Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 194 - Jay is a Total Sex Addict

Episode Date: September 4, 2017

Jay calls in to discuss all the crazy things he does behind his wife's back and they all point to the fact that he is a total sex addict. He talks about how he screws prostitutes, his hardcore porn addiction, his expertise with catfishing, his recent unrequited love for a stripper, how and why he meets guys online as well as in person and a whole lot more. Tune in for the details plus hear why that all makes him an addict and what he can do about it. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. With real problems. Your friend know that you're banging her or no. No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy.

If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, I've been getting so many emails from people. Like every day, a couple emails I get from people that want to be in the show. I fucking love that because it daze me a lot of time from going online and like posting ads and responding to ads. So if you want to be on my show, I'm always looking for people to call in. This is a little. a call and advice show where I talk to total strangers. You remain completely anonymous about their private lives, their secret lives, their problems, all that kind of good stuff. So if you want to be on my show, send me an email that strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com.

Jay, the guy who I have on today, Jay, the sex addict, was a listener of my show and he wrote in. And when he wrote in, he gave, like, I typically like for people, I love nothing better than to get on the phone with a total stranger and talk to them and find out who they are. So the little, the least information, I'm really bad at grammar sometimes. So the less information I have, the better, right? And some people wind up sending me emails with a lot of information. And Jay was one of those people. He had everything like fucking bulleted, right, about what we were going to discuss. And the bullets were really fascinating. Everything had to do with SEX, right? So I figured it was going to be that kind of episode, but it took a turn into a total different direction, which I think surprised both of us,

both me and Jay. And we talk about that. But it's like literally like this is like one of my favorite episodes. This is the reason why I do my show because I really think I help this guy. And we emailed after the episode and he was super grateful and he had had some updates for me already in the time that, you know, we've taped and I'm airing. So I'll get to that on a another episode because I just want to like I want more of an update before I give you the update but I know for a fact I helped him and that's what I love to do that's why I started my show um so I kind of like ruin the sex stories even though there's a lot of stuff I mean you hear about all this shit that he did behind his wife's back and he did a lot of crazy stuff this is a typical

guy who's living a completely double life right everyone thinks he's one person and on the side in the fuck on the down low he is somebody totally different doing all kinds of things which um poorly on his personality because it's really not who he is, but he was cheating on his wife of prostitutes. He was catfishing people online, men, women, doing all kinds of crazy stuff just to keep his addiction alive. Um, so anyway, that's what we get into. It's fascinating. Like I said, this is like these, this is the kind of episode I love. I'm so glad it went in this direction. Like I said, it surprised us. And I do talk about at some point on this podcast about how he sounds so young on the phone, right? Um, but it might not sound that way to you because

I changed his voice. I change a lot of my guest voice. It's a very easy thing for me to do. And it keeps their voices sounding completely normal. So I think most people don't even know that I change most of my guest's voices. But I do. And I did for this guy. So trust me, when I say he sounded young. When I'm talking to him, he did. But I think when I changed his voice, it doesn't, he doesn't sound so young. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Jay. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I'm good. So you're a listener of my show and you sent me an email lately that's what's been happening all the time which is great for me and um you sent me a lot of bullets like oh we could talk about all this stuff like you are a typical

person who lives like you are the epitome of like the guy who lives or the person that lives a double life you are married right for how long are you married um between 15 and 20 years so a long time okay yes and you live a total double life right am i assuming that that like we're going to be like me and my listeners are going to be the first people, like the first people to really hear like all the stuff that you do or do other people know about all this other stuff? You're the first.

Okay. And your double life is filled with hookers and strippers and men and catfishing and all that kind of good stuff, right? That's right. Okay. So let's start like, just a little backstory on you. How old are you and your wife right now? I'm in my 40s.

Okay, so you guys married really super young, right? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. In your 20s, right? 30s. That's right, 20s. Right, right.

And now, like, had you, like, been with a lot of women before her? Two previously. Two. Yeah, that's always, like, a bad idea. Like, how does you think, like, are, like, in the real world, like, in reality. Like, I know, like, the fantasy is that people get married really young and they're going be with one person their whole life, right? But like, really, what are the odds that a guy's only going to fuck three people in his life?

Do you know what I mean? Sure. That's it, right? Like, the two people before and your wife and then nobody ever again. Right. Right. So how long after you got married to her did you start cheating on her? So I think one of the bullet points that gave you was about like almost cheating a number of times.

Well, didn't you have hookers? Actually, I would consider it cheating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done that. I mean, right, so you don't consider that cheating? No, no. I was just going to say that, you know, I'm made out with a woman and almost fucked her, like, right after we were married. Okay. These are regular women is what you're talking about.

Because I know that you said you almost hooked up with like six regular women, but you do have hookers that you've hooked up with, so that's like considered That was within the first year. That was probably like within the first year. What? The hookers or the girl, the regular girl? Um, both. But yeah, the hooker was within the first year.

Okay. Did you fuck the hooker? Like, what did you do with the hooker? Yeah. So that was a, there used to be a brothel in the, near the town. They were looking. It was like out in the country. So it was like out of city limits.

Right. And so I don't think they were like that regulated. Uh-huh. And they advertised in a newspaper and they would advertise nude haircuts. And so that was like the cover, right? So like the dude said, hey, I'm going to go get a haircut. And so come back with a haircut, right?

Right, and a blow job. Yeah, exactly. And so, yeah, so I went there. And I think the first time, yeah, I just got a blow job. Maybe the first time. I mean, sometimes I got a hand job. Sometimes I went there probably like, I don't know, five times, six times to that place.

And that was within the first couple years. And so you would, it's kind of like a massage place or like in a massage place. It'll blow you. They'll give you a hand job. But there's no, like did you have actual. It has like a couple trailers like put together. Oh my God. That's hilarious.

Did you actually get a real haircut every time or just like the first time? I never, I didn't do that. Was anybody ever getting real hair as? Could they actually cut hair too? I'm assuming. Yeah. I never saw where they did that, but I think that was like their deal. That was like their cover.

But what do you mean? You never saw it. So you go to a place that looks like you could get your hair cut? Then they're like, oh, we'll bring you back to the trailers? Right. Well, no, it was just out in the country and you just went right into the trailer. But I don't know. The rooms I didn't see.

You didn't have like a barber's chair or anything. Maybe they did. I don't know. So maybe there was a couple dummies that went there and actually wanted a haircut and they didn't get one. but it was a nude haircut. Okay, so you did, you ever have sex with, so you go into these trailers and they're like beds like there?

Yeah, yeah, like a massage table, yeah. Okay, so it was like a happy ending place. And so you did have sex with some of them? I did, yeah. Really? So you got blow jobs, hand jobs, and you used to fuck them. Would you use condoms? Yes.

Okay. How much did it cost? Do you remember? Hmm. I'm going to say, I don't remember exactly. this is a long time. Yeah, between like $100 and $200.

Right, depending on what you want. Now, did you ever feel bad about what you were doing? I mean, like, was this stuff like, you did? Yeah, yeah, I've never done anything that I haven't felt bad about. Yeah, that's, that's a little bit of a conflict. Like, isn't that a little bit fucked up when you, oh, like, because there are people, I have to say, and I always say, like, we all make up our own rules, right? Like, if you do something and you feel totally okay with it, then it doesn't matter what

other people think. And I'm not talking about like murder or shit like that. And even cheating is not good, right? But like some people do it. They love their wives. And, you know, it's and it's just something that they need a little variety. It means absolutely nothing to them. And they feel totally fine about it. Right. And they could go home. But like when you're doing something like all the stuff that you do, that you're always feeling bad about it. That's where it gets to be like, like, what the fuck is going on with you. Right. And you did. One of the bullets you did. I mean, I think it was the last bullet, which was interesting. It was. It was a little. It was. like sex addiction. You know, and so... Which I put in quotation marks, yeah. Yeah, but, okay, when you are doing something like over and over again that you feel bad, but you continue to do it, like it could be like some sort of thing. You know what I mean? Sure.

Only because you're the one that said, like, you feel like every single time you cheated on your wife or did these things, you would always feel really guilty. Would you be like, oh, I'm never going to do it again? And then you just would get so horny that you'd have to go do it again? Like what would be, how would it play out? Really? Yeah, I mean, that's it. I mean, I know exactly why I do it.

You know, it's to deal with stress, right? You know, it's just how I deal with stress. Yeah, that's an addiction. That's like an alcoholic, no different. Or a workaholic. Sure. Right? I mean, I go back and back and forth between that and pot, you know.

Like I replace one with the other. Yeah. Yeah, like, you know, I'm able to suppress my desires by smoking. can pot. So that works for me. Very good sometimes. Right. Right.

Right. But it's really what you're always running away from is stress, quote unquote, feelings. Because I think what stress is just like really intense feelings that aren't fucking good. I was an addict, okay? And I, I've been sober for like 14 years, maybe 15 years at this point. I don't even know anymore. But like, so I totally get the whole thing, you know? And a lot of times when you're an addict, you can have a couple different things, you know,

that you're addicted to. Because where you're always running, you're. from is like I said, feeling anything but good, right? You just can't deal. And you never will ever learn how to deal with quote unquote stress unless you were to put away all your vices, the sacks and the weed and just sort of, you know, dealt with shit and started to do that, you know. And it's really, let me tell you, like honestly, it's really, really, really, really, really, really, hard. So, and I get why people don't do it, you know, because I did it and it was like one of the hardest things because a lot of shit comes up, you know, but let's not go totally into that

because you have a lot of stories to tell. I mean, no, but I love talking to people like you because like I feel like you could really change your whole life around. And I had that kind of a life. It wasn't with sex and what it was with sex and it was with drinking, you know, so I understand. And I feel like there's a very big difference being like an addict and dealing with life that way than, you know, sort of giving it all up and learning how to deal with the stress and become a sober person and much it's just it's it is life changing and it is it does change your whole life in a much more positive way there's a very big difference but you know that's if you're ever ready for that like you'll know you know but I still want to hear all your

salacious stories I mean because it's interesting that you said I said so when did you start cheating on your wife and you're like well I didn't really cheat on her like I didn't know but do you consider the hookers cheating no no I do Okay. No, I consider anything that I wouldn't tell her about. Uh-huh. Cheating. Okay.

Cheating. I mean, I don't even think I, like, even have to kiss a woman. Right. You know, for it to be cheating. Right. If I'm like, they're going out with a woman, I'm not telling her about. That's cheating, you know. Right.

Lying, like anything. It's just a deceitful, like any kind of sort of thing where, you know, and she's never, has she ever come close to catching you with anything? Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she's, I'm sure she's suspicious. I think that she, um, she's kind of like she tries to be in denial about her.

She's trying. She's like, she suppresses her suspicions. Yeah. I mean, she's seeing like, she's on email one time where I was talking about like meeting up with a couple. Oh, God. But I actually, that was one of the cat fishing deals. I wasn't even going to do that. You know, a whole kind of thing about that, that deal there.

Right. That's a whole other thing, the catfishing thing. Like porn, I've lied to her about like, no, I'm not looking porn. She's seen, you know, she knows I look at porn like all the time. Yeah, porn is no big deal. Unless you have like a, because I don't like, what's the big deal if you look at porn? Like, I don't know, maybe she looks at porn. Like I, but if you're like an addict, it's bad.

Yeah. I would put myself in that category, though. I'm talking about like, you know, 12 hours at a time. What do you mean? 12 hours of watching porn? Yeah, just looking at, yeah. watching, you know, yeah, I know a guy like you.

You know all that. Yeah, I had a guy. I was with a guy once. He's actually a good friend of mine. And I would sometimes, and he would always travel and he would like be trying to sex with me sometimes, you know, so he's in like a different time zone, right?

So he's like trying to sex with me and it's like 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You know what I mean? And I just be like, and I would just be like, no, no, no. And I would sometimes look back at the text and see how many hours he was engaging in the, like, and wouldn't stop. And it would be sometimes be for like five hours. And I was just like, that's like really weird, but that person's also a workaholic, you know.

And I really started to realize like that's what the addiction is all about. It's just literally taking him out of himself before he goes to sleep or whatever, you're filling up that time, right? So that you're not in reality. So it's basically like you're drunk, but you're just like, you know, jerking off or whatever, you know. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

You're an addict 100%. And what happens with addicts is they always pair up with people who are like so co-dependent, you know. So like your wife probably. has her own sort of stuff, right? And she probably is like looking the other way or suppressing it as much as you are. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, it takes two people, right? And it's just like, I always say like attracts like, right?

So you're both probably dealing with issues that you have, right? And that's just, that's always the pair, you know? So she has kind of caught you. I'm not saying she's the wrong one. no no yeah no i yeah but i don't think i mean i i wouldn't call her i don't think she's codependent in the way that you're saying it i mean i think that she um yeah there's fucked up shit like this um you know i don't think she's ever she's ever thought that she did on like fucked another woman um but you know there's lots of benefits for her

to, I think it's like a rational decision in her mind about the benefits of being with me versus you know, that I love porn and shit like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, uh-huh, you guys have kids together. I mean, you have a whole life. She's invested. Yeah, we don't have kids, but I mean, we love each other.

Right. You know, we get along really well. Right. But she has to, listen, I'm sorry, but when you're with somebody, For that long, you guys live together. You're intimate together. At this point, you guys are best friends. Like you said, you really are close.

You love each other. The fact that you're doing all this stuff on the side and she has no clue, like, I just don't buy it. And like I said, I'm not saying, I'm just saying she has her own set of stuff. It's very different from yours, but a lot of times that pairs up. Like, and I'm sure if I was in like a fly on the wall. in your relationship for the past 15 years, I'd be like, oh my God, it's so fucking obvious that you have all this shit going on.

Do you know what I mean? You have a lot of shit that you're doing, okay? How does she not know? Do you know what I mean? And on some level, sometimes we kind of do when we put it aside, like you say, for those reasons. But there's also, like, co-dependence

is about sort of like being, like a people-pleaser. You know what I mean? Like being okay with someone doing what they're doing instead of sort of standing up and saying, like, oh, my God, like, this person needs help, like, let me do something about it. You know what I mean? Sure. I mean, I understand what you're saying. I just don't think that I just, you know, in this case, I can understand the codependency and the addiction and everything.

I don't think that that's her, in my opinion. I mean, she has her issues, definitely. Yeah. You know, I'm kind of her world. Right. So that's definitely an issue. Yeah, that's called codependent. That's what codependency is.

Like, you're just not relying on yourself. Like, it's somebody else. Sure. You know what I mean? That's the thing. But we'll focus on your issues. Sure. But listen, if you don't want to, like, rock that boat, like, don't ever, you know, put her, like, don't ever get really caught.

Because, like, people are pretty fucking sloppy a lot of the times. and sometimes what happens with addicts, and I tell people all the time on my show, like, you know, if some part of you ever wants to change, like, you better watch out for getting, like, because you're going to have to, like, sort of hit a bottom, right? And then sometimes people get sloppy in a weird way and then get busted, right?

And then everything sort of falls apart. But in a weird way, it's like what they needed to have happen, right? Because a lot of times, in order for you to ever completely change all this stuff, something like would have to happen that would, force you out of it, right? And it's a bottom, unfortunately. So your wife finding out you getting arrested, whatever, because you engage in a lot of

crazy behavior. Like, you do this. I mean, you said in your email there was like 20 hookers. So obviously it wasn't just the couple of times you went to that thing, right? Like you had other hookers, right? Do you have sex with other guys too? Are you also by or not by? I don't know.

I didn't get it. Yeah, yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I mean, I can explain that. But yeah. Yeah, what is that all about the cat? Is that a part of the cat fishing? Because you do create. Yeah, right, exactly.

Yeah, what is that all about? Yeah, I mean, so, like, my biggest thing, you know, my biggest fantasies are, you know, like threesomes with normal people, right? Like with a couple or whatever. I have no interest in the male contact. Right. You know, seeing a woman get fucked and, you know, fucking her and, you know, all that's tag teaming her and all that stuff. And so I create ads where I'm like, I'm a couple looking for a guy. And then I'll basically chat with them about basically living out the fantasies via chat and like leading in the morning thinking we're going to hook up and all that kind of stuff.

Send them photos of me and my fake wife. Oh, you're kidding. Where do you get the pictures of? Just online. I mean, people post like their personal. photos online like crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you take like a couple photos from like one person's collection, right?

And pretend that you're that couple, right? And then you sort of... People have like huge collections online. Yeah, yeah, no, I totally get it. So wait, so and then you like play out exactly what you want to do. And then do you actually make, like you did say that you make plans to meet them, but then you just don't show up and then you're done and then you have to create a whole new fake persona? Yeah, yeah.

I do that all the time. I usually don't make, like, actual plans. Like, hey, we're going to meet up on this time. I'm like, yeah, hey, we're free in like a week from now. So that just keep it going, right? Right. Excited and into it or whatever. I mean, a few times locally, I've met up with guys who told me that they were into.

I'm like, hey, I need to meet with you. Kind of check you out, screen you. My hope in those times were to, you know, meet them. and talk more shit, you know, and get excited in that way. But I was just mainly disgusted. What do you mean? Why haven't? Yeah, I just like being, since I'm not by at all,

just having that kind of intimacy face to face with a man didn't turn me on at all, like, talking about it. And then also the times where I always met them at strip clubs and just like the way, way they were true strippers also disgusted me. Oh, really? Why? I was just repulsed. They were like really sleazy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And were they, were they the, like, because in the catfishing scenario, like, you were the couple and they were the single guy that wanted to, like, watch you and your wife. Now, how come. Yeah, or join in, join in. Right. Now, would you also go to or respond to ads of a couple looking for a single guy? Like, would you ever be the other guy in the scenario, too?

Would you switch it up? Yeah, no, because just it's a lot harder to getting and kind of your actions with that, right? I mean, then you're competing against, like, I mean, I know from placing this ad, you're competing against like 300 other dudes that are answering that. Oh, I see. Right, right, right. I'm not getting chatting with those people. In this case, I mean, sometimes I'm, I'm like chatting with like 10 guys at once, right?

Right, yeah, you're smart. You haven't figured out. Right. You're a professional. Yeah. So, you know, and I get into that. Like I also sometimes always post as like a regular woman and I'm like, you know, I like having sex with lots of guy like on fat life. I'll create a profile on fat life. Uh-huh.

It's like a woman. Uh-huh. And I'm like, you know, I want to meet dudes and then I'll do the same thing where I'm just the woman. Right. Whenever it's the couple, like I'll chat as the man and as the woman. So they really believe it. Wow, and can you write well? Do you think that you write well as a woman?

I do. I once was managing my friend, my old co-hosts, Tommy. I once managed his Match.com profile, and I was so bad at it because I'm like, I don't know how to write like a dude. And one time I actually signed my name, Kathy. Right. She must be like, what the fuck. But I was like, I suck at this.

Like, I don't know how to write like a dude. So you know how to write like a chick. like you could do it because I think that's where you could get busted, right? Where it just does not sound right. Yeah. And I mean, sometimes they like, they, they, they ask for like, you know, live pictures or whatever. And I just block them and go into the next person. I don't care.

Right. Yeah, because there's so many people that want it to be real because I use, you know, I definitely have figured out what men, what the majority of men are into, which isn't really necessarily what I'm into. but I'll go along with that to a point as long as it doesn't disgust me. Right. And then at the same point,

I'm wanting to, you know, kind of act out my fantasies. And then also, you know, I'll inhabit, like, the personality of whatever woman, um, I'm acting. Right.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So, so, so, like, usually I, basically I, choose women who aren't like my wife because I just can't, um, imagine her putting,

up with a lot of the shit. Right. Like it seems not. Right. You know that it was not. You wanted to be as realistic as possible, right? So if I put your wife in there, you wouldn't be able to buy it, right? So you have to really buy the fantasy that you're creating.

Yeah. So you're like, you know, usually lower educated younger women. They're kind of like, you know, like blue collar. Well, I mean, I think a lot of blue quote, oh, blue color, we're going to be like, what the fuck does that mean? Right. I know. It's fucked up.

And so. Because let me tell you, I have a lot of people on my podcast that do all kinds of things. And I wouldn't necessarily say that the women that maybe would be into that or that way. But in your mind, that's how you see it. Or that's what turns you on. No, it's not even that they'd be into it. It's like I've tried, like I've tried carrying persona where the woman's like higher educated or whatever. Yeah.

And then these guys are saying this shit. I'm like, fuck you. And then block them. Right. Because I feel like I'm them. Oh, right. Because you're faking the girl. Right.

So you're making her. Right. Like I'm imagining it like my woman. Like if they get out of line or like say something. You know, I imagine like what my wife would do. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Slee's bag would say that. Then you're like, oh, the educated women is like fuck off. So you go for the lower. That is kind of hilarious. Yeah.

I mean, it's not even, it's not even, I'm not even saying it's because of the education thing. Yeah, yeah. I can't relate it to like my wife because I know the way that she would, she wouldn't put up with that,

that kind of shit. you know, so. So you have to create a girl that would put up with it and would be down because you want to keep that going. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. You really live in like half the time, you were just like not in reality because you spend a lot of your time. Like that's a part of it.

The, you know, I mean, what is the sending photos to the guy, like you said you used to send photos to a guy or you are sending photos to a guy who used to be married to a woman that you grew up. Is that, yeah, what is that all about it? Is that like a part of this kind of a situation? Yeah, I blame a lot of this stuff. I'm listening to your podcast recently. You know, like, stupid ideas, stupid stuff. Why? Because you hear the people on my show talking about it?

Right, yeah, yeah. They give you good, like, dirty scenarios that you want to go sort of live out. Sure. And just the idea of, like, you know, it was like everything I do secret. And so the idea of, I guess, being scenarios. where I could be more myself. And so in this case, like 10 years ago, I found this guy's, like, photos of his wife, who I grew up with on some website.

And so I started email him with him about that. And you said, hey, it's me and, like, you guys were both. I mean, you were open to him. Yeah, exactly. Okay, cool. Okay. And then he, like, stopped, and I think they got divorced and all that. And so, like, recently, actually, just in the last few days, I sent me a message and was like,

hey, I've been taking a lot of photos. Here's some of the photos I've been taking. And what are the photos of? Are they real? No, no, no. So even fake ones to him and he knows who you are? Yeah. I was telling him that, like, I've been hiring models,

and these are photos I've been taking of them. Oh, okay. So you're setting, so why with him? Like, what is the deal with him that you're getting him into? Like, it's the same sort of threesome that you're sort of pitching to him? I don't know. It's anything for you just not to deal with stress. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, this actually isn't that, you know, I'm over it. I'm already over that. Right, right. Okay, but what? Yeah, go on. Yeah. No, meeting men from online in real life. Oh, that was like, I'm looking at your, your bullets here because there's a lot to cover.

But like, that was, that's what you mean. That's what you were just telling me about before when like you, you sort of, right, created those fake things. and then met the guys and it was kind of gross. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, not into it at all. Okay, keep going, because there's a lot to cover.

Yeah, I mean, so everything, everything that I did recently was, you know, my first girlfriend when I was in college, she was very sexual. She was just little nuts, too. She ended up, and she was way more, you know, I was super jealous and possessive, and I'm sure she cheated on me a bunch, but that's why we ended up breaking up, where she cheated on me. And, you know, so like thinking back, I just think about the stuff I could have done with her, right, if I would have been confident or whatever. So anyway, so I contacted her within the last few days. And I mean, I'm not even, I've seen pictures, I'm not attracted to her in the least. Okay.

You know, she's 20 years older. Uh-huh. She doesn't look good. She didn't keep herself up. No, yeah. Yeah, she doesn't look good at all. Okay. And so we started texting yesterday.

And at the beginning, she's like, hey, are you married? And she's, I knew she's divorced. Right. It's obvious that she was wanting to. But then as soon as I said, I was married, she was not into it at all. And so that's over. too. She's a good girl now. She's not as wayward as she was when you dated her. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even want to meet with her because I'm not attracted to her at all. I just wanted to.

It was going to be another one. Fuck with her a little bit. Oh, interesting. But was that like when you say fuck with her? Was it just like to create another sort of like fantasy thing with her? Just use her like for your fantasy purpose and email her scenarios and pictures. and fake shit as well. No, I mean, probably just more like, more like just me and her, you know. Like we were going to get something going, but I had no interest in really meeting her. That's so weird. You know what's so interesting to me is that like, say that girl, say you went through with it. And I'm sure you've gone through with these crazy things with other people, right? If I was like a friend of the other person, right, and they came back, they probably go or they

think or through their partner, like, what do you think, fine? happen like because you you know you pull like a 180 like and it's like I don't think anybody would ever think to themselves like that girl right like say you actually did what you were going to do like I don't know how you'd end it would you just disappear like whatever but like never would like I got like I got cold feet or something right yeah but it would be so fucked up because this is like never would the friend say to her like oh he must have just been pretending and he wasn't into you at all like you know what I mean like the truth would never be something that somebody would ever think because it's so fucked up.

Like you say, you know, it's so twisted because like you say you are not attracted to her at all. You had no, you knew for a fact you were never going to meet with her. You use the word I was going to fuck with her, right? So you know that there's something wrong with what you're doing. I used some of this therapist that was very into words that you use. Do you know what I mean? So it is interesting wording that you use.

it's like, you know, you were going to fuck with her head, kind of, you know, and take her on a ride for your entertainment purposes only. And because, what would that do for you, though? Like, what would that do for you? Probably nothing. But it has to be doing something. Do you think it's just the time that it takes? Yes. That's obviously what it is, right?

Because are you, in that situation, would you get horny from that, even though you weren't a track to her, do you think? No. No. Yeah. Yeah. No, I wouldn't know. And even when you were meeting the guys, right? You knew you weren't going to get horny from meeting them.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I didn't. I thought I would. Oh, you did? Yeah. And I gave it three chances to think I would. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah. It never happened. Yeah. I've also like, you know, like all, um, sometimes if the guys buy or whatever, all, I'll kind of engage in a little bit of, of that. But I mean, like, orals as far as what I'll go.

Like, as far as it's when I'm chatting with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll pretend to be into blowing them. Like if that's what they're into. But I don't think that I could ever do that, you know, in real life. But you say you don't think. So maybe if it was like a means to an end, I feel like, and that's what happens with addiction, right?

Like it's like, it's progressive, they say. I just don't think I could get hard, to be honest. Right. I'm not even like, you know, I don't even have anything against that, but I just don't think that I could. I just don't think it's my thing at all. Right. But I think that when you say, I don't think I'd ever do that.

Like, I think it's because if, I think if you ever did do that, it would literally be like because it was like a means to an end, just like what you were doing with this girl. You know what I mean? It was like because you had to because you were in the. the situation and it was the only way to keep it going on. Yeah, it was the only way like you just strictly be doing it to keep this thing going that you are so needy of, which is, you know, fucking fantasy land, you know. So there might be a dick in your mouth at some point, I have to say. They're just my big. And I do believe that it would only be because you had to do it.

You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't, I wouldn't say, oh, that means deep down you're gay. Like, no, I would say, you're a fucking addict and like it just that's how that's how much of an addict you are like you'd put a dick in your mouth and you don't even want it you know what I mean that's when you know something's wrong do you know what I mean yes yeah so yeah that could potentially happen to you so what about why and it's like you know what's kind of sad about all this is that like even I remember when you sent me the email you did say the prostitutes were all like you've been with like about 20 prostitutes and you said they're mostly bad experiences like mostly yeah I've been a few that haven't been, but yes. Right. And that's the fucked up thing about the, you know, addiction. It's always like chasing the dragon. Like maybe every now and then this shit is good for you. But most of the time it's like it's not, right?

But you're always wanting it to be. You know what I mean? And to have that right? Like on some level? Correct. Yeah. I mean, it's all about the fantasy and the buildup. And then it's disappointing.

Yeah. It's chasing the dragon. You never get it. It's so it's like a, it's such a mind fuck really. you. Yes. And so even the prostitutes, so when you get like that whole thing, like it's not, what makes it not good?

Is it that you're just not even into the sex with them or? I mean, it's that they're not into it at all, you know? You know, and you know. Right. And you can tell. Yeah. Yeah. You know, some of them have been just messed up, you know.

Like on drugs or whatever at the time. You mean like so out of it. Right, right, right. You know, they have problems. Yeah. And I'm not, I'm not really into. I'm not into exploiting women in real life. I have no interest.

Yeah, well, look, you said, like, the way the guys would treat the strippers when you were there, you found really appalling. Like, I mean, you have, like, and what I think people would be like, he has no respect for women. Look what he does. But, like, in a weird way, what people don't understand is that sometimes, like, I do not believe, like, oh, when someone's drunk, they do what they really want to do, and that's the real them.

I don't think so. I think when you're a fucking addict, you do shit that, has nothing to do with who you really are. And that's what's so damaging about being an addict. Do you know what I mean? It's not like, oh, who you really are. No, that's the problem with it. It's that you're doing shit that is against who you really fucking are.

You're not being who you are in the slightest. And that's like, like I said, that's why it's so damaging. Because it's like you're doing things that isn't even right for you. Because people would say that what you do is very degrading to, I mean, you know, If you listen to your behavior, it's very selfish, right? Most addicts are fucking selfish. You're selfish. You'll take that fucking woman for a ride,

and you don't care because it's to satisfy yourself, right? You know? Sure. So like I said, people would say, like, oh, he doesn't respect. But I believe that you have respect for women and you have all those things. But your addiction is just, you know, making you go against that better part of yourself.

Because you're not respecting women by the things that you're doing. Or men. Yeah, I agree. You know, that's what's fucked up. And so you get with these hookers and it's not even like the real deal. But like I think it's just because it's not unfortunately, I think some people go to hookers because they just really want to release and they really need to get, you know, a little bit of variety in their life.

And it really works out fine for them and they're happy and it's great. And they call it a day. You know what I mean? And then go back home, whatever. But for you, it's so not about the sex. Right. It's about filling up, like it's about solving this problem that you have that you can't, you know, and that's why it, and it never works, right? Correct.

How is your sex life with your wife? Yeah. I mean, it's not great. Well, you've been together a long time. Like, was it always not great? Was it really great? No. No.

Just because you've been together for so long, right? Yeah, it was great. You know, it was great at the beginning. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's because we've been together so long. I'm sure it's not great for her either. You know. Right. And now do you think and like, is it at the point like do you guys have sex like once a week or what like? Yeah, once a week. Okay. And you don't think that she's doing anything behind your back, do you? I don't. No. No. Right. And besides the sex, because I think, listen, with long term relationships, I think that they morph into other things, right? And sex isn't the most important, right? So at this point, is everything else in your relationship like healthy? You know what I mean? Like, like? the emotional aspect of it and the intimacy

and like do you guys are like you say you really love each other I mean do you have a lot of quality time still together we do I mean the only problems that I see is the is the time that I'm the time and energy that I waste doing this kind of shit

that I could be you know focusing on her and other things yeah that's really bad and where do you spend 12 hours how do you get 12 hours available when you're not with her for I mean, I mean, shit, sometimes, like, right in front of her on my phone, you know, like, I'm like, hey, I'm listening to a podcast and fucking around my phone. Uh-huh.

Yeah. I'm just going to sit here in the living room. Yeah, my friend that I told you about. Yeah. My friend that I told you about that, like, was sexting me sometimes for, like, six hours straight, and I was, like, not interested and he would just wouldn't stop. I was always best friends with him before, and he was always, and he's a super, super, super. super successful person, like really like top 1% kind of person deal, you know. And so, and he was always on his phone when we were together before I hooked up with him and, you know, and I just always assumed

to his business because when you are as successful as that, you're 24-7 working, right? That's his deal. So I was always super cool about him being on his phone because I'm like, oh, he's doing business all the time, you know, from people all over the world. But turns out once I started hooking up with him and we had this whole thing for a couple of years, I realized he's online texting constantly. Like, he's like a great, like, that's what he's doing when he's not a workaholic. That's, he's this fucking sexaholic. I'm like, half the time I was being so nice about him, like, checking out during dinner. He's, like, sexting girls and doing this bullshit.

I was like, oh, my God, you know. He'd be doing it to me while he was having major business meetings that were, like, in the paper the next day. I'd be like, oh, my God, people don't really understand what's really going down. I do that, too. You do. Yeah, same stuff. Same stuff. So are you're like, so do you have a gig like my friend? Like I mean, are you sort of like have a career where like you're out? Yes. And you travel a lot? I don't travel much. But you're working. My wife travels a little bit. Okay. I don't travel much. Yeah. I'm mainly here. Okay. Yeah. I mean, so it's everything. I don't know where you were going with this. But where we can go with that? Because I was about to go off on there. direction. No, what do you mean

where my, I was just asking a question. I don't know. What direction were you going in? Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that's the, the other thing. I think I mentioned, you know, the women have been kind of close calls as far as, I would still consider cheating because I was, you know, intimate in a way with them that I would never tell my wife. But I've never, I've never fucked a woman who I didn't pay.

Right. And part of that is, is the fear of getting caught by her, right? I mean, my wife's really smart, and that's awesome. I mean, that limits my payment, too, because she keeps eye on money. And so I can't just, you know, we have lots of money. But she keeps such a close eye. But she's good with the money and she's on top of it. Right.

Okay, great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can't have, you know, like I hear the guys call him in talking about, like, the doorman that was spending all this money. Oh, my God. I know. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? You know?

Wasn't he so interesting? That was a really interesting episode. Yeah, it's crazy. And, like, even, like, you know, I mean, because, so if you have a lot of cash, right, like, you can be getting, like, really high on escorts. Like, I had one guy that would call in all the time and he was, like, Reapy calling. He was spending thousands and thousands of dollars. He was, like, fucking, like, famous porn stars and stuff. And he talked a lot about how to do that, right?

And, you know, some people with that kind of money can do that, you know. And I guess, like, his wife wasn't, like a lot of women, I think, aren't sort of involved in the money aspect, right? You hear that all the time or you see these things come up all the time with women. Like, they just find out that, like, maybe their husband's bankrupt and they had no idea, right? Because they were tending to other things. But your wife is actually on top of the finances and knows what's going on. Yeah, and those have led to some of the suspicions. that she's at, you know?

Like, why the fuck did you take out $300 in cash, like, in two different ways from the bank? And then make up some stupid story. Right. For that. Yeah. Yeah. And then with the... Yeah.

And that's also the reason, you know, that I've never pushed anything further with just a normal woman because I don't want... I don't want a... I mean, I have wanted a relationship, but my fear of being caught and fear of that blowing back on me is too high. Right. Right. Because you almost know that if that happened, maybe it would become more than just a one-time

thing. And then that would take a lot of your time. And that's putting all your eggs in one basket. And I think you're smart. I mean, you are smart. It's very obvious with like all these things that you do and everything and all the things that you kind of need to keep your fantasy going, like because you're smart. Like, you need all this.

like reality. You know, it's like I, so I, you know, but and it is smart the way that you, it's like you're a functioning addict, right? Like you know how to like not get caught and make it work for you, you know, but because if you did sort of get involved in an affair, you would get addicted to that too, right? Right. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I had a deal recently where, I mean, I almost, you know, I almost fell in love

with this woman in like this fantasy world that I created. Oh God. Who had even done anything? It was a stripper. Uh-huh. And, you know, I met her at the club and, you know, I, I do well with strippers, like they like me because I go in dressed well and I look good and I'm not interested in a lap dance at all by giving money anyways. just hang out with me and then we talk and we talk about where I've traveled and they figure out that I have money and all that stuff so they give me their numbers.

So this one was what I was into so we were texting for a while and she's like, hey, when are you going to come see me and so I'm making up all this bullshit about how I travel all the time. That's why I can't come see her and the reason I can't come see is because I can't get away from my wife to do that. And so finally we have. and so this whole time I'm just building up in my mind like this sugar daddy relationship that could have with this woman

and at some point I'm like you know I think you need a sugar daddy and she's like yeah I do and so we meet up and this is actually a time whenever I withdrew a little bit of cash right is this a champagne room experience no okay okay go on that's

the long time ago and so you know, we have lunch. I take her out to lunch and we go to her place and make out a little bit. And then my wife's like, hey, what's up with all this cash? She withdrew. And I didn't even give her any. And no more.

Anyways, I, like, had the end in it. And it hurt. Like, having to just, I stopped with this woman. Right, because you got, right. No, you, so what happened was you, it was like a real relationship in your mind. and then you had to cut it off and it actually was like a breakup then you went through it was what you're saying.

Yeah, because you become... Nonsense in my head. Yeah, I used to do the... When I was younger, I used to have like, what would you call it? Like, I would get obsessed with somebody that was completely unavailable. Like, that was another way

where I lived out my addiction, for sure, because that is an addiction because you could spend so much of your time living in the fantasy of it. Yeah, and it is very painful to let go because you become so attached to that story because you make it so real.

Yeah, I mean, it was the most turmoil. I was in turmoil. Yeah, I understand. For the couple weeks, I was like, and I felt bad about, you know, I didn't give this woman any money. Like, I didn't even not, I didn't care about sex with her.

I felt bad that, like, let her on and was like, and she was a nice person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, you know, and she definitely could use some money. Uh-huh. I was getting like, I'm going to, I'm going to help you out. And then I just dropped her, you know.

And then did she come after you? And like, you're feeling bad. Was it bad? Because it was like you lost her or you felt bad for what you did to her? Yeah, all of that and the way I treated my wife, every bit of it. So all of it. So it was hard for you to let go of that fantasy. It was hard for you to sort of accept what you had done to the girl because you took her for fucking another person for a ride.

And then what do you mean? mean as far as your wife like because she was like going a little mental with like all this money being no or what just in general just the fact that you were being distrust like you were doing something behind her back that wasn't nice right right uh-huh yeah yeah oh yeah i really want to help you can't we turn this into a therapy session and so you need help do you have a therapist have you ever been in therapy um i'm involved for in the mental health professing in a certain way. Uh-huh.

So you don't believe in it? Are you going to tell me that? No, no, no, no, I do. Okay. But I have myself never been to a therapist. How come? I don't know. Yeah.

You know, I think it's probably like image preservation. Like no one that I know would think that I need. I mean, people say all the time about. how well-adjusted I am and how no more I am. You know, everybody I know goes to a therapist. Yeah. And like, Jay's never been to a therapist, you know. Right.

It would be like breaking the facade. Like you have created a persona of yourself of like somebody that really has it fucking together. I wish I was your friend because I would be the one friend that would know that. Because my friend that I talked to you about just now, like the one who's sexting all the time and like I'm like he's like one of he's really really close to me and I'm always just like you always like everyone thinks you're fucking normal and I know you're not like if you could just put if you could just accept sort of letting that sort of fake ass thing that you created for everyone to

believe you know if you could put that aside like you could change your life and that's but I know that that's really difficult you know because you created this person that seems so fucking together and you are a mess deep deep down inside. And you really are, it's like your big secret. It isn't so much, like all of the sex and all the stuff that you're doing. It's more that you don't have your shit to get. Like, you have a lot of work you need to do on yourself.

And I really think that we all think in life that everybody else would be like, oh my God, he's going to a therapist or they'd be so freaked out that you had issues or whatever. I don't even care about that. Like, I know. Then what is it? yeah i mean i have no i'm nothing against i i i i i know but you don't want people i have no stigmas against mental health you know but i mean it's yeah you're saying you don't want people to think that you don't want people because everyone looks at you as someone that's got their shit together is what

you're saying right i mean i think here's what it probably is yeah i feel like if i told my wife that i was going to go see a see someone she would know she'd be like she'd know the reason, right? Like she, like, there's no other reason why. Let me ask me, do you see, are you a workaholic? Are you a workaholic? Like, you say that you use, I'm not. Okay, what does she think you're doing with all your time? That when you're doing all the time that you spend doing this other stuff, what does she think you're doing when you're doing this? Does she think you're on your phone doing business? Yeah. Okay. And you say it cuts into your time with her, right? Right, right.

So why can't you just say, because she doesn't know it's sex. Like she thinks it's work, right? So you do seem probably to her like a fucking workaholic that doesn't have a good balance in life. So why can't it just be about that? Why can't it just be like, you know what, honey? Like, I'm so, all I do is work. I don't spend enough time with you.

Like I really feel like I'm like maybe I have addiction to work. Like I can't get off my phone and be present. Like I'm just going to see somebody. Like, why can't it be about that? That's what she thinks it is anyway. And it obviously she would buy that because if you're. spending all this time doing that, you obviously probably seem like you, you know, you could get, you know, you could fix that.

People go to therapy for a lot less shit, you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, you don't have to go to therapy because you're, you are doing all the things you are. You could go to therapy just because, like, maybe you just want to learn how to deal with your emotions better or you're too stressed out. Like, you could just say you just want to learn how to deal with stress more instead of working all the time. Sure.

Right? Yeah. you know I just feel like you don't have to it's not that's going to be so obvious what it is it's because you know that's what you think and also the other thing is and I think other people probably have thought of this two seconds ago when I'm saying this but like a duh you lie about everything else you could go to a therapist and not fucking tell her I mean like please you go to prostitutes you go to strip clubs like go to a therapist and don't tell her if you were right but you just need I don't know let me ask you this do you want

change or like do you want to or are you happy with this whole secret life no i'm not happy yeah yeah i mean you know this this you know the stuff that i do and every part of it violates my you know my values my yeah totally framework yeah like i said you're not like who you are yeah yeah and now what you're doing to your right it's not you're not being authentic. This isn't you, right? You're like, you're being less of who you are in order to just not deal with emotions. And I'm here to tell you that it takes time, right? When you kick your habits, like when you kick your addictions aside and you start really dealing with life and you're like present 24-7, first of all, the first thing is you are physically exhausted. And any addict would tell you the first year you go sober, you're like tired all the time. And you're like, why am I so fucking tired. And then you're like, oh, yeah, I'm tired because I never lived in reality 24-7. And living in reality 24-7, like normal people, is very exhausting at first. You'll get used to it, but it's very tiring because you're always checking out. So you're not really dealing with real life all the

time. And that is hard. That's why you check out because you don't want to deal with it, right? But eventually, yeah, go on. I did. I mean, this is the way I've dealt with things since I was a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, it was daydreaming before, but then. the, you know, you hit 12 and the daydream turned into, you know, sexual daydreaming. 100%. Oh, I do the same thing happened to me. And then when you get a little older, it could be drug, you know, and it could be sex when you get into adult.

You could take on these things. Yeah, it all starts back then. And what happens, let me tell you, what happens is when you quit, whatever you quit, you go back to being like the emotional age that you were when you picked everything up, right and then you start from there. So I always make jokes like I'm emotionally like 30 something or at this point because I've been sober for 15 years. I probably, you know, started everything at 15, you know. And so like maybe I'm like a 30 year old emotionally and I still have work that I have to do. And it's a lot of work that you have to pick up. But it's just like you didn't learn how to deal with stuff because you just never dealt with it, you know. But you can learn now.

you really can. And because, like, I really think functioning alcoholics or functioning addicts are the, like, you have a really good chance of being successful, like, of kicking your stuff because you, you have, like, all the stuff that you have to, that you put into your addiction, keeping it going and all that smart stuff that you do and all that commitment. Like, if you, if you channel that into being a sober person and do it as well as you do everything else, you will be able to do it. You know what I mean?

That's how I was. Like, I was always like, I was like vicious in my bad stuff, but I was like as vicious in my sobriety. And that's why I was, and I was able to be successful. And I did it without AA. You know, I only did AA for a short time. Like, I've gone to some sex addict, love addict meetings here and there. And that stuff works for a certain kind of person, you know, whatever works is good, you know.

But I was able to kick everything. And listen, when you. kick one thing. Like I stopped drinking alcohol and then I realized I had like, I had like, I would create brain tumors and like serious diseases sometimes to check out of reality. You're like, you always got to be careful because you see yourself in certain times always trying to get away, you know, from a feeling. But like over time, you learn how to just sit with feelings and be okay with them. And I'm telling you, I've said this before my podcast, it's like life before as a drinker, a life as a sober person. It's like going from living in a totally,

pitch black room to going to a room that's completely bright. Like it's that much. It's like a 100% difference. I swear to you as long as you're alive. I don't care if you were fucking 65. I'd still tell you to do it because it's it's so worth it. You're only in your 40s. If you live till you're 85 like you have so many more years that you could live like way more happy. And I'm not saying listen, life is not about being happy every fucking day, you know. But what what it's about is like feeling inner peace. Do you know what I mean? That inner sort of feeling of being completely fulfilled. Your feet are on the ground. And therefore, on a day that you feel like fucking shit or things are really bad for a little while, like you're okay. Do you know what I mean? That's what it's about.

It's not about you're not going to find a place in life where you're happy all the time. It's not that. It's that you have like an inner sense of peace. And like I said, and you feel solid and that you could deal with stuff. And that is happiness in a way. Do you know what I mean? You don't have that now. You have like you're chasing the fucking dragon. And it's like not even like fun.

And that's why I know it's like an addiction. Like I've had other guys that call in and they fuck a lot of different people and they're fine with it. And that's their story. This is your story. And I wish it was weird. When you first called, I thought to myself, he sounds so young. Like you're, I don't know. And in a way you.

Oh, okay. Right. because you're immature. No, really, I was the same way. I'm like 48 and I always looked so good for my age and I was like immature. I didn't have a baby. I just had a baby. Like I did everything way later in life because I was immature.

It took me a long time to grow the fuck up, you know? And you do have that and it's weird because like you say you look young, you feel like, you know, you do have that sort of vibe, you know. But I think it's maybe time for you to grow up or maybe not. then you'll start looking like shit, I don't know. But I don't know. I wish you would just get some fucking help and try to conquer this part of yourself. I really believe that you could be successful.

I just feel that you have that in you. It's hard work, but, you know, who cares? Like, it's good to do things like that in life, you know? Because what is the alternative? Like, what are you, like, you're listening to my podcast and trying to go live out fantasies of these people's stories. Like, you know, is that what you say you do?

Yeah, I mean. I can't wait to listen to this. It can be depressing. No, but like, listen, I'm sorry. If you were my friend, I'd be like, and you called me up and you said, oh, I just listened to my life story and I'm so depressed.

I'd be like, oh, my God, I'm so happy for you. Like, you should be depressed, okay? Sorry to say, but you should sort of be depressed with where you're at. because it's not a good place. That's reality. Reality is you're not in a good place.

But if you change it and do something about it, like you eventually will. But if you don't, you will just be in this perpetual state of like looking for something that you're never going to find. And your life will go on and you'll be with your wife. And maybe like you'll be forced into, you know,

a bottom one day. Maybe you never will. I mean, that's even worse. Because I always felt like as a person that reached the bottom and had to be plucked out, was able to be plucked out and had a terrible thing and changed everything. Like, I felt like I was like a lucky one, you know. You'd be lucky to have a bottom and get out.

Or you could try to sort of bring that on yourself and get, because, you know, get the help that you need. And maybe through talking to somebody, like you could get to a place where you could start changing your behavior and just start having like the balls to sort of face things and learn how to deal with them. Because you can. It's just learning it. And the only way you'll ever learn it is if you stop those other things. That's the only way to know what you're shoving fucking deep down inside, you know, and what you're so afraid of. And I swear to you that you would be fine.

It takes time. And it is like I always, I always feel bad because I feel like I make it sound so terrible and hard that nobody would ever want to do. But that's the reality, you know, because it is like you give up a huge part of who you are. sure you know and it is difficult in that sense and for you it's gonna but I think because you have because you have a little bit of this persona and stuff but I do think there's a way for you to do it without people knowing like listen if you don't get busted and you don't you know and that's not what brings on you changing like I think you could do all the work and go through everything

without everyone knowing your fucking business you know so it's not like you have to change your percentage of it. Maybe you just have to be a little bit more vulnerable and maybe let your wife know or people around you know that you're not perfect and you have, you're not dealing with like you need a little help in life. Everybody does. I think that's more normal than people not. I'm telling you the people, the most of the people, listen, I think there's people out there that are totally okay, you know, like seriously. They had good parents. They're like, they had a good, you know, and they're pretty okay. But that's not the majority of people. A lot of people are not fucking okay. And lot of people that are trying to act like they really are the real quote unquote normal ones.

They're the ones that are so fucked up, you know? Sure. You're one of those people. I agree. You are and you agree. You know, you're not dumb. You're a smart fucking person, you know? You just need to grow up and take care of your shit.

And I think that you would be a lot happier. Is there anything that we didn't, like why do you? And the fact that, like, you feel very close to strippers. Is that what you said in your, like, you feel like, so you could relate to them, right? In a way, is that what you said? Or what did you mean by that, the whole stripper thing? You said, sure.

Yeah. I mean, I think that I like, so I've had, since I've been married, you know, I've gotten lots of attention from lots of women. But I've never acted on it with a woman who wasn't a stripper or a hooker. Right. You know, because you always have people rate themselves. I'd say I'm a nine. Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's it. I've never had someone rate themselves a nine. Yeah. I've had a 14 and mostly six and sevens. Gotcha. And, you know, I'm outgoing and I know a lot of people. I've had lots of women be interested in me, but I can't. I'm never going to do anything with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to fuck up my marriage. Right. And but I go into a strip club and I get the same attention and I get more attention than any of the other guys in there. And, you know, I'm not paying them a lot of money. Mm-hmm. to give me that attention.

So that's the deal, you know. Right, right. And that's why you relate in that world. It kind of works for you. Right. Yeah. And, you know, yeah. Right.

But like, yeah, because I was just going to make the point, like, if you were a girl, like you would be acting out of your stuff, like, you'd probably be a stripper. Like your dysfunction would make you, like, maybe a stripper. And you know what I'm saying? You're as fucked up as they are on some level. You know, you really are. We all act out our stuff differently, you know? And that's why I could always.

relate to people like that or people like you were anyone. We all could maybe, maybe you wear a suit and tie and go to fucking work, but like you're no less damage and the girl that's acting out that way, you know? Yeah, if they are. I mean, they're not damaged. Yeah, 100%.

Right. I've said that before. Absolutely. Just like, you know, not all. I actually told a girl recently she should be a girl on my show. She just love sex and I'm just like, it's so terrible.

But like, I think that there's a small percentage of women. I think a lot of people, women that are stripping or do it or hooking or whatever are damage. I think there's a small percentage that aren't, right? But I would say more are than aren't because, you know, as a woman when I was fucked up, like I acted out more sexually and did all kinds of things. And now that I'm sort of sobered up, like, it's just like I wouldn't do those things to myself or my body. You know, there is a big difference.

So, yeah, you'd be like a stripper. But like, please get some help. Did we not cover anything? like I don't know if you called in for a therapy session. Probably not. But I never know how my shows were going to go. I never expected this call with you. Yeah, I mean, I didn't.

You know, I thought that some way this would turn me on. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure the title and how I'm going to title this is somebody that else, everyone else is probably thought the same thing. Thanks. Thanks, Kathy. My cock-flot. I'm a fucking cock-up.

I'm a fucking cock. block block. I do it all the time because really I started my podcast to actually help people. Like that's really what I've always wanted to do. And I do actually think that I help even the people that are able to just like talk about stuff that they've never been able to talk about, you know. But what we just did on the phone is like my favorite thing. Like this is like, I don't know.

I think it's better. And I don't care about all the people that thought they were going to get hard and horny from your stories. I think this is like a much better episode. And for you too. Sorry. And like when you listen to this, it will be good. Maybe you won't listen to it when I air it and you'll listen to it two months from now

or you'll listen to it and then you listen to it six months from now. But I think it will also help. I think it helped for you to talk about it and I think it will be very helpful for you to listen to. And I think that other people out there, it will be helpful for them too. Because I think what you're going through and what we talked about, a lot of people are. It's very common. It really is. so I think it's been I think it was good

like I said I prefer this kind of a podcast so I'm glad I cock-blocked you is what I'm trying to say you're gonna have to go create some fantasy catfish scenario because it didn't work with me I know but it maybe I'll hold off on that yeah try like just even if you just like do an experiment

right like don't go cold turkey just say like you know, for one week, I'm not going to do any of that stuff and just see how uncomfortable you get, you know, and look at yourself like from a third person, because really what it is is like all that stuff will start coming up and then you'll start to see what it is, you know? And maybe that will make you go get help because you realize, I don't know, just check it out. But there's, you know, it's, you need help doing it. Anyone that's going to quit something and addiction needs help. I tried AA, but I'm like that I'm like, it wouldn't have worked for me.

Like if you tell me every day, if you told me you have to go to a place every day and they tell me I'm not allowed to do something, I'm going to do it even more because I can't be focused on something. Do you know what I mean? That's not my mind. My mind is not that way. My mind's going to want to do it more. I had to, you know, I wound up going to therapy like three times a week.

Like that's what I did instead and like really was doing hardcore, just talking. And then I really learned to just like talk to friends and I learned that just talking about things like really help. That's all I got. you know so you'll figure out your way but you really need help doing it after you do your week long thing like just look into just getting a therapist just start with that I will you will yeah okay well keep me posted so I could I could see this how this rolls out because I'm curious okay I I want you to I really hope that you do that it's it's going to be really good for you

and I'm glad you called it thank you all right thanks Jay good luck bye all right Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being

girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord.

My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get in. to my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private. Like I said, all you got to do is, me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback.

Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.