?

Can I see? So I'm hesitant, but again, I haven't dressed up in a while, but I wanted her to know. So I introduce her to Angelica. And she comes down and she tells me, I'm bisexual. I like men. I like women. But with you, it's different. Because if I feel like having a guy, I have you, that if I feel like having her,

I have her. Oh my God, the perfect girl for you. So now that they've met, she wants Angelica full time. Mm-hmm. So I try to give her Angelica full-time. And then it turns into, would you consider taking hormones? Yeah. And I'm thinking in my head, the perfect girl, the perfect relationship, it's going to work out.

Match made in heaven. So I go see my therapist and we're talking and then my therapist says, you're by gender. Okay. And I'm like, well, what does that mean? that there's enough to move forward. So I go through the therapist. I go through the shrinks. I go through all the counseling.

And then they say that we can start on a hormone program. Right. So I start taking hormones. And muscle mass is gone. Body hair is gone. I develop breast. Mm-hmm. Wow.

So in that, I'm still with this airline steward. this and she's happy and we're good. We're good for lack of a better word. We're good. We see eye to eye. She likes it that I dress. She likes that I get my toes done. She likes it that I get my hands done.

She likes it that my legs are smooth and stuff. So we're going like that for a while. And then just recently she says, I don't want to do this no more. So I was like, well, what do I do? I said, I've been on hormones five years. I've developed I've developed breasts Now what is you're going to do?

I said I take out my shirt I said I have boobs I said I have a round butt I said what do Right And she says I don't know that's your problem Wow

Is this where you're at now This is where I'm at Oh my God What happened with her Like where's the change in her I don't understand I don't know I couldn't tell you

you're going to have the same problem with your first wife. Like obviously you don't like to have conversations with people and talk. Most guys don't, you know, but you need to start, you need to get, you need to understand where she's coming from with her sudden change in her of her. You know what I mean? Like with your wife, you guys just obviously didn't communicate properly. Neither one of you was being honest, especially her, you know, and so you just continued to do what you want.

And then one day she just like had moved on with her life and she pulled the rug from underneath. you and you didn't even see it coming. You know, not at all. All of a sudden, you don't see this change, huge shift of change in this woman, like out of nowhere, right? Mm-hmm. You know, that's like what's going on in her head that she's not talking, telling you, and why don't you know and how is it so sort of like extreme out of nowhere?

Like you need to like have real intense conversations where they're to understand where this is coming from. So you don't wind up in the same position. Because she's not saying she's leaving you, right? I think what happened is I think she made an actual woman. Yeah, see, right. And she's not telling me. Right.

She might be the same shit like your other wife cheating on you. Like it's like something, it doesn't make sense. You know what I mean? Like there's no, there's some sort of not, something's not being communicated. Same with your first wife. Same with this woman, you know. And heed the warning. Yeah.

I wouldn't. Let me ask you this. Everything that you did for her. Did you do it for her? or did you do it for you? I did it for both of us. Okay, but like... At no point, was there a selfish motive?

No, no, no, no. I'm just hoping you did it for you because if she's out of the picture a year from now, I hope that it's like you didn't grow breasts for her. Like, I would hope that I want, I'm hoping that everything that you did was stuff that you wanted to do regardless.

Oh, no, no, no, not at all. That's good. I didn't take hormones for her. You know what? I did it because I felt it would improve my look. right and did it and i would have that and i would have that much more confidence and it did it did but again it came it came with a a buyer beware you know what i mean in what that makes sense it because it was like i i did it and it makes me happy and and yeah and and improved but again there was there was never

no guarantee that she was going to stay with me or that she was going to be the one and then and then i'm like as i get older i'm like is this what i want is this what i want to do so if she's not around in the year. Right. That's what I mean. Are you, yeah, that's the whole, that's what was my question. Like, you know, did you grow breast and you're happy whether she's there or not? Or if you did it partly for her, you know, then what happens?

And now that's where I wanted, I wanted to do it. I just didn't have the nerve, but as soon as her and I started talking and she was like, you know what, if it's going to make you happy, I don't see a problem with it. And she says, just like, I hope you would support me. And it's like, I do support you. Anything that you want to do, anything that you want to do that makes you happy I'm good with. She likes dressing like a tomboy. She likes being in jeans and a baggy shirt, kind of like.

And I don't want to say, kind of like a masculine, butch woman, you know what I? Yeah, yeah. And that's her go-to look. That's her preferred look. And to where I was the more feminine one, if that makes sense. Because in guy mode, you would never tell. Right. When I'm in guy mode, you would never say, oh.

No, never. Right. But when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, one. And, and, and, and, and she's, and the majority of her co-workers are all women. And then the few guys that are there are, are, are, are, are gay guys. So I'm, I'm thinking maybe she had a talk with a heart. to heart with one of the coworkers.

Forget about thinking. You need to actually ask her. Like, you don't need to sit around and think and wonder and make up stories in your head. This is a, you live with her, correct? Right.

Yeah, this is a woman you live with. How long you guys been together again? Five years now. Five years. Five years. You're living together. She's your partner. You don't need to wonder or make up stories. This isn't someone you met on a dating app

and you can't talk to them. This is someone that you're fully you meshed with, you need to actually ask her. Did you meet somebody else? Is this what's happening? These are the things that I'm wondering because out of nowhere you said this. You need to learn how to actually have conversations with women in your life because you don't tend to do that. You're kind of playing the same story here. And if you don't want to lose this one because she sounds kind of perfect for you, you need to get into her head and have her come clean and be honest with you about what's going on. There's no reason for you to have to wonder. She's your partner. She needs to tell you. And

you need to ask. It's important. Right, right. You know? Mm-hmm. And she should tell you. You know, you're like, maybe she met, you were about to say one theory and you probably have like all these theories, but just ask her.

She just got to tell you the truth. She'll tell you what's going on. Right? Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I mean, she's not leaving you now, right? Like, it's not that. She just said she doesn't want you to take any more harm.

Like, where do you stand right now totally? Like, what do you have to stop doing? well right now nothing I just have to listen I have to stop a listener I have to stop and talk to her no no no but like when she said I've had enough what does she had

like what like what do you have to stop for her what is she the comments that she's made in the past is I've had enough of you wearing thongs I've had enough of you wearing panty hose I've had enough of you so she's enough of you just all of that all of it everything that she accepted

everything that she made you sort of like fully Okay. Yeah. But then the reason I was saying that is because she went to a summer retreat last summer. And it was one of those Bible camp, Jesus faith retreats. And there was when she came back from that, that there was like a change in her, in her mood and her attitude and her behavior towards me. Well, how old is she? And it was kind of like, this is all against God. She's out 42. Yeah, she might be, you know, going through perimenopause and having like trying to change things up and going through her own shit and there's nothing to do with you. But you need to sort of like, you know, because it's a little scary where you're at and out of nowhere, you know what I mean, this whole change and like, and sometimes listen, unfortunately, sometimes people grow and change into different people like you said, well, if she finds God and it's against, you know, there's all kinds of things that could come in and maybe she sort of goes to the other side or, you know, starts to take part in a culture. you know, I mean, she could completely change. That's why I was saying. I respect whatever she, she decides in the end.

If she decides that this is the end, this is yet. It's not going to stop me from being me. No, and it should. But what I think you should do. But there are lingering questions. No, of course, but you have to ask her. You know what I mean? She has the answers.

And you need to say, hey, listen, babe, what's going on here? Because this is who I am. This is who I was when you met me. You were all into it. You know, I have this history. My wife just, like, pulled the rug from me. She was cheating. Like, I just, like, did you meet someone else?

Did you change your views? Like what's, what's, what change that all of a sudden you don't accept this because you do know that this is who I am and you need to see what she says and what,

how she comes clean, you know, and then from there you could figure things out. Right. You know, but you have to have those conversations. This is a good episode. It's interesting.

You got to keep me posted. I need an update. Yeah. You need to ask her. Have a fucking, I don't understand people that can't like ask people. You know what?

There might be a plot twist. because we also talked about marriage. That's okay. I would love if you married her and things work out between you. But you have to figure out what's going on with this shift because you don't want to marry this woman. And then she winds up like your wife, you know, cheating on you with a woman or a man because she can't, she had had enough of your stuff and you didn't really heed the war. You know, I don't know. And what are you going to do?

Stop doing all the stuff that you are. You have boobs now. You were allowed to dress up. Now you can't you have to go backwards. that's not really fair to you. Yeah, no, at this point, you can't go backwards. No, you can't, but I'm just saying it's not fair to you either. Do you want to marry somebody where you can't do all those things?

You know, maybe you need to look for another bisexual woman. Yeah, exactly. So it's not just, listen. The power's not all in her hands. I mean, you could make a choice to leave this one as opposed to like what happened to you where your choice was, you had no choice. You know what I mean? Like she was cheating on you.

She made all that, you know. In this situation, you have all the information. I mean, if this woman comes to you and says, I don't know, I just don't like you doing these things and more you have the choice to be like, okay, you know what? I don't want to be with someone where I can't express this part of myself. And you could go leave and try to find somebody else, you know, but you need that information. You need to know why. Because, and she just, and you deserve to be told and she should be honest with you. I mean, you guys are in a long term, very committed relationship. So you need to keep me posted before you get

married. And I don't think it's bad if you marry her. You just need to know what's her problem with the stuff and what, you know, what happened and everything. And then also, ask yourself, like, can you be married to somebody that you can never, like, dress up and never be, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'll fully trust. I agree. Yeah, yeah, you have to, yeah, yeah. You know, listen, you don't want the same pattern.

Listen, a lot of us have patterns. You know, maybe this is like your pattern. You know what I mean? She's going to do the same thing and it's going to be the same story. And sometimes everyone plays out the same stories. I hope not, you know, because she sounded so promising. You just, you know, she might be having a little midlife crisis. You just got to talk to her.

Get the information from her, okay? but I really love your story. It's kind of interesting. I just need a, I need a, I need an ending here. I need to know what's going to happen between you and her. I want you to like, I want, you know what it, I just really feel like right now because things haven't fully changed. There's no, you know, like you really have the opportunity to, to change the story

so that it doesn't wind, you don't wind up, you know, in the same situation with your last partner. So there is a happy ending, right? No, no, I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you need to do things differently. And maybe, listen, the happy ending might be you have to leave her and find somebody else and you do, you know, because this time you'd stay true to yourself and you didn't want to be with something. You know, or she admits she was having some doubts but understands you're that way and then realizes she shouldn't tell you and she wants to be with you. I don't know, but you have to have to get more information. No, but you know what?

That's good advice. That's good advice. You're right. Yeah, do it because you guys weren't doing it with your first wife, okay? she was you know she had all kinds of problems with your stuff obviously but she wasn't really talking about it you know and people do that all the time it's really not fair you know it's really not fair people's fear of confrontation you know gets in the way but you have a little bit of fear too the fact that you haven't asked her you know is your own that's your issue you need to speak

up and you need to ask some questions and see and you can't be afraid of the answers yeah right As opposed to the what if, what if she leaves? What if she does this? Exactly. And thinking she's got a girl, she's got this. I don't know. You have all these theories. I mean, this is like your real partner.

Yeah. Yeah, you just got to ask. You got to sit down and ask. I got to sit her down and I got to have a real talk with her and say, hey, like, this is what it is. Yeah. And you knew what it was when we met. Yeah. Yeah.

And I need to know what happened. But I need to know why. Like what happened? I am going crazy here thinking of all these different scenarios. I need, you know, and I don't, and you shouldn't be going crazy. She should tell you if she loves you and cares about you and, you know, she should give you that answer. There's no reason to make you crazy thinking about it. And but she might not know.

You know what I'm saying? Like you need to first be honest with her about the fact that you need those, you that you have questions and that you need those answers. And then, you know, who she is and how she answers is like, you know, that says something about her. She should come to you with the fucking truth and make you feel like better about the situation. because no matter what her truth is, it's going to be better than the not knowing, okay? When you don't know and you're making it up all things, that's like crazy making.

You know what I mean? Whatever the truth is when she talks to you, you're going to be able to deal with that. You know what I mean? Because it's the fucking truth. And a lot of people don't respect to people enough or understand that. Most people can handle the truth.

What people can't handle is lies and deceit and secret lives and all this shit that people do because they're so afraid to tell people the truth. It's like, no, the truth is a lot fucking better. Constantly. Yeah. Yeah.

The truth is the better. And sorry, most people can handle the fucking truth. But what they can handle is walking into the place and seeing their partner with another person fucking fully engaged. You know what I mean? That's not cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could have handled her telling you, sitting you down and explaining I'm not feeling it,

blah, blah, blah, you know, at least you have that information. So it's so hopefully she'll give you that information as she should. So let me know. I'm going to go home. When I get home today, I am going to do that. I'm going to have a conversation with it. You need to. You need to do it ASAP, okay?

Yeah, I'll take care of that. All right, good luck, Angelica. This was a fun talking to do. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Okay, thank you. Bye. Bye.

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