Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 1585 - Amber aka Tim is a Crossdresser Whose Wife Gave Him a “Free Pass” to Crossdress and Do More?!

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

Amber aka Tim is a crossdresser whose wife gave him a “free pass” to crossdress and do more and he called in to talk all about it. Tune in to hear all the details including when and why he started wearing panties and pantyhose and how he felt about it, how he felt like he wanted to be a girl but why he now doesn’t consider himself trans, how he started fully dressing and wearing women’s clothing underneath his clothes when he was younger, how he got caught and how his parents reacted, where he would go to buy clothing for himself, how he stopped crossdressing when he met his wife and when he started dressing behind her back, how and when he realized he was into guys only as Amber, the first time he hooked up with a guy and how he felt about it, the threesomes he had with two guys, the vibe Amber digs when fully dressed, how and why his wife thought he was cheating on her with a woman, how and why he finally came clean about dressing up and how she reacted, how they went out together while he was dressed and the boundaries they set afterward, the “free pass” he has and what he believes he is allowed to do, how he enjoys being a sissy and what he will do and will not do with guys while in that mode, how he feels about his wife not wanting to engage much with Amber and what he wishes she would be into in a perfect world plus a whole lot more. GET A COPY OF THE STRICTLY ANONYMOUS BOOK! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET IT HERE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠    To see HOT pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! To join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and click on "Be on the Show." Want to confess while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. All voices are changed.   Sponsors:   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LoadBoost.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠- To get 10% off LOAD BOOST by VB Health, use code: STRICTLY   ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bluechew.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Buy 2 months of Bluechew GOLD and get the third month FREE! Use code: STRICTLYANON ⁠⁠⁠https://bathmatedirect.com/strictly⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get up to 20% off + free shipping + 2 year warranty use code: STRICTLY ⁠⁠⁠https://inda.shop/STRICTLY⁠⁠⁠ If you’re 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order @IndaCloud with code STRICTLY #indacloud ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://beduc.at/pd2630-anonymous⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click here to take the quiz and  get your personalized SUMMER roadmap to sexual happiness⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Follow me! Instagram  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ X  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Everything else: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online.

The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. Is your real problems? Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea.

And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you haven't followed the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow me at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called strictly anonymous because I keep everyone anonymous.

I change people's voices. You can email me from a phony email, call me from a phony number. I just want to hear your true story. And since this is a fetish Friday episode, I love to hear your story about your unique fetish. Whatever you're into, if you got a fetish, you could be on the show. And if you have a Panias fetish or a cross-dressing fetish and you call in, I will give you free access to my Patreon. Now, on my Patreon, I have two tiers, one for cross-dressers and one for hosers. Those are guys who like panty-hose. On those tiers, you get every single episode, early, ad-free, plus intro-free. Also, you get all the picks, anonymous picks of all of my guests, plus you get exclusive content over there. And since I've been doing this for many, many years over on Patreon, there's so much exclusive panty-hose fetish episodes and cross-dressing episodes that are only available on Patreon.

The hoser tier is $8 a month. The cross-dressing tier is $10 a month because cross-dresses also get the hoser episodes as well. But if you call into my show, you're going to get a whole year free. So if you want to call into the show because you have a fetish that you want to talk about, send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on be in the show. I do have a book out. It's called Strictly anonymous confession.

sex size of total strangers. It's available on Amazon, an e-book, and audiobook, and paperback, but it is now available for an audiobook to pre-order. Okay, it's coming out August 25th, so it's coming out very soon. You could purchase that my book by going into the description and clicking on the link. Okay, today I have on Amber. Amber, I think at the end I said, thanks Tim, because Tim is his male name. Amber is his cross-dressing name. Amber is a cross-dresser with such a fucking fascinating story.

You know, we start out talking about when Amber got into dressing up. Amber felt like, you know, he was a girl or wanted to be a girl when he was very little and started wearing like his mom's panties and pantyhose and then fully dressing. He feels different. Like, you know, even though he felt like he wanted to be a girl when he was. younger. Now that he's older, he did say that he likes both sides of himself. He's very successful as a male. And he is very happy when he's a female, right? When he is Amber, he does like to hook up with guys. He's bottomed. He sucks some dicks and all that kind of good stuff. But that didn't happen

till way later. In the beginning, it was just him dressing up. He was doing it all on the D.L. He did get caught by his mom once and he talks about what happened then. And then he met his wife and he was still dressing up, uh, when he was married to her without her knowing. And then he talks about how and when he realized he was into being with men, as Amber. And when he did finally realize that he also realized that he was like repressing the fact

that he was into dudes this whole time. That's a whole interesting part of his story. And, uh, he starts hooking up with guys as Amber behind his wife's back. And then eventually his wife is like, what the fuck's going on? She starts thinking he's having an affair with a woman because, you know, know he is a little sloppy and he talks about like the clues that she had that she thought it was a girl and they both went into therapy and eventually he came clean and then he talks about how

they were able to work through that to the point where now he gets to be Amber when he wants kind of has a free pass to do what he wants the wife doesn't get involved it's not really for her but she did go out with him dressed up as Amber a bunch of times you'll hear the whole story but he's allowed to do what he wants now when he does and he talks all about it about anyway, Amber's whole story is so super interesting. So I'm going to get right to it and be right back on with Amber. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast.

Hey, Amber, welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. How are you today? I'm great. How are you? I'm so happy because, you know, at this point, some people think a unicorn is a chick that hooks up a couples. To me, what a unicorn is is a cross-dresser who actually calls into, the show when he makes an appointment.

That's the fucking unicorn to me. I would say 99% of cross-dusters that make appointments to call into my show, make the appointment and fucking flake. They don't even cancel. They just flake. They just do not show up. You will get, by the way,

and I'm just going to give this shout up because I, there's so many, like for my Fetish Friday episodes, I love hoser episodes, like hosiery fetish guy episodes. And I love cross-tressing episodes because there's so many people out there that have the,

both of those fetishes, right? And I feel like it's so great for those people to hear these episodes so that they could relate, you know? I think so. I agree with that. Yeah, of course. I like the way I've listened to just about all of those. And some I relate to,

some I don't. Yeah, but that's okay, but that's why I have to, that's why I like to have tons of them on because not everyone's going to relate to everybody's story, you know what I mean? But, you know, the more I have on, the more people will relate to somebody, you know?

