Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1411 - Straight Men Can S*** a D*** but Still be Straight! w/ Dr. Joe Kort

Episode Date: March 29, 2026

Dr. Joe Kort believes straight men can have sex with other men and still be straight and he called in to talk all about it. Why aren't guys who fool around with other guys gay or bi? What's the difference between sexual orientation and erotic orientation? And how does it pertain to this scenario? Tune in to find out plus hear him talk about how whether you're born with your fetish and kinks or are they a part of your sexual orientation, trauma re-enactment and how our childhood can change your erotic narrative, cross-dressing and gender play, toxic masculinity, how the acts that turn you on don't have to be labeled, how unique everyone's erotic footprint is, how and why you cannot look at sexuality and eroticism as black and white, the younger generation and identity politics, why he doesn't believe in sexual addiction and how he deals with it in his practice, how his video went viral in TikTok, his relationship history and how he identifies himself and a whole lot more. (RE-EDITED, PREVIOUSLY AIRED 6/2021)  GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712   Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  https://inda.shop/STRICTLY If you’re 21 or older, get 40% OFF your first order @IndaCloud with code STRICTLY  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beducate.me/pd2610-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Get 10% OFF your first month of Bluechew GOLD! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LoadBoost.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — To get 10% off LOAD BOOST by VB Health use code: STRICTLY Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I'm going to re-air an episode all about guy on guy action. And the reason why I'm doing is because I was just on Justin Lay Miller's podcast. We taped it. I don't know when it's going to air. But when we were talking about guy on guy action and talking about Dr. Joe Cort and how, you know, he was someone who came onto my show at a certain point after he went viral on TikTok saying like, oh, just because you suck a dick doesn't mean you're gay or buy or anything. Like straight guys can suck a dick. You know, and everyone was like, oh my God, of course it went viral because you're like, that goes against everything you would think, right? And even when it's, against me. Like I'm here to say that I had so many guys on my show. I've been podcasting for

11 or 12 years at this point. And very early on, I had a million guys coming on the show so many times coming on being like, oh, you know, sometimes I like to suck a dick, but I don't like guys. Like I don't look at guys. I don't find them attractive. If I see a guy walking down, I'm not like, oh my God, I want to be with him. But you know what? Every now and then, I still want to suck a dick. And I'd be like, it doesn't make any sense. I was always like, if you like a dick and it's on a man, then you like guys. Like, how can you say you don't like guys if you like dick? And it isn't They're like, no, you don't understand. And I never understood it.

I was like the average person. And I had so many guys on it. Sometimes I make jokes to my guy friends. Like, if you just, like, would allow yourself to sit back and relax and close your eyes and let a guy blow you, you'd be so much more happier because there's so many guys out there who are, quote unquote, straight, who do like to suck a dick. And that's like the other common thing about these guys. Like, they don't want to receive necessarily at all. They're not interested in that. They want to be the givers, the pleasing.

the guy that sucks the dick, you know, the guy that isn't into guys, but wants to suck the guy's dick, right? They don't want to be blown. Those guys, I mean, listen, there's plenty of guys out there that want to do other things than I've had those guys on too, but there's a lot of these guys out there that just want to suck a dick. They don't want anything in return. And that's why I was like to straight guys out there, you know, fucking just close your eyes and be open to blowjobs by men. And if you were, you'd be getting blow jobs all the fucking time. I love the word galore. It would be blowjobs galore if you just allowed yourself to, you know, let a guy do it. What's a difference? I don't know why people get so hung up on it. You know, but I mean, that's like a dumb thing to say.

So many people are like, yeah, Kathy, there is a difference between a girl sucking or taking a guy, but, you know, a lot of people nowadays are much more fluid. And I think that, you know, people sometimes grow and change. And I would certainly talk to guys who would never have been interested in doing anything with a guy when they were younger, but found themselves. to be more fluid as they've gotten older. But, you know, the whole Dr. Joe Kort thing was super interesting to me because when he explained it and you're going to hear in this episode, his explanation. I mean, he's a PhD therapist, okay?

