Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1514 - Emma is a Bisexual Kinkster who Makes a Living Studying Kink

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

Emma is a bisexual kinkster who makes a living studying kink and she called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including when she realized she was bi and why she repressed it when she was younger, when she started exploring kink and BDSM, how kink helped her reconnect with the dom side of herself and become a switch, why men have sought out dominatrixes throughout history and why so many are drawn to dominant women, how and why she enjoys dominating both men and women, the three kinks she's most into, the kinds of pain she likes to receive versus give, why pain can become pleasurable, what subspace feels like and how people get there, what auralism is and why she's turned on by sound, why more men seem to have fetishes than women, the psychology behind foot fetishes and how the brain's cortical map may explain them, why she identifies as ambiamorous and what that means, plus a whole lot more. You can find her here: https://www.psychologyofdesire.com GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  or Pre-order audiobook version ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beduc.at/pd2626-anonymous⁠⁠ Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized SUMMER roadmap to sexual happiness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://Rythm.Health/STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠for 15% OFF your first month  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LoadBoost.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - To get 10% off LOAD BOOST by VB Health, use code: STRICTLY   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Buy 2 months of Bluechew GOLD and get the third month FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here we go. Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year too. A round of Jameson, Ginger, and Lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time. New friends pulling up a stool. Debates about whether that was a handball.

Cheers rising like a roar around the room. Because match days are about the shared moments. How did Jameson to your match day lineup? Jameson, it's what you bring. Please enjoy our products responsibly. It's Jay Shetty. Are you one of those media strategy people? Scrolling through spreadsheets, searching for an audience that pays twice as much attention to your ads than they do on social?

Let me introduce you to fans. And they're here with me on Spotify. Trust me, I know fans. They don't skip. They stay for hours. They don't move on. They manifest. They're not a demographic group.

They're fans. Spotify advertising. You're among fans. Your sales order says one thing. Your inventory says another. Your spreadsheet says good luck. O-Doo brings your business together on a single platform. From sales and accounting to inventory and marketing, visit Odu.com to book a demo.

It's O'DOO.com. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. Saniflor, Thailand.

You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. Is your real problems? Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change.

Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you haven't followed the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow me at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called, strictly anonymous because I keep everyone anonymous. I change people's voices. You can email me from a phony email, call me from a phony number.

I just want to hear your true story. And since this is a Fetish Friday episode, I love to hear your story about your unique fetish. Whatever you're into, if you got a fetish, you could be on the show. And if you have a Panyos Fetish or a cross-dressing fetish and you call in, I will give you free access to my Patreon. Now, on my Patreon, I have two tiers, one for Christmast. cross-dressers and one for hosers. Those are guys who like panty-hose. On those tiers, you get every single episode, early ad-free, plus intro-free. Also, you get all the picks, anonymous picks of all my guests, plus you get exclusive content over there. And since I've been doing this for many, many

years over on Patreon, there's so much exclusive panty-hose, fetish episodes, and cross-dressing episodes that are only available on Patreon. The hoser tier is $8 a month. The crossdressing tier is $10 a month because crossdresses also get the hoser episodes as well. But if you call into my show, you're going to get a whole year free. So if you want to call into the show, because you have a fetish that you want to talk about, send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be in the show.

I do have a book out. It's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. It's available on Amazon, an e-book, and audiobook, and paperback, but it is now available for an audiobook to pre-order. Okay, it's coming out August 25th, so it's coming out very soon. You could purchase that my book by going into the description and clicking on the link. Now, anyone who calls into my show as well, well as anyone who buys my book. If you send me a screenshot of your purchase, I will give you free access to my Discord. My Discord is a super fun place. And in there, there are so many different channels. You get to post whatever you want there and everyone posts and talks to each other. And there's a whole community over there. It's private. It's free, but you could only get the link through me.

I throw it in complimentary to anyone who calls into my show, joins my Patreon, or buys my book. So send me a screenshot of your picture to Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmol.com. There is. a lot of fetish and kink channels over on my Discord. Okay, today I have on Emma, Emma from the Psychology of Desire. She's got a great substack, okay, and she's got a great website, and she's got a great podcast called The Erotic Realm. She's super smart. She also has a very interesting backstory, and we talk about it all on this episode. Emma is a kingster herself. She talks about how when she was very young, she knew she was by and she was very repressed about it. And then she talks about how she started exploring when she did and how she did.

And then we talk about her top kinks, what she's into, which is super interesting. She's definitely a switch. She likes pain. She's a sadist. We get deep into that. She, like I said, besides having a very interesting backstory, she's also like super smart and cites tons of research and stuff that's out there because that's what she does. She is a sexologist.

She is interested in the psychology of everything, and she does go deep besides talking about her own life. And that's what you're going to get on this episode. We go deep into like why men have fetishes more than women, if that's a thing, why men are very into a foot fetish. She talks a, she gets very super detailed about interesting data that's out there about men and feet and their brains. Wait till you hear about the connection.

that's there. It's all super interesting. But you're going to learn a lot from her. You're going to like her story. It's super interesting. I'm going to put all of her links in the description because you're going to want to probably go follow her, listen to her podcast because she's got, she talks to people on there and gets their stories as well as she has experts now too. And she certainly is an expert herself. So I'm going to get right to be right back on with Emma. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Hi, Emma. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. How are you today? Hi, Kathy. I'm really good. Thank you. I'm really happy to be here with you. Yeah, listen, Emma, you got a lot going on. You are a sexologist. You run a podcast called The Erotic Realm. Also, you have a very popular substack. I saw like, oh, 7,000 members, right? But you do have also a website. Psychology of Desire. And you have a very popular substack. I saw like, oh, 7,000 members, right? But you do have also a website. Psychology of Desire. And you are. And you also have like an interesting backstory right like you have your own journey when it comes to i would

say maybe kink and and sex and all that kind of stuff that i typically am talking about on my show is that true yeah yeah that's true so to give you an idea of who i am i'm a 40 year old woman cis woman um bisexual and i'm kinky so i'm a switch so i lack uh dominance and submission in my sexuality However, I didn't always have the words for that, right? So I grew up in a time in Australia, actually in a state where homosexuality was illegal until I was around 12. You're kidding. Illegal? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep. So I come from a state where there's a background with convicts. And the whole convicts story from the state is apparently really mixed up with a lot of fear around homosexuality. So it's a really interesting history there. But that has led to a lot of homophobic chat when I was growing up.

So I was getting all of this messaging around sexuality that just was quite negative. But at the same time, I was having these experiences where I was exploring with my friends from quite an early age. And I was holding my female friends hands and enjoying it. and being naturally curious and expressive as a child. And I was a really high sensation seeker as well, which is what we find in a lot of kinky people. But, you know, I don't know if you can remember,

but there was no bisexual people on TV, let alone any lesbians or gay people really. Oh, please. I'm older than you, and I remember in my lifetime. No, but I remember in my lifetime, and I try to remind people of this because the younger generation doesn't understand this. But, you know, now it's so great a girl and girl action and stuff. But like in my lifetime, there was a big stigma still on that as well. That shifted at a certain point in the U.S., right?

But, you know, I grew up in a time where even that was as taboo as the guy and guy action thing, which still has a stigma on it more so. You know what I mean? So, yeah, it was like very much like nobody admitted. And then once it became like, oh, the cool thing to do, every girl's like, I have a girl crush, but no girls were admitting it before. Trust me. Yeah.

Yeah, so I grew up with a lot of confusion and shame. And I remember going to my mom at one point when I was around eight and actually asking her, you know, am I gay? Because I enjoyed holding my female friend's hand, but I didn't have the words for, you know, I was enjoying boys too and there was just no word around it. So you must have had a very good relationship with your mother to be, you know, to sit, to talk like that to her at that time. You know what I mean?

I did. You know what I'm saying? Yes, thank goodness for her. She loves a dirty joke. So she's always been really open with her sexuality. And yeah, she really enjoys speaking a little bit naughty. But that helps you with your own sexuality, you know what I mean? For sure.

Mm-hmm. Yep, definitely. So, yeah, I remember what happened. So I wasn't exploring a lot until I was around 18. And I'd gone to university. I'd studied psychology. And look, my life was pretty boring. I was feeling literally gray.

You look at what I was wearing back then. I was wearing all gray. I looked really drab. I was a little bit depressed, depressed. I know. And I feel my friends moved to Melbourne, and I decided to move to Melbourne. And I don't know if you've been,

but Melbourne is like the San Fran of Australia, right? There's lots of queer people. There's diverse culture. there's kink happening. Oh my God, you must have felt like finally your home. These are your people. Yes.

Yes. You can go and explore whatever you're into in Melbourne. Yeah, amazing. Yeah, I started hearing about kink and FetLife and I joined and I couldn't believe that I'd found my people. You know, it's like a Facebook for kinky people if no one's heard of it. Yep. And yeah, I started exploring. I started going to different events.

found that I felt like home when I was around these kinky people. What were you into and what kind of events did you start going to? Like I know that you say you were very kinky. You were into women. Were you like getting into the BDSM community in the kink community? Or were you getting in the Swinger community? Because those are very different. Yeah.

So for me, I was exploring kink. So I did what a lot of, I found a lot of women do when they first started exploring BDSM. and I assumed that I was submissive. Right. So I was going to these events and exploring with lovers as a submissive, which it turns out, obviously I'm not. I've already told you that I'm a switch. I have this whole other side.

And that's been quite the journey for me, actually, because through the process of exploring with partners who were more submissive and exploring my dominant side, I came to realize that I'm quite naturally dominant. and I have a really large dominant side. So that was quite the shift and quite the journey. Right. Yeah.

And it's really interesting that because there are statistically, there's more female submissives, right? So a lot of women naturally go towards that because they see that represented in kink. And it's really interesting because a lot of the time, they do the same thing as me and they journey through it and actually reclaim these forgotten parts of themselves. So when I was young, I was playing, you know, in a very, very bossy way, very bossy.

So you were a little dom. So you were the dom. Yes. My idea of play was organizing my friends, determining the rules, punishing people if they didn't abide by the rules. Oh, my God, hilarious. And, yeah, educating them on the rules and hoping that they would, you know, get into line. So you can imagine I wasn't the most fun person to play with.

Someone has to, listen, someone has to take that role in a group. I know, right. But as a little girl, I was shamed for that a lot. Of course, of course. I remember this one particular comment that was made by one of my mother's friends. You know, I was, I was proclaiming that I was going to be a teacher. And she just said quietly, the poor children. Oh, my gosh. The things you remember, listen, the fact that, I mean, you're laughing now, but the fact that you actually remember that, it was like probably traumatizing,

you know, for you to hear those words because you still remember them when you were little. Of course. I took it to heart, right? And I had a lot of messaging around my bossy nature, and I can't help but wonder if I was a little boy, you know, showing those skills and those leadership. Yeah, it would probably be framed in a slightly different way. And I think that happens for a lot of little girls. And a lot of women realize that when they've grown up and they look back at those moments and think, hmm, you know, actually I have always had this inner dominant,

this inner mistress in me. And I just need to bring her back out again. So for me, Kink allowed me to reclaim that repressed. forgotten part of myself. Interesting. That's interesting. And maybe that is why a lot of women, like, and I wonder if like a lot more women got into Kink, maybe they would be able to find that part of them again, because so many women do put it down. I never did. I was bossy from day one, and I remained bossy my whole life and I got a lot of shit for it and I never cared and I never really wanted to get married or any of those things. So it didn't really, like it didn't really

get in the way of my life really anyway, like so it didn't matter. But I would have had an easier life if I wasn't that way and I believe most women don't have that much of a voice because if you want a lot of things in life and you want to be liked and you want to get married, you know what I mean? You got to shut the fuck up, right? It's just a sad, true fact, you know? And yeah, I always make jokes that I would have been very popular as a guy, but a woman, even out of a podcaster, I don't know if you're bossy on your podcast, but I'm myself on my podcast and the shit I hear from guys. It's like, if this was Joe Rogan talking, you wouldn't be saying the shit you're saying to me,

you know, but nobody likes a bossy woman. But this is the truth, and I'm bringing it back to you. It's, they love it in the bedroom for real. Like that's what so many guys are looking for. And so many women, like you said, are subby in when it comes to the bedroom, right? Yeah, 100%. It's changed, it completely changed my sexuality when I got back in touch with that repressed part of myself and claimed my inner mistress. Now, listen, guys, remember when you.

you were like super young and getting hard was super easy, like the wind blew and you would get hard. Well, Blue Chew is bringing those days back. Okay, Blue Chewold is better sex in a tablet. Blue Chewold combined four ingredients into one powerful solution, two ingredients that are going to get you hard physically, and two that support arousal and desire in your brain. Blue Chewold dissolves under your tongue in just 15 minutes, so it works. fast and it lasts. Now you can have a complete experience in the bedroom with Blue Chewold. And the good news is Blue Chewold is super easy to get. Everything is done online and it's delivered to your door in a very

discreet package. There's a reason Blue Chew is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it yourself at bluechew.com. And I've got a special deal for my listeners right now. When you buy two months of Blue Chewold, you get the third free with promo code strictly a number. non. That's promo code strictly an non. You'll also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And I thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. The 2026 Chevrolet tracks is the stylish SUV for those on the move. And with the standard Chevy safety assist package, you have the backup to handle every turn with confidence.

The 2026 tracks, start your build. at Chevrolet.ca. And one of the ways that I did that actually, so, you know, I've done lots of different educational courses and had very varied experiences all around the world throughout my sex exploration. But one of the most profound ones was with Anne Onomis, who is a dominatrix in Melbourne.

And she has a really interesting point of reference for the way that she teaches about the dominatrix. because she's a historian as well. So she wrote the book, I don't know if you've heard of it, the arts and the history of the dominatrix. No, uh-uh. Should I have her on my show?

Have you had her on your show? I've invited her. Yeah, I'm hoping that she comes on. So please, yeah, invite her. She's amazing. Okay, go on. She traced back the dominatrix to the Samarian times. And so all the way back to the beginning of civilization, basically,

and it's shown that it's not, a new thing for men to be seeking out the dominatrix, for women to wanting, you know, wanting to be the dominatrix. A lot of people have this idea, it's, you know, just happened in the last 100 years or whatever. Yeah. But it's ancient and it's always been around. So to have that training and to connect to that like ancient lineage was really, really powerful and it completely changed my life. Let me ask you this because you read the book and you know so much about this. You're highly educated when it comes to it. Like, do you know why so many guys want to be the sub in the bedroom and want to be

dominated by women? Is there a reason for that? Do they say? I mean, I think I know the reason, but I mean, are there so many different reasons? Or does this woman talk about the fact of why it has always been that way? There are so many different reasons. I think everyone has such a unique sexuality that. when you really dive deep into it, of course there's patterns, right?

But when you dive deep into it, everyone's so unique and what they get out of it is slightly different. So everyone knows about the stereotypical CEO man that is always in charge and he goes to the dominatrix to get relief, right? He's always wielding power and then he goes to yield power. That's the guy I know. Yeah. Yeah, talks about how, you know, that allows him to just relax, stop being in charge,

experience it from the other side and just get that relief. And that's really, really common. And, you know, a lot of women want that too. I mean, women are in charge a lot now as well. So, yeah, a lot of us want to experience that in the bedroom too, which is, you know, amazing and fantastic. But, you know, there's fetishists that go to dominatrixes as well. That, you know, there's so many different reasons.

There's people that just like different sensations, people that want to be mummified. The list is as long as there are people. You know, everyone wants something slightly different. And that's what I find so fascinating about the psychology of desire that we're all so unique. And, you know, sometimes you can get. what someone's into, but a lot of the time they surprise you, and I love that so much. Oh, yeah. I remember

hooking up with this guy, and he was so quiet, like the most passive, quiet guy. He was happened to be gorgeous. He was like a 10 on a 1 to 10. So that's why I was with him. But he was like had zero personality. But the first time I hooked up with him, he was like a maniac. He was like the most forceful. And I'm not like that into that kind of vibe. But with him, I was because it was such a talk about a fucking switch, right? And it was like this whole other side of him that you would never see that would never be obvious anywhere else was like came out in the bedroom. And it was so hot. It was like super interesting.

And I wonder though, like for you, because you're a switch, do you find that like, like for like, do you find that you're different with men and women or do you like to switch with both? I mean, because you do hook up with women. You hook up with men, right? Like is there a preference to dom one or the other? Is it a mood? like when do you want a dom, when do you want to sub? So I'm much more varied with men than I am women. Oh, interesting.

So far, yeah, so far the women that I've been with, I'm always the boss. Okay. Oh, like, with a little girl. That's a little girl in you. Yes. I have been on the lookout for a woman that, you know, can be my boss and I haven't met her yet. But I'm hoping I meet her at some point. I'm sure she's out there.

with men I definitely switch a lot more. I don't know, perhaps it's the physicality aspect of it because men are naturally more, you know, stronger than me most of the time. But, yeah, I do find myself switching with men a lot more. And it varies from man to man. So sometimes I will go on a date with a gentleman and I will know straight away if I'm going to be the boss or they're going to be the boss.

Or sometimes it'll be a gradual discovery. Sometimes we'll switch with each other. It varies from person to person. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. How come you never went to a Domitrix to get that experience with a very Dom woman? I have thought about it. It's on my list to do.

Yeah. That's where you'll find your girl. You know what I mean? Right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So when you were going to those clubs, were you, I mean, you know, how far into kink do you get?

Like, what are the things that you're into? Okay, so my top three kinks. I always ask people on my podcast about their top three kinks. Yeah, I like that. That's a good one, yeah. So, first of all, I would say impact play. So I'm a spanker and a spanky. I love spanking.

Okay, interesting. And you like both sides of it, which is interesting. Yes, so I'm an oralist. I don't know if you know what an oralist is. It's not it's not the O-R. It's the A-U-R-A-L-I-S-T. Oh, so is that hearing? Yes, so I'm a fetishist for sound. I love the sounds. I'm pretty sure that I can orgasm from sound alone. It hasn't happened yet, but you know, that's on the list as well. Oh my God, I'm going to dive deeper into that in a second, but keep going. Yes. What's the third one? Well, I was just going to say one of the things. I love about spanking is the sound. Oh, interesting.

So it's both. Yes. So if I walk into a fetish club and there's spanking happening, I'll automatically go towards that sound. No matter what other sounds there are, that would be the one that stands out to me in the room. Interesting. And draws me in. But, you know, it's impact play.

So I like spanking. I like flogging. I like paddling, whipping, caning. All of those. Do you like, because I've heard that, There's thuddy, there's stingy. I mean, do you like both of those, or are you into just one or the other? So I like receiving thuddy, but I'm much more sadistic in terms of giving stingy than I am in receiving it.

Interesting. Is it because of the sound? Is it because of the sound that it makes? Is there a reason? Do you think for that? It's because of my sadistic side. I know that it hurts. It's so funny, but I love it and I love that you're being honest because so many people that don't really understand kink or BDSM, they really have a hard time wrapping their head around someone being into being sadistic and being a nice person.

You know what I mean? They don't think, they think, you know, if you're sadistic, you're this terrible person, right? Because I've been running a Fetish Friday series since I started my podcast 12 years ago. So I've had so many different episodes on stuff like this. And sometimes, like, the people that are listening to my other ones will tune into that. And they just chime in with, like, they just, with comments that you could just really tell that they just don't really understand what's going on. Yeah. Yeah.

That's okay. I mean, I probably don't understand elements of their sexuality either. And that's okay, too. But. Explain what it means to be a sadist and why, like, and how it could just remain a kink. And it doesn't, like, where it comes from or, you know, you're the. the psychology expert, you know, maybe try to explain it to that average person

who thinks of your status and you like to create pain and that's a turn on to you, like, you know, maybe there's something wrong with you. Yeah, well, I also like to receive it, so I just want to make that point. Let me explain a little bit. Let me explain a little bit about pain. So one of the issues with the stigma around BDSM

is that until, I think it was 2013, it was still in the diagnostic. manual for psychological disorders. And it was grouped together with, you know, terrible things like pedophilia and all these types of things as saying that any type of sexual sadism is a mental disorder, right? So even if it was consensual between two people that didn't matter. So it's only very recently come out of that and made the distinction between consensual sadism and non-consensual sadism.

right? So what I'm talking about is consensual sadism. Of course. Two people or more that have decided that they're going to inflict pain on each other or one of them experience pain consensually. So that's a big difference between the two, right? Of course. And the other aspect is, you know, well, we need to break down what is pain, right? So one of my recent podcast guests had this beautiful line where she said, for her, pain is presence.

Oh, interesting. I could see why that would. That's brilliant. Yes. Yes. So she meant that, you know, she got a really busy brain like a lot of us do. And for her, when she decides to experience pain, it stops everything. And it's the only thing that she can focus on.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. And then if anyone listening has done any form of meditation, I've also done some Vapashana. And that's a Buddhist meditation where you go deep into the nature of pain. And the whole concept of it is that you sit in a position and you meditate on all the different parts of your body bit by bit and you scan your body. And if there's any pain in your body, you notice it. but you don't hold on to it.

You just move on to the next part of your body. And what's really interesting when you do that is quite often when you come back to that part of the body again, that was painful. It's not painful anymore. Interesting. And so, you know, is it because you don't,

you're not attaching the thought to it? Yes. Oh. Yes, exactly. So when you start to explore pain, which a lot of people do through Kink and BDSM, you really start to break down this idea of it as well. And personally, I think of pain as energy.

Right. And energy can be played with. It can be broken down. You can breathe into it. Like if you're stretching, you breathe into the pain and you relax it, right? There's so many things that you can do with pain. So when we first hear that someone's a sadist and the first idea we have is, oh, you know, they must be a tyrant or they must get off on hurting people, just in general.

You know, some of the nicest people I've met, a sadist. And I think that's because, you know, they explore that side of themselves. And they're not repressed in their tyrannical nature. It has an outlet. Yeah. And we all have, you know, these parts of ourselves that are monstrous, right? One of my recent podcast guests was talking about our inner monster. Yeah.

So to explore pain, to explore our inner demons and release it in a way that is consensual and quite often leads to pleasure because once you play with pain and play with this energy and this presence, it can quite often morph into this pleasurable experience. And yeah, hopefully that has got to, hopefully I spoke a little bit to. to pain there and people can think about it a little bit differently. And when they hear sadism the next time, hopefully they won't be so quick to judge, you know? Yeah, exactly.

The next time they experience pain, perhaps they will just notice it, you know, if it's just a little pain, just notice the energy of it as opposed to running away from it. What happens if you breathe into it? Yeah, that's so interesting. And what about subspace? I would assume maybe you've gotten there?

Yes, yes. So subspace is incredible. So when the pain, you know, pain is probably the easiest, you know, way to get to subspace. Yeah, I can imagine. It's so intense. But it's really interesting because you experience this kind of, you know, energy being, pain and pleasure being two sides of the same coin, right? Right.

And you never know exactly when it's going to flip. but at some point when experiencing pain, if you are breathing into it and you are seeing it somewhat like a meditation, it will flip and that energy can turn into pleasure. And I see it like we know the fight and flight system, right? Yeah. So when you're feeling stressed, you want to run away from the pain.

And if you can't run away from it at some point, your body will kind of give in to the experience. and it'll release a whole new amount of endorphins. And instead of wanting to get away from the pain, you will kind of relax into it. And that's what it feels like for me when I'm going into subspace. Hey guys, ever wish you could blow bigger loads like every time

so you could really impress your girl. And do you want your loads to taste better so maybe your girl will finally swallow? Well, then listen up because I know the perfect supplement for you, and that is load boost by VB Health. Load boost is designed to not only increase your volume, but also improve the taste of your sperm. Load boost is not some sketchy supplement. It is doctor formulated, and it is the supplement that porn stores use to increase their loads, as well as my listeners, okay? I've been promoting load boost for a while now,

and my DMs are full of guys talking about how they saw results in just, days of taking load boost. And that's because load boost works super fast. Some people see results in just a few days of taking it with most people seeing full results after just two to three weeks of daily use. So what are you waiting for? Go get yourself some load boost. And while you're there, check out VB House other killer supplements. Okay, they have a supplement called Drive Boost and Soaking Wet and they just dropped a new product energy boost, which I'm excited about. It works. Great Energy boost is a pre-workout powder that you drink with effective ingredients for blood flow, energy, and focus.

Try the blue raspberry flavor. That's my favorite. And one last thing I'm going to tell you is VB Health believes so much in their products that they literally offer a hundred day money back guarantee. So you really have nothing to lose. All you got to do is go to loadboose.com and use my code strictly and you're going to get 10 percent off. That's loadboose.com.

use my code strictly for 10% off or just go to the description, click on the link and use my code strictly. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair

there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yowie, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user-friendly.

It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future, all of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on Shopify.com. So I might have all of these emotions coming up when I'm fighting the pain. I might feel anger. I might feel sadness, confusion, you know, all of these kind of negative types of emotions. But once subspace starts to happen, it's much more positive. It's almost like a relaxation into bliss.

And a lot of people describe it like floating, a floating feeling. It feels like you could just be in that space forever. Yeah, quite transcendent, right? I mean, it brings you to another place, right? Yes, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as opposed to running away, you want to run to it, you know? Yeah, interesting.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's only for the balzy that could go there. I mean, because it is an intense thing. But the, you know, from what I've heard is that like, you know, subspace, it's kind of like you, like if someone says I maybe I think I've been in subspace, they probably never have, right? Like you know when you're in subspace, I would assume. Yes, I can orgasm.

It's like an orgasm. Right, right. But the thing is, you don't have to experience pain to go into subspace. Someone might be tied up and tickled. Yeah. And that might get them to subspace because, you know, they might want to try and get away from the tickling. It's so pleasurable. Take me away from this.

It's too much. Stop, stop, stop. And then you have the same experience of giving in. It doesn't have to be pain that gets you there. Interesting. Right. So it would be like, if I want to get into subspace and someone's like tickling me like crazy, instead of them stop.

when I say stop, if they don't stop, right? And I allow that and go further with it. Maybe that's how you get into it. It's a matter of like not retreating from it, right? It's going towards it. Yeah, so of course. Yeah, so of course you'd have the safe word there. Maybe, you know, stop, probably not the safe word. As long as you don't say the safe word, then they keep tickling. Yeah. Yeah, that could definitely happen. Maybe, you know, someone would tie you up and you can't really move. And that might take you there. It doesn't have to be, you know, a painful experience. Yeah. Well, let's talk a little bit about the other kink that you have, which is so fascinating to me,

because I have something called mesophonia. And it really is a real thing. It's in my, you know what I'm talking about? It's in my 23 of me. When people get mad at me with that I'm irritated by bad noises, like, I'm like, I can't help it. Like, I would rather not be this way. So I'm like, you're like the opposite.

It's like opposite side of the same coin. Like you love sounds, right? Is that what it's about? It's like this intense sort of focus on it. but it's enjoyable to you and it could literally turn you on. Yes. So do you get the same experience? Do you have like pleasurable sounds as well or you just have the negative sounds that you notice?

Listen, I'm a very, I mean, I would, I don't know if being very into music. I mean, I still drive my car with my son and it with loud music like I'm 15. You know what I mean? In my 50s, I love loud music. I love, you know what I mean? I love going to the music. I like loud things. I love airplanes.

I could go to the airport and listen to. planes take off all day. So I think I have a pleasurable sound thing too. Yeah, probably right? Doesn't that sound like it? Yeah. So I would say I did a research study on it. So I create surveys and send them out to my followers. And one of them was on oralism. And the most common way that it showed up was through music and a commanding voice, which, you know, it makes sense because a lot of my followers was a kinky. Yeah. But, you know, some people described having the experience of enjoying music like you,

but to the point where they could orgasm from listening to their favorite classical piece, for example. I can feel emotions from it, but no orgasm. Yeah. You know, this is no physical touch. This is literally just sitting there and listening to it. And, yeah, quite a few people described different orgasms that they'd had. And a lot of the time, it's actually women that seem to be more drawn to this fetish, which is really interesting.

Yeah. But it makes sense, right, because, you know, we know that women really enjoy audio erotica, for example. Exactly. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And no one's done a lot of research into this yet. I'm not sure if it's like brain differences, cultural, but it's really fascinating to see that there is quite a gender divide between the two. men loving the visual, women loving the auditory.

Yeah, yeah, totally. And when did you realize you were into it? Was it when you were walking through the clubs and you were going to these events that you started to realize that the sound was a very big part of it for you? I mean, the term itself is only really new. It's only just been made a category on fat life. So it's only really just emerging in the zeitgeist now that people are focusing on sound itself as a fetish. And that's what's happened for me throughout my life.

You know, with my bisexuality, I didn't realize until the term. With my kinky self, I didn't realize until the term. And it just demonstrates how important language is for describing our experiences. But, yeah, so looking back now, I can see, yes, you know, I was having an oral experience by being drawn to the spanking and going towards it so much. But at the time, I was like, I were just like spanking. Yeah, interesting. right, but now that there's this term.

Do you think, because I always talk about this on my show, because because I've been doing Fetish Friday for so long, I, you know, I'm always having guys call in with fetishes. I could counter my one hand how many women I've had that call in. Why do you think it is that so many more men have fetishes than women? Do you know? You sound very educated on this stuff. This is a really, this is a really hard topic to nail down. I think it does have something to do with men being more visually.

coded because a lot of the fetishes, I don't know if this has been your experience, seem to be related to visuals as well. Honestly, a lot of them start out very tactile, but I'm thinking a lot of like my hosers, my guys into panty hose and a lot of cross-dusters, you know, it's the panties, it's the feeling, it's the tactile even before they're sexualized, you know. Yeah, and the most common fetish, of course, is the foot fetish. Yes, yes. So I did a whole Psychology of Desire case file on this on my substack.

People can check it out if they like, where I was trying to narrow down why men are more into feet than women. And I think it might be a brain difference. So do you know about the somatosensory cortex? Mm-mm. No? No, explain. So in the brain, we have a representation of our body, right? So it's called the humunculus.

And there's more neurons, basically more brain power dedicated to the parts of our body that are more sensitive. So of course, the lips are huge for the homunculus. The fingers are really big. But what's really interesting for the foot fetish is that the genitals and the feet actually represented next to each other. Interesting. And you mean in their brains? In that part? Yes, in our brain.

So women have it too. Okay. And then there was this really interesting neuroscientist, Ramachandaran. And he was looking at people that had had their feet and their legs amputated. And he had this one particular case study where this gentleman said that he was embarrassed to tell him. But every time he had sexual intercourse, he was experiencing sensations in the phantom foot. Wow. Right?

And he was actually experiencing orgasm in his foot. Interesting. Okay. Yeah. And so the orgasm, his orgasm had actually expanded since having his leg cut off, right? Right. And this led Ramachandaran to suggest that the representation of the foot in his brain, of his genitals, sorry, in his brain had become bigger because it had overtaken the part. the part that was no longer used

that was used on the leg. Yeah. So just demonstrating again how this cross-wiring can occur. Yeah, for sure. So when I was writing this case file, I was thinking about this more and I was like, hmm, I wonder if there actually is a gender difference

in this part of the brain, so the somatosensory cortex, right? Yeah. Do men have like a bigger one or more neurons there than women and might that explain why men are more likely to have foot fetishes. Right. And what I found was there is a gender difference in the research. So there's been neuroimaging studies that showed that men have a much larger and more distinct genital representation in the brain than women.

Right? I think we've, that makes sense. Yeah. So, yeah, so I actually put forward this idea, the cortical amplification. model of foot fetishism and said that, you know, I'm saying that maybe this is why men have the foot fetishers. Yeah, yeah. Women do not because again and again, like I talk to different fetish experts, dominatresses,

and they say the female foot fetish just pretty much doesn't exist. If someone's listening and they are one, email us. Yes, go on and I'd love to talk to them. Yeah. So, you know, that's the foot fetish explained potentially. why men in general have more fetishes than women. Women in studies where they've looked at, you know, how much women and men get turned on by different images.

Women always get turned on by more varied images than men, for example. Meaning varied like something, like in the imager's more stuff, or they want more, like, visuals than just what? What does you mean by varied visual? From memory, like, you know, different types of sexualities. Oh, okay, I get it. Yeah. You know, different animals having sex.

So even if the women are reporting that they're not turned on, they would lubricate. They were measuring things like lubrication and, you know, the girth of the penis. So they were looking for differences between men. arousal and physical arousal. So there's some suggestion in the literature that perhaps women have more, you know, quote, flexible sexuality or more varied sexuality than men. And because fetishes are all about, you know, being, you know, pinpointing your desire, so to speak, perhaps men are more likely to go down that route than women.

But that's just my idea. That hasn't been. That's an interesting. Yeah, I like that. That's an interesting take. I remember having Diana Hanson on my show. She had, she was a woman who, uh, took over leg magazine back in the day when it was like really big and she turned it into what it was.

She actually was the one who made it really big. And she spent her life sort of when she was at the magazine leg show and, uh, all these other magazines run by men, you know, when she was the only woman in the game talking to guys with fetishes for so long. Plus she was married to a cross sister. And I, I really, I wish I remembered what her reason. was for why women don't have as many fetishes as men do. And I just don't remember what it is.

So I shouldn't even be bringing it up. But her episode is out there somewhere. She's like fascinating to talk to. I should tell her to be, I should give you her information to be on your show because she lived in that world. And she was like the woman who like changed the game. She now did.

She did the Arnold Schwarzenegger book for that really Toshan book. She works for Tashin books now and does really amazing work. I'm sure you know Tosh. And they do those big books and those beautiful books. It's a German brand. but, um, and very successful, but she, she ran that fucking show and she knew all about guys with fetishes and stuff. And she was like, really ahead of her time. So what about you with your relationships? Like, are, have you ever been married or do you have long term relationships? And are you

a monogamous person, non-monogamous? I mean, how do you roll? Because it sounds like you've been in these clubs and in this kink world since the get-go, you know, right? Since you're super young. So what has your, uh, romantic life look like. It's been really varied like my life and like my exploration. Yeah. I haven't explored being married or engaged, but I have explored pretty much every other type of relationship set up. So I refer to myself as monogamish slash ambi amorous.

Oh, what's ambi amorous? So that is, you know, I'm open to many forms. of relationship style. So, you know, I'm 40 now. I'm basically open to any style of relationship that works. I've tried being monogamous. I've tried open relationships. I've tried being poly and I found, you know, delight and issues in all of them. As of life. Yes. You know, I've had DS dynamics as well. So purely kink-based relationships, you know, I have had, people that would service my feet, for example, you know, service submissives that would drive me around, purely just enjoy driving me around, things like that. So I've explored lots of different

relationship styles. This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. Last year, I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself. When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anytime, anywhere. Living a busy life, navigating a long-distance relationship, becoming a first stepfather, talk space made all of those journeys possible. I could speak with my therapist in the office. I could speak of my therapist in the comfort of my home.

I was never alone. Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0.00 co-pay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code space 80 when you go to talkspace.com. Match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com. Save $80 with code space 80 at talkspace.com. I'm not sure if you have specific questions about any of them.

No, but like, is there anyone that you like the best, do you think? or do you just like sort of, you know, you just in the moment and, you know, just have whatever kind of relationship is in front of you depending on that person? I'm one of those really annoying people that find it hard to do favorites. That's okay. I understand that type of personality. Yeah, yeah. So it depends, you know.

Right now I'm single. I'm traveling for the first time in a while. I've been single for most of this year. and I'm enjoying that, but I'm open, you know, to meeting someone or multiple people. I've been in throuples before. Right. And, yeah, I'm just enjoying, exploring and being open to it. I'm meeting lots of interesting people at the moment through the podcast, and my world

is expanding a lot. And you date men and women, I would assume, correct? Yes. Right. Right. And do you, but do you believe, like, in your life, if you were to, be with someone very long term that you could be monogamous for 10 years if you were with someone for that long? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I think so. It would need to be someone probably that is

switchy. Right. In some respect, doesn't have to be 50-50 switch, but, you know, in a way that I could explore both sides of myself. Yeah. You know, my life is all about helping people explore their desires. So I really don't want to be in a situation where I'd be repressing a big part of myself. But yeah, if I was with someone that I could explore with and that had a similar kind of mind frame around kink and sexuality as me, you know, I like doing lots of sex experiments and exploring the mind and the body in many different ways. So you definitely need a partner that is open to all that too as well. Have you ever been on the kink consult? and podcast or have her had her on your show.

Amanda Day. No, not yet. You should. No, not yet. She's actually a spank-e who finally found a spanker to date. I mean, I remember the first time she came on, she was looking for a partner. She was down for that in her life. And she did find her guy.

And she was very, you know, she had been looking for a long time because it was very important for her as a kingster, right, to have somebody who was into what she was into, you know, even though that was harder to find than just whatever. she did find it, which I think is great. Listen, I've never been married. I've never had that desire. I think maybe now in my life, because I'm way older and time goes by so fast, I could be with someone long term. But I, you know, I had all kinds of different relationships and on my deathbed. I look back and be like, oh my God, I love my life. Like I just, I had so many people in my life. You know what I mean? It's a lot of times married people tend to think people that

don't get married. Like something's wrong with you. It's like, I could think the same thing about somebody that wants to be with one person their whole life. You know what I mean? I just never had that desire. You know, I love the way I lived my life and had all kinds of experiences and stuff. And now maybe I would have a 10-year relationship, but I certainly didn't want that even at 40. You know what I mean? I had a kid on my own. I just, you know, so I totally get your whole vibe and respect that. You know, you're just kind of like who you are with whoever you are and you're open, right? Which I respect because I think it's like, that's better than like the person that reads the book. Because I think a lot of times people are just like doing things because they think that they have to you know what I mean

you're just being true to yourself yeah there's no right way to live no right way to live you're just going with whatever right with whoever you're with and whoever you're on so why don't you speak about your show and tell people where they could find it as well as subscribe to your substack to learn more because you sound so it's smart you obviously have a great substack going on where people who are listening you know to this episode could get more information from you with all the studying that you're doing and everything. I could have talked to you for 10 more hours about that stuff. So give out your substack.

Talk about what you do on your podcast. I'll put the link to your website in the description for anyone driving. You don't have to remember everything she's saying, but why don't you just give your shout out to all your stuff? Sure. So my substack is just psychologyofdesire.com, and that's where you can find my writing and the links to the surveys that I mentioned. And there's also the podcast on there as well,

which is probably the easiest place to find it. but if you want to find it on Spotify, Apple or anywhere else that you listen to podcasts, it's called The Erotic Realm podcast. And yeah, it was born out of this recognition that we all have our own story to tell when it comes to our desires and sexuality. And I wanted to offer a space where people can share their desires and experiences, including the darker desires of kink, and really dive deep into their erotic psychology.

And it's really fun. You know, we explore a quote on the show. we also go into a scientific research article as well because my background is also in research science. Yeah. Which we didn't get to. But, you know, I like to bring that in and shine a light on the academia that is happening and the wonderful people that are researching sexuality in the, you know, and quite often people don't get to read their research. So I really find that fun to go into. Yeah.

Yeah, I love that. And yeah, so the podcast is one and a half years old. Last year, it was focused on everyday kinksters. And then this year I've branched out to include more kink spurts and sex experts. And it's been, it's been really fun. Yeah, that'll only help your show. I've done, I did the same thing. It was only like people talking about their stories and I did the fetishes and now I'm doing

experts. I never had experts on before, but I find it super interesting. I think as long as you're doing podcasting when it comes to podcasting is like what you enjoy, right? I feel like someone like you, it would be natural to have the experts and really dig in deep to that stuff because that's like your background. Do you know what I mean? So it would just make sense that you would enjoy those kinds of conversations too.

And you're having them on your show. Yeah, it's been really amazing. And, you know, again, I'll come back to the point that we're all so unique and there is no normal with sexuality. And I think one of the ways that's demonstrated on the show is at the end of the podcast, I ask each person to sum up their eroticism in one word and one word only. Oh, no. That's hard. I know it. It's hard.

Yeah. I've done 114 episodes now, and I think there's only been two or three people that have said the same word. Oh, interesting. And it just really demonstrates how unique and wonderful we all are. And I just love diving deep into that. Yeah. Listen, I have like over 1,500 guests on my show at this point because I've been doing it for like 11 years. And, you know, I have a million Swinger episodes, a million hot wife stories, a million cheating stories, a million.

panty hose fetish guys cross-dressers, you know, and I'm never getting the same story because like you said, everyone is unique and that's why I've been doing it. And to this day, I still, every single person's,

like I said, story is different than every other story, even though it's maybe a hot wife story, you know what I mean, or a BDSM story. It's always unique and people are still learning and I love it too. You know what I mean?

I find it fascinating to hear about all this stuff. But I love that you get into, you know, you're really focused on kink in that world, right? Because I have a fetish Friday episode. So, you know, people listening are going to be very into getting even more of that content over at your show and on, in your substack, right? So I will put a link in the description if you want to send me a pick or any kind of

promo material for my Patreon. Sure. Well, yeah. Thank you so much. And thank you for this show and what you're doing. It's amazing that you've been going for so long. And it's so cool to hear that you haven't heard the same story twice. And yeah, I look forward to continuing to.

explore the erotic realm for the rest of my life. Yeah, totally. And I'll, I totally have you back on at some point, you know, to do a bigger picture episode. You know what I mean? This one I wanted to get your backstory, but I'm always interested in the expert side of things or any kind of research on kink and fetishes and stuff. So, you know, in the future, we'll probably do another, another collab.

So definitely keep in touch. That would be awesome. Yeah, thanks so much, Emma, for calling in. This was super fun. Thank you, Kathy. It was lovely to speak with you. Awesome. Thanks so much.

All right. Thank you. Bye. I'm Keanu and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything.

Every day I'm thinking about some other new business. But Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free trial at Shopify. com. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August

25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories.

And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them. They're really

short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be.

It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.