Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1473 - Mismatched Libidos, ED & What Men REALLY Need In & Out of the Bedrom w/Dr. Stacy Friedman

Episode Date: May 30, 2026

Dr. Stacy Friedman called in to talk all about mismatched libidos, erectile dysfunction and what mean really need both in and out of the bedroom. Tune in to hear her discuss all the details including how and why she decided to get a doctorate in human sexuality, why sex and intimacy is about way more than just intercourse, the common reasons couples wind up with mismatched libidos and in sexless marriages, how men and women get turned on differently, how and why most women need more buildup and foreplay to get aroused and ow log they really want to be pounded, why women need to get out of their heads and more into their bodies, how pressure and lack of emotional safety kills desire for both men and women, how couples can start opening up about fantasies and roleplay without judgment, why some men lose interest in sex and how his partner can get him back in the mood, the real reasons guys struggle with ED and performance anxiety, what women should never say when a guy can’t get it up, why men suppress emotions and how that affects relationships and sex, plus a whole lot more. You can find here here https://drstacyfriedman.com GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  or Pre-order audiobook version ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   To see HOT pics of ALEXA plus my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bollandbranch.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use code STRICTLYANON for 20% off plus FREE shipping ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.promescent.com/kathykay15⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - New customers get 15% off entire order, automatically applied at checkout  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beduc.at/pd2618-anonymous —⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Rythm.Health/STRICTLYANON⁠⁠ ⁠for 15% OFF your first month PLUS FREE shipping  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LoadBoost.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - To get 10% off LOAD BOOST by VB Health, use code: STRICTLY   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Buy 2 months of Bluechew GOLD and get the third month FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. Last year, I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself. When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anytime, anywhere.

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Match with a licensed therapist today at Talkspace.com. Save $80 with code space 80 at Talkspace.com. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond.

You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. It's real problem. Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. motto of the show, let your freak flag fly.

Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your wips and change. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or X, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I change everyone's voices, people change their names. So if you have an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or you don't even need a naughty life story on anymore. I'll talk to people with

regular interesting life stories for my Sunday episodes. You could be on the show. All you got to do is send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show. I also have a sexual health Saturday series. So if you have a really interesting health story journey that you want to talk about, email me as well. If you have a naughty confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline, you could do that 24-7. The number is 347, 4203579. Make sure you're in a quiet place. So many people call while they're driving and I can't hear shit and I can't use those confessions. Some of the confessions, though, I changed the voices, by the way, on the confessions. And some of those confessions make it

onto a confessions episode where I talk about them. All the rest go on my Patreon. Now listen, if you're irritated by my intros, join my Patreon. Because for just seven, dollars a month, okay? You get every single episode. I do seven of them a week. You get them early. You also get them intro and ad free. Okay. You also see anonymous hot picks of all of my guests. That is all over on my Patreon. Like I said, it's only $7 a month and you could cancel it any time. Now listen, if you join my Patreon, I always tell people that I will throw in a link to my private discord. Now, my private Discord is a place where everyone gets to talk to each other. My Discord is super fun. I have over 6,000 people that signed up over there. Everyone talks each other. People are hooking up over there.

We have a lot of contests. We have a dick pick contest coming up. Okay, you can win 350 bucks, I think, is what I give for the contest. That is starting on May 15th. And it will run for a month. So make sure to sign up to Patreon to get into Discord. So you could take part in that. You could also get a link to my private discord. If you buy my book, I have a new book out. It's called Strictly Anonymous. Confession, secret sex lives of total strangers. That book is available in paperback as well as an e-book. And the audiobook is finally available for pre-order. It's hard to find because it's still on pre-order. But if you go to the description, the links to the books on Amazon as well as the audible book are in the description. If you buy the book, just send me a screenshot and I'll send you the link

to my private Discord. You'll love my Discord. Okay, it's great. You'll also love my Patreon. It's great. Last thing I want to tell you about is I do have a great free trial that you could use for SDC.com. SDC.com is like the world's largest online adult dating site. But it's so much more than a dating site. I mean, you can use it to hook up with people instead of threesomes and all the kind of stuff that people do on my show. But you could also use it to find out about meetups and events in your areas, as well as learn stuff. about the lifestyle. They have so much information on SDC.com. And if you use my code 37712, you'll get a free trial that's 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link and it'll take you right there and set you up with the free trial. So anyway, today I'm on Dr. Stacey Friedman. She was super

fun to talk to. I found it at the end that she was in the lifestyle herself and she's going to come back on and we're going to talk all about like, you know, how couples could get into alternative lifestyles or open up their marriages. She's specializes in that. She's, she has a doctorate in human sexuality. She does help people when it comes to sex. We talk all about mismatch libidos.

We talk about sexless marriages. We talk about cheating. We talk about the difference between men and women. We talk about E.D. We talk about it all. She's super open. We talk about all of those things like from the man's perspective versus the women's perspective. Of course, you know, she talks about the differences between men and women.

in the bedroom and how and why that causes all these problems to exist, right? We also talk about how do you bring up your sexual fantasies in your relationship, but how important that is. And she has some really great free PDFs that she has available where people could download them and ask their partner's questions so that you could get the conversation going, which I think is always like key to spicing things up in the bedroom. But anyway, she's super helpful. You're going to learn a lot. So I'm going to get right to and be right back on with Dr. Stacey Friedman. is the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast.

Hi, Dr. Stacey, should I call you doctor, Dr. Stacey Friedman. I know you have a doctorate. Perfect. You do have a doctorate in human sexuality, plus other stuff. I was like, I can't write this all down. Why don't we just let you, like,

give everybody your stats first before we get into talking about sex? No, that's awesome. Yeah, I do have a doctor in human sexuality, and I have a background in ultrasound. I was an ultrasound technologist for 26 years, so I have a very vast medical background as well, which helps me help others. Which came first?

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. No, no, which came first? No, no, which came first. Oh, which came first. Yeah, ultrasound or sex. Oh, my gosh. Well, I started with ultrasound because I was trying to take care of myself before having

kids. And then after kids, I was like, I need to stay home with the kids. So I did a little bit of ultrasound, but then I was like, everyone always came to me when I was younger. They used to call me Dr. Ruth, which turned into Dr. Stacey. Oh, funny. I was the one everyone came to talk to. About sex?

Obviously, if you recall Dr. Ruth, she was the famous sex therapist of her time, right? Yes. Yes. And so finally, when I was like home, I said, you know what? I was doing the adult toy parties. And I said, instead of sitting here trying to sell a bottle of lube and then talking to someone for a half an hour about their problems, I said, I got to figure out how to make this where I could really help a lot more people. And that's when I decided to get my

coaching certification and my doctorate in the human sexuality. I love it. I always like to know why and how people got into this world. Because like people who like make a living out of talking about sex, you know, I always wonder like how did you get down that path, right? Because it's always an interesting one. So is that just like what drew you to it because you were just always that person that people were talking to and opening up about sex too? Well, I actually was going, Excuse me. I was going into college for psychology and I was like, let me do sex therapy. Right. And I said, you know what? I don't want to be sitting there talking with so many of the deep-rooted problems.

I wanted to help people learn how to have hot sex. Okay. I love it. And also obviously deal with some issues, but when I wound up having my daughter, I wound up having six years of painful sex. After your daughter? nerve. Yes, after my daughter, so I couldn't have sex for six years. Oh my God. And you stayed married during that time? What happened to your poor husband? We're going to be talking about sexless marriages on this call. Yeah, I did stay married during that time. I am not, I'm not married to that

partner anymore. I have a new marriage, but it did destroy a lot of our intimacy, but that kind of made me realize there was nobody to talk to about it. There was nobody. I had a 75-year-old sex therapist was the only person that I was able to talk to about it. And he actually did help quite a bit. But I was like, you know what? There needs to be more people out there that could help somebody learn what it means to have intimacy and not just, can I use bad words? Yes, for sure.

Go for it. Not just fuck. Yeah, I love that. Well, listen, I started my podcast like 12 years ago, a long time ago, right? And so I was just like talking to people about their crazy sex lives. And it kind of happened by accident. I just went on to Craigslist. I wanted like a dear ass.

Abby show. I just went on to Craigslist because it was free. And that's where in the personal section. And that's where I got all these guys calling up with these crazy sex stories. And that's how my whole show came about. But I have to tell you, you know, back in the day, 10, 12 years ago, like, you know, there wasn't anybody available for people to talk to. And I feel like now it's so different. And I think that that's great because a lot of people even come to my show, like couples, I can't tell you how many people email me that listen to my show and they learn from it. And there's one thing learning from people, right? Like real life, people's stories. And And then there's a whole other place that you need to learn from experts, right? And that's why I like to do

both because, you know, as much as you could learn from somebody else's experience, I think, you know, having professional help or hearing stuff or learning things from experts is going to be totally different than anything you could learn from a friend or, you know, just talking to somebody, right? Oh, absolutely, because a lot of times friends can be judgmental. Yes. And as a coach, you are on the same team as your client. You are literally just giving them activities, helping them, you know, learn skills and things that they may not know on their own. And because, unfortunately, the system, education system is so lacking, we learn the only thing is about your anatomy, your, do not have sex because you don't want to get pregnant or

STIs. And that's it. They don't tell you how to have a healthy sex life, how to have a great relationship. No. And so. And if they're learning from porn, I mean, it's like the wiring is just so fucked up. You know what I mean? Exactly.

Yeah, it's like difficult. And so people like me can really help people be like, oh, I didn't even think about that. Or, oh, that's a good idea. You know, just to be able to help people understand there's a way to have hot sex without just having intercourse. Right. It's so much more than that. And I got to tell you, the other thing I know about because I do my show, like I could talk to, you know, because I talk to everybody in the umbrella of like non-monogamy and non-consensual non-monogamy,

aka cheating. You know what I mean? So I'm like hearing. at all. And I have to say, like, I could talk to, you know, a hundred guys who cheat and every single story is going to be different. I could talk to, like, you know, 50 men or women in sexless marriages, and their stories are going to be different. So why that's where I think, like, having a personal coach or somebody that really helps you is, is great, because everybody's story is very different, right? Everybody has different things going on. It's not like one size fits all for everybody, right?

Everyone's story is different. But I do love talking about, like, because you talk about a lot of different things. I wanted to start off talking about like mismatch libidos and sexless marriages. I don't know, you know, they can sort of overlap, right? Not everybody that has mismatch libidos are dealing in a sexless marriage, but I do, I do talk to a lot of couples that wind up in sexless marriages, as well as couples and people calling in because they do have mismatched libidos. It is a big issue. And then I think we want to lead into something that you like to talk about, which is like things that guys are afraid to talk about with their partners and bring up, including sexual fantasies. I think that's like such a big one because like that one conversation is like the first

domino that could like change the fucking game, right? If you could just get past that and not be afraid. But we'll work up to that. But let's like talk about the problems that couples do have in the bedroom with mismatch libidos and sexless marriages. But wait, can I just ask you? I forgot because I feel like we went down to that. What was going on with your painful sex?

It you said it was a nerve thing? Like how did you cure that? Yes, I wanted to have surgery. Oh, okay. Yeah, I had surgery and it took about eight months to heal. But I was not able to even use tampons. I was not able to have a GYN exam. Nothing touching there because I had what they call vulvidinia and vulvar vestibulitis.

Right. So it was an inflammation in my nerve endings. And so anything that touched there was like a knife on an open wound. I mean, it was not a knife, a alcohol on an open. wound. It was just crazy, crazy. And so I had to learn what intimacy was really like because growing up, I was like, you know, what is this making love business? I just wanted to fuck. I just wanted to have a good time. I didn't, I didn't get it because it was all about intercourse. That's what it is when you're younger. Yeah. You know, and then when I realized I couldn't have it for six years,

we had to figure out how to connect on a totally different level. Interesting. And luckily, we did have a lot of great experiences, but there was a lot of other stuff missing in our marriage, which is why it didn't work, but we're still good friends, and I have an incredible marriage right now. That will be lifetime. And so I think that a lot of people, especially like when you talk about mismatched drive, it's not only mismatched drives, it's mistiming. Because some people might be, which I've noticed, a lot of times they'll say mismatched

drives and they'll say, well, every time I go to try to do something, and I'm like, well, do you try in the morning? Well, no. And the other person will be like, well, yeah, I'm better in the morning. It's like, okay, well, you have to check your timing just as well as the libido. And that is so important. And so when I was going through all of my stuff, I had to see, okay, well, what else can I do? We took tons of sun showers. We played games. We made out. You know, it's figuring out what sex and intimacy is without intercourse because sometimes men might have dysfunction and things aren't working, you can't just stop. Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. You know, and that's how it turns sexless. Yeah, and I have, like, one of my favorite questions to ask my girls when they, I do some girl talk

episodes where I have just like friends come on and we, I ask questions. It's just like girl talks, you know, guys love to hear girls talking about sex. And one of my favorite questions is like, how long do you like to be pounded? Like, and I'm talking about, like, when you get to the point, you're going to be, it's just now intercourse, right? Like, his dick inside you're banging you out. I think guys think that women want to be banged out for 30 minutes and I'm like I don't want to like I don't know I was like you know it's like 30 minutes oh my god the guys I'm like I'm like three to five minutes oh the guy I'm like I'm like I'm like I don't you know I was talking to the first time this question came up was like shocked at my answer I'm like I don't you know and so it became this big poll question and now I ask every girl that comes out of my show and it's typically girls don't want to be pounded for that long you know what I mean that's not what they want for 30 fucking minutes but I think A guy thinks that makes them great. Well, that's why a lot of men are like, I can only stay hard for five to ten minutes and I want to be able to. And like, most women are not going to want that.

And the main reason why I believe is that most women are not coming through intercourse. Right. They want that foreplay. They want that buildup. They want that sucky, sucky. They want that touching, that playing, the positions, the love, the, you know, the wildness, the variety. I mean, we all kind of thrive on that. Totally.

And so when you're sitting there just getting pounded, yeah, it might feel good. And you're like, oh, oh, you know, but you can't do that for 30 fucking minutes. No. Guys, you need to know. We don't need you to be hard for that long. No, our match gets sore. Yeah, totally. Okay, guys, you want in on a little secret.

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Visit night and day, day decor.com or call 647-360-6151. That's night and day, day decor.com. So what are the common reasons? Or like, you know, so like what are the common reasons? Like, I mean, you kind of touched upon the fact that like one of the first things you say about mismatch libido, sometimes it's not even like a mismatch. It's maybe like they don't even know that they're missing like the time or something else is going on. Right.

It's not like the libido, the libido isn't there, correct? Right, right. I think what happens a lot, though, too, is that especially in long-term relationships, Yeah. People, I would say more so women than men, I'm just generalizing, but men are usually spontaneous and women are usually responsive. And what that means is that men wake up with an erection. Men look at a woman naked and they have an erection.

Men kiss a woman and they get an erection where women, they are more in their heads and not as much in their bodies. And so they're more responsive. So they need a little more tending to to be able to feel that desire. And so a lot of times, women are not going to feel desire in a long-term relationship until the arousal process. And in order to get aroused, they need things to respond to. And so a lot of times I hear from men, oh, when we first started those first couple of years, well, yeah, no, fuck those first couple of years. Yeah, forget it.

Those are just, that, that is over. Where are we now? What do we need now? What does a woman need to be riled up to be excited? you know, you don't just stick a turkey in an oven and expect it to be done, you know. So we need to be able to look at the mismatched sex drives as how can I prime my partner where they are open. And women need to be open-minded about the fact that they need to allow themselves to get turned on.

So just because, let's say their partner advances on them and they're like, oh, I'm not in the mood. Well, don't just say no. Allow yourself to be mentally open to get in the mood. the mood. Because most women will not be in the mood as soon as you go touch them or you kiss them or whatever. It takes a little time. So the women have to be more open-minded to say, let me just try. Let me just see what happens. Let me just get into that space. Let my partner maybe give me a little massage, take some time, and then allow yourself to get aroused, which will all of a sudden hopefully bring desire. Yeah. And I think that this is where porn does like women and men in

disservice because like in porn it's like you know the guy walks in and the girl is like horny and they fuck and everything is great and it's like I think it in in it hurts both men and women in that like a man thinks a woman is going to be as ready to fuck and into it as he is right right because that's how it is in the show and then a woman also thinks she's supposed to be right like on some level like that she should just be immediately turned on because he's immediately and that's not the case either and then we're already in our head so we don't need to be worried about oh my god I'm taking too long or whatever, but that's the way it is. Like women, like what I learned from

Susan Bratton, and it's very true, like we have erectile dysfunction just like men do, but we take 20 minutes to get erect, right? Easily, yeah. Yeah. And a man gets erected in one minute, right? So, like, women need to know that it takes a while to percolate and get turned on, and that's normal. We have

to get out of our heads and between our legs, and that takes a while. We got a lot of shit going on, right? A man is just very different. Yeah. Right. Right. And the funny thing is, is that a clitoris has around 10,000, they've expanded it. It used to be around 8,000, and they found so many more nerve endings. Right.

So we got around 10,400 plus nerve endings. And you would think, well, if I have all these nerve endings, why am I struggling so much? Because it's an annoying feeling when your nerve endings, your nervous system is not relaxed. Otherwise, you're in that fight and flight. And so if you go right ahead, and I joke around, I tell everybody, I said, you cannot do lips, nips below the hips. Oh, I like that. Get past that. Yeah.

You got, and people like laugh at it. They're like, yep, that sounds like us. I said, because you don't allow the nervous system and the nerve endings to just be calm. So when you go right ahead and you go lips nips below the hips, you start touching that area, it's almost like, oh, God, it's just, it doesn't do it for me. Yeah. Because you're not giving yourself and your nervous system a chance to relax. And that's what the women need to be able to get those juicy 10,400 nerve endings to fire.