Anyone with a PhD after their name to me is one smart person, okay? Like, whenever I look for a therapist, I look for PhD after their name because I know that that person knows what the fuck they're talking about, right? So he's super smart and he really sort of put into words what so many men always tried to explain to me. No one ever explained it properly because guys can't even put it into words. The guys that are into this can't even put it into words. And that's why whenever I air Dr. Joe Cort's episode, I get so many emails from guys like, oh my God, thank you so much.

It finally made sense. And if you're like me, not even a guy, but just curious about how a straight man could like to suck a dick and not even be gay and not mean anything, then you should listen to the episode because his explanation makes so much sense. It really was like a light bulb moment for me because I never believed the guys and it's a light bulb moment for the guys that always felt that way because like I said, it puts into words and explains exactly how they feel. And the truth is, okay, straight men can suck a dick and still be straight, okay? No matter what anyone says to you. And if you don't believe that when I say and you're like, yeah, right, Kathy, make sure to keep listening and just open your mind

to hear what he has to say because like I said, I was exactly like you if you don't buy into it. I never understood it. And when he spoke, I totally changed my mind. I have repeated his episode before because I think it's super important because I feel like there's such a stigma with guy and guy action. You know, it's not on women. Women could have girl crushes. Women could go down on girls. It's like super fucking hot. It's very accepted and therefore every woman's like bragging about it. But guys still have to do it on the DL. And that's a big problem. You know, I don't understand the stigma because I don't think anything that a man does in the bedroom or in his personal life or any in any part of his life makes a man less than a man. Like what is a real man? Like a man that only likes women and if he sometimes

like men that makes him less than. It doesn't really make sense if you actually really think about it. To me, it's like very lazy thinking. And it's just like something that's been ingrained in people from society to look down on men who are open and more fluid. I think it's changing. I think the younger generation is much more open-minded. But, you know, in my time, even girl-on-girl action was there was a stigma.

That change, it's about time that the guy and guy stigma should fucking change. Because the truth is and the sad truth is, is that there's a lot of guys that are still doing this on the DL behind their partner's backs because they can't cop to it. Thank God for shows like heated rivalry that just came up and out. It made so many girls realize that they were like into like guy and guy sex. And I think it, you know, putting stuff out there like that and showing it is like, you know, only helps the cause to get rid of the fucking stigma. Because it's about time that people stop seeing guy and guy action as a negative thing. I don't understand it.

I hate it, actually. I'm like a very fair person. I don't know if you really listen to my show. You know, I go by the person that I'm talking to. I'm not like, oh, pro women or pro man. I'm like a pro whatever's fucking fair. You know what I mean? And like I said, I saw the stigma of girl and girl action fly out the window at some point in my life.

And it's about time for the stigma for guy and guy action to fly out the fucking window too. And that's why I'm airing this episode again. It's a Sunday episode. If you haven't listened to this episode, you're going to love. His take on things. He's super smart. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Dr. Joe Cort. Hey, Dr. Joe Cort.

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. How are you today? Good. I'm glad to be here. I'm so glad you're here. Now, I don't know if other people know of you because recently you came out with a statement or a TikTok video where you were like, just because you've had a dick in your mouth once or twice.

I'm just paraphrasing it. But it doesn't mean that you're gay, right? And exactly. I saw that article and I was like, oh my God, I need to have this guy on my show because I've been doing my show for seven years. I'm just a regular person that loves to like analyze people and dig deep and get all this information. And I wind up having the show where people call in and tell me all of their deepest secrets. I'm typically talking to older people because I think younger people are a little bit way more open than people in my generation. And I can't tell you how many times I've heard.

