Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 290 - Lisa Got Pregnant by a Guy She's Not That Into

Episode Date: June 30, 2019

Lisa calls in to talk about her recent surprise pregnancy and how she feels about it. How did she find out she was pregnant? Who is the baby daddy? How do they both feel about having a baby together? And, how did her family and friends take the news? Tune in to find out plus hear all about how many guys she was having sex with when she got pregnant and how she figured out which one was the father, how she's worried about how she will deal with being a mom and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and chain. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, this is a call-in advice show where I talk to to Total Strangers about all kinds of things. If you want to call in while remaining and talk about your interesting lives, your secret lives, whatever you want to talk about while remaining totally anonymous, you could call in send me an email at Strictly Anonymous podcast.

podcast at gmail.com or go to shirkily anonymous podcast.com and click on the end of the show. Today I have on a girl named Jess. Now, Jess has been on before, like three times maybe before. The first time she called in, it was a good episode. She was like this girl that wrote in and was like, oh, I'm sleeping with a much, I'm dating a much older guy and I'm like cheating on him like crazy. I don't remember the exact number of that episode. I'll put it in the intro like you'll see it online. But, you know, that's where she started off. And on that same episode, she talked about how she was thinking about like sort of dropping her whole life here in the States and moving to like a deserted island you know like the thing that we all talk about like when life gets

tough we're like oh yeah I just move to deserted island well that's what she said she was going to do and I was like basically laughed in her face I was like yeah right but this bitch actually did it okay and that was another episode the second episode is her like moving to the third world country and starting a life there and we talked to her while she was there we discussed what she did when she was there what was going on she was you know the same as she was here she was sleeping with a lot of guys she had one main guy wasn't so happy had a couple other guys and the ex the one she was cheating on the old guy he moved back there uh he was moving there last he spoke so when she sent me a text message was with a picture of a little like a couple week old embryo inside her uterus and was like

look at this shit i was like no way first i was so happy for her because i was so happy for her because I had a baby three years ago, and it's like the best thing that ever happened to be my whole life. So when I hear the people are pregnant and having babies, I get so happy for them because I know what's to come. It's the greatest thing ever. But I was, the second thing I felt was like, who the fuck is the father, right?

Like, was it the guy she was sleeping with that she didn't really like that she was cheating on? Was it the ex-old guy that was moving there? Like, because I hadn't talked to her probably in almost a year. So that's what we discuss on this show. She gives the big reveal about who's the baby daddy. We talk about the drama around the baby daddy because she didn't know for sure who it was.

We tried to figure out the math. We also talk about the drama about how she feels about the baby daddy and her sort of reservations about him and how he's going to step up. We talk about her reservations of having a baby in general. We talk about everything that she did up into that point and what's going on. is she still in that country? Is she moving home? Like, what the fuck's going on? I wanted to know all those things. And that's what we talk about. And I get to the nitty gritty on all of it.

So you're going to find out, A, who she's having a baby with and B, what she's doing about it or where she's going to live and all that stuff. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Jeff. How many times have you been on five times or four times or ten times? Like, how many times do you have any idea? Maybe three times? I think you've called me three times. Okay, so you, last we spoke, I kind of know, I think, what we're going to be talking about today, but like last we spoke, you had moved to a third world country, right, to set up shop and start a B business, some shit like that, but like the B business didn't really go that well. You were thinking, this is what I remember, and correct me if I'm wrong, you were thinking about

starting a restaurant where you were, you were banging a young, like, worker boy that was working for you and your ex who you initially called in to talk about who was like this older dude that you met when you lived back in the States who like couldn't really get it up because he had some issues and he was just like a party guy and you guys broke up and moved away to where he always wanted to move to and last we spoke he was actually going to move there right so now fast forward to just the other day you send me a text okay with like a picture of a baby a little little baby, okay, like saying, like, I'm not on

dateline, because I always assumed you were going to get murdered when you were there. Because, I mean, how many people really moved to the deserted island? Nobody, I predicted you would never do it, but you actually did it. And now I'm assuming you're fucking pregnant, okay? And I'm dying to know

whose baby it is, but I don't want you to tell me that right off the bat. I want you to start off like where we were last time. You were banging the worker guy. X was going to move there, right? The older X. What did we call him?

The older X. Okay, let's just call him older X. So let me ask you this. Did he ever move there? He did. Okay, so wait, wait, we don't know. I'm going to drag this shit out. We don't, because I'm so surprised and want to know, but I don't know, but I almost

don't want to know because this is going to be so exciting when I find out. So I'm going to leave it to the end. It's either the worker boy. some other guy, because you're not a kind of girl that doesn't get around. Like you do kind of get around. Like you'll just fuck guys, right? Like, I mean, that's your thing. It's not like you're like a one woman man.

You actually called him because you were cheating like crazy on that older guy. And then the older guy moved there. So it could be either the worker boys. It could be another guy that you were banging since we last spoke, right? Or a couple other guys. Or the older X. And I am so curious. So why don't we take off from, like, pick up from like,

Is the bee business dead in the water, or are you still doing the bee business? No, the worker guy is doing the bees. But for me, yeah, dead in the water because honestly of three different factors, it's hard to, near impossible to move to this specific country. And number one, be a woman and start a business. Number two, be white and start a business. Number three, be foreign and start a business. They do make it difficult.

for foreigners to start businesses there. So I'm all three. So it's just. Oh, right. So I forgot the most important question. Do you still live in the foreign country or do you live back in the States? Okay. So I'm visiting right now home as planned.

And I will be moving back at the end of July or early August. Okay. That makes me think maybe it's the worker guys because why would you be moving back? Okay. but wait, don't tell me. So how long have you been back for? Literally, the second week of June. Oh, okay.

So you're only back for a little while. We spoke, I think, last year when you were back for a little while. So you just come back like maybe once a month every year or whatever. Yeah. Okay, so when you, the business, like the B business put on the side, you couldn't start it up. So what were you doing there since we last spoke? I was chilling. It's been really nice.

I'm calling it as a most professional word I can come up with is a career break because it's so cheap to live there. So my rent was $185 a month. Wow. I didn't need to. I don't want to tell people that they're like, oh, I get it. Yeah. Because everyone has the same question, you know, rightfully so. And it's confusing.

I'm like, what the fuck are you doing there? Right. How are you supporting yourself by not working? But really, because you had a chunk of change that you went down with a lot of money, right? I was, like, joking with you. I'm like, what are you bringing down, like, 3,000? Didn't you bring, like, it was like, it was like, my car was three grand, but I also sold my car back home. So I had way more than three grand, you know, to play with.

And the money runs out eventually. I don't, I'm like a, I live cheap. So I didn't live in the south of the island where that's where all the civilization and people are, where you could end up paying prices like American, you know, rental prices you could. Because there's a university there and they do charge the Americans. Yeah. It's charged. So I lived in a village, an hour away from that in, like, the jungle.

And I loved it. It was, like, beautiful. I found my little dog that I have and it was. Oh, right. I remember you got a dog. I love her. Okay, and you lived in the middle of the jungle. And you never started up the restaurant, I'm assuming, since he said it was so hard.

Oh, because it's a nightmare. Okay. Oh, my God. So you were working, you were just chilling out. What would you do with your day in the jungle? Like, like, weird. Like, after a while, you don't know what the fuck you did all that. Because you, like, wake up whenever.

Which is weird because you wake up, the people wake up early there, and they're just around. Like, you hear them, like, out and about, and I would just wake up early, too. To be up, I'd go take my dog for a nice long walk. I'd come home, take my sleep time, doing breakfast. I mean, laundry day is the whole fucking day because you've got to like hand, like kind of hand wash a lot of clothes and lying dry and then it light rain

and you can take your clothes. Like this is ridiculous sounding, I know. But. I know it's like you have the time for that because you don't have to like work or and you're not busy with you're not busy with all the other sort of noise that we have going on here. Basically,

it's such a, I really think everyone in America, if they can figure out how to do something like that. Even if it's for a short period of time. Yep. Even if it's like four months or something, it's maybe even, you know, six months.

But yeah, it's, you know, eye opening to how much, how much we have here. And real perspective giving and needs to really appreciate culture, education, literacy, and just,

and as a woman, being respected. I mean, we've got, It's so weird when I come back home because you hear about all this youth too shit. And I'm like, oh, my God, people walk up to, men walk up to me and say, I want to breathe you. Oh, my God. Right.

I'm like, you know, obviously it's not good. This stuff is like, oh, these real meat, huge, heavy needs to stuff is no good, obviously. Right, but there, it's like it's really archaic as far as where women are, like, are on the totem pole. Everywhere else except here, right, exactly. Yeah, I've spent a lot of time in Ecuador because I had another X. that, a serious act, that I was going to move now with. He was from there. When I went there, I compared it to maybe like what the 60s were like in the U.S.

in terms of socially and how women were looked at. This island is about the 40s. Right. It's that behind. It was a lot for me. And that's the thing is I'm not a homebody. I'm a people person. And I started to not want to leave my house because just driving.

You go slow there because you go about 24 miles an hour on the road and I have AC in my car so the windows are down and you go slow and the culture is that the people hang out by the side of the road, the men, the men who are just drinking, getting money from some chickbait, each money off over the U.S. So it's very bizarre. And they tell you to slow down. They tell you that you're driving wrong. They tell you as if how could she have a problem. brain. Right, like they need to help you. I'm going to tell you a really funny thing that happened here when I started my podcast. When I started it, I had a male co-host named Tommy. He was the fucking co-host. I was the

host. Do you mean, I set everything up. I did everything. He just showed up at my house and talked and he wasn't really that bright. But people loved him. And I have to tell you, what was really interesting and I really felt like it was a man-woman thing is that I got so many emails from people guys saying Tommy's like really great this is the stuff that I think you need work on like nobody no man offered him one piece of advice men don't do that they don't go up to men and say hey you need help with this I should they don't look at other men as needing their help but they look at women as needy and the fans these were fans okay telling me all the things I could do better their advice for me and I was like it's so interesting that like guys don't realize that as a woman

we're on the receiving end of that all the time they never are like I said they never gave my co-host a fucking two cents their two cents it was all for me and I'm trust me I do not think that they were being rude I don't think that this was a conscious thing I think this is just the way that it goes you know and it definitely so yeah when you're on the side when they're telling you on the side of the road drive this way you think they're doing that to the guy behind you no no it's yeah and i understood guys don't give other guys advice very interesting yeah and it's that's here too and that's our culture but you know you're a very independent woman and you're going to you're very cerebral and you're going to pick up on that shit yeah let's get off that topic and go back to you yeah so you're in

this place you at some point you don't even want to leave your house because all this shit is going were you still dating the worker guy? Yeah, so he lives at the street for me. And monks, again, with the culture, I had a really hard time with the culture, obviously. Most people, men and women, just, they see a white person and they want something from you. And were besides themselves, when they learned that a woman around my age was there living and paying her own bills. They thought that I literally had somebody at home sending me money. Right.

Even though it was only like a hundred bucks to live a year. That's the other part. I do more than a fucking morning when you do in a month. Right. It's just a different, different, different, different. So this guy, the worker, it's funny you call him the worker guy. He was kind of like an employee, but it wasn't paying him. I don't know.

It was like a weird situation. It turned out to be more than just an employee who was very good to me. Yeah. He didn't want anything. for me. But he was, you did meet him because he was like working at your house doing shit for you. He was like helping me. Yeah.

He was a good thing because it was at first. But then you started banging him. Emotions of what are you? You know, what are you to me? Because you're helpful. You're like a boyfriend, but you don't talk. That's right. Yes.

And you were banging another guy and you would tell him right. And it would make him upset, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a whole shit.

you. So he wanted money. He, I think, wanted things for me. The other guy. He could go it over on me. And I was like, then I figured you out. And, okay. Get out of you. Get out of. But so, um, yeah, this guy was always, like, nice to me. He just wasn't a dick. And he, like, if I made it, it's not so trivial, but, like, he needed vegetables. And they were there, bring me some vegetables. And he'd come right down. I didn't have to go to the store half the time. And his parents were all. He lived. He lived. He lived. He lived. He lived, he lived, he lived. He lived, he lived, he lived in the vegetables. He was, he

got home with his parents, which was just a sort of culture, as normal. You know, he had, like, his home area of the house, and, but his parents were nice to me. Yeah, remember that. You don't feel like you have a family, you know, away from home. Yeah, I remember. It was nice.

Mm-hmm. I thought I lost you there. So, you know, he was nice, and I was banging him, the sex is always good, but I would go in and out of what, it started to become emotional, because I'm like, you're always around and, like, you want to, like, kind of be something, but like there's no way.

And I would think that to myself, there's no way. Because he really didn't talk. There's no relationship. Yeah. He really doesn't. I mean, yeah, he really doesn't talk. So that companionship wasn't there. Even though you had other things that were really good for a relationship,

I think which one of the most important things would be that, you know, you want to be able to be like, that person be like your friend. Right. Because like when sex goes out the window, five years, seven years, you know, and like other things like you really need to really like to be in the same room with somebody you know yeah so I think it's very important it is and I think that um I feel like at times are pretty similar to you and I feel like you pontificate quite a bit and I have I like to talk I do like to talk as well yeah I'm a good listener too sometimes right no I am too but you want to have someone

that will like you could have good conversations with you could talk to anybody you know I have a guy that I was dating right before I moved down there who is like the shit he's awesome he's got like a bunch of girlfriends and I don't know he's probably like in some kind of probably glamorous life but he doesn't even know that word you know like he just that's what he is and it's awesome

and like he's the kind of guy can look at him and be like wow look at like blue paint it really looks like this shade of it we can talk about a fucking paint for hours and talk about that's what I need and I know that's what I need and I knew that this is a guy I can't in a relationship

Yeah. Like this is just, you know, this isn't good in the long run for anyone's heart because it's just going to leave somebody hurt. That was tough. That was tough because, again, my only, like, friend on a very late level. But, you know, they were feeling far between down there. Yeah. And so did your, and now at that point last we spoke, your ex was moving down, how long was it before? Did he show up?

He did show up, but he didn't live in my village. Okay. He lived in a much, he lived about an hour farther, you know, a different location, not where everybody else is, but he lived an hour away from me doing his own thing because he always wanted to go there. And I think there was a bit of following. Uh-huh. And, you know, he loves me. Like, I wish that I could love this guy the way that he loves me because he loves me. Right.

Like, love, love, love. And it's beautiful. Also, now I'm thinking it's not his baby. Yes. What? I mean, I don't think that he has the ability. He's cut. He's snipped.

Oh, so it's, okay. So it's, okay, so we know for a fact it's not the X's baby. Yeah, you know, it's not the X's baby. So he is there. He was doing his thing. He's really, he's very, that's the word that I'm a gregarious. And he meets friends. And where he happens to this, there's a section of British people.

And he's made some really cool. normal friends. Right. The locals are really, it's a culture thing and it's just really tough for someone like me. They look at me like I have five fucking heads.

Well, that's what you're very different, right? Why wouldn't you move over? I'm different there. Did you ever move or you're still in that little place where you're like kind of like an outcast? Um, I just as though, I was closing that lease out.

My idea was initially to move to the south of the island and get a job. because, I mean, cats are the bad, I am pregnant, and I got pregnant, and I was like, wow, what does one do? And I was trying to, I mean, can I tell you who it is now?

Yes, let's just get to it. Let's just get to it. Yeah, so it's the one-so guy. I mean, it's the worker guy. The nice guy. The one who doesn't talk. I'm having an argument. I'm like, you need to communicate.

Oh, but at least you know he's going to be a good dad. Like he's a good guy. I don't know. I'm like freaking out. Oh my God. Wait. So I remember last time telling you to use condoms, right? Didn't we talk about, like I said, whatever you do, don't get pregnant?

I know, I know. But I think that subconsciously I went there to go get a baby. Like, I think I, my friend said that to me, actually. My good, good friend, she goes, I think you like went there to get pregnant. Like, I think you, like, that was it. That was what you were. And I was lost. I wasn't working.

I was like, what am I doing with my life? Right. I had a career here that I was like, it just, it fizzled out at the end. And I was like, lost, I was here for like half a year. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? But let me try that. You know, and it was good. And but I was down there feeling, feeling like I'm squandering, just like not doing anything with my life.

And so now it's like, oh, there's a purpose. There's a little bit of a purpose there. Oh, yeah, no, it's going to change your life. But wait, so you're like banging the guy. even though you don't want to have a relationship with him and everything. And are you just not using condoms? Is he pulling out? Like, I mean, how do you wind up getting pregnant?

I mean, he was pulling out, but I guess his pull-out game isn't that strong. Right. Well, there's always pre-com, they say, and it really only takes one little sperm to get in there. Yeah. I mean, I was not careful at all. I mean, that's insane. So, yeah, that's not what happens. Wait, and you weren't banging anybody else.

So it turned out, like, I was really getting sick and tired of all of these videos, basically, because I had the one guy that turned out to be a real douche, and that sucked. And I would go and visit the ass and, like, hang out with him because he was a friend, and he actually really truly understands me. Take the sex and the, like, relationship part out of it. We totally get each other.

Like, I wish he was younger. I wish I was older. Yeah. You know, it's just something where I really, it's just one of those timing things. Right. But so you weren't having sex with him? No.

Like, I want, I am. like so turned off by him. Right. So that's out. Been there, done that. I mean, the sex is amazing. Yeah. The sex is amazing with the worker guy, we'll call him, I guess.

Yeah, I remember. He had a really big dick, right? Like how I see him now. What'd you say? Didn't he have a big dick? Yeah. Right. That's what I remember.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and it was just, and it's the whole thing of like he doesn't want anything for me other than, you know, friendship and sex. And like, that's cool. And, I mean, he tells me, He loves me and I caught. But wait, at that time, hold on.

I'm sorry to keep cutting up. But like, did you? No, that's okay. Did you, were you banging anyone else around the time you got pregnant? Or did you know for sure it was his baby? So I had, I did have a little freak out because I wasn't, I had to do it through talking to my friends because I went. Yeah, I'm like embarrassed.

I'm like, embarrassed. Like you're the only person and all of these people who are listening who will know this information. And only a select group of, we select two friends. Yeah. Select one friend, actually. Yeah, I had gone to a wedding on another island, ironically. For friends are a very close friend. She's from a Caribbean island as well.

And met a boyfriend there, as I will call him. And he's like an idiot. I mean, this is like the most idiot. I just can't believe when we were saying these were a bit back to him out a condom. He apparently pulled out. And I was, you know, that was in, that was in the middle of February. And then I had a period after that. I was like, okay, that takes him out of the game, which I know isn't always true.

No. Because the period could have been like breakthrough bleeding that happens in the beginning of a period. You know what I mean? Like, you just don't know. Some people get periods when they're pregnant. I was coming off of my period. Like, it was like my last day of my period when we banged. Oh, oh, okay.

So you most likely were an eye. no way you're ovulating unless you're like a very like uh like if you're if you get your period once a month all the time at the same time and you're very regular there's most likely you're not ovulating at a very odd time some people i think that are all over their place and you know that then you have to worry more but i think most likely the chances are you weren't ovulating then you know i i think so too because i am very very regular and yeah all that stuff he said so so that he came out of the game and then um yeah but i hate to say it sperm lives for a couple days inside you it swims around right and you ovulate sometimes like 15 days after the first day of your period like you start

counting but you know like from the first day of my period right but how long how many days was your period it's like four oh okay so you were only five days after so the no and then because even if it lived for three days. You're looking at eight days. It can't be, right? No, there's no way you ovulate. Do you know when you ovulate? Because typically girls get really horny,

extra horny, and you could feel it sometimes in your ovary, like it feels like a pulled muscle. Have you ever, do you know when you ovulate ever? Like, do you wake up? I'm very regular. I have a little app that I tracked my thing on. And, yeah. Yeah, like I know all that shit, too.

So you typically ovulate probably like 15 days after? We're 14 to 15. Yeah. But that's what for me is what I think it is. Yeah, that's normal. I'm so confident in saying that I know that it's this guy, baby. But there was a freak out. There was, you know, there was, the way I found out that I was pregnant is that I had drunk

sex like an idiot with this guy and the fucking condom broke, his other random. Another guy. Yeah, just like a random. Okay. Like, you get on me and like whatever. A little flame. And when was that? After the wedding?

After the other guy? After the wedding. After the wedding. After your period. That was, that was, um. February. That was, okay, that was like mid-March. Okay.

That was like mid-March. My last period was, um, February 26th. Like, I have it all my little app, thank God. Yeah, yeah. So I can't really know. And, I mean, I had sex with one other guy who was like really, really hot to use the condom, everything was fine. So, he's out. And then there was this other guy that was the fling and the condom fucking brief.

And I'm like, seeking the fuck out. I'm like, what? How do you know what he is? Because I found out I was pregnant already. Oh. Yeah. They're through figures. I was like, oh, my God.

Oh, wait, wait. Oh, you mean you, the condom broke. And then you tested yourself? Mid-March. Yeah. This happened mid-March. So that was during ovulation time-ish. but I had sex with worker guy a couple days before, a couple days before and throughout.

Like, I always have sex with him. Yeah. So, this guy was maybe mid to late March, actually, like, in between that time, mid to late, like if you have to really get it down to D. And I was like, I think I got to see Plan B, which I don't want to, you know, none of that. I don't want to be doing that. But I don't want his baby. that's for sure.

So I actually take plan B, I take the thing and I'm texting my friend from home who I trust very much so. And I said, wait a minute. When I was supposed to, I'm supposed to get, like, I'm supposed to be having my period just because my little calculations and everything on my little chart.

Like it hasn't come. What the fuck is going on? And I was like, am I actually already pregnant? Oh, good thing you thought that before you took that plan. because that would have, like, killed your baby, right? I didn't make the plan B. Oh, you had? And then I was like, my tips already hurt.

Like, how is this? Like, my tits were huge already. And sex with the main guy was already a little bit painful. Uh-huh. And tighter. Yeah, yeah. Something was different. Right.

I've never really taken pregnancy tests before. Right. I've never, I've never been that because I've always been on birth control for most of my life. And I've always been regular. And I've always been safe. Like, all of my behavior from my life. from when I started talking to you, they started talking to you because I felt like a crazy person.

Right. You were acting out. All that stuff was, but it wasn't like how you had always been. Never. Yeah. Like all of it was just nuts. So I, oh my God,

like I think I'm pregnant and I think that I always, just for some reason he said the moment that I'm like my body's ready to have a baby. Like we're having a baby. Right. Like this is what's going to happen. The whole family both sides, mother and father's side, furtomortals, everybody. Oh, okay.

Yeah, so, and I'm like 30, I'm 31, so my body's ready. And I went home and I took a pregnancy test. I think I took it that. I think I took it then. I took right that in the afternoon, which I know if it was taken in the morning, because I Google that. Whatever, yeah, yeah. If you're really pregnant, though, you could take it at night and it'll still come up.

It's only like in the beginning. Right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you know you're pregnant. You've been pregnant for a while. and I was like, oh shit. And then I took it the next day in the morning and, you know,

again, same results. Which I feel like most women take like 10 fucking pregnancy tests because they don't believe it. Yeah. And then you could take those ones that will tell you how long, like three weeks a lot, right? Yeah, there's ones where you could take that'll say, yeah. I didn't even know that existed.

Pregnant and through deduction of, so it couldn't have been the guy who I took the plan B told with because we don't have any apartment. I'm surprised. Have you asked your doctor whether that plan B while you're pregnant was like bad to take? What do they say? I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to have a swath from Goosey's like baby. Exactly.

You know what I was like, oh my God. And I was like, am I going to have this baby? Like I was all over the place. So of course I asked, Google, asked one of my friends, I asked another friend who was pregnant. So two of my girlfriends knew what was going on. And they were like, no. actually okay, which is weird. I'm shocked you're here

and learn that. The doctor also confirmed completely fine. It's just like a different kind of hormone that's added. Oh, and it wouldn't have affected them. Oh, thank God. That's good. No worry. I was shocked. Yeah. I'm like, how did that even work? So that's good.

And I went to the doctor and I was trying to find out how to get an abortion because I, that was my initial reaction. Yeah. I was like, what the fuck? I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Never imagine it like that. And then my dad was scheduled to come visit.

So I find out at the doctor, the first doctor I go to, they don't do it at that doctor because of their religious basis. And I'm like, this is going to be a fucking nightmare. I had a friend down there who she knew what was going on. She's actually from England, and she was very helpful. because she was actually from the medical field. She ran a maternity ward back in her home country back in the day. So she was the best possible person to be hired for me.

Thank God. And she reached out to a couple people who were from there and knew she knew who had an abortion and she found out and they only did like the old school traditional method. And I was just like, I don't even know right now. This is not my dad coming in three days. I was like, this is not. So I just waited. And he came and it was a really great time with my father.

And it was like very, very bonding and pool. And I remember being in the ocean and talking to my one girlfriend about how I'm supposed to go to Spain. And why do I care about going to Spain more than I care about probably having a child and what's going on with it? And she goes, look, Spain's going to be there. You know, an asshole says they were their kids. Right. you'll be fine. You know, she was like,

you'll, she was, you know, obviously more encouraging on, she was supportive on either way, but she was more encouraging that I would be fine. Yeah, totally. She's like,

you're independent, it'll be alright. And I'm sitting in the ocean and I'm like, this is like amazing. Like I'm hanging out with my dad. I have a great relationship with my father and my mother.

This is, it's gonna, I have to have this kid. Like, this is cool. Imagine if I have this with my kid one day and, you know, I don't know, I had a fucking epiphany.

and I was like, I got to have this kid. Oh, and wait, did you tell your dad when he was there? No, because he would have had a coronary. I walked away until I was at least like the, you know, the three months, or whatever they thought you. Right. Yeah. How many months are you now?

About four months. Did you find out the sex? I can't wait to find out. I go to the doctor up here in the U.S. on Monday. Oh, I need to know. you have to remind you have to tell me. I'll let you know. So you don't know a boy or a girl yet?

Don't know. I think it's a girl just when I do, because I'm crazy. And a lot of my close friends think it's a girl and my God thinks it's a boy. Right. So you eventually told your parents and how did they react? So everyone was a lot cooler than I thought. Well, I mean, first it's how to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like, first I'm like, oh, my God. And at that point, I'm like, try, I did the automatic try to make this a thing. I'm wasting and bring him in closer to me and that probably wasn't the smartest just because that's what you do when he's trying out your pregnant. Yeah.

And he was just in complete shock and this is a dude who like I said doesn't talk to begin with. Yeah. And he didn't talk for about two weeks. I'm giving you time because I've known for about two weeks now. Yeah.

It's shocking. And you were and you were on board right away either. Like you had to go through your moments and thought process of going no, yes, no, right? So you gave him that time. Exactly. Exactly. So I tried to give

him some time, but it was, you know, women tend to go into, okay, is this happening? What are we doing? What's the plan? Yeah. You know, men don't understand any emotions and like, holy fuck the emotions. So he is a little slow on the uptake.

and I just kind of kept plugging along and I kept wondering go home and have the baby to hear what the fuck do I do I'm already at the end of the money and you know I have no worry that I can hop

back to America and get a job and see what I got to do so it was just a lot though waiting to hear from him and I feel like I'm still fucking waiting to hear from him. But I then, you know,

we went through the motions of me trying to be cool with him. He was very cute in the smallest way that he could be being supported, but he really had no fucking clue. How old is he? 35, and I'm too old to not really

have a clue. Right. There's no other kid. You're a very kind, good person. he's also just Caribbean and it's different people have babies left him right there and it's just very like oh cool right here I'm a kid

but here everyone here in America it's like oh my God it's a big deal and what are you going to do you know this is different so the response has been so different when I tell people there versus here thank God my family is way cooler

than I thought they would be because I also prepared. I mean, I would, and ironically, had a trip planned already to go to the Rolling Stones concert in June, but it had gotten already rescheduled. So I just, once I found out I was pregnant, I was like, I'll keep the trip and I'll be able to tell that's right when the first time. Right, that's when you can, right. You'll come back up. And I can tell my parents in person. Yeah, for sure. Like I said, I'm very, very close with my mother and my father. They are recently re-split up. They go back and forth. and sorry I had to tell them separately, which is better for each of them.

But it's been a lot of fun surprising with shit out of my friends, but then it's also kind of weirdly sad, I'll be honest, when it's the questions about him because I don't really, like I do know that he is never going to be evil to financially help. Right. He's just not. He's just not going to be able to. Right.

And like I mentioned my other friend who had a wedding in the Caribbean, because she's from there, she's been excellent because she's an example of a result of an American parent and a Caribbean parent in the outcome and how it can be and how it can work. Right. And she's made me feel emotionally just okay. Now, her mother is the one who's a Caribbean one, so a mother naturally will try to do as much as she can. Right. But you're going to live there?

No, I'm going to live in the U.S. I'm moving home and all day. Oh, okay. So you're going back just for a short time to, like, get stuff and then you're coming back and staying here. Yeah, I was going to say, because when you. I was going to be like, why the hell are you going to be there? Like, I mean, I think you'd want to be here just because of medical people, you know, right? Yeah, you want to be here. 100%.

The doctor, the private doctor that I did have that was the hour trip away from my village was actually very good. Uh-huh. But the system and how they do appointments is just so ass backwards, like not happening. Let me ask you this. When you sent me the little ultrasound, like, I've had a lot of those, right? Because I had a child. Like, it set a weird name on there and like, I'm like, is this?

Okay. I'm like, what the fuck do? Usually. She's, like, put the fucking bed. I'm like, is she. Oh, yeah. I mean, these things, I don't go looking for stuff, but it's like, I'm like, that's not her name.

And I know your fake name. I think I know your real name. I'm like, who the fuck is this? I'm like, what? I know how these. They put names on there. Did she use this weird name there? I was like, I was like, is she fooling with me and fucking with me?

What is this bullshit? Yeah. What is the deal with the fake name? No, I'm not that crafty. My God. No, the doctor down there, I liked him because he was professional. He's like, I'm not really into the social aspect. I don't do tons of pictures of the sonogram.

He's like, this is medical. Yeah. And so he, for whatever reason, he was trying, he was listening for. the heartbeat thing. Yeah, for sure. About 10 weeks or something, and he could get it. So he would like, you know what, let's do this. Let's do the visual one.

I guess it's the sonogram, right? Yeah. And he had it. And he was a nice guy. Like, you know, and I was like, I really want to show something to my mom. Yeah. Can I get a printout? And he was like, yeah.

And he just had the prior patient information up because he wasn't planning on doing mine officially. He didn't charge me for it. Right. He didn't have you in the same. system. Right. So he just like caught me, but that is my baby.

They do it just like moving the arms around. Oh, okay. Isn't it crazy? It's crazy because. Fucking not. Right. So early. And then you think of like, I don't know, it's like, listen, I totally believe in abortion.

1,000 percent. You know, I never had one. But after I went through like infertility and tried so hard and then finally had a baby, had miscarriages, went through anything. And then like was there for the heartbeat thing. and then for the other one where you see the sex and you see the little hands and you hear the heartbeat and you see it moving.

It's like crazy to think that like we kill those babies too at her, right? I mean, it's like, it's hard. It's interesting. You can see both sides. I would do the same exact thing. I was like this because I'm very similar to you. Like I'm only the same thing you just said.

Right. The whole thing is I was like, holy shit. I am new, new, newly pregnant. and that little thing has a head and arms and legs and it's moving and it's like having a party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And the person you see it and you hear the heartbeat. Oh, my God. I brought the father to the heartbeat one. It was the transvaginal one where they stuck the thing inside of you. And I brought him and my friend there, the girlfriend I have down there, to the appointment because I was a dissu-little make him realize it's real. Yeah, for sure.

I'm hearing the heartbeat. And I did look up and me a little. you know, tears welling up in his eyes. Yeah, for me, because I used a surrogate and I had failed so much, I just never believed it was possible. It was like hearing that heartbeat and being nervous that it wouldn't even be there and then you hear it and you're like, oh my God. And then wait till it's like a fucking attached. Like there's times where I'm still with my son and I hear his heart beating and I think about that time that I first heard. You know, that all of this stuff that you're seeing is going to be attached to this person that you are going to be.

so in love with you can't even fucking imagine. Like it's like it's making me feel good. Yeah, it's serious. Like whenever now and like after you have a baby like like whenever I hear someone that I know is pregnant like I get so excited for them. It's like when you said me that thing like I had the chills for you. I was so happy because I know what you're going to go through. Like I never like I was always happy for people before when they were pregnant.

But like it's a different thing when you have been through it and you know that. it's like, oh my God, like this is so major and amazing and you are just going to be so happy because you're ready for it, right? Like you said on some level, even though maybe you were confused, right? You felt like probably this was your time and you knew that, right? And that's maybe what you were doing, right? Just like maybe all that fucking around beforehand was like ending one phase of your life and going out with a bang, right? Before you start the whole new one. Yeah.

You got it out of your system. just good because, you know. It's just getting old. Yeah, and when you have a baby, it's like, you know. You're not happening. That's not happening. Hangover is thought I've heard. So, like, you just don't even drink and, you know,

and I'm fine with that. My father's got a history of alcoholism, and I've always been very, very, very aware, like, a cute, you aware of, okay, make sure you can stop whenever you want to stop and don't fuck this up and, you know, but I like to drink. I totally like you're pretty girl.

Listen, and maybe after, You're still young and that's what you do. And after the baby's born, there'll be times where it'll be so hard. You'll be like, I got to go out and have a drink. Like, because I'm going to throw this baby out the window. Every day I wanted to have a fucking drink. I was like, oh, because the guy is making me nuts,

but not talking to me about what fuck he's thinking. But you're not drinking now. No, obviously. So he's still. Right. But he's still confused, right? I don't know what. I don't know what he is.

He tells me he loves me in text. He's like, love you, babes. He, I mean, I'm just a very, very, like, I think I'm pretty simple, but maybe I'm extremely complicated at the same time. I don't know. I'm like, action speak louder than words, go get a fucking job, and show me something. Like, okay, I'm not, I'm not asking him for anybody.

Right. You're asking him for anything, anything, anything. Right. But what is it that he's not giving you then right now? Communication. Tell me what he's thinking. Yeah, but you have to understand. Okay.

Remember who he. was. He has not changed. He just, he's not a communicative guy. And having a baby with him is not going to change that. He's just the same person, right? So it doesn't, it doesn't mean something bad, right? It's just who he is. I mean, yeah, he talked less for two weeks, right? But, and that's when you need more. And that's going to be hard. Because, I mean, like, when I first started to have a baby, I started to do it with a friend of mine. That fell out and like my story is like you could get a bag of fucking popcorn because it's like it's so good like you don't even know. It should be a movie. But but when we were together doing it, he was not a communicative, communicative guy, even though he's like one of my best friends. I think

we talked about this, you know, but it's like and he, it was very difficult. I felt alone a lot of the times within that relationship when we were trying to have a baby together. And that's just who he is, that's who he was even through that. I think I got a lot more out of him than ever, but it still was never enough, and it was hard. And so it makes that kind of stuff hard. But yeah, he probably still won't be a good communicator. But if you stay here and he stays there,

it's not like it's going to be 24-7 of frustration for you. Yeah, that's what I want to avoid because I'm just like, okay, So my fear is that the kid's not going to have a father. I mean, my friend yesterday said, freaking out, having a break. I finally broke down to my mother yesterday. I was like, really upset. I'm trying not to be sad. Yeah.

I've read it obviously, like, being depressed is like, like, lead. It's not good shit for the kid. But you also have tons of hormones in you, so that doesn't help. Okay? I'm playing crazy right now. You're just going to get crazier. I feel crazy. No, but you're pregnant.

I mean, that's not, like, going to be emotional. stable. Like you could really go off the, and because you're being pumped with so many hormones that you're not used to having. So that's going to know you're aware of it, it doesn't change it. It's like, oh my God. No, of course not. It doesn't feel good. I never been young yesterday. Yeah. I'm telling

my mom, I'm crying. I'm like, I just don't know if this kid is not a father. You don't imagine it to be this way either. You never get a person who imagined a wedding. They think weddings, like marriage is crazy. And good luck with all the people who do that. But but a baby is something I always did kind of see

and like how beautiful it is and the connection, like all the cool shit. Yeah. But I didn't imagine it alone. However, I think that the universe has put me in this position or whatever, me and all everything together has put me here because I am independent. And this is probably the best possible outcome because I think realistically there's a lot of women who are married who are very independent women

who have husbands that it's like they still do everything anyway. And they don't really even have the support. Oh, yeah, I'll tell you. Dude who lives in their house. Yeah, no, I'll tell you, listen, there's pros and cons to everything, right? I'm just going to give you the pros to your situation because I live your situation. But my, it's different because I don't have that guy over in another country, right? But the benefit that I have over all the moms that I know that I'm close with that have

guys is like I make all the fucking rules and regulations and I don't have to compromise with anyone ever and that makes the first couple of years right a lot easier in certain ways right and I personally think that you're the same strong personality type but this is the deal I know you have to go and I have to go and we're not done talking right so we need to pick up this conference. We need to take a break. We'll pick this up next week and you'll have some good news. Maybe we'll know the sex of the baby and we'll talk a little bit more.

Okay. Okay. All right. Bye. Hey, Jess. Hi, how are you? So listen, I remember where we left off, right? We were talking about how I thought that you were like a strong personality type so that you

would kind of benefit a little bit from maybe being far away from the daddy and so that you could make most of the decisions and since he doesn't communicate that, which maybe you'll have more of the reins, right? But what I want to get to first, because you do know, we'll finish that conversation, I'm sure it'll come up, but you do know the sex of the baby now, right? Yeah, I found out. Wait, okay, so this is what I remember. I remember you saying that you thought it was a girl.

Yeah. And what is it? And the boy. Oh, my God. I'm so happy for you. I love, I have a boy, so I can. tell you I just love boys. You're going to love the bond.

I mean, I'm sure the bond between mother and daughter is like very special. I think, but the bond between mother and son. Oh my God, you're going to die. This is going to be like the first man you're ever going to really love. It's just going to be unbelievable. Thank you. Because, you know, I was fully prepared for whatever weird reason that it was going to be a girl.

And I'm like, you know, shit, I have to learn how to breed now. And you girlie things, I'm a total tomboy. And now I've been saved by this. Yeah. And like, listen, I mean, like, people would always be, like, when I'd be at the playground, like, boys are running around and girls, like, sit still more and stuff. But, like, I never wanted to, like, sit around. I get bored.

So I don't, I like that. My son, like, is really active and I run around. And he, you know, when's your due date? When are you due? So they found out the real due date, which is December 3rd. Oh, my baby's due day was December 9th and he was born on December 7. So you're going to have a little Sagittarius baby. You're going to have, like, my due date.

son, which is like the greatest thing ever. I know nothing about sedentaryances other than I've only dated like three and they were all nightmares. No, they're the fucking best to have as a child, okay? They are, they're like a ray of sunshine. They're strong personalities and they have like their own fucking minds and their time. But like you have to respect that right because that's who you are. I don't have a difficult relationship with my son because I totally understand that

personality type because that's my, I mean, sometimes it's, It's difficult, but I totally get it. I would have much harder relationship if I had a child who was like really quiet and maybe overly sensitive because that's like so foreign to me, right? But to have a child who's exactly like me that I totally get, it's a very easy relationship, even though sometimes it's difficult. Like just, you know, it's a fucking kid. So it's going to be difficult. But it's, they are the fucking vast. This is like really good outgoing personalities, strong, have their own mind.

and but the over what like the overwhelming thing like the overlying thing or like the thing that stands out the most is that they're just very happy dispositions happy friendly great disposition like my son is like a ray of sunshine and he has a better childhood than I had so he's like you know he always like checks me if I'm in a bad mood or something because he's like oh he's just a happy guy so you're just in for a really like he's going to be a ray of sunshine in your life trust me that's really nice to hear it's really nice and I'm really happy that you're you know your kid has a better childhood and yeah and that's what you have to give and that's what you give that's what you'll give that's what everyone should always give to their children for the people that don't

sort of rewrite history and they put their own shit onto their kids shame on you what your job is in life is to better yourself make yourself better than have a kid and then you know make that kid have a better life than you, right? I mean, and... Yeah, absolutely. So anyway, so... Do you have other updates since we last spoke? I know that you were very, like, upset about the communication between your guy, but you're

hormonal and you're pregnant, so you're going to be all over the place. So is it a different story, you know, five days later? A little bit, slightly. So, I mean, yeah, like, it's just the role, the emotional roller coaster, to begin with, for any pregnant woman, I believe, is out of control. Right. And then, you know, when you add kind of like a... extend, I'm sure everyone feels like their, their situation is extenuating, but like, you know, I haven't, I got knocked up in the island with a dude who.

Oh, no. Yeah. Yours is a little bit more hardcore than somebody else's. Yeah, you got knocked up by a guy that. I was to be like the one up on the poor me situations. I'm so, like, anti-pity and mercy. Like, I don't do that shit. But I am feeling the emotions of it.

And it's like, you know, he's got about a, I don't know, I want to say, like, a nine-year-old reading level. And that, like, that's really hard to wrap my mind around. and I'm like, what am I doing? But the thing that, like, what's really lucky for me is I feel like I probably said this earlier in our, you know, previous conversation, that I have a very good friend who is the result of a Caribbean mother and an American father. And she came to the U.S. and she was two. And I was actually spoke to him yesterday because they were like a real deal fling.

Like this was a fling, but it was much longer than a year. Right. their thing was much shorter and he just kind of you know I just was just having someone to bounce things off of you know it's good but I think right now what's happened so far is that I met up with my closest group of girlfriend and I've been telling this story to every group of people over and over like I'm pregnant moving back and you know who's the guy who's the daddy like in all these questions like what are you doing or are you being married like people have the traditional questions and then people understand me are like, you know what? That's awesome. That's so you. And great. And they're cool,

but still answering those fucking questions over and over and getting sad about like, okay, I don't have a partner and you never really imagine it to be that way. So it's, the sadness comes, sets in. And I was,

my mom and I were trying to watch this cool, like, baby documentary. And I was so disinterested. And I felt like, because I was like, and I really like just broke down crying. And I was like, I'm not even excited for this baby because I don't, I just, I feel sad.

Like, this is like, I don't know. I just was like all over the place. And it was a mess. And I mean, obviously I sound better right now because they am better. It's only two days ago. But, you know, I got to go to therapy. And she's like, I'm going to be here for you. Like, you know, she made me feel better.

Who, your mom? Yeah. My mom is amazing. Like, I'm so lucky. And I'm extremely blessed. Like, my good friends and family, you know, and I'm very close to my mother. And wait until you have a baby, your bond with your mother will be even closer because she's going to be really there for you, helping you.

You're going to really need her. And she's going to love your baby as much as you love your baby. Did I tell you this already? I go through that whole. I don't remember, but it feels good to hear. Yeah, because the thing about your parents and your family is that over anybody else, you get closer with your family when you have a child because they, will love your child as much as you do. Like, they get it as much as you do.

No matter, I don't care how good your friends are like, they're going to be like, oh, my God. But your family has a bond the same way you do. And so there will be, like, you feel closer to them because of that. Yeah, yeah. It's happening. And it feels nice. You know, I'm very blessed. And the gratitude is real.

And it's like, you know, it is just tough. And it's what's the toughest part. I'm working on defining what my issue is, I guess. And it's that I don't know how he fits into this picture. And I, because he's a good person, I don't want to shut him out. It would be easier if he was an asshole. If I could just be like, well, fuck you. And I'm doing all this on my own and that's it.

And the decision is made and never have to worry about him again. But that's not the case. You know, he still is down there saying like, I love you and all this, you know, not all this stuff. That's pretty much the max of what he says. But what did he say when you told him he's having a boy? He was, oh, my God, so excited. that he talked the most that I think he's ever spoken in his life last night.

And it was nice. And I don't know if it's because I also yesterday morning, I said, okay, if I'm going to be, if I'm going to give this guy an honest chance to be the father when he is able to be, I need to somehow, I don't know, I wanted to give him a chance in my soul. So I said, okay, he can't really read. So texting him anything doesn't help. So I found this like dad university on YouTube, this dude speaking about what the hell you do when you're for first time dad. And I watched a couple of the videos and they were good.

They were like short and like good. So I sent them to him. I actually think he sat down and watched them. And he was totally different person yesterday. I had my first anatomy scan and it was amazing. Like, you know, I've heard the heartbeat a couple of times with this scan. and I could really see like the outline of the head and the feet, right, uh-huh. Incredible.

And like, we found out it was a boy. And it was just a good day, you know? And after my appointment, he actually texted me. How did the appointment go? How are you feeling? I was beside myself. Granted, it's one day. It doesn't matter with that.

You were surprised. I was like, delightfully surprised. It still puts me in a weird space that's like, do I tell this dude? I mean, I think I know what I'm going to do. The question is, do I tell this. you like listen stop saying you love me and like that why would you say that matter?

I don't know I don't know like to cut it off to not act like I'm lying if I feel like I should say it back to him or like some bullshit like I mean he always says it to you and you never say it back to him is that the deal? I do I say it back when I did feel it and like now I'm like love you but let me ask you this why don't you feel it anymore now that you're pregnant do you think that that's like a

I've been because he's so fucking annoying. Like there's no relationship there. There's not going to be. Okay, but was there one or did you just were bullshitting when you said, I love you before? It was like, I love you, but it's like a different kind. I'm like, I have love for you.

I was probably in love for maybe like months. Right. And then he would do something really stupid and annoying in terms of communication. And I'd be like, what the fuck was I thinking? Like, no. You know, I've been done this. I've been in love and a lot of stupid. shit enough times to really know what the hell is going on with relationships and uh-huh just no way

there's no way i could have a successful relationship with that dude they've known that but the sex was banging and i wasn't really planning and getting pregnant like you know obviously i know how it happens but wasn't planning and getting pregnant so you know love happens i think between a couple when you know a guy sees a girl carrying her his baby a little bit of that you want but i don't want to let myself get hurt by even saying that shit when it's so not even real. Well, would it hurt you or does it hurt him?

Me and him. It's like you're not lying. It's as if I'm lying. So is the dilemma that you feel like you have to kind of like break up with him, but you also want to keep him as the thought, like you know, you still want to have, you need to have a relationship with him because he's the father of your child. It doesn't, your child doesn't care if he could read or he could communicate.

You know what I mean? Like that's the father. So. kind of a dilemma. Yeah, and I'm working it out. Like, this conversation is like therapy for me, and it's, like, really good. And you're going to start to go to your own therapy, for real therapy, too, right?

No, I saw my, yeah, no, no, but I'm so fucking looted. So, yeah. Yeah. I just, yeah, it's like mitigating, my favorite word is like mitigating how to handle him and not let him get, not let him feel like he shut out, but also be able to, like, move forward. do what I got to do without feeling guilty that I don't have time for him really.

And I don't, you know, it allow him to come in kind of whenever he wants. And that's hard for me to, like, not have control because I am controlling and I am my own person. And I like, like, everything you're saying about, you know, you're able to make your own decisions. You don't have to really bounce anything off of anybody else because, you know, you don't have the other part right there. That's really right up my alley anyway. So.

Right. But the fact is that it's not, you don't really have my situation. because you do have that dad in place and he's there. And it doesn't matter that he's in another country, right? I mean, he exists and you want, you know, him involved, right? As much as he chooses to be, like in terms of getting a visa to come here, he has yet to go and do the application. Like, go.

You're not, like, he's busy making a fucking B-box and sending me a video because I think, I think he thinks that's going to be happy. I'm like, do you have to understand it might not have hit him yet. I mean, sometimes it's like hard. You know, you have the baby inside of you. You're going to these things. And maybe like when you sent him that video, is he going to get a video of the baby scan?

Like, can you send that to him? I showed him pictures of the, like there's no video. Oh, you didn't get a video of it. Just pictures. Right. Uh-huh. No. The measurements.

Right. Yeah, I think I had the measurements of that. Right. Yeah, like a ton of pictures. And I was like showing him on WhatsApp yesterday. I'm not even kidding. It was the longest phone call or slash conversation. I've ever had with him in my whole life.

Right. Well, that's, of course. And that's you, but I don't think, I know that you're surprised by all that, but I think because now you have something else going on between you guys that is not just you and him, but it's something for him and it's something for you.

Like this baby is also his child, right? Like you're experiencing it as if it's your baby solo on some level too, right? So is he. Yeah. So, you know, you're going to have probably more. of this kind of conversation. I don't know what he said.

I hope, I guess. I mean, it's like, I just don't know what he sees at the future. I know he doesn't plan on staying in America and he doesn't really want to be here. So I just don't know. And it's like, you know, it's just been difficult dealing with him in general

because it's like since I told him, I knew, okay, it's going to take him some time and hit him. I knew a little longer. There's a baby inside of me. There isn't inside of him. Like, you know, it's going to give him some time. So I let, like, I waited like a month until like,

we heard the heartbeat and like he kind of seemed to get it. But now when he knows it's a boy, I mean, it's just going to get more and more real. I guess, but I'm still, I still am like, you know, is it, like my friend's advice was to try to define what is expected of him as a father. And I feel like it's better to expect nothing because I'm not seeing anything. And I don't want to be disappointed. And I don't want my kid to be disappointed. And I don't want to, how would let him in without letting myself or my kid getting hurt? Well, it's his kid too.

right but how do I let it how do I let him in not meaning like in the country but like let him do what he needs to do because whenever on his time there's no communication about like timelines or hey so you have to have those conversations eventually you're going to have to have those conversations I try to and he's like just looks at me like I just feel I feel bad for this kid in a way you know what I mean like Like, I'm sure there's going to be a moment in life for this kid's going to be like, what the fuck, mom? You got knocked up with this guy who doesn't care enough about me to provide. But you don't know that.

You don't know that this kid. First of all, but let me tell you, if the guy doesn't provide money, but he provides, like, FaceTime or he comes to visit or he wants, like, I don't know. Like, he might feel a very intense bond to his child when that child comes. You just don't know until that happens. What about his family? Does his family know? What about his mother? They know his mom.

I talk to his mom. I can talk to his mom more. But like she doesn't know how to do technology or anything. I mean, she's a little older and she's very nice, you know. But how does she feel about the baby? Like what if they feel, you know, really want to have? They're a Caribbean.

They're like, okay, there's babies born like every two fucking seconds. They're like, good. Good for you. She was like happy. She gave me a hug. And she goes, yeah, it's good to have a baby now while you're young instead of when you're old. can be. Right. But maybe it's going to be her grandchild. Maybe

there'll be a relationship. I don't know. We don't know yet. That's the whole thing. I think what you have to do is like right now, take a day by day, look forward to the things that are happening to you, establish your relationship with your child and how things are going to look for you. You know, and then

let him every step of the way reveal who he is and what he's going to do. And I don't think you know until that time comes, right? Because he could get a Lisa next month, but I wouldn't I wouldn't push him anymore. I would just, you know, I really have been.

Yeah. And I just, you know, I just tell him, I hope you're here. Yeah. I hope you're here. Exactly. But I would, anything I can do. Right. But do you, like, I would have a plan that who's going to be in the room with you

and all that kind of stuff. Like your mother. Oh, my mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know that, you know, you're going to have to, I don't know that you need to go to that place where your kid in, in many years

just going to say, mom, why the fuck did you do this to me thing? You just, you don't, because you just don't know. Yeah. You have to just allow that relationship to be what it is. And like I said, we don't know what that relationship is. But if you're going to have to explain it, you will explain it. And, you know, what you always want to be is like, you don't want to be these fucking white trash people you see on Judge Judy, like ruining their kids' lives because they're so

mad. Even if the guy doesn't show up, you tell them, like, you're. Your dad was a good guy. Like he can't be here because of whatever, but he's a good person and mommy met him because. And that's true. Yeah. So that's good that it's the truth because you're not going to be like. And that's the stuff that you need to focus on, the positives.

Yeah, I'm really lucky that he is a good person. Like that's, that's, you know, 100% like the saving. That's his, like, that's like the saving grace. Yeah, but that's what I think is why I think the story is going to wind up, but to be a little bit different than you think. because of that he might be lazy and he might be a little irresponsible but you know I think he's gonna step up more than you expect and you just have to give it time and wait you know you have a lot to do from now to then you'll have a lot of exciting more exciting appointments with your doctor

the first time you feel you're like your baby's gonna start kicking you're like it's you're gonna get bigger you're gonna have to go by furniture you're gonna have to do like so you'll be busy on things you'll get stuck on that nitty gritty annoying things too that's just fucking a part of being a human being it doesn't It doesn't matter that we know all these amazing spiritual things. Like you're a human being too and you're going to get freaked out and you're going to, you know, so you're in for a wild ride. But then your baby's going to come and it's going to be a whole new world.

Like everything before my baby was like all this stuff and then my baby was bored and then you're like in a whole new world. And that's when things begin. So all this stuff will seem like, you know, there'll just be a new, they'll just be a lot of new stuff, you know. And it'll be a lot of good stuff. And, you know, yeah, that's really good stuff. I'm really lucky too. Like really, I keep saying lucky,

but it's more like blessed, you know, like I have a good girlfriend who's very, very honest. And she just had, she's got a three month old baby right now. And she's not the most like,

motherly type of person before kids or really up. Like, you know, she's got a husband that's excellent and he's, he's more of the nurture. That's perfect. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's great. And she was just, you know, she talked to me yesterday. And it made me feel so much better because of her honesty. Yeah. And she said, you know, she goes, it's just interesting about what's going on. You know, don't try not to feel bad if you feel bad about things.

If you feel negative, don't let it get to you as much as don't let the, don't let the hamster wheel keep spinning. Yeah. And like something like that. And she said how she's, she says when the baby was born, she's, of course, was happy. But like they get home and she's like, like, looking at this like thing. And she's like, like, shit. Like it doesn't even like have an emotion.

just like yeah it takes a long time it takes a long time before you get something back from them yes that's what she said she said only now at three months oh yeah she doesn't even know stop you are going to see that girl she's going to be a little bit ahead of you and that's so great that you have that friend because she's going to tell yeah she's going to tell you but wait for that friend in seven months from now how she's going to feel your love for your baby grows and grows and grows and just becomes so much over time. Like, yeah, you love it the minute it happens. But the first time you hear it laugh,

like it'll literally bring tears to your eyes. The first time, like, seriously, she heard her kid laugh for the first time, like a real laugh. Like, I forget how old they are when they do it, but those are things. Her baby's only three months. But so you'll see her go through it

and you're going to see her love grow and change and be, you know, in the way that it happened. And it was really nice. And I said, you know, I'm glad that you're telling me this because if something like that happens, if that happens where I'm not like these women who tell you it's all amazing, amazing, amazing, I don't feel like a psychopath if I'm not head over heels right away. Like she said she was annoyed with how dishonest a lot of people seem to be because no one that she knows will ever say what she says. Right. People look at her like she has two heads when she says what she says. And I just think that that's great.

And like women should be comfortable to talk about things like that because I think it's got to be more real. Our other friend who we were visiting just just had a baby also was saying the same thing. So there you go. There's two women right there who like have the same thing. And I just think that's interesting. Yeah. And maybe, you know, you never thought that women talk like that because you never like were talking to women as another mom. You know what I mean?

My close friends. Yeah. Like, you know, they're really close. really helpful. Yeah and I find that when you're really honest about your stuff like with other moms like they're like honest about their things and everybody wants to talk about the negative stuff because you feel like almost guilty for having those feelings. You know what I mean? And then you tell your friend and they're like, oh, me too. I wanted to throw the fucking guy out the window yesterday. Like I mean, you know, there are just times like it's like that kind of stuff and then you know and that's what it's so great when you have like

really good girlfriends that you could be close with and really tell. Um, And you'll find that I think women are more honest about that, right? That kind of stuff. It's just that you have to be in like, you know, private conversations with them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just been good and like this conversation was good.

Thank you. Yeah. You're going to need a lot of conversations like this. Thank God you're going to therapy. Thank God you're back in the States and you have your friends. Thank God you're going to be busy doing a lot of stuff that you're going to have to do. Like I said, it's going to be up and down for you. But I cannot wait for that baby to be bored because then you're going to be in like the fucking twilight zone.

and it's a whole new world. It is, I'm telling you. But let's touch base, like, right before you're going to give birth, November. And then, of course, we'll talk after. Thank you so much. No, please. I am so excited for you. I'm so excited that you're having, like, a little, do you have boy names?

I have one, and I don't know that I like it anymore after finding out that it's a boy. What would you mean? It was Rowan. Uh-huh. I like Rowan's nice. I kind of like that. What's your kid's name? Nicholas, no, I'll cut this out.

That's a good name. I love Nick. No, but this is the whole hilarious story. Is that like, you know, because I'm old, I grew up in the 80s with like Motley Crew. And when Motley Crew came out and Nikki Six, that guy, I was like so into him. And I thought Nikki was like the fucking coolest name for a guy on the planet. I was like, I am naming.

I am having a boy one day and his name is going to be Nikki. Like, Nikki was my thing. So then I'm like, I can't really name him Nikki, so I'll name him Nicholas. So it was always like, I'm going to have a boy one day. And so he's named after Nikki six, which is so tacky. But I don't call him, I don't call him Nikki. I actually call him Nicholas and I love Nicholas. And he does look like a little surfer boy, rocker dude, but he's still not Nikki to me.

I call him Nicholas. But I always knew that, I always knew I like that name. And I got mine from a show. What? The same thing. Like, I got mine from a TV show. Yeah. I think it's funny when you have a story about it. I like that kind of thing. You know what I mean? Yours is good.

It's because it's so cheesy 80s jersey girl. I love you. Do you know what I mean? Fucking Nikki sex. That's great. By the time he's older, he's going to be like, who the fuck are they? You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh my God. Do you go look at them and be like, what were you on, Mom?

Yeah, it's like, no, I used to sleep with musicians. I'm sorry. I was a rocker girl. That is the truth. So, you know, what can you do? But I think Rowan's a really cute name. For real. But anyway, so we'll see. We'll see. Keep me posted on everything.

I really am truly so happy for you. It's like very exciting. And I can't wait to talk to you through your journey because we'll be talking more. Keep me posted. Thank you so much. And have a wonderful day. You too. And stay out of that twilight.

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