Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 443 - Jamie Was Cheating on His Wife with Guys and he Got Busted

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Jamie was cheating on his wife with guys and he got busted and he called in to talk all about it. How did he get caught? How did his wife react? And, is he willing to stop hooking up with guys? Tune in for all the details which include the "evidence" she found and where he had the evidence hidden, how he came clean to his wife about wanting to be poly moving forward, how she feels about an open relationship as well as how she feels about c him hooking up with guys, how he tried to get her into pegging in the past and how she reacted, how he'd be down to role play his bisexual fantasies and why he doesn't think she'd be open to it, how she’s still so mad and what he can do in the meantime to help their marriage, how getting caught has created a sense of relief for him because he ifinally revealed what he's really into and a whole lot more. **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Strictly anonymous podcast. Conversations with online strangers. We place ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on giving. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it.

The temptation is just too much. Your friend know that you're banging her or no? No, he has no idea. And anything goes. The motto of the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to rehire. your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly

Anonymous podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, this is a call-in-vice show. Today, I'm giving advice. It's also a place where people call in to reveal their secret naughty lives while remaining anonymous. I change everybody's voices. If you have a problem that you can't talk to anyone about and you want some advice, if you have a secret, naughty life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous, send me an email strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. If you don't feel like being on the show but you want to get something off your back, I now have an anonymous confessions hotline. That number is 347, 4203579. 347, 4203579. The number will be in the description of this podcast. Today I have on a guy named

Jamie. Now, Jamie has been on before and he emailed me that he needed to be back on and had an update. Like very soon after he last called in, his episode was number 367. Jamie cheats on his wife with both men and women. Now, what happened is Jamie got busted. Like I said, not very long after he. he spoke. If you haven't heard his episode, you should go listen to it because it's super interesting and it's pretty hardcore. His first experience with a guy took place in the army and it was forced. It was a forced experience and how he felt about that and, you know, what he did afterwards and how it wired him, all that stuff, you know, kind of plays into this episode. So, you know, you might want to listen to that one as well after you listen to

this one or before it's 367. But Jamie email me. I have an update. I got busted. Okay. This is a cautionary tale for anybody, you know, that is hiding who they are cheating behind someone's back. This is, you don't want to wind up like Jamie. He wasn't happy when I talked to him. He took full accountability for what he did. And he felt really bad. And his wife found out that he was hooking up with guys. And then on top of that, he expressed to her and came clean with the fact that he does like being with guys, and he does want to continue to be with guys. And she had a real problem with that.

They were still working out all their difficulties because of the fact that she found out that he was cheating. That's the cautionary tale. You don't want to get busted. You want to be who you are up front instead of hiding it because the last thing you wanted to do is come out this way. or if you have it worn up front you know from the beginning be up front now before you get caught doing it behind someone's back like i said he takes accountability for it he's very aware of what he did

he feels very bad but throughout this place where now the cat's out of the bag she knows who he is he knows what he wants and how are they going to you know get through that what are some of the solutions what are some of the compromises what could he do to make her happy what could she do to make his happy him happy. How could they work through this and stay together? And what happens if he doesn't stay with her? That's what we talk about. So anyway, that's what we talk about. So anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Jamie. Welcome back to the Strictly anonymous podcast. You're calling in again pretty soon since last time. But something kind of major happened, right? Yeah. So let's just go over really quickly what happened on your last call. So people can go and listen to that episode if they want.

The episode was 367. I titled it Jamie Cheats on his wife with both men and women, but there was like a lot of really other interesting things in this story. And this is why I love to do my show, because I think that a lot of people will read a headline or someone tells them one sentence about something and they just make an assumption. But there was a lot of backstory to why you started hooking up with guys.

You were in the army. You basically raped, right? You used that word in the conversation when we were talking when you were in the army, correct? And then, you know, that sort of set the tone for what you were into and what you liked. And there was a lot of sort of degrading stuff that you were into. We didn't even get to all of it. But you were married and this was like a secret life of yours. And you wrote into me and was like, everything got blown up, meaning caught, busted.

You got busted from your wife? Yeah, I did. So why don't you tell me how that happened? But didn't you say you were seeing a therapist? Yeah, I am. We have ongoing visits. So that's weekly. And, I mean, it kind of happened all of a sudden.

She found... Wait, just really quick. Like, what kind of toys? Like toys, you were shoving up your ass, like, deldos that were yours? And she's like, these aren't mine. Yeah, basically just... Where were these toys hidden that she found them? This is, you know, I don't remember if I asked you that question or whether you told me you had a secret stash of toys.

But I always typically like to ask that question because I hear so many bad answers all the time. And this is why people get caught. Like, they're just fucking dumb, you know, like they have their panties that they're stealing from people in a bag in the closet, you know. So where were your toys that she found? They were actually, actually it was kind of funny because I usually keep them in like a private, locker at the gym. Okay. I had to move them because the gym is being cleaned.

Mm-hmm. And she found them in my truck. Where in your truck were they? Like on the ground, in the back seat and the glove compartment? They were in the trunk. They were in the trunk of my car. Wow. And then what it, because I'm always like, if you put it in your car, my thought is

always like, what if you get a car accident? You know what I mean? And then the cops come and you're like trapped underneath the steering wheel. and before they get you out, they, you know, take shit out of your car. They find them. So what was she doing at rifling through your truck? I'm not sure. She was in, I guess.

I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm not sure. Maybe she was just looking for something. I don't know. And she came across it. Of course. Well, my car. I usually don't keep it in there, but I had to that day.

And then I was going to take it back like the day after. Oh, yeah, and what are the odds at that day? she goes into your, I mean, listen, it's not unlikely that your wife is going to go into your car trunk. I mean, obviously you didn't have it underneath with the spare tire. You just had it in your trunk, like right there? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But yeah, like, I mean, I get why you would be like, oh, it's only for one day. I'll just throw it in here. Like, what are the odds? Like I said that she's going to go. But she does go in and she finds it. And so does she like start texting you or does she come in the house and you're there? Like, how does she confront you? She confronts me when I get home from work and, you know, kind of blows up. Oh, yeah, she was holding it in until all day, probably. Oh, yeah. Lipping out. Yeah, he kind of blew up.

She's throwing stuff at me while throwing the toys and just different things among that line. Yeah, but let me ask you this, because, you know, I'm married to a guy. We're having straight sex all the time. I find a bunch of dildos in his car. I don't think the first thing, if I wasn't doing my show, now that I do my show, it might be the first thing I think of. But I don't think the regular woman first thing she would think of all those dildas were for him to use on himself. She would think you're using them with another woman. Like, was that her first thought?

Yes. Well, she's kind of like that. She just didn't know. Oh, no, but I want to take this slow, okay, because it's interesting to me. You know, she's like, what the fuck? she can't put it all together. And so you decide to absolutely come clean. Did you come totally clean?

Like, what did you say to her and how did she react? How did that conversation go? I don't know. I came like, I'm not going to say all the way clean, but I came very mostly clean. And I told her everything. But tell me what you told her, like the gist of it. Just so that people, if they haven't listened to your first episode, they know what you're, like, what you were doing and what you told her you were doing

behind her back. Well, I just told her that I had seen other people, bisexual. Yeah, and that I also wanted a polyamorous relationship. Oh, okay. So you really, like, you didn't just confess to what you were doing. You were confessing to, like, the reason why it was happening and what you were really looking for moving forward. Yeah. Very much so. Okay, and how did she feel about that? We're still not really taking it. Of course not. Of course not. Listen, you know, there's a lot of stuff to swallow in that situation. From her point of view, imagine, okay, she's married, she's married to this guy. All of a sudden, there's a couple things she has to, she's realizing for the first time, you're cheating on her, A, which is just devastating to the other person, you know, your sense of trust and everything you feel like you know

about this person is like pulled from underneath you. So she's got that going on. Then it's the fact that you like man, something that she never knew. Well, we talked before about like, you know, me kind of mentioning it to her and different things. But I'm just saying from her point of view, so she's, she catches you, you know, she's got the cheating thing and that's one thing that you're doing something behind her back. It's betrayal to the, you know, to the 10th power. Then she's got this thing where you're actually not even just interested in guys. You've been seeing guys behind her back. And now, not only that, only to make things worse, it's not like you're begging to have her back and everything will go back to status quo.

You're saying, oh, and by the way, moving forwards, I want things to be 100% different. I want to be with other people, not just with you. So that is really a lot for someone to take. If you think about it from her point of view, you know what I'm saying? Like, think about it. Yeah, it very much so is. I know it's very tough, but it's also something that I feel, especially with me talking to, something that, you know, if I'm going to have to be honest, quite upfront about a lot of this stuff.

Yeah, and you wish that it would have been able to happen in a better way without you having to get busted. And I don't remember if I said this to you on our podcast last time, and I don't really remember the ending. But I do know that when I talk to people who are living secret lives or cheating or doing something behind someone's back that they don't feel right about, Listen, some people are doing it and they don't have a fucking care in the world. But the people that are doing it and they feel like a part of them is starting to feel like they want to out themselves or they want to be honest. But they haven't been yet. I always tell people like, listen, there is a subconscious thing that goes on.

If you start thinking that, be like either take matters into your own hand and do it because if you don't, what will happen is it will happen for you. Like your subconscious will make that happen. So you don't even realize it. But you will get caught because that part of you that wants to be honest, that's the only way that it can go about, you know, solving that problem. And that's not the only way, but that happens if you don't do it the right way. So I always tell people like heed that warning.

If you're thinking that you want to be honest and you're cheating and you don't want to do it anymore, either fucking stop or be honest because you're going to get caught. I mean, it just happens. You know, I think that that's the law of the union. universe, you know, and I don't think it's like some sort of psychic thing. I think it's like sabotage 101, but it is a part of like the subconscious. Yes, very much so. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? If like, so I always tell people, it's no different than the person and I've used this example a lot that like hates their job and is just talking about how much they hate their

job and they want to quit and they want to look for the things, but they never do and then they get fired. It's like, yeah, duh, you made that happen. I mean, you in, so I always tell people of you really unhappy with the job. Start looking right now. find another job and say, hi, sorry, but I'm leaving, and walk out with your head up high. Because you're going to get fired, it's going to be what you wanted, but you're going to feel like an asshole. So in this situation, like, there was probably a huge part of yourself that wanted to come clean. And I was planning to also. But see, that's what I'm telling you.

This is what happens. You were planning to, but you didn't do it soon enough. So it was done for you. Like, you did it on a certain level, but it just happened in a lot messier way. And that's why I always say heed the fucking warning, anyone that's. listening that hasn't got caught yet to do it because you could have done it in a much better way that would have been better for you and 10,000 times better for your wife. Well, and you know also what I've figured out through I guess this whole process.

Yeah. Is that um, or to accept you for exactly who you are. Yeah. But the truth is though that you didn't give your wife that chance because you never expect like you never really told her the truth. So she didn't have that. She wasn't given that chance like somebody knew it would have. No, not at all.

And that's the problem that's going on with her. That's very much so the problem. Yeah. That's very much so the problem. And it's also maybe not what she wanted. You don't know you didn't bring it up with her until now. Yeah. And I don't know.

And that's my fault. Yeah, it's a lot of... They're not accepting it yourself. So therefore, why would you ever put it out to somebody else? It's like a projection. You don't think it's okay. You would never believe that somebody else would think it's okay. Yeah, never.

I mean, a while and a lot of ups and downs to kind of see that. And listen, to give you a break and for people to sort of understand your story in context to what happened to you when you were younger, you know, the fact of how you got turned on to a lot of the stuff was through a very not right situation, that rape and the stuff that that guy did to you without you really wanting it to happen. Yeah, it was very. Yeah. It really wired you a story. certain way. So now here you have this stuff dumped on you. Now you're sort of wired that way. And you can't

help it. So you're you're attracted to that, but you don't. There's a lot of shame involved in it because it came from a situation that you didn't necessarily choose. So I get all that. And with my therapist, I've been more so talking about it where I have to in turn basically understand whether he introduced me to it or whether I had already thought about. it and just he was the person that facilitated it. Interesting. Does that make sense? In a certain way, I think that, yes, that was a very horrible experience and I wouldn't

want anybody else to have the same sense. I think a lot of that was on my mind before, if that makes sense. Yeah, I think we talked about that the first time we spoke. There was that sort of question mark. Yeah, and it was on my mind before. And I think that maybe if that wouldn't happen, I probably would have never acted on it because I was always too scared to. Yeah. And that kind of made me not so scared to.

It's kind of like if someone's afraid of swimming and someone just kicks them into the water. It's like you just forced the person to deal. You were just shoved into it. Yeah, basically. I was based on them. I was really young. My emotions and take my emotions as they were. You probably didn't even understand them.

Yeah. And I really didn't understand. I really didn't understand what I was going. Well, explain what do you mean? What about relationships in the way, like what part of it did you not understand? I didn't understand that you have to be very, when you really want somebody to be with you. I think that's everyone's biggest fear. But I think a lot of people, it's a common thing that a lot of people keep certain parts of them underwrapped

because of that fear that somebody else would never really like them if they knew the real them. I think that that's, you know, common. Yeah, it's a very common thing. Yeah. And it's something that we, especially as men, we need to get away from. We need to actually tell people what's going on because it would make life a lot easier for everybody. Because I think if I would have told her in the beginning, then she would have had a choice to say, you know what, that's not really for me. Or you know what?

I couldn't deal with that. But I didn't have that forthright on it. I think a lot of the times, like, we don't have it with our... For sure. We don't have the honesty to say, like, you know what? That might be bad to somebody. You're just owning it. Like, this is who I am.

Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those things that you don't reel out of fire. But it just weeds out the people that you shouldn't be interested. It's just that's the way to do it. Yeah, it very much so weeds them out way. Yeah, Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol once said, because they asked him, like, why he looks so bizarre and he dressed so

weird. And he was just like, that's my way of it. weeding out the bullshit. Like, that's my way of getting the people that are super closed-minded and not open, you know, out of there, you know, because anyone that would judge somebody by that is, I would say, average. That's the word I use for something. You know, or like.

Well, and very much so. And you also starts to see, like, you know, once you kind of accept it with yourself, then you start to see what, you know, a lot of, a lot of things that I was blind to before that, you know, gay people or buy people. or just people that are different. Me being on, she really wanted in her. For sure. So, you know, you kind of see, like, you know,

that somebody can say like, oh, yeah, you know, I really, really love you. But then in the same breath, they can still say like, oh, yeah, but I don't like that. You know, they can call you a fag or gay or something like that in the same sentence. If you really love somebody, it will make you hard for you to say that. Well, I don't think, no, but I don't necessarily.

thoroughly agree because like you first of all we're not talking two years down the line we're talking like one month a little bit longer okay with this poor woman having to deal with what she yeah she fucking hates you right now okay she is dealing with a lot of loss in her life okay and so i don't think you she could even find her love feelings for you right now they're there okay but they are not what she is feeling for you right now. She's feeling a lot of other things and they're all probably bad. It will take her a while to come to the place where she could, those feelings will go away and she'll be reminded of her love for you.

So I don't think you could judge her in this situation and say she just, she just love me. Like it's not the fucking movies. Like she needs some time to process what's going on. You know, if I was talking to her, it would be a very different conversation. You have to. Well, yeah, very much so. And I don't mean, when I say what I'm saying, I don't mean, like, for her to accept it. I mean, like, it's certain wording.

Like what? Give you an example. Okay. It's certain wording, like, you know, it could be something like us watching a movie and them having a gay couple in it or something like this. And her making an inference like, oh, well, I bet you that's what you like. What, she does that now since she found out? Yeah. Yeah, well, why wouldn't she do that?

She could be saying a lot worse to you. I mean, there's women that would have come off. to you with a fucking bat, okay? What you do? I mean, I'm just giving you a quick example. What? I said, and she does say a lot of worse things to me. Of course. I'm just giving you a quick example. And it's one of those things that I'm basically saying it to let people know that, you know, it does get ugly before it gets pretty, right? Yes, but listen, this is not, this is not a case. Somebody else might sit their wife down and say, I got to tell you this.

I'm kind of into guys. You know, and before they've gone to be with other guys, before they've been having affairs with other guys, you know, there's all different situations. This, what you're saying in this story, what is worse before it's better is when you get caught cheating and finally explain what you're really into and tell your partner that you've been with for many, many years, a whole other side. And I feel like nine times out of ten, that's the way it's going to be, of course, because we're human beings. Like I said, she's dealing with way more stuff than just her acceptance of the fact that you're bisexual.

You know, she's dealing with the betrayal. She's dealing with a lot. So, yeah, of course it's going to be hard. But I do not believe, and I don't know if you're saying it correctly, that you can't gauge how much she loves. you or her love for you or acceptance now, you can't sort of take that as a fact just yet because you got to let her process stuff. I'm not taking that as a fact. I'm just talking about some of the feelings that we're both going through.

And I know right now it's, like you said, it's very quick. It's very something that happened not in a right way. So I definitely understand that she's going to need time. For sure. Like I said, I do not believe she can get in touch with her. any kind of positive feelings for you just now. Okay. And we've all been there. We've all been dumped or cheated on or fucked over by somebody. And, you know, it takes a while before you could release all your judgment and all your bad thoughts about them and, and let it go and get

and forgive and then start to feel like you could remember the good things and all that. That all takes time. Like what she's going through is like a death, you know, and there's stages of grief. She has a death of her whole life, okay, and everything that you guys had. For you, it's a little bit, it's less harsh because for you, this is like, you could look at it 10 years from now, like, it's probably like a big turning point in your life that's going to be good for you in the long run, because you're finally coming clean about who you are. So there's a release and you're dealing with a totally different experience, you know.

But I think for her, it'll take her a while. she, to figure out whether she could really handle this or not. And if she was my friend, I would tell her to wait before you guys sort of make any decisions about your future to see how she feels. You guys have been going to therapy together? Yes, we've been to one therapy appointment. We have another one coming up soon. So we'll see how it goes.

You have kids, right? Yeah, very much so. Yeah, I mean, and so what has she said, like, I mean, I mean, I mean, has she even talked about, like, what she wants to do moving forward? Has she even been able to entertain those thoughts yet? Or is she still sort of asking you questions and trying to get the story? Because I would think that, you know, a month later, she's still sort of, like, wondering, like, where did you meet? I think a little bit of both.

She fully talked. She's okay with openness. Okay. She's okay with us being open, but she's not okay with me wanting to be with other men. And so it's just one of those things that we have to talk more about it and we have to really see. Like this is where we both want to be, if that makes sense. Yeah, of course. She's got to come to the, like she's got to eventually think to herself or the question's going to be for her.

Like, would you rather be with him and accept this part of him or you can't handle it at all and that's not what you want and then you have to leave and then, you know, find somebody else that is more. of what she's looking for, you know, or what she signed up for. But I just think that'll take time for her to realize because I just think that there's probably a lot of other things that are clouding her judgment. Yeah, it very much so is, and it's hard because, you know,

it is on her time and it is on, you know, one of the things that, you know, it's hard because it's hard for me to say like, oh, well, you know, I'm in a way to wait. You know, it's hard to say how long, we should wait. It's hard to say how long this process. Yeah, for sure. But I mean, like, you know, as much as you are looking at this point in your life

to be accepted for who you are, I think that there's a part of you that needs to accept, you know, what she's going through and give it some time if you love her kind of thing. Oh, yeah, definitely. That's why I'm getting myself. You know, it's just, I'm going to just have to wait and I'm going to just have to see how this. this all plays out, I mean, it's still, you know, playing out as we speak. So it's just, it's hard. That's probably the most clearest thing, I can say. It's all things that I bought upon myself, if that makes sense. Yeah, listen, I think that it's what's great about you calling in and sharing this story is it is a cautionary tale, and you're going through it. And this is to say, like I,

like I said before, there's two ways to go about revealing who you really are to a partner, or who you've been with. You know, and one is to sit them down and explain it over time, you know, without them finding out anything or what, you know, before you do stuff, before you go have that affair, you really explain that or explain it up front. Or it happens in this way where you don't do it, but you want to do it, but you keep putting it off and then they find out by accident. And then there's all this collateral damage, you know, and this is like a warning to other people because this way is really hard. You're going to eventually come out okay because this is ultimately what you wanted. But my point is it didn't have to be this messy.

No, not at all. Yeah, and that's what people are going to avoid, I think. But, you know, listen, human beings are messy. Life is never perfect. People do fucked up things, you know. It's funny, I posted, I'm starting to try to get onto TikTok. You know, in the TikTok world, there's like billions of people on there. And they're so fucking judgy.

Because I'm only putting like small snippets of people's like sort of life story on there. And like people are just coming up with all these things. And it's kind of like a lot of them, what they say to me is like they're not living in reality, you know? And it's like, because people do cheat, you know, and things happen. And so what do you do from there? These conversations have to be had and it's good for them to be had and for people to listen to them because this is real life. You know, this is and so it's important for you to be honest. It's important for people not to, I don't think be like harsh and judge you because there's no way that you set out to hurt your wife the way

you've hurt her, right? You have hurt her, but you didn't set out to do that. You were just trying to figure your... No, not at all. She was collateral damage. I think a lot of people, we get into relationships before we kind of... We are. Yeah. How old are you getting? And then, I'm only 26. Yeah, I have a whole thing about that. I just taped somebody recently. He's Eric, he's, I, his episode is out now. And it's all, I'm like, you got, like, he was, like, married super young. And you should listen to his episode, it's interesting, he's finally being monogamous and he's on his own and he, because he couldn't stop cheating and he always felt bad about it. And I was like, it's just, you know, and he was always sort of questioning why he couldn't be monogamous and why, you know, and I'm like, because

you were just like too young. Like it's, it's normal in your 20s to want to, to want to have a lot of variety and be with a lot of people. You know what I mean? And so I just think that, and then he was always like sort of beating himself up about it. But I mean, I think that that's a very, you know, very normal thing in your 20s, you know, for both men and women to want to sort of explore and be with many people. But what happens is sometimes people get married, like you said, before their time. And then, but they still have that desire. And, you know, he stopped it. And he got caught a lot of times too. You should listen to this episode. David cheats with, on his partners with strippers, men and transgender females. I mean, he has a whole, he had a whole thing going on. And he got

busted a couple of times. It's the episode that's out right now. You should listen to it. So I do think that, you know, it is a, I think it's too early to get married, quote unquote. I don't understand why people have to get married. There's a lot of other things you could do besides making it, you know, you could live together. And I think more so like you do it because you think that that's supposed to be. Yeah, it's weird. Everybody read the book. Everybody read some book and that book was, is very outdated. I mean, the book of like people should get married in their 20s was written when people like lived to their 60. Okay, people are living till they're 90, all right? You don't want to be married in your 20s. I have a whole thing about it on that episode. I have a

little audiogram going out. It's called marriage math. Fucking do that math, all right? You like, you really think that if you get married at 25 and you live till you're 90, how many, how many years are you with that same person? One person? Come on. It's not realistic. Not at all. No, not in the slightest. But I think that, like, it's great that your girl is open to things being open, but she has an issue with the guy thing. And listen, she might never, you know, when you take away all of her anger at you and all of that stuff, and she gets to her love thing, she still might not be able to accept that.

You don't know. You have to still give her some time. But you don't know just now. To me, it's like, you know, it might not be looking good because she's really, like, saying it now, but, you know, she might come to a place that she decides to accept it because she wants to keep the family together because of the kids and because she loves you, or she might not. And whatever, whatever is her truth, it has to be respected. Yeah, very much so. What do you want, let me ask you this, what do you want to do?

Honestly, I want to be happy. I want to be with her, but I want to be happy. So I want both. so you want her so you want to stay with her you want her to accept this part of you and you for you to stay with her the way that you know with you being who you are

yeah but you want to you do not want to be with guys behind her back anymore you want to do that with her permission yeah yeah I mean everyone feels different about stuff like that you know and I so it she might not that might be something that she's never

could accept now when you say because I feel like there's different scenarios to that. Like if she said to you, hey, you could be with guys, but like, can you just do it virtual? Like, I don't know. Like, I mean, would there be any kind of compromise or do you want to be like fully with guys, like in person, meet with them, like hook up? Like, what do you want to be the, could it be that she has to be there or it has to be alone? Like, what is the situation that you want her to be okay with? And is there any variation?

that is offered? That's where I'm kind of, I kind of don't know if that makes sense. Yeah, of course. Not knowing is a thing. A lot of people don't know a lot of things. Like, you know, that, you know, you might have to really figure that out for yourself. I mean, what, so your ultimately, your ultimate thing that you would want, of course, is for you guys to stay together, right?

But you guys to also be able to, but for you to be able to see a God. every now and then when you want without her? Yes. Okay. Now, let me ask you this. I forget what you're into doing with guys. Are you a bottom? Are you a top?

What is your deal? A bottom. Okay. So is there, would it be acceptable to you if you, would you be able to just mock up the situations that you enjoy with her playing like that,

of the guy in like pegging you like with that um i would but she doesn't like no no no to forget about what she wants but i'm just saying would if she agreed let's pretend here okay if she agreed to do that for you every now and then when you wanted it would that be enough for you to stop seeing guys yeah i could yeah well that's a that's something that's that's a that's that's that could be be a compromise. Yeah, very much so. And I'm open to all the possibilities. Well, make sure you let her know that that is another option. Yeah, very much so. I'm very, well, trying to be very vocal about it. Yeah. Have you told her that? Has that come up? Like, listen, you know, I, if you would do this, then it would satisfy that and I could, I would never have to be with a guy. Like, have you brought that up at

at all? I mean, maybe now is still too early? Yeah, it's a little early. Right. right now. He kind of mentioned it. That's, I don't know what that means. Well, because I've mentioned it whenever we were in therapy

and stuff like that, or if she really hurt it or if she was really receptive at that point. Well, this is before she knew you were into guys. No, this is, since?

Like, same time in the therapist. Oh, well, she, yeah, she might just be waiting through so many feelings that, you know, she can't, but I really think,

you know, when you start, when she starts to really, have time to really focus on like what she's looking for in your future and what she's willing to accept. I really think it's important for you to clearly state that, you know, the fantasy of it can and would be enough if she helped you out with the physical part of that fantasy. Yeah. Right? And that's her pegging you.

That's a nice way of saying that, right? Let her know that that is an option. Give her other scenarios. Show her that you are willing to compromise. It still might not be enough. I don't know. I'd love to talk to her. You know, you still don't know.

But I think you need to give her a couple months. I mean, you know, you need to also be realistic about how long this takes. And I think because you have kids and you love your wife and you've been with her for, you know, so long, that I think it's only fair to give her a little bit, you know? Yeah, definitely. Right? I mean, how, you know, give it. we're in a fucking pandemic anyway.

I mean, please. It's like now is the perfect time to be going through this because it's not like life is moving on. You know, you figure this out. And then by the time you do, maybe you'll be able to leave your fucking house. I don't know where you live, but you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know if it's six months or whatever, but you guys have to really continue to talk things out and go to therapy. You need to understand what she's going through.

I think, you know, in the long run, run, this is very beneficial to you because and to her because she'll be dealing with the truth too of what she wants, right? And she'll either be able to stay with you and be in a relationship that's much better because it's more honest or she'll be able to be with somebody else who could give her what she wants and be more honest with who they are. For you, still super young. And, you know, I talk to a lot of guys that are in their 50s. and they still haven't been able to tell the truth. And they're living a double life.

And they don't want to anymore. You know, when you're 50, that's not going to be the case, right? Because you're dealing with it now. And it is a big bump in the road for you. And it didn't happen the right way at all. People heed the warning. But it is going to be for the better for you, because you finally were able to speak your truth.

And it is helping you to finally accept the parts of you that you didn't accept. You know, and everything starts from there. And hopefully your marriage could be, could move on from this and be, and it would be better if you did because it would, but who knows, you know, but eventually, I think five years from now, you'll be happier. And it's a good part for your healing. You know, I think that there was a lot of question marks for you about what happened to

you back then because, because you didn't feel right about it and you didn't know, like you said, all these things where you didn't know if those feelings were there before or not and you know so you had a lot of your own judgments and feelings about yourself like you said that you hadn't realized yet so this is this is clearing that air for you and really helping you accept yourself and that's always a good thing because you know that's like fucking love yourself 101 do you know I mean before you could love someone else and listen you're not the only one with that problem I So many people have that problem, you know, and that issue. But yours was pretty hardcore because of what happened.

And because you're so young and got married and you have kids, it's very complicated, you know. But like I said, in the long run, this is something good that has happened for you. Yeah, very much so. So it's something I'm thinking one day at a time. Yeah. I mean, I love that you called in to tell this story. I think a lot of times sometimes when I have someone on who's cheating, every now and then, I get them more on TikTok, right?

But every now and then you get somebody who's like, oh, but I'm a wife and I was cheated on. And this was like awful and terrible, you know, and like they just, and I get that, you know, and it's not like that story doesn't exist. I'm normally talking to the person who is doing the cheating. But I think it's important to understand what the other person is going through. We're not having these conversations and not taking that into consideration. And I think what's great about talking to you, is that you do understand that, you know what I mean,

and are very honest not only about what you did, but you're also taking, like, you're like accountable for it, right? And you understand what she's going through. And we talked a lot about that because I think that that's important. Right. That's what I mean. I don't think that people are taking into consideration when they're doing these things. Like, they're not thinking every day, like, oh, my God,

if they found out they'd be devastated and I've ruined their lives. and then they're still doing it. You're not thinking about it at all. You're thinking about yourself. It is a selfish thing, of course. Nobody's perfect. Do you know what I mean? Like these people that sort of judge everyone,

I'm always like on TikTok now, these people, because I've posted some cheating confessions. They're like all over it. Like what the fuck? And I'm like, listen to the whole story. And then maybe you'll feel a little to be different. And you never know what happens to you. You know, sometimes I don't think most people set out to do the wrong thing.

You know, we just, but people do do the wrong thing. We're human beings. We're all flawed. And I just think that you can't necessarily judge. I mean, people, you know, you could judge yourself. You felt bad about what you were doing. I'm sure when you were caught, you felt fucking horrible about yourself. Yeah, I did.

And it's one of those things. And that's something that you have to go through. That's, you know, and you're the one who could judge yourself. And, you know, and I've done bad things in my life. And one of the worst things I ever did, I felt so bad about it. And I would have, like, dreams. And I just, I couldn't get over. And then I finally got to the point where I realized, okay, you know what?

I'm not a bad person. I just did a bad thing. You know, and that's what you have to come to terms with eventually. Is that you are not bad, you, but you did the wrong thing. But that doesn't, that's not as, that's not all of you and all of who you are. And I think that that's important to come to realize for yourself and that will help you eventually forgive yourself because you'll have to go through that as well. because you've had enough shame in your life and bad feelings about yourself.

And it's not bad that you feel bad about yourself right now because you did do something wrong. You wouldn't feel wrong about it if it wasn't wrong. But you'll have to work through that stuff yourself too. That's your consequences. And that'll be why you won't do it again. Yeah, definitely. And fuck off to anyone else who doesn't think that that's right. I didn't hear that like someone who cheats is the most horrible person.

I mean, like, you know, like it's stuff. really happens and I really appreciate you coming on and being so honest about this story because listen there's a lot of people out there cheating and there's people that get caught and this is what fucking happens you know did this is the yeah so you know keep going to therapy is there anything else you want to say no not really this will be like a good therapy session for you to look back to it. But, you know, thank you for, you know, calling back in. And then let me know what goes on. Now I'm curious of where you're going to wind up. So let me know and keep me posted. Yes, ma'am. And thanks so much for calling in, Jamie. Thank you. Bye.

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow this. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book, but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story.

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