Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 145 - How to Get a Girl Who is Not Interested in You to Bang You

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

Guys, Do you know a girl who you're dying to bang but she's totally not interested? Do you want to know how to get her to change her mind and have a successful, long term booty call with you? Then take listen. On this podcast guys will learn exactly that as well as a whole lot more and women will learn about the key ingredient that needs to be present to have a dram free, successful friends with benefits situation. Tune in for all the details. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

It's real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. Motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts. Kathy Kay and Tommy.

Hey, welcome to strictly anonymous podcast for Kathy. Do you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast and Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous or follow me at Cartoon Therapy. If you can write a review for my show, write a review, that'd be great, wherever you listen to my podcast, whether it's on Stitcher or iTunes, reviews are always appreciated. If you want to be on the Strictly Anonymous podcast show, this is a call and advice show where I talk to people and I give them advice about their problems. I also just listen to their stories about their interesting lives.

And I also just have people who call in who want to talk about their secret lives and they do that totally anonymous. So if you fall into any of those categories, you want to call in, send me an email at strictly anonymous podcast atchemail.com. If you want to buy my book, I wrote a book. It's called Cartoon Missaventures of a Total. train wreck. It's a cartoon book that I drew when I wrote. I'm not an artist and I'm not a writer, but I wrote and drew a book. And I think it's funny. It's like a bunch of short stories about really horrific relationships. They all end really badly. And they're kind of funny. And they're true. It's basically like my losing my virginity story and every relationship I had until I was 40.

And I kind of slept around. So I mean, I never had like a lot of like a very long. long-term boyfriend. So it's not like I slept around. Just that when you're not like dating someone for five years and you're, you know, you tend to get around more. Is that, does that make sense? Anyway, so anyway, I'm going to talk about who I have on the show because today, and I'm re-airing something that I had to take down because it was an episode that I taped with, it was one of the first episodes I taped over my podcast with my old co-host, Tommy. Now, people who've been listening to my show from the beginning, remember Tommy, he was the co-host that I had on early on. He eventually got fired because he was irritating.

He was a great host, let me tell you, but I prefer doing it by myself. But before I had callers calling in because I didn't know how to get callers, I taped a show with him and we just started. He was like a guest, right? And he came in and we just started rapping. And it turned into a whole conversation about mine and Tommy's. booty call history. Tommy's in my book. So if you buy my book, I think he's chapter 23. That's what I say in the episode. That might have changed because I added a chapter. So I'm not really sure. He's the guy who owned the gay bar that I started banging. Anyway, he was a long-term booty call of mine. And we

started talking about how that sort of happened between us because Tommy was somebody that was completely not interested in. Like not only was I not interested. in him, I was like negative, like not interested in him. Do you know what I mean? Like on a scale of one to ten, I was like negative ten. I was like, no way, never. And I wound up banging him not only once like for eight years. We had a very long-term successful booty call.

And what we discussed on this call, or it wasn't a call, he was in my apartment and we taped it. What we discussed on this episode was like, from his point of view, like how if you're a guy, how to get a girl in bed who is completely uninterested in you. And what I talked about from my perspective as a woman was like how to gab a successful booty call. I've had many booty calls in my life because I've always had kind of relationship issues. But I've had like very like I've had a lot of guys that I would sleep with him because I like to be with like one person. And I think a lot of girls are like this when I like to have sex.

I would pick like one guy and he'd be my booty call. And I've had a lot of unsuccessful booty calls, and I've had few successful booty calls. And there seems to be one thing to me as a woman that needs to be in a relationship or a booty call situation for it to be successful. And I talk about that on this call. So whether you're a male or a female, you're going to get something out of this podcast. The reason why I'm re-airing it is because a long time ago I had to take it down. It was up for like a hot second and Tommy's wife at the time, Tommy's divorced. We still have to air that episode.

I'm going to get that one soon when his divorce is finalized. But when he wasn't divorced and we were doing the show, his wife actually heard that episode and she flipped out because I think he had told her he never fucked me and he was doing the podcast with me and she went like mental and he started setting me crazy texts. I wish I had them. I would read them to you right now because they were insane about how, like they were a very dramatic couple about how they were getting divorced because of this podcast and I had to take it down. It was like really crazy because of that all blew over and it was fine. But of course I took the

podcast down because she flipped out. And now that they're divorced, he said I could post it back up. And I want to because it was a really good episode. For the people who have listened to it already, I think you should re-listen to it because if you're a single guy or you're a girl looking for some action in between boyfriends. This is a good, like it's a good like podcast because do some information of how to like have meaningless sex successfully without all that complicated shit that most of the time happens. And if you're a new listener, uh, you'll find it really interesting. The only thing I don't like about this is because this is one of the first things I taped. I talk way too fast. I think I've gotten much better at my podcast over time. So I think when I listen

to this, when I listen to it today, um, I was like, oh, I talk too fast and I cut him off and whatever, but, you know, that's when I first started doing it. So, you know, it's not unbearable. I just think it's like, it's definitely you could tell. It was like something, I don't know, you could tell them better now at it. But anyway, it's a good episode. So I'm going to be right back on with that episode or whatever with me and Tommy. I'll be right back on. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you.

Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. So here we are in another podcast podcast without callers because my shit isn't working. This is a call-in talk show podcast. And I'm explaining this to Tommy, who's a new guest here today. Don't stop yet. Don't talk yet. Because Irene is out on the road, so Tommy's going to sit in for her.

And we were supposed to have callers, call in and give us their questions and give them advice. What was the topic you wanted to talk about, Tommy? I don't know. I mean, your bootsy set up. We got to get some new mics in here. What do you mean? You have a mic. No, I'm kidding.

The head gear and everything. But no, I don't know. What is the topic of conversation? Remember you told me the other day you wanted to do a topic. of bad hookup stories? Bad hookup stories. Well, I didn't say it. You brought it up.

You, like, I don't remember things. You remember everything and then use it against me as a loving friend would. Yeah, but we,

I mean, to really tell the truth, Tommy, I mean, I could call you Tommy or I could call you chapter 23. What would you rather be called?

Because you are a guy. Seeing how I never read chapter 23? I don't know. You can call me Tommy. You've read my chapter. You've read your chapter. I never read.

are chapter 23 and you've read that chapter. You never read your own chapter. Let me just explain a little backstory because Tommy isn't just my friend. He was one of my long term booty calls. It didn't start out as a booty call. Tommy was really into me. I mean, I was like the girl of his dreams. He tried to get me to, I think you wanted me to date you or marry you, but I just wanted to fuck you. And I did for like eight years. And it turned into a very actually I really believe because we had a very successful booty call in the sense that neither one of us ever wanted more. We just did business.

We stayed friends. It turned into a good friendship. Right, but an open relationship where there was sex involved and a lot of times that doesn't work. And I know why it worked between me and you and it hasn't worked just because it worked between me and you hasn't worked with me with other people. And I think one of the reasons that work with me and you

is you were obsessed with me. And I think for women, it's the truth. You bought me steak for one year and I never would fuck you for one whole year. and you still continue to pursue me. I have to check the calendar on one whole year. But I had a master plan and I was very good at what I did. And let's talk about the obsession.

It was, it wasn't an obsession with somebody. But I was a master player at a game that I played very well. Okay, but Tommy, I was your ultimate type. Come on, not now, but back in the day, when you saw me and you met me, Yes, back in the day. Put the mic up to your mouth. Back in the day, yes, you were bleached. blonde. You were a raging alcoholic and I thought you were like hell on wheels and you were a mess and I

was attracted to messes and yes, it was great. And the fact that you said no and you like kept saying no. And kept saying no. So it almost became like a challenge slash revenge that I have to get this girl and I played it. You have to admit I played it perfectly. I honestly, I always tell people you should actually teach guys like a class on how to get a girl to fuck them that would never fuck them because I never wanted to bang you like never like you were on my never fucking ever list okay no offense I was not into you in the slightest wait stop but I was into steak and you offered to be you were the first person that actually introduced me to something called the sponsorship program girls listen to what the sponsorship program is because it's actually a

really great deal and it actually exists because I've had had the sponsorship program with other people other than you. And you said, Kathy, because you knew I wasn't going to sleep with you, but you had your master plan. You didn't make that obvious. And you said to me one day when we were out, I remember at at Ottawa at the bar where I worked, you said, hey, Kathy, do you have any sponsors? I'd like to be your sponsor. I said, what is a sponsor? And you said, a sponsor is somebody that takes you out to dinner and buys you stuff and you don't have to do anything for it. And I was like, who the fuck wouldn't want a sponsor? I love steak. I had just quit drinking, right?

was I was I no I was still drinking still drinking poor thing he met me way too late you met me on the verge I met you in the downfall yeah you met me on the downfall of what you loved which is the old train wreck Kathy yes but because you're from Jersey and you're cheesy and tacky and you like tacky

cheesy Kathy I think you were a little more tacky and cheesy than I was Tommy you showed up at dinner once and head to toe Puma and I don't mean just a Puma top and a Puma pants I mean a two Puma head band Puma hat, Puma ERA, like Puma, fucking everything. That's nothing more tacky than that.

Puma's cool. Okay, it wasn't even, you didn't even, you weren't even coming from the gym, even worse, okay? So, so. Okay, so that's your defense mechanism of knocking me down and not giving me credit for my master play game. Oh, I'm sorry, you're right.

This is, I want to give you credit, and I always have given your head, I tell you. This is why Tommy got me because he really was on my never fucking ever what I fuck you list. And the way you moved over, and it absolutely happened. I mean, he got me to the point where I actually made a pass at you.

