Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 318 - Jay is a Total Sex Addict

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

Jay calls in to discuss all the crazy things he does behind his wife's back and they all point to the fact that he is a total sex addict. He talks about how he screws prostitutes, his hardcore porn addiction, his expertise with catfishing, his recent unrequited love for a stripper, how and why he meets guys online as well as in person and a whole lot more. Tune in for the details plus find out what it is about his behavior that all makes him a sex addict and what he can do about it. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. With real problems. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy.

If you want to follow the strictly anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, I've been getting so many emails from people. Like every day, a couple emails I get from people that want to be in the show. I fucking love that because it saves me a lot of time from going online and posting ads and responding to ads. So if you want to be on my show, I'm always looking for people to call in. This is a little. a call and advice show where I talk to total strangers. You remain completely anonymous about their private lives, their secret lives, their problems, all that kind of good stuff. So if you want to be on my show, send me an email at Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com.

Jay, the guy who I have on today, Jay, the sex addict, was a listener of my show. And he wrote in, and when he wrote in, he gave, like, I typically like for people, I love nothing better than to get on the phone with a total stranger and talk to them and find out who they are. So the least information, I'm really bad at grammar sometimes. So the less information I have, the better, right? And some people wind up sending me emails with a lot of information. And Jay was one of those people. He had everything like fucking bulleted, right, about what we were going to discuss. And the bullets were really fascinating. Everything had to do with SEX, right? So I figured it was going to be that kind of episode. But it took a turn into a

total different direction, which I think surprised both of us, both me and Jay. And we talk about that. But it's like literally like this is like one of my favorite episodes. This is the reason why I do my show because I really think I helped this guy. And we emailed after the episode and he was super grateful and he had had some updates for me already in the time that, you know, you know, know we've taped and I'm airing. So I'll get to that on another episode because I just want to like, I want more of an update before I give you the update. But I know for a fact I helped him.

And that's what I love to do. That's why I started my show. So I kind of like ruin the sex stories. Even though there's a lot of stuff. I mean, you hear about all this shit that he did behind his wife's back and he did a lot of crazy stuff. This is a typical guy who's living a completely double life, right? Everyone thinks he's one person and on the side in the fuck on the down low.

He is somebody totally different doing. all kinds of things which reflect poorly on his personality because it's really not who he is, but he was cheating on his wife of prostitutes. He was catfishing people online, men, women, doing all kinds of crazy stuff just to keep his addiction alive. So anyway, that's what we get into. It's fascinating. Like I said, this is like, this is the kind of episode I love. I'm so glad it went in this direction. Like I said, it surprised us. And I do talk about at some point on this podcast about how he sounds so young on the phone. right. But it might not sound that way to you because I changed his voice. I change a lot of my guest

voices. It's a very easy thing for me to do. And it keeps their voices sounding completely normal. So I think most people don't even know that I change most of my guest's voices. But I do. And I did for this guy. So trust me, when I say he sounded young. When I'm talking to him, he did. But I think when I changed his voice, he doesn't sound so young. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on. You're a listener of my show and you sent me an email lately. That's what's been happening all the time, which is great for me. And you sent me a lot of bullets, like, oh, we could talk about all this stuff. Like, you are a typical person who lives, like, you are the epitome of, like, the guy who lives

or the person that lives a double life. You are married, right? For how long are you married? Between 15 and 20 years. So a long time. Okay. Yes. And you live a total double life, right?

Am I assuming that, like, we're going to be, like, me and my life? listeners are going to be the first people, like the first people to really hear, like, all the stuff that you do, or do other people know about all this other stuff? You're the first. Okay. And your double life is filled with hookers and strippers and men and catfishing and all that kind of good stuff, right? That's right.

Okay. So let's start, like, just a little backstory on you. How old are you and your wife right now? I'm in my 40s. Okay. Okay, so you guys married really super young, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Sure. In your 20s, right? 30s. That's right. Right, right. And now, like, had you, like, been with a lot of women before her? Two previously. Two.

Yeah, that's always, like, a bad idea. Like, how does you think, like, are, like, in the real world, like, in reality. Like, I know, like, the fantasy is that people get married really young and they're going to be with one person their whole life, right? But, like, really, what are the odds? that a guy's only going to fuck three people in his life. Do you know what I mean? Sure.

That's it, right? Like the two people before and your wife and then nobody ever again. Right. Right. So how long after you got married to her did you start cheating on her? So I think one of the bullet points that gave you was about like almost cheating a number of times. Well, didn't you have hookers? Actually, I would consider it cheating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done that. I mean, right, so you don't consider that cheating? No, no, I was just going to say that, you know, I'm made out with a woman and almost fucked her, like, right after we were married. Okay. Yeah. These are regular women is what you're talking about.

Because I know that you said you almost hooked up with like six regular women, but you do have hookers that you've hooked up. So that's like considered cheating. That was probably like within the first year. What, the hookers or the girls? or the girl, the regular girl? Um, both. But yeah, the hooker was within the first year. Okay, did you fuck the hooker? Like, what did you do with the hooker?

Yeah, so that was a, there used to be a brothel in the, near the town. They looked at it was like out in the country, so it was like out of city limits. Right. And so I don't think they were like that regulated. And they advertised in a newspaper, and they would advertise nude haircuts. And so that was like the cover, right? So like you said, hey, I'm going to go get a haircut. Uh-huh. And so come back with a haircut, right? Right, and a blow job.

Yeah, exactly. And so, yeah, so I went there. And I think the first time, yeah, I just got a blow job. Maybe the first time. But, I mean, sometimes I got a hand job. Sometimes I went there probably like, I don't know, five times, six times to that place. Uh-huh. And that was within the first couple years.

And so it's kind of like a massage place or like in a massage place. They'll blow you. They'll give you a hand job. But there's no like did you have actual. It's like a couple trailers like put together. Oh my God. That's hilarious. Did you actually get a real haircut every time or just like the first time?

I never. I didn't do that. Was anybody ever getting real hair as? Could they actually cut hair too? I'm assuming. Yeah. I never saw where they did that. But I think that was like to deal.

That was like the cover. But what do you mean? You never saw it? So you go to a place that looks like, like you could get your hair cut? Then they're like, oh, we'll bring you back to the trailers. Right. Well, no, it was just out in the country and just went right into the trailer. But I don't know.

The rooms I didn't see. You didn't have like a barber's chair or anything. Maybe they did. I don't know. So maybe there was a couple dummies that went there and actually wanted a haircut. They didn't get one. But it was a nude haircut. Okay, so you did you ever have sex with?

So you go into these trailers and they're like, Like beds like there? Yeah. Yeah. Like a massage table. Yeah. Okay. So it was like a happy ending place.

And so you did have sex with some of them? I did. Yeah. Really? So you got blow jobs, hand jobs, and you used to fuck them. Would you use condoms? Yes. Okay.

How much did it cost? Do you remember? Hmm. I'm going to say, I don't remember exactly this is a long time. Yeah, yeah. Between like $100 and $200. Right. Depending on what you want.

Now, did you ever feel bad? about what you were doing. I mean, like, was this stuff like, you did? Yeah, yeah, I've never done anything that I haven't felt bad about. Yeah, that's, that's a little bit of a conflict. Like, isn't that a little bit fucked up when you, oh, like, because there are people, I have to say, and I always say, like, we all make up our own rules, right? Like, if you do something and you feel totally okay with it, then it doesn't matter what other people think. And I'm not talking about, like, murder or shit like that. And even cheating is not good, right? But, like, some people do it. They love their wives and you know it's and it's just something that they need a little variety it means absolutely

nothing to them and they feel totally fine about it right and they could go home but like when you're doing something like what you what all the stuff that you do that you're always feeling bad about it that's where it gets to be like like what the fuck is going on with you right and you did one of the bullets you did i mean i think was the last bullet which was interesting it was like sex addiction you know and so which i put quotation marks yeah yeah but okay when you are doing something like over and over again that you feel bad, but you continue to do it. Like it could be like some sort of thing. You know what I mean?

Sure. Only because you're the one that said like you feel like every single time you cheated on your wife or did these things, you would always feel really guilty. Would you be like, oh, I'm never going to do it again? And then you just would get so horny that you'd have to go do it again? Like what would be, how would it play out? Really? Yeah.

I mean, that's it. I mean, I know exactly why I do it. You know, it's to deal with stress, right? You know, it's just how I deal with stress. Yeah, that's an addiction. That's like an alcoholic, no different. Or a workaholic. Sure.

Right? I mean, I go back and back and forth between that and pot, you know, like I replace one with the other. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, I'm able to suppress my desires by smoking pot. So that works for me. You mean the sexual desire. Right, right, right.

But it's really what you're always running away from is stress. Sure. quote unquote feelings because I think what stress is is just like really intense feelings that aren't fucking good. I was an addict, okay? Like I, and I, I've been sober for like 14 years, maybe 15 years at this point. I don't even know anymore. But like, so I totally get the whole thing, you know?

And a lot of times when you're an addict, you can have a couple different things, you know, that you're addicted to. Because what you're always running from is like, like I said, feeling anything but good, right? You just can't deal. And you never will ever learn how to deal with. quote unquote stress unless you were to put away all your vices, the sacks and the weed, and just sort of, you know, dealt with shit and started to do that, you know. And it's really, let me tell you, like, honestly, it's really, really, really, really, really,

really hard. So, and I get why people don't do it, you know, because I did it and it was like one of the hardest things because a lot of shit comes up, you know, but let's not go totally into that because you have a lot of stories to tell. I mean, no, but I love talking to people like. you because like I feel like you could really change your whole life around and I had that kind of a life. It wasn't with sex and what it was with sex and it was with drinking, you know, so I understand. And I feel like there's a very big difference being like an addict and dealing with life that way.

Then, you know, sort of giving it all up and learning how to deal with the stress and become a sober person and much. It's just it's, it is life changing. And it is, it does change your whole life in a. much more positive way. There's a very big difference. But, you know, that's, if you're ever ready for that, like, you'll know, you know, but I still want to hear all your salacious stories. I mean, because it's interesting that you said, I said, so when did you start cheating on your way? And you're like, well, I didn't really cheat on her. Like, I didn't know. But do you have to consider the hookers cheating? No, I do. Okay. No, I consider anything that I would tell her about.

Uh-huh. Cheating. Okay. I mean, I don't even think I, like, even have to kiss a woman. Right. You know, for it to be cheating. Right. If I'm like going out with a woman, I'm not telling her about that's cheating, you know. Right. Lying like anything. It's just a deceitful, like any kind of sort of thing where, you know, and she's never, has she ever come close to catching you with anything? Um, yeah. Yeah. I mean, she's, I'm sure she's suspicious. I think that she, um, she's kind of like she tries to be in denial about her. She's trying. She's like, she suppresses her suspicions. Yeah, I mean, she's seeing, like, she's on email one time where I was talking about, like, meeting up with a couple.

Oh, God. But I actually, that was one of the catfishing deals. I wasn't even going to do that. Yeah. A whole kind of thing about that, that deal there. Right. That's a whole other thing, the catfishing thing. Like porn that I've lied to her about, like, no, I'm not looking porn.

She's seen, you know, she knows I look at porn, like, all the time. Yeah, porn is no big deal Unless you have like a Because I don't like what's the big deal if you look at porn? Like I don't know, maybe she looks up porn like But if you're like an addict It's bad Yeah, I would put myself in that category though

I'm talking about like you know 12 hours at a time What do you mean? 12 hours of watching porn Yeah, just looking at yeah watching You know Yeah, I know a guy like you You know all that Yeah I had a guy

I was with a guy once for he's actually a good friend mind and I would sometimes and he would always travel and he would like be trying to sex with me sometimes you know so he's in like a different time zone right so he's like trying to sex with me and it's like two o'clock in the afternoon you know what I mean like and I just be like and I would just be like no no no and I would sometimes look back at the text and see how many hours he was engaging in the like and wouldn't stop and it would be sometimes be for like five hours like and I would just like that's like really weird but that person's also a workaholic you know and I really started to realize like that's what the addiction is all about it's just literally

taking him out of himself before he goes to sleep or whatever. You're filling up that time, right? So that you're not in reality. So it's basically like you're drunk, but you're just like, you know, jerking off or whatever, you know? Right. Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah, you're an addict 100%. And what happens with addicts is they always pair up with people who are like so co-dependent,

you know? So like your wife probably has her own sort of stuff, right? And she probably is like looking the other way or suppressing it. much as you are. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, it takes two people, right? And it's just like, I always say like like attracts like, right? So you're both probably dealing with issues that you have, right? And that's just, that's always the pair, you know? So she probably, she has kind of caught you. I'm not saying she's the wrong one. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. But I don't think, I mean, I wouldn't call her. I don't think she's codependent

in the way that you're saying it. I mean, I think that she yeah, there's fucked up shit like this. You know, I don't think she's ever she's ever thought that cheated on, like fucked another woman.

But, you know, there's lots of benefits for her to, I think it's like a rational decision in her mind about the benefits of being with me

versus, you know, that I love porn and shit like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, uh-huh. You guys have kids together. I mean, you have a whole life. She's invested. Yeah, we don't have kids, but I mean,

we love each other. Yeah, we get along really well. Right. But she has to, listen, I'm sorry, but when you're with somebody, for that long, you guys live together, you're intimate together. At this point, you guys are best friends.