Yeah, and you could see it. You can even see it visually when you're the more. get turned on, you get like plumber down there, right? Like, I mean, it does get. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That blood flows. Yeah, you can tell.

So what are the, like, what are the ways that women get aroused that maybe men would have no idea about? Well, I think that a lot of women, when I've spoken to, and including myself and many others, timing, like slower timing. Because a lot of times, if you're in those beginning stages, you might just want to be like, you know, bumping like bunnies and you're all ready to go. but in longer term relationships, the timing of being slow, intentional, that build up, the kisses that do not lead to anything. When I tell people that my husband and I make out on a daily basis, but obviously we don't have sex on a daily basis, but we are constantly making out, we are playful, we are flirting. Those are things that it's a skill, and I teach that skill, and those are things that people need to help that build up for arousal. And a lot of people don't realize that. So if you go and you start going really fast with everything, you know, it's that teasing.

It's that touching. Those are things that are going to help women. Also, women many times don't fantasize. And so they need to be able to learn their bodies, learn to use their minds. Maybe it's either reading some erotica, touching themselves with no destination, you know, not just for orgas. but just to be able to, God, see, what does my body feel like? What part of my clip feel? You know, sometimes people are like, oh, the right side doesn't really do much,

but that left side, holy crap. You know, you don't realize all the different sensations in your body until you take the time. Right. And so I think that more women need to pay attention to their bodies to be able to be present, to pay attention to sensation versus thinking about the laundry and the cooking and, you know, get out of your head and into your body.

Yeah, and that's a big one. And that takes time for a woman, I feel like. Absolutely. It's practice. Yeah. It definitely takes practice. And the older you get and the more in your little ground honk day life is like all of this has to be very intentional, right?

Like this isn't just going to like become a part of your every day unless you make a set an intention and decide this is what is important and you're going to do this, right? Absolutely. And that's why I say when women will automatically say, know to their partner. All he wants is sex. Well, no, his sex is his way of connecting and feeling love. Just as your way of feeling love and connecting might be words of affirmation or, you know, gifts or acts of service. And so we have to respect each person's way of feeling loved. And so when you, and I'm not saying you should say yes when you're really just not there, but allow yourself to,

you know, not constantly think and make excuses. And allow your body to just, you know, you know, get to a place, we'll just say, you know what, I can talk to my partner, have the conversation. I did that one night when I was supposed to have sex with my husband. We talked about it during the day, and then the night came and we started making out, and I said, oh, crap, I said I was going to have sex tonight. I am so not there in the mood, you know? Yeah. So I said to my husband, I'm like, what would a sex coach like me tell me in the process?

I'm like, don't just say no. Just tell your partner, listen, I'm exhausted, but I know that you like to connect. Can we just kiss and touch and not have a. any expectation for anything else. And of course, my husband was like, absolutely, I felt safe to bring that up because I knew my partner would be open. And so as I'm kissing him, two, three minutes, I started allowing myself to relax because I had no pressure to have sex. And I started smelling his body and I started feeling his heart on. And then I started feeling like just this closeness. And all of a sudden I'm like, okay, take your pants off. He's like,

take your pants off. He's like, I thought you weren't doing anything. I go, we are. Let's go. Yes. Yes. Yes. I allowed myself to not say no, but to try to be present in the moment and feel the sensation and pay attention to what was going on. Yeah. And that helped. And like you said, when that pressure isn't there that you're not going to do something, like I would say nine out of ten times you're going to.

I've done that many times before like, oh, I'm not in the mood, but like I'll do something for you or like whatever still come over, you know. Right. Exactly. And of course, I get totally into it. And then I'm like, oh, thank you so much. Like, that is exactly what I needed. I'm so glad I opened myself up to this experience.

You know what I mean? Right. Because I wasn't open to it. Yeah. Exactly. And that being said, you know, I tell the women to give it that chance, but the men, and obviously we're talking about heterosexual relationships. Yeah.

The men have to let the women feel safe to know that if they are not in the mood and they are open to connecting that there is zero pressure from the man to have sex. And if he's sitting there with a heart on and he's pissed that the wife is not, doing anything about it, let him take care of it himself. Right. If you keep that pressure off of the partner, more likely than not, they are going to allow themselves when they feel safe to turn it into something different. And sometimes they just might not be there, but the whole idea should be about connecting.

Right, right. And like you said, connection is very different for men and women. And both men and women need to understand the opposite sex. Like, I mean, you know, and that's where I think a lot of the problems come in. Because how many times do you hear women's... sitting around talking about how guys are gross. And I mean, the word, ew is used a lot when it comes to, like,

the way guys feel about sex and all these kinds of things. And, like, and then you wonder why, you know, your guy isn't being honest about the shit that he's, like, Googling. And one day you find out, you're like, what the fuck? I can't believe you're into all the shit. Well, maybe he would have told you, but maybe he was afraid because he'd get like an ew, you're such a pig or whatever, you know.

And I do believe that. Yeah. Go on. Yep. No, it's going to say you bring up a perfect point because not only do the women need the safety to be able to have that conversation like I had with my husband and say, can we just kiss and connect with nothing else and feel safe to know that he's not going to be mad at me, men need to feel safe to know that they're able to bring up sexual desires or fantasies

or things that they might want without their wife going, all you do is want sex, all you do, oh, that's disgusting. We're not doing that. And so, yeah. Yeah, so the men need the safety as well. Yeah. And that's a big one. And I'd love to talk about that because I can't tell you how many times I have heard the story of like we were in a sexless marriage or we weren't doing anything.

And then somebody sort of did something to bring up their fantasies or, you know, they changed the game. Like they just started communicating about things. And I'm not saying it happens over night. But even if it's three years later, a year later, 10 years later, five years later, they're like now, you know, swinging with each other. Like I've heard that story before. And you know, it doesn't even need to be swinging together, you know. but opening up and really having conversations and being open about your sexual fantasies could completely change the game in the worst of relationships.

I've heard the stories many times and that's what it took, you know, but like what's the advice that you give men and women when it comes to the whole topic about being able to feel comfortable to bring up these things and not be judged? Well, it's so funny. Yeah, I have quite a few what I call them pleasure playbooks. their step-by-step guides that tell people exactly how to go through all these things. One of them is, yes, communication that turns you on. Another one is about fantasy play, how to talk about fantasies to your partner, all these kind of things.

But one of the most important things is having a conversation at the beginning and saying, I would love to be able to share things with you without judgment. And to be able to know that just because I share it doesn't mean it has to be done. It just wants, you know, I just want to know what you like, what you don't like, where we can combine our ideas to bring some extra fun. And I also have this, it's a free PDF and it's called the yes, no, maybe list where you could say, yes, I'm open to this. No, I'm not, but maybe I'd be open to it if you are. And when people can fill those out, then they can kind of get an idea of what both of you might be okay with. And that could be really helpful.

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BetMGEM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. So for example, you brought up swinging or a threesome or whatever. There's a lot of people that would be interested in a threesome, but they would be like, oh my God, if I brought that up to my wife, she's going to think I want to have an affair, she's going to think I want to sleep with somebody else. There's ways to go about having threesome with just two people. Right, exactly. You can, yes, you can either do.

fantasy talk and pretend that you have somebody else there, you can bring different types of toys. Let's say if the woman wants to be with another man or the man wants to do a cuckold type of situation where you bring in a ex-the-fack machine. The fias machine. I had a couple that did that. I was like, what a brilliant idea. Yes, yes. So you could bring in the machines.

There's so many toys. I mean, I have like 40,000 skews of my toys that I offer to people. Yeah. You know, there's so many things. Yeah, there's so many things that you can do to try to spice things up to, you know, that may be some type of a fantasy that you don't have to do the actual fantasy, but you can figure out other ways to bring something like that in. And then you never know where it can go.

Yeah. And I listen, I do believe, like if you really get into it and really mock up situations and you have like a little bit of creativity, like, you know, fantasy could be amazing. You know, sometimes fantasy is better than reality. Some people don't want to ever do it in reality. and that's okay, but if you can really get into it and have those things, I had a couple. Role play. Yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah, I think that kind of stuff goes a really long way. And I love that you have those questions. Are they like specific questions about different kinks and stuff that people could be into, the yes-no maybe sheet that you have? Oh, yeah. The yes-no maybe is all about butt play. It's about boob play. It's about kink.

It's about regular positions. I mean, it's all different types of things. And it'll say, you know, what you would be willing to do or what you would be willing your partner to do to you. So you might be willing to touch their butt, but they might not be willing to touch your butt. And so you do something like that. You could say, yes, no, maybe.

And you connect them and see where you match. And it's a great tool for people where if they're a little uncomfortable talking about it, they could fill it out and they can say, okay, now that we filled this out, what are all your maybies or what are all your, you know, yeses or knows. And just know that just because someone says they would want a threesome

doesn't mean they're looking to have sex with someone else because you could have threesome without having sex with somebody. Yeah, no. Maybe, you know, so there's just so many ways to go about it. And with those pleasure playbooks, it helps you learn how to make some of those fantasies either into reality or make some of those fantasies into, you know, the role play like we just talked about where people can still feel comfortable talking about.

about what they want and they need. And that can help so many people from having affairs, from having sexless marriages. You know, it's really so important to be able to feel safe on both sides to be able to talk about some of these things. Yeah. And many people don't. Yeah, no, I know. Like I said, I have a lot of couples on that were in a sexless marriage and completely

changed a game. And then I have a lot of people who are cheating because they're in a sexless marriage. Yeah. And they don't want to leave it. and their solution is to cheat, which isn't the right thing to do, but it is a very difficult situation. And it's not just, you know, and it's not just men cheating. It's women, too. Like, I have had many women on my show who are with a man who has zero desire for sex. Like, they're the ones not wanting it. It's not just always women. You know what I mean? See that.

Yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I'm always trying to analyze it, though. You tell me, because I'm always like, I used to think when I first started my show, like, there's nobody's asexual, but I'm like, now I learn there is. is asexuality. It could be testosterone. I'm like, I used to think, well, maybe he's just into guys. I don't know. Like, it could be like any reason. Like, why do? Because you typically think like a woman, you know, maybe she's in menopause or something's happening to her like, what happened to you, like she physically can't do it because it's painful. Right. You know, or they're just not interested in sex. But for a man, it's very, it's much more uncommon. But I've heard it.

It is more uncommon. But I think what happens many times is that society puts a lot of pressure on men to be this masculine energy to always be in the mood, to always have this drive, where men have every right just as women to not necessarily be in the mood. Right. And so one of the things, I literally on my Facebook group, I have a men and women's Facebook group, in the men's group, I literally two days ago put in a question and said, what makes you not be in the mood for sex? Okay.

And the top two, I put like five different answers. And the top two were stress and unable to emotionally. connect. Oh, with their partner. Which I found, yes, which I actually found pretty interesting because, and what that kind of meant was they were not able to feel safe with their partner to try anything or to, you know, feeling that fear of rejection. And a lot of men, when it comes to stress, especially like work, um, trying to eat the breadwinner of the family, things like that, all that stress. And I don't, I don't want to diminish what it means to make a man happy, but men are actually pretty easy to make happy.

Yeah. If you stroke their ego a little bit and you make them feel important, you make them feel like sexy and you just look at your partner and you flirt and you just kind of be like, God, you're hot. You know, sometimes that's all they need is to ruffle their feathers a little bit and feel like their partner looks up to them in that way of desire. even if you're not having sex. And that's why it's so important.

But the stress and the lack of emotional connection were the top two reasons why men do not feel like they want to have sex. Yeah. And listen, I mean, I have, I always talk about like cheaters. And I love having cheating stories on my show because I feel like you need to hear the whole story before you judge someone. And you can't put all cheaters in the same category, right? Like maybe on one end you have the total philanderer on one end, right?

And then on the other end, you have the guy who's been monogamous this whole life and his wife hasn't fucked him in 10 years because she's in menopause and he starts cheating. You know, those two guys are not the same guy, you know. And what I found, and so everyone knows that about my show. And sometimes I'll get emails from guys I want to come on the show. I'm going to talk about cheating. And I'm like, the worst kind, Kathy, the one that you hate the most, I'm the worst kind. But like, I got to tell you, like, those same guys that think they're like the philander

and they're just cheating because they're like, they want sex. Like when I really dig deep and get their whole hour conversation, it's for the same, they're cheating for the same reasons the women are. Okay, there is a disconnect at home. It is a thing where they're not getting their emotional needs met. It's not just about sex, even though they might think it is when you start really questioning. It's not. There is something that's lacking at home, you know, in their partnership that there's emotional.

Yeah. Yeah, men in society are not allowed to have emotions. And it's terrible. The way that people are treating other men when they feel like I had this one lady come into my session. and she's like, no, he just cries all the time. And I was just telling him, like, grow some balls. And I was like, first of all, don't ever say that to a man, grow some balls. Yeah, yeah.

Just because he is emotional does not make him any less of a man. Totally, yeah. And when they feel emasculated, they will never feel in the mood. And men, the way that they connect emotionally, many times, is through physical touch. Right. And a lot of times that physical touch, if, you know, the women's sense. stop touching because they're afraid it's going to turn into sex, then the men want more of it. And then they start getting more touchy for the women and then more asking about the sex.

And so, like you said, a lot of times when they cheat, it's because they are missing something at home. And usually men are missing that physical connection and women are more missing that emotional connection. But for men, that physical equals emotional. Right. And people don't understand that. Like I remember a guy saying, oh, it's so much, like one of my guy friends would be like, oh, it's so much worse when a woman cheats because when she's cheating, it's because it's like, it's emotional, but a man, he's just like, you know, variety and pussy kind of a thing. But like I said, I'm like, the guy that I'm talking to, it's not about the variety. It's about there's a disconnect. Especially a long-term relationship. Exactly. Yeah. That's who I'm,

you know, I'm typically talking to couples and people who are married, you know, so it's not about that. It's the same exact reasons underneath it all, like you said, because for a man, I always think, like, for a man, like sex is like for a woman conversation, right? Like, it's like we're very different. Exactly. It's not just sex for them. It's something much more, you know? Right.

And what other thing I found, which is very interesting, is that when I'm working with the couples, many times the woman say all he wants is sex. He could have sex. If I don't give him sex three or four times a week, five times a week, he's miserable. And then when the guy says, I said to him, I said, now when I ask you what sex means to you. Does it always have to end an intercourse? He goes, no. And she looks at him and she's like, what do you mean? And he's like, no, he goes, he goes, I want to be playful. I want to do oral. I want to take showers together. I want to, you know, masturbate together. I want to play games.

And then the wives are looking at the men are like, so it's not just about intercourse? Right. And these conversations never happen because there's always so much fire and anger in between this. And that's why the coaching is so helpful. hopeful for so many people because they learn about how to actually communicate their needs in a way that the other partner is hearing them. Because right now the woman is hearing, I just want to fuck. And the guy is hearing, I'm not interested in you. But yet the woman's like, I'm very attracted to my husband. But I can't just have sex four times a week.

He's like, I don't want sex four times a week. And then she's like, huh? There's just so much confusion going on. Yeah. And what are some other things that guys are afraid of to bring up and talk about? about in the bedroom. I know E.D. was one of them that you talked about. So, yeah, so the erectile dysfunction. There are many, many men, it's such severe performance anxiety, and that can keep them from having sex for years. And many times it's so severe that

they don't even want to get help from it because they're so ashamed and embarrassed. I can see. Yeah. We have to normalize the fact that men, every man in their life is going to have some type of an erectile dysfunction someday somehow. And as you get older, 50s, 60, 70s, every year you get older, you're going to have maybe 7 out of 10 are going to be really good experiences. When you're 60, maybe 6 out of 10 are going to be really positive. When you're 70, you're going to have 5 out of 10 that are a positive. You have to understand that this is a part of life and what happens when men have erectile

issues, they automatically get frustrated and they stop. And so they're making the experience all about what's happening in their penis versus the connection. And so I try to tell them that if you can have a conversation with your partner and let them know that this is self-concern to you and what you can do and make it feel better with not stopping and just having your partner find ways to be playful and do a different position or just not worried about intercourse because you talked earlier. Most women are only like three to five minutes and we're fine with intercourse. Exactly. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So,

I think that if men can come up to women and not feel so bad about themselves and understand that we get it and we're okay with it, then it can make the experience that much. Yeah, no, totally. I mean, I did a great study without realizing it once. a long time ago I had a boyfriend who like couldn't get it up he was a young guy he was like in his 30s but he had he had issues you know and I was like we had one of those dysfunctional pull relationships where the sex is so good no matter what I was like I don't I didn't even care that he wasn't hard I would put it in soft and I would orgasm like that's how fucking horny I was from him I never said why aren't you hard do I not turn you on like what's your fucking problem

I never looked at it weird I was just like into it and turned him into like a sex object like just treated him like that every and he lost his ED. Like he had no problem getting it up after a while because we never discussed it. I didn't care. Like I just continued on and it went away and let me tell you. He was so, he was, his ED was

definitely like a control thing or something because he got like mad at me that I like fucking fees like, you made me like sex too much. You know what I mean? Like he didn't like that fucking hard on that made him do things that he didn't want to do and that was his problem. But like I mean literally it like he got cured because I never talked about it. We didn't

look at it. We just, I just continued on and he had no problems. Spring has a way of reintroducing your home to the light. The day stretch a little longer. Mornings feel softer. Your home opens up after a long winter. But with more light comes more glare, more heat, less privacy. That's where Hunter Douglas shades are designed to do more than cover windows. They shape the light itself. From beautifully diffused morning sun to complete privacy at night, every shade is custom crafted to fit your home perfectly. These are not off-the-shelf window treatments. They're precision engineered, professionally measured, and expertly installed. The kind of upgrade that doesn't just refresh a room, it elevates

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So what you did is the right thing because what happens many times is that the men, like they'll have one thing that a woman says and after that they're done. And the woman is always like, well, what's wrong is it me? Don't ever say that women.

I know. And the truth is it's never about the woman. Like I always always, He kind of knew that because I had so many guys as my friends. And I don't know. I just never took it personally. And I used to always try to tell my friends, like, it has nothing to do with you. Like, guys, like, you know, right?

But women do take it personally and it's never, it's never the case. Right. They could be tired. They could be stressed. Exactly. They could be, you know, on their hands and knees for doing all these things to you and then just kind of get burnt out. Maybe they just had a long day.

But one of the things that, like I've asked men, what do you, want women to say to you when that happens to help you feel better. And the one thing that they said, do not say is, is it me? Are you not attracted to me? Just say, no worries. I understand your stress, but let's just do something different. Totally. Yeah, I love that. That's it. That's it. And I mean, it's not like guys aren't in their heads too. I mean, like, I've had plenty of guys on my show who've talked about their ED issues. And a lot of times when it's like a not a physical reason and it's a mental, it's because it happened once or twice. And they got really in their head about it and they can't get fucking out of it.

I had a young guy on recently and his issue was like he got in his head about it and then he started taking like some Viagra like behind his partner's back because he's petrified about her even knowing this right? And now he thinks he needs it. He's petrified to not stop taking it. You know what I mean? So he's like in this vicious cycle of like living like this lie and he doesn't even know because like he got sewn his head about it and he's like in his 30s.

Well it's almost like women faking orgasm. You know, you're afraid to make your partner feel bad. I'm working with a 24-year-old, okay? A 24-year-old with such severe performance anxiety that he's throwing up all the time because he's so worried about it, about her leaving. And I said, you know, and that's a 24-year-old. That's difficult. Yeah, imagine.

And so many times the performance anxiety is because they want you so bad and they want to make sure that they please you. And so the whole idea is learning what does pleasing a woman mean? And it doesn't mean being hard 24-7s. You can rail them the entire time. It means paying attention to their body to what they're feeling, making them moan, making them feel loved, protected, safe. It's not about the hard on. Right. No, exactly. But like I said, like you said before, like men have emotions to. Listen, I have a son. I mean, he's no less emotional than if I had a daughter, right? We all see the babies come out the same exact way, but somewhere along the line, men are told, like, you can't have a feelings, right? Like, be a man and blah, blah, blah. And they have issues because of that. It's like hard. I used always think, like, guys were like fucking

liars because, like, you'd be like, you could obviously tell as a woman, like, they're feeling a certain way and it's probably because of a reason. They'd be like, I don't know what you're talking about. You know, I used to be, and I remember reading some brilliant person say that, like, the reason why guys don't sometimes know why they're feeling a certain way is because they, they, lose that connection. They'll have a feeling, but they don't know where it comes from because they stopped talking about their feelings a long time ago. Like if a woman has a feeling, we know exactly where it's fucking coming from because we've been talking about them our whole lives. But a man doesn't know. Like when he doesn't know, he doesn't know. He has no idea. Like there's no connection

there because they weren't allowed to talk about their feelings and they stopped talking about their feelings. And it's a real problem. And I was like, oh, it kind of changed my life because I always thought like, guys are like such fucking liars. Like, how do you not know that you're mad and where it's coming from or this is going on? And it's like, no, they really don't know sometimes because there's that disconnect. And it's sad because society tells them that, you know? I don't have a husband. I had a baby on my own.

So there's no man in my house that tells my son, he can't cry still at 10. You know what I mean? But I see his nanny try to tell him. He says his nanny tells him all. And I'm like, don't listen to her. Like it's like, that's so outdated. My son's not going to be crying like a baby at 18. I'm not afraid of that.

You know what I mean? But at 10, he could cry. It's like fucking normal. Yeah, it's really bad. And I actually did a podcast on one of the, with an interview on someone who just works with men who have had the trauma of not being able to be who they are. I'm not talking about LGBT.

I'm talking about who they are emotionally. And being younger, the trauma of young men. And that's why they said that there's so many men in the prison system compared to women is because they don't have a safe outlet to express themselves. And especially in relationships, you know, when the woman that said, you know, grow some balls, be a man. And I'm like, what does that mean be a man? He is being who he is. He is a man and he has emotions.

Exactly. Don't ever tell a man to be a man because they're showing emotion. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, I know. You think you're going to be able to get them to be vulnerable? Never. Yeah, I know. And I've always felt that way.

I've always felt like this is why men are like doing all these horrible things because they're not allowed to have emotions. You don't see women. It's very rare that you see women doing all the things like you say and are in prison. I mean, you get them every now and then I watch Dateline, you know, but like much more so men and I've always believed it's, it is that sad thing. And anybody with kids, like, you know, a lot of people have both, you know, female children and male children and they both come out crying the same way. They have equal emotions. You know what I mean? I mean, there's big differences. And that's why I think, you know, men are from Mars and women from Venus was such a great book. Remember those books? Like they were, because,

Because we are very different, and especially when it comes to sex. And it's so great that there's people like you out there now helping, you know, sort of bridge that gap, too, to make each one understand the other. Because that's, there's such a big disconnect, I think, because one doesn't understand the other person when it comes to sex. It is men or for Mars, women from Venus, in the bedroom, too. True. Right. Absolutely true. I mean, you must be fascinated by those two separate groups on your Facebook, right? The kind of information you got compared, right? Must be super interesting. Yeah. I mean, it is very interesting because, listen, as a woman, I'm not in a man's body, emotional, you know, I'm not a man.

And so even though I do have the education and I am able to help, and it's funny because there's a lot of men who will not take sexual help from a woman. And I've had to actually, yeah, I've had to remove quite a few people for being extremely rude to me in my group because I'm sharing. information and someone says, I'm not getting information from a woman. I'm like, you're in this group. You know that it's run by a female sexologist. You don't have to be here. You don't have to, oh, well, you're just trying to get attention. You don't help men.

