Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1479 - Julie is Into Group Sex, BDSM, Kink and More

Episode Date: June 5, 2026

Julie is into group sex, bdsm, kink and more and she called din t talk all about it. Tun in to hear all the details including how and why she left her wife after being married for ten years, how and why she decided to only hook up with men after her divorce, the shibari events she went to and how she they eventually led her to play parties, her first play party she went to and what went down, how she felt about herself afterwards both positively and negatively, what she wasn’t getting at play parties that she went searching for, the first guy she met who she enacted a hardcore role play fantasy and exactly what went down, how she enjoys pain and getting bruises and what she gets out of it, the younger guy she dommed and what wet down and what she enjoyed about it, how living out her kink and bdsm fantasies has been therapeutic for her, how and why she is currently into de-shaming kinks and why she feels like that’s important plus a whole lot more. To see HOT pics of JESSIE plus my other female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://VB.Health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - To get 10% off DRIVE BOOST by VB Health, use code: STRICTLY   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Buy 2 months of Bluechew GOLD and get the third month FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bollandbranch.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Use code STRICTLYANON for 20% off plus FREE shipping ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.promescent.com/kathykay15⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - New customers get 15% off entire order, automatically applied at checkout ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beduc.at/pd2618-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness https://Rythm.Health/STRICTLYANON⁠ ⁠for 15% OFF your first month plus FREE shipping  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.quince.com/strictlyanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — For premium quality Quince clothing plus FREE shipping and 365 day returns! Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or a tile ad. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. It's real problem.

Does your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. This motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehide your wits and change. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or X, follow the show at Strict Anonymous.

If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because I change everyone's voices, people change their names. So if you have an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or you don't even need a naughty life story on anymore. I'll talk to people with regular interesting life stories for my Sunday episodes. You could be on the show. All you got to do is send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, Strictly Anonymouspodcast.com and click on Be on the Show. I also have a sexual health Saturday series. So if you have a really interesting health story journey that you want to talk about,

email me as well. If you have a nodding. confession that you want to leave on my confessions hotline. You could do that 24-7. The number is 347, 4203579. Make sure you're in a quiet place. So many people call while they're driving and I can't hear shit and I can't use those confessions. Some of the confessions, though, I changed the voices, by the way, on the confessions. And some of those confessions make it onto a confessions episode where I talk about them. All the rest go on my Patreon. Now listen, if you're irritated by my intros. Join my Patreon because for just $7 a month, okay, you get every single episode. I do seven of them a week. You get them early. You also get them intro and ad free. Okay. You also see anonymous hot picks of

all of my guests. That is all over on my Patreon. Like I said, it's only $7 a month and you could cancel at any time. Now listen, if you join my Patreon, I always tell people that I will throw in a link to my private Discord. Now, my private Discord is a place where everyone gets to talk to each other. My Discord is super fun. Over 6,000 people that signed up over there. Everyone talks to each other. People are hooking up over there. We have a lot of contests. We have a dick pick contest coming up. Okay, you can win 350 bucks, I think, is what I give for the contest. That is starting on May 15th. And it will run for a month. So make sure to sign up to Patreon to get into Discord. So you could take part in that. You could also get a link to my private Discord if you buy my book. I have a new book

out. It's called Strictly anonymous. Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, that book is available in paperback as well as an e-book. And the audiobook is finally available for pre-order. It's hard to find because it's still on pre-order. But if you go to the description, the links to the books on Amazon as well as the audible book are in the description. If you buy the book, you buy the book, book, just send me a screenshot and I'll send you the link to my private Discord. You'll love my Discord. It's great. You'll also love my Patreon. It's great. Last thing I want to talk to tell you about is I do have a great free trial that you could use for SDC.com. SDC.com is like the world's largest online adult dating site, but it's so much more than a dating site. I mean, you can use it to

hook up with people instead of threesomes and all the kind of stuff that people do on my show, but you could also use it to find out about meetups and inventing. in your areas as well as learn stuff about the lifestyle. They have so much information on SDC.com. And if you use my code 37712, you'll get a free trial. That's 37712. Or just go to the description and click on the link. And it'll take you right there and set you up with a free trial.

So anyway, I got a great episode, Fetish Fridays. She's not really into, she doesn't really have a fetish, but Julie is into all kinds of things. She's very into kink, kind of BDSM. I mean, she likes a lot of pain. She talks about that. She talks about how she got started and really opened herself up to all kinds of sexual experiences. She was only dating women early on. She had a 10-year marriage with a woman and a baby.

She talks about that. And when that didn't work out, she solely started dating guys and she was just looking to like explore herself sexually. She got into group sex, play parties and then pain, CNC scenarios that she's really into. And she just is very much, she calls herself like a nerd. She loves education and being educated and really sort of like looking into things deeply. And she does all her sexual experiences that she talks about, her pain and her pleasure and why she's into it and what it means to her and how she's, how therapeutic it's been for her and in what way.

And it's like really super interesting. She's great. She's interesting. You're going to love her story. So I'm just going to get right to it and be right back on with Julie. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Podcast, strictly anonymous podcast. Hi, Julie.

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? Oh, hi, Katie. I'm good. Actually, it's a night here. Oh, my God. Wait, I got to tell people we were talking before we started taping. You're like, oh, yeah, I grew up in Russia, but I moved to Bali.

I was like, oh, my God, you've got my fantasy life. Like, I feel like all of, like, regular people like me, you know, whenever we're going through justice or something, we're just like, I just wish I could, like, give it all up and live on an island someplace beautiful. You're like Bali. You know what I mean? Like, I know people that do that, but I would never do it in my life, but I admire you. You know, how long you live there for?

Almost four years now. Is it amazing? Oh, yeah, it is like the best life for me and for my son, for sure. Yeah, I can imagine. Well, listen, you have a really fucking interesting life more than just you live in Bali. Okay. I can't even believe all the stuff I was reading in your email. You are very open-minded.

You're currently like exploring Kings and BDSM. you've been non-monogamous, you were only dating women for 10 years, you have a baby with your ex-wife, so you were married, and you know, you're into group sex, all kinds of things, right? I don't know. Should we start with, like, your dating girls or, like, going back to, like, that part of your life? Yeah, sure. Well, I will start a bit earlier. Okay, good, good.

Yeah, I grew up in Russia, and, like, usually what you get in Russia about, like, sex education or things like this is like nothing. The only thing I was told by my mom like use condoms. That's the only thing. Do whatever you want but just use condoms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like nobody explain you stuff. How when like yeah, you know nothing. And you kind of explore yourself. And I was, I had a few relationship with guys. There were like monogamous, vanilla, like very conservative and everything. And then, like, as I'm very rebellious person, like, I don't like to be told what to do. I don't like to fit in a box or something like this.

I was like, okay, let's explore girls. Yeah, interesting. How old were you when you realized you wanted to explore women? Do you remember around? 21. Okay, cool. 22. Yeah, something like this.

First, it was like, oh, forbidden fruit and something from this part. from this part. And then I started to have like a relationship with a few of girls. And like the last relationship I had for six and a half years, like technically we were not married because as you know in Russia, it's illegal. So yeah, but we had a family and we eventually had a kid together. And yeah, so it was, it turned out to be a very serious journey. 10 years.

How does it work with two women when you're having a baby? Like, do you use both eggs to get a couple different embryos and then like you did one embryo with one person's egg first and then you were going to do it with someone else's second? Like, how did you decide? Do you mind me asking? I'll edit it out because I did surrogate and I did, you know, my own shit. So I'm just curious.

No, no. Yeah, totally fine. Like in our case, it was very easy because my partner, she didn't want to give a birth. but I wanted it so much. So it was the easiest choice. Oh, perfect. That's perfect. Yeah, we had a gay friend and we asked him and he was like, oh, yeah, sure.

And so like one time we tried in a hospital where they help you to do this. Yeah. But it didn't work. And then we tried at home. He just gave us his sperm and she insominated me. Wait, with it like a turkey baster? Yeah. You know, listen, there was like this crazy story recently in the news, maybe like a year ago, I don't know, where literally, because listen, you know, I would be like, how could you get pregnant from a turkey baster?

But there was this story in this prison where two prisoners, male and female, actually, like the male, like jerked off and somehow sent his sperm like through the pipes to the girl. And she actually got pregnant by inseminated. Oh, my God. If you could take your sperm and send it through the pipes and inseminate someone like, you know, if the guy's right there and he gives it to you. your girl and he puts it right in, boom, you're pregnant. That's like amazing and cheaper than doing IUIs and IVF and all that shit. I did all that when I need to get pregnant because I was doing it on my own. Yes, yes, yes.

It's like when you have a guy there, like it was our friend and we could use him like anytime. So it was like and like at home, it's like the atmosphere is more calm. You're not nervous and you're with your partner and like then you lay legs up and that's it. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking you were going to say you like had sex with him because you're like, whatever, let's do it that way. You know, I didn't know.

Okay. But anyway, let's get to your life. I might edit that all out just because you have so much to talk about it. That's so much. People are like, Kathy, get to the fucking sex. Who cares about the baby? Yes. Okay.

So let's, all right. So you're married to that woman. And the whole time, are you guys monogamous in that relationship? Yes. Yes. We had like in the beginning of our relationship. I was like testing the ground. I was exploring Shibari a bit.

And when we met, she was like, oh, if you're into this shit, like, we're not going to be together. Oh, okay. She was very vanilla. I was like, oh, very, very, very, very conservative person. And I'm like, okay, I'm in love here. And I want to proceed with her. Right. And I was like, okay, I can push down whatever I have and like just be with her.

but what I figured out, you can't push down like this type of desires and there eventually came up. Oh, really? And it was, yeah, it was a problem because after some time, like, we spend a lot of good time together and we had a baby. And like, you know, when the baby is growing up, like he's one, two, three years, you just spent a lot of time like family stuff. Yeah. And then I was like, okay, but what's next? Yeah, you eventually get back to yourself when you have a kid. You know, there's a while where you're just like so focused on the baby, but eventually

you get back to yourself and you're like, and that's when you were like, well, what about all these kinds of desires that you have? Yes, and sexually, we were very disconnected. Like, personally wise, yes, everything was great. But sexually, it's like we were looking different directions for sure. And by that time, I couldn't talk about it very clearly. I couldn't like express what I want and I started to tell her like

maybe we try open relationship and we even went to couple therapy and it seemed like it was working but it wasn't because she was not ready to open and be like very honest about it so like

it ended up she was cheating on me and it was like the most ridiculous thing ever I'm offering it yes we're here offering it with another girl. Wow.

This vanilla girl, you're the horny, like, non-vanella one that wants to try all these things, and she's the vanilla conservative one, and she's the cheater. Terrible. Well, yes, but like now I appreciate this move so much because otherwise we would be together maybe much longer and we would suffer more. So it was a good thing. It was a painful stuff, but like you move on. Yeah, no, no.

I look at everything like in a positive way after you get through it. Those kinds of things typically they say happen for you. And they do. I believe that. I've never, you know, I look back on every, even the most devastating things that happened to me were a blessing, right? Oh, yeah. And it's great to work through that.

Okay. So now when you leave and you get divorced from her, what happens? Because you have all these desires. I'm assuming you get at it. You get to it. Yes, well, yeah, I was like, okay, let's see what is in this world. And I just started with dating apps. Like, first it was just Tinder or whatever, like, simple things. I was just like seeing what is out. And then I was going to some events here. We don't have much happening here, but we have a community, like Kink, BDSM community. And people were talking about like sex parties, DSM parties. And I'm like, okay, like, that's interesting. And I started to go, started to talk, started to participate, like looking.

And I started to meet men because, like, somehow I didn't want anything to do with girls. Not like anything to do. I still think I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to girls. But I wanted sex with a man. Yeah, maybe it was something different. You know, you had been with a woman for 10 years. Mm-hmm.

Right? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yeah, I've been with women, but now it's like I don't even know how to explain it, but like I wanted this like man energy. And I just started to meet just random people from apps just for sex to experience things. So random guys is what you're talking about right here for sure.

Yes, yes, yes. Well, like I mean they're random, but we were like, connecting, like chatting and whatever, but like mostly it was for sex. Sometimes it was like one night stands or something. But for me, it was very interesting because like when I was younger, I didn't have this opportunity. I was always like in a relationship or something. But now I was like, okay, let's see. Okay, guys, I got good news. Blue Chew has just raised the bar when it comes to performance in the bedroom because let's face it, getting hard is not the same thing as getting aroused. And that's exactly why you need to try blue chew gold. It's new and it's revolutionary

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So, I was having fun, and I'm still having fun. So it's like the whole new world for me because it happened like two years ago. So not long. I'm not in a relationship. So, yes. And I started to visit sex parties here. Like in the beginning it was like, oh my God. Now let me ask you this.

Did you go looking for the sex parties or did you like happen to meet a guy, one of the guys that you were hanging out with and he like turned you on to it? Or was this like something that you went looking for? I mean, it doesn't make a difference. But I'm just curious how you wound about your first one. So I was going to this Shibari events. Like people were gathering once a week and just tying and like doing shows. And there were people.

that were talking about sex parties and I was sitting next to them and like tell me, tell me what is happening there and they're like, oh, you just go there, you just fuck, you just meet people and I'm like, oh my God, how it's possible you fuck in front of other people. Like that's like for me it was unbelievable.

Like how, like yeah, I couldn't imagine this and then one time I was like, I will go. And it was interesting experience. Like walk me through that first experience. Was it a BDSM party or was it a swinger party? Like I feel like they could be very different. Yeah, it was not a BDSM party. It was we call here a play party. Yeah, play party. Right. That's different. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. So I came there with my friend, but I knew a few people there from this Shibari scene. So I felt a bit more comfortable. And in the beginning, like I felt awkward. like I don't know what to do, how to communicate with people. Yes, you're coming to sex party, but like how you start like the communication and I was just sitting smoking. And like what, what should I do?

What should I do? How should I? I can imagine it being very intimidating. That's why I do a lot of episodes of like, you know, like how to how to when it comes to like clubs and parties because I feel like there's a lot of unspoken rules and etiquette and stuff. And if you never learned about it or no one ever told you, you would have no clue. So I give anyone credit that goes, especially a woman, because I'm a woman, you know, like that goes to a party by themselves.

I don't think I'd have the balls to do it. I think it's very ballsy to go, especially because you don't know what the fuck you're doing. Yes, yes. And like, I was going there thinking like that everyone who is going there, they're so cool and they know things and everything. And I'm not because I'm first time here. And like, yeah, I don't know even what I'm. ready for or not. So, and there was a good friend of mine, a female rigor.

And she was like, here is my play partner. Do you want to have a threesome? I'm like, oh, here. And straight away, we had a threesome. And I was like, okay, I can do that. Yeah. Oh, my God. And that was your first time for having a threesome, right?

Yes. Yes, it was my first time of the threesome, of the sex party, like, and fucking in front of others. And, like, it was a mixed experience. On one hand, it was very nice because, like, I was with these people that I know, and they were very caring, and, like, we had passionate but caring sex. But at the same time, I was, like, having all these doubts in my head, like, is it the right thing I'm doing? because like, I don't know, like, I'm not in love with this people or something. Like, I still have my kind of like, I don't know, conservative mind or whatever. But like, it was fun.

Right. It was really fun because like to be in this ambience of lust and sex, it's nice. Even if you come there, sometimes now I'm coming to parties and I'm not having sex. I'm just like chatting to people. Are you just there like in this sexy club? and yeah. Yeah, so even the vibe alone. And I always say that, like, I feel like, especially if, like, a couple just wants to go.

I mean, what's great is you don't have to do anything at those places. Nobody forces you to. So you can just go and kind of look around and be a voyeur. I mean, it sounds like you had a little bit of an exhibitionist in you. Did you find that when you got there and did have that threesome in front of people that was a turn on to you? Well, actually, I was a bit shy to do this because I was like, Oh, people will see me. Like, I would be so exposed.

Like, you, like, spread your legs in front of others. Yeah. And not in front of one person or two, but in front of, like, 10 people. Yeah. And there's some people who would just come and seat, like, somewhere close. And you're like, oh, okay. Okay. But I don't, I can't call myself exhibitionist, but maybe now I have more of it.

but it was like this vibe, this lusty vibe that like next to us there was another people who were having sex and then like another people came and it's like you know this like circulation of people fucking next to you and you're like oh it's normal so like this is the thing like your term for normal changes with time because you see that's oh that's that's totally fine because like probably yeah in the beginning I was kind of like a big judging about it yeah no I like that that's very honest of you because I had a woman on recently and I mean I think I put it in the title because I thought like oh she's like the first person who actually spoke on this but I bet you other people had these feelings but she was very straight up and said like I was very judgmental on people that were like swingers and had open marriages and I was very like anti it and she flipped a lot and now she's like totally in and stuff but I was like that's very

honest of you to say because I feel like probably a lot of people might feel that way. We can't help it. We're born into the society doesn't tell us this kind of stuff is like cool. You know what I mean? Like you said that shame that you still even have, it was put on all of us, right? From day one, especially women. So, you know, it's hard to get through that. But I think it's very honest of you to say and admit that you did have sort of a judgmental

vibe about you a little bit, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, completely. Yes. And I would say for a few times that I was going there, like not only the first time. So I like I worked on myself for a while not to have it because like I was enjoying it much more than I was having like this like all negative sound in my mind. Right. But what's interesting is you were having both, right? Like both existed.

And you did keep going back because that urge was stronger than the part of you that was like judging. yourself and what and this whole lifestyle thing right but that was there but the the the the horniness was stronger because you kept going back oh yeah oh yes yes the horniness and this like uh exploration mode like what else you have like show me yeah that's just you're that's who you are maybe as a person because you do say you love to dive deep into things you're very into education and so it sounds like you're very open-minded and curious as a person and I feel like that's what a curious person might do. They're not just going to listen to that part of

themselves. You know what I mean? They're going to be a little bit more open. Yeah. I'm such a nerd. I'm a nerd. Yeah, no, I love that. I don't tell. Yeah, this is how I found your podcast. I was like searching for like more and more sources where I could find like, like-minded people to listen to them to like hear what is happening in the world.

