Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 144 - Sam is Bigender

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

Sam identifies as being bigender and he calls in to discuss all the details. What does bigender mean? How long has he known he is bigender? Are both sides gay or straight or bi? Who does he have romantic relationships with? Tune in to find out plus hear all about his frequent visits to the adult theater in his town, his exhibitionist side, his first glory hole experience and a whole lot more about his other fetishes. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or a title and you can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. Real problem.

Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to strictly anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the show on Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous or follow

me at Cartoon Therapy. If you want to be on the Strictly Anonymous podcast, send me an email. I'm always looking for callers. Today, I have a listener who wrote in and I'm having that person on the call today. So if you want to be on the Strictly Anonymous podcast, just to like either, get advice. I like to help people and give them my unprofessional advice, or if you have a secret life that you want to talk about, or if you just have an interesting life that you want to talk about, like something that's a little bit out of the box, and maybe most people don't talk about or don't

know about. I'd love to have you on the show. So I mean email at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's what I have on today. I have on someone, I can't say guy, girl, because this person is bi-gender, which means they relate to both being a guy and a girl. So I, you know, I should have asked him this, him. I say him because he was a born-him, right? But like what he likes to be called, he is she? I don't really know. But I do know that, I do know a lot of other things, though, about him after talking to him for over an hour. Sam's an interesting guy-girl, bi-gender person who I didn't know bi-gender existed. I know about the transgender thing a lot now because of what's been going on and it's been out, like more public because of the Caitlin Jenner thing and stuff.

But bi-gender was something I had never heard about. Maybe you haven't either, but Sam explains it all. He's like I said, bi-gender means he's both a male and a female. And it's interesting how his male and female sides play out romantically as well as sexually. He's done a lot of things. She's done a lot of things. They've both done a lot of things sexually. And he gets into all of those really interesting details.

So I'm just going to get right back on or I'm just going to get right on right now. I don't know what the fuck to say sometimes. And sometimes I edit this kind of bad stuff out, but I'm not going to edit this out because you can just see how much I suck at these intros. Somebody asked me recently if I do prep work for my calls. And I was like, if I did prep work for my calls, my calls would suck because I am so not good at that kind of stuff. I mean, all my calls are completely, like all the questions I think about, everything that comes out of my mouth on my call is completely off the cuff because I can't do stuff like this, which is like, and this isn't like, it's not like I plan this, but I have to do it kind of like professionally. It's not just like me talking to somebody. it's me talking to nobody, and it's very bizarre and hard for me.

So that was just a little side note. What I meant to say is I'll be right back on with Sam. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast. at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous.

Strictly anonymous. Hey, Sam, welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. You're on the call with, you're on the phone. Well, Kathy, how are you today? I'm good. Cool. So, Sam, you're a listener of the show who wrote in, and you have a very interesting story.

You gave me a lot of information in the email, but it's not like specific details, right? which I'm sure the details are even more interesting. You're 42. You're transgender, but like you consider yourself by, and you used a word. I forget what was the word that you used instead of... By gender. By gender.

Yes. And what is that exactly? Does that mean that you identify both as a male and a female? Is that correct? Yes. I feel it's how, you know how most transgendered people think they're, born one sex, but they're the other sex? Yep.

Okay. I feel like I'm born one sex, but I'm both. Right. So you were... Like there's two people, like there's two different people here. Okay. It's on my male side and my female side. And you were born as a guy, right?

Yes. But you... And so let's start off, because you've done a lot of things sexually, too, that we're going to get into, right? Threesons, some, four, some, five, some. Like, you've done a lot of interesting things that we'll get into. But first I want to start off with, like, the transgender. or the bi-gender thing.

And, you know, when you realize that, because I think that that's really interesting. Like, when you were younger, you were born a boy, right? And when did you first realize that you had this other part of yourself that was female? Do you remember? This is what's going to be interesting, because I don't come to it. Like, you know, a lot of transgender knew when they were very young. Mm-hmm.

Right. When I was very young, I knew I was different, but I didn't know. what was different. Right. And I couldn't put a, I couldn't put a finger on what was different. Mm-hmm. But you don't feel that that's a lot of people's story?

Yes. I always take people's stories that that's your individual story. Oh yeah, that's why, listen, I can have the same topic on. I could have a guy who cheats on his wife like 150 times on my show and each one's going to be a little bit different. That's why I love sort of picking apart

people's stories because you can't just generalize everything. Every story is unique and specific, right? And every little different thing that takes place in one person's life makes their story maybe a little bit different. But I think most people could relate to the bigger picture thing, which is like you were this person that was born a certain way, but you knew that you were different from the majority of people, right, who are just like we'd say not normal, like just the majority of people who are like, they're a guy, they're born a man, they know they're a man. So you were, so you didn't know what it was. You couldn't put, but I'm sure there

were like if you really think about it now that you know like you look back and say oh okay now i sort of understand what was going on when i was younger but you just were too young to put it together like were there signs when you were younger to you yeah i mean now now that i look at it i had more female friends and i had male friends yeah well that that could be a lot of reasons and but i relate to females better than good males when did you start acting out of as a female? Like how late in the game? Because you're 42 now, right?

How late into the game did you start, you know, dressing up or whatever was the beginning of, you know, that female side of you? My, I don't have the exact pinpoint, but pretty in my late 20s and so my early 30s. Okay. And now let me ask you this. Before you realized you were by gender

and you started to, you know, sort of pay attention to the female side of you and, you know, act as a female. Did you, were you like bisexual in your just life as well sexually? Like when you lost your virginity, you went to a woman first and then a man or a man first and then a woman?

The whole sexual thing developed on its own. And so how did that develop? Let's go there too. I play, like, I guess I figured I was bisexual, even though I didn't admit it to later in life, before the bi-gender thing.

Right, right. So I play with guys as a guy. You what? I was with guys, you know, men as a guy. Right, totally. So, and then when you switched to be by-gender and you were a female, you were only with men as a woman, or are you still with men as a man, too? I still play around with guys as a guy.

girl. It's funny because my male size probably is bisexual and both sides are bisexual. Well, male size is probably more into males. My female side is more into women. Oh, interesting. So both sides of you are more gay than straight. Right? If you think about it, right, your female side is more gay and your male side is more gay,

yet you're totally by. Right? But maybe you're not. Maybe you're gay. But it just depends on, you know, which part of yourself you're dealing with. I guess, but, like,

I don't want a relationship with a guy. All I want from a guy is sex. Oh, okay, that's interesting. Okay. Okay, so both parts of you, the male and the female, only have relationship, like romantic relationships with women.

Right. Or want to, yeah. Or want to. Okay, so let's go back again, though, to the sexual aspect, because that's what you first sort of were aware of the fact that you were both into males and females. Now, who did you start fooling around with first? Men or women? My first experience was a guy. And how old were you?

21. Okay, so you were... That's pretty late in the game. Right, and you weren't even, you hadn't even had sex with a woman at that point yet, so you're still a total virgin at 21? Yeah. Okay, so 21, where are you? Are you in college? Are you, like, working, and where do you meet this guy that you decide to have an experience?

I'm in college, and I went to a video place. Uh-huh. And went to a video booth and I'm sitting there watching because that's, you know, at that time I'd like porn, but I still do. And so there's a hole in the wall next to it. I'm like, okay, and I'm totally naive. This is first time I'm in the place? And I'm like, okay, what is this hole for? Yeah, totally.

There's a guy on the other side and he's making, like, gestures, whatever. And so I just told me you put my dick in there. So you heard him, I'm assuming you, because you can't see anybody. right, it's a glory hole, right? You just, but he's the guy. No, he stuck his, like, his fingers for the hole. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And he was kind of saying, like, bring your dick over here. I guess. Yeah. Right. That's what happened. And I got my first blow job, and I liked it. Right. And then, so I'm assuming that before you were 21, like, this whole time, like,

you're obviously a virgin, but you have to be, you know, masturbating like crazy, right? that's the only way you're getting off, right? And so were you jerking off equally to men and women? I mostly thought of women, but I did at the time when I think back of it, there were guys that I got off on. And, you know, back then I didn't put two and two together. So I just went, whatever, you know. Right, whatever it is.

When you're in the middle of, like, being horny, I always say it's kind of like being drunk, right? You're like on another wavelength, right? So whatever it goes down in that situation, once you come, you're like back in reality. You kind of forget about it. Right? Yeah. True.

Right. So you get your first blow job from a guy and you like it, right, at that place. Now, do you become like a frequent, like, you know, gloryhole person because it was so kind of easy? I mean, that's kind of like an easy way to get a blow job, right? Yeah. I mean, it freaked me out because it was like, okay, I like this. What does this mean? Uh-huh.

Right. But I went back And then I went back and I went back and I kept doing it And then I re then I came Then I realized that these places have theaters And I started going to the theaters And I'm like I like that better than the glorious

And the booths And that's because there were real guys in there And you would get it up right Because I've heard what goes down I mean I've learned all about all this stuff on my podcast, right? I would have been like you. I would have walked into one of those places. It's not really known, right? So I know that you go into these theaters and there's other people in there and, you know, shit goes down, right? So did you go in the theater the first time and get a blowjob

from a guy that was there? Or like what happened in the theater the first time? Yeah, the first time you go in there. It's pretty easy to get a blowjob there. You just, you know, pretty much take it out and somebody will jump on me on you very much. Uh-huh. But I liked it because I have an exhibitionist streak. Uh-huh. A huge one, actually. So I like being watched.

I like watching. And it was more comfortable for me. The glory whole thing, you're up, you're leaning up against a wall. It was comfortable. Uh-huh. So sitting on a couch, having a guy between your legs, looking at your off is comfortable or comfortable. Yeah.

You could just lean back and enjoy yourself. Mm-hmm. And then that also opens up to having more than one person. Right. So someone could be blowing you and you could be blowing somebody else, I'm assuming, right? I've done that many times, yes. Mm-hmm. Now, when did you have sex?

Like, are you at top or bottom? Are you both? I mean, I find that with gay men, like, most of the time they tell me that you're more one or the other. And it's rare that gay men like both. Are you like a top or a bottom? Or are you kind of into both? Since you seem to be into, you know. I'm a top.

You are a top. Okay. Yes. But I do like sucking. Right. I do like going down the guy. I do like sucking. I do like eating pussy.

But when it comes to guys, you know, having sexual guys, I'm at top. I have tried the bottom. But it's kind of like I've only done that with one person. Mm-hmm. that I really trust. Mm-hmm. And for the most part, on the top. Okay, and so when did you first...

Even as my female stuff, my female sister's the top. Right, meaning like, you don't want to be penetrated by a woman? What do you mean by being a top? I mean, all men in regular relationship with a woman are as a top, right? Or do you mean, like, you just don't want to get even fucked in the ass by a girl with a dildo? What do you mean? Actually, I never thought about that one, actually. but more so when I'm if I'm female or male with a guy I'm the top

oh I see what you're saying right right right I get it so when did you have your first experience too like when did you lose that part of your virginity with a guy what did it happen around the same time in a theater in that theater that you screwed a guy in the ass yeah so you were basically I'm just and I'm assuming that this was all like a total secret thing that you were doing doing. I mean, none of your people in college, your friends, your family, nobody knew what was going down, right?

No, not at all. Now, at that time, were you dating women as well? Like, did you ever date anybody in your early 20s? Like, women? The thing about it is when I was dating somebody, I didn't do any of us. Okay. I know

you talked about in past what people say they don't cheat and then you find out they do. I don't. Like, if I'm with you, I'm with you. I have, listen, I have, I believe some people do not cheat. I don't think it's, you know what I mean, for sure. And I've, I've had tons of people.

Even people, like, a lot of the guys that call up, I find, like, the ones that are really, like, swingers with their women and they're very successful. It's most of the time with a man who's very monogamous, by the way, you know? And so I do know that that exists for sure. So, but, like, when was your first relationship with a woman and when did you lose your virginity to a woman? actually I lost my virginity to a woman that I found online okay and it was because it was because I was tired of being a virgin basically and we were just talking back and forth

I don't remember how we found each other online and we decided to hook up in a hotel room and that was it you didn't have to pay her like she wasn't a prostitute right Nope. Okay, cool. And now, did you stay in contact with her? Did she become, like, someone that you had, like, a Friends of Benefit thing? I'm assuming we didn't date her, or did you date her? No, we played around for a couple years.

Was she hot? Like, and, first of all, with Scala 1 to 10, what do you consider you as a male and as a female? And then I want to ask you what she was. But what are you as a male and a female? What do you rate yourself when you're maxed out and you look your best? I'm not I'm a little heavier so I'm not going to say 10 but I'm all right I mean I'm I don't I'm not saying I'm a dog and I'm not saying I'm ugly no so you say your average like a seven yeah I would guess that as both a woman and a man as a male female I'm probably more like me okay cool now let me ask you this so you have you have that sex with that girl finally you lose your virginia with a woman and now I'm assuming because since you can't consider yourself by that you enjoy sex equally, right? With women and men, it wasn't like any more, it wasn't better with either, right?

It was just great with both. Great with both, but the best blow job I ever got in my life was my guy. Right. And maybe do you think that's because they have a dick and they know what they like? Like it may seem, you know, say maybe a woman would say the same thing that was pretty by. Right. So when was the first time you ever had any kind of romantic relationship and when did you realize? I'm assuming it was a little confusing, like you said, you went to that sex shop and you got a blowjob and you're like, what the fuck does this mean?

And like, when did you realize that you're not gay because you don't want to date men and that you knew it was just women that you felt romantic about? Like, how do you figure that out? Or was that always just something you knew? That's always something I knew. Right. Okay. The, oh, my God, what the hell is the fact that I got a blow job from a guy and liked it. Right.

So that that meant you were by and you didn't realize at that point that that was the case. Right. And it took me a while before I accepted this is who you are. Right. Even though you were doing it. Yeah. Right. So you would go back.

And back then I was doing it a lot more than I did now. Like I would go like the whole weekend. So I would go each night, you know, like Friday night and Saturday night and I would be out there. Mm-hmm. And you would be at you would just, how many, like when you speak. spend your weekend nights there the whole night, just like having sex with guys? Yeah,

watching having sex, depends on what was going on the night. Depends what guys, because I didn't, I didn't just fuck anything. You had a type? And there was also couples there, and there was also women there, so.

Yeah, that's what I was going to ask. I was going to ask, because I know couples that have gone in. I've had them on my show, so I was wondering if you ever started to, you know, get it on with a woman there.

as well, because I know you said you had to go online to find that one woman, but then eventually you found women in the theater, and you got it on with those kind of couples as well, right? Totally. Pretty much Iowa's fair came for anything. Yeah, no, I mean, I know you also say you have some like interesting fetishes, like fetishes that we could get into.

So I'm assuming like you just, I don't know if you always knew you were an exhibitionist because I know you said you're, you know, it's very strong in you and did you realize that when you were first at the theater and you were having sex and other people were watching or did you always know that you were kind of into that? No, when I first were going to theaters and I first started having sex in front of people, I was getting off in the fact that I would look around and people were watching and people were getting off. Right.

So then you realize, oh, you're not only just by your exhibitionist. And like, none of this was kind of penetrating because you said like it took you a while to sort of accept the fact that you were by. even though you were going to these theaters and you were doing all this stuff, it wasn't, like, what would you do? Like, go home and during the week, you would just not, like, you were just sort of detach yourself from what went down and not sort of accept it as a reality? No, I would sit there and beat myself up over it.

Right. So it was there, but you were, like, sort of fighting it. I think it was there, and it was more so I didn't know how to process it. I don't know if you've heard some of my podcast, because I know you're a list. I think you're a new listener, but there's, I get so many guys on, I got to tell you, and it's always interesting to me that are like getting fucked in the ass or getting blown by guys or blowing guys, but they don't consider themselves by. Like, they just really don't.

So I don't know if they're like you when you were younger and they're just not ready to sort accept it or maybe they're not and they just, I don't know. Everyone sort of like frames things differently in their head, right? But you were, you were, it was hard for you to sort of understand. understand it, but you were able to get to a point where like, yeah, I'm by and that's fine. Yeah, it took me a while, but I eventually got there, yeah. And when you say a while, how many, like a couple years? Yeah.

Or like many years, like how many? I recently found out a couple means too. Now, in the last few years, I've come to accept everything. Oh, okay, and you're 42, so it took you a very long time. And you were, I'm assuming, and I know this for a fact, right, that 100% all that time, from the time you're 21 and first get that blow drop to the, you know, a couple of years ago, you were doing, you were, you know, fulfilling all of your sexual desires, right? By doing all these kinds of things, right?

It wasn't like you ever took off from men or anything like that. Yeah, I mean, I would have periods where I was very active and Perry said I wasn't. But for the most part, and in between when I was dating, somebody I didn't do anything. Right, right. What was your longest relationship you ever had with a woman? Two years. Right.

And now, when you date a woman, does she know that you're by? Does she know that you're transgender? I mean, the transgender thing, when did you start acting out as a female and a male? Like, when did that, when did you start dressing up as a woman? Actually, what happened was I had a girlfriend. Uh-huh. And we were fooling around one day, and she got. me to put on her underwear.

Uh-huh. And as soon as I put on it, something clicked, I was like, okay, this feels good. This is supposed to be here. Uh-huh. And from that, we did it for a while after that, and I was sharing her underwear, and then we went and put underwear for me and stuff, and then we broke up, and I kept going, and I kept wearing more stuff and buying more stuff until eventually, like, maybe five years ago, I decided, you know, something, why, I just, when they'd dress up the whole thing?

Right, and leave your house. Huh? And leave your house? Yeah, because at the time, I was going, like, I would wear women's jeans, when it's underwear, I would wear, you know, I had these six-inch platform heels I would wear boots I would hair five boots and I would go to the video stores with this on so I mean now that's where I would have stuff like that on right you would be a little bit accessorized as a woman right and just gradually and then one day I decided to you know the side of it just you know I went all the

way and now I pretty much go to these places dressed up as a female right now on your So is it still, I'm assuming it's still a secret sort of life that you lead? The female, the female aspect of it? Or do people and your, like, does family members and your friends know about that? No, family members don't because I've never talked to my family. But you don't talk to them. I don't know. Okay.

I did come out on Facebook as being, like, of being transgendered. Uh-huh. And was that recently? So people know of, yeah. And now did any of your good friends come to you and say, like, oh, I kind of knew. Like, did any of, or were people totally shocked? There was no reaction whatsoever. It was like people were supportive and whatever, but nobody really came to me or reaction

the way he asked really any questions of me. Yeah, but okay, let me ask you this. It was pretty much anticlimactic. That's so weird, though, but do you have like, I mean, everyone is very different when it comes to friends, you know, like me and my friends, we talk a lot. We're very close. We see each other in person all the time. Some people have like different kinds of friendships where they're not really that close.

They don't really meet up in person and, you know, they keep a little bit more of a distance from friends. Like, like are you, what, how are you with your friends? Like, you know, because maybe it says you're not that close with them that nobody had any questions or anything. Do you have any, like, really good friends? I have some really good friends. One good figure it out and how she figured it out was this was a few years ago where it's from Halloween. and I call Halloween the cross-rest-rest-in-the-transgender

national holiday. Yeah, totally. Because it's the one day you can go out and anything and nobody gives, nobody's not a night. Yeah, we all have that guy, friend, that just loves to be a woman every year that you kind of start to think after a while. Like, you know, what the fuck is that all about?

Well, we're sitting there talking, and I'm joking, and I'm not even saying this as to do it, I'm just joking louder because I I'm not, I'm not close with her, and she's like, you know, when should we, you know, go to Halloween? As I said, I should trust her as a girl. And I'm just joking.

I'm not even thinking about it as a, not like some people say, oh, you're saying that to kind of grease the wheels or see the reaction. Not even thinking that. I'm just joking around with her. She goes, I pay money to see that. And I go, really? So, yeah. So that's, sorry, got me thinking. I got dressed up and went over a house for Halloween.

Mm-hmm. I didn't wear it the whole night. I wore it for a little bit. Yeah, but she just thought it was Halloween. Now, later on, she comes and asks me, she's like, you got that stuff, you went and got that stuff too quickly. Right.

She's like me. She puts two and two together quickly. She figured it out. Okay. Yeah. Because it wasn't like little average stuff. It was like I had, you know, five-high, three-inch heel boots on and, you know. You knew how to do your makeup, I'm assuming, and not look like a freak.

At that time, I wasn't doing makeup yet. Oh, okay. So, wait, you were wearing everything, but you just looked like your face was like a dude, but you had all women clothes? And by that time, I was starting to experiment more or go more that way. Mm-hmm. So before then, no, I would just wear some women's underwear, some women's, you know, and I'd be still a guy. Right, okay.

So now with that girl, when you finally, so I'm assuming, like, she figured it out, you came clean to her. So she was one friend that knew. Yeah. At that time, yeah. Right. Did they ever ask you any questions like I'm asking you, like, oh, are you into men? Are you into women? Like, do people know that you were, like, bisexual?

She did because we had that relationship. she didn't ask me anything what oh because you guys were that close is what you mean when you say we had that relationship so she knew she knew you like had sex with guys too um as that time yeah because i basically told her yeah okay but you kept the whole by side as far as sex is concerned a secret for most of your life from most people yeah and now i know you were into so recently now I'm in the mode where if you find out, you find out. Right. But that's great because you're like in your 40s, right, early 40s. And you're just like, why do you think now like you're kind of like whatever? Do you think it's that whole thing is like when you get old you stop caring so much what other people think? Or do you feel like you're coming more into your own because you finally figured out who you are?

It's both. Right. And do you feel like, right. Okay, let me get back now. I know that you said in the email that you have like a lot of. of other weird fetishes. You've done twosomes, threesomes, a lot of stuff with couples.

Did all of that kind of stuff that you've done go down in the theaters, or did you start, like, posting ads online and stuff? Like, how did you live out all of these crazy sexual experiences? No, most of it was all theaters. The ads, I never did ads. I think I put an ad with a friend of mine once, and we got, like, three answers.

What do you mean with a friend of yours? Someone that you met at the theater, like somebody that you were getting? on with. No, somebody. Somebody I met in, I've met in, you know,

just in life. Like, I met, I don't really want to say exactly. Okay. And we just started hooking up. And then, it was a man or a woman?

Woman. Okay. So, you met a woman and you guys started to have sex. You don't want to say where you met her. It might give something away. So you, and you guys.

then went out together to go find people? Well, we attempted, but it was kind of a half-ass attempt. Right. That was the ad? It was, we put an ad on Craig's list. We got some answer, you know, some people

emailed us, and we just never went through with it. Well, what were you looking for? Like a threesome with a man or a woman? A man. Okay. She wanted to? And I think she was more

She was more trying To get somebody to please me Probably And The idea was Interesting The idea got me Hawny, yeah

But in the most part That's not what I wanted You know I was not I'm not into that I put an egg in a hotel room And have people come over a thing Right

What is more What is that And maybe because I can go to Probably because I can go to the theater and get the same thing. Exactly. And it's a lot more interesting because people are watching you because you have that whole exhibitionist side of you, right?

Yeah. Now, what are your strange fetishes? I know that you said you have a few. Why do you laugh? I'm dying to hear about them. Oh, no, laughing nervously. Laughing like, okay, let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I like girls peeing them on themselves, like peeing their pants. So peeing in their pants? Peeing in their pants or peeing on you? No, not peeing on me. Like letting their underwear, wedding their jeans, that sort of thing. Right, while you're watching. That one, I have no idea where that came from.

Yeah, I don't know. I've talked about this, I think, on my podcast before. I don't understand the whole shitting thing, and I had a guy that email. Oh, that's a shitting thing. The shitting thing is like, you know, I see, I've, like, talks to people online about it, and they go, oh, you're into the shitting thing?

I'm like, hell no. I know, but I had one guy, and they call it Scat. I had a guy email me. That really was. I was so excited to have a mom because I know that that exists and I have never, I've yet to talk to someone. And just because you're into peeing doesn't mean you're into the shit thing. But I under, not that I've heard some pee stories that I'm like, oh, I could kind of see where that could kind of be hot. Like, you know, so I don't know that it has to come from somewhere, though I will probably eventually start asking you some questions about your childhood.

but like maybe it's like you're watching it and like when you watch them pee in their pants like and then you like jerk off is that what goes down with the whole peeing thing with you when you see oh it's all videos i've never i've never done that in person right okay so it's just the the videos of that so no none of these girls you've ever hooked up with however yeah i don't have like i'm not sitting thinking okay i'll go find the girl pee or so probably no it's not it's the video right so you watch that and what other kinds of fetishes are you in to besides that one? Let's see.

Lately, I've started liking pregnant women, which I don't, that one was kind of weird for me too. Mm-hmm. Do you think maybe it's like when you've been there done that with so much stuff? It's just like... Yeah, it's kind of like you're looking for other things to do.

I mean... Yeah, like maybe you're super creative and imaginative and, you know, you just, you know, once you've been there, done that, you need something else, right? so you just like to do, because you're pretty open-minded, right? Like in all aspects of your life. Oh, yeah, it's wide open.

Like, I don't judge people, you know, in general, and even their sexual fetishes. I don't judge people. I don't judge people. It's like that's where you're into. Cool. I might sit there and talk to you about it and ask you questions about it because I'm intrigued over. Yeah, like me. Yeah. You know, I would love to ask people about the scat thing just because it's intriguing to me,

but it's not something I would get into. I had a guy who's a listener It doesn't work like Right something you wouldn't like it But it's like that's what someone else is into I would like to pick their brain You know it's interesting For sure

But yeah maybe like it's like You're just so open mind And you don't have like any boundaries In your mind even to go to You know as far as like going there sexually So why not one day think about pregnant women Or peeing or whatever right Like and if it's like

Which are the ones that you like The fetish? that you've lived out in real life? Or is it the exhibitionist and all the threesome and all that kind of stuff? Yeah, exhibitionist. I still like it. To this day, I still get off an exhibitionist.

Right. And now how far have you taken that? Like, do you get into being a little naughty and doing stuff where you could maybe get caught? I had a guy on recently. It was the Panicose guy that was like so into it that he was like at rest stops like out in public where I thought it was kind of like maybe illegal,

bordering on like, you know. you know that kind of a thing I mean have you taken it that far or is it more like you like to just be watched in a situation where everyone knows what the hell is going on I more more so like in the theater or everybody knows what's going on

um um have I gone to a rest stop to see what that was about yeah and I didn't like it because I'm like okay this is you know you're in a rest stop in the middle of the wood somewhere I'm like this is that no I mean, was it like this is kind of dangerous or this is kind of dirty?

Like a dirty meaning like, you know, just like not dirty as in hot, sexual dirty, like dirty like dirty as in just dirty. It was, you know, you're standing around and, you know, I'm like, I want to walk to relax and stretch out and stuff. Dirty that's dangerous. Dirty that's like dirty. And I'm sitting thinking, okay, how much the stuff is like poison ivory or something we're standing in. Yeah, that's what I mean, right. Yeah, it was like, no. Right.

So you were into the rest. Did anything go down that time that you went to the rest stop? I mean, I didn't get a blow job because, you know, they were offering. Why not? Let me ask you a quick question about the rest. I'm just for my own curiosity. So when I go to a rest stop, right? These are just regular rest stops down the parkway anywhere, like, right?

Like, this is just a regular rest stop. Now, how do I know, like, where is this going to? going on in the woods behind the rest up? Is it going down in the men's bathroom? Like, I want to catch this scenario what next time I'm in a restop. The one I went to is in the woods.

Okay, you mean, so like down on the parkway in the middle of like our, right? And now how do you know which one to go to? Is it like something that people like in a certain world know about? Oh, oh really? You can go online and look them up. I mean...

So what do you type in? That one, I, that one I was looking for more theaters and they found it online. So he wasn't really looking for it. Right. So you Google Restop like gay action or gay sex. No, I didn't even Google Restop.

I was looking for adult theaters. Right, but I'm saying, I'm just giving my listeners like some heads up. They could probably Google rest stops, sex, gay sex. Cruising. Go to like cruising websites, gay cruising websites would have them. Right. So this came up as a place where you could go and get a blowjob and you drove there. Yeah, it wasn't too far away from one of the figures I go so let me go see

What it's going on this is back when I was still trying Experimenting figure away like it didn't like and Went there Yeah I did get a blow job because you know it's horny But after that I was like I'm about doing that again Right But it was like that easy was there just one other guy there or did you have to pick and choose considering this was like something that was online or was there just like one other guy

and you're just like okay let's oh there was a bunch of guys there i mean you know as you go you know when i went i went on a evening oh okay i went on saturday night and there was like you know probably i don't say maybe 20 guys up in there wow and now let me ask you that were there other regular people that were just genuinely like stopping at that rest stop to go to the bathroom or was it all like did you see any of those people I mean yeah but I mean what it was too was it was

it was a rest stop that didn't really have anything in it so it wasn't like a rest up like a restaurant that had you know buildings and you know McDonald's although now they've redone it and now it has buildings and stuff and the woods is gone

but it was a rest stop that just was a rest stop there you just sit there in your car and went to sleep or whatever Oh, okay. So I'm just wondering if, like, I ever came across that kind of arrest up in my life and just didn't realize. You probably have, but you don't know it. I mean, you know, it's weird because you get some people who are very discreet about it. Mm-hmm.

And you get some people who aren't. Right. And do you think maybe the people who aren't or it's like on purpose because they have like that exhibitionist in them as well? Yeah. I think so. I mean, coming from an exhibitionist, I mean, but for me, I never wanted to expose by Saudi illegally. I never wanted to wear, you know, the overcoat and be naked underneath.

It was more of, I wanted to have sex and people watch me. Right. And so you found all that stuff. Do you still go to the same theater? Yeah. So do you know, like, are you like a regular there? Actually, yeah, I actually know the people that work there. and I'm a regular there.

You'll see a lot of the same people there. It's changed over the years because I've been going there for almost over 10 years. Do you, let me ask you this, have you ever ran into somebody that you know? Yes. How many times did that happen, and who was it? Three times two people I work with.

at the place I worked at a time, and one person I've known since fifth grade. Wow. Tell me those stories. That's interesting to me, because that's the kind of shit that goes down. Oh, yeah. I mean, the two people I worked with,

the first time I met one was at a different theater, and it was the theater had two theaters. They had a straight theater and a gay theater. And I was in the gay theater. And he's over in the back. So I walk in and I look over and I'm like, thanks. I think I recognize him. I just walk around the other side.

And I'm like, that was him. Come back, he was gone. So he probably recognized me at Ram. Right. Now the next day at work. Yeah, go on. Sorry. I thought that was the answer.

Yeah, he was one of those, one of those macho Italian. Yeah, the ones that you supposedly would never think are gay. Right. I know those. Next time I saw him in it, it works. I didn't really, I didn't say anything because this is the second person I ever saw. But I didn't say anything. He kind of looked at me and he kind of was like, he did I get a good thing.

He didn't know what to do. And I just treated him like, I mean, like I normally would treat him. them, you know, friends with him, we plan on whatever. And that can relax me. Because to me, it's like, okay, you like guys. I mean, so what, you know? Right. You were, you're okay with it.

He was probably hiding it a lot more than you. And he was probably so relieved that you just, you know, blew it off. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm like, okay, we're both there for the same thing. Yeah, but like, you know, listen, you said it took you a really long time to sort of come to that. Oh, yeah. I totally understood that. That's why you were cool with him.

Right. I never want to put somebody in that situation. Right. And so you never said anything to him and that was like a one-off. Right. And he never like hit on you? No, but I was then thinking about, you know, it would be kind of cool to suck him off. Yeah.

So that's what I would think. You know, when he knew that you were. So I was like wondering if maybe at a work party, you guys got drunk and went into the bathroom. No. So what was the first? So you, that happened with him, right? So tell me the two other scenarios that you remember bumping into people.

Well, the first guy was I, he's the first person I ever ran into. It was funny because I worked with him that night. Uh-huh. Left. And I went out to this place. It was not too far from my job.

I'm in there that he walks in. And this was another gay place, so you know that he's gay? I mean, they're all technically not gay places Right Straight born, but who's going there Yeah Right, well you do have some couples, right

If you're straight, you're there with a woman most of the time The other guys are right Right, if you're there You're looking for couples to come in But I mean, if you're in the middle of the week going there You're probably looking for a guy Right, so that guy comes in now I'm assuming he didn't leave like the second guy

No, I did Oh, how come you did Because I flipped out and I left and then I'm driving home and I'm like, wait a minute, he's married, he's going in there, why are you in all upset? All right, because you were married. No, I'm not married.

But he was? He was, yeah. Right, so another type of guy that you would never guess. No, later on, I talked to somebody else who knew him and I was talking about it, and they were like, and they were like,

well, that figures. I'm like, why is because his wife kind of mannish. Oh. But, and that was years later, so. But, so the next time I ran into him was at a different theater,

the one I go to regularly. And I walk, you know, I'm in the theater, he's in the theater, and I just look at him, and then I go, whatever, and I keep going, doing my thing. And he was, like, whatever,

and he just, and he didn't leave either. No. Now, did you guys ever hook up? He doesn't know what we did. What do you mean he doesn't know? Was it like a glory hole situation? Yep.

Yes. Oh, so when did you? Now, let me ask you this, because I always, oh, I guess the glory holes are like just filled with regular people anyone could go inside. Like, how did you get into the glory hole thing? Like, how does that whole thing work? Well, it's a booth. Yeah.

The one I went to, there's a booth. It's a video booth. You can watch porn and whatever. and, you know, anybody can go in there. It wasn't like, you didn't have to put money into it. You pay a fee to get in, and that was it. But you could go in as a person that's on the, that's going to, like, how do you know who puts their dick in the hole?

Like, how does that go down? You know what I mean? It just kind of happens. Just kind of works out. Right. So now how did you know that he was on the other side? I knew he was because he went into the room before me. He went to the room.

Oh, okay. And so then you're like, I'm going to go get it on with my co-worker, my married co-worker. No, I just want to see his dick. You know, curiosity. Right, all right. So you went in and you called his dick into the hole and he put it in? Yeah, he, well, I didn't even have to pull it in, really. Well, soon the door closed, he was pulling his dick in.

Okay, and then you blew him or what did it goes down in there? I'm assuming a move. Yeah. Right. And then you walk, does the people walk out right away to see who like each other are or did you like wait so that he didn't see that it was you? Like I mean, didn't he figure out it was you when you guys left the rooms? No, he, I blew him, he finished and he walked out pretty quickly. Right.

And you stayed in the room? Yeah. Okay. And now when you eventually left the room, did you see him outside or was he gone already? He was gone. Yeah, probably someone who's made. married. After they come and they're done with it, they just probably want to go back home to their regular life and pretend it never happened, right? True, yeah. And now, so you, and you would see him

back at work and you never said anything to him and he never said anything to you? No. I mean, we kind of gave each other a look the first time and then after that, that was it. Right. Okay, and so what was the third time? You said it happened three times. The third time was I'm dressed absolutely. Like as a woman. I, as a woman, right? Yes. I walk in and he walks in after me and I'm looking out and I'm like, I think that's

cool. I think that's him. And I'm debating. When you say him, I'm sorry, this isn't someone from work, right? This is just someone that you do? No, this is somebody I have been since fifth grade, right? No one since fifth grade. Yeah, okay. And he's gay. Okay. So him, Showing up there is not surprising. Right, because you knew he was gay.

Yeah. But did he know you were gay or transgender by gender? Right, okay. So it was more surprising probably for him to see you than for you to see him. Right. Okay. So I'm sitting there and I like debating should I go. It was more so I don't want to freak him out than me.

And then I'm walking around and then curiosity, I'm like, I want to see what he does. So I'm like, you know, I'm kind of like, hmm, I want to be the top or a bottom. I wonder how big his dick is, you know. So then he runs back into me. He's like, oh, my God. And he's like, oh, we, come here, let's talk with twunk. And we start talking and he asks me about everything and, you know,

stuff about being transgendered and all that. And then he tells me kind of an interesting story that, that, okay, I went to a club. See, I'm remembering this out of line, I'm sorry. It's okay. I went to a club a while ago, and I ran to somebody else like you. Mm-hmm. I ran into two people, one was my cousin.

Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. She didn't even notice. She was too little dancing. Didn't even notice it was me. Okay. A regular club. You're at a regular club.

And one was a guy who's trying to talk to me that I'm dressed up as a thing. female persona. And he's trying to talk to me, and I'm just not answering because I'm like, okay, you know. And I know him from other things outside, you know, in my other life that I really wanted to keep separate. So I'm just like freaking out. And he had no idea you were you because you were dressed up. No, he did.

Oh, he did. So finally he says, you know, blah, blah, blah. He said, don't worry about it. Nobody knows about me either. Oh, okay. What kind of club was this? Was this a regular club or this was like another sex club? No, it was.

So what was your cousin doing there? She was with that guy. It was in the sex club. It was a gay dance club. I was out with a bunch of other transgender people who were just hanging out. Okay, so your cousin never saw you, though you saw her. Right. Okay, and then this other guy, nobody knew that he was gay.

That's why he was like, no telling him. Which is the lie, because we all knew he was gay because it was the worst. Kept Sied in town. Because of what? It was the worst kept secret in town. Oh, poor guy. I mean, did you tell him? Like, everyone fucking knows.

Oh, no. He doesn't hide it. So it wasn't like he was hiding. Oh, okay. So, but he thinks he's hiding it. I don't understand. But what happened was after that, he nearly goes to tell to my ex-girlfriend,

the one who started all this with, the panties, yeah. And she goes on Facebook and says, I know there was always something wrong with that boy. How do you know that she said? She said that and you're friends with her. I was so friends with her on Facebook at the time. And she's talked about you, like straight out for you to see?

Yeah, it was in five minutes. And she called it wrong, something wrong. Did she mean it like in a joking way or did she mean it kind of in a rude way? In a rude way, which is kind of funny because she's the one of started it. totally she was the one that was like wear my panties i mean that's just what do you mean something wrong i mean she was into you wearing her panties most people might some people might consider that wrong for her something you know what i mean yeah that's kind of fucked up i still got some of her panties right you could have said that i mean you could have thrown it back in her race so

she says that on your are you for were you still friends with her at that time or had you guys lost touch um we're acquainted with this because we have the same friends and we're around same groups. Right. So she said that and is that how you were like outed on Facebook or was that just like a non-event? Um, I don't know

because I didn't come, I didn't album myself on Facebook so a couple years later. Okay. Um, but we're getting back to the other part of the story. Yeah. So he, you know, my friend in the

my friend who said, great, says down source smoking me and he said, I knew something at the wife, but, well, he knows the guy that saw me in the club. Right. And the guy started talking, well, you know so and so right.

I said, yeah, well, you know, he was in the club, he was dressed with a girl, and blah, blah, blah. Oh, God, the guy with the best kept secret, kept your situation as secret as he kept his, obviously. He had a big mouth.

The guy from fifth grade just went off on them and was telling him, how dare you say that? Whatever his business is his business. That's true. But he went, but he didn't told me that. So pretty much, I guess, my secret's out in the whole town.

Right, because of that one guy. Right. Right. The guy who thought his secret was so secret, but it really wasn't. And then when he saw you, he went and blabbed your shit to everybody. Right.

Right. And so, I mean, did you care at that point? Were you ready to like sort of come, like were you getting to the point where you were like whatever? When by the time I found out, yeah, because I found out in the last year, you know, this past year. Right, you were okay. But how long ago did everyone else find out? Were you the last to find out? I guess when I wasn't ready for it, but nobody said anything to me.

Yeah, that's what I find interesting. Like nobody came to you and said, hey, this is what's going down. You know what I mean? Like that's why I asked if you have people that are close with you, like super close with you. I mean, besides that, didn't you say the one friend that you had, no, the one friend that you had that was close with you that kind of knew. She wasn't the one that gave you the panties, right? It can't be that one. No, you never gave it.

Oh, okay. Now, have you had, like, so your longest girlfriend was two years. Have you had, what was your most, now that you're like fully out as a woman, right, and as a man. And you, is it equal? Like, what would you say percentage-wise? Like, it's, say, on an average week, percentage-wise, like, how, how? much are you a man, like how much time spent as a man and how much time spent as a woman?

Equal or like 50-50? Depends on the weather. All right. It's not good to be a woman in a humid day. Yeah. Well, some are more male because you can't hide as much. You know, with female I have fake boobs. Okay. There's a whole of the story behind that. What is that story?

Wait, no. First tell me the percent. percentage. So in the, in the summer more man, you're more a guy than a woman? Yeah. Okay. And in the cool amount of more women than a guy. Okay. What is the fake? How do you

use, what kind of fake tits did you have? You said. Um, I just, I just recently upgraded my size. But what do you mean? So did you go and have the operation or any kind of operations to, like, you didn't alter yourself, right? find out, well, here's something really interesting,

and I actually apologize because I should have talked about this earlier. No, shit comes out the way it comes out. I probably should have asked you those questions, but I was going to get to your child, but so go on. When I hit puberty, I grew boobs. You're kidding. Like man boobs or like woman boobs? I have hormone balance.

I can't enough it. I especially for the G. But where I grew boobs. and my parents had, I had a breast reduction in middle school. Oh my God. Yeah, that is a thing. That is like so interesting that. And to this day, they're supposed to be there.

Wow. So you grew, so at a really young age, you started growing tits. Yeah. How old were you when you were like, looked down and saw them and were like, oh, my God, and went to your pet. Like, how old were you when they started to grow? I was just in the middle school So

That's puberty So probably just in my team You know And how big did they grow Before you got a breast reduction Not that big Because it was pretty quickly We had it done

Wow so they grew How big were you by the time When you got the reduction Were you like a B cup I don't know Because for the most part It was Even then I still

didn't know anything, so I was kind of just went with it. Okay, he's going to take them all. Okay. Right. So you had the operation. And then they grew back? No, they didn't grow back. But to this day, now I feel like they're supposed to be there and they should have them.

Right. So I feel like I should have ever got rid of them. Mm-hmm. That's so interesting that you had those hormones there enough to grow breast as a woman. And maybe that's a reason why you always had that strong. female part of you, right? Because you had maybe such strong female hormones, right? You think?

Yeah. I think so, yeah, because that's one of my erogenous those anyway. It's my chest. Oh, it is. Yeah. And so now how do you get your boobs to be bigger? Like you just stuff your bra with something? Now I push silicone boobs.

Oh, so you put them in? Yeah. So you have implants. So how do you hide that shit? No, I don't have implants. I have, you know. Oh, silicon, phased. boobs that you put inside like a bra. Yeah, a bra. Oh, okay. So and then you, right, okay, and then you could

like draw on the cleavage or whatever. I've seen some drag queens do it. So when you go out as a woman in this, in the, so in the summertime, you can't do that like, because there's less clothes on and you could tell that they're fake like I don't understand. Um, partly that, partly heat. Right. Oh, okay. It's, you know, 90 plus degrees when you're wearing a fake, you're wearing a wig and and, you know, basically plastic boobs and stuff like that. It's not too comfortable. Let me ask you a question because we're like almost at an hour and we're definitely going to go a little over an hour.

And I'll probably do another podcast with you because I have like a thousand more questions. But I want to talk a little bit about your childhood because you didn't say you don't talk to your family at all. And I'm wondering what happened. Like how come you don't talk to your family? Oh, no. I never talked to them about this.

It's not like that. Oh, okay. Wait, let me ask you this. Are you an only child or do you have any brothers or sisters? I have a sister. Okay, now are you close with her? Not really. Okay, and how many years older or younger is she than you?

She's five years older than me. Right, so you guys are just not close. Were you close as children or no? No, we're just not that close. Probably a lot of it's me being, feeling so different as a kid and feeling so, you know, that something was different me. I kind of alienated yourself.

Yeah. Right. And a lot of it's me. And yeah, to this day, I don't have a lot of really close friends. I know. You know, I know.

That's what I said. I think that's why you say you got, it was anticlimactic. You didn't get a good, a big response. But I think that's, that's a part of it because you have like a little bit of a disconnect. And like you just said,

it's because, you know, felt so different like you probably built up like that kind of a wall right that some people just know on some level like just not to go there with you right true yeah and so your sister what is she like I mean is she married with kids now like what's her deal do you see her on the holidays huh do you see her on the holidays actually no what I would what I do for a living a lot of times they work holidays anyway right um my When my parents are passed.

Okay. And a lot of the generation of my family that kept our right together, it's passed. So we're all kind of scattered now. Right. I get it. And now, how old were you when your parents died? My dad passed two years ago. My mother passed probably, you know, 20 years ago.

Oh, wow. So you were young when your mom passed. Yeah. How did she die? Cancer. Oh, wow. That's difficult to go through. And now, did they have, like, your father, like, because he just died recently?

Did, like, any of this stuff come up and come out? Like you said, it was, like, it was a total secret, right? Like, nobody in your parents never knew, right? That I can't tell if I did or didn't. But I never talked to them about it. My mother passed before I even figured all this out. Right. And my father and me didn't, we didn't have that relationship where we would talk.

about stuff like this. We, you know, we were talking about other things. I would never talk about this. Do you think, though, when your sister, like, when everyone in town found out because that friend saw you and, like, blabbed to everybody, do you think there's a chance that maybe your sister got word of it, like, from somebody? Could be, but, see, I don't know how much they found out because nobody's ever come up to me and ask me.

And nobody, it's not that I'm more expecting people to come up and ask me, but it's never been, you I never heard anything. I never heard anything bad or or besides my girlfriend. Right. No, that's what I mean. That's why I asked you so much because I think that people don't approach you that way because you're unapproachable that way.

And I, and listen, that would make total, that would make a lot of sense because for most of your life, you did kind of live a secret life. You were trying to figure shit out yourself. So how are you going to go explaining it to people? You didn't even, you needed to explain it to yourself first, right, before you could sort of put yourself out there.

And by the time you did, you're in your 40s and everybody sort of knows you as maybe a person that's a little bit closed off. Yeah. Right? So you put it out though that you're transgender and it just falls flat. Nobody really cares. It's probably not that nobody's like, okay, whatever. Yeah, but maybe it's just, you just never developed like close enough relationships with people where they could discuss. They probably weren't just like whatever.

I mean, they, you know, but maybe they just didn't feel comfortable enough talking to you about it. Yeah, I mean, I've had people, I've had other friends talk to me about it, like friends that I've made in recent years. Uh-huh. Like, you're newer friends. Right. Right, but those people met you when you were, when you, like, you obviously have come into your own finally, right? And it must feel really great for you because it's probably, you know, kind of difficult to be sort of. confused about yourself for so long, right?

But I think most people are. I think that's why it's not so bad being older. I'm still confused. I mean, you know, you know, there's still things that I'm confused about. I'm still like, why, you know? But then at the end of day, you go, okay, well, there's no why. It's just what it is. You just deal with it.

What are the things that you're still confused about? I mean, there's a part of me that what's the transition. It's a part of me that doesn't. Right. don't know yet. Mm-hmm. I, that's what, I mean, uh-huh. The biggest thing that is I transitioned, the male part of me that dies in the way.

Right. And you're still, but you're like attached to that part of you. Right. But I went hit. Right. Now let me ask you this. That hormone issue that you had, did it resolve itself or do you take medication to keep it at bay?

Oh, no. It's resolved myself. Resolve. itself. Once you finish for puberty, it's over. Oh, okay. It's just something that happens during puberty. So it's not like you could get those tits again unless you, like, fully went on the hormones. I mean, I'm not flat chested. I mean, I do have breast tissue there. And if I put on a right bra, I can get a little of the cleavage there. Right. So do you think that may be... And they are sensitive. I mean, I can get, you know, they are sensitive.

I, you can just play with my nipples and I can get off. Right. Maybe you'll know in 10 years. Like maybe, you know, the male part of you at some point. I mean, who knows, right? I think it's like a, I think at this point because you're finally at a place where you could accept, there's a lot, listen, there's a lot going on with you, right? Like, and you're pretty open-minded, so you were accepting like all these parts of yourself.

And you finally came to a place where you sort of put it all together. And, you know, everything has its place right now, right? You're bi-gender. you're, you know, you identify as a man, you identify as a woman, you know exactly where you're at sexually with both parts of yourself as well as romantically, right? So I think, and I think that that's great. And like I said, you must be, it must, you know, some part of you must be at peace, right? Just having that all figured out. I think maybe, you know, the transitioning into being a total female, like I think if that's ever the right thing to do, like you'll know that 100%, you know, like Oprah says. Like if you don't know, that's the answer. Like, you don't know. Yeah, you can't do that until you really know.

And you seem to be a person that's very true to yourself. So, you know, that's the way that it is for now. Yeah, because I do go to therapy and she does, you know, and she does ask, you know, why not? And she does it why not? And I said because, or, you know, why don't she make a decision to do it? They said because there's no, there's no definite decision to do it. No, you'll know when you know, listen, you're the type of person that at 21, you went to a theater and you got a blowjob through a goal. Like you pretty much know what you want to do when you do it and you satisfy those parts of yourself when it needs to be satisfied.

So I think that you're the type of person when you're really ready, you'll know. And you'll do it. And I think you're right to not do it. and you know this already anyway, that since you don't know, you don't do it, right? Right. You'll have to know for sure, and that'll be the right time. And, you know, who knows when that'll be? But it'll probably come up eventually, but maybe in 10 years, you know, you're still young.

Yeah, or maybe this is where I've supposed to be and I never do it. Yeah, you don't know, right? And that's where you're at right now. Right. The only thing that bothers me, the only thing that I sit there and I want are breath. Right. Because they were there. And now let me ask you this as far as relationships are concerned

Are you like looking at some point in your life? Because you're a little bit older Maybe to settle down with a woman do you care about having kids not having kids like where are you out with that? I would like to Right and maybe listen Yeah so but maybe you know you don't want to sort of go in Transition yet until you got into a relationship because maybe you got in a relationship with a woman and you're just You know you don't you know as a man right and so then you don't want breast anymore Who knows? Well, no.

See, this is where my next relationship wants to be. And this is what I'm looking for. Yeah. And it's basically, I want a woman who accepts both sides of me. Right. You want to be completely real. Because I don't want to hide this. I don't want to put somebody through that.

That's the one thing. I have friends who, you know, who are married for 20 years and they have this other side and they're in a suck of the situation where they can't tell. Yeah. Mm-hmm. where they have this whole thing. I mean, you know, you know, Jessica was talking about that. Yeah.

Or Jessica or whatever name it. Yeah. And I have friends like that. I don't want that situation. And the reason why I don't want that situation, A, is me. I don't want that.

And plus, that's not fair to who I'm with. Right. You're just not that person. You're like, I'm more like you. I'm like I'm a super honest person. I kind of like have always done what I want to do when I want to do it,

whether it's right or wrong, kind of, very true to myself from day one. So that would never be an, option for me either. So I get it. You know, some people, they're just not there yet. So they live like these very secret lives. For you, you're not interested in that. So you won't. And I think, listen,

nowadays, people are so much more open-minded. There is, for sure, you could find a woman that will accept both sides of you. I hope so. You will. For sure. I've seen people online that have, there was a show on VH1. I was watching some couples therapy show. I forget what it was called him. There was like, she was really beautiful. I forget who she was. She was like a model and she was a transgender. And this guy met her when she was a guy and then and they fell in love like as a gay couple. And then she transitioned to be a woman while they were together. And he stayed with her because he loved her. So I think that there's somebody for everybody. And as long as you're true to who you are, like you will find somebody that likes you that way. Look, that one girl who ever said you're like something was wrong with you. She gave you panties. She was into guys wearing panties. So you'll find a woman. That doesn't bother me because the funny thing is now the store that I shop in. She works there. Oh, my God, hilarious.

So she helps you out? No, because I started going to the other one. And not because I'm afraid of it or whatever. It's more I just don't want to go with her. Right. Yeah, I don't think so. But I think that you will definitely be able to find somebody that accessible is like because that's where you're at and that's what you'll track to you.

That's the way it works. There's somebody for everybody. I say this a million times. I was literally walking by strolling my baby yesterday. And I saw a woman in a wheelchair. She was like majorly kind of deformed from the waist down. And she was 100% on a date with a regular guy. Her leg was like up on his lap.

They were outside having coffee together flirting. And that's when I was like, you know what? Like anybody that sits there and thinks that they can't meet somebody because of this or that, they're out of their fucking mind. because if you're really want to and you're really open and you're really ready, there really is somebody for everybody. And I say that all the time on my podcast and I always, and just like I said,

when you see a handicapped woman on a date with a guy, you know, you realize like there is somebody for everybody for sure. Yeah. So, and there'll be somebody for you. I'm looking for this woman that's going to, she's going to be kind of like,

I guess she's kind of have to be a little bisexual, a little pomey amorous because. she's technically going to be dating two different people because my personality is different from my male as a female. Like I go and present as a female dress up as a feeler or go to a female mode as I say and people told me you're a different person. Oh, maybe next time we have you call in at some point as a woman because I'm talking to the guy, right?

Yeah. Maybe we'll do a call with you as a woman. Would I get different answers or no? You're just a little bit different as a girl? I would? The female phlegamia is a lot more, a lot more outgoing. Mm-hmm. Is she slutty like Jessica?

No, she's confident. She's like, you know, don't mess with me. She's confident. It's funny because I'm the one that, like, I have a group of girlfriends, and I say girlfriends as girlfriends. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the one that protects them.

Like, I'm the one that's always watching you off. group. Right. So you're alpha female. Right. I'm the one of saying, hey, guys, we need to go this way. And everybody's like, what do you mean? It said, well, there's somebody over there I don't like so let's all go this way. Right. And it's funny because they all

sit there. It's funny, there's about five of us, and everybody has a role. And they're like, oh, you're like the, you're like the protected, the dead mother. You're like keeping us all protected. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the alpha female. That's my female son. personality. She's like that.

Right. She's like, she becomes friends with you. That's it. You're, she's friends with you for life and that's, you know, that's your friend and she will protect you. Right. So yeah,

so listen, your girl that you're going to find, maybe she, like you said, is a little bit by and has those sides and is polyamorous. Has to be open-minded for sure. But I definitely believe that she exists and I'd love for you to keep me posted. I'd like to do another podcast with you at some point.

I always love having people on again. I'd love to have you on as a woman. Maybe when you meet another girl or, I mean, I'm sure there's plenty more stories that we haven't touched upon. Oh, yeah, that's funny. Yeah, right? So let's have you back on. We're calling you Sam, right? This is Sam the man.

But next time we'll have Sam the female, right? You pick Sam because it could be a guy's name or a girl's name, right? Yeah, I mean, it's not, yeah, it's not the name I use for either. Okay. But we'll still, we'll use it. Huh? what I'm sorry you just cut out and it's didn't tape. No, I said, what did you say?

I said, we'll use it. We'll use, Sam. You're going to be Sam on my show. So you're Sam the man right now, but we're going to do, I'd love to do a part two with you and you talk to Sam the woman. Definitely. Okay, Sam. I like talking about this stuff. Yeah, I listen to most, it's a hundred percent.

It's therapy for me too. Totally. A hundred percent of the time, people get off the call with me and I get an email and people are like, oh my God, that was like so great. Some people, it's like it's just great because they're just getting something off their chest that they never did. Some people, it's like they love for people to hear. And some people, like they said, it's therapy. It's good to talk about your shit. I mean, that to me at the end of the day is all you have and that's the best thing to do for therapy, right?

So, you know, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Thanks so much for writing in. And we'll definitely want to have you back on my Sam as a lot. And good luck with finding your girl. But we'll talk again soon. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Had a great time.

Awesome. All right. I'll talk to you soon. Bye, Sam. Okay. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip

around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my discord. My discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it.

I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly? And be on the show. Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. anonymous drink me anonymous