Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 299 - Daisy Dated a Very Abusive Guy and Was Totally Mind Fucked by Him

Episode Date: September 2, 2019

Daisy calls in to discuss her ex boyfriend and how she’s still haunted by his abusive ways. When did the abuse start and how far did it go? Why did she date him for so long? How did the relationship end and who is she dating now? Tune in to find out plus hear all about the couple of times she cheated on him, why she actually told him she cheated on him and how he reacted, her hook ups with other women and how she’s recently discovered she’s bisexual as well her past relationships and cand her pattern of picking guys who are distant in one way or another and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the strictly

anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, oh, if you haven't subscribed to my show, subscribe, if you can write a review, write a review, especially good ones. I love them. If you want to be on the show, this is a call and a vice show where I talk to total strangers about all kinds of things. A lot of times people call in to talk about their naughty lines. And or their secret lives. I really like to help people with their problems. I say I give unprofessional advice, but I think my advice is good.

If you fall into any of those categories, if you want to be on the show, send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com, or go to my website, strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on Be on the Show. I change everyone's voices. So when I say this show is called strictly anonymous, like you really are strictly anonymous. I don't know who the fuck you are. You could block your number when you call, send me an email from a fake email. and I will change your voice so nobody can recognize it.

I mean, until it's totally unrecognizable, like everybody else. But you'll sound like a normal person. So anyway, if you want to be on the show, do what I just said. I have on a girl today named Daisy. I love that name. Daisy wrote in because she has like a bad relationship issue she wanted to talk about. She's like at that age where she wants to get married and have kids, but she's still dealing with like, I don't know, like PTSD or PTSD.

the fuck is it from a past relationship she also was like has a thing where she doesn't know if she's by but maybe she's by but it turns out she's really fucking by because she's hooked up with a lot of girls and we talk about that um but we talk a lot about her past relationship and how it was like really abusive and how that fucked her up um and uh all that good stuff. I love calls like this because it's like regular stuff to me I feel like I just talked to like a girlfriend of mine and about all her shit you know I love this kind of stuff because it's like real life stuff and stuff and I had a lot of it in my life. I give her a lot of good advice. I give her a lot of stupid advice too. I feel like a lot of stuff I said. I was like, oh, when I hear it back, I might be like,

what the fuck. But because I'm just trying to figure her out, right? Because she was like, it was a really bad relationship yet. She's like supposedly totally normal. I don't know. But you'll hear some interesting patterns that I put together through listening to her. You'll hear some all about her first relationship. You'll hear her about relationships before. that you'll hear about her history with women um and you'll hear a little bit about who she's dating now and what's going on with that so anyway i'll be right back on with daisy i like your name daisy thank you it's like such a slutty name i don't know why i just think guys it's like kind of slutty don't you think because it's so like it's like a flower but not i don't know like i just think guys would

think it's slutty it's a good name yeah right daisy it's like it could be like a she could be a like a good stripper name. But anyway, so... I don't even like flowers. Yeah, me neither, but I like that name for the show. It's good. So it's not your real name, but you're somebody that literally, you found me on Instagram.

I mean, you listen to my show, but then you follow me on Instagram and you sent me like a message and you were like, oh, I want to be on or like, but I don't think that my story is that interesting, right? Because you think it's maybe just like a... But it is interesting. Like, I like regular sort of situations, but it's not like you don't have extra interesting things in there. right? Like you have like a bad, you're a person that has coming out of a very bad relationship, right? It's been about a year, but it was like pretty brutal, mind fuck kind of relationship, right? And you still have like a tape of that going on in your head. But then you have this other whole thing where you might be by and you think you are, but you don't really know when you've been trying to figure that out, right? Like that's a whole other thing that's going on, right? And you said in your email that like, you know, I mean, we'll start with like the bad relationship because the first thing you said, you told me was that you're like 38, 38,

37, 38, right? 37, I'll be 38. Yeah, you're like worried that you'll never be married and have kids. You're kind of dating somebody now, though, right? Are you still dating that shy guy? You said you're dating. I am. Okay.

But you're not in a relationship with him? Because you said you're still single. So, like, are you, how long you've been seeing that guy for? A couple of months. Okay. Is it like a relationship or are you just sleeping with him? We have not slept together. How come?

It's hard to tell. How come? Well, we have not been able to, because of our schedules, because of our jobs, we haven't been able to see each other more as consistently as I guess we would like to. We've both been going in and out of town or busy with work. Does he live in your same town? Yes. Do you see each other once a week? No.

Once a month? Yeah. At least. Oh, okay. So you've known him for three. So if you've known him for a couple months and you've seen. seen him once a month, you've hang out with him three times?

Maybe three, four. Yeah. Okay. So that's why you haven't had that. Yeah, that's not like two people that have like probably some sort of subconscious fear of commitment and you're so you're having this like retortive situation. Oh my God. I never thought about it.

I mean, come on. Like if you'd like somebody, like you're three months into it and you guys talk a lot but you don't really hang out in person like ever. you live in the same town that's like yeah yeah that's like sounds very l.A but like i don't know i mean that's like you don't think that that seems kind of dumb like i mean i think you know if you're really ready for a relationship you meet someone that you like you could find time i don't care you're not fucking president obama like i mean you know come on these people that act like they have no time it's such bullshit the busiest people i know could make time for things so i think maybe

there's reasons for like i don't know maybe something's not really going on there and maybe it's because listen you're out of you're a year out of a relationship but you were with the last guy the bad guy right you were with him for five years and you literally wanted to call in to talk about like how you just can't stop sort of playing like the stuff that went down with him and you're like you know it still is like he wore you down right and you still have those effects right so yeah you're probably not totally available and ready to emotionally open up to somebody else with all that still hanging out, you know what I mean, enough for you to write in and want to talk about it.

That's true. I never thought about it like that. I know you really want to get married and have kids, right? And that'll happen if that's something that you want for sure. And that could happen like, you know, you could meet the guy, you know, six months for now. But you have to like, I think you just have to like put closure and put an end to that last guy. You know what I mean? Or like, you know, figure that all.

that whole thing out and just like, you know, move forward from it, right? Right. I'm in therapy and we talk about it a lot because that's good. That's what you need to do. My therapist, yeah, he actually met us because I, when we first, when I first moved to be with him, we were planning on getting engaged and he had already asked my dad for my hand in marriage. And then we had like a really big fight.

where I, because I know you'll ask me, what are you tough fighting about? So we had a fight and he just, he was always convinced because we were long distance that I was doing stuff behind his back that I was like a chronic cheater. Were you? And so one time, no, not really.

Oh my God, stop. I have a million things to just, you're saying stuff, but you're saying other things. like nobody's business. What do you mean? Not really. First of all, I heard another long distance. So that was another, like, how many times a month did you see that guy?

It depended. Oh, yeah, yay. Yeah. But we, I mean, pretty. Have you ever had a relationship with somebody where you see them like every day? Yes. Okay. When was that?

Before this guy, right? But when was that relationship? And how long was that relationship? And what happened with that one? That one was a year and a half. half. And that was, oh my gosh, probably like 10 years ago. Okay. But like did it end badly that one like really bad? Yes. Okay. Maybe that one scarred you too. Maybe because to make you up like yeah, right before we were supposed to start pre marital counseling. Oh my God, but you're always in this pre you're always like

engaged. So you were engaged to that one too and you were doing counseling. He became very religious in that relationship and he decided that he wanted to be celibate. But you said you had premarital counseling? What does that mean if you're not engaged? We were going to do it with our church. Like, and you have to pretend you're married to do it for your church? I don't understand. No, they knew.

I guess we were, we were just trying to do the right steps to get engaged and get married. Okay, you were dating for about a year and a half. You decided that you guys were going to get married, but then you were doing counseling because there was a lot of problems? No, it was more like religious counseling. Oh, you're just supposed to do it because you're taking the next step. Okay. Yes.

Yes. That's not weird before you're like, had you had sex with each other? Yeah. Okay. So it wasn't like, right. Okay. So it wasn't like you were like because it's weird to like sort of formalize things. Even in a church.

Like I get like a church will want you if you are engaged or you ready to be marriage. Like you meet with the priest, right? Like or whatever. You know, people do that kind of stuff. But it's like weird that you would do something formal like that when you're just in a regular relationship. Yeah. Do you remember why he wanted to because he got religious? I honestly don't remember.

Were you guys having problems and you wanted free therapy? No, we weren't. I didn't think we were. I mean, the main problem was that he became super religious. And out of nowhere, like one day he, his people. parents were very, very religious. They met in church. And that's not to say that I have, like I, you know, I'm pretty active in my faith as well.

But I still, I guess, obviously drink and cuss and fuck. But so did he, right? He was. I mean, we were fuck buddies. And then, and that's what we were doing. And then we went to relationships. So it was out of the blue that all of a sudden he was like, I think I want to be celibate until I get married. And I was like, what?

And I didn't really take it seriously because we kept having sex. And then eventually one day he was just like, I don't want to do this anymore. I feel really bad. Okay. So you're not allowed to have sex. Right. Okay. Right.

And I was like, you made this decision without even consulting me. You just decided. But then I also understand it's his body so he can do with it. Yeah. Yeah. No. Right. Right.

Exactly. But that's what would make you guys not compatible anymore, right? Right. And is that why you broke up? I We broke up. We were like in a drunk fight about something and that I literally can't remember what.

And then he like said he broke up and I just thought he was kind of being dramatic. And so I didn't really take it seriously. But then he was like, no, I don't think this is working anymore. But what I really think happened is I think he probably, his mother really didn't like me and I think she was pushing this other girl on him because he ultimately ended up marrying the girl that he met after me.

Right. And that's what I think happened in hindsight. I just don't think he was being honest. Right. But also you guys were having a big issue. I mean, he was looking to have a relationship with somebody that he wasn't sleeping with and you wanted to sleep with him.

That's true too. So it's not like you were ideal anymore. I mean, that probably was like a big deal breaker for him. And if he was going to be, if he was going in the direction where he wanted to be celibate and really hardcore into his church, you were not that person, right?

You know, you were like regular person with religion, right? Like you said, but not as hardcore as he was to the point where he wanted to really follow like the church ways and be celibate and everything. Right. So, you know, he was right to sort of, I don't think it was just his mother. I think it was the way he was changing was making him see maybe somebody else as being more right and you being not so right. And he wasn't right for you either. I mean, you know. No, no, I'm so happy.

I mean, they. Yeah, you were going to figure that. Yeah, that's great. Engaged at church. Right. They had a dry wedding. Like, I mean, counseling at church.

I mean, forget. You already started with that shit. That wasn't for you anyway. So yeah. So you got out of that. And then you get this relationship. Now, the whole five years, was it long distance, the whole five years?

Um, for about three and a half of it. And then, no, four. Yeah, because then I moved. And then you moved to be by him? Yes. And I also just wanted to change location. So I didn't mind smooth. Right.

It wasn't like just for him. You were ready to move anyway. And then you broke up, but you stayed where you guys, you stayed where you moved to be with him. So the last year, it was, you were in long distance. Last year you were still together.

You were together. Okay. All right. Why did I think the whole time it was long distance? I don't know. I think you said something after. when I'm editing and listening back, I'll know where you want to be. But so, you know, so you're dating this guy long distance for a while.

Eventually you moved there. Is that one like the, like the, like the, the mind, like the abusive stuff started when you, when you move there? No, it started before. Okay. And he, I think in hindsight, I think he was kind of preparing me for his abusive ways. Right. I'm getting you ready. Right.

Show you who he really was. I mean, you know, somebody like that, it knows who they are and they could just only hide it for so long. Right. Because he was really particular about certain things. Like, he didn't want me to wear certain things. He didn't want me to cuss. He, which the field I'm in, everybody cusses. So it doesn't work.

I wonder what field everyone gets to curse in. Like, I don't even understand. I'm, like, trying to think what that, like, you know. What is it? Oh, really? Oh, in law? Yeah. Oh, that's so funny.

Yeah, everybody cusses in law. Oh, okay, cool. So this doesn't work. That's how people communicate, like, behind the scenes, obviously. So he was just, in hindsight, he was very controlling. I think he told me, you know, I feel a certain way. Like, he didn't like just certain colors of nail polish. Like, he just.

Oh, my God. He was very particular. He was very particular. Right. But like when you were long distance, well, first of all, where had you meet him? Through a friend. Okay. It was like a blind date when he was in town or you were in town?

We, he just, like I was out at a bar and the friend was coming. And so I'm going to bring my friend. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Right. Okay. And then you guys started talking long distance or did he hang around for a little bit and you saw him and then he went back and you guys started dating? Yeah, he was around. He was working in the city for the, like, the summer. And then he ended up moving away when we went, like, we went on a couple dates. Right. And then we just kept talking. And it was how far away? When he moved away, how far away was he?

Several states. Okay. So a plane ride or like a five-hour car ride? Okay. Yeah. Okay. So I never would drive, but he would. I would only fly. So you decided to stay talking to each other. other even though you only had a couple of days had you slept with each other before he left I mean when you first met each other no okay we fell in love like in the 90s style over the phone talking for hours and hours and hours and so when we finally saw each other again we were already in love with each other and that's when the first time we ever had sex right and how much talking like how many like months and months of talking or like a one a month and a half okay and then you saw him and you guys like did it and it was like amazing because you had just you had built us all up right through just getting so close with each other uh-huh right and actually he was because i used to like really have problems sending orgasms and he was he made me come like several times that we done which was just nuts in and of itself right but he was very into making sure women came he said he wouldn't he wasn't satisfied unless women were sexually satisfied oh yeah those controlling types are always that way it's like almost a annoying. Like they want you to come like 10 times. I didn't know that was a thing. I think yes. I don't know. You know, I do these studies where I like three guys I know do something and I decide it's a thing. But now but there's all this certain times. Like I have a lot of guy friends and I've fucked a lot of guys. And so like all the guys that do the show I call it, you know, all happens. They all tend to be like a certain like narcissistic, you know, controlling sort of.

ways and yet when it comes into the bedroom like they seem to be like you know it's all about you and like what you know um yeah but yeah i don't know there's something there you know i think it's like a personality type so yeah i know that type but yeah and that's what my gay best friend said too he was like that's a part of control too yeah oh yeah right what did he say right that's that's right yeah why can i put that's like that's a controlling thing for them and he's like they he said that they get off on the control because he was also i made him somehow multi-orgasmic. And he's like, he never had that.

So he would come like seven times when we would have sex. Right. And yeah. Yeah. And that's what my gay best friend was saying. He was just like, no, that that was part of a control, like aspect of the relationship. I just didn't realize it. Right, right.

So, but so, but what's going to hook you in is like, you know, if you're a girl that could barely orgasm and then you find a guy that can make you multi-orgasm and one weekend, you're like, beside and talk. on the phone all the time, like you said, you know, like you're really way into him. And of course, in the beginning, I'm sure he didn't show any of his like true colors, right? But then like when did he start becoming abusive? And what kind of abuse was it? It was like, was it subtle kind of stuff or was it like?

Yeah. Just. So after the first weekend, after we had sex and everything, he was like, okay, you know, when I introduce you to my parents, I want you to be like, you know, you're going to have to. play this like perfect role because they aren't from this country and so they would not have looked kindly on him dating an American and much less taking one seriously so he wanted to kind present me as this perfect person okay and he was like you know I just you have to think of yourself as an actress and if you're an actress then you know you wouldn't be like you want to look the

best for your role and he's like so you I need to lose some weight and I was so upset because I was like you literally just told me you love me for the first time this weekend when you saw me and we had sex a weekend and now you're telling me I'm too fat to meet your family and so he was that was like he was

no no I'm not saying that you're just taking it the wrong way and so that was kind of I think that he was saying his family would think you're too fan right because they're all like sticks like his sisters were super athletes you know and so they don't have like curves and I'm just I'm a curvy girl like so I I was just like are you kidding me I I could not believe that he did that and not only that like it's like and even if he was

coming from the good place and that's how his family really was like what a terrible family he comes from if they're going to like judge his partner by what she weighs and what her body looks like right there's it's like weird it's a weird thing that you know Seriously. I mean, I get it like if somebody's like, oh, you're coming to meet my family and they're super conservative, like hide your tattoos or you know, shit like that. You could just, you know what I mean? Because sometimes our parents are from different generations or for the, like you said, like a different culture, like whatever. But that doesn't seem to make. That doesn't seem to make. That doesn't seem to be a cultural thing. Like you have to lose weight and like look a certain. You know, I mean, he, that didn't make sense. That doesn't really make sense what he was telling you to do. No, it didn't. He was just insulting you. appreciate. Yes. Yes, he was. And he, you know, he was always insulting my body. But then at the same time, we're having sex telling me, my God, you're so beautiful. You're so this. You're so that. And I would be like, so you can't have it both ways. Right. So to an extent, I didn't believe everything he was saying, which is why it's frustrating that when certain things, when like certain things will pop up that he has said in the past. And I'm like, I know I don't believe it on some level, but I don't like that it's there. Right. The most thing that someone could do in a relationship and a lot of people do this is like, you know, what they say and what their actions are incongruent, right? That is, they don't go together, right? And it's like, it's so bad when it's like the opposite of like what you would think is the worst thing, which is

like someone treats you really bad when you're with them, but says really nice things. I've been in the relationship you were in where somebody treats you really nice, like their actions say they like you, right? But they tell you in words, they don't. You know what I mean? They're always trying to defend their actions by being worse, right? Yet their actions are saying, I'm totally

fucking into you. It's such a mind fuck. Right? Yeah. But on some level, like, you always have to say to yourself, especially because you were there for so long. Like, why do certain people get caught up in that, right? And certain people would be like, go fuck yourself. You know what I mean? Like, yeah.

Because that's like, uh, it becomes those kind of relationships are like train wrecks and you're like why can't I walk away from this it's so wrong and so not healthy right yet you're so trapped and you know I'm sure you've heard me say this other people or maybe you haven't because I don't remember last time I had one of these kind of calls on it but like I know a lot about this stuff because I've always been like a commitment phobe and had a lot of relationship issues and been in relationships that really held me and pulled me in and I couldn't get out of them and that's always when you're sort of dealing with something that's coming up from your childhood.

That's what I believe. Like some story that was told to you at some time is now being told to you again, you know, in the most perfect way. And it becomes like mesmerizing that like, mesmerizing in a way, I mean by like you can't turn away

and you can't walk away, even though like you said you would know in your mind, like, oh, he's like totally into my fucking body. Yet by him telling you those subtle things was triggering another part of you that didn't believe him for, for because of your low self-esteem. You know what I mean?

And that's, and that's the part of you that couldn't walk away, right? And can't leave. And, um, you know, and that's when you go into like, my therapist would always call it like child time or like I would read stuff as like, you know, you're being triggered and then you become like the child in you.

And that's why you can't really sort of relate to it or do or create actions as a grown up would and like walk away or whatever because you're constantly in that mode where you're like a, defenseless child and whatever that story you know what I mean so like that could be happening in that situation you know there's no way that like I don't know I do think maybe like a healthy person right and because I I tend to make like sweeping statements and I you know sure you know and I could be so off you know so like yeah maybe there is a way that like a totally healthy person can be like totally, you know, trapped in one of those kind of relationships and can't get out and then it would be

totally fine for the rest of life with somebody else. But I think that it's more likely that a certain kind of person gets stuck in that because of issues, right? I mean, because it's like you, it wasn't like he was like really great for many years and then this crept up, right? It was like he, right after the first time you're with him started with a really crazy, thing that he put on you and it wasn't really nice at all yet you stayed with him you know what I mean Eddie didn't even live here I mean he didn't have a lot going for him you know I mean besides the whole orgasm thing you know he can make you come a lot you know that was so great that's not worth it no but but but it is right I mean good sex and especially dysfunctional sex is always like the best and that

dysfunctional pull you could have with somebody could totally keep you there I think it's It's a very, very powerful thing that could keep you with somebody that's really abusive. But I would say that it tends to be extra horny and good with the people that are abusive if you have those kind of issues. Sorry to say. Like, don't you think in a certain way? I don't know. Let me ask you this.

I'm digesting a lot right now. But yeah, I mean, I agree with you. You'll hear this back and you'll be able to like, it's like a therapy session that you get to take. Right? And you can hear about, I don't know what you're thinking. therapist tells you when you talk to her or him. Is it a girl or a guy you're a therapist?

I have a guy. Oh, okay. You have a guy. But like you're like childhood, right? Like, I mean, does, could you sort of relate your relationship with this guy to your childhood in any way, shape or form? No. No?

What's your relationship with your parents? Great. Yeah? Yeah. I talk to them every day. Right. And you're like, yeah. Now let me ask you this.

Okay. But did, were you bull? lead in school. Did you have any, you know, like any kind of low self-esteem things, like anything happened that would give you like the low self-esteem to like have someone sort of, you know, buy into that kind of shit. No, it's weird. I was a popular girl.

Right. I was, you know, I'm smart. I, you know, people I think would describe me as an overachiever. And so it's, I've always had tons of friends. I yeah that's why I'm like really a defensive child I mean I'd have to really go back yeah well I you know I think sometimes you do have to go back yeah sometimes you do have to go back sometimes it's like stuff maybe you don't remember sometimes it could be a lot of different scenarios like I remember having this one girlfriend I called her cutney her her her name was

quitting but I call her cut cut cut cut me and cut me was always like she had like the best relationship with her father her mother was really fucked up but she had the best relationship with her father But yet she just could, she was like terrible when it came to guys. And I was like, it's so weird that you're so terrible with guys when you're so close with your dad. And then, but like when she really got ready to a point where or like at a point in her life where I think she was like ready to change, she sort of like started looking at her father different and talking about things maybe that happened and she started seeing things differently. And then she kind of realized like what a fucking asshole her dad was, but not really to her because he like what I, you know. And it did. Yeah.

It sort of changed. And then like, and it was almost like I don't think she was like. lying to herself. I just think she was like in denial about it. But when she was ready to sort of like make changes in her life where she was at that place, she started to see things differently and then repaired everything and everything. I thought. I think I know what you're, okay. So no, I think it has to do with my first high school boyfriend maybe. Yeah, that could be. The first you guys, the first you guys had sex and it was very fucked up with both of them. And maybe that's what this is. For sure. Your first relationships want like whether if it's not, so it's like, it could be. It could

your parents, right? Or it could very much be those first relationships you had. I've totally heard that. Oh, my God. Well, what was your first relationships? It was a guy. We were friends and we started dating. We were super close.

And eventually, you know, we had sex and we had probably just only done it a few times. And I remember he cheated on me. Mm-hmm. He, because I was a cheerleader and he took a girl out on a date, like, when I was cheering during a game. I was like, where is he? Well, he knew where you were and knew you could have done. That was so funny. I know. I couldn't find him.

But everybody was asking me, like, where is he? And I'm like, I don't know. That's weird. He never misses my games. I mean. And then you found out he was with a girl at that time. There's nothing more devastating. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. But he didn't tell me for a couple. days. I mean, I'm surprised he told you. How dumb of him. He really was. Yeah, he should have just denied.

Denied, deny, deny, deny. That's why I wouldn't have even known ever. Exactly. Yeah, that's so weird that he told you. That's almost even more abusive. That's the second part of the trauma there is like one that he cheated on you and two that he fucking told you. I mean, you would have never even known.

No, I wouldn't have. And I was devastated. Yeah, I think the telling you is actually rude. No, I think the telling you is actually ruder than the cheating on you. Like, why did he want you to know? Well, you know what? I did find out years later that a couple weeks before that some adults had told him that he wasn't good enough for me. And so I don't know if that was his way of ending it.

I don't know. Well, he might. No, yeah, he could have sabotaged for sure. And that's why he had to tell you because he couldn't stay in that relationship. because, you know, he didn't feel good enough. But, you know, that would be all subconscious, but that would make sense, you know. And that's why he told you, because normally,

a normal guy that just, like, horny, 17-year-old that cheat, like, whatever, like, shit like that happens, you know, especially when you're really young. And it's like, you don't go and tell the girl. Like, you know, not if you're, like, want to, you know. But that would make sense that he, well, he didn't feel probably that was true. He may be, and he, that sounds like a sabotage move. Unless, I mean, he liked the other girl and he wanted to.

to be with her, but to tell you... I ended up dating after that. Okay, well, then maybe she gave better head than you. I don't know, but like... I don't know. He told you, like, for a reason because you didn't... There was no reason for you to even know. So I think, like I said, that that's a second blow to you.

Like, on some level, you're like, this person is sitting across you and, like, telling you. Like, you know, it's one thing when you catch someone and they have to tell you and they're like horrified, but like when someone's telling you, I think that's even worse. Do you get it? So that's like a double whammy right there. And then there's another guy, you said. What happened with the other guy?

He gave me HPV and then denied it. And I was like, you bastard. Well, of course he's going to. Well, at least he denied. At least this one has half a brain. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I mean, at least he wasn't like, oh, yeah, I got it from, you know, the girl I cheated on you with.

Oh, God. Well, so he gave you HPV and, like, how did you find out if he didn't. denied it. How did you find out that it was you, that it was him? Because he was the only guy I had been with. No, it could have been from the other guy. It could have been from the first guy. How long was the, when were you with the first guy? About a year in between. I mean, it was, it was him. I know it with him. And he denied it. And I was like, you're lying. Like, I know you're lying and you know you're lying. Because he was very calm when I told him what happened. And I was like, I didn't know that that would probably meant that he was because we were oh my god you're like what is wrong with you but we were we went to different colleges in different states of course that's your fucking MO I mean now don't you I mean you're laughing because you're just realizing the pattern now oh my god I know yes I'm just realizing I heard it one minute into our conversation I know you did that's amazing you're you and you've never realized it I mean

I have no clue. He was a long distance, too? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's something fucking up, okay? Come on. Yeah, that's nuts. Okay, yeah.

So anyway, it was him, and I knew it was him. And he was just like, oh, are you sure? And I was like, uh, yeah, I am. And you did this. And I was, and I didn't know. I don't know, but I think maybe HPV is like silent for women and not silent for men. I remember like I was sleeping with this guy and he called me up and he was like, oh, he gave me genital warts. Sorry, which is HPV, inform of it.

And he gave it to me and I was like, you gave them. Oh, right. I'm thinking, what am I thinking of? Chlamydia. No, I was thinking of my guy's had chlamydia and thought I gave it to him. Like, I don't have fucking chlamydia. But, oh, HPV. Oh, so you got warts.

From him right after we had sex. And I was like, you did this. And he said, no, I didn't. And I was like, it was you. Like it happened right after we visited each other. So, thankfully you're gone. And that was over. Okay, so that was a little traumatizing.

But I don't know that that would, I mean, I felt really bad about myself after that, though. Right. Well, did it go away? Yeah. Yeah. It's gone. I mean, I haven't, they're gone. Like, I've gone to the doctor.

and they just said that HPV is, you know, is latent in your system. But I haven't had them. I don't even know the last time. Right. But do you get check when you get a Papsmear? Because isn't that what a Papsmerech? And you're negative for it. Yeah.

Right. So you're fine. So yeah, so that put you down. But yeah, I don't know. But I still see like all this like long distance, you know, relationship stuff. Like I don't get. I don't know.

I don't get it. But like maybe that's just the way like maybe you don't like maybe you don't, like maybe you prefer a little space in between. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like, maybe that works for you because you're super independent and you like to do your own thing, you know? I don't think that that's necessarily like has to be an issue, right?

For me, it was because I don't know, like relationships feel claustrophobic to me, you know. Oh, wow. But I think some people like a lot of space and if, but if I really like someone, like I want to see them all the time, you know, like I don't know. Oh, you too. No, I do feel that way. I really, I got a thing for dating consultants for a while because I thought it was the best of both worlds. You know, they'd be gone like Monday through Thursday and then they'd come back home and then you'd have the weekend and we'd have a lot of fun.

And I think it's just, that was good for me. But I do like seeing somebody every day. I mean, I was very happy to live with my ex-boyfriend when we lived together. Right, but you did three years of not. But you were to three years of not, which is a long time. and then when you finally got there. And for that three years, I mean, because he seems like he was a douche right from the beginning. So you had three years of douchebagness, right?

And then you moved there. Yeah, escalating douchebagness. That, that, yes. Right, but you still stayed with him and you move there, which listen is very common, right? Like, it's very hard to get out of, like, bad, like, relationships. But I just think, and this is, I just think people that can't get out of, those bad relationships have like some sort of mental blah I don't know I don't know but like you say like everything's fine with your parents and stuff but like I don't know I wish I could dig a little

in there somewhere somehow I don't know because it's like you know how come you could not leave it for so long it's one thing when it's a year year and a half you don't mean and you get up the sort of like and who broke up this relationship after after five years finally it was kind of mutual. Now, you once said, when he was like constantly blaming you for cheating on him or whatever, and like when I asked you were you and you said, well, not really. Like what does that mean? Can you go back to that?

Sure. I was in school and there was a guy. I guess we kind of like each other, but nothing ever happened. So there's that, which in hindsight. I was like, oh man, he was a great person. I missed him. I don't know why. You know, sucks.

But you never fooled around with him, but you felt like emotionally connected to him. Yeah. Okay. We just really got a lot. Like, we would always go out to like just the two of us and like hang out. And like he would like sometimes like pass out on my couch. But nothing ever happened. No, but you were.

But in stuff like that. Like you have to, that's what the, that's the problem with long distance relationships. And that's where that insecurity on his side could come. Like, you know, he's not there, right? So he could give you all of the stuff of releasehip, except that day-to-day companionship. So you went and found somebody to sort of give you that, right? So, but he wasn't giving that to you. And that's like a problem, right?

Because you're sort of getting that from somebody else. And that could have turned into a release chip. Like, that's the problem with a lot of distance, right? That guy could, you could have wound up falling for him and then letting go of him. You know, and that's probably what he was most insecure about. Did you ever actually fool around with anybody? I did. Okay.

So this is kind of how the bisexual stuff plays in. We were, we, of course, it was a tumultuous relationship, so we would break up all the time. And one of the times that we broke up, I hooked up with my friend's girlfriend. You're a guy friend, a guy friend's girlfriend? Yeah. My guy friend's girlfriend. And now how did that happen? Was that the first experience?

you ever had with a girl or had you fooled around with girls? Not at all. Okay. And now were you drunk? Yeah, we were drunk. We were out and we were like dancing. And then she just like, it was really smoky in the bar. I have no idea why.

But they just had this fog machine that just would not stop. And so everybody was dancing and like she was just like grinding on me. And then I just like slid my hands up underneath her shorts and started. fingering her on the dance floor. And so then she was like really excited. So we left the bar to go back to his house. So go out. Now, did he know? And was, was he there watching? No, he wasn't there. He had gone. I forgot where he went, but he went somewhere. Okay. So you go back. Now, were you friendly, friendly with her? Was this the first time you met her? No, I knew her. Okay. And was she hot? Yeah. Okay. And I was like, oh. And I always thought she was just like really super friendly, but I didn't, I never

thought anything of it. And she'd always tell me like, oh, you look so pretty. And I'd be like, oh, thanks, you too. I never thought that we were, you know, going to hook up. I didn't think right, because she was dating my friends. And I was super excited that he was dating her because I thought she was great. Right. So now you go back and do you guys do everything with each other that night? No. Because we abruptly left to go hook up, people, the people that we were with thought something was wrong. So they ended up coming back. But we were just like. Like I know. And then she was like trying to cling to me.

And I was like, oh, no, we can't do this. Like you didn't want anyone to know. Right. Because everybody knew we both had way friends. Right. Yeah. And then they would have, and then they would have told everybody else. And it would have just been a total mess and disaster that neither one of us needed to deal with.

Right. And so and then when our other friend came back, he kept saying us, you guys are acting really weird. Like, because we were just like fingering each other and something. each other's six minutes ago. That's probably why. But yeah. So how long were you fooling around with her for before everyone came to the house?

Probably 15, 20 minutes. Right. Oh, God. That's terrible because you were like probably so hot and bothered. And then all of a sudden. We both were. Yeah. And we were like, we heard them like, like open the door.

We were like, oh, my God. Like had to throw our clothes on and act normal. And we're just like, no, we're just drunk. That's all. Like we're just drunk. Right. Okay. So, yeah.

And so that was a second, that was like what, that's like, that was one of the times they, well, that's what he called cheating. I was like, we were on a break. I don't consider it cheating. No, for sure it's not. But did you tell him? No. Okay.

So why would he? I told him, I told him months like years later. Okay. Why? And because that's when he would, like, kind of manipulated me into confessing these things. I ultimately did want to tell him. and I felt like if we were going to get married and we just wanted to tell him. And get it off my chest.

Right. Okay. And then I kind of just wanted, because I feel like I. You just broke up because we feel like what? Oh, I felt like we should have gone to the marriage, you know, with, I wanted him, you know, with everything, to know everything. I didn't think he would take it poorly, but he did. Yeah, that's the dumbest thing. Like, I mean, didn't someone advise you that, like, why would you tell him that?

I don't understand that mentality. like going clean. You were on a break, right? It wasn't, this was a guy that always was, like, let me ask you, did his insecurity of you cheating on him when he wasn't around start after you told him, or was he always that way? He was always that way. Right. So why would you ever tell somebody that is distrustful by nature and has a problem believing

you about anything? Why would you tell him that you had kept a secret from him for, you know what I mean? on so many levels that's going to make him go off the charts and you're just you're finally like feeding into something that he always believed it's like the dumbest thing in the future listen in the future okay you don't need to get into a marriage clean like first of all just you know like you know that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that's so dumb like you don't have to everyone doesn't know have to know everything about somebody you were on a break it was none of his fucking business if you wanted to tell me you were by and flew around one guys you could have just brought that up without

sort of making him feel insecure that you had kept. What else did you keep from him? Do you know what I mean? That's what a distrustful person is going to think. Like you did this years ago. You never told me. I don't care that we're on a break. Like you're a fucking liar.

You know what I mean? That's essentially how he felt. Yeah, of course. Anybody would know that. It's like psychology 101. Okay. So you should have never told him that was wrong. I know.

I know. You know. And I can't believe you were going to marry him. Okay. There's what kind of relationship? What kind of relationship do your parents have? Do your father treat your mother well? Yeah.

Okay. He's not like, like he kind of lets her do whatever she wants. Right, right. Like he's just laid back and like they have like their own lives and stuff. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah.

They're still going strong. Okay. No, because I'm just like wondering why you would like be thinking of marrying somebody who was like so abusive to it. I feel like we haven't gotten into most of the. abuse, right? And this is all the putdowns because it just, we just talked about the first time we told you you were fat and now we're talking. And I know that he was like very distrustful and stuff. But through the whole time, he was really always like mind fucking you and putting you down and making

you not feel good. And that, that is for a reason. Yeah, he liked your body. But he told you you were fat because he knew that was your insecurity and he wanted to keep you from leaving him. You know what I mean? He needed to knock you down and be insecure. Yeah, he needed you to knock you down and be insecure so you would be on his level because he was insecure. That's what all that is about. You know, yeah, he loved your fucking body. But he knew that like if what could he do to say to mindfully to make you feel bad about yourself because he felt bad about yourself himself and he needed you to feel weak so he could feel good about himself. Like that's just like, you know, that's like a another psychology 101. Oh my God. And I majored in psychology. You did and law.

What are you a psychological look? Like, what kind of fucking lawyer are you? Apparently not a very, uh, cycle. I can't figure out my own psychology. No, but that's normal. I'm terrible at relations, but look, I'm analyzing yours and I think I'm doing a good job, but you so, yeah. Listen, it's always, that's what therapy is about, but I mean, therapy is about way more than what we're doing here. But like, you know, it is always hard to see your own stuff when you're in it or to see patterns.

You know what I mean? And that's why doing something like this is actually very helpful. I remember one girl who called up, I forget, she was like, after her thing aired, she was like, I wish my therapist taped. She was like a girl that was dating like a really asshole guy and she, and she couldn't get over him and she was dating somebody else, I think. And she like, and she like called up to talk about all that stuff and she couldn't get over him. And then after she listened to her story, she was like, oh my God, I'm totally over him. I'm like, what a fucking, like I, hearing her story and hearing everything about her guy outside of herself as a third person was just so helpful. to her. And, but I think sometimes it takes that. And when you're in therapy, you're sort of

in yourself, right? But this is like you, you're going to be able to let. She's like, why doesn't my therapist taper our conversations? Because she's like, I got so much more out of it. So you will get something out of this. You're going to be able to see things like I see them because I'm not you, right? But it's very normal that you can't see them because you're you, you know, and, whatever. But this is what friends are for. I can't believe no, none of your friends told you not to fucking tell him. But did you ever cheat on him besides? that time or that was the only time? Yeah.

Okay. Another time. Okay. With my friend's brother. Okay. This was awful. He was like 21 too. And how old were you?

Like 36. Oh my God. Hilaria. How did that happen? Is that legal, right? Yeah. How did that happen? It was illegal.

Or he was 20 probably. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Yeah, he was old enough to drink. We had broken up that day or that weekend. and I was just feeling so isolated and lonely and it's like wind, cold. And I just remember calling my friends. And I was just because I wanted to feel like I had people.

And so I went out that night. And we were like drinking and having fun and like talking. And I could tell he liked me, but I was kind of being to standoffish because, one, it was my friend's little brother. And I have a little brother and I would have killed my friends if they fucked him. Yeah. And my brother's like in his 30s. So maybe now I'd be okay with it, but not when he was 21.

Right. And so we were out and then my friend left and she was just like, oh, you guys, you know, stay out with him and show him around. So we kept, we like just kept hanging out. And so eventually all three of us, I had another friend that was with us. And we all went back and he, my other friend passed it on my couch. And so then it was just me and the brother. And he was just like, I think you're so pretty. And I was like, I don't feel pretty.

And so I guess in it, we just like had that. It was like, oh, my God. I really don't even remember. Like, I, that was probably, like, I kind of passed out shortly after, which was even more depressing. Right. And then I was so freaked out. Like, I felt more upset about fucking my friend's brothers than like doing something with him. You know, like to the boyfriend.

Like, I just didn't care because I didn't think we were going to. get back together. We didn't for like almost a month. Right. It was more though that you felt terrible because it was your friend's brother and like he was young and like right. My God, did your friend ever find out? God, no. Okay. Please don't ever tell her. I will never tell her. Wait, because I know that like you're by now and you're trying to figure it out by dating one of your friends. Is this the friend that you're talking about? No. Okay. Good. Because like if you get in a relationship with this girl eventually what I do, please don't tell her. You don't need to go in with.

hands. No. No. I will not tell her. No, God, no. And I felt so, and then I was so afraid that I, you know, whenever he would come into town after that, I always make sure I was busy.

Because I was like, oh, really? I can't meet you guys. I'm sorry. Right. But you never told your guy about it, right? I did ultimately tell him the name. Yeah. What do you mean?

What do you mean his name? You told him what? I told him about fucking the brother. You did? You told them about that too? When at the same time? At the same time. When you were coming clean and wanting to get married, you're a fucking sabotage or two.

Something is wrong with you. No, you were exiting the relationship. You were not coming clean. You were making sure that you never got married. By telling him you fucked a 20 year old and fingered a girl and like, after him being so distrustful and always claiming your by and you're saying, no, no, no. No, he never claimed it. That's when he started.

Oh, okay. What are you bisexual or something? And I immediately said, no, because what do you do when somebody... Because if he says it in that way, bisexual. Right. Right. Of course you're going to say no. Yeah.

Right. But that was actually the worst night of our relationship because he ended up like strangling me and spitting in my face. And I... Wait, wait. How did he ever been physically abusive before? He had kind of like here and there, but not to that level. And stupid enough, that's when we went to therapy after. that because I was like, this is not working.

And this is kind of, it was like right after I moved and I, but wait, when he strangled you, like his little abusive stuff that started before. And that's how it always happens, right? It becomes like, it's like a very sort of subtle, right? And then it just gets more hurt. Right. So, but after he strength, like when he strangled you, like what the fuck? Like how hard?

I was, it hurt. I mean, I didn't have visible bruises, but I did have like, I mean, I couldn't. No, maybe I did. I did because I remember I wore a turtleneck. And I was just like, I mean, part of me was so shocked that that had happened to me that like I couldn't even process it fully if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

I mean, because I've never, and that's why I remember growing up, I'd always be like, I don't understand how people can get in their abusive relationships. Right. And that's one thing you should never ever say because maybe then you'll be grace and blessed with one. Like me. And I would always be like, what's wrong with those women? Like, I just don't understand. And I would, I remember, because that's when I went back to therapy is I, my therapist I remember one time we were doing co-counseling and he was late, the boyfriend.

And so I was talking to the therapist and I was saying something about like, I don't want to be an abused woman. And he started asking me, he's like, well, do you consider yourself one? And I was like, no. I went back. It's because I was like, no, I was. and I want to figure out why and how this happened. Wait, you went back to the guy alone? To the same therapist.

Right. Because you denied it, right? Because you guys didn't tell the therapist what had happened, right? Right. He knew. Yeah. He knew? Yes.

We were very open and honest. And, of course, he's blaming me. He's like, well, she says, she hits me. And I'm like, what's to do? Like, you literally are, I have to defend myself. Would you hit him? him no. I wouldn't have back.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I, you know, I wasn't like, I wasn't, um, the aggressor. Right. Necessarily. But it would be like, if somebody's either mentally pushing you and you're just like, get away from me or like, they're just pushing you, pushing you. And I was saying, I was like, I'm not used, I don't retaliate you. I've never been in a fight in my life.

Right. And so I was, and so he was, and I remember he told me, and obviously this is a giant red flag, but he was like every girlfriend I've ever had. always, like, has always been physical with me. But he always makes it sound like they're doing it to him. Right. They're just protecting themselves. Right.

They're just some crazy girl that they just have to get physical with him. I was like, and I was thinking, I told him, I was like, that's weird. Like, you must pick really crazy girls because I've never been in a physical relationship ever. And so I didn't understand that. Until you were, became that person. And right. Mm-hmm.

And I actually, and I, actually, and I, believe because of what he does for work. I was talking about that in therapy. And I said, um, it's, it's, it's horrible because I am capable of seeing that people are being manipulative, but he was so good at it because of his job that even I didn't see that. And he, and I was like, it's he's just like, he could teach a class in it. He was like, no, it's, that's an accurate assessment. That's what he is. He is a master manipulator. And I was, I felt vindicated to some extent, you know, that I wasn't totally nuts, but it's hard. But, but you have to, okay, but you also, and we still gotta get back into,

your little doggy, you still, we still have to get back to the choking thing, but like you can't. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he's manipulative, right, for these, but he was also just a fucking asshole, narcissist, douchebag controlling, right? Psycho. And he was very upfront about that. So it's not like he was manipulative. leading you into believing that he was somebody.

You know, and I'm only saying this, not because it's not a mind fuck and that it keeps you there and all that. But just that you have to look at yourself and say, why did I stay knowing all that stuff? Like there was a lot of stuff. There was a lot of red flags that were obvious, right? It wasn't like everything was undercurrent and everything was like there was like so much good and all this little bad manipulative stuff. you know there was like a lot of bad right and then a manipulative shit on top of you know but it was like

mostly fucking bad you know like why you have to say to yourself like why did you not leave with all that information you know i mean he didn't choke you in the beginning but he did a lot of things before that time you know and it and and and you know so it's just like it's like i just wonder like Like, what is it in you that kept you there for so long? I mean, and that's the other thing. I have to remember that we had a ton of good times, you know? And I think that was that was it is I guess I just weighed the good more. I also think I believed that because he would say things to me.

Now I think back and I'm like, that means he's crazy because he's like, oh, I'm obsessed with you. I've never loved anybody like you. you're you know and i would think oh my gosh he just loves me so much like i that's great you know to have something that loves me as much as i love him but now i'm realizing that maybe he meant that in a control and manipulative way not in the loving way um i have no idea like you know and that's what one of the reasons why because i i i worried about my i like trusting myself to pick somebody again right one of the reasons why i went to there because i i need to i want to trust

myself again and my ability to pick out assholes and but I think that but I think that like the differences like I don't know because I dated like a lot of assholes and like only assholes like for a very long time you know but I I know why I did that right and that comes from a lot of low self-esteem and a deserving like what you think you deserve and like all these subconscious things but I had a very blatant, not good child. Like, I could look at my father, my mother, and realize exactly where everything fucking came from. You know what I mean?

With you, it's like, who knows where? Well, he was good on paper. Like, and I guess that's the other thing. He was good on paper. You know, he had a great job. And we would have been this, like, insane power couple. You know, the people looked up to, they thought we just had this perfect relationship. So maybe that was it.

Like, you know, that, that's like a very regular sort of thing. Like, maybe you're just like. Like, you know, where somebody just like, you know, they just want to get married and have kids. So they, you know, the guy comes along that has all that stuff on the paper and checks off all the boxes. So they're just, you know, putting up with anything because they got to get down the fucking aisle. You know what I mean? Maybe that's what I was doing. Maybe I don't.

I hope not. Yeah, that's insanity. Please don't be one of those people. That's like the most ridiculous thing. There's no fucking rush. Okay. You don't have to be like everybody else. Don't read that handbook that says this is what you have to do at this time.

And you know what I mean? Live your life the way you have to. You're still like I think, you know, that desire to be married and have kids is a very normal, natural one. And like, you know, because you want to have kids and you're 37, 38. You want to get on that before, you know, you're older and you have problems because I was somebody that didn't get on that bandwagon to have a child until I was a lot older and it took me a long time, you know.

So, but, you know, you want to meet, you want to meet somebody soon, right? Because you have to. You have to if you want to get married, right? and have kids. If you want to have kids with that person. And that's what you're looking for. Right? At this age,

what else do you, are you going to be doing, right? Like, you seem to be like someone that was in a relationship, but you were looking for that relationship to be something. You finally got to the point

where you're living with him and wanted to be with him every day, right? It went south, but like that's what you have to be ready for. You're kind of dating somebody that's long distance now. I mean, maybe that's the way you have to start with people, you know,

but I think you need to like, I don't know, try to have, like a real regular relationship with somebody that like, you know, you see all the time right in the, you know, I don't know, that's like right there that you really like.

I don't know. And I think, yeah, he lives in town this guy. Oh, right. But what is the problem with it? Like, he's gone though. What is this deal? Well, we both have like this crazy. Oh yeah.

No, no. This is the guy that lives in your town, but you never see each other. Sorry. I knew that there was a long distance. It's just like emotionally long distance. It's just like emotionally long distance. emotionally like you're not sort of

we're going to see each other tomorrow he just confirmed okay well are you going to have sex I mean you're going to eventually have to have sex okay but listen I get though why you would be a little gun shy even if it's on a subconscious level but you need to like you know I think you need to

you know speed up your healing and shit and get on it because of what you want to do no it's good listen you're calling in here I always think that on some level if somebody decides to do something like this, which is like call up a total stranger

and talk about their stuff and put it out there. You know what I mean? Like I think that that says something about where you're at. And I think it means something good, right? Like that you really want to sort of like work things. You're in therapy. You know,

you hear me always tell people like you got to be doing that. Like you're, you know exactly what you want. Like you said, I want to be married and have kids. Like that's like at least you fucking know what you, you know. And you know that you're fucked up from your past really.

You put that in your email to me. You know what I mean? Right. So those were all like good things, you know, you're like ready to just, and I just think like when you're at that place, like all you need to do is like get rid of like or just like figure out what all of that was sort of see it in a way, maybe learn what you needed to and move on, you know, and that could come in three months or six months, you know. But it has to come soon for you because you need to get on with your life and start something

new with somebody else, but you want to make sure it's with somebody that's going to treat you well and you're going to have a good relationship. Like, I mean, you had like, I mean, my relationship with my parents, their relationship was like horrendous and they're still together and they're just the way they talk to each other. I'm like, I'd rather fucking kill myself than be like them, you know? And that's like what I was raised with. So relationships don't seem like a good thing to me. They seem like torture, right?

But I mean, you don't see that though. I mean, like you had parents that had a like, you said they're still into each other. like your father treats your mom like you know that's what you need to have for yourself right that's what you saw that's what you want i'm sure right that's what you're looking for i don't think you have to worry about i mean if you had that and you know i think if you could figure out why this guy what he did to manipulate you know you could put it in its place and then be on to the next person and be okay and meet the right person i don't think you should put it on you that like you are a bad picker because once you start saying that,

like it becomes like a reality. Do you know what I mean? Like you can, we can maybe think that this is just a one-off. I don't know. I see a little bit of like little patterns, but maybe like I said, you're long distance and distant kind of like

dating the consultants that are never here and all that kind of stuff. Like that might just be a part of you being like independent, like a lot of space kind of person. You know, I don't know. But, you know, and maybe this guy you want to, up with him because that manipulative part of him, right, that was manipulative, did mind

fucked you in a way that just dragged you along, you know what I mean? And you couldn't look away, but you have to like put an end to that and stop like playing that out and forgive yourself and forgive him and move on with it, you know, and put it in your past because you and, know that you could have a totally happy, great, future, you know what I mean? Because I mean, I've been working on that. I don't think the majority of people are like that. I really don't. I mean,

I know a lot of people like that. You know, and I know that they exist. I think one of them is our president, right? Like, I mean, you know, people like this exist, right? I have a lot of friends like that. But like, but I think there's so many great guys out there, you know? And I think the majority

of them are good. Like, what about the guy that you're with right now? The shy guy. right and you said it kind of makes you feel uncomfortable is it because he's so nice and he's just a good guy no or is he another asshole he's no he's just kind of quiet which is kind of funny because when we talk he I mean we talk to each other but I said to him one day I was like you're I'm like you're really quiet and he's like yeah I am and they were just like and I thought about it because my dad is kind of calm and quiet and laid back too but once you get to know him then he comes out of his shell and that's kind of how this guy is. And it's just kind of funny because I'm not used to that. I'm used to outgoing

like super gregarious personalities, which I kind of have. So it's kind of, it's just like an interesting balance, you know. No, but no, honestly, I like what you just said. Two things that you just said, I think were very good. One, he's kind of like your dad. Your dad's a good guy. You like your dad, right? Like you have a good relationship with your dad. The other guy wasn't like your dad at all, right? Like, but this guy has that similar thing, right? And two, I personally think, like, opposites are very good long term, you know, I think it's like good when you have friends that are like exactly like you, but I think sometimes with personal, you know, I think like a very gregarious girl does really well with a very calm sort of doesn't need to fucking talk or steal the spotlight kind of guy.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you said, like your dad. loves your mom but like let's her do what you want like he's laid back and easy going you know and that's like that's like a good that's the kind of guy I need like that's a good and I'm a very gregarious outspoken you know you need you need that opposite I think is actually very good I think this I think this guy sounds good for those two reasons a you said he kind of like your dad sexual thing and he was fine with it so he should be fine with it because like you guys could be having three sons. Maybe one day.

Yeah. So I mean, I told him and he was fine and I was like, okay. He took it like in stride and I felt like I just wanted to tell him because I've never really, I guess, addressed that part of my. How old is this guy? He's 35. Okay. And now has he ever been married or is? No.

Okay. And he's looking to be married? I don't know. I haven't asked him that. Right. I should. No, well, you just, you want, at some point. Well, like, what's his, do you know his relationship history?

Like, has he ever been in a long-term relationship? I haven't asked him that either. No? But you told him you like to eat snatch. That came out. No, there's nothing wrong with that. I think that I think that that's okay. But, no, you should just find out.

Sometimes you could find out a lot about, like, their history. You know what is his really? Like, look at that other guy would tell you, like, all these. girls get physical on me like what you know and like you know there were signs there were clues in the stuff he was telling you right so like just ask you could ask this guy about hit like when was last time you dated somebody like or you know to get information and find out what his like patterns are you know what I met him yeah through somebody else we were we were kind of like hooked up a blind date he saw a picture of me the woman thought that we would be great together yeah she

she approached him and asked if he was seeing anybody and he said no. Okay. And so she told him about me. And then he's like, can I see her picture? And then she showed him my picture. And he was like,

give her my number. Right. And so that's, and so we've just been kind of getting to know each other, but like we've both had like crazy random deaths in our families and like been busy at different times. And so I think tomorrow will be kind of more of an opportunity to just like sit down and really like chit chat about some more stuff rather than playing kind of catch up.

But yes, I'm going to definitely start. Yeah, give this guy. Give this one. a chance because I think he's more, he sounds more like your type. You know what I mean? And he's super hot too.

There you go. And he thinks you're super hot because he saw your picture and was like, give him my number. And he's normal. He's normal in that he doesn't care if you're by. What's with your whole buy thing? Like, I mean, you know, like I think you said in your email that you were like trying to hook up with a friend or was this, what is, what did you say about your friend?

So, me, my friend, um, growing up we were we were just friends and then um when i went away to college and i came back home we were just really close we were you know still neighbors or whatever and we used to go out all the time and then like hook up like randomly and so um what do you mean didn't i ask you if you fooled around with girls before that girl and you said no you did no i did i said no you said was this the first time and i said no oh god no it was not the first time oh okay I don't know why I didn't catch that. Okay.

That's okay. Okay. So this girl, and you would always go back and fool around? Not every time. It happened pretty consistently. And like what you do? Like with that girl, did you do everything with her? Pretty much.

I mean, we've never used strap-ons or anything like that. And now, okay. Yeah, yeah. And this was your good friend. Yeah. And so, you know, it was just like nothing. And she's also like my sex friend. Like we can tell each other, like we talk to each other about sex all the time, like more than we do other people.

We can be like, oh my God. You know, we both are really horny people. And we both embrace that, I guess. Yeah. We talk about it. And it's funny because like she's one of the only people I can talk to about this because I'm just like, because I never considered it before, it was just something that I always did. I always just messed around with women. Like I didn't think anything of it until it was thrown in my face as an acupunate.

And then it made me take pause because then I was like, oh, but how would the label even change you? Like you said, you've always hooked up with women, right? Yeah. But I think it would be more, it was more or less of acknowledging why for me. Like, oh,

I didn't think about it because I do it. You know, it was more of like, oh, yeah, I just do it because I want to, you know, but now I'm like, oh, no,

it's like who I, that's just who I am. Like I, okay, I don't necessarily have to tell everybody or, like you said, label myself necessarily. But I just always,

did it and I just never considered why. So that was shocking for me. Right. Okay. Yeah, I don't even, I don't get that for some reason. Like you never understood, you never thought why and yeah. Meaning like would that mean that you're by? Is that what is? Right. Okay. Yeah, I just never thought about it. Mm-hmm. Like, oh, okay. But people would talk about being by it. It just never identified that way. Right. Even though you were right. You just don't live in those, that box. Like you don't need to define it. It's you're just doing what you want to do. Exactly. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.

But, like, I think it's good that you told this guy. Like, do you feel like if you were married, like, do you see yourself like you, that you would want to, like, be still with women? Yeah. For sure. Okay, so then that's good that you told this guy. Right. You know, did you fool around with other girls when you're with that guy or only that one time? Yeah, I think it was only that one time.

Okay. Yeah. Right. So you're starting off the right way. this guy. You're obviously by, right? Obviously. You know, if you want, you have to put a label on it, for sure. You could fool around with women. Would you ever want to have a relationship with a woman, do you think? I don't think so. From what I've been dealing with, trying to just find, even just chick to hook up with, I feel like women are nuts. Oh yeah, you said you were trying to hook up and

it's very unsuccessfully. How come? It's horrible. Because. Well, what about this friend that used to always fool around one? Oh, no. So she and I definitely, like, we have a sex date on the books. Like, we just haven't been able to schedule it. Right. Because we live, for a while, we were living kind of far apart, but now we live in states

that are in the neighboring states. So we're just going to, like, pick a weekend. But first, we had to figure out when our periods were going to happen in this. Oh, my God, hilarious. Right. We can plan around it. Yeah. And now we were supposed to get together this summer and just shit kept coming up.

So we're definitely ending for October. So maybe I'll call you back and let you know after our weekend. But let me ask you this, though, if you're with that guy and you're dating him, are you going to tell him? Oh, God. Yeah. Per your advice, no. I mean, I don't know.

Is that something you disclose? I don't know. I think you have to figure it out beforehand and whatever you make the decision. Like if you decide that you're going to do it behind his back, don't fucking tell him. yeah but I don't know I think that like if you're really looking for someone like for me I wouldn't I wouldn't keep things like that a secret if I was really going into a serious relationship with somebody you know and especially because you're at the age that you are and you want to like have a serious relationship with somebody and you're looking to you know be with somebody long term you know that like

that would be cheating whether it's you know and but and if this guy is cool with it like me but it's it's a hard it's it's a weird thing because you're like say you're starting a release chip we're talking about October right and we're already in September so three weeks from now say you have sex with this guy then you're going to be like oh by the way I'm going to be sleeping with my girlfriend the next you know it's like it's a the timing thing is a little bit weird so I would say this is what my advice to be if I was your friend this is like a friend advice I would say make sure you don't get that serious with the guy. Until after that weekend.

Until after that weekend. Yeah. So it's not really cheating. Do you know what I mean? Because if you start to take this, then it's like weird and it's like a, but it's so early to get into all that. Like it's just, you know what I mean? So it would and you don't want to ruin it. So I would say the way you guys are going anyway right now, you and that guy, the shy guy. Like it doesn't seem like you'll be like so heavily into it in October, you know, you're probably going to take your time. You're still working through your shit, you know. Right. But you should get on that, making that a relationship serious, because I'm going to tell

you about your eggs, okay? They're as old as you are. That's what you need to know, okay? And you want to start trying to have babies before you're 42. It's 39, 8, 39, 40. Do you have money? Do you have enough money to go freeze some fucking eggs? Listen to me.

Can you please listen? Yeah, you're a lawyer. Listen, there's not a lot. it's like 15,000. Listen, if you are not married and trying to have kids within a year and a half to two years, go free, like freeze your fucking eggs. Seriously, it'll be the best thing you ever did. It's an investment in my future.

Literally. No, it's really. And I'm sorry, if you go to marry a guy, he'll be really fucking happy than some guy that's like, you know, meeting you and you, like, have busted 42-year-old eggs. And if you're like, oh, by the way, you know, I'm 40, but I have the 38-year-old eggs on ice. Like, I just think it also just is good for a relationship. I don't know. I just, it's something that if I could make one person do it, I'll be happy because it made my life so much harder that I didn't do it, you know.

I think you just need to be on it and you need to be married and trying to have kids ASAP. I'm just saying if for some reason, I think you will be and everything will be fine and, you know, if for some reason you find yourself. you find yourself still single a year and a half from now. How old will you be a year and a half from now? 40? Yeah. Almost 40. Yeah, almost 40.

I mean, you need a year from now, if you're not in a series, let's just freeze your eggs. It's not a big deal. Yeah. I can't do math. Yeah, but if a year and a half from now, freeze some eggs, I mean, you should do it now. But, you know, it's really no big deal.

it's a lot of like Medicaid like but it's over in like three weeks and uh the fact that you'll have them will you'll be very happy it'll make your life a lot easier not to say that you can't get pregnant 40 or 41 or you know what I mean you absolutely can it's like to me it starts it gets way harder and more complicated like after 42 43 for you know those ages but and you're still fine now but I'm just saying like if for some reason a year and a half two years you don't not even in not even engage you don't have a ring on like a ring on it like a ring on it like it frees your fucking eggs, you know, and do that sooner than later.

But I think, you know, you'll, because it's what you want and you're ready and you're at that, you like, you know, you should just get on it and make it happen and find that guy and don't waste your time with anyone that isn't going to be the right thing. And I would get, I would start having conversations with this guy

just to make sure that he's looking for the same things that you are. Yeah. A lot of guys are. So it's not going to scare off the right guy. You know, listen, you don't want to go on a first date and be like, you want to get married of kids. You know what I mean? But like, or like, that was what happened with a psycho boyfriend.

So he asked me that. And I was like, yeah, I actually do want that. And what did he say? He asked me, he said he was looking for a wife. Right. He told me that on his first day. And I was like, oh, so this guy, I'm going to find out what he's looking for. And I guess it doesn't match what I'm looking for.

Yeah. And you could then you could go meet your friend and no strings of test. You don't have to even worry about it. But I like this guy for you. you because of the little stuff that you said. I mean, I don't know much, but like, you know, that's not, you don't know what he's going to say. What's the time?

He's 35, you know, he, a lot of people, that's around the age that if a guy's never been married and kids is thinking about it too, you know, so it's not like, you're not asking a 24 year old if he wants to. Like, that's way too young. I mean, you guys are like at the right age and a little older than regular, right? I mean, for me, that's more the right age. You guys are more the right age. I think, you know, in your 20s is way too early, but not, it's not too.

early for everybody. Some people are very ready. But like, you know, you guys are at the perfect age. But you want to, like, you don't want to waste, you don't want to waste your time because you're getting older, you know. It's more about the eggs and the baby thing. So. I'll be a geriatric pregnant woman. That's my sister informed me of that when I turned 35.

But listen. Like, thanks. No, well, they call it high risk if like you're in your 40s and you're, but it happens all the time and it can, but don't get like, but don't think that after like 40, like you, you know, at. 45, it's like so easy for it to happen. You know what I mean? And like, and listen, I'm not an age person.

I had a baby way later, but age did. I live my life to any, I never read the fucking handbook. I did things when I wanted to and they're not by anyone's rules. They're so wrong everything I did. But it was right for me. But I have to say that age did create a problem with having my child. I eventually had my child and I'm a way older mom because. it took me a very long time. Do I care that I'm a little bit around? No. The pros for it for me is amazing. I wouldn't

change anything. But, you know, I wish I would have froze my eggs. It would have been a much quicker, less brutal scenario of what I had to go through. And so, you know, that's the only reason. It doesn't matter. But you're at the perfect age and you don't want to waste your time two years with a guy that's not looking for the same thing. So make sure this guy is. And then get on making him and, you know, getting your relationship, like, moving along, you know, ASAP after middle of October, after you see your girlfriend. And then, you know, and keep talking about that bisexual thing with him so that you can be with girls, like, with him or whatever. Would you ever want to, like, do you see yourself as being the type that if you had a guy that you would do it with him or would it be separate? I don't know.

I've only had one three-sum before. It was actually with her. Right. Another guy. Uh-huh. And I thought it was super fun. but I don't know. I don't know if I would want to share

my man. But that or you'll figure out when you're with a guy, you know what I mean? And you'll have those conversations. It's good though that you're going into relationships now with guys and like letting them know that you have that.

Because when they know that and things get more serious, those kinds of questions and those kinds of conversations will come up and you'll figure it out as a couple together. You know, who knows how you'll feel about that? As long as it's on the table, you could talk about it. You know what I mean? And it's good that you're being honest about that.

You know, and just don't do any more, like, behind the back kind of stuff. Yeah, I don't want to do that anymore. And I think that's one of the reasons why I told him because I just tired of doing that and just having to, you know, keep it a secret or whatever. I just don't want to do that. Yeah, that's not good. That's not good. No. You know, there's no reason, especially not because you're looking for long-term, the real-deal stuff.

You know what I mean? It's like a lot of your stuff, it just sounded a little messy and, you know, the breaking up and fucking my friend's brother. You know, you're just like a mess. It was a mess. It was horrible. And it's like there's something about being messy like that in your 20s. It's like hot and it's okay. But like when you start to get closer to 40s like there's nothing.

There's like it's actually like more sad. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it was awful. I mean, I was like that was such a poor decision. Why did you do that? Like, oh, you were just feeling lonely and. I used to always when I would break up with guys or they would break up with me or I had a break. Like I'd always go fuck somebody else and it would be like, you know.

And I remember one. One time, I came, I went to San Francisco. I had a long-term guy in San Francisco and I went out there to fuck him and then I came back. And I think he wasn't like, I don't know. And I went to see my old co-host Tommy in his bar and I fucked him in the back. And he was like somebody I fucked all the time. But I called my sister on the phone and I remember exactly where I was because this was like a light bulb moment. I said to her, I'm like, I don't like, I really like the San Francisco guy.

But I like, I just fucked Tommy in his bar. And it was like four o'clock in the afternoon. I'm like, and I don't even know why I just fucked him. She's like, I know why you fucked him. Because the San Francisco guy hasn't called you back and you're freaking out. And so you had to go back. And I was like, oh, you're right. That's something I would have done.

Yeah. That's what I do. And then I realize I do that all the time. When I have an uncomfortable feeling and I feel insecure, that insecurity, I can't sit with it so much that I go and fuck somebody because that like gets me out of it, you know? And like, I don't have to do that anymore because I got sober and I got clean and I was like able to learn how to just like deal with my feeling. without doing anything.

So now I can feel insecure and I don't have to run out and go fuck somebody but I know that mentality. You know what I mean? Yeah, I thought I was younger too. Yeah, it's about not feeling okay with being like uncomfortable

and feeling insecure or sitting in that I don't know scenario. You know what I mean? So you go and do that. So yeah, you can't do all that kind of stuff because that kind of stuff sabotages everything and you're going into like the phase of your life where you're going to be like an adult.

You know, you want adult thing. So act like one. And don't go into this long. lying, cheating, you're already doing it right. So have fun and keep me posted. With this one, I want to know if you wind up with this guy. Oh, I'm totally calling you back. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. Well, I always do it in December and end of the year. Where are they now? Oh, that's right. Yeah, but if anything happens before then, that's interesting.

Let me know if not. We're definitely doing it one in December, okay? Okay. Well, I will also call. We'll say maybe you'll talk to you after the Sex Fest if it happens. You can get it on the books. And yeah, for sure. People love that stuff.

All right, cool. Thanks so much for calling you Daisy. Oh my God. Kathy, this was so fun. All right. Awesome. I can't wait for you to listen to it back. I will.

All right. All right. All right. All right, you too. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you

before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous confession. Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order. the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and re- wrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book think like penthouse letters it's more direct it's not so over the top like erotica I don't really like that kind of

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