Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 253 - Olivia Can't Stop Sleeping with her Narcissist Ex Boyfriend

Episode Date: October 15, 2018

Olivia can't stop sleeping with her ex narcissist boyfriend even though she's dating a really nice, new, great guy. Why can't she stop sleeping with him? How can she stop sleeping with him? Tune in to find out. Plus, hear her explain how he got her into threesomes, bdsm and pegging, how he told her about his pantyhose fetish and what they did about it, how she caught him sleeping with his ex as well as caught him hooking up with trannys, how he abused her both physically and mentally, and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Strictly Anonymous. Hey, welcome to Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Twitter, follow the show at Cartoon Therapy or me. I know that's me or follow show at Strict Anonymous. Right? Strict Anonymous, yeah. If you haven't subscribed to my show, subscribe.

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Now, Olivia is similar to me. She has, she was in a very toxic, relationship with a narcissist for a while. And a lot of shit went down on that relationship. She's out of the relationship and she's with somebody else. But the problem is she's still sleeping with that guy because the SEX is very good with him. And she can't cut that cord. And I totally understand that good sex with a dysfunctional person could be like the strongest pull, right? And anybody that's been in that kind of situation knows what the fuck I'm talking about. And that's what we discussed. She doesn't want to ruin the relationship, her new relationship with the good guy. but she doesn't know how to kick this last part of the narcissist.

So what we discussed on this podcast, how she could kick that habit, what went down in their relationship. He got her and got her to do all kinds of things sexually. We talk about that. Why that happened, what she caught him doing behind her back. There was a lot of stuff and all the kinds of abuse that came with dating a narcissist. So that's the deal. That's what we discuss.

I think I give her some tips. I mean, their tips are pretty fucking obvious, right? But I do try to help her. But she talks about her story, and I think it's really great because I think it's a common story, whether you're a girl dating a narcissist or trying to get over a narcissist or a guy that's been with a narcissist

and trying to get over a narcissist, but still sleeping with him. Anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Olivia. Do you have a story, lifestyle, or situation you can't talk about to anyone? to anyone? Or do you just want to let your freak flag fly and be on the show?

Well, Strictly Anonymous wants to hear from you. Send us an email, Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com, with your story and your anonymous name. And remember, everything is strictly anonymous. Strictly Anonymous. Hey, Olivia, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you doing today? I'm good, thanks.

How are you? I'm good So you have like a problem that I've had in my past Except you're you've done a like It's a little bit of different story But just because of all the like S-E-X stuff that you did with the ex-boyfriend But you have like an X right

That you dated that was a narcissist Right and I feel like a lot of girls A complete narcissist A complete narcissist I feel like a lot of girls date narcissus Because maybe there's like a lot of guy nurses out there I don't know what it is because I think there's female narcissist, right?

And you guys had like amazing sex and your relationship. Unbelievable. Right, unbelievable. You guys got into a lot of things. Like you basically said like there was like nothing you guys didn't try. Threesomes, BDSM. Like we'll get into all the specifics, right? But you guys really like let your freak flag fly with each other.

Right. And that's what kept you together because and typical in a narcissistic relationship, it always starts out good and then quickly goes bad. right, but the sex kept you guys together. Yeah. And you're still having sex with him, but you've met somebody else. Yeah. And the sex with that guy isn't so great, because maybe he's not a narcissist.

Well, and here's the part that I feel really bad about is because he's amazing and he's everything that everybody could want and he's open to what I'm into sexually. I just can't, when we're having sex, I kind of disconnect and I go to thinking about my ex and not really enjoying myself in the moment with him. Right. But do you like, you know, I don't know. If I was like a therapist, I would be like, go to that time and that always like you say, like while you're having sex with him.

Like what is it that happens that makes you sort of check out? Like is it because you're getting a little bit bored? Like, I mean, could you like try to maybe next time you're. fooling around with him, like try, I mean, we're going to get in the back story about everything, right? But like, just really quick, like when you're actually having sexism the next time, instead of allowing yourself to go off and think of, you know, the other guy, I think you should try to really sort of realize what it is that's making you sort of think about him, right? And try to keep yourself and make yourself not do it and just bring yourself back to the

present thing. Even if it's less satisfied. buying, you know, and I feel like the more you do that, because maybe it's like a bad habit, too. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I think part of me, like deep down, and I guess I don't want to admit it to myself, but this sex is like the last thing connecting me to my ex. And it's that trauma bond that I'm not necessarily ready to like give up yet. Oh, really?

As thick and twisted as that sounds. Well, wait a second. Hold on a second. I have to. My air-knishing on love. But wait a second. How, so you're still into him? We have to get into that story first.

Let's discuss because the good guy will get to him later. But like, what's the deal with the narcissist? So you met him and you guys dated. And in the beginning, he was like really great. And like, how did he turn, how did it turn toxic? And what was like the problems that you had with him that made you guys break up? We were together for about seven months. In the first seven months, it was amazing.

And then we decided that I would move in with him. Because the first seven months, I lived an hour away. So the only time we spent with each other was on the weekends. So it was perfect. Like every time I left, he was like, oh, I miss you already before I even left. So it was kind of like that very tale. Like we couldn't get enough of each other. That's why.

Because I was going to say seven months is a long time for it to stay good before it goes south. But it's only because you guys lived in, it was long distance. So it wasn't really. reality. If it was reality, it would have went bad, like, you know, a month into it. Oh, yeah. But within days of me moving in, I could do nothing right. Yeah. I could do nothing right. And it was. You were too close to comfort at that point. He probably was like, you know, commitment bobeg. It was probably really worked being long distance for the both of you on some level, right? And then you get there and you guys are both like, all of a sudden both of your guys' fucking issues were like being pressed like crazy probably.

Exactly. And he had a drinking problem to begin with. And so when he started, and I have to say, I have had an eating disorder since I was 12. So I'm not saying I don't have any issues, but he picked on that. And my eating disorder was because of control. And so it became that I could no longer control. what was happening. I had given up my life and moved in with him, and now things were going south.

But what are you saying? That's what he was saying to you, or that's how you were feeling? I don't understand. He would use my eating disorder to, like, attack me. Right. And whenever something I did wasn't right, he would go, oh, well, you're crazy. He would use that against me. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Right. He was saying, Leavony disorder, which means you can. can't handle not being in control. And now that you live with me and you're not in control, you're freaking out and you're causing all these problems. Yeah. And just because you're eating disorder off, you're automatically that shit crazy. That was his go-to, like, for anything.

Right. And he was normal. Yeah, of course. Right. Well, yeah, he had to pick somebody that he could say that to so that he would feel like more normal. But like you say, he had his own fucking issues, right? He was an alcoholic.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so because I couldn't control the situation I was in, I started drinking more. And whenever I tried to talk to him, it became this huge issue where he would yell and scream and then he wouldn't talk to me for days on it. We were living in the same house, but he wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't even acknowledge my presence for days. Now let me ask you this, because you moved far away to be with him, right?

Right? So did you have like any friends or anything? Or like were you like really isolated? So when he wouldn't talk to you like you were like just totally by yourself? Or did you know people there and stuff? No, I was totally isolated at that point. Yeah, that's fucked up. That must have made you crazy. I mean, depressed. Oh, the two and a half years we were together that I belonged in a insane asylum. Right. Because I just didn't know what was real and what wasn't. right it was a total mind fuck and because you stayed and like you know and it just only gets worse but the the it was like the perfect storm though because like that isolation and being so far away from like your life and your home base and like things that you know it's like you were the perfect victim to be to fall into that narcissistic trap you know and so the only part of our relationship that I felt like I could control is satisfying him and his desires

sexually. Well, let me ask you this, because like you said, you did a lot of stuff and we'll get into that. Were you just, did you just do that stuff because he liked it or did you wind up enjoying it too? I wound up enjoying it myself. But it started out to be something that you did because you wanted to make him happy and you felt like that was something that you could do that would make him happy?

exactly That's kind of sad Yeah I mean it's good that you turned out To actually enjoy yourself Yeah it was the only time He ever really seemed to give me praise Of any kind

To make our relationship Seem like it was worth something You kind of cling to those little moments Of normalcy or praise that you get And so the praise came from like How you perform sexually with it? him. Yeah, or that he was excited that I wanted to try something that he wanted to try. And so what did you guys start off trying? Like, how did it start off? And about three months into

our relationship, he had mentioned to me that he enjoyed wearing women's stockings. Oh, my God. It's like all guys are, so many guys are into that. I just taped another guy yesterday. No. I freaked out because I'm like, oh my gosh, what does this mean? And I started doing some research on it. And I'm like, well, this is more normal than I thought. Right. And so whenever I would dress up, he would put on stockings too. And I don't know if I was ever totally comfortable with that, but I got past it. Yeah. And then probably nine or ten months into our relationship when I had already moved in, he was acting really strange, like hiding his phone. He seemed to be bringing up his ex a lot, like trying to cause stuff with this woman I had never met. And so, like seemingly making me very insecure and him wanting to make me jealous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it keeps you in the weaker position and it helps him control you.

I think that that's, I don't listen, I don't know, I don't really think that people that are fucked up like that, either him or you are doing a lot of the things that you do consciously. Like, seriously, I don't really believe, like he's saying, oh, I'm going to make her feel insecure so that I could control her more and then, you know, but I think that that happens on a subconscious level for sure. Oh, definitely. And so one day I went through his phone and I saw that he was talking to his ex-girlfriend, had not told her that we were even dating, much less I was living with him. So, and of course knowing it was going to start a bite, I kept my mouth shut. And a few, about a month later, I went back into his phone and I saw that he had a Tumblr page because I saw the Tumblr page. because I saw the Tumblr app

and I opened it and his page popped up and it was all about transsexuals. So again, I went back to the stocking thing and I'm like, okay, well that was normal but I really don't know if this is normal. Right. And it's out of fear of not wanting

to make things worse. Again, I kept my mouth shut. like meanwhile like beating myself up in my head because I was taking it personally I'm like what am I not doing yeah and also didn't you get so and also were you just like I mean because like first of all the first thing you found is like talking to his ex-girlfriend like didn't that make you mental like and distrustful of him or did were you oh yeah of course and when he found me checking his phone he was like well you're psycho you're crazy you're insecure for looking at my phone meanwhile he was the one making like bringing it up in the first place to make me want to check his phone like I had no no desire to look at it before he started making comments right exactly and so I'm like in my head I'm like am I really going that crazy like am I seriously I've never been a jealous person but now I feel like I'm losing my mind because every time he's telling me that I'm the crazy one

I'm not the one talking to my ex or transsexuals on Tumblr and trying to meet up with them. Right, right, right. So wait, but you are crazy in some sense because you're like looking through his phone, you're freaking out. Like, I mean, it's like both of you wind up being crazy in this situation. Like, I feel like the relationship as a whole,

like made me go bad shit crazy. Right. But some people would say, and we'll get into it, is like, why did you stay? You know what I mean? What is it about that kind of scenario of that? And I've been in that position and I've stayed and so I totally understand it, you know? And at the end of the day, you can't be like, oh, I'm just a victim, right?

On some level you have to eventually, and after we hear the story, we'll talk about you, right? And be like, what is it about you that keeps you sort of addicted to that kind of situation, you know, and that kind of a relationship that makes you feel like that, you know? because nobody was holding you there, right? Like you could leave it anytime. No. Yeah. So, but let's still talk about him.

So the transsexual thing, do you ever say anything to him about it? Well, eventually after one night we were both drinking, it just came out in a very angry way. And his first reaction was like, get out of my house. that I had moved into, left my life behind. He's like, get out of my house. I'm done. Get out. Right.

So I went back down to my family's house, stayed there for a weekend, and came back because I had to go to work. He wouldn't talk to me. And when he did, he would yell. And, you know, he seemed very dead behind the eyes is the only way I could explain it. He was yelling and screaming at me, watching me have a meltdown, trying to, like, understand what is going on.

And he's just spewing venom with no emotion whatsoever on his face. And a few days later, he would come back, oh, I'm sorry, you know, I love you. But it would never address the issues. It was just, you know, I'm sorry, you know, I love you. I want to make this work. You mean everything to me. And then it would, you know, you'd fall back into it.

You'd fall back to being somewhat normal. Yeah. Somewhat normal. And so meanwhile, we did have an amazing sexual relationship. But when did you start, like, doing the three, like, when did all the stuff that you were looking? Like, because I was thinking where you were going to go with, like, oh, I saw the girlfriend and the child, like that, the ex-girlfriend that, like, the ex-girlfriend that, like, you guys had to. a threesome with her. Like, when did you start doing all that BDSM and the threesome's with him to make him? We started relatively early in our relationship. We would, you know, they were just like, we'd have

friends over and one thing would lead to another. And that was basically after the whole stonking thing, that's where we went next. And over time, it just got a little bit more and more. And then we started with like BDSM. And I think it was after the. transsexual thing on Tumblr is when we kind of got into more anal play and eventually pegging. Right. And so he was able to sort of admit that that's what he was into. And then you were like, oh, I'll totally do that for you because you're doing these

things to keep him happy. Yeah. So what the three sons apart of that or did you just like the threesome? Like, well, I don't like did those come up? No, I did enjoy the threesome. Right. It was just, you know, a random thing. We had people over and it just happened and it was fun.

Right. Okay. And then what about the BDS? Yeah. Right. Mm-hmm. So maybe the sex part wasn't like, because I don't know, you made it seem like you only did this stuff to make him happy.

And are you talking about the sex stuff or just like being just keeping your mouth shut about certain things? Because the actual things you did with him. Like some of this stuff. You know, I never would have gone into the anal play if it wasn't for trying to keep him happy. Some of it was originally started to try and keep him happy or figure out why he wasn't, I wasn't just enough for him. But then as time went on, I did seem to enjoy it a little bit more.

And we did open up. The only time we opened up to each other was sexually. Right. That's where you were the most comfortable. maybe you guys were the most compatible. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I think that that's common. A lot of times, people that you have the most, that push your most dysfunctional buttons, you have like the best sex with. It's just some unfortunate, like fucking weird, ironic thing that I don't know what I mean?

And then you meet the really nice person that's probably like really right for you and the sex just isn't the same. It's not like that. Yeah, and that's the dilemma I'm in now. And it's, I don't. Isn't that terrible? Like, what the fuck?

I need. Oh, it is. I'm like. I've been waiting for this guy my entire 31 years and I finally found him and I'm like having sex with him and I can only think of my ex. Right. Physically and emotionally abused me for almost three years. Right. Because that somehow is like a story that you're more comfortable with and something that, you know, that is more like sort of sad, like captivating to you.

Like I had the same thing. I've only had one good boyfriend. And we had the worst sex. It wasn't the worst, but it just wasn't great. And like, I have to say that it wasn't like, even though he was the most compatible with me, it was like the shortest relationship. Whereas the longest relationship I had was with the guy that I was not compatible with at all, but we had amazing sex.

And I think sex is something that could be very powerful and then could keep people really connected, whereas it's a lot easier to walk away from somebody where the sex isn't good. Not easier. It's still devastating, but it's just like, it's just a different thing with a pull, the sexual pull of dysfunction is very strong. Oh, it's enormously strong. Yeah, because you're still banging him and listen to the shit that you're saying about him. Like you were like, like, you know, like you totally was like the total. First of all, I don't think narcissists. I'm not really that afraid of narcissists. I think narcissists are just like big babies. Like, if you look at everything they do and you pretend that they're like five years old and it's coming from like a five

year old mentality, you won't see them as so powerful because they're not really powerful. If anything, they're just weaklings. They're very weak. That's where it's coming from. And they're babies. They're big, massive fucking babies. And that's what they are. So they're not to be feared.

And but I think that when, I mean, I know that I was raised by a narcissist. So when I get under a narcissistic spell, I could go into like, I will forget all the things that I'm saying to you now. And they become all powerful. and I become like fucking whipped and feel like powerless and all that stuff. And that probably goes back to my thing. Like do you feel like that's a part of your history? Like do you have any narcissist that raised you in your life that you could that you know of?

Like was your dad one? No, my mom definitely wasn't. My dad was an alcoholic. So maybe part of the pull to that boyfriend was, you know, the alcohol. Having dealt with my dad. Mm-hmm. But even when I was getting physically and emotionally abused, my mom would be like, why are you sick?

Like, you need to get out. Who are you getting physically? Oh, from the guy, the guy physically abused you too? Yeah, when we would get into arguments at times and I would try and, you know, refuse to leave because that was my house, he would get aggressive. Right, physically. Like, how hardcore would that get? I had broken ribs at one point And that was about the worst it got

Yeah that's bad Yeah That's bad that you Stayed with like that's scary that you stayed with a guy like that It's great that you're like with a guy that's safe and kind Because I think things like physical stuff like that could really escalate and become like way worse Thank God you got out of that relationship Yeah

You know But you Are you in therapy with you? talking to anyone about this shit? I am. And finally, once we, in May of this year, I moved out

and felt like I was completely that shit crazy. Didn't want to go to work. I couldn't get out of bed most days. Some days I would stay up for three or four days because I was just, I felt like I was going crazy.

I had just gotten out of this huge, mess and I didn't know what was coming, what was going, what was real and what wasn't. So I went to the doctor and kind of had a complete meltdown. That could have like a psychotic break. PTSD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

She was like, I think you have PTSD. Right. And I was, and then she started explaining to me about the narcissism. And then with that comes the trauma bonding and the eventual like PTSD after the fact. Right. Because I had never heard of, I mean, I had heard of PTSD in terms of people who are in the military, but I never would have assumed you could have PTSD from a relationship. Yeah, totally.

Let me ask you this. Before this guy, what were your other relationships like? I've had, most of them were at least two years. And I would always leave before I got left. I don't know if that was part of my control issues, but I just kind of always. ended it and left kind of unemotionally. Uh-huh.

Like without even any feeling? For no reason? I did have feelings. And it would just be, I guess because I was scared maybe of what could happen. Like when it would maybe like was at a point where it would be like real intimacy would be starting like maybe that's when you bail.

Like maybe it's like a fear of yours to be like really, you know, close with somebody. Mm-hmm. And I think it goes back to my fear of, like, being left. Because I... Right. Well, that's why you would check out when you're having sex with this. The good guy now.

I would leave before, yeah. No, because you're so afraid. Because this guy is actually good. And when you're having sex with him, there's nothing more intimate than that, you know? And I think it must be really fucking scary to stay and be present for that. Because that's like the ultimate. That's what you probably have like, that's probably what your biggest fear is. That's why you leave all these guys.

That's why you can have great sex with a guy that you would never be close with because he's a fucking narcissist. You know what I mean? Like that guy, you're not going to have that kind of closest intimacy. Only you were just sexually, you could be that way. But a relationship is on every other level. This new guy, you have all those other things checked off the box. So the last thing you're missing is sex.

And that's where the intimacy, you know, and that's why I think you're, go to the other guy and you escape because you're afraid to get close. I don't, I don't think it has anything to do with the other one. I mean, you know what I'm saying? I don't think it has anything to do with you still liking that one. I don't think you probably ever liked him. You were addicted to him in an unhealthy way. But that's not real feelings. I'm sure there were some things about him you liked. But this new guy you really like, and that's the problem. But I do think that you could work on it. think you better like first of all like what the fuck are you doing cheating massively on the guy that you really like we just basically became serious and we haven't really had a discussion on if

we're exclusive or not I mean maybe that's an excuse I'm using well how long you've been dating this new guy like seriously for three weeks three weeks oh okay oh okay so we don't even know if he's great We don't even know if he's great. We don't even know. You do? Well, he is. I've known him for years. Oh, okay, okay.

We've always been good friends. Okay. And he was kind of there for me when I needed somebody and it became a little bit more romantic. So. Oh, okay. So he knows everything about the other guy. Does he know that you were still seeing the other guy? No.

Okay. And so have you been sleeping with the new? You're sleeping with the new guy, right? Because you check out. when you're sleeping with him. So you've been sleeping with him, right? But you're also sleeping with the X. Because you could get busted.

Like you could lose this guy if he finds out. Oh, yeah. I mean, right? Like, you were like in a situation. That's what scares me because I don't want, I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to, and I feel like it's still the addiction to the other one.

Yeah. It's not, you didn't, normally, like I really think that it, this, I thought this relationship was longer. The good news is that it's not that long yet. And what can happen is that you spend more time with, like, remember I told you I had a nice guy, the only nice guy in my whole life that I ever dated? When I met him, I was working with two guys.

One was this, one was the, they were both bartenders. One was a sleaze bag, narcissist, hot guy. And one was, the other one was gorgeous too, but he was really nice guy. And he really liked me in it, but I liked the other guy, the narcissist guy. And me and that guy were fooling, around and I was so into him, but he would like tell me straight to my face, like I would never

date you. Like I'm in love with my ex-or. Like, whatever. It was like a non, it was never going to happen with him. And the other guy really liked me. And I didn't want, but I started to kind of like the other guy. I was like you. I knew that this guy was like a really good guy.

And I started to see him. And I told him straight out one day. And I was still seeing the other guy. And I told the new guy, the nice guy. Like, listen, like, I'm a really bad decision maker. That other guy, I just saw him right before I saw you. and I really like him, but I like you and I know I'm going to fuck this up.

And he was like, don't worry. Like, you're going to be with me and that's just the way that it is. But maybe your guy's not going to do that. But my whole point is that there was a time in the beginning because we all worked together that I still liked the other guy more than the nice guy. Do you understand? But over time, and I never thought I would ever be able to give that up. But over time of dating the nice guy, I completely, there was a time.

where I completely forgot about that other guy and I got really into the nice guy. Do you understand? Like it went away, but it took some time. You're only three weeks into being in a relationship with this guy. So you have to give it more time

to let go of the other guy. A, I would totally, you have to stop having sex with him. You just have to stop. Yeah, I know. Why don't you have, why don't you, let me ask you this. Are you a monogamous person normally

in your relationships or no? 100% Okay, so this is what you should do Like you have to fuck with yourself Know thyself, that's my favorite saying, right? You know how you are, you know you're monogamous And you know that you're giving yourself an out with this guy Because you guys haven't really had the conversation

So force that conversation Because then you know if that conversation happens And you guys get in a serious relationship You're the type of girl that doesn't cheat Then you can't cheat, right? So you have to do that to yourself You lock yourself down, do you know what I mean? Like get-

Because then I would be doing what I would get mad at my ex for doing. Right. And that's not who you are. Normally you don't cheat, right? And most likely you wouldn't. Who knows? Maybe you're going to call me in three weeks and be like, oh, my God, we have the

conversation. I'm still fucking the other guy. Then it's a whole, we have other issues here. Okay. Yeah. You don't, I don't know. But if you're typically monogamous and you've had all these other relationships and like, you know, with this guy, I think if you just have that and make it serious and

get involved in that and stay there, you, you'll stop sleeping with that. Because you have to stop sleeping with that other guy to let it go because that little hanging on is the reason why you're still going there. It's not like you haven't fucked him in two years and you're still pining over him. That would be weird. You're still sleeping with him. So it's like, duh.

It's not like it's not how do you, it's not like scratch your head. Like what the fuck? Why am I still thinking about him? It's so obvious because you're still sleeping with him and you have really good sex with him. You have to stop. my therapist is like the only way you're ever going to get over him is if you go no contact. It's it's really true. But you can listen, I had a narcissist that I was with that I couldn't do no contact with him

and I stayed in contact with him. But the more I saw other people and got involved in other things and just did like and had no sexual contact. Do you understand? I was able to just totally cut that cord. You know, it's very hard to do. But you do have to do. no, you have to not do any physical contact with him.

I think the good news is because you met this new guy. You're lucky. This could be your out. It'll be easier to. Yeah, because let me just tell you, if things go south with this guy because he finds out of the other guy, then you're going to have no guys. And you know, it's hard to meet people that you really like, right? And then you're never going to get over it.

And I know how that feels to be stuck on somebody. It's like, don't you feel like you're fucking trapped in prison? Like, it's the worst feeling to not be able to let go of it. it. You know that person is so wrong for you. But you can't. You can't explain why you can't let them go. Yeah. And it doesn't it. It's literally to me, because I've been in that position and then I get out and it's always like when it's over, I feel like I just got out of jail. Do you know what I mean? Like that feeling and that freedom of being fully you and back to yourself and feeling sane again, you know, because there's, you're always going to feel a little crazy. Like there's crazy. Like you probably

feel like you're crazy because you can't let go of him. But you know, you're, you have to stop having sex with him. Yeah. Like seriously, it's not going to, it's not going to, you're not going to be able to get over him while you're sleeping with him. The good news is if you totally let go of him, stop sleeping with him. Okay. Get involved with this guy. Say it doesn't play out a year and a half from now. You'll be able to go bang that narcissist for a night and be fine. But you, In order, you have to detangle yourself from this whole previous mess with it. I have no emotional attachment. Yes, you have to be totally done with it.

Do you know what I mean? And then you could go back and bang them a year for it. But you have to get over it. You're not over the emotional. You're not over it yet because you never fully let go. No. I mean, even after I moved out, we were still talking and having sex. And he was like, well, maybe we can make this work.

Yeah, well, listen. As much as much as you don't want to let. go, he doesn't want to let go. I mean, he's, he's got his own things. Why is he not letting go? They don't, he doesn't want to give up the sex. He didn't give up his ex-girlfriend when he was with you. They never want to let go of anybody. I know this kind of guy. I've been with them a million times. They don't let go of anyone. He's probably got like five X's that he fucks, okay? Like, it's just the way that it goes because they have a massive fear of abandonment too. And you do as well. That's why you leave people before they leave you, you know, and all that stuff. You don't want to leave

that guy because it's like a death. It's like an ending. There's an abandonment thing. It'll leave you sort of empty and that feeling fucking scares you. But the best time to do it is you have an out. You have someone else that you actually really like. I had that situation only once and I will promise you that if you get, if you fall into the other guy and let him sort of, if you just get involved in that relationship, the more you get involved in it, you will forget about that other guy. you really will. I stopped fooling around with the guy because I was monogamous.

And I started and like I said, this guy and me did not have good sex. I had much better sex with the other guy. And then when it didn't wind up, good with that guy. The funny thing is, is I went back to the other jukeback guy and I fucked him for years

as like a booty call guy. And we're still friends. So, but, you know, I was over the sort of thinking we're going to be together thing, you know. And it was only because I stopped being with him for a long period of time and got fully involved with somebody else.

That's what you have to do. It's just a habit at this point. And because you're still having sex with him, it's like good sex. That pull is hardcore. Yeah. But you have to stay in therapy because you have stuff and issues that have nothing to do with him. I don't believe.

And I don't know what your therapist believes. But I don't, because you have an eating disorder too. That comes from somewhere. That's a hardcore thing as well. Like I think that comes from something. I don't think people have that for no reason. I don't, you know, I'm not a therapist. Your therapist could figure out where that stems from or whatever.

Oh, I've been told over the years that people think I have borderline personality disorder because I also have like OCD tendency, my fear of abandonment. Right, but that all has to come right. But you weren't born that way, okay? Like you weren't. Yeah. That's not like a fucking, it's not Jeanette. Like that's something that's put on you, like for real.

Like stuff. I believe that 100,000 percent like shit that happened to when you were younger that maybe you don't even remember that created all this fucking shit, right? So it's like you like attracts like. Like we could sit here and say how crazy the narcissist is, but you have your own sort of crazy going on, right? Oh, 100%. Yeah.

I have had that exact kind of crazy. I know the stuff that happened to me when I was younger. you know, and it's hard to sort of work through it, but you can. And it takes a lot of like being in therapy and stuff like that and not like constant therapy. Like I wasn't been in therapy all my life every single day. You know, there's times where I've gone in hardcore, times where I've gone out for a couple of years ago. You know, you just got to keep working on yourself though, because you have to, as much as we could sit here and look at him, you have to, and you could look at him and you have to look at yourself. and it's good that you are in therapy

and with a good therapist and you should keep up with that, you know? Because, you know, he has his own shit, but you have your stuff too. All that abandonment issue, all that stuff is just gonna fuck with your relationships until you sort of figure it out. You know, but...

Yeah, deal with it head on. Yeah, it doesn't mean, though, that this nice guy can't wind up to be like the right guy for you. But you just don't want to fuck it up. You know, I've seen girls like you that, you know, are totally messed up and totally with the wrong guy. And then like the nice guy comes in and soops them up and they're like married with kids with those guys. And everything worked out.

They just needed that really nice person in their life to really like help them heal. You know what I mean? So I guess that's why I emailed you because I could see like a future with this guy, this new guy. And right. The part of me with my ex is like scared of that because it would mean giving up what I guess I still addicted to. Yeah, it's hard. I mean, listen, and you know, giving up an addiction, like I've given up a lot of addictions. Some bring up the other things.

Some aren't like, I mean, quitting smoking is like you just have to stop smoking and then you fucking get over the addiction. And, you know, with this guy, you're. addicted to him now because like it's very good that you got out of the initial relationship like that's an even harder thing to do you know now it's like that last thread you know and that you have to break the hardest thing was what you did before which was leave that relationship totally because yeah that I mean I definitely tried multiple times and ended up going back but that's normal yeah I did finally get out and like you have to like it's scary for you like hopefully it works out with this nice guy, but if it doesn't and you go back out there and you meet another

fucking abusive guy, if you're the type of girl that a guy fucking breaks your ribs and you don't, you're not like, fuck off. I'm out of here. I'll never talk to you again. That's a dangerous thing for you. Do you know what I mean? Because a lot of times physical abusers, that kind of shit escalates. And I watch a lot of date line, you know, and like women are being off to left and right by men, you know, that were like abusing them, way. And, you know, that were like, abusing them way before they fucking shot them in the head, you know? Like stuff like that really happens, right? So, you know, you have to be like, like, it's like you're the type of person that could wind up in a relationship with a guy that's

physically abusing her. And then you go so crazy that you don't, you can't get yourself out of that. And that's not, that's not good for you. You have to work on that so that you will never in that position to ever put up with that again. Do you know what I mean? Because you got out okay. But broken ribs is, to me, that's hardcore. That's not slightly abusive. That's like really abusive. And it would always be my fault because I brought up something that he didn't want to talk about. Well, of course.

It's not going to, he's not going to be like, oh, you didn't do anything. I just felt like it. I mean, come on. It's just like you're, you know, it's his own fucking issues. If he was on the phone, you know, we'd be talking about his stuff, you know. That's his stuff. But like, what about you that? that would happen and you would stay.

That's a whole other sort of dysfunction that could be very dangerous. Like, listen, an eating disorder is very dangerous, right? I don't know if you're bulimic or anorexic, but I think a lot of times people go back and forth, right? And that could be a very dangerous thing for yourself as well. But also, you know, sort of being attracted to or staying involved in a relationship where someone's physically abusive is dangerous too. you have to like really fucking just like the nice guy.

Yeah. And I do. And I don't want to. Like you said, like when you said, like I literally been waiting for this guy for 31 years. Like that's when I really could tell. Like this is like really who you want to be with.

And you really like him. I mean, you know him for a long time. You know he's a good guy. Like I said, I really think you should really like lock it in and have a serious conversation with him. you know so that and then just delete the X's number and does he know existed constantly

you got to do what you got to do to break it but like does he know that you have a new guy like does he talk to about stuff like that or is like when you guys have sex like do you guys still do like crazy sex with each other are you still pegging him yeah uh yeah we still have pretty i mean i haven't been pegging him but we've been doing like some stuff a lot more recently. You've been what? He's just doing a lot of like Dom's sub stuff. And who's the Dom and who's the sub? He's obviously the Dom. I was going to see if it switched in the bedroom. I don't know. You know? And yeah. Okay. And now when, so he does know about the new guy. He knows. And what does he say about that whole thing? I mean, he's going to be horrified when you

try to like end things with him. The whole thing is he just keeps saying, you know, we have the best sex that both of us have ever had, I don't want to lose that. Who cares? Yeah. At the end of the day, the end of the day, it is just that.

Yeah, the best sex. I mean, like, first of all, you could have great sex with this new guy. You know, you said that he's into all the things that you're into, right? It's just,

the problem is there's another person involved in this relationship. And it's like, so you can't even judge or even know what kind of sex. you're going to have with the new guy until you fully give up the other one. You know what I mean? You just can't.

And then when you get involved with this guy and you start to get really close with him and you start to forget about the other guy when you're with him, like you could maybe find that you're like really attracted to this guy and you have more better sex with him than you think now, you know? But you're just half someplace else like you said because you're having all this like you're doing all this fucking shit with the other guy, Dom, sub stuff. Like this guy, you're probably like very vanilla with him right now, right? Because it's the beginning of a relationship.

Yeah. Have you told him that you're into being submissive and you're open to threesomes and stuff like that? Yeah, we've been very open with each other since we started getting, you know, more and more serious. We've been very open, you know, what we expect out of this sexually. And what's his deal? he was married for quite a long time so he was in a very vanilla relationship and but has always been curious and wanting to be more explorative so he was very thankful that I was open to just about everything yeah that's great and so you could do all those things with this guy

so you don't even know what your sex life with this guy is going to be it's not like you're with him for six months and it's not great. Do you know what I mean? It's so bad, yeah. I mean, seriously, I just think that like you, it's the problem is only, like, do you think that you still have feelings for the other guy or is it just purely sex? Like you, with the other, the X. Some way or another.

I'm always going to have some sort of fucked up attachment to. No, you're not. What do I mean? you for the rest of your life? Right now it feels like that. Yeah, but trust me, you're not going to, because I haven't given him up. Him up. Could you have like any attachment to your guy that you dated 10 years ago? No, you're not going to be into this guy for the rest that you'll always have an attachment. It still feels that way because you're in delusional world when it comes to him. It's like a, it's dysfunctional. It's like a thick and twisted game. It's not reality. You're like not in reality. Reality is like you have good sex, but you don't have it. That's all that it is. And that's, and that's, It feels like really intense and it's a major fucking relationship. That's the only thing we love about each other. Otherwise, we basically hate each other.

Yeah. You got far away from that after a while. You might not even be sexually attracted to him. You don't know. You don't know what I mean? You're still just too close to that. But you're not, there's no way in hell you will always feel a thing with this guy. Please.

He was like the biggest douchebag you ever dated. Once you, Oh, yeah. So, you know, and once you start having threesomes with this guy, seriously, and do this other stuff that you want to? Like, what are you into now sexually that you want to do with the new guy, like that you did with that guy that you're into?

Would it be the Dom submissive stuff, the BDS? Yeah, that's probably my favorite. Like I said, the whole pegging thing I only did for him. I never fully got into that. That was just something for the ex. after I found out what I found out. But I definitely am into like the BDSM and light, you know, bondage and stuff like that. That's probably what I'm most into.

And he is entirely down to try that and to make me, like, to explore that with me since he's never really done anything quite like that before. Yeah, that's great. So, I mean, you have to start doing that shit with him like ASAP. do you know what I mean you have to like it's for real because I mean at least you're honest with the other therapist and she knows that you're still sleeping with that guy and she's telling you to stop sleeping with him but I know that it's hard because good sex is good sex right it's just like amazing but maybe if you start trying the stuff with the new guy like is there anything physical about him that isn't so ideal like that is a problem and no I'm definitely physically attracted to him and And I always kind of happen in a way even since I've known him. So I think I don't know what it is that I just haven't been able to get over sexually. And I think that it just comes from the last attachment I have with the X that I need to relinquish.

Yeah. You have to give up. It's like, you know, to cut an addiction out of your life. You just have to like that your therapist calls it no contact. Like you just have to stop doing what it is. And then that thing in your brain will like lose its power over you. But every time you get the feeling to want to see him and you go and do it and you give in and you fuck him and it's really great. All you do is you make that addiction more powerful.

You're feeding it, right? So you have to look at like starving it to death. You have to literally starve it to death. So and a part of that will feel like you're starving yourself to death because it is a part of you, right? A part of you that likes it. But like every time you get that feeling of wanting to go and see him, like, don't go. Maybe just jerk off and think about him, right? And then be done with it, right? Or something. Do anything you can not to. The first couple times will be really brutal, but it'll get easier, really fast. Like seriously, you have to just start denying it. Like I said, it's not going to be brutal every single time. The first like three times you don't go, it's going to feel like

fucking torture, but you just don't do it. And then it'll get easier and easier. And you start to be with this new guy and then you like him. And then you'll like that addiction will definitely be done. But that's the only way that'll happen. And your fear of like letting go of that is, you know, it might not just be about the sex. It might just be about that whole thing of just like really having that whole situation end. You know, maybe there's still little. little bit of an attachment, but that's like, you know, you have a new relationship with a new guy. And I really think that if you just look in that direction, the more you look in that direction, the less you'll need this guy.

You know what I mean? So you're lucky. I mean, if you were, most people don't have that situation. They just have to get over somebody because they're supposed to. You know what I mean? Like, you're like, you're like, this is the easiest way to get to get over somebody. I've done it without somebody, you know, and it's hard. But, you know, it's the way, the situation that you have right now is so perfect.

And this guy, if you're like 31 and you're looking to me, we settle down or you want to get serious with somebody and you finally met this guy like you don't want to fuck it up. Because what if he finds out that you, I mean, you were with a guy and you went in his phone and saw that there was an ex. I'm terrified of losing him. Yeah, you should be. I'm absolutely terrified that. I'm going to mess this up. Yeah, you should be because you're completely seeing some other guy on the side. Yeah.

That's bad. Mm-hmm. You know? So like I said, you have to make it like you and that guy are an item and have that relationship so you don't have an out, you know? And then you have to tell this guy that like you're going to try and make things work with the new guy and be monogamous with him. And if it doesn't work out, you'll give him a call. Mm-hmm. You know.

Yeah. Now, do you have friends and stuff where you live now? Like, because I'm assuming you still live, like, around that guy, right? No. Actually, I, um, I was commuting from work when I moved in with him. So I'm now, like, an hour away. And I'm, I have a new set of friends and stuff that I have been, that have kind of been there through the last part of the relationship with me. So they've been really supportive now. Oh, that's good. So you don't live that close to him anymore. You're an hour away. No, I wanted to, yeah. When I decided to move, even though I prefer to live where he was living, I just, I couldn't stay that close to him.

So I decided that even though I didn't want to live by where I worked because of the area, I definitely just did to get as far away from him as possible at the time. Right. And so the other guy, does the new. guy lived by you? Yeah. The nice guy? Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay. That's good. Yeah, everything seems so you're driving an hour to go see him or does he drive to see you? I usually drive an hour to see him because my dad lives up near him. Oh, okay. So when I go to visit my dad, I'll usually stop and see him. Right. Interesting.

Now, do you know if he has anybody else? He says he doesn't, but I have never known what I could or. could not believe from what he said. Yeah, probably. He probably has like four girls, a tranny and, you know, he was telling, he was telling guys, you know, you can come over, but I'll be before four because my girlfriend lives with me. What was he saying?

He was trying to pick up guys on Tumblr, and he was like, well, you can come over and we can, like, dress up together, but it has to be before four because my girlfriend, lives with me and gets off a work kit for a third. Yeah, let me just tell you on my podcast, I can't tell you how many guys, the shit that they do when their wives like walk out the door or like, I mean, it's like seriously. So he was like fucking those guys for sure. That was not like not happening. He would definitely, he was, and he had no emotional like empathy whatsoever.

I truly believe he was also sociopathic. He just could lie with the straightest face. And he was, no, I'm not doing anything. And even when I would, like, pull it up on his phone, he's like, I don't know what that is. That's so funny. With no emotion. And I was like, what is this? Yeah, it's smart is what it is.

It's smart. Yeah. Because, look, he would get you to stay and he'd make you feel like you're crazy when you just basically caught him fucking trannies. this up. Right. Yeah. No,

he was good. He was good. But yeah, he's fucking guys. Okay. He's fucking guys. Yeah. I don't like his.

You know, so I mean, that's like the reality. So he probably has other people. He's not going to like it when you cut him off and he'll probably do anything to try and get you back. But you have to stay with the other guy because like, and I'm curious of what happens.

Because I wonder if, I really think if you do what I say and what your therapist is telling you to do and you really cut it off like you're going to be fine if you don't. I mean like when because eventually it's just going to get super messy because you're going to get more involved with this guy and you're still going to be seeing the other guy.

Like eventually you're going to have to stop seeing him. It's going to have to happen. So do it sooner than later because you don't want the worst thing to happen which is this guy busts you. You're still seeing the other guy and then he wants something to do with you because what is he going to be like you want to go fuck a guy that is into tranny? what you know what you know yeah like he knows too much of the back story that make it you know

yeah he'd be like what the fuck's wrong with this girl yeah he'd be like what the fuck's wrong with this girl you know yeah um but you know i don't know where you're at like do you want to get married of kids like do you see that for yourself anytime soon or you still feel too young like what's your deal i i definitely want to get married i've never been into having kids right but you want to And when have you always felt like that? When do you see that for yourself? I don't like I never really saw an age. I just always figured that I would know when I found somebody.

And I said that's why I think I'm breaking out now because I can potentially see that with this guy. Right. Okay. Yeah. So you could see yourself married in two or three years maybe like in your 30s. You're already in your 30s. Like why not, right? So yeah, you got to like clean your act up and you.

Yeah. And things with the other guy. And then let me know what happens. I definitely will. You know, I don't know if I've been any help. I'm probably telling you the same shit your therapist tells you. But, I mean, I know from experience, you know. But also stay in therapy and work on all that other stuff that, you know, so that you don't.

Even because, listen, when that other guy goes away and you're even done with that and you have like a really good guy, you don't want to like sabotage it, you know, if you have all these other things going on. You know, if there's some part of you that is commitment phobic, unfortunately what happens is when you get really close with someone really good, it might fucking freak you out. Like you know how like when you moved in with your boyfriend and you, you know, when you were far away, it was perfect and then you got there and you were close. Yeah. And we wanted to tear each other's heads off. Yeah. And he was like disgusted in you.

Like that could happen with you with the nice guy. Like you know what I mean? like if you're like, have a fear. So you want to just make sure you're always sort of talking to somebody, especially when you're establishing a new relationship so your therapist could keep you in check so you don't sabotage the, the relationship with a nice guy. Well, and the best part, like, I think what makes me feel even more horrible is he knows how fucked up I am and everything I've been through and still wants to be with me.

The greatest thing about, no, but the thing about that is that, guy's thing with girls is they want to help them. Like they want to like help girls, right? So he, you probably need a lot of help and that makes him feel useful. So that's a very like male woman thing, you know, and he knows that about you because you guys were like friends before.

There is a certain type of guy that likes to be like that could really come in and really help out a girl like, you. It's a specific type of personality type of guy that I've seen before. And they're always really nice guys. And they like the crazy girls that are in distress and they have to help them. But they're good guys. Not like, you know what I mean? And I've seen it happen when I, like I said, I've seen girls that are totally like off their fucking rockers of making, you know, have a nice guy come in and take them and they're living happily. Like I've seen that happen. So if this guy is one of those guys that is attracted to that type of girl wants to help that type of girl, wants to,

you know, be with the, be the man with that girl. Like, that's a good guy. That's the kind of guy you need. Mm-hmm. And so, and that's a good match for you. So don't fuck it up. No, and I definitely think I just have to prepare myself for the last of the drama with the X, because I know it's not going to be easy when I remove myself from that situation.

No, it's not. Yeah, it's not because he's not going to like it. Yeah, I just need to mentally prepare myself. Yes. And potentially be willing to block him in any and all forms. Yes. And just know, this is what you have to know about somebody like that. Okay.

When you're like you block him, do everything you do. Trust me if you called him, even after blocking him, like him, like him throw. throwing a fucking fit and being so mental and thinking like a year from now if you wanted to call him he'd be like nothing changed he'd be like hey what's up come over let's fuck like seriously like yeah he's just going to be freaking out in the moment because he has his own issues and he can't stand being abandoned and not having control and he'll go fucking mental he'll be like you in the relationship and mental case but he'll get over that like that's his own shit you know but it's not like you're losing him forever you know but you got to end it right now and then

trust me if like you get in with this. I would like to lose him forever. Yeah, but I'm just trying to say because I think sometimes when you're afraid of like abandonment, like that fear of thinking it is forever. But if you don't think of it like that hardcore, then maybe it's easier to do, right? Yeah. Because most likely, I'm just saying that, but if you fall in love with this new guy and you wind up, you're not going to give a shit about this guy, do you know what I mean?

But if you tell yourself like it's not that big of a deal and you just do it for right now and you don't look at it as so like, oh, forever, then it's maybe a little bit easier. It's not so, don't be so fatalistic about it. But most likely you will forget about him. Just cut that fucking cord. Okay. And keep me posted.

Okay, it's close to the end of the year. Definitely. Keep me close to the end of the year. So when I do my end of the year updates, we need to know if Olivia is back with a narcissist or with the nice guy. I say with the nice guy. I'm rooting for the nice guy. fingers come on.

I've seen those stories. I wanted for you. It could happen. But keep me posted and good luck. Thank you. Thanks, Libby. Thanks for calling in. Bye.

Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order. order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all

told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Ben. house letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format, or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint,

okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community. and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback, send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com.

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