Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1476 - Jim and his Wife Tried Swinging and it Went Very Wrong and Now They’re Swinging Again?

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Starting point is 00:00:57 You're among fans. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand.

Starting point is 00:01:16 You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. Is it real trouble? Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehobiles.

Starting point is 00:01:30 your whips and shame. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or X, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I change everyone's voices, people change their names. So if you have an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or you don't even need a naughty life story on anymore, I'll talk to people with a regular interesting life stories for my Sunday episodes, you could be on the show. All you got to do is send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com or go to my website, Strictly Anonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show. I also have a sexual health Saturday series. So if you have a really interesting

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Starting point is 00:04:21 Discord. Okay, it's great. You'll also love my Patreon. It's great. Last thing I want to talk to tell you about is I do have a great free trial that you could use for SDC.com. SDC.com is like the world's largest online adult dating site, but it's so much more than a dating site. I mean, you can use it to hook up with people instead of threesomes and all the kind of stuff that people do on my show, but you can also use it to find out about meetups and events in your areas, as well as learn stuff about the lifestyle. They have so much information on SDC.com. And if you use my code 37712, you'll get a free trial that's, you'll get a free trial that's 37712 or just go to the description and click on the link and it'll take you right there

Starting point is 00:05:01 and set you up with a free trial. So anyway, today I have another great story. I love Jim's story. Jim and his girl, okay? He's married and they have like a crazy story. It's definitely a swinger gone right, wrong, very wrong story that's gone right story. It doesn't end on a bad note. It ends on a good note, which is great. But, oh, my God, their journey is like, you know, it's one of those things where you're like, oh, this couple is like, should not be swinging, you know. He talks and he goes through the whole story, you know, he talks about how he met his girl. I mean, these are, this is second marriage.

Starting point is 00:05:38 They were second marriage, a couple, you know, so when they met, they're like in their 40s, got together. He talks about how swinging came up and then he talks about how it went wrong. And it's not just one time it went wrong, a couple times went wrong. And then one time it went very wrong, okay? Like very, very wrong. It's like almost like he was almost killed. You got to listen to the whole story.

Starting point is 00:05:59 I'm not going to tell you what that very wrong part was, but you're like, oh my God, like what the fuck, you know? I mean, you definitely start to think like maybe his girl shouldn't drink. And we do talk a lot about that towards the end. I'm a sober person and I felt like I could relate to his girl and how she acts out sometimes when she's drinking and her pass that he talked about. They were able to work through their issues that they had the first time that they were in the lifestyle. And then they got married.

Starting point is 00:06:27 And then after a couple of years of being out of the lifestyle, they got back in. He talked about how and why they got back in. At one point, he told me that they thought about being Polly. I was like, oh, my God. Wait so you hear that whole story. But they got back in. They're with a couple. They're both by.

Starting point is 00:06:42 They had a really hot force them with this couple. And they found a really great couple that they're very compatible with, which is hard to find. But they found that. and they had that and he talks about that too. It's such a great story and a great episode. I hope to get to talk to her. We do talk a lot about her drinking towards the end. I love those kinds of conversations because I'm like a sober person and been through it.

Starting point is 00:07:04 And I could, like I said, relate to his girl and her the way she acted when she's drunk. And you'll know what I mean when you hear this episode. So anyway, I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with this story because it's so great. I'm going to be right back on with Jim. strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Hi, Jim. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast.

Starting point is 00:07:27 How are you today? Great. Thank you, Kathy. No, thanks for calling in. You got a good Swinger gone wrong story, but it's like, it's kind of like, you know, like, and typically the way you want to hear a story is. You want to hear like the story that has like an arc, you know,

Starting point is 00:07:41 and you hit a very low point, but we're not ending on your low point, right? You've made it through the bad times and you're on the other side and you're swinging happy again. it's never good to tell you you never see a movie that just like ends but everything's horrible i mean you got to like resolve things you know that's a good story there was a point though and you married this bitch okay you're married to a girl that at one time almost like tried to kill you i don't even know with the story you told me i was like oh my god she sounds psycho but you like got past it and you got back with her and you're married guy you and your wife currently swing so like you know why don't we go all the way back to like when you met her and the first time you got into it and all the trouble you had maybe is that

Starting point is 00:08:18 Is that a good place to start? Yeah, that's good. Okay, perfect. So we were both married before. Okay. How old are you guys now, by the way, sorry. So we're both in our mid-50s. Okay, perfect.

Starting point is 00:08:31 Okay, go on. And we both have a couple kids from our previous marriages. And we got together and it was kind of like, you know, we did the traditional like match.com. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. How many years ago is this? that was about seven years ago yeah yeah I get it uh-huh and we had like this unconventional

Starting point is 00:08:53 situation where her ex-husband helped move us in and helped set up the bed that she and I were going to be sleeping in together obviously they had a good breakup they were still friends I get it yeah but also it kind of turned weird after that he at some point making a joke said hey I'd love to have a

Starting point is 00:09:17 threesome with you guys, which literally horrified both of us. Even her, I mean, this was a man she was married to. She had to know, like, this is a part of him. I mean, like, was that, it wasn't totally out of, really? Yeah, she used to have to initiate all sexual encounters with him. He would never initiate sex. They were, they were married for like, oh, maybe he was into dudes. Like, maybe he saw you and in the picture he wanted to have a threesome to fuck you.

Starting point is 00:09:44 I mean, I mean, maybe. but that just struck my ego. Exactly. So we were both horrified and we immediately told him no. And we both started talking about it and said, hey, this is like never something that we would want to do, like famous last words. Yeah. And it had never been something that either of us had ever even thought of doing,

Starting point is 00:10:07 just like just in general in any relationship we were in the past. But it put the seed into our head and we started like talking about it in a joking way. and then basically evolved over six months till we just started, like, talking more openly, like, hey, remember that joke that he said, like, a few months ago? Like, what do you think about that? Like, I wouldn't want to do that, would you? And she was like, what? I wouldn't want to do that, would you?

Starting point is 00:10:35 And it just sort of evolved from there. Interesting. And then she said, yeah, I want to ask you a question. Would you ever be okay with me? with a woman, like sexually. And that kind of, that was sort of a trigger for me because in my previous marriage, which was many decades long, it was a trigger because that was the root of a lot of our relationship problems that was the stem of our relationship problems.

Starting point is 00:11:10 And then it kind of seeped into everything, including intimacy and lack thereof and a bunch other stuff. So it was sort of like, hey, why are you asking me this? Or, you know, are you by, are you lesbian? Like, that's totally okay. I just want to know now. It's still like six months in and, you know, it's new and I just, I need to know, so I feel safe. Yeah, totally. Of course. And, you know, she was like very open. She said that she'd only ever had one experience when she was younger with her best friend. But importantly, as far as she was concerned, she had a brother who had playboys and she during the time when she was starting to become like sexually aroused she started to go through those and that was the thing that really uh like sparked her interest

Starting point is 00:11:57 in sex like in general and she looked at it as a as sort of a naughty thing and um that was enticing to her because she was always sort of the bad girl when she was younger uh-huh and i had never been with the bad girl before. So a lot of that was sort of like intriguing to me. And it kind of became an evolutionary talk where as we were talking about, well, are you lesbian or by, which she was uncomfortable putting a label on it, but eventually landed on bye for now or for then, I realized I was by at the same time. Oh, that's interesting. How did you come to that conclusion? So like I think I think it's fairly normal for everybody to have some kind of like experimental phase when they're in like you know high school or college and I did it was one of my friends a close friend of mine since childhood I had sucked his talk a couple times and and that was it. Like it never went anywhere else.

Starting point is 00:12:55 I was never attracted to happen though real quick go quickly because I know we have a whole story here but like it's just like you know you just throw it out it's very flippant because looking back. Like at that time, like, how do you cross the line and blow your friend? You know, I don't remember, and I don't know if I'm blocking it, but like, I do, I do know that we, I do know we, like, we were talking about it at one point after it happened. And the one conversation I remember is him not being willing to blow me, but he was willing to have me blow him. And he was just very uncomfortable with the whole idea. And I remember thinking, well, I'm not gay and you're worried about being gay. So I guess we should stop this. Like those are the only sort of details that have lived on over the decades.

Starting point is 00:13:38 Right. Okay. Go on. But you never had any experience after that and did. No. Okay. Okay. Go on.

Starting point is 00:13:44 So in thinking about it, I was like, you know, I'm not like, I'm not attracted to guys. Like, I don't, I can tell if a guy is attractive, but I'm not attracted to guys where seeing a guy that's attractive makes me, like, want to have sex with him. But I like, I think it's, it's something that you've talked about. out in shows recently, maybe in the last year, where, like, you can have, like, buy experiences, but it doesn't, like, you know, it doesn't have to happen all the time. And that's kind of what it was. It was more like I was thinking about it occasionally, not doing it occasionally. And thinking about it, like, when I would watch porn or whatever, and I found myself, like, being just as turned on watching,

Starting point is 00:14:25 like, you know, the guys, like, stroking themselves as much as watching just traditional, you know, heterosexual porn. Uh-huh. So that started to bring up, and, you know, it's well documented, well-known, well-discussed on your podcast, but there's just so much transparency that comes with these conversations that not only is it transparency between her and myself, but it's transparency with yourself. And you start to think, at least I did, start to think, like, really what do I think

Starting point is 00:14:58 about, like, my own sexuality? what do I feel like I'm okay with, what do I desire? And she was filling, we were both filling each other's desires completely, but it was sort of this like lingering thing off to the side that this conversation had sort of like gotten me thinking about and her as well. So that turned into, well, maybe we should expand this a little bit and like go to some kind of a sex club and just see what happens because we love being with each other. other. We were constantly with each other. And we found out she's an exhibitionist,

Starting point is 00:15:37 I'm a voyeur. It seemed like it was a good idea. Ultimately, wasn't the greatest idea of it. Hey, guys, here's the truth. Great sex doesn't just happen automatically forever with your partner, okay? Your libido changes. Hormones change. Life happens. And sometimes you need a little help. and that's where drive boost by VB health comes in. Drive boost is not some sketchy supplement. It is doctor formulated with four ingredients that actually have research behind them to support libido, hormone balance, mood, and blood flow, which are all the things that you need to have great sex.

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Starting point is 00:16:50 A guy who DM'd me, who purchased Dry Boost, told me he started banging his wife multiple times a day, which was not his norm after only 10 days of taking drive boost. So if you want to naturally boost your libido and sexual desire, go get yourself and your partner some drive from VB Health. And VB Health just dropped a new product, energy boost. Energy boost is a pre-workout powder that you drink with effective ingredients for blood flow energy and focus. Try the blue raspberry. It's delicious and it works. All you got to do is go to vb.health and use my code strictly to get 10% off your order. That's vb.com. Use code strictly for 10% off or just go to the description and click on the link. This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. Last year, I went through many different life changes.

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Starting point is 00:18:32 therapist today at talkspace.com. Save $80 with code space 80 at talkspace.com. Um, and there's some good and bad stories associated with that, but I'll tell you what happened the first time we went, because we went twice in total. The first time we went, it was a place. Are these like gone wrong times? Yeah, these are beginnings of the gone wrong times. It starts out fun, and then it gets pretty bad really fast. We went to a club that is about two states away, and we were like new to this, and new people have to go on a tour where they give you all the rules, and they walk you through every room, and there's like the school room,

Starting point is 00:19:16 there's the glory hole room, and there's like the whips and chains, and all that other stuff. But at the end of this tour, there's a room that doesn't have a door. It just has a giant curtain, a curtain large enough that it could be a stage where you have to walk from one side, grab it, and pull it, and then go to the other side and grab it and pull it just to close it. And inside that is a Murphy bed. So we were like, okay, and that's the end of the tour.

Starting point is 00:19:42 And there's like a lot of discussions along the way of no cameras and so on and so forth. And there's a lot of jokes. and the jokes are very memorable and funny when you're going on the tour to just drive the point home. All that's important because after the tour, and there's probably about 25 of us on the tour, maybe 30, we were like, fuck this. We have been holding off for like a week. We're here in this environment. We're only going to do anything with ourselves.

Starting point is 00:20:10 So let's just find a room and do something. So we decided to go into the Murphy bedroom with the curtains. and we go in there, we close the curtains, because you can leave the curtains open or you can leave doors open and all that. So we decided to close the Murphy Bed, the curtains in the Murphy Bedroom, and we start going at it.

Starting point is 00:20:30 About five minutes into doing that, we start to hear the same jokes and the same tour going, we thought we were the only tour. There was another tour coming. And I'm freaking counting down the number of rooms and the number of jokes as they're going to end up at their final destination, which is our room. Yeah. And we had this really fast discussion.

Starting point is 00:20:58 I'm like, what do we do? And we're like, fuck it, let's just keep going. We're here to do this. I'm not an exhibitionist, but like, I'm okay with it. You are an exhibitionist, so you're going to love this. So we just kept doing it. It was like literally and figuratively our. debut. Like, because this place is such state, has like stage-like presence with the curtains,

Starting point is 00:21:22 he, he brings this crowd, which we thought was going to be about the same size, like maybe 20 or 30 people. Yeah. Brings them up and opens the curtain, but doesn't look in because he's facing the crowd. The crowd is facing us, and it's 35 to 40 people. And we're completely naked going at it on the bed. He's talking with his back to us and the entire crowd is staring at us and laughing because they didn't expect to see that and he doesn't know it yet. So he turns around. And he he was like, oh, I see people have already gotten started here. He didn't, he did not close the curtain. He just kept going and then he closed the curtain after that. And that was a great start. And we thought we were in for a really great experience and debut in the lifestyle. Turned out that that would

Starting point is 00:22:11 take years. So the next thing that happened was we had a fan that followed us around that night and just watched us and was super respectful, sat next to us when I was going down on her, unless she was sitting on the couch. And she at one point got up and just walked away while I was going down on her, which really annoyed me, honestly, because the guy and I were just sitting there and she went somewhere else. She went over. to talk to a woman that was somewhere behind us and then came back and said, would you be okay if I ate that woman out? And we had never talked about that.

Starting point is 00:22:51 We had decided we were only going to be together. And when she did that, I went over next to her and this woman, this other woman's husband was on the other side of the couch. So it was me and him watching our girls go at it. and she was like ignoring me in a way that felt icky is all I can describe it. Who, your wife or the other woman? Sorry, yeah, yeah, my wife. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:18 I wasn't really interested in the other woman. Well, this was her first time with a girl, right? It was her first time since that initial time with her friend when she was a kid. Yeah, so really like, you know, her first time as an adult living out her fantasy again, and she forgot about you in the heat of passion. Yes. And my ego was fragile enough that that bothered me. Listen, I'm sure if you did the same thing to her and was so into like some other chick or something, you know, she would get a little bit like what the fuck.

Starting point is 00:23:46 You know what I mean? Oh, you have no idea. Yeah, exactly. That's the come. Okay. So that caused an issue. So we decided let's do a redo. We went back to the club, I don't know, a month or so later.

Starting point is 00:24:01 And the only thing to take away from that experience at the same club, was I said, can you find, you know, you had that experience, can you maybe find somebody that can go down on me? And she found this woman that she was comfortable with having me go, have, like, have that person go down on me. And we've named her jackhammer since then, because she has the worst, this woman had the worst technique. And it, and it hurt. And, like, that's not something you want to, like, have hurt, obviously. So I wasn't really into it, but I mean, I was into sort of the idea of it. And I was trying to engage my wife.

Starting point is 00:24:45 She wasn't my wife at the time yet. But I was trying to engage with her and keep eye contact. The very thing the previous time had bothered me and I didn't want to repeat it with her. Yeah. She didn't want to have anything to do with it. And she was really upset. And later that night, it caused a very, very large fight. So it seemed like the jealousy on her side.

Starting point is 00:25:05 was massive. So we were kind of reeling at that point and decided maybe we need to start like thinking about going into doing threesomes with buy people and just cut the whole like club stuff out. And at the very beginning like let's do it with the guy so that there isn't this like female on female dynamic that's going to bother her. So we did that. And and my name is taken from the name of the first guy that we went with. And it was a decent enough...

Starting point is 00:25:37 You mean your fake name here? Yeah, my fake name. Yeah. That would be weird if my real name wasn't. Yeah. So, yeah, it was an okay... She describes it as an okay MMF experience. You know, I was involved.

Starting point is 00:25:54 I went down on him. I'm the one that made him come. But he had full intercourse with her, and she seemed to like it. They even like cuddled afterwards in bed. It seemed like everything was going okay. And that experience made us think that we should go forward. And it gave us like false bravado.

Starting point is 00:26:17 So the next disaster, which it keeps upping itself in disaster. So I'm going to go through quickly in this one. Oh, of course. I do too as a listener. Go on, yeah. So the next one was an MFF. F. And we decided to have dinner with this woman and she was a size queen. That was like sort of the first mistake. I'm average, I would say. She is more of a size queen than probably anybody

Starting point is 00:26:52 I've ever seen. So that kind of started it out as being a problem. And my girlfriend at the time, my wife now, she basically took over and cock blocked me in a way that really felt bad, not because she was like preventing me from being with this woman as much. It was she wouldn't even let me be with her with my wife or my girlfriend at the time. Yeah. It was, it was like she was taking over in a way that absolutely freaked me out because one of the things that bothered me was she, we knew that this woman. only had the ability to orgasm once, like, per experience, per night or whatever, is the way she put it.

Starting point is 00:27:37 And my, and so my girl was the one that took that experience when it was supposed to be something that we had discussed that I was going to be doing that. And so it, it was like a constant sort of, like not following the rules, which became more and more prevalent over the next experiences. But this one was so bad that we had a huge fight afterwards. And we were about two hours from our house where this whole thing happened. At about a half an hour into the ride home, we pulled over. And I said, I can't fucking do this. I am so pissed that this experience happened. And she was drunk, which is going to tie into a lot of it later on.

Starting point is 00:28:28 And I got out of the car and I started walking. And I had full intention to walk the 90 minute drive that it would take me to get home, just barefoot. I was that angry. It was a lot of like mixed emotions. How come there's no like, how come you guys aren't able to talk through these things? Like why just the anger? Is it because you're not being able to talk to her because she's too drunk to like have a coherent conversation? Okay, that makes sense.

Starting point is 00:28:56 Yeah. Okay. That was the problem at that point. And that was like the very first disaster. These are all disasters. So I don't know how it ends up the way it ends up so good, but it does eventually. So we decided, okay, having the threesomes are not, it's just not good for us. There's just too much of a one person's left out dynamic.

Starting point is 00:29:27 So now we're like, okay, we're going to do a buy couple. Really, as you know, really hard to find, really hard to find people willing to cop to that. Really hard to find people that are open about it. And also hard to find people that are not saying that they're by just to get it your wife. Yeah, for sure. So especially, you know, like an SLS at the time, which is what we were on, that that was like a whole thing that was, There were so few by people. There's maybe a little bit more now, but it's a few years later.

Starting point is 00:29:58 So we, we hooked up with this. Can I just ask you a quick question? Just because, like, because this story is more about all the ups and downs and we're not, like, harping on the details of the sex that's going on. But is the sex when it's happening before everyone gets, like, fucking jealous and everything? Like, is it hot and great? Quite any chance? That's a great question. And the answer is kind of, but not really.

Starting point is 00:30:20 Okay. That's why you're blowing through it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like not, like as a listener, it wouldn't be that interesting. Yeah, no, I'm glad I asked. Okay, that's important. Okay, keep going. So we find this couple and we talked to them a lot longer than we had done any other, like, communication with any other couple.

Starting point is 00:30:38 And that gave us a lot of courage and we liked them. So we decided to meet a pretty fancy restaurant in our area. And they, of all the people in all the stories that we've had over the last seven years, they're the only ones that were ever like, kind of local. So we met up at this really nice place, very brightly lit, which is important because both women started getting drunk. And we were sitting at one of those booths that sort of like a half circle. And we were facing a bar that had huge mirrors all along the back. And being brightly lit, facing mirrors, it was really obvious everything that we did. So, she says my wife says to me still not my wife yet but says to me hey would you be okay if i kissed her

Starting point is 00:31:30 and i said yeah sure that turns into kissing and fondling her and hands under uh you know under her clothes while we're in the middle of like a public place which in any other scenario now would be hot but back then it was sort of another hey like you didn't listen you're you're drunk you're not listening like you're really freaking me out yeah yeah because you can't trust her because you don't know where there's a lot there's no lines she's not paying attention you know it's like you just it's a scary place to be because she's not really in charge of herself at this point right and and and i i don't want like in my head i have everything that's happened up till now as a possibility if not more and that's freaking me out because i don't know where this is going to go and i'm not drunk i i really

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Starting point is 00:34:03 like small, only a couple people in there. And that was not a great decision because there was more drinking. And we were sitting at the bar. And at one point, my girl and I get up and we go to the bathroom and we're talking along the way and I say, would you be okay with me kissing that guy's wife? And she says yes. And she says, would you be okay with me kissing him?

Starting point is 00:34:30 And I said yes. So when we come back, I'm like taking it slow with the guy's wife for my wife's or my girlfriend's sake and also for her sake, this guy's wife, just to be like as much of a gentleman as I can be and not presume anything. my girl climbs on the guy's lap and starts making out with him at the bar and then sheds her hands down his pants. Oh my God. And just starts going at it. She's like completely out of control.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Because she's obviously drunk again. Yes. Yeah. Very like even more so. Yeah. Not good. We all go out into the parking lot and we do like this giant sandwich hug between all of us. And I'm thinking, okay, she was out of control.

Starting point is 00:35:17 but like we had a really good time. I got to kiss the other woman. Like, she didn't freak out. Little did I know, we get into the car. And the very first thing she says to me in the loudest possible scream is you fucking kissed her. You fucking kissed her. Oh, wait. Is that why she, was she trying to get you back when she was doing that to the guy, maybe?

Starting point is 00:35:42 I mean, that's what my thinking was at the time. Now I think it was just sort of being out of. control because of being drunk. I don't know. When I was a drunk and mess, okay, I would do shit like that to get someone back if I was jealous. Sorry. I mean, there may be that aspect of it.

Starting point is 00:35:57 But, you know, I would have thought that more than than I do now with the benefit of time and, you know, time healing things and stuff. So, so maybe. Maybe that was it. So we start driving home. It's probably like 1 o'clock in the morning right now. And I, you know, I have a fast. car, I have a Corvette, and we're driving. And at some point, we're on this road that has two

Starting point is 00:36:25 lanes in both directions, not a highway because it doesn't have a center part, but it's, you know, it's a major road with businesses on it. And she's just, she's screaming and mad and saying pretty terrible things about getting at my guilt because, you know, I'm divorced and, you know, there's always guilt associated with like leaving a family where you have kids, trying to to basically hurt me because she feels hurt. And I totally understand that now, didn't understand that at the time, especially,

Starting point is 00:36:53 you know, with everything that had preceded it, grabs the steering wheel and forces us into oncoming traffic, which... You've got to be... I mean, this is what horrified me in your thing. I watch a lot of dateline,

Starting point is 00:37:06 and there was a case recently with a young girl that fucking killed two kids, two guys, because she was like, she did that shit. And like, I mean, like,

Starting point is 00:37:13 that's crazy. That's like someone that should not drink. I'm sorry. Is she quit drinking? You're right. She, she, well, yes and no. Okay. She drinks like once a week now.

Starting point is 00:37:26 Yeah, she shouldn't drink. And when she drinks, don't let her out of the house. Okay, she's, that's like, that's like hot. And we're not talking about a 20 year old, right? Like, I was surprised when you started this thing out because you're like second marriage, you're in your 50s. You didn't meet that long ago. So I'm assuming this is a woman in her 40s at this point,

Starting point is 00:37:43 doing fucking driving her and her husband into incoming traffic. I mean, that's not, even as a 17-year-old, that's fucking psychotic. But, you know, as a 40-something year old, that's like something's wrong. Like, maybe that person shouldn't drink alcohol. Because if that's what alcohol does to that person, makes them almost kill themselves or a family or another person or you, that's psychotic. It, like scary fucking shit. I wanted to leave. I can't believe you didn't.

Starting point is 00:38:13 But, you know, that's how people get murdered. You know, you always like, there's always warning signs. before. Yeah. And I was, I was going through all of that in my head. Well, let me just ask you. So you go into incoming traffic. Let's stick with the story. Okay. Like, you go into incoming traffic. So what happened? She misses the cars. Like, you just wind up by sheer luck, not hitting anyone? Yeah, because thankfully, it was late enough at night that there weren't that many cars around. Okay, but there were cars. Oh, yeah, there were cars. Oh, my God. What did you say to her? Did you pull over to the side of the road? Like, what happened

Starting point is 00:38:45 in that moment? lots of screaming, me grabbing her wrist to pull it off of the steering wheel. We were about two miles from the house. So instead of pulling over, I made sure that she realized that she almost killed us. Is she blacked out? She was not blacked out. Okay. Does she, she remembers doing it?

Starting point is 00:39:08 Like, thinking to do it? She kind of remembers doing it. I'm not sure how much of the detail she remembers. She might be a blackout drinker. I mean possibly Blackout drinkers I'm just going to tell you I was a blackout drinker

Starting point is 00:39:21 Blackout drinkers are not on the ground drooling and they can't even speak Blackout drinkers are walking talking seem completely fine but they have no memory of what's fucking going on They're blacking out

Starting point is 00:39:32 But they don't seem that drunk Like whenever I was blacked out I'm walking talking I seem fine to everybody But I don't have one fucking clue of what happened That's a blackout drinker Blackout drinker is not on the floor

Starting point is 00:39:42 passed out Okay that's not what blackout drinking means blackout drinking means she's so drunk that she and she's checked out of her body that she seems fine and she might talk to you and have conversations but she has no recollection of it i would say she's closer to that but she has a little bit of recollection but not as much detail obviously as i did because you know i wasn't drunk yeah yeah yeah yeah so uh that night became miserable because there was a lot of like talking, a lot of like screaming that you kissed her,

Starting point is 00:40:15 you kissed her. And I'm like, but you didn't even follow the rules. And we were kind of going back and forth. I was, I was thinking, I got to get out of here. She went to bed and basically expressed like suicidal tendencies that night.

Starting point is 00:40:31 She was, she was distraught. And what I knew, which I wasn't sort of taking into account at the time, was she had had a lot of, of trauma in her earlier life and some of it sexual trauma that was pretty bad and really triggered her in a way that she even she didn't expect and of course the alcohol didn't help and none of that was sort of apparent that night but it became more freaky for me because I'm

Starting point is 00:41:03 like all right this just happened we almost died now she wants to die what's going on and we somehow got through that, like through talking. She passed out eventually. We talked more like in the middle of the night. We talked more the next day. And we kind of came to the conclusion of we don't know if we're going to stay together, but we're going to have to, we've been doing therapy this whole entire time. I should have said that.

Starting point is 00:41:32 We had been doing lots of therapy. We went into even more therapy. Were you doing it together or separate or both? Both. Okay, cool. And did you bring up this driving into the middle of traffic? Oh, yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:41:45 Yeah. And there were like, there were other incidents. It all kind of comes down to she's afraid of. Other incidents of jealousy? Of jealousy or anger. Any other violence? No, not like that. No.

Starting point is 00:42:02 Just like more, I would describe it as violence in, in that she would block me from, leaving a room with her body. And that triggered me because I felt like, oh, my God, I'm trapped. There's no other exit from this bedroom or whatever. So that kind of stuff, we have been going and continue, like, whenever we need to continue to talk about. But that's really where the height of it happened. And we decided we're going to, we're going to have to stop.

Starting point is 00:42:35 Like, this is getting, like, that was like a wake-up call. Like, we can't do this. You can't drink for sure, but we can't do this. We're fucking this up. We're fucking our life up. We're fucking our relationship up, which prior to doing all of this was the best relationship. Either of us had ever had boyfriends, previous spouses.

Starting point is 00:42:56 None of those things touched the quality and love that we have. And so we were like, why are we doing this? So we get married. and that's something that she had been wanting for a long time. And that's something that because of all the things that were going on, I was like reluctant to do because I'm like, this person almost killed me. Like what,

Starting point is 00:43:22 you know, like I don't know how I can do this. Yeah, she clearly doesn't have. I mean, any woman, like I said, I mean, this is like a woman.

Starting point is 00:43:28 She's in her 40s, almost 50. You know, the fact that she can't handle it an argument if you want to leave and she throws her body in front. I mean, this is a woman that doesn't have, like she's not emotion.

Starting point is 00:43:37 Mature. You know what I mean? Like she doesn't know how to handle her emotions. You should be able to allow someone to walk out no matter how mad you are and wait until they're ready to talk to you. If you're blocking the door and you're so crazy that you can, I mean, that's like very like emotionally unstable. You know what I mean? Like she doesn't have a grip. And she should at this point in her life, you know. And some people, if you don't do the work, you don't. I mean, I quit drinking at 34 because I couldn't fucking handle my emotions. And I can now. I'm a fully solid person. But that's because I'm sober 26 years. And I had to grow the fuck up emotionally. And I mean, I quit. learn how to deal with my fucking things or else you act out when you're drunk. This is a woman that can't handle in an argument you wanting to walk out of the room. She throws her thing on and becomes physical. I mean, she's like, you know, she's not in control of herself. She didn't, she didn't learn how to deal with her feelings or too much. And typically those are the type of people that over drank, you know, because emotions or any kind of feeling is too much. And I get it, because I was that person. But, you know, she's someone that needs to work on that because that's a little nutty at such an, you know, she's not like she's an older woman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:37 And that's what she's been working on. And that's what we've been working on. And that's the only way we actually got to the point where I was okay, you know, getting married. And it was something she was looking so much forward to, which we found out afterwards really played into a lot of these things. She thought the lifestyle stuff was what was going to replace us actually being together. She thought I wanted to do it. Even though it turned out... She was doing it, you mean to, so that you would marry her and everything would be good and you'd be happy so she could get what she wanted?

Starting point is 00:45:13 She was basically saying, um, you don't want to get married because of the delay, not realizing that the delay was because of all the crazy things that had happened. She was thinking, I wanted to delay it as long as possible to just do the lifestyle stuff and, and didn't like sort of own her actions. And when I finally felt like comfortable enough, it sort of clear. the decks for her and for me. Like I feel like we got through a lot by realizing like all that shit shouldn't dictate our future. It was fucking terrible. And it was the type of thing that most people don't come back from, whether it means like you

Starting point is 00:45:55 don't come back from it because you're dead or you don't come back from it because your relationship is fucking ruined. So we were on our honeymoon. and this is about a year ago. We're on our honeymoon and sometime in the middle of the honeymoon, she says, I think we should get back into the lifestyle. And this is the last thing I expected. And literally every single time the lifestyle comes up, she's always the one that brings it up. Do you see, just give me a time frame of how long had it been when, you know, a year ago came up and she said, let's get back in.

Starting point is 00:46:29 Like how long had you been out of the lifestyle? Probably two years. Okay, cool. So two years goes by. You work through your thing. She's not drinking as much. There's obviously maybe, I mean, when you're not in the lifestyle, are you guys not fighting?

Starting point is 00:46:41 Everything's cool? Yeah, right. Exactly. Okay. So no major tantrums, craziness, almost killing you, any kind of shit, throwing herself in front of the doors for you to, like, none of that shit's going on. Everything's like cool and back to normal, feet on the ground, stable. And she throws out on the honeymoon.

Starting point is 00:46:57 Let's go back to playing with other people. Yes. Okay. Yep. And she knew that I had wanted to do that, but I was sort of a friend. to do that. Yeah. And so we decided, all right, sounds like a great idea. She has told me since then that she said that because she wanted to make me happy because she knew that, not that she didn't want to do it as well, but she also wanted to make sure she did it during the honeymoon to basically

Starting point is 00:47:22 say, I told you all along if we got married, I would feel more comfortable and less threatened because we have a commitment to each other. And that was always something I sort of doubted was going to make a difference, but she wanted to show me that it did make a difference. So I said, okay, this is great. We're both aligned for the first time or on the same page. Yeah, now, if I didn't know that the story ends okay, I'd be like, yeah, how is that going to make any fucking difference? But I know it obviously does. So, okay, keep going. So we, we've like immediately on, you know, on our honeymoon, we sign up with another app. We start going through stuff. we find a couple and we start talking about it like talking with them when we get back from

Starting point is 00:48:11 our honeymoon and as sort of an aside two weeks or so after getting back from the honeymoon she also threw out hey like someday i think maybe i'd be okay with us doing polyamory so oh my god that came out of nowhere and it's not like i hadn't also thought of that oh my god please call me back after you've been polyamorous for a year if you're alive. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. Because you won't wait. We had never discussed it.

Starting point is 00:48:42 I won't hold my breath. Yeah. Well, we decided we're not going to do that. But we did talk about it. It's not for you guys, okay? It's not for most people, by the way, but definitely not for her. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:54 So we had an experience that turned out really well with another couple. The problem was that the couple, the guy wasn't. very attractive to either of us, but he was super nice guy. The woman was attractive to both of us. It all worked out well. We, like, we kind of clicked with them, but it wasn't the type of thing where we felt like really compelled to do it again. But the miracle of it was there was no problems, no craziness, you know, no jealousy whatsoever.

Starting point is 00:49:27 It was a complete about face. And we were like, okay, we're on to something here, finding the right. like four-way attraction with a completely buy couple is the way we have to go. Let's find somebody that we do have a four-way connection with, not like, you know, three basically out of the four. So we found, and this is where the story wraps up, we found an amazing couple that are both by that live about two hours from us. And we had been having sort of like FaceTime calls with them.

Starting point is 00:50:02 And during the calls, after the calls, like she and I together, the other couple after the call, constantly saying, we have never had a connection with literally anybody, even friends like we were doing it. We hadn't met them in person, just the friendship and the transparency and the connection between the two women, the two men and also like, you know, what I call the diagonal, the man and the woman and the other. man and the woman. It was it was all working out really really well. So we made plans to get together with them doing Airbnb. The night we were going to meet for the Airbnb, I got a text, didn't see it till the next morning when we were going to start packing to go meet them. They said, we're breaking up, we're doing a, we're separating. I'm sorry for the emotional roller coaster. It ends well, though, because we were like expressing, you know, support and love for them. A week later, they reached out to us and said, we patched things up.

Starting point is 00:51:12 We were never going to break up. We were just in the heat of the moment. It was like 3 o'clock in the morning when I sent that text. And, you know, they've been together since they were in high school. So, so things like that happened, but they've never just, they've never actually broken up. They've had some, you know, spats here and there. And I guess this one was bad. So they said, are you guys, did we ruin this?

Starting point is 00:51:35 Are you guys okay? And we're like, no, we didn't, you didn't ruin anything. We were actually mourning the potential loss of, of really good friends, which is odd to say, because we never met them in person at this point. So we decided that we were going to get together with them two weeks later, which was just a few weeks ago. And it actually happened. We made lots of jokes about like, hey, you guys still in and, you know, like, uh, we're counting down the minutes or are we going to see you there um you know i'm going to share my

Starting point is 00:52:06 location so you know we're going to be there like stuff like that because we were like we had been through so much when we got there all four of us hugged like constantly we could not believe that this attraction that we had this this relationship that we had been forming over months on on video calls was just as real, if not more so, in person. And that night, we made dinner together at this Airbnb. We went out to a store to grab, you know, supplies, and then we cooked together. The men cooked together. Everything was great.

Starting point is 00:52:40 And then we had an amazing, and not one of these prior situations was amazing, as I said to you before, they were like, okay. We had an amazing four-hour sexual encounter with all four of us participating, everybody into it. Everybody fucked everybody? Everybody fucked everybody. Okay. And started this out with an impromptu like four-way hug before like we all like got going, which is, was an emotional as well as like a physical like perfect way to start this whole thing and ended that four hours with just.

Starting point is 00:53:20 laying there my my wife and I back to back in the middle I was making out with with the other guy's wife she was making out with him and he he reached over while I was making out with his wife across my wife to stroke me and get me hard while I was kissing his wife which was super hot and it it was like so wonderful that my wife described it as magical and honestly that That's what we all agreed afterwards was it was magical. And I don't mean magical in the way where it's not real. It was just, it's felt magical.

Starting point is 00:54:01 Yeah, that's not often that that happens, but it definitely sometimes happens when all the stars align and you meet the right people and that you're lucky that you found a couple that you have that kind of experience with. You know that everyone's into everybody. There's no, you know what I mean? And it's great. Yeah. And we decided, we had talked about it earlier, but then and then and this. We decided both couples were just going to be exclusive to each other. We didn't want to worry about diseases, you know, from other people that we might have picked up.

Starting point is 00:54:30 We, you know, we didn't want to worry about anything. And we weren't interested that we had both had, both couples had bad experiences in the past and some good ones. But they were all, the good ones were all kind of like, eh, they were like, you know, it wasn't the worst, but it certainly wasn't the best. We figured, all four of us figured, why do we have to look anywhere else? just going to continue on with this. And just like in any relationship, if you get to know each other more, you can pleasure each other more. It can be more heightened and it can be more wonderful for everybody instead of like just

Starting point is 00:55:03 constantly playing the field. Have you only had that one experience with them? Yep. And last night we were talking about when is the next experience we're going to have. Right. I mean, listen, you know, I want to talk to you six months about this because this couple sounds a little mental and stable too. I mean, listen, there are couples.

Starting point is 00:55:21 I know couples, okay, the couple that they're always fighting and they're so dramatic and they act as if they're going to break up in and then you fast forward 30 years, they're doing the same fucking thing. They're probably that couple. But the couple that's been, you know, they're probably that couple that just as they do have, they live in an emotional roller coaster all the time. That couple that you always acts as if they're on the verge of a fucking breakdown and they they never do because they like drama and they have it in their whole life and they've been

Starting point is 00:55:41 together since and it's all a fucking cry wolf people. But most likely that's going to happen again, okay? If they're like that type that told you, oh, you know, we're breaking up, we're ending, we're divorcing and ended it and then came back and said, oh, sorry, we're back together, you know, just know that's really going to happen again. Okay, drama over there. And, you know, just watch yourself and watch your girl. I mean, I just, you know, I want to know, I would definitely think that this is a gone right story totally if you have like a year under your wealth of everything. You know, I do think it's good that you're just going to stay with this couple for now. Please don't start being Polly.

Starting point is 00:56:18 Like is that off the table? Yeah, yeah. We said we're not going to do that. Like none of us were interested in doing that. It was something she threw out there. She often says to me, I just say shit just to see how you're going to react to it. Well, then you need to be the, okay, you're the clearheaded one in this relationship. You need to, you know, make the decisions.

Starting point is 00:56:36 When she says shit like that, you say, shut the fuck up. We're not being Polly, okay? That's what you say. When she says, let's get in the car because she's drunk and she says, let's go back to a swinger club. You say, no, let's not, okay? unless you're not going to fucking drink. You make sure you go back into like those clubs and you do everything. She should not be drinking when she's doing any of that stuff.

Starting point is 00:56:55 All the stars aligned with this couple and everything works with this couple. And I think that that's great. And it is very rare to find that kind of match, especially because everyone's by, right? Like he's by, she's by, you're by, right? Everybody's by, yeah. You're very lucky. I'd keep it with these people for now because you know that there is no drama when you

Starting point is 00:57:14 guys get together. There may be drama. Like I don't believe that you're not going to go up with a, roller coaster with these people, but like, who cares? It's not your life, right? You know, though most likely we'll be back together and never leave like they said. But, you know, that'll probably happen again. But, you know, I would just make sure, because this is only a, you just got it back into it and you had all this history of bad stuff. And your girl is not totally sober, but like if you ever decide if she throws out there, let's go to a club or anything that, you know,

Starting point is 00:57:40 you really like, you know, try to be, you know, say, like give her some boundaries and some rules. Like, maybe if you're going to go, like she can't drink. You know, she probably shouldn't drink. She's the type of person that should not drink in those kinds of situations, you know. This one was very contained because you know this couple. You got close with them. You know what I mean? And everything.

Starting point is 00:57:59 But like in a club, like there isn't that kind of stuff. And all, I don't care that she's married now. Like that stuff that rear, like that shit that happened before could happen again. If she's like loaded in a club again, I wouldn't, I wouldn't trust it, you know, because she's not totally sober, but she doesn't drink that much. But if you ever go back to club, and stuff, I would make sure she doesn't drink. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:20 I mean, she agrees that it's a terrible idea. Yeah, she agrees that's an absolutely terrible idea. Drinking or going to the clubs or both? Pretty much both, but if we did go to the club, she said she would never drink. Right. So she knows that those two don't matter. But you could, but like, if she's totally clearheaded and goes, you know, that could be a totally different story.

Starting point is 00:58:40 You know what I mean? A lot of people, because as a drinker myself and I'm sober now so many years, like people would always be like, oh, like whoever you are, when your drink is like your true self. It's like, no, actually, that's not true at all, you know, and that's why I quit drinking, because actually drinking made me somebody that I wasn't, and it made me look like a loser. You know what I mean? And that's not who I am. It actually shows your worst self. It makes you be somebody that you're not supposed to be. And that's what's so detrimental for people that are alcoholics, because it just positions you to look like somebody that

Starting point is 00:59:07 you're not. It's not who you really are, you know? So if she stays completely sober and clear-headed and does things intentionally and stuff, you know, she could fucking handle it. But it's like when she drinks, she checks out because of her trauma and she goes too far. And then she can't, you know, she doesn't know how to handle her emotions and that thing and you don't want to be in the middle of the road again. Right. And, and I have to say she's an amazing woman that's been through so, so much. Yeah. And I'm pretty much constantly in awe. I had sort of a perfect life. I often say it's sort of like the life you would see like, you know, an ideal, like a leave it to beaver kind of a life. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:49 Which I found out that I'm lucky to have. She did not, still does not, like a lot of her family, you know, are kind of nuts. Yeah. And I didn't realize how much of an impact that makes on a person. I was, I was sheltered in a way. She was sheltered in different ways. I was absolutely sheltered in these ways. And that's probably why you're a good match for her, by the way.

Starting point is 01:00:10 I mean, yeah. I mean, as long as like I'm not the, I'm not. just becoming her therapist all the time, which, you know, at times I've had to sort of take on that role, but like we fight against that so that we can both be our own advocates for ourselves and try to support each other. And I feel like you're right about the drinking. The drinking is one of the major problems, whether it's the lifestyle stuff mixed with the drinking or just the drinking on its own. It's never been never been a good thing. Not for somebody with trauma.

Starting point is 01:00:44 You know, I had to quit drinking. And I'm very, like, I could make someone drinks when they come over. I could be with people that are totally loaded. But I cannot drink because I'm a blackout drinker. I acted out. And I told you, it just made me be somebody that I wasn't. And like I said, it wasn't who I was with, it's not who I was at all, you know. And it's really detrimental to some people.

Starting point is 01:01:04 And she's probably the type of person that probably shouldn't drink, you know. And because like I said, it makes her be someone that she's not. You know what I mean? And that's, she's doing, she's only doing a disservice to herself. You know, that's how I look at it. Because, um, you wind up acting out, like I said, and doing things. And like you said, she's this great person. That's that. That's true. You know, a lot of people tend to think at somebody if there's like massive drinkers, alcoholics, like, that's who they really are. It's like, no, it's not true. You know, take away all that. You know what you, you're like quitting drinking and being sober and coming to terms of everything is not an easy thing. It's one of the hardest things to do. I have a great episode all about it. Um, I post it like once a year. Because I, you know, did the whole sober thing as a woman who was acting out sexually and who was a fucking train wreck and who sabotaged everything and stuff. It's not easy. It gets harder before it gets better because, you know, like at the end of the day, your girl needs to work on like, you know, sort of dealing with her emotions. And typically, like, that's what addicts are people who don't really, you know, their emotions are too much. You know what I mean? Too much. And so, and they don't know how to deal. But when if you get sober and clear-hatted, you could start working on that. You could become the type of person that could completely deal with. anything that's thrown your way and be feet on the ground totally fine. You could walk out of the door and she doesn't have to fling herself in front of it. And she's acts like a, you know, a grown ass person that knows how to deal with their emotions. I wasn't at 34. But at 56, I fucking have my feet on the ground solid more than most people I know because I've been sober. You know,

Starting point is 01:02:31 so she and considering all the stuff I've been through it like her. So, you know, she should be continuing therapy. She should, um, she should try to, you know, not trying to, you know, not especially if you're going to do any of those things. And you should proceed with caution when you're going to be with any other couples or any other stuff in the lifestyle. This works for you guys, and that's great. But polyamory, no. Yeah, it's off the table.

Starting point is 01:02:58 Don't go there. And, you know, if she says to go to a club, no drinking, whatever, you know, because of your past, you know, you just want to make sure that stuff doesn't come up. I know that, you know, she says that because you're married, it's going to be all different and she won't ever be jealous. you just don't know, you know what I mean? Because like even the most, I'll just tell you the truth. Even the most successful people in the lifestyle, you know, once in a blue moon, jealousy can't

Starting point is 01:03:23 can and will come up for whatever reason. You know what I mean? It could be the other person, the way they're acting, you know what I mean? It could be because of your hormones that day. It could be because of the way the wind fucking blew. You know what I mean? It can come up. And if she can't control herself when she gets that way, that's the problem, you know,

Starting point is 01:03:38 so you don't want to put yourself in positions that are unnatural, you know, meaning like, in a club with all kinds of strangers blowing you and then maybe she can't handle it and she fucking freaks out again. So proceed with caution is all I'm saying because you love your girl. You have a good thing. She should continue therapy. She might probably should probably quit drinking totally. But if she doesn't like make sure you just don't have situations with even this couple. Like, does she drinking when she's with this couple or is she being sober when she's made this couple? No, no. We were we were all sober. Yeah, that's good. Try not to. I mean, I find that most people in the lifestyle really do things clear-headed like you.

Starting point is 01:04:12 Like you're always clear-headed, right? Like you said, you don't barely drink. And I think that that's the more responsible place to go because it is the type of situation where things can get triggered and you can get jealous and stuff. And that's normal. You're human beings. You know what I mean? It's not abnormal to get jealous and to have feelings.

Starting point is 01:04:27 You know, that's normal. It's just how you deal with them, you know? And when you're drinking, you don't have as much control over yourself. Right. And I love her for who she is when she's not drinking. She doesn't need to do anything. I know she feels like she needs to do it to. to, you know, dull the pain and all that.

Starting point is 01:04:45 Of course, not the problem. I love her for who she is and want her to always be the person that I fell in love with as much as possible. And if she's not having a good day, like, I'll do what I can to help her. I don't think she should or needs to, you know, to turn to alcohol and certainly, obviously not in these circumstances with the lifestyle. It just makes everything worse. Yeah, and even in regular life.

Starting point is 01:05:09 Like, I mean, you know, the minute I quit drinking, I realize why I drank. You know, people think that the alcohol is the problem. The alcohol isn't the problem. It's the, like, you know, the problem is whatever is going on that makes you want to drink, which is, you know, your feelings are too intense. You can't deal with anything bad. You know what I mean? And stuff.

Starting point is 01:05:25 And it's, uh, and so when you put down the alcohol, you have to deal with all that on your own. And then you realize, oh, I'm not capable of dealing with it. That's the fucking problem. And that's why it's really hard to stay sober like the first or two for a year or two. It's like you don't know what the fuck to do when you have a bad feeling. You can't sabotage because you can't drink and get drunk and do crazy things and you can't get away from anything. And to face it when you're somebody that can't because it's too much because maybe you've been through trauma and it was like too much to deal with and you

Starting point is 01:05:50 checked out. If you don't have that checking out coping mechanism, you don't have any coping mechanism. You don't know how to deal with your emotion. She probably never learned because she was dealing with too much when she was younger. So it's a whole process. You know, thank God she has you because you're like you're the opposite of her and you could help her through it. Nobody's perfect. You know what I mean? Like this is a woman that can completely change her life if she just stays off She's got a good solid guy with her. You know what I mean? It's great that you understand her issues and you're there for her and see her for who she is, which is this great person. You know what I mean? And, uh, but she'd be probably even better if she just like got got completely sober. She's probably one of those people. That needs to me. Yeah, we're working. Yeah. I mean, I she probably doesn't know that you listen to my listen to my getting sober story. She might be very blown away by it because I go through all the shit I did. You know, if she did. No, she does. She knows I'm going to do this today. Well, then let her fucking listen to my getting sober story. She might be very blown away by it because I go through all the shit I did. I did. why I drank all the acting out all the shit. She might really, and it's like a woman.

Starting point is 01:06:46 You know, I remember when I first quit drinking, and I did it without AA. I went to AA for a couple months and then I was like, fuck this. And that's why some people get mad at me, but I'm sorry, like you can quit drinking without a AA. I did and it's 26 years for me, but like I feel like, you know, or less than that, but, you know, I feel like it was important for me when I first quit drinking to hear stories from other women because I was a woman. I'm like, and I thought all alcoholics are like men that work in gas stations.

Starting point is 01:07:09 I don't know. You just think certain things, but it's not. the case, you know. Anyone could have an issue with alcohol, so she should listen to my getting sober story. Whenever she's ready, you know what I mean? It might help. Yeah, I mean, it's a great episode. I've been listening for as long as you've been doing this. I've listened to that episode a couple times myself. Yeah, yeah. And I'd be, yeah, and I'd be happy to, uh, to play that for her. I mean, we often will drive around and listen to your episodes, but we've never listened to that one in the car together. So that's probably a good one. Yeah, yeah. And listen to it, you know, it'll ring true when

Starting point is 01:07:42 it needs to ring true for her. If she doesn't get anything out of it now, maybe in a year or something would ring a bell with her. I mean, the truth is people get sober on their own time. You know what I mean? It's always about it's when that person is ready, you know, but you never know. So yeah, turn that one on. She's going to listen to me talking about her. Yeah, she will. Yeah, she can't wait to hear it. So there you go. I love your story. Like I said, don't go Polly. You go to the thing. Don't fucking drink, you know, and proceed with caution. I'm happy met this couple, though. I think that that's like fucking great because the stars don't always align that you have like

Starting point is 01:08:16 that kind of four way connection. So have fun, enjoy it. I love this story because it's got a lot of red flags. I think people could learn from stories that aren't always perfect. I'm a realist. You know, and I do have a lot of successful couples on my show. And I think that that's important. And I like to have all the great stories on to show people that non-monogamy can work, right?

Starting point is 01:08:37 Because so many people think that it doesn't. But I also like to show stories where it doesn't. work too because that's the fucking truth. You know what I mean? And people could learn from it. And what's great about your story is like it didn't work for a while, but you guys are back into it and you're trying it again and it is working now. So that's another kind of angle, right? You can't say everything just goes in one way. If it doesn't work, you got to quit forever. Like you guys are here to say like, no, you guys quit. There was issues and now you're back in and it's all good. You know, call me back in the year. Make sure it stays good. You know, stay in therapy and do everything sober. And I think you'll

Starting point is 01:09:11 be fine. I love this. I love this whole episode. Thank you so much for calling in and telling your story. These are the kind of stories I love because it reads like a good book. It's like a whole story. Well, speaking of books, love your book. I got it a few months ago. Love it. Glad you did it and love your show. And I feel like you are the most underrated non-therapist out there because your therapy advice, even though you're clear about not being a therapist, but your therapeutic advice to people in every episode I've listened to is spot on. Thank you. And you learn a lot by being a listener of your show when it's not your life.

Starting point is 01:09:50 You know, you learn a lot and you listen to what somebody says. And the advice is always, in my opinion, it's always been rock solid for the people that you have calling into you and that you have conversations with. And I want to thank you for that. I love that. And that means a lot to me because I spent my whole life like sort of reading every self-help book, all the ones that Oprah read. I read when I was like 10.

Starting point is 01:10:09 You know what I mean? Like I was like always into all that stuff. I always wanted to be a therapist. But then when I realized like you can't tell people what the fuck to do and you can't, you know, I was like, I'll fuck that. You know what I mean? I don't want to do that. But I do love psychology and I do love digging deep and I do like helping people and

Starting point is 01:10:23 I've been through so much myself and I learned from a lot and I read every book that I feel like I sometimes do really give good advice and I'm glad that you enjoy it and learn from it. You know what I mean? Because I've always started my show not to give people Woody's in their car, but to help people. And I do believe that I am. And I think sometimes you.

Starting point is 01:10:39 You know, you look at my titles and you think, ah, dirty hot sex show, you know, but I, anyone that listens knows it's so much more. You know what I mean? And I love that because that's what I intended to do. So I know that's why I love episodes like this that has a lot of like the deeper stuff in it, you know? Oh, 100%. You give Witties and you give great advice.

Starting point is 01:10:57 Exactly. You can't beat that. 100%. High five. Anyway, what do we call you, by the way? I was like trying to write down your name in my notes on my schedule. I'm like, do we call you Jim? I don't even remember your name.

Starting point is 01:11:08 Oh, okay. I was so into your story. story. I forgot. Names don't matter to me. You know what I mean? Your story was so good. All right, Jim, thank you so much for calling in. This was great. And if your girl, listen, I would love to talk to your girl one day if she ever wanted to call in and give her story. She might after this, but last night she was like, no way. But we'll see what she thinks afterwards. It's okay. All right. Thanks, Kathy. Thanks, Jim. Bye. All right, Polly. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is

Starting point is 01:11:39 now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told. in the third person and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true

Starting point is 01:12:28 stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of

Starting point is 01:13:14 contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at Gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

Starting point is 01:13:49 This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast.

Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1476 - Jim and his Wife Tried Swinging and it Went Very Wrong and Now They’re Swinging Again?

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