Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 377 - Mario is Addicted to Peeping Up Women’s Skirts

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

Mario is addicted to peeking up women’s skirt and he calls in to talk all about it. What exactly does he do? When did he start doing it? And how can he stop? Tune in to find out plus hear all about how he likes to videotape and how he feels afterwards, how long he spends being a peeping tom and how and why he is addicted to that as well, how his therapist reacted when she found out what he was doing, how his therapy has been helping him, the reasons why he is addicted, why he has to stop his behavior and what will happen when he does plus a whole lot more.  PLEASE NOTE: This is not an episode that condones this behavior, it is an episode that explains it and hopes to help change it. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. It's real problem. Do your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your wits and change. Here is your host, Kathy.

Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. I love episodes like this. This is a guy named Mario who wrote me like, I don't know, you know, how cool you are with certain things, but, you know, I like to, you know, do stuff that's probably not really right or I forget the exact email I'll post it um and I was a little concerned like oh god is this person you know because basically what maria likes to do is like look at up people's skirts and do things when they're not looking I mean he would take videos and he would spend hours just trying to catch glimpses of things that he's not supposed to be looking at and I was like you know

I'm not going to sit here and entertain a conversation with somebody like that if he's the person is trying to talk to me about how hot that is because it's basically really wrong right I mean he's doing this to not consenting adults. Like they're not women across the room from him aren't like, yeah, look at my fucking panties. They're like unsuspecting. They don't know. And that's really wrong. So I didn't know what to expect when I got on the phone with him.

But he actually knows it's wrong too. He's in therapy. And we talk so much about all of that, why he's addicted to it, how it is an addiction, how he could kick it, why maybe it's there, how he's, how he, he feels when he does it. Please go into this with an open mind. I think some people think, oh, someone does something like that. They're a terrible person.

I don't believe that. You know, you really need to listen to the whole thing and then form an opinion. Don't look at the title or just hear one sentence in your head and fucking judge this guy. Listen to the whole thing because if you really do, you might feel sorry for him because this is somebody who's tortured by this part of himself. he does something that's really not right and he wants to stop he really does and and that's what this is all about and I love these kind of calls I loved talking to him because I really felt for him and I really feel like talking about it on my show really helped him I want people when they

make comments below to make comments that are helpful to him if you have any advice for him give it and like I said give this guy a chance and really listen before you judge him him because I don't, what he's doing is very wrong. And we talk about that, okay? This is not a story where you're going to get hard from, but you might learn a fucking lesson or two. And these are the kind of episodes I love. I hope you enjoy it.

I'm going to be right back on with Mario. Hey, Mario, welcome to a strictly non-mas podcast. How are you today? I'm right. How are you? Good. So Mario, I don't know a lot about what we're going to talk about. and I but I know a little and the little bit that I know has me intrigued and worried at the same time

because I you know I don't know how far you take the thing that you're into right but you do say that you kind of take it to a place where people don't know that you're doing things right like you like to see things on women or I don't know whether it's look up their skirt or something and like you know and you do that I mean is that I don't know you have to explain it then just get into it. I think the best way I could describe it is I, it's almost like a game to me to basically if I can see what color panties a woman's wearing. And I will, I can go as far.

I can use my phone and upskirt. I'll sit in coffee shops and, you know, just sit across from a woman in a skirt. like I have like kind of all sorts of rules and strategies for it but I if I see a woman in a skirt I'm on a mission yeah I'm on a mission I'm on the hunt all right let me get a little backstory before we start really taught breaking this down so now how old are you uh 40 okay now how long have you been doing this I mean there was a time if you're 40 right there was a time in your life that there wasn't cell phones and stuff so we'll talk about about like, you know, I really want to go back to the beginning.

But I want just to get basic background. You're 40. How long you've been doing this for? I mean, if we're talking before self, I mean, I was doing this in probably high school and even college just on stairwells. Right. And so when was your first memory of like the, that you realize like, oh, this is when I'm into? Did something happen to like where you got it? You caught a piece?

and like that was like jerk off material for you and then you needed more and then like you know I'm trying to figure out how this got wired into you and became like something that you were really turned on to and now like kind of maybe addicted to because it's not this is the deal it's not correct behavior right it's something that you know is bad right maybe that adds to the thrill of it for you we'll get into that right but it is something that's not right right I mean it's not like if the women knew that you were doing it if you got caught you could get a trouble. So, you know, it's, so it must have a very strong pull on you. It does. I don't know, though, that I can point to a specific incident. I remember in fifth grade, see if I had a pretty

teacher and seeing her slip. So it wasn't even panties, but I remember being intrigued by that. Right. I mean, I do believe things like that, right? And if that was something when you were super young. It made you a little bit hard and you didn't know why but you sort of went with that and that was like a vision that was material for you a lot. Like you can then

become somebody that you know that sort of gets linked in you right? I don't know. I'm not a therapist I don't know I just make these assumptions we're just talking it out. You know what I mean? Right. What's interesting And then I don't know that I remember from fifth grade.

I don't remember doing anything like that in junior high. It was probably high school. Where you started in? Where it started again. Okay. Which, yeah, which I know part of that was all that an all-boy school. And so you just obviously didn't have a lot of women, period. But we had a couple student teachers who were pretty hot.

And I remember I think I accidentally caught a glimpse one day. and it became like, oh, I want to see more. And so it's either, you know, again, it's stairwell. It's, I know if I sit across from a woman, chances are the way she gets up is going to show her panties. So that's probably where I started learning some of those things. In high school. Yeah. And because you, like, caught these little glimpses and you wanted more.

Now were you also at the time Like dating girls and doing all like the normal stuff And starting to hook up and fool around with girls Or were you, was that part of you like Suppressed or you weren't doing that So this is your way of sort of you know Getting yourself off Yeah

I was but it wasn't as much Because I didn't have as much opportunity Obviously being in school with all boys Oh right yeah So I did you know there were You know, I had girlfriends here and there and stuff like that, but it was really hard because I didn't. And, you know, you have like sister schools, but I was a transfer in. I didn't know any, you know, I didn't grow up with any of them or really have that kind of relationship.

So in some ways, and I just, I wasn't happy at the school anyway, but in some way, it just, it made the day better. Right. It was like your escape. Yeah. Because I would think that, like, sometimes it could be very time-consuming, right? Because the other person isn't consenting, right? So it's not like they're flashing you and it's all said and done. I mean, sometimes they could take you a really long time before you get that opportunity.

So I would think that sometimes it's taking up a lot of your day. It can. If I'm not careful, not as much now as it used to. But it definitely can. But there's also, so I, I, have this thing about also just staring, specifically at legs. I love legs. I actually, as I've listened to, you know, some others, I realize that I'm not a panty-holes person. I'm a bare legs person. And so I actually remember I weasled my way out of trouble in my freshman

year, but I know the student teacher was sitting next to me. She had a skirt on, legs crossed, and I made no secret that I was staring at her legs the whole class. And she would like look at me and look down and like try to basically try to communicate like I see you. Right. And for me it was kind of like, I know you see me and I'm still going to do it. And I remember like my teacher pulling me aside later and he was, you know, kind of mentioning it. And I somehow found a way to play it off or I don't know what I did. I didn't get in trouble for it.

But you said he, he pulled me aside. I thought it was a she. So I had a teacher who talked to class. She was a student teacher who sat in. Oh, okay. So you're regular, the regular teacher. She must have went back and told the other teacher that you were doing that. And then he set up a time to talk to you.

Yeah. And so, yeah. And so it, but it was one of those deals where, you know, I get to, I have a conversation with him and I walk away and my thought was I got away with it. She was clearly uncomfortable. I liked the fact that she was uncomfortable. I knew I couldn't do it again. I knew that it was only once that I could be as obvious.

But I think that was part of the thrill. It was kind of like you can't do anything about this. Yeah, you're a boundary pusher. Yeah, you like pushing people's boundaries. I mean, that goes into really, like, sketchy territory, right? Yeah. It definitely does. It can, yeah, all around.

I mean, that's when, you know, yeah, phones. And, again, like, it's actually I have found, I have never been confronted by looking up a woman's skirt, like sitting across from her or something like that. I know I've been noticed, but no one. one's never said anything, which is also kind of like, yeah, it's that feeling of, well, what are you going to do? Like, you have, like, proof that I did it. I'm not doing anything illegal. I'm just sitting here. I'm not filming. I'm not doing any of that. But I know you got

pink underwear on. And you know it makes them uncomfortable, but you know that they're powerless and you're in control. So that's what is, is a part of it, too. Yeah. And so there's, and And it's weird because it's both. Like there's a part of me that, like, I want you to know and I want you to be uncomfortable. But then, you know, if I'm talking about using my phone, like, clearly I don't want you to know that. So that's very clearly, that's my secret kind of thing and not, you know, because I could get in trouble for that. Right. And you feel like that just looking is, you know, listen, as a woman, no, and I think on some level you know this, a woman, if she sees a guy looking at her, she's going to,

The word creep is the thing that you think, right? Like that guy's a fucking creep, right? And as a woman, you're not going to go towards that person. You're going to go away from that person, right? You know that, right? And that's what you like. No one's going to go up to. I mean, you might get a girl one day that'll, you know, confront you.

I mean, I'm surprised if you've been doing this all your life that you haven't yet, had somebody a little bit out of the box that has more balls. Not balls, but, you know, not that the girls that walk away don't have balls, but somebody that would say something to you, have you ever? Not really. Right. I've gotten a couple, you know, you get looks and things like that. I used to drive a truck, and so I would make a habit of trying to just see women in skirts

as I drove by their car. And so there have been a couple times where, like, I clearly did not pull up as far as I wanted because I'm checking out the woman in the car next to me, and then she notices and flips me off. something like that, but that's really about as close as it got. I can look, and this is not on purpose. I just, I look intimidating. Like when I'm putting no effort into my face, I still look intimidating. Yeah, also I have to say. It's not as if I'm fine. What? Go ahead. No, you go ahead. Sorry. I was just going to say, like, it's not as if like I'm trying to look menacing. I just know that I do.

Well, listen, I'm going to tell you, we're animals, right? and I'm an animal, you're an animal, we smell things about each other. It happens all the time. You know, people don't realize it's happening, but at the end of the day, it is happening, right? Some people are more in tune with it than others, but all that sort of undercurrent stuff is going on. So I think that a woman could get a sense of somebody like, you know, you're a boundary pusher. You're somebody that is doing things that aren't really right. and you're you know and so somebody could pick up on that on some level and that probably comes across

just like the opposite does you know what I mean you could get a you know you just sometimes you just I said this on a recent episode on Patreon like you know sometimes you just look at someone like a tom hanks and you just know he's a fucking nice guy you know how do we know that is it just his face like you just know it's like his insides just come through so much I think that that's a part of it and then sometimes you look at someone and you're like that person's a fucking creep why because there's something there you know maybe you don't know what it is but it comes across so you know you are intimidating or what you know because you are yeah because that's what's inside and people could see it on the outside do you know what I mean yeah I mean it's I it's interesting

because I feel like I have you know like anybody in this like I'm living with this kind of double life. Like there are people who would say I'm the nicest guy in the world. Women who would say I'm the nicest guy in the world. And so there feels like there's this. It's a switch. Like in that moment, I'm that guy.

Yeah, people could say the same. You hear the same thing about, like, O.J. Oh, he was like the nicest friend. But I think people have different parts of their personalities. And I think sometimes people think just because, oh, this person's like a really nice friend that they can't be at home doing this other shit to like their part.

partner, you know, but everybody has different parts. I always say people are like a concoction, right? So you have, you probably are a really nice guy at the same time you have this part of you that's doing this really wrong thing, right? It's not all of you, but it's part of you and it is totally wrong. Yeah. Totally. 100% fucked up.

Not right. I want to know how do you, before we get into all the details, more details, how do you, feel about it? Like, do you ever feel guilty? Is it so far? Have you just been doing it for so long that you're so past that feeling? Did you feel guilty in the beginning? Do you still feel guilty now? What's the answer to that? Yeah, I definitely did not feel guilty in the beginning. I think if there is, you know, if it's just me looking, I actually think the thing that bothers me most is, you know, you mentioned the word addiction before. It's my lack of control. Like, I've sat places for an hour and a half longer than I should have.

Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, that's not normal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the part of it where as I'm leaving, I'm mad. I spend all that time there. Or, you know, I'm also, you know, I've, I've been at, it's a little bit of a different

type of thing, same warrior type thing, but like being at hotels and staying up half the night hoping I catch going to somebody's window. Right. Peeping Tahromish kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It does have a peeping time vibe.

Yeah. Right. And so that same kind of thing of like, you know, I got three hours of sleep and I'm like, that was so dumb. Yeah, you're no different than the porn addict that's addicted to porn and he spends, you know, or he or she, whatever it is, you know, spending 10 hours, you know, and you're just doing it. You're like, you're not in reality. You know, there is something.

It is very, to me it is an addiction, right? And it is like anything else. It's something that takes you out of your. and out of your life, right, to an alter state. And you do that for a reason, you know, and like I said, that I could see that happening very early on because it would take you some time to get what you're looking for, to get that fix that you need, right? And that's a part of it.

That's built into that addiction. That's why that's what you're addicted to, right? It needs to be, it's like the person that's addicted to porn and they're looking for the exact thing that's going to be the elusive scene that is going to get them off, right? And it takes them three hours to find it. You know, that scene is elusive and you need it

to be three hours down the rabbit hole because you want to fucking check out for three hours, right? You need to check out. There's some part of you that likes to go someplace else. You know, you'd probably do very well trying to figure out what that is if you ever wanted to change this behavior, right?

What is it about you that likes to, you know, give up half your night, you know, for that little tiny thrill. And then you feel like shit, like, oh, my God, I just wasted all my night for this, right? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's, oh, trust me, I'm in therapy.

Does your therapist know all the, like, are you totally completely honest there? Yeah, my therapist is the only other person on her. Right. That does. And it took me, obviously, I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I'm. I was like maybe, I'm sure it's obvious. I'm also addicted to porn. And so I started there with her, but it took me a while to get to talking about, you know,

upskirts and some of that other kind of stuff. Because I mean, I know, you know, as much as in those moments and my heart's racing and I'm loving it, I know it's wrong. Like, that's not. No, that's, unfortunately, that's a part of it. Yeah. Right? I mean, there's like I said, it's like a boundary thing.

you like to push those boundaries, that mind of yours that's like, yeah, you know to your teacher, but what can you do about it, right? You're very out of the box. You know, all these things sort of come into play and then they create this, the perfect storm, right? And here you are this person that likes to push boundaries. And, you know, you can be pushing boundaries with things that aren't illegal or wrong, but, you know, but then you put in this thing where you're an addict and you like to, you know, check out. And then you put in this other part of you that's probably like a voyeur, right? And, you know, and then, all of a sudden all these little things about you, you know, come together and make for a peeping Tom.

I don't know what you would call it, right? But there's an aspect of that to it, right? Yeah. I mean, I don't, I always just think of it as voyeur. I mean, I've done a little peeping time too. Well, when you're at the windows in your hotel, that's a little bit peeping Tom. Oh, yeah, but I've done it on my own street. Right, right.

So, yeah. So, yeah. I mean, I've done that, yeah. I mean, it was an every morning thing for a while. Really? Because I knew the schedule. Yeah. Yeah, and that is like, that's addiction right there.

You know, I mean, who's going to the, you know, that is like you can't stop looking out the fucking window. Yeah. That's got to be maddening on some level. Oh, it is. You stand at the window. Yeah. And I'm watching my neighbor, you know, get ready. ready, topless, but also thinking like, I am not in like hidden.

So like, it's early enough in the morning that traffic is super light. Yeah. But it's like, man, it doesn't, it wouldn't take much to bust me, but I can't move. Right. Because she's literally two feet from me and I get to watch. Right. Mm-hmm. And so, yeah, it's absolutely all of this from the phone to everything else.

is maddening. That's no doubt. Yeah, listen, I'm an addict. I quit drinking like 17 years ago, and then you can put down alcohol or even before I got alcohol, I could become addicted to tons of fucking things, okay? And that's just the way you roll, right?

I was addicted to having brain tumors that I didn't have. Do you know what I mean? It was anything that you could just be like obsess over, right? And get, you know. Right. And it is maddening because you almost feel like you don't have control of it, right?

because if you are an addict, I mean, like, you don't have a lot of control of whatever you do it. That's why you have to just, like, not do it, right? It's like, I can't drink alcohol because I could never control how much I drink. What? I was to say, it's, you know, part of it for me I've realized it's what I think I'm doing is taking control of a situation. And probably, you know, things are hard in life or whatever. Like, it's an area I can go to where I feel like I'm in control. Reality is I'm out of control at all.

Right. But that's what I trick myself into feeling. Right. So there was probably times in your life where you were not in control and this is your way of trying to like fix that right. And you just keep going back and back like a, you know, like they say for addicts like, oh, just trying to do the same thing. But I didn't get different results, but you never do. I forget what that famous A-A saying, but it's really great. But it's also, I think a lot of it too is what every addict is looking for is an escape because real fucking life and all.

the feelings that go with it and every minute of every day to feel that all the fucking time when you're an addict is not acceptable. It's just you can't, you know, I remember when I first got sober the first year, I was exhausted and I think it's a, and then I started to read up and then I realized why I'm exhausted because I'm really actually dealing with life 24-7 for the first time in my life, right? And that was exhausting. Now it's not exhausting at all because I've been doing it for a long time. but people who are addicts that are checking out,

whether it's for three hours a night with porn or all day look at, you know, it's an escape. You're not present. You're not here. You're not dealing. You're not doing it, right? You're checking out. And that serves a purpose, right?

I think that you're checking out for a reason. It's good you're in therapy to find out those reasons. A lot of times for me, I think, you know, addicts have a problem, feeling emotions, not good emotions. We feel fine, feeling fucking good. We just don't feel good feeling anything other than good, whether it's slightly jealous, not so happy, out of control. You know what I mean?

All those things are not fucking good because they feel too much, right? Right. So you got to get away from it, and so you go someplace else. And like I said, I mean, as an addict, I know. Some people think, oh, I'm just addicted to alcohol. I quit drinking, that's it. No, like you could get a fucking addicted to lint on, looking at lint on the floor if you're an addict.

You know what I mean? It's anything that just takes you out. I've been addicted to fucking crazy things. Like I said, when I was younger and before I could go out drinking, but because I had a troubled childhood and I didn't know how to really deal with my intense feelings and things that were bad and I was like not, you know, emotionally stable. I would have like I was a hypochondriac. I would have brain tumors, right?

And it wasn't until like I broke up with a boyfriend. I got a brain tumor. tumor. And then like, once in one day I realized like, oh, I'm totally over that guy that just dumped me six months ago. I wonder if that's why. And now I don't have my brain tumor anymore. Like, did I get that brain tumor, quote unquote? Because I didn't have any brain tumor, right? Did I get that because I couldn't deal with the fact that I was fucking dumped? And now that I feel like it's safe to come out, you know what I mean? And that's what, and I put it together. And I never had brain tumors again, but then I started drinking. You know what I mean? But that was totally what I was doing it for.

Like something would come my way that was an emotional situation that I couldn't deal with. And I would find something to latch on to. I'm just saying this because I could like relate. You know what I mean? I know that insanity. And that's why I say it's maddening because I've been there. I understand, you know. But what I feel for you because what you're also got clicked into is also like not right.

So you must live a lot of times with like a lot of shame as well. well and that's like besides being maddening that's like awful to do to yourself on top of it well yeah because then it creates the cycle yeah that you feel terrible about yourself you're shameful right then you feel terrible and so you wouldn't need to escape that terrible feeling and so yeah it's i have spirals so many times yeah um just based off of that it is and and when you have that what kind of feels like a duality just with the yourself too. Of course. You kind of, you feel like, who am I? Am I really that guy? Am I really this guy? And just trying to wrestle with what that even looks like in the midst of that because, you know,

you could have, you could be thinking like, I'm the worst human being on the planet. Right. And I'm not doing good things. I don't think I'm the worst human being on the planet. But it goes to the extreme. And so, again, you start thinking that way. you need to get away from it. Of course, right. Right. So it's like some part of you doesn't feel like a good, like so, but it's kind of like that, like you said, you're going around in circles, it's the chicken and the egg which came first, right? And I'm not a psychologist, right?

I just like said around thinking about this shit because I had my own issues when I was younger and I would read up about it. You know, I would always try to figure shit out because I, like you and I was doing my stuff, it just, I felt terrible about it. I didn't like the way it made me feel. and I was always trying to fucking fix it, you know what I mean? Because I knew it was something wrong with me, right? But I, and I think what comes first is that you don't feel good about yourself for whatever reason, you know, very early on that was put on you. And then you just go and you recreate that for yourself, right? And you keep doing that because you're mesmerized by that wrongness inside of you.

And you're just trying to fucking figure it out, right? and that's what's really crazy. And like, thank God you're in therapy. Are you married or anything in a relationship? Have you ever been in a relationship? Are you in a relationship now? Yeah, I'm in a relationship now. Now, you're with a woman or a man?

You're with a woman, right, you're straight. And how long have you been with this woman? Are you married? Long time, yeah. How long? So. How long? 15 years.

Okay. And now, does she have any idea about any of this? Nope. Right. She knows you go to therapy, though. Does your, you know, does this part of yourself show itself in other areas of your life? Like, do you have trouble with relationships or is your relationship pretty okay and your career okay? Like, does it only sort of, you know, does it only, do you only express this part of you and, you know, in those kind of things with porn and sex?

Yeah, I mean, you know, from, it hasn't affected my career. It's in some ways, I mean, you know, it affects job performance because you are not spending time on the right thing. But as far as like any of those other kind of effects, not as far as I can tell. Right. Okay. It feels, like I said, it feels like two separate lives. Yeah, like they call it like functioning. You're like a functioning addict, whatever, you know?

It's like some people can really keep it together. And that's almost worse because the person that's like, you know, falling down drunk in the gut are like everybody knows, you know, and like that person is so more obvious. But and then people think the person who's going to work every day and has it together and has a career and has a wife and has a kids and is totally okay that how could you have anything wrong with you, right? Because look at your life. Right. Right. And that only makes it worse in a certain way because that's even a mind fuck to yourself. You know, it's even confusing to you.

you because, but that's what they would say, oh, like that you're functioning, right? You're a functioning. Yeah. Aolic, you know, what I don't know what they would call you. Are you a sex addict? Are you, you know. But, and like I said, to have that second part of it just is like you're just beating yourself up even more, you know, by being addicted to something that is not, you know,

that also has the aspect of being not right at all. I mean, we haven't even discussed what the woman on the other end is feeling, right? And what you are doing to women and how many people are going to listen to this and be like, what the fuck? Now, what I want to know is like, is there a part of you, right, that wants to stop? Is that why you're in therapy? Like, yeah.

Oh, yeah. There is. It's a fight. I think there was, honestly, I don't know if there was. was a time where I thought what I was doing was okay. Right, you've always known. I just think it's gotten worse.

You know, it gets worse over time, which is why. So I went to, I mean, I went to therapy for something else, but this all came out. Well,

what were you going to therapy for if you don't mind me asking? I mean, since we don't, I don't know you. Right. Yeah, just depression. Okay.

And so going for that and clearly there's a link there too. Of course. So, yeah, so I've always known. I think it got to, you know, you get fed up. And I think, you know, you hit that point where I don't know what it looks like, you know, I think it's just addiction in general. But you hit a point where you're like, this is ridiculous. I need to do something about this.

Yeah. I'm headed in a really bad direction. Yeah, right. But as far from a consequence standpoint, it's like I haven't suffered any consequences. consequences that can't go on forever. Right. And I would just, and I would, and you just think too, like, I just want to feel better about myself.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're like the hamster in the wheel. I mean, it's just never end. Yeah. Right. And it, you know, and it doesn't feel good not to have control of yourself, even though that's what you're doing it because you think you have control, right?

It's just all such a mind fuck. So you have to completely 100% stop your fucking behavior and start to see what comes up. Why do you spend three hours in a hotel looking at your fucking window? Why do you go to a coffee shop? Why? You know, why? When all this life, you're missing so much, I could tell you as a person that was there

and wasting all my fucking time doing bullshit stuff that had nothing to do with my life, that when you get all that time back, life is so much better. You're so much more present. You're a different person to everybody that's sitting across from you, including your wife. You don't think it affects other areas of your life, but it is on some level. So, you know, you need to stop, stop doing what you're doing, the action of it. Do you know what I mean? Stop fucking looking, no matter how much you want.

It's you against you, right? I know that feeling of feeling like this is other part of you, but you have to go against that other part of you. That other part of you is not you. You need to know that is some sort of dysfunctional shit that was put on you when you were younger or if it was if you were just wrought into the core you would have no fucking feelings about this do you know what I mean

like there are rotten to the core people I don't think that it's I think it's very rare it's not the majority but there are people out there that are just fucking rotten to the core you know and I think they're just very unevolved beings but you would not feel bad about it if that was who you are do you understand

you are you are not that behavior that is something that was put on you it's something really not right it is and you need to follow the part of you that doesn't think it's right and honor that part and stop doing it for that person because that part of you feels like fucking shit and you're doing that to yourself so you need to take better care of yourself by not feeding that little naughty part of yourself and make that right part of yourself the person who you really are feel better about yourself

that's the that's the fucking hamster thing you need to get on the one you're on now will never go it never goes anywhere. Never. And you'll get busted. And what you're doing is really fucking wrong. Okay? Really wrong.

Yeah. I mean, it's why I'm in therapy. It's actually part of the reason why I called because I just realized too that I live in my head. And so I rarely even

talk any of this stuff out loud. And so I know things get more real when you say it. Yeah. Wait to you. hear this back. Wait till you hear this back. Yeah. And I know my therapist talks about, you know, I think if I could sum up what you were just saying is, you know, abstinence precedes sobriety. Yeah. And so it's one of those deals where I know I need to stop. I'm actually, so I'm in a place

where it's winter right now. Yeah. So this is downtime. Yeah. And so it's almost as if, you know, it gets to be March, April. And then. I have the, I find both feelings of the excitement of the weather's getting warm. I love women in heels and dresses and all that. And so it's like, man, like weather's getting warm. They're about to start coming back out versus, oh, shit, the weather's about to get warm. All this stuff is about to bubble back up. Right.

You're going to lose control again. Yeah, I didn't use this winter well enough to be at a place where I could prepare for the spring and the summer. And so it's, in a lot of ways, it's a blessing that I don't live in like a San Diego or somewhere warm where it's like this is all year round. Because, yeah, I don't know when it's, I'm just thankful I have a break. Right. But you can have, but I promise you that you can have a break forever. Like you could stop your behavior, okay? you are no different than the person that's doing fucking heroin.

People have quit heroin. You know, people have quit worse things, right? I mean, you really need to know that it's possible to not just get a couple month break, but to have to just break from this forever. And I, like, I was going to say very early on, but I just was trying to feel you out and see, like, I was hoping that you were calling me because you were in that place. You know what I'm saying?

That you felt like that need. I always am hoping that that's who finds me, right? I don't go out looking for people anymore. I started to do my show because I like to help people. And I was always like pushing my shit on my friends. And sometimes people aren't at that place yet. You know what I mean? They don't want to fucking hear it.

So I thought, oh, if I do a show, then, you know, I'll be met. I'll be meeting people and they'll be in the place where they want to hear my stuff, you know, where I like to sort of live and talk about and analyze. And so I feel like people find me when they are at that place. I would never want to talk to somebody who wants to look up women's skirt and is calling me to talk about how fucking hot that is. You know what I mean? I would never have that on my show, right? Because I don't promote that, right?

And so, you know, I'm glad and I think it's amazing this episode of what you're talking about because you are at that place. And I'm happy for that, you know? and there is though you can do it I think maybe you know every psychologist or psychiatrist or whatever you know they have different models or modes what is it called you know that they sort of work on

some people are psychoanalysts right some people are cognitive like you need you need to change your behavior too you know besides going back and figure out all that stuff right you also need to just literally change your so for the person that stops drinking I had to not drink I had to not drank. I mean, for a year of my life, I stayed home. And I lived in New York City and I was a party girl.

I had a whole wardrobe full of slutty clothes. And I was like, nowhere to go anymore, you know? Yeah. You know, you have to stop your behavior. It has to start with then. And that's when all the hard work starts. Because what's going to happen is when you stop that behavior, you're going to be really uncomfortable. Because like I said, all that stuff, whatever. whatever you're trying to look away from will come up, that part of you that you really need to work on. But you will never be able to work on it while you are doing this.

It is 100%. You will never move forward until you stop that shit. And so you do need to just work on the actual behavior. You know, like I said, the data and what you're avoiding and all the stuff, the parts of you that you need to work on, that will all come up afterwards. And it takes years sometimes to go better. I mean, to me, as a sober person, 17 years after being completely sober, like, every year I still grow and change. Because I do believe on some level, like, whatever age we are, right, emotionally, when we pick up whatever it is that we're checking out, we revert to when we get rid of our stuff.

Like, I was like an emotional, like, I was like a, I was like a 15 year old at like 34, right? I really had no control over my feelings, you know? And it took, it takes a while, you know, it really takes. a while. And then eventually I have to tell you when you come out of the fog, so many years later, you just realize that a feeling is just a feeling and that it's okay. And I could weather it like a normal person. But in the beginning, sometimes I would just have to stay home because, you know, my go-to was to sabotage if there was a feeling or try to get out of myself. I had to get away. And so in those times when it was that bad, I would just stay home on it. You almost feel

like a crazy person because it just feels so uncomfortable to be inside of yourself. And you go through stuff like that. But as long as you're in therapy and you know like what you're doing right now, which is talking it fucking out, that's all you got when you give up your shit. And it really does help. I would just call somebody, you know, the people that were closest to me and be like, oh my God, I'm feeling this. I'm feeling that, you know, and just talk because that was my only way. So it's like your only way out of now your feelings is through them instead of, you know, sweeping them under the rug and going and looking out a window for three hours, right? So it will really, I promise you it is going to help you so much when you listen to this episode back.

There's something about hearing your story as a third person that is very helpful. I've had people, I've been doing my show for six years, you know. These kind of calls are like I love them because I really feel like it is very helpful. And I started my show because I wanted to help people, right? The fact that it turned into like a sex thing is by accident. I've told the story a million times. I'm not going to say it now again. But, you know, I really do like helping people.

And people have said to me a lot of the times, like, I can't believe how much it helped listening. Like, why doesn't my therapist taper our sessions? Because there is something about talking about it that's helpful, right? You're going to feel good the minute you hang up because you did talk about it. But you're going to feel even better. And just hearing yourself outside of yourself is going to be a very interesting experience. and you're going to learn a lot and, you know, it's going to help, right? And I always believe that, you know, the fact that you wanted to call in my show, right?

Like I said, not to just talk about how hot it is, but because you don't feel like it's right, right, on some level. That is the part of you that wants to stop. And that's the part of you you have to listen to. That's the part of you, you have to take care of. that's the part of you that you have to integrate yourself with and get rid of this other part, right? Because that's the real you.

Well, and it's so funny because, you know, there's a part, obviously, if, yeah, obviously if I'm doing it, there's a part of me that does think it's hot. Of course. And there's a part of me and so there's a part of me and thought it would be kind of fun to talk this out. But at the same, yeah, that's not part of you. Yeah, that's the part of you.

Of course. That part of you was going to think that. But there was a part of me that I also thought, I'm going to hang up this phone and I'm going to regret that I spent an hour talking about it from the angle that I would, you know, from the it's hot angle that side of me. Yeah. It's like I'm going to hang up and can't believe I spend an hour talking about these things versus what this is turned into. Yeah. Which, you know, I'll hang up with no regret. Yeah, no.

You won't. And it's interesting because I will, like I'll say as far as, you know, it feels like from a, so porn's one thing, that's another, that's one fight. And this kind of, you know, penny hunting thing is another. I have actually really stopped the upskirt, partly because when I told my therapist, she was very, she was very upfront and very. you know, kind of like you've, you know, been of like, you've got to stop that now. Yeah, that's not, right. No one's going to entertain that. That behavior has to stop.

Yeah. And it was, but it was good because it's the thing you can't tell anybody. Right. And so when you do finally tell somebody, it, the realness of it comes. And then, you know, you hear like, okay, somebody knows and they're going to hold me accountable. And I think I told her two years ago, and I've done it twice since. Yeah. Whereas, you know, I was probably.

probably filming before that two or three times a week. I mean, as much as I could, as many opportunities I came. Yeah. I would. And so, yeah, it was big to be able to do that. So that behavior, I feel, I know that if I have this strong urge to do it, if I see the right woman in the right outfit and the right situation, I know that if I get that feeling now, I know something's wrong.

It's a warning signal, at least in that, in that vein of like, man, I really want to do this. Yeah. Something's wrong. Versus now of just, you know, I mean, I'm looking and I'm admiring, but I'm not, you know, in that context, I'm not doing the, I want to stare and want you to know type of deal. It's more of just I'm checking a woman out. But, you know, I'll do that. That's one thing. But I know it's another when I go into a store and I feel like I'm on the hunt.

Yeah, you could feel the difference. There's a rush. Your heart pounds more. you get, you know, for sure. I know when I'm emotionally shopping and when I'm shopping for the right reason, because there's a definite difference in my feeling where I'm like just thinking I have to buy something. Like there's this weird feeling that I get. And I'm like, I'm doing this for, like, this is not like I shouldn't buy anything right now because this is,

this is for the wrong reason. There's a physical feeling that you get that is completely different than if you're being the regular guy that likes to look at a girl's legs. I mean, all guys are doing shit like that all day long. We all know that. Right. It feels different. You know. No, absolutely.

Yeah. But it's so crazy because your heart beats so fast. Yeah, I know. You do it. And then your heart continues to be faster, but for a totally different reason. Yeah. As soon, like, I do it. I watch it.

I delete it. And then I'm pissed. And I'm also wondering. like, do I need to get out of the store? You know, all the stuff that, you know, comes with it. And it was like, man, it's amazing how just so quickly my heart's beating at the same rate, but now it's for a different reason. Yeah, but it's all just a rush.

It's like a drug. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's that up. You're up. You're out. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Life is not, that's not life. Real life is like way flatter than that. You know what I mean? It's just even steady. Sometimes you feel not good. Sometimes it feels slowly happy.

be, you know, but it's not up there. Do you know what I mean? And that's what you got to kick, being addicted to being in that place. I remember telling my therapist, part of the, one of the struggles I had when we were talking about stopping and I was just like, it makes going to the store

boring. Like, it was what helped my Walmart trip. It was what helped, you know, my grocery store trip or whatever, like knowing that that possibility was there, but then realizing that that's a lot. No, but why is going to the grocery store empty?

Like, why are these things, why are you empty without that? Do you know what I mean? Like, I promise you when you quit all your addictions and you come out on the other side, you won't feel that empty void of nothing anymore. I promise you will be able to go to a store and it will feel like, it will feel like enough. Do you know what I mean? Just going to the store and finding the milk and leaving. You know, the fact that it's...

doesn't feel like enough for you right now is a problem. So actually the store is something that I began to solve. Yeah. You know, again, it's the coffee shop, wedding, funeral, church, whatever. It's those, it's those things. But as far, like, that was a big thing for me to be able to walk into a store, get the stuff that I needed and leave without spending an extra half an hour in the store, figuring things out or, you know, all the kind of stuff like that.

That was something I found right. way. And, you know, my therapist was like, going to the grocery store is supposed to be kind of boring. Like, it's just, that's a fact of life. Real life is not feeling the way you are. And because you've wired yourself to put, you put all those things, you framed all those things in your mind with all this, this rush, right, that you feel like if it doesn't have that, something's missing. But you have just, you've just recreated a reality that doesn't exist and you're addicted to that. Reality and regular life doesn't have that kind of feeling but it's pretty oh it's really fucking fine and great without it seriously and that's what you need to you know you need to recreate all those wires

yeah i think that's the that's the that's the thing that feels like the mountain to climb is the rewiring because i know that um like for me even it's kind of like look i'm not trying to check anybody out but i will tell you i can hear the sound of a heel over anything on a hard floor and I will, I could be going 50 miles an hour and you stick one leg out the door, I know it's there. Because I'm just so wired

to see it. And so then there's, you know, there's that frustration of like, I can't help it if I try. But I know there's a rewiring that can't. No, you can. You absolutely can. It's going to be really, really hard. But if you give up, there was this book, what was it called Life?

Oh, shit. It was like a very famous book. by Scott Peck, Scott M. Peck. And the first sentence was like, life is difficult, right? And that's a fucking fact. And I loved it. It was like the best beginning of a book because it's so fucking true.

Right. And he talked all, but I remember the thing that I learned the most from that book was he talked about giving up instant gratification for future gratification, right? But most people will give in to that thing

to just get that instant gratification instead of like letting go of that instant gratification and holding out for the future gratification, right? What you get from that instant gratification is, will feel like when you get, like, because I'm a person that's on the other side of it, it is like air.

What you have now, you think it is so, it feels so good and it's so full. It's like fucking nothing compared to what you feel when you have your feet on the ground and you don't need all that stuff. My life is so much more full and feels like so many layers and is so much more. And what I had before was like I felt like I was in the black hole of nothing.

It's nothing. What you're getting is nothing. But it's an instant fix and it's like this instant gratification and you're giving into it. And when you let go and stop giving into the instant gratification and no, I promise you, 1,000 percent, anybody who's on the other side will tell you that you will have, what you will gain the gratification you will have in the future is a hundredfold. of what you get from giving into that instant gratification. So stop giving into it because eventually what you will have will be so much more solid.

It won't be fleeting. You don't need to get your fucking fix. You'll just, oh, it will always be there. It's about filling that empty fucking hole inside of you that you need to fill. And you need to, like I said, the first thing, you think the hard work is stopping the behavior. I hate to say it. That is a part of it and that is hard. but what's even harder is going to be sitting with the shit that comes up.

But you have to do it. You can do it. People have done it before. You will be able to do it. And I think now is the right time. Look at this. And I think I'd much rather sit with what comes up because I feel like that's an easy thing to take to people and share versus this. I'm sorry, but if it was easy, I just would like to be real.

I'm a realist, okay? Because I think sometimes people watch movies and they just think, oh, like, oh, you get sober and like, because the next scene, the person's fine, like, oh, it happens like that. Now, I'm going to tell you that it's not as easy as you think. It is difficult because it's, it, it, it, you wouldn't be, you wouldn't have created all this fucking craziness if what you is going to come up was easy to sit with. You would never have needed to get away for all your life.

I promise you it's not going to be easy, but you are, you are somebody that has already found a great therapist, right? I'm assuming they're good because you've been with her for a while. She sounds really great. Like you already have the tools in place that you will need because you will need help. Not help like, oh, talking to your friend, like serious professional help. There are addict, they are sex anonymous meetings. You could probably do really well going in there. There's probably meetings all over, right? But you also have your therapist. Whatever works for you, you will need help. It will not be easy, but it is doable. And it gets easier. Do you know what I mean?

But you need to know it's going to be really hard. But like I remember I was going to quit smoking and people like, oh, what if you can? I'd be like, what do you mean? Like it's like I could do it if I want to. I just have to know that it might be really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard. Would you still do it if it's that? And if the answer is yes, then you'll fucking do it. There's no, like, I'll try.

You know what I mean? You could absolutely stop. But you have to know that you're going to do it no matter what. even if it's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard. And that's where people fucking wuss out because they'll do it if it's easy or if, you know, and then it gets hard and they're like, oh, I tried. What do you mean you fucking tried? You could do whatever you want.

So just know it will be difficult. But what you're getting, the future gratification that you will have will be, I promise you, life changing in a positive way. and it's worth it. It's really, really worth it. And you need to do that for yourself because I, like, what you're doing to women is fucking wrong.

And you're going to get a lot of comments on YouTube and all that. And, you know, I feel for you because I see the good in you. And that's who I'm talking to. You know what I mean? And I don't believe, like I said, I don't believe you're rotten to the court.

Like, I would not be talking to if I thought that. And I was feeling that out in the beginning. Like, What is this? Does this person want to talk about like the sexual aspect of ways? I will not talk about that. You know, I talk about, you look at my, you know, titles of my show and it looks like, go, I have a dirty sex show. But I don't have consenting adults talking about the things that they do and I don't take it that seriously. You know what I mean? It's not a big deal. But this is not to consenting people, right? So we're not focused on that. But I do, I feel bad for you.

Because I don't believe that you're a bad person. I think you're doing a bad thing, though. And you need to stop that, first and foremost. And you said you know. that. I know that. We talked about that. Just like your therapist was like, uh-uh, like we're not doing this unless you fucking stop that, right? That's, you know, put that aside. We've already discussed that. I feel bad for you because you are not this person. You've created this and that and you being that person is only hurting yourself even more. You're just, you're taking this old wound and you're just focusing on it and re, you know, traumatizing yourself. And now at this point, it's not your parents or whoever did that to you when you're younger, you're doing it to you. You need to take better care of yourself.

You need to treat you better, you know? And like I said, you just, it just needs to be like, I guess it's cognitive therapy where they teach you actual actions. Like right now, the first thing you need to do is just stop the behavior. You can never, no matter how much your mind wants to go someplace, you just can't go there. You can't follow it. You can't take the instant gratification. You got to give that up.

because I promised you three years from now it will be like getting out of jail. You're in jail. You're in prison. And it's not a good place to be. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not good. And the consequences, if you did do something naughty

or, you know, because you're pushing those boundaries or you're doing things that are illegal, could be life-changing too in a very bad way. You want to be labeled in your neighborhood as a sex offender? You think your wife's going to stay with you? you'll think you'll ever get married again? Women Google people before they go on dates. Your mugshot will fucking show up.

You don't want to, that's not how you want your life to be changed. You want your life three years from now to be changed and you to be a whole person, the person who you're supposed to be without that shit that's on you, you know, you need to clean up your act and you will be happier. And like I said, the people around you will notice a difference. And maybe you won't be so menacing. I don't know if the menacing part of it. change. I'm telling you, you'll have a different scent about you. You will. There'll be something

different. People will notice. So, you know, I do, I am so happy that you called in. There will be a lot of people chiming in. You're going to have your judging people. I don't care what people say. I feel bad for you. I, you know, I, I'm glad, like I said, that you know, what you're doing is wrong. And I hope. that you took something from this call and I and I really hope that you get something from listening to it back. I hope that you stop your behavior and I hope you you know email me six months from now and you're like hey I've been clean and sober from that shit for six months and this and this and that and it's like getting better you know what I mean I really hope to hear that and I think that you're close to that because I don't believe that you would have

wanted to do this if not I know that there's a part of you that thought maybe it could go that That part of you is in you still. I mean, you haven't killed that part of you yet. It's there. So, of course, that voice was going to be there. That voice is always with you, right? Of course. But what took over now is the real you.

The person that's talking to me now is who you need to be 24-7. Yeah. Okay. So please keep me posted. Yeah, you're not worried about. Absolutely. I was going to say, I'm not worried about the YouTube comments. They can't be harsher on me than I am.

No, and listen, it's good for you. to live in the truth too. Like seriously. Yeah. Right? You needed your therapist to say, no, that's fucking wrong.

I told you, like, what you're doing is 100% wrong. You need to, you know, come face to face with what you're doing. A little bit of feeling

not right will help you. Like, you need to know, like what you're doing to women is very wrong. You need to know that, you know? So, you know,

use that stuff to help you, see the light, but like, like I said, but also, you know, don't take it on too much because you do enough beating up of yourself already.

You know that it's wrong. wrong. You know that there's this bad part of you inside of you and you need to kill it. It's not all of you, you know, and you need to, and you'll figure that out once you stop, you know, catering to that sort of persona. Okay? Yeah.

Yep. All right. Thank you so much for calling. Like I said, I love these calls. I hope you enjoyed it. I did. I got the chills a couple times when I was talking to you because I really think that, you know, this might be a turning point for you and

and you could be helped. And I love that. That's why I do my show. So thank you so much for calling in and being honest about all your stuff. Thanks for listening. Okay, let me know what you think after you listen, okay? Okay.

All right, bye, Mario. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available not only in paperback and ebook, but you can pre-order the audio book. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category

that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story. There's a gang being girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and re-werell wrote it in the third person and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short. Chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audiobook is available.

ball coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint. Okay, there's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other. And that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos. There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests. We have lots of contests. you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private,

like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook, or the paperback. Send it to me at strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. And I will send you the link to Discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in.