Those are cult trolls. Those are cult trolls. I haven't. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, okay, first of all, you've either been hurt by a woman or you don't have a good relationship and you're feeling, you know, your feels. Yeah. Just like I go and see a male G-Y-N, you have the.

education, it shouldn't matter if you're a man or a woman, it should just matter as who you are as a person. And that's where I think so many people have these expectations of society. I'm not going to do this because you're a woman. I'm not going to do this because you're a man. Yeah. You know, if we can just accept people for who they are, men who cry, women who are in charge, if we can just accept the people for who they are, intimately and sexually and understand that we are all different. And like you said, mismatch drives, it's going to be. very, very rare to find someone that has the exact same drive as you. Just like this could be very rare to find someone who likes the exact food as you or the exact

activities. Yeah, we're all like made up of a, like, we're all like a concoction, I feel like. Every person is like a concoction and we all are made up of different things and each person is completely unique and, you know, as long, some people read the book and they try to be exactly like everybody else. But like, typically like people are very unique and everyone is very different, you know. But I definitely do think like there's certain things that like guys are like guys and women are like women. And I personally feel like because I wound up like like I said, my show became like this thing where I was talking a lot of guys about their sexual stuff. And I have a fetish Friday series where I talk with guys with fetishes and I'm very open.

And I feel like in a weird way, I'm always going to have the haters too because I'm a woman. But in a weird way, I think a lot of men love my show because I'm like a woman that doesn't say ew and isn't like gross and is very. accepting. So I think there's probably more men that like the fact that you're a woman and how, you know what I mean, don't you think? It helps you with the men, right? Yeah, I do a lot of, yeah, I do some Facebook lives. I do TikTok lives and the majority of my audience is men. Yeah. Because I think that they want to find women that they could talk to that are not going to judge, that are going to be open-minded, that they can get the information on how to have better sex. I mean, that's what men want. You're going to help them with their woman. You're a woman. So I think it's actually

smart to listen to you. Exactly. Exactly. It's like if you want to have better sex, wouldn't you want to just get whatever information you can and not caring if it comes from a man or a woman? Especially if you're with a woman. Yeah. Yeah. But that's why I said. Yeah. I think some people might have trauma and maybe, you know, have issues like mom issues and just don't want to be talked to by a woman. Oh yeah. No, totally. Because I get a lot of, I get a lot of online hate. My show is like really big. I have a very big audience now, and so I get the comments on Spotify. Even in my own Patreon, people are paying to get in there and I'll get people like trash me in my own Patreon.

Like, how you can't be like. Well, that's what I'm saying. My Facebook group. I'm like, you're coming in here and I'm giving helpful advice and you're trashing me. Goodbye. Yeah. And I'm always like, oh my God. Like this is a you thing, not a me thing.

I'm sorry. You don't like a woman with opinions or whatever. I mean, I could go on and on about that. But why don't you give out all your information? Because I really love the fact that you have that free PDF you said it was where like people could like do the yes, no, whatever. Is that, I don't know if it's freer, but you have that handbook. I love stuff like that.

I think it's so helpful for couples. Why don't you get all your information of where they could go, like, maybe find some more additional resources or hire you or whatever? Absolutely. I am all over the internet in a nice way, in a nice way. But my name is Dr. Stacey Friedman, D-R-S-T-A-C-Y. There's no E in my name, F-R-I-E-D-M-A-N. So, Dr. StaceyFriedman.com, all of the social media,

Stacey Friedman, so it's very easy to find me, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. I do lives on TikTok. If you go to my actual website, Dr. Stacey Friedman.com, there's a place that says free sex tips and free downloads. And I have about 16 different downloads and that one that yes, no, maybe, is on there. I love that. So when you click on, yeah, you click on the free sex tips and the downloads, and you'll be able to access, you just put your name and email, you access all of the downloads, which whatever

one makes sense to you. And there's also a shop on there, which if you click on shop and you see pleasure playbooks, you'll be able to see all of the playbooks. Like I said, I have the one's communication that turns you on, reigniting passion and long-term relationships. There's also one on porn, performance, and pleasure, and men's intimacy and fantasy play. And, oh, my gosh, love outside of the lines, you know, getting into non-monogamy. Yeah, I told you before, we could do a whole, I'll have you back on.

We'll do a whole episode on that, too, because you do help couples with that. And I know that I have your exact audience here. Yeah. It's one of my specialties and I've been in the lifestyle before for a lot of years as well. So do me a favor when we get off. Use the same link if you can and just book another time with me whenever you're, you know, I tape all the time. And we'll do just a whole episode on that because that's super helpful.

And I get so many people listening to my show couples looking for that kind of information. You know, they're listening to learn and sort of figure it out and they're like kind of like wanting to get in. So I feel like that would be a great thing to do a whole. I told you before we start taping, like I want to do a whole episode just on that too, because I know you specialize in it. Oh, yeah, I love it. Okay, great.

So I will put your link in the description, right? You want me to put your website in there? Yeah, just put in Dr. Stacy Friedman.com. And it talks about my Vibe Tribe community, my services, my, you know, products, my podcast, my free sex tips. And it tells everything about everything. I love it. And then they could find out how to join. I love like, I think the Facebook is probably like super fun, the men's group and the women's group.

That's, there's links to that on your, on your website too. Um, well, you know what, uh, if I can give you my link tree because that shows all the social. Oh, okay. Whatever you think is better. You give me one link, whatever you want. If you want the link tree. Yeah, it's just, uh, you do you know link tree? Yeah, of course.

Yeah. It has all your links on there. That's, that's perfect. We'll put that in there. Yeah. Yeah. Flash, Dr. Stacy Friedman. Okay.

Great. Okay. Great. Thanks, Dr. Stacey Friedman. Absolutely. Thank you. And do me a favor.

Good book the other time and we'll do a whole hour just on the alternative lifestyle stuff. Awesome. But be prepared to talk a little bit about your journey and lifestyle. That's cool, right? You said you're an open book, right? That'll be fun. I am. Okay, good.

All right, awesome. Thanks so much for calling in. This was super fun. Thank you. Thank you. It's been fun. Take care. Bye.

Bye. Okay. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called strictly anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book but you can pre-order

the audiobook. It's still not going to be out till August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. There's a hot wife story.

There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica.

I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skis. up around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my

Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it.

I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast.