Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 153 - Tom Gets Advice on How to Get a Woman Interested in Anal Sex

Episode Date: November 20, 2016

Tom calls in because his current girlfriend has given him a free pass to go have anal sex with someone else and he's looking for advice on how he can get a woman to become interested in anal sex. What is the quickest way to find a three input woman? What can you to to get a woman who is not into anal, totally into it? Are there any specific moves that could work? Tune in to hear Kathy and former guest, size queen Sara (episode 102) give him all the advice he needs to score some anal, plus get some more details about Sara's previous hook up with well hung Will (episode 099) and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely a gift like to keep on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much.

Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here are your hosts, Kathy Kay and Tommy. Hey, welcome to Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy.

If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast, follow the show on Twitter at Strict Anonymous. Or follow me at Cartoon Therapy. If you can write a review for my show, that would be really great. I love reviews. They really help the show. And I love to actually just see what my listeners think about my show. It's always exciting when I see that I get a review. Thanks for two people.

Thanks to two people who wrote a review. this week actually. Someone named 812411 and someone named the big W-T-H. I'm assuming that's what the hell. Anyway, thanks to those two people who wrote a review. And if you, so if anyone else can write a review, that would be really great. Write a review on iTunes or Stitcher. If you want to be on the show, send me an email at Strictly Anonymous podcast.g.com. I think if you listen to my show, you get the gist of like the type of people I talk to, but I'm not just only looking for people that want to talk about sex. I like to talk to regular people that have regular problems too. So, you know, if you think that you'd want to be on and you're not really sure if I'd be interested in having

somebody an email and explain a little bit about your situation and I'll let you know. I like to have everybody at my show because my motto is like everyone's really interesting if you ask them enough questions and that's what I believe. And I have on today exactly that a guy who is a listener of a show. I mean, it has to do with sex actually. He was a listener who would always email me his two cents about podcasts that I had on. He was especially into the podcasts that were with female callers. And I think a lot of men who listen to my show are really interested in the female callers that call in, especially the ones who are very sexually open.

He was especially taken with someone named Sarah who called into my show, who screwed this guy Will-hung Will, who was also on my show. It gets very incestuous, my show. Anyway, so Sarah had a brief affair with Will hung Will and this guy Tom who's calling in today Always had some questions for her and then like besides sending me emails like that he would send me emails about other things and recently sent me an email saying hey I had some questions about anal sex The deal is the girl that he's with it's not his wife, but it's his long-term girlfriend is not into anal and she basically gave him a free pass to go get anal someplace else She was like, I'm not interested at all.

But if you really want it, like, just go get it from somebody else. You know, so you could stop bothering me. I don't know if that's exactly how she said it, but that's probably how she felt. But he got a free pass to go have anal with somebody else. And he was, he wrote into me saying, like, how could I get some other woman interested in anal? Because he just finds that most women aren't really into it. And I was just like, oh my God, that's such a great topic for my show, right? Because I think there's so many guys out there, you know, looking for information.

of how to get, you know, either their woman into anal or somebody else into anal. And I think because a lot of women aren't into anal. I'm a three-put input girl. I always have, and I think anal is really great. It's something I want every single day. But every now and then, it's really good. And Sarah, who was also on my show in the past, I remember she was a three-input girl. And when Tom wrote in, I remember he also wanted to do a Q&A with her. He had some questions about her life and everything. So I was just like, why don't I get her on the show? And she could also help with this topic. And he was like totally into it.

So that's what I have on today. I have on Tom and Sarah. Sarah, if you want to listen to her previous episodes, or episodes 102 and 105, she called in twice. But she's on the call with me today, helping Tom figure out how to get his girl, as well as somebody else, into anal.

We talk a lot about anal sex, how to do it, how to get somebody who's not into it into it and a lot of other really good things. I think we give very good information about anal sex. So I think that a lot of guys are going to be interested in this podcast. And I think women will also be interested in it because I give advice of how, you know, it would be helpful for women to know how they could actually experience it as a good thing because I think a lot of women don't think that it's good. That's why they're not into it. But if they listen to this podcast, they might get, They might think that they should maybe try it to do it a different way, the ways that we say to do it.

Because they're really missing out. I have to say it is really great. You just have to do it properly. All the stars have to align is what I say, I think, on the show. Anyway, then after that, I talk to Sarah and I get an update from her. She happens to be pregnant. That's the update. So I know I'm going to lose a lot of guys at the end of that podcast after Tom gets off the call.

but I have like a good 10, 15 minutes at the end where I talk to Sarah about her pregnancy. For any girls that are thinking about having a baby or going through fertility problems or older or maybe wanting to have a baby on their own, you know, that's going to be an interesting part of the podcast for you. Oh, and one other thing I want to tell you before I get to the call is I had to change Tom's voice. And because they both called in on the same conference call, Sarah's voice got changed a bit too. But you could definitely decipher who's the guy and who's the girl.

Sarah just sounds a little bit more manly. But, you know, this is, the show's called Strictly Anonymous. And, you know, I do whatever I can to hide my color as identity. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Tom and Sarah. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast.

at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name and remember everything is strictly anonymous strictly anonymous hey tom welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast how are you you wrong with kathy hi kathy how you a long time listener loved the show first time taking on the challenge of calling in and talking about one of my favorite subjects i know i'm so happy because you email me every now and then which I love. I always say that I love to have my listeners email me and give me their two cents. And you always love when I have female guests on the show, which I think a lot of guys do because I get emails from other people, but you have always sent me emails along the way. And then somehow you asked me some questions recently. You sent me an email about anal. You were looking for some anal sex answers.

But you were also, besides that, you were also very interested in my podcast I did with Sarah a while back. And so when I said, hey, do you want to discuss this information that you're looking for regarding anal sex? You want to be on the podcast. I said, I could also maybe see if Sarah, your favorite guest, could join in because you always said that you would love to do a Q&A with her, right? So that's what we're going to do. Yeah, that's what we're going to do today. So we're just waiting for Sarah to call in. So for right now, let's just, let me just get a little background on you. You're a listener of the show, right? Are you married, single? What's that? What's like your deal?

I'm in a relationship. I'm twice divorced and just got a, you know, just got somebody I've been in a relationship with for about the last four or five years. Four or five years. Okay, cool. And now how is the sex life with this, with the woman that you're with? Well, that's probably the reason I sent you the email. It's great, but she is not into anal sex, which is kind of frustrating.

We get along so great, and the sex is great. It's just, I just can't get her. into anal sex and I think about a week or so ago and we were you know trying I had her talking her into it but then she said hey won't you just find somebody that you can have anal sex with as long as you're you know loyal to me I just I'm just not going to so that's really let me she let you be with other people or like has she always been that sort of open about things do you think she's joking or is she actually serious no she's serious about the anal sex part because I tried my second wife, kind of weird, we were one of those relationships, both rebounding, kind of got into one of those lust relationships that never became love, and so we ended up getting a divorce.

But in that relationship, it lasted about seven or eight years. Toward the end of it, I finally convinced her into anal sex. So we were having anal sex, but then everything else fell apart. Okay, but how do you, at seven years, like, and you just didn't fall in love? Like, how is that fun? Did you ever see that Tom Hanks movie? Like, after a while, he fell in love with the ball, which I could totally understand because it's just like, I mean, people love a pair of shoes.

I mean, how after seven years with that lady did you never want, you really never wound up, like, falling in love with her? You don't think? No, it's always, you know, we'd always, I don't know, just different viewpoints and a lot of different things, different family backgrounds, different, different life. But you live together? Yes. But we were always so busy.

I was doing my career and she was doing her career. So really it was just mainly, you know, weekends and here and there. We weren't together. We were separate more than we were together. Oh, okay. That's probably why you lasted so long. Probably if you were together every day would have lasted seven months. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, right. And then we were sometimes, you know, based on what I was involved in, I'd be gone two three weeks at a time. So when you came back, you know, the first night or two was the ketchup on the sex part. Mm-hmm. And then you start talking the other things, and then by the time it got time to hit, you know, then we'd be at each other's throat when it's time to hit the road again.

Right, but let me ask you this. How did you get her interested in, you know, like, you know, how did you talk her into it? Well, I went online years ago when the Internet got to be so hot and found out that, you know, the doggy style position was her because I guess the vagina kind of hangs down from it, so there's not a lot of pressure. because initially I was trying to do it while, I guess, a missionary position, but according to that article, there's pressure. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So I just started, you know, using the juices from the excitement, I guess, in my thumb over a period of time. And, you know, that kind of led to where she was willing to try, and we used, you know, lubricant, and it just led to where. It wasn't ever, you know, all the time thing. It's an occasional thing. But she finally got from absolutely no to where, you know,

once in a while she would. want it. She would actually ask for it, right? One time. Most of the time, it would be involved, you know. Right. In the middle of it. You'd sort of want to go there and she would say okay. Yeah, she was always, she was kind of into this, you know, quick thing. So, you know, I had an old question, I guess, wasn't like to ask, are you coming yet? Are you coming yet? So, in order to help me faster switch to the doggy style position. Mm-hmm.

Or we'd switch to reverse caldural. Right, but would she be coming, like, would she be interested in what's going on, or she was just strictly doing it for you? Just for me. Oh, God. How come? So how can you call that good sex? Doesn't it matter to you that, like, the woman's into it or not?

Well, I guess, you know, I guess back then, I looked back, I thought she was kind of into it, but then, you know, after, you know, I guess when you start heading to her divorce, she starts saying things, it probably held back for a lot. Right, and maybe after like seven years, it's like same old, same old, she just wasn't into it. She only agreed, you know, she was just trying to, I don't know, there might have been a tired or two. She was into it. I don't think she ever came.

The whole time you were with, oh, from, really? That's like really. No, she came a lot. Yeah, she's one of those, you know, we'd call her name out, but. Mm-hmm. But she never could, she never came from anal sex. I don't know if it's still the taboo part of it or she's just doing it for me, but never did. And of course, you know, being, you know, being tired, it didn't take long.

Right, of course, they say, I mean, for a man, I think that's why I love it. Lows it. But, yeah, you know, it don't take long. For the guy, right. It shouldn't take long for the woman either if she has some sort of other kind of stimulation going on as well, right? It's either her quit or something. Like, you know, because there's no G spot there and the clit is on the front. Yeah.

Something else has to be going on. But if something else is going on, it should be the quickest way. to come as a woman because it's so sensitive in there. There's so many more nerve at night. It's so totally different than the vagina. Like the vagina has nothing going on in there. It's like an empty hole with not a lot of sensitivity. Yeah, we talked about getting her one of those vibrators,

vibrating, you know, but I guess, you know, the fact that the relationship was pretty much over. By the time she really, we kind of got where she was letting me do it, you know, maybe two or three times a month. Right. So fast forward to this. woman, you have like normal good sex with her, you actually love this

woman, right? Yeah, yeah, we get along right. You're not going to get married, are you? Are you going to go? Oh, no. Okay. After two times, I'm kind of done with that. Well, they do say things come in three, so you never know, you might wind up. How old are you, and how old's a woman you're with? I'm 45, and she's 44.

Oh, never say never, I bet you're married again in the 10 years. If she asks you, you know, whatever. whatever. Anyway, so you've been with her for a while and she literally said to you, like, I am never going to do that with you. Go do that with somebody else. Like, I mean, that's kind of like a free pass that a lot of guys would be interested in because I think it would be like twofold. A, you get to have anal what you really want to do, but B, you also get to be with somebody else. Like, wouldn't that be exciting? Yeah. Okay. So now, are you calling in, I thought you were just calling in on how to get somebody to do it, meaning you're a woman, but are you actually

also looking to find somebody else to do it. Is that what you're working? Yeah, another female, yeah. Oh, someone totally different than the one you're with. Right, yeah. She's the one that said, hey, I'm not going to. And she, you know, we value our relationship. She said, hey, if you can find someone else and say, you know,

that I don't necessarily have to know about, but if you don't just get that out of your system, get satisfied that way, then we'll be fine. but I guess she just tired. I mean, okay, but let me, do you actually, so you would never tell her, right? That's like, that's what she told you. I don't want to know about it, but you could do it. Right, right.

Now, have you cheated on her in the past at all? I have not. And have you ever cheated on any of the women that you've been with? I think my first wife I did. I was going to tell you, that's what got me into anal sex. I met on a trip one time I met a girl from New Jersey. Uh-huh. out in Reno, Nevada.

Mm-hmm. Wait, hold on. Sarah's calling in. We have to remember this. This is strictly enough. Lisa, you're on with Tom, and I just gave you the backstory. You know the backstory about him and anal,

and you're jumping on the call to help him and also give him advice, right? As a female, because that's what he's looking for. Maybe you could just take over. Wait, let me just finish the story. I had asked Tom, when he first got into anilor,

you were explaining when you first got into it when you cheated on your wife. So what was the story with that? Yeah, I met a girl on one of my trips to Nevada several years ago, probably about 15, 20 years ago. And we kind of got into it, and, you know, we started out. And then I thought, well, hey, I'll just try to see it because I was just kind of getting into the anal thing.

I tried it, and she said, well, you know, my husband has been trying, but he only let he put the tipies. One thing led to another, and we enjoyed it. So I've kind of been fascinated and enjoyed sexual sex and women ever since, but it's just hard to find women that are either into it or willing to try. Okay, let me ask you a quick question before Sarah starts to give you some advice, because I was wondering, like, have you, when you say it's hard, like you just have these three women in your life, right, that we're talking about?

Like, have you been out there looking? Like, have you met any women and then sort of gone there like, hey, I want to you ate on their like, no way? Well, I have online, you know, I started, because I remember Sarah, where she's my hero, but I went on Craig's list and got frustrated with Craig's list because one, it's mainly guys contacted me trying to pretend into big women.

And then, you know, gay guys, which is, that's okay. But then the women that was, the two, I think I started chatting with, who, you know, Yahoo Messenger, a while back for some, yeah. And then they were just, you know, I think we were going to actually get one close to what we were going to meet and she kind of backed out. So it's kind of frustrating because then me and some of my guy buddies, you know how guys are always talking about this. We started looking on the internet and there were these websites I went to and say, hey, here's how to find a woman that likes anal sex with her having to go through all the, you know, guest work.

And what did it say? Or how she walked or, I mean, you know. Oh, my God, for every woman. Wait, wait. Wait, Tom, for every woman out there, wait, stop, listen, for every woman out there that actually does, like, anal and me and Sarah are the two of them, can you please give us the quick rundown of what that article told you to look for? She, I go a little bit a while back. There's some guy, how do you find a woman that likes anal sex? The article was about, this guy wrote in about where he thought it had something to do with her smile.

You know, he said some women just kind of smile and showed some of their teeth. According to this dude, I could go back and look it up. There's something to some of the smile. There's something else. Somebody said something like to walk. And then there's one lady had an article about where, you know, she's not going to have it with just meeting some guy at a bar. She wants to go beyond that before she ever does it. Right.

Let me ask you a quick question. Sorry, Sarah. This is going to be hard to get. No, go ahead. I mean, I cut people off to begin with and I cut one person off. Now I have two people to cut off. No, go ahead. Go ahead.

Tom, did you ever think this is like the easy solution? And then I'm going to let Sarah give you more of her input. It was like, did you ever think of me, maybe just getting like an escort or a process? You don't know what I mean like a hugger? Well, yeah. But, you know, I was kind of going to be a last resort. To me, why a last resort?

It's so efficient. It's just going to cut to the chase. You don't have to worry about all that stuff. You have a relationship with the woman. You're emotionally unavailable. It's going to be very hard. And Sarah, correct me if I'm wrong. to find a woman that's just going to be like, yeah, I'll fuck you with anal and you have a relationship and she doesn't care.

I mean, unless she's another married person, right? Yeah. Right. I agree. That's going to be rare. But, yeah, and I'm curious, you know, so I would think the best thing for you would be able to have everything with this one person. So I'm curious to think when you guys have had conversations about it, what has she told you is her hang up? Like, why doesn't she want to do it?

Sarah's good. Well, I just think, yeah, I mean, I guess she's in her 40s, like I told Kathy, she's 44. I guess she just got this mindset that that's kind of taboo. And that, you know, I'm kind of, I don't know, maybe 30 in the relationship. She just, she just got this hang up, you know, from her, from her background. Okay. Yeah, so it's probably, grew up in a family with, you know, a church family, so to speak. Okay, okay.

Yeah, so if that's the reason for her, then it's probably not going to ever happened. I would say if it's somebody who, you know, maybe just had one bad experience, but if it's based

in a belief system or something like morals or something like that is probably not going to happen. My advice would, to be, to anyone would be

that, you know, if this is something that you always want as part of the repertoire or something that's important to you that you want to do, you know,

looking for a woman who's just open sexually, who's open to trying just about everything, you know, my mindset has always been, I have a very healthy view

of sex and sexuality. So my mindset has always been I'm willing to try just about everything once and go from there. But it's also going to be how you approach her with it.

So I think, you know, you're at the point now where maybe you're so eager that you kind of lead with that, but I would think reaching out to a woman and talking to her about, you know, what she's interested in, how open she is sexually,

and that sort of thing, you could probably get it as part of, you know, the part of the entree, right? And then also, it also depends on, you know, now if you get it once, doesn't mean you're going to get it twice or a third time. So it also depends on how you do it. You know, there have been times, like, I had one boyfriend who was my first sexual experience and my first, Um, you know, and he was so aggressive with it. I felt like I was being raped every time.

And I didn't enjoy it with him. Yeah, you can't just put it in. Yeah. And even, and even now, when there are partners, you know,

for example, the last person I was with, he was big and all of these things. And, um, he just didn't understand how to approach me with it. And I explained to him, I was like,

dude, it's not going to work that way. Like, this is what I need you to do. You know? Um, I need you to, take these steps. I need you to do this. I need you to do that. And we, once you do all of that

things, you'll get it all the time, anytime you want it. But you have to do these things. So what were the things? Well, so, I mean, he basically just thought we're going to have intercourse and then you can just flip it in. And I said, no, you know, you've got to be willing to, first of all, you have to get me to a certain level of arousal. Then you're going to have to, you know, start with a finger, move to two fingers, and then slowly work things up. You know, you can't just attack me with it. And I think if you get a woman aroused enough, everything relaxes and you can do things. Totally.

And this is what I've always told my guy friends, because I've always liked, you know, but I've never been the type of woman that's afraid to speak up during sex, so I would always sort of take control. So I would hold on to it. And I will let it go in the way I want. on it too. And it's always very slow at first as I'm getting turned on and then slower and then faster and faster and then forget about it. And so it's just like a lot of times a woman, she's not like the type of person that could speak up or sort of explain what's going on. The reason why she's

not into emails is because no one's talking. The guy just thinks he's going to put it in and she's like out and that's the end of the story. But if there's good communication going on, especially for the woman and she feels like she's in control and she could do it. And she knows. knows that eventually. Anybody, to me, 100% of people out there would completely women, would completely love it if they just relax and because we're all made the same. It's so, there's so many nerve endings. It's so pleasurable.

It's insane. But it has to all, like Sarah said, all stars have to be aligned. You have to be very turned on and it takes a while to lube up into it. Like, and yourself, not just with the actual loob. Like you have to get yourself. The woman has to get herself and the. guy has to help to get her extremely turned on so she completely opens up and there's no pain whatsoever it'll just go right in yep I mean there are times when I've needed no lubrication because

of how turned on I was I was so relaxed and so into it I didn't need it I never did I mean I sound like I said before right another piece of advice that another piece of advice that I would give you is when you're you're going to get to your at that stage and you're ready to do it um you're you know, she's relaxed and, you know, maybe use, like, small toys and work your way up. Try to, try the position with her on her back, you know, a standard missionary position where you're maybe standing. And you're maintaining eye contact, you know, you can rub her clitoris, you can simulate her. It's a very intimate act. And I think if you're able to engage that person with good eye contact and keeping her simulated, you know,

it becomes an experience. And for me, the best, the best that I've ever had has been like that, where, you know, he's just keeping me stimulating, stimulated when looking at each other. And it doesn't even, I mean, I'm not talking about everyone who was a boyfriend, everyone there was a romantic connection. But when you're in that moment, like two very primal beings connecting that way, the intensity just magnifies, you know? Mm-hmm.

Exactly. And it's not like, listen, I would go through, phases where it would be like the thing I like the best and the thing I want it all the time. And then sometimes I wouldn't, would have to want it for months. It's like you have to kind of be in the mood and you have to be like extremely turned on. And then let me ask you this, Tom, like, how big is your wean? Like, I mean, are you extremely well hung? Are you like, what's your deal?

Nobody knows who you are. So let's just get the real facts. Right. Yeah, the real facts. I guess, like you had old Sergio on there, I guess is how you measure it. But it's, number of Sergio. certified Tinder or whatever

you're doing Yeah But if I measure You know Where you kind of cut in a little bit It's just right around a little over 7 And maybe about Four inches thick

I don't need to conference So it's... Oh you're sick Yeah Yeah so you're So you're pretty well hung So I think like what Sarah says Is like start off maybe smaller

Getting her into doing Whoever this is I still think I'm like Sarah I still believe that You can work on your girl. I don't care about people's belief systems. People change their belief all the their beliefs all the time.

And you ladies are the experts, but what I, the thing is when I try to start or talking, I can feel her, she tenses up. How do you get past? I mean, I don't, I don't know, you kind of sell, to me, you try to sell ice to Eskimos. I don't. Right. Yeah, I can. Sarah, can you? I can't. do because I thought, you know, like I was telling Kathy earlier, I thought my second wife would kind of gotten to where I started like you're talking about. I mean, she was one of those, no, but hell no. But working with her, like I told her, we told Kathy, we'd get into the doggy style, and I could

use my thumb. I'd read about on why using your thumb, using the juices and the flow, slowly the thumb, and then, like you say, over a period of time, maybe a second finger or something like that. And she basically got into it now, relationship, you know, when, you're a little bit of the went to shit, but sex was good because we met on, you know, coming off two divorces, and it was a sex I started. I never got past that.

But she was okay, but I, this, you know, my girlfriend now, as soon as I start, I started that rubbing thumb and then, you know, once in a while we'll do doggy style to finish or reverse caliber. And I start that, and she just tenses up. And then what do you do when she tenses up? I stopped.

Yeah, see, that's where you're wrong. I just told you. Remember before I said the guy tries to put it in, the girl says out, and then he stops, and that's the end of the story. That can't be the end. You have to coax, but in a erotic way, like Sarah is explaining to yourself. Like, she says. Well, let me ask you guys. You know, I'm always, since I'm a little older, I'm always a K-Y guys.

Or another, is there something? I'm trying to read online about something where it kind of, I don't know, warms it kind of makes it to where it's something that kind of stimulates that. The anus has to be careful with the ones that warm up and, you know, anal, because anal is very raw on the inside, and so it could easily not be comfortable. But what I would recommend is if you notice as soon as you start back there, she tenses up, then that's where you need to go back to giving her some oral, giving her some stimulation, and don't, and then still stimulate that area too. What you want to do is get it.

yet you want to get it with her mind where it's not going to be painful, this is going to be good. And talk to her. You know, really relax. Like, I want to make you feel good. Trust me. You know, those sort of things. Just keep talking to her. Yeah, say, listen, like, listen, let me just try.

Just relax and let's just try. And when you want to stop, like I will, like, but just trust me, you're going to let, you know what I mean? You have to keep, you have to go farther than she tenses up and then you stop. And then I really believe if you. you show her if she starts to feel like it's good. So if you're going down on her like Sarah said and if she gets really wet, that wetness will sort of spill down into that area and she will lube herself up. And if you're just using a finger or something, you don't really need K-Y. Like you don't, what you need for her, if she's very tense, it's no lubrication is going to

matter if she's tensed up and not horny and she's, you know, in her head about it. You have to give that time, you know, to really loosen up. And when she does, if you just even put something, she'll realize, oh, that actually feels good and it doesn't hurt. And that's what you, but you have to give her time to get to that point. Do you understand? Yeah. And you have to be like sort of, this is where like sort of being intuitive with your partner comes into play.

You know, like you say, you know, she's tense. You should also be able to tell when she starts to loosen up and whatever, you know, whatever you're saying, if she's getting more tense, change what you're saying. If she's getting more loose, then keep going in that direction. You've got to read her body language as well as have a. real conversation with her while it's going on, right? Yeah. You got a good thing.

Go ahead. I just, I mean, I, that, you know, that all sounds great. Mm-hmm. The thing is I get, you know, because I've gotten older, I guess I'm not as patient as as I used to be. What, what, I mean, where do I get to the point if she's really never, I say never, never, never say never, where I get to the point where I just don't think we're going to make any progress and I'm getting frustrated.

because I really want I mean for me I miss it from the second I miss it from the second wife so now I really want to get get that back because I hear some of the guys talking about it you know listen you are in a win-win situation

okay you should do both things at the same time okay I'm just going to say that absolutely you keep trying with her because eventually you want to bring that into your relationship you have all the time in the world absolutely because that way I'm not out you know hunting for the street yeah

Right. Well, you're going to be with her anyway at the same time. I personally think you should just skip all the bullshit ads and Craigslist and everything and go straight to somebody that you could pay for. Because like, let me tell you, it probably isn't that expensive if you look at the lower end ones. You're not looking for another girlfriend. You really want to take that shit on and have another woman that's going to require constant texting and all the stuff to date and all that stuff. Your girl's not going to put up with that. She told you you could do it, but I don't want to know about it, which means it's got. to be a pretty transactional quick thing. Okay. So your best bet to not screw up your relationship and have your cake you need it to because that's basically what your girl is telling you is to go hire somebody. It's very efficient and smart and it just cuts to the chase and you're going to get what you want. And like I said, it's going to be very transactional. So you're not going to have to put a lot of effort into it. If you're too lazy to get your girl simulated, you're not going to be interested. You're going to go through that same thing from a regular girl too. From the professional, it's going to be a little bit, a lot more quicker because she's on a time schedule.

And you're not going to worry about like a bait and switch or the girl changes her mind. Like, that's what you need to do. Yeah, because she's going to know what it's fun that I want anal sex and eventually into it, right? Yeah, you're going to look for one that specializes in that. That says that she does that. That's all it's going to be about. Because like you're not a cheater, right? You've never really cheated the first wife you did.

But like that's not what you're looking to do. You love this woman. You're in a healthy relationship with her. So any other woman on the side, unless you find another married woman that just wants to look for that, it's going to be like finding like a needle in a haystack. It's a lot harder. You know. And the benefits of hiring a professional is she's going to be able to give you some tips as well.

Exactly. She's going to be able to talk to you and help you, you know, work on things with the woman you're with. So you can utilize that time. and, you know, talk to her. Because listen, the professional doesn't want to do it all the time either, and she's got to get herself into the mood to meet a client and make that buck. So she's going to be able to give you some tips and stuff, too. So it could be a learning experience, you know,

but you're definitely going to have to, I mean, I always call it for those people who don't like to do anything. It's a training period. You know, whether it be anal training or whatever, it's a training period. And so you're going to have to put in the time and the effort, and you're going to become more intimate with this woman in the process. You're going to learn a lot more about her in the process, and it'll make you guys a little bit stronger,

a little deeper connection. So, you know, and think about a long-term benefit. Not the professional. Right, yeah. Right, with the girlfriend. You know, think about the long-term benefit. It might take you a few months to get there, but once you get there and she's enjoying it,

she'll be asking you for it. Yeah, and not only that, I'm sorry, but this is the deal with a lot of women because I have girlfriends that are like this. she would probably love for you to loosen her up, okay? There's no reason if she's like kind of uptight with like with that. Maybe she's uptight. Like, you know, it would benefit her too to like really like loosen herself up and be able

to be more communicative with you when it comes to sex because then maybe you'll find out that there's a lot of other things that she likes that she keeps like a secret. She probably has a lot of things sexually that she's interested in, but she doesn't speak up. It's not her style, right? So if you guys start being more open about that, it would lead to other things. And then you might realize she's maybe more freaky with other things as well. The fact that she said to you, you could go have anil with somebody else. Just don't tell me about it.

It tells me that you could get her into anal because she's not as conservative as you think she is. Because that Bible thumping person that you said she is, that's why she doesn't like anal, would never let you go out and have an extramarital affair. That's true. Okay. That is true. That's a good point. Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

So she's a lot more open-minded than you give her credit for. I think she's just so tight. It's a very common because what it is is that if women don't think in their mind that it could actually be enjoyable and they've never heard about it, they never tried it. It hurts if you go there and she's like closed up. Okay. So that's all she knows. And you're assuming that she's against it. But I bet you if you showed her that it's good she would be into it.

What were you going to say, Sarah? I was going to say also, you know, there's something to be said about, there's some women who can't be a freak for everyone. And so, you know, there is, you know, if you're that person to take her to that level, it's going to be a different type of intimacy, a different type of relationship. So, you know, if you kind of put in the time to really get to know her in that way, I'm just like Kathy was saying, I'm sure if you can bring that out in her, you know, you're going to unleash a, you know, a whole bunch of things he never thought of. Yeah, and I think women, most women, want to sort of be less uptight and want to be more at one. Like, I think the younger women are nowadays, thank God.

But the older women, like you said, are in because of the times that they grew up in. And it sucks for them. So you would be helping her too by being cool enough with her to let her know that you would put in a little bit more time. Like you say, oh, you're like not patient. I would call it lazy. you know and that's what happens I think when people get in a relationship for a long time like they kind of get lazy but I think you should just I don't know try to summon up a little energy to do a little work with this one while you're playing around with her you know to get her into anal don't expect it to happen the first time you try expect it to take a while just just go start off like I'm going to with the goal of I'm going to get a finger in there or even just a tongue or Okay, like just start off with that kind of stuff.

But make sure you're stimulating her, you know, clit or at the same time. It's just not going to, there's nothing going on if it's just that by itself at all for her. That's not going to do it just yet, you know? Does she like when you go down on her? Oh, yeah. Okay, so there you go. So do that and then go down there. And while you're doing that, you know what I do to guys, okay, when I'm blowing them?

And like, I got to tell you, I've had a lot of guys lean into it. and they're like they don't sort of want it and they don't realize it's coming. But when it's there and the heat of passion, they're into it as I put a knuckle right there. Like not enough. You know what I'm talking about, right? I take my thumb and I just put it right there in between their ashes. And they don't want anything going outside.

And I say, I'm not putting it inside. But the more turn around they get, the more they push down on it. And that, when the knuckle of the thumb goes in as opposed to like a finger, there's it's just less pressure but it just pushes in a little bit try that move that's probably like your best first move just take your thumb put it a knuckle leave it there

and go down on her and let her push into it herself do you understand what I'm explaining yeah yeah because I never thought about right probably have tried to spend a while but I never thought about using the knuckle and the thumb during when I'm doing oral on her I'm using the

oh yeah I've done it to guys when I'm blowing it keeping the rear for the sex point. Yeah, I got you. You see what I'm saying? So just leave that there and let her push down on it. Yeah, and let her realize that it feels good. I have gotten

guys that were so like no effing way do you put a finger near me. Pushing down on that and enjoying it right before they come because everybody would because it feels really good. It's just you have to get her really comfortable and really horny in the middle. Just put that there

And then I bet you anything, she starts grinding it. All the guys do, and they're worse. They're more uptight than women. Okay, that's just a fact when it comes to that kind of a thing. You're right, yeah. For sure. And I've gotten the most uptight men into that. When, you know, you got their dick in your mouth that you're making them turned on.

Like, I mean, basically they start to do anything. All that stuff goes out the window. I always say that when someone's like really horny, it's like being drunk. So you got to get her like, besides the talking and stuff, get her really drunk in horniness. and then, you know, have your thumb there and just, like I said, not pointing it to go in, because that will freak her out, just leaving the knuckle there because it won't go totally in, but it will push and it does go in. And there's something about the way that it's shaped that is less invasive, but still a turn-on.

I agree. So try the knuckle move. Okay? It's not, if you're there anyway and you're doing it because you already claim to be lazy, you just, it's really not that hard if you don't want to do all the talking and shit that we're talking about. Like that's not that hard.

You're going to be doing that work anyway, you know? But I say, I say, go the escort route. Yeah. Listen, you have questions for Sarah, okay, and you have to go soon. So I want you to ask, do your cue, did we answer your, all your anal questions?

Oh, that's great because, you know, you reinforce the fact that you're not just at a bar or somewhere. You're not just a woman. You're not going to unless she's an escort. Like you said, you're not going to find a woman that's just a woman. You can eventually. No, you can eventually, but it might take you very long time. It just really is.

How about finding a non-escort woman at a bar pick up that you're kind of just wanting convince her that, you know, really you're just in an anal sex. That's about it. You're not going to find the average woman wanting to do that. No, and like I said, it's going to take a little. a lot of texting, emails, talking, meaning. Maybe she's going to want you to take her out to dinner. Like, women get like that.

So, like, you don't have time for any of that shit. You travel a lot. Plus, you have a real relationship with somebody. Like, you, you are, this is the situation that, like, the hookers are made for. Okay? Right. And, like, let me tell you, if I was her, I'd be a lot happier if you were doing your anal business with a hooker than with some woman you met off a Craigslist that lives

around the block. Because I think, you know. Yeah. She could be more afraid of that. You're going to get it emotionally attached. Exactly. Exactly. So she does find out, like you said, it is a professional,

then it's less stress, yeah. She's not going to find out. I would say to you, don't ever let her find out if you're smart. No, that's my opinion. That's my opinion would be never let her find out. Yeah, never let her find out. So listen, because I know that you have to get off, I want you to, I know that you always said that your dream on my podcast

would be to call in and have a Q and. and A with Sarah. There were questions you wanted to ask her. So like Sarah was a woman who called into my podcast. For people that didn't hear Sarah's episode, she was a woman who called into my podcast and she met a guy who I had on my podcast first, who was extremely well hung. And he called into my podcast saying, oh, I'm so well hung and I just, I can't find a girl. And I was like, I thought he was like, full of shit at first. But then like after talking to him, I totally believe him. Like, oh, this poor guy, you know, has this real problem where his dick is just like too big that he can't meet a woman that will fuck him. And so he eventually emailed me and said, oh, I met someone and I've

been seeing her and it's great. And you know, you could have her on the show and that was Sarah. And then in come Sarah to be like, yeah, he is kind of full of shit. And we found out he really was. He has a whole racket going on. And by the way, Sarah, his ads are still up all the time. every week, every time I go on Craigslist, he is still there with his running his record. But Sarah wound up meeting him and having sex with him a bunch of times. And now I know that you, Tom, wanted to ask her some questions. So what are your questions for Sarah?

Well, you know, like I say, it's been about, it's been a year. I know Sarah's probably one of our, some of the guys I hang with one of our favorite guests ever. Was he really that well hung? I mean, on the show, you can't even talking to it.

Yeah, he was. He was, he was the biggest I've ever seen. Yes, he was. I don't remember exactly. I know he was at least like 13, long and I want to say maybe you know six or seven inches wide

I mean he was very very big well very big average guy asked what is it and you were able I guess you said balls deep both vaguely and aimily right yeah now I mean he he said balls deep emailly

you know for me I know it wasn't like we were in front of a mirror and I could tell um we didn't and we didn't do it for very long so I'm not sure sure, but he did say he was able to get all the way in and, yes, and he said it was great. So I take his word for that. Yes, I mean, it was, I, when I met him and I saw it and I was like, oh, my God, what did I get myself into?

I didn't think it was going to happen. And then it did. So, yes, yeah. That's amazing, but, you know, and watching been a guy, I've watched porn movies for years. I see a lot of women taking on well-hung guys, but it never goes balls deep, so I don't So, I mean, where does all that go? Anonymically, is speaking. Is that a word?

Really, like, how can you take 13? I don't think that's possible. Do you? It would come up to your throat. Listen, I mean, you know, I don't know. It happened. You know, it fascinated me as well, and it happened. I think, you know, your inside stretch and, you know, they, you said, you know, I was very

stimulated and it, you know, I don't know what... Yeah. Did he actually, you know, go past the cervix or, I mean, is that possible? That's what you mean with regular sex? Because there's no cervix. No, no, he didn't. But I would definitely, I mean, when he did go all the way in, there was a little bit of pain. Right. You know, are we talking about anal or regular? Both. Oh, okay.

Yeah, both. But yeah, I mean, vaginally, when he did go all the way in, and there was definitely a little bit of pain. Like, he couldn't go very fast when he went all the way, and it was like a slow breath. But, yeah. Okay. Because you always hear and read about, you know, I guess the average woman was,

you can take up to about six inches. Yeah. I guess if you were the well-hung guys over a period of time, I guess it does. It does. I don't know what it's called it. I guess it does open it up more. Yeah.

I guess women can take. every one is not exactly the same on the inside you know right exactly exactly you might find you know and listen his his MO is he's looking for a spinner a really skinny tiny girl and he's wanting he's wanting her to take all of that and I don't think that's possible I think you know those tiny girls are tiny on the inside too and it's not going to happen you know if you're only 4-11, you're not going to have as much room. Right. Right. And so, I mean, I'm petite, but I'm very curvy.

I mean, I would never say that somebody would say I was overweight, but I'm very curvy. And so, you know, I think he was looking for, like, model waist thin. And I think that's his desire. And so that's probably why, yeah, we didn't work out. But, yeah. Quick question, Sarah, because I forgot, like, was he white or black, or were you white or black. Was it an interracial thing or was he are you both white? Yeah. Yes. He's white and unblack.

Okay. And, um, you know, uh, he did reach out to me once more after, you know, I had stopped contacting him and I didn't need to respond. But, um, I did see his ads up, you know, after that. And I saw, you know, he was a little bit more descriptive than what he was looking for. And he's just ridiculous. So whatever.

Yeah. Well, let me, probably a silly question from the, uh, women that are I guess stockier and thicker in the thicker in the ass does that make a different but anal versus like a little small

I mean I know vaginally there's a difference no I'm very skinny and I'm very like my hips are small like I'm very small and I could I always was fine with it I think like Sarah said and like I said it's

you a comedy I think the cervix thing is probably different on the person but you could like a skinny girl, I could accommodate a man that was very thick in my like ass like as long as I was just really, really turned on.

It's just the way that it goes. Yeah. Exactly. Here I guess you know, annually you can actually probably take more because you don't have the cervix if you. You can actually take a greater lane. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's. Come on, you have to have more questions for Sarah. Do you remember? I'm trying to think because I think you Yeah, well, I guess, you know, some of the guys were talking about, you know, I guess we found it amazing. You said that I guess the next day you could walk okay after checking and annually. You were like, whoa, you know, because this guy was saying, when him and his girlfriend do it, she's like, she bitches and moans for a couple days, you know. Well, I mean, again, every woman is different and maybe the bitching and moaning is more to keep him in check.

But, yeah, I mean, I haven't. And again, you know, how violently is he flusting? How is it going about? I think, you know, anal intercourse is a little bit different than vaginal intercourse, and you can't help me like a rabbit. You know, so it's a little bit different. But, yeah, I mean, I was surprised that I was okay the next day, but I didn't expect I was going to be, you know, so.

But what you consider yourself, Sarah, when you consider yourself a size queen, like, had you been with, like, in your life, mostly men that were, like, really big? I mean, I know that this guy was huge, but were most of your guys, like, really big and you were used to it? Yeah. So, I mean, my first boyfriend was very well hung as well. And so I think that kind of spoiled me. You know, I've had smaller and it's been okay, but my preference is larger. I think that's very true.

Like they say once you go back, you never go back. But what they really mean is, like, if you get really used to somebody that's really large, it takes a while to be a, okay with something not so large, right? I mean, because you get used to that. And if that's what turns you on, and you're like with that person for a couple of years. And it's hard to change, go back to someone that's not as thick or not as big.

Well, so when a woman tell you, so I guess if you're taking on large for over a period of time, then you always hear about people stretch and it comes back a little bit, but it never fully comes back to what it was before. Well, listen, people have babies, and then it goes back.

I think, I don't think if it's, if you're not with that person that's really well hung for a really long time, I think it goes back. You don't stay totally stretched out. It does go back. Listen, it's not, it's not so much about stretching out. It's about the feeling of feeling full. Exactly. It's the feeling of being. Yeah. Yeah. So my last boyfriend, we dated. It's been about maybe 10 months now since I, I've seen somebody. And we dated for about nine months, I guess. and he was on the smaller side, but, you know, he was sexually adventurous and he was really good at oral and he was really, really good with his hands. Right. And so, you know, it was great with him. But, you know, did I wish he was a little bit bigger? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

You know. Yeah. One of my first boyfriends, like my first, like, and probably my, I always say it was like my longest boyfriend. It was because the sex was so good. I mean, he was like really thick and he was very well hung. And it was really. heart because I just thought okay like maybe a lot of guys are like this but I've come

to the conclusion that most white guys aren't really that well like it's not like a common thing so it's like I've never really found one that is as big it's always excited when you do yeah maybe because I'm a black woman dating white men

I tend to find men who are larger do you think that's because they're less intimidated because they know what they're packing and they're figuring that you're used to that or why are you saying that? I think it's a combination of that. Like my first boyfriend, we met in college, and he was large, and I was his first black friend. You know, he never had been with a black woman before.

And, you know, he, I think he underestimated how big he was because, again, he, you know, with college and he was young. But, you know, most of the men who approach me tend to have only dated or prefer to date women of color. And so, you know, I think it's a combination. They're, you know, they're packing, and they know that, you know, black women are not going to scoff at it. Black women kind of expect it.

So they're a little bit more aggressive and more interested in black women. Right. Right. Right. A guy that was, like, knows that he's not, well, that he would be a little bit more insecure. Right. Right. Exactly.

And listen, you know, I'm a very kind of open person. And I think that anybody who meets me knows that my openness would be, would transcend into that part of my life as well. And so if he has insecurities, I think my assertiveness or openness kind of pushes men like that away. But it's not pushing Tom away. He's, you know, he's interested in talking. That's what he's calling in for. People love Sarah.

Look, he's talking to your guy friends about it. You guys all had to talk about her podcast. Oh, yeah. I'm going to be, you know, green content. It's hard to believe I went back and I was going to listen to more of it, but I only have a chance to listen to a little bit,

but it's hard of believe it's been a year. She taped the second one, just so you know, Tom, she taped a second one after the first one. So there's actually two. Yeah. Yeah, right, right, right. Well, let me ask you this,

and I guess the last thing I had on my list was, has it always been single partners? You've never done, you know, you've never done similar. or B. Are the group thing? Yeah, I mean, have you ever done a threesome? If you've done a threesome, have you done D.P.

Or any of, you know, double penetration? No, no. So I did do a threesome in college with another girl and her boyfriend. But I have not done two men. I've thought about it. You know, the thing about that for me, that is, when two men, it's a very, it's got to be a really specific. situation. I'm a smart

girl, you know, educated, you know, smart about the world and like, you know, if I, if I was a boyfriend and he had a friend and he was comfortable with his friend seeing me and all that, you know, it would be a unique situation, but just two random men, you know, as a

woman, it could quickly turn into a situation where you don't feel safe, you know? Got, got you. Gotcha, got you. So, I'm not opposed to the idea. I'm definitely open to it, but it would have to be the right circumstance. And so far, I haven't, I haven't experienced that. I think this is like all guys like fantasies.

You have another question? Well, no, you're right. I was, I'm just going to ask. I had, I was going to ask her about that threesome because I tried one a long time ago. And it got kind of freaky because the girl I was dating at the time that was her friend. And she got kind of jealous of her friend because we got time for me to do her friend. You know, she got really jealous. and it, what we call it, the feel in the room just kind of changed, where they were supposed to be good friends,

but all of a sudden, she just kind of tell us. That's what happened with me. Yeah, that's what happened with me. I was the guest star, you know, and so it was a girlfriend and her boyfriend, and they invited me in, and I was a little naive at the time. I didn't realize I was being, you know,

case or set up for the situation, and it happened and whatever. But, yeah, we, you know, we tried to keep, it like an ongoing thing. And it didn't work out because of her jealousy. So I know if I ever did it again, you know, two girls and a guy, it would have to be some random chick that I didn't know and that he would never see again. You know, for me, I don't, I don't have any desire to see my male partner with another woman.

So I can understand. Yes, I can understand if a man felt the same way with me and, you know, know, his friend or something like that, I completely get it. But, you know, for my own, like, comfort and safety and relax to be able to enjoy the situation, I have to feel, like, uncomfortable with these two men. And women get really jealous. They think they're not going to, and they do. So the only way that I would do it again is that I was, again, the guest star.

I'm not going to be me and my boyfriend. No. Right. Gotcha. There you go. That's awesome. That's awesome. Okay, Tom.

I know that you had to jump off at three. I'm going to stay on with Sarah and get a little bit of update of what she's been up to since we last talk. So thanks for calling in. It was like you. Yeah. After a year later, of hearing,

you know, hearing Will, and then hearing you talk about Will, then hearing you know the update that you did after that, it's just, you know, it's like talking to, you know,

rock star. I don't know myself that way to thank you. Yeah, in the podcast, when she, when I email, I told Kathy, she said, hey, how about I calling in? Oh, by the way, I'm going to get Sarah on her.

I'm like, almost freaked it. I said, whoa, gosh, she's done a couple podcasts, and this is my first time ever calling in to anything. I've always been a great listener, but I'm just not ever been a call in. Well, I can't wait for the update on you and your anal adventures. And tell your friends, I said hello, and, you know, if you have any other questions, you know, let Kathy know. Yeah, and then listen to this episode, because I'm,

After you hang up, I'm going to get a little update on Sarah. I can't wait until Sunday night, yeah. There you go. Thanks for calling in, Tom. Yeah, y'all take care too. And thanks again, and we'll be in touch. Okay, great. Good luck for you.

Thank you. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Kathy. Bye. Bye, thanks, thank you, Tom. Bye. Okay, Sarah. Yeah, this is like a weird podcast that I'm doing because I did a little bit with him.

Then the two of you and now a little bit with you because like why not get an update since I have. you on, right? So the last we spoke, you were with Will. Now, you just said on the call that you dated somebody for like nine months or something and then you haven't been dating anyone for 10 months. So what's been going on with you? Did you meet that guy on Craigslist? Did I do what? The guy, the last guy that you dated, did you meet him on Craigslist? No, no. Actually, we met on OkCupid and, you know, I was at the point where I was thinking about trying to have a baby. And I wasn't even sure that I was going to, you know, date anybody or anything like that. And I had

this OKCupid profile and decided I was just about to take it down. And I went on vacation with my mother. And while I was there, he and I matched. And throughout vacation, we were talking on WhatsApp. And, you know, I was very upfront with him. And I told him, you know, this is what I'm considering doing. You know, you've been married before. You have a teenage son. Would you be open to having children and he said yes to all of those things and he was a nice guy and we'd hit it off and so we dated for a little bit

but he lied he lied about his intentions and what he really wanted and he was just he wasn't the person I thought he was so we dated for a little bit I caught him in some lies I gave him a second champ and then

you know another thing that was really difficult for me was he did not fight fair. He was very aggressive and condescending when we would have agreements, disagreements, I mean, and I've never been spoken to like that. I've never been dealt with like that. And the more I thought about it was like, this isn't going to work. So we broke up and he did try to come back and he was a little supportive once I did get pregnant. It's not his child, but he was a little supportive and then, you know, he was pushing to get back and I just didn't like his tone and stuff

like that and I told them, I was like, just don't contact me. This isn't going to work. And so. Well, you just revealed that you're pregnant. I mean, you told me in the email, but like that is the big update, right? So now who did you get pregnant from? So after you break up with that guy, what goes down? So I did IVF and I did a donor.

So, you know, for the last few years I've been thinking about this whether or not I wanted to do it and, you know, do I want to give up my single lifestyle and all of those things? and I had some personal things happen. My dad passed away. My mom got sick. And I just realized, you know, times of the essence. And the relationship I had with them is one that I wanted to continue with somebody else. And, you know, part of me didn't, you know, I'm very, I'm very strong world.

I'm very independent. And because I wasn't in a committed relationship, I didn't want to just get married. I mean, so I get pregnant by some random guy and then have this person. impose on me restrictions on how I was going to raise my child. So I decided to go the donor route, and there was a good friend who had mentioned the TAs having a child together a few years back, and I thought about reaching out to him, but his situation had changed and all of that. And I said, you know what, this is the way it's supposed to happen.

You're supposed to do this on your own and be independent, and I'd never tried to get pregnant before. I had no idea if I could. How old were you when you started trying? I started when I was 40. That's the perfect date. Well, that's like the last age, like that's the good age to do it because I started a couple years after that and I've had a podcast on this before and a lot of guys are probably

tuning out right now, but the girls should listen because I always tell my younger girlfriends like, you know, you really need to take that stuff seriously as far as if you really want to have a baby because like, you know, you don't really realize like at a certain point it's really hard, almost impossible because what people don't understand and I did not understand that the eggs that you have, that make babies that are released every month when you get your period, you have had those since you're born. They're not like, you know, I never, for some reason, I never understood that, right? I was just thinking like I would create an egg and it would drop and that would be over. It's like, no, you are born with all of your

eggs. Those are 40-year-old eggs. So it's just like they're not as great, but they're still good at 40. It's much different at 40 than at 43, 44, 45. You're like, you're, like, you're really looking at like 1% fiber, like really low stats, especially for IVF because with IVF, it's actually you're manipulating it like even more. Yeah. So if you're not doing it naturally, it's actually worse at that age with IVF. So, but 40, you still have a good chance. And you did get pregnant, right?

Did you get pregnant on your first one? I got pregnant on the first time. However, you know, I was able to harvest eight eggs, but only one embryo survived. And that's okay, but that was the one that gave you your baby. baby. That's the one that gave me my baby. That's all you age. Yeah. And most of my friends who, you know, got married, maybe late 20s, early 30s, they were easily able to get pregnant the first time and now they're all struggling with the second and they're having to go to a fertility specialist. Right, because they're your age, right? Yeah. Yeah, well, it's not easy. Well,

you're right, because you got eight of them down at once, right? Or just the eight of them and then, you know, one of them. And because you're, you're nine months pregnant. How many months? You're not, on my road's pregnant. How many months are you pregnant now? Six months now. Six months now. So you're past all those tests and everything. So you know that not only did you like did it create an embryo.

It's like a viable embryo that is like a healthy baby, which is always scary. It's scarier too when you're in your 40s because more things could go wrong. So you were very lucky. Yes, I was very lucky. I mean, I had a girlfriend who is a year older than me that has a one-year-old and she did IVF. because she, it took her several tries to get to her son and, you know, she had a miscarriage before she had him.

So I am very lucky, very lucky. Yeah. And, you know, I for, I tried with a friend first before I gave up on that or that just went to shit. And you're not going to get into it right now because that's a whole other podcast. I hope one day somebody writes in and I could have this conversation with someone about having a baby with a friend because I did it. and I have to say doing it, I went into it thinking this was a great idea and I came out thinking

it's not such a great idea because of certain things that I would have never known had I not done it, you know? And but what I learned through doing it, which I, like I said, I won't go into details. But if anyone wants that information, they could write in and I'll do a podcast about it. But it's not so great unless you really, like you do certain things, I think it could work. but I think if you go into it, like I did, just thinking, oh, I'm going to have a baby with a friend and it's going to be a... There's a lot of things that come up that you would never expect. Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely. I mean, my brother and his girlfriend, they have a four-year-old, and they're no longer together. But when she got pregnant was when the two of them were realizing, maybe we're not fixed for each other. And then, you know, she's pregnant and they decide to have this child, and they have fundamental differences. And the person that I was considering doing it with,

with somebody who, in my mind, I knew he and I had a very similar moral base. We had very similar expectations. And I felt like if I had approached him and said, listen, I want to get all of these things in writing and these are the things that I want before we even get pregnant, you know, he would have done that. But then it's a very different situation, though, when it actually plays out. That's what you don't realize, you know what I mean? And look, you see it with your brother.

And that was my point. You can get, you can have all the conversations you want. You could have everything down in writing. Right. And you could think that it's going to work and then it doesn't. And let me tell you as a person that, my baby's going to be a year old in two weeks. So I'm a year into it being a single mom like you and doing it on my own. And I have to tell you, I can't tell you how many times in my son's life that I've thought to myself,

thank God I didn't do this with my friend because of this, that, and the other. Do you know what I mean? And listen, there are plenty of times that I'm like, oh, fuck, like I really could use guys help, you know, and stuff. But more times than I think I need a man. Do I think, oh, my God, thank God I don't have that man. It's very different if you're in a relationship and you love somebody, right? That's like a great thing. But if you are in your 40s or it's getting later in your reproductive years and you want to have a baby and that's important to you and I think that's much more so for women than for a single guys, right?

not where I'm not about gay and that are in relationships. But, you know, it's just, it's something to think about because, you know, what are you supposed to do, you know? Absolutely. And like I said, there's plenty of times when I'm carrying all my shit in myself and I could use, I'm like, shit, you know, I could use the help. But most of the time I think like, oh, my God, thank God. I don't have that person that I'm not in love with that is just my friend that I'd be

fighting with about these things. Right. But what I think is most important in life is that you know yourself and you know what is the right situation for you and like, you know, and whatever that is, if it's to be married with kids and have a white picket fence or to be, you know, single, doing it with donor sperm and that's what works for you. I think that that's great. And like I said, there, you know, it's just a matter of doing, knowing, like I said, who you are and being true to that and then doing that.

And I think that's, you know, where true happiness. comes from, you know, some people get married and they're not the marrying type or they don't even want kids, but they're doing it because they wanted to show people on Facebook, you know, and then they're like miserable. And some people have a baby by accident and get pregnant from, you know, the gas station attendant and they have the baby and they're miserable by themselves. You know, it's all different kinds of scenarios. But I think that you're smart about it the way you are with, I mean, if you listen to Sarah's other episodes, even when she was like well-hung will and everything that you do in your life, you're like, you know, you think it through and you have a very, you have a

very good head on your shoulders and you know yourself completely. You're a very real person that's very self-aware. So you knew that this was the right thing for you. And I'm so happy for you. I think it's really great. I don't think there's a lot of women that would be into doing it or if that's their thing. But if you are a certain type of woman and I certainly am, it's harder for me to compromise. I'm a little bit more like almost too independent, you know. So it just to me felt a lot like I could breathe better doing it this way, that I don't have somebody else to compromise and everything. But I don't think that that's everybody. But that's definitely me. I'm a difficult personality type. And maybe, you know, I'm like a little bit, that's just the way that I am. So it works. And I think you're the same way. And I think it's great. And it works for you. And there will be times, like I said, that you'll be like, oh, fuck, I could use a guy. But most of the time you won't feel that way. I, I have it. A lot of times at the end of the night, I say this on my podcast constantly. Like, you know, I am so glad I don't have a

husband or even a boyfriend to have like to have to have to blow at the end of the night after taking care of a baby like it's a lot of work and you're very tired and I think it does take a strain on a relationship and if you don't have one to tend to you know in the first couple of years of a baby's life it's actually the baby you know gets all your attention and good thing you could get a little more sleep exactly and listen I I feel like I want to truly enjoy this experience and truly immerse myself and becoming a mother and experiencing that and not have to consider somebody else's feelings and not have to consider neglecting somebody else, I can totally focus on this child and what I need.

Yes, and that's where you're similar to me. Like, I make jokes with my sister because my sister has a husband, three boys, two cats, and a dog. And she's like superwoman with all those things and all of those things she loves and she has them and she takes a hundred, like, fantastic care of all of that. And I'm like amazed by her. But I know for me I'm not that person. I'm more like a guy.

Like I could do one thing and I do it really, really well. But it's very hard for me to sort of do more than that. But I really feel and I don't know about you that like after I get this down with my son that I probably would like to be in a relationship with somebody. And I think that that could happen. And, you know, he will get a father. Because I think there's people listening as like, oh, it's so selfish. He doesn't have a father and blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever. But you don't know what happens down the line.

but for right now that's the way that it is. And that's what you're going into with your eyes wide open and you're going to be completely happy. I mean, there's no, you know, you're not going to be surprised by anything because this was something that you planned and was very thought out. Right, exactly. I feel the same way. Like, I thought about it and it's like, you know, I can take, you know, four years, five years out of my life and devote to this child and its upbringing and focusing on that person and not having to juggle relationship at the same time. and then try to incorporate, you know, romantic life later. Yeah, because you'll look like, you'll be done with like, oh, this is, okay, I got this down,

and I did that, and now you'll want that again. And I think that's what people don't understand is that it's only a couple years out of your life. Like, whatever it is, when people say, oh, you have a baby, and you give up your whole life. You do. You really kind of do, but it's not for the rest of your life. It's just for a couple of years. Right.

And for me, because I'm older, and I think for you, when you're older, it's not that big of a deal because it's kind of like been there, done that. So why not? just the stay home and change diapers. My motto used to be I'd rather be changing diapers when I would see people at line at a bar and all that shit. I'm like, I did that stuff so much. I had so much experience that I, there's no place else I want to be. I look out the window every night when my baby goes to sleep and I live in New York City and I'm only on the fifth floor. So I see everybody walking around and never, and I can't leave once my baby's asleep like I can't go anywhere,

you know. But never once I looked out the window and thought like, oh, I wish I was out there. Because I've been out there free, doing whatever I want for, you know, 40, a lot of years, you know. And now I'm fine. I agree. You become a woman of a certain age and you've been there, done that. And I'm ready for something else. And, you know, some things that happened over the last couple of years where I feel like I could, you know, focus on somebody else. And I could, you know, and I really want to create that bond and watch this person discover the world and all of that.

And yeah, you know, I've done the bar scene. I've done it. And, you know, you're right. In New York, you go out and you see these things and you're just like, you know what? It is not as great as you make it out to me. I'm good. Yeah, but I think it was, listen, when I was in my 20s, like being out in a club and the music and the lights was the most fulfilling, amazing thing.

But, like, I had, I did it as long as I wanted to do it. I never had a midlife crisis because I didn't get married and have kids or do anything at the times before I was supposed to. I didn't go to college. so I was like 30. Like I did things when I wanted to, not when society told me. So I was like when I was done, I was done and never to look back ever again and be like, oh, I wish I was doing that because I'm done with that.

So now I'm going to be a mom. And just like I think when it's like people sometimes can accept that people sort of change and grow and just like just because you used to be a party girl and all this way, that you can't be a mom. But you can. That's what I think is more normal than staying the same way your whole life. So I think it's great that you have like this whole new thing that you're doing. You know, yeah, you were Sarah that Tom wanted to talk to you because you took on well-hung

Will and you were like very sexually open and did all this stuff sexually. And now you're going to be a mom and that's what you're going to do, you know? And I think that's great. I will say the one downside to it is I've never been more in my life. Yeah. And this time, people, you know, they warn you, they tell you about it, but I had no idea. like I feel like I just

it's just a heightened sense of everything and it's insatiable you know it's insatiable and it started when I was doing IVF it started before I even got pregnant oh yeah because the hormones they give to you I used to walk down the street I used to make jokes when I was doing IVFs and I had all those eggs

and me that like guys would like practically crash their car like they smelled from a mile away like my 14 year old like fertility you know because it like it changes your body chemistry and like I would see guys of my building in the hallway. I remember once I had all these eggs inside of me doing IVF and my guy friend. It was like, oh, you look great. Like, what is going? Like, you just look great. And I was like, you just don't even realize the animal instinct in him was just responding to that hormonal change of that major, like,

fertile environment that was going on. And it could be smelled from a mile away. And so if it was affecting the men that was, you know, meeting me, it was affecting me too. I was super horny as well. same thing and it just only gets heightened when you have that but you know listen sir there are a lot of guys that are into pregnant women i had a guy on my show i that was that was into that it's not like you can't get somebody to fill around with if you wanted to yeah i there was a guy that i tried with um a few weeks back and um you know it was great but i think that his drive is does not match mine at all he's older and uh you know i think i was a little too intense for him probably scared the guy, but, um, yeah, it's insane. I've never, I was surprised at how, um, like,

just the attention that you get. Because I thought, you know, now I'm a pregnant, I'm not that attractive and all those things and it's like, nope, that doesn't keep them away, not at all. Right, right. So there you go. So you're still, I mean, you just had that one guy. Are you looking for more? Um, honestly, you know, it's, you know, I'm thinking about Tom and his situation. It's become a hassle, you know, I just, as much as I, want it. I don't want to do the work to get it. And I would rather just show up at, you know, I'd rather just show up at my door, you know, so am I home to? No. We talked about this on your second. We talked about this whole thing on your second podcast. That at a certain age, you just realize

unfortunately that like the stress-free, easy booty, it just doesn't really exist. And it's always the winds up to be more work or you don't feel right or they're not the way. And it's just it's actually like a hassle and a pain in the ass that you're just like, oh, I'd rather I just do it myself. I guess we're as lazy as Tom. I guess all people in their forest just become lazy. How depressing. Exactly, exactly.

Okay, so you don't know, you don't know boy or girl, right? I don't know. No, I'm waiting to find out. I'm doing February. Oh, my God, so exciting. Oh, yeah, I'm so excited. And, you know, I can't believe it's going by so fast. And, yeah, I'm super excited.

I can't wait to meet this little person. Everything that everyone told you are just words, but when you experience it, it's not anything. You'll realize that, wow, you could have never grasped that unless you actually had it. Because when you're going to grasp it for real, it's going to be even more intense and different than what people could explain. And only I think if you have a baby, can you imagine, can you really know? And it's just, it's amazing.

So I really like offer you my congratulations. I know as somebody that's really done it your way that it's like fantastic and you're going to be so happy. And I really, really hope that you send me a picture of your little baby when he's, him or I said he. Let's see if I'm right. Him, he or she is bored and let me know in February. I probably said he because my baby's a he and so I'm used to he. And let me know whether you had a baby boy or a girl and please keep me posting. I will.

Okay. Absolutely. I will. Well, congratulations as a 40-year-old woman. That's like a big thing and keep me posted. Thanks so much for calling it. I will. Thanks, Kathy.

You have a good one. You too. Bye, Sarah. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can. pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one

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