And I'm just going to let you. you know and then we'll get your whole story because it's super interesting is that now that you're calling into my show you will get a free year to my Patreon okay so that's like a hundred and twenty dollars I don't pay one other fucking person to be in my show okay nobody pays to be on my show and I don't pay people but I'm paying cross-dressers and hosers I give you a whole free year to my cross-dressing tier it's $10 a month and you're going to get all the episodes early ad free you're going to get all the anonymous confessions plus every single exclusive cross-dresser episode that I have aired over there one, one a month every month for the past like two or three years, plus all the hoser episodes.

So that's a great deal. You'll get in. And anybody, Crosschester, who actually shows up to the fucking call, we'll get the same thing. That's what I needed to do now that we have that out of the way. Your name is quote unquote Amber. Now, I just going to say that before we were taping, I was getting your name. I was like, oh, you know, I'm going to make you anonymous because obviously your wife doesn't know. You're like, no, my wife knows. I was like, oh, okay, we're going to get to the fact that your wife knows. But you do claim to be a crosschester who is like living two lives. One, You're a successful married guy. And two, you're a cross-sasser who loves to suck dick.

Now, I'm assuming and tell me if I'm correct, that you just only suck dick when you are dressed as Amber? Only, yeah. Yeah, that's interesting to me. It's kind of like I'm two different people. Yeah, yeah, you're feminine side, right? People living in this body. Yeah, I just did a poll because it was interesting.

I was doing a cross-dressing confessions episode. That's going to be an exclusive episode you'll get over there. And I did a poll for my cross-dester's like, because some cross-chesters only want to be pegged or bottom when they are dressed, right? But when they're in the male form, they don't. And a lot of times you find that guys who are cross-dusters like to do certain things when they're dressed that they would never do when they're not, right? So for you, you like to suck a dick when you're dressed.

Amber does, right? Amber's heterosexual, right? I've had some lesbian cross-dressers, but Amber's heterosect is into dudes, right? Is heterosexual? And you... Really into dudes. And you would consider your male side to be heterosexual too, right? Right.

Because when you're in your male form, you're not into guys at all. No, I find it a little gross. That's so interesting. But listen, you know what's great about these guys episodes and what you just said is so many other guys would say the same fucking thing, right? Like maybe other people that don't experience that way or aren't like you don't, it just doesn't make sense and it gives them a headache. But like so many other guys will be able to relate.

and I've heard it a million times, so I totally get it. So let's go back to, I mean, we'll eventually get to the point where you meet your wife and she finds out her nose or whatever. But let's go all the way back to like when you first realized you were into wearing feminine clothing. I don't know how far back that goes. It goes back so long ago. That's normal? Very young kid when I started stealing my mom's panties and pantyhoes and wearing them.

Oh, okay. So the gayway drug was panties. It was elementary school. Yeah, of course. that's more normal. Listen, once in the Blue Moon, I'll get a cross-dust around who didn't figure it out

to way later, but typically it's boys that were finding these things way before they were even sexualized beings. Way before. Right. And so what was it? Panties and Pantyhoes

where you're like gateway drug in cross-dressing? Well, I had a different motivation for doing it, you know? I was very, very young. And I wanted to be a girl. So, you know, I would steal my mom's, you know, lingerie.

and I'd wear it to bed and, you know, being a silly little first or second grader, you know, hope that could make you change overnight. Yeah, but interesting. Do you feel like maybe you're trans? I feel if things could have gone differently, I could have been. Like if you were born in this day and age where that's like a thing, right? And that was an option maybe you would have, right? Because probably when it was, because when you were feeling this way, that word doesn't even exist, right? Like you didn't even know that that was an option.

No, that wasn't even something I'd ever heard of. But let me ask you this. How confusing was that for you to sort of, you know, be a little boy, trapped with these feelings of wanting to be a girl and no one to talk to about it, no name for it or whatever? Oh, it was confusing. And, you know, it was confusing to me because I didn't know what to think of myself. Of course.

You know, you know, what kind of weird do I? I was that I was doing that. Yeah. Yeah, it's terrible to live with that shame. You know what I mean? Because then it turns into shame, right? Because you can't tell anyone about it. You think something's wrong with you. And that's, you're probably, we and especially in my household. It was, it was a very redneck, homophobic type environment. Oh my God. So even worse. I had to really keep it in the closet. Yeah. Oh my God. So, so did you have brothers and sisters? Two brothers. Okay, but you just felt the, the feeling of like you wanted to be a girl. Did you feel like it was a mistake? that you were a boy?

How does it feel for you? Like what if you could describe it? At that time it was a longing. I don't know that I was a mistake. Yeah. Because I've always done really well at everything in my guy life. Yeah. So, you know, that's why you ask me if I'm transgender.

It's hard to really give an answer to that. Maybe you're not. I think the only thing that really would stop me is that, you know, like I said, it's two people. And there's a lot of good about my, my male life. And I'd feel like I'd be killing that person. Yeah, which is interesting. You know, and it goes to show that, like, you don't really know.

When you're young, it's like super confusing. But over time and over like a whole lifetime, right, you grow and change. And you're at the point now where you realize you enjoy both sides of yourself, right? And you wouldn't want to give up either. Right. I almost like it. I don't know if you ever watch that show Severance, where you have an indie. No, is it good? Severance? It's good, yeah. It's on Apple. But anyway, they don't know who each other are. They pass in and out of this place they go to. Okay. And, you know, one of the episodes, the guy had to kill his own yourself to save his out of yourself. He refused to do it. Yeah. Maybe some of the listeners will understand that reference. Yeah. Because you're attached to both sides of yourself. And you know, them both at this point, right? Yeah. And like you said, you're successful as a male and you also enjoy being a woman.

So you kind of have the best of both worlds. I look at it that way. Yeah. The fact that I can do it, you know. Yeah. It's funny, though, that, you know, I'll spend a week or so as Amber when I, when I, you know, will get to where I go when I do that. But yeah, it's really hard to go back.

after a week. It's almost depressing. I could imagine. And then let me ask you this. When you do go back to whoever, to Tim, right, is it hard to then click into being Amber again? Is it the same kind of experience? Or is it more easy to go to be Amber and let go of Tim? It's a, it's easier to go to Amber. Yeah. I mean, it's easy to do either way. Right. But which is the one, but You did say that it's like it's hard to let go of Amber. Is it as hard to let go of Tim? No. Yeah, right.

But I know that's coming back. Yeah, right. Right, exactly. Because you got this. Tim has a whole life, a bigger life probably than Amber, right? That he has to tend to. Yeah, that makes sense.

I love this whole story already. All right. So you're young, you're putting on panties and panty hose. You feel like you wish you were a girl, right? You're attracted to girl things. Were you also like, was it just the clothing? Or was it like everything that girls

were about. Like, did you want to play with dolls? Did you want to do more girly things? Did you find girls more interesting than boys? Like, was it, or was it just female clothing? It was more of, you know, I'm not playing with dolls. I never had the opportunity to that, but it was more like what girls do. Oh, yeah, there was no dolls in your house, your whole boys.

Yeah. Right. Oh, it was like just being, like being able to wear dresses and be girly and have hair and all that stuff, right? And be able to show feelings. and, you know, show empathy, all that. Wow, interesting. So, like, as a boy, you looked at girls and you're like, oh, I wish I could, like,

cry or to have feelings and be more sensitive, like, girls were allowed to be. Because in your redneck town, I'm sure that was very frowned upon for guys, you know? And it's frowned upon for men all the time. I just see it always on the playground, because I have a son, you know what I mean? And it's sad because the truth is, you know, men feel as much as women. and males feel as much as, you know, females do. And they express it differently, you know, but they have feelings. And somehow men aren't allowed to have them.

It's sad, you know, and I think that's why there's more men murderers and rapists and all. You know what I mean? Because they don't have a place for themselves to feel things. But that's a whole other episode. Yeah, there's expressing themselves is something, you know, that's something I couldn't do. Yeah. You know, I'd look at girls and they can wear, they can express their clothes through clothing. They can act how they want.

They can be silly. You know, and I had to walk around like a military robot with the buzz cut. Yeah, it's so true. Yeah. And I think that that's a real problem for guys across the board. And I don't necessarily mean that, you know, every guy is because they would want to be a woman. It's just that it's being a man is very limiting, right, considering how you're born. Men aren't born with no feelings and they're not born detached.

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Yeah. Not really. No, I get shit. Let me tell you. There's stuff where I can't, I'm very guile. like as a girl and people don't like it. Okay. There's problems at both sides. But so you're wearing that stuff. Did you ever get caught by your parents wearing? Not for a long time. I was, I was pretty good at it, you know. Every time I had the opportunity, I would fully dress up, you know,

when I had the house to myself. I was pretty good at getting it on and off really quick. So you went from pants. So then I'm assuming you went from panties to hose to more. To more, to everything. To everything. Okay. So you were taking your mom's like dresses and stuff? Yeah. Okay. Dresses, skirts, blouses, you know, and I would even, you know, like I said, I was pretty good at hiding it. I would, on the days where I could, which was a lot of days, I would, you know, wear panties,

panties, panty-ohs, and even a camozole under my clothes when I went to school. Oh, my God. How did your, you know, listen, you're probably from my day where our parents didn't even pay attention to us. So they would never know what you're wearing to school, even if you were in fifth grade, right? Whereas now I would know, because I'm like tending to my, child at all times. But when I grew up, my parents didn't tend to me. Right? Now we were. You just left to your own. We weren't that closely. I think it was all my mom

could do to keep us fed. Yeah, no, but that's normal in those days. Our parents didn't watch over us like we do our own kids. You know what I mean? It's very different back then. So you could get away with actually wearing that shit underneath your clothes. Yeah. Never have a class. I would wear it home all the time. I would, which it was risky, you know, having two brothers and, you know, there's always a risk of getting caught. Oh my God. And in your redneck family, you would have gotten a lot of fucking trouble.

I don't even know what happened is. It would have been awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a ballsy then. You took some big risks. Well, it's not so much balls. It was just such a... It was such a pull.

Compulsion, such a longing. I couldn't not do it. Yeah, so that's actually interesting. That shows how powerful it is because the stakes were so high, yet the feeling to do it was even stronger than the fear of getting caught. which says a lot yeah and and so i've you know whenever i dressed i've always felt like a different person yeah and i have acted you know when people would call on the phone i'd be dressed even when i was younger they they wouldn't recognize my voice and it's not something i tried to do oh interesting

so even your voice would change like this isn't the voice you would hear if i was amber right now oh can you give me amber's voice or you can't do it i can't it's uh oh wow it's like you know i really do think I have multiple personalities or something. Yeah, so when you would get dressed up, like this whole other side would come out, as well as a voice, and it's not like you practiced it or anything. Like, it just came out.

It just happens, yeah. Wow. Interesting. And you can't pull it out right now. I don't think I could. It's okay. I'm not going to press YouTube because I have so much more on it here. I don't even, I don't know. I'm strange.

It's different. No, interesting. I say unique. You know, there's all different words you could use, depend on how you look at things. Okay, so you never got caught. Well, you did say. Well, I did in high school. Yeah, because you said it a long time.

Right in high school, I got caught. My mom caught me. I finally got sloppy after all those years. And what happened? And she didn't say anything. That's difficult. My stepdad found me a couple of days later and, you know, gave me the lecture and they put me in counseling.

Right. I could imagine. What did she find you doing? like fully dressed up or in the mirror jerking off like what were you doing that she caught do you find your bag of clothes when i was doing that so right i didn't she didn't catch me doing that i was just uh dressed up and you know i was checking myself out okay and i was in my bedroom there was a mirror there of course you look at yourself when you dress up for sure that's what's all about right well kind of i mean you know seeing the changes there but it's more just

being that person than looking at yourself. Right. Okay. So your mom sees, doesn't say anything a couple days later, your stepdad talks to you about it. The lecture is like... They're obviously highly disappointed. You know, my luckily, I didn't get caught until after my parents were divorced, so my real dad didn't catch me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. So they take you to counseling. Yeah. That did absolutely nothing because, you know, we went, I was, you know, obedient. I did the sessions, and it all boiled down to, in this counselor's opinion, that I did that when I didn't feel like, you know, I was a worthy man.

So that was my way of humiliating myself. You know, I heard that a lot. And it's like, you know, that's not true. Right. I'm not humiliated. It's just, it's just me, you know. Wow, that's what they were trying to tell you? Yeah.

I think they were off the mark there. So I stopped taking it seriously because I just wasn't buying into it. Because they were trying to convince me how not to do it again. I'm like, well, good luck. Thank God you had your, thank God you thought for yourself and you were free thinking and you didn't take in what they said. And you took what you felt over what they said because not everybody's like that. You know what I mean?

Well, I've repressed enough in my life. You know, to repress that, to completely repress that would have been like a pot overboiling. you know, by the time it finally went. Yeah, but still, some people do that, you know, but I got to give you credit for the fact that, you know, you were smart enough to know that even though, listen, you're a young kid, even though you don't think you're young at that point,

but you are, right? And you have got this grown-up professional person sitting across from you telling you shit and trying to tell you what the fuck is going on. And you're like, you know, you're smarter than them. You know that you know better. And I give you credit for that because you did know better and you were smarter than them,

and what they were saying wasn't correct. But a lot of younger people sometimes would have bought into it, you know, and that happens all the time. And it's, that kind of stuff could be detrimental to a younger kid who just is the type to just listen and take in and believe an adult is smarter than them and knows more. But you weren't that type. So, you know, that's great.

And I think that's... Well, that sounds kind of like brainwashing, which would have terrified me. Listen, I don't know that it's brainwashing. I think that that person sitting across from you probably believed what she was saying. She wasn't trying to, you know what I mean? She was just trying to help in a way. I don't know that it's purposeful. Yeah, I don't think it was purposeful.

I think that at that time, that's the limited information that that person that your parents took you to had. And that's, I don't think that they were trying to talk you into something that was that they didn't believe was true. You know, it's just that what you believed was different and you stuck to that. So now when you start dating girl, now when you're like, when do you start to realize you're into guys when you're Amber? that took a long time okay so in the beginning you're when you're amber you're not jerking off or anything you're just getting dressed and you're and i'm assuming that you're dating girls at this point because you're in high school college like is you start yeah okay and am i should i assume that this is a secret life or are you letting girls know that it was a secret life yeah it was a secret life right

it's very secret okay where were you getting your clothes from back after you like moved out of your house i was buying them okay would you go into stores yeah That's ballsy too. Well, either that or you don't get them. Well, now with Amazon you can, but some people, yeah, no sure. Yeah, that wasn't a thing. Would you make up a lie and be like, oh, I'm here buying my girlfriend, or would you just like walk in and not say anything, just buy your shit?

I just normally didn't say anything. Okay. You know, a couple of times, the checkout person asked if it was for me. And the first time, you know, they could tell it was for me because I probably turned bright red. And then it's like, who cares? You know, they're selling stuff. They don't give a shit.

Like, you know, at some point in life, you realize nobody cares about anyone but themselves. You know what I mean? Maybe they think for two seconds, oh, that's weird. This guy's playing a fucking dress. And then they go back to talking about themselves. You know, I bet they could tell anyway. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

They don't, they think about it for two seconds. We're always so thinking people are thinking about us forever, you know? So, okay, so you're dressing, you're dating women. It's a private secret life. Like, when do you wind it meaning your wife? Like, towards the end of college. Now, in college, were you dressing up the whole time? When I could.

Okay. You know, I wasn't really going out yet. Okay. I didn't really have it all together as far as the makeup, the wigs, and everything that I felt it would take. You know, I'm not going to go out and be a guy in a dress. Just not going to do that. Right. But you did it in the privacy of your own home.

So eventually you do wind up going out, I'm assuming, because you're saying that you didn't back then. Eventually, you get to that point. Yeah, the first time I went out, you know, it's like a cliche, but one of my girlfriends at the time before my wife, you know, we did this for a Halloween thing. And she dressed me up, which, you know, twist my arm. I look at every guy that's dressed up as a chick for Halloween or for anything else. And I think to myself, I kind of probably know that this is, you know, they're not twisting your arm. just like you said, you know. It's a perfect time to do it.

Yeah, and it's like, you know, she was telling me how to put the panty hose on and stuff so I didn't tear them. It's like, you know, I probably weren't a more than you have, so I'll, but I'll play it. Right. Okay, so that girl you did. And she didn't know that, you know, I went into the bathroom and switched them out and put panties on underneath. Oh, my God, hilarious.

You know, I wasn't going to go out with boxers on, panty-o of a box. That's just wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the antithesis of what Amber would do. But I was certainly taking notes with the makeup and everything. So I did learn something there, which was useful later when I started experiment. Okay. But you didn't tell her that you wanted to do this, like this is something that you were into.

You just did at that time with Halloween with her, right? Yeah. You know, there was a little bit of suspicion because I didn't really want to take it off. And, you know, you go to the Halloween party and I got something like most authentic costume. Oh, no way. If they only knew how true that... If they only knew how authentic it really was. Yeah, how true that a word was.

They were psychic. Okay, so then do you just like, is your wife the first person that you copped about this too or that finds this out about you? The first person in my life that I copped to, you know, besides my mom catching me. Right. Okay, so let's get to the point where you meet your wife

or do you do other things before you meet your wife. Do you ever start hooking up with guys before your wife? No. No. Like I said, that took a while. Okay, so let's get to the point where you meet your wife. It's the end of college. So, you know, met and she's the right person for me. We had a pretty quick romance, and we got married shortly out of college.

And, you know, at that point, you know, like probably a thousand other cross-dressers you've talked to, it's like, well, you know, I got everything now. I don't need this anymore. And that was probably the longest time of my life I didn't. cross-dress, it probably lasted like two years. And then it's like, well, no, I do need this. Right. You thought it went away because you were so consumed by this whole new thing, right? Yeah, but it didn't go away. It just, you know, it took a pause. Yeah, I've heard that many times before. So it comes back and you're married now and living with somebody. So what do you do about it? I do it on the down low. I start, you know, building up a wardrobe again.

and I kept it in a storage unit because I was scared to tell her. And with my job, I travel a lot. So I would, and I still do. You know, spend a lot of time, you know, through different cities and overseas. And so I always had those opportunities to take part of my wardrobe with me and, you know, start going out as Amber. Okay, so let's talk about that because you're doing this before your wife finds out. So talk about like the first time you went out. Okay.

So talk about that. You know, so I went to safe places. I would go to, you know, gay bars or clubs that, you know, obviously cater to trans type people and started meeting people. And, you know, it's, yeah, I didn't, when I went out there, I didn't have any guard up. And so you do things, you know, you're a lot friendlier, you know, you don't worry about people touching you and all that. And so it just took a while, but like one of the first times I went out, I was, there was this other cross-dresser and asked me, you know, what I like to do with guys. And it's like, well, I don't like guys. He's like, you're so full of shit. You're, you know, there's no way you don't like guys. I can see it in you. You know, I can see right through you. And it took, you know, a couple of years to realize that he was right. You know, it just, slowly my. aversion to it started breaking down.

That's interesting. So do you believe that it was always there, you just weren't in touch with it? I was I think it was always there, but I was scared to I wouldn't say admit it, but scared to acknowledge it. Yeah, that makes sense.

That's super interesting. So it's like a feeling I had, but, you know, I didn't, I did repress that for a long, long time. Okay, guys, want better orgasms and way bigger loads that also taste better? Well, there happens to be a supplement that will not only increase your loads. It will make your jizz taste better, okay?

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strictly for 10% off, or just go to the description and click on the link and use my code strictly. Right. So what happened when it starts to, when you start to get in touch with it? Well, then, you know, you start hanging out with guys and, you know, becomes more, more like a couple, you know, more romantic, you know, like. No, I don't know, because at this point, you're married, okay? But you're living a separate life as Amber, and you're going to be a separate life as Amber and you're Going in gay bars and places where trans women hang out, right? Explain the first time you crossed the line. The first time we crossed the line, I was with, you know, hanging out with a guy and, you know, he was fondling me.

And so we were getting along and, you know, he was a nice enough looking guy and eventually he took my hand and put it on his dick. And, you know, I don't know, something about it was really exciting. Mm-hmm. No, are you on a work trip at this point far away? Yeah. Okay. And I just got excited by it and, you know, it went a little further.

And the next, you know, we went back to my hotel room and, you know, I was the first time I ever sucked somebody off. And it was, you know, it was pretty magical. Wow. The feeling I got doing it. It's just, it's hard to describe. Try to, try to describe it. Well, it's such a warm feeling, you know, knowing that you're, you're connecting with somebody and you're able to get them to that point where, you know, they're getting so much pleasure.

And, you know, when you, when he climaxes, it's like, it gives you a feeling that, you know, I guess what a woman would feel like. I don't know. Yeah, interesting, right? I don't know how to describe it, but it was good. Yeah, that's amazing. You know, I've heard that about women when they're by. From then on, you know, it's like I want more.

Right, but let's just stay right there because this is a big step you're taking, considering you're married, right? You're living a very double life. Obviously, I'm assuming you never cheated on your wife. You don't sound like someone that ever cheated ever, you know, but you kind of are now, right? And you're doing this with men too. Like, how do you feel after words?

Or is it that you're just so in a different, like one is not connected to the other so you don't feel bad about it? I don't know. It caused some turmoil because you're spot on. You say it's so disconnected because, you know, this is Amber and she's really into that. This is Tim, and he's not into that. And Tim's not cheating on my wife. this Amber doing this You know, it's all justification

You can call me an evil person for justifying it that way But that's the way it was in my head You know, human beings, we all frame, it's called framing We all reframe things and frame things in certain ways To live with ourselves, you know what I mean? It just makes you human being. You're a fucking human being, you know? And only somebody who like has both sides

Like you have could understand what you mean by exactly what you're saying, you know? So there is, maybe you did. didn't feel guilty because you felt totally separate from it. Yeah, well, there was some guilt, but I got over that pretty quick. Okay. Okay. So you're, I'm dying to know, like, how your wife eventually finds out. But so do you just continue on though for years, like,

hooking up with guys and living as Amber, like, secretly behind your wife's back? For, for a few more years. Okay. You know, like three or four more years. How far do you go with guys? You just, you blew a guy that time. Do you always just wind up, like, sucking a dick? Do you ever bought him?

Do you ever talk? Like, what do you ever, what more do you do? I've done a lot. You know, I bought them whenever I can. I'm really into that. I've done what you call the spit rolls quite a few times. Oh, so you've been with two guys. Where do you get that?

Where do you hook that up? So the couple of times I've done that, it's through a guy that, you know, I've routinely been with before. and, you know, he had a friend that he would bring over. Interesting. Well, paint the picture. Like, what does Amber look like? What color is her, or her wigs?

You know, what kind of makeup to you wear? And, like, you know, what's your vibe, your style of dress? I like to wear nice dresses, you know, not like sluddy. Like classy, like classy looking? Classy, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I'm sure I love that, too. You know, there's someone.

Yeah, I like classy dresses, long wigs. I've got like five colors, ranging, from. You know, dirty blonde to dark brown. Uh-huh. And they'll go, you know, you adjust the makeup to the wig and it all goes together. Yeah, fine. And, you know, so I don't go overly garish on the makeup. I try to make it look.

Classy, like your vibe, right? Classy, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's the life. So, like smoky eyes and, you know, the right color lips and the right color nails. You know, I'll always go to the salon and, get a manny paddy to match whatever outfits I'm going to be wearing. No way. And but you do, like, so if you're wearing a certain outfit, do you get like a French,

like you'll get girly colors, right? I'm assuming. Oh, yeah, absolutely. How do the, like, people at the salon treat you? Do they say anything? Do they, you know, because that's ballsy too. They've always treated me great. Yeah, I'm sure.

It's always been nice. But do they ask any questions? I've had questions, you know? It's like, are you, are you trans? Are you going to transition? Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I mean, listen, if I'm sitting there painting some guy's nails and fingernails and stuff,

I'd get into conversation. Because I'm just a curious person. You know what I mean? I was just wondering if, you know, why not, like, you know, if people do say something to you, you know? Yeah, no, I'm honest with them. Some people do. Some people, some of the ladies just, they just do their work. Yeah, and they're super nice, right?

And I'm asking also for other guys that maybe would want to do this, but maybe they'd be afraid of how they would be treated. No, they treat you like every other customer. You know, yeah. I've never been disrespected in one of those places. Yeah, that's awesome. But you're only doing that when you're away, right? Because I assume that you can't be a sport in that, that manny and petty that you just paid for when you're home.

No. Right. Yeah, that's where we have boundaries at home. Right. Well, your wife doesn't even know yet, so let's not get to the boundaries yet. You know, at this point, you're hooking up. You've got a couple regulars, right? And you're meeting all these guys in bars and stuff when you're out?

Yeah, and then through adult, like the Craigslist and stuff later on, they didn't want to risk, so you'd try to set something up in advance. Okay. How many guys do you think you've been with? Oh, well, probably 30 plus. Okay. So. 30 plus, you know, of doing the full bottom. probably definitely more than that when you just think of blow jobs right okay so over 100 there yeah and you know it's funny because I just posted an episode a guy named Scott and he was like a dick sucker during the week and it's you know got his dick suck yeah it's a great episode you should listen to it it's killer

but I mean you know a lot of guys were commenting like oh like you know he obviously likes girls like he should be with girls I'm like if he was with women he would never have this many people on his You know what I mean? Like if you were cheating on your wife, you know, with women or doing this with women, and that was the object of Amber's attraction, you would never have that count. You know what I mean? It's only because it's guys that it's so fucking available that you could have that many blowjobs and be bought them that many times by that many guys, you know, because guys are just more down to fuck than women are.

You're 100% correct. Yeah. It's just very easy to get that action. I would never be that successful with women. No guy would. No, I know. And somebody was saying, oh, if I would be, I would just get more pussy. I was like, well, unless you got a lot of money and you're going to be paying for it,

you would never get as much action as Scott, okay? Because he's, check, he's going for guys. I always told him, my guy friends, like, you'd be a lot happier if you're fucking gay or would let a guy blow you. It'd be a lot easier. It's very easy. It's very, it's transactional. It's quick, you know.

So the guys, whenever I ask them, their accounts, it's always so high because you're hooking up with guys. So how does your wife eventually either find out or how, you know, Do you eventually tell your wife? Well, it came to sort of a confrontation. Oh, interesting. Okay, let's lead up to that. Tell me what happened and how, you know, lead to up to that story.

She was suspicious, you know. Because? Just something was off, you know. Yeah. Something was off and she'd convinced herself that I was having an affair. Well, you kind of were. She just probably thought it was with a woman. Yeah, a different kind of a fair.

Yeah, yeah. She knew that you were, so you were someplace else, right? She sensed that there was a part of you that was someplace else. And that's what's so maddening about somebody sort of living a double life. Like as a woman or any partner, a lot of times, you know, and, you know, you do feel like something's going on, but your mind, because you don't know, could cock up all these scenarios and even though you're not, you know, but and so it could be maddening if she doesn't, you know, she senses, but doesn't know and you're not telling her. Right. So, you know, she'd convinced herself that I was having an unfair, and part of her evidence is apparently from some of my wigs, the hairs that got stuck in the suitcase. And, you know, well, where's this long hair coming from? Oh, me. And so, you know, I'm like, I'm not having an affair. I'm not seeing any other women, you know, and again, I'm phrasing. Yeah. So we, so she, the solution is we go to counseling. And it took a few months where I felt. And it was a good counselor, she found.

And this counselor had to work pretty hard with me to convince me, you know, that I could trust telling my wife. Okay, because you, let me ask you that. Yeah, but let's just set this up because this is super interesting. So, you know, your wife, you're not telling your wife the truth, right? but she senses something's going on and you're at a like a crossroad because she's, she's not going to be happy until she knows what the fuck's going on. So you guys wind up going to see a therapist.

Now, are you guys going separate because how does you, the therapist, you must be, right? Because the therapist is talking to you on the side, right? Right. And we're going separately. But she went on her own a few times and got a strategy to confront me with the affair I was having. Okay. And, you know, we went through this.

And so I was caught, but, you know, you're not really right, but I'm caught. And so we agreed that I would go see the therapist. Okay. So you said, okay, I am having an affair, but you don't know what the fucking details are? No, I'm not having, I'm not having an affair. Okay. So, again, I phrased it, like you said. So I start seeing the therapist and, you know,

It took her a lot of work with me to get me to place where it was safe. So I ended up having a lot more sessions than my wife did, actually. Did you come right out at, like, when you say it took a lot of time before you felt like you were safe, safe enough to tell your girl or safe enough to even tell the therapist? It didn't take long. To tell the therapist? You know, I can read people pretty well. and they had a good vibe off of this therapist.

She's, she's really good. Yeah. And I felt safe with her after a couple of sessions. Okay. So you told her. And the third session, they said, you know, this is what's going on. Wow. And then we really dug into my, which you don't have time on the show to dig into my whole past.

Right. And all are the reasons why I repressed this and I didn't feel it was safe. Yeah. All there. Uh-huh. And so the first time we went together, you know, and my wife was like, what the hell? I found this therapist and you're the one taking all the time. So the first time we went jointly was when I was ready to tell her.

She thought, you know, I haven't seen the therapist in months and you've been seeing her every week. So what are you guys going to do? So she was actually scared going in. It was almost a relief to find out what the deal really was. because she was convinced that I was going to dump her or something. Yeah, I can imagine because it's maddening because she was right, right? There was something going on. There was a whole other side of you that she knew nothing about, but she didn't know what

it was, right? And so when you don't know what it is, your mind comes up with way worse scenarios. You know what I mean? It always fills that up with the worst. Yeah, the worst. And so it's maddening for that other person, you know, to be where she was, you know? and she was pushing to find out. And I give her credit.

She wasn't sweeping it under the rug. She was like, no, no, no, we're going to get to the fucking bottom of this, which was the best thing that she did for the both of you, really. You're absolutely right. Yeah. You know, I thank her for doing that. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah, of course.

So she backed you into the corner. You're finally at the place. So take it from there. And so she took it surprisingly well. She was surprised at first, but then you're, could see the wheels turn and she's like, I should have known that. Better than a woman, right? I wonder.

Like, I've said this before because I've watched some, I watch a lot of reality TV and I've watched stories or shows where like the guy is moving in his girlfriend's with her and she opens a drawer and finds a bra and she's like, oh my God, who says this? And I always think to myself like, she has no idea. Like maybe he wears bras and panties all the time. You know what I mean? A lot of times there is that option that's going on, right? But I always wonder, would the woman be happier to find out that it's another woman?

or happier that she finds out that the guy is wearing it. You know what I mean? That's like the interesting question. But I would think for your wife, it's better for her to know that you weren't cheating on her with other women, right? Absolutely, 100%. Yeah. And so she went back to some of the things that she was suspicious of,

and it was almost like a relief to her that, no, that was me being sloppy. That wasn't me. With another woman. Yeah, all those hairs were yours. Yeah. Or, you know, the... And it all made sense. And she found a pair of panty hose in one of my drawers.

See? See? See, there you go. Just like I saw on shows. Right. She thought that's another girl. She thought it was another girl, but, you know, we weren't married yet. And she kind of, she remembered that all the way up until, you know, she found out.

Yeah, that must have been amazing for her because everything comes together and every single thing finally just makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, there was, it was a little rough at first. She was, you know, obviously in shock. And wanted to see me dressed up and all that. And, you know, unlike Brian, who you had a couple episodes, I'm not into being humiliated at all.

And she was a little rough on me the first couple of times about being a cissy and all that. And I didn't like it. So I'm different than your other call her in that way. Did she think that you would like it? Or did she not know when she was just? being like a little... She was just mad. She was right. She was being revengeful because she was still mad that you had kept this a secret, right? Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense.

You know, something about, well, you know, why isn't she enough woman? I got to make my own woman. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. So there was that anger she had to work through. And eventually she did and we took a trip and, you know, we went out to a few places and, well, I was dressed up. She went with me. And, you know, which I thought was big of her. And she got her head wrapped around it and decided, you know, I'm not really into this. You know, it's obviously you. And, you know, she's really a nice person. She's like, I'm sorry you had felt you had to keep it a secret the whole time.

I'm sorry you didn't think you could tell me. And so she felt kind of guilty that I kept it a secret. But she just said that it's not her. And that's when we started setting up the boundaries that she's comfortable. with me doing it as much as I want as long as it's not in our neighborhood in our community. You're right, so that nobody ever sees or anything. Let me ask you this, though. Does she know about the guys? Probably not to the extent. She knows, you know, when we'd gone out and, you know, I had to actually dance with a couple of guys while she was there and she's like, so that's something

you like to do, you know, and it's like, yeah. And she's like, okay. Right. But does she know you hooked up with guys? I haven't explicitly told her that. So I would say no. She might. You know what? Again, I'm phrasing. Maybe you're going to get mad. I mean, thinking I'm a bad person again, but she doesn't want me with other women, period. She's still really jealous about that. And she, she, the way I see it, she knows that I'm never going to leave her for a guy.

Mm-hmm. Never going to happen. And, you know, it doesn't seem to bother her that much that, like, you got to mess around with guys to some degree. I don't know she knows how far I've gone. Right.

She doesn't question you about it, but she doesn't know. Do you feel like you have a free pass? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I do. Okay.

Okay, you do. For sure. Yeah, Because, you know, when I want to go, it's like, well, you know, I think I want to go here or there. I'm going to pack up my stuff. She's like, okay, I would have appreciated a couple days' notice, but okay. And she doesn't ask you any questions when you come home? No.

She's just, you have a good time. Right. You out of your system for a little bit. Right. She's like letting you go do your thing and she accepts you when you come home. Yep. It's kind of amazing. It's really amazing.

Yeah. You know, that's where I'm, you know, and when I do go out, I sometimes see guys that I've known before. We set it up and, you know, again, compared to some of the calls, shows I've listened to in the past, I'm kind of partway, sissy, but not fully. You know, like, I do find it exciting to, like, a guy that's, you know, been don't. with me before. You know, we, we set up a couple of days together and he'll tell me in advance what lingerie I'm supposed to wear, you know, when I dress up, you know, when I'm going to go out,

I always wear like garter belt and stocking stuff. It just makes more sense. Mm-hmm. So you can leave them on. I love panty-hoes, but it's more practical if you're, if you want to leave the lingerie on when you, when you're having sex. Yeah. But plus I feel sexier in it.

Yeah, I get it. So here's where you'd say I'm a sissy is. So I wait for him in the lingerie. And when he gets there, he puts a cage on me, which you don't really need to. When I'm dressed up, I'm not going to do anything with it anyway. And I honestly think I can tuck it flat or a cage to do it. Right. Okay, if that's what he wants, I do it.

And then so the first time we had this arrangement, then he puts a, you know, one's remote controlled tugs in me. we get dressed and go out, you know, and it's kind of funny that he would be turning it on and off while we're eating and stuff. It's just... Yeah, that's naughty. So, it's naughty. And, you know, if you're being a sissy, that's okay. And then, of course, we go home and, you know, he tops me and we have a good time. Right. And then the next time I see him, it's kind of the same routine. He picks up my lingerie and I wait for a minute. But this time, he, uh, instead of, he puts the cage on, but instead of putting the plug in, then he, you know, he takes me and gives me a cream pie, and I'm waiting to clean it up. And nope, he pulls my panties up and then we go out. So that was another, it was an odd feeling, wonder if that was going to leak out and make a mess, you know. And a little bit it did. But again, it gives you kind of, I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it's, I like,

it. Right. How long has it... So I guess in that respect, you're a sissy. I don't like the humiliation, like, you know, like, you know, bondage and spanking stuff like I'm not into that. And I wouldn't wear one of these sissy dresses out where you're just trying to call attention to yourself. Right. That's not your vibe at all. How long has your wife known? Well, it would be, I think it goes back to like 2013. Oh, okay. So a long time. Yeah.

Now, did you still see as many guys as you used to before she knew? More. More? Because you don't feel guilty and because you can and because you have a free pass. Yeah, and it's easier for me to stay hairless, you know, so I think more better. Oh, right. Oh, right. And so, like, in a month, like how many times?

a month, do you say to her, hey, babe, I'm like going to do my Amber thing? Sometimes I'll go home month without it. I would say on average it's once a month. Okay, that's not so bad. Have there ever been any problems where she's like, you know, sort of, you know, had an issue with it or has it always been, you know, sort of okay once she was okay with it? It's always been okay when she was okay with it. Yeah, that's amazing.

She's like, you know, I don't give, but I know I'm not going to stop you. So go ahead. Did you continue on with that therapist? Yeah, I did. You know, because there were other family issues I needed to work through. Yeah. Which she's now retired. Right.

I regret that. Yeah, because let me just tell you, it's very hard to find good therapists, you know. 95% of them are not. Oh, yeah, I don't know. I just had one good one and one that didn't really understand me. Yeah. But, you know, it's probably something like what I do with guys might be, if I got the courage to talk to the therapist to figure out how I could, you know, get that out in the open. So there's no guilt.

What do you mean out in the open? Don't you feel like it's pretty much out in the open? It's pretty much out in the open, but it's kind of the thing you don't talk about, you know? Maybe she just doesn't want to talk about it. Amber or your wife? My wife. Right. Do you wish you could talk about it with her?

Sometimes, yeah. Mm-hmm. It's a part of me and, you know. Does Amber want to know your wife? Like, do you wish that Amber and your wife were friends? I wish that, yeah. Yeah, interesting. And, you know, one of the most intimate ways that the two could know each other,

which it's a fantasy of mine that'll probably never happen. But one of the most intimate ways that could happen is, you know, that we could be together when I'm having sex with the guy. Right. So you would be, it would be you as Amber, your wife. So it would be like a male with two women, right? A male, female, female, threesome. And you would want, and your wife could be with the guy,

and you would be with the guy. Yeah, she deserves as much as I do. Yeah. Right. So have you, you never dressed up, though, in front of her or sort of engaged? Yeah, like I said, we... Except that first time? That, we did that several times, you know, when we went out.

Okay. But since, though, after she said no more. Yeah, since then, no. Right. So in the beginning, she saw it, and then she said, okay, this is these are, once you set the boundaries. You've just been living a separate life, but it's open because she knows, but it's separate. Right. Right. You know, and one of her fears when I started doing this was that, you know, the whole thing with Bruce Jenner was going on too. Oh, at that time. Crazy.

Yeah. Caitlin Jenner. Yeah. And so I, she was like, you know, that's where she got a little nervous. Well, you're, you're going to end up being transgender. You're going to go to these places. You're going to convince you, you're transgender. Yeah. Nobody's going to convince somebody else they're transgender. That's just not how it works. Right. It might come out of me, but it's not going to be because somebody told me it was.

Right. Now, when that was going on, you know, and because you did feel like you wanted to be a woman when you were younger, did that make you question yourself at all? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I would think. I mean, listen, I love the fact that he did that because he was like this manly,

man, right? You don't get anyone more manly than, you know, Olympic medalist, right? Like Bruce Jenner, sort of opening up and copping to being trans and then really being out there. That was like pretty amazing for trans women, right, don't you think? Yeah. Well, and the fact that he was on the surface giving up so much, but I completely understood. Yeah, yeah. And my wife's going, that's you, you know, because I was never an Olympic medalist, but I've always, You know, I played college sports. I've always been very competitive, you know, won a lot in athletics. Right.

So she was comparing the two of us. She goes, you're the same. You're going to do this too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did you tell her, though, that you wanted to be, you know, a woman when you were younger? I mean, did she ever ask you more a lot? And did you tell her as much as like you've told me on this call or not so much?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, probably more. I've probably told her more than obviously because we've had long conversations about it and this is a fairly short discussion. Yeah, so she told her a lot about that. Right, so she did engage and have a lot of questions

and you did really explain. Yeah. And, you know, she, again, she was just sympathetic that I felt I had to repress it all these years. Yeah, I'm sure. After she fully understood it, right? Yeah.

And I think that that's the case about any finish. If a woman who loves her husband really would listen and understand and come to the place where they did understand what was going on, why would they not sort of feel, not to be okay with it, but accepted it in a way, you know what I mean, and understand it. A lot of times I think it's because the woman just doesn't really know enough.

They don't ask enough questions. They don't really understand, you know, especially when I talk to my hosers who want their girls to wear for them or allow them to wear, you know, and the wives won't do it. And it's just like if they only knew how intense this was, real this is for you, maybe they would be different. You know what I mean? And sometimes it takes a while for a woman to understand it.

Obviously, you talk to your wife so much about it, that she, so much so that once she really understood it, she felt bad that you, you know, you never, you had to hide it from her, where she probably didn't feel like that, you know, two minutes in. No, not at all. Two minutes in. She was pet. You know, it is with your, your. collars that are hosers, you know.

You know, I think it is just because they don't understand because it seems on the surface like a small thing for a woman to put on panty hose. Exactly. Bring such pleasure to her partner. Yeah, but they don't get it. And they can do it without a second thought. Yeah, but they don't understand that it's not just a want. It's like a need.

And I think, and you know, one, and I've said this before, and if you listen to my episodes, you might have heard it before, but like, I think it was a crushess of that taught me this. They said, you know, when I sort of explained it to my girl, and she didn't understand it. He's like, I felt I totally got it, and I knew it would take time. And he said, like, you know, listen, it took me years to figure out what this fetish was, even for myself. How would I expect my wife to understand it in one conversation?

You know what I mean? And I was like, wow, that's such a great way to look at things, you know? It's like, it's not something that you, that could be talked about in one conversation, and you can't expect for that other person to totally understand it in one conversation. Yeah, that's such a good point. Yeah. I mean, society sees this is so abnormal. Right.

And so offensive that, you know, you've got to break through that perception to really start to understand what motivates it. Yeah, but at least... Motivation is different. Yeah, but at least you guys kept talking about it and she didn't sweep it under the rug. And she, you know, you guys had this great therapist to help you get through that to the point where you're at this place where you're kind of living like every cross-juster's dream.

I mean, it would be even better if she would go out with Amber and like fuck other guys with you and stuff. You know, like you said, that's like a fantasy. You never know. But you got a lot considering, you know, even without that, you are still really lucky. I am very lucky. I have more than most. And I feel somewhat fortunate that I, you know, I look pretty good when I dress up. You know, it's, like your caller Brian a couple weeks ago, I wish I could be five inches shorter

and narrower shoulders and then you wouldn't be able to tell. But that's not who I am. I can't change that. Right. Or are you going to send me some picks to show? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, great.

We're going to put those over on my Patreon, right, on the cross-dressing tier. People could see that. This is such a great episode. I want this on my podcast. so it'll be on my fetish Friday. It'll go up a day early on my Patreon. I'm going to, when it does go up, I'm going to send you the link for the free year for Patreon so you could sign up

and hear your episode of the day early if you want, but it'll also be on the podcast. But do me a favor and send me those picks sooner than later. When we hang, so I have it, it'll probably be up next Friday. Not this Friday. I don't want to waste it on a holiday weekend. It'll be up next Friday, probably for Fetish Friday. Do me a favor and send me your picks ASAP so I have.

them and then when we hang up you're going to get a link to my private discord which is super fun there's a cross-dressing tier there like a chat there's a lot of channels in there and stuff it's private but there's a lot of people in over there it's super fun so you'll get that link when we hang up and stuff but i love your whole story does your girl know you're calling into the show or no no okay yeah i was gonna say okay she doesn't want this in our community yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly she doesn't want you on a fucking podcast but promise you and like trust me like i will be changing your voice there's nothing in your story that outs you at all. I never ask where people are from or what they do for a living.

You know what I mean? I don't ever ask identifying questions, right? And we make up fake names and your voice is going to change, so you're totally cool and protected. But do me a favor and send me picks. And the only reason why I... Blurred it out the name. Yeah, well, I added...

People make fuck up and say the names of their partners all the time, and they're always edited out. So don't worry. But do me a favor and send me those pictures sooner than later. And thanks so much for calling in. I love your whole story. story. It's super interesting. Yeah, I really enjoyed the conversation. You made it very comfortable. I love your whole story. It's great. And it'll be up very soon. Yeah, thanks for doing what you're doing.

It's so interesting to listen to these. So, and I appreciate you taking time to listen to me. Yeah, no, I love it. I can't believe you've been sitting on the story for as long as you've been listening to. Finally, you called in. And thanks for calling in, Tim. Tim, the love it. Yeah, thank you again. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly. anonymous confession secret sex lives of total strangers is now available in paperback or e-book or audiobook version the book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show i kind of picked one story from each category that i talk about on my show like there's a hot wife story there's a cuck queen story there's a cuck story there's a gang being girl story like i said 17 stories and they're all told in the third person and they're all true

I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them.

They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available. And if you buy my book in any format, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me.

Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot. lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it.

I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com and I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast.