Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 147 - Exhibitionist Sam is Bigender - part 2

Episode Date: October 10, 2016

Exhibitionist Sam calls in again and goes a lot deeper about being bigender. He gives his take on what it's like being a man vs. being a woman as well as reveals much more about his childhood, his love life and his bigender, bisexual sex life.Tune in for all the juicy details, plus a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We play ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift like keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. Motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to strictly anonymous podcast for Kathy.

If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Twitter, follow the show at Strictly Anonymous or follow me at Cartoon Therapy. If you want to be on the show, I'm always looking for callers. I'm getting a lot of people, listeners who want to be on the show. I would love to hear from you. Send me an email at strictly anonymous podcast.g.com. A lot of people always say in their emails when they email me like, oh, I know you've had this on before, but this is my story. And I think everything is like most stories are very different. And that's why I like doing my show because it just goes to show that, you know, everybody who cheats on

their wife or cheats on their husband. It's not the same situation. Like you have to ask a lot of questions to get the real story before you sort of make an analysis, things taken out of context, you know, are very different than what really goes down. right so I could talk to 100 guys who cheat on their wife and each story is going to be very different and you might feel very different about each guy uh not everybody who cheats is like a terrible person um so you know even if i've had the topic on before I'd love to have uh you on the show I think everybody's story is unique like I said anyway uh send me an email at trickle anonymous podcast at email.com this is a call and advice show I like to talk to people who need advice uh

who have an interesting lifestyle that they live that they want to talk about are people who have secret lives that they want to reveal in my show that'd be great send me an email it's strictly not a podcast at gmail.com if you want to did i say the twitter thing i don't even care facebook you could like my phage on facebook i don't do shit on there though i should uh if you want to buy my book it's called the cartoon misadventors of a total train record and it's on amazon you can buy it there it's like a graphic novel that i drew and I wrote and I'm not a writer or an artist. I can't really draw their stick figures, but I think it's kind of funny. So it's like my losing my virginity story until I turned 40 in

every relationship I ever had. And it's like a bunch of love gone very wrong stories. That's like the tagline. And really it is. Like every one of my relations were pretty effing horrible. So if you want to feel better about yourself, buy my book. Anyway, today on the call, I have a repeat caller and he is Sam he's by gender it was a whole podcast that I did recently actually and he decided at the end I think we talked about it even on the show how I would love to have him call back in because he had more stuff to share and that's what this calls about it's like Sam is by gender part two we get into a lot of new stuff with him I dig a little bit deeper into his past like a firm one he grew up and what was going down because there was some interesting things.

even medically speaking that went down with him that might be related to the fact that he grew up and became bigender. We talk about what bygender means and a lot of other interesting things. So I'll be right back on with Sam. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. send us an email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name and remember everything is strictly anonymous.

Okay, I'm going to start TV. Hey Sam, welcome to a strictly anonymous podcast for your second part two call or whatever you want to call. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Yeah. So I just want to talk really quickly because I was like texting. someone, this article that I read on Facebook and it was like, so interesting that I'm like,

I wonder if you have any sort of experience with this. Because just for people, like, I mean, I had you on recently. For people that haven't heard your first podcast, you are by gender, which means that you associate yourself at like, or what is the word, the correct word? You feel like you are a man and a woman, right?

Right, I relate to both. Yeah. And you do dress up as a woman and go out in the world. and do your business sometimes right. But I wasn't sure if you do it like in a regular way or just sexually in the clubs that you go to. But because there was this article today that was so fascinating to me because it was all about how transgender men and transgender people actually just notice and the difference between

being a man and a woman and how they get treated differently and how they think differently and how they, you know, they experience the world differently because of being a man or a woman. and it's the whole thing about how sexism totally exists, right? Now, do you go out as a female? Yes, I do. Right. Now, do you notice what these people in the article experience, whereas, like, when they're out as a female

as opposed to being out as a guy, that it's a totally different experience? Yes. Like, what do you notice as the difference? As a guy, people are more afraid of me. they're more because I am African American. Mm-hmm. So as a guy, people are more aware of me, people more afraid of me, people more prejudiced to me.

Mm-hmm. As a female, they're not so much. Yeah, well, let me just tell you, I don't even know that that's a, I mean, listen, I think for sure, the African-American male thing is a totally fucked up experience to be having right now, especially, I don't think that it's any worse than it was. I think just social media is just showing how bad it's always been. but they did say in this article, and this wasn't because they were African-American, that the men definitely when they transgendered, like when they became a man, the women

that became a man, they felt like they were feared more. It was a different experience. Like women don't have that experience. So it's just like, you know, I think to sort of experience, like to feel that, you know, for the first time in your life, it's very interesting. And also they said the men said that they felt like that they could get away with more and they were more invisible than when they were a woman, right? Yeah.

Like, here's a story. Okay. I just, you know, I started going out regularly. A couple years ago and I was going to the support group, and I get on the train to go. Mm-hmm. It was hockey season, and the train's full of hockey fans. Right.

because it was a game that night. Now, I get on and stand there and nobody bats and I, nobody looks at me, nobody bats an eye. Are you a guy or a girl at this point? You're a female. I was a female. Okay. If I went on my train as a male, people would, you know,

there would be what you would look into this where I am. So you felt like you were more or less conspicuous as a woman than as a, as a man. than as a man? Yes. I think in this episode, I mean in this article, they said the opposite, or maybe they didn't. I don't remember. But anyway, I think, because listen, I'm a female, right? And I have a lot of guy friends.

And I'm always trying to tell them. And this is the point that was so interesting to me in the article because they were saying that this is true, that like, it's so hard to be a woman. You know, my guy friends, a lot of them because they're older are part of that ridiculous sort of generation of like totally thinking that men are better than women. And women are second class citizens. So they're so fucking rude about it, you know. And I definitely feel, and I try to explain to them.

Like, imagine you were exactly you with all of your opinions and your smarts and your sort of way. And yet you're a woman and you're not taken seriously. You're not listened to, you know, it's how would you like that? You know, it definitely is a very different experience. It is a lot easier to be a man. There are so many things in that article that is so interesting. I'm going to post it on my Twitter feed. It came out.

It's in Time magazine. and it just was all about the differences. And then, because we're going to talk about your transitioning, because you were sort of like in a place where you want to transition, but you don't know whether you should. And what was really interesting in this article towards the end, they talk about how the females who trans to become a man, transition to become a man,

when they took the male hormones and were fully male, they thought in a completely different way. Whereas when they were female, they thought, you know, black and white in every color in the middle, they said, but when they were a man, right, and they had those hormones changed, they were so much clear and so much more decisive, and they thought very much black and white.

There wasn't all that stuff in the middle like women think. So there really is a very big difference. And even, you know, just hormonally, like it's just a huge difference. So it was very fascinating to me. So that's something to think about if you're going to, you know, do the full transition because you're a guy now, right, which means that you probably think a little bit more clearly. Now, if you're going to become a woman and you're really going to take that

whole step, you're going to see every side of a situation, you know, and that's just the way that it goes. But see, I do that now. Right. Let me ask you this, because in the first podcast, it came out that when you were very young, like in middle school, actually, not that young, but like middle school, right? You grew boobs, right? You grew tits, like, and you had to actually get a breast reduction.

