Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 264 - Where are They Now 2018: Is Shelly Still Dating a Fake Boyfriend? Plus Other Guest Updates

Episode Date: December 31, 2018

Shelly calls in with an update about what’s going on with her previous fake boyfriend and then talks about what’s is going on with her new “boyfriend.” Is she still a commitment phobe? Is she till hooked on her ex fake boyfriend? Is this new guy a real boyfriend or he just another fake boyfriend? Tune in to find out plus hear quick updates about the following guests: Gym Douche(episode. #199), Vaughn (episode #209), Dr. Guy (episode #210), Tommy (episode #218 & #255), Steve (episode #226), Sarah (episode #240), Olivia (episode #253). **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. Motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and change. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the strictly

anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, this is a call-in-vice show where I give total strangers my unprofessional advice. It's also just a place where people can call in, well, and reveal their secret lives and their naughty lives, while remaining completely anonymous. If you want to be on the show, send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com or go to my website, Strictly Anonymous Podcasts and click on Be on the Show. Today I have on an update from this girl who called in a while ago named Shelly. She was episode 2.28. She had like a fake boyfriend that wasn't even really her boyfriend, that might have had another fake girlfriend and she didn't know. and there was just a lot of crazy drama going on with Shelley.

And when I reached out to everybody who called in this year and said, do you have an update, she seemed to have a long-winded one. So I was like, why don't we just tape a whole episode, which we did. And on this episode, we talk about what's going on with that fake boyfriend,

what's going on with a new boyfriend that she has. And what I did when she first called in is she, like, had this fake boyfriend. I was like, you need to just fucking ask what's going on. because she was wondering if he had a fake girlfriend and she did actually call him up like the next day and I think we wound up taping that

and getting like the instant gratification of having the answer to what was going on right away. That happened again in this podcast. She has had some questions with her new boyfriend that I was like, what the fuck? You have to like talk to this guy and figure out what hell is going on. And she was like, okay, I'm on it.

And she did. So after me and her talk about the whole situation what's going on and I come up with some questions for the guy. She goes and talks to him to find out where his head's at and we get that update immediately, as well as like I said, the update of what's going on with her other fake boyfriend. There's still a little drama there and I was like, what the fuck. But I give her some good advice of how to get over that. So I think for anybody that hasn't been able to cut the cord with a bad X,

sometimes they're the most addictive, right? Like they're the ones you can't get away from the most. If you even have like even 1% It's still like torture if you ask me So if you want to you are in that situation Listen to this podcast because I think I give her so good advice Like advice that has helped me get out of those kind of like really bad situations I have some other updates

I'm going to be taping a couple people some really good ones This month of January But I have a couple other updates of other people from this past year Just people that didn't have like a whole episode's worth of updates remember Sarah, she was episode 2.40, she was like bisexual and had three sons with her boyfriend and wanted to do that again. She was with like a hot guy, but they were doing it. But she was looking forward to doing it. And I think I made the prediction that she'd be doing it with him sometime soon. But unfortunately, a month after we spoke, her boyfriend got really ill. She

didn't tell me what was going on with him, but they spent like the whole year. I mean, that was like the beginning of this year. So they spent the whole year, which was a long time dealing with his sickness and it definitely of course took its toll on their sex life so there hasn't been any threesomes or any sex I mean she was having issues with him sexually because it wasn't really happening then

and this just made it worse so that's a bad news update she and her boyfriend are both looking forward to this year and hoping that things are going to be better and I think what she said in the email was that things were looking up so you know I hope

that things are better for them this year remember divorced Steve he was episode 2 26 he got divorced and realized he was heteroflexible was the word he used he dug guys he was into women um and i think he was just going to like play the field that's where we last left off but turns out that steve did like a whole 180 he wound up hooking up or like meeting with or talking to his ex high school crush like not even his ex sweetheart like he would never dated her She was a girl that he really liked, like, 35 years ago when he was in high school, and they got together. I mean, it was a whole story that he gave me, but he didn't want me to get too specific. But they got back together after 35 years of not seeing each other.

And now they are happy having sex in a relationship, and he's not sleeping with guys. He's just leaving with her, and she's doing it for him. So that's great news for divorce, Steve. He's happy. he's more heterosexual right now, but we don't know. He says he has a kinky life with her, so maybe eventually he'll be able to let her know

about his interesting guys and they could bring that into their relationship. Remember that guy pinballs, pin, pin, pin from 249, episode 249? He used sexting as a way to really keep things sort of hot with his wife who wasn't into sex that much. That's still like a Band-Aid on their relationship. He told me that like things are still sort of

status quo, but sometimes he just gets frustrated. Like I said, I think it's like a bandaid that's covering like a deeper problem between the two of them. And eventually I think it's going to maybe not work at all anymore and they're going to have to do something about it. But for right now, he's still using that as a way to get his needs met, which a lot of times are being met. So the sexting is still kind of there. But when it goes away, he's like very unsatisfied. Remember the whose escort story went very wrong. It was Vaughn episode 209. Remember he picked an escort and worried that he had herpes?

Well, he definitely doesn't have herpes. He never told his wife. And his wife eventually had a daughter. His baby was born. I think she was pregnant when we spoke. And that kind of has kept him out of trouble. So no more escorts, no herpes. And he's doing the right thing.

So all's good there. And then remember Olivia from episode 253? She was the guy that had the narcissistic ex-boyfriend, and she had a new boyfriend, but she couldn't really get over the ex-narcicist. She told me shortly after she listened to her episode that she was like very, it was very helpful to hear herself talking about, like,

him and how bad he was and how attached she was still with him, like hearing herself as a third person that way, really shed light on like, what the fuck was she doing in that relationship. So she ended things with him, but now they're friends. Like she wasn't, she no longer weren't sleeping with him, but they're friends. So that's good. They're just friends. The bad news is that her new boyfriend, who she was dating, is out.

But that's okay because that was probably maybe like a, you know, a rebound situation. And she's happy being alone and being solo for the time being, which I think is always helpful and needed for people. I'm going to give you some updates to some of my friends who've been on the show. Dr. Guy, I remember him. He's like a great. ongoing guests. And I'm going to have him and his new girlfriend back on the show recently because he's still dating that girl that's like he's having an open relationship with. And they are just like attending tantric meditation, sex weekends. They're like all over. Like they're mechinos and abiza learning tantra and sex and having orgies and threesome. Like you wouldn't believe what's going on with him. So he's doing good. Like I said, I'm going to do an actual podcast with him. And he's, and his girlfriend together and then his girlfriend separately because she's very interesting on her own. Jim Dush. Remember him? He was the one that was like, had that girlfriend and they were like having threesomes in Vegas and he's it. I call him Jim Dush because he's like the biggest fucking douchebag on the planet. He's still a douchebag. That girl, I think her her family had like an intervention with him or something. I mean with her because he was very anti her family and he got her in lots of fights because he's a douchebag. And I think they all came together.

and said, you got to do something about it. She came here for a trip, and he said the wrong things or pushed her the wrong way, and she called the cops on him and got him thrown in jail. And like I said, I really think, I mean, she was, like, obsessed with him and into him in a negative way, because he's a negative guy. I mean, nobody wants to date a fucking asshole like him. So anyone that does has issues, right? But I think something came over her.

Either she had just had enough, or, like I said, I think maybe her family did an intervention. It was like, get the fuck away from that guy. put him in jail, do what you got to do, and end that. He called me up, like, freaked out because he had spent, like, overnight in jail in New York City. And she was gone, and he never saw her again. And, I mean, she never contacted him again. That was the end of that relationship. And, of course, he's back in another relationship with another crazy girl.

I mean, I personally think any girl that would ever date him has to be nuts. because he's not really that nice of a person. He's pretty vicious, actually, and he shows that viciousness very early on. So you probably say, like, why are you friends with him? But I'm not really, like, friends of him. I knew him from the gym, and he's, like, a fucking character. So maybe once a year when I talk to him, like I said,

hey, you want to be on my show. So that's Jim Dush. Tommy, ex-co-host Tommy, Tommy, Dickless, divorcee, Tommy, is still, he's not Dickless, I wouldn't say. He's definitely got his game back. I think we had a whole. episode about that. But he doesn't have a relationship. He's not in a relationship, but he's good. He's doing his thing, and he'll probably be in a relationship soon because he's like a relationship

guy. So anyway, those are the updates that I have. I'll have more. They're all throughout the month of January, and I'm going to be right back on with my update with Shelley. Welcome back to the Strictly anonymous podcast. How you doing today? I'm good, Kathy. Thanks for having me back. Yeah, I love to do end of the year reviews. I always eat. email everybody and some people like I do a mash up and explain what's going like some people don't have that much new stuff going on some people do all I know about you because some people email me back and tell me everything that has happened and then we tape the episode right but with you you just said that you wanted to be back on I have no idea what you're going to tell me or what your update

is but what I do know is what I'm going to tell people about you and just remind them who you are You're Shelly, fake name Shelly, right? You called in and it was like, it was like kind of like a funny title. It was like, does Shelly's fake boyfriend have a real girlfriend or some shit like that? Like you were like in one of these kind of like torturous relationships with your neighbor, right? Wasn't he like your neighbor or something ridiculous? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had a very weird relationship with him in that you guys were like very incestuous and like sort of like doing everything like that people who date do. But yet you weren't having sex. So you thought he had another girlfriend.

It was obvious that he did. I think he eventually admitted that he did. And you were trying to sort of cut that court because it was still sort of going on in your mind. I remember like I uncovered a lot of other sort of drama shit that was going on. And I remember one thing. I remember you telling me something about being like, I don't know. And I remember feeling kind of bad about it because I called you out on it. Like I was like, you're a fucking mess and you need to like grow up because you're like older.

You're like around my age. You're in your 40s. And you had like, there's all this. garbage you were dealing with like unpaid fines or potential arrests like and i was like if i can get your shit together you know and i think we left it off where you were going to call me and i was going to hope that by the end of the year you have cleaned up your act right so now you are here to tell me what is going on i have no idea okay um you'll be happy to know that yes i've gotten my shit together I went back into treatment for my borderline personality disorder.

Oh, okay. Did we uncover that you had borderline? Did you talk about being borderline last? No, you just called me out on my shit and called me a hot mess and didn't let me tell you that I was right, right? Well, yeah, no, I am a hot mess. But I was a hotter mess than I should have been. Right. Okay, so your borderline, did you know this when we were talking or like, is this something that you figured out like in therapy and stuff?

I have, I've been diagnosed for years. Oh, okay. So you knew when we were talking. So I did know this when you're talking, but, you know, I start to get out of control and I don't actually realize it until somebody calls me on my shit. Yeah, or sometimes you forget yourself or you forget yourself because you're just involved in your stuff. Especially, well, and especially when you're doing well, you tend to forget all of the self-care things that you need to do to stay well. Uh-huh, right.

So what, so I know. we last spoke, you were like, and things that were kind of over with that guy, right, but he still lives next door. I know that you were in therapy. You had just picked it up, and I was like, that's like really good that you're in therapy. So what kind of happened after we spoke until

now? Okay, so after we spoke, I realized, you know, I just need to let Scott go and, you know, try to be friends with him. And I kind of eased back on the friendship

because I was still having a hard time with the whole rejection thing. Going back into therapy has helped with that. Realizing that, you know, it's not me and it's not my decision. It's his decision and whatever. He has his own issues. So that helped me ease back on the friendship. And then... But how did you really cut the cord?

Because he was living, like, right next door. I mean, like, oh, yeah. Well, I'll tell you. When I went back into therapy, I started feeling better and started detaching, you know, the friendship and, like, stopping going over to family dinner on Thursday and Friday night. Like, I had been for months and, you know, hanging my hat on that. Right, right. Like, oh, he'll see the light if I go to dinner, right? No.

And so I all summer did not hang out with him at all. And actually met somebody else that I really like. And we'll call him Jack. Okay. But so I met this guy Jack that I really like. And, you know, we're taking it really slow. It's been a couple months, and we just started having SEX, as you say. Right.

All right. Just about, just about, like, three weeks ago. So we're taking it relatively slow and getting to know each other and enjoying each other's company. Okay, can you do your favorite and stop moving in the background? Whatever you're doing, a lot of moving, and I could hear all of it. Okay. Okay. Hold on.

I am sitting down. Okay. Stop moving all that. shit in the better. How is this? Is this better? Yeah, much better. Very big difference. Okay. Okay. So are you, I hope that you and, like, besides calling him quote unquote, Jack, do you call him your boyfriend? Do you guys call each other boyfriend girlfriend? We have not defined the relationship, although, um, I would, I would consider as boyfriend, girlfriend. Um, oh, no. But, um, I'm not, like, I smell, I smell a problem. Oh, no.

No, you don't. No, you don't. Oh, yes, I do. This is why I smell a problem, okay? Oh, my God. No, just listen. Because if anyone listened to your last episode, we know that you're like,

just came out of being, like, attracted to an unavailable guy that was, like, so weird when it came to dating. Like, you, like, and you guys didn't have sex. And it was, like, really bizarre. It was as slow as you could go. So now you meet a guy. And it's so slow.

that it took you three months have sex with him? No, no, no. We've only been, like, seeing each other for, like, two months. Okay, did he try to have sex with you, though? And you were like, no? Like, he was at least trying, right? Like, he's not another weirdo with sex, right?

No, he's not another weirdo with sex. Like, because, like, there was this thing in this movie recently. I forget what movie it was, but, like, the guy wasn't, like, trying to fool around with the girl, And she was like, wow, like, why haven't you tried to flow around me? He's like, because I really like you. She's like, wow, that's so nice.

I would be the same way. And then, but it turned out like a guy was gay. And, like, that's like really true. So we all want to say, like, oh, yeah, that's really nice if a guy's, like, not making any passes at you for the first two months. But, like, that should be, like, a warning sign. He totally was, he was, like, totally courting me. Like, he would take me out to dinner and pay and, you know, just. He was making out with you?

Was he making moves? Was he trying to put his hands on your pants? And you were saying, no. just tell me no it actually he was just like courting me

like we'd go out on like an old fashioned date like we go to the movies and dinner listen a little no no no no no no let me finish Kathy you do this all the time

I know I do you're right I look at my reviews people comment all the time about me interrupting but I want I know about pulling around

so no we would cuddle and you know I'm not talking about toddling and cordon. No, I'm talking to you about like, you know, we'd go to second base and it would just be like, okay, we're not, we're just not going to go further right now. Who's we? Well, you guys would discuss it.

He would try and you would say no. Yeah, no, because, yeah. But did he say we shouldn't go further? Because that's weird. I'm sorry to say this in the Me Too movement. People are going to be up and arms with me because I'm talking like the guys sound like they should be rapists or they're not normal. But I just think it's a little weird. No, it is totally a little bit weird, but.

So it was a little bit weird. We both have had some boundaries and things that, you know, didn't want to just have a hookup relationship because, you know, I had that fuck buddy who I've totally ghosted. Because he is recently divorced from his high school sweetheart. And he, this is like the first that he's entered that he wants to. The first what? It got cut off.

Kind of like the first relationship type of dating, dating thing that he wanted to, wants to. I'm just saying everything that your therapist thinks in her mind. I know. My therapist thinks I'm a whack job. She laughs at me. What are you talking about? No, no, no. I'm not talking about you.

okay here listen you're not a whack job you're uh you know everyone has fucking issues i have my own so we all have our stuff right this is just a this is just your time so we're talking about you and the guy i'm talking about the guy the guy is a little weird

i'm telling you though um so you know i am always just like totally obsessed with like if somebody who's want to be around me they don't like me and they don't love me and I needed to know that he wants to be around me for me and not just for sex. Because I had that really fucked up fuck buddy relationship going for like two years. And I mean, I've told him, no, it's not going to happen anymore.

And he still texts me. So you were like, so what you're saying is like what you kind of were putting out to the universe. Like what your mind was saying was like or what you felt was that you didn't want to sort of get in a very like a relationship that was sex right away like you needed to wait because of the stuff that you went through and so you met a guy and attracted a guy that was sort of feeling the same way and he didn't pressure you at all exactly exactly and then you know when we did end up having sex it just unfolded naturally it didn't it wasn't like a plan thing and it was you know spontaneous and it just happened because it was time for it to happen and it was good

And I just, yes, very good. It was, yeah. And of course, you know, he's younger than me. I don't know what that's about with me. How old is, how old are you again? You're in your 40s, right? Jack is 41, and I just turned 49 in September. That's fine.

I called you immature on the first one. I remember that. You're like a little mostly immature. So you probably would get along better with a guy that's 41 than a guy that's 65, like 55. Probably because I don't, you know, I, Jack has a ship, together like financially and you know that type of togetherness yeah more than I do yeah more than I ever can even imagine having my shit together yeah that's good um so he doesn't matter that he's younger than you he's the man in the relationship exactly exactly him right exactly yes I do which is important

regardless of age or anything it's just you know it needs to be exactly looking up to him not looking down on him whereas I always dated guys that I look down on you know what I mean Because it's like, what the fuck, fucker? Yeah, but you get a job. Well, it depends. You know, whatever that means. But like for you, it's good that you look at this guy and he has, you know, he could sort of be the man in the relationship.

So you guys took it very slow. You started to have sex. Yeah. But you're not. Why no boyfriend girlfriend things? When you're old like we are, like that boyfriend girlfriend should come up like right away. Like what, like, have you had discussions about it? Um, no, I will be honest. We have not actually had discussions about it. And I'll also say, Kathy, for me, I'm not so sure that really matters.

It does matter. You know why? Because this is why I'm going to tell you. No, no, this is what I'm going to tell you, Shelley. Okay, please. Please. Okay. Because you don't want to wind up, like this is a pattern for you, right? So you don't want to wind up in another fake boy. boyfriend relationship, okay? You just ended one, okay? So you need, and why you don't want to bring up the conversation, you could say everything that you want. I think it's because deep down inside, you're afraid that if you say that he's going to say no or, you know what I mean? or you're not going to get what you want because that's what you want.

Maybe so, you know what I mean? It's out of fear. But you need to get that up and out there and settled, like, right away for you. because if not what's going to happen is you know you make it go on it turns out this is another fucking weirdo he's going to be like no by the time you ask him but by

that time you're fucking addicted to him do you understand and you can't get away. You are absolutely correct so you need to keep yourself somebody like you needs to keep themselves in reality at all times because what happens is fantasy

I'm the same way I have these kind of problems this is why I know Shelley Okay, I'm not talking down to you. I understand you. I don't take it that way. Yeah, I understand you. Okay, so you need to stay in reality and get the fun. You need to have that habit at all times.

You can't even let one month, more month go by not knowing because you will then just create the same situation. Do you understand? I do. I do. You need to fit. You need to do that. And so you have to have that conversation with him ASAP. I completely agree.

And any guy that really likes you will be like, yes. Like, you know, maybe he'll be really happy that you say that. And if he's not and he says weird things and it's like, you could like get the fuck out. You know what I mean? Yeah. And maybe he's not wanting to talk, you know, maybe he's not wanting to talk to me for the same reason. Well, we don't know, okay. And we don't know.

You know, guys, unfortunately when you're dating when you're really old. Unfortunately, when you date when you're older. Everyone has like a lot of baggage. So you know what I mean? Everyone shows up with, you know, it's not just your fear you're dealing with because of past stuff. You're dealing with his. It's not like guys don't have their own shit that they're dealing. You know what I mean?

So. Well, I know. And that's what I'm saying. It's just being chicken shit about to make the first move. Yeah, you just, you need to be because you have to do it for you. That's what you have to do for you because you are the type of person. Like everyone will say, there's probably people listening to this is like the guy who wrote men are for Mars and women for Venus would be like that's the worst thing.

she could do, you know what I mean? But for you, you have to. I'm, I'm apt to be like buying a house and, you know, having a happy home within a month. You know what I mean? No, I don't know. My fantasy land. No, my fantasy land. You take me there. Yeah, and listen. And then it's even more crushing to be rejected at that point. Exactly. So, and listen, I believe in Insta. Yes, and I believe in Insta relationships. I think when people really meet people that they really like, like there's no reason why two months in, if you're seeing each other at a time that you shouldn't know that you want to commit to each other.

You're not 20 years old. I think it's different when you're younger. It could take longer. But when you're older, it's like what the fuck needs to be figured out here? Do you know what I mean? And so you need to just bring that up and have that discussion and feel him out and see where he's at. We can't read his mind.

I don't know enough yet about him. They're, you know, but you need. to find out what the deal is. Yes, you are right. And when you put it that way, it makes complete sense to me. It's like this call is karmic. And no, and not only that,

I think, like, how great would it be? Like, imagine, like, you say that to him, and he says, yeah, I see you as my girlfriend. Like, I want to be your boyfriend. And, like, and you're, like, in a relationship and everything's good. Like, I mean, it's a, 50, 50, like, imagine he says that and everything's cool.

Like that would be, how happy would that make you? That would make me ecstatic. And the only thing that keeps me from doing that is my own fear. Right. But you lied to me like 10 minutes ago when I said, why haven't you said, oh, I'm happy, not saying it. I don't want to just now. I didn't realize how, I didn't realize my fear. Right.

Is what was holding me back and keeping me in. that I'm happy right now. Yeah, you're happy because you're living in that state of being able to fantasize and think that maybe it's going to be something, whatever. But that's not reality. Like what is really going on between you guys? Exactly. So I didn't really lie to you, Kathy.

I just, because I am happy. I just didn't realize that I was afraid. And yeah, lying to myself. Yeah, and you just need to be, you need to just keep somebody like you that has the tendency to go into fantasy land with relationships and then hang on for way too long and waste your fucking time. It's your life. Life's too short for wasting your time ever again with another person like that last guy. You know what I mean? Like Scott?

Yeah, like anyone. You have to, like you, you have to demand more for your life. You want a real relationship. You want the real things in your life. This guy could be a really good guy. I don't know. I haven't asked you enough questions about him, you know. Well, yeah, and I didn't call to talk about him.

It's okay, but let's just talk about him, and then we'll get to the other stuff. But I think that, you know, the reason why I had to go down this spot was the last conversation we had was all about you having a fake boyfriend, and now you have another guy that's so slow and you haven't talked about that, you know what I mean? So it's hard for me not to sort of worry that there could be another pattern going on, and I just want to make sure that that doesn't happen to you. Like I said, this guy could be the one. could be the good one for you. I don't know. You know what I mean? Seriously. So you have to do that

for yourself and that will give you more confidence to do like to be more of that kind of person that has a voice for yourself in this relationship with him and that's what you have to do. So if you could have the balls to take that first step and you bring it up and you speak for that part of you that wants to know that part of you that wants to say that. You know what I mean? The part of you that wants him to be your boyfriend. And you have the balls to fucking be that person. That's hot. That's confident.

You know what I mean? That's confidence. That's what guys are attracted to. Yeah. And I guess I don't guess. I know I've always lacked that confidence to know exactly where I stand with things or to exactly speak my mind. Right.

But that's what makes you crazy in relationships when you don't do it because there's a part of you that's dying for all those things. But you don't. And then it's crazy making. I've been there. I've done it. It is totally, yeah, and you're right. And so I guess I'm going to have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

Yeah, you have to say, what is the deal? I need to just ask you what the deal is. This is what I'm looking for. I really want a boyfriend and a relationship, and I just want to make sure that we're on the same page. Yeah. Right? You're absolutely correct.

I mean, you guys have had no conversation. So you just had sex recently? How long ago? We just started having sex like about three weeks. weeks ago. Okay. And it's really good, right? It is really good. You guys are seeing each other. How often? I would say we see each other at least five days a week. And if we don't see each other, we text or talk. Yeah. See, if you're seeing each other five days a week for like two months, like, you know, it's like what, it's different if you're seeing each other once a week, you know. Well, see, when we first, when we first started going out, it was only like maybe once or,

twice a week that we would see each other. And then it's just progressed to like five days a week or sometimes more. Right, that's good. There's no reason for it not to progress into the fact that you guys would have a relationship, you know what I mean, and be boyfriend and girlfriend and be monogamous with each other. You know what I'm saying? Yes, yes.

I understand what you're saying. Yeah. So absolutely. It does not like the fact that I have a. boyfriend. Oh, we're back to, wait a second. And it's super, and it's super jealous. Because he's still your friend. We have been fighting for the last three, four months. I mean, and it's to the point where I have him muted on my phone, so I don't get any notifications that he calls or he texts. And it's, I mean, it's to the point where it's like, give me all of my shit.

Get your shit out of my storage unit. I want, you know. Oh my God. Shelly, I can't wait for you to hear all those shit back. Okay, this is more drama. I know. You haven't cut the court with that guy. It is so much drama.

No, it is so much drama because he's basically, he's like, he doesn't like the fact that I have a boyfriend. And I'm like, you told me to move on. You didn't want anything to do with me that way. So I moved on. I found a man that I really like. Do you really like him? Are you, is there some part of you that?

loves the fact that the other guy is getting super jealous. No, it pisses me off. I want to, I want, like I've told him, you're acting like a fucking 10-year-old. So are you. You can't have it both ways. You can't have it both ways. I know that when you're like having a mute phones and take your shit back, like you both sound very like 10-year-olds, okay?

You're both like still haven't ended the fake relationship. Wait, so can I just ask you a question? Well, why can't I be friends with this guy, but I can't be? If I have a boyfriend and that's what I've told him. I'm like, you can't expect me not to want to be in a relationship ever. Whatever happened with his girl? And only be friends with you. Whatever ever happened to his long distance girlfriend?

Oh, she broke up with him. Okay. She broke up with him because, you know, they lived in different cities and she would never come see him. And he threw that in my face recently like, well, I had to make a choice. And I'm like, you know what? If you're making me have to make a choice between you and Jack, and guess who's losing or guess who loses in this, the person that makes me choose. I said, I might not be a Jack forever, but I'm not going to choose the person that's making

me choose. Okay. You're not even over. The last, you're not even over the other. When you said I wasn't called to talk about this guy, Jack, what did you call to talk about? No, because I thought we were doing a year-end update. So you could find out. All right.

So this is. What was the, what did you think the main update was going to be about how the guy next door is jealous of your new boy? Like what did you think? No, no, no, no. So that's basically where we're at. I'm like, you lose. If you're making me choose, if you can't be friends with me and accept it that I have a boyfriend,

then then you, you lose me. Okay. You lose my friendship because I'm not going to ever choose anybody that makes me choose. Okay, well, I'm not. Right. Okay, whatever. Anyway, so what did you think the update was going to be about? Well, I'm telling you where Scott and I are at.

Yeah. And then I met this great guy, Jack. And so, you know, basically Scott has. Do they put you on any kind of like, what's the deal with the borderline thing? You said you wanted to treatment for that? Yeah, I went back into treatment for that. And actually this time they did put me on some medications that seemed to be working. and so my mood is actually more stable than...

Your fuck buddy, you're not with him anymore? No, I haven't been with him in five or six months. Okay. But because the guy lives next door, that's hard. Listen, it's very hard to add to that kind. I know. But see, no, it's actually not because I'm actually currently right now in the process of moving. Oh.

So I'm not going to be living near him. Okay, that's very good. That will help. Yes. I think it's very hard to cut a cord completely when the person is like literally right next door. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's the worst thing I've ever done.

Well, you didn't do it. It just happened. You know what I mean? Well, I know. But it's, I, hello. If I wouldn't even. It keeps you attached and addicted. And that's your problem.

You need to get unaddicted. Well, and that's my problem is, is I, wasn't even thinking about like the ramifications of this of like what if we end up hating each other and I have to live next door to you I mean you know that's what can you do you live life like it's like people that say I don't date at work because what if like you know and you can't like not do things because you're like what if that's so dumb I hate people like that like you you liked him you know what's ever thinking like oh no but no one's ever thinking like the end I don't like people that are overly cautious and like won't date their neighbor, even if they're so attracted because they think of Michael. Like, who cares? Do it and then deal with it later. But so, right, you're moving, which is a good thing. Yeah, I'm moving.

So he, it's, there's no more like, um, running into him as I'm trying to go out on a date, which happened a few weeks ago. Okay, why are you moving? Yeah, I don't care about those details. Why are you moving? I am moving because my mother's partner just passed. to wait two weeks ago and my mother is old and likes to climb on ladders

and fall. Oh, okay. So you're going to move in with your mom? Yes. My daughter and I are moving in with my mom. Okay, and she lives far enough away from this guy? It's like seven miles. Right, but it's like you're not going to be right next door. Yeah, you have to

like, not even the same part of town. Okay, but when you move out, you have to go no contact. You have to do no contact with this guy. You couldn't do it before because he lived there because you are still, I'm sorry, but you are not over him. And I don't mean, you know, I mean over him in that you're not, you're still addicted to him.

Like you haven't, that, that's not done. You know what I'm saying? It's not. I can hear it in the drama, the fighting, the stuff, like fighting for three months. Like there should be none of that if you were over him. There would be no fighting. There would be nothing. There wouldn't be if he wasn't being a douchebag, excuse me.

Yeah, but you, come on. being insane. You're engaging, listen, that takes two people to play a game. True. You're both there. Why do you have to be right all the time? You know I'm right. Okay, you're not that dumb, okay?

No, I just ask, why do you have to be right all the time? No, but you know what's right and wrong too, okay? I know. I think you call me up for me to tell you what you already know. So listen, when you go across to your, how long from now are you moving? I actually am currently staying over there right now. I'm in the process of packing my apartment and moving stuff over to the house. Okay.

So now this Jack guy doesn't hear about your shit with this other guy, does he? No. You didn't tell them about that whole scene, right? No. He knows Ted is my friend, but he also knows that I'm not speaking to Ted right now. So he knows what you're fighting with Ted? Yeah, because he's dickhead. Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't bring up your problem. I haven't told him exactly why, but I have told him that because, you know, part of it is like, oh, you're taking advantage of your mom. And I think you have to bleep that out because I just used his real name a minute ago. Oh, okay. But I've told Jack, you know, like last week the problem was with Jack, Scott had the problem with Jack. And then this week, Scott has a problem with I'm taking advantage of my mom by moving in with her. I'm sorry. You know, so he doesn't even know what he's mad about.

It doesn't matter. But like, if I was dating a guy and he was constantly telling me that he's having fights with, like, his girl, that's a friend of his. Even if it's just a friend, that's like weird. It's like a tension. It's like I am not constantly telling him. Okay. You just told me. You told him that he was mad at me for this.

I told him once. I made a twice. No. I've told him once. Okay. That, you know, last week the problem was with Jack. And this week, the problem is. Right, but you're telling him like all these, right, these problems.

With, you know, me taking advantage of my mom. Right, but you've told the guy that he's, like, mad about him, right? So that just shows, like, that's just, it's not good. Okay. Well, I'll cut that out, too. What can I say? You could say anything you want. Keep my mouth shut, my legs open?

No, uh-uh, no, no, no. No, I think it's like, you know, you're just bringing a lot of your drama there. It's okay. If he's the right guy for you, he'll just, you know, ride along with it, okay? But I think that, you know, no guy, nobody, I think it's a very, listen, when you're falling for somebody and you are going to open your heart to somebody, it's a very vulnerable position to put yourself in. And I think that, you know, when somebody's telling you about somebody in their life

that's their friend and if you start to think maybe that person likes them and they live right next like, you know, that might make you feel like maybe you don't want to open up to that person. Like, you know, like that kind of stuff is like poison for the beginning of a relationship. So I just wouldn't inject that into this conversation with this new guy because it just sets you up for him to be like. Yeah, you're not really interested in me. You're just interested in making the job. No, he's not going to think you're just going to think like you have your interest. You're still not over your fucking neighbor.

Anyone with half a brain would know that with like, oh, that guy is mad because and you're calling him a douchebag. Like anyone that has like feeling, like I would tell that guy if he was my friend. Like, dude, she fucking likes that guy. Why else is she give a shit? You know what I mean? Like it wouldn't even be a thing. You wouldn't be talking about it.

So on some level, that probably freaks them out a little bit. Like nobody wants that. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't, you know, but listen, the fact is that it's just the truth and that's where it's at, but it's like you're not over that guy. You've got to get over that guy. And you'll be lucky if Jack stays through it and stays with you while you still getting over it and he's still with you. Great. That does a lot for my fear of having that talk I have to have with him. Well, see where he's at.

Say I eventually am looking for a relationship. I just want to make sure that that's like that's something that you're looking for too. See where he's at. Okay. you know, just see where he's at. But, I mean, you're not, I don't know where you're at. I have no idea now. I'm more confused than when I called you.

Yeah, me too. Wow. I don't know. You're not, I don't know what do you mean? You're so more confused. Because now I'm, I'm like thinking that I was okay with, I was okay with not being friends with Scott. And I was okay.

But you're not friends with him. I know, but I'm trying not. to be. So trying is like the most bullshit word I've ever heard. What do you mean trying? Like either you're friends with him or you're not. Like you're pulling back, which I think is good. And the fact that you're moving is going to be great. But when you move, you have to do, you can eventually be friends with them down the line. But to really get over like the real addiction to this guy and that shit between you guys, this nonsensical thing that you both are a part of, you have to really cut the cord. Someone has to. And it has to be no contact for a

while and you know you have to you have to do that there's no trying there's just you just got to fucking do it you know and now is the perfect time because you have another guy it's not like you're you know i think cutting the cord when you have nobody is a lot harder than when you have somebody else okay you have a a nice guy that you like is jack does jack seem promising he does tell me about jack um okay so what do you want to know where do you meet him he's he's I met him at Starbucks. Okay. And did he come up to you?

Did you come up to him? Well, we had seen each other there frequently. Oh, okay. And then one day he approached me. Okay, cool. And then, like, what was his deal that you guys decided to take it slow? What did he say was going on with him that he wanted to take it slow in the beginning? Well, you know, like me with my impulsivity to just jump into things.

without, you know, like having my fuck buddy, which was really, really unhealthy and, you know, breaking that off and, you know, having this, these issues with Scott. And I just didn't want to have that just purely like, oh, yeah, let's just have sex and then have it end up in my mind being more. What was the conversations? The conversation was basically that, you know, I wanted to get to know him. I didn't want just a sexual thing. And because you've had in the past, that's not what you're looking for. And what did he say? And he agreed because he had, has recently gone through a divorce and didn't want,

just a sexual thing either. Okay, so he is looking for a relationship. He didn't want just a sexual thing, but now that you're having a sexual thing and you're seeing each other more and things are progressing, it seems okay, and he's 41. Do you know for a fact that he's not seeing other people? I do not know that. But he texts you all the time, like you're never like sweating him or him contacting you or anything like that, right?

Correct. Okay, that's good. like I said, we went from seeing each other once or twice a week to, you know, now at least five times a week. And if we don't see each other, then it's, you know, we text or talk to each other. You don't want to ruin things with this guy by fucking talking about that other guy. Shut the fuck up about that guy. Thank God you're moving. That's like the best thing you told me.

That's the most positive update you've told me in this whole conversation. Okay. Because that'll be really end your. thing with that guy. Even if there's like one little thread still hanging it keeps you attach to somebody and it's like torture isn't it? Come on. Don't you just want to be done with that? It is.

It totally is because I did that a long time with my ex-husband that we've never even, we've briefly touched on but I did that for a long time with him and my ex-husband and I have just recently within probably the last

six months just actually started to be friends. Like I had lunch with him a couple days ago because he just wanted to talk and see how I was doing and tell me how he was doing. And, you know, we went to lunch. We spent a nice hour together like friends would. And that's the father of your daughter. Went on our ways.

That's the father of your daughter. No, no. That's not the father. My daughter, that's my second husband. Right. that I was just talking about. And we've known each other since we were nine. Right.

So I remember that story about that. But that's like really great. And you had a nice time with him. Like how did when you left that lunch with him, how did you feel? I felt happy because it had been a long time since we couldn't even communicate like that. We couldn't just sit down and talk about life and high school and, you know, my stepson, his son, and our grandchild. I mean, and like, you know, Christmas, what is he doing?

What am I doing? And have no jealousy or any of the old bad stuff for us. Right. But that was all gone. It was just two people that, like, are friends with each other. Just being cool. Exactly. Yeah, that's great.

Exactly. And it was wonderful. And I felt, um, I felt happy that we were able to do that. And then, you know, of course, I started to, and I had to stop myself. I started to beat myself up for barooning what we had because he's still a wonderful man in my eyes. But I can't change the past. So I'm working on letting that go.

I can't change what I did. Yeah, you were a different person then. You know, you were way younger. That was so long ago, you know. I was. And I had not, I had just recently been diagnosed with borderline towards the end of our relationship. Right. And so I didn't, I had like no interest in telling a therapist the truth about anything.

Um, which I've discovered that if you don't tell you therapist the truth, they can't help you. Right. They can't even give you a direction to work on. You're still in therapy, right? Yes. And you're still seeing the same person, and this person's obviously helping you. They helped you get back with your ex, like, and things are cool there. You're moving.

I think that's a good sign. You have this guy who there's no red flags with him, right? None that I have seen. Okay. So, which also kind of, but, you know, so no, there aren't any that I have seen. And believe me, it's like I constantly am like, what's wrong? What? I want to know what's wrong, but then I'm like, maybe nothing's wrong.

Maybe this is just how good people are. Right, exactly. And I just haven't attached myself to the right. person. Right. Yeah, this guy might be like the new kind of thing for you, but that's the fact that you attracted that into your life is a good thing. It means that you are ready to have a real relationship with a good guy. I've seen it happen many times in people's lives where, you know, like total messes or, you know, wind up finally meaning like that right person and things do turn around. Like I don't think that that's totally unrealistic and that can't happen. You don't need to be a

perfect person to meet a good person and have a great relationship, you know. You just have to be ready for it and want it. And I think if that's where you were at and then this guy comes, that's great. Time will tell, you know, six months from now. This is another weirdo or like a good guy that's going to be like the right person for you and help you like really grow up and mature and help you, you know, sort of realize what love really is and what a good relationship is all about, right? because you haven't had that.

Yes. And that'll be really... I haven't had... I haven't had that. I think I've had that at times, but it never ended up being that way. Right.

Why did you end things with your fuck buddy? Because I just start... I don't know. You know, it was fun for a while, but then it's like... I think I'm just too old for that. And for a while, it was fine

because... I didn't want to be anywhere else because I was so hung up on Scott and hoping that that would work. Yeah. And then getting back into therapy and not, you know, not wanting to just be hung up on Scott and having a fuck buddy. And, you know, I realize I'm actually not putting myself out there to meet anybody. Right. And you wanted to meet somebody. Like, for real.

Yeah. Because I'm having this fake relationship with Scott. and I'm getting fucked by my fuck buddy. So I'm actually not missing anything other than actual contentment and happiness. Right. Yeah, you're having like a boyfriend and like into different guys. You're kind of getting your needs met from different people. But like, you know, how exhausting is that when you could just get everything from one person?

And not only that, it actually was lonelier than being alone. Right. because I didn't have anybody that I can really turn to him. Right. To have, you know, I couldn't just curl up in your bed with your bed. Your booty call guy had a girlfriend. I remember that. So it wasn't like he was really there for you.

He was just, you guys were just using each other for sex. So I think that's, listen, I see that as much as I see like certain things like, oh, no, maybe you're getting in another pattern. What I do see the fact that the good things that I see and smell. in your story is one that you're moving, even if that's just to go, whatever that reason is, the fact that you're moving means some part of you is ready to be done with that relationship with that guy, I'm telling you. Yeah. And so that's a good, that's a, that's a positive sign. The fact that you ended things with your booty call and that was over and you just like on some level realize you can't do that anymore and you wanted more like that's a really good sign. Like this

guy can be the right guy for you. You know what I mean? And the fact that you went out with your you know, the fact that you say out loud that you're borderline and you remember that, the fact that you went out with your ex who you haven't been, and this was somebody that you were super close with, right, and you could finally let go of all that nonsense and just be, you know, real people with each other, which of course you should be after all these years, like, why can't you do that? But you're able to do that now. These are all really good signs that you've turned a corner and things are changing for you.

So I feel hopeful that when you have that conversation with that. guy that it's going to go well i really do i really have that feeling this is my psychic prediction that you ask him and things are and he's like cool with it and it continues it doesn't turn into a fake thing do you know what i mean i hope yeah and i'm really curious but i need for it to have a real good update on this i need for you to do that and give me that information of what happens i will do that but you need to do that like in five days days. In five days?

Well, soon, before I air this, I want to know. I want Instagram. Okay. Listen, don't scare them. I know you want to say. No, I don't want to, but this is what I, I don't want you to scare them off. Like, but I want you to say, like, listen, I just want to make sure that you're somebody that's open to having a relationship and you're into, you know what I mean?

And that's what you're looking for because that's really what I want and I really like you. And I want to make sure that you're feeling the same way. And if, you know, and because I know that you're just. You know what I'm saying? You don't have to say, like, I need you to be my boyfriend right now. But, like, just bring up that conversation and see what he says. And then I want to hear what he says back. And when I said it very early in this conversation, I brought something up.

I said, like, you're going to have that conversation and see what I. Like, I got the chills when I said that he was going to, he could say something really nice back and be like, okay. So I feel like that's why I have the psychic vibe that he's going to be, he's going to say things to you that you're going to be surprised. It's going to be the good things that you want to hear, that you're afraid. that you're not going to hear. That's what I have a feeling is going to happen. And that's what I want to see. If I thought it was going to be worse,

I don't think I would push you as much into it. But like, I don't know. That's just what I feel. And I want to see if I'm right. And I think you just need to do it for yourself. And I don't think that, you know, if anyone's listening to me and they're like,

oh, you should never pressure, like, because you're not giving him an ultimatum or doing anything. And like, if a guy really likes you, that is not going to fucking scare him off. Do you know what I mean?

Correct. Yeah. At all. I mean, because he can say yes, I want that, but, you know, we just have to see what happens. There's no guarantees in life. Right, but you don't want, no, but you don't want, hopefully there is no but. Like, let you know, like he could say, yeah, that's what I want to.

And I'm glad that you feel that way. And I, you know, I'm seeing you more and I really like you too. And I'm glad we're on the same page. You know what I mean? Hopefully there's no, but. But I want to know that. So I would have that conversation with him ASAP and let me know. And so I could add it on.

to this episode. All right. And you know me. You know me. Look what I did with Scott. Yeah, you did it right away. Right. Last time that's what I remember.

I said you have to ask him about right and you have to confront. And what did I do? I went home that day and like the next day had that conversation with him. So this is what we're going to do, Shelly. I'm going to wrap him now. You're going to have that conversation with your guy. I'm not going to air this until you do. And then you're going to call me and we're going to do a little tape thing about and

you're going to tell me what happened. Okay. So everybody that's like that's. listening, stay tuned in one second. I'll be right back on with Shelly and we'll have the answer, right? So you go get that answer for me and text me when you got it and you'll give me the update. Don't tell me what happened in the text because I want to be surprised. All right. Okay. All right, Kathy. I almost called you Shelly. Yeah, it's okay, Shelly. I know fake names right. It's hard to keep track.

Okay, so cool. So good luck. I have my predictions it goes well. So we'll see. Okay, but let me know as soon as you do it and we'll have you back up. I will call you or text you as soon as I do it. Okay, good luck. Bye, Sherley. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye.

Bye. Okay, Shelley, you have already got the update, right? You work fast. I remember that about you. You reminded me about that, that you were going to go have that conversation with the guy and find out if you guys were on the same page and hopefully he's not some big commitment. My prediction was that he wasn't, that you would actually be surprised by.

what he would say. That's shush, don't tell me yet. I can't wait to hear, and I want to see if I'm right, but don't give it away. But yes, give it away. Okay, don't tell me what happened. You had the combo, right? Yeah, I did. Even with the holidays, it kind of delayed me a little teeny bit.

But, you know, me, I went and had the conversation with him just a couple days ago and with Jack. And what did you say exactly? Um, I just, I asked him like if this was just, I told him, you know, please just don't lie to me. Just, you know, I need to know if you're seeing anybody else. And if this is just like fun for you or, or do you see potentially this growing into something more? Right. And are you open to, or do you want something more?

Right. Yes. Yes. That's right. Okay. And gay, Kathy, you were psychic. And he, and he said yes, but he just wants to take it slow and, you know, keep on, you know, doing what we're doing, going out and, you know, dates and dinner and, you know,

going and having nice times and just see what naturally develops between us. And he's not seeing anybody else. And I told him I'm not seeing anybody else. and so that was good news and with Scott I told him no contact on Christmas Day because he was a complete ass and ruined my Christmas basically by just text barraging

bunch of verbal vomit at me okay well listen you ruined your Christmas because you can't blame him at this point you can't blame him anymore okay this takes two to tango with this bullshit you're absolutely absolutely correct You're not a victim. I allowed him to ruin my Christmas by even paying attention to what he was saying. By giving a shit.

You just kept him in your life for way too long, okay? It's all your faults. He has fault, too, but his fault affects him. I allowed his actions to ruin my Christmas. Yeah, because you keep him in your life and this is somebody that you just don't get along with. It's a toxic really. It needs to be over. You're not compatible, okay?

There's a compatibility problem. Totally, no. He's, I told him no contact. He's. You could tell him all you want, but he's still going to have contact. You have to do no contact. He's muted on my phone. And we haven't had any contact since Christmas.

And let me tell you, the word isn't we anymore. The word is I. I'm not going to talk to him. I'm not going to have contact with him. We are not going to be talking. There's no more we. It's you. You have to end this.

There's no we. He's over. That's it. Kathy, can I just pay you to be my therapist? Yes, I would love that. I don't get a fucking dime for this shit. I sometimes get more talking to you and I do my therapist.

Yeah. And you know what? You're going to find one of the girls recently who called in with a really bad boyfriend. She was talking about him and she was like, oh, you know, therapists should like tape their conversations because when she listened back to her, conversation and heard herself as a third person involved in this situation. She was like horrified. You know, and she got so much out of it. You know, so you're going to get even more.

Yeah, you're going to get even more when you listen back to this on top of actually just the talking, you know, because I agree with her. I don't know what episode that was and I'd love to listen to it, but I'm behind on listening to podcasts because of every. Yeah, but I mean, you're going to get it when you listen to yours is what I'm saying. Yes. I know. And I agree.

because the first taping that I did, I listened to it and I was like, oh my God, this is insane. What am I doing? What you're going to notice is how much you kind of like were saying, you don't care about that guy, but how still like messy and involved you were with him and this, that needs to end. So that's over. There's no contact. It's all you. That's good.

It'll be even easier once I'm fully out of it. Somebody comment. I saw a recent posting of mine saying I interrupt people. all the time. There were like two people in Canada that fucking think I, and I really do, I notice I do a lot, but you know, that's just the way that it goes. And I just interrupted me again. But wait,

I'm a little worried about, yes, I see this going, but I want to take it slow and I want it to be natural. I don't know what that means, but, but. I mean just like not rush things, like not. Yeah, I don't understand why people, like what someone says that is a little bit weird.

No, I mean, you're not rushing, what is rushing to be in a really like it's like you're not rushing you're asking him to get married no exactly not be like oh yeah I mean you know just make our lives all about just that one person and and just you know sometimes in relationships you lose yourself in a new relationship because you get that gitty rush feeling and yeah but that's okay time with anybody else yeah but that's okay there's nothing wrong with that but you guys are already involved like a couple months but I think that's good listen okay I want to check back in like five months from now.

I just hope in five months you're not still taking it quote unquote slow. I think when you're older, you just know, like you just know. Like, what do you take? If you're not with other people and you're together, like, you know, you're seeing each other a lot. I mean, so basically, yes. We're, you know. So maybe he just needs to say that out loud to make himself feel better because of his history. That's cool.

And that's cool for you. You know what? He is like six, seven months out of a 20-year marriage. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's tough. So, of course. Okay, so I get it.

Yes. I get it too. Give him a fucking break. Let him go as slow as he wants. I take everything back. And it was his high school sweetheart, so. Oh, yeah, kind of like your story. When you had a high school, you had a, you know, long-term school.

Yeah, my second husband, yeah. Yeah, so that's cool. Okay. So you know what it was? that was a good for for that guy with his history i take it back i was totally wrong that and i don't know why i missed that on the first episode that was totally it's totally cool you know you're fine with that right because he's texting you every day and you're seeing him a lot so it's not like his actions are saying that he doesn't want to be with you anything different yeah his actions aren't saying

anything different and and it's not like his actions are saying oh i want to take it slower it's not around a lot and stuff. I mean, he's like it's progressing. I think it's just, I think it's just because of, and I understand that long-term, you know, relationship and love and losing that. I get that. Yeah, for 20 years. I mean, that's like a, that's not an easy thing. I mean, most people stay in bad relationships because they don't want to go through that. That's a major hard transition. Exactly. And like I said, Jack's 41. Yeah. So that's pretty much his whole life. So, you know, he's not out being a player and just stringing me along. So I think I may have found an actually good guy.

Yeah, that's great. But we'll see. I just want to make sure you're not rebound and that's it. And so we got to check back in in like five months, four to five months. Could you just check in with me and let me know how it's going? Of course. I love talking to you. All right.

All right. So I'm glad it went well. I'm glad it went well. No contact. Remember, no contact is all you. I know. he does, if you talk to him again, it's your fault. Do you understand? It's my reaction to his actions that I have to keep it in check. That's it. Turn the other way. There was a friend of mine that once

I was having a real bad time sort of ending things with somebody and I was still engaging, like you know, and my friend said to me, like if you don't play the game, it can't be played. No, he said if you don't show up to the game, it can't be played. So I did this thing because I'm very visual. I did this visualization where I would that I was like driving up to a field and I would see my guy that I couldn't fucking stop the game with and I would see him on the field and I would not get out of my car and it would make me very sad to knock it out of my car because not getting out of my car and going to that field was like really things being over with him do you know what I mean and like I would drive away and I would

feel that and I did that visualization in my head and drove away until I didn't feel anything anymore and that really helped me to end things so and that's why I was why you're you have to do you have to really like stop you have to drive away you can't show up for the game if you don't show up it cannot be played do you understand if the game is still being played two months from now it's because you're getting

out of the car and you're playing fucking ball with him do you understand I get it so get out of that because you will never be available to this new guy fully you want to hope that this guy's not fully 100% available either you guys are both kind of in a good place because you're both on the same page

you're both kind of coming out of things and stuff and you coming in turn. So that's okay. But you want to make sure that when he is getting ready, that you have nothing else. And you can start building a relationship with just him and you and not this third person. He's done. Yes. You're right. And that's a great visualization. Yeah, I don't know. For me, I'm very visual. So that kind of stuff really fucking helps me. So do it. And if you're doing it right, you'll be sad that you're not getting out of the car. You will because, you know, that's what it's all about. You just don't want to cut those ties because you still have feelings for the person on some level.

It doesn't matter that the biggest fucking douchebags. Right now they're really shitty feelings. Yeah, it doesn't matter, but you still have something and that's what it's about. So if you feel sad and you, but still drive away, you're doing it right and eventually you'll get past it. And that's what you need to do. So do that visualization. That's awesome.

Don't talk to him. Keep dating your guy and let me know in five months where you're at and good luck with everything. Okay. Thanks for doing. Thanks for having the conversation and calling back in. No, thank you for pushing me to it. I appreciate it.

Have nice holiday. Bye, Kathy. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show.

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to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.