Like you said, you love each other. The fact that you're doing all this stuff on the side and she has no clue, like I just don't buy it. And like I said, I'm not saying, I'm just saying she has her own set of stuff. It's very different from yours, but a lot of times that pairs up. Like, and I'm sure if I was in like a fly on the wall in your relationship for the past 15 years, I'd be like, oh my God, it's so fucking obvious that you have all this shit going.

on. Do you know what I mean? You have a lot of shit that you're doing. Okay. How does she not know. Do you know what I mean? And on some level, sometimes we kind of do when we put it aside like you say for those reasons. But there's also like co-dependence is about sort of like being like a people pleaser. You know what I mean? Like being okay with someone doing what they're doing instead of sort of standing up and saying like, oh my God, like this person needs top, like, let me do something about it. You know what I mean? Sure. I mean, I understand what you're saying. I just don't think that I just, you know, in this case, I can understand the codependency and the addiction and everything. I don't think that that's her, in my opinion. I mean, she has her issues, definitely. Yeah. I'm, I'm kind of her world.

Right. So that's definitely an issue. Yeah, that's called codependent. Right. That's what codependency is. Like, you're just not relying on yourself. Like, it's somebody else. You know what I mean? That's the thing. Um, but we'll focus on your issues. But listen, if you don't want to like rock that boat, like, don't ever, you know, put her, like, don't ever get really caught because like people are pretty fucking sloppy a lot of the times. And sometimes what happens with addicts and I tell people all the time on my show, like, you know, if some part of you ever wants to change, like, you better watch out for getting like, because you're going to have to like sort of hit a bottom, right? And then sometimes, people get sloppy in a weird way and then get busted, right? And then everything sort of falls apart. But in a weird way, it's like what they needed to have happen, right? Because a lot of times,

in order for you to ever completely change all this stuff, something like would have to happen that would force you out of it, right? And it's a bottom, unfortunately. So your wife finding out, you getting arrested, whatever, because you engage in a lot of like crazy behavior. Like you do this, I mean, you said in your email there was like 20 hookers. So obviously it wasn't just the couple of times you went to that thing, right? Like you had other hookers, right? Do you have sex with other guys too? Are you also by or not buy?

I don't know. I didn't get it. Yeah, yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I mean, I can explain that. But yeah. Yeah, what is that all about the cat? Is that a part of the cat fishing? Because you do create.

Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. What is that all about? Yeah, I mean, so like my biggest thing, you know, my biggest fantasies are, you know, like threesomes with with with normal people right um like with a couple or whatever i have no interest in in the male contact though all right you know seeing a woman get fucked and you know fucking her and you know all that's tag teaming her and all that stuff um and so i i create ads

where i'm like i'm a couple looking for a guy and then um i'll basically chat with them about basically living out the fantasies via chat and like leading in the morning thinking we're going to hook up and all that kind of stuff sending them photos of me and my fake wife all that stuff. Oh, you're kidding. Where do you get the pictures from? Just online. I mean, people post like their personal photos online like crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're all over the place. Yeah, so you take like a couple photos from like one person's collection, right, and pretend that you're that couple. right and then you sort of like huge collections online yeah yeah no I totally get it so wait so and then you like play out exactly what you want to do and then do you actually make like you did say that you make plans to meet them but then you just don't show up and then you're done and then you have to create a whole new fake persona yeah yeah yeah I do that all the time where I just I usually don't make like actual plans like hey we're gonna meet up on this time on my yeah hey we're free in like a week from now So that just keep it going, right?

Right. Excited and into it or whatever. I mean, a few times locally, I've met up with guys who told me that they were into. I'm like, hey, I need to meet with you, kind of check you out, screen you. My hope in those times were to, you know, meet them and talk more shit, you know, get excited in that way. But I was just mainly disgusted the three times I did. that. Why haven't? Yeah. I just like being,

since I'm not by at all, just having that kind of intimacy face to face with a man didn't turn me on at all like talking about it. And then also the times where I always met them at strip clubs and just like the way they were

treating strippers also disgusted me. Oh really? Why they were like really? I was just repulsed. They were like really sleazy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And were they the like because in the catfishing scenario like you were the couple and they

were the single guy that wanted to like watch you and your wife. Yeah, or join in. Join in. Right. Now would you also go to or respond to ads of a couple looking for a single guy? Like would you ever be the other guy in the scenario too?

Would you switch it up? Yeah. No. Because just it's a lot harder to getting kind of reactions with that right. I mean then you're competing against like I mean I know from placing this ad, you're competing against like 300 other dudes that are answering the ad. Oh, I see.

Right, right, right. I'm not getting chatting with those people. In this case, I mean, sometimes I'm, I'm, like, chatting with, like, 10 guys at once, right? Right. Yeah, you're smart. You haven't figured out. Right. You're a professional.

Yeah. So, you know, and I get into that. Like, I also sometimes always post as, like, a regular woman. and I'm like, you know, I like having sex with lots of guy like on Fat Life. I'll create a profile on Fat Life. It's like a woman. And I'm like, you know, I want to meet dudes. And then I'll do the same thing where I'm just the woman.

Right. Whenever it's the couple, like I'll chat as the man and as the woman. So they really believe it. Wow. And can you write well? Do you think that you write well as a woman? I do. I once was managing my friend, my old,

host's Tommy, I once managed his match.com profile and I was so bad at it because I'm like, I don't know how to write like a dude. And one time I actually signed my name, Kathy. Right. My accident? She must be like, what the fuck. But I was like, I suck at this. Like I don't know how to write like a dude. So you know how to write like a chick like you could do it because I think that's where

you could get busted, right? Where it just does not sound right. Yeah. And I mean, sometimes they like, they, they, They ask for, like, you know, live pictures or whatever, and I just block them and go into an ex-person. I don't care. Right.

Yeah, because there's so many people that want it to be real because I use, you know, I definitely have figured out what men, what the majority of men are into, which isn't really necessarily what I'm into, but I'll go along with that to a point as long as it doesn't disgust me. Right. And then at the same point, I'm wanting to, you know, kind of act. on my fantasies. And I also, you know, I'll inhabit, like, the personality of whatever woman I'm acting. Right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So, so, so, like, usually I,

basically, I, I choose women who aren't like my wife because I just can't, um, imagine her putting up with a lot of this shit. Right. Like, these guys are saying. You were right. You know that it was not, you want it to be as realistic as possible, right? So if I put your wife in there, you wouldn't be able to buy it, right? So you have to really buy the fantasy that you're creating. Yeah. So you're usually lower educated, younger women. They're kind of like, you know, like blue collar.

Well, I mean, I think a lot of blue, quote, oh, blue color, we're going to be like, what the fuck does that mean? Right, I know. It's fucked up. And so. Because let me tell you, I have a lot of people on my podcast that do all kinds of things. And I wouldn't necessarily say that the. women that maybe would be into that or that way.

But in your mind, that's how you see it. Or that's what turns you on? No, it's not even that they'd be into it. It's like I've tried, like I've tried carrying persona where the woman's like higher educated or whatever.

Yeah. And then these guys are saying this shit. I'm like, fuck you. And then block them. Right? Because I feel like, I feel like I'm them.

Oh, right? Because you're faking the girl. Right. So you're making her. Right. Like I'm imagining like my woman. And like if they get out line or like say something.

Yeah. Yeah. Imagine like, what my wife would do. Slee's bag would say that. Then you're like, oh, the educated woman is like, fuck off. So you go for the lower. That is kind of hilarious.

Yeah, I mean, it's not even, it's not even, I'm not even saying it's because of the education thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't relate it to like my wife because I know the way that she would, she wouldn't put up with that kind of shit, you know, so. So you have to create a girl that would put up with it and would be down because you want to keep that going. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah, you really live and like half the time you were just like not in reality because you spend a lot of your time. Do like that's a part of it. The, you know, I mean, what is the sending photos to the guy like you said you used to send photos to a guy or you are sending photos to a guy who used to be married to a woman that you grew up. Is that? Yeah, what is that all about it? Is that like a part of this kind of a situation? Yeah, I mean, I blame a lot of this stuff.

I'm listening to your podcast recently. you know, like, stupid ideas, stupid stuff. Why, because you hear the people on my show

talking about it? Right, yeah, yeah. They give you good, like, dirty scenarios that you want to go sort of live out?

Sure, and just the idea of, like, you know, it was like everything I do secret, and so the idea of, I guess, being scenarios

where I could be more myself. And so in this case, like 10 years ago, I found this guy's, like, photos of his, wife who I grew up with on some website. So I started email him

with him about that. And you said hey, it's me and like you guys were both. I mean, you were open to him. Yeah, exactly. Okay, cool. And then he like stopped and I think they got divorced and all that. And so like recently, actually just in the last few days, I sent me

sent my message and was like, hey, I've been taking a lot of photos. Here's some of the photos I've been taking. And what are the photos of? Are they Are you real? No, no, no. So even fake ones to him and he knows who you are?

Yeah. I tell him that, like, I've been hiring models, and these are photos I've been taking of them. Oh, okay. So you're setting, so why with him? Like, what is the deal with him that you're getting him into? Like, it's the same sort of threesome that you're sort of pitching to him? I don't know.

Yeah. It's anything for you just not to deal with stress. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this actually isn't paying it, you know. I'm over it. I'm already over that. Right, right. Okay, but what,

yeah, go on. Yeah. No, meaning men from online in real life. Oh, that was like, I'm looking at your, your bullets here

because there's a lot to cover. But like, but that was, that's what you mean, that's what you were just telling me about before when like you, you sort of, right,

created those fake things and then met the guys and it was kind of gross. Yeah, yeah, it was, yeah. Right. Yeah,

not into it at all. Yeah. Okay. Keep going. because there's a lot to cover. Yeah, I mean, so everything, the everything that I did recently was, you know,

my first girlfriend, when I was in college, she was very sexual. She was just little nuts, too. I mean, she ended up, and she was way more, you know, I was super jealous and possessive, and I'm sure she cheated on.

me a bunch, but that's why we ended up breaking up, was she cheated on me. And, you know, so like thinking back, I just think about the stuff I could have done with her, right, if I would have been confident or whatever. So anyway, so I contacted her within the last few days. And, I mean, I'm not even, I've seen pictures. I'm not attracted to her in the least now. Okay. You know, she's 20 years older.

Uh-huh. She doesn't look good. She didn't keep herself. Yeah, yeah, she doesn't look good at all. Okay. And so we started texting yesterday. And at the beginning, she's like, hey, are you married? And I knew she was divorced.

Right. It's obvious that she was wanting to. But then as soon as I said I was married, she was not into it at all. And so that's over too. She's a good girl now. She's not as wayward as she was when you dated her. Right. You missed your opportunity.

Yeah, exactly. I didn't even want to meet with her because I'm not attracted to her at all. I just wanted to. It was going to be another one. Talk with her a little bit. Oh, interesting. But was that, like, when you say fuck with her,

was it just like to create another sort of like fantasy thing with her? Just use her like for your fantasy purpose and email her scenarios and pictures and fake shit as well? No, I mean, probably just more like, more like just me and her, you know. Like we were going to get something going. but I had no interest in really meeting her. That's so weird. You know what's so interesting to me is that like say that girl, say you went through with it. And I'm sure you've gone through with these crazy things with other people, right?

If I was like a friend of the other person, right, and they came back, they probably go or they think or through their partner. Like, what do you think will fucking happen? Like, because you, you know, you pull like a 180. Like it's like, I don't think anybody would ever think to themselves. Like that girl, right? Like say you actually did what you were going to do. Like I don't know how you'd end it. Would you just disappear like whatever?

But like never would. Never like I got cold feet or something. Yeah, but it would be so fucked up because this is like never would the friend say to her like, oh, he must have just been pretending and he wasn't into you at all. Like you don't know what I mean? Like the truth would never be something that somebody would ever think because it's so fucked up. Like you say, you know, it's so twisted because like you say you. you are not attracted to her at all. You had no,

you knew for a fact you were never gonna meet with her. You used the word, I was gonna fuck with her, right? So you know that there's something wrong with what you're doing. I used some of this therapist that was very into words that you use.

Do you know what I mean? So it is interesting words, wording that you use. It's like, you know, you were gonna fuck with her head, kind of, you know, and take her on a ride for your entertainment purposes

sure only and because what would that do for you though like what would that do for you probably nothing but it has to be doing something do you think it's just the time that it takes yes that's obviously what it is right because are you in that situation would you get horny from that even though you weren't a track of her do you think no no yeah yeah no i know i wouldn't No. And even when you were meeting the guys, right? You knew you weren't going to get horny from meeting them. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I didn't. I thought I would. Oh, you did? Yeah. And I gave it three chances to think I would. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Yeah. It never happened. Yeah. And I've also, like, you know, like all, um, sometimes if the guys buy or whatever, all, I'll kind of engage in a little bit of, of that. Uh-huh. I mean, like, orals as far as what I'll go. Like, as far as when I'm chatting with them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll pretend to be into blowing them. Like if that's what they're into. But I don't think that I could ever do that, you know, in real life. But you say you don't think. So maybe if it was like a means to an end, I feel like, and that's what happens with addiction, right? Like, it's like it's progressive, they say, you know?

I just don't think I could get hard, to be honest. Right. I'm not even like, you know, I don't even have anything against that, but I just don't think that I could. I just don't think it's my thing at all. Right. But I think that when you say, I don't think I'd ever do that. Like, I think it's because if, I think if you ever did do that, it would literally

be like because it was like a means to an end, just like what you were doing with this girl. You know what I mean? It was like because you had to, because you were in the situation. and it was the only way to keep it going on. Yeah, it was the only way, like, you just strictly be doing it to keep this thing going that you are so needy of, which is, you know, fucking fantasy land, you know. So there might be a dick in your mouth at some point, I have to say.