So there was, like, and I'm assuming this was a hormone thing? Yes, it was. Right. So you had a lot of female hormones. Now, after you got that breast reduction, now I would think that they would follow your hormone levels after that pretty closely because of like what you went through. I mean, is that something that they looked at for a couple of years afterwards?

Oh, yeah. And to this day? Not to this day. I haven't had that checked in years. It was pretty much totally after puberty. Right. But now, did you still have an overabundance of, like, estrogen in you? Is that what happened before you got the breast reduction?

And then what happened after? Yeah, it's funny because I was so young. And at that time, I was just like, whatever. Mm-hmm. Maybe I didn't want to deal with it. I don't know. Yeah, I wish that's whatever. Yeah, my first thought when you said you were like, yeah, whatever, I was thinking,

like, maybe you're rewriting the story now and you remember it very differently because that must have been completely almost unbearable to deal with at that age. I really just think. I mean, there's enough to deal with at that age that people are dealing with. And it's a very hard time, I think, in a people's life. That's why everyone gets zits and look like shit at that age. You know, it's just like a mess to begin with. You know, add tits into the mix when you're a guy and you looking around and all,

no guy has that. And I mean, that must be such a mindfuck that I just almost. think it's you just had to sort of not deal, you know, and just say like, whatever. But probably it was too much. Yeah. I mean, at the time,

I kind of, the things just happened, I kind of went, okay, you know, I just went with it. So when people ask me, oh, what was you feeling about that time or death? I can't give me an answer because I pretty much just walked through it.

Because pretty much what? I pretty much sleepwalked for it. it. Yeah, but maybe you sleepwalk through it because you had to sort of like cut off a part of yourself because if you went through it completely aware, it would have been way too much. Do you don't mean? Like maybe you just like unplugged a part of yourself, you know what I'm saying, and disconnected because it, you slept walk through it because to not, to be awake through it would have been too much. True. Right? Yeah. But on some level, I mean, and you're in therapy.

We talked about this the first time and I believe so much in that stuff, especially like the subconscious shit, you know, subconsciously, it is in you, that whole experience, everything that you went through. It is there. It's probably locked up, but never to come out and you might never be able to really experience how you really felt at the time because maybe you just couldn't get close to it. But it's in there somewhere, right?

Because you did go through that experience. Yeah. And as much as you say you slept walk through it, you know, you do say to this day you still feel like you wish you had those tits, right? Because you really want them back. Yeah. To this day, I want them back. Yeah. Right. And I know that your whole, like you're confused about transitioning because you don't want to sort of kill the guy and you. Because being bi-gender is all about sort of relating as both. It's not like you're a guy and you just want to be female. Like you enjoy being a male, right? Right. I never sat there and was like, okay, I'm in the wrong body or I'm male, but I'm female. It was more like, I'm both. I relate to both. Right. But you didn't really know, like when you were younger, right, and you had those breasts and then you got like when you were in that age, like did you always said you kind of knew you were different, but you didn't know what it was, right? Right. And you didn't really know that you like the whole being a female thing until you had that girlfriend, you started wearing her panties, right?

Right. So, but do you, looking back now, and I didn't get into a lot of like the like growing up stuff, which I always find interesting because I think even though some people don't want to believe that that shit means anything, I think it means everything. You know, do you think looking back now, if you have to be completely honest, even if it's the slightest thing that was going down when you were really, young or through, you know, your, like, toddler, like up to mid-high school. Like, what was going on that was, like, signs that maybe you could figure out now, but you couldn't figure out that? That's something that you were maybe transgender.

I played with dolls as a kid. But then I played with cars, too. So, you know, when I did, like, imaginary characters, when I did, like, imaginary characters, when I played as a kid if you played by yourself and most of them were all female. I friended a lot more females when I did males.

As a fact, it was easier for me to find females than males. I prefer females than males. How come? Back then I did, yeah. Female teachers, I preferred female teachers I did male teachers. Okay.

And maybe it's because it's because, psychologically that's what I want. Right. Or maybe, but maybe you were just attracted to them or maybe it was like you were trying to like figure out what they were all about because maybe you were trying to figure out what you were about. I don't know.

Maybe. Right. Mm-hmm. But you felt different though, right? But you didn't know what it was. Right. And that created like a whole world of like isolation, right? Like you kind of isolated yourself.

I mean, we talked about this a lot in the first podcast, a little bit in the first podcast because you said, you weren't really close with your sister. and, you know, your family, you don't, like, I think your mom has passed, but, like, you know, your family doesn't know a lot of stuff, and you didn't have any really close friends because you always felt a little bit different, right? So you kept people away so that nobody would kind of find out your secret. Yeah. Like, like, you could talk to people who have friends with. Everybody knew a part of me, but they didn't know everything of me.

Oh, really? Yeah, I compartmentalized friends. Right. Well, because you compartmentalized yourself. like you had different parts of yourself and they weren't integrated as one person. So you had different friends for different parts of you. Right. I feel like I kind of do that. I don't know. Like when I was like a drinker, I had friends I went drinking with and then I had friends that I well. But I guess with you it was a much more clearer and more defined, right? Like you have some friends

that knew you were, know you as a man, right? Some friends that know you as a woman, right? when you say that compartmentalize. What about when you were younger, how do you compartmentalize your friends? Well, I had, you know, I had friends who, you know, it was kind of like, okay, this friend I hang out where we talk about cars and stuff,

but I think the other friend I hang out with and we may talk about something else. And, you know, they don't know everything I like, you know what I'm saying? And that was your way, do you feel like, to make sure that nobody really figured out who you were because you were afraid if they knew they would know that you know you had this other stuff going on yeah it was probably my way of keeping people from me

from hurting me right because because what would hurt you if they found out who you were and they weren't accepting right yeah and you know and guess i was teased as a kid you know we were you know and it was a different time than now being bullied and that sort of thing i mean yeah totally um really teased as a kid back then, but it was kind of like life, okay? You know, you don't want to get teased, punch the kid in the face.

Yeah, I mean, your dad would tell you that, right? Like man up, you know? Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's just the way that's the way that it was back then. But were you teased because you were different? Were you, like, what were you teased? Were you teased because you had boobs? Like, what were you teased about?

One person To use me about my boots Later on When you were older And they were showing Yeah Yeah that must have been horrified Until they got the press

They were showing Until what Until I got them reduced They were showing And how long did you have those Like how long were you walking around your school With breasts as a guy I don't remember

Right It must be tough You probably like You know Forgot about it remember like I didn't take my shirt off I didn't change for gym there's stuff I just didn't do

I didn't get undressed in the locker room which is kind of ironic now because I can get undressed in front of people well no it's kind of really yeah and I just think maybe it's not such a coincidence that you're like this big exhibitionist because it's almost like you know listen

we all get aroused by things that maybe are like taboo or whatever, you know, and maybe that whole thing of you... Yeah, the taboo thing does, definitely arouses me. Right? And there's nothing more taboo for you than just being, you know, showing yourself to people because that was like something you just could not do your whole life. Mm.

Right? True. Yeah. I mean, yeah, the whole exhibition thing, yeah, a lot of it is being, the routes is just showing myself off, basically. Right, because you couldn't do that. You couldn't even get dressed for Jim. Like, I mean, you were living, like, you were hiding for so long in your life.

There must be something probably very freeing about, you know, finding a place in your life where you could be completely the opposite. And, you know, you found that sexually. Yeah. Right? In those clubs that you started going to at a very young age. I mean, you were a virgin. And I'm assuming, you know, you were a virgin and you didn't have any.

action because you maybe didn't have so many friends because I'm like thinking to myself you're 21 years old like how come you didn't get lose your virginity before that because I didn't push it yeah but I mean like you know listen most people you know thinking about it now because I could I probably done that uh lost my journey a lot sooner yeah but I didn't but I close off everybody well that's what I'm saying you didn't have like a lot of friends like you weren't like you didn't live like a very you know high school life right like you didn't have friends that you were hanging out with some people like you know dabble with alcohol and shit goes down even in high school I mean that's when I started maybe that's terrible to say but like you know stuff like that goes on and people even like start

fooling around I mean you didn't start fooling around with anybody till you were 21 right did you have experiences with boys when you were way younger I forget I know that you lost your virginity to a guy like you had a you got it your first blowjump from a guy when you were 21, right? And then after that, you found a woman online to sleep with. But before those experiences when you were like an adult, right? Did you have like adolescent experiences with males and females? Yeah, there was a couple of friends of mine and we used to hang out and we used to, you know,

show each other our dicks and pull them out. And I always like playing with one of my friends' dick. Uh-huh. How old were you on that? I'm probably, probably junior high. Okay. So junior high is like six, seventh, eighth grade, right? Yeah.

So at that age, because that's not like really little that you don't know what's going on, but you kind of know what's going on. Like at that age, you know what's going on, right? Like, how did you get to the, how did it? Because, I mean, that's not that young, right? So, like, how did it get to the point where you and your guy friends are in a room and you're like, let's take our dicks out? Um.

do you remember? No, I don't. But I think we were all hit in puberty and it was all like we're all horny. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, right. For them was horny, you know, being horny.

And so, you know, we would be sitting there and we'll have our fix out. And then who started just looking at each other? Like, who started touching? And it was okay? Like, everyone was cool with it? No, I only touched one.

one friend, the other one I didn't. Okay, uh-huh. And when he was there, we didn't touch each other. When he wasn't there, meeting him would touch each other, yeah. Wait, what did you say? There was three of us, and when the third guy was there, we didn't touch each other. Oh.

But when he wasn't there, and it was just us, so we would touch each other. Oh, okay. And so, you would, like, would you, like, jerk each other off until, like, you came, or would you just, like, touch and get, like, aroused? Yeah, we'd touch, get aroused. you know, we drank each other off until we came. Okay. And now, would you, like, then go back to school and, like, pretend like, you know,

everything was, like, normal, I'm assuming, right? Yeah. Okay. So. Yeah, we never talked about it outside of us, you know, every now, you know, having a good moment together playing with each other. Right. And how many times did you fool around with that guy?

Because that's kind of hardcore. I mean, that's not just lightly touching you. If you're jerking off and calming together. Did it never progress to anything more? No. I mean, at the time when I think back, did I want to do more? Yeah, I really wanted to go down on them, but I just didn't. Right.

And there was no kissing or anything like that? No. Okay. Do you kiss guys when you feel around with them? Very rarely. But women you do? Depends. So you're not into kissing at all?

no it's not down I mean in the club thing well you know there's really no there's really not one of kissing anyway right of course it's just more about sex and there's not that kind of fashion right but so when you

I'm assuming when you I mean the last one I went was a couple weeks ago and I ended up making out with another I guess probably more of a cross-rested of a transgender person

why he's doing his girlfriend Okay, so you were making out with him while he was screwing his girlfriend. Yeah. And that was just hot because you were like watching. So it wasn't really like romantic kissing. It was like, just a horny kissing. Yeah, it was, um, wasn't romantic kissing. It was hot.

Fuck me. Kiss me. Yeah, kissing. Mm-hmm. But normally you don't get into that. No. It was just, um, this person, you know, it was just weird. he connected and

next thing you know we're making out. And you liked it. Yeah. Right. And now as a bygender person, what's interesting is that sexually, you label both sides of yourself, the male and female sides as homosexual. Or maybe you don't want to label that. You consider yourself bisexual.

Yet your guy side of you prefers men and your female side of you prefers female, right? I get it. Well, it's more of they both. like both sex. Oh, they're both by.

But maybe the guy probably leans more towards the guy and the girl leaves more towards girls, but everybody's by, yeah. Right. I was trying to explain this scenario to my friend, and she was very confused. I'm like,

you have to listen to the podcast. But, you know, because it's just like, you know, because I know, I think on the first podcast, I was like,

oh, then you're like sort of homosexual as a male and homosexual as a female, but you do like that, but you only date women, right? And romantically, you're only attracted.

to women, right? And so that would, I think that that would pose a problem, or maybe you'd have to redefine who you are if you fully transition to a female, because then you wouldn't be male anymore, you'd be female, right? And then you'd, since you're only attracted to women romantically, you would then be a lesbian, right? Right. But in the transgender world, a lot of us, a lot of, it's kind of funny, a lot of us they don't try to figure out the whole what sex you are because we're so over the place.

Not in general, but it's so confusing with gender and that stuff. Your sexuality is different to be gender, so. Is what? Just sexuality is different than your gender. Right. No, but I'm just saying that if you, but because romantically, like,

do you feel like you would maybe change if you were a female, right? And maybe with the hormones would make you feel different and you would be romantically attracted to men? I don't know. I don't know because if I transition, I probably wouldn't get home ones. So how would you transition? And what would that mean in your world?

And it would be classic surgery and that's sort of thing. I'm afraid of the hormones. I'm afraid of shorting, you know, the side effects were shorting your life and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. That scares me. Right. So you would just do the operation, meaning like you would get tits. I mean, that's what I'm thinking right now.

I would do the operation. the biggest thing would be get my tits back. Right, but like can't you keep your penis? Like, can you take away your penis and get a vagina and like without hormones? Or I don't think that that would work, would it? Don't you need the hormones for that whole aspect? Right. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, so you would really stay half a man, a half a woman, right? Because like from the waist down, you'd be a guy and then you'd have tits, right? And I think that's who you really are. It is. So that would just be like making yourself. My female size thinks that she's a girl with a dick. Yeah. Right.

It would be like coming full circle to that, you know, to that person who was in whatever grade and you had to get a breast reduction and it would be like just accepting yourself for who you were, right? Maybe on a deeper level. I mean, I don't think that that, like if you're not, it was transitioning for you, if you're not really going to do the hormones and you're not going to chop off your dick. Because when I re-listen to the podcast and I was trying to figure out what angle we were going to take on this one, I was thinking we'd talk.

more about your transitioning. And I remember thinking when you just said, like, it was more focusing about how you wanted those breasts back. I was like, why don't you just get the breast and don't take off, you know, your penis because you didn't want to give up the guy side of you. That was the part of you that didn't want to transition. I never wanted to, I don't have a desire. I never wanted to give up my penis.

Right. So you don't have to, right? You don't have to. Can't you do both? And if you don't get the tits so big, don't you feel like you could keep, you? them hidden on a certain level as a man or no?

I've been kind of thinking about that. Because you're heavier, that's what you said on a first podcast. Yeah. You could just act like they're man boobs, no? Yeah, but I know me and my exhibition I'm going to want to show them. Right, because you are that exhibition.