well you know once in a while I give a guy a blowjob but I'm not gay and I was always blown away by that statement because I just didn't understand how that could be possible and I feel like there's a lot of words that I'm not using properly because then I'd be like well are you by I mean you have to be something because a dick is a part of a guy and if you have a guy's dick in your mouth and you like that and you find that hot don't you think you're by maybe slightly by and they'd be like no I'm totally straight and you're here to say that those people are 100% correct. Yes, and let me go back to what I have found on TikTok, which has a lot of young people

on there, is that they don't agree with me. They think that if a guy is having sex with another guy, he's gay or by. And I was very shocked by this, because this is the same population that are making up all these labels and expanding, but they draw the line with heterosexual men. What do you mean? As far as, in order to be heterosexual, you have to just remain with women, like anything other than that, you're something else. But you're here to say, this is why you're so interesting to me and why we need your voice

on my show, because you need to really explain it. So here's the idea that there are people that are into kink and into fetish, so they might have a foot fetish. They might have a fetish to, or a kink or a sexual interest in receiving anal sex or giving anal sex. And so these men are not attracted to the men. They don't look at the men and see themselves. as this guy is hot, this experience I'm going to have, this actual sexual act I'm about to engage

in is what's turning me on. The man is incidental. So to a gay, and I know I've had also a lot of gay and bisexual men and other non-straight men say to me, oh, I've had those times too. These are all the time for these men. It's called sexual fluidity and people don't understand that you can be a gay or people do understand that you can be a gay man and have sex with women and still be gay. But if you're a straight man and have sex with a man, now you're not straight. It doesn't, you can't have it both ways. Hey, everyone. Let me ask you something. When was the last time you and your partner were actually really relaxed together at the end of the day? Not thinking about work, not stressed out from the day, just relaxed and enjoying each other. Because I don't know

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Shipped discreetly to your door, free shipping on orders over $50 and $30 in free gifts on any order over $120. And don't forget to fill out the survey when you order because it really helps support the show. So to a gate, and I know I've had also a lot of gay and bisexual men and other non-straight men say to me, oh, I've had those times too. These are all the time for these men. It's called sexual fluidity and people don't understand that you can be a gay or people do understand that you can be a gay man and have sex with women and still be gay. But if you're a straight man

and have sex with a man, now you're not straight. You can't have it both ways. Okay, let me wrap my head around that one. So you're a gay man, but once in a while you might have sex with a woman. I would actually think, well, maybe you're bisexual, but people have told me I'm also completely wrong on what I, what I considered bisexual. I can't keep track with the terms. I don't know anything. I mean, you're the, you're the Ph.D., right? This is why I need you to explain because half the time I'm just learning from people as I'm

talking to them. Well, same here. The PhD really isn't going to cut it either these days because I think what he's making up whatever they want the term to be. I know. But this is a difference. When a straight man has sex with another man, he's not aroused by men in general. He's not going to the mall and to the airport and sitting down the beach and going, man, these guys are hot.

The bisexual guy is. So it's different. So people don't understand. When you're bisexual, yeah, there's a lot of comments on TikTok are, well, you can be bisexual where your sexual attraction is to men, but your sexual and emotional attraction is to women. That's right. but the sexual attraction to men is to the men and to the sex. When a straight man has sex with men, he's only attracted to the sex or sometimes he is attracted to this particular man at this time, at this place, in this situation.

But it doesn't generalize to other men. Interesting. It's just completely different. Yeah, yeah, no, totally. I thought it was the opposite. I thought, oh, okay, if I'm the type of person that likes to date and I'm emotionally attracted to men. but every now and then I like to have just sex with a woman.

Like I'd never want to cuddle with her and watch TV. Then that would make me bisexual, where homosexual would be that I want to have a relationship with another woman. But then someone called in once, I was like, you got it totally wrong. And I was like, I do have it totally wrong, because that's what I always thought. That's what we were taught in our generation, yes.

But now we know that bisexual can be, I'm only sexually attracted to one gender, and I'm emotionally and sexually attracted. to another gender. So it can just be about sex and not want to cuddle. And I feel like, well, and so the problem for is I've been dealing with male sexuality my entire career and a lot of the men have experienced trauma as children. And so they may have been sexually abused by a male perpetrator.

And so then they end up reenacting that trauma as an adult. And so then people see them having sex with men and all they can think of is you must be attracted to the man to be able to have sex. And if you've been traumatized and have been sexually abused, all sexual abuse survivors understand that you get imprinted erotically to things that don't always match your sexual orientation. Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, I typically get on the phone with a total stranger. I don't like to know much about the person I'm talking to. And so I just wing it.

I just see where the conversation goes. And that's how I get people's story. But with you, because you're an expert, I wrote down some questions. And I don't even know where to start because I just feel like you could answer them all. but that was one of them. Are you necessarily born with a fetish or can you acquire one? Like I had a guy on the other day who was big into the whole cuckled situation and he tied it back to when he was really young, his first girlfriend dumped him for the school bully and right in front of his face. Everyone was sort of making fun of him and they were fooling around in front of him and

he had to watch and then he realized he had some sort of sexual attraction to it too. And it was very confusing to him because he was devastated but kind of turned on. And I'm like, could it turn into a fetish for three ways or seeing your partner with somebody else? Does any of that kind of make sense? Yeah. So I always divide the two into this. We have a sexual orientation to whom we're attracted and what gender. And we have an erotic orientation, what gets us off.

And all of us, if we went around and talked about childhoods, we would discover, everybody would discover that many things from your childhood get eroticized into your arousal template, into the things that turn you on. It doesn't create your sexual orientation. It creates your erotic orientation and contributes to that sexual or that erotic narrative. Right. So are you born with a fetish? Is fetish different than this kind of situation that you're talking about? It is. It's different because that's your erotic orientation. Your sexual orientation is the man, the woman, both, neither. A blend of But I will tell you this, there is research now that's showing that many kinks and fetishes

are people do, there's belief that you are born with that orientation. I had a client, well, he wasn't a client. He was on my podcast. I would think of it was a client. He remembered that the very first time he was attracted to bondage and rope was being a Cub Scout learning how to tie knots. Now, where does that come from? It wasn't something that ever happened to him before.

It was just something that it was his first discovery that, turned him on. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And that's when it kind of clicked. I've had a lot of guys that are into the panty-ho's fetish. I've talked to a lot of guys with all kinds of fetish, but a lot of the ones who call in are into panty-hose, and they get really deep into it.

And I love to always go back and ask them, like, what were your first memories of noticing them or being turned on by them? And a lot of times, their memories or before they were even sexual beings. I mean, they're, like, super young. But it, like, just all of a sudden, they saw it. them the first time and it just clicked. And what they have explained to me is that they feel like this was always in them. And the first time they saw, it sort of just spark that up. It wasn't that it was created at that moment. It just triggered something that was in them already. Is that what

you're saying? Exactly. Yes. Yeah. And it's fascinating because I'm always talking to people, like I said, with all different kinds of fetishes. And the other guy that I've talked to before is the guy that likes to cross-dress. And when he's dressed up as a woman, he likes to be with a man. But in his regular life, when he's not dressed up, he would never be with a guy. So that guy also doesn't consider himself gay or by or anything. So he, this cross-dressing men, which now we call gender play, is usually a cisgender heterosexual male who enjoys feeling like a woman, dressing up as one, looking like

one makeup wig, but he knows he's male. He's not, he's not trans. And he may even want to be sexual with another man, but it's not about the man. It's about feeling like a woman with a man. Exactly. And he doesn't, and he's not trans in that

he doesn't want to feel like a woman all the time. He knows he's a man. He just likes that every now and then. So that would, would that go back to what you were talking about, like his, just his erotic fantasies as opposed to his gender identity? Yeah. I would say that it's what he likes to do erotically.

It's not about his sexual orientation. People just don't get it. That's why, like I said, I was so interested in you and having you on my show so you could explain it because I get it more so now because I've heard that guy that you were talking about on your TikTok video that went viral. And I think it went so viral because people really can't comprehend it. And it's interesting that you say the younger generation doesn't buy it at all. It really shocked me. They are committed. Well, so because the younger generation, they're so into social justice and identity politics that what they do is they make up that this is heterosexual privilege and the man doesn't want to leave his privilege. That's not what's going on. That's their projection onto this guy. This guy is a straight guy, just like the lesbian is a lesbian who has sex with men, just like a gay man. A gay man might want to have sex with a trans man who still has a

vagina and a vulva, but has the appearance that is a man, but his chest and his muscles are in his arms, and he would have sex with him. We would never say that this gay guy is really bisexual if he's having sex with a trans man who still has a vagina and vulva. Why would we say it about straight men? And the younger generation says because he's trying to keep his privilege, it's toxic masculinity, it's fragile masculinity, and they don't understand. It's not anything to do with any of that. I mean, it can. So I try to explain this on TikTok, but they're not listening. It can be totally a closeted gay or by guy. It can totally be toxic masculinity, totally be fragile masculinity, and that's what I keep saying to people. They don't hear the and. And it could just be a straight guy

that likes to have sex with this one man and this particular sexual act. And it's the act that turns him on, not the guy. Yeah, I love that. I love that you can put that out there. And because there's probably a lot of people that keep it under wraps because people would want to label them, right? I used to think like it was actually insulting to gay people because they'd be like, but I'm not gay. And I'd be like, what's almost rude. But I guess that's like that toxic thing that you were saying that these people are projecting onto it, right? Yeah. Because I was like, is it coming from a place where God forbid you're gay?

Because it would come across to me sometimes like that. But I guess it was just that because they're not, right? and it's how frustrating is it to sort of know who you are. Nobody's buying it. Because they have their own idea. And at one guy, I love this on TikTok. Do you have TikTok?

Yes, I started TikTok. I was a little freaked out. I have to tell you, I was a little freaked out because there are so many young people on there. And I was putting up a lot of confessions and stuff like that that I get. And a lot of my stuff is a little hardcore. And it's a lot of SCX. And I don't know.

I was a little worried because it does skew very young. I mean, it's super young. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'm fighting with somebody and I'm like, God damn it, they don't understand. I'm going to go look at their profile and they're 12. That's what I mean? I'm like, what am I fighting with a 12-year-old? Oh my God, that's so funny.

I know, I'm like, God damn it. So now I look at people's profiles because 12-year-old's not understanding. But, yeah, I mean, so one guy duetted my viral video and he was, he was young himself. He was 30-ish. And he basically said, I find it really challenging. that the population, the younger population who wants all these new labels and has all these new definitions can't accept that a straight man can have sex with men. It doesn't make any sense to me. And I was like, and I duet at him.

That's why I just did do it, TikTok, because you can duet, and I did duet him. And I said, thank you. But a lot of people aren't able to critically think and the nuances around this. They just don't understand. Right. Now, you're a psychotherapist, right? Yeah. And then did you take, did you go to school further to just specialize in sexology?

Is that what it's called? I don't even know. Yes, I got my PhD in clinical sexology and I'm certified in it. So yeah, I have extra training. So a lot of therapists will fight me on this. But when you go and read their training, they have no training in sexual health. So they don't know what I'm talking about because they don't understand it. No, that's why I love.

That's why I was like, I have to get this guy on my show because like I said, you're the real deal. There's a lot of people that could say they're a sexologist or they're a sex therapist, but then if you really sort of dig deep, they don't really have the actual credentials. And I feel like there's a lot of schools out there that people could go and get a certification that says that they're a sex therapist. But, you know, I think that there's a difference between you and that person. Is that correct? Yes, there is. Yeah, I mean, I've been doing this. So you have to do thousands of hours of supervision and you have to keep up with your trainings. And I just, and I feel really proud of myself. I know a lot about. this and I can think outside of what mainstream thinking is because everybody's got their own erotic thumbprint. No two people are alike and what it means might be different for you than what it means for me. So it's hard to be so black and white then, right? You cannot be black and white about sexuality and eroticism.

And our culture wants it to be that clean that they want the fantasies and the behaviors and the fantasies and the behaviors all to line up with the sexual orientation. And they don't. Some people have rape fantasies. They imagine themselves being raped and they imagine raping other people, but it's play rape. And these people during the day might be rape activists, anti-rape. But at night, they like to play with the concept of rape. It's all different. Yeah, no, totally. I mean, like I said, I've heard it all, all kinds of different things. I remember hearing Esther Perel. Oh, I love Esther Perel. Oh, my God, I love her. She's still like a brilliant genius. And I remember listening to one of her podcasts and she was talking about how the,

the woman who was raped when she was younger, if she gets into BDSM when she's older, like that could be a positive thing because she's in control because she got wired that way because of what happened to her, but working it out when she's an adult in control and doing it in this way. It's not negative. Whereas I think some people would think if you do that later on because of something that happened to you that was negative, it's wrong. But she was saying that it is okay to do.

do that. And that's a way to sort of work through it. Is that correct? Yes. Yes, 100%. And we, we know this as sexologist, but people don't, don't know it, they don't understand it, and then they confuse it with orientation. What I wanted to ask you, because I've talked with people who think they're sex addicts. Do you, are you one that believes in sex addiction or not? What's your view on that? I don't believe in sex addiction because the sex addiction model is not sexually informed. So I believe more in what's called out of control sexual behavior. It's a more sex positive and sexually informed model and gives the person themselves the right to decide whether they are out of control or not. So it shouldn't be up to a partner or a therapist or a minister

or a culture to determine what is or what isn't too much for somebody. It should be up to the person themselves. And so if someone thinks that they have it, would you say, okay, that it exists? Because I've had people call in and be like, and I think that I'm a sex addict. I will, I use their word because that's the word they're calling it. But when they get into my office, I will instead start to call it other things and say, I hear for you with a sex addiction. Maybe you can explain to me why you think that. And then I'll, I might educate them that there's no science behind sex addiction,

that what you really have is you're experiencing sexual dysregulation. And I want to help you get regulated around sex, no matter what we call it. Because, and the problem with the sex addiction model is it uses, it has some good tools in terms of cognitive behavioral, but it puts you in a situation where you're fighting your sexual behavior. And we don't want that. The more you fight something, the worse it's going to get. Yeah, what, you resist persist. It's so true. Exactly.

So what do you tell somebody that thinks they're a sex addict? I mean, basic therapy. There's nothing unusual or different than if somebody comes in and says, I'm eating too much, or. where I'm struggling with even with gambling. People might go to the 12-step groups and they might do well with them. But what we find is it might be that this is your normal sexual or erotic orientation. It might be that it comes from trauma in your trauma. It might be because you have your high sensation-seeking behavior that you have to learn to control.

It might be a key. It might be a fetish therapy and helping the person understand. it might be because they're bipolar. There's so many different reasons for it. Instead of moving it so quickly to calling it something that it's not. Listen, I'm so pro-therapy. I always talk about that on my show. I think sometimes it's really hard to find the right therapist,

and that's the first thing that you have to do. Oh, yeah. I'm always like, listen, it could take you five tries, but it's kind of like dating. You'll know the one when you meet them, but don't give up because I think, unfortunately, there's a lot of nuts out there. I, that's how I feel. But I think that's across the board. I don't care if you're going to a hairdress or a surgeon or a therapist. I think, you know,

85 to 90% are garbage and you got to wait until you find that 10%. Amazing person. I have, my life has changed because of therapy, but it was only because I was with the right therapist. And that's hard to find, but it's no different than finding that right guy too, right? It's not, It's not just every person out there is great. Are you practicing? Because my listeners go to you. Well, I'm not doing therapy right now. I do consultations only so people could contact me.

They go to jockort.com and then they find my email and then they'll schedule an appointment for a one-time consultation. But if they're looking for ongoing therapy, I have multiple therapists that work in my center. We have 15 of us. Oh, that's great. But, yep. And then they can also go to ASEC, which is the American Associations. of sex educators, counselors, and therapist, AASECT.org, and they can find a trained sex therapist

in their area. Oh, that's great. I'm going to post that. I'm going to put that in the description, a link to your website as well as that one. Because I'm always talking to people who need therapy. I think they need, sometimes it's just a regular therapist they need, but sometimes I feel like they need a sex therapist. And like I said in the beginning, I'm typically talking to people who are older and who have

in the closet with whatever kind of kink or thing that they're into. A lot of times I find that men around 50 are just like ready to let their freak flag fly. I don't know what happens to a guy at 50 because I'm a female and it happens to me when I was like 40. I think that's like your midlife crisis. I don't know. But I have so many guys that are calling me up and they've been living a double life when they're like, I just turn 50 and I just can't, I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. And I just think it's, it's great to know that there's help out there for people to be able to come out and on the other side. Because, you know, how, how awful is it and how much energy does it take to live a double life, right? I'm sure you, you're talking to those people all the time too.

I mean, I can't tell you how many times. I have guys calling up my show and their wife goes on a business trip and they're, you know, swapping panties with a guy and in the house and just fucking them in the This shit is going down. You know, what's going on? Well, the reason the men don't talk about it is because if you read the comments on TikTok, there's so much shame and so much judgment and so much erasing that they can't. I know. It's sad.

I always feel like the younger generation is much more open-minded. You don't see that on TikTok or do you just not see it in the sense? Oh, no. I totally see it. It's just not on this topic. They are completely unopened. Right. And it's really been the most eye-opening, shocking thing I've ever seen.

I think it's great that you were on to clear this up. I have to listen back to this because, like, my brain is actually hurting because you said so much good stuff. It's unexpected. I think that's what it is. It's unexpected. And unfortunately, people, they, well, I always say this. When women have one non-heterosexual thought, she's fetishized. When men have one non-heterosexual thought, he's stigmatized.

And that's problematic. When women are given room to be a college, lesbian until graduation, they're called Lugs in college, you know. Once men do it, they're immediately canceled. And it can't be both ways. And that's what I'm trying to break. This is about masculinity scripts. This is about patriarchy. This is about sexism working against men this time.

And people don't see it. Yeah, no, I love it. I think it's great that your TikTok video went viral, right? Was that the first time when I saw it recently? was that like a second wave? It was a second wave. The first one went viral, but not in the same way. I didn't grab the same attention.

I think because I did it in a gym. And I really don't know exactly why. The gym did it. The shorts did it. I mean, the one, my gym attire, the gloves, people started attacking my gloves, calling my gym gloves bitch gloves. And I thought, well, maybe that could be my new, I'm so stupid. So they started attacking my masculinity on it.

And because they can't tolerate the. information so they're just, they're uncomfortable, so they want me to be uncomfortable. And I'm not uncomfortable. You want to call my gloves, bitch gloves, I'm calling bitch gloves too, whatever you say. I like to wear gloves when I... That was the first time? Is that what, is that what you're saying? That was the first time that happened? You were in the gym? Yeah, yeah. Well, last time I wasn't in a gym. Yeah, I mean, I didn't even know that they were bitch gloves. Like, I'm in a gym. Other guys are wearing bitch gloves. I don't know what makes mine bitch claws. Maybe because I'm talking about straight men who have sex with men. It's so, it was crazy. Yeah, no, that's great. I love. I love.

that. I think that it went, like I said, when I saw it, I was like, oh, I have to get them on because I think it is important to have that out there because I've had guys on my show that have told me the same thing. You're here to say that they're fucking right. And I'm wrong. Like, and I love being wrong. It humbles me. I don't know anything. That's why, you know, I learn from talking to people, you know, on my show. And it's just always great to have somebody, you know, like a therapist, back it up. Yes. Thank you. Yes. And then, Ann, it's not just me. There's some people. people that have done research on this. They're sociologists, their professors at Stanford.

There's a book called Mostly Straight. There's another book called Still Straight. There's a book called Not Gay. And then I have my book, Is My Husband Gay, Straight or By? So there's other people talking about this. Oh, I like that book. So that's for women. Is my husband Gay Straight or By?

Yes. Yep, that's my book. And it's going to be out in audio, Sue. Oh, no, that's great. Now, do you find that you talk to a lot of women that are concerned or they don't know what's going on with their husband or their husband came out to them. Is that why you wrote that book or is it for women that don't know? Yes. I, oh yeah, it's become predominantly part of my practice because I deal with male sexuality. And so then she discovers that he's looking at gay

porn or he's been with men or thinking about men. And so I get so many of these cases and they're not all gay. That's where the book was born out of. Yeah, it's that woman that found the porn or found out that her husband was with another man and the husband claims to be straight. Yep. I wanted to give them language. I wanted to give them the right questions to ask and the normalization that you're not alone. And now you're gay, right? And you're in a part, you have a relationship. Are you ever with women regularly? I mean, what's your deal? Oh, yeah. No, I'm 100% gay. I'm 28-year marriage or my husband. And I've always been gay. And I mean, I may have a little fluidity in that as I've gotten older, I do have some sexual

or erotic interest in women that I never used to have. I've never acted on it, but I self-identified as gay, and that's where I'm, who I am. Well, listen, you made me sound so dumb on this podcast. You're almost too smart. But thank you so much for coming on and explaining this. I know a lot of people are going to tune in. I think it's going to be really eye-opening for people.

It's been eye-opening for me. And I love that you're out there talking about this. I think it needs to be talked about. And I'll put links for all your stuff, because I, think it's you're a great expert to point people towards. Like I said, I'm just, I'm unprofessional. I just talk to people about their stuff, but I'm always looking to pass people on to the real professionals that could really help them.

And I think you're so great. Can you give that your website again? Yeah, it's joecourt.com, j-o-e-k-or-t.com. All right. That's great. I'll provide all the links for people if they want to talk to you. They should go follow you. What's your TikTok?

Thank you. It's Al-Mai. If they go to Twitter or TikTok or LinkedIn, it's all. at Dr. Joe Court. D-R-J-O-E-K-R-T. Okay, awesome. Thank you so much for coming on. I was so excited to have you all.

Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you letting this conversation happen. All right, awesome. I'll let you know when it's going to be posted. Thanks, Joe, Dr. Joe. All right. Thank you. Bye.

Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show.

Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top

like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures

and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly. Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. So listen, I hope you enjoyed that episode for Sundays. Like I said, I'm very open to trying different

things. I was even thinking besides self-help Sunday series and having experts that talk a little bit more self-helpy stuff, I was thinking to do like regular interesting life stories, right? I have a lot of interesting sex stories on my show, but, you know, plenty of people have, like, really killer interesting life stories that have nothing to do with sex, but maybe have to do with drugs or overcoming adversity or any kind of trauma or jail time. I remember where we once had an episode, this guy named Jamal who had been in prison for drugs. And it was like one of my most favorite episodes. I love to hear people's life stories. I am naturally curious about everything. So if you have like just a regular, super interesting life story and you want to be on the show, I change people's

voices, I'll change your name. I'd love to have you on. I'd love to try it out for Sundays. I'm super open. So if you're interested, email me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, Strictly Anonymous Podcast.com or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on Beyond the Show. So listen, if you also want to join my Patreon and see a picks of my guests, there's anonymous picks on my guest, plus get intro, ad free, and early episodes, you get all of them over on my podcast, as well as get all the anonymous confessions on my Patreon. It's just $7 a month. you get a lot of content over there. Plus you get access to my Discord. I'll send you a link to my private Discord.

That is locked down. You can only get in there if you get the link from me. You get the link from either signing up for my Patreon or if you get my book, strictly anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. You could find that book on Amazon or anywhere where you buy books. It's 17 super hot. True stories about sex. I'll take it from my show so you could read the stories and then hear the people.

And then you could join my Patreon and you could see pictures of them. everybody in my book. I have pictures of them over on my Patreon. So if you do, if you sign up for Patreon or you get my book, just send me a screenshot of the book purchase and I'll give you access to my Discord. Email it to Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. But anyway, thanks so much for tuning in and make sure to follow my show wherever you are listening. And if you love my show, write me a nice review. I get enough people complaining. Oh my God, guys don't like a girl with opinions that talks a lot. That talk a lot. Okay, so I get a lot of bad reviews. But I get so many emails from people all

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