Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 200 - Hannah Gave Happy Endings and a Whole Lot More for Cash

Episode Date: October 16, 2017

Hannah calls in because she thinks she might have a problem with alcohol and winds up talking all about how she worked at a "happy ending" business behind her boyfriends back for many years. How did she get involved in that kind of work? What exactly was she suppose to do with the guys? How far did she actually go with them? How did she eventually get caught? Tune on for all the juicy details plus hear all about what she's still doing with guys for money, why she thinks she has a problem with alcohol and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Strictly Anonymous on the Riotcast network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your Reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change.

Here are your hosts, Kathy Kaye and Tommy. Hey, welcome to Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. You want to follow show on Twitter, follow show, It's Tricked Anonymous from me at Cartoon Therapy. I keep forgetting to talk about this Reddit page that two of my colors set up. There's a Reddit page if you want to go talk about,

you know, the episodes. It's on Reddit and it's Let's Talk SAA Podcast. Okay, I think like you just go to Reddit and then Google Let's Talk essay podcast. And you could get in on a conversation. I'm also setting up a website. I've had the URL forever. I just, so I have a guy fixing it. So that'll be up and running.

And there'll be a link actually to the Reddit place. So it'll be easy to find. What else? If you want to be on my show, I'm always looking for people to call in. Nowadays, I just get so many people writing it. I don't have to really go looking for people, which is great for me. This is a calling of a show where I talk to strangers about all kinds of things. Just look through the title.

I mean, it looks like it's like a total dirty sex show, but it's really not. I actually like to help people and give people advice. So if you have a problem and you need advice, no matter how mundane it is, I would talk to you. I like doing stuff like that. So I mean, email, it's trickle anonymous podcast at gemal.com. Or if, like, you have an interesting lifestyle that you live. lead and nobody knows about it. You know, I always love those topics as well.

So write in and I'll have you on the show. I have on a girl who wrote in. Her name is Hannah. And you know, her email was a little, was interesting to me. And, you know, it's funny because she wrote in because she had listened to a podcast of another person. And a young girl who was an alcoholic

or thought she was an alcoholic maybe. And she was like, oh, I could totally relate to this person. And then she just, like, threw in this thing, like, oh, I work for a happy ending. business at some point. And I was like, you know, and what wound up happening is when we got on the phone together and I started to ask her questions, the whole podcast became about this whole happy ending business aspect of her life because it was fascinating to me. And I really wanted to know about that kind of stuff. And it turns out, I mean, I personally think, you know, because she says

she compartmentalizes this in her mind. And I think she compartmentalizes it, you know, in a title that isn't necessarily true. Like to say that she worked in a happy ending business, I don't know if that's really accurate. Because it wasn't like she just gave hand jobs for a living. She did a whole lot more. And that's what, you know, came out while we spoke. And that's what confused me, like afterwards

because I'm just like, oh, she said a happy ending business, but not really. And maybe it's a whorehouse. I don't know what you call those places where guys go to get like sort of, you know, extra stuff for money. I don't know what you call it. But she calls it a happy ending business.

I don't know what to call it, but it's a whole lot more than that because she did do a whole lot more than that. And that all came out. And she did all this when she had a boyfriend, which was very interesting. She also thinks she has an alcohol problem. And we touch on that at the end. And I felt really bad actually when I was editing it and listened to it again because like the poor girl, I think, called in for that. And I didn't even get a chance to really speak to her about that for that long because the other stuff was so interesting. So maybe I'll have her back on.

But for now, it's, you know, a whole lot of information about the happy ending, quote-unquote, business that she worked on and what she did and how her boyfriend didn't know about it and how she kept that a secret and what went down at this place. It's really interesting. So I'm going to be right back on with Hannah. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly? and be on the show.

Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hey, Hannah, welcome to a strictly anonymous podcast, your own. Kathy, how are you doing today? Doing well.

How are you? I'm good. So, Hannah, you stumbled upon my podcast, right? and you were like, you sent me an email recently saying that you had listened to one of the drunk girls that I had on. Was it like Julie? I had like a couple girls. Like it's kind of interesting to me. It was Julie? There's another one you should listen to. I think I probably listened to that one too. Okay. Yeah. How old are you by the way? Because I don't even know. I'm 25. Oh, okay, 25. Yeah. I was just like, oh, like this is how I do like scientific studies. I talk like two to two people who are 25 and they claim to be like drunk girls. Then I decide that. I decide that. like, wow, there's so many drunk 25-year-old. Like, you know what I mean? Like, we're everywhere. Yeah.

You're like, maybe that's a trend. I wonder if that's like a thing now. And if it was like if it's more now than it was before. But you said in your email and I'll just give like the quick intro and then you could get into more details. But like you said in your email to me that you could totally like relate to her like blacking out and all that kind of stuff. So probably you might have, not probably, but maybe you have an issue with alcohol.

I don't know. We'll have to talk about it. And also you says, something interesting and I was like I wonder what this is all about but like you said that you also got into like a quote unquote happy ending business that you kept from your boyfriend who you dated for like four years and he eventually found out like recently and you recently broke up with him too but but he did find out recently but that was something that you kept on the download so like I don't know where we're going to start right that's all true that's all true um yeah so we had we actually just broke up this

past Thursday. So, but prior to that, we had been together for four years. And I had actually started with the, you know, happy ending company or whatever you want to call it right after we had started dating. So, but wait, let me ask you this, because I was confused, but I was like, don't tell me anything because I just want to do this on tape. Like, you know what I mean? Like what I'm talking to.

I don't really like to know that much. But like, when you said you got involved in a happy ending business, I was thinking, oh, maybe you started one yourself is what you're saying is that you just like signed up for one like to be like a happy ending girl with a business that was already out there. Right, right. Yeah. No, I didn't start anything. I just entered into it. Interesting. So you were like kind, because it's not like a hooker, but you really like signed up to make. Like was it a way to get money for you? Like how come like you got like how what was the thought process behind you getting involved in that whole thing? Yeah. So actually for me it did come down. to it being over financial reasons. But I had heard about it through a roommate like two years prior when, you know, I hadn't met my boyfriend. I was doing fine financially. And I was living with this roommate and she had told me about it. And I was like, well, that's kind of weird. I don't really understand or get it. But okay. And then I just kind of put it on the back burner. Was your roommate one of that? Like she did it? And that's, or did she have just heard about it?

Yeah. So she had said that she did it. But then when I brought it up to them, they couldn't even understand who I was talking about. And she didn't even really seem like she looked like one of the girls that would work there. So I'm not even really sure about that. What does that mean? What did the girls look like that work there? Like she wasn't hot enough? She was too hot.

Like what was the only mean? Yeah. Her, yeah, she just wasn't what they really were looking for. I mean, as far as her body and face, kind of. No, nobody knows who you are, so just get cut to the chase. Like, she was, like, busted and they liked the hot girls. Yeah, she was well busted. Okay.

Okay, so you remembered, so two years goes by, right? You had met your boyfriend already, and, like, you were, like, in finance, like, you're having some financial difficulties, and all of a sudden you thought of that place that your friend had told you about? Right. So it had kind of popped up to me. You know, I was going to go back to school, and I had had, had. had a little bit of issues money-wise and so I ended up emailing them and how she told you

their name and all the like she got specific with you yeah she showed me the website and everything and I had remembered it and did you ask a lot of questions back then like did you know what the deal was like oh that you're just like jerking off these guys or like and how much you made and stuff or did you get those details when you called I actually didn't even know that they jerked them off But I just because she showed me the website and it was like, oh, it's a private viewing. Like it's a strip tease, you know, kind of thing. And so I was like, okay, so do you like go to their house or like what's going on? And she was like, no, they all just come to you and you're up one location.

Oh, so you were like signing up to be like kind of like a private stripper. Really initially. So when she had told you, it wasn't like, oh, listen, this is I do happy endings on the side and this is the website. She said I do like private stripping and this is the website. Yeah, I didn't even know any of that. Okay, so that's when you decided to get involved in something, you thought, oh, I'm going to go just take my clothes off in front of strange men. Yeah, dance around, you know. Yeah, yeah, dance around.

Had you ever done any kind of like stripping into strip clubs or anything like that before or was this going to be your first time to do something like this? It would have been my first time, but I did kind of look into stripping like, you know, before I had. gone this avenue, but I had never, you know, made that jump. Okay, so you looked into that, though, as well before you made this jump. You, like, skipped over the stripping and went the VIP room in the back room stripping. Pretty much. That's so interesting. Why do you think you decided not to do the stripping, but decided to do this? Did you think it was because this was more on the down-low? Honestly, yes. And I just don't even know, you know, I'm, I don't know how confident I am of my dancing skills. I mean, I know that they always say, you know, you don't

have to be professional or great, but I'm just like, I don't know how I feel about it. And then one of my friends had actually kind of been outed as a dancer, you know, where I lived. So I was just a little bit nervous about that as well. Right. So you, okay, so you call up this or you email this, like you go onto this website. You're dating a boy, a guy at the time, right? Is it, like newly into your relationship was it at the time? So it was really new into the relationship when I was looking into it. You know, not even a year, I would say. Uh-huh.

Probably six months or so. But, you know, at that point, we had already established that we were together and all that jazz. Okay. And you were very happy in your relationship, your guy was good. Like, everything was cool. Yeah, I was. You know, there was certain things that I was unhappy with at the time. But, you know,

I kind of got over that, I think. Okay, and you were drinking? Yeah. Blacking out, drinking. Like, I mean, do you think that, like, that whole liquid courage thing sort of helped you cross the line and get involved in this whole thing? I mean, I made all the decisions sober, but, you know, down the line, and I would go to work sober, but down the line, I ended up drinking at work.

But you started out totally. like this was a thing that a decision that you made you needed some cash what were you doing before or like during you know before you got so i was actually working at a hospital um or for a you know medical office in a hospital and um then i you know i was on my own um living with roommates and i just kind of wanted to try to move out on my own and go to school um continue on. And that's kind of just when I felt like I need a little more money. Right, right, right.

Totally. To live on your own when you're young, you know, and afford a rent. Because I did the whole roommate thing too. It's expensive and you're not going to make money in entry level positions. It's just really difficult, you know. So I saw a lot of my friends take that route to get like a lot of, you know, a lot more money, right?

Right. So you contact this website and like on the website and when you make the initial thing, you think you're just like dancing for men. And then what do you go in for an interview? Like how does the whole process go that you get hot? Yeah. So it was really weird. I exchanged, you know,

emails with the owner, I guess, who I thought it was. And he had asked to meet up with me near their location, not at the location, but actually at a grocery store right near it. So I get there. Like what,

in the produce department? Like, are there seats? Are there tables there? Just the park. lot. Oh, okay. Oh, God, even worse. Okay. Yeah, I know. So, you know, you know, the intellectual that I am pops in this guy's car. Yeah. Oh, my God. You could have been on a dateline episode. Oh, totally. I think that's so much, you know, so many times. Yeah, yeah. Almost sad. But I get in with this guy. Everything seems normal. And one of the things that made me feel comfortable about it almost, you know, after the fact,

was that he would actually get these calls from the girls. And I could hear the girls. And he would say, okay, you know, I'm sending him up now or you can let him out now. Right. So you knew it was like legit. Like he definitely was like he wasn't going to kill you. Yeah. Okay.

So you're sitting in the car with him and then when it goes down. So he asked me a series of questions regarding the new. nature of the business. Just making sure that I wouldn't do, I wasn't somebody that would do something for any amount of money because they're very concerned about the safety of the business, I guess. Uh-huh. Like, they didn't want you to go like screwing guys or blowing guys for extra money on the side. But how do they question you to find out that you're not that type of person?

Like, what would you say? So the only thing that would say was, you know, would you do this? and would you do that without actually telling me what they expected? Right, right, right. So basically, that's kind of smart, right? Because some girls might be like thinking, oh, like, thinking that's what they're going to do. When the guy says it, they'd be like, oh, yeah, definitely. Like, I'm glad I'm allowed to, right?

And then that's the trick question because they don't want you to do something like that because they don't want to get busted. Exactly. Okay, so you answered correctly. Like you were like not willing to like cross that line. I was like, so I was kind of on one of the questions, I was like, well, maybe, like, because I didn't, I didn't know how to give him. Wait, which question? Well, when he was asking about a blowjob, I was like, maybe. And then the sex thing, I said no.

And then, you know, things like that. But, you know, I gave a maybe there. Okay. And so when did you realize that you'd have to, like, jerk the guys off? pretty much when you know at that visit what did he tell you like did he say okay this is what like goes down pretty much because after that that meeting we went he asked if this is something I'd be interested in and I said yes so he took me actually to the apartment that they were at and then I can't remember if it was that visitor the next where they did like a mock walk through of what I was kind of supposed to do. Kind of like training.

Yeah, okay. How does that go to? So, like, what was the apartment? How was the apartment set up, like, different rooms, a bunch of different rooms? And, like, there was a bunch of different girls in, like, a waiting room. And then, like, the guy would go into a room with one girl and maybe into another guy goes into another room. Like, how do they have it set up?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the first apartment that we were at had three rooms. Right. Um, one was the master, which not a lot of people got to go into unless you were like, I don't know, they liked you. Um, and usually the other two were used. And then we would just use a divider. Um, the girls would be, you wouldn't go in unless they really liked you. What the hell is that mean? No, like, if the girls like the guy or the guy has been around a lot or he's just kind of a good guy that doesn't make a lot of annoyances for the girls kind of thing. Uh-huh. It's kind of like you had to request the bedroom, but you didn't always get the, the, bedroom. Okay, interesting. But they weren't sex in there with the guys. I mean, is that what that meant? Yeah, because it's, yeah, it's more encouraging for the guys, I think, to have a bedroom versus couches. Right, right. So you didn't want to go in there with just anyone because then they'd assume that

they were going to get more action. Right. Oh, okay. Okay, so they give you a run through to some girl go in and show you like what the deal is and she says like, you damps, like what did you have to do? So, you know, after you got them in there and they would kind of sit down and you just say you know get comfortable whatever would you like some water things like that and then we would come back

and I don't know because for me I would just kind of base it off the vibe of them and if they were really nervous I'd just sit down and kind of chat and not get too close or touchy but if they you know came there a lot

and already knew what they wanted. You can kind of just get into it. And what was getting into it? What did that involve? Getting into it. For most of them, I wouldn't even dance at all.

It would mostly just be touching and kissing. Oh, you'd have to kiss them? Well, no, you didn't have to. It was kind of up to your discretion and decision. But I did kiss some of them, not all of them, though, because some of them were.

But some of them were hot? Hot enough to kiss? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, of course, because it's not like, oh, just busted guys. It's not like, I think, you know, many, many years ago people, there was like some sort of stigma around men paying for sex, right, or anything like that. And it would just be like, oh, that's what like losers did or ugly guys, you know,

and it's just like, it's very, it's just a different world out there where I don't think that a change in different guys are doing it. Now, I think what it is is like the sort of way people look at it is different. So more people are honest about it. But the truth is that every kind of guy will pay for it every day. Because sometimes a man just wants no hassle. You know, so it's a hot guys, old guys, young guys, fat guys, skinny guys, in shape guys.

You know, it's all the above, right? So sometimes you found the guy attractive enough to like kiss him. Because I mean, to me that would be, like, I don't know. Like I have to really like someone to kiss them. So when you said kiss them, it was like, oh, God. Like that would be like, yeah, maybe I'd blow them, but I wouldn't kiss them. I'm like, that's where I would struggle like. But you would sometimes feel like, was it after you were with the guy like a couple times?

Like you had regulars? Because I know you did say in your email to me when we went back and forth that you still see a couple of those guys now. So I'm assuming some of them came back as like repeat customers and all the time, whatever, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Every, you know, usually every time I was there, it would be repeat customers. Like they kind of had a pool of people that would all be, you know, repeats. And so that's mostly what it was.

was the whole time. But let me ask me this. When you went through your run through, right? And the girl said, because you're thinking, like at some point when that guy's, you're in that car with that guy, I mean, you have to be understanding that like this is a little bit more than just like a dance, right? Right. Did she tell you like and then like you jerk like was she just like straight up with you and like and then like you just like take their pants out and jerk them off and that's the deal. Like I mean, who explained like how far you could go what you're supposed to do? Yeah. So it was a little shady. at first, like, he never really came out and said anything.

But, you know, one of the girls kind of befriended me who had been there for a couple of years, and she just kind of told me straight up. And, you know, just to come in and give him a hug and kiss if you want. And then, you know, this particular girl just liked to get it over with kind of thing. Yeah. So she would just, she was just straightened to the point. and did that type of thing. But then there was other girls who would stay in the appointments for the whole time, going over,

you know, just talking to guys the whole time. And not even jerking them off or doing that at the end? Probably at the end, mostly. But there were guys that would come in and just talk or have this guy that came in all the time and he just wanted to hug and cuddle. Oh, gosh. I don't get that. Which is like worse almost.

but well it's easy i don't know but so but she eventually though but like eventually you realize that you're going to be like jerking off these guys like were you nervous about that like because i know you were nervous about dancing like were you like really good at because sometimes like i don't know i it wasn't until like maybe 10 years ago and i had this friend who told me like how great he loved like to him hand jobs were like the best thing that were ever invented and he used to always like tell me these like tricks of the trade of like hand jobs and i just never i always thought it was like a joke like who cares about hand jobs but there is like so I think you know back in the day I would have been a little nervous like I have to give hand jobs like I don't know how to give a really good hand

like you know what the fuck do you do yeah like what do these guys expect you know but and there is so they did like the girls teach you were you a little nervous like what the hell am I supposed to do I don't think many people do that yeah I was definitely nervous because I'm like you I didn't really give hand jobs ever you know I kind of skip that whole part of my life yeah most people have but guys like it so I supposedly I think. Right. And so even, you know, even down the line of my short career or whatever, I was still like,

oh, maybe this girl gives a better, you know, hand job to me and I'm just not doing it. But, you know, you kind of learn certain things like twist emotions from like porn and things like that. That's exactly what my, because my friend used to be like totally into hand jobs. And I'm just like, I don't get it. He's just like there's something that two hands could do at the same time that like no mouth or no pussy could ever do. Do you know what I mean?

And he would do that twisty motion of both hands going in the opposite direction. Right. Okay. Yep. That's the move. Yeah. So I probably perfected my heart with that one there a little bit. But.

So you just started straight up doing that. So like do you start working that day and like how many days a week did you work and like how much money did you make? So you could pick your hours. but they usually wanted you to work at least three days, but I started out working four to five days a week, and then slowly it kind of trickled down because I was just doing really long hours and things like that.

So the first day I only worked for a couple of hours and made, you know, $400-something dollars. So to me, for it being my first day, that amount of money even, I was like, oh my God, $400. Yeah, one day, and that's take home cash. I mean, you're not paying taxes on it, right? Exactly. Yeah. Which is a whole other can of worms.

Yeah. Yeah, so that was nice to have. But typically, how much were you rolling in, like a day or a week when you started? Probably, I mean, on average, like a thousand. And now let me ask you It's the first day that you did it Like did you feel like freaked out that you did it Or were you totally like

This is great like I mean what were your initial like first feelings about? You know what I'm saying? Yeah Before my first appointment I know I was really really nervous But that guy ended up just wanting to go down on me The whole time Whoa Excuse me, excuse me

Okay Yeah Okay and did you wait but first of all We skipped a that part in the car like to the guy did the guy ask you the question like if a guy wants to go down on you will you let him like what did you say to that answer because i did not know that there was anything else going on except happy ending no he didn't even ask that i mean he asked if uh no he didn't ask that actually okay so wait wait so your first appointment okay yeah i'm sorry people are going to want to hear the long drawn out this story okay i'm going to draw it out because it might be hot it might not i don't know where we're going with this but this is like This is your first thing. You're nervous. And like you go in,

out, is the guy good looking? Is he old? Like, what's his deal? So he is probably as maybe 40, late 40s, I would want to say. Kind of kind of in good shape on the skinnier side, but in good shape. He was very quiet and had this kind of like, you know, naughty smile to him. So it kind of made sense that he wanted to push that boundary a little bit. Right, right.

But it was something that was up to us. They told you that? Yeah. Meaning, like, so how far could you go that was up to you? Just that. Just that. So, like, hand jobs and them going down on you, but. We're okay, I guess.

But not you blowing them. Right. And now, was it more money for them to go down? Like, what was the deal? I think some people would charge more. I wasn't always sure about that because at first when I was doing it or, you know, I wouldn't let people do that a lot. But when I did, I didn't, you know, charge extra or anything. I was just like, okay, this is, you know, part of their time that's going on.

And if that's what you want to do with your time, that's fine. But I think some people will charge. And then towards the end, I did start charging for it. Okay. So your first guy, how does he come around to let you know that that's like what he was. wants. I mean, because you're thinking you're just going to, you know, jerk him off and like, that's your thing, right? Like, yeah. When did he say, like, oh, no, I want to go down. Like, how did that transaction happen? Yeah, he did kind of tell me. He just looked at me. He was like,

oh, I really want to taste you. And I was like, okay. Let me ask you this. Was that like a turn on to you? Like, were you, like, turned on by this experience? So I actually, I actually came that time because he was really, really good at it. But I wasn't expecting it because I don't normally, or I don't think that I normally like that in my normal life. Really? But, I mean, I don't, so it's weird. So with my boyfriend, we just didn't really do it a lot.

He's not into it or something? No, he always would want to, but I just get turned on in other ways more. So, I would say. and for whatever reason, it just sometimes felt uncomfortable with people that I didn't really know well. But then you go here and it's this random stranger and I don't really care what he thinks of me. I don't really care, you know, if he wants to go down that bad, that's his decision. Yeah. And so it was kind of hot.

Right. And he was really good at it. Right. So you actually came? I did. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And now, because like basically you're just dating this guy, right? Like you really like him. You're six months into it. And so yeah. Did you like, did you think like, did you think of this as like cheating on your boyfriend or did you have it like framed in your head like this is what I'm doing to make some money and this is what I have to do? Um, I feel like I kind of compartmentalized it a bit. Yeah. And I could kind of, because I want to, I wanted to feel guilty. Like I do. I do. but then again, you know, I didn't have feelings for these guys.

They didn't take it home and think about them. None of it connected for me. Right. So you, but so that's what I'm saying. Like in your mind, you didn't sort of like after like that you were with that guy in that first day, you didn't sort of have like some kind of conflicted feelings about it because oh, I'm dating someone and I just cheated on them because like I said, you sort of saw it as something that you were doing just for the cash.

Right. So I didn't feel like it was cheating. I just wish, I felt bad about lying about it and I wish I could have felt open enough to tell him, but I just... No, you couldn't have told him. No. Yeah. No. You couldn't have done both.

You had to lie. What did he think you were doing? What did he think your job was? Excuse me? Nanny. Nannying. Didn't he ever ask you questions or was he just happy? Yeah.

He didn't come home and talk about your day with kids. Because most guys, all my guy friends complained about how the fact that they have to like talk to their girls about the shit that they do at work and they don't really care, you know? And so, like, your boyfriend must have been happy that you never came home and gave him details. Right. You didn't have them. I mean, what were you going to say when you came home from work? Well, I know, right?

But, like, after two years, you have to, like, start saying something. You know what I mean? Yeah. Uh-huh. So at one point, he had asked me, like, about a picture. And in my mind, I was literally, like, thinking of my friends, like, who, whose babies can I steal for the picture you know who's pictures will have access to should I go on Craigslist and ask for pictures I mean I didn't know yeah so it was just and I don't even remember

how I got out of that I think I just so you did it for you I mean you listen you told me that you could I could do the math right it's pretty easy you said you started doing this like six months into your relationship he dated him for four years so you did this for at least and he just found out three months ago were you doing it through the whole time or just for the two years. I was doing it for the two years. So it must have been 2014, 15. Well, whatever, like two or three years you did this? Yeah, two or three years. And then this past January, I moved out of the city. So I quit at that point. Let me ask you this. What is the far, like, how, like, what's, what is, like, the farthest that you went besides, like, did you ever do anything else with any of these guys besides

that the hand jobs and them going down to you? Yeah, I did. Tell me that. Like what happened? So it took a while to get to that point, but I think I just kind of became comfortable with certain people. And, you know, the money is definitely, you know, a factor in that as well. Well, how much would they offer you for more? Like, what was the price range?

Like, what was the, you know, price list or whatever you want to call? Yeah, I guess the range. So they would kind of like, they would either be up front about it and just say, hey, I'd like to give you, you know, a hundred more for a blow job or something like that. Or they would just be like, oh, I'm, I'm just a very generous person and try to, you know, do it that way. But I don't really remember the first time I went there. But where's there? Was the first time you went? because you, you know, you're jerking guys off.

You're letting them go down on you. So what is the first other thing that you do, a blow job? Right. Because I'm assuming you probably had sex with somebody else too, right? Yeah, I did. Okay, so. And the guys I see now, I definitely do. And they pay you for it.

Right. Okay. So, but so the first thing you do is like you start letting, you start blowing them for a little extra cash. Yeah. Okay. I feel like we're never going to get to that drinking stuff because this is so fascinating to me.

I guess that's just, you know, whatever. No, we'll get to it. Okay, wait, so I find this whole thing is so interesting. All right, so you do that and you start blowing people. And so then eventually, like, how does, and how is that for you? Fine. Like, do you let them come in your mouth? Um, no.

That extra? Do they have to pay extra? Yeah, that would probably be extra, I would say, because they did ask about that. And, and I got there too. I, you know, because I, you know, know, I like giving blow jobs. And that's something that turns me on as well. So for me, that wasn't a hard thing to do, especially for the amount of time that it took

versus, you know, what I got in return. What do you mean what you got in return as far as? You mean the money? Yeah. Okay. So it was just kind of a win-win. So an extra hundred and if you swallowed, how much more to swallow? I don't know, 50.

50? That's smart. That's good. I was hoping you weren't going to say 20 bucks. No. I know some girl that probably would. Right. So you were like 150 more for that.

And then eventually, and you like that. You were into, like, would they do? Like, because you were like turned on by this, like, would they do stuff to you at the same time? Sometimes. I mean, I remember a few instances where, you know, some people would be really into 69 and do that. But I kind of just like doing. own thing um in that respect and i don't know i've just i just like i would rather go down on them them go down on me or them just or just be an awkward time but like how many times like i know

you said you came that first time will you come a lot with these guys as far as no after that no i was kind of just a one-off yeah but i would i would come especially the guys who i found out out that were really good at going down on me and I kind of figured out what I liked three them, which was really good. So, you know, with those, I would say probably only five guys regularly. That would be able to, right. That would be able to make, yeah. But what about when you started having sex?

So, you mean, would I come? Yeah, that and then I want to get into how you cross that. line but yeah one do would you go i would say it was pretty 50-50 you know like if i'm doing i don't know it sounds horrible but like multiple pops a day there then i'm not going to like be able to every time right so but i would definitely make the point too how many guys a day would you see about anywhere from well i've you know at some points you would only see a couple a day but you usually Usually it was around like 10, 12. That's a lot.

And once you started to have, okay, so when did you first have sex with the guys? Was it like early on? Did you switch over and start doing everything? No, it was a lot later on. It was probably, or maybe it might have been a year into it. Mm-hmm. And so one guy that you felt comfortable with, I mean, how did that go down that you decided to do that? Did they offer you just like so much cash that you were like, okay?

Yeah, I mean, all of them would. You know, all of them wanted to go there. I mean, not everybody, but a good majority would. And so, yeah, it was just kind of waiting until I felt comfortable and I didn't feel like I was going to get in trouble or fired for it. Just kind of knowing my place there. And how would you not get caught doing that? Because wasn't that supposedly something you weren't supposed to do or did all the girls do it and who knew any people? Um, I, I know a few others that did.

So it wasn't like I was the only one, but then I also know that there weren't, you know, there were ones who definitely weren't doing that. Right. Now, would the guys have condoms or would you have them? They would have them. So that was another thing that, you know, if they didn't have one, then it would be a no-go. How much was the amount that made you say, oh, they would have them? okay, I'll do it? The first time it was 200.

After that, I was just, I would kind of pick and choose based upon how I felt about them. If that makes sense at all, like if they were kind of an easy, easygoing person or easy to get off, you know, it's, I'm not going to require really as much. Right. But. But. Hello? Yeah. How much?

What was the most that you got? Oh, the most? Yeah. The most was $1,000. Mm-hmm. And would you get that from, like, an ongoing person? Is that one of the people that you still see? Not someone I still see, but they were a regular.

Mm-hmm. So that was just their tip on top of the normal fee. Right. That was great. That guy had some cash. Yeah. Did you? And so, I mean, that was like a good score.

How many times a week would he come in? He would only come like once every two weeks. Right. So you were getting it on with tons of guys. You were doing a lot of stuff behind your boyfriend's back. I was. And when you say you eventually started to drink, was that just because, I don't know,

because, I mean, you didn't really seem like to have a problem with it going into it, right? You had compartmentalized it. It was fine for you. You didn't really feel bad about what you were. were doing. Like, when did the drinking start? Well, the drinking, I mean, I've always been a blackout drinker. I've always been a drinker. You know, the first night that my boyfriend introduced me to his friends, I, or actually his family, I got blackout drunk and, like, probably made a fool of myself. So I've always kind of been that way. So I don't know if the two necessarily

No, but you said you eventually started drinking at work, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I think it was just boredom at that point or, or just kind of wanting to feel differently. I don't know. Maybe that is, um, a part of me that was a little bit of the alcoholic, you know, I would sometimes come in at 12 usually. And then the afternoon. Yeah. Uh-huh. And then, you know, leave in the afternoon or leaving the evening.

And, um, it was just boring. Right. Because you're just hanging around. But, like, would you get, if you would get drunk at work, like, how would you go home to your boyfriend? Like, how would you clean that up? Because if you're babysitting, I mean, you just definitely don't want to come home wreaking like alcohol. Yeah. I would usually say that I went out after work for happy hour.

Yeah. And then used that kind of as an excuse. How did he find out three months ago? So, actually, a way is supposed. Prior to him finding out probably a year into me working there, a friend of his, I guess, was perusing back page and saw a picture of me because we actually had our pictures up with our face. Your real pictures? With your face? I know.

How dumb were you? I know. I know. Did you know that they were doing that? I did, but it seemed like, it seemed, you know, I was like 21 or, I was. whatever, right? So it seemed like it was, oh, it was more professional or they get better clients because of this and, you know, because the face is on there is why they have more and a better clientele, I guess. Okay. So you justify, but you never had a fear of anybody seeing you? I mean,

you were in, you had a lot to lose. I mean, you were in a relationship. You were living a double life. Like, you never thought that through? I guess you don't think like things like that when you're young. I forget. Yeah, no. And I had moved from many states away. So I kind of thought, you know, who's really going to be on here? And if they are, then they're doing something wrong, too. Oh, yeah, okay, right. I could see that thing. I'm thinking. So your boyfriend's friend, is that who saw it? Yeah, he saw it and he, you know, screenshot it and sent it over to him. And I kind of just said I sold my pictures, you know, for a one-time cash thing. And he bought that. He did.

Okay. And then how did he really find out? And then him really find out came from texts to my phone from these guys that were looking to see me. And just kind of building up over time, I think maybe seeing the text or seeing a weird thing here and there. And then one day he just grabbed it and I just had no other choice. waste and to kind of come forth with it. Wait, so you mean, you left your job, right? And then you kept in touch with guys, right? And so where, so like, is that why you left? Because you figured you could just make the money that you're making with these guys on the side and just like have less guys,

work less amount of time, right? Make the same. Yeah, well, I actually left because I moved. Oh, right, right. Right. And moved to a different city and moved in with him. So. Well, how do you keep the guys? I just, I would get their number. And they would travel. And they would travel. to see you. Or I would go back up there. Okay. And so your boyfriend started to see like little things that didn't add up like you were always on your phone and you'd like disappear to go places. Like what was the stuff that was making him suspicious?

I would say mostly text messages. One of them came through and this guy had said just hotel question mark. And so that wasn't a great look. And that's what he caught you on. I mean, because you said like he was starting to see little things here and there, right? So he was getting suspicious and distrustful of you, right? Uh-huh, right. And then when he took your phone, what he saw was the hotel question mark?

What he saw was, well, he had seen that one prior to this. But then the next one that he saw when he got the phone was my name at that place, which is on the website. Yeah. So when back when that guy had sent him the website and everything, he had known. my name for that place and I'm just like well I don't know who that is you know what was your name for that place why didn't we use that name on this show what was the name well because I don't know I still feel weird to using that name oh okay why you know I don't know you used it for so long okay so you didn't want to you okay but so anyway you had a made up name when he remembered it from the picture and then

he sees it on your text message and he puts everything together right and then you copped to everything Yep I mean he's pretty much Like you know Tell me right now Or you know We can't be together I mean

If I would have lied I would have You know Still like an idiot Either way I would have Well you were lying And getting away with it

But like you just kept getting busted So there was like You couldn't lie your way out of this Right I was just in a corner Yeah yeah Yeah So you told them the truth And how like

Because you know I don't know what you look like I don't know who you are. Like, first of all, I know my listeners that are listened to this and getting like horny from your stories, like all the guys that wish that, you know, you happy ending them and like let them fuck you and let you know them go down on you and like you got turned on and all the stuff that you

said. They want to know what you are on a scale of one to ten and what you look like, for real. What is your deal? First of all, that's my first question. Do you want like stacks? Yeah. I'm 115. I'm 5'3. I have a nice butt, cute face um but i'm not like i'm not like perfect by any means um i don't know maybe maybe eight yeah and eight that's good eight is good i mean i think seven's average eight is is really good you have a nice ass you're skinny you're in shape you're young right yeah i work out yeah right so you're you're you're in shape that's great but like if i knew you in real life like do you look like

the type of girl that somebody would think would do this or are you a totally like no one would ever believe do you know what I mean um that's an interesting question I mean I think people that see me get black out drunk would maybe be like oh this girl seems promiscuous and you know whatever but I think you know normal in my day to day life when I'm going to class or things like that I don't think people would ever I mean you seem straight lace and look that way like because like when I was younger people would always come up to me, be like, are you like a stripper? Like, and people always thought I look like, you know, and listen, I was promiscuous and I was a drinker, but I never did any of the stuff that you did, but I looked like I did. I looked like a whore.

You know what I mean? Like a really slutty girl. Like I'd dress the part, look the part, acted the part, you know, but I wasn't really doing that stuff. I was being more promiscuous just regularly with guys for no money, you know? Right. You, you were smarter than me. You made it in a business. But you were like, you know, and I always tend to think like a lot of times, like it's like the people that you would never know you know so like you don't really look the part you just unless yeah well the thing is yeah oh um yeah with me i just a lot of people think i look really really young for my age like oh the guys oh the guys must have loved that it's kind of like it's kind of like that type of thing where i don't look completely innocent because you know

sometimes in my day to day to day of life i like to wear tight tight shit i don't know right but um then again i don't look i you wouldn't I don't think that you would expect it either. Right. But you know, that whole thing of looking really super young, a lot of the guys probably came to just for that reason. Right. The little pedophiles that they are.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, I have a horrible story about that too. What do you mean? Well, there was this guy and we all, you know, the whole agency knew him and gave him a name and he was the pedophile guy. And he... Meaning he wanted you to like pretend you were like something. Like, what did he want?

want. Yeah, he just kind of wanted you to pretend that you were a little girl and he would tell you stories about, um, this other girl and how she would give this other little boy a bath and just these kind of out there stories. Uh-huh. Um, about children though. Yeah, about children. So at first it was a little bit disturbing, but then I kind of was like, I would, hopefully he's just doing it here and like, you know, I feel good about it if he's, you know, getting it out at this place. Right, as opposed to doing it in real life kind of thing. Right. And so all you guys experienced him.

Yeah, that's heavy shit. That's kind of, it's really gross. We'll move on from that. We don't want to ruin anyone's heart on if they're listening. Oh, yeah. But, and I don't even know if people are getting hard for the story. But, like, no, I won't edit it out because that's interesting too. Because you know that that shit goes down.

And, like, I do believe that, like, there are a lot of guys. Like, I mean, you know, you always, that's why this whole statutory rape thing is kind of weird because I feel sorry for some guys because they're like, you know, with girls that look way older, sometimes it's the opposite. You know, the girl looks way older than the guys fucking them. And then they find out they're only 16, you know, or 15 and they look like they're 18 or 20. You know, you were like older but looked way younger and probably some guys like that because it was legal, right?

You were the legal age, but you look super young. And the guys have a weird thing with that. But anyway, so your boyfriend stays with you for a couple months after that. Did you eventually break up because he just couldn't trust you anymore and move past that? That's really what I think it is, which I don't blame him. I mean, it makes complete sense. Yeah. But yeah, I think he just couldn't really get past it.

He got... I don't know how he could because I think it's not just the fact of what you did. I mean, there's a lot of layers to it for him to have to fucking swallow, you know? Right. You know, you looked him in the face so many times that just lied. Like you lied thousands of times him. you had to have because every day you were it was a lie right so yeah you're like you're not to be trusted you looked him in the face and lie you know and then be like you were like you were cheating on him

you know basically with men and you were doing something that's like kind of like you know some people would be like you know for money you know so that's a whole lot of you know i think you would you know i don't think you'd find a guy that would be okay with that you know what they find out after. I don't think he would have been okay with it if he knew about it either. I mean, you know, um, you have no choice to lie, but like the fact that he found out, like I think, you know, I understand why he would think he could get past it and stay with you. You were together for a long time and, you know, it's hard to get to break up with somebody, right? And to really leave and to cut things off. But, uh, he tried. He did it for three months and then it was just like you

guys couldn't get along anymore and you both decided to break up yeah well he would just you know yeah we just couldn't he couldn't get past he i tried to work you know there's only so much you can do when it i i took it that far um you know and i it was it was fucked up to him um but he yeah he couldn't i guess he could he did he start like throwing it in your face on a daily basis and stuff and like yeah and start to get mean to you about it yeah verbally very mean yeah because it was probably like a very emotional for him and then that's bad for you and it's just better for both of you to separate because right you know it doesn't it's you understand his position and then it's just like you understand your position i mean you were the person doing the wrong thing right you did do

something wrong you know it wasn't wrong because you were very very deceitful for a very long time to someone that you love but that's like that's your that's you you you You have to, you know, maybe you've come to terms with that. Maybe you don't even think it was bad. Like, whatever, you know, like, that's like your thing. And you have to get over that for yourself or, like, you know, come to terms with that yourself if you ever do. Like I said, maybe you don't even feel bad about it.

But for him, he's got to, like, move on and get over that with somebody else. But, like, you guys don't need to do that together. You know, it's not like you have a family or anything. And I just don't think it's, like, possible to recoup that relationship. And it's better that you separate it for both of you because you don't need to be sort of put down for what you did. You know, I'm sure you have your own feelings about it. And if anyone's going to do that, you'll do that to yourself one day or maybe you won't,

you know, like whatever. But it's not really him for him to do it anymore. He just needs to move on because that's not going to go away anytime soon. You can understand him, right? Yeah, I can completely, completely understand that. Did any of your other friends find out? Like your girlfriends? Did any of your girlfriends know?

No, they didn't. And actually, so even before he found out, I was kind of not really wanting to be with him. I kind of felt like we needed to go our separate ways anyways. But I was nervous that he would tell people. Right. So I kind of felt like, I don't know, is this the right time to break up? Is it not? Especially after he found out, I just didn't want to break up with him right away.

Yeah. So that was... But he hasn't told anybody. He's been cool about it. Yeah. Well, you know, I think what you have going for you in that scenario is that, you know, guys have like a pride thing. Like, I mean, he might be embarrassed for people to know.

That's true. No, I absolutely agree. You know, because it kind of makes him look like a sucker. You know, like, how did you not fucking know? Like your girl was like really, you know, shitting on you behind your back with tons of guys. Yeah. So I think you have that in your favor as far as. him not telling people because it would maybe make him look bad in a way.

You know what I mean? Especially since his friend did reach out to him about that exact thing. And he's expressed that feeling to me before anyway. So I know that to be true. Yeah, no one likes to feel like a schmuck. No one likes to feel like they were like taken for a ride. No one likes to feel, you know, it's like embarrassing. It's bad enough that like the rug was pulled from underneath him and in this relationship.

he doesn't want everybody to know, you know? Right. So I don't think he'll tell anybody. Oh, gosh. You know, maybe a couple years from now. But, like, your whole drinking thing, because I know that you said, like, you're a blackout drinker. I was a blackout drinker, so I totally get that whole thing, you know.

I haven't drank for, like, a really long time now. But your blackout drinking, like, does it, because I didn't, I was like you, like, I didn't do it all the time, like, I'm assuming because you said you didn't do it at work and stuff, you know. but it was like when I drank I would take it to completion you know what I mean it was like a you know every single time you know it was just like my body just could and then towards the end like I couldn't stay not blacked out for like two you know I'd black out quicker and quicker you know so it was like ridiculous what is your history and what's going on with you with that so I'm kind of like

you in that respect when I go out I block out like if I'm going out to go out I block out right you take it to the extreme oh yeah to the extreme um Um, so I had a lot of scary times. I've been arrested once, but I've never had a DUI or anything like that. What were you arrested for? A drunken public. And then, yeah, I've done two drunk in publics. So you're arrested once or twice?

Twice. Oh, God. Were you when you were with your boyfriend? Yeah. Once when I was, well, once was when I was a lot younger. and then once was when I was with my, well, I was actually with friends, but then my boyfriend came to meet us and that's when it happened. Would you be promiscuous too when you were in blackout drunk?

Like would you cheat on your boyfriend with people or were you pretty okay? I wasn't as promiscuous. I was promiscuous with girls actually. So you, and you get drunk and you blackout, you flew around with women. Yeah, I think it was more women versus men. I mean, I remember I would wake up with random guys' numbers. in my phone, but I would usually always go out with one friend and we would kind of keep each other safe and I would always end up at home. So, you know, when I was with my boyfriend, of course,

when we, we did have a little, whatever, little break type thing where I fooled around, but that's that. Right. But what will you do with women? You know, if we were at the bar makeout, I wouldn't do anything with them past that there. but I hooked up with women and... At work or in your regular life. With your boyfriend, with him not knowing? With him not knowing. Well, with him knowing, but also, you know, before him.

And let's see. So, women. Wait, what was the other question? I said, would you do it? Like, did you ever do it at work? Did you do it? Oh, so we had this thing where it's, you know, they could pay extra money for a two girl. Yeah.

So I would do that and enjoy it sometimes, but I would never, it wasn't a thing where I was like super, super turned on or, you know, I would never be that forward with myself at work. Right. But you have enjoyed it with women outside of that. Yeah. Okay. So they would pay extra for that and you would get it on with another girl in front of the guy every now of them. Right. Okay. So you're, do you, now I know that you did say that like you were adopted and you know, which is interesting that you know that your adoptive parents were alcoholics and drug addicts. Like did your adoptive parents give you that information? Yeah. So, right. Yeah. I've kind of always known I was adopted. So I knew, you know, kind of, you know, kind of, what the deal was with that. I kind of always was in the know about it.

Right. So, yeah, they, that's what they both are. Currently, my birth mom is back on drugs, like, just recently. Have you ever met them? Like, do you know them? Yeah, actually. I spent the last weekend at my birth mom's house. And she was, you know, came home fucked up.

And, you know, which is sad because she's been sober for, you know, 14 years. You're kidding. What made her fall off the wagon? She just says it's stress. I think it's some sort of like midlife kind of crazy. How old is she? She is 51. And she's 14 years sober and she came home like drunk like it was like the first time she had been done anything in 14 years?

Actually seven years ago when we went to the beach, she went to the beach with my sister and I. She fell off. off too. Oh, so maybe she's falling off more than that too and you just don't know. Maybe. Yeah, she might not be really sober. But she's really honest about it. Right, but that's not really sober for 14 years of seven years.

She got wasted at the beach. Do you know what I mean? Right. So you know that it's like kind of in your family and stuff. Is your sister, because you said you have a sister. Does she drink too? Do you do drugs? No, I don't do drugs.

They don't really do a lot for me besides, you know, smoke for sleep but but alcohol does it for you yeah I was I would sometimes do coke because it would keep me up and allow me to drink longer but like besides that it was like alcohol is my thing because it's no I've done it I've done coke once

but it just honestly didn't do anything for me besides keep me super awake and then anxious for a long time so I didn't really like that drinking drinking is my jam and so it gets you like you said you were like it gets you in

trouble, right? Like, I mean, it's not like something. Like, you already see that. I mean, I was arrested. Yeah, you're twice. Do you drink and drive where you live? Um, I will say that I have. Um, but my birth dad actually, um, went to jail for drinking and driving and then got into a fatal accident and went to jail for it. So I'm very weary about that. He killed, like a, who did he kill? Like a family, like a person, like an old person? Yeah, I think it was three people. It was a family.

Oh, my God. I know. It's horrible. So even to think about me doing that, I kind of, I just, I feel sick, you know, about even. Once you get drunk, right? Yeah. Like, all the rationale, like, you know, all the rational kind of thinking goes out the window, right? Like, I remember being very happy that I moved in the city because I drink and droop all the time.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. did because like once you're drunk you don't think like yourself like right you're just like that's the way I was it was like a switch like I was just a different person friends would tell me like I wish I could you know because when I was drinking when I was really young like there were no video cameras or anything people would be like I wish you could see yourself like because I didn't get it you know because I was like always blacked out I sometimes wouldn't know whether I took the bridge or the tunnel to get home like I wouldn't know how I drove but I did and I just felt so happy when I

moved into the city because like towards the end I felt like I'm going to kill somebody or kill myself and I was very that was like the thing that was most on my mind but I couldn't control myself to not drink to not drive because I would just be too drunk and out of my mind to even make the right decision so for you even with like even though you know that about your father I feel like if you're drinking to blackout like you might still drink and drive because that's just the nature of like you know the disease you know yeah it's the belly of the beast yeah it's Yeah, you know, it happened. But the good thing about moving here where I am now is I was kind of like you, you know,

I'm in the city now, so I never drive anymore. You have to. Okay, good, good. No. Right. So it's the same thing like my, right, which is great in a way, but it, it only fosters your drinking. Enables. Yeah, it only fosters your drinking career because you don't have to and you don't have to worry, right?

Like you're just always like, you know, in a cab or whatever. Do you feel like, like, does your favorite? family know because like you know I'm assuming you know because everything's out in the open about like you know that your your adopted parents I'm assuming you have a good relationship with them right and they were open enough with you to let you get involved with your you know birth parents yeah adopted to your adopted parents worry about your drinking do they know about it or is that like something that only your friend know about so it's just my mom but she she does know about it and I think sometimes she worries,

I think she used to worry more than she does now. But, you know, we had to talk about it recently, and she's just like, you know, just kind of focus on the gym and stuff like that and just focus on school, focus on the gym. Right. And which I do 50% of the time. What do you do now to make money?

You still see the guys? I see the guys, but I also have a 9 to 5 and then go to school. So what do you go to, like, are you, Is your 9 to 5 something to do with what you go into school for? No, not really. It's kind of like an office job. Okay. And then how many guys, like a month do you see?

Like, how much do you take in from that? I usually only see, I'm only seeing like two guys right now. So I'll usually maybe see one of them once a week on average. Uh-huh. And so how much you get a pop for those guys now that you're off the bus? and on your own. How much you charge? I do about, it's 400.

So you charge 400. Yeah. And where do you do it in a hotel or at their house? Well, one of them I do it at their house. The other one is on his boat. Uh-huh. So yeah. So you just go there, you do it at his house.

And so that's an extra 400 that you make a week. Right. Okay. And so do you feel like maybe like when you're drinking, when you listen to like Julie the drunk right or the alcoholic or whatever was Julie one of them that thought that she was or she didn't think that she was because there was I think she was kind of like open to thinking that she was right I think that's what it was or she was kind of you know if it was the most recent one I have to say when I reached out to her to tell her that I was like

you know because I was just like oh yeah you definitely have a problem she was the one was she the one was she the one that had like her her her car in a ditch and she was yeah yeah that one she like totally disappeared after we taped that episode and never to have ever wanted to listen to it or let me know because I think maybe she was yeah I think maybe she wasn't ready to sort of face that fact and I think I was a little bit like yeah a hundred percent you're a fucking alcohol I remember actually right what were you saying speaking of that I crashed my heart too but I don't know if that drinking and driving uh I had drink earlier I mean it was the night before my birthday and um I was kind of like her where I lived out in the country

at the time. And I clipped the edge because a deer ran out. Clipped an edge and then just kind of overcompensated. Luckily, ran into the bush versus the tree. But, yeah. And then drove home. Actually, you know, the ambulance and fire trucks. But you weren't busted for drunk driving.

No. No, he made me do the test, but he kind of said, he kind of insinuated that he knew. That you were drunk. No, I wasn't drunk. I was just coming off of it. You know, that healing where you're, yeah. Right, but you pass the test, I'm assuming, kind of, right? Because he let you go.

I guess I passed the test and then I refused the breathalyzer. Oh, you're allowed to? Apparently. Really? Well, this is something that my roommate had told me. The same roommate that got you into the happy ending place. Yeah, so apparently, I mean, it's like, and he's all, you know, constitutional, I don't know, BS thing.

Yeah. Just never do the breathalyzer. I promise you because once they have that, then you're screwed. Oh, interesting. So you could just say no and then they're not allowed to do it. Right. But they can do like a blood test, I think, if they wanted to take you in. Oh, interesting.

But you were able to go. So, I mean, are you like Julie where you kind of like listen to her episode and you're like, oh, like I could totally relate to her. Maybe we have a problem. Do you think you have a problem? a problem? Do you know you have a problem? Like where, how old are you getting? You're 25? I'm 25. So I kind of come, go back and forth between kind of thinking if, you know, maybe I do, maybe I don't. I've done the whole, I've gone to AA meetings, you know, I've gone to A.E.

meetings with my birth mom and by myself, things like that. And actually did this one-on-one thing with a guy who was kind of a counselor for alcohol, but I just never, I don't know, it's hard to fathom being at a point where I'm never going to have a sip of alcohol again. Like I kind of think that if I can just not ever go out to party, then I'll be fine. Right. I think, you know, with you, it's just like, I don't know. Like, you know, I haven't been able to touch this. I haven't been able to dig really deep with you because you had this whole story about the happy ending thing.

This is so fucking good. But I would, you know, I think like, I don't know because I wonder to myself, like, what is underneath all of that? You know, are you somebody? Because it's like one of two things, even with like the happy ending thing, you know? And the drinking is just would be like, would just go along with this, you know? Like either A and the drinking wouldn't go along with this scenario. Either A, you're just a girl that is, you know, comfortable sexually and wants to do this and wants to make money and it's totally fine, you know, and it's, it is what it is, you know. Or B, you're somebody that maybe has some deep-seated issues, you know, and that's why you sort of do these things, right?

And that's why you had lived this double life and got yourself involved in the things that you've gotten involved with, right? And alcohol and all that plays a party. even if you're not drinking, you know, it's just a part of that whole sort of world of what's going on with you. You know, I don't know because even though I've talked to you, we're at like an hour and 12 minutes, like I haven't been able to get in there more because I asked you so many just, I just like the details of that happy ending story. But like for you, when you were like, you know, talking, because you said you talked to like a therapist and, you know, like, do you have stuff like that, you. you think maybe would be issues that you have like from maybe your childhood or whatever that, you know, is the reason why you drink to black out or maybe that you are like sexually

promiscuous as a way to make money. Like do you ever put those things together or no? I don't know. So I feel like on paper it would really look like that. Yeah. I mean, if you take me, you know, not having a dad and me being adopted and having all these issues with alcohol and drugs or whatever. Well, you don't have the issues.

Your parents did. Right. Well, yeah, they did. You know, biology or whatever. It may look like that. But at the same time, I kind of think I don't know what that particular thing might actually be. Right. But I do know, like, you know, the things that I do are destructive.

And, you know, I've hurt people, you know, from my drinking. And that's the point where I'm like, okay, well, maybe I needed to make a change because it hurt this person or I did this thing that I didn't want to do. And how do you hurt people when you're drinking? Well, when I would go out, you know, when I had my boyfriend and I would go out, I would come back and be kind of mean, kind of bitchy. Just because when we would go through issues, that's kind of what I would just want to do. I wanted to get out of the house because he was sitting in the house all day and I just wanted to get out and have fun. And I would come back just resenting and angry and just be really mean. Right.

but you don't you don't see the fact of like what you did like I mean and and about like you know that the the fucking hand jump thing you know that whole thing as being also sort of like mean to do to somebody right that it is mean it is mean um being that deceitful um for so long but you know and maybe that's something I kind of have stored in the back burner that kind of comes out in that way. Yeah, I feel like there's like a little bit of, like you said it yourself, like a little bit of a compartmentalizing, you know, and maybe like a part, like, but I don't know. I don't know that this is a definite thing, but it could be that like you're a little cut off.

You know, sometimes there's like a plug missing and if like we have stuff when we're really young or whatever like that's so hard to deal with. like we sort of, we were able to, like, very much detach ourselves. And I think, like, sometimes, and this is totally made up in my own mind, and this is just what I think, and no therapist, I don't know that's fucking right. I always say I give unprofessional advice, but I always tend to think that I was a blackout drinker because it was like I had learned early on how to sort of check out, you know, and detach myself from myself, you know, because that's really what blacking out is, you know?

Right. And I was very cut off from certain feelings and, you know, and certain things that I did while I was a drinker. And I wasn't a drinker every single day. It wasn't about that, you know, and it was only until I really completely gave up alcohol and stayed sober for a very long time that I started to like plug myself in. And now I have a wine range of emotions and I'm very attached to them. And I go there in two seconds, you know, and I feel everything.

but I never did before when I was drinking. I was much more able to compartmentalize. I was much more able to be mean and be hurtful to people. It took me a long time to feel things. Sometimes I wouldn't feel things at all, you know, that I should feel, you know. Sometimes feelings suck. Well, that's what, yeah, that's what, well, that's the whole point of drinking and checking out. You know what I mean?

Because it's like all about like, you know, any other feeling than good is not comfortable. Anger is okay, right, or being mean, but like all the other vulnerable stuff that's underneath, you know, is the stuff that you're afraid of because it feels terrible and it feels weak and it feels whatever, you know, but once you become like you're used to that, it just feels normal and it is much better to feel feelings, all of them, because that's just the way that you are. And I used to explain to someone, I'm sure I said this on my podcast a million times, like, because one of my friends was like, you used to be so much cooler and like stronger when before you, you know, before you had all the. these feelings. It was like, before you came normal. And, you know,

why did you do that? Because now, like, you get upset about things. And before, like, you didn't have to. And I never get upset about things.

But I'm just like, yeah, but, like, the truth is that, like, when you give up really sort of being attached to, like, negative emotions and you say, I'm not going to feel those things.

You don't feel positive emotions either. And you don't even realize that you're not, you know? And so, like, now it's like, yeah, when something bad happens to me, I feel really, really bad.

And I feel really, I feel that feeling. But what also happens to me is when things are good, like I experience that kind of feeling too so much more intensely because of it. Do you know what I mean? So you give up one for the other. It's just, it's a fact. It's super important like what you just said.

I mean, if you think about it in the big spectrum of things. Yeah. If you're just going through your whole life like drinking and not feeling like what's really the point at that. Yeah. You don't feel the good either. You don't. Yeah.

I remember seeing a... I get back. Yeah. I remember seeing a Metallica documentary about... And the lead singer, I think I said this too in one of the episodes, said like, being sober went from like, you know, being on volume 3 to being on volume 10, you know, and that's true. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

But the good is what's the most important. And I swear to you that when you don't feel the bad and you give that up and you are sort of detached, you don't feel happiness either as much or love or any of those things, you know, and so it's, it is a give and take, and it's just like, what kind of price are you willing to pay to not sort of feel the bad stuff, you know? I think it's too much of a price to pay because I've lived both lives and I think it's like 10,000 times better being somebody that experience them all, you know, and being sober. Listen, people, I'm not anti-drinking. I'm not anti-partying. I'm not anti-drugs, you know. I'm just, you know, I just think certain people, you know, that have

like hardcore issues and stuff that they need to sort of face and tackle, you know, that maybe is keeping them from being like all who they could be. It's just like that stuff doesn't really help. And that kind of person does much better to be sober for a certain amount of time to sort of figure themselves out because it's much, it's just, it's quicker, you know, to do it. But, you know, I like, I always feel for people your age when they call it because I don't know that I could have ever done it when I was that young.

You know what I mean? I don't know, but I do think that, you know, just the fact that you think that you may have a problem, that you listen to these other people's episodes and you, you know, and you have it in your family and the stuff that you've said. And I do think that there's a correlation with what you do for a living with these men with that. That, I don't know, like, you know, that I would hope that at some point in your life, you do get really cleaned up and sober. and because you seem like really smart already.

Do you know what I mean? That just only take you even farther in your life. And like, you know, thank God you live in the city and you're not going to wind up like your father killing somebody drinking and driving, you know? Yeah. But when you're blacking out, things can happen to you. Yeah, that's true.

What were you going to say? I mean, but a part of me, yeah. Oh, I was just going to say it fucked up part of me thinks that, you know, at least, And I do think I'll get there. I actually really do. But I think I'm kind of glad it's right now that it's my life that's kind of in shambles as a mess because at least, you know, I don't have family and kids that I really don't have a lot, a lot to lose. Right.

You know, here and there. But I'm glad that this will be part of my journey, I guess. Right. When you're really young, right? Right. Because, listen, I see people my age. I'm in my 40s now that like they're still that way or they're like that way now. You know what I mean?

And it's like I would have rather been that way in my 20s at bars because this is like, you know, then in my 50s doing it. Right. You do have a lot more to lose. You don't have like yet your big career, your family, you know what I mean? You're still in school. You know, and maybe when that that will be the reason why you eventually have to quit because when you do have a lot more stakes, you know, maybe that will be the thing.

that makes you sort of think like maybe you shouldn't do that because, you know, now you're getting arrested, you're doing these things like, you know, if you start, once you have a career going or you have kids, like, you know, that kind of stuff can't, if that stuff happens, it, there's worse, there's just many more consequences, you know, it's a trickle down effect and you might feel a little bit more embarrassed about this thing. Yeah. I would think so, yeah. It's less acceptable, you know, there's a lot.

You get away with a lot when you're like 25 and hot and young and you called yourself whiteish. What the fuck? This is my last question. What the fuck does whiteish mean? In your email, you're like, I'm 25, I'm whiteish. Like, what the fuck does whiteish mean? I don't remember saying, I don't know why I said that. You said that.

Were you drunk when you were in your email? You said me whiteish. What does that mean? I'm white. Well, I mean, I'm half, I'm half Latina, half white. Okay, so you're whiteish. I'm whiteish. Right.

And the Latino. part of you gives you that good ass. It's like you're whitish. There you go. All right. Yeah, you said you're a whitish. Like, what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, well, listen, Hannah.

I mean, I don't know, like, if you really just wanted to talk about the drinking thing. I think that the whole hand job thing was like so fascinating. I know. I like talking about that too because I don't get to. Yeah. Yeah, right? Because, I mean, who knows? You and your boyfriend and that's it, right?

I mean, nobody else in those guys. So, yeah, it was like so interesting. And, you know, I wish you all the luck with, like, the blacking out and stuff. And, like, and if anything goes down anytime soon and you want to come back on and, like, really talk about that. I always love talking to people, especially women, because I could really relate. You know, like, that's like my thing. Because I've been there, done that, you know, and I understand.

But I think it's, like, great that you're out of that relationship, you know, and you're starting a new chapter. And I hope that when, you know, you get more serious about your life and a little bit older that eventually you do, you know, it's good that you check in and every now and then. and you are thinking about quitting. And I hope that one day that sticks for you. And you work it out. But keep me posted as far as anything.

You know, just don't run over our family or anything. Just good, glad you're not driving. Just be careful. Okay. All right. I will. Thanks for calling in, Hannah. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available. not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.

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