Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 246 - Bigender Sam Comes Out of the Closet

Episode Date: August 26, 2018

Bigender Sam (episodes 144 & 147) calls in two years later to talk all about how he's recently come out of the closet and how that has effected what he's now looking for in his life. How did he come out? How did everyone react when he came out? What does his future look like now that he is totally out? Tune in to find out plus hear all about whether he is going to go through with the breast surgery he's always wanted, what kind of people he's open to dating, his most recent hook-up that involve him and a couple other guys and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and chain. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to talk about a secret life that you have or a naughty life that you lead or if you want to get advice for a problem that you're having, just send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com or go to Strictly on this podcast.com and click on B on the show. If you can write a review, write a review,

if you can't write a review but you just want to rate my show, just rate it like five stars. I got a really bad review. It was really hilarious the other day. You should go read it. This is funny. But so if you want to write a good review, that's good.

If you want to write a bad review, that's fine too. I find those equally as interesting. What else? That's about it. I have on an, this is an update show. And what was like interesting to me about this update is like I've been doing my podcast for long enough that like I there's like real change that has been happening to people who have called into my show and now I get to hear all about it.

What I mean by that is like I always say this on my show that like change doesn't happen overnight. It's not like the fucking movies like somebody decides to do something and then magically two weeks later it happens, you know? A lot of times in real life most of the time, 100% of the time it takes years for real transformation to happen. But it happens, right? And I love those kind of stories. And that's what this is.

This is like this guy that I had on two years ago. And two years ago when he called in, he was in a much different place than he is in now. And he's in a great place now, right? So this is like the ending of a story. It wasn't like he was in a bad place before. He's a transgender guy. You got to listen to all the specifics about that

because it's very detailed. but he was living a very secret life and he's no longer living a very secret life he is he's out of the closet the transgender closet and how he went about that how everyone reacted and what other kinds of things he's up to is very fascinating that's what we talk about i'm not going to give it all the way i'm sure i wrote it down in the intro and you could see it there but we discuss all that but like i said that's what's what's so interesting about like that's why i like biographies and stuff because you see life like the whole thing from beginning to end like I mean there's never like if you just know somebody at one place in time like they're one way but two years later to me this guy is a very

different person um and uh that's real life and that's what's great about it and that's why i like doing my show because this is somebody that I talked to a while ago who really changed for the better and is doing great so this is his story the part two to his part one story Sam you could Listen to his first one. I forget, it's like two years ago. I might have to post, I'll post the episode and a link to it in the intro. But anyway, I'll be right back on with Sam. You called in a while ago.

Like, you know, when I got your email and I went back to look up your episode, I thought you called in like six months ago, but you called in almost like two years ago, right? Because it was like 2016. Sam is by gender was your episode. I'll give the exact number. Do you remember the number of it? I don't remember the number of it. I'll give it in this intro.

It was two parts, though. There were two parts. I forgot about that. Oh, my gosh. Okay, and now you have an update to that. So the first part we talked all about your being bi-gender and with that. You were the first bi-gender person that I had on. And by-gender for you meant that, like, I mean, it was kind of confusing a little bit

until you sort of, like, explained it all right. But you felt at that time, the first time we spoke, you felt like there were two, parts of you, male and female, right? And each part of those people, like the male part wanted to be with guys, but they didn't want to date guys, right? The female part liked to be with women too, right? Because I was kind of like thinking that you were both by with both parts, but it was like more, there was a lot to it. I feel like almost maybe people have to listen to the episodes to get all the backstory, right? Because it was kind of complicated, but it's like, I don't know what you're I know that you have an update, right?

And I feel like we need a little backstory so that people aren't confused. But you're by gender, right? Yes. And what I got from the first conversation was that like, because a part of your update is that you came out to your family, right? Mm-hmm. And you're thinking about transitioning. Now, what would you be transitioning to? I'm assuming a woman, right, because you were born a guy, right?

Even though you're by gender. You were born a guy. You felt like you were into both men and women. You felt like you were a man and a woman, but you felt, and the craziest thing you told me on that podcast was that you had grown boobs, right? Even though you were born a boy and you were male. You grew boobs in high school and got them removed. You had a breast reduction, right? But you always felt like sort of like you wanted those back, right?

And we're going to talk about the fact that you might want to transition or you might be thinking about that right now. I am. And what do you want to transition to and how did you tell your family? like I don't know where to start well my family was I just one day put a Facebook post and put it and put them on it basically wait wait what

what you just said I did it over Facebook and I just put a Facebook post showed them a picture of me and they said it's me no no but you got to get a little bit more specific with that I mean come on like what does that do I made a Facebook post I just threw it up there and my family knew it was me like what does that what did what picture

did you put up I'm getting more I'm getting worse into it. No, no, no, no. What kind of picture did you put up? You dressed as a woman, like, Yes. Yes. He has a woman, yes. Okay. And now, I have a few Facebook pages, one for my mail side, one for my family side. And basically how I introduced my family to my female side, I gave a link to my female page. Okay, so on your male, on your male Facebook profile, your friends and family, like everyone that knew you and didn't know about this other side, they were friends with you there, right, at the male side of you.

And you didn't allude to anything on that part, right? So your friends and family were on there. So what you did one day when you decided that you wanted everyone to know, you put a link like, here's the other part of me. Yeah, basically. Without even warning them, you didn't make a phone call.

You did it through Facebook. Well, I tried to talk to my sister about it, but she didn't really get it or really didn't really, understand what I was talking about. Well, what did you say or did you call her up? Because I know that when we spoke, you said that you weren't that close with your sister or maybe. I don't know. But like, did you call her on the phone?

No, I was in person. And I was just talking about, I was trying to talk to her about the surgery I had back in the day and that sort of thing. And she kind of took it as I guess I was just talking about the surgery, which I'm like, okay. Okay, no, it's not all talking about. but okay then I just said okay forget it I know but listen I gotta tell you I'm talking you for three minutes and I forget about our first couple conversations but like it is hard like if you don't keep asking you questions you kind of just like say things like and you just throw them out there like you're talking about the fucking weather but you're saying like really

major things so maybe she didn't understand because you weren't explaining it like easily oh yeah totally I'm not I'm not saying that she will be on for anything it just didn't come across So I don't know. It was probably a little of us. Yeah, she wasn't like me where she was like, wait a second. Repeat that. What do you mean? Like, blah, blah, well.

Like, she didn't. But, like, Judge Judy, right? She just, you kind of said your thing and threw it out there and she didn't really understand. And maybe you weren't that understandable. And so, and then the conversation just fell by the wayside. And that was the end of it. Right. Okay.

And this was also when I wasn't, I wasn't as confident and sure about myself as I am now. Right. And this, but this was in between. So we spoke last like a year and a half ago, right? This was in between that time and now. This was actually more closer than when we last spoke. Okay. Right after we last spoke?

Probably a month or so after. Okay. So you went to your sister and you thought, you know, hey, I'm going to like tell her, but she didn't really get it. And then you decided to do it on Facebook? Well, that comes later. I kind of decided, okay, I'm not going to talk, you know, tell them for a while. Then I found a support group that I started going to.

And what was the support group for? Was it for bi-gender people, people transitioning? Like, what kind of support group was it? Transgender people. Transgender people, which everybody falls under that. That's like the umbrella term, how I think about it anyway. Yeah. Transgender the umbrella turned and everybody underneath it.

Uh-huh. So I found the support group, which basically I love. And, I mean, you know, I got support from a bunch of other people. And I've become kind of supporting other people in the group. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. That must have been. I mean, you had never joined any of those before this.

I mean, because you've been going through this with yourself, right, for so long. And this was the first time you finally found. on people that you could support you, that you could support people that were like you that you could actually talk to. That must have been really great. That was. It's the first group I went to that I actually got accepted and actually, to the day now, I'm, like, totally involved in the group and everything.

So, yeah, it's like I've joined groups before in the past. I've tried to, and it just didn't work out, or it just wasn't right. said one was a bisexual group. Uh-huh. I joined, uh, because I am bi, and,

but I, it, it, it didn't work out sexually. Yeah, I was on the same level of them, but gender-wise, it wasn't.

Right. You really needed to be in the transgender group, and that was the first transgender group you tried to join? Uh, yeah. The first successful one, yeah.

Okay. And it was, it was great. You know, we meet, uh, weekly. And all different ages, all different people in their journeys in different parts of their journeys and transitioning and that's other thing.

And it's been great. And that sort of got me to thinking about where I want to go with this, where I want to go in my life, which I'm still thinking about. But I've been slowly, slowly kind of breaking down the barriers and incorporating both lives together. Both lives, meaning like the person that your friends and family know and the person that you called up to talk about. Right. So one morning I decided, you know, something, you know, you need to do it. You need to let them know because you're going to do a lot more changes in your life. They need to know.

Right. Meaning like transition physically? That's possible. So I'm still on the fence for that one. Uh-huh. Because, you know, as most transgender people, they feel like they're born in the wrong body. Yeah. I don't feel that way.

I feel like my body's both. Right. You want the tits and the dick. Like, you have the dick, but you want the tits. Yeah. Yeah. So really it would be transitioning for you wouldn't be about cutting your penis off and getting a badge, right? It would be more about you just getting.

breasts. Implants. Right. And I would not do hormones. Right. Because I want my dick to still work. Right. And you don't need them to grow the tits because you could just get implants, silicone implants. Right.

That's not a bad deal because I've also heard I've had other transgender. I had one guy. It was a father of a girl who was transgender guy that turned to a girl. And he told me which I didn't know that right now the surgery

could take away your orgasms like it could really fuck stuff up like you know so I think that that's like a huge price to pay you know to change and I think that's scary yeah but for some people they're willing to pay that price

right right but I mean I think that's probably something that people have to think about before they do it because that's a big trade-off. But you don't have to do that, which is great. No, I don't. And on the other side, from female and the male,

they have to think about if they want kids. Because once you start taking the hormones, you know, testosterone, you can't have kids. Right. So all their eggs go to shit. They can't have kids. They don't have periods. Right.

Yeah, it's like a lot for to think about. But you don't have to think about any of those things. Remind me how old you are. are? I am 44. You're 44, right. And you've never been married. Are you currently with somebody? No.

Okay, because I know last we spoke, you were hoping to one day meet. You would want to meet a woman, right? Well, that's changed. Oh, okay. Because when we last spoke, you were open to or looking for a woman that would accept both sides of you, right?

What has changed? So, what are you looking for now? I'm looking for a, pretty much a transgender person. Okay. So whoever I'm attracted to, if it's a trans man or trans woman. Because one of the big things, I don't have to explain anything. They know. Right.

They're going to get me. They're going to get everything. And, you know, it's like, I guess because before I haven't been really around my own people. Yeah. And now my own people, it's like, wait a minute, this is my. community this is where I'm going to be. And people, we get each other. Uh-huh.

So, I mean, what I want, you know, it's kind of like, basically, I want a relationship with anybody, but a cis man. But what? A cisgender man. Except a cisgender man. What is a cisgender man? Like a guy who's. A guy.

A guy who's a guy. That's what cis, it means, like just a regular guy, a guy that is. in transgender. Right. Okay. That's what cis mean. So you have cisgender people is... I would be a cisgender person.

You would be a cisgender woman, right? Okay. So the only person you wouldn't want to be with is a cis. But you would, yeah, but you wouldn't want to be with a cisgender person, right? You only would be with a transgender person, whether it's a female woman. No, if I found the right woman, I would be with a cisgender woman. Oh, you would. Okay.

So the only person that's off the table is a cisgender man. Okay, cool. But I think it would make sense that you... I just want to fuck them. Right, right. I remember that. Yeah, that's where you're really by. But with the, you know, finding all those people at the support group.

Like, have you met anybody there that you liked or tried to have a relationship with or anything in that community? Yeah. Not yet because they're all younger. A lot of them are younger. A lot of them are dating each other. and right now I've been really concentrated on my journey and where I'm going. So I'm figuring, because my thing is I really can't date anybody until I figure this out. Right.

Well, if you wanted to, you could. I mean, if I find somebody. I think that that's your whole try. You're going to run away. You're going to what? Like I said, if I find somebody now, I'm not going to run away from them. Uh-huh. But if you have it in your head that, like, it's not the right time because you have to figure all your stuff out.

Most likely you won't meet anybody because you are closed off and not in a bad way, but it's by choice, right? On some part of you is saying, like, I need to figure this out before I'm ready to be with somebody, you know? And there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think you meet people when you're in. Like some people would say to me all the time, like, oh, Kathy, you'll meet someone when you least expected. It's like, no, that's not how it fucking works. Like, when you make it just, like, most of the time, it doesn't happen when you least expected.

Like if you're not available, you're not available. You know what I mean? I feel like when you say things out loud, like it's just not the right time. I need to figure this out before. You're not going to attract somebody into your life yet. It's when you really want. And that's your choice, right? If you decided to, in three minutes from now, like, you know what?

I really want somebody. Like, you would be able to find somebody. It wouldn't matter what you're trying to figure at or where you're at. It's really up to you, like, whether. you're interested or not. That's what I really believe, no matter what shows up in somebody's life, because I think a lot of times people are acting like they really want a relationship, and they don't meet somebody, and it's because on some level they're not available. You know, you don't sound like you're available because you don't want to be available yet.

You might have commitment issues, too. We've talked about that, right? No, well, the commitment issues was from, you know, the whole confusion. of who I am and hiding myself. Right, right. And now you're really coming into your own because you're not hiding yourself. So, you know, I would think you're getting closer to being, you know, ready for a relationship.

If you wanted a relationship, you could have somebody now while you're figuring stuff out as long as it's somebody within your community, right? Because like you said, they would totally understand who you're at, what you're going through, where you're coming from, you know what I mean? Right? Yeah.

I mean, I'm not, right. I'm not closed off saying, I don't, you know, I'm never going to find somebody. But I'm just not actively looking. But if somebody comes along, I'm not going to push them away either. Okay, cool. Okay. So you haven't dated anyone within that community, but once you found them that it was really helpful, and then that helped you to eventually tell everybody on Facebook?

Most people. Not everybody knows, but only the important people know. Well, I mean, when you put shit on Facebook, doesn't like kind of everyone know? I mean, like, who doesn't know? I'll put it in a way. Everybody knows something, but not everybody knows everything. Like, everybody knows on transgender

because I put that out on my Facebook page a while ago. But they just know that. They haven't met the other person. Right. You haven't come out as the other person. You haven't come out as a phone now. I have some friends who know both. I have a lot of friends that know both and stuff.

but, you know, there's people in my job, you know, they pretty much don't know, and I'm not going to come out of my job, but it's all, you know, that's just like cannabors I don't want to deal with. Right. Right, totally. But so just keep walking me through the story. So you go to, like, when does it come to be that you're, like, really ready to let everybody know? Because I think that that's, like, a big day in your life, right?

Like, isn't that, like, really major? Yeah. It's really major, and it's like how I usually do things. It's just one day I get up and something clicks. It's just like, okay, do it. Right. And so something just clicked when? This was probably five or six months ago.

No. No, that's five. It was probably like three months ago, about three months ago. Okay, so that's pretty recent. So you, after being a part of the support group and stuff and being around people that understand you and really having a sense of community for the first time. Eventually, after

a while of that, you decided to just really go to the next level, which is like really being honest with everybody else. It's sort of like coming out of the closet, right? Yeah. And so that day you woke up, like you said, you just

figured something, a switch went off and you were like, I'm going to do it today, and you decided the best way to do it was on Facebook. Now, your parents are both the past, right? Like, you don't have a mother or father, right? So basically when you say your family, who were you letting know, like all your cousins, all your aunts, uncles, like that kind of people? Because I know your sister, you tried to tell her. My sister, my two cousins, my niece, my nephew. Right. Okay. And then eventually, then they told everybody else in the

family, but I thought we're not really worried about everybody else in the family. Right, okay. Right. Okay. So when you put out that ad, were you like nervous or are you just knew it was the right time? Like, did you know how people were going to react? Like, what were your feelings about it? Basically, at that time, I said, fuck it. I don't care. Right.

So whatever happens, happens. But, you know, you gear yourself up for, to fight, you know, for a fight for a reaction, for a bad reaction. It never came. Everybody was supportive. Everybody was like, oh, my God, you know. That's awesome. My cousin's way, all this explains why you've been distanced for the last.

They always didn't kind of dissing them like, yeah, basically. Right. It sort of put the pieces together because probably people always wondered why there was like a wall up around you, right? And nobody could get close to you. Right. And then maybe this would give them hope that now that you're being more honest and they know who you are and they're accepting of it, that they can get closer to you. And you can let these people into your life more so than you had your whole life. I mean, you're 44 years old and you didn't have a lot of close relationships, even with,

besides your family, even with friends, really, because you were sort of, because of this, because of this big thing in your life, right? So to take that away really opens up a lot for you. Yeah, I even told my best friend. Mm-hmm. I was from high school. And it's funny, as though, he said, because I, you know, I put the page and he just said, you look good in the red lake.

That was about his reaction. He was cool with that. He, and he made a joke. Yeah, he's like, he's like, I love you, you know, I love you. And, you know, if you keep the red wig, you look at that. Right. That's awesome. Did Eddie, so what, like, who was the first person?

Did your sister call you? Did she email you back? Like, what was the, like, how did you get, like, how do people respond? The first person, the first was my cousin. Right. And who immediately said, call me. Mm-hmm. I called her.

And she's like, oh, my God, what, what, what is this? What? Right, right, right. Yeah, because, I mean, even the way, even the way you tell me, like, I just sent a link to my other thing. Like, I was like, you would want, people would, of course, have questions. Right. And then I explained to her, and, you know, she's like, you know, I'm totally supportive. Then I told her about some of the stuff I'm involved in.

And she's like, why did you tell me? I would have been there, you know, I would have been there next to you, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, see, that's, it's like, you know, hindsight is 2020, right? Like I feel like when you think to yourself like, wow, why did I do this when I was 24? But maybe like they wouldn't have been that way, you know, 20 years ago, you know. It's a different world we live in now. Things are so much more accepted, right?

A lot of trans people before you have been coming out and helping, you know, other trans people to make that sort of, to come out of the closet and be in a society where people are just more. more accepting of it. So it's an easier kind of a thing, right, than if you were to do it 20 years ago. It's not like people don't know what it is. It's like it's starting to be more mainstream. Yeah. I mean, I think also what's putting me to be more active

is the current political climate. Mm-hmm. So it's like, you know, something, you know, if we're going to make this world better for people for people behind me I need to step up. Right. You felt like you had to get on board and start helping people too by coming out.

And the only way you could do that is by really being yourself and being that minority that stands out for being a minority right. I think that that's great and I think a lot of people are doing that and that's like a great thing because you know, this is reality. It's like all the people on my show. Like it's not like

people like this don't exist. It's just like people just were keeping it under wraps, right? Why not just be the fucking truth? whatever that is, right? So when did your sister call? And how, I'm a curious about her reaction because you kind of tried to explain it to her. And then you said her, like, did your relationship

with her stay the same? Was she, like, not really talking about it? Did she call you? Like, what happened with her? Um, we talked on the phone and she, and then she said, I guess you were trying to tell me that day, huh? Right. I said, yeah. Um, she's totally

supportive. She, like, shows my pictures and everybody, like, this is, this is my, I don't know if she calls me her brother or what. I don't know. What would you want her to call you? I never got hung up on pronouns. Some people do. And some people, it's a big thing.

I've never got hung up on pronouns because it's like, for me, I'm both. That's what I was going to say, because you're both. So it's like you wouldn't be hung up. You could understand the person that does get hung up on it. Oh, yeah, totally. For you, you're not that person. Right. For me, my pronouns would be them and they.

Right. Okay. But I'll answer anything, you know? Almost anything. Right, right. So she talked to you, so she was super accepting, and everybody was. Like, you didn't have any problems anywhere. No.

I mean, I have one cousin that I guess have said some stuff to other people in the family, and they basically told me to ignore them, which we ignored her anyway. So like I don't really care. Right, because the majority of them, you have everybody supportive. There's the one bad person in your family that's like being an asshole and nobody cares about that person. Everyone's got your back. Right.

Yeah, that's great. And what about your friend? They were all super supportive, like you said, your best friend, which is very important. Yeah, I mean, he's supportive. I mean, he's not going to sit here and have a conversation with me. about it. Yeah, but guys don't talk about anything like that really. It's not a guy thing, right? No, it's not. And

we end up talking about baseball and stuff like that. Yeah. Like you normally would. Right. Yeah, but that's just how guys are. So that's cool. That's probably easier for you, right? Because at least he knows and you didn't have to have like a big conversation

about it. But you let him know. Right. Through Facebook, which is just, I don't know why I just think it's hilarious. Well, he, he, I, I had the conversation with him in person. Oh, you did? Before the Facebook thing. Yeah, because I just said, you know, I have, you know, gender stuff. And he said, oh, I know, and I still love you.

So, you know, so that was about the most of the conversation. So with him seeing the Facebook post wasn't that. Oh, okay. And so he said, I know. So it wasn't like it was a surprise to him. Well, he knows because I kind of came out to his wife a while ago. Okay. By accident.

By accident. Yeah. I think I might have said that last time where I was helping them move, so I'm in the garage. I'm upstairs and helping her in bending over, so I thought she saw my underwear, which, you know, my underwear was Victoria's Secret underwear. I don't remember this. Okay. Okay. Maybe I didn't tell you.

Well, I thought she saw my underwear, so I told her. Right. And what you said, like, hey, listen, you might have seen. and I do like to wear women's panties. Like I'm... Yeah. Yeah, they have something like that line. And she's like, no, I didn't see it.

I'm like, oh, great. So I just came up to you without, you know, to nothing. So I kind of knew it back by my mind he knew since then. I'm sure she told him. Of course. Yeah, the minute you left, she told him. But he never said anything to you about it. No.

That was cool. No And so You told everyone You had no problems with anything How do you feel now That everybody knows And you could be yourself

But you said that they haven't met Like the female you Right Like you haven't shown up Like dressed up as a woman Not yet, no Are you gonna do that? Has anyone asked us to meet her?

Well the last time I hung up with my sister She was actually disappointed That she didn't come Is your sister married with kids? No, she's not married, but she has two kids. She has two kids, right. And they were cool with it? How old were her kids?

Oh, yeah. My nephew's like 25, and my niece is 12. I think she's like 14. 15. I mean, like, I'm sure, like, your sister would have fun seeing the girl. Like, you know, because it would be like, you know, the sister that she never had. well my niece was like oh i'm going to take your lip block shopping right yeah yeah that's not bad and so and so now as far as you're transitioning right because i know that that was another thing

like you're not dating anyone i'm just trying to think of all the updates we could talk about like you're not dating anyone yet you're probably on the verge of that you know i think you only just came out like three months ago right uh You know, I would think after, you know, sort of six months of that, you know, to a year, then you could, and you'll be able to really finally, I think, for the first time in your life, be really ready for a real relationship. Don't you think? Yeah.

Do you want that in your life? I do so. Yes, I do. You do? Do you want kids? I do, but that's going to be depending on who I'm with. Right. So, like, because if you're with a guy, right?

Like, I mean... Well, the only way I'm going to be with a guy is... If he's transgender, right? So maybe if he hasn't had the operation, he could still get pregnant? I just said it's so confusing. Yeah, some. Yeah, some, but a lot of them, depending on the person, some want to get pregnant and have kids, some don't.

Right, uh-huh. A person that I've become really good friends with, and they haven't transitioned yet, but they do not want to have kids at all. Right. So is this person that you said that you're close with, is this someone that maybe you could possibly be interested in? Me, yes, her.

They, I don't think they would be interested in me. But I don't know. Right. But so it's a woman, a trans woman? Woman, she wants to go from female to male. Okay. And she definitely doesn't want kids. No, she doesn't.

Right. And you would be... She says, why is it natural to have an alien come out of your vagina? Right. That's her reaction to it. I'm like, okay. Right. Well, the minute it would come out of it, she'd realize it's not an alien, it's a baby. But so she's not into it, but you are? I mean, yeah, but I mean... It's not a deal breaker.

It's not a deal breaker. I'm at the age, too, where I'm like, okay, either this person's going to have their kids already. Uh-huh. or they don't want kids. You know, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm not going to date a 20-year-old. Right, right, right.

I hear you. Right. So if you're dating someone in their 40s, it's not like, right. So maybe you'll get kids like through a step situation, right? Like you'd be the stepdad or mom or whatever. Right. Or maybe, you know, lucky if I want to have kids. Or maybe I never have kids.

If I don't have kids, it's not. I've dealt with that mentally. and they've come to terms of that. As far as, why, did you always want it and you've decided that if it doesn't happen, you're okay with it, but you did always use to want it? Right. Yeah, always wanted.

As a guy, I mean, never say never, because you can still have, like even when you're 55, you could still have a baby if you want it. You're not getting any surgery or anything, so you'll always have your testosterone. So you could always have that kid, and you don't know who you'll meet

and what the situation. If you meet a 41-year-old woman, you're 44. You know, most guys that are 44 with, like, 44-year-olds are with 37-year-olds. You know what I mean? A 37-year-old could get pregnant. Like, there's no problem with that. So you could still, for sure, have a baby if that's what you want. I don't think you have to resign yourself to the fact of it not happening.

If you really want it, you know, you should, you know, you should, you know, you should, you know, you should. go for it because you could still you could have that if you you know yeah it's not like i'm resigning i'm sorry of myself not having kids it's kind of like okay whoever i'm going to meet whoever's going to become that special person in my life i'm going to accept them whatever comes with that right and so if they want to have kids you'll have kids if they don't you don't you don't have to it'll be more about who you mean who's that person right yeah that's good it's more important who you mean So the transitioning, I don't know why I keep going back to them, why I'm so confused.

The transitioning that you're thinking about now is basically like surgery to get breasts because, you know, it's sort of to fill that void. Because, like, I do remember you saying that, like, when you had those taken off of you at a young age, which was very weird that they grew on somebody who was transgender, right? You always felt like they belong there. They explain a lot of hormones and genetics because I was basically saying my body was making female stuff. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So my body made more estrogen than a normal male body did.

Yeah, and more so than some girls, right? You probably have bigger boobs than some girls. Oh, they never grew that, they never got to that size. It was like when I started forming, we had a reduction. Right, but they were forming. Yeah. Right. I mean, enough for you to go to the hospital and get a reduction.

I mean, it wasn't like nothing. It was like, and that's like a serious thing, I think, when you're a kid. How old were you again? I was in middle school, so. Like seventh grade, eight grade? You know, that's like a... I was just in middle school, yeah. Right, and you were growing boobs.

I mean, like that, so you had a lot of estrogen going for you. So you're thinking about... Do you know, have you met anybody in your support group that's like you? Like exactly like you, meaning like they're both, they see themselves as bi-gender. They're both into male and female. Yeah. They want to stay the same, but maybe get boobs. Anyone that's like further along and did get the tits?

Like, do you know anyone like that? I'm sure I've met people, yeah. I mean, you know, I know some people, there's some of you my group who are bi-gender, yes. But, you know, there's some that don't want to, there's one person, you know, she's born as she, she considers her by gender and she doesn't want any surgery. So, you know, she dresses very, well, her own house a day and they dress very, and let me say, and dromously, but gender neutral. She doesn't want, you know, they don't want surgery and that's the thing to keep

mischief in her. And it is what it is. Now I wish I had her trust, hell yeah. Right, because she's got the teeth. But she was born a woman. Yeah, she's got a nice one still. Right. Right.

And you like boobs. I mean, you like to fool around with women and their bodies and how they are, right? Yes. And you like guys, too. Yes. Right. And the girl that you like at your place that you don't think would like you is a woman trans. transgender right to guy she's female to male right female to male and you guys were close but you

don't think she likes you now who who you've been discussing the getting the boobs thing and like how close are you to doing it or not doing it well I'm not close to being well it's recently in the last couple of months I really started thinking about it well listen in the last couple months everything's been going on last couple months yeah talked about on Facebook and let everyone know and then Now you're doing, like, I mean, that's another major thing. Like, everything's coming to a head here. Yeah. It's a big year for you.

Yeah, it is. 2018. Who knew? Yeah. Right? True. That would be such a pivotal time for you. It's major.

It is. You know, you have a couple months to figure it out. Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things that, you know, I've always, It's always been the back of my mind of doing it, but now I'm seriously thinking about it. So it's going, okay, how would I do it? Okay, how big do I want them?

If I get them now when I want to present mail, how am I going to do that? Is who's going to wind up presenting you? No, I said if I want to present mail after getting them, how would I do that? Oh, right. Well, don't some of them, like, tape them down. Like, what about the ones that have them tonight?

Right? I mean, couldn't you? sure but then I'm sitting there thinking I said am I really going to want to say something down after getting them probably not right I know me I'm going to want to show them off right and like don't you feel like maybe in a weird way

it would be like coming full circle to who you were always supposed to be like you know kind of like maybe you would feel complete then maybe that's like the one last thing that's missing because it was something that you were supposed to have and then it was taken away and you always kind of miss it, right? I think maybe, I mean, what would be

greater? The missing them more and never having them or every now and then wishing that they weren't there so you could like just present as a guy, you know, like which is greater? Well, I have a feeling that if I got them, I'd probably be

more living as a female than the male. You'd be more what? Living as a female than the male. Okay, right. I don't, I'm just thinking in my head, that's probably what I would end up doing just because... You'd have these big tits. Because, I mean, you're not going to get a small B cup, right?

No, I want to be proportionate to my body. I'm not going to get, like, ridiculously large. Right, right, right, right. Okay. So, and how do you feel about living as a woman? Like, it's a lot of work being a woman over a man. Like, if I, I don't know, if I had the choice, I'd rather be a guy as far as day-to-day. It's more worth being as being a transgender woman. Right.

of course it is even more because I wear a wig and I have to take care of a wig It's hard enough being a regular woman I mean listen the wig is actually a good thing I wish I had a fucking wig like it is like Real hair is annoying you get a blow dry It frizzes up in the weather like you get a nice wig

Like you just slap that shit off Yeah but wearing a wig in the daylight today Yeah Right right I get it Yeah yeah yeah I hear you But um So yeah no I mean And I just think it is a lot of work being a woman over a man.

That's something to think about, right? True. But I don't mind that work. You don't mind it. Do you like it? At times, yeah, at times no. I mean, you know, in the summer it sucks because for everything that I would have to wear, I would have to wear to present as a woman is, you know.

Tights and like a hose. Right, right, right. Totally. It just makes you hot. Right. You know, I go out and it's like I'm melting. Yeah. It's great in the winter because I can go out in the zero-degree weather and I'm warm because everything I have on.

Yeah, you got a hat on. That wig is like a hat. Right. Well, how, I mean, can you grow your... What about your hair? Couldn't you grow your hair out to be like more feminine? I'm starting to grow it out and see what I can do with it. because there's other alternatives to wigs nowadays there's like you know extensions that you could just clip in for the day and then they're not just going over your whole head you know so i feel like that you know the wig thing doesn't have to be a definite

i don't know i'm looking into is this this stuff i'm starting to look in now since i decided you know to move forward yeah so you have decided to move forward yeah it's just i don't know what the path is yet I'm slowly figuring it out. And what are your choices? What are the choices? Like, what are the paths that are in front of you as far as option? Well, the biggest graph is do I get my boobs then and do I do that? Or do I do what I'm doing now, which is use silicone booths. Yep.

And stay as a guy and then you don't have to present as if you will, but you could do it when you want to. Right. It's a hard thing. Yeah. It's a hard thing. But one of the things also is I would. love and this is my exhibitionism coming out. Yeah.

I would love to take off my shirt and take off my bra and have my boister. Right. Mm-hmm. And like just have tits, real ones. Yeah. So, you know, and so that, you know, and part of that is my exhibition and part of that is they're supposed to be there. Right. Mm-hmm. Right.

That's what I mean about coming full circle because it was something that, like, you always felt like maybe you shouldn't have done. That was a part of you. Yeah. I mean, at the time, I didn't know, and we didn't know. I mean, I wish my parents were alive that I could ask them about it. Right. But I'm not upset.

Because the first thing everybody asks is, are you upset at your parents? I'm like, no, because they did what they thought was right. Right, of course. I mean, you wouldn't have wanted. You didn't know what. You know, we're talking about the early 80s. Who knew what?

Yeah, and you wouldn't have wanted that. And imagine changing in the dressing. would have ruined your you would have never had any friends people would have made fun of you like well i didn't change in lock rooms anyway so oh you didn't i was always afraid of that and also was always afraid of getting a hard on in a locker room oh because guys were around and you knew you were in which i didn't really realize like guys back then i would just get hard in a locker room and be like okay oh interesting it's way the wrong life you're like Well, yeah, duh.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that's crazy. I never even thought of that. That's probably a lot of, like, you were like at that point, you were gay kind of, right, or whatever you want to call it by, but you didn't really know because you were too young to really understand. But, like, why else would you be getting? Well, I knew I like girls.

I knew I like girls. I masturbated the girls. Yeah. But I also masturbated the guys. And it was like, but I then were two and two together. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Even in high school, I would look at guys and then be like, okay, but I never, it never clicked.

Right. Who have you fooled around with recently lately? Who, where are you getting your action from? Any action? Yeah. Mostly guys, because they're easy. Uh-huh, yeah. Okay, the last time I was with, so I was.

I had three guys at the same time. Oh, my God. Yeah, I forgot about you. You were very into sex. I mean, you did a lot of things. You were into threysms, foursums. Like, you've been with a lot of people. Oh, yeah.

So where do you find the three guys? I actually have a video store, actually. And you were all there, or did you meet one? And then he said, I have two friends, and then. Oh, no. It's a place that I go to every now and then. I don't go as much as I used to. and the three guys

go there a lot I've met them before Okay So And it wasn't It was kind of the same But one last And then I played around the other two

Now did you Pull around with them Like in the store Like is there like Those booths that you can go into? This one has like a They call the theater But really it's a room with TV's playing

And you have couches Right So you went in recently? How long ago? Probably two weeks ago because I've been busy. Right, so the guys were there, the guys that you've known in the past. And you've just

what happens? Like someone's, like, you just all go into the room? That night, I'm sitting in the room and talking to one guy and talking to another girl, another trans girl that I know. So we're sitting there talking and we'll blow up all that I've known for a while.

and, you know, she leaves, and he was talking about being with this couple, a couple weeks ago. And I was horny that night, so he's standing in front of me, and he's just soaking, so I just start rubbing his dick. All right. You know, I said something to the fact of, well, she's doing something like that. And he's like, yeah, and check it out, start sucking him. So you all kind of gave each other blow jobs? Yeah.

Well, I was sucking him. Then the other guy came in. So while I'm sucking him, I'm jerking him off. And then the third guy comes in, and the third guy likes sucking me. So I ended up laying back on the couch and went him going down on me. Wow. So that was a real for some. Yeah.

Right? I mean, so you're like sucking a guy off. jerking another guy off while another guy blows you. Right. Yeah. You were like in the prime position now. Yeah. Yeah, and then the one guy left.

The one guy I'm jerking off. Came and left. He came. He came and then left. And then so I played around with the other guy for a while, so he came on my tits. Uh-huh. and then the other guy

eventually came into his mouth. Now when was the last time with the woman? That's a while. A while ago? Yeah. That's cool. So what do you think you're going to wind up doing? Do you have any idea?

Are there any other updates besides? I mean, I would assume that it's, I mean, it's like a major update, the fact that you told everybody and came out of the closet and that you might be transitioning. Is there anything else new that you're doing or thinking of doing or done?

I'm done. I mean, what else could there be? Well, I mean, sexually I had a guy bend me over. I was a new thing. You mean you got fucked in the ass? He never really went in me. Uh-huh.

He just rubs his dick on me. Uh-huh. And you liked it? Yeah, that's because I had a dodo, I think. Right, right, right. There was no place to go. Well, I did that on purpose because sometimes when you're playing around with somebody, people are not so, you know, especially guys will just come up to you and think, oh, it's free open. It's like, no.

Right. You got a filled. You've got to take care of. You don't need them. Right. Uh-huh. But what about, so what do you think you're going to do, though, about the, you? transitioning thing. Your two paths

I'm assuming are either you do it and you get the tits and you become more so a woman, right? Or this way you stay a man and like you know do you think that it would change as far as like who you could meet?

Like I think it would right don't you think there would be a difference in who you could meet as a woman, transgender woman as opposed to a bi-gender guy right now? Yeah. Yeah. It would change. And do you have any preference? I know that you don't say

that you do and you're really super open but like say you could create the perfect scenario for yourself and like and you so you meet the perfect scenarios that you meet somebody that you really care about like who is that person to you see that person as

a transgender guy as transgender woman like what do you see for yourself? What would be your ideal? I know you're like you said you're open to anything. It would be if I could build a perfect person, it's right now probably still a cisgender woman.

A cisgender woman. That could be okay with your male and female side, right? Right. And now do you have, I'm assuming in that... As much as I like Dick, I love pussy, so...

Right, and you like both. But you would want to be with somebody that you could have an open relationship so you could go full around with guys. Yeah, I would want somebody that would, maybe she wants to join me, join with me. Right. Uh-huh. I mean, listen, I think that there's somebody for everybody, and the minute that you're really ready to be with somebody, and you, I think maybe you have to figure out the whole transitioning thing for yourself. Yeah, well, that's why I haven't really been pursuing anybody, because it's like, let me figure this out first.

Yeah, I think you need to do that, and then, and do whatever it is you have to do, either you're going to put to rest the breasts, or you're going to go. get them and I don't think you know like listen if you decide you said it normally for you it just you just wake up one day and you decide it like if you decide to go the breast thing that's not that big like once you make the decision it's just like you have to just make the surgery get the surgery right and uh you know and then after that you could open yourself up to meeting somebody for sure yeah so it's just like you got to figure it out so you could get to that too now I think you got to do everything in 2018. You got to the end of this year.

You're going to know by the end that you're going to figure it out by the end of this year. Yeah, I think I will. Don't you think? Are you leaning more like 50-50? Is it 50-50? Is it 60, 40? Is it 80-20? It depends on how I feel that day.

Right. So a change. That's hard. Yeah, or that's why I haven't done anything. Or who am I around? Yeah. Like if I'm around a bunch of trans women who have it done, did I want to do them? Yeah.

If I'm at a porno theater, yeah, I want to do them because I would love to take off my shirt and out sitting there. Yeah, you're horny, right. If it's a hot day like today and you think about all this shit you have to do as a woman, you're probably like I wouldn't want to. I don't still do it. It's funny. I just still go out because I'll just deal with it. Right. So that's not stopping. Or I'll go someplace there, cars.

Right. So something has to happen to make you really sort of be more definitive because you're really on the fence. Yeah. Right? I'm not on the fence, but the thing about it is that I was on the fence with everything. Now I'm just on the fence with that. Right.

And that's major because, like I said, the coming out was like huge. I mean, it must be like a big weight has lifted off of you. Do you feel like you're closer with people now in your life? Have you been able to be closer with your sister? Not totally. Because I'm still kind of, I'm still in that I'm used to having her the distance thing, which I got out of break. Yeah, but it's only been three months and it might just take time, you know? Yeah, because she wants to come to one of my support groups and stuff.

Oh, wow, that's nature. Yeah. everybody's support was like, yeah, you should bring her. I'm like, I just haven't gotten to doing it yet. Right. So you're still holding back a little, but you're used to keeping people at a distance probably. I mean, you've been doing it your whole life. So it probably is a little uncomfortable to let people get really close.

That's natural. But I think that that'll be a big step for you and you should let her come. And I think that that's really great that she wants to do that. Mm-hmm. You know? Because I think it's sad when you have both parents that died and you don't, you haven't had a significant other in your life you don't have kids like i just you know do you have any pets like someone everyone needs somebody to like love you know what i mean like i don't have i don't have sense because

when my work hours are so crazy i wouldn't do back to like who do you like love do you like love do you know what i mean like i had a friend like you i used to call her cunny and she's like never had any like i forced her to get a dog at some point and then eventually after that she got everything else but like she had nothing and i was like who do you fucking love like you have someone and like some people like they don't have any like kids but they have like a dog or a cat or something, right? Like, so you have, you need to bring that into your life. And I think, like, I think this is the time for you.

100%. If you weren't ready, you would have never did what you did. What you did took such balls. It was such a game changer in your life. It's like I said, it's such a pivotal time when you're like 80 and you look back. Like 44 was a big, the 2018 was a big shift and a big change for you, you know. And I think that that definitely showed. that you're ready for letting people in getting closer with people, you know,

and having somebody to love and whoever that starts off with, you know. Yeah. And putting down that barrier, there's no reason not to have people close to you anymore. Yeah, because even the whole sexual thing with me, it's kind of gotten like, okay, I'm done. Right, because that was always, all that kind of sex you were having was, it was very unintimate, right? Oh, no, it was me getting off. Right. Just you.

I didn't care what everybody else was. I didn't care if you got off or not. Right, there is no intimacy. Intimacy is something between two people. You know what I mean? It's something I really want. Right. And so I think that, and there's no way you're not going to get that now.

Like, things are like dominoes. I always say, like you do one thing and then a million things get changed after that, you know? So I think your dominoes are. set in motion, you know? It's just like, and things are happening for you and things are changing ever since you put out that post. Yeah, because I write an article now online.

Uh-huh. About my experiences being transgendered. Uh-huh, that's amazing. Do you want people to read it? Do you want to give a shout out to you where they could find it? I don't know. No?

No, because I don't want to. I don't want to, it's not my website that it's on. Okay. So I don't want to put that out there because it's somebody else's. Right. I hear you. Okay, okay. So you do a blog.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, I'm a writer on this website. Right, that's cool. I'm one of the writers on it. So, you know, I don't want to put it out there and they don't want it out there that way. You know? I hear you.

Okay. Yeah. So anyway, so you're a writer about it. it now too that's great yeah people in this community have issues about where stuff goes sometimes

I get it yeah because they're not always out or they're not always that or totally yeah yeah yeah listen it's not 50 years from now I mean it's not like even though I said people are much more open minded it's still you know not 100% you know it's just started

to get movement and stuff and people starting to accept it So I understand that. That's no big deal. So you like, you enjoy writing for it? I enjoy writing. And, you know, it's, um, lately I've been thinking, you know, I've been thinking like, my, I've changed, and I'm still holding on to my old life.

Yeah. Yeah. My old job, my old life. And it's actually, I've changed beyond that. And I've been so scared to let it go. and I'm getting the point where you need to let it go then I'm move forward whatever you're going to move to or whatever I'm going to go to

that's important but the thing is you're holding on to stuff from a life that you don't live in yeah I always say this and I think it's very true because I've changed a lot in my life and even though change it and even when change is very good there's always a death and it's the death of like the old way and even like I said even when it's a good thing and you're going into a good place.

Death is, the ending and the change has always been hard for me because the death part of it, right? The ending of whatever it is, even if it's not something, even if it's something you're so done with and stuff, it still is an ending and there's some things over and like it's hard to let go because there will be sadness, you know, but you have to do that to fully move into your new life. and I think that that will clear your mind up for figuring out what you want to do as far as transitioning. It'll open you up emotionally as to meeting that perfect person for you, you know, and all these things will come into your life that you, you know, you're ready for and deserve to have. Yeah.

I mean, you know, right now even, even, I mean, I'm going back to my. sexual life, but even that has changed where that was prerogative of my last hurrah. Right. You're not into that anymore. You want more, like I said, intimacy. You want to be with somebody that you actually like. Great. Yeah. I think that that's great, because you've never experienced that. Never, I never experienced that where I was all of me. Right. I've had relationships and I've, there's always been a part of me that's been cut off. Right. So that's not true

intimacy. This is going to be a real big thing for you, you know? So you just got to let go over the past, your old life. And you're right there. You're doing it. It's major. I think it's great.

I love this because now I've been doing my podcast for so long that it could be like two years almost since I've spoken to somebody, right? And there could be like drastic changes. You know, because like I always say it's not like the movies like things are just change overnight right like so it takes a while you know no one just did like I know

that you say like oh you just wake up one day and you make the change but what I think happens in situations like that is you were making it a long time right like and then one day it just you finally do it you know you pull the trigger but probably a lot of things were happening before that that led up to that time I was playing around

in my head for a month right of course and you were doing a lot of other things and you probably thinking about it, wanting it, like, whatever, but it's just like, and then it feels like it's one day, but it takes time to get to that place, you know? For sure. Yeah. But now, you know, I could see like a real major transformation in somebody that called up

into my show. I remember one thing really standing out to me about you was how closed off. I mean, and you would think the most thing that would stand out to me is like all these other things, right? But it was more so the fact. You were so cut off emotionally from people, you know, that to me I felt like was the, the saddest part of your story. Nothing else was sad, right? That was like a thing because, you know, they say what really affects happiness is your quantity and quality of your relationships.

Not the quality, the quality, the quality of your relationships. You know, so it's, you really need people and you need to be close to people in life. Like that's like the best part of life, like real relationships and real closeness with people and something. I think that because you had this whole other thing that you couldn't be honest with, you sacrifice having that in your life. So now you're going to and you'll see that there's a really big difference and it's much more fulfilling. You know? Yeah. I mean, I could trace back to the beginning of this process was our first podcast.

Right. Because before then, I really hadn't talked. I didn't talk to anybody. So it was my way of talking to someone. Right. But right. So, and that was like a really bold move at that time, right? For you.

Because at that time, I just started with a therapist. Yeah. And. And that helped you then to get on here and talk about it. and then fast forward. Being on here to help me open up to her. Oh, right, right, right.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, it's all major, but those are all things that you were ready for and then eventually, like a year and a half later, you're like letting everybody know

you're talking to your sister. I mean, I couldn't be happier for you. Like, and like I said, and now that I'm doing my podcast for so long, like I could see these kind of transformations, which I think are really wonderful because I didn't, I did want to call an advice show

and I did like to help people. It turned into, this crazy show with all this crazy sex stuff but I still think that I do help people because I can't tell you how many emails I get from people that don't even call into my show but also for the people that call into my show to say that like they really love the fact that there's a place where people could just like sort of be who they are not feel judgmental and let their stuff air and people feel really good about that say you know and it does help things and for you like set things in motion you know and I think that that's really great I like it because I do

feel like I'm helping people too as well. Sure. You help me. Yeah, and that helps other people because they hear you what's going on with you. And it's just, it's like really fantastic. This is like a great update. And what I want from you next, Sam, is your update at the end of the year because this is

your year. I believe that you'll have your, you'll have your transitioning figured out. It's a 50-50 toss-up. I couldn't even predict. Sometimes I like to make predictions, but I don't know what you're going to figure out at the end of the year. Whatever you figure out it's going to be 100% right for you. And I think you'll know before the end of the year.

And, you know, when I do my updates at the end of the year, which I always do, you're going to have to let me know where you're at. I will. I will definitely will. And then after that, it's going to come your partner. For sure. Bring your sister to a meeting. Just do it.

Yeah, no, I have to do it. Yeah. You think it'll be uncomfortable? I'm a little nervous because she's never a bet. that way. She's over that. Me too. Yeah, but I'm telling you,

she said she was like disappointed. She's going to love it. She's a girl. See you as a girl and your makeup. She's going to be critiquing you. Like, the uncomfortable thing that you think about is going to be gone in two seconds

after she actually gets there and just starts talking. You'll see. It'll be fine. You have to pull, you have to pull, you have to just do it. Do what's uncomfortable. That's how you create real change

in your life. And everything that you have done has been that way, right? Like, I'm sure it's uncomfortable to do things. But, like, that's the way that you make shit move in your life. So even though it's a little uncomfortable and scary and what weird with your sister, just do it. It's really scary. Yeah. It's really scary.

And, you know, it's scary because all my life, I've structured my life very, like, everything was structured. Everything was in this place. everything, this compartment was this, this compartment was that. Yeah, you were in control. It all melted away. And honestly, it melted away when I went to the Pride Parade. When you what? Went to the Pride Parade in New York City.

Okay. That's cool. So things just clicked in my mind and all these, all the structures I put in my mind to protect me, just run away. Right. Well, that's a good thing. Yeah, it is. liberating things I don't feel as

fucked down as I used to Yeah Because you're not controlling everything That's how you're supposed to You're not supposed to be Uber in control of everything That's all comes out of fear You know what I mean

And of course you had to do that Because you had a huge thing You were holding Like you had a huge thing You were hiding from people So it took every Yeah it took every bit of you To at all times

to be defensive to like, you know, that truth coming out. So you have to keep things like that to keep things going. But now you don't have any of that. You're learning true strength. And now you're stronger than you've ever been because you're not having to do any of that stuff. So this is the real strength. So yeah, it's going to take some balls and it is really scary to meet with your sister and have her come. But at the end of that night, when you're home and you shut your door and it's over,

you're going to be like, wow, I'm so glad I did that. and that was huge and it wasn't that bad and listen it might not be a hundred percent great but it'll be you'll be really happy you did it well i'm not worried like i'm not worried about the group because the group would be like i think they would all be like yes you know welcome her because because i think they're all saying to me why haven't you done it yet and you don't have to worry about her she wants to go i think that that's so super cool of her That's so nice of her, seriously, and the fact that she was disappointed that you didn't come, you got to let her in. You know, she's a woman who doesn't have, like, she's got kids, but, you know, she doesn't have a mother or father either. Like, you're her only family.

I think that, you know, it's, she would probably, she's probably craving being closer with you, too. Yeah, I guess she's trying. Yeah, she's trying. She's really ready. she's it's really all it's your it's you're the ball's in your court she's going to be fine it's you that has the issue yeah totally

there's not there's not right but there's no reason for you to have an issue right now you're so you're have a great support group your sister knows she wants to go you're only I promise you you're only going to be happy at the end of that day when you close the door in your home you're going to be like you're going to be glad you did it it would be going to be exactly exhausting. You're going to be very tired because it's going to take a lot out of you.

But it's all going to be good. 100%. You just got to get over that initial thing that you're afraid of is like the first five seconds of seeing her. Everything else after that's going to be easy. So all you have to do is set the date, do the time, pick her up and everything's going to be good. And let me know what happens with that. Please. You have to keep me posted. Okay. Do that by the end of September and then let me know. And then we talk in December with to figure out what's going on with you. Okay. Okay.

Keep me posted, Sam. Good luck. Thanks for the update. It was really wonderful. So I'm really happy for you. It's major. I've been trying, I've been thinking about updating you for a while, and I was like, every time I would say, I had to email you, then something else happened.

Yeah, major. No, this is the perfect time, because then we have a couple months before we get to see what else happens by the end of this year. So this was good. Thanks so much for calling in. No problem. Thank you for having me. No problem.

Keep me posted and good luck. I will. All right, bye. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook,

but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th. but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story.

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like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short. Chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there.

Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord.

It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.