Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 201 - TJ the Swinger Can't Get it Up

Episode Date: October 22, 2017

TJ calls in to talk all about his swinging lifestyle. He talks about swinging alone, swinging with his second wife as well as behind his last girlfriend's back and he talks about the major getting it up problem he's been dealing with his whole life. Why can't he get it up? How long has this been going on? What has he done about it? Tune in to find out plus hear all about his experience with penile implants and peripheral neuropathy. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Strictly Anonymous on the Riotcast network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online. You play as online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Real problem. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, it's no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your reflect lie. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change.

Here are your hosts. Kathy Kaye and Tommy. Hey, welcome Strickland-Nonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strickland-Nonymous podcast on Twitter, follow the show, Strict Anonymous or follow me at Cartoon Therapy. If you could write a review for my show, write a review. Someone wrote a review recently.

Thanks for that. Some people write reviews in other countries, but I can't see them because it's like different iTunes stores, whatever. for writing reviews when you do write them. They really helped the show, so that's great. What else? If you want to be on my show, send me an email

at Strickly Anonymous Podcast.com. This is a call-in-vice show where I talk to, total strangers about their secret lives, their private lives, their interesting lives, and their problems. And I try to help them, because that's what I like to do. I like to shove my opinions down people's throats. That's why I can ever.

People would be like, oh, you like to help people. you should have been a therapist. It's like, no way. Therapists are not allowed to tell you what to do. Do you know that? Like, your therapist just has to listen to you. I don't like to just listen. I like to kind of tell people what to do.

So if you're looking for some hardcore advice, I could give it to you, or if you just want a place where you want to, where you can, like I said, talk about your secret live or your interesting life that you lead that nobody knows about and you want to do it in a place that's totally anonymous.

you could call into my show, strictly not as podcast at gmail.com. Today I have a guy named T.J. Who wrote into the show. He had wrote in the show saying he was like a swinger and he went to Club Relate, which is this woman Linda's Swingers Club, who I had on my show. And he said he had all these kinds of stories to tell. And I was like, great, I'm going to have you on the show. And I did.

And then we started talking. And yeah, we talk all about his swinging. experiences. He did some stuff with a wife. He did some stuff behind a girlfriend's back. He slept with some escorts. He did some stuff. But then what happened was like the whole podcast took like this turn because eventually T.J. admitted to me that he's got like some kind of getting it up problem. When he was younger, it would happen to him. And it was obviously a mental issue at that time. But as he got older, became like a physical issue. There's a physical reason why he can't get it up now. And so we talk all about that. This guy has gotten penile implants. He's, and he's been, and he's been with women. He still

likes to be with women because he loves their bodies and he loves to pleasure them, but he can't really get it up. So we talk a lot about that. I felt really bad for him because I didn't know that this was a part of his story. Like I said, it kind of came out of left field. I have a feeling because it is a physical thing that happens to a lot of people when they get older. There's probably people that are listening that will be listening to this episode that can totally relate. And I don't know, I felt so bad for him because I was just like, this can't be accepted, like you just can't accept this.

So if any doctors are listening to this episode or anybody who's been in the same position as T.J. And they've like cured their erection problems after you listen to his thing. Just can you send me an email and let me know how you did that? because I really want to help T.J. Because I think life's too short not to be enjoying sex, right? That's what I think. So anyway, I'm going to read right back on with T.J.

Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast. at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous. Hey, T.J.

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you doing today? Your Honor, Kathy. Thank you very much. I'm excited and a little nervous to talk with you, but I've been looking forward to this for a while, so let's do this. Okay, cool. Listen, there's nothing to be nervous.

So many people, it's weird, because a lot of people do, email me ahead of time and they'll be like, I'm nervous. Some people will be like, I want to have a drink before. And then like the minute you're talking to me for more than a couple of minutes, you'll feel very comfortable. I appreciate that. Okay, cool. So, TJ, this is the deal with you.

I don't know that much. And that's how I actually like to prefer to get on a call with somebody I prefer to like to know as little as possible. And all I know about you is that you actually went to club relate, which is, I had on a woman named Linda Gale recently on my podcast who talked about swinging in her swingers that she started actually. So let's start with Club Relate. I mean, is that the first time you started swinging,

or were you always a swinger before that? Well, I actually don't qualify as a swinger because my only experience with Club Relate has been as a single man. Okay. The girlfriend, I'm with now, and was with at the time I went to Club Relate the second time, but she didn't go with me.

She does not know. I went because she would not have approved. Oh, okay. So you do this stuff like on the down low. Yeah. So you're a cheater, would you say? Yes, unfortunately. But I'm a little kinder to myself.

I say that I actually believe in polyamory and it would be perfectly fine with me if any of the women I'm with had sex with other guys. It's just that for some reason I have tended to hook up with women who don't like to share. And since I didn't have much luck finding partnership in the polyamory community, I just sort of caved and said, oh, okay, I'll limit myself and then end up cheating every once in a while. Right, which was what a lot of people do. But you, is that why? You had how many wives?

You said two? Two. I mean, did you? My second divorce was 1992, so I've been single for quite a while. So you just decided after the second one, like you're not going to do that again, the whole marriage thing. I tend to suck at it, so no, I don't think I'll do that again. Did you get divorced because you were cheating? I mean, were you like a hardcore cheater, or did that start, like, later on it?

No, no, that wasn't even an issue. As a matter of fact, in the second marriage, she had been married before, and she credited the survival of her first marriage as long as it did because they opened it up. And we got together in 1981, and she always said she wanted an open relationship. And I thought, Yadze, I hit the jackpot. Yeah. And then the AIDS crisis hit. And she said, nope, shut it down.

No more outside people. But you did have some outside people with her? Yes. Or no? Oh, you did. So you guys opened it up. And in fact, with her at one time. Just on one other occasion, we played with another couple.

And that was pretty hot. But she stopped it after that. Oh, wow. So maybe it wasn't as great for her. Because you would think, though, like, you know, if somebody sort of went there, right? And it was something that they experienced and it was like really something that they were into. Like they wouldn't be able to stop, right? Because sometimes like good sex is like so, you know, it's got like a pull, right?

Like you would think. Are you kidding? Absolutely. It's stronger than the need for food. Yeah, exactly. It could make you stay with fucked up people. It makes people do crazy things, right? Like if you're like sexually attracted to somebody, even though you know there's just like the biggest assholes,

you can't help it, right? This goes against your better judgment. So obviously for her, she was like, it wasn't really totally her thing. So you guys shut that down and then you stayed there. No, no. She was just afraid of AIDS. That overrode her need for variety. And in her sexual life.

I could see that. I was like a hypochondriac back in the day. And I was always like, I got paranoid around that time. So I totally get that, you know. So you guys got divorced. That had nothing to do with it. So how do you get involved in that whole community as a single? guy. I mean, like, were you, you know, because you said at one point you went to Club Relate when you

had the second girlfriend, right? And the first time you went, you were single? Nobody else? Yeah, the first time I went, I was singling with nobody. And the second time I went, I had an opportunity to go to Florida. And I was in a dating relationship with somebody else and just didn't tell her about it. Right. Well, what got you started in that whole world? I mean, I saw the HBO real sex special on club relate. And so I thought, wow, this is cool. And I did some research. And I found the website, and I got in touch with Linda Gale and found out when a party was going to be. And when I was in Florida for a scuba diving trip, it coincided with a weekend they were going to have a party. And I signed up. And boy, am I glad I did. It was just a wonderful.

experience. The second time, I had, I was going to be out of town anyway and going to Florida, and I timed it kind of explicitly to match up with a club relate party so I could go again. Right, because the first time was so good. Because the first time was so terrific. And I did that. And boy, I really regret that I don't live close enough to be a regular. Right. And there's no places around where you are from now? Well, there might be, but I'm in a dating relationship with a woman whom I see only on the weekends, and all the parties are on weekends, and she doesn't share. So, you know, in this area, I'm sure there are a lot of sex parties.

I'm just, I'm not available locally. Right, I hear you. But now you say that these women that you've been with since in most of your wives, like they have not been open to sharing. Do you actually put it on the table or do you just know that they're not? Like, do you have conversations with them and they're like no fucking way? No, I put it on the table. As a matter of fact, my current girlfriend and I met online and it was in my online profile.

And she messaged me anyway and said, you know, at some point during our conversations, oh, by the way, you might be positive. but I don't share. And it was my decision to say, okay, let's keep going out. Right. So, and I think polyamorous is a much more nicer way of saying, like, I don't want to be sexually monogamous with one person, right? No, for me, my understanding of polyamory is that it's the acknowledgement

that we can be emotionally in love with more than one other person at a time. Right, I've had those couples. And whether there's sex or not is really secondary, even though most of the culture, here's polyamory and they think swingers. Yeah, yeah, I got confused. I've had other people with other names. There's like polyamory, there's a lot of other amory things. But yeah, I've had those polyamorous people where I'm always like, I don't get it

because I'm like I could barely love one person, let alone three, like, you know? But it is, I get that it could be possible. Is it something that like, do you realize it was? possible or something you're into because you were like maybe with somebody and then you start to have an affair with somebody else and then you realize you like both of them and you're like okay this is something that is doable and then after having experienced that you're just like open to it again or is it's yeah and when did you start having like what was like your first affair that you were like living like the double life like was it with your first wife or

yeah it was with my first wife after she shut it down for AIDS I was was in graduate school and I felt really close to one of my graduate school classmates. And we had a lot of very emotionally intense connections around the grad school experience. And we had sex a couple of times. But my wife found out about it and I stopped the affair. So she found out that you were with the woman. How did she find out? She saw an email somewhere that I think I had printed out and thrown in the trash. She would have had to have gone through the trash to find it.

Well, I was going to ask you, too, like, you know, because I feel like certain women, and I'm totally wired this way, that, like, if I met a guy and he was like, listen, this is what I'm into, and he put it on the table right from the beginning, and if I said, like, no, I'm not into that. You know, and then he said, okay, forget it. I won't be polyamorous. I'll just be monogamous with you. In the back of my mind, I would be like, how is this person going to be?

Like, I don't know that I'd be able to trust that person, right? Because you would know. Exactly. And rightfully so. I mean, the prescription in the polyamory community is for crying out loud, date your own species. Exactly. And the problem is that the number of people, who admit to being open to polyamory is so small compared to the ones who default to our cultural standard of monogamy, even though the divorce statistics and all of that show that

very few people actually live up to it. Exactly. Most people are not monogamous, right. Monogamy doesn't work. Yeah, and people, it's a nuclear event in a relationship. It destroys so many relationships when one other person happens to put their genitals in the wrong place. Yeah, totally. But I do think that there is a big difference between putting your genitals someplace else and having an emotional relationship.

And I think, like you pointed out before, there's a very big difference, right? Yeah. You know, so, like, that's what I mean. Like, it's hard enough to trust somebody if they're just going to be fucking somebody else. But maybe somebody could wrap their head around that because, you know what, men just like variety. but like at least you know they're emotionally sort of committed to you. But when there's somebody that's like, I don't just want to fuck other people,

but I also want to get emotionally involved. I think it takes a certain, like you say, what was that saying? I really like that saying, like whatever you do, make sure you date your own breed or whatever. Yeah,

your own species. Yeah, your species. I was going to say breed, but like, you know, there has, like there's that certain kind of person that could be,

that is totally secure enough for that. Because I think I'd be secure enough. The sex thing, I think to not have ownership over somebody sexually is where I'd like to be in my life because I think that who fucking cares, you know, it's just sex and after you're with someone for a long time, whatever. But the emotional thing, I think it's more difficult. No, I know, I know. But I think it takes a while to get to that, okay, like in a relationship. And that's a whole other thing that we don't have to talk about because I want to get more personal with you about your life.

But I think, you know, taking it to the second level where like that person not only wants to fuck other people, but they're going to be emotionally involved with somebody else. That's a scary thing because if you have an emotional connection with somebody, right, to know that they're going to have an emotional connection like with somebody else, but still stay with you, what is that guarantee? And I think what is underneath everyone's distrust is like a massive fear of abandonment, right? Of course. And so that's what you worry about.

And it really is out of fear and insecurity. And even though you think you may have a guarantee of a commitment, how many of us find out that they really don't, nobody ever does right really exactly so why not face that fact in the beginning yeah but you've never been able to really be polyamorous you how old are you by the way 68 yeah see that's you got to date 23 year olds like just so you know what i have found doing my podcast i'm 48 right so i'm from a different generation too but like i got to say that this new generation the people in their 20s there's a they're like you are ahead of your time like i always

always say this to myself, like I wish I was like 20 years old in this day and age, because it's a very different sort of thing. Younger people are much more open to different kinds of relationships than older people, right? Because it's just a different time. And don't you know, do you notice that at all? I mean, I notice it because I do my show. Well, maybe, but I think for me it's more about my personal psychology and my situation is different from a lot of other people's. For instance, I focus, I see the fact that when you make a monogamous commitment to somebody else, when I make a monogamous commitment to somebody else, I am promising that I'm going to fulfill all their needs and a significant fraction of their wants. And the idea of having to

make that commitment, scares the hell out of me. I want them to be able to get their needs and once met, regardless of whether it's for me or not, because I care about them and I want them to be happy. And I have enough of a personal, lifelong feeling of inadequacy that I am not going to be able to do all that, that I don't put myself above and say, oh, I'm going to carry you away and I'll be everything you ever need and you need never look at another guy. Right. So you feel like it would be like it would take the load off your back to be like, listen, go get some of those needs meant someplace else so I could feel adequate. And if that weren't enough, it's actually a turn on for me to watch women I care about get fucked by other guys.

Yeah, that's something I learned too. Am I sure that's a lot of people? That's what a lot of people are into. So tell me about your stories then. So, because I mean, it's not like you've only had these experience at Club Relate. You went there twice. I know that you said you had these other stories that you have and you like to watch people fuck other people. So obviously you've done other kinds of things either behind your wives back or during this time that you've been single. Like what's your deal? Like how far have you taken or how open are you? Well, I consider myself pretty open and I have been in a number of sexual experiences. but for me, the ones that are really important are the personal, impactful connections I have made that really get to me and hit me where I live.

And there have been a number of those that are, all the other generic stuff about the culture and everything just kind of falls away. these particular experiences with particular women were ones that I carry in my memory as the most important, some the most important times in my life. So it was because you were in love with them. That's what you're talking about. They had that emotional connection. Is that what you mean? In the two most significant cases, I didn't have time to be in love with them.

I was very much in lust with them. Okay, so describe the first experience with the girl that made you realize that this experience sort of existed. I was in a graduate school program that had meetings a few times a year in different locations. And the one where they had the meeting twice a year happened to be an old converted nunnery in California. Right. And I had been a student for a while, so I was one of the teachers in a class about telling new applicants what the program was like. And one of the new applicants just hit me to my core the instant I saw her.

my understanding now is that she may have some borderline personality disorder and those people really get under your skin very quickly. Oh my God, that's so funny. But the sleeping arrangements over the week we were together were that people were assigned to these rooms that used to be none of cloisters. and after the first class where the woman was in the class and I did part of the teaching, she sat on my lap and she was very flirtatious with me. And I thought, boy, here we go. And we ended up spending three consecutive nights together just fucking all night. I was just amazed.

And this is the girl, is this when you were married to your first wife? Yes. Okay. But this was before after. Shut it down for the age issue. Okay. So you were open to, you were allowed to be doing this. Yeah.

Okay. I had permission. Okay, cool. Uh-huh. And we, apparently, we made enough noise that the people on the rooms, on both sides this confronted me the next day and said, you guys made that room sound like a cheap motel all night, and I couldn't get me sleep. Oh, my God.

What I was thinking was, well, I hope you jerked off at least, what you listened to us, but I didn't say that. And it did not stop me from continuing. I just needed Sarah for as long as I could get her. And so for three nights, we went at it, and then she went home to her side of the country and I went home to my side of the country and I've never seen her in person again. Oh, right. I'm a little, right.

Okay. So, but you, because what are you talking about when you said they're like those experiences that are like different than anything else? Like, what do you mean by that? Well, that one was different than anything else for me because I'd never had anything like that. Okay, cool. Right.

Because it was just that really hot, insane chemistry with somebody that you feel. like when you first meet them. And I think everybody has probably experienced that. Some people fuck those people. Some people don't fuck those people. But if you fuck those people, it's always really good. Yeah. And I have that experience with the intense lust and connection very seldom.

And this was, I guess, pretty much the only time where it actually ended up with having sex. and consummating it. Right. Another situation that I had a similar, really strong connection with someone, again, where I was married to my first wife, and again, when it was during the time when it was okay, was that I was invited to the birthday party of a college classmate, and her across the street neighbor showed up. And I was speechless when I saw this woman.

I simply could not. function i couldn't even look at her face i felt such intense pulled toward her i remember watching her uh feet in her cute little mom uh sinkers for a while until i was able to talk to her but eventually i was able to work up the nerve to talk to her and discovered that the feeling was mutual and i couldn't believe it uh she was married in a in a monogamous relationship, but it wasn't very happy, and her husband traveled a lot. So on two nights, I drove to her house to be her lover. And in both cases, something that's been a lifelong issue for me ever since my first experience of intercourse, hit me again with a vengeance,

and that was I simply could not get hard for the life of me. Really? Yeah. With her. And the more I care about a woman, the more difficult it is for me to get an erection in the early sexual opportunities we have. Have you ever figured out why? No, I have not. Okay.

In spite of the fact that I've done a lot of therapy. Uh-huh. And I just, I don't have an explanation for it. But the more I care, the harder it is to get it up until I've been with somebody for a while. And then I start to respond. And in this case, with this woman, I just couldn't do anything the first night. I was so frustrated and so disappointed. And I went home.

And I could jerk off. I did get hard when I jerked. Right. When you were sort of apart from her. Yeah. Yeah. That's like an issue. And the second time I went back, it was very,

very late at night and we were together. I couldn't get hard again. And her young daughter came in, from woke up and came in and said, Mommy, who's that? Oh, God. And she said, she just, she passed her off as somebody,

she put the girl back to bed and came back to me and said, we can't do this anymore. And as if to put icing on that cake when I went to my car, there were cops waiting for me. I had parked my car around the corner and the person in the house next to which I had parked called it in as a suspicious car.

So I had to explain to the cops what I was doing in the neighborhood. It said, don't worry, I won't be back and I never did go back. And I'm still friends with that person. We still connect with each other almost daily, but we never did consummate the relationship. So that didn't have a happy ending, but there was that intense kind of thing. And maybe it was just too intense that it, I don't know, that it even, like, equalled you out.

No, it doesn't have to be that intense. It's every single time with a new person. My very first opportunity for intercourse was when I was a college sophomore. I was 20 years old already. And my girlfriend, it became obvious when I had my girlfriend in my dorm room one afternoon that she wasn't going to stop me as I was continuing to escalate the make-out session. Uh-huh. And all I had in my head were the words, she's letting me do it.

She's letting me do it. She's letting me do it. And then I couldn't, for the life of me, get hard. Right. And I jerked off furiously trying to get hard and actually had an orgasm and an ejaculation through a completely limp dick. Oh wow well that's good Yeah well no it wasn't good So is that as good as if you're up

A little while later I was able to get an erection and have intercourse with her But it was so frustrating I didn't have any problems with erections with her after that But that first time was very traumatic for me You might be just very in your head about it I feel like women are more wired that way But maybe if you're like a thinker you know that kind of person Like maybe you're just very in your head about sex the first time you're with somebody.

Too much so, you know? Yeah, it's almost certainly true. Because women, I think that's what happens with a lot of women sometimes, right? They're a little bit more self-conscious. Like, it's a different experience being women. And I think that they think a lot sometimes. And so it's a little bit harder. And then the more they feel comfortable with somebody and they feel relaxed.

They, you know, they could let go of their mind, you know. And because really you need to not be in your head to have sex, right? So, you know, that's probably all that it is because it goes away for you. Yeah. It's just, and like you even just said, I was thinking, oh, my God, she's letting me. It's like you were thinking instead of just doing, you know. And then you were able to get, do it. Unfortunately, that other lady, you never went back after her daughter, but like,

you probably would have been able to get it up with her after, right? Well, at some point, eventually, I would hope so. Right. But, I mean, you have been, you've been able to, like, have wives and girlfriends and, like, how long you've been with the girlfriend now that you're, with now? For 12 years. Oh, 12 years.

So just never wanted to get married because you've been married two times before. There's no open relationship. Do you cheat on her every now and then or at all have you cheated on this one? Just to go to Club Relate and to, on two other occasions, I booked a session with an escort when I was traveling. Right. two times the same person or two different, I'm assuming two different escorts, right? Like you just hired.

No, no, same person. Because I was in the same city both times. And I liked her the first time, so I booked her again the second time. Can you get it up with the escort? No. But at that point, I've got another complication going on. In 1989, I was diagnosed with diabetes. Oh, that's a thing.

At some point, I lost the ability to have erections. at all. I mean, I haven't been able to get hard for a long time. And so during all those times, it just never was going to happen anyway, and I knew it, but I wanted to explore a new body and play and see if I could help her come. As a matter of fact, the very first time I went to Club Relate was the weekend before I was scheduled to have a botched penile implant removed. I had done all the... What the fuck is that? What's the thing? To make your dick bigger?

I had taken Viagra and Cialis. All that did was give me a headache. I was prescribed the injections of cabbage act and the penis and all that did was create scar tissue and make my penis take a weird bend to the

left. It looked really strange. That took months and months and months of taking huge pills six times a day to correct. And the only other treatment was a penile implant. They put two inflatable balloons inside your penis with a little spherical pump in your scrotum.

It feels like you have a third testicle. And you just squeeze the pump over and over again to inflate those balloons. And that makes your dick hard. It makes it hard enough for penetration. I mean, it's not as hard as it would be. Okay. naturally, but the surgeon who did this, I should have guessed, he was Asian, and Asian men never have this operation. So I don't know why I didn't get a second opinion or go with somebody else.

This guy was covered by my insurance. And the balloons weren't centered inside my penis. The tips were right against the skin. And I was afraid that rubbing on the skin at those points, they were going to break through. rub the skin off. So I scheduled the operation to have it removed, but I went to the club relay, my first club relay party the weekend before that removal surgery. So Linda Gale called it my coming out party. My penile plant is coming out. And did it work? Was it good? I didn't have intercourse with anyone at that party, but I had a wonderful time. And,

My penis worked okay. I had an orgasm, but from masturbation, not from intercourse. Right. And then so you got that removed eventually. I got it removed. Oh, my God. And so now there's no chance of any erections unless I go back and have some other implant put in. But since my girlfriend went through menopause and lost all her sexual desire when she went through menopause,

she has no interest in any kind of sex ever again. So I really haven't had an excuse to have another implant put in. And what about you? Do you have desires, but just don't, like physically you can't sort of get them? I have desire. I can orgasm, but it takes a long time of masturbation, typically about two hours. And I typically can't have orgasms more than about once a week. I just jerk off to porn and watch Camgirls on the internet.

This is a very, this is very sad, T.J. Wait a second. It's horribly sad. Yeah. And it's so interesting that you like, do you think that the whole getting it a problem all your life with these women like from the beginning, like in the beginning, had to do with your diabetes or do you think it had to do with something else? No, it started.

It started when I was 20 years old. I didn't get diagnosed with diabetes until I was 40. So there were 20 years when diabetes wasn't an issue and I still had the problem. Right. You just had the problem in the beginning, but then you were always fine. And then when you got diabetes, that's when it kicked in even worse. No. Well, I was fine for a long time after the diabetes.

And then eventually it killed my ability to have an erection as the blood vessels got damaged by all the extra blood sugar. Oh, my God. Is there anything, have you Googled like crazy about this? Is there anything you could do about that to reverse that? Nothing to reverse it. The best I can do is try to slow the inexorable march of it by keeping my blood sugars under control. But nothing to reverse it.

And the only remaining treatment to me would be another penile implant. But since my girlfriend has no interest to do that. She doesn't want to fuck anyway. She would wonder, why are you getting that? Right, exactly. And so when you get the escort, it's just because in your mind you still get horny and you're still interested in sex kind of, right? So you still go there? I absolutely love women's bodies and I love helping women come.

And it's worth some money to me just to be able to explore a body who's willing to touch and be touched by me and allow me to help her come. them if I can. And you don't, but don't you miss coming yourself? Absolutely. I miss it horribly. Oh my God. If there's a doctor listening, I feel like there's, I don't know, it's very hard for me to believe ever in life that like, like, you know, like anything that's like, like you say,

like there's just no way you could reverse it. Like there has to be. I am sure there are people that have diabetes that all of this stuff went away. and then somehow they got it back. Don't you think it has to be? I just can't believe sometimes that it's like, and you have to be the one. You have to be in that group.

Like, I don't know, that's the way I look at things. Like, I would, it would just be unacceptable. It's unacceptable. Yeah, I appreciate that. No, but you don't, have you Googled like crazy?

Like, are there people out there that have died of these that are like? Oh, yeah. And I have a really excellent urologist, a lovely woman whom I love, and she cares about me and really, wants me to be happy, and she says, well, if you ever decide you want to do it, I've got the perfect guy to send you to. For the penile implant.

For the penile implant. Yeah, but let me ask you this. Does the penile implant solve all those problems? Like, you get the penile implant, and then you feel sensation, you get aroused, you could have an orgasm. No, the penile implant only allows penetration. everything else is not affected by the

Piano implant so I would expect it to still take me forever to have an orgasm and then still I would have a problem having an orgasm more than once a week yeah that's not the solution forget about that that's not it that's the last thing that you need what you need is to get that sensation back you need to get

you know what I mean like there has to be people out there like and if anyone's listening and like is a success story like because I don't know I can't believe that it's not reversible. Like, what is the actual physical thing that happened with? I don't have diabetes, so I don't know. I dated a guy once who had diabetes, and he told me, he had all these things, like, oh, if I eat too much ice cream, I can't get it.

I just thought it was like weird. I didn't understand it, but obviously this is the thing, right? It's like you said, the blood sugar ruined the nerves. Like, is it that you lose nerves and then they can never come back? Yeah, the condition is called peripheral neuropathy, and I have had for a long time. and it also destroys capillaries for blood flow. And the two things in combination are just a killer for erections. Yeah.

Now let me ask you this. Is there any, because I ever heard like a chiropractors, like, I mean, I don't know. If I were you, I'd be Googling like mad to find like alternative sort of solutions. Because we all know, listen, doctors could tell you one thing and your diabetes doctor could tell you another thing. But like people have blinders on a lot of the times, right? I don't really believe in listening to any one person because there's probably somebody out there. There has to be. I have to believe that there's somebody out there that has been able to be successful to, I don't know, figure it out in a way.

Because I'm sorry, like, everybody that has diabetes eventually just lose the ability to, like, have any kind of orgasm. Why aren't people like, I don't know, you know, trying to figure that out because that's a really bad thing. I don't think it doesn't necessarily happen to everybody. It just happened to me. Yeah, and it's like the weird thing is that you always had that issue, right? Like with women? And then it turned out that physically it's like you had it happen hardcore. I don't know.

I need for you to reverse this. I feel like it's like a block. It's like something there has to be away. Don't you feel like that? Or do you just have you just given into it? There were, and I'm getting really demoralized and discouraged by now. Because of what? Because of you jerk having to, like every time you jerk off for two hours, right?

I mean. Yeah, I rub myself raw and still can't come. Oh my God. That's terrible. And listen, I get the whole, I'm in peri-menopause, I think. I want to do a podcast called Perry fucking menopause. I mean, it's like awful. And, like, my sex drive is going away, and I'm, like, ready to go on bioidentical hormones to get that back.

because I don't even think women should be living sexless. Like, it's one thing when people died at these 60, you know what I mean? And so big deal, the last 10 years, you just relax that you don't have any more sex. But, like, people are living a lot longer. And to go, like, 30 years without getting, like, having pleasure, right? Because, like, sex is like food or, like, any other pleasure in life. It's really great, right? It's like, I don't want to give that up for my life after I go through the changes, you know?

And I feel like now that we're living longer, these things. are created and helpful so that people can. I don't think women should accept the fact that they're sexless. I know that they just feel that way, but if she went on some hormones, she'd get her sex drive back, you know. But you have to be the one because I think when you, your sex drive goes out the window as a woman, like you just don't want anything, like, you know, but you still have that desire, right?

Exactly. You have to figure it out. I mean, this podcast is like, took a turn. Believe me, I'll be listening. that's okay because I like this story. This is interesting to me because I didn't know that this happened with diabetes. And diabetes is so common and, you know, right? A lot of people have that.

So there are people listening that have, know exactly what you're talking about or either halfway there, 10% there, or as bad as you are, right? Because you said it happened over time, right? Oh, yeah. So everybody has. Right. So people that have diabetes have different, very, variations or like, like, you know, some people might have a 10% or lost a little bit of their

feeling, but they have the potential to lose a lot, right? I need somebody to call in or write in that knows the fucking cure for that. There's got to be something. You have to look at, talk to other people or something. I don't know. I'm putting the word out if anybody knows anything about this to email me. Like, maybe you just got to eat cash shoes. Like you don't mean? Like it might be something, even like a, maybe they're like nowadays with nerves and stuff. Like they have like lasers, don't they? And chiropractors could do things to, can't they zap nerves sometimes? Like, have you looked really into it to try to figure out if there are ways,

alternative ways of getting the feeling back? No, but I have a really good chiropractor. I will ask her. And, you know, I'd be willing to try acupuncture. Anything. Acupuncture, things like that. Somebody else has recommended a nutritional guy who would fly me. me with dozens of supplements and that kind of thing.

But he's kind of geographically undesirable. He's far enough away that it would be hard for me to go to regular appointments or anything. Yeah, I hear you. But maybe with those kind of people a lot of times, like you just go for the initial consultation, right? And they just rape you for all the money. And then they just make you buy products from them. And then you're fine. You could probably do it over the phone.

Nowadays, people do things via Skype and all that kind of stuff. So you could probably hook that shit up where you just do one. time with that nutritionist, just talk to him, see if it makes sense. Because listen, not everybody that, like, I'm not saying you just believe any crazy thing that somebody tells you, you know what I mean. A lot of times people don't know what the fuck they're talking about and they're going to waste your time, you know, you go, you have a consultation with that person and you talk to them and you see.

But, I mean, if I were you, I'd be Googling, like, whatever the term, whatever that title is of that disease that you have, peripheral, what was it called again? Oh, the, what is the actual name? You called it. Oh, peripheral neuropathy was what I said. Yeah, you have, what affects the nerves. Yeah, so you need to Google that in quotes and then put in, like, people who have, you know, success stories, people have four, and then forum. And just.

Peripheral neuropathy recovery or something. Yeah, recovery, but, and always, I like to hear real people talking. I think most people in forums are out of their minds and you hear a lot of negative shit and stuff. But, like, if you're smart, Googler and you have half a brain, like, you Google smart, I think it's good. People will always be like, don't Google. It's like, fuck you. Like, oh, I'm smart. I could Google and pick out the garbage and find the stuff that's good.

And most stuff online is garbage, right? But you might find something, you know, and you have to, like, just start trying shit. And if you Google that with like, you know, success stories or I, you know, got my nerves back for them, like, you're going to find some people out there. There have to be. I just will never believe that something is 100% like that's it. I don't know. I don't accept those kind of situations. I mean, listen, sometimes that is the truth, you know, but like, as long as you're alive and as long as you're still horny, right?

You're like being tormented. There's no reason why you shouldn't be trying everything you can to get it back. Forget about the implant. That's like your last thing. Like if you ever get all your feeling back and stuff, I think you will be able to get hard so you won't even need the implant. If that implant just makes your, you could penetrate, but you still can't get hard. That's more demort. Like, what are you used, demoralizing?

Like, it's just going to be worse. Why bother? Well, the trouble is the process of putting the implant in to destroy the corpus cavernosa that create the erection. So I think that ship has sailed. Yeah, I think you got to leave your dick alone with the whole thing because like what you did with it going south and then you had this in that like, I mean, there's a lot of stuff that has been going on in that area for you.

That area in your life has had like if there's, I don't know, like there's like there's always been stuff attached to it, right? You always had this kind of issue with having sex with women in the beginning and then it turned into a physical thing that went to the extreme, right? And you did all these things and they didn't go right and your dick what another. Like, I just think it's time to like, I don't know, change all that, but like, and fix it and write all of it. I don't know because it just feels like a negative sort of vibe in that area of yours. But you want to make it positive. It's negative to you.

No, it is. It is, it is, right? It's negative, right? Yeah, can I tell you one more story about it? Sure. In the 1980s, while I was still married to my second life, and we were still open, I went to a professional conference,

and it was in a center that had multiple different training tracks going on, at once. And in the break area one time where multiple classes were having breaks, I met this spectacularly gorgeous woman. She happened to be on crutches, but, you know, that wasn't an issue for me. I didn't know why I didn't care. I struck up a conversation over her making cups of verbal tea with her, and I decided I

wanted to get to know her better, so I asked her out to dinner. she said, sure, and I was elated. My God, she's going to go out with me. So we went out for a lovely Japanese dinner, and then afterward we did not want to part, so I drove us up into the mountains to a lookout point, and we spread a blanket on the hood of the rental car, and we lay there on the hood of the car just talking and getting to know each other, getting to know each other under the most gorgeous stars I've seen in my life. And we were there until the wee hours of the morning before we both decided we've got to get some sleep because we need to be functional in class the next day.

And this was before the days of cell phones, but she knew the people I was staying with. And when I got home after class that night, I got a phone call at their house for me. And it was this woman saying, look, my crutches are because I have lupus. I guess I had heard that already. I knew about that. They were because she had lupus. She said, I have been celibate for two years, and I want you to be the one to break my sexual fast. Okay.

Can you imagine what that was like to hear from me, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen? Yeah, especially with you. in your head, oh my God. There's no way you could get it up with her now. And I did not warn her in advance. It did not occur to me to tell her. So I got the motel room and I picked her up. We had another nice dinner. We went back to the motel room and started making out. Oh, my God. When she undressed, she was just even more beautiful than I imagine. Really big, gorgeous tits. And a beautiful. beautiful hourglass figure.

And when I touched her pussy, she was more wet than any other woman I had ever encountered. It was just heaven. And she reached for me, and I was soft. And I told her, oh, please, squeeze harder. And she did. And I stayed soft. And she turned off like a light switch. Right.

She just completely shut down. Well, a lot of women take that personally, and they don't understand that it's not personal. I always try to tell my girlfriends, like, that's not, you know what I mean? Like, but a woman takes it personally. The story continues. Oh, okay. She went to the bed and lay down on her stomach with her legs closed, and to this day, she has never spoken another word to me.

I was furiously masturbating, trying to get hard. to show her. I tried to explain to her. No, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you. This happens to me a lot. I eventually get her. It's not you. It doesn't have anything to do with you. Oh, one other thing I didn't tell you about her when she undressed, she had a very deep surgical scar from her navel to the top of her pubic bone. And I think she was really self-conscious about that. Of course. It absolutely did not matter to me. Right. Obviously, you were so into her. Yeah. And eventually, after a long time of begging and jerking off, I actually got hard.

So I mounted her and pushed my penis inside her, and I fucked her without active current consent. And that really has bugged me for the rest of my life. It is my biggest sexual regret. What do you mean? because she was like not into you anymore and she was like get off me but you're like no i'm gonna fuck you anyway she did not say anything she just lay still i was hoping that the fact i had an erection and proved it by going inside her would bring her around and have her get interested in me yeah but you know what happened listen what happened was she was so in her head at that point

feeling so terrible about herself taking it so personal And there you are, that she couldn't recover from it. Do you understand? She went to all of her insecurities and she just couldn't snap out of it. So what was it like for her to get fucked in that mind state? Probably, you know, I, like probably horrifying, but probably she wasn't even that present for it. She was probably still, probably what was more horrifying was the fact that you couldn't get it up and maybe like later that day when she went home, the fact that you could get it up

dawned on her and she felt a little bit better about the story. That's what I would think. Listen, she was into you, okay? We spent the rest of the night together. I took her to breakfast in the morning. She spoke only to the waitress. She would not speak to me. A year later, we were at another conference and I saw her and I asked her, Please, you know, give me a chance to talk. Tell me something. How are you feeling? She would not speak a word.

And that was the last time I saw her. So as far as I know, she still feels extraordinarily shitty about that whole encounter. Yeah, but she felt shitty the minute you couldn't get it up. That's when she shut down. It wasn't from you fucking her. It was because you couldn't fuck her in the beginning. And that was her own thing. was her own thing. I'm feeling

like essentially I raped her because and that I have never done anything like that. I was so desperate to functioning okay and get her re-engage that it didn't even occur to me. Look, you don't have consent, you can't do this. Okay, this is why you have a, this is why

you have negativity in your penis area, okay, because of the, this kind of thinking, okay? it is it's very um and it's interesting because that time you were able to get it up and it had such a negative ending that story that of course you could never do it again like i mean that was like the worst situation to happen to somebody like you because that only made your problem 10 times worse and the fact that you carry with you this feeling of raping somebody like i think is very hardcore. I think you need to reframe that story because

I think that that does not help your dick feeling at all. Oh, absolutely not. Yeah, and I think that, but I think you, like I said, I think you frame that situation improperly in your brain and it has affected you and you need to reframe it. So either you need a new therapist that'll help you do stuff like that or you should start talking to your therapist more about stuff like that.

Because there could be mental reasons, like, you know, that this is also happening besides the physical. Do you know what I mean? Well, I think it's mostly mental, especially since it started at age 20 when my body was in the best shape of whatever have been. Right. And now you've just depicted like your body somehow. It's like that mind-body connection. has picked some sort of physical thing that you could blame it on. That makes sense.

It's like back pain. You know, I believe totally in that whole Dr. Sarno thing. Like, you know, people will be like, oh, I have a slip disc so it gives me this pain. And like, you know, but it's all fucking bullshit. It's like mind-body stuff, you know. So you have this specific sort of physical thing that you could correlate it to and say, look, this is what it is. And so then it just helps you sort of avoid what the real problem is.

But I think you might need to go deeper into the psychological thing. I mean, if somebody still wants to email me about the physical stuff, that could help you. I think no matter what you do, you got to get over these thoughts in your mind and the way you have thought about things that have happened to you because it's wrong. That girl, you did not rape her. I don't think she would tell that story and say she was raped. she would have just stood up and been like, get the fuck off me. You know what I mean? She was devastated and horrified that you couldn't get it up.

She was somebody that had a serious disease that, like, a deform- Like, she probably felt like a deformed person. Even though you saw her as like the way you described her, if she would hear this, she probably, like, she probably needs mental help too because she probably would never in her wildest fantasy believe the story from this side of it. Do you understand? does not see it this way. If she would have known and been in your head and knew that how you just described her, she would have been still horny for you and let her fuck you. But the minute you

couldn't get it up, she had that scar. She had that disease. I mean, like that was she had hardcore self-esteem issues. And I totally understand why as a woman, you have to understand her looks, her body. They're on display. It's a very different thing. Women are much, they have a lot more to be self-conscious about, you know? And so that woman, even, you know, and so that woman, though as hot as she was, she was so self-conscious. And then you just, like, whatever story she was telling herself about not being hot, you just solidified it by not being able to get it up. Do you understand?

So she went into her dysfunction. You went into your dysfunction. And actually, for the first time in your life, you were able to push through your dysfunction and you got it up. And then you fuck her and now you feel like you're raped her. So it's just like, it's a no-in situation with you. That should have been a positive story that you could look back and be like, I was able to get it up then.

But no, it's like negative because you feel like to this day you like raped her. That's like that's that's that's really like a strong word. And maybe there's going to be people saying, oh, he did rape her. Like go fuck yourself. Like you did not rape her, okay, at all. She still slept with you. She went out to eat with you. She didn't like, you know, I mean, what was going on there?

You know, you were just two people with issues. And the fact that she still won't talk to you means her issues are as, deep as yours. And, you know, there's a reason why people like that are attracted to each other. Like attracts like, I always say. The borderline personality girl. I mean, come on. T.J. I'm glad you're in therapy, okay? Thank you. You need that therapy. You need, like, hard, are you with, like, a psychoanalyst? Like, you need a hardcore psychoanalytical kind of therapy. That's a very good way. That's, like, just, like, just, like, just, like, you know, a very good modality of like therapy.

Yes, well, this may come as a surprise. I have a degree in clinical psychology myself, and I had gotten licensed as a marriage and family therapist in the Texas, where I was, and my second wife had been my therapist. And nine months after I ended therapy with her, her husband left her in our relationship turn romantic. So that was a whole other chapter of my life. But as a result of all my training and the fact that I actually went to therapy for the first time when I was 19 in college. I've been in and out of therapy for the rest of my life.

I'm kind of a tough client in therapy. And my second wife was really the only one who was able to affect any really significant change for me. all the others have been kind of disappointing. I'm amazed that I still have so much faith in it after all those experiences. Well, you're still trying to figure it out, and I think that that's the good part. That's like positive. Thank God you have that part of you that keeps trying to figure out what's going on with you. Yeah, I don't know anything else to do, actually.

No, but I think that you mean a therapist. The royal road to change in feelings and thoughts. It's therapy. Yeah, but I mean, I have had many therapists in my life, and I feel like the one that changed me the most, and she was extremely, they're very expensive, was a hardcore psychoanalyst, like psychoanalysis, you know? Multiple times a week on the couch. Absolutely, yes. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. She really, like, literally changed my life.

And it was like, very, like I said, very expensive, multiple times a week. and it was, but amazing. And they're hard to find, but I always tell people, like, if you're looking for a therapist, it's like a boy, it's like, you know, someone you're going to date. Like, I mean, you know the one when you meet them and it takes a while. There's most people out there are not that great. It's not a surprise that somebody with issues winds up with a fucking degree, right? Because a lot of people get into that profession because they have their own problems

and they're trying to figure it out. You know what I mean? They're analytical to begin with because they're analyzing themselves, right? So they figure out go help other people. So therefore, a lot of psychologists are nuts, okay? Some of them, there's, it's like that 90-10 rule that I always say. 90% of everything is garbage and 10% is great. And you just have to wait until you find the therapist that lives in the 10%.

A psychoanalysis. So like I said, I use that word reframing. You have to like, that's the kind of shit you need to start talking about in therapy. You need to bring up these stories. And I really think you could bring your dick back to life with like, therapy. I think it's not, I think the physical thing is a part of it, but I think it's mental. And that's something that absolutely can make you go numb. Women and men, you know, depression or any kind of stuff like that. So you have some deep-seated things, right, going on that you need

to uncover. And I think psychoanalysis can take you there. I love, listen, I love where this podcast went. We're at an hour now and I always cap them at an hour. I wish we started with this from the beginning because we wasted our time talking about these stupid stories. I have enough people calling in to tell me hot sex stories of the crazy. You can't even believe the people that call me in. I get this really good shit, you know. This stuff that me and you talked about, I love because I think it's common. I mean, not like everybody experiences this, but there are people out there that are

in your exact boat. Oh, God. I hope nobody else is going through this. Well, just so you know, there are, okay, many people, and I feel like people, or they know somebody or they've been with somebody. or their husbands like this or their wife is like, you know, and it's just, it's a really interesting topic. And I, uh, I, uh, I love this kind of stuff because I think it's so interesting because I, I want you to get help. Like I like to do my show to actually help people. And I think that,

uh, if I could motivate you to find a new therapist who is a psychoanalysis that you could start talking about that rape thing and your first experiences and why you couldn't get it up and try to figure it out with someone super smart. That's really fucking good. And, I think it would be really helpful and I'd love to see how that works for you because I want you to get better. You're still alive as long as you're alive. You know what I mean?

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to title this or how I'm going to do it, but this is a good, this was really interesting. This is the kind of podcast I love. What? You'll come up with something. I will for sure. Thank you so much for calling in and please keep me posted.

You know, like for real about the fact that you're going to look for somebody and do something. like something, something different than what you've been doing than just accepting your situation. Do you understand? Thank you. Yeah. All right, T.J. Good luck with everything. Thank you very much.

If I hear from anyone, if anyone emails me because they've been in your position, right, either with physically or mentally and they have a cure and they email me, I'll send it your way. I would love that. Okay. Thanks for calling in and being so honest. Thank you. Bye, T.J. Bye-bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confessions,

and Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is

basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true.

I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skis. up around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way

than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord.

It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast.

I have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone. Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.