Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 329 - Bigender Sam is now Transgender

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

Bigender Sam (episodes #144 & #246) is now transgender. How did he finally realize who he is?Does he want to do the surgery and what if anything is holding him back? Who does he prefer to date vs. who does he prefer to have sex with? Tune in to find out plus hear all about his current kinks and how they're interfering with his dating life, how he had breasts when he was younger and what he did about them, how did initially came out to everyone and a whole lot more.  **Plus my 2 minute rant/PSA on corona virus in intro. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Santa Paul or Thailand. You can't not do it.

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Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. Today I'm on a guy named Sam. Sam's been on my show a lot. I forgot to air his episode. He taped an update episode with me a long time ago. Sam was by gender when I spoke with him all the other times. But now he's transgender. That's what he, that's how he labels himself now or sees himself. What would be the right word? Struggling. But anyway, you know, that's what he would call himself now as transgender. And we talk all about that. We talk about, you know, why he thinks he's transgender now. We talk about his dating life, who he dates, how that's working out. He's like

into some fetish that we talk about. We talk about the kinks that he's into. and the fetish that he got into and how he feels at stopping him from dating. But mostly we just talk about like where he's at right now. Because I've spoken to him a bunch of times before, it really is interesting to hear his journey. Like I said, this was a guy that was by gender in the closet about everything in his life. Very set out from the world. Like he was, he was very closed off.

And, you know, so many episodes and years later, here he is. He's out. Everyone knows what his deal is. And he's looking to date and he has more people in his life. And he's really come out of his shell. So it's really interesting to hear, you know, this chapter of his life, right? The other ones, if you want to hear it, you could go back. I'll put the episode numbers in the description of the episode here.

But anyway, you could hear this chapter now and you could always go back if you want. I always read books when I was little. I always loved reading books from backwards to forwards or even like news articles. I'd read the like ending and be like, oh, that's interesting. What happened right before this? And I'd read them like back to front. So, you know, it's not a bad way to do things sometimes. So if you hear this episode and you want to know, you know, where he came from and how he was two years ago, go back and listen because it's really interesting.

He's come a long way. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Sam. Sam, welcome back to Strictly anonymous podcast. You've been on a lot on my show, right? I was thinking this was the third time. But when I went and looked back, it's like the fourth time, right? Because I think you've done some update shows at the end of the year, right? Yes.

I'm not sure how many plans it is, but you are three or four. Yeah, and I love these kinds of stories. I have a couple of people that have called up, you know, at different times in their story, right? And I mean, that's like real life. I feel like a lot of times people get stuck in, like, exactly where they are thinking that that's forever. You know, and I'm always like life is kind of like a book. There's different chapters, right? And it's never the end.

Most of the time, people are flipping out. And they're only in the beginning, in the middle of their book. You know what I mean? There's like so many different changes and things that are going to come and happen that you just don't know about, right? So there's always hope that things will get better and things will change and that's just a fact of life, right? So you started out. People want to go back and listen to your episodes. The last time you were on was about a year ago, right?

And you had come out. You're a bi-gender guy, right? And when you call yourself a bi-gender guy? I don't know. Actually, I call myself a transgender woman. A transgender woman. woman. Yeah, I have evolved, basically. Right, and that's what we're going to talk about. You've been, your episodes, I just want to give people your episodes are 144, 144, 147, and 246. And now this one.

Okay. So you have evolved. The last time was a big episode two, because, you know, you were a guy, you were, you called yourself by gender at that time, and you were very in the closet with your stuff. Nobody knew. I think the thing that stuck out to me a lot, and we talked about it a lot, was how sort of distance, you had to keep yourself from people because of this big secret, right? And so you were kind of like flying solo and pretty alone with this secret. And you made huge steps in your life by coming out of the closet, like to your family, to people. I think you didn't you do it on like Facebook or something crazy? Like this is, right? Is that how you came out? Yeah, basically I sent an instant message on Facebook to three of my family members where I linked up my other Facebook page. Right. So you sort of like

handed over to them on a silver platter in your your in on Facebook. They took it really well and were very supportive, which I thought was like really wonderful, right? Now you have come out even more, right? And now you're changing like I said, you're, you just said, you're the terminology of what, of who you are, right?

You're transgender. So what's happened since, in this past year? I mean, basically I'm living as a woman, a transgender woman, everywhere but work. It's the only place I haven't yet.

Right. So, and how long you've been at your job for? The current job probably since 2007. Well, let me ask you this. When you did the post, though, on Facebook, it was like a private message that you sent, right? It wasn't like a public one where everyone could see. Right.

It was a private, it's a messenger to my three family members who I knew basically would tell the whole family. So it was my. It was kind of my using them to gossip about me. Yeah. To tell everybody, so I didn't have to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And also it's the three family members that were more important than me anyway.

But let me ask you this, though, because you say you keep it a secret to work. Does anyone at work know, since you're pretty out to a lot of people? Like, so people at your job, right, that's what I was figuring. There's people at work know. It's just I don't, I kind of started dressing an adrenalineist at work. And I'm dressing more girly, you know, girly women, whatever you want to call it, outside of work. Right. So at work, you've changed your dress, but it's more like you've changed it to be sort of not here nor there.

So people can't figure it out, right? It's not so much people can't figure it out. It's more of a safety thing. Because I work overnight and I go out in the middle of the things. and stuff like that and it's just a safety thing really right that you don't want to put on the to the girl clothes

right I mean I wear girls jeans or boots and that's sort of thing or things that I'm not fully I don't have although I did get my hair done at one point so I had long hair well braids

and then but um it's more of a you know it's more of a safety thing. It's more of a I work with people who won't, I work with some people that probably

won't never get it, never understand it. So it's kind of like a, I just don't want to deal with you. Totally. Uh-huh. Well, that's smart. So for eight hours at other day, I'll just deal with this, you know, this way. Right. But let me ask you this, because you mentioned this, I'm sorry to cut you off, but you mentioned this in your email, so I know, is that, like, you were saying, because of all these changes and you're at this, like, major crossroads in your life, like, you feel like you've outgrown

this job as well, right? So, like, maybe this isn't going to be in your future soon anyway. So what would be the point, really? True. I mean, it's not the physical part of doing the job. I still love it. I grow the place that I'm working at. Yeah, of course, because you've changed.

Right? I change. And there's a lot of other stuff with the job that I'm not going to go into that doesn't have to do with my gender. And it just has to do culture and other things. Uh-huh. That I'm just tired of. right because you've changed obviously you put up with it before it was probably the same i get that i think

when you grow and change it's why sometimes people leave relationships or jobs or whatever because you change as a person and then whatever you're sort of was we're dealing with or okay with becomes not okay right and that's just the normal process of life that's why i don't think it's bad when people leave things and other people kind of sometimes think it's terrible but like that's that's just a part of a part of it and that's normal you know um so when did you change the fact of being bigender to transgender like how how is it i know you use a different word but how does that happen physically did you get an operation or no operations yet um i guess it was probably right after our last last uh session okay well we've called us me

where I found a group of transgendered people that I started going to a support group. And I just said, you know, this is who I am. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you put yourself out there with even more people. Yeah, it's like either stop, either accept this who you are or stop or just stop living like this, you know? Right. But for you, it wasn't an option to stop, right?

I mean, you've been moving forward into it as opposed to away from it. Right. Yeah, but living like it's being, like being in the closet, hiding, hiding yourself. And a lot of it, you know, is also, I'm African-American. So, you know, part of it, too, is the only time you ever see transgender, you know, or trans-Afghanican people on TV or the media is we're being killed. Right.

So it's like, okay. I need to be out there showing that that's not all we are. I need to be out there to show people, you know, positive side of us. Right, totally. Listen, it takes major balls just to come out in general. The fact that you did to your family, you know, a lot of people would just go on living a double life. You know, it's very risky to put yourself out there in that scenario for all kinds of reasons, right? And like you just mentioned, just for safety regions even, just because and also just for the fact that people are judgmental and how people

sort of take things. So I think it's super ballsy to do it and to have that happen and major in your life and great for you. I'm sure it's like weight has been lifted off your shoulder every time you come out more and more, right?

Yeah, but the weight comes off your shoulder but then another weight comes on your shoulder because it comes a okay, what do I need to do? Where am I going? My transition? You know, well, that's those are my supposed to be right now, that sort of thing. Yeah, but that's, listen, you wouldn't even, you would, it's like, I think you take one weight off

and there's another one, but it's got to be loosening up. It's got to be like lessening the weight, right? I mean, you know, you have all these things and these are a part of the process, but you're going pretty fast. I mean, how many years later we spoke probably like three years ago and, and now you're at a place where you know who you are. I think that that's a part of it, you know, trying to figure out. What is your label?

Are you bi-gender? Are you transgender? I think it's great that you now know which group you fit into, right? And then you could take those steps to, you know, move more in that direction. Are you planning on doing surgery? I would like to get my boobs skin. Right. And that's a whole fascinating story.

If people don't go back to your earlier episodes, you were like a young kid who had something happened to you where you grew. breasts, right? Yes. And had them removed because you were a male child, right, growing breasts and they were removed. And how crazy is it that so many years later, you would have wanted those boobs, right? Like, in a weird way? Like, it's like, it's almost like your body was doing what it was, your body had the knowledge

of who you were, right? But you hadn't caught up to it yet, right? So. Oh, totally. You've been always holding off on that breast surgery, and now you're feeling like you want to do it? Yeah. I mean, what holds me off on it is it's surgery,

so you start thinking about what could go wrong, what sort of thing, that's something. Yeah. That's the biggest thing that holds off on me for that. You know, you used to be, I would feel like I'm letting down people, my family, people, my friends and stuff. And that's something we all go through in this process. But I'm not, I still feel that way, but I'm ignoring it because it's like, okay, that's just your, you know, that's just what you've learned as a kid.

And what you learn over the years, you're, yeah, what society programs you. So you got to like, okay, that's not true. Yeah. And guilt is a delusional feeling. I mean, it's like you're feeling guilty for what. I mean, at the end of the day, it's your life. They'll think about it for maybe longer than 10 minutes because they're your family. And then they're going to do their life too.

You know what I mean? It's just like you can't worry about that. And it's smart to ignore it. We're all human beings, so we're going to have those thoughts. But those are the ones you have to push through. And just like you said, ignore it and keep moving forward. Right. Yeah.

I mean, you have a, you know, at the end of the day, or are you going to lose friends? Yeah. Are you going to lose people in your life? Yeah. But you know, something I gained a bunch of friends now. I have a little small group of friends that are awesome. And if you lose a friend, you have to look at it as well. Were they really a friend?

Right. And maybe it's not even a loss. It's just a change, you know? I feel like as a, like I became a mom. And before I was a mom, I was like a single person and had all these friends that were single living in New York. And that was like a whole group of people. And then when I became a mama, I lost a mom. I lost a lot of those friends because my life was so different, right?

But then, and it took a while for me to make mom friends, you know, but now I have a whole new set of friends because I'm a mom and it's different, you know, and it's just like it's not like I think it's not even just a loss. It's like a change, right? Right. And some people won't fit in with that just because, you know, you're different and they've stayed the same or they've just gone in different directions. and I just think that sometimes it's not necessarily a terrible thing, you know, because, look, you've been, you've had yourself, like you've lost something, but you've gained new friends. And that had to be.

That had to happen. Yeah. It does. I mean, it's hard and, you know, we're social animals. So being rejected socially by other people or stuff like that does hurt. It does hurt everybody. but you've got to put it on them. So if they can't accept you for who you are,

why try to be around them? And not only that, Sam, I'm sorry, but you were a very alone, closed off person when I first spoke with you years ago. So I don't know what kind of friends you had then or what kind of relationships you had. I think you probably have much more fulfilling relationships that make you feel fulfilled now.

because you're being really who you are and you're probably not closed off like you used to be. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. I mean, you know, I mean, I had a couple friends that knew everything. I have one friend that we actually dated at one time, which is funny, but I came out of her and came friends and I tell her everything. She knows what I've done sexually and that sort of thing. answer to hold that issue. But, yeah, I have a couple of friends like that, but for the most part, a lot of my friends

that I did knew a part of me. Right. And even your family, though, you were, you're very close off to your family. I just, and then, like, I remember your sister, right, who you were, like, she really accepted and last week spoke, I remember her saying, you saying that she wanted to go to meetings with you to really understand. And she was, like, super supportive. So like how's that relationship with your sister now?

Yeah, I screwed that up. How come? Because I guess I wasn't ready for her to go to a meeting with me. So and now she moved away. So it's like she, you know, so I should have took a heart to a meeting, but I just couldn't. You were ready. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Well, that was the closed, like that was the closed off part of you that I think it's, and I get that you'd be closed off because you were keeping people at bay because you didn't want people to really know who you were, right? But that's like a process, and it happens over time. Yeah. It's also a, you know, it's also the mentality that they don't know they can't hurt me with it. Of course. Yeah, that's the reason why you would do it, of course.

But the more you sort of tell people at open, I mean, you know, when you go into those groups and people are transgender and they're accepting of you, that must be, you know, a really safe place to be. Yes. Right? And now, so let's get back to the operation now. So you want to get breasts, right? What about like the full surgery? Like would you ever get the full surgery?

Like, what does that even call? Is there a term for that kind of surgery? Oh, the bottom surgery is like kind of the slang term, I guess people call it. What do they call it? I forgot the middle. Bottom surgery? Bottom surgery? Yeah.

Okay, right. Lower, yeah. But I think. I forgot what the medical term of it, but, you know, I don't want to get that. Let me tell you, I had on a guy on this show once. He was the father of a girl who did, of a boy who turned into a girl, I think it was. And he was telling me, because he did a lot of research, that that surgery could really mess up your sort of ability to orgasm, right? And a lot of people don't know it.

So it's just like, you really want to be careful with that, right? So I think it's a smart thing not to do it because like, you know, I don't know, maybe some people's urge to have that really change and see in the mirror, you know, the right sex, right? Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, um, yeah, the class, the thing of, um, it's called dysphoria and so, you know, having, um, major dysphoria where they're looking in the mirror and they're still seeing a male. Right. They're still seeing a female. Yeah. And part of it, they have to go do it. It's not in a option for them.

It's like the only way they're going to get peace. They have to go to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't have that, right? No, because I'm kind of the opposite. I'm kind of like, my feeling is I'm a chick with a penis. Uh-huh. Chicks with dicks?

Yeah. Yeah. And that's how I feel about it. And my problem is, you know, and this is why hormones for me going on hormone therapy. Yeah. It's kind of like a non-starter, but, you know, because I wanted to work. Right.

And it does it with hormone therapy? You know, diminish, yeah. First of all, you go on homo therapy as male or female, you'll go sterile. Uh-huh. And you won't get hard on. It's like, you know, you can, you won't get really strong horrors anymore. You'll get like, and it happens from different people to different people. Yeah, yeah.

With some people I thought to have said, you'll get hard, but it's kind of like a soft hard. Mm-hmm. Oh, interesting. So like penetration, probably you won't be able to penetrate a woman. Right. Or a guy that way or whatever. And that's not what I want, you know? Mm-hmm.

So that's why the hormone part is something that, I'm not looking I've looked into just to just to get my own information but I'm not going that route really because of that because if I'm keeping it you wanted to work then did I want it to work yeah now remind me and all my listeners tell them about like who you date who you have sex with like are you in a relationship now now I'm not okay but who do you prefer to have sex with men or women Or both? Both, but I prefer to date women. You prefer to date women, right? Right. Now, have you, since we last spoke, been able to meet a woman as a transgender person? Would I say transgender person?

Yeah. Have you been able to meet a woman and be honest about who you are and have any kind of relationship, even if it was for a month? Yeah, it was basically for a month, and that was a whole not a... thing because I'm also in the kink world and I've basically come out and did more things in the kink world too like what I go to meetups and I go the parties and stuff other thing I'm into a retro play electro play I feel like I had a guy on once with the the ones where you put all those things on and they send different vibrations, no? No, it's a wand.

It's called a violent wand. Okay. And it's a glass one. I think they use of a dermatology. But you can also shock people with it. Uh-huh. So that's what I'm into. You like to be shocked or you like to shock people?

I like to be shocked. Yeah. While you're having sex or just like you're jerking off and they're shy. Like how does it turn into like a sexual kink? Like what do you do with the shocking? I've only done it once and pretty much I was laying on the table and the person that I trust, that I trust to do it because it's like major trust and that's probably what attracts me to the kink community because a lot of the trust involved.

But, you know, laying down and she's, you know, show me different things and different tools shocking me and stuff. I wasn't jerking off, but, you know, did I get hard? Yeah. Right. So it's like foreplay. So, wait, how did that affect your relationship? Like, you just feel like you couldn't bring that in, like the girl wouldn't accept you, the one you were dating? Well, the girl that I dated, I met through the kink, for the kink. Okay. Okay. But she had her own issues and stuff, and she was also Polly. And I kind of ended up being, the fourth person in a three-person relationship. Oh, right.

So it's just too many cooks in the kitchen. Yes, that's the work. And what I learned is that, you know, Polly relationship is not a deal breaker for me, but I can't be the, this part of my life, I can't be the fourth or the fifth person in the relationship. Right.

Maybe you could be the main person and then let that person go. at other people, but you can't be that low on the totem pole. Yeah. Right. I get that. And I guess part of that also is that, yeah, am I going to find a girl and be with a girl? Yeah.

I'm still going to play with guys. I'm still going to want to have, you know, sex with guys. Was she okay with it, the girl you dated? Yeah. Right. So she was okay with the guys. She was okay with you being transgender. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, she met me as transgender. Yeah, yeah, yeah. me as a guy. And she asked me out. Uh-huh. And it was, you know, when it came down to it, and I thought I was psychoanalizing her,

her version of cake was, everybody served her. Right. She was like a dom. She wasn't a dom, but she wanted all the attention. Right. Okay. Well, she did have four boyfriends, a girlfriend's, whatever. My boyfriends, yeah.

She was by too. Yeah. And a lot of times when we were together, the other two, the main one, the two main ones, one was a master, one was her boyfriend. And one she semi-lives with and the other one lived all the way in the other state. Yeah. They seen, every time we were together, she was on the phone, one of her texted, one of them in the king, like I, wasn't there and that's why it kind of just didn't work out right maybe if you were like into humiliation that would have worked you know you like kind of like something that might be into being

treated like shit or like that's the cuckolding thing like somebody might sort of like that position or prefer it or get turned on by that you know but it wasn't your thing I think maybe that no right it's not for you yeah like the dominant submission part of BVSM I Um, and that's something. That's not me. It's kind of weird. I'm like, it's kind of, it's kind of funny because I've gone into this world. Yeah.

And my likes are kind of a minority in that world. So it's like, really? I'm a minority everywhere. Yeah. I know. Like we could, we could think those things about ourselves, but like, I feel like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But wait, what other kinks besides the electro?

What is it called? The electrodes kink. Is there anything else that you've gone into? spanking and slapping and slapping you and stuff that's not a no for me that I've done it I've done it to her yeah um I like doing their I got to you know feel like okay cool right but why would why would having these kinks of like be a problem with your dating like because I feel like that's how this conversation started about the kinks that you're into because you were saying like oh I date but now I'm into this kink thing and I felt like you were it seemed like you were saying it's a problem I think it would be helpful, right? No, it's not a problem. Right. Oh, okay.

You know, my sexuality is not a problem. It's actually, it's more, I used to think it's a problem. Right now it's like, okay, this is when I am today and you have to accept it. Yeah, not only that, I think you're going to find a lot more people who are open-minded and into who exactly who you are in that world as opposed to not in that world. Do you know what I mean? Right. To find a woman. who is into a transgender guy who likes all these sort of kinky things that is open,

that still wants to be with men and have an open relationship, you know, is going to be another person that's into kinky things themselves. Oh, yeah. I mean, my thing is my other ex that I tell everything to now. I've actually said to her, I said, you know, I'm never going to have the quote unquote normal relationship. She's like, what do you mean is that because I sexually, I want to have the relationship and it's all about the connection.

I want the relationship and what the relationship and what that person. But I do want to go into a room with five guys and perform in front of people. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, but maybe don't you think like, let me ask you this. Were you, did you let your freak flag fly with all the sexual kink stuff like previously or is this all new to you? Previously. I was actually playing around with guys before the whole gender thing.

Right. So you've always been into this stuff because I was going to say maybe if you have your fill and go do it, then maybe you could be more. But maybe it's just who you are. But I really believe you could find somebody and have both. You could have that, you know, live in that world and have a normal, quote, relationship. You just got to build that connection. with somebody, right, in the other areas of your life, but also share that openness with when it comes to sex

with each other as well, right? I mean, it's possible. Right, because, you know, I'm not going to expect her to, you know, sit there and be at home and not play around the Tuesday. I'm going to encourage her too. Yeah, you know, I want her to play. I want her to experience stuff. I want her, you know.

Right. You know, if I'm playing around with other people, she's going to be able to. Yeah, for sure. But you would like, where do you stand now as far as relationships? Are you looking for somebody? Are you still dating? Do you care?

Are you more interested in figuring your own shit out? I'm looking for somebody. I mean, I'm always looking for somebody. But, you know, like I said, I'm also trying to figure all this own shit out. Right. You know, I'm not as lonely and desperate as I was back when we were talking before. Yeah. So now I'm kind of like, you know, she's out there and I'll find.

Yeah, that's great. But right now, you're fighting yourself. But right now, I'm fighting myself. And, yeah, and I'm having my little fun too. Yeah. What are you been doing for fun? Oh, I think you should ask that because, yes, last night I went out to a theater of a theater.

Uh-huh. And we were one guy and got blown by another guy. So you go to a theater. It's in like your local area. Do you go? It's close by me. It's not locally locally near me. Right, right, right.

And you go in, and so you got blown by one guy and you had sex with another guy? Yeah, I basically blew one guy and the other guy blew me, basically. Oh, okay. And where does this happen? Did it happen in the room while you're like, how does it all go down? I mean, are there tons of guys in there and you pick the one? Or are there only three guys in and you all fooled around with each other? I mean, just walk me through it, the scene.

Depends on the day. Depends on what's going on. Depends on who you meet and how you want to play it. It goes anywhere from you actually meet somebody and I'm talking to them because it's not so much a theater like a movie theater. It's a room with a bunch of couches and porn playing, whatever, but it's kind of like a social thing more. Uh-huh. Then it's an actual theater theater, but I call it a theater. Yeah.

That's good to know because I was picturing like a movie theater. but it's not well there's those those exist too okay but the place where you go to there's like couches and everything there's porn playing and everybody's in there right and I'm really going to hang out I'm not really going to you know I'm not saying I'm not saying I'm going to find a guy to a guy that night no it's kind of I'm going to hang out something happens great it doesn't happen I'll just hang out because there's a group of us that hang out there that we've got to know each other and it's yeah listen it's like a bar, right? Not everyone goes there just

have a drink, like they go to their socialize and then they have drinks while they're there, right? And it becomes that kind of a thing. So this is like your cheers. It's everybody you all know each other. I know a small group there. I don't know everybody goes there. I mean, you see the same people there. Yeah. You know, there's some

people that just go there and that's what they go there for. They go there to have nominate gay sex in a dark room. Yeah. So they have different rooms, some more lighter nose and they have one that's the space but dark. You can't see anything in there and they're all in there. And it's all like, okay, so you're all hiding the fact that you, that you're by or gay.

Totally. From even from even yourself. Okay, fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, I have some friends that go there and stuff and we're just, you know,

there's a lot of my thoughts just put there and hang out one night and just talking. Right. And you like that too, but so sometimes a lot of times you go when you just talk. But last night you didn't just talk. So like you go into the room. And then did you blow a guy that you knew or was it somebody new? Like how does it go down? It's a guy that I've seen there before, but I've never played with.

Uh-huh. And, well, the guy that blew came there with his, I guess, wife. Uh-huh. Although she was kind of young, maybe, you know, I don't know. But so what ended up happening is I'm blowing him and his wife is blown. this other guy. Right. And then when he's ready to come, he, you know, went over to her and she finished him off. Right. Okay. And then does he blow you or there was another guy that blew you, right?

No, a different guy blew me. Yeah. That was later in a night. Right. And that was, it was getting late at night. So I just went to one of the theaters and sat back and pulled it out. I was playing with myself and just woke up and finished you off. Yeah. Right. Now, are you a top or a bottom? I forget.

More of a top. That's interesting. But see, I don't know, because that whole thing is yeah, yeah, I'm probably more of a top but I do with Amica. So it's like, for some

people to be like, well, you're kind of a bottom in that regard. I'm like, I just really don't think of what it is. So I just go, I don't like to do what I like to do. Yeah, yeah, totally. Why? That's normally, like, if you're a top, you don't like to, a dick in your mouth? I don't know.

Some people have that black and the way definition of it. Yeah, I didn't know that. I got to start asking people now that question. I just, you know, I mean, I learned about tops and bottoms. I never realized that it's like very, you know, there's more tops than bottoms, right, in your world. I would think because you're a girl, like you're a transgender. female that you would be a bottom, right? Because that

would be like the female position, yet you like to be the top when it comes to a man, you know, so I don't know. That was like interesting to me, right? No, it's kind of like a, I guess it's a little fendom in me. Right.

In that regard. Because my whole thing with my Kink lifestyle is that, you know, when it's talking about submission, like I'm never going to submit somebody. In fact, I've realized that if somebody tries out, you try this, dominate me, basically, I'm going to do the opposite just to spite them. Right.

You're rebellious. Yeah. Uh-huh. Right. So. It doesn't work for you. Yeah. Are you in Aries?

Yeah. Even the way you made the comment about, okay. But you might have an Aries moon. Even the way you made the comment about the girl, like, you being like fourth on the list, like, no thanks, right? it's that same part of your personality, you know. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's part of my personality.

I'm just like, no. Yeah, you're not into that. So you're not into that with like what's... And I had a person that was interested and was trying to feel me out that way. And we became friends. But he was trying to feed me out that way because, you know, I'm a transgender woman or they, you know, he was looking at me as more as a cross-stress at the time because he, just go out to tell me. Yeah.

Because they figure, you know, a lot of, a lot of people in thinking a course dresser. So they're like, oh, he goes to a course. I'm like, no, I'm not. And he kind of, you know, it's a stare at it. So he kind of started trying and I'm looking at him. I'm like, now that's not going to work. Right. You learn pretty quickly that, okay, you're not into it.

No. Right. But so let me ask you this. When you're with a woman, do you feel like you are, still like the dominant person or do you like to be because like in that relationship are you also dominant because you're the man or you but you're a woman with a woman right yeah i don't like myself a man right you're a woman with a man with a woman so it's like um i'm a woman who happens to be have a body that kind of wants to be both right right but i mean do you like to be the

more dominant one when you're with a woman or do you or see I want relationship with a woman I want to be equal okay yeah I want to we're equal relationship where together we're where you know anything that happens anything that's us together you know thing I want that right I don't want the oh I'm nominal for you that whole domicive lifestyle it's interesting for me to watch and it's you know, it's just to me to understand because I have, like, that's a lot of questions. I want to understand how people get there. Yeah. Or how, you know, it's really interesting to me.

But that relationship, no, I want to be more of an equal. Right. And so your kinks, like that whole, like, sort of electrocuting yourself and all that stuff, doesn't have to be. Yeah. Exhibitionism is my kink. Uh-huh. Um, girls peeing is my kink.

Uh-huh. On you? Anywhere? No, not on me. Right. Peeing their pants, peeing their underwear. Oh, you like to see it? Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

It's like the first one I've ever said it openly. Yeah. That's cool. That's what this show is all about. It's anonymous. It's like you can. Nobody, I'd never seen you. I don't know who you really are.

right true although we're not that far away from each other but yeah but you don't want to say that you we you never I don't like I think that there's something about because I always hear from my caller saying like how therapeutic it was

and it was the first time that they could say something and I'm like you know if you think about therapy therapy is pretty hardcore and that you're looking at the person and you're right in front of them and you're telling them everything about yourself right but on my show because I don't know who you you are and you can't see me and you don't have to look at me.

It makes it, it allows for people to say things and be open with, and it's very, it's very safe to do that. It is, but in my, with me, is I'm actually beyond that.

If somebody was to find out and ask me, I would actually talk about it. What's the peeing thing? Yeah. Yeah. Every part of my life, I'm actually beyond that in that I'm kind of like, I don't care if you know.

No, but that's great. I mean, that's what we started this conversation about. It's like you have really taken the steps that a lot of people would love to take. And, you know, there's a lot of people that are, you know, where you were a couple of years ago and wish they could be where you are now, right? Well, that's why I'm doing yourself because I want to show people that, you know? And that's not like the movies. Right, but it's not like the movies where everything is like all of a sudden, like I said, oh, the weight is lifted off. You're like, yeah, but then there's another one.

And there's still things you have to do, right? And it's a process of, you know, becoming who you are. It doesn't just happen overnight. And it is difficult, right? But at the end of the day, it's the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Right. I mean, the movies make life this unacceptable, you know, or especially television makes the way that everything gets solved in an hour or a half an hour. Yeah.

Everything in the movie gets solved in the two hours or an hour and a half the movie is. Now, that's not life. life is, you know, a journey and you're going to be a different person at the end of it and you're at the beginning of it. Mm-hmm. You should. If you live life the right way, you should. Some people do everything they can to avoid change and they stay the same.

And that is, to me, the biggest tragedy in life. I don't think it's bad to make mistakes. I don't think it's bad to fail. I don't think it's bad to fuck up. What I think is the worst thing to do is to not change. that to me is the biggest sin of all because that's what life's about yeah i mean you know going thinking myself in high school my high school stuff with my high school stuff ever be like i am today no yeah my high school stuff had beginnings of my kinks back then and now and now you're

coming into your own and enjoying them yeah right and the more you become yourself the less you even feel that you need to have somebody else in your life, right? Which is, will happen in time because you want that companionship and you'll eventually find it, right? Well, that's more of me kind of going, okay, calm down. It'll happen, just calm down.

Yeah. Do I need somebody in my life? Yeah, I do. And my, my personality, and I'm learning this in the last year. Yeah. Is that I'm kind of, I need to be be around people. I need around people with positive energy. I need to be around people who are supportive. Yeah. I'm more social than I ever put myself with credit to day.

Everybody is. That's the whole point. That's why isolating is so bad for like human beings need that. That's just a fucking fact of everybody. I don't, I think that's, and it's everybody would be happier. They say the happiness is only affected by the quantity and quality of your relationships. Nothing else will make your happiness become better. no money, no nothing, you know, but if you open yourself up and have more real relationships in your life, you can be a, you will be a happier person if you're isolating. Right. And, you know, I still have a hard time opening up because, you know, for how many years that I've been on this planet, I've closed myself off. So it's kind of like deprogramming yourself.

Yeah, for sure. And, you know, so, but, you know, I'm trying to do that. And I'm realizing, I I need, like, I really need that other person. I need that partner. Yeah, and isn't it just also that you want that? I mean, it doesn't even need to be a need. It's like, you know, it's like, you what that's what you want. Everybody should have that in life. I want that, but also I notice, you know, if I, when I have that on a partner,

I accomplish more things in life because now it's like, okay, I got this person that has got my back. So I can go out and do this. Yeah. I think partnering up is a very powerful thing. I used to be, I'm a very independent person that always isolated myself as well from relationships especially because of my, you know, toxic child. But, you know, as I got older and opened myself up to having more help and partnerships in my life, I realize that, you know, there's a reason why most people partner up, you know,

at the end of the day in one way or another because life is difficult. And to have somebody there to lean on to help is, is, um, is great and helpful and I think more natural than keeping yourself very closed off and alone, doing everything by yourself. It's too much. Yeah, true. I mean, you know, that's a big thing. Having that person next to me is more important than anything. Yeah. Let me ask you this, because you talked about the hormones going sterile and stuff. How old are you again, first of all?

45. 45. And now, do you want kids? I do. I do, but I do, but that's going to be based on my partner, because at 45, who I'm going to be with, it's probably going to even had her kids already or doesn't want it. Right. Unless you get like a 32-year-old, but if you're dating in your age range, maybe they don't want kids, like you said, or they have them already. Right. Even in the 30s nowadays, you know?

They either had their kids or don't want kids or whatever. you know and so you know to be sure as I wanted to really be guarantee I would I would have a kid would probably would be somebody in their 20s and it's like no I'm not dating somebody in my 20s you don't necessarily have to no you don't necessarily have to in your world you you might meet somebody that didn't sort of have a baby at 32 and they're 37 or 38 or 39 and they're ready you don't know I'm just saying like if you met a girl tomorrow let me ask you this if you met a girl tomorrow in your kink world that was like ideal in every way and she wanted children is that something you would want yes okay that's cool that's interesting so much so that you wouldn't take hormones because

you wouldn't want to take that away totally right that option right well i mean i mean there's ways around that too you can with this cool banking you can go and bank you spare before sure hormones into a clinic and in that way you could have a child believer. Oh yeah, that's smart, right. I didn't even think of that, but of course, right. Yeah, and a lot of trans people do that. Uh-huh.

But, you know, for me, it's, you know, the... You don't want to lose the heart on and all the other things as well. Right. I don't want to lose the heart on and all that. Right. Yeah, because if I lose that, then I might as well look at the other surgery.

Right. So where are you out with the breast surgery? First of all, I wouldn't worry. I don't know. Is it very different the surgery from a man getting breast implants and a woman? Because I just don't think that that's such a day. I think it's a very common surgery. I don't know.

Have you never had surgery before? You had surgery when you were younger. You had a breast reduction. Right. Right. It is a common surgery, but the business I'm in, you're taught to be skeptical. It's hard to what? with the business I'm in it's we're taught to be uh to question everything be

oh okay okay that's where that comes up it's like yeah it's a common surgery but what if you know you know that never even comes out right right I'm also afraid how are they going to look right right yeah because I've seen somewhere the nipple are going off in the space and it's like really oh really yeah um and granted you know the early part of me you know of looking at stuff, I was looking at a lot of porn scars. Yeah, the majority of them, especially transporas, probably got the cheapest doctor they could find to do their moves and they chose. So I'm one who's jammed probably with that. Yeah, but you also, listen, you added yourself as being close to me, right?

And everyone knows I'm in New York City. So you're close enough to like really great plastic surgeons where if you really do your research, you could probably find somebody really fantastic. Oh, right? I always came around people. I said, I'm going to go back to the group that did the original surgery. Right. And everybody goes, why? And everybody goes why.

I said, well, they were already in there. Right. You had that person already. Well, yeah. And everybody just looked at me like whatever. And, you know, to be joking around, I would actually go and look, you know, do my, and I started looking at some surgeons, stuff like that. Am I exactly ready to do it right the second?

No. Uh-huh. I may never do it. Who knows? But it's kind of like I'm looking at it right now. I'm trying to lose weight. I mean, on that flash chest that I still got little boobs there. Right.

But if you lose weight, you might lose those boobs. You're right? Yeah, no. I mean, how big are you? Like, I sometimes may call them man boobs. Like, guys get it because they get heavy, right? Yeah, but mine are a little bit more than man boobs. Right.

I never really size them. And, I mean, they're not huge. I mean, if I put on a shirt, it just looks like I don't love that guy with poops, you know? Right, right. Not that I'm not that. Not that I'm not that. Uh-huh. I just look like I just, you know, big guy with poops.

Right. But you touch them and it's like, you know, people go, oh, wow, that's, you know, if I somebody touch him that way, that feels like a tit. I'm like, so it is one. Right. Right, right. Well, maybe because you had that those boobs grow, because listen, I know I had a girlfriend who had really big tits

and got a breast reduction and then her tits grew back. Like sometimes that breast tissue just grows back, you know, and that happens constantly. So maybe you have more breast tissue there because you had it when you were younger. Well, that was the one thing about hormones that was appealing to me is that if I start taking hormones, they're going to grow. Right. and because because I had them already, I probably would go pretty, you know, a pretty nice size.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. But if I could get that without the, without the, without the heart on and. Yeah. I suggest, yeah, when you, you know, hormones are a very, like, difficult thing. You know, getting them balance, figuring them out, all the side effects, making them work in your body. That if you're okay not doing that, I think I personally. when you think surgery is a lot better of an option because it's like cleaner.

You're not having to take any drugs. You're not having to do anything, right? You're just putting in some silicone implants and calling it a day. Yeah. Then you'd have to leave your job, right? Are you looking for something else right now? Well, I kind of want to read my job in that I've done it for 20 years and it's kind of like, okay, kind of go to do something else.

Uh-huh. And plus I also want to do stuff that is more meaningful, more community, more, you know, I've come to the conclusion and I said, you know, I've always tried to blend in. I've always tried to hide or always try to blend in society and stuff. And I really do. I'm never going to blend in. Right. So stop trying. Uh-huh.

You know, I'm never going to be the girl in the corner because of, you know, I'm, you know, I have a, you know, I'm bigger than most girls. I'm asking American. I'm going to stand out in a lot of what room I go with it. Right. So maybe stand out and help, and you could help people by standing out, right? Right. Right. Right.

You use that to help people. Yeah, that's smart. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet, but. But you will. You'll figure out how that works. in your life. Nobody could tell you how to do that. You'll figure it out because you're ready in that world, right? You're talking to those people. You're, you know, you go to those meetings. Do you still go to those meetings with those transgender, like those transgender meetings? Um, I have,

to stick the meeting that I was going to. I don't go to anymore. Uh-huh. But I've had friends from that meeting that I'm very close to. Right. I don't go to that meeting. Not for anything. bad or anything. It's just, you know, yeah, could I, could I, could I, could I, could I, could I, could, could I, but it's also like, it's also like, okay, I'm not going to the meeting this week and we'll go to go do this. We'll never do that, you know? I get it.

Listen, I quit drinking and I just went to the, yeah, that's, I, I did AA for a couple months, but then I eventually stopped, but I stayed quitting drinking. You know what I mean? It did what it needed for me, and I think that some people think you have to go, the, you need it all the time, right? Right. Some people need that meeting every week, meet the meeting all the time. It was the AA or trans support groups or gay support groups,

Bias support groups, whatever. They need that meeting every day. Uh-huh. I just need people around me. Right. And you have that now. And I'm so happy that you have that because I was, that was like one of the biggest things, like I said before,

that stood out to me that you were lacking in your life. Like, you know, and there was no reason for that. And life's too short. And that, you know, is a really big thing. that, like I said, human beings need, which is quantity and quality of, you know, relationships. Let me ask you this. How does your, does your, do anybody in your family know about you wanting the surgery? The breast surgery?

I tried to talk to my sister about it once. Uh-huh. And she didn't really respond to it. And that was before she actually knew about me anyway. Uh-huh. I've never really talked to anybody in my family about it. Uh-huh. About getting a surgery and that sort of thing.

I don't think they'd be upset about it or be against it. Right. No, I just wonder if, like, you know, I was just wondering how far into it you've gone. If you're looking into it or thinking about having the surgery, right? I've talked to other people about it. I've talked to my friends about it. I've actually talked to one person at work about it. Yeah.

Who's encouraging, but then she had hers done. That's good because she could tell you the, like, what the process of the deal, right? She's telling me what to look for. She was telling me, you know, and she was going back. You go to a person that's in a clinic, that's clean. You know, she's going to this whole thing. And so she told me if I said, oh, I'm getting it this date. she'd probably be like okay do you need a ride there because i'll come take you

yeah yeah that's great uh-huh yeah she's been really cool about it which she doesn't have the reputation of being that nice and person which is kind of interesting in the own right but oh that's hilarious um yeah the women in my job have or have been um a lot of them been very very supportive but then the guys i don't have them really told right i i understand they might be a little bit more judgmental i don't have a trust yeah well my my issue is i don't have a trust of guys right and part of that's being afghan american and transgender person we don't really trust guys because usually we're there to was a kill us right right but they may be secretly want to fuck you i mean you just don't know i mean come on

you know what i mean like i just had i just taped a guy i'm sorry but like who's also transgender and He loves what he calls BBC, okay? Like he is into BBC all the way. And I'm just, you know, and there's a lot of guys that are by that are into a transgender woman, you know, and that would be into you secretly, but nobody puts it out there, you know? Oh, definitely. I mean, I've got a long train and I've had guys look at me. Yeah.

And that's where sometimes all that hatred is coming from. They just, you know, they're just, they wish that they could do it or be with you. know I just it's like but I get that you would be more you know concerned with talent and you know maybe if you're going to eventually do the breast surgery and and go a little further you know maybe it'll be better to do it in a new place where you're fully yourself and able to be that way right and if you get into helping transgender people in some way and can make that as a gig that you know pays your bills or whatever there would be no right there would be no reason why you can't can't do all that stuff.

And you wouldn't have to have a secret to anyone, right? You'd be 100% full of you. Whereas right now you're very close. Really, the only place you can't be you is in, um, is that your job. Now, do you change your name or are you Sam as a, as a transgender?

I mean, do you, your name, okay, Sam is like a fake name for my show. But I mean, did you change your name in the transgender world? Because you change your sex?

Like, how does that work? I know I use a female name. You do? Okay. So you have a female name when you're dressed as a female? Right. Right.

And I mean, I started using Sam here. Uh-huh. Because it's kind of a big draw in. Yeah. And I'm continuing to use it just continuity so people can find the podcast. Of course, of course. But you have changed your name to be more female because that's who you are. I even had a, I had a female name back then except the first.

Oh, right. You've always had a right. I just never asked the question. That's my thing. Right. Right, right. But Sam is sort of. I probably wouldn't have told you either back then.

Right. Oh, that you had a different name? Right. Right. Well, you don't need to tell the name. I was just curious of whether, you know, because when I have more, like when, like the guy who called my show recently that I taped, haven't aired him yet, who's into the BBC, right? and he's a cross-dresser.

I forget what he labels himself. But like, you know, he has a girl name, right, that we used for the show. And when he emailed me and when he's that person. So I just feel like I never, I don't think I ever asked you whether you had a female name for, you know, because I think maybe it's because Sam is kind of like could be a woman. I have a friend whose name is Sam, right? That's why I picked the name's Sam. Yeah, it's perfect. It's perfect.

it was so enderogamous Yeah Are you in therapy By any chance Do you do that? Yeah Yes I am

So that must have That has Has that been Super helpful for you During Through all this Oh yeah Mm-hmm

Yeah Yeah It's super helpful for me Um Yeah It's a place You know Get out and talk

About stuff I'm one of those people I need to talk I need to talk about things I need to talk about my sexuality I need to talk about being trans you know yeah and um and I know that everybody wants to keep hearing it's true that's why I say for people on my show if your friends are sick of listening to you talk about call me I'll hear hear you out right but yeah that's true you don't want to keep so I pay somebody to listen to

it yeah there's nothing wrong with that it's great and I'm sorry but a therapist will always be give you different advice than your friend if your therapist is giving you the same advice your friends are. I mean, maybe it's not such a great therapist. I just feel like they will, they should have insight like nobody's business, you know? Oh, I mean, a lot of, a lot of myself being out was a lot to do with her pushing me. Yeah. A lot of good her, with her, you know, working with me. And so, you know, it's hard to find a good therapist or what you find a good one. It's like, hold on to them. Yeah, totally. I always say that. To me, it's like finding a boyfriend. I mean, most of them are not

going to be the one. But you know the one when you meet it and then you stick with them. It's very because they are, the good ones are hard to find. But they're out there. And I always tell people because I'm very pro therapy that you have to, it might take a couple tries of going to a couple people before you find the right one. And you should never settle for the wrong one or someone that you just don't click with because, you know, the right one could really change your life. The wrong one is just, you're just going to waste your fucking time. And I looked out because I had the right wasn't right off the bat. Yeah, sometimes that's how it works, right?

But my search for one was, oh, was, it took me a month to sign one good contact. Right, right. So you did all that legwork beforehand, and it just happened that your legwork was correct. Right. Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I was in therapy as a kid and my family had family therapy and stuff, so it wasn't really stranger to therapy. Yeah. It wasn't like I'd never been to therapy.

So I kind of knew what I was looking for. And, you know, and I was looking for a female and a male. You know, it's funny because I prefer females in every aspect of my life. Right. Probably because I'm trying to be one, probably because I seem to connect better with them. But don't you think it's also because you have this trust issue with men that maybe, you know, that's what you feel safer? Yeah. And I go, yeah, that's the connection.

I have a better connection. Yeah. Right. I relate better. My manner is in how I relate to things is more female than as male. Yeah. You know, how I problem solve is more female than it's male. Yeah.

I think, though, eventually because when you fully come into your own as a female, which you're like right there, right? And you get that under control and you got that all down. I think eventually, way after that is really, really complete, you know, you'll want to tackle, you know, your relationship as a female with men, you know, because that's a thing and that's something where you still have. See, but see, see, my relationship with men is, you know, dating-wise, I never want to date it. It's just sexual.

I just want you dick. No, I'm just saying as friends, just as like, you know. Oh, as friends? Yeah. I mean, no, I have a best friend with male. Right, okay. And we knew each of this is, you know, high school. Yeah.

I have other friends who are male. I mean, but right now I'm surrounded. Right now I'm surrounded. I'm surrounded by a bunch of, you know, males around my age or older who are than macho. I don't think machos, but they have that whole mentality. And that just turns me off. Yeah, it's terrible. I'm part of that generation.

I get it. Right. Yes. So, yeah, currently it is, a lot of it is who I'm around. And I understand that. But even when I went back in high school, I didn't get, I got all over with females better than males. Right. It should have been a, you know, red flag for me, but it wasn't.

There's a lot of stuff now. when I remember in high school that I did or felt that should have been like, yeah, that was a sign. Yeah. I think, though, when you're in high school, there's just so much stuff going on and hormones are raging and you're figuring a lot of stuff out that it's hard to be clear of who you are. And that's why it's better to be older, right? Because you, like, fucking figure yourself out finally.

Right. But also, if you remember from when I was, our last conversation, I was a high class trial. Right. And I was drugged up. Right. Because that's what they did back then. Uh-huh. They still do it a little bit right now.

Yeah, but not to the extent that I wasn't at back then, because back then you were drug until you were a zombie. Yeah. You basically sat there like a zombie. Yeah. You know, the only thing I didn't do was drill on myself. Uh-huh. So I didn't have the capacity to deal with all this.

Right. They were numbing you out. You had no. But so now you do it. And I think, listen, I think 45 is young. I think, you know, it's not. Although I do, I do feel, and this is trans people in my age group, we all feel like we have half a life. Yeah.

And I know that's, yeah, I know that's not true and we shouldn't feel that way, but it's always in the back of our hand, back in our mind, is that we're almost 50, we have half a life. Right. And we have to live. and we have to live our live this life we have to live you know we have half the life

to do everything we want to accomplish and and we shouldn't feel it like but it's hard not to because for you know 45 years a little less than probably at 40 years because the last five have been kind of going this way

but for the last 40 years I've lived the life where it wasn't me right you were born in the wrong time like oh you know listen I look at the world that we live in now, and I'm like, I wish I was born now to take advantage of all the awesome stuff and the way that the world is now. Because when we grew up, if you were like an outlier, you know, it was like a really difficult place to live, right? It was very different because people were just very closed off. If you wanted a relationship, there was two ways to have it.

You either were single and that was your relationship with no one or you had to partner up with a man and you were monogamous. And that was it. Now there's so many different options. know we didn't have the internet like there's just it's such a different world and it's like i constantly tell my friends like oh like we like young people now are so much luckier than we were because this is just how it is for them and we did get shafted right for half a life but like you know that's just that's the cards that you're dealt with but i think that maybe we can appreciate it more because it's not it hasn't always been this way who knows what the benefits are to it but you do still have

half a life and that is still a long time right if you're 45 and you're going to live to your 85. You have 40 more years, you know, to be who you are. And that's amazing. And that's where. I try and not to think of it that way. Why, you should think of it. That's the good way to think of it.

Well, no, I'm not saying I try not to think of the timeframe. I try not to think of, oh, you have to 85 because then that starts my whole, I've wasted of my life. Yeah. 40 years is a long time. Yeah. You didn't waste your life. If you're figuring things out, it's like you said, it's a journey.

Listen, it's a fucking journey. You didn't waste your life. What you have gone through, because like I feel like this with my podcast, like what I have gone through only helps me to be non-judgmental and helps me to be the person that I am because of what I've gone through, all the bad things, right? So everything that you went through, like maybe you could be a counselor or a person that helps people like you in your age category, right? And so if you weren't born, then it wouldn't fucking worked, right?

So you have to try to look at it in how it could be positive. I don't know. That's how I like to frame things. I like to frame things, everything in the positive way. Like, you know, as opposed to being a victim. So you have, like somehow you could make that work for you because what you've done, and we're going to end it on this, what you have done has real, at your age, coming from the world that you lived in is even more ballsy, right, than a 20 year old who's doing it.

And there's a lot more people your age that need help than the younger people because they, you know, so that's really who you could be of service to. You should start your own. You could do your own podcast like this and talk to people and help them come out. Or you could be like a coach. That's one of the things. I'm thinking about doing actually. Yeah, that would be a great thing because there are tons of people like you in your age

category. So that's where, that's why I think that it's not a waste of when you were, when you are born it it can be it can be helpful yeah I'm not I wasn't talking about the way thing I I was more talking about I try not to think about the years right yeah like I try to figure how many years I had left because that that's what I was what's not because because like start thinking about how many years I have left then I get kind of depressed like oh my god oh my god yes this right and yours go by really fast when you're old yeah well you still have plenty of time I think you could be of really help and I think starting a podcast or being a coach

or doing something like that with people is really helpful and could really work for you. Yeah, I mean, talking about 20-year-olds and, you know, 20-year-olds, 20-year-olds, I'm jealous for them. I'm extremely jealous of them, but I'm extremely happy for them. Right. Well, what are you jealous of them about?

Is that they're able to be themselves from the get-go. Right. But a lot of that is my generation and what we went through. Yeah, and talk about a waste of times of feelings. Like you can't, you can't be them. Like that's just, it doesn't even make sense to think that way if you want to be logical about it because you weren't born in that time. So, and what they have, but what they have, you have already now.

Because this is what I think about jealousy. I think, stop, listen, jealousy is typically you are seeing something that someone else has that you want for yourself. So jealousy is always like a good sign to sort of like, it's tap, it's tap. stepping you on the shoulder say like oh you're jealous of that person with the relationship that's because you want a relationship so go fucking get that for yourself so that jealousy is just showing you that you want that for yourself and you have that now so eventually you don't need to be jealous you're never going to be able to have it from the get-go because sorry but that's not reality

no it's not reality and I'm jealous of my reality but it's not and I wish that was my reality right it's not and I accept that but I'm glad it's their reality right yeah I think it's wonderful But what I think you could do and what you should do is be of service to people in your age category. They really need it. They really need help. People 40s, 50s, even 60s, you could help them. I think you help people by calling into my show and telling people your story. Anybody that is by gender, transgender, or is still hiding out with these kinds of feelings or thoughts or this lifestyle, right?

Go back and listen to all your episodes. Start from the beginning. Listen to 144. and then 147 and then 246 and then you're maybe you already know this one right like but that's like they can really see their transition and how it works and then um you know maybe you give a shout out here that if anyone wants to talk to you could start talking to people there or i don't know you know eventually you could uh if you want to be of service to people you know i don't know but yeah i'm i mean if they contact you and they want to talk to me yeah my email

would you want to give your email out? Because I personally think that when people have, it's much easier for people to sort of contact you directly and you would get way more people emailing you than if they have to email me first. So I don't know if you want to do that yet, but if you do, you could give that shout up. Okay.

I probably should start another email. Yeah, no problem. The email that I use, people use for work. Yeah, you don't want to have them both. Okay. So if you want to get in touch with Sam, email me he could talk you through it if you're in the same position or a little bit ears behind and want some help he'll help you and definitely keep me posted next time I hear

from you I want to hear that you're in a relationship that would be really wonderful we want to talk to you that would be too you know would be too or you have new boobs either one let me know when it goes down okay I will all right thanks Sam thanks so much for calling in again well thank you because a lot of this is about you a lot of where I am now it's because of you and because of your show and because of being able to talk. That's awesome. Thank you for that.

Well, that's why I do my show to help people like this. And that's why you got to do the same thing. I think you're going to do the same thing for other people. It's awesome. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Sam. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Bye. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous Confession.

Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available, not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third. person and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like

erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format, and finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay. There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay. I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content, with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos.

There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total, strictly anonymous community, and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the e-book, or the paperback. sent it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. That's Strictly Anonymous Podcasts at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.

This is the Strictly Anonymous Podcast.