That's what happened. I remember exactly the whole story. So a year, yeah, you remember too. So a year went by and all you did was take me out for steak. And when we went out for steak, I think you were smart. You listened to what I had to say. You figured out what I liked and whatever I liked. You just bombarded me with it, right?

You got that I liked steak. You got that I liked when you gave money to my cab driver, stick me home. And you got that I liked compliment. So all you did was compliment me, feed me and pay for my cab rides home. And I loved that. Well, no, I found your weakness, and your weakness was you never were with, like, gentlemen. You were always, like, hanging around and dating just these slimy, douchebag guys who had no class or, you know, had no gentleman characteristics. So I saw that.

That's true. I saw the absence of that. And I said, let's see how she responded. And planted a seed. I let it germinate for a year. That's more than planting a seed. Listen. You built a garden.

Yes. It takes a while for an oak tree to go. But once that tree began to, it, it bared fruit for a long time. It was worth it. It was a investment in my future. It was totally, I was like. It paid dividends every single night. For eight years.

Yeah. And it got to the point where I almost had to stay, no, I don't want the dividends. I don't think it ever got to that point, Tommy, please. It got to a little bit of that point. That I was begging you for sex and you said, no, absolutely not. that never, we never got to that point. I think we both exited way before that happened. No, no, no, no.

You weren't begging me for sex. Right. I was begging for steak. You were begging me for food. Oh, I didn't even get dinner anymore? And trying to bribe me with sex. No, I always wanted food and sex. I always liked them equally.

You said, hey, listen, I'm super hungry tonight. Can you take me to... I'll blow you, yes. A couple times I gave you a head if I wasn't in the mood just because I wanted dinner. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that wasn't about anything changing. it was just about my mood for the day.

So let's go back to the beginning, though, so guys like you that are trying to bang a girl that's like, no fucking way, but they're friends with her and they want to get down her pants. What you did, which was very smart, which a lot of guys don't do is you never made, once in a blue moon every now and then, you'd say, hey, you want to bang like,

or you'd make a kind of a sexual pass, and I'd say no fucking way, and then you back off, but most of the time you never made a pass at me. And let's all be honest, the reason why you were making pass on me is you didn't have to. You weren't some desperate guy, right? You were banging tons of girls on the side.

So it wasn't like you had to. So I think if guys are smart, even if they're desperate, they won't show their desperation. Don't ever make a pass at the girl. Because for me personally, it needed to be my decision. It wasn't going to be yours. Well, what most guys do wrong is exactly that. They go into this like carnivore, like I see something. I have to conquer it and go right after it.

Now, what, you know, through experience, and I can say, man, I've been around the the world, around the block. I've, you know, I have triple digit numbers. Like, you know what I mean? I have some degrees here. And what... You're a man who are. Retired.

Right. Retired. Right. So Tommy's married and has a baby. And what I would say is, what you do is, first of all, is you don't come on and you you basically slow play it. And you let them come to you. And you also, when you listen to them in the beginning, you do you, you do you do you do, you do you do you do you do you do

you listen to them in the beginning is you find out what's missing. Like with Kathy. She never was with a quote unquote gentleman. And she was never with someone who was just like, hey, let me take you out for dinner. And then, wow, this girl, you take her out to dinner. And she's like, all right, waiting for you to make the pass, waiting for you to make the past. And the whole time she's at dinner or wherever you take this person, they're waiting for the

bomb to drop. And then you just know what happens. Yeah. It just never happens. So then what happened is you made me feel safe. I knew I could just take you to the cleaners for all the money you had and buy me all the steak that I wanted. And that's really all that I really wanted.

I had no master plan except to get, you know, a couple of free dinners a week. And what happened. Exactly. No, right. But what I'm saying is that does that same plan work for any girl? No, I think it does. And basically what you do is you kind of become friends with the situation. Right.

But this is also for girls. Let me tell you about how. What I did got Tommy totally obsessed with me. So this is like the plan, you know, Tommy's teaching you how to fuck a girl that doesn't want to bang you. And I'm going to teach you girls how to get a guy who just wants to bang you to become totally really into you. It's the truth. What happened was because Tommy wasn't allowed to bang me and be with me. And, you know, if I would have done them in the second week, it would have just been like been there, done that.

You would have never known how captivating and interesting I really am as a person. and so that the time would have just come and went and that would have been it, right? But what happened was you had to sit at so many dinners day after day for that whole year and just listen to me. And you actually wound up really liking my personality and liking me as a person

and developing a real relationship with me. So then when great sex gone on top of it, how could you not be obsessed with me? That's the way to get a guy. I am extremely interested in crazy people. And I was totally crazy back there. You were bad shit crazy. Even when I quit drinking,

Because this is the thing about Tommy is I he started on his mission. We started the sponsorship program when I was still drinking. And then in the middle of it was a great idea. And remember how I explained it to you? And you're like, I don't understand with the sponsorship program. Before I told you whatever, I said it's almost like you're a giant race car. Okay. Oh, I don't remember.

I was probably drunk when you're like a giant race car. No, this is all I heard from you. I'll take you out to dinner and you don't have to do anything for it. That's what I heard. What the fuck is a race car thing that I didn't even care about? I was checking out another guy at that time. In the moment of clarity, that's what you heard. But, no, I mean, it was like...

Mike to your mouth. Okay, I'm sorry. Okay. It's hard. I know. You're not used to have a race car, and you put the advertisements on the race car. You don't have to do anything, but I'd go round and round circles, but you advertise the name. It's almost like a sponsor's right.

You explain this to me? Or is this what's in your head? Well, was this the time that you were sleeping on your roof or you woke up, but you don't know where your date went. I don't remember these things, you know. Oh, you obviously remember. I remember a lot. Right. Yes. I was. So Tommy met me probably about six months before I quit drinking. And actually, by the time I wound up pulling out with you, I had been sober for a while. The thing was that I was in love with this guy, Jason, remember? And he worked with you. Oh, yes, he did. And he was your friend. And I would go to Tommy and complain about this guy, Jason. And Tommy would just be there. Besides buying me steak and complimenting me and, you know, giving me money, he would also give you. He would also give

me advice for the guy that I really liked. And when I tell him that the guy doesn't, he'd be like, how could he not like you? You'd sympathize me. Yeah, but the sad part was he really did like you. Yeah, I know. It was so obvious. And the sad part was he really did like her. And, but, you know, neither, either both of them were like too shy to like pull the trigger,

which kind of sucked, you know? Well, not for you. So what happened was when, when things went out, no, he had a micro wean, remember? That was a thing about him. And that's why I think, no, that's why he always knew that I was into big weanies. a thing with me. I absolutely will admit. I don't like a really small one. Like, it was a problem. And he had a micro wean. He talked about it all the time. He said it was the size of a pinky. Like, not just small, but like thin. I think it was like a deformity. And how if you're like,

it doesn't matter how much you like me. Of course he was embarrassed to ever sleep with me. I think that was the problem. A micro weenie and beef curtains would have never made a good match. First of all, I have beef curtains. Come on. I don't have beef curtains. That's another topic. but let's stick to this one. So you're sitting there, you're taking me out to dinner, you're never making a pass at me because you're getting your needs met someplace else. So you don't need to like really push the envelope with me, which for a woman makes her feel safe. It makes her feel, you know, and that gives me time to sit back and, you know, get to know who you are too as a person.

And starting to like now that I'm not, you know, dating these scumbag musicians that I used to date when I was like drinking down on the lower side. Now I'm dating this. Now I'm hanging out with this guy who's giving me money, he's giving me, compliments. He's really nice. He's cheating me like a queen. He's totally into me because I could tell at this point that you're really starting to like me as a person. So I start to think, you know, maybe, you know, there's something here. And I, with those thoughts come, like, I start to get, like, turned on by you. Secretly, I kept it to myself for a little while. Like, honestly, I was like, you know, when we would go out

and stuff, I would have it. But I was like, there's no way I'm ever going to be with him because this was the guy I said, never, ever. And I would tell you that to your face. So at that point, I'm like, I can't give in just for the point of it. Do you know what I mean? No, I know what you mean. Because I'll look like an asshole. And then every time you said it, I was like, okay. I know, that's the best thing to say to a guy if you want him to do something. I say like, I would never let you go down on me five times, like ever, never.

And then trust me, he'll go down on you eight times. It's the best way to get someone to do something for you. Just say never. You could never or I would never. It's a challenge to a guy. So what happened was we're laying out down in Battery Park and I was so horny for you. I couldn't even take it. I literally was like, can we go up and.

can you give me a massage? And then I think I said massage in my inner thighs. And then you went down to me and I literally put a pillow over my face because it couldn't be you. Like I still was like conflicted about it. Do you know what I mean? Like my bottom half of my body was very attracted to you, but my upper half really wasn't.

And so I decided to put a pillow on my head. This is all in my book chapter 23. The pillow in the book, the pillow over the face is hilarious. And you went down on me and we did everything backwards. I think we had oral sex first, then anal sex. And then regular sex. And then I think we eventually made out and held hands. And I think that's kind of backwards, but that's what happens.

And then what happened was I, in the middle of all this, I found out you had a girlfriend. So now I know you're like a raging cheater and you were lying to me. And then we and you go on some like illicit vacation. And we do start like holding hands and kissing on that vacation. And I started. At the time. That black girl. Which one?

I wouldn't say her name. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you remember you were dating her. I found out in the middle of our rendezvous and I'm like, okay, we had such massive cat. Like, the sex is really great. There was so much attraction there.

I wasn't going to stop. And then we went on a secret vacation. So you're a massive cheater. I'm like screwing you and you have a girlfriend. And then I start to feel like I start to like you. And I was like this, you know, can't go on. And so then I dumped you. And then we didn't sleep with each other for like.

How did you dump me? Well, because I couldn't like you. No, but we weren't dating to begin with you. You weren't dumping anything. No, I ended to sleeping with you. that was like dumping you. You were devastated. Okay.

You were fucking devastated, Tommy. I have, wait, by the way, I have journal entries about the whole thing. Okay, I journaled back then.

And I still have. So during my devastation. Yeah, you were devastated. And you're withholding of sex. How long did that last? It's over. It lasted for about two months.

And then I threw it a New Year's Eve party. Remember when you came over to see me, it was the first time I let you come see me. And then we had sex. And then we continued to have sex after that all the time. And it turned into like, you were like a service call for, me. Yeah.

Yeah. I would call you up whenever. Sometimes at lunchtime I'd come over to your house. We'd do it and that was it. And in between boyfriends, you were my go-to guy. I was always monogamous. So whenever I had a guy, I'd cut you off. And then when it didn't work out with the guy, you'd be there to console me.

You know, in the way that you console women. No, I like your version. Your version is a little warped. Come on. Your version is a little warped. Why, what's your version? Tell your version. My version was a little bit.

but different than that. It wasn't so, oh, when I called you, you came running and this and that. I remember a certain individual who showed up at my door a few nights in a row. You did come over, come over to my business and, you know what I mean? No, that was when we took a break from each other, it didn't talk for like two months. And then you text message me or called me. I don't know if there was texting back in that day. And I invited you over to the hotel because I was throwing a near-eaf party there. I was texting back in the day. I don't know. This was a long time ago. Oh, I wish. Because it's like when I quit drinking. I quit drinking when I was 34.

And then we continued to have sex for eight years until I was 40. Well, until I was 40. Yeah. Or 41. Yeah. So however many years that was. Tommy was younger than me. I was an older broad.

Tommy's an equal opportunity employer. I mean, he'll fuck anything in anyone. And he likes fat girls, short girls, tall girls, black girls, white girls, old girls, young girls. You like them all. You know, and honestly, I believe that most heterosexual men that have a very hell are wired that way. It's just the way that it goes. I think women think, oh, well, guys only fuck pretty girls, and that's just not the truth. I mean, I'm not going to hide for any of my conquests, you know.

They were all good. I don't regret, well, I regret maybe one or two of them. The Beef Curtains Amex Express Girl, the American Express Beef Curtains, girl. Beef Curtains. Do you like beef curtains? The mad pooper. Oh, my God. Tommy had sex with a girl who pooped during it.

Well, I had a bad run. and it was like a whole week. So it started off. I met this one girl who kept coming by my job and, you know, hitting on me, whatever, it was going back and forth. And then one night I was like, all right, come back to my place. And she was a little wasted. She came back to my place and we started fooling around.

And I think she had to have been on some kind of like muscle relaxer or something because she was very, very loose. So to make a long story short, while we're having sex, she's on top. of me, she comes and then she stops and I'm like, what's that smell? And she turns around with her hand from her back and turns around and shows me. And she literally, I guess, came and messed herself at the same time and like showed it to me, like like a monkey. Yeah, she must have been on some kind of drugs because no girl in her right mind would

ever show a guy shit if she shit her pants she would she ever let a guy see it that's this it was horrible i never gus it was she horrified well so then i i screamed at her to get up and i pushed her into the bathroom and like she got into the shower and whatever and i just basically piled up my sheets i threw them in the garbage i'm like i'm not washing this or anything so i threw everything away so i'm waiting for her to get out of the shower and it opened up the curtain and i guess she was still like drunk or high and she's like hey come on I was like, get the fuck out of the shower. So I washed myself off.

She's laying in the living room and is like, want to go again. She wouldn't leave my house. So I basically opened the door and I threw her pocketbook in the hallway. And when she went out to get her pocketbook, I just locked the door. You did not. Well, no, I think anyone that shits in their pants and then shows it to you in the middle of sacks deserved to be locked out of your house. Oh, no, no.

It gets worse. Then two days later, I hook up with another girl, random. And she poops too. No, no, no, no. She pees my whole. Okay. So we're two days later with a new set of sheets. And I kind of wake up.

And at first I'm like, oh, man, is that me? Was I too drunk? But it was her. She pissed all over me. Of course, she apologized, whatever. She did the walk of shame. And I'm like, I'm having a bad week. Three days later after that.

