Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 228 - Does Shelly's Fake Boyfriend have a Real Girlfriend?

Episode Date: April 23, 2018

Shelly has been involved with a guy for about a year and she calls him her non boyfriend because even though they basically do everything together (except f***), he constantly tells her he's not ready for a relationship. Will he be ready to date her anytime soon? Or, is he a total commitment phobe who will never commit? Or, is he actually secretly dating someone else? Tune in to find out plus hear all about the crazy sexual escapades she has with her booty call guy, which includes banging his friend in a car while he watched, and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're listening to Strictly Anonymous on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. Craigslist is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Does your friend know that you're banging her? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your Greek flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and change. Here is your host. Kathy.

Hey, welcome strictly anonymous podcast with Kathy. You want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast and Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous or me at Cartoon Therapy. If you want to be on the Strictly Anonymous podcast, this is a calling of vice show where I give total strangers my unprofessional advice. I'm not a therapist, right? But I like to help people. I'm not professional.

in any way, shape, or form. I sometimes scream at people. I rarely scream at people. On this podcast, I scream at somebody. But that's how unprofessional I am. So if you're, like, looking, because if you're looking for advice and your friends don't want to listen to anymore,

if you have a secret life or naughty life that you want to talk about, I also have all those kind of people in my show. You can be on the show. Just click on, be on the show on Strictly Anonymouspodcast.com. Or sending an email at Strictly AnonymousPodepardust.com. or sending an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. Does that make sense? I don't remember what I just said, but I think it was all good.

What else? If you want to buy my book, I wrote and drew a book. It's like a graphic novel. It's basically stick figures. There's a cat that talks, and the cat's really fucking funny. And the stories are just ridiculous, because there's just, like, really ship stories that went really bad. Like, every single one of them is a horrifying nightmare.

And everyone in the book is a fucking mass, except for the cat, like I said. But that's my book. You can buy. Click on my website. Tricklinomaspodcast.com. Click on buy the book and you can buy my book there. If you want to be on my show, I said that. I'm just going to write, oh, if you can write a review, write a review, or, you know,

give me some ratings for my show. That kind of shit always helps. And thanks to the people that are listening to this and do it. Today I'm on a girl named Shelley. And this was like the most, I had to edit the shit out of this podcast because there was like a lot of parts to this podcast because this girl wrote in. she was a listener of the show and she had what she called like a non-boyfriend,

her non. That's what people, not just her, all of her friends would call it too because like for a year she was like with this guy and I'm sure a lot of people could relate to this. I certainly can. She had this relationship with a guy where they did like everything except like have sex.

They were so like sort of intermingled like fucking married, right? And she really liked him and but he wasn't like sleeping with her. And she didn't really know like what the deal was. Like is this ever going to like get? off the ground to become a relationship. She was definitely like into him and she thought he was into her, but there was a lot of mixed messages going on, right? That's like a typical fucking story. Like she's not the only one. Like I said, I've been there, done that. I know a lot of other people, my friends that have been in that situation. And I'm sure a lot of you who listen to the show can relate.

So we did her story. When she wrote in, she needed help because she was like at the point where she still didn't know what the fuck was going on, right? This guy like her. Was he ever going to pull the trigger and bang her and turn this into a relationship. Did he have another girl on the side? Because she heard shit about that. Like, we didn't know, right? But I told her, like, you need to find out, right? And she did, like, right after we hung up the phone. Like, this girl got on it. She was ready, I think, because a lot of times when people call into my show to talk about, like, a problem that they're having that they need answers. Like, they go, they finally get up the courage to go and get those answers themselves. So I always get people emailing me right after,

like, they fucking found out. And I was like, let's come back on the show so we can have, like, a beginning, middle, and end of the story on the same podcast. Instead of me waiting like a week or three weeks from now and doing a whole other show with her, I decided to have her call back in and talk about the results of that conversation with him when she went to him and said, hey, what the fuck is going on? Do you have another girl or was this ever getting off the ground and that kind of stuff? What was interesting about this whole story, because I talked to her once and then a couple of weeks by, she told me she got a resolution, but she was going away. So we did the podcast a couple of weeks. and she told me some stuff on the second podcast that I was like, wait a second, when I went back

and listened to the first podcast, I'm like, I put like things together that like I didn't notice or put together when I spoke with her those two times because we spoke so far in between. Take notice when you listen to her describe the type of girls that her friend with, you know, her non-boyfriend, she explains like the type of girls that would be in and out of his house that she knew he dated before her. And then remember how she describes them. And then listen to the second part of the podcast when she calls back in and tells you what happened with that guy.

And then talk about a little backstory on her. That's when I yell at her. I scream at her like she's like my best friend. And that signs kind of backwards. Like why do you scream at your friends and not people you don't know? But isn't that always the way? Like we just were more of ourselves with people that we're close with. But at one point I really yell at her because she wasn't listening.

But it's really, the whole thing is fascinating. like I said, you get a beginning, a middle in it, and you find it exactly what happened, what was going on with this guy behind the scenes and all that kind of stuff. And then you find out some other stuff about Shelley and just about these kind of relationships in general. I know a lot about them because like I said, I've been Shelly like a million times. So I totally can relate to her. And I think that if I can relate to her and she's her, then there's probably thousands and millions of other people like if I can relate. So sit back, relax, and enjoy my episode with Shelly. Oh, but wait, so just at the end, like, I edit it weird. Like, right after she says she's going to go ask that guy, I sort of end it. And then you'll hear the second part, like right after a short little intro and then you get that. So just stick with it. Okay. I'll be right back on with show.

Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show? Well, strictly anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us in email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com with your story and your anonymous name and remember everything is strictly anonymous. Hey, Shelly, welcome to strictly anonymous podcast. How are you doing today? I'm fine, Kathy. Thanks for having me.

No, thanks for coming on. I love these kinds of calls because of just like regular problems that I think a lot of people have. And I think sometimes people think I don't like these kind of problems on my show because a lot of my episodes are about SCX, right? And that just happened kind of by accident. I love those stories too, but I just really like

to give people advice and help people with their problems and like analyze things. So I love like regular dating guy girl stuff as well because that's like what I do, right? And I've had so many fucked up relationships and your story is kind of, I think

it's kind of like the situation that I've been in. It's a situation okay that one of my previous callers was in named Chance right you listen to episode 143 and I'm just going to give a little backstory real quick This was about a guy who was like in love with his best friend and they had like this whole relationship that was like To me I was like it's so obvious she likes you like they were doing everything except like fooling around right but it just seemed like they were like dating but they were not dating I think you call your guy like your non boyfriend Right he's my non yeah my all my friends um okay I'm a guy girl I just gravitation towards guys.

And so most of my close friends are guys. Right. And they have started referring to him as non. Right. So you're in a non-relationship and like, give me all the backstory before I could give you my opinion of what's going on. All right. So I'm going to call him Scott.

Yeah. Scott and Shelley. I like that. Okay. Yeah. So Scott and I are neighbors. Okay. So it kind of gets even a lot.

little bit otter. Your cousins? No. No, no, no. But it just because we're neighbors, it makes it more difficult, I think, at times. So we're neighbors and I I've lived in the same

complex as him for three years and he was there before me. And we were never really friends. We would say hi to each other and whatnot. But last February, so this has just been going on for a little over a full year.

So last February, I filed for divorce for my... How old are you, Shelly? I am 47. No, I'm 48. It sounds like 22. So weird. I would have pegged you at, like, just by your voice, because I don't know anything about you.

I would have pegged you at like 23 years old by your voice. Yeah. No, I'm, actually, I just turned 48. Okay, cool. I... Got divorced. Filed for divorce. divorce from my second husband and I started talking to this guy because I think he's attractive

and I wanted to get to know him a little bit better and you know I'm single so I'm like hey well how old were you married for well that was my second husband we were married for five years but we had been together for a total of 12 but I have also known him since we were nine years old that first not husband yeah okay what about the guy Before him, how long were you married with him? We were married 15 years before him. So, you know, I've only been in a couple long-term relationships. Right, right.

Okay, you go from one long thing to another? Yeah, since my first marriage. But, you know, in between, I fucked around. Right. You know, it's not like I just don't, I prefer to have somebody around. There's something wrong with that. I think people are just like one way or the other, and I don't think either one is right or wrong, right? Some people are just relationship people and some people are more single people.

Do you know what I mean? Like I think, I don't think it's right or, like I said, I don't think it's right or wrong. I have friends that are relationship people. They go from one long-term relationship into another. They just don't do single well. And I think that's fine for them. That's who they are. Well, I had, my ex-husband and my second ex-husband and I had been separated for about six months.

And so it's, you know, I figured it was time. And start talking to this guy. Start talking to Scott. And I made it really clear at the beginning, you know, hey, I really, I like you. And, you know, I'd like to, you know, see what happens between us. So there was no pretext of, hey, let's be friends. And then I'm trying to move in on them. Okay, that's good.

You went right in like, this is what I'm looking for. Yeah. Right. Okay, that's cool. Honesty is like the core basis of having a good friend or having any type of relationship. relationship. You have to be honest. Totally. I think that if it's not worth being honest with somebody, then it's just not even worth it.

Right. Yeah, but a lot of people don't subscribe to that. But anyway, and you're older. You're not 23, even though you sound like you're 23. I've made those mistakes already in my life, you know? Exactly, exactly. And so he just turned 38, so there's some difference in age there. And what's his backstory, though, real quick. Like, was he ever married before? Is he just been single? What's his deal?

Yeah, he got married right out of high school and was married for like about a year. And then he has a 11-year-old daughter with somebody he was with for about six years. And he's not been married ever since. I've seen the women he dates over the course of like the previous two years. Yeah. And so I think I'm thinking to myself part of this, this may be that problem. I'm not broken anymore, you know. And I am definitely not bringing any drama to the table as far as, you know, because

from getting to know him over the course of the year, I've gotten to learn that he kind of goes for these women that are really unavailable. Yeah, that's a home problem. Fresh out of relationships or still kind of like, one foot in a relationship type of thing. And I think, you know, because it's easy, you don't have to really worry about a commitment. Yeah, of course. There's a lot of right.

That's really what it comes down to. I mean, that's really what's going on with somebody like that. And so, you know, I think that's part of the problem here. But a lot of times people are operating like that, like subconsciously. Do you understand? Like they don't really know that that's what they're doing. Exactly. You know, but they're doing that, right?

They think that they're ready. They think that they're looking. They think that they want a relationship. But they probably don't on some level because they're not meeting people that they can have a relationship with. Exactly. Yeah. So I go into it and, you know, straight up, hey, I'm interested in you. I wasn't even, you know, yeah, I want to be friends with them.

But it wasn't like, hey, let's be friends. Yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. So, you know, we started hanging out. Like, did he take you on a date? Like, I mean, if you come off, like, if you're straight up. with him like that straight from the beginning.

So you guys are hanging out like as a date or like how did it start? You know, we would hang out like we both smoke. So we'd, you know, smoke together and we get to know each other. And we'd go out on the weekends and, you know, go fishing or hiking or, you know, do do different kind of coupley friends type of things, you know. Not really date date type of things. But. Um, so, he was pretty, he was pretty straight up with me. He's like, well, yeah, you know, I want to take it slow and, you know, I'm trying to break patterns too because I usually just jump right in. And, and I'm like, thinking, great, this is wonderful because I don't want to just jump into something else either because I have a tendency to do that. And, and then I end up miserable and hating somebody because I don't know them and it's not really where I want to be. Right. But, um, but, um, but there's two ways to jump in and to not jump in. Like, one thing is, like, I don't jump in, like, sexually and one thing is I don't jump in emotionally. A lot of times, guys will be like, like, I don't want to jump in, but they still, like, fuck you, right? And then they don't, like have, but I'm not having a release. I'm not going to get emotionally invested, right? But is this guy, like, you know, make, are you guys, like making out all the stuff in the beginning and fooling around?

You know, not, we were really flirty. And. What does that mean? Well, you know, like touch, you know, like touch and we'd flirt and, you know, kind of cuddle and and, you know, kind of cuddle, but not like, not like sexual cuddle, but just like kind of squeeze up against each other when we're walking. Yeah, that's weird. So I'm thinking, okay, wonderful. You know, he's being honest about what he wants and I'm being honest and about. two, two and a half months later, he starts bringing me around his daughter. And I'm like, that's totally cool.

And that's one of the things I respected is that he's like, I don't bring anybody around my kid unless I'm sure that I want that person in my life. Right. And I'm like, that is really cool. Because it gives your kid the wrong impression when you just bring a whole bunch of random people around. You know? And it's confusing for a young one. So about two months.

months later, he starts bringing you around the kid. And I'm like, wow, this is awesome. I guess I'm, I guess this is progressing. Yeah, girls are always looking for those little signs that like, right? Exactly. So that's a definite sign, right? As a girl that like, oh, he's taking, he wants, he must really like me. He's introducing me to his word, serious.

Yeah. So, well, and during this time, because we don't have any kind of relationship at all, I have, you know, a friend with benefit. And so the whole time, you still have not. So this is two, we're up to two months into it, right? Even though this is a long thing, right? But at this two-month mark, okay, you're telling me that you're doing all this stuff, but you're not have not even gotten to first base.

No, we and still not. I know, I know that. Okay, because I still not. Yeah. Just trying to roll out the story a little slow, but I mean. Still not. Yeah, that's a little weird. So, yeah.

So, you know, and every, He works graveyards. I work days. So it works out. We have a lot of time to eat to ourselves, but not. And every morning we'd text together and we'd text, you know, before he goes to work and, you know, see each other after I get off work and before he goes to work. And on the weekends, we're both off and we'd hang out. And I'm thinking, great.

kid. Cool. Yeah. That's too many. I'm in reading his kid. Right. Because you're so, I'm sorry,

let me just ask you this real quick. Because you say you're so honest. You guys are so honest with each other. You put that in your email. You know what I mean? And you're like so. But like at some point, two months into it or like as it's moving along,

are you being honest and saying like how come you haven't fooled around with me? Like does that conversation ever happen? When does that happen? That conversation happened multiple times. Like, I'm like, I just don't understand what is going on, where are we going. You know, I tried to not really define the relationship, but get a grip on where we were going. What did he say when you said, why haven't we pulled around? He says, well, you've become such a good friend to me that I just don't want to ruin that

friendship with sex. And I'm like, that's the weird. We got to dig deep into that line right there. Tell me. So I'm like, okay. And he's like, but, you know, I want to be your friend. And I'm thinking, okay, he just doesn't actually know what he wants. So things keep on going.

We keep on hanging out. And I'm pretty much a staple at his house, his kid. You know, I mean, for all intents and purposes, people think we're a couple. because we eat meals together. I am at his house. We go places together. His daughter even asked us, are you guys dating?

And we're like, and he goes, we're still seeing what happens. We're getting to know each other and we're still seeing what happens. I guess at some point he has decided that he doesn't want a relationship with me. period, because one day I broke down and I just texted him, which is the most horrible way to do this shit. Because you read into texts and it's wrong. But I texted him. I texted him and I'm like, I just need to know what is so repulsive about me that you are not attracted to me.

Because for me, I had this huge, like, just feeling of being rejected. Yeah, women always feel like Because most guys would bang anybody, right? So when a guy doesn't want to pull around with you, you're like, what's wrong with me? Exactly. And meanwhile, I have this friend with benefits that's knocking on my door every two days, you know? And he's telling me how great I am, blah, blah. So you send this really ridiculous email that's so bad that any friend would be like,

throw your phone out the window before you send that text. But you did. And we don't do so like that. You can't help that. I know. And you're like, oh, can't pull it back. Yeah. And then what does he say?

He says, he says, he didn't, he did not reply. And he picked me up from work later that day and he, we're driving. And he goes, I didn't reply because I want to tell you. And I'm all, okay, I'm thinking this is going to suck, right? He goes, it's not that I haven't thought about it and I do find you attractive, but you're such a good friend to me. You're my best friend. I don't want to lose that.

I'm thinking, who doesn't want a relationship with their best friend? Yeah, totally. That you can have, like, the best of both worlds. You can have a best friend and you have somebody that likes to do the same things as you that you talk to. We have worked on our communication. I swear to God, if either one of us was as respectful and honest and decent to our previous partners, we wouldn't even be friends right now because we wouldn't have been single to be friends. Yeah.

And so, you know, I've gotten that out of this relationship. I see how just working at communication is really worth it. Right. Instead of just blowing up and getting mad. I mean, we have our little tiffs. And here's the thing. We both feel horrible. Like our worlds are going to end because he'll be like, I'm so sorry.

I feel horrible when we fight and I can't stand not talking to you. and just so many mixed signals like that because it's like you don't I get tips with my other friends and I don't feel like my world's going to end you know what I mean I don't feel like I'm losing something because they're my friend and I you know it's but I feel like when we fight or we have an argument that doesn't that we don't resolve right away like I think the longest was just about a week ago um We had this argument that lasted for like two days and I'm like, fuck you. I'm just not even going to talk to you, right? But it was miserable and he felt the same. Right. So, um, anyways, so he tells me this and I'm like, okay, so I'm just going to come to terms with it.

I'm not repulsive. And I know you're going to ask, okay, so I think when I feel good about myself, I think I'm like an eight. And when I feel horrible about myself, I think I'm like a five. Right, right, right. And I wonder why, you know, how can anybody ever love me or like me or think I'm pretty, right? I think all girls have that, right? Like when you have a great hair day and everything's like perfect and all the stars aligned, you know, that's true. And then there's so many other days where you just feel like, oh, my God, I look like shit.

Oh, my God. I think that's very normal. Can I just stay under my bed, yeah. Yeah. You just have to mention, though, there is one thing where you were bisexual, right? And you said that you did tell him right? And you thought, like, oh, maybe he got turned off or weird. it out. Like, when did you tell him and what was his reaction like?

Okay, so, um, that's the thing is I told him that before he started saying, well, I don't want to lose your friendship. We're such good friends. And when did you tell him? And what, what is your, what does it mean by you being bisexual? Does that mean that you bring girls into your relationship? Does that mean, like, that you like to see girls on the side when the guy's not around? Like, what is, what did that mean? And what was Okay, so my ex-husband and I have had threesomes. I am not object to that, but you have to be in a really secure place to do that. It's not like I would just start bringing girls home.

To a new relationship. Right. To a new relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I wouldn't be objectionable to like if I met somebody at a bar and I would go home with her or both of them, you know?

So, um, but I'm not out actively looking for a girlfriend. Um, I don't mind messing around with girls. I actually like it. Um, and sometimes crave it.

Sometimes it's all about the dick, you know? So, um, I, we were, yeah, we were watching a movie or something and I'm like,

God, she's hot, right? And he kind of looked at it. me and I'm all, yeah, I go both ways. And he goes, I kind of, he goes, I kind of sensed that or something like that. And I'm like, okay, well, come to find out, he's like, from what he said, like, oh, my daughter better not be gay and, you know, stuff like that. And I'm like, okay, see, what is your problem? Because there's not actually anything wrong with it. He's a redneck,

okay? He's just, he's just one of those guys. It's not something he believes in. But I think at that point, there was some kind of turning switch for him that kind of made me less attractive. You think? If that makes sense. You think? I think. You don't know, though, right?

I don't know, for sure. I never ever asked him about it. Let me ask you this, though. Did you think after you told him, like right afterwards, did you think, oh, maybe I shouldn't have told him he seemed weirded out and he might not like me now? Now, or did you think that so many months later when he was giving you all these weirdo mixed messages and you started to like go back and try to peg like what changed what you could have done that changed things and that's when you thought oh maybe it was that. That's exactly what it is Kathy. That's exactly how I came to that that.

Yeah, you're trying to figure out where did I go wrong. What did I do to make him sort of because what's happening is because you're just like sort of taking this scenario. and you're sort of analyzing it as if he's like a normal guy. And he's not. He might be gay. I think, well, okay, so my friend with benefits and my other guy friend who I talk to. And we talk about, they're like, what's going on with non, you know? And I'm like, I don't know.

And all of them are like, you know, do you think he's gay? Yeah. And I'm all, I don't know. I don't think so, but it's very possible. Yeah, totally. And to bring that little theory home, I was talking to a guy friend of his, that they're no longer friends, and I became friends with him over the last year. And I was talking to this guy, and I'm like, you know, my guy friends think that he might be gay,

and they're all wet. So this guy tells me that earlier on in the year, there was a, apparently a girl he met on plenty of fish that was in a relationship with him according to the Facebook pages. And this guy is like, didn't you see that on his Facebook page? And I'm like, no, I don't stock people's Facebook pages. Personally, I hate Facebook and I don't. Right. You're not into Syria, like social media and stuff like that, right? So you didn't know, but supposedly he was in a relationship?

That's what this guy says. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know when he would have time because he's with me every day of the week. And apparently this girl lives like about an hour away from us. Well, he's having the same relationship with her that he is with you. Like he could be having another non, a long distance non. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

That's a good point. I hadn't considered that. I mean, I don't know how your mind is so different than mine. I mean, like, once I got that information, I'd be on Facebook. I did. Totally. Oh, okay. I did.

Okay. Okay. I was going to be like, you didn't even go look after that? Because we were at the lake and his daughter goes, hey. And I'm not going to say her name. Yeah. But hey, so-and-so just texted you. And he goes, oh, she says hi, by the way.

And I'm all. And I'm just standing there and I'm like, okay, I'm not going to react. I'm not going to say anything, but then I had this other piece of information, and I, so I went on his page. Yeah. Looked her up and it, it says in a relationship with Scott, so and so. And I'm all, what the fuck? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't said anything. How did this happen? This just happened about two weeks ago.

Oh, okay. Because I was going to be like, you should throw that word honest out of the situation when I talk about your big relationship with this guy because it's not. I know. Like, oh my God, I know. You're in a relationship and you haven't confronted him about it because that was something you should say. Like, what the fuck? I think I have, I mentioned it in my email. I am like trying to manipulate it into, see, and this is maybe not honest. I'm trying to manipulate it into a situation where I can be like, who is this chick?

She popped up on my Facebook page. You don't want to. You don't want to show if you just went and look. But who cares? I think you should just love me. You know, yeah, you should be like I checked it out and said she's in a relationship. Who cares? I spent so many years of my life like sort of covering up like and not sort of saying like how I felt

or so I just to appear quote unquote cool or I don't know what it was, you know, but it was out of insecurity because like really like you just be fucking honest to be like what the fuck is this? I found it looked on her Facebook page because it came up like, you know. Honestly, and that's what normally is doing. And that's kind of what I'm going to do. And that's kind of what I'm thinking I'm going to do. this chick popped up as like somebody I may want to be friends with and um oh who cares you can even

say I looked her up who cares like I'm sorry like it doesn't even matter do you just be like it says that she's in a relationship with you like what the fuck's going on yeah at that point he should be so more concerned about how he's going to explain that away than worrying about how you found out do you know what I'm saying he's the weird of in this situation it's not weird that you went and looked it's weird that that whole situation is going on, that he hasn't fucked you. He's weird for so many more reasons than who cares if you say

that you went and found this out. That's what everybody does nowadays. I know. So you should say so. I mean, and it was like such a weird I really would have that information of what he would say to it.

Listen, I don't really, honestly, I have to say. I will let you know. Yeah, but it doesn't matter because, listen, wait, stop, listen, I'm just going to tell you really quick, okay, and I know that I'm right about this. It doesn't matter.

When you go back, I know what you're waiting for. You're waiting for a definite. black or white answer from this guy. You're waiting for him to say, I am never going to be with you. I'm not attracted to you or I want to be in a relationship. Do you know what I mean? Or you want something to happen like you want to find out that he's gay or like something

clear cuts. No for sure you can walk up. But most likely I would say 99.99.999% chance. You're not going to ever get that from this kind of person. Okay. You're going to tell him, I found this girl out and it says she's in a relationship. But he's going to give you the most ridiculous. explanation that's going to make you just as confused as you were before.

Do you understand? It's not going to be like the end of the. He's not going to say, okay, you're right. I've been fucking her. I'm in a really, and I was just stringing you a lot. Like, that's not going to happen. Do you understand?

It's not going to happen. And you don't know. And what I really believe, okay, is that he's probably doing the same weirdo thing with her. Like, did you look at her pictures? Did you look like, does it, do you see any pictures of them together? No, I don't. Right.

He likes like, he likes like fake relationships. So how great is it? he probably text messages her all day long and does the same shit with her, but he, and he sees you, like, you know, some people that have a fear of commitment,

you get a girlfriend and, like, five different people. And there might be somebody else that if he's not gay, there's someone else that he's actually having sex with, because where does he get laid? Like, how does he get laid? Well, see,

and that's the thing. And I even, well, I even said to him about six months ago, I'm like, you know, I feel like I'm cheating on you when I see, my fuck buddy.

And he says, I feel the same way. How did the friend, that's not his friend, right? But how did his friend who's not his friend know that he's dating a girl? Is it just because she... This was, they were still friends at that time. Okay. And did he ever meet the girl? Did you question that relationship?

No. He thought it was a little bit weird because this was kind of just, he met her supposedly on plenty of fish. And all of a sudden it pops up on his, Facebook page and this guy seems to think that Scott was telling him this so his friend would be the bad guy and tell me that he was in a relationship

to get me to back off. That's what his theory is. I know, I know like this is like so much drama and yeah, yeah I think it's just I think it is and it's very unhealthy and it's it's like you know I'm leaving for Florida in two weeks to see one of my friends and I will be gone for a week and it's going to be like total like no contact. If you text me, I'll text you back hey or whatever, but

I'm not going to reach out to him while I'm gone. You're trying to use it as like a sort of a line in the sand at that point like you're going away. Maybe it's going to be over then for you. Yeah. Or you're going to notice you miss me and you want me in your life, but you're going to have to make some kind of decision as to exactly how you want me in your life. And if it's just as a friend. Well, he's told you it's, he just wants you as a friend. I know. But like, okay, so yesterday, he's like, hey, I'll pick you up after work.

And I'm all, hey, that would be cool. And then about an hour later, he's like, I'm so excited to pick you up from work today. Right. I know. I've had guys like that. And then they'd be like, but I don't like you. But it's like, I do want to do everything for you. I want to cook for you.

I want to stay all my time with you. I want to cuddle on the couch with you. I want to. Exactly. And like I walk 10 miles a day because I have to. Otherwise I just start feeling like a blob. And so he goes, I really don't like it when you're out walking at night when it's, you know, 11 o'clock at night and I'm not around because it's not safe.

And I'm like, oh, that's really a protective thing to do or to think. And so, you know, there's all these little signals that happen. Yeah. Yeah. It's like this mixed signal, like kind of semi-boyfriend things. Right. But it's like where you focus. And like, listen, I mean, I'm one to talk because if any of my friends were

listening to this podcast, they'd be like, Kathy, you're like this girl a million times. At least she got married before. Like, I've never even done that. You know what I mean? And you're capable of having 10-year relationships. I've never read more than two. And then all my other relationships were like with fucked up people. I have a whole book about it.

But like, you know, but I think that like what's in these situations, if I wasn't me, and what people would tell me and what I'm telling you. It's so easy to see these situations more clearly when you're not in them. Is that like, you're focusing, like, I mean, there's a lot of things that give you your answer on the other side of things, too. You know what I mean? He doesn't have sex with you. He has some fake relationship with somebody else.

He's told you to your face. He just wants to stay friends. It's like, you know, what are you listening to? You know, why is some part of you listening to the mixed messages more than you're listening to the message of like even if like this guy is like not available and not probably read emotionally available period I don't think that's what I mean I mean well see and that's why I think part of me it's just a sick twisted challenge that now I've put myself out there for because I just want to be able to say I just want to be able to say you know no I'm sorry I don't

think it's the point oh I've seen I had a friend that played that fucking game that you're playing with some guy that didn't want her for years and years. And she was always like, you know, she had her own issues. And then she finally got the guy. And let me tell you, she did. And when she got the guy, she got him to move from another thing. And she got him to like end his whole life and move and give up his job and everything. And then the minute he got there, she's like, she looked at him and he was just like so ugly and unattractive.

And like, I don't know. She just saw him eating a pickle one day. And I always made jokes about that because it was like that pickle moment. like where and she just didn't like him anymore and I was like that's because like you finally had him like you're and she made him do all that and then she like broke up with him and like that guy I'm not going to be that cruel I'm really not going to be that cruel because you're not in that thing but it's like to do that though is coming from a whole other place where it's just like what a waste of time I know I know and not see and part of me is like that is a waste of time um but then at the other part the reason the reasons that wholeheartedly, I know this is just, I should just be like, okay, we're friends, but we spend so much time together that it seems like it's more of a friendship a lot of times. And it's that part of it that I don't want to let go. Right, because if it fills you up, but maybe like you don't really realize it on some level,

but maybe that's all like, like that little part that he fills up is enough for you right now in your life. And if you weren't trying for him to like you more, it would be okay if you just accepted the fact that he gives you what he gives you and how great is that. And you could have sex with somebody else while you look for like a real boyfriend at the same time. Yeah, but see, at the same time, it's taking me out of the place where I am actively looking for a actual relationship because I'm spending all of my time. So this week break that I'm going on, you know, it's, I think, going to be good because it's going to be one of those moments where, like, he went out of town a couple weekends ago overnight. And like, he comes back and he's like, he texted me on his way back. Wait, where to go? He went out of town.

To where? I can't tell you where to give away. He went. Oh, for work or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, it was, it was, had to do with work. Okay. So, how do you know he didn't go visit that girl wherever she lives?

Well, I don't. I don't. I don't. And that's the other part is that, I don't really want to know that he's lying. No, there's none. No. Right.

There's no pictures of them together. Right. So I kind of think that, that his friend's theory that it was just, it's like, it was a sham thing, but it still says she's in a relationship with him. Yeah, but who would do it? What kind of friend? And she texts him so they know each other. So he has a friend that's closer because he's good friends with you and he doesn't care about you, right?

So he's going behind your back. What kind of friend is to another girl and say? Part of me is like if I find out he's been lying about this and I'll, I just, it will hurt. Yeah, but what you don't understand is there's just like a lot of dishonesty besides that going on. And like I said, I don't know that he knows. how dishonesty is being, but there's a lot of dishonesty in this honest relationship of yours. You know, and now that I'm talking to you, and I do see that there is a lot of it. Yeah.

Right, but this is what you have to know about yourself, Shelly. Listen to this, okay? Just listen to this. We've spent a lot of time talking about him. He's not on the podcast, so I can't get into his head, though I could gauge what kind of person he is. It's kind of obvious. Like I said, I don't know that he's definitely. gay. He could be straight and being fucking somebody else or he could just be someone that isn't

in touch with his sexual feelings because he's got these commitment issues. You know, I don't really know. He could be into kids. You know what I'm saying? It's gross. Like, you know, you don't know. He could have diabetes and not be able to get hard so he's not in, you know, you don't know, right? These things could exist. There's a lot of things. We don't know that. But what we could do is analyze you a little bit out of him, you know, like, because at the end of the day, you have to say to yourself, Like what is it about you that has decided to sort of play this game for the past year, right? Like where are you at? How available are you for a real relationship?

Coming off of two divorces, right, and two long-term relationships that ended, right? Six months after you meet this guy, you think that you're ready for a relationship. But obviously you weren't because you didn't attract yourself to somebody that was. You attracted yourself to this kind of guy, right? Exactly. And you stayed and you stayed. I think somebody that was looking for a real relationship after the guy didn't try to make out with her even after two months. Like they'd be like see you later, right?

They would go to somebody that was going to fulfill them and give them everything, right? But you stayed. There's nothing wrong with this, right? I'm just trying to let you see that you're not being so honest with yourself and where you're at either probably. Whereas if you'd give yourself a break, you'd look at the situation for what it was and be okay with, you know, what you did. Maybe you're not in that same place. It's a year later. Like maybe now you're getting to the point that you're so aggravated by it because

you're getting more ready for another real relationship, the next real relationship you're going to have since you're divorced. But you probably aren't really maybe ready for it six months after you divorced your husband. So this guy set up the perfect sort of half relationship for you because that's probably all you were available for too. Yeah. And now I want more and it's just not working anymore for me. and I think that this vacation's coming at a good time,

and I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to confront Scott with the, hey, who's this chick? Why say she's in the relationship with you, and why weren't you honest with me about it? So that's where I'm going to end this part of the podcast, and I'm just going to get, I'm just going to edit in what went down. Okay, what I cut out of this podcast was, what I predicted. What I said right after she said that she was going to confront him,

I predicted that he would give her some like bullshit sort of fuzzy answer, right? Kind of like their fuzzy relationship. He'd be very gray about it, neither here nor there, because he wanted to keep her around in her, neither here nor their relationship. She confronted him right after we spoke and sent me an email telling me what happened. I was like, oh wow. And then I was like, you want to come back and talk about it? And she said, yeah, I'm going to Florida. So we're like, let's get go to florida come back and let's talk about it and that's what we did okay so now stay tuned for the end of this story you're going to find out exactly what happened and whether this relationship was real or fake whether he had a girlfriend or not and whether they're ever going to wind up together okay

stay tuned uh hey shelly and how are you hi i'm good thanks for having me back so let's hear what happened right you confronted him asked about that long you know that long distance girl and what did he say um well to his credit he didn't deny it i could have sworn he was gonna right i thought he'd give you some bullshit answer i was prepared for that because when i i sat him down and i i said listen i found something out and um i need you to tell me if it's true because apparently you have a girlfriend i haven't known about and it's been seven months and he was silent and I was like, oh, fucker, I'm going to kill you, right? But he's like, yeah, yeah.

And I haven't said anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, which started this whole other emotion in me because I was like, you know, I'm not even really mad about you having another girlfriend. I'm mad because you've lied to me. Right. And I'm supposed to be one of your best friends. And you've lied to me for seven months. Yeah, and I think a lot of people do that thinking they're being nice.

So many nice people are not fucking nice. Like I call them like nice but not nice. You know what I mean? It's like a nice. Nice people don't know how to be fucking honest and they wind up being like not nice in the long run. And they think they're being nice, right? I really believe. Yeah, exactly.

And see, the thing is is that it actually ended up being a karmic lesson for me because my, my ex-husband that I had been with, I had cheated on him and lied to him about it, not in not wanting to like hurt his feelings. And so it made me realize I actually didn't give him a chance to act any other way but pissed off and angry and mad. And that's exactly what I was feeling. And it actually ended up being a good thing that this happened because I learned something. Oh, I love that because that's always the way it is. And I'm glad that I didn't talk to you like right when it happened because you wouldn't

have felt that way then. But no. Yeah. And the lesson kept on slag. slamming me in the head until I actually ended up calling my ex-husband and giving him a very sincere heartfelt apology. Oh, that's great. And after I did that, all my anxiety and, like, fear and, like, kind of jealousy around this whole other chick kind of just went away. And so, anyway, it's, it is. It is. And it is. And it's a good feeling. It was really freeing.

Because maybe you were just sort of working out that shit with this guy and it really wasn't like this intense thing with him. It was more something that you were working out with yourself and once you sort of got closure on it for you. Yeah. That you were able to completely let go of him. Yeah. Well, and I was also able to like because like you said, this happened a couple weeks ago. And so I, you know, I went through the whole being pissed off thing and not so much that he has a girlfriend. That he lied.

That he lied. I want my friends to be happy. And if it's, you know, if we're not a couple, we're not a couple, but don't lie to me. And so I had about a week before I went to Florida. I went to Florida and spent, well, let me, I jumped too far. So anyways, I confronted him. And then a couple days later, my friend with Benefit asked me to go to a show in the city. And so I went with him and four of his guy friends.

And you had a gang bang, no show. No, no. Oh, it was supposed to be. No, it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be. He wanted it to happen. And I was like, yeah, that would be totally hot. You were into it?

Yeah, totally, totally. I totally want to do that. Okay. Anyways, so, anyways, I hooked up with one of his friends in front of my friend with Benefit, which he was like totally turned on about, which is so weird because. Wait a second, wait a second. I don't think we touched on this in the last podcast. No, we didn't.

Okay. But anyways, I have a friend with Benefit. Yes. And so. No, but how did the whole thing come up that you guys were talking about gangbangs? And he said, okay, I'm going to hook this shit up. Yeah. He called and asked.

me to this show and he goes and four of my buddies will be there and and you know he's a perv I'm a perv and that's why we we just like to hook up every once in a while and you know do our thing yeah and so he he said yeah I want to see I want to see you get fucked in front of in front of me and I'm like okay yeah and he's like really and well yeah and so he tried to hook it up two of his friends kind of pushed out and they were just totally not into it but also don't you really think too that the fact that you were reeling about this other guy, like, totally helped you not have even one thought about it. You were like, fuck yeah.

You were like revenge fucking all those guys. Pretty much. Pretty much. That's what it. Yeah, that's totally what it would have been. But it was also really hot. It was good timing for him. It was really good timing because it just, my impulsivity just went.

And it was something that you wanted to do anyway. It's not like you did something you did it. But it gave you those sort of probably, I think, balls to just to fucking do it. Right? Fuck you. Yeah, fuck it. I'm doing it.

Yeah. And it was fun. And I was totally sober. Right. No drugs, no alcohol. So it was a good experience. So it was just... Do you sleep with him?

Just hold on. My listeners like these stories. Okay. Let's drag it out a little. Okay. We know what happened with the other guy. Okay. He lied.

Yeah. You know, but so this... How does it turn out that you get... Like, where do you and the one guy wind up hanging out? Like, how does it... Oh. What did that happen? As we're driving down the freeway in the freeway

in the car and my friend with benefit was driving. Yeah, see, how could you not want to talk about this? Okay, this is interesting. Why do you want to get this? No. Because there's more than this. I know. This is more interesting. So anyways, yeah, so we're driving down the freeway.

It's equally as interesting. Okay, go on. So we're driving down the freeway, and it was just me. Let's just call my friend. Whatever. Your friend's a benefit. Whatever. Whatever.

my my fuck buddy and his his buddy and his buddy and uh his buddy and i just kind of started getting it on in the backseat and my my fuck buddy is driving and um yeah it was it was pretty hot i mean you have done the sex with him yeah mm-hmm like in the back seat and yeah in the back seat no in the back seat of the car and he was driving and he was driving I'm watching and then we got into the city and had a couple drinks and then

the other two guys showed up in the city and they were just totally like not into they were just like let's just watch the show they were total dorks about it

and so me and my fuck buddy went back out to the car and messed around in the back seat and went back into the show and because he was like because he was

was like horny after seeing you fuck his friend that he went to then have sex with you and you were horny because he still right because he just saw you and that was the first time you did that so now you want to fuck him thinking about what you just did right so exactly exactly and and um you know this has been like a two-day conversation he had been trying to get me to go to this concert because i was trying to get out of get ready to go out of town and so he was like come on just go and i'm like i have too much to do. And then finally I'm like, fuck it. I'm going. Right. So it had been like a two-day buildup of like anticipating hot sex. And so yeah, it was hell of horny. So you did it in the car? We did it in the car. And then, you know,

we just went home. He dropped me off. I think he got busted by his girlfriend, but I don't know. Oh, he has a girlfriend, your booty clogged. Which is the other girlfriend or a wife or anything? No. Okay. No. But yeah, so I didn't hear from them for about a week. But I was in Florida when I did hear from them. And so.

That's that. Okay. So go on. Yeah. So then I went to Florida and visited my friend there and had a really nice week there and some good sex there. Right. And the whole time I'm in Florida. Scott's texting me.

I miss you. I wish you were here. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, dude, it's just impossible. The one that has the girlfriend. He admitted you a girlfriend. Yes. Did he give you any sort of things like we're dating,

but she doesn't live here, so it's not that serious? Like, did he give you any kind of gray area about that relationship like I expected him to? He kind of did. He says, well, I didn't, I also didn't say anything because I didn't really, I don't know what.

what's going on and I don't really understand what we're doing. And I'm like, so how many times have you seen her any? Because I've only seen her like three times in seven months. And I'm like, Scott, you have more a relationship with me than you do this supposed girlfriend. But you don't understand. Stop it. Listen for a second.

Okay. Can you hear me? Commitment phobia 101. Okay. The guy that has commitment issues is going to feel more comfortable committing. to somebody that he could only see three times in seven months and you, the girl that's right fucking there. Don't you get it?

I get it. I get it. And, well, and I think I mentioned last time we talked that, you know, my guy friends are all, what is this guy gay? She's insane. You're hot. And, you know, you're fun. You like to fuck.

You take care of people. They're like, is gay? And I'm like, I don't think so. But yesterday I was at my therapist. and we were talking about it and she goes, is he gay? And I'm all, I don't know, but I'm actually maybe considering that maybe it is.

Yeah, you don't know. I mean, because look, he's only getting laid by that girl three times if he's only seen her three times. He's not banging you. If they're even getting laid. Right, you don't know. And that could be the way.

He might be latently homosexuals. That means like he doesn't even fucking know he is. You know what I mean? I know. You don't know, nor do you want to, it's like it's. So complicated, who cares what it is? Yeah, I don't even really care.

And at this point, you know, I, after I got back from Florida, about a week, so I've been back a week, it's, I guess, three weeks since we talked last, I, just this past weekend, I told them, I go, look, if we're going to be friends, then there needs to be some kind of rules, because more hurtful than it ever should have been. And I don't want to hurt you the same way if, if and when I decide that I'm going to have a boyfriend or somebody that I want to call my boyfriend. Yeah. But, you know, I don't think fuck buddies or random hookups really count as something that we need

to tell each other. But if it comes to the point where somebody is going to be calling me girlfriend or you boyfriend, then I think it's time to share with your friend. So feelings don't get hurt. And we're not feeling like we're lying to each other. I go, I don't need to know all the details of your life. but that's huge thing to lie about. The thing is, is he thought that a friend of his told me,

and well, no. A friend did tell you. I know, but a friend hinted around about it, and I discovered the rest of it, you know, I just investigated. No, I thought you said the friend told you. He's got a girl, I thought he has a girlfriend. He did tell me, but I didn't know who it was or anything, and I found out, you know.

Right, but that's a friend telling you. Right. Yeah, but I'm like, no, no. But this is the thing, though. This is the thing about getting hurt in these kinds of situations. And this is for somebody on his side of things and somebody on your side of things. This is, I don't know if you've ever listened to Dr. Guy's calls for that he calls in, my friend. Actually, I haven't.

Yeah, okay, his shit is really interesting. But he plays this game with girls all the time. And I've dated a lot of guys that play this game or fucked a lot of guys to play this game. And I've probably played this game too. This is the thing. Now, if you are having non-relationships with people, right? Whether it's just friends and you're not fucking or friends with benefits, but you're not emotionally connected or whatever, you have to establish some sort of like boundaries, right?

Because like when someone's saying to you, I don't want a relationship with you and I don't feel romantic with you and I don't want that with you or I don't want that with anyone, yet they're calling you every second of the day. They're seeing you all the time. You're sleeping in bed together. You're cuddling. You're doing everything but sort of putting it on paper and maybe having sex or there's something missing. You know what I mean?

And then people are saying, but it doesn't mean anything. You know, that's like bullshit. And then somebody always gets hurt in that because you're crossing like the line. Do you know what I mean? If you're not going to be like fucking lovers and you're not going to be dating, then you shouldn't be probably doing as much as you are because that's what happens. Then you begin, one person gets emotionally invested. If you're like regular friends, there would be no fucking problem if the one. one day a regular friend came and said,

hey, I met somebody. But if your friend that's supposed to be a regular friend is you're fucking everything. And it's all, then it's like, whoa, you got a girlfriend. You're going to fucking leave me. And then all these abandonment issues come up. So, but.

Exactly. And that's what I'm still struggling with because it's like, I feel like I put a lot more into this friendship than a regular friend would. Yeah. That's because you were getting something out of it too. I mean, you wouldn't have done that. At the same time, I still am because I, as you can tell, I can be so impulsive on just drop of a dime that I could become really destructive to myself.

And having him as a friend kind of keeps me grounded in that, you know. No, I don't understand. You don't make any sense. Yeah, I know I'm not making any sense. Anyways, so I can become really destructive to myself by like just going out random hookups and bringing guys home and sleeping around. But I'm sorry, but you can't put that power in somebody else. Like that's the work you need to. Thank God you see a therapist.

I know. Because you need one. Okay. Because nobody needs to ground you. You're a grown-ass woman. Okay? If you can't ground yourself, then stop it. No, no, no.

It's not. No, Kathy, listen. No, he just, listen. No. He just, having somebody there that I am able to know is around keeps me in a place where I kind of stay more responsible for my own actions. Rather than not having anybody. Okay, but that's like really, like, I think you need to grow out of that and learn to stand on your own two feet and get all of that stuff from yourself. And then everything else is just like, because that's like not a.

natural thing to need from somebody. Like that's a, that's a dysfunctional sort of thing that you have. That's why you were attracted to this guy. That's why you stayed with him. That's why you're still mad at him. Like, because you like needed him. It's not like you wanted him. And for something that you shouldn't need someone.

I don't think there's anything wrong with needing people. I don't think there's something wrong like needing companionship, needing love, needing a partnership. You know, that's normal stuff. But needing somebody to help you not do self-destructive things is the most, is a very very wrong thing. And how old are you? I'm 48. Yeah, you're 48. And you did use, I mean, I wasn't going to bring this up, but because this sort of ties into that, you did use some sort of term in one of our emails that I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like your DWI or your

narcotics butt, like, what was, there was some sort of like really sort of thing that you threw out there in one of our emails when we were scheduling. You're like, oh, because I had to go to court. What was it that you said? Oh, no, no, because, okay, me and my fuck buddy were out one night. And we got pulled over and I was like, I was like, oh, shit, I'm going to jail. Because I didn't know if I had a warrant out for my arrest. Right. That was it.

You had a warrant for your arrest. No, I thought I did. All right. Why would you even, why is warrant for your arrest even a part of your fucking book? You might just be one big fatness. What is this? Because, okay, my old roommates, mother. was elderly. She was like

83 or something at the time and my roommate's brother lived there and was selling drugs out of the house. The house was getting raided and I, you know, went over stupidly to make sure that the mother was okay while the, you know, I called the roommate and he said, your mom's house was getting raided. And so I was

standing there waiting and the cops just fucking hassled me. All right, let me ask you this. Did you know the dogs of that? And I got arrested and I, um, They didn't find any drugs. No. No, listen, did you know that they were dealing drugs? Were you doing drugs at that house?

No. No, I wasn't. So you weren't a part of any of it at all? No, I wasn't. I was actually at the post office across the street and saw it all going down and called my roommate. Okay, so then why did you get arrested if you were at the post office? Because the cops snatched my phone, went through my phone. No, no, no.

Get it back. I know. I'm like, Judge Judy. Shut up. I got angry. Stop. I don't even know you. I'm talking to like my best friend.

This is how I talk to my friends. Okay, listen to me. I know. Stop. No, no, no. Totally irresponsible. It was years ago. No, no, you don't listen.

Could you stop? You were like, you just said I'm at the post office. How do the cops get you at the post office? I was in the post office right across the street from the woman's house. Okay, so how do the cops find you? Because I went across the street to make sure that the. that the mother was okay. When you saw the cops there.

So the cops are there. They're being fucking raided. Your brain says, oh, let me go over there to find out what's going on. No, not to find out what's going on to make sure this 83-year-old woman who... Okay, but why did you get arrested then when you went there? Didn't you say I'm just here to check on the mother? I did, but I got a little belligerent because they like snatched my phone out of my hands, took my keys from my car away.

went across the street, searched my car, found nothing, except for ibuprofen. Then they, because I wanted my phone back, and I was demanding my phone back, I was demanding my keys back, they were like, well, you're resisting our search, and I'm like, I have no part of this. So, anyways, long story short, they arrested me, and during that scuffle, I, basically kicked one of the coughs in the head.

So I know. You're like Luann from New York County Housewives. It's horrible. It was horrible and it was a big mistake. But anyway, so it got pled down to fighting in public.

Okay, but why did they have a warrant out for your arrest? What did you do that? There's a fine. There's a fine that I haven't fully paid. Right. And I was like, I don't know about this because I don't know if it's gone into a warrant status or not.

And so my friend's benefit and I were out one night and we got pulled over and I'm like, fuck. So I gave him my card and I'm like, get me out. He's like, oh my God. And I'm sitting in the passenger seat with a trench coat and very little else on underneath. And I'm like, I can't believe this is going to happen to me. but he came back. I don't have a warrant, so I'm good. So wait, you had nothing on underneath the trench coat? Why not? Where were you going? Well, I had very little on. I had a very skimpy outfit on.

Because you were going out to like the clubs or something? No, no. We were just out. We just had had some sex and we had gone out. Where? Where? Where were you driving? Car sex. We had car sex. Oh, because he has a girlfriend, so you're always doing it like in the car. Is that what it is? Or either in the car. or at my house, but my 18-year-old daughter was home. Okay.

So you guys got in the car. You wore a really skimpy outfit to turn him on or whatever, put your trench coat on. No one knew. Well, yeah. Okay. So it's easier if you don't have a little on close on. Oh, my God. That would have been so great if you did have the worn for your rest.

Yeah. It would have been a whole other show. But it was shocked. And I'm like, get me out. So I gave him my card, gave him my pin. And you were okay. Yeah. You're a little bit of a mess, Shelly, for your age.

I know. You're too old to be that much of a mess. I'm too old to have this much mess. You need to clean up your fucking act. I know. That getting busted for that situation, like some people could say, oh, you were a victim, cop brutality. And cops can be asses sometimes.

But like, you like are just attracted to this nonsense. Like, you know what I mean? You were at the post office. You could have been on your way, but you like a fly-off shit, you just sort of was in there and then you got in trouble. then you get a war like it's really this is not be happening in your life i know i know fine seven years later i mean this is like ridiculous and then to hold on to a guy that is gay probably because you can't keep your legs closed to other guys i don't know like you know i you're a big fat i know i am a mess

for for all intents and purposes you know probably i don't happens a lot of times you're in that long-term relationship for a really long time and maybe like in all that time you had a daughter right she's 18 like maybe you didn't do the work on yourself that you needed to do but you could do it now when you are in therapy i think that's great yeah i didn't do it for a long time like i was married to my first husband for 15 years and then i was married to my second husband for 12 years so for most of my adult life i have had one false anchor to another false anchor to another false anchor and here you are just as damaged as you're were before your first fucking anchor. And that just shows you that you can't sweep shit under the table. Nothing will solve your problems. The problems that you have that need to be solved cannot be solved by a man. They need to be solved by you, Shelly, fake name, Shelly.

That's your fake name. But you know what I'm not? It's you. You need to get yourself to, you know, act the way you want to act. You can't be, you know what I'm saying? And then you wouldn't have these like bullshit relationships and stuff. I know. And that's all I have right now.

bullshit relationships and you need to listen listen I don't have a relationship and I'm okay like I mean nobody needs a relationship to be happy some people do are really happy in a relationship neither one is right or wrong but where you're at is wrong I mean where you're in these relationships are bullshit because you're in them for the wrong reason and they're not exactly it I'm I'm learning and I'm learning that I don't, I, I, I, I, I seek out men to try to make myself feel whole and it just doesn't work. No.

Of course, they are fun, but, um, it just becomes, it becomes work. Mm-hmm. It becomes work and it's, uh. And look, you got hurt, you got brutally hurt. I've, I've been there and I've done that and that's like, you know, but it's like you're like, you know, before you used to marry the guy, at least this guy you didn't get in that deep, you know what I'm saying?

Well, yeah. Right? But you need to get over him. And I think the more you look at yourself and your shit, you could really just, like, forgive him and move on. Because this has nothing you do with him. He's playing on his own dysfunction. Actually, I did. I told him, you know, I forgive you.

It's not that I've forgotten it, but I'm not going to dwell on it and I'm not going to be mad about it. But if you ever do it again, I'm going to punch you. Yeah, but he can't do it again to you if you have proper boundaries with him and you don't have a fake relationship with him again. Exactly. And that's what I told him. I said, you know, there's no reason to lie to your friends. But that's not what I'm saying. It's deeper than that.

Like you don't need to lie to yourself, okay? It was very obvious in that first conversation that like what you and that guy had was not going to turn into something. Like it was obvious, right? There was all these signs, but you didn't want to see them because what he was. is giving you was something that like you were very needy of, right? Like you said. Yeah. So it's like, so it lasted for as long as it did. But the good news is that you got to a point where you weren't happy with it anymore, which is a good thing. So maybe it's a time in your life where you're really ready to learn how to give yourself all these things that you're looking for other people to give you.

And then you could have a great relationship. You're a relationship person. Then you could have a great relationship with somebody. It doesn't even mean that you can have. And that's what I was. have a good relationship with somebody three months from now. It is good that you're working on yourself, but you need to figure out how to, you know, get this, like to clean up your act, to get your feet on the ground and become a more,

like sort of responsible together, drama-free fucking person. And that, I know, I got to tell you. I start feeling restless. When I don't have that drama and I think I seek it out, and that's why I make so many bad,

there's like a feeling of peace that you don't have within yourself. I have been you and I'm not you for a long time because I quit alcohol 14 years ago. I think it's 15, it's going to be 15 years this May. That's awesome. Yeah, it is great. And I have to tell you that the difference between having your fucking feet on the ground and being a grounded person and feeling like inner peace and inner wholeness and not feeling that way is like night and day. And you really like deserve it for your, like you really need to work on yourself.

to get to that place because there's no reason for you to live the rest of your life like this because there will be such an improvement in your life when you sort of fill up that hole and fix the things about yourself and get a little piece, inner piece, you know what I mean? And get your feet on the ground and clean up all your messes and stay more focused and grounded for yourself within yourself. And then you don't need a man to do that. And then you don't pick up these damaged people. your last guy with your husband was a fucking mess you're a fucking mess this guy's the

fucking closeted gay guy or who knows what he does I have no idea what's wrong with his girlfriend through you know that lives well that's what I'm like damn well she's no better than you I mean she's as available as you are but you know what I'm saying it's just like a track's like so yeah forget about him and keep working on yourself you got a good therapist oh yeah she's awesome and she's she's uh how long you've been seeing her for well i total for about three years but i just actually went back into therapy um right so you stopped for a while about yeah i did stop for a while but i just went back in about a month before i called you yeah that's good i love therapy so i think this is actually calling in talking to you and getting this out there is just kind of like part of that

whole like closure and and figuring it out for myself type of thing. Yeah, I think that that's great. And it's also like you're learning things about yourself in the process and that's what it's all about. And that's like the good news is you're like self-aware enough to see those things clearly as well. You know what I mean? And I think it's really good.

And you'll learn, you'll get even more out of this whole thing when you listen back to it. And what I think would be really, it was, will be really great for you is like two years from now, you know, when you listen. back to this person. If you keep up working on yourself and going to this therapist, you should never stop going to this therapist for at least a year. And you should maybe go two times week if you could afford it. But like, you know, if you really focus and really get into yourself and your therapy and trying to fix yourself and stay away from, you know, whatever, if you real, and you listen

back to this person like a year, two years from now, like, you'll be like, wow, like I've changed so much. Like, who is that girl? You know what I mean? Yeah. It'll help you. And so the good news is these podcasts live on the internet forever. You'll have that to listen back. So hopefully, like I said, when you listen back, you'll get even more from it. Hopefully you'll keep working on yourself. And, you know, at least we know that that relationship is over. It didn't go anywhere.

And you're, you know, on your way to sort of having a better relationship with yourself. I'm trying to figure out. I'm hoping. I'm hoping. I'm trying to put an end to this story. Okay. Well, let's just end it. And I will call you.

in a couple years. No, well, let me keep me posted. If there is a warrant out for your rest and you wind up arrested, if you have gangbangs and fuck up like really bad before you get clean. Or, which I would prefer. Kathy, I am clean. Okay, that's good. I actually don't drink.

No, I mean cleaned up like all this mesh, you know. By emotional mess. Yeah, like all this stuff. Like you just got to, you know, become, like, maybe just like become a little bit more like mature. Right. emotionally mature. Exactly. Oh, totally.

So that's the work I'm talking about. And so hopefully what I would rather is that eight months from now, you email me and say, oh my God, like I feel totally different. I've been working on myself, like, blah, that kind of a thing. You know what I mean? Well, I will keep you updated. All right. Thank you for the opportunity and all your advice.

It's been helpful. All right. Awesome. I'm glad. That's why I started my podcast. I love doing this. I'm sorry for screaming at you, but I felt comfortable with you enough to do it. I told you like, that's how I talked to my phone.

friends. It's like I feel comfortable with you. I don't, you know, it's like, that's my way of helping. That's why I'm not a therapist because I would be fired. No, it's all good. I appreciate it. And thanks for the opportunity. Have a great day. You too. Bye, Shelley. Bye. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.

I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like, there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August

25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there you can post your own pictures and videos there's tons of channels we have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money it's a super fun place to be it's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it i will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord it's private like i said all you got to do is email me a screenshot

of your purchase whether you did the audiobook the ebook or the paperback sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at Gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone, to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show?

Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly anonymous.