Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 263 - John is into BDSM and he's a Shibari Expert

Episode Date: December 24, 2018

John calls in to discuss how he got so deeply involved in the bdsm lifestyle and how he became a shibari expert. What does shibari mean? How did he get into it at first? How did learn how to do it? Tune in to find out plus hear all about how and why he wound up in the bdsm world, how he met his first, much older mentor and how he wound up living in her dungeon, how he has managed open relationships with his sub girlfriends, the orgies and threesomes he's been involved in and a whole lot more. To see exactly what he does, check out his instagram page @somoknotco and if you're looking to learn more about shibari yourself, he's open to helping you. Send me an email at [e-mail] and I will pass it on to him. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Santa Port or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. It's real problem. Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain.

Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, I think I've said show like 10 times already, sending me an email at Strickly Anonymous podcast.com. This is a call and advice show where I talk to total strangers about all kinds of things. People call in to talk about their secret lives, their naughty lives.

I like to give people advice. So if you have a problem and your friends don't feel like talking you anymore or your friends don't give good advice, you can call into my show. I give good advice. I think I do. You could go to my website, Stricklandonymouspodcast.com and click on be on the show or submitting an email. It's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. There's a Reddit page where people go, especially people who have been on the show and they go and chat with people about their stuff. So if you want to talk extra to the people who've been on my show, go over to the Reddit page

that these guys set up. It's like Reddit.com slash like talk strictly anonymous podcast. I don't know. Google it. You can find it. It's really. Today I have on a guy named John. John is his real name.

John's going to give you his Instagram name. I should give you his Instagram name because you want to get a visual of what he's. going to be talking about on this podcast because I don't know what the fuck it meant he told me he sent me an email saying he wanted to be on the show and he was into he was a shabari artist now I had never I didn't know what shabari meant uh what it is apparently is like it's something that has to do it and he's like I'm really into the fetish community is it's like a BDSM uh thing and it's a a form of tying people up. But it's like very artistic.

He talks about, he got kind of like, a lot of people like found his Instagram page. He got like 15,000 followers because he's like, kind of really good at what he does. Like I said, he's into BDSM. His, let me give you his Instagram before I forget. It's Somo Not Co. So S-O-S-O-S-O-E.

M-O-K-N-O-T-C-O. You could Google him on Instagram, and then you're going to hear his story, how he got into the whole bondage world, who taught him everything he knows now. That's an interesting story. He's lived in dungeons. He's had orgies, threesomes. He's a dom. He's had subs.

And he's, like, very into Shabari. He's like a Shibari master. And that, like I said, is the art of tying people up. And you should go check out his pictures on Instagram. He talks all about how he got into it, how he got successful. What goes down in the BDSM world and all that kind of stuff, which is always interesting to me because there's always like these side things. And whatever.

So anyway, the interesting part of his story to me is that he's like a guy that was, living in the vanilla world at a very young age, he realized like what he was into, and he wasn't getting, he wasn't satisfied in his relationship just because the girls that he was with weren't into like the kinky stuff he was into. So he sort of gave it up at a very young age, dating regular people and went online in search of like-minded people. And he found them. And I think he's like a success story for other people out there who are sort of living a secret life maybe or are living in the vanilla world even though they're like a lot more kinky or out of the box right and they just don't feel like they fit in but they just don't know how to sort

of get out of that and be true to who they are this is a guy that did that like I said very early on and is like has great relationships with people who know exactly who he is and he gets to be exactly who he is and everybody's happy so anyway I'm going to be right back on with John how are you today well how about yourself I'm doing good. I just looked over your email. You sent it an email and you had used some words that I didn't know. Like one of the words were Shibari and rigor.

I'm like, I'm a Shabari artist and a rigor and like, and I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Right. And, you know, basically you said that you were like involved in the fetish community hardcore enough that you like sort of got a lot of followers on Instagram, right? So I'm assuming like you take pictures of yourself in the fetish world. or like how do you get people like followers on Instagram

with this? Well the Instagram thing is kind of a long story. I don't know if we should start there. First of all, tell me what you're the gist of what you do in the fetish community and what you're into. Okay. Well,

primarily I am a rigor. What does that mean? Rigger. Okay, so rigors tend to be bondage-based, and they tend to deal with a structure, suspensions, heavy bondage, and I don't know. I guess starting off, probably explaining Shibari would be the most... The good point is right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So Shibari is ancient Japanese art of rope bondage. It's very intricate and very complicated, but it's visually stunning and visually complicated. So that is where I live. That is the camp that I live in. And that's what you got into. But first of all, how old are you? You sound kind of young. I'm 36.

Okay, when did you get into all this stuff? Like, when did you, you know, I have like a million questions, but when did you start getting into this that you're like, you know, pretty hardcore into it now? Well, I was always kind of in the kinky camp. I kind of always lived in a kinky space even throughout high school. and but I didn't really start really delving into it till around 25. But did you know what it was? Like did you know, oh yeah, I'm totally into bondage and like that's my thing? Or did it, you know, or like did it sort of evolve into it?

Well, it definitely evolved into it. I was definitely a very, I was, I was, I was into. the aesthetic. I mean, throughout high school, I was a little punk rock kid. So I always always had the plaid zipper pants and the mohawk and the colored hair and the collars and the, so I, aesthetically, I feel like I was kind of always leaning into the camp. I was always chased around the little suicide girl types and the alternative girls. And, I mean, that's just kind of the world I lived in. as a child as a child growing up that's just kind of the world I lived in

and then it and then when you when you're early 20s you said and you started to get into like bondage and stuff like did you meet somebody and you in that like and you were in a relationship and you guys started to do it or did you go to like a sex club and did it like where did you were you first introduced

uh well things weren't really working in relationships for me I always wanted to push things sexually. I always wanted to move into, you know, experiment more with girlfriends and relationships and the girls I was seeing and the girls I was trying to see. And it just with in the vanilla world, things just didn't work for me. So relationships weren't paning out how I'd like them to pan out.

I just kind of got to a point where I was like, I got to kind of figure things out. So I know you kind of, you've heard on your podcast before about FetLife. Yeah. A friend of mine who worked at a sex store, she had mentioned casually in conversation to a friend, FetLife and I started I took that information and stuck to my computer and kind of typed on the computer and figured out what FetLife was and started kind of looking for mentors and looking for places and parties and things to to figure it out for myself. Right, you wanted to find like-minded people, right?

Because it wasn't like you were dating them and most people were kind of quote unquote the normal people weren't into what you were into, but you found a place where maybe you could meet people that were into what you're. And what was it specifically that you were looking for at that time? Like, was there a name for it then? I mean, it wasn't Shabari, right? Like, you probably didn't know of that yet. No, I didn't, I didn't know anything.

I didn't, at that juncture, I just knew I was kinky. And I knew that there was stuff I need to figure out about myself. And did you go looking for guys, girls or like orgies? like, because I know you've done a lot of stuff, so we're going to talk about that. But like, what did you initially go out looking for? Initially, I was trying to find like I didn't really know what I was looking for specifically. I just knew that if I'm, if I keep searching in this vanilla world, I'm, I'm not going to find what, what I'm looking for. Every time I pushed with a vanilla relationship, it just wound up not working out.

I end up getting my heart broken or scaring someone or just didn't work out how I wanted it. So I just needed to figure it out for myself. So I just started exploring. I started exploring on BetLife. I started exploring on Craigslist. I started exploring on, you know, pictures, ink websites, just kind of seeing what was interesting to me. Yeah.

And what did you find? Like what was like your first hookup on there, right? Like I mean, did you, how did you like transition? Because I'm sure you probably first started talking to people and stuff like that. And then did you eventually start hooking up with people? Is that how it went? Well, well, the, the barrier for entry for guys into any kind of kinky scene is pretty high. You have to have people bet you out and approve you to come to their parties.

You have to have people say, you know, this guy is not a creep. He's not going to cause a problem. Right. So it probably took me two years of kind of talking to people online and figuring it out. And a lot of misplaced messages and a lot of, you know, talking to the right people. But what really got me into it was I started answering ads of people who wanted to mentor people. So people would place ads on. They wanted to be the mentors and you would be like the student, right?

Exactly. Right. Okay, that's cool. That was perfect for you. Yeah. I mean, I really, I didn't at the point of. of, you know, typing messages and trying to reach out to people, you know, most girls roll their eyes at any incoming message that you would get on any kind of website,

you know, like you're going to try and slide into somebody's DMs. Most girls are just sickened by it. So, so my next move was, okay, let's find the people who want, who are searching for people. Of course. And, yeah, that's how, that's how I made my move. Mm-hmm. So, and those were the people on Fat Life, right? Or Craigslist, like, those are people that are looking at. Pet Life was my, was, was, was my, uh, my way in. And now who became your first mentor? A girl, a guy. It was actually a married couple. They were well off. She was a pro-dom and she was looking to look, looking for people to, uh, to mentor. Um, and I, I, I, I made friends.

with them. First, I mean, she, she, she had a very, very nice house with a dungeon. I mean, I can't, I can't even express it. It was just a very nice house, like movie theater, jacuzzi tub, pool. Right. They were super wealthy. Yes. Right. Okay, good. So they had the real deal dungeon downstairs, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. I actually, actually ended up living in her dungeon. for about six months. Yeah, you did put that in your email. You lived in a dungeon. I guess that's what you're trying.

So, wait, what was that first experience like? You go to their house. Okay, so, yeah, I go to the house. We actually, you know, smoked a little weed and just kind of talk to each other. So, I mean, it was just kind of a real relaxed scenario the first time. Nothing kinky happened. nothing, you know, was kind of a... Did you find them attractive?

Um, yeah. Yeah. She was attractive and she was very... She's so nice. Niceest person in the world. Um, just a professional at just making friends and being, being a good person. She's just a great mentor to have and I was really lucky to meet her. Right. And now how old was she? Was she way older than you?

Yeah. She was mid-40s, mid-40s. At this point, I was probably like 28. Okay. Yeah. So you're going to be the little sub in this situation, right? No, no, no, no, no, not at all. Not at all. She had plenty of subs.

Plenty of people for me to experiment with. Oh, okay. She was teaching you how to be a dom. Yes, indeed. Okay. Yeah. So the first time we actually played, he had a sub that I had never met. And I mean, we actually got to, you know, experimenting around with it.

Uh-huh. And was it a girl or a guy? Girl. Okay. And she would, like you both sort of worked on the girl? Or like, was it just you and her? Or she was teaching, she was telling you what to do? Well, she had plenty of implement.

She had everything that you could think of to use. And I mean, I kind of always gravitated towards rope. And that's kind of the direction I just went in because, I don't know, I have a fishing background. I know knots. I know. So I just thought that was something I could easily play around with. And she kind of. fostered that. She definitely

in future months, not in this experience, but she bought me my own rope. She bought her ring. She bought everything I would need to learn how to do it. She bought books. She bought books. I mean, she was in a professional at Shibari at that juncture. She definitely is now. We learned

a lot together and, I mean, both kind of went our own ways afterwards. But, yeah, she definitely fostered my ability to do it. And how did you wind up living at the at their in their dungeon. Well, my roommate at the time was, uh, was about to get married.

And, uh, like I, I just, I mean, I just, uh, I had just gotten to a point where I was trying to figure out a new spot. And I was trying to figure out all this stuff about my life. And she was like, hey, live here. Right. Learn this. Come do this. she was a very like you guys became friends I mean she was a great friend right

he was a great friend and what of our husband what did he do during the while this shit was going down was he there in the room too or was he just doing his business this is something that she was into or was he into it too was he a sub or was he a dom too like how did it play out in their relationship

well they were they were Polly and I mean I think he was more of a winger than was into into BDSM. Right. Uh-huh. I think he, he really wasn't as into it as, as, as we were. Right. Um, he, he had a big job and he was out of town a lot.

And I think this was kind of her pet project to keep herself interested and keep herself busy. Yeah, he was cool with that, right? Yeah, he was cool with everything. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I did. Um, not. I think she wanted.

more of a poly relationship with me than I wanted a mentor. I wanted a I wanted a I wanted a I wanted to learn from her and I think she at the end of the day

wanted to foster a poly relationship with me and right that's probably why she invited you to like sleep in her dungeon. Yeah yeah yeah so um but you kept a kind of professional I tried to

I mean in that kind of highly sexually charged environment, of course, things happened. Because, I mean, geez, I mean, I lived in a dungeon. So I'm not going to say things didn't happen between me and her, but. You fucked her many times. And like, right? I'm assuming? Yeah, yeah.

I did. And now, like when you guys would fuck each other, like, because, you're both doms and you're both she's sort of teaching you like was it just straight normal sex or did you guys like get into the whole bondage thing with each other um most of the sexual contact we had was uh as a result of playing with somebody else okay i i like in bdsm to a very complicated and very um intricate foreplay um you know it's it's not just sex, but it's what comes before it. No, I know. I was very surprised at some of my BDSM calls, especially the first ones that I had on my show many, many, many years ago, where I found like a lot of it, the majority of it wasn't sexual.

There was a lot of other stuff going on before the SECS started, right? Yeah, it's, it's like a night of dancing. at the end of the night, then sex happens. Right, right. So not necessarily any kind of sex is happening while BDSM is happening. Right. But when it all comes to the head, everyone's taking their shower and gotten rid of their shackles and their collars, then you're very sexually charged and that's kind of when you go at it, you know?

Right. So after the scenes, after the play, that's kind of when things got to that point. Right. And that's when you would take part because you've said in your email me, like, I've been involved in orgies and threesomes and, you know, blah, blah. Is that how these kind of things come up for you because you're in that world and like when everything's all said and done like your sub and that mentor and you would just all kind of wind up together in a threesome? Yeah, in a roundabout way. Um, now, I mean, this relationship wasn't the end-all be-all of my experience. Yeah, but, um, it was like just the beginning, really.

It was just, yeah, this was, this was when I was still green when I was still new to everything. So where do you go from there? Well, um, I ended up being an A-D-S relationship with another girl. A what? Dom-sub relationship. Oh, okay. Yes. Okay, Dom sub. Okay, with the girl. And where do you meet her on Fet Life or Crises? No, she was actually one of the subs that we were bringing into the house. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. So, you know. Did that lady get jealous at all? Yes. Yes, she did. Yeah, Dawn. Of course. Yeah. No, that didn't end as well as I would have liked it to. Right. Now we're still friends. Good friends now. She got past it eventually, right. Yeah, we all got past it.

But at the time, I was looking for, I mean, she was married. So I couldn't have a real relationship with her. Yeah, she was way older than you. I mean. Indeed, yeah. So I was kind of looking for someone in my own age range. I was kind of looking for my, something of my own. So I ended up moving, moving out, moving on.

With this girl that you met through her. Yes. So, yeah, that was a new whole system. That's kind of the relationship where I kind of solidified myself as a member of the BDSM community on my own and not kind of a student of someone. Yeah, and how great was it to finally be in a relationship where you could be yourself and there was like no boundaries. It wasn't like, you know, like you were with somebody that who was on. the total same page as you when it was into the freaky stuff. It was definitely a breath of, yeah, it was definitely a breath of fresh air.

Right. Um, uh, to, to, I mean, I don't know, like as a student, I kind of always felt a little bit under her thumb. Um, now she was the most generous person in the world and really great to me, but, you know, I kind of felt like I owed her something the whole time I was there and being out from that, under that umbrella was. was nice. Yeah, that's saying, you know, the student always outgrows the teacher.

I mean, it's just the way that it goes, you know? So you eventually, like, left the nest. Now you're in the relationship with this girl. And then did you guys do all kinds of stuff within that really? How long did that relationship last? That relationship lasted, uh, three, four years. Right. So do you guys get into some crazy things together?

Oh, yeah. We definitely, definitely, um, definitely, started being in a more highly sexually charged. I mean, at the beginning, we were, we were just a normal relationship, just figuring stuff out as we would. But after about a year, we're like, okay, let's try and explore the community a little bit. We explored a lot. I mean, we made it to a bunch of munches and a bunches and a bunch of play parties. A bunchers are like, yeah, I heard that from one of my guys on. That's like a place where it's like kind of like a meetup, get together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like a meet and greet. People have them at like a bar or somebody's house or like, you know.

The holiday inn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's more of a play party type situation, but. No, but I mean, no, they have them in the conference rooms. Like, it's like more like a, it's not like, it's like a place where people are just like meeting up and just like talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where, where you would go.

if you met somebody online, you're like, I don't want to meet this person alone. I don't know if they're a crazy person. So probably like let's meet them in a public place where people are all meeting. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's kind of what a munch is in a nutshell. Yeah, that's great. So you started going into those with hers and then.

Well, I, uh, after a while, I started, um, started teaching at dungeons, teaching rope because at this point I was pretty good at rope. And your girl I was obviously into it. Are most subs like to do it? There's a lot of entry, a lot of people, not entry. There's a lot of interest in rope. Right. But there's not a lot of people who are great.

It's just very complicated. It's intricate rope work is hard to come by. And you kind of have to study at it. kind of have to work at it. So I had, I had some, some experience. Right. So, so people were interested in what I was doing. And I was, um, teaching at local dungeons, just, you know, not, not anything too

complicated, just showing them what I knew. Um, and, uh, yeah, we, we, you know, made it around the local dungeons. and I kind of made a local name for myself in this relationship. Because of your rope tying skills. Like at this point, do you know what Shabari means and that that's what you're doing? Is that what you're doing? Is that what you, what you? Yeah. At this point, at this point, I'm pretty good at rope.

Uh-huh. And I don't know. She, she was kind of a burlesque performer in our area. She kind of liked to take photography. She liked to take pictures of herself. She liked to she was a little alt model, you know. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It got to the point where she was like, yeah, find me up and take pictures.

Oh, okay. Is this where the Instagram thing starts to come into play? Um, not even at this point, really. It wasn't until. maybe three years ago. Right. That, that I really got into Instagram.

But yeah, that's kind of where it started. She had photographer friends. She had burlesque friends. And she, yeah, she liked to show off her body. So she had me tire up and take pictures.

Right. Okay. And you would also do it with her friends too? Or like, because she was the sub, right? You were the Dom. Would you bring people into that relationship?

I'm assuming you were. Well, at this point, I guess she had brought me to a play party with one of her, well, not one of her, but the lady who runs her burlesque shows. Okay. She has like this little artist troupe where they do side show performances and burlesque shows and strip teases and, um, Um, she kind of brought me into that world of where I was no longer kind of a behind closed door guy, but more a. Like performance in front of her.

Yeah, performance artist. Exactly. So you were like, you were doing it at the club. I was doing it at, um, clubs. I was doing it at, um, yeah, on stage. I was doing it. at the burlesque place, right? Indeed, yeah.

That's kind of cool. It was interesting that people say, right? Yeah, it was definitely, it was, like, I had no idea how many, like, people would actually be interested in something like that as a performance art. Right. Necessarily. Like, I was just interested in it to, you know, further my kinky interests. And, you know, it kind of turned into a thing where there was, you know,

more of a show aspect of what I was doing. Well, you said it's not just like, I mean, you're not just tying it up. This whole thing. It's like an art form. And you said it's like visually, like studying and it's intricate, right?

So it's probably, it's like, you know, it makes sense. It's kind of like art, right? The way you're doing it, the way you're tying it up. I don't know. I didn't look at your, why don't you give people your Instagram information right now so they could get a visual?

Okay. So my Instagram is Somo, not, co um spelled s o m o a n o t o um i never meant to to have so many followers as i do but uh i mean otherwise it would have came up with a better name so if people no but so if people would go there and look now that like right now right they would see what you're talking about as far as like that oh yeah i mean they would see they would see the the girlfriend i'm talking about they would see that like I even had like a little shit behind my house that I would tie in and take pictures in at the very beginning of now I now I work with photographers and studios but before

I was just you know it was always just like a little hobby of mine right and it kind of you fall into it right yeah yeah but it was something that you were really into right I mean like you said it was just something that you naturally sort of became into because I've heard talk to other BDSM people. And I've never heard of Shibari or they didn't really go deep into the whole rope tying thing, but this really became like the niche part of it

for you, right? People who devote themselves to Shibari are definitely artists. It's something that takes time. You have to study. You have to make sure if you are suspending somebody off the ground

from rope, you have to make sure that you're not cutting off circulation. or hurting someone or you just really have to know what you're doing to perform it properly. Right. I mean, anyone can tie two hands together, but what I do takes a little bit more skill than just tying someone to their bed, you know? Yeah. Like you said, you're suspending them sometimes. You're doing all different kinds of things.

So now you're with this girl and like you guys are, she's bringing you into her burlesque place. You guys start to take pictures, right? And then where does it go from there? Oh, man. Well, we start doing our own play parties. We start throwing. You guys start throwing them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, we had a house at this point. Uh-huh. Not only were we throwing play parties, but we would every once in a while have people over. And, you know, I'd throw events where I teach them. rope or even bring other people in from the community to, you know, educate them on impact play or wax play or electric play. We got involved with a subhaven group, which is just a group of submissives that, you know, wanted to learn more about themselves, which is funny because I actually met my current fianc

fiance at one of those events. I'm no longer in the relationship I was. Right. But I'm talking about now. But yeah, it's it got pretty complicated. Because you met these other people and you were, you kind of had an open relationship you mean?

And then you started meeting somebody else. Well, um, now I ended up at a certain point, even having a submissive on top of the relationship I was in. I didn't even really bring that person into that relationship.

It got real complicated at points. Well, I would think so. If you're having play parties and all that kind of stuff, and she was, like, bringing you to the club and introducing you to all the burlesque girls. I mean, it was kind of like, it wasn't like, I mean, you were kind of like open about stuff, right? Yeah, we were very open.

We definitely had more than one experience with other people. We had threesomes together. we had even a couple different points orgies with people at our play parties. It got pretty complicated. Uh-huh. But did it become a problem? Um, it didn't become a problem until we brought in a full-time other person. We brought in a third to our relationship.

That's when things kind of got hairy. And who had a problem with it? Well, I wouldn't say that I pushed to add a third to our relationship, but she wanted to have a submissive. She wanted to learn to be a Dom. I mean, she wanted to be from a power position. position as well, which I had no problem with. But that person started kind of ining into her her space. Meaning with you? Yeah, with me. We started, I mean, we were

and we were all sleeping together. We were all having time together. But at the point, I was like, I was trying to give her some of the same rights in a relationship that the current girlfriend had she, she started moving to a place. Well, now I want someone of my own. She started moving out and, you know, having side relationships of her own. This is your girlfriend. My girlfriend was having side relationships with other people because I was. Of course, because you were doing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then it got really, like, sort of distant between the two of you. Yeah, I mean, that kind of, I don't know, she didn't like, she didn't like a lot of the and I guess the rights that I was giving someone that I would be in a relationship with. You know, I was protecting her feelings and, I don't know, it's just so complicated to even think about now. Yeah, we don't have to get that into it. if it's just too complicated. But the gist of it is is that it didn't really work when there was like it was okay

when you're doing like the play parties and things were just light and whatever. But when there became like emotions involved like. Yeah, it kind of fractured everything. Yeah, I think it doesn't work for a lot of people. That's that whole Polly thing. I think some people could do it okay, but other people can't. You know, a lot of people can't. Yeah, yeah.

It was, um. I mean, did you like it? when she was getting involved with other people? You know, she gave me a lot of freedom to do what I wanted to do. And I feel like I also gave her a lot of freedom. But when I tried to involve the third person and emotionally involve and emotionally connect

and emotionally, you know, if I'm, if I'm, if I'm, if I have a girlfriend, I want her to feel comfortable, safe, and taken care of and have, you know, the, everything she needs to have to feel comfortable. And in that situation, just exasperated emotions from my current girlfriend. Right. She she felt like her territory was being pissed on. Of course.

Yeah, yeah, that's how girls feel. That's what we're called jealousy. That's what girls feel when they're feeling jealous. Like, that's what's going on when girls are jealous. You know what I mean? It's like they do get a sense of ownership over a guy. You know what I mean? And then it feels like if you feel someone taking it away,

you know, it's very common. Yeah. I think guys feel it too, you know? But anyway, so is that the, girl that you're with now or did that just no no that that ended that all that all ended uh i'm i'm you know the best relationship i've ever been in my life how long you've been with this person a little over a year now why is it the best because well a hey she met me in a place where she understands everything about me.

I mean, like I said, she met, she was part of the subhaven group that I had spoken about earlier. Oh, yeah, right, right. So, so she was actually at a point where she was, she was searching, she was where I was when I was 25. She was kind of trying to make it into the world and find out what it was all about.

and I was a mentor in that community at that point. But she found me at a point where I was established as this person who is a practitioner of BDSM, who was in an open lifestyle, who was doing all of these things. And she met me at a point where that's who I was, instead of, instead of developing as this person or being in these relationships and it being complicated, that's just who she saw me as I, as who I was. Right. That makes me sense.

Yeah, totally. And so, and you've been with her and she's a total sub. Yes, she's, she's a submissive. She's even learning to top now. she's she's she's she's trying to break into that world but um top you means to be a dom yes and do you ever feel do you ever switch

yourself no uh I mean I have um I have switched only I feel like to be a good top you have to know what you're doing to somebody else and experience what you're doing to somebody else. But it's not exactly, I'm, I'm more into doing than I am receiving. That makes any sense.

So I don't, I wouldn't say that, that I, I am a switch, but I have switched just so that I know that when I hit somebody with a flogger or when I tie somebody up, I know what they're experiencing. I just feel like it's best practice to know what you're doing to somebody and to experience what you're doing to somebody so that you know what they're going through. Yeah, I agree. I think that that makes sense for sure. You know, I think that, um, I don't know if they're all, I, I never knew that people

switched so much. You know what I mean? Um, I've heard it recently more from the past couple of people. that I've called in, but a couple of people I've talked to before, like, they don't switch at all, you know. But I think that if you do or you have, it does help in that you can sort of understand from the other person's perspective, right? Well, I mean, if somebody is tied up with a blindfold and they're panicking and you don't know why they're panicking, it might come across as, oh, they're just being. a baby or they're just, you know, they're not, they're, they're just struggling against this because of an assumed reason. But if you've gone through it yourself, it gives, it gives you

clarity as to what they're going through. And if you need to get them out or let them free or let them breathe or you just, you just know, I just feel like it's best practice to know what someone's going through and be able to relate to that as a top. Yeah, right. Yeah. And so now she's looking to kind of switch it up herself. Yeah. Yeah, she's definitely a switch.

She's, I don't know, she's, she's just interested. She's just interested in exploring all aspects. She hasn't had the time that I've had in the community. and she just wants to explore. And I feel like it's a good place for me to let her. Right. And how long in between that last person and this person, like, because when you left that relationship, right,

I said, oh, that's the girl that you went, you know, you said, no, this is, you know, was there a long time in between there? Did you date other people? Well, I mean, that's even complicated, too, because the previous girlfriend I was with, we had even had threesomes with her before. So, like, we were having threesomes with my current girlfriend with the girlfriend I was talking about before.

Right. So we were kind of cursorily, you know, seeing each other while I was seeing the previous girlfriend. Right. So it's a very small, it's maybe it's just like any other world. It's like a small world, right? Like, because it's, you know, you all kind of know each other, right? If you live around the same place and you're going to all these parties, you start to know all the players, right? Yeah, I mean, the parties that we throw and the parties that are thrown, there's probably a irritating cast of 500 people in our area.

Actually, make it out of their bedrooms and, like, participate in an active community. So it's kind of. of a small world. Now let me ask you this, because you're on Instagram, and I don't know if you're the pictures show you, or they just show the girls tied up or whatever. Do people know in your life,

like, you know, the regular people, like your family or, you know, like what you're into and your friends, or is this like a total secret life that you live? Um, it's, it is secret to an extent that my parents and my family

don't know. My sister, has found out just because I'm a figurehead in the community and words gotten out. Most of my friends at this point are... What did your sister say when she found out? Was she like, what the fuck? She, I don't think she was real surprised. Like I said, I was always a little punk rock kid. I was always kind of a little, a little different.

I wasn't walking around in a pastel polo shirt and khakis. I was wearing zipper pants and and Ramon shirts and cutting my hair into mohawks. And I was just, I was always a little bit different. Uh-huh. So, I mean, she grew up with me. So I don't, I don't think it was that big of a shockwave for her to find out that I was a kinky person. the community. Right.

And then as far as on your Instagram, right, where people look, are you, does it show your face or is it strictly the people that you're tying up? No, I'm in a few pictures. I'm in a few, you know, action shots. But more often than not, it's either I'm behind the camera taking the picture or I've gotten out of the way. How did the Instagram thing come up? So, like I said, I was in this artist troop type deal, and I mean, they had a photographer.

You know, he was like, oh, I want to take pictures of, this is really neat. I want to take pictures of it, blah, blah, blah. So a couple photos shoots later, I had, you know, I had some pictures, and I just had, I had pictures. stored up and eventually someone was like oh well you should start an Instagram account you've got pictures of yourself you've got these are really neat you should you should display them somewhere and it shouldn't just be sitting on your hard drive there's they should be out so um at a certain point I put I don't know maybe five six pictures on an Instagram account and I mean it didn't really

really go anywhere the first time I posted my pictures. But one day we decided to set up the camera. We invited some girls over, and I tried them all of them, took pictures out of my shed. I want to say five girls came for that day. Where do you find them? They're just a part of the group, right? Because you must know so many people now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were just part of our friend group. People who were interested in, you know, they either hadn't been tied up before. or they hadn't, you know, hadn't had pictures of themselves. I mean, they're all members of the community, so they want to add stuff to their FetLife accounts and seen. So I just kind of lured them in by saying, if you want to get tied up or if you need pictures for your accounts or whatever, come over to my house and we'll set up this little photo shoot.

and I took, you know, maybe 10, 15 good shots, and I put them up on my Instagram account. And I don't know, one day, I don't know if somebody reblogged some of my pictures or shared my pictures. but one day I had like it just blew up I mean like like in one day someone someone big that probably had a lot must have like I mean tweeted or something whatever right my first picture maybe had like 56 followers right and or 56 likes rather and then one day like 250 likes wow okay 300 likes, 400 likes. I went from, I think I went in one day from having 200 friends to 1,500 friends. Right.

And it just kind of like, it was actually pretty shocking. It was shocking for me. Like, I, you know, I was just kind of, I'll put them up. I don't have them anywhere to display. and it was it was it was a waterfall yeah that's crazy and then it's and then it just kept trickling down I mean like how long because you said you're up to like 15,000 now and it's not like you do any kind of advertising right maybe you'll get more people now as well I mean I mean I I would as a Instagram follower does go on you know I look up Shabari and like people's pictures

and you know I mean just go out go and seek the thing that I'm interested in but like I like I you know I wasn't I wasn't any kind of like Cam model or somebody who's like like seeking out fame it just kind of happen Does it still seem like it's like growing as we speak? Well I haven't I haven't posted as much on Instagram lately as I was because now now now I'm sending some of the photos that I take in studio to magazines. Oh, interesting. Okay.

Yeah. So are you getting paid for them? Here and there. Uh-huh. Not necessarily, I mean, more as submissions for the models themselves, the models are usually getting paid, but it's still a hobby for me. I never meant it to be a career. I've got a, I've got a job.

Yeah, but they do say when you, if you, you know, get paid to do what you love to do. You know, so you could probably put that all, you have so many photographs at this, but you could probably put it all in a book. Yeah. I mean, one day that would be a dream. I've got a photographer that I work with pretty regularly. It's been kind of banking some of our stuff. And it would be fantastic if we could reach a publisher somehow.

Yeah, but that's like a good erotica kind of book, right? I'm thinking of turning my podcast into like a, a book, right? I have like so much content already. Like, right? When you have like all this content, you could like bring it, put it together and create a book out of it. Why not, right? Especially because like this, what I

do is like what you do. It's just like a hobby. It's like what I like to do. I'm not getting paid to do this, but I've been doing it for four years regularly, you know? I do it on my own free time because I love doing it. It's like what you do it. But if you, to monetize stuff like that is the key to fucking life. That's what it's all

about. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, you know, I never meant it to be a career or any kind of thing like it's definitely something that's fun with. And, you know, if I make money one day from it, it's an extra bonus. Exactly. But it's not why we're doing it at this point. No, what I'm doing, I'm doing it for, you know, like, A, to figure out my relationships and my own adventures and, you know, B to fun. It's a fun way to live your life. Right. So what's the craziest thing, you and your girls, or just not even like this girl, because you've been, you've been sort of in the fetish world for a really long time, right? Why don't we leave off with like your craziest story, like, are you the best night ever? And then maybe like anything like gone really wrong with your tying up.

Well, I guess, I mean, I had mentioned you before, threesome's and orgies. Yeah. So I guess the craziest night, or craziest thing that I had ever done was one year we threw a New Year's party. And one of our guests came with a big bag of ecstasy. Oh, wow. For everybody. Yeah, like enough for a good 25 people. Right.

So, I mean, that was kind of an unplanned situation, but I mean, it was a room full of kinky people who are already planning on playing, and then someone brings in the wild card of, oh, here's a thing that's going to let all these already kinky people who like to let loose all of their inhibitions. Yeah, totally imagine. What the fuck do they do? Oh, man. Do they turn into regular people? No. I mean, that was just like a bonus multiplier. Everyone, everyone who is normally pretty uninhibited, just kind of extra uninhibited.

Yeah. I mean, that turned into a full-fledged three different room orgy. that that just that went that night it's hard to even piece together just everyone having sex with everyone hands on hands on people on I mean yeah

now do you go both ways or you're just strictly with girls I'm I'm straight I'm definitely definitely a straight guy your girls are more by right yeah I mean I don't know I feel like nowadays like there's more by girls than straight girls in the world. Right.

But that might just be in the world that I'm in. But it seems like every girl on Instagram is making out with another girl, you know? Right. Uh-huh. And now your girl, she's into other girls, of course.

And so when you're at this party, it's like a free-for-all, right? The ecstasy party. Yeah. I mean, that, that, that, I mean, we had,

had a group of maybe eight people in our bedroom kind of just going at it. Right. All day long. Well, I mean, that spilled over into our spare bedroom and our living room. And, I mean, we had dungeon furniture out in our living room and people were just spanking each other. It was it was the craziest free-for-all that I think I've ever

even witnessed. It is the ecstasy. You know, so you guys should bring ecstasy to more parties. Well, I mean, it is definitely an interesting, it's an interesting thing to happen, but

you don't need it because like you said, you're mostly very, I'm older now and like, I don't know, I've got a professional job. I don't want to, you know, going to work one day and then, you know, piss test man, come back with whatever in my system. But, you know, every once in a while. Have you ever fucked into in this world, like, you know, somebody from your work or somebody that you knew that you didn't know was sort of involved in the community? Not yet. But I have ran into my sister's friends.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. The sister that knows. my sister that knows now I've definitely I mean I think that's how word got back to her in the first place but yeah like I've been at I've been teaching at events teaching rope you know to people and oh oh there's one of my sister's old roommates are oh my god so funny yeah yeah yeah yeah so um yeah never at work but definitely definitely at uh friend circles have have merged right so where are you out with your relationship now are you planning on like because you've been with her for just a year but you say like she's like the best relationship ever do you plan on like maybe getting married do you have that kind of oh yeah um i i got engaged in october oh congrats that was recent yeah yeah yeah so um we we we just bought a house together and

we're engaged. And we're, you know, we're actually throwing our first play party ever this weekend together. Oh, that's awesome. And now you're not going to open up this kind of situation and make it all sticky and stuff, right?

I don't think we're going to be adding anybody to our, um, you see how it's caused your problems in the past. Oh, indeed. Yeah. No, no. You don't want to fuck. this one up, right? No, I definitely don't. She's the greatest person, most supportive person that I've

dated, but I mean, I don't, I don't see us closing it off to like playing with other people, but I'm definitely not going to let people, I don't think I want to let people into our relationship. Yeah, and even if someone tries, don't go there because you don't want to like give this one reason to get mad at you. you know what I mean that kind of a thing so that's great congratulations you're getting married I mean I think you're like it's like great to hear your story because you were somebody that was like having

all kinds of problems and there's probably people like you that are like older and also your age that like have the same difficulties that you had before you sort of decided to like give all that up like you were like trying to have regular relationships in the vanilla world with regular people and it just wasn't working because you weren't really being true to who you are But then my my advice to people is definitely like,

let your freak flag fly. Don't, don't push it. Don't push it in a closet somewhere. Just try and figure it out. Because there are people that like, I think there are like, look, you found 500 people in your neighborhood that like the same shit you do, right? I mean, there's like there was a community out there and you just have to go looking for them. So I think that, you know, it's,

it does go like your story shows that it's just like if you just be true to who you are and go live out your thing and then and you found relationships with women who are on the same page and I think that that's like really important so it's not like you're going to be like living a double life behind

your wife and then she's going to find out one day and you're going to have to get fucking divorced you know you didn't so like you're ahead of the game you know that's like the way I mean I just I feel like everyone's got

something that they're interested in or want to figure out about themselves and you know hiding it suppressing it just turns you into a negative person or it never it never winds up good for the person who suppresses themselves no and a lot of times i think living a double life um it takes a lot of energy you know there's a lot of energy that it goes involved into that right and then you have all the energy going into your real life right and then all your energy you know and it's just like fucking exhausting. Isn't it just easier to be yourself? I think it's hard when you get like a guy.

You know, I've had guys call it and they're by and they're like, you know, I want to like, you know, maybe it's going to be hard to find a girl that they're totally into that would. But you know what? I've had guys on here who have, have girlfriends or wives and they know that they're by and they're cool with it, right? So just like I think if you just stick to who you are and, you know, be true to yourself that you could find there's somebody for everybody. You know what I mean? being being in the community that I operate and there's there are all types there's every type and you know there's somebody for every type there's multiple people for every type you don't even have to oh well I just find this one person there's you're gonna need like 40 of them because you got to

find the one person out of all them that you like that are you just got to look in the right place yeah and that's what you did you said you said fuck it you You're not going to date, but know the people where you went to the internet to find, like, where the people that were a little bit more kinky existed, right? And you started to chat and it took time, but eventually, you know, you started to make connections. And now you have, now you're like the Shabari artist, right? And people could go to your, to see what this is all about, right, now that they've heard about it. They could go to your Instagram.

Give your Instagram name out again so we could plug you. So Mo Notco. S-O-M-O-K-N-O-T-C-O. So Somo not Co. And that's on Instagram and people can see exactly what you do. And cool. Now, if anyone writes in and they want to, like, get information on or anything, can I forward them over to you?

Absolutely. Absolutely. If anyone has any questions. Because you were a teacher. Yeah. I do. I do keep what I would happy, happily give resources out on my Instagram page. So, you know, if they want to ask any questions or want to ask how to get, how to navigate

FetLife or barriers of entry, I would love to help them get it out for themselves. All right. Awesome. So if anybody, if anyone wants that information and you want to be put in touch with John, send me an email at Strictly Anonymous podcast at gmail.com and I'll forward it on to you. Okay. Sure. All right.

Thanks so. Thanks so much for calling in. Everyone go check out his Instagram. Well, thank you. Okay, thanks so much. Bye. Good luck on your marriage. Bye.

Thank you. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show.

Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person.

And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letter. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting

the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. and I will send you the link to Discord.

So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.