So three days later that, I go out with this girl. She's a singer, whatever. And I was trying to work it for a long time. finally I'm like all right I take her to one of my like kind of spots to like you know seal the deal I take her to Mr. Chow's downtown and try back so she must be a pretty one she was very pretty right because you're not going to be taking them out if they're not that great so at Chow's you know we have all the Chinese food this and that

I had order a bottle of wine we have a bottle of wine then we have after dinner drinks before we even had dinner we started off with champagne then we went out for drinks then I brought her back to my house had sex everything awesome. We clean up. We're kind of laying there passing out. And like a couple minutes goes by and she goes, I don't feel so good. And when I turn my head from the left, from the right to the left, and while I'm turning it, I'm like, what hurts? She projectile vomits on my whole face with like low mane. And I was just like there with this low mane hanging from my eyebrows saying, what a fucking week. I got shit on, pissed on, and now someone puked on my face.

That's awesome. I took at least two and a half weeks off from Asthma. I was like, I'm done. Is that a true story in that? That really happened all. I mean, maybe that happened six months in between each other. Literally swear on your life. I swear on my life stack of Bibles.

And it was like, I, I, I, and you know, obviously in the business I am, I'm telling everybody and I'm like, I can't believe this happens. I literally took a three week break from. I might have slept with you, but I took a three-week break from ass. But so I was different than ass, like I wasn't considered ass. You didn't piss or shit or throw up on me. Right, that's because I wasn't drinking. You had me sober most of the time.

You had me sober for seven and a half years. You were self-contained. It was sober sex. Yeah, it was good stuff. It was good stuff, you know. And also, I wasn't just a booty call. I was there to help you with medical problems and evaluations. What does that mean?

When you thought you had weird tits, I would look at your tits and make sure they weren't weird. bump wasn't at a place. Can you give me a breast exam today? I'm having one of my hypochondriacal moments. I gave butt shape analysis many times. You said I have my ass looks really good. Yeah, yeah, this looks good.

I guess you're working out. But like, you know, you would go through these like crazy phases where you think you were getting old and people weren't talking to you. And you would think the source of your problem would be that your ass looked a little droopy. So after giving ass exams, and then I have to mention again, even when someone said that you had beef curtains, you came over to my house because I was a trusted confidant. Yeah.

And I examined said beef curtains. No, okay, first of all, let's rewind a little bit because you said someone said I had beef curtains. No one ever said I had beef curtains. I got, I do tend to loop into things. And so if I get something in my head, I can't let it go. And I thought for one time, like, how do I know? I don't have beef curtains because how do you really know? I mean, I kind of know what people are.

So I started to like become obsessed with the fact, like become obsessed with beef curtains and the fact of whether I had beef curtains. So I would like Google a lot and talk to a lot of people. And, you know, how do you know unless you ask a guy who's seen a lot of curtains? Are they all curtains or just beef curtains? No, every vaginas are like fingerprints. Right. So I come out of your house and I dropped my pants and I said,

do I have beef curtains. And you just made jokes. I couldn't really get a full answer from you. You didn't have, you don't have, you don't have full curtains. I don't have at all curtains. Because let me just tell you,

Tommy, I slept with someone very shortly after that, that if you want to think that you're a fucking player, this guy is the king of play. You think you went around the world. This guy goes around the world in 20 days. Why are you taking my title away from me? Because it has been taken.

And I fuck that guy. And he told me absolutely no beef curtains. Okay. So I know for, that's who you want. want to find out. A guy that slept with the fucking world. I didn't say you had. That's what I need. So I got actual confirmation. I do not have beef curtains, but I was going to put my picture on rate my pussy.com because I didn't know whether

I advised you against it. Why would you advise me against it? It was actually a really great idea. You could put your picture of your thing up and people will rate it and tell you if it looks disgusting or it looks good or if it looks gross. You know, I wanted to know. I wanted to know how mine compares. You know, I come to you, I drop my pants and you don't really give me a good critique. Because I didn't think you were serious. I thought you were. I really was serious.

I was wondering, how does my pussy rate? Is it, do I have beef curtains? Do I not? Is it not good? Is it not good? Like, how do you know? If you're not going to, you know, so I actually found out it's actually really good. So everything's fine.

But for a while, I was kind of obsessed with beef curtains. And I found out a couple guys that really like beef curtains, but most people don't like them. And other people don't know whether they have beef curtains. I told you I was with somebody that legitimately had not even curtains drapes. Yes. It was American Express. girl came over.

Tommy owns a business. He owns a gay bar, a very successful bar here in New York. Okay, it's not gay. It's straight. And he owns a business here in New York. Chapter 23, we'll call you if you want. And he,

and the Amex girl, the girl who works for Amex came over and somehow, like, within 20 minutes, you got down her pants. I took a year. She took 20 minutes. And she had beef curtains. Poor Amex girl.

Poor Amex. And she had really bad, right? It was really bad. And like, I guess you just develop more skin down there. But like I said before. No, I'm 44.

No, no, no, no, no. But like some people are just born with, I guess, extra skin down there. I mean, but come on,

on the internet, there are tons of sites dedicated to it. So there's like, I don't know, what would you call it? A subculture? No, some people are into it.

There was like, there was almost whole, I was like, I loved my beef's curtain phase because I learned so much about it. I saw all these hilarious websites where they have beefs, curtains like in motion and they move and they have poetry and poems and people that are obsessed with

them, which I get. You know, there are people that like it. Um, I, you know, and it's, uh, it was very fascinating. I get fascinated with stuff and then I get over and I move on, but beef curtains was a thing and I don't have you, no one ever told me how things and then, and then I move on though. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I get into it. I like to get, I, there's nothing wrong with that. I just, you know, I want to know things. I like to know things. Really? Yeah, I like to know things. You don't? Of course I like to know. Well, actually, no. Some things I don't want to know about. Like what?

Well, not just about sex, but there's certain things. Well, actually, yeah, some things I know about, but I don't want to know about. I mean, now that I'm married, it's different. But like, you know, when you're with a girl, here's advice for guys or for girls with their guys. Yes. Okay. A lot of times the slightest thing, I could be with somebody that I thought was the hottest. I couldn't wait to sleep with them and whatever and sex was great.

and when they got out of bed or they did something or like went to the bathroom with the door open, it's a little micro thing would just like click in my brain and I could never sleep with that person again. Really? I would, yeah. That's a little weird. It is weird. And there was actually a girl, this is when I was in high school, there was this girl. I wanted to sleep with her.

I was like, oh, I want to, you know, I tried and tried. Finally, she came over. We had sex. I think I took her virginity. And this girl, after while we were laying in bed under the cover, she's like, oh, my God, let's date, you know, let's, you know, be exclusive. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, yeah, this is perfect. This is exactly what I want. I'll never forget it.

She got out of my bed. And when she stood up, like, like her tailbone or something at the top of her, I'm telling you, this is serious. It was just like weird. And I don't know what happened. I'm sorry if this ever If this ever gets you know out there and she hears this That's why I didn't call it yet No but what is that what is your advice if you have a tailbone that sticks out

Don't try and fuck anyone that's what my advice is If you use like the restrooms or if you have one of your Feminine things going on like don't leave evidence Okay what about let me ask you this If I'm fooling around with you and you start to put your hands down my pants and I say, you know, hey, watch out. You might come across a big fat pad because I have my period right now. You know, is that going to turn you off?

That's actually, you shouldn't let it go that far. Like while you're wearing a pad, I should not even let a guy. Yeah, don't let him put his hands down there. Because I wear pads. And, you know, I was with a guy fooling around recently, but it's a guy I've been with for a long time. So, you know, I could be like, hey, listen, you're just going to find a big fat pad. So if you want to keep going, that's fine. But if you want to stop, stop, you know, because that's what's going on.

Or be as, as, like, light and gentle on the description as possible. Don't you think you're going to be a lot less turned off if a girl's like, hey, listen, babe, there's a fucking pad in there that you're going to pay. Then a girl that doesn't say anything and then you feel a big fat pat. I feel like that fat pad feels a lot worse if you don't know it's there. I want to be, I, if, you know, you want to be around the girl who is smart enough to take care of those things. Like, perfect example. I want a quick story? About.

In college, came back to my house, was hooking up with a girl. She excused herself in the bedroom. She's like, oh, I just got to go to the bathroom real quick and fresh and up. She goes to the bathroom, okay, whatever, comes back and we're hooking up. At this time, I had a little mini chihuahua, this little dog, Monty, and he just got into everything. So when we were done having sex, you know, the dog, you know, we were laying there, the dog comes running into the room.

Yeah, obviously. With the string and the tampon hanging, the bloody tampon hanging out of his mouth. Oh my God. The poor girl was mortified, but I was like kind of skised out. I was like, ugh. Why would you, you know what I mean? But where did she, the tampon was in the garbage? That's why is that ski?

Why would you be skewed? That's normal. Well, she kind of left it in the open. You know what I mean? It's just like, I don't know. Maybe they should carry one of those like the medical waste little plastic bag. No, by the way, if you take a tampon out, you throw it. it in the toilet and you flush it.

Nobody puts them in the garbage. That's true. But what happens if she flushes it and in the toilet gets clogged? And then your dog goes into the toilet and goes fishing. No, but she calls you. She's like, oh my God, your bathroom's flooded. But we're not talking about a fake thing. We're talking about reality, Tommy.

Okay, that's reality. She took her tampon out and missed the toilet. It landed on the floor and then your dog got hold of it. So that's what happened. Yeah, that is kind of bad. So, anyway, getting back to the topic was you got to take care of the details. I mean body things or whatever, that's something else. But I mean details like that or, you know, when you hook up with a girl and she pulls like a handful of condoms out of her pocket

pocketbook, that's a warning flag. But do you really care? I mean, like what is that? What is that? What is that? A warning that she fucks around a lot of people. Does it matter? What does it matter? Depends what you're wanting to get yourself into? Right. Exactly. I mean, most of the time, you're not really wanting to get into a, you know, a white picket fence situation. So what does it matter? That's like a double standard. That's so ridiculous. Most guys fuck everyone and a girl pulls out a bunch of condoms and you're like, oh my God, she might sleep around. Even though you sleep around. You make it sound, you make it, you make everyone feel like it's the first time. No, you do. That was the thing about Tommy. No matter where I would go with you, we'd have these fake days where I'd go out and I'd have

my fake boyfriend because if you did take me out, most of the time we just had sex and then I went home. But if we did go out, the great thing about you is that you would just be totally fucking into me. And let me just tell you, that is the reason why booty calls only work for me and for most girls, and this is the rules, with certain guys. I will only have a booty call with a guy that cheats me the way you did. And it's not about you kissed my ass or you weren't fucking other people or anything. It was about when you were with me, you treated me like I was number one. You always made me feel that way. I don't want a booty call. There's a guy that wants me to be his booty call now and he's a guy that I really like that didn't want a relationship. It's one of those God fucking slave situations. I am not

a booty call with a guy that never gave me one that didn't like that wants me to think I'm beneath him. No way. That's torture. A booty call with a guy that looks at you when he takes out of dinner compliments you, makes you feel like you're fucking great. And that is the perfect booty call. That's the only booty call I do. That's why it was successful with you because when you're with a girl, you make her feel number one. You know, looking at every girl that walks by, even though you're fucking every girl that walks by, you don't have that energy. You keep it under wraps. And, you know, if you're going to be a player, that's the kind of player you should be. Blayton players, they're just not attractive.

Well, I mean, and it also makes the sex better. If you're out with somebody and you make them feel like they're the most special person there. Absolutely. I mean, I really know that I was the hottest, greatest girl that you were ever with. So there was no, you know, there was no thing that you were playing. You know what I mean? I really know that that was the truth.

So that also helped. Wow. Wow. Well, that is definitely a page out of my handbook. Right. And that was the reason why. And it works. It works. It can work. You make the girl feel like she's the only one in the room. She's super special. And it comes back to you in spades when the lights go out. Trust me. Right. A girl will work harder, better. Oh, yeah. I always tell guys, you could tell if a girl that likes you by how good of a head she gives you. Like, if you're like that girl giving me the worst head, it's like maybe she didn't try so hard because maybe she doesn't like you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, honestly. I think, you know, if you really like a guy, you just want to drive him fucking crazy.

I'll still always give good head, I think, because I just give good head and even if I don't like. But I don't really fool around with people I don't like. Now that I don't drink, I can't do that. It just doesn't work for me. You can't numb. No, I can't even have. I don't even have booty calls anymore, really anymore. If I like, you know, if I like somebody, that's who I sleep. You know, I like to have someone that I like to sleep. So I could sleep with someone because I like to have sex. And I think it's very important and healthy. I always had a rule. Like I, you never go one month without having getting late or having some kind of, you just can't. You just can't. can't do that to yourself. But I don't have, I don't even have booty calls anymore. That's good.

Yeah. I'm not into it. I mean, you can't do that forever. You can't. No, not really. Something clear to change.

I just can't, can't do it. I'm more into someone if I'm into them. I'm like a normal person now. I'm convinced in this day and age that it's almost dangerous. I mean, with,

with, you know, the dating sites. And my favorite thing was I talked to somebody who said, I asked where did you meet this girl and they were like oh online and I said oh you want match or one of the other dating sites and he's like no Craigslist oh that's scary shit yeah she's a plus she's a $25 hooker you know I just think I feel sorry you know for the kids growing up now with you know there there are so many crazy people out there and you don't know who

you're bringing it to your house no I don't think I know it's crazy they're not all good wholesome Jersey guidos like Had to toe Pumaguitos. Whatever. Exactly. Hey, if the guy can pay the check in cash, he's a good guy. Right. But Tommy, so I want you to come back and when Irene's out of town and I need a co-host to step in for her,

you could be our co-host, right? I would love to. Okay, but next time we need to have callers. I want people to call in and have questions. As long as you don't beat me up as much as you did this time. How did I beat you up? I gave you props. I talked about how, like, what a master player you were.

Like, that was the whole point of this is how you were. You worked me and got me to want you. That's what you did. You made it my choice. Even though it was your choice. In your own roundabout Kathy Way, yes, I'll accept that. That's exactly what I did. It was awesome.

Yeah, it was awesome. Okay, so until next time. Bye. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook,

but you can pre-reform. order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview. and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book.

Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around.

You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook. is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay, there's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos.

There's tons of channels. We have lots of contest where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Sent it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast.

I have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone, or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com. With your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.