Okay, and so you feel like then, if you want to show them, you're going to have to be a woman more of the time, most of the time. Yeah. and I'm going to have to, you know, and also I want a size that shows. I don't want the ones that you can't pay. Right. You don't want B cups.

Like, I mean, I feel like most people are that way. If you're going to get breast implants, you might as well, you know, go all out. Yeah. Oh, well, my breast forms now are H cups. You're what? My breast ones now, the newest ones that got their H. What the hell is an H? That's what they call them.

They're pretty big. Like, like, like, way bigger than double D's. Um, no. No, no, right. They go with these because my breast ones before yous are double these. But see, on me, because I'm a bigger framed person, they fit. They go, where do you go buy those things? Do you go get fitted for them or do you get them online? These came from Amazon. And what are they? Like, you know, even women that have no tits could get these things, right? It's better than getting an operation for some people, right? basically they're the same breast ones that somebody who had breast cancer would get

okay and there's silicon like implants that don't go inside you like through surgery they just go inside a bra right yeah and they feel real and now because you're on the heavier side do you have a little they don't they don't feel real I mean you can touch them you know they're fake I know but they're not mushy because they're silicon

like they're not now these are firm yeah oh okay But, I mean, there's all different typeset that you can get mushy, you can get firm, you can get ones made with, like, basically, a beanbag material. You get silicone. You can get, there's a whole slew of things you can get. Right. So now I get why the whole transitioning thing would be very confusing for you, because, you know, if you get those huge tits, right, you're not going to be able to hide them as a guy. And you're still going to have your dick, right? Are you going to want to wear makeup every single day and be a female?

Or are you going to feel confident enough to walk outside of your house? house as a guy with huge boobs. Can you get to that place? No. You know? No, because, you know, if I'm looking as a guy, then I want to look like a guy. Right, but if you really want your boobs back, right? And you want to be a guy. This is so confusing, yeah.

Yeah, this is why I haven't done it. Right. Because it would be like, okay, if you're not going to ever walk out of your house as a guy, then you would be bound, even though you'd still have your dick, right? And like you'd still be a guy. Because you'd feel uncomfortable to walk out, you'd have to be a female all the time. You'd have to live an even worse of a double life, I feel like.

Yeah. Because you'd be hiding more as a guy. Mm-hmm. Right? I mean, yeah, but I mean, even when I'm a female, I don't hide my dick. You know, I don't. Right, but when you're a female,

you could hide my dick. it like when you're in a store and everybody is just regular, when you go into the, you know, these video stores where you're having sex, or what are they called? Like these theaters where you're having sex and everything's going down. That's one thing to not hide it. But in, when you're walking out of your house as a female, you know, people don't see it right. Isn't the whole point like sort of making people actually really believe you're a female? No, the whole point is feeling is wearing what I want to wear and feeling what I want the way

I want to feel. So you want to wear women's clothes but feel like a man? No, I wear a feeling clothes, I feel like a female, yeah. But, you know, I'm just a girl with a dick. So I don't, I mean, I'm not sitting there showing it off, but I'm not hiding it either.

Like, you know, I don't like how some some girls will tuck it, like tuck it up between your legs or tuck it in a way so it disappears so you have, you know, it looks like, you know, you're flat there. Right. Uh-huh.

You're not totally, right. I don't do that. Right. Because you're not totally sold on just, like, you're not just 100% female. You really are both. Right. And also, I don't look at my dick as, you know, some females look at their dick as, you know, it's not part of me.

Oh, it's this disgusting thing. Right. It's wrong. They feel like it's wrong because they feel like they should, they were born the wrong sex physically because every other part of them feels like some some some different sex right i look at my disc like you know it's there it's functional it you know feels great when it's hard but you just want those those tits back do you remember anything about them like like do you remember like liking them or having any kind of sort of emotional attachment to them i remember at one point saying i was like i didn't i

want to go through the surgery. Mm-hmm. But I always thought it was, it was just me saying, you know, like you would, what kid wants to go to muscle and go in the surgery. Right, totally. And, you know, now I'm thinking that maybe that was my female site saying, they're supposed to be here.

Um, maybe, or maybe it was just, like, I think anyone's really afraid, especially at that age to surgery. You know, you're going under here in the hospital. was more, I think it was, I think it was more that was me, you know, my mind saying, don't go through that they're supposed to be there. Right. That's what you think.

Or like, I didn't, I wasn't processing that. Right. Yeah, it's so confusing because, and that's why you're not able to make a decision. I mean, you're in therapy, right? Does your therapist, like, specialize in this kind of a thing by any chance? Can I remember having... I look for one. I look for one that she deals with transgender people.

Yeah, I remember having somebody else on the show, and I was like, there's got to be, like, you know... I get there's a lot of them now. Right? Especially now. Like, you said you were going to, like, a group. Yeah, I mean, what we say about transgender people is, like, you know, everybody's saying, oh, this is a new phenomenon. It's not.

It's actually, the problem with it is there's more of us out than you think there is. We hide. Right. Yeah, of course. Now, I think people are hiding less because it's, there's a little, there's a lot more awareness, right? I mean, before there was none. Yeah, people are hiding less, but still, when you look at how many people are out now, think about there's a lot more to still hiding.

I'm sure, of course, you know, it's, uh, it's just coming out into the forefront. And so it's just, it could be 10 years before everybody's completely free to be themselves, you know? And you're not part of that, this generation. You know, I think if you're a lot younger, I think 20-somethings, you know. I'm not. I'm 42. Yeah, it's very different. I mean, you lived most of your life having to hide out because nobody would even know

what the fuck you were talking about. I mean, it's, and it's still confusing even now to me, but like, you know, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, like, you know, how would people, you know, people wouldn't even know what it was. I mean, it took you a long time to figure it out. Yeah. Hold on. It took me a long time. And, you know, it's kind of funny because, well, not funny, but I say to people to say,

we're asking people to understand us, but we don't even understand ourselves. Right. And as a group, we don't. As a group, we're, you know, we're fighting to understand ourselves. Right. You don't think that some of them do, like, I mean, like, you know, don't you think that some are very clear and have gotten to that place where they are clear? And I think those are the ones who are kind of like leaders of the movement, right, and helping everybody else that are just coming out. Right. I mean, I know somebody who is from my town and she transitioned. And she transitioned within, she did it all within six months. Right. Because she, and it's fair.

That's very fast, but she knew. This is who I am. This is who I am. That's what I need to be. She did it in six months. Mm-hmm. But how long did she know it? Did she just realize it? And then six months later she changed or she just always knew it in a way.

No, she knows. I don't know her. I'm not close to her closer, but she's known it for her life. Right. And now this was someone who was a guy. And kind of funny is kind of funny. we went to school together. Yeah, I was just going to say,

are you the same age? Yeah, we're at the same age, yeah. And so she was a guy and she transitioned into becoming a woman? Yeah. And now, were you guys friends? No. Interesting.

And now how did you find out that this was the deal with her, like on Facebook or something, or like at a group? We went to, well, we, I went to a support group for the way she was at and was walking

and was realizing and you're putting two to three together like holy crap right and then you guys did you guys start talking and sort of become friends no you have a thing with probably like you still even now that you're so much more comfortable like with who you are and you've come a long way right since high school when you had to like hide out and not be yourself like have you been able to have any kind of like the very intimate relationships like with whether it's like romantic or even just friendship, like close friendships with people who know who you are?

