Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 322 - Jay's Secret Life Includes BDSM and Race Play

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Married Jay’s secret life involves hardcore BDSM and rape fantasies with some aspects of race play and he sometimes feels really bad about what he’s into. What exactly does he feel bad about, the cheating or the sexual acts themselves? When did he first get into BDSM and rape fantasies and how does he live it all out now? Is he a dom or a sub and where does he meet the people he “plays” with? Tune on for all the details plus hear all about the secret, worldwide BDSM club he’s a member of and what goes down at their parties, the time he got caught by the cops when he was in the middle of consensually “raping” a guy’s wife, his interracial relationship with his wife and why he can’t live out his fantasies with her, how and why he feels so horrible after some of the stuff that he does, the shit that went down when he was younger with with his babysitter and his alcoholic aunt and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly

Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, this is a call and advice show where I talk to people about all kinds of things. I really like to help people and give them my unprofessional advice. So if you want to call in and get my unprofessional advice. Sorry, I'm trying to plug in my computer while we're talking. Send me an email at trickly anonymous podcast at gmail.com and you could be on the show. A lot of people call, most people call into the show to talk about their secret private lives because it's called trickly anonymous because I keep everybody anonymous on my show. I change everybody's names. I change everybody's voices. Nobody knows who the fuck you are,

but you could really talk about whatever you want. And so if you want to be on the show, like I said, this intro sucks, but I'm just going to keep it. If you want to be on the show, send an email, strictly anonymous podcast.com, or go to strictly anonymouspodcast.com and click on Be on the Show. There's a Reddit page where people go to talk about things on the show. It's Reddit.com. Like, let's talk strictly anonymous podcast, something like that. You can find it. I always forget to give out the link, but people find it. People have been signing up. You could go there. Today, I have a guide name. Oh, the other thing is, is if you want to call in and talk me and like sort of talk about all your

your secret stuff but you don't want me to air your episode I offer that service now too it is a service you do I do charge for it but if you want to do it send me an email Shiglin on his podcast atchamil.com I have a guy named Jay today and Jay wrote in and he sent me

a lot of information in his email and I was a little bit like where is this episode going to go because he was kind of he wasn't kind of like he was like straight up I've been to I have a secret life and he just used all these negative words about it like dark and degenerate and he was very anti what he was into and he's married it's a very double life he lives a very double life but he has no intention of really changing that and so I was wondering because he was into like he really said he's into like rape fantasies and BDSM and he sometimes he feels like really bad about it and he feels like what he does is so terrible but I you know so I couldn't really so I I was like wondering like is does he do illegal shit like does he actually really rape people? I didn't know but like he doesn't do any of that stuff but we just talk about like why he feels

bad about it. Is it like the cheating? Is it what he's doing? And it's interesting what he says. He also gets into some stuff, some hardcore heavy stuff that happened to him when he was younger with two different people and you could definitely, you know, figure out why he's into the stuff that he's into now, the BDSM and the rape and all the specifics of those scenarios that he's into when you hear the stories of what happened to him when he was younger. It's like, like I say,

psychology 101, you know, that kind of stuff definitely, stuff that happens to you when you're younger definitely happens to you when you're older. So we talk about that. We talk about what he does in that world that he lives. We talk about how he feels about it, like which I said is kind of negative. We talk about how he cheats on his wife and what his relationship is with her and we talk about what happened to him when he was younger. So anyway, I'll be right back on with Jay. So Jay, you live a double life, right? And your double life or your other part of you, I mean, you really like talk about

this other part of you as like from the third person, right? Like you feel like it's like a more, is a very, is to you a dark side of you, right? Am I correct in saying that? Yeah, compared to what my life is generally normally. I don't know. Like because I felt like and you're going to have to explain everything, right? Because, you know, you're going to help me understand because maybe I didn't get it right from the email. That it's like this double life that you have includes like rape fantasies and a lot of BDSM.

And you feel like you cross lines and after you do you feel really bad about it. Right. So I was like, does this guy like do bad thing? Like do you cross lines and you do like illegal things? or things that people don't necessarily want? Or is like, is this always consensual and you just feel actually bad

about doing it when you do it? Like, what's the deal? No, it's never illegal or it's always consensual. It's actually, usually in the, it started when sort of the Craigslist actually go out of Craigslist and sort of meet all kind of weird people.

Well, you were on there. Yeah. And then, of course, that went away. Everyone's like, oh, all the people on Craigsler's so weird. It's like what the fuck were you doing on there? Just everyone was regular people, but they went on to Craigslist to, you know, meet people.

You know what I mean? My interest or curiosity or sort of involvement in this has been even maybe beyond Craigslist, but that's where it started. It's kind of easy. Yeah, it went, it started. I mean, if you want to go Genesis of all this, it's probably

11 years old. Yeah, well, what did you, because you're married now and everything, right? But, like, when you were 11 years old, what did, what, how did you realize that you were into this kind of stuff? Because you're into, like, great fantasies and BDSA. Okay. No, I was, I wasn't just into, well, I've been for five years, four years, sexually with an aunt and then my babysitter. What? You didn't say this in the email, did you?

Wait, am I reading the wrong email? I didn't know that I didn't know that we'd be here in conversation, so I just kind of was like, hey, I really appreciate your podcast. Are you the right email? Are you the guy that also, like, feels really bad and sometimes cries afterwards and you're too? Oh, okay. But you also fuck your aunt and your babysitter? Oh, my God. No, no, I didn't fuck her, but my aunt used to, like, follow me and touch me.

Oh, when you were little. Yeah. Oh, I thought you said in the past. past four years, there's something with my aunt, or is maybe in the past four years you remembered it? When I was little, when I was little. When I was about 11, my babysitter had

sexual thing. Like, I don't recall. Like, I didn't get off, but she went down on the head and wait, wait, but what was the four years? You said something about recently. That went on for about three or four years. Oh, that's hard for stuff. 14.

And what about your aunt? When did that start and happen and how long? She would do inappropriate things. She wouldn't necessarily affect me, but she would, like, you know, touch me appropriately or touch my dick or talk about my dick or, you know, stuff like that. How old were you then? She was an alcoholic.

It was like 12. Oh, my God. Did you ever tell anyone about that? No. I told a friend, but it was when I was much older, any kind of, you know. And it happened to everybody. But no one significant. that was going to do anything about it I ever told them.

Right, like you never told your mom or your dad. Whose sister was this? Your mothers or your fathers? This was my mother's sister. Oh, my God. She would have been fucking horrified. Is that Aunt still alive? No, she's not.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's hardcore, right? And so that was a really bad alcoholic. She died of alcohol. She died of, you have to be really bad to die of alcoholism. I know that because I know some pretty bad alcoholics and they're still fucking alive. And I'm like, you know what I mean?

Like, you have to drink a lot to get, like, liver disease and die from alcohol. So that's pretty hardcore. But what about your babysitter? So she's still alive. No, but I mean, like, what happened with her? She, so I used, my mom used to work at night, and she would leave me with her friend's daughter. But then her friend also worked at night as a nurse. My daughter was, I want to say she was 17?

16, 17. Mm-hmm. And... You were 11. Yeah. And she used to... I had older sisters, but then they started working, and so they couldn't stay with me at night while the mom was at work.

So she invested the help of her friend's daughter, paid her, and then she used to come over at our house, and no one was there. She'd be sort of get me a bath, make sure I'd take a bath, just generally sort of watch over. me. And it wasn't like she was on me the whole time, but whenever I went into the bath room or shower to go take a shower to get ready for bed, she would always come in and sometimes just stand there. Sometimes Lalforda like, or help without asking, just like grab a rag and start washing me. But she would always sort of like focus on my dick. Right. And then she, after a while, she started taking off her clothes and getting into the shower.

Oh, my God. And just either oral sex or sometimes I would lay on the floor. She would lay on the floor in the bathroom and have sex open. So she would have sex with you. Like you're laying down. She could on top of you or something. She would like make this happen, right? And I was like, you know, I had a boner.

After a while, you start to get, like, curious about it. So it wasn't that I was initiating it, but I knew it wasn't going to happen whenever she'd get. And listen, little boy, I have a sucker. I mean, he gets a boner if his hand touches it. You know what I mean? Like, he's not in control of that. You know what I mean? He's not getting horny and he's getting a boner.

It's like something is touching it and he gets it. You know what I mean? Like it has a mind of its own. You know, it doesn't, it's not, it doesn't have to be attached to a sexual thought, right? Especially when you're really young. Are you even like at 11? I wasn't romancing her to make this happen. It just, she, I knew it was going to happen when she came over and I usually, I mean, it didn't happen

every single time, but let's just say 90% of the time there was some sort of, touching her sexual activity of some sort. Yeah, maybe that 10% of the time she had her period or something. That's why the fuck what? Like, I mean, 90% of the time is a lot of times. Like, every time she came over, she was basically molesting you. That's, like, hardcore. How old were, how, what grade are you in an 11th, when you're 11?

You're like in, still in grade school, right? You're not even in. I want to say fifth or six. Right. Yeah, you're like a little kid. And, you know, that's probably why, I mean, because, listen, you told me. That went on all the way up to junior high school. I went on almost a junior.

Well, she wasn't actually babysitting me then, but she would still come over and still kind of my mom would. She was, by the time it ended, she was close to 20 and I was like 14 and my mom. And I didn't need a babysitter anymore. So my mom kind of was like, oh, but she still kind of came over. But you were carrying that for many years. I mean, you would, how, are you right? I mean, that's a lot, that's a long time to sort of live. this secret with a babysitter, you know?

You carry that for you. I think it's spurned into something else. Like a relationship? No, no, no. I mean, it spun into my curiosity about sex. And I think the, initially, like every kid, you're just curious about girls and happy to touch a girl and think you're a girl, you know, when I was 15, 16, you know, that's, I probably, aside from her, I had sex with another girl that I was actually person.

Yeah, right, right, right. At 15, I want to say 15 years old. And, you know, just one girl after another, you're always trying to, you know, at that point I was sort of being romantically trying to pursue girls by age. But not your babysitter? No, no, that's never my babysitter. She actually moved, they moved, I forget what, and they left the state, like went to the other side of the country.

Yeah, but I have to say, you know, because of the way it started out, I don't care that you got older, or maybe you were into it later on. Every time you're with that person, there was all of that history attached there. So you were really, like, you know, it was just increasing, like, you know, sort of, some, like this thing inside of you that I believe

is what is being triggered as now that you're an adult when you do certain things and feel so bad. Like you told me in the email, sometimes like you cry after what you do and all this stuff. And I, and I do think maybe that is like feelings that are coming out that is attached to these terrible things that happened to you and the shame and all that stuff that happened to you when you were way younger.

Do you know what I'm saying? Because now that you're older, it's all consensual and everything. Like there's plenty of people that are into BDSM. There's plenty of people that could have a rape fantasy with their partner or somebody that they're into, you know, and they don't feel bad about it.

You know what I mean? But you do, right? You're right. Yeah. So I do afterwards in the moment. I don't. Yeah, well, no one does in the moment. I feel bad about the, I feel bad about the fact that it's sort of now in my, I have this other life that it doesn't involve my family.

And it's more, I can't, it's almost like drugs. That's the way to put it. It's, you know, I don't do it every day. I don't do it. You know, it's not even like. a once a month, maybe it's a once a month, twice a month thing. But now I've gotten a little older, maybe slow down, but it's more you don't want, what would happen if, you know, God forbid, your family finds out. You know, how do you explain this? It's not something I ever would have to

explain. Right. No, but you said, like, you try to keep it down, but then you do it, but eventually it's like it takes you over and you have to feed this part of you or because it doesn't, it doesn't stop, right? And then you feed it, right? And then it kind of goes away probably for a little while, then it comes back and you just can't get away from it, right? It's always like sort of knocking on your door and getting you to go back out there and do something that you necessarily don't want to do because you are married now, right? And it's not what, like if you're, God forbid, you'd find out, you know, your wife would find out, you'd lose a lot.

She, I feel, I mean, it's a, I'll get into it at a whatever point, but I've never talked to a therapist about it because I feel really bizarre. talking to a therapist about it. About what, specifically? The cheating, the stuff that happened to you when you were younger, what you do when you're cheating, or all of it? The cheating and the sex stuff now, you know, what I'm into now, what I kind of get involved in.

Let's get specific about what you're into now. It's, well, generally cheating. It's more not. is just meeting girls for sex and, you know, online and, I guess, at Craigslist. Well, that's not where it started, but that's where it spun up really good because of Craigslist. You can sort of go on three times. How long you've been married?

How long you've been married? Going on 20 years. Okay. So, we're together for 20 years, going on, I've been married for 16. Right. So, but when you're talking about, like, starting on Craigslist and all this, this is while you're with this woman that you're with now, right? this is all happening.

Yeah, it didn't start on Craigslist. No, it didn't start on Craigslist, but obviously the ramping up of it. I was doing it long before Crazell's, but it did ramp up to make it really easy without having to do much. But you've been doing it this whole time while you're with your wife? Yes. Yeah. Okay, so you started out. Before my wife, the BDSM and the sexual acting out sexually with sometimes older women or the BDSM portion of it.

I was introduced to by someone that I was seeing from Gregs. Someone, not from Gregsla, but from a girl I was dating. And she was sort of hesitant about, hey, this was kind of what I'm into, sort of brought me into it slowly. And then she was actually part of a underground club in Los Angeles that they actually had location where your part. You pay for this sort of network and you get, at that time, there was an email saying, hey, we're having a party here or we're having a party there.

And it was sometimes at private locations, people's homes, or other times it was, you know, somebody had like a really large event space. It was around L.A., Beverly Hills, really bizarre people. It was people that you don't, you know they're out there really eccentric, but you wouldn't expect.

I mean, there was anything from, you would be like, well, this woman's a model. Like, why would she need to be here? or this guy's a judge or this guy's a priest. What do you mean? And it was a really bizarre world, but intoxicating to me

and sort of adrenaline-filled just because you're seeing people in, it wasn't swingers. It wasn't like just, hey, there's a mattress, let's be and have sex. It was like really bizarre, dark guys wearing masks

and women being like either in charge or some women that, really that had, I met a judge. I found out later she was a judge. And she, when she was there or involved in this, she wanted to be like abused and beaten

to the point where my skin would break and hair pulled and spit on. And it was degraded in such a way. But she was in control of it. She was like, I'm consenting to this. Yeah. But, and she would cry. And, I mean, it would look.

In any other case, you'd be like, this is, somebody's going to get arrested here. This is a murder. This is how every 48 hours sucks. Yeah, she's been in charge of cases where their victim was like having that happen to them. And now she's like living it out. Right. And at first, it kind of, it wasn't a turn on as much as I couldn't look away.

So like a car accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't, I got to keep seeing how this end. You know what I mean? And then with more availability of porn, you start to get more and more. You know what I mean? I watched porn since I was little. You know, I want to say I remember my first or my brother introduced me.

I still remember the video. Right, right. Even to this day, I still remember that video. And you, you know, if you watched it over in years, you want progressively more, something more intense. know, just being a girl getting fucked after a while, I was like, okay, I've seen that, you know. Yeah, exactly. And probably 90% of any porn that I do watch is usually involving BDSM or something sort. But this was your first for a way into it.

Even if it's kind of gotten boring because it's not, they have standards and they can only go so far. So it's not really what I've seen in person. Right, like at those parties in L.A. Right. And so she introduced me to this. And then we still actually used to keep in touch until she moved. But what did you do when you were there? Who were you in the scenario?

I used to just go and be with her. And then after a while, like maybe after about two or three times, she brought in another girl. So that was the first time I had been with her and another girl. And then she wanted the other girl to whip her, tie her up and with her. And so I was watching this. And then the girl told her, I had me have sex with her while she's hitting her with this flogger. And I got, she had tied her to this piece of wood.

And here she was cut, but sure her back was to me. And so I was having sex with her and she started crying. And then she told me to pluck her in the ass. And so I'm like, I felt odd about it because I felt like she's crying. I mean, she's clearly, I don't know if she's enjoying this or not enjoying it, but she wouldn't break this sort of, I don't want to say character, but it was clear that I wasn't supposed to like, hey, are you okay?

Like she would say if something was wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And I, so when that happened, I did it, it was weird. And then we kept doing it and it just became more normal to me. You know, like anything that you do continue to do. Yeah, exactly, totally, yeah. After a couple of months and maybe a year, I was, I can compartmentalize this action over here and these activities with whatever I did from 9 to 5. And it started to feel like, I think I told you on my email, my other Jay.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. You talk about this other side of you, like another person, right? It became a need for me just like, you know, when people watch porn. and get addicted to porn. You know, you start off watching one, and then you're done with it. You watch it for 10 minutes, and then you move on. And then if you keep doing it, eventually it becomes a need to keep doing it. Right.

And year two in, it became a need to keep doing it. And then I met my wife. And so I'm black, which is also bizarre that, not bizarre, but you don't see a lot of black people in this hardcore BDSM sort of situation. Oh, really? But no. I mean, there are, but not as many. If you go into a room of a, if you went to a party and there was a hundred people, yeah.

Maybe three or four would be black. That's interesting. I wonder if anyone did a study as to why. You know what I mean? Think about it. There's probably something underneath it. No. Yeah.

It's now, you know, there's black cock porn and black guys having such a white girl. That's kind of interracial things. But back then, it wasn't. When you're talking about paying, you know, $5,000 to go to a party, $5,000 a year to be a membership. Oh, okay. Right, right, right. You know, there's not so many people that are going to be able to pay for that. You have to really want to live the life and dress left and piercings everywhere.

Even the black people I have encountered are not have a separate, separate life. They're not like piercings everywhere and weird colored hair and, you know, a lot of the white people I meet in this. they're living it, you know, some of them, most of them are living it. You know, they're wearing the leather every day. They're makeup, the hair. You know, it's obvious that they're piercings everywhere. Whereas the black people I've met,

it's kind of their quiet secret. And then they're doing some office job nine to five and which you wouldn't know what I mean. Yeah, well, let's get back to you. But yeah, yeah, yeah, no, let's get back to you. So, you know, you meet your wife, right? you had your you're you're already involved in this like sort of you're ready other jay has already come out right and has been born right um and i'm like do you consider yourself a monogamous person do you

go into the relationship with your wife thinking like okay i'm going to put this other stuff to the side and never do it because now i'm with the woman i love or do you just continue and but eventually like you can't help it and you go cheat on her or you're like cheating on it from I've never been monogamous in my life. Okay. As far as when I seriously started, let's just say from 17, 18, whatever. It was, I was always dating one girl. I never told them.

I never told the truth. It was always, you know, wait until you get caught, do it until you get caught, and then move on to the next. When I met my wife, I was seeing maybe five girls at the time, five different women at the time. And I honestly, I didn't even expect. get with it. I figured it would be like a one or two night thing, maybe a couple of weeks, and then we move on. Because I'm, she's from a prominent family. Your wife. Her dad is my wife. Her dad is

Republican. You know, he knows a lot of people in the Republican parties. Her father, upon finding out we were dating, was obviously upset, I think, for the obvious reasons. I think people I have a theory that people don't think they're racist until their daughter comes on with a black guy. Oh, is God, right. They always say, I'm not racist, and then when a daughter comes to a black guy, I don't care if he's Barack Obama.

Right, right, right. You see, they immediately have a reaction of either they don't care, they're fine with it, or they're really not okay with it. And I understand, I'm a father. So, I mean, a guy came home with braids and cornrows and looking weird, I don't care who he was. I'd be like, hell, no.

But like I said, I've seen my outward presentation is very, you know, suit and tie and clean cut got. Right, right. He, yeah, he wasn't too happy about that. So anyway, you're with her, though, but you were never, you were never faithful to her, like, because you weren't to anybody, right? No. And she got pregnant quickly, and then he kind of, her family kind of disowned her a little bit. But they got back together eventually years later after some different things happened. And it actually involved me.

I took care of something that he was dealing with her father and he didn't know. And once he found out it was me, they handled it. And then he kind of like started talking to me again. And now, strangely, you want to laugh. The relationship went from completely that way to now I'm probably the only one of his children. in his wheel. Oh, because you guys are really close? Yeah.

Well, his other two, three siblings turned out on drugs and one died. Oh, wow. But I like stories like that because here he was sort of judging you and, you know, because of the color of your skin, right? And just completely wanting to shut you out and not give you a chance.

And then ultimately, after a while, he does let you in and then look, you wind up to be a very important person to him. right that's what's so fucked up to me is that I know I have this other thing I'm doing yeah well I was gonna say you won't be in the will once he this shit me once his daughter catches you I mean let's get back to the crazy shit that you do so you know this whole time that you're like cheating on her right and is that what because you said to me before you know that I don't feel like I could talk about this

to a therapist what is this like I said is Is it the what you're into? Is it the cheating? What is it specifically that you would feel weird about talking about? The cheating, I think, would be easier to talk to a therapist. But saying that I enjoy when a woman consensually, of course, but is letting me sort of be a bit more aggressive for fogging the beating. I've been with a girl that recently the past couple of years that likes to be hit

really hard. Yeah. With sticks, until the skin breaks and bleeds. And that, she was crying in the moment, I was like, we had a safe word,

and so let it flow. Let all of your, whatever you got inside you go and she'll let me know and I have to stop. I've sort of been conditioned that way. Like I said, initially all this stuff was really weird

when I first got into it, but then when you find out, you know, that people have their safe words and what they want and they sort of talk about it beforehand, then you're free to let it, you know, blow out. And then people, it seems to be either women that I've encountered,

either have jobs where they're in charge and so want to be, you know. The opposite, right. Opposite in this situation. I mean, and the one that I said a couple of times where I saw what happened after, in the moment I was just like, fucking and really going at this girl kind of hard.

And she was crying and snot was rolling down and skin was broken. Her ass sort of had welts that were blossoming with the, you know, the bloody welts that were blossoming and skin was slightly broken. And in a moment, I didn't care. I was just going. I was like, she'll let me know when she wants me to stop. But I'm just letting all my month, whatever it is, I'm arguing with my wife about whatever stress I'm feeling.

You're letting it out too. Yeah. It's kind of cathartic to just let it all out. Yeah. But afterwards, when it was done, saw this. And I saw her still sort of crying about it. And she still kind of was, we were done, but she was still very emotional about it. And then my, kind of my father of a daughter, so then my fatherly protective thing gets in.

And I see the damage. It's almost like a blinder. and then you take the winders off and now you've seen what damage you've done and now you're regretting doing this to somebody. Yeah, but I always say too. Right, that's where you do say in your email, I remember that.

Like when I read your email, it seemed kind of dark. I mean, you were just focusing on the negative aspects of all this, but you did say that there are times that you do cry afterwards because you feel so bad, right? Yeah. She felt really bad because I started to get, she saw I was getting emotional.

but there was a girl that I've, she's my therapist in this life, I guess. I'd actually never have spec with her. But she's a dominatrix, so she doesn't have sex. She beats other people. Yeah. And we've become friends, and she's taking me to parties, and she actually has set up things with girls that she knows wants this, want this, and for me, sort of as a controlled environment.

So she's kind of like a dom that sets up other, like you as a guy, Dom, with girls and submissive. And then does she sort of sit there and watch what goes down or directs it? Watch or get involved, but not. I have never had sex with her ever. Right, right. We've talked outside of this, you know, sort of room. So she knows probably more about me. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Not a Misconvement.

and secret sex lives of total strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang-bang girls. story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't

really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two. And then, skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own

pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strictly Anonymous podcast.