And I came up to your podcast. I was like, that's Perfect. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I was running every morning and listening to you and like smiling, laughing with you. And you know, you're not alone. And I think that's really important, especially for women, right? Because like I said, I feel like women, we have a lot more negative stuff put on to us when it comes to sex, right? And enjoying it and being like fucking slutty and just loving sex, right?

Because it's like such a negative connotation a lot of times, right? Yes, yes, especially with like my like Russian background. It's like, no, you must have a husband and a kid and a house and a car. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. All right. So now you're doing group sex and you have this little like negative feeling about it,

but you continue to keep going back, right? And then what goes down? Yes. So like like Kink and BDSM wise on parties, you're not getting much. You're getting like sex, like three. group plays, but this other experience that I was craving for, I was not getting. So that's why I was searching for it. What was the other experience you're talking about?

Well, like something more kinky, like more like power dynamics, different scenarios, like role plays. You need to have a specific person to do it with. Like not everyone is into it. Like people are into sets, yes. but they're not into like place. No, I remember when I did my first BDSM episode, I was very sort of surprised because it was, you know,

I've been podcasting for 11 years, I think, at this point. And it was so many years ago when that whole 50 Shades of Gray book was out. And so, you know, I like every other vanilla person was thinking that, you know, BDSM was all about sex. And then I was like very surprised when the first guy called in and really told me what it was about. And it's a lot more mental and a lot more. intense and deep and layered.

It's not just about the sex. Sex is a very small part of it. You know, I was very surprised, but interested, you know, and I feel like it takes, I feel like, and I'm always like, you know, I hate to say that, but I think that like more intelligent people get into it because those people are craving a little bit more of their brains, you know what I mean? And BDSM gives you more. It's a very mental, you know what I mean?

It gives your mind a lot more shit to deal with. It's not just fucking. Yeah, that's why I like it so much because you go. deep into the mind of the person. Like maybe I'm not very deep into BDSM because like still my experiences are always, almost

always connected to sex. So it's like sexual and BDSM interaction. But again, it's like a bit more than just fucking and like, oh, you just come and okay, bye. But it's like you have

this mind fuck and this is amazing. like in a good way. I mean, you're not like doing head to a person, but like you're going and you're trying to find this like small pass into somewhere like deeper or darker. This is my favorite thing to bring darkness of people out because it's like people are,

sometimes people don't like me for this because they're like, oh, like I don't want to see this in myself. And like you, you're really, brought it. And I'm like, yeah, but you have it inside. Yeah, yeah. No, no. People don't like, you know, hold a mirror in front of them. Okay. I get, I got blasted for that on my show. Okay. No one, but a lot of people just don't like the truth. But like you're saying, it is the truth about that person and you're bringing it out. But sometimes maybe they're not ready. Maybe they're not ready. What you do say,

you're into very hardcore things. You want to walk me through like the first time you sort of met somebody that you could, that you were able to get into this whole thing. And it really explain what you're talking about? Yes. So after like random interactions, I met a guy on the app and he was not in Bali for this period for some period of time. And we were chatting for like a month. And it was like a very intense chat.

Like I was like, whoa, that's interesting. Like I'm attracted to this guy already just write the messages. And we had the whole. whole plan, he was like coming back. And it was the whole scenario, like I like scenarios. I like to have role plays and when like everyone has their own role and we just go. So I know it sounds very crazy and I would never advise this to others. But like we agreed that I'm coming to his house. Like I haven't seen him in my life. So I'm arriving to this guy's house and he's. He's somewhere in the house and I don't see him and he gave me some instructions what should I do?

I should go to the shower and I should take off my clothes. I'm showering and then like I don't know whatever he will be doing. So I arrived there. I was so nervous. It's like I mean yeah I was like what the fuck am I doing? Right right but this is like the real role play scenario. I mean this is very set up and you're a little nervous, but that's probably like a part of it, right? Like, you want to kind of have that nervousness, right? Yes, yes. You want, yes, you want to have the real feelings. And this is the only way to get them when you're like, when you're scared or nervous or angry. Like, this is what I like, the raw stuff. Hey, guys, here's the truth. Great sex doesn't just happen automatically forever with your partner. Okay. Your libido changes. Hormones change.

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So I was like, oh my God, that's like, it was amazing. And so it was like very nice and rough experience, like how I would imagine it. And like, and then like only after this we would just be like, oh, hi. My name is this. My name is this. Oh, my God. Right after. So, well, yes.

Well, of course we knew each other's names, but we never see each other in life. But yeah, so I did this because we built a lot of trust during this month. And he was sending me pictures and I knew about his life. I knew about his work and everything. So, like, it's not the sketchy guy. And he lived here in Bali for quite a long time. So, I know, like, yeah, but better not to do it. with a stranger.

Right. But overall, was that experience, like, amazing for you? Yeah. Oh, yes.

It was. It was like, uh, my sexual fantasies coming alive. Right. Right. At one time.

Yeah. Like fucking a stranger. And yeah, it was so, so exciting. And yeah. So I was happy to have this. And we, like, it is my play partner.

So we, we keep meeting here. And, yeah, still having fun. Maybe not so intense. Because, like, we know each other. And, but still a lot of fun. Right. And then did you continue to see him? Yes, yes.

But not very often. Okay. People have lives. Of course. But, I mean, would you always lock up the same scenario? No, no, no, no, no. Sometimes we would just have, like, sometimes I would come for like 30 minutes for a quickie. I like that. I like it quickie. Yeah, or sometimes like I would have a bad mood and he would just feed me and fuck me. So it's like it turned out to be a very sweet relationship. So I really like it.

Okay. So keep going. I mean, I'm assuming this isn't the only. guy, right? I don't know. You tell me. Oh, no. No, it's not the only guy. Yeah, you go to wherever you want to go next. Yeah, so there were quite a bit of like intense, but like one nightstand experiences with people with whom like, again, like first I need a connection with a person, at least in messages. And then we would have like an intense experience. There was like another guy. again, chatting for quite a while. And we, like, he was coming to my house. And it was pretty good.

Like, I'm into pain. I love, like, hardcore touch. And, like... On the scale of 1 to 10, what would you say you like your pain? Oh, well, people are different. But, like, as far as I see and what people tell me, like, my pain tolerance is very big. And, like, I, like, bruises. I like marks.

Oh, that's pretty hardcore. At eight maybe? Yes. Well, eight or nine, I'd be happy. Oh, my God. Yes, yes. And like, like, it's, I was trying to explain to someone, like what I, like, one person was telling me, like, what do you feel?

Like, you feel pain and then you know that after pain, you will have an orgasm or something and you like this. But no, I really enjoy the. pain itself. Like the process, yes, it's painful. Like, I'm not going to lie to you. It's not like I'm smiling at it. No.

No, but the pain is a pleasure. Yes, yes. But like at the same time, not after, but like during the process, it's like, I don't know. It's like bringing me out of here. I'm like going somewhere. Subspace. Are you going to subspace? Do you know?

I never been there, I think. Okay. Like maybe, maybe there was one time because I'm, I know you're not into talking, but I really love it. And, uh, sometimes. Dirty talking? No, choking. Oh, choking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't. I'm always advising. Yeah, you've listened to my podcast. Yes, yes, yes. Like, every time you were talking about that. Oh, I know. Oh, she would judge me for this. Well, no, I have.

No, listen, I had someone once and people came after me. I'm like, you got to be funny. It was literally this woman met a man in a parking lot. She never met before first time and she let him do it. I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, that's not cool. I would assume I don't judge somebody if you vet someone, know them. You know what I mean?

Like I'm a stranger. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, okay, go on. That's what I don't recommend. Probably I probably I was having some kind of a subspace. From that. While talking. But I don't know.

Like probably, yeah, I didn't have this. But I'm going somewhere for sure. Okay. So you like the bruises and everything. Like, do you have you had a dom? Like, do you consider yourself like a sub and you have a dom? Do you get that into it? Or do you just have these experiences with people and you don't put a name to it or anything?

Like, I don't really love labels. But I, but like you need labels to kind of like explain yourself to people. and I would call myself a switch because like I'm a very dominant woman. So like in my life and in sex as well, like I will allow someone to dominate me. But well, this person needs to be like much more stronger, like energy stronger than me and have bigger balls than I have. Right. And it's it's very rare. So for me, like I value this experience as.

much because like I when I meet the person like the person can tell me whatever like oh I will fuck you like this I will just do this and this and then you meet the person and I understand that I will bend him now and I will back him like in a second because like I'm ruling here. So yes so I have this like big dominant side and like that's also like another story that was like I met a guy. Again, an app. This app helps me a lot. And I felt.

Oh, okay. Great. Yeah. So it's nice here. Because like whatever apps you're telling, I don't think we're having it here. Yeah, that's possible. That's possible. Listen, I've heard, I always give out my code for SDC for people that are in the States,

you know, and sometimes people say, oh, SDC is good for this place and SLS is good for that and people say field so I give out my code for SDC but I I love for people to talk about all different apps because sometimes like for you it's not available where you are some people say it's not as many people where they are and some people fucking a lot of people fucking love it you know so I think there's I love that there's so many different apps available there's not just one fits all you know what I mean so field is great in Bali which is good to know well it is great but like what I'm not just now there it is becoming more and more like kind of like tender Because, like, people there just for a fuck.

And, like, I'm searching for kinky people. And they're not, like, so much of them. They would talk, but in reality, they just need a fuck. Right. Well, I also need a fuck. But, like, I need more than that. Yes. So, the guy, and, like, in his bio, it was written, like, something about, like, being a puppy.

And I'm like, well, he was so cute on pictures. I was like, oh my God, you're so, so cute. And he would be back. He's like, well, to make story short, we were like communicating. And he's like, can you dominate me? I'm like, but I never done this. Like he wanted to have like a session. And I'm like, I will be honest with you.

I never done this. Like I'm attracted to this because like I'm like this. I like black. I like this whole like aesthetics. And he's like, just try. and it was such a great experience. He booked a room and he was waiting for me there and I came there and straight away from the beginning

we started the scene like, I'm this kind of like a dominant woman and he's just a puppy that's serving me. So I came there and he wasn't touching me. me. I wasn't touching him. I was just like looking at him, smelling him. And I was like sitting and thinking, oh my God, I'm already wet. And that like that turns me on so fucking much. And I was like, I like it. And so we had like, I don't know, three hours together and he was enjoying it. He was very cute. Like this is my weakness, the cute younger guys. Wait, how old are you, by the way?

And how old was this guy? Like, when you say younger, what are you into? I'm 37, and he was 27. Okay, cool. So, yes. And, like, in between the, like, kind of like a session or I don't know how to call it rounds, we were, like, talking. And he's like, I can't believe you were doing it for the first time.

It's like the best session I ever had. And I was like, whoa, that's interesting. that was a nice compliment for me. And I could see that he was enjoying it tremendously because he was into feet and into all the hard stuff that I like to do as well. So I could give him enough pain, like enough to satisfy me as well.

Oh, interesting. So for you, because you had never done before, but in this experience you found that like giving him pain was like equivalent to you getting the pain. Like that was pleasurable for you. It was pleasurable. Yes, but in a very different way. It's like, I was like, okay, I have a sadistic side.

I was enjoying watching his face like almost crying. And when he was screaming, I'm like, oh my God. Like, I really enjoy it. But at the same time, I always had in my mind. mind that he's enjoying it. So it was not like, oh, you're miserable and I will give you pain and you suffer. No, you do it with so much love. Right. You're pleasing him. You know at the end of the day this is to pleasure him and you're creating an amazing experience. It's not coming from a dark place. Yes, yes, yes. That's the most important thing I think in BDSM. Whatever you're doing,

you're doing it with love. Yeah. And people get that wrong. I feel like people get very black and white when it comes to BDSM, and they really, you know, project onto it and just see it in one way. And if it's done the right way and most people who are into it are doing it, you know, it is like you said, coming from love. It's not dark. It's all consensual. It's not these people aren't sick people that like to hurt people.

You know what I mean? It's not like what the regular vanilla person takes from it, you know? Yeah, they're all people who have guts to, voice whatever weird desires they have and to go and to experience them. Like not to go and like to harm others without a consent, but you kind of like you harm others with people giving you consent. Like yeah, it's like for me it's the most healthy way of living and it's very therapeutic.

Yeah, I was going to ask you besides the sex. right, and the release and all the orgasms and the pleasure, like, how is it therapeutic to you? So, like, I have one example, and it's like when the story went wrong and how, like, we managed to fix it. So I met this guy and it was, like, the most intense experience. Like, it's kind of like an ongoing experience in my life. and like among all the scenarios we had this one scenario that we really fucked up so again it was this kind of like a CNC scene as you may notice I like it yeah so the idea was that he's coming to my house he's like doing all the things he wants and I'm totally exposed I'm totally like for him

to use me. I'm blindfolded and everything. And then according our scenario, he uses me and he lives. So he did exactly what we agreed. But I remember like he's living and I'm looking at the window. I'm like, no fucking way you're living how how it's possible. Like I feel so bad and so abandoned. I felt so bad. Yes. And that was the first time because you've done this before. And this was the first time you had that feeling after? Yes, but yes, but like thing we did wrong, we didn't have any aftercare. And that's a no, no. It's like you never do this. And well, he called me like in an hour when he got home and we discussed it and we spoke about it and we agreed that it was not the best choice. He was telling me that he was standing in front of the house and thinking

whether he should return or not. But we kind of agreed on it and it was my choice as well. So it's not like nobody's blaming anyone. Right. But so a year after, we met again and we did this again. We like duplicated the whole scenario. I have the same house and I was wearing the same clothes, the same blindfold, old. Everything was the same. But except the fact that in the end, he stayed. And it was the most

healing thing I could ever imagine. Like, I was, I was crying and he was there for me. And it did, it definitely did something very good to me. Profound. And yes, yes. I was like, yeah, I was very grateful that we had the opportunity to do this again in a nice way. Right. Do you feel like it just fixed that time or do you feel like it was deeper than that? Like, do you feel like it was just a fixing of that one time, are you feeling something? Or do you think it was deeper than that? Oh, no, no, no, it's not like we fixed the mistake we made a year ago.

That's, I mean, it was deeper, right? Yes, it's like, you know, some people go to therapy and some people do BDSM. It's like I can like definitely compare it because the thing you go through there all the place. Like if you trust your partner very much, you go deep because like it's not to you as like a sub trust your partner. Right. But because I was talking to this man quite a bit like because he while we're playing, he's doing all this kind of like bad things to. me like what what like normal like I don't know not normal but like what usually people would call bad like I don't know hit or slap or I don't know like be rude but he's doing this only because I allow him to do this

and because he trusts me so much that I will always tell him when to stop right like with choking it was also a very, very intense experience. And I was like, I think it's also a mixture of the physical thing, you know, like you stop the air and then the air come back. It's like I was very high. But I remember this intense action and this like chat or discussion that you're having without talking just by looking at each other. And it's like you can't say like what you're talking about, but it's like if we're being a bit esoteric, like

your souls are talking to each other and, well, he's choking me. Like, it's like... Yeah. Yeah. So it's, for me, it's very, like,

someone would say, like, you see God. You're, like, you're on this, on this level, this intensity. Like, I can't think of something else in life where you get so much intensity. Well, maybe like some kind of like...

Well, maybe like think about roller coasters. Why do people want to scare the shit out of each other? Go to horror movies. You know what I mean? Why do I love watching Dateline and people being murdered? I feel like we all have a little bit. Like, I feel like all these sick things that we're into or is giving something for us, right?

Right? I mean, it's like, why do people want to terrify themselves? Why some people are like adrenaline junkies, you know? Of course. Yeah. we are searching for this. Yes. To feel something.

It's also, yeah, I would call it kink as well. Like watch a horror movie or to get the adrenaline from somewhere. Right? Totally. I totally agree. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that's amazing when you can accept your king.

It's like this is the thing like I'm trying to work right now on is disshaming the kink. Because like this really, it pissing me off. when people, and there are a lot of people like this, when they're not accepting stuff in themselves. Right. For example, with this guy, with this puppy guy, he left Bali, and we stayed in touch for quite a long time. And at some point, he told me, well, I found a girlfriend.

I'm in love with her and everything. I was like, oh, I'm very happy for you. And then he told me, now I will go to therapy to work on my stuff, to work at my foot fetish and I'm racing and I'm like oh no oh no yeah yeah it's like he he's so beautiful like being himself uh but yeah but he's not comfortable with it on some level and most I mean I don't know the right therapist might tell him like you can't really probably get rid of a fetish I don't think so yeah well I hope that he got the good therapist just to work like in a healthy way so he could live it.

Accept it rather than, right, accept it rather than try to fight against it. Because unfortunately, because I have a whole Fetish Friday episode. And, you know, I'll probably air this episode on a Fetish Friday so that the kinksters listen, right? And stuff because it's like we're talking a lot about it and I think it's very helpful. And unfortunately, there's a lot of shame and a lot of resisting fetishes when people have them. And all that does is make people more into it, really.

What I find typically from the people that have fetishes is if they you know when they learn to really accept them and own it and have less shame like it loses its grip on them. You know what I mean? It's much more moderate. It's because what they say, what you resist persists. So it just only makes it worse, really. Oh yes. Yes. Yes. And like the self blame, the self guilt is the worst thing ever. Like when you can't talk about it and you just leave like your alone life and you. And you. you think it's bad. I mean, like, my thing is like, if you're not harming others, like other human beings or like animals or whatever, like there is nothing wrong in it.

Like if you have a consent, I mean, there is no right or wrong. There is no good or bad. There are just things that are right for you. Like if for me it's okay, but for other people it's not. And it's fine.

I mean, who the fuck you are to judge it, for example? Yeah, I never get that. Yeah. So, yeah, this is like, this is what I'm trying to do. I went to have, like, discussions with people and, like, talk about it because, like, I know for sure.

Like, for example, like, my family would never accept it because, like, I, yeah. So, that's why I will. But let me tell you what I typically say to something like that, okay? Like, to me, whether people want to say BDSM about sex or not, it is, right? It is a part of like your private bedroom life. And I'm sorry, but nobody tells their family what they're into behind closed doors, even vanilla people. So why the fuck would your parents need to know that you're into being fucking bruised up in the bedroom?

My parents don't want to know that I like missionary style sex either. Like nobody's going back to their family and telling them what they're into when it comes to sex. So it doesn't matter if your family wouldn't approve or no. Like, who the fuck cares? They don't want to know what you're doing behind closed doors. And it's another business. And it doesn't matter that it's extreme. So when people say shit like that, like, oh, how would their family feel if they knew

they were swingers and shit? It's like, how would your family feel if you went to Thanksgiving dinner and said you fucked your wife from behind? No one does that. And you don't need to do that either. So it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't even, shouldn't even be a part of it. It's not their business, what you like sexually.

Nobody's family wants to know. Yes, yes. But at the same time, like one time. time I got a comment from a family member. I don't know what you were doing to get a comment. Yeah, go on. No, no, no. I was not doing anything like special, but like I was teaching yoga.

And I was like, I'm posting some content. And like, I'm like, I'm a very sexual person. And like I'm not like naked on videos or something. But like you can see that like the person is sexy. well, you just see it. And this is the way I am. And I got the comment like, oh, you're giving such nice classes and everything is so good like yoga-wise, but like you're too sexy. That's hilarious.

Thank you very much. Yeah, it's kind of a compliment. No, but that's a compliment. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, it's nice to know. But it's like I'm not going to change myself to you to feed in some kind of like. And I would bet a thousand dollars. that that person wasn't hot themselves.

Like nobody hot would tell somebody else like, oh, you look too hot. You know what I mean? It's only somebody that's slightly jealous. I mean, because where does that come from? It doesn't even make sense. You know, I, you know, listen, having a sex podcast and being out there, like, with sex content and stuff, I can't tell you how many trolls I get and how many people say things. And it's, like, always like this big stigma against sex and people are so judgmental and

have this weird thing about it. And I'm just like it, you know, because everything on my show is consensual, except the cheating stories, but those are for people to learn from and everything. But like, I feel like, you know, it's like crazy that we live in a world where, like, you know, we allow trolls to go on and say vicious things to people, like wishing them to die. People say the worst things to me. Like, I can't even tell you the shit that comes my way. That's acceptable and okay, but people get taken down for sex. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't understand why like toxic, a terrible, hateful, judgmental behavior is like all the rage. And, and it's like, it's like, I don't know. And

And, you know, sex is like still so taboo. It seems very backwards to me because I feel like we're spreading joy here. You know what I mean? There's nothing bad. Yes. What's going on out there typically in front of everybody is disgusting, awful, hateful shit. That's the stuff I don't like. Who the fuck cares what people do in the bedroom?

I don't get the judgmental thing at all. You know what I mean? It's so it is what it is. And it will probably always be there. But I think it just comes from a deep down, like, place of like maybe jealousy or something because I get if it's not your thing but if it's somebody else's why do you care what does it matter yeah yeah you're like you're completely right it's just because like probably these people that tell this they don't have uh like this

bravery yeah the courage yeah 100% the courage the courage to tell uh that what they like I think 100%. Yeah, usually they would have the most fucked up desires. That's always, yes, that's always the case. But what would you want to tell people, you know, and we'll go off with this. You know, we'll go out with this. But like what would you want to tell people like what are the most like the thing that maybe people have the most misconception about it or what would you want people to

learn or what you would you want to say to like de-stom. stigmatize, you know, this kind of behavior or the shame around it. Like, what would be the most important thing that you'd want to tell people? Sorry to put you on the spot. Oh, no, no, no. It's like the main thing is that, first of all, that Kink and BDSM, they're so, so different. It doesn't have to be with pain and intensity, like, like, hardcore stuff. It can be very nurturing.

It can be very sensual. and it can be different for like whatever desires you have and it's very very healing thing like we are all into some kind of healing we all have traumas and things so i really think that it helps like whatever relationship like romantic relationship friendship and like just life that this is what i'm figuring out first of all the communication i mean like this improving communication like big times you learn how to talk because like honestly I was not able to even even to say the word fuck properly I was like oh and you try to avoid this you try to say in a different way like to say like cock or dick you're like oh maybe something this but you learn to say things you want and you do this in you do this in your your life as well. Right.

You're not like silent. So you speak up for yourself and you're honest with your desires in bad and in life. So that's why I think like the BDSM world is much more than just the bad. It's, yeah, it's for whole life and you can use it. And it's so freeing. This is what I'm figuring out. It's free. And therapeutic, like you said.

And therapeutic. Yes. And a lot of people do, you know, because I, I, I, I, I, definitely get comments from people like, oh, that person, like they've been abused in the past. And that's why they like it. It's like, yeah, but that's okay. I mean, a therapist would say that, you know, that's actually a healthy way to work through trauma because now you're in control and you're taking that trauma, right, and controlling the story and rewriting it. And sometimes, even if someone's doing that, that's not a bad thing. That's actually like a good thing and therapeutic

for them. Yeah. Well, but here, here is an example. My example, I did. have like huge traumas in my childhood. Right. And here I am in BSM. So it's not, this rule doesn't work. No, I know. But I'm saying when I do have people on who have had or people then assume that's terrible.

And that's not even true. You know what I mean? Like at all. Like yeah. Yeah. Of course, like you said, it doesn't have to be the trauma. But even if it is there and that's why the person then becomes attracted to it,

you know, it's not a bad thing because there. controlling the narrative and that's what it's all about. It's actually therapeutic and it can be for many different reasons. I had Amanda dames on and she's like the king consultant, you know, and she was saying because she's like very into banking and we talked recently and she was saying that like there could be so many different reasons why people are into certain things, right? Sometimes it can be trauma. Sometimes it doesn't have to be. It could just be, I think like you're just like super intelligent and your brain needs more. You know, when I had like the guy who wrote the hot wife book,

Dr. David Lay, right? He explained like, and he used the roller coaster thing as a thing. He said, you know, the reason why some people are into like very hardcore things compared to other ones is they're just wired that way. They need more. It's like the person that wants to go on a roller coaster versus the person that doesn't. Right. Some people like need something really intense to feel something. And right? And that's just what people and that's just and it's just about being wired a certain way. You know what I mean? And we're all very different. And so there could be so many different reasons why you're into these kinds of things. And that's just, and it's just, and it's just about. And it's And I love the fact that you've never had any trauma

And this is just what you're into. I sometimes, like I said, I sometimes think like people that are very into like polyamory and BDSM and some intense kink. It's because their brains are just like they're more intelligent. And they just need more. Their brains need more than just the basic thing. You know what I mean?

It's like that curiosity. The intelligence sort of drives them to need more to be fulfilled, you know? Yeah. It's brain for me is one of the biggest turn-ons. Yeah, you said you're a nerd. You like, you're, oh, your brain needs, wants constant information, right? I get it. Oh, my God.

Yes. Sometimes, like, I would see some person and I would be like, oh, I don't like how you look. And then the person starts to talk. And he talks, he speaks about something like very patient with fashion. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God, you're so beautiful. And like, everything changes.

Right. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Yes. So, yeah, the magic, this brain magic works. Yeah, I love that. What's your deal now? Like, are you in a relationship? I know that you said you're into non-monogamy now.

Like, what does a relationship look like for you if you are in one, like in the future? Like, what's your deal? So I was like in a short-term relationship with a guy, but it didn't work out. It was interesting, but yeah, it didn't work. But do you want a relationship in the future? Are you like just happy? I do. You do.

Okay, cool. And what does that look like to? Like, do you want it? Like, would it have to be non-monogamous? Would it have to be with somebody that's like very into like kink, the same kind of shit that you're into? Like, what would, what does it look like for you the perfect relationship if you, to when. Oh, yes.

Ideal world. In my ideal world. Yeah. I have a part. Like, I'm not into polyamory because like, like, you don't have to explain. me. Yes, I don't, I don't understand it. But I'm into open relationship, like, having physical connections with different people. But, like, in my world, I'm having a partner, and we are having our experiences together. This is very important to me. Like, for now, I can't imagine, like,

my partner is going somewhere for a date, and I'm going somewhere for a date, and no. I'm not like this. You're doing it together. Right. All right. Yeah, we're doing it together. Like on a sex party, like with different couples or with different men or women, it doesn't matter. But just like for now, I want to see all this stuff and I want to see how he's enjoying it.

And I want him to see me and like to have this experience. Like I'm kind of like old school person. I believe in love. And like I'm very, very open. but at the same time, like, I want my love and I want this person to choose me and I want to choose this person. And you don't want to repeat what you did with your first wife, which is like have everything but not the sex, right?

You want it all this time. Yes, yes. Because like, I thought back then, I thought, well, if we have problems in bed, we can fix it with other stuff. Right. But actually not. Because if you have problems in bed, it's like the most essential thing. that means that you have lack of communication.

That means that you can't talk about things. And that's true. That was exactly the reason. Yeah, that's very smart. You couldn't talk. Yeah. And you can't be yourself. You're not being your real self.

Yes, yes. And for me now, I would say that sex is the most important thing. Yeah. Like it is like top priority except like, like, chemistry and love and everything. But sex, like, whenever you start to have problems, you need to do everything possible to fix it because, like, it is the, like, highest way of connection. Yeah, it is important.

Yeah. Listen, your life, I mean, I could see why. I mean, you lived, you kind of been there, done that without it. So I would think that that would be number one on your list for a reason because that was the one thing that wasn't there. you up, right? And so you know for sure that, that like you know, because you experience it, that no matter how much you could push that down, it won't. Like, this is who you are. And now that you own it, you're never going to give it up again. And I think that that's great. And there's

somebody for everyone, like Amanda Dames was just on my show again. And she was, like, very into being spanked and hardcore spanked. And it was very hard for her to find a guy that would do something like that to her. And she just met a guy. And like, they're so in love and they've been living together. and they've been to get, you know, and so like I feel like that, you know, there's somebody for everybody and like plenty of guys are into what you're into and you could totally have that kind of relationship. And it's great that you're like owning what you're into this time and you won't give it up. Why don't you give? Do you have, you don't have like any only fans or anything like that? But, you know, do you want to send in any kind of picks for my Patreon? People do send in anonymous picks if you want for my pageant. Okay, great. And then you will, there's a guest channel and discord. You'll get a link to my private discord when we hang up and you could go in there. There's a guest channel. Make sure to go in and put your name as Julie so people know that it because in the guest channel I'll give you access to post picks there. It's a one, there's a lot of channels and there's a lot of shit going down in my Discord. You'll see.

But in that channel, only guests could post picks. So I have to give you access for that, which I will. I think I'm going to put this up on a Friday. Give me my, your picks ASAP, okay? Yeah, yeah. You want with the face or? No, you don't have to. I typically take the face out.

I like everyone to be anonymous. You don't know. You could put your face on Discord. that's your choice. I like to keep people anonymous. Sometimes I'll post face if they're really into it. You know what I mean? But, you know, and I always say like R rated.

You could send sexy picks, but nothing X rated for Patreon. Okay. Okay. All right. Awesome. Thanks so much for calling in. I love your story. I feel like we could have probably talked for another hour, but I can't, you know.

Yeah. Thank you, Katie. It was very nice chatting to you. Awesome. And thanks for doing your podcast. It's amazing. It's helped me a lot. And I know that it's helping a lot of people.

I love that. because listen, when I started doing a podcast like 10, 11 years ago, I did it because I wanted to help people. I wanted it to be like a advice show. You know what I mean? A call and advice to your Abby kind of show turned out to be about sex by accident, kind of. But I do still believe and I get emails all the time that I am helping people. And that's like my favorite thing to do. I always want to be a therapist. But I'm much better being me instead of a therapist. I would never want to be a therapist. I can't like just talk to people the way I do, which I like, you know. So I really found the perfect thing. But that's the most, that's my favorite thing about.

what I do. I am helping people and I love that. You are, you are where you're supposed to be. That's for sure. And I always love when women find my show. You know, I started out lots of guys, you know, but over time, so many women have found my show and I love having women on who are open about their sexuality because I really think it helps other women too. So I'm so glad you found my show and thanks so much for calling in sharing your story. Yeah. Thank you, Terry. Thanks, Julie. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, It's called Strictly Anonymous Confession.

Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story.

There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right?

But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really short. chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way. than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there.

Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it.

I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot, of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the e-book, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast.