Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 215 - Chris has a Major Bra Fetish and His Wife's Not Into It

Episode Date: January 29, 2018

Chris has a hardcore obsession with bras that he considers a fetish. Can an intense fascination with bras be a fetish? When did his obsession with bras start? What exactly is his bra fetish all about? Tune in for all the details plus hear all about how his current wife feels about his bra fetish, how it has been negatively effecting their relationship and what he plans on doing about it. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Strictly Anonymous on the Riotcast network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your three flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to strictly anonymous podcast.

Kathy. If you want to be on the strictly anonymous podcast, this is a calling and advice show where I talk to people about all kinds of things, just look at through the titles. But I'll talk to anybody. I like to have all kinds of people on my show. It's a call and advice show. and you get to remain anonymous if you really want to. So if you have like a private life or a secret life or some kind of life that you don't want people to know about

for whatever reason you can be in my show, nobody will know who you are, not even me. And you could let your stuff out. So if you want to be on the show, send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show. If you haven't subscribed, subscribe to my show.

If you want to write a review, write a review for my show. If you want to buy my book, I wrote a book, I drew a book. It's click on book and go fucking buy it. Oh, what else? I'm just going to talk about who I have on my show today. This is a guy named Chris, right? That's the name, I think. I get very confused with the names because each person has the name that they email me from,

which is probably fake, and then another fake name that they use on the show. And so I'm like double up my episodes. I'm dealing with like over 400 names because I deal with the real name, the fake name, the fake name, fake name, all that fucking shit. And it's annoying. And I don't know why I'm cursing so much on this episode. I think because I never get to curse anymore because of a son. I'm not a baby. I can't call him a baby anymore because he's kind of like a toddler.

But I never curse around him. So I let loose here because I used to be very potty mouth, but not anymore. What else? I'm from New Jersey. You know, people from New Jersey curse a lot. So Chris called in, he wrote in actually to the show and said that he felt very similar to the Panyhose guy, one of the Pantyhose guys when he listened, but he feels that way about bras and believes he has a bra fetish. Now I was like confused because I'm just like, can a bra,

can it like a fascination of bras really be a fetish? Like what is a fetish? Like what's the definition? And what is the difference, right? Like I don't know. So we talk a lot about that, but we get really specific about his bra fetish slash obsession and how that sort of plays out in his relationships, in his life, in his mind, in his fantasy world, all that kind of stuff, right? We get into that. And then we also talk about his current relationship with his wife, which isn't so great because of the bra fetish. And you have to listen to get the details about that. But I give him some good advice, I think, about that situation. And I feel like the situation with his wife is It's, yeah, it has to do with the bra kind of fetish, but it's more about like, you know, when you're married to somebody, and this goes for whether you're male or female to somebody who he doesn't want to do what you want to do. And so therefore, you're left feeling very unsatisfied, sexually speaking, right? And so what can you do about that? I give him some advice and I think it's good advice. So you can listen to that. Listen to all the details about his bra fetish, obsession, interest, fascination, all those words, I think apply to how he feels about. He says.

bras. So I'm going to be right back on with Chris. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Uh, hey Jason, welcome a strictly anonymous podcast. How you doing today? Hey. Yeah, how are you? I'm good. You know, I was just rereading your email because you had email me a while ago and we've been scheduling. And so I forgot some of the specifics. But that was kind of like glad I forgot the specifics because I don't really like to know too much going in, right, to a call. I do know that, uh, what you have is a bra fetish. And I I have to say I remember on a specific episode saying something like it's not like like it's like

and I think it was on a panty hose fetish saying something like you know it's not like if a guy was into bras like that would it be a fetus like I specifically mentioned something about someone being into bras and how that wouldn't be a fetish but something else would but like for you you and you were very specific in your email and does sound like it's like an obsession of yours right and I would never think that this would be a quote unquote fetish right but it is something that you consider a fetish right and you've had this sort of intense kind of thing with bras since you were really super young right yeah it after listening to your panty hose one with hank it was like so much of it was exactly the same and that's why i reached out because i was like hearing myself in so much the same way with a bunch of different things but

a lot of it was like exactly the same thing and i've always always just been kind of fascinated with, like, what causes that and what gets you to trigger on things. And he was so specific about, like, control pop and all these exact things that had to be a certain way. And the OCD and what goes behind it, but I just, I found that interesting just on a different topic. Right, because that's the way you are. And when you say, like, you got into bras and it's been, like, sort of, you know, ruling your life, you're, like, six or seven. Like, what was going down when you were six or seven that you remember with bras?

Like, how did it start? The first thing I remember and thinking, I mean, I figured a lot of this out over the years, but the first thing I remember is I think it's all like the taboo aspect of seeing or knowing something that you're not supposed to see or know. Uh-huh. And when I was little, like the commercials on TV, all they would show would be like a bra on a mannequin. Like they couldn't even show it on a person. Right.

And it was always like, I mean, that was even too. taboo at that time. I remember looking at that and thinking, you know, why can't they show it on a person? You know, as a real little kid, you'd remember seeing, you know, a family member or something like changing clothes. No big deal, but it was like, why can't

they show that on TV? What's the big deal? And when you're, you know, five, six, seven years old, you know, what hell's going on? But you remember thinking that, like, why aren't I, why am I just seeing this a mannequin, but not on a person? Specifically bras? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then looking,

I mean, the old JCPenney catalog, but it was like the same thing in that other podcast. It was like, you'd look in there, and, you know, I'd always look through it for, always the presence or whatever, and you'd get to that section, I'd be like, huh, on there,

they had pictures on people. And I was like, I think it was kind of like a feeling of, I'm seeing something I'm not supposed to see somewhere else. And like, why can't they show that on TV, but they can show it in here. And it's just, you know, my mind, even as a kid, was... Your little mind was putting stuff together,

like something's going on here. and you wanted to get to the bottom of it. Yeah, and it was like, I don't know, it was like a feeling of when I'm seeing something here, I know I'm not supposed to see there. And I remember, I mean, I was probably, I asked questions about everything. Obviously, every kid does, but, you know,

asking like, why can't you see that on TV or whatever? And they're looking in the catalog. And it was like, oh, here's all these pictures and all these different things and reading about it. And, I mean, my mind was like, you know, I had to know everything and understand, like, the why behind everything, even as a real little kid.

I didn't let anybody throw anything away. I had to take it apart first and see how it works. And that's just all my mind works. You know, having to figure out. Right. That's how you always were. But when did it so? But it just didn't stop there.

Because I'm sure, like you said, if your mind was like that, it was like that with a lot of different things. I have a little child, right? And then they get on to something else and fixate it, right? But like your bra thing, like is still in effect until now, right? And after you've probably picked apart bras, looked at it. I mean, you still can't. in a way, sort of, it's not that figuring it out was a thing with you, because even though I'm sure you've figured out millions of times, you just keep going back to that. Like, that's your thing

even to this day. Yeah, well, I remember, I mean, reading some stuff like psychology and fetishes, that what turns you on or arouses you or causes you or comes a reaction in you, when you're between like ages five and eight sticks with you the rest of your life. That's when those kind of patterns are locked into your brain. Right. And that, was the time when I, I mean, I remember, like, sneaking the Jason Penny catalog and looking through the ads, like, laying on the ground behind, like, the chairs when my parents were watching TV when I was, like, seven, six, seven, eight and feeling something from it, like, laying, you know, getting excited and, you know, feeling like I'm looking at something

I'm not supposed to see. And it became, like, the, like I said, like the taboo of trying to figure out something I'm not supposed to know. Right. But I mean, like, first of all, I have to say as a, like, a mom like I wonder if like these moms that put their little kids in these bra things and J.C. Panys ever thought that people would be like jerking off. Like you would never really think like as probably a parent like I mean you know it's one thing of like your child's posing in playboy you know for sure they're like jerk off material for people but like you would never think these people in I don't know in JCPenney catalog right are not thinking that they're jerk off material for six or seven years old I don't know why I think of that

Because it's neither here or there, but it's kind of interesting. No, it's like, or when the Sunday paper had come with the ads. And it was like the annual, you know, incident apparent sale, an ornament apparel sale. And, you know, you'd see all those ads. And again, you're seeing all these pictures. And it was like, I'm not supposed to see that in public. And, you know, you'd see, you know, like your mind working. But you wouldn't see your mom.

Or tuck it under their shirt. No, but wouldn't you see, like you said, you would see people in your house, right? their bras and them walking around, right? So it wasn't like, I mean, I know you're so, like, I guess it's not that you're stuck on it. It is the thing with you. Like you said it like so many times already when you just started talking,

that it's like you're trying to figure out why you can't sort of see it anywhere else but you could see it there. But I'm sure you saw your mom in her bra, right? And stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure I did as a kid. I think, you know,

I think we're, like I said, we're developed was, you know, going to school and you'd see, like, you know, girl with a white shirt on it, you could see crew, and you'd see what brushy had on underneath. And they're always trying to, like, hide the straps and tuck them under. And it was like, well, they're trying to hide this. I'm not supposed to see it, but I wanted to see it. Right. So you wanted to see what they were hiding from you. Yeah. And I think that's what made it feel taboo.

It was like, you know, especially at the time, you know, like in 80s or whatever, it wasn't at, like, people now to see. wear bras is like out in public. Like it's no big deal, but you know, at the at the time it was like, you know, hey, that looks like when I saw in the ad and I'd try to like match them up to, you know, there was like only a couple brands

at the time and everything kind of looked the same and there weren't all different colors and all this stuff and it was like, you know, sitting in school, I mean, I remember like in middle school, you know, looking at girls like sitting in class, the girl that was like at the desk in front of me and it had just like a thin t-shirt on

and you can see the outline of everything. And my mind would just go. Like, I wonder why she picked that one today and then picture getting dressed and picture what it would be like if she took her shirt off and, you know, wondering why she picked that one out and what brand was that? And did I see that in the catalog?

And going back and looking and just, it just became like, I guess I'd say obsession, but, you know, or fetish, wherever you want to call it, but it just became like something I just wanted to know more about and reading all the, reading all the ads and reading, like, why did you buy this one or that one or what's different between me and why did they look different? Just kind of everything that went into it, I just felt like I was, especially from being a guy, feeling like I'm knowing stuff that either I'm not supposed to know or, you know, trying to figure out why they're doing what they're doing. Right.

And now, like, at what point do you actually see, like, I mean, because now you're talking like, you're like six or seven, okay, like you're not really sexual. yet, right? So you don't know what those feelings are, but you're just feeling some feelings, right? Then you start to get a little older, right? And you're in school. And eventually, like, you know, you start fooling around with girls, right? And you see an actual bra, right? Like, there's a point where now you can, you don't have to just fantasize about it, right? You're actually going to see one on a girl, right? Maybe at a party or something. Like, do you remember that first time that you actually got to get underneath and see what was going on and see an actual bra on a girl that you were fling around with? well definitely yeah what well the ironic part of it was when I had like my first kiss the first time I ever did anything with a girl how old were you? How old? I had had sorry. How old were you though? How old were you though?

You were in high school? Okay so you hadn't like like the stuff like in seven like I remember I don't know maybe I was just slutty but like you know I remember like you know you started like making out and going a second base and doing like all kinds of stuff like that like before high school now like you didn't know i don't know maybe i was like no i was probably more that's probably more awkward as a kid than that i mean i didn't really get into a lot of that until high school okay i remember i remember in junior high like starting in junior high i can even remember picturing the classrooms like you know you'd

have to pass your papers to the front so you'd tap on the person in front of you to let them know you're passing the papers up and i'd always like reach forward and tap forward like right where her brought was. And just like to be able to kind of reach out that was like my way of touching it. If you could see it through the shirt or just those kind of things. So there was that buildup for all these years. And was that like your jerk off thoughts? Like did you use that to like when you were like finally playing with yourself and like masturbating whatever like was that like your thing? Oh absolutely. I'd see something at school one day and go home and see it and be like you know I got to get home. And it could be just like literally like the the little vision of like a side.

of a strap or something like that and with that that that thought or that that actual picture in your mind then you could turn it into like a whole scenario that gets you off yeah exactly it was the scenario of starting thinking about like her getting dressed that morning right like going to the drawer why did you know because i'm i don't know mental is what what turns me on and the thoughts and the scenarios and the stories and that you know i would just create this whole thing like when i'm sitting there in class and I'd picture, you know, like her taking a shower and then what did she pick out out of the drawer and why did she put it on and why that one or that style or that color or whatever it was. And then the fact that I could see it when it was like before even understood

it at that age, like the fact that I was seeing something that I felt like I shouldn't be seeing and that if it showed, they tried to hide it right away and it's like, oh, but I got to see it, you know, before he tucked it away or hit it or whatever it was. Right. You were kind of like, completely see through. Yeah, you're kind of like snooping without it really being, but that was like the sort of thing that was getting you off that you were like sort of being a voyeur, right? Like inside that person's house or inside that person's life without them sort of inviting you into it.

So let me ask you this though. It's kind of like, like does it sort of take that edge off? Because I would assume that like so then maybe like when you're with your first person that has actually like takes her shirt off and it allows you to see everything that maybe there's a little bit that gets like. lost in that because a part of the turn on is like that taboo thing of them not wanting you to see it or was it equally as like intense when you actually got to see it in real life? Well, like I was saying, the funny part was when I had my first kiss and actually kind of

felt up a girl for the first time all at the same time she wasn't wearing a bra, which was just ironic. She took a shower and she was like, oh, I'll meet you over in the park, we'll go for a walk. And I kind of knew we were going to do something. And so she just put on like two or three tank tops or something like that and came out because it was hot. And I remember when I first started like stealing her up, I was like, oh, there's nothing there. Right. And well, it was still exciting.

You know, your kid with the first time, girl for the first time, it's still super exciting. But it was like, oh, all this build up in anticipation of what I thought for all these years was going to be. I mean, it was still exciting, obviously. But it was a little bit of a letdown. Like, oh, man, this isn't what I had envisioned in all these. years of scenarios of playing in my head like, oh, if I ever went out with that girl, I know if I took her shirt up and get to see this and all these things. It's like then when it finally happened, just that one moment it wasn't there. That's kind of, that is kind of ironic.

Yeah, no, yeah, I still think back to that. But no, after me, obviously, it wasn't long after that. We were doing doing more stuff. And yeah, it would, I mean, it didn't, it didn't go away when you finally got to take it off. You know, 16-year-old boy, you're going to be excited by anything. But, Yeah. The scenarios were all leading up to getting to, you know, undressor. And that was like the moment. It was all the, and maybe it's because I was a little bit older and just waiting so long before I really did anything. It was like all the scenarios were always the anticipation and the buildup. And someday when I finally get to that point, and then it's like when I finally got to that point, of course in person, it was exciting. But all the scenarios in my head stopped there. You know, it was like I just want to get disappointed. That's what I mean. It seemed like the. the scenarios and the before, the stuff before was the turn on, right? And then sort of the, because like you said, like the big thing about it was like figuring out something that someone doesn't want you to know, you know? So like when somebody, like some girls like ready, willing and able to like, you know, go to second base with you. I was just wondering like did that sort of take away from it because like

it seems like the sort of thing that you focus on that made it hot was the tabooness of it. Right. And it's not really that taboo. When you're with the. person, but I'm assuming if you're like sort of going in your mind with those scenarios ahead of time, right? Maybe then you get there and then that sort of, then that scenario sort of progresses to you sort of being with that person and that's just a whole part of the whole story, right? Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Right. And so that's just like the, that's like the end of the story. Like, and then finally it ends and you get that and you get your release and everything. So it wasn't, it was just as hot. Like, so when you finally see the first one with that girl, it's everything that you ever imagined and then so. Oh yeah and one of the I think the ironic things is I'd liked her for a long time like a couple years she was somebody that I'd always wanted to like date and go out with but she was always with this one other guy so when I finally got the chance it was like she was someone that the way she

dressed you could kind of never tell what she was wearing like underneath so you know it always be like sweaters and sweatshirt so it was like it was more of an intrigue you know. Oh interesting because you The less you know the better because it keeps you more curious. Yeah, so I think that's part of it. Like I said, it was the trying to figure it out was the huge thing with it. You know? Yeah. The girl that wore the exact same thing every day, like a plain t-shirt that you can see through every day with the exact same thing underneath every single day.

There was no mystery. There was no taboo. It's like, well, she's showing it. She knows everybody can see it. I can see it. There's no mystery there. There's nothing to figure out. There's no,

you know, there's nothing there. But when like girls that were like a different style every single day or only maybe one day a week or something that you could kind of see through or try to figure something out, and it was more difficult. It was more like intrigue and appeal there. That's where there, you know,

there was more mystery. And that's what got my mind going was the trying to figure it out. Right. No, I know. But let me ask you this. So when you started dating girls and like you're like with them all the time like did you start to sort of like explain because I don't think it's very hard to sort of be open about this with a woman right I mean this is not some kind of thing you have to hide it's very

I mean like I said on a podcast when I made that kind of joke like it's not like if someone's just into bra's like who's not into that you know what I mean like a lot of guys are into but yours is like sort of like it crosses the line it's just like a like almost like an obsession you know and maybe that you know that OCD got crossed with you or whatever you know what I mean and it turns and then it becomes your quote unquote fetish, right? Because it is something that you have been interested in in a way that's not normal, right? Not normal, but like, you know, a lot of guys like broads, but it's not to this point. I'm assuming now that I'm going to air this, right?

Other people will find it and I'll get an email from somebody else, right? You can't be the only one. Like, is there any kind of forums that you found online that, like, for people that are like you? Oh, yeah, that's, there's tons. And I think that's where, like, when you talk to other, people about fetishes and when you you realize that when you know the internet finally came along yeah in the early 90s is you know you start searching for anything and I'm like oh wonder about this wonder about that and then you find there's like this whole world of people out there

they're exactly like you and you felt like you were weird your whole life because of something you know yeah totally every every other guy in high school they talked about girls or bras would be like they hated them or the only good ones one on the floor and you know right because they just like tits yeah yeah you know it's just something in the way of what you wanted to get to and it's like I felt weird

because I was like yeah I felt like I was on the girl side of you know the anticipation and the buildup and all the stuff that went into it

where every other guy was like oh yeah just want to rip a girl's clothes off and go at it and I was like oh no I like you know the dressing or this all the different

details that went into it and it's like nobody else was like that so I never talked about any of that stuff you know with friends or guy friends and yeah, I had a couple long-term girlfriend,

and we'd talk about it a little bit, but it still felt weird, or it still felt like something that a lot of people weren't that way. I know that you mentioned, I remember specifically you were mentioning that you don't, it's not a part of your relationship now, your marriage, right?

You're married now? Yeah. And that's a thing, right? But, like, have you been, like, how long you've been with your wife? Like, you, this is your second wife? Yeah, like, about five years. Was it a, like,

When was the first time you've like really, right, okay, but we'll get to that, but that's like we're jumping ahead. Like, when was the first time you, like, sort of, like, explaining this or, like, sort of admitted this to somebody? Like, was it, like, your first long-term girlfriend? I mean, I know you said you, like, bought bras for women and you started to, you did certain things that maybe somebody would be like, what does this mean? Or maybe they'd see sort of signs of this in you, but you never fully sort of cop to,

like, how much this was a part of your life, right? When was the point where you sort of brought that? to the table because it has been a part of your relationships, right? Yeah, no, definitely. Yeah, first, I mean, the first long-term girlfriend was the first person that I ever really talked about anything with. And that's when, you know, the first person that sets with you was trying to figure everything out.

And it was like, why does this go good or why does this turn you on? And, you know, I'd say that this really turned me on if you wear this or I like this or, you know, what I liked and why I liked it and all these different things. and, you know, she didn't really react, but again, your kids, you know, teenagers, you don't really know what you're talking about anyway, but, you know, she had just, I think, like, probably most every other girl just like the standard set of, like, five white J.C. Penny playing bras. And that was it, you know, that her mom took in the shopping for. And I was like, oh, you should get one like this or get one like that or, you know, pull out an ad, like, leave it out in the paper. And then when she was over, be like, oh, yeah, look at the ad that just happens to be here. You know, what if, uh, I bet you look really good in that. Just like mentioning things like that. And to her, it was, you know, I mean, it wasn't a bad thing, but it just wasn't a thing. It was like something you'd never think of, which kind of made me feel like it was weird, too, I guess.

Uh-huh. And, but you were, like, buying certain girls, like, you would, would you do that, like, behind their back or, like, was that something? Because, like, I didn't, like, was that something that you were, like, telling them that you were doing? Or, like, were you doing it, like, secretly and then, like, giving you. it to them as gifts? Like, how did that work that you were going to the store? Were you by yourself or were you with them? Well,

both. I mean, like, younger on, like, being a teenager, like in high school, it was more, like, with them, and then, you know, it's like your mom does your laundry at home. So if all of a sudden she had all this weird crap in the laundry, her mom would be like, where did that

come from? Yeah. So it would be like, you know, if we'd go shopping together, we were to mall or something, pick something out. but I'd say, you know, that would look really good on you. You should get that. I mean, pretty harmless stuff. Right. As far as, you know, buying things, that was probably when I was like more college age or even a little bit after college.

Like, you know, it's more like, like, yeah, like Valentine's Day type stuff. And I'd always have an excuse. Like, oh, yeah, it was, you know, at the mall going to buy a new pair of jeans or something. And I just happened to walk by this display and just happened to see this and thought, wow, that it looked really good on you and picked it up and make it like a Valentine's Day gift or, you know, something like that. So try to make it nondescript, which didn't, you know, you'd read about stuff like that, like guys buying lingerie for women. It didn't seem that weird. But I think the only thing maybe like the girlfriends felt weird about it was I think they pictured like buying all this like sleazy, shrew, see-through, whatever stuff. And for me, it was like I'd buy just a specific type of, like, bra and panties to go with, like,

oh, you should wear this with, you know, that shirt or this that you have or that. I'd always have, like, all these scenarios in my mind, like, oh, if you wore this bra with that tank top, then I'd get a little peek at this. And then I'd create, like, a whole day-long scenario of, oh, we'll go out for the day. And I'd have all this, like, build up and keys of being able to see things. Yeah, yeah, I could imagine, like, if somebody started talking like that to me, like, with all that. I'd be like, what's going on? Like, you know, it does seem like, like, you know, like a specific one with the shirt. Like, you know, there's a lot of sort of thought of something like

that is normally not thought of like in, you know, as much. And even like the guy that goes out and buys lingerie, a lot of guys are into that. And I'm sure there are guys that are into it like you're into this, right? Where it is, you know, a little bit, you know, much more extreme than somebody else, right? But, um, yours is so, I think me, it's like, you know, it's like, I always say people are like a concoction of something, right? And I think maybe the people that it sort of becomes wired like this. Like you have to have a little bit of that OCD in you. I think you also have to be like very creative and imaginative, right? Because it's like a certain kind of way of thinking, right? Like you're telling all these stories and these

scenarios and you're creating like stories, right? In your head. So that's the creativity sort of side of things and you know and I just think it's like and then like I said the OCD sort of part of somebody turns it into sort of this repetitive uh overthinking a lot about it right I don't know like you know like it becomes this thing and because when you were younger it you felt feelings for it right it becomes like a sexual turn on and then boom you have this like sort of pretty easy if you ask me fetish like I mean it's not it's like a good one to have, right? That's something so simple and so sort of there. Like, I always say, like, if you're into feet, like, I mean, how great is that? Like, you go anywhere and be seeing

them. You know what I mean? It's not like. And I mean, since you kind of like the tabooness of it, like you could kind of see that wherever you go, right? It's like an easy kind of a thing. Yeah, definitely. And that, yeah, and like this, when you mentioned that in those other podcasts, with, you know, the feed or the panty hose or whatever, it is. It's easy. It's everywhere. And actually kind of use that as a way to explain it like you know when you start getting into somebody like hey they're getting into what really turns you on somebody new and you're like oh i really like this and you know i'd be like wanting to justify it or explain it like if it was weird and you know later on getting older realized it wasn't as weird but i'd be like hey i could be in to you know

doing really weird stuff with your feet it's nothing like that i just like to look at something sexy on you you know is that really that weird and but just the over thinking everything and always feeling the need to justify it and explain it, you know, I think is where it felt weird. And so I'm sure like anybody that's been with you for a long period of time probably sees that part of your personality in other aspects as well, right? It's probably not just with that, right? Right?

Like, I mean, I would like, right? Just like who you are, right? So it's just like you probably overthinking, you know, like in other area. So I think any woman that gets to know you after a while then just starts to. to realize, like, of course you're going to be that way with that because you're that way as a person, right? It's just a part of who you are. Oh, absolutely.

I mean, this is just how it applies itself to, you know, turn on your fetishes or that. But, no, I mean, that's absolutely a personality type and that's just how it kind of manifests itself in that way. Right, exactly. So I would think, yeah, so I would think that, like, you know, any girl would be like, you know, after like a while, like when you really coffee. to it, you could, the more she knows who you are, the more you could let your freak fly and it's not going to seem weird because it's just like, oh yeah, okay, this is a guy that's

like really fucking into bras. And he's so like intense about it because he's intense about everything, like, right? It's just like that's just the way that you are. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I think like you said, people are into weird, you know, it's bad, but we're like bondage or all this other stuff. Oh, I'm not. Imagine if you're into something like that, you'd be hardcore. Yeah, but it's like, you know, it's like you meet a guy. and it's like, is this really the worst thing a guy could be into? You know? Yeah, not bad.

You don't want to tie me up and do all this other stuff to me. He just wants me to wear this thing with that shirt or whatever, and he goes crazy over it. It's like, that's not too bad, you know? Not at all. And you don't even mind. It's not like you're like a tit guy and they're like, oh, they have to be super big or they have to be perfect or they have to be fake. Like, you know, it's not like that because that could make a woman feel like maybe inadequate

if she's not like, you know, she's not filling up her. Like for you, it's just the bra, right? It doesn't matter as much as what's in it. You're not about like. tits. It's about bras. Right? So, I think it's a little bit of both. I mean, I think it's definitely being a boob guy

and the fact that... Oh, you are too with that. At the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like that was, that was what was keeping you from them, or that was the last thing before you get to them, or the ability to, you know, push up and show a bunch of cleavage or the ability to

or something kind of sheer and see through. It was like just a... That's what they were hiding the goods. That was holding the goods. That was holding the goods. ultimate sort of prize, right? Yeah, exactly. Right. And so why is it a part of your, like, I'm assuming it was a part of your first marriage, like, how long were you married your first wife? 13 years.

Okay, and like was she sort of in on it and knew everything and okay with it? Like, how did it play out in your relationship with her? Yeah, I mean, once we'd been together, you know, a while, it was just kind of became a normal thing. It was like, oh, you know, if I wore this, he'd come. compliment me like crazy or he'd jump all over me or whatever. So it kind of, you just get talking about it and, oh, I love this and I love that or this is really sexy. And it just, it was never a, it was never a thing in terms of a bad thing.

I think, like I said, she was just like, oh, oh, this is easy. I want, you know. Yeah, what an easy sort of role playing to fulfill, right? It's like, all I do is put on a bra and let it like hang down my shoulder probably the strap and you're like, dull horny. It's easy for a girl. Yeah. It's like, you know, yeah.

Yeah, it's like, hey, you know, if I want to, you know, tease them or whatever for the day, we're going out somewhere for the whole day we're going to be out. I'll go out with something I know we like to put like a big sweater or something on over it. And then we get out, take that off and have something that I know is driving him crazy and, like, tease them the whole day because I know when we get back and, like, rip my clothes off and, you know, want to get at me. Right. Because that's all the foreplay beforehand. Yeah.

Yeah. And then, and again, for me, it's a scenario. It's like if we're out, you know, like at a baseball game or something during the day, all day. And I'm like, my mind's just going to, you know, I'd think of it. If I didn't see her to dress, it would be like, oh, thinking about everything from how she got dressed to why she picked out what she wore. And, you know, did she wear this for me? And did she pick this one out? Because I like that.

And, you know, last time she wore that shirt. She wore a different product. Why did she pick out this one instead of that one? And everything from the early scenario to the, okay. well, when we get back home, you know, I'm going to do this, and this is how I'm going to dress her, and then she has a button-down shirt on, so I can do that real slow. Just, you know, it was almost as much mental as it was visual. I mean, the visual triggered the mental.

Right, but then your mind takes it, right? Yeah, your mind takes over and is very good at sort of taking it from there. That's all you need is that little tiny thing, and your mind could turn it into this whole scenario. That's why I think it's like not just the OCD, like you have to be like, very imaginative and creative in a way, right? Not in a way, but for sure, to really create all of that. And I think that's great to have that, you know, sort of quality

because that really helps, like, with fantasies and all that kind of stuff, you know? Yeah, and it, you know, it took me forever to kind of tie it back to, like, those early days of being, like, 10 years old looking at the Jason Penny catalog, but it's like if you listen to some of the psychology stuff with that, it's like that's when you were first feeling sexual arousal or that's when you were first getting those feelings is I was repeatedly looking at the same stuff and that was giving me the arousal or the mental arousal about seeing something I shouldn't yeah and then that's just that's just there I mean that's always going to be there and you know people they say have like spanking

side of shes that love to be spanking or need to be spanked or have an orgasm or whatever it's like a lot of them are kids that were spanked as kids that you know maybe got It'll arouse a lot of it at those ages. And then they just tie that into their brain of, you know, that's something that turns me on and then they want to be spanked their whole life or whatever. It's just kind of whatever. Yeah, it makes sense. It's just like what the wiring, like I said, is like over and over.

You know, you'd have to be spanked a lot, I think. But just because you were like overlooking it. You know, I don't think it's like a one-time thing, right? It's like, it's kind of like the way any kind of addiction sort of builds in your mind. It's like, it's like the reason why like you, when you start smoking, you get addicted to it. Because it's just like every time you smoke and you do the same thing over and over again. It becomes like a pattern, a habit, right? It's like they could train you to do something

good in the same way, right? And you create this sort of wiring in your brain. And that's why when you quit, like the only way to become unwired is to like, you know, completely like deny yourself. And so you basically like deny that wiring. And after a while of not giving what it want, eventually dies. But it takes a long time, especially if you've been feeding it, you know, for a long time, right? I mean, what you're wired for yourself isn't a bad thing, right? So, like, like you don't need to unwire yourself. And it's just like you said it's stronger than ever. You're 47 now.

You're with your second wife. We'll talk about why it's not a part of your relationship. But it's not like it needs to go anywhere. But it really is like something that I believe happens at all times. Like a night when, you know, like that whole psychology thing that's happening when you're younger. Or like I said, it could happen in people's lives when they start smoking or at different times with any kind of thing. You know, you just, you know, create this. There was like this movie, the quantum physics.

movie. What the belief do we know about it? That movie was good. Like there was this whole side story with this deaf woman in it. It was like so stupid and not really that interesting. But they talked a lot about that wiring thing. And I remember to this day because it was like so fascinating to me, you know. And I think any kind of obsession or addiction or even a good habit is created in those ways and can be uncreated if you believe in that sort of concept. And it's like it exists and it plays out a lot in fetishes, quote unquote, right? For sure. You've looked into it. I just always say that because that's just what I think.

But why isn't it, like, you've been with your girl for a couple of years now, right? Like, why isn't it a part of your relationship? Like, she's just not into it or she doesn't, not into bras? Like, why isn't it play out in this relationship as much? She just doesn't get it, I think, is the biggest thing. I mean, she's not that she's not into it. Right. Like every time she tries to do something with it, if she does, she just gets it wrong from what I like.

And, you know, early on when we were dating, you know, and by that point, I was like in my early 40s, late 30s. And it was like, okay, I'm comfortable with this in my life. And people, you know, the couple people I dated after I got divorced were like really cool with it. Yeah. I'm like, oh, this just isn't really a thing. Like so with the internet and all these forums and galleries and fan pages and I mean, you go to Flickr and type in like a tag of like bra strap fetish and there's like 10,000 pictures on there that people have just snapped in public of like the woman with the brush

strap peeking out on their tank top or you know there's one like bra backs where it's just like you can see the bra outline through the back of a shirt like 10,000 of those pictures so it's like you know if you need to feed that there's plenty out there now and that's when you realize you're like you're not the only one that like looking at this stuff you know this stuff everywhere but yeah and it's like So early on with her, I'm like, oh, I really like this, or we'd go shopping and we'd get them all or whatever. And I'd be like, oh, you should get this and get that. And, you know, there might have been just a tiny bit of maybe he knows a little too much about this or why is it that baby deal. But she didn't care.

She was open to anything. But, you know, I got a couple things or we picked out a couple things together. And she was like, oh, this is great. But she'd never let, you know, I tell her exactly like, oh, you know, where this with that or whatever. And she'd never like do it that way. and then for Christmas I bought her several things like the first Christmas

like a couple bras and a couple shirts that I thought would be like really cool to go with them that would be like a good tease and she like opened everything and was like I don't really like any of this stuff it's not me or it's not I wouldn't look good in this

you know I'm like well okay if you don't like it that's completely fine if you're not comfortable with it but why don't you think you look good in it you know you don't have to wear something you don't like but what else would you like so I can piece together like what she'd like and what I'd like.

Yeah. And it was just, everything was just kind of shut down. It was like, nah, no, I just, you know, I got what I got, and I like what I like, and I do what I do. And it's just not a deal, it's not a thing. And, you know, the more I'd try to explain it, like, oh, I really like to see this, or I really like that. Or, you know, and it just never, never materialized to where, you know, she'd wear exactly what I'd like to see when I'd like to see it. That's weird. Why do you think?

Is she kind of like, I mean, there's could be a couple of reasons. Is she a little, like, what's her person on like that? Is she a little thick-headed? Like, is she a little bit like, I mean, could there be in some weird way, like some reason why she doesn't want to like give you that even if it's subconsciously? Or is it that she just might not sort of get it? Like she's not putting two and two together. But like I feel like you're kind of spelling it out for her. No, I did.

And that's what, you know, when we went on our, we went in our, we went in our. honeymoon. And I remember this visibly. She had this dress on that I hadn't seen before. And we're going to dinner, like a really nice dress-up dinner. And we had to walk up like two flights of stairs to get to this place. So we're walking next to each other. And I really didn't see the back of it yet. And she turns to walk up the stairs in front of me. And the entire back of the dress is completely sheer. It was like black shear. And she had a black bra on under it that you could see perfectly, like she had nothing on the back, which, wasn't that big a deal.

She had a sweater on, but she took it off to walk up the stairs. Yeah. But for me, that was like, oh, I did know that was there, and now I'm seeing it, and my mind just went crazy. Like, my mind was like, we're sitting there across the table, and I'm just thinking about, like, oh, everybody walking up behind her can see that and knowing that nobody else probably cares, but, you know, my mind just went crazy over that. And that was like, you know, that was like my finishing thing.

If we were together and I wanted to come right away, that was like the shot I went to in my head immediately every time. It was like that was the perfect surprise with the perfect time. Right. And I just visualized that. And that was perfect. And I told me to that a couple times like, you know, you should wear that dress or the one from the honeymoon, whatever.

It's like, that's my go-to. And I laid that whole thing out for her, even though it was kind of embarrassing. And she was just like, oh, you know, okay, whatever. And never wore the dress again. I never did anything like that again. And I was like, I mean, is she the type that you have to. say, like maybe you have to be even more specific. Like, maybe you have to say, like, it's Friday night. You guys are going out someplace or you're going to a party. You have to say, I want you

to wear that dress and that bra because I want to recreate that scenario because it was like the hottest thing ever. And can you please do that for me? Like, maybe even on your fucking birthday. Like, can you be like, I don't know. Like, how else, like, you know her, right? I don't know anything about her, right? But, like, I feel like everybody's sort of brains operate different ways and the best way to sort of, like, you have to, like, really understand somebody and how their brain work so that you could get them to do things for you if that's what you want, right? Somehow she just doesn't get this, right, for some reason. I don't, like I said, I don't know enough about her to know, but you know her enough.

Like what would you, like, why do you think you're like hitting a wall with her? Like, maybe you're not asking her properly. Maybe you have to be more specific. Maybe you have to take more action. Like maybe you have to be the type of person to say, like, you know, get the dress, get the bra, and say, this is what you're wearing, I want you to do this, do this for me, please. Like, I want you to do it. Like, maybe that, could that work? Yeah. And back her into a corner like that.

Yeah, and see if I did that, she would do it, but that almost takes away part of the mental part of it. And that's what she doesn't get. It's like, it's one time. Yeah, and that I've done a million times. Oh, you have. She just doesn't understand, like, the mindset. You know, it's like, she wears something out, like, that she'd think I would really like. and it's clearly something, you know, that would look nice and everything, but from, like, a fetishy turn-on standpoint, it did, like, nothing for me. She looked nice, and I tell her you look nice and all this,

and we get back after dinner, and she'd be like, oh, you know, I wore this for you. And I'd be like, well, we look really nice. And she's like, well, you know, does this turn you on or is it something you like? And I'm like, well, from, like, the whole fetishy standpoint or, like, comparing it to the honeymoon, not really, and explain why, and then she'd get frustrated, and it's like, you know, well, just tell me what you want me to wear, just set out of you. exactly what you want and I'll wear it and it's like I could do that but that kind of takes away I

like you know the oh see this is the problem okay right this is the problem yeah yeah it's like I could do that from time to time and just lay out something but it's like if I'm just dictating it it takes away the that whole building up the mental scenario of leading to it and all the stuff after it and you know it's like the idea of putting something on that I like and doing it for me or teasing me is awesome, but that's what she gets wrong every time. But she's always going to get it wrong, but she's always going to get it wrong, okay?

Like for some reason, like you guys, like just, like visually, she doesn't have the same vision as you. So what she sees in her mind as something that's going to turn around is not what you see. And I don't think you could change that unless, like, you actually physically tell her exactly and be specific. Like I said, I think that's what it would take. She told you that's what it would take.

But I get, like I understand both sides here. right? I get that for you that takes away. But, you know, have you ever tried to actually do that? Because, like, I really wonder, I think you're creative and imaginative and you could mind-fuck yourself into sort of working with that scenario, even though it doesn't seem like the hottest one. I think you, it's better than nothing. Do you know what I'm saying? I think you should try it. And then you could, your mind is powerful enough to sort of forget about the fact that you gave it to her. You know, what I mean, to sort of, you know, and you could suspend your belief at that point enough to sort of get into it as if she picked it out herself. Yeah, I can do that. You should try. Yeah, and it's not like there's no attraction to her if she doesn't play into the veterinary.

I mean, I still find her attractive and it's not like nothing happens. It's not like you have any part. Like, your marriage is strong. Besides that, like everything, you're compatible, things are great. Like you're with her four years. Like, is everything good otherwise? I mean, for the most part, I mean, we have some communication issues, and that's kind of where this comes from, because there's certain things where I think she just doesn't get me in the way I think about things. You know, I'm more the type A overanalytical, over-explain, over-analyzed, and she's like total type B, just fly by the seat of her pants, no plan, no direction.

Yeah, but I have to say, I think that's good for you. And you're probably good for her, like somehow each of you brings each of you maybe a little bit more in the middle, and maybe, there's got to be a little give on each way. I think by her saying to you, like, and because it's probably very frustrating for her that she actually tries, right? She does try, right? There's no sort of subconscious, like, control shit going on here where she's being passive-aggressive and doesn't want to give you what you want

because there could be that scenario going on, but that's not it. She just, she's just not on that same page, right? Like what she thinks in her head is right for you. It's, you're not, like, because you guys, like you said are opposites, right? But I think opposites are good for each other and stuff. And I think as someone who's like a hyper overanalyzer, I mean, the worst person for you to be with would be somebody exactly like you. I mean, you guys would never leave your fucking house. You know what I mean? I'm the same way I'm an overthinker over an advisor. It's good to have somebody that kind of cuts you off and doesn't let you go too much, you know, because I'm sure you have friends that you could go there with. But I think your partner, it's not so bad to be with somebody that's like your opposite because you guys could take from each other, right? And I think by her saying to you like, you know, and she has tried, right? But she just doesn't nail it because of you do have that. communication problem because you're very not similar right in certain in this way but by her saying

if you just give it to me you know is you know that's her way of sort of compromising saying like I'll do whatever you want just give it you know and I think you need to do that and try that and I feel like you know because this is your thing and this is what you want I mean for her she doesn't give a shit if you decide not to sort of try it and you just give up trying to get her like what does she care right it's not like what she wants she doesn't have any of her needs not being met but this is like your need that's not being met so you're going to have to be the one that has to sort of lower your expectation a little bit yeah it's not the perfect scenario and why like wouldn't it be great if she could just figure out what's inside your head and what turned you on even though

you're so specific with her she still doesn't fucking get it that you have to literally lay it out for her. Like, that's what you have to do. I mean, that's just the reality of the situation, but I really believe that you could work with that. And you should work with that because, you know, it would take away that slight frustration

of like this sort of being something that you're not on the same page about. Part of it now, too, and this is where it kind of exactly parallels the any host podcast you did with the body image issues. Now, you know, she's gained a little bit away. medical stuff going on.

So it's like, you know, I'd say, if you wear this or wear something like that, and she's, oh, I can't wear that stuff anymore. That wouldn't look good on me anymore. No, it would. It's more about, you know, I could give you a scenario where you wear certain things that I would go crazy.

Right. It would love it. Right. She doesn't believe you. Yeah. And in her mind, it's like, oh, well, I might have a little, you know, bulge of fat, or I might not look super flunder in this. and it just wouldn't look good to wear like a tank top or this or that.

It's like, no, that's not the point. Right, like you would be looking at those things. That's what she doesn't understand. This is the big problem between women and men, and this is a sad thing about women because I always had a lot of guy friends. So I sort of understood guys, so I didn't have these kind of issues in it, but I'd always tell my really good girlfriends like these things

because they'd be like so concerned with like, I had this one friend that had like these huge boobs and she was so horrified by like her midsection that wasn't like perfectly flat. and it wasn't like the perfect midsection, right? But I was just like, so why don't you just show up your tits more? Like, guys would love it. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, and she had great legs. But she would just like hyper focus on this one area. And I'm just like, what you don't understand is like the guys don't hyper fixate on that. You know what I mean? And but girls are like super self-conscious about certain things and they don't really get that guys don't care about that. She doesn't believe you because she's like projecting her own feelings onto you.

She can't get out of herself like, you know, and realize that you would be into it, that you wouldn't be like you're, and you're telling her that. she still can't get past her own self-consciousness about herself. And that's like a tough thing with women because, you know, a lot more stuff is put on women, you know, like, you know, about their bodies and stuff, you know. So women, of course, have issues and body issues because of like how we grew up in the society that we grew up. And so it's like you feel for women to feel that way, you know. And I wish for women to understand that men don't feel that way.

and like the sort of the thing that created that body image isn't so much men because I don't think women are really getting the real sort of what would be the word like the the right message about what men are into you know it was always like oh girls have to you know every girl thinks that they have to be so skinny and have no ass and like you know and yet like now at least it's coming out that like you know no like an ass is good and like guys like curves and like you know different body image like different bodies like people like that you know but it was always like this weird thing where every girl think they have to like weigh nothing and that that's what guys like when that was never what like it's not to say that skinny isn't good but like guys like all kinds of

different shapes inside it's more about proportion right and curves and the way you handle yourself and all that stuff and sexiness is like a whole different thing than what sort of the media made it out to be so girls got pretty fucked up and I'm assuming I mean how old's your girl same age 47 right so she grew up in that time where things were so backward so she's like got all these sort of body image things going on. And she's probably going through perimenopause. And she's probably like a fucking mess right now. So, yeah, none of that stuff helps your situation at all.

Yeah, no, what you're saying is exactly right. It's like, you know, I'd kind of given up on this over the last year or two just because it never goes anywhere correctly. But like the last time I tried to buy her clothes or buy her something. And, you know, I'd look at like what size shirt she was wearing or what size anything was. and, you know, try to buy her something, I thought it looked really good. And, you know, her reaction, like, looking at it was, oh, my God, I'm not that size now, or I don't want to wear something like in that style of that size.

And I'm like, look, you don't, if you want to look good for me or you want something that I will like, this is something I will like. I'm not going to notice the size. You're not going to be looking at the tag, the size. Girls are very into size. It's so weird. That same girl that I told you about. I used to go shopping with her and try to get her like hot outfits.

And she would like try on pants and she, they wouldn't look good because I'm like, they're like the wrong size. Let me get your bigger size. And she'd be like, hard. She'd look at me as if like I was like ruining her whole world. And then I'd make her try on the size that was like right for her.

And they would look slamming. And she'd be, I don't want these. Like these aren't right. They're not. And it's just like, what does the size matter? Like if they look good,

like who cares what the size. But there's something about size. I never had like a weak thing so I don't understand it. But it's just like this big thing. this big thing about size and what does it matter. Like it doesn't matter. It's like how you look or how you feel or how somebody sort of sees you and like you try to tell her like it doesn't matter what size it is. Like you're going to look hot to me and she still, it still doesn't matter because she doesn't feel sexy herself. You know what I mean? And that's like some, that's like an issue she has.

And that's only going to get worse with her age. I hate to say. You know, it's, it's. No, I know. It's like, yeah. I can tell her specifically like, look, if I come home and you've got, you know, Yoke the pants on and you've got this tank top on and this underneath it and, you know, lay it out. If you surprise me with that sometime, I'm going to drop whatever I'm carrying and, you know, we're going to go addicts. That's going to drive me crazy. Or the scenario of like going out and teasing for a while and knowing we're going back home

and then I can let my mind build up all this mental foreplay and, you know, it still goes back to like, oh, I wouldn't look good in that or I know you liked that three years ago, I don't look like I looked three years ago, so it's not going to get what you think you're getting. And it's like, come on. I just want to see this. And that's where I go to like, you know, I'm not getting nothing against bondage, but I'm not wanting to tie you up and do crazy stuff to you. I just want to see this or want that. Or, you know, it's like.

But she's just uncomfortable. Yeah, she's just uncomfortable. It's like it's really not about you. It's about her. And it's like a deeper thing. And, you know, it's sad because she should really. sort of get that in check now because it'll only get worse as she gets older. Because when you age, you know, like, things are, it's harder to keep in shape. It's harder to keep your weight

down. You know, all those things will only get worse before you know it. You know, you're never going to see anything going on. You won't even be having sex with her. You know, it's like a, you're going to be going through menopause and like, you know, that stuff could just get worse and worse as it goes on. So you should try to like maybe have her talk to someone about that or something because, you know, it's not like, like you said, like everything in your relationship is good, but like you're not, it's not like you've been with her 15 years. It's like a new relationship. And so for this thing to sort of start, like, I mean, 10 years later, like, are you going to be happy if this is the way it's been for 10 years? Like, I don't know, you know, it could start to

become more of a problem is what I'm saying as time goes on if she keeps denying even more, you know, that maybe she needs, you need to get her into some sort of therapy so she could deal with like her body image and her sexiness or maybe get on some hormones or something, you know, because I mean, unfortunately, that's only going to get worse because of what she's going through because of her age and stuff. It's not about you. It's something you could change. I don't think you could fix it.

I hate to say it. No, I know. And that's where, like, that stuff gets frustrating. And it's like, you know, she doesn't, she gets insecure if we ever mentioned anything about, like, prior relationships or anything like that. But it's like I dated, after I got divorced, I dated someone for just like a couple months that, you know, we both opened up right away. We were both very open sexually and talking about stuff.

And, you know, talked about all this stuff, like, right out of the gate. And she was cool with it all. She was like, oh, that's cool. I can have some fun with that. It was, like, just not a thing. And she didn't have, like, the greatest, you know, perfect figure or anything like that.

She looked good. But, you know, she figured it out. And this way I say, like, she doesn't, you know, my wife doesn't get it. She figured it out, like, right away. And within, like, a month, you know, she'd send me, like, a couple text pictures. in the morning, not even of her, but like of everything laid out on her bed, like the bra and the

panties and the shirt and the girl that you dated that would do this. Yeah. Yeah. And she'd send like those pictures and be like, hey, just to let you know, this is what I'm going to be wearing today. Nobody at works going to know but you and you're going to get to see it when you come over after work. Have a good day. Yeah. And I was like, that, that alone. I mean, forget if you weigh extra pounds or whatever. Just that alone gets my brain going all day that, you know, it's like, Like she got it. She got where that, what turned me on and what hit all those triggers and, you know, just a little text in the middle of the day.

Oh, hey, I forgot to mention. But you would bring this person up to her? No, no, no, no. I'm just saying that if I'd say something like that, like, hey, this would really work. I have to try to mention in a way without saying this happened. I'll try to say something like. Oh, yeah. You should definitely not say like the girl that I used to date a girl that you said.

That would be terrible. but why didn't you want why did it not work out with that girl other things weren't i guess in play that's just the way like you always got to throw something out the window right unfortunately nobody's perfect yeah it was like a i mean and now that part of it was awesome but it was right right it was two or three months and we're you know we swirled yeah like if you could put your wife and this girl together it would be like the perfect girl you just she needs to have that in her i think she just needs to feel like better about herself and like you know because i think she's doesn't feel great about herself and that's where the blockage is. It's not about you and your thing. It's about her and herself. And like I said, that could have the potential to get worse. And so maybe like, you know, you need to sort of

tell her like she should, you know, do something about that. Whether it's join a gym, see a therapist, you know, something. I don't know. Something to make her feel better about herself because it's the way she feels about herself. And so there's something you could, it's like when someone has low self-esteem, it's like, called self-esteem because it comes from yourself, like no matter how many compliments, you give

someone that has low self-esteem, they can't believe it because they don't think it for themselves, right? So until she starts to feel hot again herself or, you know, you're not going to be able to sort of make her do what you want. Unless I think you should try, and I would love for you you to try this like in the next week and then get back to me because I'm going to have my where-of-the-now episode soon and we could do, I could add that to it. but like that you like because well you did say have you done that scenario where you give her exactly what you want and she still is like oh no I don't want to wear that like this is what you should do okay this is your homework let me give you the little thing to do and then we're

going to wrap it up because we're at an hour I want you to not just do one outfit and one bra I want you to do like five like I swear like I want you to back up your backup plan like I want you have an A, B, C, D, E, F, and G scenario, okay? So that, like, I really want to make it to be, like, she can't say, you know, like, at some point she's going to say yes and see how it plays out, right? And so, like, because I just feel like maybe if you get her to do it once, like, that could sort of be the icebreaker, you know, and then she could do it and see that it was that easy and it wasn't a big deal. So, like, don't just create one outfit with one bra because she's going to be like, oh, no, that's not the right size. that's not the right thing, you know, have a bunch of them. And don't let her know about a bunch of

them. Like, give her the wand. And then when she says, no, like, you know, and decide that you're going to deal with her being like, no, and all this stuff. Like, you know, really have it in you to deal with the annoyingness of all of that, you know, because it's going to take energy out of you, right? Because you're going to be hitting a lot of roadblocks, right? So you're going to need, you know, have an extra cup of coffee before you get into this with her. And then, like, really take your time to see if you could, you know, a good. You know, a good. You know, agree and find that one thing that she would be comfortable in that would work for you and then go about your fantasy and see how it works.

Do you think that could work? Can you try that? Absolutely. Right? You have it and you do the like five, ten. Like I want you to not stop until you have something that she agrees to and then see how that works. Yeah. No, that's, yeah.

No, we can definitely do. I mean, we did do more of that stuff. Like I said over the last year or two, it's kind of gone by the way. some of the specific stuff because we'd get in this vicious cycle of, you know, her saying, I'm not attracted to do her anymore at times and be telling her that's not the case at all. And, you know, it's like, well, you never get as excited as he used to. And I'm like, you know, we're really kind of arguing. It's like, was she married before?

Wait, was she married or anything before she was? Did she have those issues with her husband? Like, why did they get divorced? What's her story? She did a little bit. he was somebody that like never paid attention to her. Like no sex drive, no interest. Yeah, well see that.

There you go. She's got, this is like her story. Like, see, it's like, um, she's like post traumatic stress disorder from that last relationship.

Like, you know, she sees one little thing that sort of is similar to that, you know, that whole marriage she had that was so bad and probably so traumatizing to her. That was her first marriage. It went back. You know,

that it just pushes her to buttons, you know, and she starts to bring up, oh my God, it's this whole thing. You know what I mean? And she makes it this whole thing. whole bigger thing because that was, you know, the majority of her life before you. So it makes sense that

that's like her biggest fear, right? Because that was the thing that she lived with her whole life with that guy. So she needs to undo like that wiring. You got your bra wiring. Well, she has that sort of like, I'm not hot wiring because of in that relationship that she was in. So you need to, you know, you need to help her out a little bit and give her some time and, and, you know, and keep at it though, I think is the best thing as opposed to giving up. Yeah, definitely. You know, but maybe she needs a little sort of help, counseling so that she could get over that last relationship

and what happened because that's probably still playing out. And how could it not? No, I'm sure it does. You know? There's a effect from that too. And it's like, for my standpoint, I feel like I'm here. I want to give you all this attention, you know, just give me a little bit.

That's something that's really never been a problem for me in the past. And, you know, that's where we kind of hit that impasse. I know she's dealing with the other stuff. And the sad thing is, and she's got a little bit more hearing me. And the sad thing is that she was, like, involved with somebody for a real long time who had no sex drive, who wasn't into her at all. And now she finally attracted to herself someone that is, right? And she's not able to fully appreciate it because she's living in the past and living in that story, you know? And that's the saddest thing about baggage, you know, and shit. because it's sort of like it's the past but it affects your future and like what's going on like right now you know what I mean and she's not able to like enjoy what's happening right now and who she is right now because of like what happened in the past so you know it'll be helpful to her to sort of like take care of some of that baggage it's not like listen you can't like sort of have like 10 12 15 year relationships and not have baggage I mean that's the hard thing about dating when you're in your 40s and later like everyone's going to show up with something nobody not has fucking baggage at that age because we've

all had traumatizing things. That's just life, you know. So you have to be, you know, you have to be sort of sympathetic and empathetic to somebody's sort of stuff. And it's not like, oh, you leave just because they have that. Like, maybe try to help her deal with it because that's probably what's going on, you know, but it is affecting you guys. And, you know, she should try it or work on it. Because it's really, ultimately, it's making her not sort of experiencing, like I said, experiencing this relationship that is like the antithesis of what she had before and probably, you know, a really great relationship for her, right, after being in something so bad and she's not able to sort of fully appreciate it. So it'll be helpful for her maybe to get into some therapy.

Yeah. I agree. And I think just continue to still just let her know that you're attracted to her and give her that attention, even though it's not going to change her. She still needs it. I think the last thing she needs, like the thing that would make it 10 times worse is if you stopped. I mean, listen, I think it's just natural when you, like, when you're with someone for a long period of time, that like things like don't seem as hot, right? Isn't that just normal, right? But that probably makes her think like, oh, you're not attracted and makes her get afraid

that like the same thing's happening in her other relationship, you know? But that's like her triggers and that's how she needs to retrain her mind to think differently, you know, and just accept that, you know, you guys been with each other a bunch of years and like whatever.

But there are things that you're telling her specifically that would add spice to your relationship and they're pretty easy things, you know? And she needs at some point to jump on that bandwagon because that's an easy fix to some of these kind of, issues that you're having and she's having. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like I said, that's sort of gets frustrating for me. It's like this, what seems to be, it should be the simplest little things. And it's like, well,

if you're not willing to do that, you know, and we want to get, like, a tip for that thing. But it's like, yeah, and that's not going to go anywhere

because you're not going to win because what you're battling with is like that other guy who didn't want her for so long. You know what I mean? Like, you're, you're battling.

How long was she with that guy for? A long time, like 20 years. Yeah, there you go. It would be like her saying, stop thinking about bras. Like, it's just like, you know, she was with this, but like it's like it's too much of, like, talk about wiring. You know, that was just, it was just so much time in a situation like that, you know. It's, uh, it's tough to undo that.

I don't know what she did when she got out of that relationship. How long after she was with you, if she did any therapy, like, or when she was with it, you know. But how did she deal with all of that rejection, you know, all that time, maybe she just internalized. Yeah. Yeah. So if she never got in hell or didn't work on it, like that's like, you know, that's heavy shit to be carrying around. It's going to affect who she is right now.

It lowered her self-esteem. She's got to, you know, work on herself to get rid of that. So like I said, she could be a happier person. Because eventually, like I said 10 years from now, like, if like, I mean, how much could you keep trying, right? And keep getting. Like I get it. It could be exhausting when there's like. someone's like, I always say like he's like a problem have her or a problem solver, right?

Like you're, you keep trying to solve the problem like, okay, you don't know what it is. I'll do this. You know, and she's just like, no, no. Like she just, this is like the issue and she doesn't want to get past it, right? But like she should because it'll only make her happier. And then eventually it'll add to your guy's relationship. So she needs to call into my show, but I know she won't. But you need to like sort of say these things to her.

You know what I mean? And pretend that they're your ideas. Get her some therapy. and then think of like 18 outfits and then let me know how that goes if it works. All right. Okay. Just keep trying and talk about. Okay.

Thanks for calling in. All right. Good luck with everything. Keep me posted. All right. Bye. Bye. Okay.

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