They're just my big. And I do believe that it would only be because you had to do it. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't say, oh, that means deep down you're gay. Like, no, I would say, you're. fucking addict and like it just that's how that's how much of an addict you are like you'd put a dick in your mouth and you don't even want it you know what I mean that's when you know something's wrong do you know yes yeah so yeah that could potentially happen to you um so what about why and it's like you know

what's kind of sad about all this is that like even I remember when you sent me the email you did say the prostitutes were all like you've been with like about 20 prostitutes and you said they're mostly bad experiences like mostly yeah so a few that haven't been, but yes. Right, and it is like, and that's the fucked up thing about the, you know, addiction. It's always like chasing the dragon. Like maybe every now and then, this shit is good for you,

but most of the time it's like it's not, right? But you're always wanting it to be. You know what I mean? And to have that right? Like on some level? Correct. Yeah. I mean, it's all about the fantasy and the buildup and then it's disappointing.

Yeah, it's chasing the dragon. You never get it. It's so, it's like, it's such a mind fuck really on you. Um, yes. And so all, even the prostitutes. So when you get like that whole thing, like it's not, what, what makes it not good? Is it that you're just not even into the sex with them or? I mean, it's that they're not into it at all. You know, and, you know, and you know, some of them have been just messed up, you know. Like on drugs or whatever at the time. You mean, like so out of it. Right, right, right. You know, they have problems. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not really into. I'm not, I'm not into. I'm not into. I'm not. to exploiting women in real life. I have no interest. Yeah, well, look, you said, like, the way the guys would treat the strippers when you were there, you found really appalling.

Like, I mean, you have, like, and what I think people would be like, he has no respect for women. Look what he does. But, like, in a weird way, what people don't understand is that sometimes, like, I do not believe, like, oh, when someone's drunk, they do what they really want to do, and that's the real them. I don't think so. I think when you're a fucking addict, you do shit that has nothing to do with who

you really are. And that's what's so damaging about being an addict. Do you know what I mean? It's not like, oh, who you really are. It's no, that's the problem with it. It's that you're doing shit that is against who you really fucking are. You're not being who you are in the slightest. And that's like, like I said, that's why it's so damaging because it's like you're doing things that isn't even right for you. Because people would say that what you do

is very degrading to, I mean, you know, you have to listen to your behavior. It's very selfish, right? Most addicts Are a fucking selfish. You'll take that fucking woman for a ride and you don't care because it's to satisfy yourself, right? You know? Sure. Um, so like I said, people would say like, oh, he doesn't respect. But I believe that you have respect for women and you have all those things. But your addiction is just, you know, making you go against that better part of yourself because you're not respecting women by the things that you're doing or men. Yeah, I agree. You know? that's what's fucked up. And so you get with these hookers and it's not even like the real deal. But like I think it's just because it's not unfortunately, I think some people go to hookers because they just really want to release and they really need to get, you know,

a little bit of variety in their life. And it really works out fine for them and they're happy and it's great. And they call it a day. You know what I mean? And then go back home, whatever. But for you, it's so not about the sex. Right.

It's about filling up, like it's about. solving this problem that you have that you can't, you know, and that's why it, and it never works, right? Correct. How is your sex life with your wife? Yeah. I mean, it's not great.

Well, you've been together a long time. Like, was it always not great? Was it really great just because you've been together for so long, right? Yeah, it was great. You know, it was great at the beginning. Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's because we've been together so long. I'm sure it's not great for her either, you know. Right.

And now, do you think, and like, is it? at the point, like, do you guys have sex like once a week or what like? Yeah, once a week. Okay. And you don't think that she's doing anything behind your back, do you? I don't. No? No.

Right. And besides the sex, because I think, listen, with long-term relationships, I think that they morph into other things, right? And sex isn't the most important, right? So at this point, is everything else in your relationship, like, healthy? You know what I mean? Like, the emotional aspect of it and the intimacy. and like do you guys are like you say you really love each other i mean do you have a lot of quality

time still together we do i mean the only the only problems that i see is the is the time that i the time and energy that i waste doing this kind of shit that i could be uh you know focusing on her and other things yeah that's really bad and where do you spend 12 hours how do you get 12 hours available when you're not for porn i mean um I mean, shit, sometimes, like, right in front of her on my phone. You know, like, I'm like, hey, I'm listening to a podcast and fucking around on my phone. Uh-huh. Yeah.

I'm just going to sit here in the living room. Yeah, my friend that I told you about. Yeah. My friend that I told you about that, like, was sexting me sometimes for, like, six hours straight and I was, like, not interested, and he would just wouldn't stop. I was always best friends with him before, and he was always, and he's a super, super, successful person, like really like top 1% kind of person deal, you know. And so, and he was always on his phone when we were together before I hooked up with him and, you know, and I just always assumed

it was business because when you are as successful as that, you're 24-7 working, right? That's his deal. So I was always super cool about him being on his phone because I'm like, oh, he's doing business all the time, you know, from people all over the world. But turns out once I started hooking up with him and we had this whole thing for a couple of years, I realized he's online desexing constantly. He's like a great, like that's what he's doing when he's not a workaholic. That's he's this fucking sexaholic. I'm like half the time I was being so nice about him like checking out during dinner. He's like sexting girls and doing this bullshit.

I was like, oh my God. You know, he'd be doing it to me while he was having major business meetings that were like in the paper the next day. I'd be like, oh my God, people don't really understand what's really going down. I do that too. You do. You do. Same stuff. Same stuff.

So are you like, so do you have a gig like my friend? Like I mean, are you sort of like have a career where like you're out? Yes. And you travel a lot? I don't travel much. But you're working a lot. My wife travels a little bit. Okay.

I don't travel much. Yeah. I'm mainly here. Okay. Yeah. I mean, so it's everything. I don't know where you were going with this. But where are you going to go with that?

Because I was about to go off our narrow direction. No, what do you mean? I was just asking a question. I don't know. What direction were you going in? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I mean, that's the other thing. I think I mentioned, you know, the women have been kind of close calls as far as, I would still consider cheating because I was, you know, intimate and way with them that I would never tell my wife. But I've never, I've never fucked a woman who I didn't pay. Right. And part of that is, is the fee. of getting caught by her, right? I mean, my wife's really smart, and that's also, I mean, that limits my payment, too, because she keeps an eye on money, and so I can't just, you know, we have lots of money,

but she keeps such a close eye. But she's good with the money, and she's on top of it, right. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I can't have, you know. Like I hear the guys call him in talking about like the doorman that was spending all this money. Oh my God. I know.

I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? How, you know. Wasn't he so interesting? That was a really interesting episode. Yeah, it's crazy. And like even like, you know, I mean, because so if you have a lot of cash, right, like you can be getting like really high on escorts. Like I had one guy that would call in all the time and he was like Reapie calling. He was spending thousands and thousands of dollars.

He was like fucking like famous porn stores and stuff. And he talked a lot about how to do that. and, you know, some people with that kind of money can do that, you know. And I guess, like, his wife wasn't, like a lot of women, I think, aren't sort of involved in the money aspect, right? You hear that all the time or you see these things come up all the time with women. Like, they just find out that, like, maybe their husband's bankrupt and they had no idea, right? Because they were tending to other things. But your wife is actually on top of the finances and knows what's going on.

Yeah, and those have led to some of the suspicions that she's had, you know. Like, why the fuck did you take out $300 in cash, like, in two different ways from the bank? And then make up some stupid story. Right. For that. Yeah. Yeah. And then with the...

Yeah. And that's also the reason, you know, that I've never pushed anything further with just a normal woman because I don't want a... I don't want a... I mean, I have wanted a relationship. my fear of being caught and fear of that blowing back on me is too high. Right. Right. Because you almost know that if that happened, maybe it would become more than just a one-time

thing. And then that would take a lot of your time. And that's putting all your eggs in one basket. And I think you're smart. I mean, you are smart. It's very obvious with like all these things that you do and everything and all the things that you kind of need to keep your fantasy going like because you're smart. Like you need all this like reality.

You know, it's like I. So, you know, but and it is smart the way that you, it's like you're a functioning addict, right? Like you know how to like not get caught and make it work for you, you know. But because if you did sort of get involved in an affair, you would get addicted to that too, right? But yeah. I mean, I mean, I had a deal recently where, I mean, I almost, you know, I almost fell in love with this woman and like this fantasy world. created. Oh, God.

Who had even done anything? It was a stripper. Uh-huh. And, you know, I met her at the club and, you know, I, I do well with strippers, like they like me because I go in dressed well and I look good and I'm not interested in a lap dance at all by giving money anyways. Uh-huh. You know, just hang out with me.

and then we talk and we talk about where I've traveled and they figure out that I have money and all that stuff so they give me their numbers. So this one was what I was into so we were texting for a while and she's like, hey, when are you going to come see me and so I make up all this bullshit about how I travel all the time. That's why I can't come see her and the reason I can't come see is because I can't get away from my wife to do that. And so finally we have and so this whole time I'm just building up in my mind. like this sugar daddy relationship that could have with this woman and at some point I'm like you know I think you need a sugar daddy and she's like yeah I do and so we meet up and this is actually a time whenever I withdrew a little bit of cash right is this is the champagne room experience no okay okay that's a long time ago okay and so you know we have lunch I take her out to

lunch and we go to her place and make out a little bit and then my wife's like hey what's up with all this cash she withdrew and i i didn't even give her any um and no more time anyways i just like had the indian and it hurt like having to just i stopped with this woman right because you got right no you so what happened was you it was like a real relationship in your mind and then you had to cut it off and it actually was like a breakup then you went through it was what you're saying yeah because you become this nonsense in my head yeah i used to do the when i was younger i used to have like uh what was what would you call it like i would get obsessed with somebody that was completely unavailable like that was another way where i lived out my addiction for sure because that is an

addiction because you could spend so much of your time living in the fantasy of it yeah and it is very painful to let go because you become so attached to that story because you make it so real. Yeah, I mean, he was the most turmoil. I was in turmoil. Yeah, I understand. For the couple weeks, I was like, and I felt bad about, you know, I didn't give this woman any money.

Like, I didn't even not, I didn't care about sex with her. I felt bad that, like, let her on and was like, and she was a nice person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, you know, and she definitely could use some money. And I was getting, like, I'm going to. I'm going to help you out and then I just dropped her, you know. And then did she come after you? And like you're feeling bad.

Was it bad because it was like you lost her or you felt bad for what you did to her? Yeah, all that and the way I treat my wife. Every bit of it. So all of it. So it was hard for you to let go of that fantasy. It was hard for you to sort of accept what you had done to the girl because you took her for fucking another person for a ride. And then what do you mean as far as your wife? because she was like going a little mental with like all this money being

or what? No, just in general. The fact that you were being distrust. Like you were doing something behind her back that wasn't nice. Right, right. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah.

I really want to help you. Can we turn this into a therapy session instead? You need help. Do you have a therapist? Have you ever been in therapy? I'm involved in the mental health profession. a certain way. Uh-huh.

So you don't believe in it? Are you going to tell me that? No, no, no, no, I do. Okay. But I have myself never been to a therapist. How come? I don't know. Yeah.

You know, I think it's probably like image preservation. Like no one that I know would think that I need. I mean, people say all the time about how. well-adjusted I am and how normal I am. You know, everybody I know goes to a therapist. Yeah.

And like, Jay's never been to a therapist, you know. Right. It would be like breaking the facade. Like you have created a persona of yourself of like somebody that really has it fucking together. I wish I was your friend because I would be the one friend that would know that.

Because my friend that I talked to you about just now, like the one who's sexting all the time. And like I'm like, he's like one of, he's really, really close to me. And I'm always just like, you always, everyone thinks you're fucking normal. And I know you're not. Like, if you could just put, if you could just accept sort of letting that sort of fake thing that you created for everyone to believe, you know, if you could put that aside,

like you could change your life. And that's, but I know that that's really difficult, you know, because you created this person that seems so fucking together. And you are a mess deep, deep down inside. And you really are, it's like you're big. secret isn't so much like all of the sex and all the stuff that you're doing it's more that you don't have your shit to get like you have a lot of work you need to do on yourself and i really think that we all think in life that everybody else would be like oh my god he's going to therapist

or they'd be so freaked out that you had issues or whatever i don't even care about that like i've then what is it yeah i mean i have no i'm nothing again I have no stigmas against mental health, you know. But you're saying you don't want people to think that you don't want people because everyone looks at you as someone that's got their shit together is what you're saying, right? I mean, I think here's what it probably is. Yeah. I feel like if I told my wife that I was going to go see a, see someone she would know, she'd be

like, she'd know the reason, right? like she like there's no other reason why let me ask me do you see are you a workaholic are you a workaholic like you say like you use i'm not okay what does she think you're doing with all your time that when you're doing all the time that you spend doing this other stuff what does she think you're doing when you're doing this she think you're on your phone doing business yeah okay and you say you cut it cuts into your time with her right right so why can't you just say, because she doesn't know it's sex, like she thinks it's work, right? So you do seem

probably to her, like a fucking workaholic that doesn't have a good balance in life. So why can't it just be about that? Why can't it just be like, you know what, honey? Like, I'm so, all I do is work. I don't spend enough time with you. Like, I really feel like I'm like, maybe I have addiction to work. Like, I can't get off my phone and be present. Like, I'm just going to see somebody. Like, why can't it be about that? That's what she thinks it is anyway. And it obviously, she would buy that because if you're spending all this time doing that, you obviously probably seem like you, you know, you could get, you know, you could fix that. People go to therapy for a lot less shit, you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, you don't have to go to therapy because you're, you are doing all the things you are. You could go to therapy just because, like, maybe you just want to learn how to deal with your emotions better or you're too stressed out. Like, you could just say you just want to learn how to deal with stress more instead of working all the time. Sure.

right? Yeah. You know, I just feel like you don't have to, it's not that's going to be so obvious what it is. It's because you know that's what you think. And also, the other thing is, and I think other people probably have thought of this two seconds ago when I'm saying this. But like, duh, you lie about everything else. You could go to a therapist and not fucking tell her. I mean, like, please, you go to prostitutes, you go to strip clubs.

Like, go to a therapist and don't tell her. Right. But you just need, I don't know. let me ask you this, do you want to change? Or, like, do you want to? Or are you happy with this whole secret life? No, I'm not happy. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, you know, this, you know, the stuff that I do and every part of it violates my, you know, my values, my typical framework. Yeah, like I said, you're not doing who you are. Yeah. And now what you're doing to your wife. Right. It's not, you're not being authentic. This isn't you, right?

You're like, you're being less of who you are in order to just not deal with emotions. And I'm here to tell you that it takes time, right? When you kick your habits, like when you kick your addictions aside and you start really dealing with life and you're like present 24-7, first of all, the first thing is you are physically exhausted. And any addict would tell you, the first year you go sober, you're like tired. all the time. And you're like, why am I so fucking tired? And then you're like, oh, yeah, I'm tired because I never lived in reality 24-7. And living in reality 24-7, like normal people, is very exhausting at first.

You'll get used to it. But it's very tiring because you're always checking out. So you're not really dealing with real life all the time. And that is hard. That's why you check out because you don't want to deal with it, right? But eventually, yeah, go on. I did. I mean, this is the way I've dealt with things since I was a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, it was. daydreaming before but then you know you had 12 and the daydream turned into you know sexual daydreaming

100% oh I did the same thing happened to me and then when you get a little older it could be drug you know and it could be sex when you're like you get into adult you could take on these things yeah it all starts back then and what happens let me tell you what happens is when you quit whatever you quit you go back to being like the emotional age that you were

when you picked everything up, right? And then you start from there. So I always make jokes like I'm emotionally like 30 something or at this point because I've been sober for 15 years. I probably, you know, started everything at 15, you know. And so like maybe I'm like a 30 year old emotionally. And I still have work that I have to do. And it's a lot of work that you have to pick up. But it's just like you didn't learn how to deal with stuff because you just never dealt with it, you know. But you can learn now. You really can. And because, like, I really think functioning alcoholics or functioning addicts are the, like, you have a really good chance of being successful, like, of kicking your stuff because you, you have, like, all the stuff that you have to, that you put into your addiction,

keeping it going and all that smart stuff that you do and all that commitment. Like, if you put, if you channel that into being a sober person and do it as well as you do everything else, you will be able to do it. You know what I mean? That's how I was. Like, I was always like, I was like vicious in my bad stuff, but I was like as vicious in my surprise, sobriety. And that's why I was, and I was able to be successful. And I did it without AA. You know, I only did A.A. for a short time. I've gone to some sex addict, love addict meetings here and there. And that stuff works for a certain kind of person. You know, whatever works is good, you know. But I was able to kick everything. And listen, when you kick one thing, I stopped drinking alcohol and then I realized I had like I had like I would create brain tumors

and like serious diseases sometimes to check out of reality. You're like you always got to be careful because you see yourself in certain times always trying to get away, you know, from a feeling. But like over time, you learn how to just sit with feelings and be okay with them. And I'm telling you, I've said this before my podcast, it's like life before as a drinker and life as a sober person, it's like going from living in a totally pitch black room to going to a room that's completely bright. Like it's that much.

It's like a 100% difference. I swear to you as long as you're alive, I don't care if you were fucking 65, I'd still tell you to do it because it's so worth it. You're only in your 40s. If you live till you're 85, like you have so many more years that you could live like way more happy. And I'm not saying,

listen, life is not about being happy every fucking day, you know? But what it's about is like feeling inner peace. Do you know what I mean? That inner sort of feeling of being completely fulfilled. Your feet are on the ground. And therefore, on a day that you feel like fucking shit or things are really bad for a little while, like you're okay.

Do you know what I mean? That's what it's about. It's not about, you're not going to find a place in life where you're happy all the time. It's not that. It's that you have like an inner sense of peace. And like I said, and you feel solid and that you could deal with stuff. And that is happiness in a way.

you do you know what I mean? You don't have that now. You have like you're chasing the fucking dragon and it's like not even like fun and that's why I know it's like an addiction. Like I've had other guys that call in and they fuck a lot of different people and they're fine with it and that's their story. This is your story and I wish it was weird when you first called I thought to myself he sounds so young like you're I don't know you're and in a way you're young too. Okay right because you're immature. No really I was the same way. I'm like 48 and I always looked so good for my age. And it was like immature. I didn't have a baby. I just had a baby. Like I did everything way later in life because I was immature. It took me a long time to grow the fuck up, you know. And you do have that.

And it's weird because like you say, you look young. You feel like, you know, you do have that sort of vibe, you know. But I think it's maybe time for you to grow up or maybe not. Then you'll start looking like shit. I don't know. But I don't know. I wish you would just get some fucking help and try to conquer this part of yourself. I really believe that you could be successful.

I just feel that you have that in you. It's hard work, but, you know, who cares? Like, it's good to do things like that in life, you know? Because what is the alternative? Like, what are you, like, you're listening to my podcast and trying to go live out fantasies of these people's stories. Like, you know, is that what you say you do? Yeah, I mean.

I can't wait to listen to this. It can be depressing. No, but like, listen, I'm sorry. If you were my friend, I'd be like, and you called me up and you said, oh, I just listened to my life story and I'm so depressed. I'd be like, oh, my God, I'm so happy for you. Like, you should be depressed, okay? Sorry to say, but you should sort of be depressed with where you're at because it's not

a good place. That's reality. Reality is you're not in a good place. but if you change it and do something about it, like you eventually will. But if you don't, you will just be in this perpetual state of like looking for something that you're never going to find.

And your life will go on and you'll be with your wife. And maybe like you'll be forced into, you know, a bottom one day. Maybe you never will. I mean, that's even worse. Because I always felt like as a person that reached the bottom and had to be plucked at, was able to be plucked out and had a terrible thing and changed everything.

like I felt like I was like a lucky one, you know. You'd be lucky to have a bottom and get out. Or you could try to sort of bring that on yourself and get, because, you know, get the help that you need. And maybe through talking to somebody, like you could get to a place where you could start changing your behavior and just start having like the balls to sort of face things and learn how to deal with them because you can.

It's just learning it. And the only way you'll ever learn it is if you stop those other things. That's the only way to know what you're shoving fucking deep down inside, you know, and what you're so afraid of. And I swear to you that you, you would be fine. It takes time. And it is like, I always, I always feel bad because I feel like I make it sound so terrible and hard that nobody would ever want to do.

But that's the reality, you know, because it is like you give up a huge part of who you are. Sure. You know, and it is difficult in that sense. And for you, it's going to, but I think because. you have a little bit of this persona and stuff. But I do think there's a way for you to do it without people knowing, like, listen, if you don't get busted and you don't, you know, and that's not what brings on you changing. Like, I think you could do all the work and go through everything

without everyone knowing your fucking business, you know. So it's not like you have to really change your persona. But maybe you just have to be a little bit more vulnerable and maybe let your wife know or people around you know that you're not perfect and you have you're not dealing with like you need a little help in life everybody does i think it's more normal than people not i'm telling you the people the most of the people listen i think there's people out there that are totally okay you know like seriously they had good parents they're like they had a good you know and they're pretty okay but that's not the majority of people a lot of people are not fucking okay and a lot of people that are trying to act like they really are the real quote unquote normal ones.

They're the ones that are so fucked up, you know? Sure. You're one of those people. I agree. You are and you agree. You know, you're not dumb. You're a smart fucking person, you know? You just need to grow up and take care of your shit.

And I think that you would be a lot happier. Is there anything that we didn't? Like, why do you? And the fact that like you feel very close to strippers, is that what you said in your like you feel like you could relate to them, right? In a way, is that what you said? What did you mean by that?

The whole stripper thing. You said it. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think that I like. So, so I've had, since I've been married, you know, I've gotten lots of attention from lots of women.

But I've never acted on it with a woman who wasn't a stripper or a hooker. Right. You know, because you always have people rate themselves. I'd say I'm a nine. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's it. I've never had someone rate themselves a nine. Yeah.

I've had a 14 and mostly six and sevens. Gotcha. And, you know, I'm outgoing and I know. You're successful. people. I've had lots of women be interested in me, but I can't. I'm never going to do anything with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to fuck up my marriage. Right. And, but I go into a strip club, and I get the same attention, and I get more attention than any of the other guys in there. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I'm not paying them a lot of money to give me that attention. So that's the deal, you know.

Right, right. And that's why you relate. And that. world it kind of works for you right yeah and you know yeah right but like yeah because i was just gonna make the point like if you were a girl like you would be acting out of your stuff like you'd probably be a stripper like your dysfunction would make you like maybe a stripper and you know what i'm saying like you're as fucked up as they are on some level you know you really are we all act out our stuff differently you know and that's why i could always like relate to people like that or people like you were anyone we all could maybe you maybe you wear a suit and tie and go to fucking work but like you're no less damage in the girl that's acting out that way, you know?

If they are. I mean, they're not damaged. 100%. Right. I've said that before. Absolutely. Just like, you know, not all. I actually told a girl recently she should be a hooker on my show.

She just loves sex and I'm just like, it's so terrible. But like, I think that there's a small percentage of women. I think a lot of people, women that are stripping or do it or hooking or whatever are damage. I think there's a small percentage that aren't. But I would say more R than R in because, you know, as a woman when I was fucked up, like, I acted out more sexually and did all kinds of things. And now that I'm sort of sobered up, like, it's just like I wouldn't do those things to myself or my body. You know, there is a big difference. So, yeah, you'd be like a stripper. But like, please get some help. Did we not cover anything? Like, I don't know if you called in for a therapy session. Probably not. But I never, I never know how my shows are going to go. I never expected this. call with you? Yeah, I mean, I didn't, you know, I thought in some way this would turn me on. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure the title and how I'm going to title is somebody that else, everyone else is probably thought the same thing. Thanks. Thanks, Kathy.

I cock block. I'm a fucking cock block. I do it all the time. Because really, I started my podcast to actually help people. Like, that's really what I've always wanted to do. And I do actually think. I'm a fucking cock block. I'm a fucking cock block. I do actually think that I help even the people that are able to just like talk about stuff that they've never been able to talk about, you know. But what we just did on the phone is like my favorite thing. Like this is like, I don't know. I think it's better. And I don't care about all the people that thought they were going to get hard and horny from your stories. I think this is like a much better episode. And for you too. Sorry. And like when you listen to this, it will be good. Maybe you won't listen to it when I air it and you'll listen to it two months from now or you'll

listen to it and then you listen to it six months from now. But I think it will also help, I think it helped for you to talk about it and I think it will be very helpful for you to listen to. And I think that other people out there, it will be helpful for them too. Because I think what you're going through and what we talked about, a lot of people are. It's very common. It really is. So I think it's been, I think it was good. Like I said, I prefer this kind of a podcast. So I'm glad I cock-blocked you is what I'm trying to say. You're going to have to go create some fantasy catfish scenario because it didn't work with me. I know.

But maybe I'll hold off on that. Yeah, try. Like just even if you just like do an experiment, right? Like don't go cold turkey. Just say like, you know, for one week, I'm not going to do any of that stuff and just see how uncomfortable you get, you know, and look at yourself like from a third person, because really what it is is, like, all that stuff will start coming up and then you'll start to see what it is, you know, and maybe that will make you go get help because you'll realize, I don't know, just

check it out, but there's, you know, it's, you need help doing it. Anyone that's going to quit something and an addiction needs help. I tried AA, but I'm like that, I'm like, it wouldn't have work for me. Like, if you tell me every day, if I, you told me I have to go to a place every day and they tell me I'm not allowed to do something, I'm going to do it even more. because I can't be focused on something. Do you know what I mean? That's not my mind. My mind is not that way.

My mind's going to want to do it more. I had to, you know, I wound up going to therapy like three times a week. Like, that's what I did instead and like really was doing hardcore, just talking. And then I really learned to just like talk to friends and I learned that just talking about things like really help. That's all I got, you know? So you'll figure out your way, but you really need help doing it after you do your week long thing. Like just look into just getting a therapist. Just start with that.

I will. You will? Yeah. Okay, well, keep me posted so I could see this, how this rolls out. Okay, I'm curious, okay? I want you to, I really hope that you do that. It's going to be really good for you. And I'm glad you called it.

Thank you. All right, thanks, Jay. Good luck. Bye. All right. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession,

Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken

from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories.

and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories, 17 of them.

They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audiobook is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me, okay? I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other.

and that's what you get to do there. You can post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said.

All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast. at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast.