Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 259 - Lawrence Isn't Turned on by his Long Term Girlfriend Anymore

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

Lawrence calls in to talk about his sexual addiction and how it has negatively effected his long term relationships. Why does he lose his sexual attraction to the woman he's dating? Why is he way more turned on when he's cheating? Has he ever been caught? Tune in to find out plus hear about all the escorts he slept with, the love triangle that he recently has, what his therapist has told him to do about his sex addiction and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. It's real problem. Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and chain.

Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the Strictly Anonymous podcast, you could send me an email that would be Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. This is a call-in-a-show where I talk to Total Strangers about all kinds of things. Just look through the title.

Mostly it's a place where people call it and talk about like their nests. naughty lives and their secret lives or secret sexual lives. But I also like to give people advice and help people. This is like call an advice show. I give a guy advice today and I give him a lot of advice. His name is Lawrence. And I don't shut the fuck up on this podcast. I have to say when I was editing it, I was like irritated with myself.

I was like I wanted me to stop talking. So if I wanted me to stop talking, oh my God. I feel sorry for you, the listener. I mean, you might want to fast forward. I don't know. It would have taken me like six hours to edit out, all the shit that I said. But Lawrence is calling in about like my favorite topic, which is addiction and commitment issues.

It's my favorite topic because I lived through that kind of stuff. And I'm a lot of years out. So whenever somebody calls in and wants to talk about that kind of stuff, I'm always like so eager and excited to give them my solutions. And talk about everything that I did and what I did. learned and how I did it, like blah, blah, blah, and like shove that down their throat, that I get that I just like overtalk. I think I do that with the girls that call him about their alcohol issues.

I think I did it with this guy. I do think, though, I gave him good advice. It's not like I'm not going to air this episode because it seems like a slightly irritating. I cut him off a lot. Be prepared. But I feel like there's a lot of good advice for anybody going through what Lawrence is going through. Lawrence is like a lot of people out there. It's not just guys go through this.

Like I said, I went through exactly what he's going through. So it's like for women, for men, anybody who's like stuck in a fucking pattern is most likely maybe an addict and can't sort of like get out of it, right? Because you're just keep doing the same thing, dating the same person and then sabotaging and not, you know, and not being able to have like anything sort of real in your life. Like Lawrence is at the point where he's looking at all his friends. He's like an older guy. He's starting to get older. He's looking at all his friends and they're married with kids and he's like, what the fuck? Like, they look happy.

Like he wants to be happy like that, but he just can't get out of his own way. Right? And that's what we talk about. We talk about his commitment issues. We talk about his sexual addiction. He fucks a lot of escorts and has a lot of fun with those kind of people, but he can't really get into having sex with his girl. And I think that that could be a common problem.

I had that problem and I'm a girl. Not that I was fucking escorts, but I couldn't get into like sex. with guys that I really liked. And I think I know a lot of guy friends of mine have that problem. And so I'm assuming a lot of other people do too. So he calls in to talk all about that. And I give him a lot, a lot, a lot of advice. Like I said, even though I was like so irritated, it's not like I wouldn't air the episode

because this episode is going to help Lawrence because he's going to hear his story back for himself and it's going to help other people like Lawrence, whether you're him or you're like partnered up with somebody like him i think it's sometimes you know not i've not just been like this i've also dated people like this so it's always good to get in their heads and know what the fuck is going on right because maybe you're married to somebody who has this problem um and so you'll you'll you'll you'll hear about like what's kind of going on what's underneath all that chaos i mean this guy had like besides fucking escorts. He had like, he was like, you know, he's like a big cheater and he had like full-fledged relationships behind girl. His glass girlfriend's back and none of his relationships

end well. He's in one now when we talk about that. I mean, you know, you got to wonder whether somebody like that should be in a relationship. He's at the point where his friends are all like getting married and he looks at them and he's like, you know, maybe that's what I want someday to. And so we discuss like whether that's right for him, whether he should just be single, whether he should say in his relationship and how he's going to figure it all out. So anyway, I'll be right back on with Lawrence. How you doing today? Lawrence, Lawrence. Lawrence.

Lawrence. That's what I said. Oh, Lawrence. Okay, I think I said Lauren. No, Lawrence. Lawrence, you're a guy. You're the Lawrence. Hey, Lawrence, what's going on today? You were just about to tell me and I'm like, let's just tape. You were just going to tell me how you found my podcast. How did you find it? Yeah, so I was on the podcast app and I was just kind of going, you know, in my head about stuff.

And I looked at sex addiction on the iTunes or the podcast app. And yeah, I came across your show and listened to do a few episodes. And I was like, wow, this is a very unique, unique show. And I would love to kind of get on and share kind of what's going on in my life. And I think that what is going on in my life is something that people don't necessarily talk about. Like, I think a lot more people are in my shoes than are willing to sort of accept. Absolutely. That's why I like, I mean, my show became sort of a show where a lot of people call in and talk about, like, really dirty things.

Like, you look through the titles, right? But that kind of happened by accident. I just wanted to do a call and advice show, and I didn't know where to sort of advertise to get callers. I didn't want anyone to know that I was doing it because I thought my show was going to suck. So I just, like, advertised on Craigslist, and I advertised in the personals because it was free and, like, I'm frugal, right? And so, but, and then I got, like, all these guys with these, like, really interesting sexual things that they wanted to talk about. And so it turned into that. But like I really love when people call in and you've probably seen some of the episodes

where it's whether it's a girl or a guy and they're just having like regular relationship issues or life issues like that kind of stuff because I like that too. And I think that stuff is like really common. Like you say, maybe not a lot of people talk about it, but probably once you start talking about it, they like it's either they know somebody that's gone through that. Like they have a friend like you or it's happening to them. So why don't you talk about some of the things? that you want to talk about or get advice on now?

Yeah, so, you know, really, I'm 36 years old now, and I'm kind of at a point for me, turning 35 was really a point where I started to really reflect on where I was at and now I'm 36, and I'm starting to see that I'm really just reliving the same cycles of relationships, but also just my tendencies. And I'm starting to think that I really,

my brain is just wired in a way that is just really fucked up. Right. When it comes to relationships and sex, you know, basically I've been treating, I think that, you know, being a male in this day and age, you know, I probably, my first exposure to pornography came probably when I was eight or nine years old. And I've just really wired my brain to treat sex like a drug and not like, like, And so I've just grown up that way.

And I'm really, now that I'm 36 and I'm at the point where, you know, my, I have, I have friends, peers who are my age and are married, have children. And I look at them. I'm like, like, you're so happy. And I just can't seem to replicate that because. But is that what you want? Well, that's the question. It's like, I mean, I could say I don't want that. But then,

am I missing out on. It's like I I'm in a relationship right now and I've been with her for, you know, 10 months or so. She's so awesome. So beautiful. And I just like, she says to me like, our sex life is struggling because I'm just like, I'm just not into it. And the real, the reason is it's just like I'm really good at fucking and I'm not really, I'm really bad at intimacy. You know, I'm really bad at making love. Yeah. Yeah, I totally understand that. It's a different, it's a totally different thing, especially if you've been like a super player all your life and had like really hot sex and that's what you sort of did most of your time, right? And then you wired yourself to like, that's like really hot for you, right? And then all of a sudden you're doing this different kind of thing, which is like you say, more intimate, right?

Or with like the same person and it's and it doesn't feel this. It doesn't give you the same sort of kick, right? Yeah. And that's like I'm really worried. because, you know, it's a trade-off, right? And I enjoy having a girlfriend. I enjoy being close with someone. Like, I enjoy having a best friend on that level, so to speak.

And, you know, I'd like to have children. You know, I come from a family that my parents, you know, broke up when I was, like, you know, like 10 years old. Pretty messy in that sense, kind of dysfunctional. You know, I come from a privileged background, but when it comes to my family dynamics, I don't have an example of a really bad kind of a good, good mother and father married forever kind of thing. But it's a tradeoff, you know.

If I just spend, you know, the next, I'm kind of at that point now where I'm 36. So if I wait 10 years and then 45 and then it starts to get a little bit old. So I'm starting to feel this urgency of like, okay. I think people feel that urgency at all different times. their life. And, you know, it's not right or wrong. It's like, like, when you, when it happens to, like, it's not like, oh, like at 45, like someone else might feel that what you're feeling at 45, and that's right for them, right? The fact that you're feeling it at 35, 36 is because maybe there's some part of you, right, that wants different things now at this point. You know what I mean? And

that's just where you're at. So I think that, you know, it happens, I think, for people at different times, right? But when it happens, you know, it is a time where you really have to start looking at your life and deciding, like, what is it that maybe you want, right? Like you kind of like don't even know, right? Like some part of you's like, I want kids, but maybe you don't know that you want to be married, right?

Like tomorrow, but you want kids. And that could be like kind of confusing. You know, I do like I do want kids. Like my sister, my younger sister has a one-year-old and a three-year-old and like me know my friends are starting to have like you know like five-year-old and I just don't like I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for 10 years and this is generous sorry 10 months I was going to say 10 years yeah I meant to say 10 months uh the cycle that I've been going on but uh you know the last few years uh some some stuff blew up in my face like before my

current girlfriend I was actually like dating two women for almost a year At the same time? Yeah, at the same time. And I didn't intentionally get into it. Basically what had happened was I broke up with my like long time love of two to three years. We broke up for a bit, started dating someone new and then started seeing, you know, but it wasn't really over my ex-girlfriend. So I started seeing her again, but I was in love with my new girl and my old girl at the same time.

So I kept this like chaotic like love triangle going for way longer than I thought I could keep it going. So, but, you know, I was listening to one of your other episodes. Yeah. It blew up in like, I just didn't know how to get out of it. So I started seeing a therapist to be like, how do I get out of this love triangle without actually like, you know, having to confront the truth. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Like, how do I get out of this without hurting the people that I love the most? Yeah. I use the word love quotes because I don't necessarily know if I know what the word love is. Yeah. Uh-huh. You know, it's hard to say you love someone when you're, actually like cheating on them. But you're closer to them anyway.

And so for one year, I was living this chaotic, just destructive life where like I was the only place I felt safe was in my shower because like I couldn't get caught for lying in my shower. I was just like hot water on my, but it was terrible. It was like the worst time. I was being a therapist trying to work through it. How did you get out of it? Well, how I got out of it was that they.

caught me and now they both hate me. That's how I got out of it. Okay. And that blew up. Like they like there was, I was leaving crumbs and I left them up crumbs. They kind of picked them up and they, the two of them met up and figured it out and then Yeah. Once you start saying out loud, you know, I want this to be over and I want this to end. Like things will, like if you put that out there on some level, like things will, that will happen

eventually. I always tell people like watch what you say because if you keep saying you hate your fucking job, if you don't actually leave your job, you're most likely going to get fired, you know, like you're in a bad relationship and you're talking about I want to get out, I want to get out. Eventually you're going to get out somehow, right? And how you get out, if you can't do it by, you know, sort of creating it in a good way and walking out with your head up high and taking control of that ending, you're going to bring it about subconsciously because you want that on some level, you know? It happens. For sure. Yeah, so you got yourself busted.

Another thing that I also confronted and I thought was benign in my life. But, you know, with some hindsight, and it's something I heard you address someone the other podcast, which I found really interesting, was my own addiction issue. Like, I smoked pot every single day from the age of 18 to 34. And I used to think, oh, it's just pot. It's not a big deal. But by smoking pot every day, and I'm a totally functional. functional person, you know, like, you know, how to, you know, and, you know, no one really knew I was doing it because I'm not the kind of guy that really, you know, you look at me and you think that he's smoking pot all the time.

But I was really disconnected from myself because I was wearing this mask like multiple times a day. And you use the word mask before I've done that really. But I was numbing myself every single day with pot. And that goes back to maybe some trauma I had in like I started using it in high school to numb myself from being picked on. and my parents like fighting with each other and I didn't get into that. But I started smoking pot as like my solution to just like the uncomfortable feelings and I just never stopped. But I think that numbing myself every day is really what kind of fueled me treating sex

as a drug. Like, you know, I started, I discovered the great, the, I discovered massage parlors when I was probably like 22 years old. And I was like, wow, this is like the great. thing ever. I can go to a massage parlor, have this beautiful woman like get naked and get me off. So I started doing that and then

I started experimenting with like escorts. And I'm like, wow, it's like a drug. I can just go and have sex with a beautiful woman. I just have to, you know, it was like a consumption thing, you know? And I just started treating sex like this high. Yeah, it's like chasing the dragon. It's no different than any other kind of addict.

Yeah, exactly. It's something that I used to just get high, get high, get high. Mm-hmm. And that's great. But it's it's not great when you're, when you're, you know, where I'm at now. Well, because you're comparing it. Like, you're, like, you know, when it was like your drug. Like, this is like real.

And that's what's hard about, like, I quit drinking, right? And that was like an easy thing. Like, when you're talking about addictions, right? Like, there's certain addictions that are very hard or harder to kick than others because it's like if you have a food addiction or a sex addiction, like these are things that you have to keep in your life, right? Like, it's not like alcohol. I could absolutely just stop drinking and my life stays the same, right?

It's hard and all this stuff comes up, but it's easy to cut out alcohol out of your life because you don't need it on a daily basis. But like for you, it's sex, right? Like if you're an addict or you're using it on a negative level, you can't completely cut it out of your life because if you're going to be in a relationship, it's a part of a relationship, right? So you have to learn like some sort of moderation with it, right? And like, so you have this, all these years and all this wiring of like a certain kind of sex

that is really hot, right? Because it's all these other things. And now you have this other kind of sex. And you're getting used to that. And it's nothing like the other thing, right? And that, of course, it's going to be like, say it's like on its volumes, right? Of course that's going to be like a lower volume because you just haven't been doing it for that long.

You know, you're like 10 months in with a girl. You're just starting to be with her. You're being intimate. I think that that's like really great that you're doing that and you're, you're or you've been with someone for 10 months. I'm assuming and hoping maybe that you haven't been cheating on her and like this is like a good relationship. No, I haven't been cheating on her.

And I've done this cycle my whole life where I've been, you know, I've had a lot of two to three year relationships. Oh, you have. Okay. But I, but during those relationships, I've always like, you know, kind of cheated on the side. It was like, you know, whether I never really considered going to the massage parlor and getting a hand job cheating because I'm like, oh, whatever.

It's just like, you know, for a nice meal. You know, I can leave the restaurant and no one knows I was there. It's not like there's no emotions there. Yeah. Or, you know, my last last girlfriend, for example, we were like, we were living together. And, you know, I had to go to New York City for just whatever. And I was like, I had a one night stand there. And I don't feel guilty about it because it's like I programmed my mind to just be like,

that fucked up. It's like whatever. I had a one night's day. My girlfriend doesn't know about it. Like, how does that hurt anybody? But do you feel like it hurts you because it's like it's like that wiring thing where you're just like sort of feeding that part of you? Yeah.

Now after like therapy and quitting my like daily addiction and really sort of starting to reflect back on like where I am now and where I am. I'm not, I'm starting to see that all those behaviors have just totally fucked up my brain in terms of how I relate to sex to the point where now I actually feel incapable of having sex. Like yesterday, my girlfriend wanted to have sex with me before she had to go to work. And I was just like, I was like, I just can't. Like I'm not into it because there's just no like maybe if you were to get on my, like,

you know, get on the bed with some lingerie and like, you know, act like a stripper. Then yeah, I could do it. But I can't just like. Do it like in the nice. it's like romantic romantic I can't just start romantic she wanted to just she just started like romantically kissing me as if that is like but that's not what gets me going

I need like I need to get high first I need to get high on the moment All right let me ask you this though With these other relationships for these other girls You said you've been into your relationships Like before you started cheating on them when that it was intimate And it was okay like were Was it good with them like did you figure out

I've had the same problem with every Every relationship my whole life Where you bring that dirty side of you into your relationships like are you are you open about how you like like maybe you it's like not you don't want it to be so quote unquote romantic kind of thing you know

and you want it to be more dirty like how do you communicate with these girls and let them know like and show your freak flag so that you guys could have like you know so maybe you could be more turned on with them I would say yes and no to a point but I do

I do hold back and I'm finding that, you know, I get pushback. I get pushback from, from like my girlfriends. They're like, oh, that's like, like, that's gross or like that's not like. Yeah, I mean, welcome to the real world. Like, I mean, that's like a big problem between guys and girls. You know, that's just normal. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean, I think a lot of girls don't really. I have, I always had a lot of girlfriends, but I always had a lot of guy friends. And so I always sort of knew what guys were like and what they liked sexually and I was open-minded. So they told me things and stuff, you know. And so I always, I know what guys like and it doesn't freak me out. But most of my girlfriends do kind of get freaked out. And I think a lot of girls do because I think a lot of girls don't really have an understanding of how guys are and what certain things mean.

And, you know, they have, whereas you've been wired the opposite where just dirty sex is hot, women unfortunately have been wired to like with fucking Cinderella stories you know what I mean like where it has to be romantic or and that's it and that's the only way they could get off and they have a problem with being like just fucking dirty and that's fun too do you know what I mean and like somewhere in the middle of a little bit of both things is probably like where it's at right um so I think that's a problem that a lot of girls have as well like those girls you know are holding back because, you know, they're not used to that or they think it's gross.

There's nothing gross about that. There's, it's, if you do dirty things with somebody that you're really close with an intimate, that's like the best case scenario, right? Like, that's when you don't have to go home and take a shower and be worried, like, and feel fucking gross about yourself, right? Like you're, and it's great when you're with the same person

and you could be open and do that stuff. So, you know, maybe you need to, have you tried that stuff with this girl now? Yeah, and we have gotten kind of, you know, we've done different things or whatever. Yeah, freakier. But I'm finding that it's just the monogamy of it is just, you know, it's fine. I just don't know how I can make it to the rest of my life without having sex without other people. And I just, yeah, I get, listen, I understand that.

Listen, I'm a lot older than you, and I think I spent a lot of my life sort of confused and thinking that I needed to be more like everybody else instead of just realizing that I was like, I don't know, like the thought, I used to be like I had this thing called marriage math. I'm like, you just take like however old you, like, however old you think you're going to be when you die, and minus it from however old you are now when you want to get married. And like think about the fact that you're going to be with that person for all those years. Like, I don't know. that would make me want to kill myself than to think about like I'm going to be with someone for 40 something years.

Like no fucking way. And it's only now that I'm older that I start to feel like, oh, I could be with someone for maybe like 10 years or 12 years. I feel very different now than I did when I was like in my 30s. But I, you know, but it took me a while to sort of understand that that's just the kind of person I am and that's okay. You know, you might not be marriage material right now. The great thing about you, I had a kid way later in life, and I always wanted kids, and I always knew that. But the good thing about you as a guy, I mean, you could have kids whenever you want, you know. I mean, you could wait another five years, and you'll be totally fine to have kids. I mean, you could have kids when you're 50. Your sperm is not getting older, like women's eggs.

Do you know what I mean? So you don't have to, but, like, if you might not be ready for marriage and, you know, just yet, you don't know. You know, maybe it's percolating in your mind and you're looking at your mind. friends and you're saying, hey, that's like something that I would want, but maybe it's just not right now. But it doesn't mean that that's, I'm not saying that that's like the only issue that you have here. You know what I mean?

There's like a couple things going on. You're definitely an addict, right? Yeah. You know, and I went to, I experimented, because I went to some meetings for my weed addiction, and those really helped me. Those were very important to me, you know, getting, you know, changing my habits. but I also went to some sex addict meetings for a little while. Yeah.

And just to feel those out and see if, I went to those meetings while I was in a relationship in a love triangle. Yeah. And I was just trying to find some like answers. Why am I doing this to myself? Like this is so self-destructive. And I went to these meetings and I really didn't resonate with the people there. I just, I don't know. I didn't really feel like, I felt like the people in those meetings,

and I'm not trying to like take away from what those offer, but they just, it was really just all those white knuckling it. And it wasn't, you know, a lot of these people were, a lot of the people in those meetings actually were married and were, you know,

a few steps deeper than I am in this commitment. You know, they've already signed those papers. They've already committed to a lifelong. And they just, they just don't know how to do it. So, you know, their wife catches them cheating and says,

you better never do this again. So they find themselves in these meetings to try and just like white knuckle it. And I don't know. I just feel like there's more to it than just, there's deeper, more layers to it that. That you didn't get at the meeting, do you mean? Yeah. And like, you know, I've told you already that I cheated on my last, like my last girlfriend. You know, in a lot of ways I lived with her for like a long time.

I traveled the world with her. I also cheated on her and I slept with like probably 20 escorts in my life if not a little bit more a lot of women would just hear those two things and just say to me

you're a disgusting cheater and just label me like that and that's such a surface level way of kind of it's just it's very not helpful and I don't think you should be telling girlfriend those things I mean you could tell somebody if you've been with them for five years

But like, for example, my last girlfriend, she just, she hates my guts because I cheated on her. But that's really the only perspective she's willing to really look at where it's like she would never sort of say, oh, well, he was an addict. You know, I kind of understand why he did what he did. He's maybe he's not a bad person. Like, no. Yeah, that takes a long, that takes a while, you know, I don't know. How long ago did that you break up with that girl? Well, that blew up about a year ago.

Yeah, it's a year. How long were you with that girl? Three years. How long? Three years. And who did she catch you cheating with? The other girl that I was seeing for the last like 10 months of our relationship. Right, so she found out you were having like another, not just a like, you didn't just like fuck a random girl one night.

Like you were having a full-fledged relationship. Yeah. And that's what she found out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give the girl some time to get over. overhating you.

I'm not looking for her. My point is just that it's, you know, there's societal sort of, there's just ways, you know, especially when it comes to women, if you're a cheater, you're just a bad piece of shit. And I just think that that's not, there's more to it. And I'm trying to. Totally. Listen, that's why I love doing my show and I try to tell my girlfriends these certain things. Because I used to always, like, whenever I would watch, like, talk shows on TV and you'd see, like, a man and woman.

And if the man cheated on the wife, like everybody in the audience. would like fucking boo him and they would just get the woman side of things and there's always two sides of the things right and i could have like 50 cheaters on my podcast right but everyone has like a different story and so and you know there's different and so and sometimes it's not like the guy's so bad you know if you listen to the whole story and the reason and stuff but there are certain kinds of cheaters that it is just bad i have to say your kind of cheating like is kind of The worst kind when it's done, like, there's the guy that cheats because, like, his wife is in menopause and she's not no longer having sex, but he totally loves her, but he just needs, like, to fuck, right? There's another guy who's married and loves his wife, but he just needs variety, and he does not feel like that's bad, and he does that, and he does his business, and then that's it.

Then there's, like the guy that, like, needs to feed his fucking ego, and he's, like, cheating on his girl behind her. because he's because he needs to get girls to like him and there's a lot of texting and all that. Like that's, when you start to get into that area, like that is like, that's more brutal kind of stuff, you know, it's more brutal for the other person and it's more dysfunctional on a certain level. Do you know what I mean? You're kind of, yeah, where are you going to say? Yeah, no, I know what you're saying. Like, I've had, you know, it's one thing to just go, sneak out, have sex with like an escort and, you know, wash your hands of it and come.

home and pretend that never happened. But when there's an emotional aspect to it and you're actually like having an emotional like two full-on relationships. Or you're feeding a part of yourself that's like insatiable and is a problem and you're an addict like then, you know, there's a whole other stuff going on and you know you need to work on that stuff. There are some people I think, some men that will like I said, they'll do it. They don't feel bad about it, but they love their wife. You know, that's like a different story. Your thing is like a lot of, chaos, a lot of, like, craziness. And, like, that's always, you always hear that kind of

fucking drama shit when you're talking to an addict, right? Like, all that kind of stuff that comes with it, you know? And that's why your cheating, quote unquote, is bad. So you got to take, like, society and all that out of it, right? We're just talking about you. Your girls are going to hate you because your cheating is chaotic. It is, it is, it does come from, like, dysfunction you don't probably know how just yet to be like a proper partner right and so you leave a

bunch of girls in the dust angry at you but you can't blame them you know I mean but and who cares about that because like you're still alive and you still have the rest of your life you're super young right and you could just work on yourself moving forward and you could change all that in your life it just takes time, you know. But it's like, what were you going to say? I'm just worried about what the direction going forward is. I mean, I don't, I'm not trying to like take blame off myself. I've done some shitty things.

I take accountability for that. And I have like, I have been working on myself tremendously in the last year. Yeah, sounds like you have. And that's sort of what worries me is that I'm a, you know, a year out of that explosion in my personal life. And I'm starting to realize that I just. don't know if it's possible for me to like just be with one person without maybe not yet maybe not yet you know but then what am I leaving on the table what am I what are my what am I what am I sacrificing

you know if if you're sacrificing having kids and a marriage like right now you know but that doesn't mean that in five years you can't like like women this is a much harder situation because they do have a time limit on babies and i started to have a baby when i was like 42 43 and i had a it took me a long time okay like to have a fucking baby i didn't know the the real deal about my fucking old ass eggs okay but like guys don't have that thing so it's like you know sometimes when we're like you know looking around at like your friends and stuff like you have to remember that you're on your own path and you have your own life and it might not be in sync with other people, but it has to be right for you. And sometimes they think there can be confusion when you want

to sort of move ahead faster than maybe some part of you wants to be, right? And so it's like maybe like right now what you're going through is a good thing. But and there is a part of you that's starting to see like, wow, I want to be married one day and I want to have a kid. But maybe that's like five years from now, but you're just starting to sort of think about it. And now you're freaking yourself out because you think you need to do that today. Do you know what I mean? But it's good that you're starting to think about it. Do you know what I mean? But it might not be tomorrow. It might not be with this girl, you know. Real change, I mean, I quit drinking when I was 34 years old. I'm 49 now. So how many years is that of not drinking? And I have to tell you,

when you quit addiction, whatever it is, and put your addiction down, you change drastically and it does change your life, but it takes time. One year is like major in an addict's life, but when you look back after 15 years where I'm at, I'm like, oh my God, I grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew. So much, you know, in all the years that I've been sober. It takes time to undo all that stuff that you've done. Do you understand? So say you got sober a year ago and all that shit, like, say that's like the time when you decided to really just like end all the chaos and all the drama and live

like this quote unquote mundane life, right, without all that sort of that drug of the ups and downs and the drama. It takes time to get used to that. And a lot of things come up when that kind of happens, you know, but it's like you don't need to be in a rush to figure everything out. You know what I'm saying? It's not the movies. You're not going to be magically better and magically figure it out tomorrow. Yeah, and I think that, you know, I guess the reason I'm kind of rushed this right now is I've been in a relationship for 10 months and she's starting to rush me. And that is really part of what is, you know, trying to get me to sort of self-reflect and figure out,

okay, well, what do I do now? I heard this quote on a movie and I think of a movie, I think of a movie it was, but at the end of the movie, it was like, you know, I've left pieces of my heart in so many places and I just don't know if it works anymore. And I was like, oh, it's so insightful because I feel like to my life, I literally had so many girlfriends who I've, like, had one year, two year relationships with. I feel like I love so many people. I were given pieces of my heart to so many girls. And now I just don't know if it's like able to function with one person, you know? It's like, I feel like, I guess, I feel like I'm kind of broken right now. And that's sort of why I wanted to talk to you and just like.

But you know what? I think it's the opposite. Let me just tell you what I think. I think it's the opposite. I think you were broken before. And I think now you're finally putting yourself back together. And I think your future could be all kinds of amazing things. It's you have to like let go of that past, right?

Because like I think that's when things were bad. And that's when you were broken. But you don't need to always be that. person, you know, like you said this past year, you've done all this work, you're working on yourself, you're really trying things, you're calling into my fucking show, like you're looking for answers, right? You're Googling sex addiction, right? You're obviously at a point where you want to make major changes in your life, like, whatever was working for all those years when you were like fucking oblivious, right, and just doing your patterns over and over again. And, you know, without realizing

it, all of a sudden you fucking woke up. These are like major sort of changing points in time. But like I always tell people like watch people's fucking biographies. Like don't watch a movie. In a movie, a change happens in, you know, one day, you know. In real life, it takes sometimes years for that transformation to happen. But I think something did happen a year ago. I think what you've been doing for the past year is really good. And you have to keep doing that and keep questioning.

I've always felt like I've figured out what I want a lot of times by figuring out what I don't want, you know. Sometimes it's hard. You're like in the middle right now, I feel like of not really knowing what you want so much. But that's okay. You know what Oprah once said is like if you don't know, that's your answer. You don't know, right? Like when you know, you'll know. You'll know when you're right.

I started to have a feeling that I wanted to have a baby. And I questioned whether that was even like the right thing or like it was it weird that I wanted that? Was I wanting it for the wrong thing? Like, you know, it was this thing that I just over and over. And then, like, eventually over time, like, I, it's what I, I realized it was what I wanted. I had the baby, and it's like the best thing that ever happened to me. But, you know, for me, that took a long time for that, all of that to come to fruition. And I feel like, unfortunately, for people that are fucked up when they're younger and have shit put on them,

that regular things that maybe, like, other people have, are harder to come by for some people because of, like, certain dispositions. you know, but it's not not doable. You know, you just have to know that you deserve it and that you could have it. But you have to get to the point where you know what you want to, you know. I think it's like really important to be in, are you in therapy right now? No, I kind of did a year of it and then took a break from it. You should. You should.

Well, you should only because if you really want to learn how to, like really sort of stay in a relationship and see if you could do it the right way. I mean, like, maybe you should just be single. Have you ever been single for a really long time? Not really, no. Why not? Because I just, what I do is I attach myself. So I get single.

Like, you know, especially in the last like five years, which is like the swiping era. You know, I'll kind of get single, go on a dating app and, you know, have sex with a few girls. and then find what I like and then start kind of like emotionally attaching myself to her. And, you know, I'm, you know, I'm pretty good at like, I don't say manipulating, but getting, getting a certain type of girl to, like, fall for me. Yeah, I know that pattern.

Yeah. Kind of getting my way, almost like getting her to do what I want and a certain kind of girl. Like, you know, I almost say compatible, maybe. compatible or maybe like knock a battle, but like a nice girl who is smart and, no, I get them to love me and then I break their heart and I've probably broken a lot of hearts. Oh, God. Or are you like a womanizer? Would you consider yourself a womanizer? I'm a certain form of womanizer, yeah.

Right. And I don't want to be. I don't want to be. I just don't know how not to be. And I'm worried that if I, you know, if I, you know, if I, you know, commit to my current girl because my current girlfriend, she's traditional. You know, she comes from a healthy family. You know, she, her idea and just like the most of the girls I've dated,

their idea is, you know, we get married and we live happily ever after. That's how it works. And I'm also a kind of person, like in my last relationship, like I'm like an introvert. I like to do stuff on my own. Like in my last relationship, I would go on, my girlfriend was working. I do like, all right, because I, you know, I work on the computer so I can travel. I'm just going to go on a trip. I'm going to go to Columbia for a week by myself just to travel.

And like, my girlfriend now, she is not about that. She's like, there's really no reason for you to like go on a trip by yourself. That's just not something that people in a relationship do. And I'm feeling I get that. I just don't like that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, no, right. She's right. There's like, of course, like I totally understand that.

Right. She's right. And you're right. right like but that's the but that's the problem because you can't both be right right you're right to like want to go and do that but she's right to be like why would you want to go fucking do that when we're in a relationship and spend a week apart you know by yourself but you could do all those things like I was out of friends that across me and just like oh I wish I could just like he was always in relationships and he's just like I just wish I could just like fuck whoever I want

and go out and wherever I want and never have to be home at the right time and I'm just like you can do that. It's called being single. Just fucking try it for five minutes. I heard you say that exact same thing into someone else. You can do that. It's called being single. And it's like, yeah, I get it. But like, then you don't get the kids. You don't get the relationship. You don't get the

relationship. You don't get the nurturing. Right, but you know what you need. But like, right. But I think, I don't know. I'm not like someone that's ever like sitting at home like lonely. Like relationships were always harder for me. I love being alone and it's easy for me. I know that there's another type of person. probably this type of person that doesn't like to be alone. You want to be partnered up.

And there's nothing wrong with that, right? There's just different kinds of people, right? And so, but I do think that when you, and there's like a reason why when you get an AA, they tell you like don't have a relationship or anything for the first year you go sober. Like there, like there is times in your life where it is beneficial to like be by yourself on your own so you could like work on yourself and figure shit out. and so you don't have all this other stuff to deal with, right? I think you would do really well.

And I'm not telling you to break up with your girlfriend. We could figure out what you do with this situation where you're at now. But like if it didn't, if this doesn't work out, like I think it'd be really great for you to take a certain amount of time off to just be alone. Make sure it's longer than anything you've ever done in the past. Like what is the longest you've been without a girlfriend or girl in your life? Yeah. I mean, like maybe six months. How long?

Six months maybe? Yeah, like I mean, yeah, like I would say, so give yourself two years, you know, and be like, I'm going to do that. And then you go all to get your travels, do all your things, like fuck hookers, get, like, do whatever you want without any kind of, because what happens when you're trying to change and you're trying to do what you, like, you get into this better place. It's, it's bad to sort of like be in a position where you're like also putting yourself down. because of like you're you're in a relationship and this girl wants to get married but maybe you're not ready it becomes like something's wrong with you and so you're constantly telling you like something's wrong with you and you're missing it you know and like that doesn't help that's not going to help you figure out what you want you know someone else's sort of agenda uh you need to figure out you would do best figuring out what you want fucking alone you know and figuring out who you are what you like what you want and what's going to be right for you you

you, not your friends, for you, you know, it would be easier to do that, like, not in a relationship with the regular girls that you sort of attract yourself. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's actually the exact same advice, my therapist, Jamie, and I totally broke that advice. She's like, you need to just, you know, go 12 months. Yeah. No, no, no.

And I broke that within like a month or two because I just want. Right, but see, but that's what as a, no, but listen, but the addict in you, you could be like a love addict too, you know, love addicts. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I think it's not just a sex thing. It's a love addiction where I crave that. Did you ever listen to Dr. My Doctor Guy episodes? Listen to that fucking guy. Dr. Guy is a total womanizer.

Listen to all of his episodes. He's a really good friend of mine. We talk about my relationship. He's a womanizer, but he needs to have women in his life. Like, I was with. him for a short time. We talk about that, but I've had many episodes with him. They're really fascinating. You'll probably see a lot of similarities with you with him. He's pretty hardcore and hilarious, and the episodes are really good. You like him. But, you know, you really need to,

you know, the love addiction thing and having to need to have a girl in your life, like that's another sort of addiction. The only way to stop being a fucking addict is to put all your addictions down and it's very easy as an addict to sort of like let go of one thing and pick up something else I was a weed head I'm a total addict right I was a weed head I smoked pot from eighth grade every single day from eighth grade to 11th grade every I couldn't wake up without my pot like I you know what I mean like it was like it was just something I did every single day right but I and I quit in 11th grade but it wasn't like but I still had to I quit drinking at 34 because like when I put that down I picked up drinking and I became an addict with that there's been

times of my life I was a sex addict you know I totally understand that whole I was totally wired where like I could not get horny for a guy that I liked I could only get horny for like guys that I just that I didn't like and those was that was like the best sex you know what I mean like and I get that sort of backwards kind of a thing and it really wasn't until I cleaned up everything and that's when I was 34 and quit the alcohol I didn't have really anything left um that everything changed now. I am totally wired that I could only get horny when I actually like someone. It's really bizarre and actually quite depressing because it was a lot easier when you just like fuck around with any stranger.

It was like great. You know what I mean? And anything like sort of without feelings was really great. And now like if that's lacking, it's not so great. It's like the complete opposite. But I rewired myself over a really long time of being completely sober and sober with, sober of everything you know you have to get sober of girls too you know of like having to have a relationship you know maybe you and this girl aren't that compatible if she's like I don't want you to

travel alone I don't want to do dirty sex with you like you know maybe like that's if that's who you are like let me just tell you like that's not a bad way to be you can probably find somebody I'm not even probably. Like you could find a girl to fall in love with that will allow you to be all those things and be into fun dirty sex with you and let you go off for the weekend to call. Maybe not a whole week, but maybe for four days to Columbia or whatever, you know, you could find that. But you don't have, maybe like this girl isn't the right girl for you. Maybe all of them haven't been the right girl for you.

And most likely they haven't because when you have addicts, have commitment issues, have fucking problems, Right. You probably have commitment issues too. So you're just always picking the wrong person. So you don't wind up in that long-term thing yet because you got issues there too. You know what I mean? So these nice girls. Yeah, I think part of my. I mean, the guy that's fucking escorts and into all this stuff and yet you attract yourself like these really nice girls is like, I don't think those are your girls.

Not to say that the bad girls are, but like maybe you need a girl that's a little bit less conservative and less traditional, you know, because maybe you. you're not totally sort of that way yourself. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think part of my addiction or compulsion or whatever it is is like when I'm, when I'm single, if you will, you know, like single. What I go after is I go after like a nice girl that I can manipulate. Yeah. And I get her, like I go kind of, you know, I say really nice things to her, take her out of wine.

And, you know, just, like, be romantic and, like, get them. And then they start to nurture me. And, like, I think on a really deep, like, maybe mommy level, I don't know what it is, but I, like, create that nurturing. But then I just, and I still, like, I enjoy it. Like, my girlfriend, she takes care of me and I like that. But I lose that sex, you know, drive. I don't say sex drive.

She's like, because she says to me, she's like, I thought you were so sexual. and you're like your sex drive is nothing. In my head, I'm like, no, I have a thriving sex drive. I just want to have sex with anybody but you. And that's not a spite against her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's about you. Yeah, she's amazing and beautiful. And it's just like, that's what I'm just like, why am I like this?

Like, why can't, I look at my friends. I'm like, my friend 36 years old, same age as me. I'm like, he's in a marriage for five years and so happy. And I'm like, why? First of all, let me just tell you this. Like the last thing you should ever do is like look at other people and think like, oh, I want to, I should need to be like them. Like they, you know, you don't really know.

And, you know, I'm not saying that, oh, people are married or miserable. No, they might be really fucking happy. But like you can't sort of like compare yourself to other people. Like that's the worst thing you could ever do because nobody's paths are the same. Like your path is your own path. Like, you know, when you're fucking 90 years old in your deathbed and you look back, Like, you know, you could, it could be that you were married at 40. You might not be married until you're 45.

You might have a kid at 40 with somebody that you were married. Like, who fucking knows what's going to happen, you know? But if you were meant to be married and happy by 36, it would have happened already. Like, that's not happening for you. You know what I mean? Stop looking at your friend's life. You know, you have to just pay attention to you and what's going on with you and start to figure out, and that's what you're doing, right?

You're really questioning and looking for answers and keep doing that until things start to come to you, you know? And it's like that you seek, you seek, you keep looking, you keep looking, and then one day the light bulb goes off. And then you get that answer and then you work on another part of yourself. You have a lot of stuff going on. I've had all these things going on. I totally understand. And I know people, a lot of people have this kind of stuff. You're an addict, you're a fucking commitment phobe, you had problems.

problems from your childhood that's affecting all this stuff, you know, you definitely need to still be in therapy. 100%. Therapy, if you're in the right therapist. Have you ever done like, what's the fucking therapy that I did now? I can't even remember. Like, you know, the one, it's really expensive. It's like the hardcore psychoanalysis. Have you ever been with that kind of therapist? I'm not sure. The one I was with one-on-one. She was a woman. It was a great fit and it was really good. Was she a psychoanalyst? Like, they're like, it's like a certain type of... No, I would say no.

Yeah, this shit was like the hardcore. It's super expensive type of therapy. It's a regular therapist, but they just have like, they're just smarter than anybody around. They tend to be like a lot of... They're very expensive. Sometimes you could get insurance to cover it, but they're way more expensive than regular therapist.

It's a psychoanalyst, but they're really good because what they really, really know how to do is get into your subconscious and change things. Because what unfortunately happens when we have bad childhoods and stuff, like the wiring that's fucked up is like all subconscious. So no matter how much you know in your brain that you're doing something wrong and you're, you know what I mean? It just, it keeps happening, you know?

And the only way to really change that is to go into that thing. That's what I think. And the only way things like that have changed for me is when I went really deep. and it went into that kind of therapy. And it was really fucking good. I would say she completely like sort of changed my, like my self-esteem level, completely changed. And that's really hard to do.

Also quitting alcohol. Like you have to like quit your addiction. Definitely not, no more cheating for you. Like that's like quitting your addiction means like you can't sort of chase those dragons. Wherever you want to go, you have to just pull back, you know, and stop.

You have to ride out this relationship and see where it goes. But you have to be honest with yourself. about what you actually want, you know? Yeah, and it's weird because I tell my, I'm like, I think like the solution, not a solution, but I tell myself, like, I could fix the sex life with my current girlfriend by just throwing a wrench in there on the side. You know, if I, like, when I was dating two girls, like the sex was great with both of them because there was just this chaos.

There was this just like, oh, yeah, come on. Yeah, you're cheating. It's cheating sex. It was so wrong. So if I started cheating on my current girlfriend, then my sex with my current girlfriend would be hot because I was like, but that's. Isn't that so sad?

I just really don't want to do that. I mean, for like the primary reason is I definitely don't. It's just wrong. I don't want to hurt her. But on a deeper level, like that's just not helping my brain programming long-term problems at all. Yeah, no.

You can't do what you want to do. You have to like not do that. you want you have to keep trying to sort of stay in this and see but like maybe you won't last with her I don't know are you gonna like I mean I hope you're not the type that will wind up getting married just because

like she wants you to even though maybe you know and then you know because like and then wind up like cheating I don't know like are you thinking of maybe something like down with her no I'm really I'm really not I have no

real imminent desire to put a ring on anyone or for that matter, have to wear a ring every day like that. The thought of wearing a wedding ring on my finger just gives me friggin chills. Yeah, you're not ready. But that doesn't mean that you won't change. You know what I mean?

It doesn't mean that you can't have a family and be happy like your friend. But that might not happen for you until you're 45, not 36. And that's fine, because by that point, he'll be getting a divorce and you'll be starting your happy life. Like, I mean, everybody's life goes through ups and down. but they all go like at different times you know what I mean yeah your friend might be happier and having all those things now but when you're having them whenever he might go be going through other bad things it's just that life is most of the time kind of fair in people's lives it's just things show up at different times for different people you know so looking at these other people and and yourself is not going to make sense you have like stuff that you've been sort of putting under the rug for a

really long time. You smoked a weed every day for a really long time to avoid sort of dealing with all this shit. And now you put that down. And now you're, you know, you're starting, you're starting back up to figure stuff out. But like, what I always felt, and I think they say this is like when you put down any kind of addiction, like I started drinking when I was 15 and I quit drinking at 34. So when I stopped drinking at 34, I was emotionally 15, right? So like, do the math. I'm like emotionally a year old and i you know and that makes sense because i like picked that you pick up where you left off like you haven't moved you didn't move all those years you were fucking smoking weed like you didn't do shit you know so you're like you're you're like still super young emotionally you know and and that so it's normal

so when did you start smoking weed when you were 18 yeah 18 to 34 every single day all day long so and so and so you're 36 or you're 20. So would you recommend a 20-year-old to get married? Or a 20-year-old to know what he wants to do with the rest of his life? A 20-year-old to, like, not know what to do sexually. No. You're immature emotionally. I was.

I get it. A lot of people are. It's no big deal. It's better to figure this shit out before you marry than to, or you're going to be like the opposite of the other people that were messed up and got married and then they're having midlife crisis at 50. You know what I mean? Like, it's better to have your crisis now.

without any kids, you know, you're still kind of young. Go through it now, figure it out. And, you know, in a couple of years and in your 40s, it's going to be probably the best times of your life. But you need to take, you know, there's always going to be time of sort of doing the work. And the work takes longer than a year. But it doesn't mean that you're not going to have stuff going on. You'll make mistakes. Maybe you'll fuck a hooker.

Maybe this relationship will go bust, you know. But that doesn't mean that you're not progressing. moving forward. It just doesn't, you don't just magically become better. You know, you need to be in therapy. You need to continue to not sort of go and do the things that you do that are escaping your problems in yourself, you know, I think it's great that you with your really, your girl now, even if you're not, don't wind up with her because it's good practice for you. It's good practice. Yeah, I know, honestly, like, but what you're saying, and you're kind of just holding a mirror. up and showing me what I already know and remind like everything you're saying to me I know deep down

I'm just you know I'm in a relationship with this girl and I just like deep down I know that like I can't do it and that I need to I have not that I can't it's just that I'm not there yet and she's pressuring me to she wants to move in with me in the next like a few months and I guess deep down I know that that's just terrible idea because I haven't grown in the way that you know we've been saying you've been saying so you know But do you want to Do you feel like it's a terrible idea

Because you haven't grown Or do you think it's a terrible idea Because you just don't want to live with her Or do you even think it's a terrible idea Like how do you really feel Like when she told you Let's move in together Like how do you really feel about it

I just don't want to do it at all Right I don't think it's because of all the I think you're just not ready to move in with someone I think you need you're free I don't just don't think That's where it's at. I mean, if you have commitment issues, that's, like, really stifling for somebody,

and you might need to learn how to be committed over time. Like, you know, it's like only now in my life that I feel like I could be in a commitment. And I think having a child and doing a lot of things that I did, like, really helped me with that along the way, you know. But it took me a long time to figure that out and feel like I could have maybe live with somebody and do that stuff. Because if you're not used to it, you know, it could seem like, a fucking nightmare. And if you do it before you're ready, it's just like it could be disastrous, you know? And there's

nothing wrong with being where you're at right now. And you just, the problem is, what's hard is being honest about that with somebody else and having somebody sort of make you feel like you're not normal. Because that's what your girl will make you feel like. Because she's maybe normal

and she wants all those things and could totally move in with somebody. And she's fine, you know, but you're just not there yet, you know? And telling her that will create her, we'll create backlash, right? And then maybe she'll put stuff on you and then you'll take that on and wonder what's wrong with me. I'm not like my friend who's fucking happy. But that's just who you are and where you're at right now. And I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

Yeah, like part of it, I just, I love being selfish. And what I mean by that is I love just living on my own and being able to buy a plane ticket. and if I want to go to Las Vegas for the weekend and have fun. Yeah, that's what you need to be doing. But that's what you should be doing. I love being selfish. But I feel like. You are being selfish with these girls, though, too,

because you're using them. There's a selfishness to what you're doing. You're using them for that nurturing that you didn't get from your mommy. And you're using them for it. But you're not really, it's probably not really like a real relationship. like in a sense where it's like you're you're not there for the right reason you know what I mean yeah no you're speaking the truth and I appreciate that listen to doctor guy's fucking episode you're gonna be like could I meet him I'm very good friends with him there's a lot of episodes

too and he's evolved and he's grown and he changed he was like a total womanizer totally like really bad when I first met him and dated him and he had just gotten divorced but through being single and working his shit out. The thing that really helped him was he was in therapy through everything that he's been going through all this time and he's still living a crazy life and doing a lot of crazy stuff, but he's really working himself out of being that womanizer and needing a woman in his life. And it's taken him a couple of years. I've known him for now like I think

three or four years. And I've seen drastic changes in him over time. You know, because and the one constant that's helping him is that he He has a good therapist who he really fucking likes. And he does that. And he's also living his life and making, I mean, you learn too by making mistakes and doing things. I mean, you're not going to learn by hiding in your room. That's why I don't think it's bad to be with your girl.

But I think you have to start, like, sort of speaking up and being honest about who you are. And a part of that will probably be, like, ending this relationship, maybe when she puts the gun to your head and saying, like, this is just not what I want right now. and there's nothing wrong with that. She'll make you feel like there is because that's what she wants, but it's, you know, she needs to find somebody that's on the same page as her. You're certainly not. Yeah, she's been hitting me up with those questions every once in a while,

saying, are you really serious about me? Because deep down she knows, she knows the truth as well. Yeah, so you're doing her a good favor. But, like, you know, probably really good homework for you would be to exit out of a relationship. Like, have you ever, like, exited out of a relationship? Like, how do most of your relationships end? I have. I'd say for the most part, though,

I'm too much of a chicken shit to end it. So I throw wrenches into it so that it just... You sabotage, right. Yeah, you sabotage. You make them leave you. Yeah, yeah. And I've had a lot of girls leave me because I just sabotaged it.

I would say almost, yeah. I mean, that's what I generally... Yeah, I think it would be really powerful. falls to break up the road right but I think it would be really powerful for you to really just like speak your truth for once in your life to somebody and end it not right now it could be a year from now I don't know but when the time is right or when you really feel it that the courage that to really just say and speak up for like what you want and you know and that's like to not be in that relationship anymore and just to have some time to yourself so you could figure some things out you know and then then take that time like real time like your therapist said one year i say two years take two years off do whatever the fuck you want you know have fun you won't have to you this beating yourself up about like oh i'm gonna fuck people and that's terrible and like you know you won't have to worry about any of that stuff you could do everything you want and there's nothing wrong with it and maybe you'll get

bored of it or maybe you'll be like this is like really great like who knows you know but you have to give yourself a chance to sort of figure out what it is maybe you'll realize you like being single and you want to be single for a while, you know. You don't have a time clock. You could always have kids. You probably will wind up married with kids one day. It's just probably not the right thing. It's definitely not the right thing right now.

And just because you're thinking about it now doesn't mean that you need to do it right now, you know? It's just percolated. It's a new thing. And I think that that's a good thing that you're thinking about it, but just know that it's not, it doesn't have to happen right now. All right. I mean, that's good advice, and I definitely appreciate it. Like you said, it's all the same things that you know, right? It's like most of the time that's what sort of happens.

It's just, it's just a process. You're helping me, like, remove the bullshit that I'm, like, pretending is, like, there. And, like, I know. Like, you're just giving me truth bombs and it's helping me just, you know, stop lying to myself about, you know, could I just move in with her in this happily ever after and never have to ask anyone else again? Like, maybe I could or maybe if I did that. would just be terrible. No, I don't think you're ready.

Repeat the same patterns that my father did. Right, exactly. It's really hard to go. It's really, yeah, it's really hard. Listen, my parents are still married and I still have relationship issues. Just because relationships stay together doesn't mean that people have good visions of, like, relationships from their growing up, you know. But when you have, like, bad things and happen and you have stuff put on you when you're younger,

to do the right things in life and to make things really big changes, it's really, really hard just so you know. So, you know, the easy thing to do is to just move in with her, let it go. I don't know, like do the harder thing. That's probably the right thing, you know? Work against yourself. Like you have to be against yourself at certain times when you're working with, like, dysfunction, you know? I always felt like it's like me against me.

a lot of times in my life. And any time I've moved drastically forward and sort of conquered, sort of not deserving parts of myself, I felt like I was moving forward with fucking bricks on my back. It's so hard to take move forward, but you just have to continue to do it.

So, you know, that's the kind of work that's ahead of you. It's hard work, you know, sort of facing your demons and working against them and rewiring everything, you know. But it's worth it because on the other side will be all those things that you really want. You like companionship. There's nothing wrong with that.

You like having relationships. You'll eventually have that again. But you want to have it where you actually like having sex with that person and you're not sort of freaking out that they want to move in with you. You know what I mean? Like it shouldn't feel that way. It didn't feel that way for your guy friend who's happy, I'm sure, right? I mean, I don't think.

yeah I'm more referring to like lots of people like one person in particular but also a lot of people know you know what I mean it's a certain avatar of my peer group that is just married and happy and seem to have it all together and I'm sure I am but just yeah but you have to also know that there's no like top of a mountain happy place where you get to and then you just exist like and I like that's not life like life is like you get to the top of the about you're happy and then you climb down and you got to climb up another one and maybe you're not happy for a while and then you're not happy for a while and then you're you're not happy for a while and then you're you're you're not happy for a while and then you're get you know like nobody is just like perpetually happy like that that that's like an unrealistic fantasy land that doesn't exist and a lot of times addicts and commitment folks sort of think that those things exist and that's what you're striving for but that's just to keep you out of like fucking reality reality things ebb and flow there's all different kinds of feelings that you're going to have at different times and that's just the way that it is having kids and being married is really fucking hard it's really fucking joyful and happy and amazing. I don't know about the marriage thing, but I'm sure people are married would say that,

but I know about the kid thing, but it's really fucking hard too, you know. So you have to sort of, you know, live with getting used to mundane, no drama, flat feeling life, you know, with ups and downs of feelings, you know, and get used to that before you throw in really big, really difficult commitment issues on top of it, like having kids are being married, you know, because that stuff is hard work even when it's good. You get it? And let me just tell you this, because I'm going to wrap it up, because my kid's coming home. But like, when you listen to this back,

it'll be like a really great therapy session. There's something about hearing yourself in a third person, as a third person, back. That's very transformative. Like the last girl that was on with just like a regular relationship problem, she was like the girl that like nurses, she was like, or after she listened, she's like, oh my God, I was like, I got more out of that therapy session than any of my therapy sessions.

She said, you know, I don't know why my therapist doesn't tape it and let me listen back, you know, because she like heard herself talking about all the stuff that she does, you know. So when you hear this back too, like you'll get something out of it. And then go live your life and make your mistakes and figure it out. And, you know, as long as you want to change and you're looking for answers, they'll eventually come to you. But don't, you know, don't be impatient. Like just give it, give it more time, you know, and keep me posted. And go listen to Dr. Guy episodes.

And don't move in with your girlfriend. Yeah, you laugh. Yeah, I'm not going to. You're not going to? No, I'm not going to. You're not going to? All right, let me know. In two months when she doesn't move in with you,

if she breaks up with you, I'll be happy. I'll look forward to an update. That will probably happen. And there's going to be a moment where it's going to be a moment of wrecking where she's like, okay, well, and I've been there before with other girls. But, yeah, I mean, it is what it is because it's like either short term kind of, I don't say pain, but you don't break up, but at least it's honest.

Yes. Whereas moving in with someone and that's even worse. Yeah, you got to keep your habits. There's something just, you know, honest pain is just at least it's honest, you know? Exactly. You just need time alone. And then I think the real work will start to really happen. And I think you'll have more changes that way than in a reasonable.

relationship. I just, I just think you need time to yourself. All right. Well, I appreciate. Let me know when you guys break up. All right. Keep me posted and, no, but seriously, good luck with everything. Keep me posted and listen to Dr. Guys episode. Let me know what you think. All right. I will do that. All right. Bye. Bye. Thanks for calling in. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession. Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true.

I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read.

You could read, you know, one or two, and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay?

There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. everybody shares content with each other and that's what you get to do there you can post your own pictures and videos there's tons of channels we have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money it's a super fun place to be it's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it i will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my discord it's private like i said all you got to do is

email me a screenshot of your purchase whether you did the audiobook the ebook or the paperback send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.