Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 138 - What Happened to Christine After her First Gang Bang

Episode Date: August 8, 2016

Christine (episode 128) recently had a gangbang with 5 black guys and there was one who she really connected with. What happened between them after the ganging? Is her husband still ok with what's going down? Has she been in another ganging? Tune in ti find out plus hear a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely a gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Santa Barbara, Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. Motto of the show, let your Greek black lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to Strictly Anonymous podcast, Kathy.

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It's so old news at this point. But it's on Amazon. It's called the Cartoon Miss Adventures of a Total train wreck. I wrote it, I drew it. I'm not a writer. I'm not an artist, but I just draw stick figures, really. That's what it is. And it's a bunch of love gone very wrong stories. It's basically my losing my virginity story until I turned 40. And it's like a little short stories. Every chapter has a beginning and middle and an end. So you could just read a chapter here or a chapter there while you're in the toilet, like in the bathroom, in the bathroom. Or you can read the whole book and it's just like my whole life story from the time I'm like 15 to 40. That's on Amazon.

It's called the Cartoon Miss Adventures of a Total Train Rack. What else? So today on the call, I have on, or on the show, I have on Christine. Somebody had sent me an email and said, you know, hey, since you're doing all these update shows, why don't you do an update with Christine? Christine was a married white woman who got the okay from her husband to have a gang bang with five black eyes. I mean, literally, that's a true story.

If you haven't heard that episode, go back and listen to it. Christine got gang banged by five black guys. they think is the title, I don't know. But anyway, somebody wanted to hear an update from her. So I sent her an email and said, hey, do you have any news to update? And she said, yeah, totally. So she's back on today with an update. Now, the conversation with her turned, like it just went in a different direction. We talked a lot more this podcast about her relationship with her guy and stuff about him that comes out on this show that didn't come out on the first one, which I found really fascinating. and I think you'll find it really interesting too.

And I'm just mentioning that because a bunch of people after that episode had sent me emails asking, telling me that I forgot to ask questions to Christine that I typically ask, like what is she rated on a scale of 1 to 10? I mostly, probably every single podcast I ask my callers what they rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10. I forgot to ask her that somebody else wanted to know if she did double penetration, somebody wanted to know if she swallows. if she swallowed.

And so after the whole podcast, it ended, and like I said, it went in a totally different direction. I forgot to ask her those questions. So I asked her afterwards, and the answers to those questions are A, she did not do double penetration, though she thought about it, just in the heat of, like, passion and that gang-bang,

it just never came up. She totally swallows. She said she always has. She's never not swallows. And then the other question about what is she on a scale of one to ten? She said for black guys, she's a nine. And for white guy, she's a 6.5 to a 7. So there you go.

I think to black guys, I'm like a four because I'm so skinny. I always know when I've put on a couple pounds when black guys start checking me out down the street. I'm just like, oh, you know, because normally I'm just like, I just do way too skinny. So I totally get that she's like one thing for, you know, white guys, one thing for black guys. So those are the answers to the questions that people wrote in. But the rest of the podcast is going to be, like I said, an update about Christine. She had a gangbang and she wound up meeting a guy at the gangbang that she had a connection with and she, you know, started seeing him.

So we talk all about that. And like I said, we talk a lot about her relationship with her husband and a lot more interesting information come out about her husband. So stay tuned. I'll be right back on with Christine. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you.

Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hey, Christine, welcome to Strictly Anonymous podcast again. You're on with Kathy. How are you? Thank you.

I'm good. How are you? I'm good. So it's funny. I had a listener. I don't have the email in front of me who sent me an email recently and was like, hey, have you had an update or have you heard from Christine, you know, looking for an update? And I had recently had a lot of people emailing me with updates.

So I emailed you and you were like, yeah, you happen to actually have an update, which I will ask you to explain really quickly and then we'll get into it details. Yeah. So I guess where we left. off. I had, I was a month out from my gang bang, I think, and I had been getting pretty physical with one of the guys that I met during the gang bang. Oh yeah, you know what? Hold on. I should cut you off here really quick. I have to give a little backstory in case people have missed your episode, though I don't think anybody has because it was like one of my most listened to episodes because

you could, I mean, we could imagine. You see the word gangbangs. Yeah, not only that, It was like everything. It's like a white woman being gang by five black eyes. It was also you're married and he was okay with it. I mean, it's like you just, it's like everything about it was like, you know, extreme. So that was Christine. She's married. You have an, oh, you started to like this was the first time you sort of decided to have an open marriage with your husband.

And you went and had a gang bang with a bunch of black eyes because it was your thing. Your husband's white. And then you, there was. one guy out of the five that you sort of had a connection with and you started, like you exchanged numbers. I was like you should watch out with that for that. There could be trouble. You know, that kind of thing could get messy. Your husband at the time was also looking to do his own thing, too, on the side. Like you had guys had to open it up both ways, right? You had your thing, but your husband hadn't yet. But on this call, you're going to talk about the fact that A, your husband

did sort of do something on his own and B, you're going to get into the situation with that guy that you connected with, right? That's the deal. Yep. Okay, cool. So I guess I'll start. There have been no more gangbangs. So unfortunately, there won't be that kind of juicy material this time.

But, yeah, so my husband and I, you know, decided to open up our marriage. you know I had I had told him that my fantasy was the gang bang with the black guys so went through with that ended up seeing another guy that I had I guess met if that's the right word during the gang bang you know my husband knows about him he knew about him from the very beginning I've I've been completely open and honest and I'm still seeing him and so your husband knew that you got the number and that you were going to keep contact and you were going to keep seeing him and sleeping with him. Yeah.

Yep. Yep. So, yeah. Yeah. So he gave me his number right after the gang bang. He said, I want to see you alone. We did start, you know, getting together. Mainly at first, it was really physical, just a lot of sex.

But since then, we've, you know, there's definitely some feelings and emotions involved. and I don't know really what that means for us or for me and my marriage, but, you know, it's kind of messy. So, and my husband has also been, you know, looking, trying to find somebody. He hasn't actually had sex with anyone else yet, but he did go on a date that wasn't really great for him. He chatted with a couple women, but, you know, it's not easy for, average white guy, married white guy, to find a woman that's okay with the kind of situation he's in. Totally.

He's just looking for a booty call, really, someone that there'll never be any kind of future, just sex. Actually, the guy who I just did, I just aired a podcast with Craigslist Phil, he's a married guy looking for like a side piece. And he's looking for like one person. He doesn't want to sleep around with different people behind his wife. and he's looking for one person that they could do that with. And he finds it very difficult. Whereas I think the opposite scenario is a lot easier.

And it's just for the obvious reasons, right? So how did he meet the girl that he went on a date with him? Why was it bad? Like where is he meeting the girls? And then why was the date bad? Yeah. So he placed a couple ads on Craigslist and got nothing other than pay, you know, hookers on there. So he went to OKCupid.

That's one of the only sites he found. that's actual, it's more of a dating site than it is a, just like an adult friend finder or hookup site, I'll tell you that since the podcast, my husband and I have discussed polyamory and how, you know, and I've let him know that, you know, I'm spending a lot of time with this guy. There's going to be feelings and emotions. You know, I don't think I've really told them exactly what they are, but, you know, he understands that there's capacity for us to both have feelings for other people. So I think he's open to more of a long-term relationship with someone.

In fact, you know, I'd asked him, he had joined a polyamorous network, and I asked him what he was looking for. And his response to me was, you know, he's not out looking to fall in love with someone, but he's open to it. So. Now, let me ask you this. Yeah. No, keep going.

Someone's recently said on a review. you that I interrupt my female guests a lot. So I'm going to try not interrupting you. Go on. But I really like your questions though. They get me thinking. So hang on to it. I will, trust me. So yeah, he's been on OkCupid. He was talking to two women, one of whom was younger, about nine, 10 years younger, that I was a little, I don't know, just, I don't, I don't feel like that's the best fit for him, just based on. our relationship, I don't feel like younger women who aren't married or haven't been married really understand our situation or have the capacity.

I don't know. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit. Yeah, I think the younger generation is a lot different than... How old are you and how old is your husband again? Yeah, I'm 37, he's 40. Right. So I think the younger... How old was she?

She was like 20 something? 31. Oh, 31. Oh, she's not that much younger. Okay. No, but just based on her profile, you know, she was looking, I don't, I just don't feel like they were compatible in what they were looking for. Totally. Was he on OKCupid, right?

Was he putting out the real deal in his profile or was he sort of like putting something generic and then he would like explain the situation when he started talking to somebody? I don't know. I didn't see his profile, but he told me that he was totally. open about his situation. So I don't know if that was on his profile or if it came up pretty immediately in conversation, but he did tell me that he's been very open. Did he say, like, so did he get a lot of responses from women on OKCupac? Not much.

Okay. So he must have been honest. Yeah, he, I think so. And, you know, I think maybe to a fault, I feel like maybe it would be better for him to not put that on his profile page. I don't think so. And instead, like, no, I think it's much better to just weed out the trash. And it's like, you know, it's much more efficient that way.

Because listen, the odds are he's not going to get a lot of women. Yeah. Regardless, once he spills the beans. So why not just get there? Why not like, you know, cut out that first step and have him emailing a thousand people that think he's like normal? Not looking for something normal. And then he's really, I mean, it's not like anything similar to what a girl who's looking for a relationship is. looking at her. So it's totally on the opposite end of the spectrum. So he's much better off

putting out the truth. Putting out there. And we don't want a bait and switch. You know, like neither of us are interested in a bait and switch with somebody where they think they're getting one thing and they're not, you know? Right. Totally. And the same thing with him, the same thing with our relationship together. We're not trying to hide anything from each other or keep anything from each other. I mean, listen how you're so open and honest with each other, especially like, you're telling him like I'm having feelings like this and you know the fact that he doesn't ask a lot of questions or go crazy or like it's a little bit interesting to me but we'll get more in detail about it but I just want to stay focused on the okay Cupid thing right so he got a couple girls right so he must

have been really telling them the deal the 31 year old was the one that he was like sort of interested in going out with or was that the one he was interested in two in two of them the 31 year old and then there was a four year old new to the area single mom he's been really hesitant to reach out to single moms, but at our age, you know, we don't have kids. We can't have kids. So, huh? I said, uh-huh. Yeah, so we can't have kids. You know, it's not in our future, if not in his future. Um, so he's, he's just not a kid person. So he's been avoiding single moms, but, you know, I had to have a realistic talk to him that, you know, most of the women in our generation are going to be moms or single moms.

So you're, you're, you know, taking out a huge part of the population. Like, what does he care? Like, what does he care if she does? Like, I mean, most likely she's not going to be introducing him to the kid anytime soon. And single mom sometimes if she just might be looking to get laid. You know what I mean? Like when she has a spare moment. Right. Right.

So I really want him to, I hope he considers them great on their own. And he did with this woman. You know, he, they exchanged some text. There was some racy pictures. You know, nothing nude, nude, but, you know, some boobs tops, you know. So, and I was really excited and they finally got together. And he was pretty, you know, I think in my last podcast, I mentioned that I don't share a ton of detail with my husband. You know, my relationship with the guy, as I,

call him is, or the man, is pretty private. You know, he knows a few things, but he's, he's asked some things, and I haven't really been that willing to share. Like what? I don't expect. Like, what is he asked that you're like, I'm not, I'm not telling you. Oh, like, the first weekend we went away together and we'll get into, you know, what this is about. I got home and he's like, so did you get laid? I was like, honey. Of course. You know, well, God. God. I mean, why are you even asking? He's like, well, how many times? You know, and he's like, did you fuck him this morning?

You know, and I was just like, I'm not going to tell you those things. He's like, all right, all right. Fine, I don't know. You know? So, anyway, so he went on this date with this woman, and I knew a little bit about her, kind of knew what she did, and, you know, very, very vague details. But wait, which one was the one that he wound up going out with the 31-year-old

or the 40-year-old single mom? No, the 40-year-old. year old. Okay. So they ended up going on a date. I was out of town with a friend of mine. They ended up going on a date. You know, she called me when it was over and, you know, I had all these questions and he didn't answer them, which was fine. He got you back. Yeah. He's like, you know, I think it went well. Hopefully there's a second date. I was like, oh, that's not real great, you know. So. So later that evening, I got a text from him that said, I think I just got the brush off.

You know, and so I just replied, I'm sorry, honey, you know, I hope that's not the case. He's like, apparently I don't have, he's like, apparently I don't have much confidence. Right. So that was pretty, he was pretty frustrated after that. You know, he said he wasn't sure if he had had it in him to go back out. and try and find someone else and all this. And I have to remind him like, look, this is the first person you met outside of a marriage. And, you know, that other than me in 10 years, you know, you don't have the luxury of having gotten laid and getting that out of the way.

Like, the way that I met my current other man is so crazy. Yeah, you guys didn't go on a date, like, for calls. coffee? Like, I mean, what kind of date did he even go on with her? He went, they went out for coffee. Exactly. Like, that's like, yeah, that's like, you know, that's like a sober. Okay, I'm a sober person. So my dates are pretty lame like that. Okay. And like, that's like a very difficult scenario. And it doesn't most of the time lead to like, you know, SCX. And really, if that's what he's looking for, he's got to change his game plan a little

bit. You need to help him out there because. That's what I told them. Yeah. That's what I told them. I'm like, you know, we can strategy. I'll strategize when I get home, you know? Yeah, next time tell him to take her out for a cocktail, okay, at night, you know, so maybe they could go do it in the car before he comes home. Like, I mean, he's got to get to business. None of this, like, I don't know why he's like, he's like dipping his foot in the, his toe in the water bullshit.

You know, he's got to catch up to you. You're already having feelings for somebody else. Right. You know. And I don't know if he's, he's just, I think part of his anxiety is sexual too, though. I think I mentioned that he had some issues sexually with me. No, I don't remember. What kind of issues do they have?

He can't get it up or keep it up. Both. He takes a medication that he can get it up, but he can't finish. He can't. What do you mean? He can't. He could get it up, but then it goes soft or he just can't? It stays hard, but he can't come?

He can't come. But it stays hard. It stays hard. hard. Oh my God, that's like weird torture. Yeah, it's terrible. And then I think the mental part of it just started getting to him and he had trouble even getting it up.

Oh, of course. We got a little blue pill. We got a little blue pill. It really helped, but it would be an hour, an hour and a half and he still wouldn't be able to come. And I think, I think getting straight to sex for him is also so anxiety-ridden. Oh, forget it. I can't even believe we're.

we're not discussing this. Like I need him on the call. I've never heard of this problem with a guy. Like this is so, I had one boyfriend once who couldn't get it up and like, I get that whole thing. But one that can get it up, but then not come,

I've never heard of that. Is that like a physiological thing? Or is it a mental thing, do you think? I don't even know. It's a, it's a side effect of the medication he's on. What's the medication he's on?

Not the medication that keeps him hard. A different medication is where you're saying. No, it's Lexx. pro. Oh my God. Get him off that shit. What does he need that for? Is he like a mental patient? I mean, and I'm very for medication and, you know, therapy. I talk about it all the time. But like, if it is making him not be able to come, like, I'm sorry, he'd rather, if I were a man and I would rather be depressed and able to come than happy and cumless. Okay? Like seriously. Yeah. Make a choice. He's making the wrong choice. Well, and sex has been, sex has been difficult.

So early in our marriage, early in our relationship, everything was great. We found out that he's sterile. And since then, it just has never, even without the medication, it's never been the same. Oh, okay, okay, see, that's like, okay, so then, and then after that, the Lexapro comes on these issues. I feel so bad for him. You know what it is?

He's got, like, to find out that you're sterile for man, must be the most devastating thing, right? And so then all of this, I believe we have like energy and chakras and stuff. You know, all of this negative energy and like this terrible, like just negative shit in that area of his body just like sort of festered. And of course he's going to have issues. That Lex, I don't, I mean like that's like heavy duty shit. Did he go into therapy after that at all? No.

And it's something that that, um, that we. that I'm pushing for that I've actually kind of given him an ultimatum. Yeah, you know why? And I think it's like really fucked up. I'm going to say this to everybody that's listening that's on any kind of like medication like Lexa Pro or Xanax or anything. I believe in it sometimes you need it.

I, you know, I always talk about issues I've had that I understand. But there should never, they should not be able to prescribe them to people unless they are in therapy. Do you know what I'm saying? Like there's no, it's a waste of your time taking that pill. You're never going to be able to get off. the pill isn't like any kind of those pills are not to be on for the rest of your life unless you're like severely you know if you have severe problems most people don't yeah and the people that

do have them you take the pill but in the meantime you should be in therapy so that you could get on it and so you could get off of it and live a normal life there's because those kind of things for women too it ruins or sex drive it makes them gain weight and then they go on medication to lose the weight like look at your poor husband he's like first of all he has that terrible problem where he's sterile, so he's got to deal with that. And then he's give, then he can't even come. So then he gives another pill. And then he has a different pill for that pill. And it's just like before you know, he's so highly medicated. And he's not like living a life at volume 10. He's like on volume three. And that's fucked up. So yeah,

you should give him that ultimatum because that'll help him. I mean. Yeah. Yeah. I have. And you know, and there's, you know, it's an ultimatum for us too because, you know, the the lack of sex drive, of course, if I did my marriage, thankfully, you know, the solution to that was the open marriage, which has really helped. This is just a lot of utter things, you know. I think he's so involved in his own issues and problems. Yeah, and I have to say, no offense to you, Christine, but like I've always kind of wondered, and I think, like on the first podcast, you sort of alluded to the fact that he just does

whatever you want, and he kind of seems like I'm going to use the word Dormat, and the relationship because like he literally like lets you do whatever. Most guys would, even if they wanted to do it, they would be like, you don't answer questions. Like, I mean,

he's kind of like, he's kind of like your bitch, right? And he's like, we discussed a little bit. But now I understand why he doesn't, it's almost like he has no choice because he could never, on some level,

I feel like, have the confidence. And I totally understand it to go find anybody else. So he's stuck with you. Right. So he has to put up with whatever you do. Like you are going on vacation. with a like a black man and he has to just sit at home and deal and he just has to it's like because

what else is he going to do he's got so many issues that he's not come to terms with that he couldn't walk away from you so he might be putting up with stuff that maybe he's not even interested in and that's why this poor guy's on okay cupid looking for like maybe a real connection because he doesn't know what the fuck is going on and i just don't even know that like i don't think pushing him even to have a relationship for sex is going to be healthy. He's not going to be able to do it, first of all. He can't even do it with you. And it's only going to make him feel worse about himself.

Yes. And I don't think that's the right place for avenue for him necessarily. I don't know what is the right avenue. I don't know if I'm the right. No, well, because, yeah, because it's difficult. It's very difficult. I feel like, I'm sorry, I'm a little bit more his cheerleader than yours right now, because I feel a little bit bad for him because I feel like, and I get, listen, I talk to a lot of men that are in this situation, right?

This is like a flip, right? I've talked to men who are in relationships with women that they absolutely love, but for one reason or another, they cannot have sex. And then these guys are on the side doing what they do because they need to have sex, right? You know, and stuff, but they still love their way. You know, and it's that complicated thing. So really, that's what you're dealing with. It is just flipped. You're the woman in the relationship, but you're at the age where you're a super horn.

because your hormones are out of control. That's what happens in your late 30s for women. And your husband has major issues that he hasn't dealt with. Like, I don't think that the issues have to be forever. He just hasn't dealt with them. I think being dealt a card that you are sterile. Like, does he know why? Like, did he ever have, like, like, I had a friend who had testicular cancer,

so he was sterile because of that. But, like, I mean, did he ever have any, like, do they know why? Yes. So she has a strange. disorder where he's missing half of his endocrine system. From his, like from his kidney down. So he's missing, I don't know if it's the seminal vesicle, the vast difference, but he doesn't produce much semen, which makes the job really easy.

That's besides the point. So the pH is so off in his seminal fluid that he has sperm, but they don't swim. Oh, shit. And they can't do any, because I've done IV. and I've done all kinds of stuff because I was having... They could. They can do IVF? Yeah.

Oh, so he's not totally sterile. Yeah. So he's not sterile? I shouldn't have said sterile. Like, we could have a baby with IVF. We chose not to. Oh, okay. That's not as bad.

No, no, no. But there is less than a one in a million chance of him ever getting someone pregnant naturally. Who cares? IVF is so easy to do, one, two, three. He'll get anyone pregnant. the first time he does IV if they take one sperm out of tooth. Listen, most guys jizz out, a hundred million sperm, like a hundred thousand sperm and only one of them is able to make a baby.

You know what I mean? So it takes a lot of sperm to get one good one. So as long as he has one and it doesn't matter that they don't swim, they'll take that out, put it right into the egg and like you have a, in one second he gets pregnant. So he's not really sterile. He just can't get someone pregnant naturally. And you know what? There's a lot of men out there that are in the same position. So if he did go and talk to somebody, he would not feel so bad. It's really, not sterile is very much the wrong word to use yeah okay yeah so I guess we just can't get pregnant naturally I should say yeah see this is why you have to ask people a million questions because when you don't ask people a million questions things seem very different right you know people tell stories a certain way

that are misleading and I'm not saying you're doing it on purpose at all you know what I mean but no no I just didn't even think yeah that's first of all that's a terrible word don't ever use that when you're talking to him He should never use that for himself because that's not the truth. And I think that that weighs very heavily on somebody if that word is used for him. He's not. He just can't get someone pregnant. And he should naturally. And he should look at that as a positive thing.

Because he could go and fuck everybody without a condom. He never has to worry about abortions or any kind of problem. And that's terrible for me to say because there's STDs. For me, I was never one of these women that really had this maternal instinct, you know, when there was always a, like, do I really want to have kids or not? And this was just, it made the decision easy, you know. We went for a consult for IVF and were like, nope, this isn't for us. Yeah, but you never know.

Listen, I didn't decide I wanted to have kids or have any kind of desire to have kids until I was 40. So you don't know. You're still like, you know, you don't know that you wouldn't change five years from now. Yeah, maybe I will. But I live right now, like, we're good. Okay. So that, but that led to all kinds of problems.

with him and he had so even though he's not totally sterile like it's still I think it still fucks with the guy's uh self-esteem hardcore with that I think it's the same listen women that are infertile and have issues have it's the same thing because it's just like it's like everybody that's like something that's like natural that people are just supposed to do so if you can't do that procreate which is like supposedly what like what we're born for I think it weighs very heavily on men and women equally. It's very devastating because, you know, you see all these people just like getting pregnant and having

abortions and it happening so easily. And then, you know, every now and then you hear of people that just can and it's I think it's devastating for both men and women. And what he, in the way that he took it was that there's something wrong with him. Of course. Because. He shouldn't be reproducing.

Yeah, of course. Maybe not just physically, but mentally. And like that's just the universe is fine that he shouldn't be reproducing. Oh, I feel so bad for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It hasn't been easy. It's been pretty dark. And at the same time, though, you know, there's such an inward focus. He has such an inward focus trying to get through every day that we don't really have much of a partnership anymore. Yeah, of course. And this is where your relationship gets messy and why when you emailed me because, like, you're starting to have a much more probably intense real relationship with this other guy

because your poor guy is half checked out. When you're on that kind of medication and then this other medication and he's dealing with these issues, he's just like half, you know, underwater. Like you're not even dealing with him fully, right? So you're not able to have a full connection with him. So you don't have a full relationship with him. So of course you're going and getting your needs met someplace else. And now this guy is giving you a lot more.

And A, I mean, there's no way that. doesn't weigh heavily on him, but I think he's, like, trapped in your relationship and there's nothing he could do about it because he's helpless right now. So he's just going to deal. You know that. That's why you could sort of do what you're doing, right? He's not going to leave you. But it is getting messy because, right, it is getting messy because you are starting to have more feelings for this other guy and because you have problems in your relationship before you even did this, you're going to reach a point. They're just exacerbating. It's exacerbated. you know and and I had the feeling of um you know I like I mentioned in my last podcast you know about

two years ago I kind of underwent a transformation and it lost a bunch of weight started doing triathlons you know I mean it's been pretty major and I've really been trying to inspire my husband to make a similar change I think he worked if he worked out for a half hour a day he would feel so much better and I feel like I'm not not good enough for him. I'm not enough for him to want to make a change. And I, and I shouldn't, I should be the last person that says this because I grew up in a home with a lot of mental illness. I have struggled with chronic depression myself, but, you know, it's just, I take it personally a lot of times. And I take the, the lack of help personally, you know, my job, I have a

really strange job. I travel a lot and a lot of it on the weekends. And, and, And I'm exhausted when I come home. And when I come home to a home that has not been touched since I touched it last Monday, it's just really, really tough. And, you know, I... Is that kind of like the kind of home you grew up in? My dad was bipolar. Mm-hmm. So I just remember my mom struggling with the same kind of things that I struggle with now.

Well, of course, that's what we all do. bipolar. No, we all, listen, we all, we all go and recreate the, that relationship that we saw when we were growing up. So it's not, you know, it's not a coincidence that you wound up with a guy that has that kind of issue because that's what you saw your mom go through. You know what I mean? That's what you're like recreating their relationship. And that's what I'm used to. Mm-hmm. Of course. So, you know, but, but I, there's a certain, like, I can't, I can't, if, if he's not willing to work on it himself and I'm not enough to inspire him to try and get better. And trust me, like, the medication

and the knowledge of the issue has been years. It hasn't been just months. Right. You know, it was much predating the open relationship and my relationship with this guy. Totally. But, you know, I'm seeing kind of a different side of men out there. You know, he, this guy's a dad and he's, you know, he just, like, he just, he'll pick up his shit after himself, you know? Like, there's just such a big difference in that. And it's such a little thing. But when I get home and I see dishes and everything that's been left out for the entire week, you know, it's just like, God, this is such a difference, you know?

Mm-hmm. So. How involved are you with the other guy that you know that he picks up, like, like, after himself? Are you like how much, you know, I know you go away with him, which is pretty hardcore, right? I know that do you spend time together at each other at his house, I'm assuming, when during the week, too? Like, what's your deal? He comes, so I work from home sometimes during the week. And so he'll come over.

Like, if he doesn't have work that day for some reason, he'll come over and I'll work. You know, we'll watch movies. Oh, my God. And your husband, okay, but you're, and of course your husband knows. He knows, yeah. Okay. And then on the weekends, so I'll typically leave like a Thursday or Friday to go out of town for work. And he comes with me.

And so we stay in hotels. I work pretty hard as a manual job. It's a third shift type of job. It's really bizarre. If I said what I do, everyone would know who I am. Okay. I'm not going to say that. No, you have me so curious now because of like, I'm just trying to,

figure out what it is in my head? Okay, go on. Yeah, you wouldn't, you, I might, I'll tell you off air. Okay. It's such a niche little thing that, like, but he'll, you know, he'll come with me and he'll, um, one of the big things is driving home. I'm so exhausted after my, my weekend, evening, that it's tough for me to get home. So he drives there, he drives home. He will check in on me during the evenings. He'll bring me things. You know, of course, there's sucks involved, but, um, That's just more for like, oh, you know, like getting done with the night. Let's just have some sex and go to sleep. You know, there's, he's said many times, like if I was single or if I left my husband

that, you know, we would be together that he wouldn't let me get away, you know. And I've, but we've also had the discussion that, hey, this has been three months. This is like the time it takes someone to go through rehab. This is nothing when we're looking at a big picture, you know? And he completely agrees. And basically I'm in like, I'm having my cake and eating it too right now. I'm married. I'm not in any, there is no threat of my husband leaving me.

No. And I still get to have him as a serious, I mean, as serious as you can get, well, still being married on the side. you know and and I've we've had the conversations too that he's he's single like he's recently out of him out of a 20 year relationship you know there's there there are opportunities for him to meet other women and I'm not going to stop that but he's had opportunities and he hasn't taken them right not yet because it's only three months I mean maybe a year and a half from now he would you don't know you know and who knows how you feel about that

that time. Now, I know that you mentioned early on that you guys were maybe thinking polyamory. Does that mean that like he would come in? Oh, wait, we need to discuss the fact that your husband met him, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, oh, so he, so the first time we went away, like, I met him. We left my car somewhere. We went together. The second time, he's like, I'm just going to come by and pick you up. And I, you know, and I told the guy that like my husband will be home when you drop me off on Sunday. And he's like, yep, that's fine. And he's like, yeah, that's fine. And he's I'm okay with that. So the first time you dropped me off and it was fine.

She didn't meet my husband. You know, I went in the house. You know, everything was cool. Second time, though, I had left my phone in his car or in his vehicle. And so I was like, ah, shit. You can know this is. Yeah. Because he had left.

He hadn't met my husband. And then I told my husband that, you know, well, I left my phone in his car. I'm going to go meet him. He's like, well, do you want me to go with you? Like, no, you don't have to go with me. It's just really weird. He's like, and then he kind of blew up at me. He's like, I feel like you're having something, you know?

Like, why can't I meet this guy? And I was like, all right, that's fine. You can come with me. We'll go get my phone. So I, you know, hang's a guy. I was like, hey, husband's coming with me. He's like, that's cool. That's all right.

You know, I'm cool. So we met him at the Walmart, brought my phone. They saw each other. they shook hands that was it so I think I think he just needed to put eyes on him you know

and he he told me he thought he was a lot younger than he is like he's he's older than me he's mid-40s so I think that made my husband I think he felt even better I guess that I'm not out with some young you know young dude

you know right so yeah that was that was weird And the guy and I've talked about how weird it is that it's just so weird that I've had no opposition. But I think the reason that I haven't had any opposition or nothing from my husband is just because he wants to let me do whatever I need to do in order for me not to leave him. Oh yeah. He has no choice. I told you why.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, I said it a little bit different than you're saying it. He doesn't, he could, like, I think if, like a man that has, like, it's like your husband has no balls. You know what I mean? It's just like they were like, the minute he got that news, he was devastated. And it's like they were like chopped off. He's like, because most men, I do not think would be as okay with this kind of situation, the way that it is.

Not to say that. Listen, I've had people on my show that have been swingers and very, in open relationships and it's very okay. It's a very different scene. In this specific situation, it is very obvious that he is being as much of a doormat because he comes across to me, that's like the word that I think of when you tell me this about him. You know what I mean? Because he has no confidence that he could ever meet anybody else and he's just happy to be with somebody. And that's the only reason. So, you know, in one sense, okay, you know, you do want to.

help him sort of better himself. Of course, I know that it's hard for you. You probably intellectually know that it's not your fault that he is the way that he is. And if you just because you can inspire him to change, it doesn't mean that it's something against you. But I know that it's probably hard for you to really believe that in every other part of your being.

I know that. But you don't know it because you're... No, but I have issues too. We all do. And so sometimes when we have issues about something, we could know that it makes sense logically, like you know it with your brain that that's the deal. But in every other part of your being, you can't accept it. And it still makes you feel like shit because that's like your button.

That's your dysfunctional button, right? That he's pushing when he tells you. But the problem is, like when he gets his act together eventually, you know, and hopefully he will, I believe everybody has that chance as long as we're alive. Like that's what we're supposed to be doing. Like eventually on his time when he wants to sort of get back to living life again, because he's not really living his life. He's being shortchanged, you know, and at a certain point, it's like kind of like I feel bad for him and what he's going through. But, you know, he, like I said, it's not even like he's sterile.

He could get someone pregnant with IVF. He could do it. Like, he could spin this in a positive way. It's not really that big of a deal. He could get his act together and be a lot happier. And then, but the problem is is when that happened, most likely. likely he wouldn't be as okay with all of this stuff and your guy's relationship would have to be worked out differently. Maybe he would still be okay with the open, I don't know where it would go,

but it would definitely change. It would. And I'll say that I don't know, I really don't know personally if I had to make a choice tomorrow. If the guy said, look, it's you or that's a southern woman or or or you need to decide what you're going to do I don't know how I would choose I really don't right but I don't I would the good news is I don't think that's going to happen it's only three months and I think sometimes listen when like the type of guy right he just got out of a 20 year relationship right is that what you said yeah yeah and you know and again we've we've talked about the timing and that this is like you know this is we are not going to I'm not going to make any changes after three months he certainly is no he's probably what listen what kind of guy is going to sign up for that like like most you know most guys aren't completely looking like aren't really looking to be locked down with one woman in a relationship okay he has a pretty good deal right now if you think about it okay he's he he he yeah so the fact that he would be

you like, oh, I want you to leave your husband and cut like and sort of make things worse for him would be a little odd because right now what he has is an emotional and physical relationship with a woman that he's totally into that's totally into him that he knows is married so she's not probably going anywhere else and he could go do whatever the hell he wants when you're not around. Like yeah, where why would he change that? Right, right. And I don't and again like I'm I'm cool with that like of course I'm you know I'm jealous if something does happen with him, another woman, just because that's just, I'm a woman, you know? Of course.

That's what I said, like when he eventually. I'm not going to be okay, you know? Well, you could be jealous, but you also know that there's nothing. You can't sort of tell him he can't be with anyone else, right? Because you have a husband, right? So you know the rules, but you're a human being. So, of course, because you're starting to have feelings for him that is more than just physical. And it's not like you have this.

it's not like you have to understand he's meeting certain needs that your husband isn't so jealousy is all about like somebody else getting what you have and you know and you don't want to lose that part of him to somebody else because that's the part of him that you need so you're going to be jealous like any girl that's dating somebody fully you know what I mean yeah yeah you're just not allowed technically because of the rules but yet I mean please just because it's like you know you're married and the all signs say like you're not allowed to be like you shouldn't be because that's not the deal it's

it makes sense that you would be and again like you know I'm honest with him too you know like hell tell me he'll come it oh yeah I'm planning to go get heads from someone from so and so tonight I'm like well think about me when it's happening you know I'm not I can't say anything

it's not going to be jealous but you know like I said those things haven't happened yet like he'll always text me half hour away like I didn't want a week home or you know she pissed me off and I'm not going to go over there you know just like just little things like right but you do know that eventually after you become older news I don't want to say old news because that's a little bit more negative but like after he's you know been there done that for a while like a regular normal man that variety thing you know that it's you know that it's

for a little bit more variety is going to come up and that's going to happen. So you most likely, I'm just warning you that that will eventually happen. And I'm okay, you know, and like I said, I don't have any, I don't have any notions that even in a healthy marriage, you know, with someone that you're having good sex with all the time, I still think that men are going to stray, so, you know, might as well let them. You know? Like, I think a man would rather be with a woman

that's going to be okay with them straying as long as I hear about it. And, you know, as long as you're open and honest, that's all I really care about. Like, I'm comfortable with you getting head or fucking someone else. Just tell me about it. it because I just want to know.

Right, of course, because listen, I think, and I've talked about this a lot because the whole cheating thing is a big issue that I always discuss. And I think what I talk about is how with women, I think what the bigger fear is, is not so much that they're going to be having sex with someone else, but that they could potentially be left for somebody else. It's that inner fear of abandonment that everybody has, right? So, of course, you feel a lot more safe if he's telling you about it. and then you could ask him a question.

Like, did you like her? Like, was she cool? And he could be like, no, I just fucked her. Then you, like, feel okay. But, like, probably what you would ultimately be the most jealous of is if he met somebody and he started to have, like, you know, a connection emotionally as well. That would probably be something that you would be much more, you know, afraid of. And maybe when he's ready for a real relationship again, because maybe he's a relationship

guy and after he gets you know over being single he'll want to be in something a little bit more consistently normal like a normal relationship right because there's sometimes certain times he probably can't see you because you're with your husband you know he might have to get those needs met someplace else and that might be when it comes to a place with you and him where it's like well you're with somebody you know where you might be like maybe i should leave my husband because i don't want to lose him you know who knows yeah yeah yeah and you know that that may come it may not you know i honestly you know i had a discussion with my husband that you know i can't i can't take six months more of the marriage that we have now oh okay i need him but i need him to

get help for himself you know like i i think that there's a lot of things that can be changed if he really start to work on himself outside of me and him that would help me and him Of course. I mean, yeah. And first of all, it would help him, which he deserves it for himself. And then, you know, it would be so beneficial for your relationship. Because I'm assuming that before all this went down, you guys were really compatible. Like if he didn't have all this other junk, like, and he was able to have sex and he was the person that he was when you first met him, you would still be totally into him.

And you wouldn't probably have a need for this polyamory or somebody else. Or do you still feel like you'd want to? that. I honestly, well, this isn't this on terrible, but like after being with, and again, this is the desire that I had since I was very young, but

after being with black men, like, I don't, I don't know if I could ever go back to not having one on the side. Right. Okay. Well, you know that saying. Once you go black, you never go back, right? It's true. Christine is here to say, it's true.

Yeah, you know, Like, you know, it's just, it's not, when you don't know about it, it's not so bad, but now that you know about it, it's like, oh, dang. You know, like, I guess. So I don't think, I don't think our relationship will ever be back to just the two of us, whether, you know, whether it's just a side, a side guy for sex or whether it is polyamory, you know, there's so many different ways, some of different ways that we can explore. But he's, my husband is not ready for that on his end yet. He has a lot of work to do with himself. And that's what I tried to tell him. You know, he, he told me once that it's just so easy for me that I just went out and got

asked right away. I've had all these men that, you know, are trying to hook up with me and I can just go walk through them all. And it's like, you know what? This is a, I resent that because this has been a transformation that began a long time ago. And having the confidence to go out and to get what you want is a result of, you know, doing something about it. Right. You want him to do what you did for yourself. You resent the fact that he's taking away from all the hard work and all the balls it took for you to, like, get to where you

were. It was work. It's not just because I'm a woman. You know, yeah, it is easier for me. But, You know, two years ago, had I been, had I had the, the past to go get something, I wouldn't have because I wouldn't have had the confidence in myself to do it. Right. You know, I will tell you, like, I am still a fit girl. You know, I would say for black guys, I'm probably a nine or a ton. For white guys, probably not up there. Mm-hmm. But there's, you know, you're always going to have that fat girl inside of you, you know, that.

that still questions your, um, questions your sexual, you know, your, your, your confidence. No, that fucks with your confidence. Yeah. I've seen it with a lot of my, uh, friends, both male and females that lose the weight. And so, but you must have really worked on even that part of you to have the confidence that you had to really sort of take your life in a very different direction, even though some people would think it's, yeah. And you just be okay.

Like, fuck everybody else, what everybody else thinks. I'm, this is who I am, and you're getting me at my most authentic. And if you can't handle that, then that's fine with me. Right. And he's not, he's just not at that point. And I've really, really, really tried. Yeah, well, listen, somebody had to shake, listen, this was like a bad marriage. It was like, someone had to shake it up and turn it around and, like, mess it all,

up because it's either going to be put back together and be better or it's just going to disintegrate. But it wasn't going to last. Do you know what I mean? So if anything, like even if it doesn't wind up being something that lasts after his transformation or whatever, even if you don't even wind up with this other guy and you're single trying to fucking figure it out and meet somebody, who knows you what happens, it still was probably something that needed to happen in your relationship.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. What do you think, though, because I think about there's probably other people listening that are like similar, like that are in your boat or even like before you lost all the way and changed your life around or, you know, like what do you think? Because like you say, oh, he should, I should inspire him to do it. Obviously he did inspire you to do it. Like what did, what do you think it was in you that made you sort of get to that point in

life to really change? I will tell you, I had. three young friends die two of cancer one who had so sick fibrosis when that third friend died it was the day before a triathlon that I was doing and I was still in mediocre shape

and I said well I guess you do I said screw this I have this body that I am not using that I am abusing every day sitting in a duct job that I can use that is that is powerful that is that can be healthy I'm going to to use it right um that day changed me um physically I made that huge physical change as I sort of physically

changing mentally emotionally with my job I was just becoming more and more happy and there was one day and I was considering making this change to do something I love which is what I do now, you know, even though it's a tough job and it's physical, I was, I was thinking about it. I had found something that would be a part-time solution, you know, why I could do what I could really fall in my heart and do what I really love. And I thought, I saw this clip of a Jim Carrey speech that he gave at commencement. If you haven't seen it, you need to go see it, because it's just, it's amazingly powerful. Like, I hate to say that, you know, that Harry or Lloyd from Dumb and Bummer has changed my life.

Oh, no, but he's a really, he's a very deep spiritual guy, you know, and I, and he's, he's pretty profound. So he gets deep and shit. So that's why they asked him to do that commencement speech because he says brilliant things. Uh-huh. He said this, he said this line that said, there are two places, there are, artists. decisions come from two places. It comes from out of love or out of fear. And often fear is

disguised as practicality. And it just made me say, this is so fucking right. Totally. All of my decisions that I had made health benefits, study salary, everything that

you get with a regular job was based in fear. Mm-hmm. Because I was scared to take the leap and do something on my own that I love. Right. And... And be true to who you really are.

Yes. And when I quit, I played that clip for my boss. And... It's like a lifetime movie scenario. Yeah. Right? Yeah. He's like, why keep doing something you don't love?

Right. And getting by day to day when you can do something you love. Right. And that makes you whole. Mm-hmm. And that's what I did. And that was my physical transformation had already been happening. And that mental transformation was just kind of like, all right, this is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to, I'm quitting my full-time job. I'm going to work part-time. I'm going to do what I love on the weekends. That really is going to be what my focus is. And I'm going to continue to work on my body and work on my physical well-being. And, you know, I feel like all of those things have kind of led me to where I am today. Despite my problems with my husband and his issues, like, I'm getting what I need out of life more today than I ever have in my entire life. Yeah, and that's amazing.

And I'm not afraid to ask for it. Yeah, absolutely. Like, you've come into your own. But if you think of, if you listen to your story, when you listen back to this podcast, you're going to hear. Like, when you're explaining that story, like, I don't even, not once did your husband be met. mention in that story because everything that you did, you did for yourself. Because ultimately, like, that's all, you know, that's all we have, right? Doesn't matter that you're in a partnership. Right. No one could help you do it. You have to do it on your own. You kind of like hit a bottom,

like all that kind of negative stuff that happened, the deaths in your life with, you know, like really helped you. And I, and fortunately, like for me, I've done massive changes in my life and they always came through something difficult, right? And that's what happened. It's never somebody comes into your life and they tell you, go do it. And they're like your coach and you're, like okay and everything's happy and everything changes you know and so it's just like you know your husband's story of transformation is going to be similar i don't you know it's not going to be because you're there telling him that's not your story either like i said you listen to your story you're your own person talking it's you don't even hear your husband mentioned in there because it had nothing

to do with him it had to do with you where you were out in your life what you were ready for and what you wanted and ultimately that's going to be his story too and you know the timing who knows when his timing is going to be you can maybe help him by giving him the ultimatum and like that kind of stuff like maybe that will be his bottom maybe you leaving him for somebody else would be his bottom but he needs that kind of jolt into pushing him because what why people don't change is because the it's like even if their their situation is hard changing is really difficult probably everything that you did physically and mentally was very difficult, right?

But yet, right? So it's just like quitting your job, starting something new, losing all the weight, being disciplined, like changing your whole life is actually really, really, really hard. And what has to happen most of the time, as hard as people's lives are or miserable as they are, it's still easier than that brutal shit you have to go through to change. And that's what people don't want to deal with. But they don't understand that. there was this one book the road less traveled uh he talks about like giving up instant gratification

for future gratification so i do believe though if you take out that couple of years of doing really hard work harder probably than your miserable life right eventually you get to another place where it's not hard at all and everything is 10,000 times better right so it really is a smarter way to go right because what are you going to be miserable your whole life or just be really miserable for like two years and then be really fucking happy for the rest. You know what I'm saying? It's like you might as well do the harder work now because, but that's what people don't get. It's just too difficult to change. Change is very hard. What your husband would have to do to change is very difficult. He'd have to face some really horrible things that he probably was happy to

turn his back on and take a pill to make the thoughts go away and sweep him under the table. He doesn't want to face that shit. I do believe, though, if he faced it, it would be a okay and he could get on with it because it's really not that bad, but I get why he experiences it as something terrible, you know, he'd have to get off medication, he'd have to get off his ass, he'd have to face what's going on in his marriage and maybe like, you know, it's a lot of work and he just might not have it in him to do it just yet, who knows, but he should because look at like you're somebody, I'm somebody that could attest to the fact that it's like doing that kind of hard work and really completely changing your whole life is always like the

most amazing thing. And, you know, we're all just going to die one day. I mean, you saw your friends die. So you got it. You know what I mean? For me, I'm always living from like the deathbed perspective. Like, you know, to me, I'm like, okay, when I'm on my deathbed, will I give a shit if I never had a baby or, you know, if the answer is yes, then I'm going to do whatever the fuck I can now to do it because you're only alive for a certain amount of time. And then we all really do die. think a lot of people just don't really believe that they're going to run out of time. So they just like fuck around and do the same thing and they don't change. And like, yeah, I'll do it tomorrow.

Yeah, they think they have forever. Yeah, they think. And maybe you thought you had forever too before until you really saw it in your life and really got the fucking memo that no, it's, it could go tomorrow. Like, we're all just going to die. So, but you're alive now and there's something you could do. And every day that passes that you don't do something is a wasted day. because the quicker you do something to change yourself, the sooner you're going to be in a better place.

Though it's go, but you have to be realistic and know that it's going to be difficult. And that's what people are are fucking great of. And, you know. And it's difficult on all, you know, on all sides. Like I, you know, I gave him the ultimatum. I said, look, we need to take steps for this to get better. Or I'm not going to be able to continue because this is a,

this isn't a relationship for me. It's more, I'm more of a roommate. I'm more of a concerned roommate right now. Yeah, and you know what, in a weird way, I hate to say it, but, you know, you might help him by leaving. Like, that might be, like, his bottom, like I said, and that might be the thing that is the best thing that happens to him. Like, you, not the best thing, like a terrible thing, but through something terrible

sometimes, that's what people need. Like, he needs a fire under his ass to, like, he needs a fire under his ass to, like, you, like, change things around, you know? Even what you did stirring the pod going, having a gang bang with five black guys, like, it still didn't snap him into being like, what the fuck? Like, you're going to lose your wife. Like, he's just letting you go. You know what I mean?

Hoping for the best, like crossing his fingers that when you go away with that guy, you're going to actually come back home to him. You know, he probably doesn't even know, you know, but he just deals with it. So, you know, if that wasn't enough, he might need a little bit more. and, you know, I, I see, like, things getting probably worse in your marriage before they get better, but it might be something that actually helps them in the long run. I don't know, you know, I mean, but I don't see bad things as bad things with people. You know, sometimes I see them as the most wonderful thing that could happen because, yeah,

it might be a divorce for him, but it might be what he needs to change his life around and get happier. And then maybe you guys get back together or who knows, you know what I mean? Right. And maybe I'm not, you know, after this two years and after the person I've become, maybe that's not what he means anymore, you know? Yeah, who knows? I just don't know. I don't know. This is the thing with him. This is what I'm going to say before I get off, because we're at an hour. Is like, he can't make decisions about your guy's relationship, what he wants on OKCupid, what you're going to do with this person until he, because he, because. a whole person because he doesn't even know what he wants. Do you understand? Like nothing he thinks about or says right now. He's coming from the wrong place with his decision making right now. So

nothing means anything. It's just like he needs to make decisions from like himself being a whole person. And I think if he was a whole person and he got his balls back, he might be like, I don't want a white that's out screwing a black eye behind my back. Like he might not have hint to that. Do you know what I mean? And so, and since you're not interested in that anymore, like you probably aren't the right person for him. So maybe he wants someone that wants to do IVF and have a baby. And you're not into that right now in your life. You know, so who really knows? But, you know, you weren't fulfilled. You went out and sort of went after what you wanted on all levels and you're a happier person because of it. But he's not yet. And this is the reason why sometimes people, you know, sort of break up. And like I said this on my last

podcast, I don't always think that breakups are bad things. You know, it's just everyone's on different paths in their life. You guys walked on the same path for a while and you started to go off on another direction. You know, if he doesn't go that in that direction with you, he doesn't. But he'll have his own life and he'll figure out his life and you'll figure out yours separately maybe. And all I can do in my end and the one thing that I'm striving to do is to just be totally honest with everyone involved, you know? No, you are doing it in the, in the, like, like I said, I really believe you had to, you did the bolder thing, which is like I said, you just shook that shit up. Like you did some crazy shit in that relationship. You changed it around. You turned it

upside down. You had a lot of fucking fun in the process. Okay. Not your husband so much, but you did. And I do think that's, I don't know, it's what was needed. Listen, I always say I give unprofessional advice. Somebody professional might be horrified by the shit that I'm saying, but I believe in like, I see life in a different way, much more spiritual. So spiritually thinking, speaking, like bad things are supposed to happen. Crazy things happen. That's real life. It's messy.

You made it messy. You can't figure out what's going to happen down the line. I can't figure it. It doesn't even matter. You're taking it day by day. You're being completely honest. You're really communicating. So you're doing it in the most gentle way possible.

Okay? You're not having like a blazing affair behind his back. You're not pulling the rug out from underneath him in one swoop. But you maybe are sort of, you know, you know, putting an end to your relationship in a way that could be, you know, beneficial to everyone. For you, it's good because you're getting your needs met. And for him, maybe it's good because he's not being completely abandoned and just left out in the dust. Yeah, I wouldn't, and I would never, ever do that, you know.

And that's part of the struggle is that, you know, I can't, I can't, I'm not going to leave him. And if, you know, in the state that he is now, it's just not something that I can do. I can't do that until there's some work that's done. And if the work is done, it may mean that I don't leave him, you know? Yeah, we don't know. I don't know. It could go in so many different directions. I'm having my cake and eating it too.

I have a husband. I have a home. I have someone that, you know, I share my life with and my build with, but I also get good dick on the side by someone that I care about. Right. And that guy also has his cake and eat it too. The only one I feel sorry for in the situation is your husband. I wish I could get him on the phone.

Yeah. But I do think, though, that, listen, for the guy who wrote in that wanted, I wish I had his name for him, that wanted an update, I feel like he might be sadly disappointed because this was such a different call than a first one. But I love calls like this. To me, this was like really intense, but really amazing. And I think that there's people out there that could be really learned from like your story. because I personally think that this is like that kind of shit is what like life's all about

and I think it's like amazing what you did and it's like really great like I love like I I totally understand when you say you heard that speech and that one sentence like completely changed your life like I believe in those moments in life because I've had them and I love that stuff every single person should go listen to that speech there's so much amazingness right or someone that's in that the same position and I think like listen I think everybody hears different things at different times when they're ready and it could be really inspiring. That's why it's like great that we, you know, the internet is around and you could go listen. That's why you have to listen to people because you never know when the light bulb's going to go off and it's going to change your life. But so,

yeah, some people might be disappointed that Christine isn't gang banging anybody. But underneath all of that was this deeper story. And that's why I do my show because this is the kind of stuff that you, that really is revealed when you really talk to somebody a little bit deeper. Like, this stuff was going on last podcast, but we didn't get into it. But I'm so glad that we did a part too because this is even more fascinating. I mean, equally as fascinating. I am too. And like I said, you know, when you, when you contacted me, I, this is, it's not easy

for me to talk about, you know, there's not a lot of people out there that really understand how I can be having a relationship with someone else and being married and being honest and open to all. And there's not many people that will be able to give me, that, that have given me any opinions or advice because they're too wrapped up in the oh the morals and the rules and regulations of like everyday bullshit they're just judging you you know in a way most people can't yeah and so it was just it was nice to talk with you because you know you get it I guess you really you really get it

I look at it from a bigger perspective you know what I mean I'm not here to make you feel bad about yourself because you shouldn't I don't look at things that way I look at things from a much, like I said, a spiritual perspective, which is a much broader, bigger sort of a thing. So I think, and I think that that's really helpful for people because most people find themselves in life doing things that maybe other people wouldn't think is right or whatever. But that's like what life is about. And that's why I love doing my show because that's who shows up on my show, people that are doing things that maybe other people would look down upon or judge them. But that's their life and that's their journey. And that's where they're at at this space and time when I'm talking to them.

And it's interesting because it's real life. You know what I mean? And I think that more people discuss things truthfully, the more other people listen and can relate. And then they don't feel so bad because, you know, maybe they're doing the same thing. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So it's great that you're sure. I'm glad that I can help you, but I really believe that you sharing your story on my show helps other people as well. Well, whenever you want an update, just let me know because I, I really like, I really appreciate being on the show. And I think the show helped me when I was first thinking about doing something. I mean, that was a little bit outside of the norm to know that there's other people out there that do these things.

Exactly. And both of us have are kinks and stuff, you know. Yeah, they're not bad people or perverts or weird. Like, you know, whatever people would like label. They're just regular people and this is what regular people do sometimes or all the time or whatever. Who cares? But, yeah, keep me. I literally like when you read.

the next sort of spot, whatever that is, you know, whether it's a transformation of your husband, something major happens with him or like you guys, you know, or the guy leaves you or he wants an ultimatum, like, let me know and we'll have you back on because this is definitely a story I want to keep following. Okay, I will keep you updated for sure. All right. Thanks so much, Christine. Talk to you soon and good luck with everything. Thanks, Kathy. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous Confessions, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it.

The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-being girl story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica.

I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skip a little. around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord.

My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there you can post your own pictures and videos there's tons of channels we have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money it's a super fun place to be it's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it i will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord it's private like i said all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase whether you did the audiobook the ebook or the paperback sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com.

That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at Gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name.

And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.