I have. Well, that's not bad. Like three real friends that really know who you are, know the real deal. Are they males, females, a mix? Female. All three are female. All three are female?

Well, that's cool. Now, were any of them like people that you dated at some point, or did they all just strictly friends? All friends. And what was the last time you had like a serious relationship? with a woman. It was before I figured out all this. Oh, really?

And how, so 10 years ago, like? Uh, no. I mean, the last relationship I had with a woman was probably three or four years ago. Okay. Now, I know that you said on the first podcast that you hadn't had a relationship longer than two years, right? So how long did that one last? And you don't tell the females that you date about all this other stuff, right?

No, I'm not count the females I fuck. I fuck, no. What was that? I don't count the females I fuck, no. No, but I'm saying you don't tell them about, like, the whole bi-gender thing. I mean, they just think you're a straight guy that they're dating? Yeah. No, you say that, like, you say that not so clear. Yeah.

The last girl I had a relationship with, I tried to tell her, and she kind of just booed me off. Later on when I came out, she came back and was, oh, my God, I know you were trying to tell me I'm so sorry and everything. But that relationship was kind of one of those that wasn't going anywhere anyway. Right. Okay. But you did try to tell her. Because of stuff on her end, yeah. Mm-hmm.

And you're always, like, you told you said this, too, that you're always very monogamous. So it's not like you're screwing guys behind their back or anything. Do you find that maybe you don't have, like, relationships long term with women? because you have such a strong desire sexually for all these things that you like to do. You're like a hardcore exhibitionist. You like to get it on with multiple people. You're very bisexual. Like do you think if you're going like that maybe that's what keeps you from staying with any woman for a very long time?

Because if you're going to be monogamous right with a woman, how are you going to give up all that other stuff? If they're never going to know about it, right, then you can never do that stuff. And like, does it eventually just get to a point where like you just want to go out and act up sexually again? so that you, so you break up with them? Is that why it typically ends? No, it ended, I think, more because of the whole life. I never opened up to them because of this whole thing. Right.

Yeah, you seem like the person is very detached. Right. Right. And that's the sexual part of it, you know, because, you know, I'm a very sexual person. Like, I'm very open, my sexual, but I'm a very sexual person. So if I'm with it, you know, I'm with. you and we're having sex on a regular basis. That's going to be enough for me.

Mm-hmm. Okay. That becomes like what you're into. Right. Okay, cool. So it's more about date you just on something. Because I could sense that from you just talking to you and I only know you for a short time that like the things that you say, it just seems like you don't have any real

relationships. Even though you say you have these three women, I still believe that you keep yourself pretty disconnected with. No, these three are Very close Yeah One figured it out You know she figured it out

But I told it in the story Yeah Yeah that's one of them Right The other one And the other two I came out and told But besides telling them though

Are these people that like you hang out With all the time That you go out to dinner That you call up And talk to on the phone a lot Oh yeah Okay cool Yeah

And two of them have met my other side. Oh, okay, that's great. So they fully know who you are, right? And they accepted you. I mean, that must have been, like, helpful to you to see that, like, if you make friends, right? And people care about you, that they will be able to accept who you really are, right? Yeah. How come you can't do that with guys?

Any of your guy friends? Do you have any guy friends? I have a best friend You're a guy Okay and he has no idea About all this other stuff I don't think so no Right and you can't come clean

You said you came clean on Facebook About being transgender So he must know Yeah so you probably know something But But the thing about I don't need him to know Like I don't need him I don't need that for him

He's the guy that I'm friends He talked about baseball football You know That's what I need from I don't need him to know this. Right, but don't you think on some level, like having everything just be like completely open, maybe instead of keeping things so compartmentalized, would be freeing on a certain level or no? No, I mean, if you have to find out one day, I'm not going to freak out about it.

But I mean, if you put it on Facebook that your transgender, how could he just only sort of assume that maybe something's going on? He must know completely. He didn't have any questions for you? Like I said, I'm sure he knows, but he's not the type of person that's going to sit there and ask me. Right, because that's just not how guys are. He's not going to talk to you like I am. I mean, he's mentioned stuff to me. Like, I was talking to one day, and he said, you know, the course of your selling to sell and brawes. So, you know, he's kind of saying he knows without saying it.

Right. I think that's how guys communicate to each other, right? Yeah. Because probably at a sub-level, he just wants to. talk to you about the stuff that you talked to too he doesn't give a shit about all that other stuff right no i mean you know he he knows so i'm sure he knows on so level about it but i don't think he doesn't know everything he doesn't know him by he doesn't know my exhibition does he doesn't know i was you know and he doesn't ask any questions right i mean he

knows your transgender because you let him know that right but he doesn't ask yeah i mean it was on facebook and you know I'm sure everybody knows something of it. I don't know if they know the deaf to it or what. I don't know. Right. I mean, it's interesting to me that you put it out there

and you said that you didn't really have any. It was very anti-climactic, which that's when I was like, hmm, like, are you very close with your friends? Because most of the time I would think, like, close friends would maybe say, like, what do you mean? Well, the three I'm talking about already knew before I said it.

Right. Okay. Right. But that's what's so odd is that everybody else that didn't know didn't really have any reaction. But maybe people just don't know. I'm a very like, I don't know what the word is,

but like I would be the type of person that would know how to sort of approach my friend and be like, oh my God, that's so interesting and ask them questions. And I think other people maybe feel a little uncomfortable and don't know what to say so they just don't say anything, even though they're curious. Because they don't want to offend, do you know?

Yeah, I think I would have gotten more reaction if I came out so that I was buying. Right. Because they know it. that is. Transgender, they, you know, they probably have an idea, but they don't really know. Right. But let's get, because I know that you said, and I don't know if this is because, like, I wonder, as an exhibitionist, right, you have that hardcore side of you. Does it, do you get, like, is it, like, interesting to you or, like, a turn on to you to, like, talk about your experiences,

like on the show and put it out there for people to hear? Is that, like, does that sort of feed that part of you? Yeah. I mean, listen, I have had a couple people, not 100%. Most people love coming on my show afterwards. They all be like, oh, my God, that was great. But a couple I've been like, and it was very, it was like there was like a turn on to be sort of talking about my stuff out in the open.

And I guess thinking that, you know, all these people are going to hear it, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So why don't you do your thing? Yeah, for me it is. Right. So why don't you do your thing? I know that you said, because I was like trying to figure out where we were going to go.

And I re-listen to the podcast. And I'm like, I want to talk more about like, you know your younger stuff and all that stuff that happened to you when you were little that maybe you know affected you and um you were like yeah and we could also talk about stuff that i've done sexually you know recently so why don't you tell me some stories well i just told you the story the story the one making that with the guy it was a guy dressed up as a girl right he would right but he was with his girlfriend and this is at this place where you always go right now when it's a situation like that and you feel yourself like super attracted to the guy and you guys had like a

connection do you ever exchange numbers with these people and meet them outside of this place um no how come that never came up with then but what about with other people i've had people ask but it's like no you know i it's kind of like a safety thing for me right right well i think it's also interest of who you are yeah you compartmentalize you don't want it like you're used to keeping that part of yourself and that place. And to take it outside of that, it would be, I think, a whole different experience, maybe. It may be too much.

It's not what you're interested in. You're not interested in sort of getting close with a guy on other levels, right? So I think the best way to keep it... No, I'm just interested in him, you know, his dick, and then this is like him coming on my church, basically. Right, and you prefer for it to be in front of people.

I can do it in front of people. I can do it privately. I like you in front of people It doesn't have to be preferred that way Right, you could do both So do you have guys that you sort of meet up with Like in hotels or at your house? I'm assuming you live alone, right?

So you could host at your househouse, right? No, I live alone And I did get a few, you know, years ago Where I had I met a couple of guys come over my house And I've grown over at a people's house. And I've grown over out of people's house. house, but I stopped having them come to my house with them like, okay, I'm showing the

stupid people where I live so I can come back later, we're on the place. Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah, so that's why, and that's kind of why I don't do that numbers and stuff. Right, so you kind of remain a little bit anonymous because you just don't know these people. Right. I think that's smart. You know, and it's a way of keeping your distance a little bit.

I think you do that across the board in your life and that works for you. Yeah. I said something there. I think that's going away more. Let me ask you this. Do you want to ever get married and have kids? Did I ask you that question before? I don't think so.

Yeah. I mean, yes, I do. It's interesting because as more and more as I figure out things and I'm saying, I'm probably as much of the exhibition as me. I probably have to, you know, be more of a swinger because, am I going to give up, you know, being with guys? No, I like it so much, you know? Right, that's what I said earlier.

Like, to be long-term with a woman, she'd have to be accepting of that other side because eventually you'd want to sort of do that stuff again, right? Yeah. And you don't want to do it. You're not someone that, like, you're monogamous in that. You're, like, honest, right? You don't want to do it behind someone's back.

No. That's not an option for you. No. that's not an option. I don't want to do it to send somebody's back. That's why you've remained faithful to the other women, right? You were able to do that for two years, but if you're with someone for 10 or 15 years, how are you going to do it? Well, the two-year relation to breaking up was not about that. No, I know, but I'm just saying that like you're realistic, like you know yourself.

You know that if it went any longer than that or it's long-term 5, 10, 15 years, you're not going to want to just remain with one woman. Like you're going to miss being with guys, right? I don't miss being with people. I mean, you know, you know, I'm not, you know, I'm not monogamous in that way. I like having multiple sex partners. I like having a group of sex. I like having the freedom if I want to fuck somebody or fuck somebody.

Right. And you want to, right. And so you want to go into any kind of serious long-term relationship being totally honest about that. And I believe, and I think we talked about this on the first, on the last episode, now I remember, that you will find some. There's plenty of, there's women out there that would. you know, totally be okay with that. Now, would you be open to meeting a transgender woman? Yes.

Right. That's cool. And now, what about kids? Are you interested in any of that kind of stuff? I am, but I'm at the age of now where it's like, okay, Eva, she's going to have her kids. Or more than likely she doesn't want any. Right, because you like to fish in your own, like, age range. I mean, you're not looking for 25 years.

No. You know, you're only 42. What? then you have to talk to them right so you feel like if you met someone now and they're around your age they are I mean it'll get me wrong you give me a 25 year old

and wants to fuck me I'm going to be like yeah are you like equal opportunity as far as like you're like because you know you're into men you're into women are you into like fat skinny tall short old young like like those kind of extremes um

I'm more into white women and Asian women and Spanish women. I'm not really into black women. Interesting. Okay. I like heavier women. Not heavy, like huge, but like shapely. Right. Guys-wise, it's kind of like, don't look disgusting.

don't look disgusting you're in their face or their body no I mean I've gone into those places and you get these old really old creepy people it's like no right like they're just they're so there's

are there a lot of like a hot guys in there those places or is that every now and then you'll find one? They're average guys I mean you know a lot of them are in my age group they're average you get occasionally you get you know, really a 20-something year old

with a hot body. Well, that was you. I mean, that's when you started to do that. Hmm? You know, you showed up at that club or that, what is it called? Like, you know, you showed up at that place bookstore when you were like 21. Yeah. Right.

You ever see any celebrities in this place? No, but the ones like I go with. Right. I remember once my friend was working in a swingers club and there was one celebrity, I would never name names that would always come to the swingers club. and it was just like interesting but I wouldn't have you name names I was just wondering

so you so your how did we get onto the whole thing what did I ask first then I have to edit this out about how you started talking about you know asking me

do I get a rouse talking about it which I do right no but yeah it was more about I mean last podcast did I get a rousey I did yeah no I mean like this is I don't know how we got back onto this

but yeah And maybe this is what you want to, well, this is how we'll wrap it up. We'll talk about this. So, you know, whatever. But like you, I've had a couple people say that, and I guess it's the ones that have a little bit of the exhibitionist in them that they like to talk about. And then they got aroused. I mean, you know, for me, I'm doing it because I'm like interested in hearing the stories and other people are. I'm sure people that are listening are feeling the same thing, you know.

that's why I don't like to totally cock block the stories about like I don't like you know you look at the episodes of my show and you think like oh it's like a sex show but it's really I don't think that it is because that's not what I'm doing I just like to sort of analyze people and everything and I'm just curious

but I do think that people do get something erotic about the stories and everything so sometimes even though they're not as the most interesting part of my podcast for me I don't like you know I care more about like the other psychological stuff. I do I do like to make sure that I allow people to talk about them because I know that my

listeners like them, you know, and I think, look, you like talking about it, people like listening to it. It's that kind of a scenario. So, you know, I know, like, I just was wondering how I got to the point where I was asking you about how you were saying what you like with the males and the females who like, you know. Oh, the men. You asked me what kind of type, do I have a type of woman or the type of body that like or something like that. Yeah, I know the guys. And then you were saying you had the guys, you know. I mean, guys pretty much don't be, don't be creepy looking.

And that's about it. I mean, I don't look, like, I can walk down the street very rarely that I look at a guy goes, he's hot. Right. Well, there's not a lot of hot guys. It's weird, you know. Well, no, in general. Very rarely do I go down and look like, like you're hot unless unless you're wearing something tight and they can see your butt or your

legs or you know you know even if I can see that way on your deck you know right because you're not really looking at the face I'm looking at their dick yeah right okay mm-hmm that's what it's about right to me with a guy all I want is your deck you know and where the woman you're looking at her face in the bot like everything what is it different for a woman when you're just like in that place and you're looking for a woman to sleep it like it like Do you take the face into consideration more, or just that doesn't matter either for a woman. It's just more about her body. When I'm looking at women in that place, I'm looking at her body and I'm looking at her more.

Guys, guys are easy. What do you mean easy? Easy to see? Like, easy to, what do you mean, easy? Easy to screw? Yeah, basically. Yeah, I can go and screw any guy I want. Totally, yeah.

First of all, there's probably not a lot of women in these places, right? Few and far between. That's what I would think. Depends. You can have one night nobody comes in, and you can have a night where a bunch of women come in. And most of the time they're with another guy, right? I mean, right?

It's a couple scenario. And when you go and nobody's there, like nobody at all, and like how long do you wait around? It depends. Sometimes I'll be there a couple hours. Right, and you're just hanging at... This is like a bookstore, and you're in like in the back? Or is this a club?

Yeah, the one I go to is... It's a bookstore, but I don't think they sell a lot of that anyway. But they have like three... Well, it's really two big rooms with the divide into three, and there's like a street theater, a gay theater, any, each. Right. And you go... And I call it a theater, but it's not like a theater with rows of seats.

So it's a room, there's videos, there's screens with videos playing, and there's couches around. Oh, right, right. It's not like they're selling popcorn and tickets to get in. No. And there's not movie seats. Although I've been to those, too. What do you mean? Like a real theater.

Like I've been to one that was a theater converted into a court, yeah. It was a real theater at one time. Could you get popcorn? No. They didn't sell, but they did? I wouldn't eat the food there. Right. But it was set up with the chairs and everything. Yeah.

Right, because it was converted. And they have these. I mean, this is the same one you've been going to that you've gone to since you're 21, right? Oh, that one's closed. Oh, okay. So this is a new one. I mean, are you kind of like a regular and you know a lot of the people there? Oh, yeah.

I know the people that work there. It's actually pretty funny. Yeah. In what sense funny? Oh, no, just in general. It's like cheers. It's like the X-rated cheers, you know, where everyone knows your name. Yeah.

And, you know, they'll ask you hi. And it's an interesting place because you can be sitting there. And one of the things I like about the place, and I like going to places, like, I can be sitting there talking to somebody about baseball. Yeah, and we're sitting in talking about, you know, or something with baseball teams and what's going to have baseball. And we're just having to be standing in a room with our dicks out. Right. So that's about baseball. It's so kind of interesting.

And that's stuff that kind of I find interesting and kind of cool. Right. It kind of becomes like it's not so abnormal. Like outside of it when you're looking, you know, from the outside, it would seem so bizarre, right? But when you're there and you're involved in it, it's just like kind of like it doesn't feel so weird, right? Because there are these everyday aspects to it that are going on besides all the crazy sex. it's more that it's a place where you can totally be yourself. Right.

And everybody's being themselves. You know, everybody's being themselves. They're, you know, hey, they like what they like. Mm-hmm. That's what my podcast is all about. People call in and for like the 45 minutes to an hour that they're talking to me, they're completely themselves. To me, what's so interesting and why I do it is to bring sort of that aspect of like,

it's not so crazy and the people aren't like people will say oh the creepy people from Craigslist you know most of the people I talk to on Craigslist and when you really talk to them they just seem like regular people like you know this is what you know yeah it's not like I don't get many people that I think are creepy or anything anyone you know no I mean if you met me on the street if you met me in my life you would think I'm a normal guy and it's kind of funny it's like oh I'm a normal guy who you know is bygendered

And, you know, I've, and can perform in front of people. Yeah. Yeah. And likes it and loves it and is interested in that. And has been doing that since he's 21, you know, glory holes in all. Like, you've done a lot of stuff. And I think that that's what I find interesting. I always say that the people that call into my show are people that you'd be sitting

next to in a coffee shop and you'd have no idea. It's not like some weirdo from Craigslist, you know. It's just like regular people, but people are going on Craigslist to do. this because everyone sort of has to hide that part of themselves, you know? Well, people go to those theaters because they have to, you know, everybody in here is hiding it. Right. Mm-hmm.

I know you said you get married guy. You know, there's a married guy. It's kind of sad you think about it. It's like everybody in here is hiding themselves, a part of themselves. And it's because of society. And it's like, it should be that way. You know, so what? I like going down like that.

You know, I like guys going down on me. I like, you know, another fetish of mine. I like guys coming in my place. boots. And your what? I like guys coming on my boots. Right. Okay. Mm-hmm. You know, why should, you know, it sucks where you live in a society where people judge

that and people go, well, you're not normal, you know. Right, totally. Or they would think you're like a pig or like a pervert or whatever. Yeah. Right. And people hide, you know. Totally. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because people just take sexes seriously and they're so involved in other people. people shit. Like, what do you care about if somebody likes that? Like, what does it even matter? If you

like that, right? And you're paired up with a guy who's like into doing that, then what is it anyone else's business? You know what I mean? I think it just becomes a problem when people are, like, you know, are boundary less and are pushing their sex, you know, sexual stuff on other people that don't want it. Then those, like, that's like illegal shit. But like, besides that, it's all consensual and it's adults, right? And it's, it's all fine. So there should be a problem. Yeah, because you asked me one time Did I go into, like, expose myself in places? I'm like, no, that's not what it is about, you know, for me.

I know people who do it. I know people who do it, and they're like, oh, it's so great and everything like that. And I'm like, no, it's not. I mean, I'm not going to say I haven't gotten a hard on in a pair of jeans, and I'm sitting there and talking donuts, and it's like, okay. and that's how people notice that I'm hard. But it's not like... You're not doing that on purpose.

You're not going out and seeking that. It just happens and you're like, oh my God, right? And that's just like maybe everybody has a little bit of that in them, right? But it's the people that sort of cross the lines and do it where it's basically almost maybe illegal. Then you have to be like wondering. But like that's not your scenario. Everything that you do is actually just stuff that you're just like into and it's not unhealthy. It's healthy for you.

It's what you're in. Which is like you're being true to who you are. and you're living that out. I think where you're at right now in the crossroads, you know, you're facing is like, you know, whether you change things up drastically by transitioning,

or you continue on a little compartmentalized as you are. And, you know, waiting to find, because I do believe that you could find a woman that is accepting. And I think that if you could, and if you do, then,

you know, I think that would make you feel more comfortable maybe transitioning as, you know, into what you want. I mean, you know, she's got to accept a lot. I always think about it. Like, well, she's going to accept a lot. Bidgender, being bisexual, being, you know. Yeah, there is a lot.

But, you know, I think that there's somebody for everybody. I mean, women are like, women, we date. I mean, men aren't so great. Okay. Men have a lot of shit that women have to deal with. So, you know, I think that they're, you know, when you're really ready and you really want to find someone, I think that you can. I see people accepting different kinds of people all the time.

So I think that you should be open to that happening for you at any time because it can, you know. But I wouldn't transition before that happened. I think you would wait until maybe that happens. I'm not, you know, it's kind of something like I want, like, you know, what is to do it's like, like, right now, like, I'll tell you right now, I got my boots on right now. You got what? And I got my booze on right now. Uh-huh.

And I'm not fully dressed as a woman, but I got, you know, a pair of skinny jeans on and a pair of boots. Uh-huh. And stuff, because you wanted to speak to me more as a female, so I kind of got into the character more this thing. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that, that you're very difficult. different in both as both people, right? So I was talking more to the woman. I think you seem similar to me, but there's a difference, right? It's different.

I mean, I'm more talkative and more outgoing than I was last time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Probably the voice, you're hearing just a voice. Right. The voice doesn't change. Mm-hmm. But the voice.

But like, I think I was going to say, but, oh, oh, yeah, about my boots. Now, when I take these off, which I probably won't take them off the rest of the day. It's a letdown. When you get rid of them. Yeah. Right, and you go back, right. It's like almost going intermediate depression. Yeah, well, you know, that means that, like, there's something missing in reality.

Like, it's almost like that's, like, the first thing. fantasy part of yourself, right? Because it's not really real, but you go there and you feel very fulfilled. And then when you take that out and you get back to reality, here you are a guy without those tits and something's missing. Yeah. When they're on and, you know, they're on and everything, I feel like they're supposed to be there. You know, they're there.

I wish they were part of me because I could show more cleavage, which do. Like I would love to be in the theater and just take my top down and have my tits to sit there. Right. But I can't. And not yet. You know, there's times that that really sucks, you know, and there's times in the theater that I get really

kind of down because it sucks because it's like I totally want to have my chest just sitting there out, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'll have a guy say, oh, they're real, yeah. Right, but you know that they're not, and you want to say yes. Yeah, and I'm like, no. And in my mind, I'm like, at worst there are. right

well that's like until you know for sure and you're really really ready to take that step you can't do it and until then you have to just keep sort of you know living a little bit of the double life yeah you know so there you go have I thought about

you know what size would I get you know then I can still hide them yeah I thought about it but then am I going to be happy with their size No, you're not going to be like you said. If you're going to have them, you really want them. Right. So what's the point?

That would be ridiculous. I mean, I'm not saying the size that I'm wearing now is the size I want. It's just that I want them to be out there. I want people to see it. Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, and I got the bigger size, really, because of my fetish.

I like guys coming on them. Right. I gave him a bigger target. But what? So I gave him a bigger target So come on Oh right right right Plus you also said it goes with your body type better too

Hmm Plus it also goes with your body type better Yeah you you I mean like it's a big decision to make Because it wouldn't be It would it would You know it would definitely change the way people see you And that's a huge thing So you know you can't

I would change my life And it's like do I really want to change that Maybe not yet but maybe in the future, maybe if you stay alone, you know, and you're still doing what you're doing and you're like unfulfilled, maybe after a while it will just become too much and you will do. You will want to make that transition. Maybe that will be something that changes your life and makes you happier.

I don't know. I don't think it's any time soon, you know? I think you may be a couple years away from that. Yeah, at least that. Right? if I ever do it, you know. Yeah, right. You might, but I think, you know,

it would be, like I said, years from now, but I think what you, I mean, is it like finding a relationship and having one something that's a priority for you right now in your life? Yeah, because I'm tired of being alone. Right. And your 40s, I think, that happens, right?

Mm-hmm. More so. I mean, it did for me. It's finding the right relationship, it's finding the right person to be with. Yeah, and for you, that's like, who's going to allow me to be me. Yeah.

Right. And how do you go about meeting women? Just like she's going to allow her to be her. Yeah. How do you go about meeting women at this point in your life? Good question. So you don't, right. Well, it is.

It's probably, I should just go out there and just start meeting people, but it's kind of, and it's kind of in the back of the way and say, yeah, I go meet this person. And I actually recently gave me number to somebody. And then I'm sitting to think of myself, okay, when am I going to tell her? Right The last person I tried to date The last person I was trying to date I told her pretty quickly

Mm-hmm And Well I think it was more On my heart problems with her But basically we went on one date And that was it And she We've been on Tinder actually

And she's still friends with me She'll still talk to me But She kind of and it just disappeared romantically that way. Yeah, well, like, listen, I mean, it's not your, most women are not going to be accepting of it, right, and not into it. But why not weed out the people, those people right off the bat?

I don't think that it's something that, oh, if you got a girl, if you hit it so much and then sort of let a girl know when she was in love with you that she would be more accepting. I think it's more someone's accepting or they're not. And it's much better. I don't want to feed that way because I don't want to, I don't want her to think, oh, I'm I hate it from her. That's what I'm saying, right. Then you're lying.

I don't think that works in the situation. Right. I have a next girlfriend now that knows everything about me. And actually, she's part of the fourth person once they have a good relationship with. She what? I don't think she's probably the fourth person. Like I could say, I have a really good relationship. Like you asked me, who's close with another thing.

Right. I dated her. I was friends where we dated. And then we, and we were together probably eight. year. And then after we did it, I came out and told her. And now she knows everything. She knows what I do.

She knows, you know, everything like I'll sit there and talk to her. And, you know, I'll see her and tell her, you know, oh, I was out tonight and this happened, you know? Yeah, that's great. Mm-hmm. And I made sure, and I still kind of worry about it, make sure to let her know that I wasn't doing it I was with you. Because I hate having a feeling like did I, you know, by not telling you,

I'm not being so respectful for you and I hate that feeling. Right, you're not to see, like, you don't want to deceive anybody. You're not looking to be in switch anyway. That's why it's like it has to be, I don't think it's bad that you told that person on the first day and then they,

they weren't interested. It's like, you got to the point really quick. You're not wasting your time. That's fine. But I think it's a numbers game with anybody dating, right? This is how we're going to wrap it up after this. but like it's a numbers game when you're dating and I think with you your number you have to do three times the amount of numbers that other people have to because what you're looking for is a little hard to find right but it's out there so you have to be dating a lot you know and you should just put it out there you know right off the bat so that you weed out the people that aren't interested and eventually you'll meet the one that is but I think you have to go on uh you know I think you have to continue to do Tinder um and date a lot I'm done with Tinder.

Well, whatever. You know, I don't know. I don't date anybody right now. Tinder, I met two people on Tinder, and they both were flaky. Yeah, well, people are flaky in general, but I mean, I don't know. I mean, once they were really flaky. And then after that, I would match people when Tinder starts walking them, and they're either front for a ad.

Right, of course, right. That's what happens, unfortunately, when something gets very successful, people, then all the spam gets on there. right or the person kind of just doesn't respond back right but I'm sure your therapist you go to who specializes in this knows of places or ways for you to meet people and you probably talk about that and you have to just continue to put yourself out there because eventually I really believe you could find somebody six to eight months if you really date like it could be six to eight months from now you meet somebody for real swear that's what I believe that's my prediction

I make predictions on my podcast, and I'm always right, so I say six to eight months. But you have to put yourself out there and you have to date somehow. And I think that maybe that therapist or your support groups or other people that you know, that our transgender could maybe help you out, you know. But, and keep me posted. I say six to eight months. Okay. Like, that's a major thing.

I don't really talk about other transgender or girls about, about. it because they all assume I want a guy. Like I meant this, you know, she transitioned. And it's actually, well, it's a funny story because she actually offered me to work as a stripper. Oh my God. Yeah. Because she said I like that good. And, but she just assumed I want a guy.

And she sort of talking about guys, whatever. And I told her, no, I'm looking for a female. She's like, what? I'm like, yeah. And she's like, why? That's her question. Why? Right.

Because in her mind, it's like, no, you're a transition to a girl. You're a girl. You want a guy. And I'm like, no. Yeah, but right. But you know exactly what you want. So it doesn't matter what people think. I mean, you know, you.

Oh, no. I'm not saying it is a bit, but I'm saying this is why I don't really ask for advice for other transgender people because. They don't understand. Not a whole of, like. how to just meet people in general. It doesn't matter, but listen, it doesn't matter whether you're trying to meet a guy or a girl. The same way of going about it. Well, they're still wrapped up in their own in their own stuff because of a lot of stuff that are in their head that sometimes they get stuck on it.

Right. And then they don't understand why you don't feel that way. Right, right. Well, everyone's just so narcissistic into themselves. I think you find that across the board of anybody. So it's very hard to find people that really give a shit about what you're talking about and want to really help you. you know, they're just involved in their own stuff. That's just a fact. But I think you just got to continue dating and, you know, keep me posted on what goes down. And, you know, when you either date somebody or have some new stories that you want to come on and talk about, let me know. And I'll have you back on.

Okay. All right, Sam, thanks so much for calling in again. Well, thank you for having me. Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called St. Unanimous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th,

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