Strictly Anonymous Confessions - 465 - How to Pick Up Women with Dating Coach Ryan Black

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Ryan Black is a dating coach who teaches guys how to pick up women and he calls in to talk all about it. Tune in for all the edatisl which include his story of how he went from being a virgin in college to being a guy who was dating multiple, hot women, how he started with the Pick Up Artist material but quickly realized it didn’t work, how meeting a comedian changed the game for him as well as changed his dating life, how the inside out philosophy and authentic self expression worked best for him and how that changed his life, how and why decided to start teaching this approach to others, how and why your beliefs about yourself is what’s holding you back, techniques he uses to push past them, how what you say and How you say it is important, how and where he teaches guys everything he’s learned and a whole lot more. To get more info go to RyanBlack.us **To see anonymous pics of my female guests + hear anonymous confessions + get all the episodes early and AD FREE, join my Patreon! It's only $7 a month and you can cancel at any time. You can sign up here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/StrictlyAnonymousPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and when you join, I'll throw in a complimentary link to my private Discord! MY BOOK IS NOW OUT FOR PRE-ORDER!!!! Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. A bunch of short, super sexy, TRUE stories. GET YOUR COPY NOW: https://amzn.to/4i7hBCd To Join SDC and get a FREE Trial! click here: https://www.sdc.com/?ref=37712 or go to SDC.com and use my code 37712 Want to be on the show? Email me at [e-mail] or go to http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com and click on "Be on the Show" Have something quick you want to confesss while remaining anonymous? Call the CONFESSIONS hotline at 347-420-3579. You can call 24/7. All voices are changed. Sponsors: https://bluechew.com Get your first month FREE! https://butterwellness.com/ Try the Butter Wellness perineum massager and use code STRICTLY for 20% off your entire order Follow me! Instagram https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/ Twitter https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com/ Everything else https://linktr.ee/Strictlyanonymouspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's when I listen to podcasts when I'm blowjuring my hair in the morning. But anyway, so today I have on Ryan Black, who is a guy who teaching. other guys had to pick up chicks. Okay? He's like, he's kind of the antithesis of the pickup artist. Remember mystery and the pickup artist? Like those guys were around with their pickup artist stuff a long time ago. He actually started using that when he was younger.

Ryan gives you his whole backstory in this episode. He talks about how he, this was a guy who was like still a virgin in college and then changed his whole life and became a guy. I mean, he's with somebody now. But like after he was a virgin, he went from being that to not only losing his virginia, dating a girl, but then dating multiple women. Because like once he was like dating one girl, he was like maybe I could date like five. And I think he started dating like five. And he talks about how that happened for him.

He tried that pickup artist stuff. And he realized it didn't work. He's more into the philosophy. It's called an inside out philosophy. It's all about authentic self-expression. It's the opposite, like I said, of all that other stuff. That work for him. That's what he teaches guys.

He talks very specifically in this episode about, you know, how it works, why it works, you know, how to get in touch with that part of yourself. He has specific things that he has guys go out and do to get them used to getting out in the field and picking up girls and, you know, doing it with confidence. He has a website, ryanblack. You asked where you could contact him. stuff available for you to learn more from him. And like I said, you just go to Ryanblack.us for that information.

But listen to him first here. He gives you a lot of good tips on how to pick up women. And then like I said, if you want to get even more information, have him really help you go out there. So you could date not just one hot girl, but like five. And do it authentically, not like five. fucking asshole, go to his website, Ryanblack.us. Anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Ryan. Hi, Ryan Black. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. How are you today?

I'm very well. Thanks so much for having me. Yeah, I'm excited to have you on. I mean, typically I'm talking to regular people. You know, they're talking about their naughty secret lives, but every now and then I love to have an expert on to teach people things, right? You're a dating coach. Correct? Is that right to say? Like a men's coach, dating coach? Yeah, I mean, I would say my stuff is useful for any guy who lacks any sort of bit of confidence when it comes to anything from the moment that they see an attractive girl that they'd like to go up and talk to, but they're not sure how to find the right words. All the way through to somebody who's maybe in relationships, but feels like, am I settling? Like, am I tolerating behavior? I shouldn't be. Like, could I do better? and this all comes from the fact that I was both of those guys.

And, you know, I grew up very socially anxious and shy. And the relationships I did end up in were kind of awkwardly fumbling around with somebody who probably wasn't the best person for me. But I was in a place of scarcity and so just didn't know any better. Okay. So let's get a little bit of your backstory and then, you know, tell me how you wind up making this your career and why you decided to help. people. I know that you said that you had your own

issue. So let's talk about your dating past. I often say that the difference between a guy who sort of never needs to really worry about dating advice or anything at all and a guy who desperately kind of needs it can be

one sort of early childhood experience, right? So like in two parallel realities, in one, the guy like asked this girl to the junior prom or whatever. And she's like, yeah, sure, that'll be great. And he's like, oh, dating's You just ask a girl and she says yes and it's fine. And then in another parallel reality, same guy, same girl.

He's like, hey, do you want to go to the junior prom? And she's like, you know, you're gross. And he's like, oh, my God. And spends the next, like, rest of his life sort of over-analysing, like, what should I have said? And like, why don't girls like me? Right. And for me, for me, that experience was being about like 10 or 11 or something and having these feelings coming up that you don't know how to express it.

And there was this girl that I kind of liked. And my only experience. with anything to do with romance was like Disney's Aladdin and like Disney movies, right? Yeah. So I'm like, I'm like, I'll paint her this like picture of this like, I will be in a castle and you'll be king and queen and then I'll ride on a white horse and whatever. And I see her face going from like surprise to like confusion to then like disgust in horror when she realizes what I'm trying to communicate to her and then just ran out of the room crying.

So that that experience taught me from a young age, it's like, If you have feelings for a girl, whatever you do, don't express them because then horrible things will happen. Right. And I think a lot of gut men today especially grow up with a lot of really bad toxic shame around their own natural sexual desire. And so they repress it and repress it and repress it and then just don't know how to communicate it or express it. And then it comes out often in very bad ways. Right. So what happened to that little boy who all of a sudden then just shoved his feelings down?

You know, when did you decide to start working on that part of yourself? Well, I arrived at universities, still a virgin, and awkwardly stumbled my way into a relationship with basically the first girl that ever took any interest in me whatsoever. But even with that, I had social anxiety to the point where I would avoid the main drag of university and walk a longer way. way around to avoid the potential of having an awkward situation where I like didn't say hi to somebody that I'd met at a party or like God forbid said hello to someone I didn't actually already know and I would I would often spend like days and weeks like thinking back to like awkward embarrassing stuff I done and towards the end of university I was like I was talking to my college roommate at the time I was like you know I have you know it's coming to

the end of university. We're going to graduate. We might go a separate ways. And with this girl, I've been with this girl through at the whole university, the only girl I've ever been with. But maybe

is it possible that I could do better? But statistically, I was like, well, as a scientist, Ryan, you have zero evidence that any other woman likes you. So, you know, you might as well kind of

just grab hold of what you can get. Right. And so my friend was listening. He was like, I've got the exact thing for you. And the next day, he hands me this book that looks like a leather band Bible. And it was a copy of Neil Strauss's book, The Game, which had just recently been published. Yeah, the pickup artist shit. I know that stuff.

Yeah. And so I got through this book incredibly quickly. And I was like, oh, my God, psychological techniques I can use to manipulate women into sleeping with me, regardless of how unattractive and much of a loser I am. This is fantastic. Yeah, right. And they're all based on science. So it must be true. Yeah.

And so I, almost the next day after that, he was like, there's a party happening a couple of doors down tomorrow. And I'm like, oh, my God, we can use the things from the book. And so we go to this party and there's this, we just thought to win him as a girl. And then she says something about like, oh, are you guys in this frat and we didn't like that frat? So one of the techniques in that book, this old school thing. thing. It's like, um, you do, you do a body rock. So you fake as if you're going to, like, leave and then, but you're not actually going to leave. And so we like, look at each other, like, oh, let's do the thing. And we go as if we're going to leave. And the girl goes, no,

wait, come back. And I'm like, oh my God, it's walking. Wow. And, uh, but by, by, you know, within whatever 20 minutes of being at this party, suddenly I realized I'm surrounded by five, six, you know, cute girls. And they're all looking at me and listening to what I'm saying and smiling and that it just never happened to me my entire life. So I was like, oh my God, this material works. Right. And that was the thing that was actually ended up being very damaging because my base assumption was that I'm not actually attractive.

I'm not actually enough. But if I do these techniques correctly, I can plaster over my deep sense of, you know, lack of confidence and self-worth issues. And so I spent the next three. years going around, I was in, I was in a university in Philly, the last year of that, in New York City, and then in London, so like lots and lots of beautiful women around, going out Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, doing all of this, doing all of this material, but at the end of it, not actually getting any results. Like, I didn't actually have any relationships or any girlfriends

or anything at all out of this. So was it working like short term? Like you would get the girls and they would be interested, but nothing would last? Not even that. Not even at all. Not even at all. What I was, what I was, what I was able to get was a little dopamine hit of validation because right. I attracted women were actually talking to me for like five, ten minutes. And then I'd run out of stuff to say and then they'd be like, great meeting you and walk off. That was pretty much. Yeah. For three years. Yeah. And so, yeah, at the end of this, I reached, I reached, I reached a kind of a point where I was like about to, I was literally like about to give up and just being like, this is, and my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, think it was all on forums then so i was on this forum and i was just wrote this first i was like i'm you know this uh pick up stuff just doesn't work like maybe if you're maybe if you're like pretty handsome or whatever it is and naturally like you're pretty good then it can give you some stuff to like kick start a conversation but if you're like ugly like me then there's no amount of technique

is ever going to is ever going to like fix anything and there's just no point i was like right about to give up right um and then uh i randomly met this guy who'd been a a comedian previously, and he had developed an entirely different method and way of looking at things and way of doing the stuff. So the guy who developed, like, the mystery method and that book that is based off was a magician. And so the whole philosophy and the whole stuff that that place comes from is how do I basically manipulate other people's perceptions in order to kind of trick them? Right. The whole book is full of like really, really awful sort of almost Machiavellian language, right?

It's like... This was the comedian guys? No, no, sorry. Or was this the pickup stuff? Yeah, the pickup stuff. The book of the game is all couched in this sort of Machiavellian terminology. So it's like you approach the target and you just arm the obstacle.

Totally. And it's all about like how do you make people think that your value is high so that they'll like, so that they'll want to be with you and all this stuff. It's just horrible. And that's why it, you know, usually does not serve the type of guy that it, that who would benefit most from it. This other guy, this comedian development here that was the exact inverse of everything. Because as we know from, you know, good comedy, right?

Comedy is not about, if you stand up as a comedian and try to like get the audience to think that you're cool, they're going to destroy you. Right. Right. What you have to do as a comedian, in my opinion, great comedy is when you have a sense of self-acceptance enough to stand up and make a joke about something that you did or even thought that's really, really damaging and embarrassing, but that everybody else has also been there and thought something like that, but they would never admit it. Right. Right. That's where, to me,

where great comedy comes from. For sure. The laughs are like the people, you know, totally being able to relate. Right. And it's like, like Louis C.K.'s joke is like me trying to bend over to tie my shoelaces is like trying to fold a bowling ball in half. I just love that joke. Right. It's just like admit that, yeah, and just admitting this is, you know, this is what's going on for me and then people can relate to you and then they're on your side. And so this guy's, this guy's stuff and this guy's material was coming from a place of

essentially an inside out philosophy of accepting your soul and going and just using authentic self-expression to meet and connect with people. And through going through his work and then doing. it I did a complete shift to 180 from someone who was deep into scarcity and just doubting myself and just believing like I'm just too ugly to make this work to somebody who was who I was dating five different girlfriends at the same time all ethically in an open way which we can talk more about in London at the same time they were like models and strippers and all and all the stuff and I was the same guy was just as like nerdy and dorky and ginger as I ever was.

Wow. But I just had this incredible shift, and it was all, and this is one of the things I often say, it's like, the vast majority of the time, the reason that a guy is not achieving the results in his relationships or dating life or socially or anything is not because he's like, he doesn't know this one sort of technique or tactic or trick or if I just knew this line or these three words to say, then everything would just work. it's literally just his beliefs about himself is holding him back. He does not believe that he's worthy of respect or love from this part. Oh, you know, that girl, she's so hot. What would she want to do with me? Right. And because of that, his own beliefs sabotage his ability to actually meet and connect with her.

Mm-hmm. And so that guy's work, the magician guy's book, is that still out there? Is that what your or is that what you, is that the material that you have to? Yeah. So, yeah. So mystery, yeah, so mystery is the magician and he created the mystery method, which Neil Strauss. I remember mystery, too. For some reason, I thought they were very similar.

But so he's like sort of the opposite, but kind of doing the same thing. But here you could do it this way. And that's the way that worked for you. That was the authentic way. Mystery. Exactly. So, so what, no, so mystery, the magician wrote, created the mystery method, which Neal Strauss wrote about in the book the game.

And all of that stuff. It's what everybody, like many women sort of found out about that book and all that stuff and found it deeply manipulative and was kind of gross, which it is. Right? Because it's coming from a place of essentially how do I plaster over my own insecurities, pretend to be this like high status, high value alpha. Yeah. Dushbag. And basically at all cost, just tell me what it is I need to say to convince this girl to give me what I want. Yeah. That's where that book is coming from. And so my mental, my mentor, the guy I learned from was a comedian and wrote and created a

completely different system that had nothing to do with, it was the exact polar opposite of all of that. Yeah. And what was that book? Was that a book? He, he never really wrote a book. He doesn't, he doesn't, you know, do the stuff anymore. I was just very blessed to, at that point, sort of be in this, in this community.

There was a kind of a community, a lot of people going and, and, and kind of, you know, field testing this stuff out in London around the sort of the mid 2010s or so and I was just lucky to be there at the time when the zeitgeist was the way it was and that was another thing as well is that a lot of the old school mystery

method stuff was based on going to nightclubs right they were always taking their guys out to night clubs you know Friday night Saturday night or whatever and that's something for me I've just never found that particularly fun I don't I don't really enjoy waiting in line paying a bunch of money

to go somewhere where the music is so loud you can't even really have a conversation and connect with anybody. Right. And then they're like, oh, if you want the hot girls and you buy the VIP, you know, champagne for $1,000, like, that just doesn't interest me. And so what was cool about this authentic way

of meeting people is that it's done during the day. So instead of now, you know, most of my Saturday and Sunday just being like nursing a hangover, and so I was walking around London, and just connecting and having conversations with people in coffee shops and bookstores and cafes and stores and stuff like that. And it was an incredibly incredibly deliberating. So here you are dating five different women at the same time.

And so did you wind up ever, are you married now? Are you in a relationship now? I'm in a relationship now. I have a girlfriend. We live together in Santa Monica since right at the beginning of the pandemic. I actually got in, arrived in March 2020 from London. and went down to LAX to get my bags, turned on my phone, went on Facebook,

and the very first article I saw was all flights suspended into U.S. from Europe. I was like, oh, just made it. Yeah. And then so now when you're dating those five different, what were the tactics that you learn from that the good guy, the comedian guy? And I'm assuming that now, since you're a dating coach yourself, this is what you teach other people.

but like what were the things that you were taught to do that turned your life around? Yeah, so the biggest shifts for me and yeah, I've kind of took a lot of his learning. It's kind of the spiritual component of his stuff and put it into a system that now any guy, any guy can kind of go through and get results with. Yeah. But the biggest shift, the biggest shift for me with the following. Number one is shifting from an outside in to an inside-out philosophy of life. And what that means is most people, I would say most people in general from the media and culture and things like that anyway are operating from an outside-in place.

And what that means is that the fundamental philosophy is things outside the external world, how people think about me or how I think people think about me. Those are important things that can and should affect my internal state of well-being. And if you look at most media, both for men and women, right? You thumb through pages of a men's magazine. And basically what that magazine is telling you is, you are not enough. You are not, you are not good enough. You're not successful enough. You're not worthy unless you have this Lamborghini, unless you have this designer suit,

unless you have these this Rolex. And when you have all these things, then you get to project this image of success and then people will like you. Yeah, because they're always standing next to the hottest girl too. I mean, that is definitely being told to you as well. Of course. When you raise your perceived status

of having these things, then women will, you know, will want to have sex with you basically. But it's also, it's done to women in often ways even worse, right? Yeah. can go through a women's magazine and it says unless you look exactly like this, you are not

beautiful and you are not worthy. Yeah. Right. And so that's the, that's an outside in philosophy. And the outside in philosophy, again, leads to a lot of social anxiety for people, right? Because my internal state is constantly being shifted up and down, depending on as I'm looking around, are these people, you know, is that person smiling me? Do they want to have a conversation with me?

Do they like me? are they laughing at my joke, all the stuff, and like only if you're getting validation and approval and acceptance from people, are you allowing yourself to feel okay? And the shift was to an inside our philosophy way of living life, which is I decide, my value is decided by me and what I know about who I am and about things that nobody can take away from me. And so, and then I simply emanate that, that value, that energy outwards towards other people. people, but whether people, so I, I, one of the sort of mindsets and things I teach is this idea that, you know, if you're going around, if you were walking around, you have that big stack of money because you're like a billionaire or whatever, if you're just going around handing out dollar bills to people, then only a few things can happen. Either they're like, oh, thanks for the dollar. And, you know, they're happy, you're happy. You're given some value to someone. You've brighten their day. Right. Or they might take the dollar and then reciprocate it and be like, oh, this is. super cool. Why are you doing this?

And you end up having a conversation and that could lead somewhere and that would be great. They could be like, you know what? I don't need a dollar and I'm all set. You should give that to somebody who needs it more. And again, they get to feel good about themselves. They almost feel like they gave the charity in a way. You feel good because you tried to give value to them. Win, win again. Or you can try and hand someone a dollar and they're like, oh, screw you, man. I don't want your stupid dollar. In any of those cases, if you're just handing it, if you're just handing a dollar, you wouldn't feel rejected by the people that refuse to take it. Right. Right. And so that's that's the mindset I'm coming from when I'm,

you know, encouraging guys to start a conversation when I'm starting a conversation myself, I'm coming from the face of I know that what I, what I'm bringing to the table is in intrinsically inherently valuable. If you if you accept and agree that what I'm doing and what I'm bringing to the table is valuable, then cool. We're on. on the kind of the same level, we resonate with each other, we can continue to have an interaction. And if you don't find what I'm bringing to the table valuable, that's totally fine.

That's your reality and that's totally cool. But I'm not gonna be offended, I'm not gonna be a hurt, I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna feel rejected or like you're looking into my soul and telling me that I'm a bad person if you don't, if you're not interested in accepting the value that I know that I'm great. Right.

And so that inside out philosophy, I think, is really, really, really powerful. powerful, not just for sort of dating relationships, just life in general. Yeah, for sure. I mean, whether even women could take from that, right? I mean, but that's easier said than done. No? I mean, how do you create that shift in somebody?

So, well, so, um, some ways, right? So there's, there's a lot of great kind of writers and, uh, psychologists. So Adlerian psychology is kind of based on, based on the, that inside out, principle. There's also a book by Michael Neal called The Inside Out Revolution that kind of gets into it. There's many kind of Bruce Lee talked about a lot of this stuff too. There's a lot of, you know, you can do years and years of meditation and you can do years and years of some types of therapy and get there. My preferred way, the way that I did, was to do a practice that I've termed I-CBT, so interactive CBT. And what that is, is it's going through a series of basically like

social experiments. So interacting with people in a certain way where you slightly step outside of the bounds of what's considered normal. So you step slightly outside of something where that person kind of has an automatic response mechanism, right? So that they have to be present and be like, wait, what's going on? And you want to put yourself in a position where it might happen that someone might judge you negatively. Right. Right. And so in doing that, by having an experience, where you allow the possibility that someone might

disapprove of you and then coming out of that on the other side realizing oh wait I didn't die nothing bad actually happened and then if you also make that exercise fun and enjoyable in and of itself so it's actually fun then what you do is you remove the core

that creates that anxiety and that fit you remove that thing which is essentially what I call the ego that is telling you you need to worry about what other people think about you. And on top of that, we're also anchoring a positive emotion and a positive state to the act of being potentially judged negatively. And so if we're able to do that within a few of these exercises, within a few of these interactions, a few of these experiences, your subconscious mind just goes, oh, I've been operating under a misconception that I need to protect myself from being judged this whole time. Right. Because this is innately wide within us from the time in, you know, in tribes of 100 people.

If people judge you negatively, they'd throw you out of the tribe and you die. Right. And our programming just hasn't caught up to the reality of how we now live. So by doing these experiences, we then essentially upgrade our programming. And so that ego mechanism that's telling you, oh, don't say that because, well, don't do that because someone might, you know, think badly of you or whatever, just goes away. So you're saying go like face your fear. It's basically that right. It's like go to that place which scares you the most because once you realize that you

could get through that, you know, you don't have to worry about it anymore. And then that takes away all that other fear. I mean, it makes total sense. And like you said, that's like life lesson 101, I feel like for people. It's, you know. Yeah. So as an example, like a very simple example that anybody can do to kind of do one of these and kind of feel what I'm talking.

about is just to, for example, he went to, I think we're on the, we're in the corner of 14th in Santa Monica right here. So it would be to go up to somebody on the corner of 14th and Santa Monica and be like, excuse me, I'm just wondering, could you help me find the corner of 14th in Santa Monica fix you? Wow. Okay. I see. Yeah. Right. And then they look at you like you're an idiot. Yeah. And then be like, uh, you're literally right here. And you're like, oh my God. I I'm actually, you. Yeah, it's very specific. So you're really creating a situation where you know for sure you're going to, you're,

you would feel embarrassed or something. You're going to create that uncomfortableness on purpose. Exactly. Oh, okay. Yeah, I needed that example to really understand. Yeah, and just by doing something as simple as that, right? There's a temporary moment of like, oh, I feel like an idiot. Yeah.

And then they walk off and you. walk off and you're like, wait a minute. Like, and because you know, because you're intentionally creating it as well, you can kind of be kind of laughing in your head as well. Right? You can kind of be like, this is so stupid. Yeah. And then, so that's like a super, super similar one.

But I build them up over, you know, over the course of, you know, five, you know, two, three hours or whatever. Yeah. Until guys are doing and saying things that they just never thought that they could possibly say to someone and go like, oh my God. Like, I can, basically what happened. with me is after about a few hours of doing these, I went from a guy who was like,

I care so deeply about what other people think of me that I just want to avoid all social interactions as much as possible. So I can say in my safe comfort zone of at least, you know, I'm not doing, I'm not doing or saying anything, so there's no way anybody can criticize me to within a few hours of doing these,

just being like, oh, I could just go up to anybody and say whatever I want and I don't give a shit what they think. Right. And that's, you know, once you're there, then you're willing to kind of, at least give it a go, then you're willing to at least throw yourself into an interaction and try something and say something. And just statistically over time, you'll piece together what, you know, what works. Now, how does that relate to picking up checks? Like what then after you start

to do that, like, what, like how do you guide guys like to walk in? Like you said this happens during the day. So are you teaching them what to do on a date? Do you teach them how to pick up women? in on the streets. I mean, you know. Yeah. So, so that I-CBT thing is kind of the foundation, right? We have to do that first because we have to be in the, in the mindset of, I don't really mind one way or another what, like, what the outcome of this interaction is. Like, I don't need this person to like me. Right. And that's a huge thing because what the problem with most of the, most of the pickup stuff and all those courses is they start on day one with like, all right, so here's all these things to say. And these are like all the right things to say. And you have to say them in the

right order and you have to do all the stuff and you have to say it this way and your body language has to be like this and his guys are already super nervous about being rejected to begin with yeah and now you're layering on I have to remember all the stuff and if I say it wrong then she'll you know then she'll hate me and all the stuff so it just makes their anxiety worse yeah the point where these guys are usually like physically forcing their guys into they're like you know have a few drinks at the bar and then like pushing them to go speak to someone and they're like they're all in their head uh you know worrying about all of this material so The first step is we only need to get into that mindset of what I call social freedom, right? The ability to just got anybody and just express whatever you feel in the moment.

Yeah. And not be, and be completely detached from whatever the outcome of that is. Once we're there, now, then we can go to the next step, which is structures and frameworks. So, again, a lot of this stuff out there is just like, say this line. But that rarely works because the guy who wrote it doesn't have the same personality or use of language as you. Yeah. So then you're basically, unless you're a really good actor, it's not going to work. So what a structure of framework allows is the structure does the work of making it effective.

So the structure, the order of the stuff is based on principles of human psychology of how people connect, what gets people's attention, what makes them interested and wanting to speak to you further. And then by filling in the structure with your own words and your own personality and what you like about the girl and the situation, that makes it, authentic. So it creates the feeling that this is a unique, genuine thing that's happening. Right. And the kind of the overall structure, like what it's doing, not the exact words, but what it's doing is it's creating a situation like this, kind of like that like romantic comedy thing. And this is, this is an important thing as well. Like, this doesn't require you to be sort of super confident and smooth. In fact, the times when I've gotten this down to the point where I'm getting it a bit robotic and it comes off super smooth and practice, that's when I get

often the less good reactions. Interesting. So you're creating this situation like, oh, you know, you know, I don't really, I don't really do this kind of thing, you know, at all. And I haven't really planned this out, but I just saw you and I just had to come up. I had to meet you. I just find out of, I had to come find out about you. Oh my God.

Where I'm in as high. I'm right. Right? just this like this almost semi bumbling like Hugh Grant sort of like oh I'm terribly sorry but I just had to I had to meet you and creating this this feeling of oh my god like this guy he's not some he's not some like whatever pickup artisty smooth jaden's bond I'm trying to be alpha dude yeah he's just a regular guy he was just walking down I was just sitting in the cafe he saw me and he just pushed himself he plucked up the courage and pushed himself to come over

and wants to meet me. Isn't that sweet? To me, like, that's just, like, if that girl was ever going to be interested, she's going to be the most interested, then to at least know a little bit more and have a conversation. And that's the place I like to start out from, is, yeah, coming from a place of I had to come and just express myself to you, right? I don't need you to like me. I don't need this to go anywhere, but I just had to come and tell you how I feel right now. And especially how you're making me feel. Right.

To me that's beautiful. And so, and then, you know, because listen, there was like stuff like that for women too, like the rules book,

you know, when it was all about, you know, for women, like don't, you know, call back, don't do this.

Like, do you have any of those kind of rules or is your whole system like anti-rules and anti-games, you know, because I do think human nature,

you can use these fucked up games, you know, that people have set up. right? Yeah. And I think they work in a very, in the short term,

but, you know, if it's not who you are, it's not who you are. You'd act as disinterested as you want to get someone to like you. And human nature might be, yeah, they get hooked because they're like,

they want something they can't have, you know, whatever. But if you actually then decide to like that person, are they going to run for the hills? You know, I mean, it just at some point,

it doesn't work, but it can initially, right? Like those little game, mind fucks, you know, it is, there is science to it, but it's all bull.

shit, right? I, yeah. I mean, I, again, what you said about like, Run for the Hills, I think is it. In my experience, the, there's sort of the doing the, the doing of the material, which is like, oh, this is what works. Yeah. To me, what it does is it, um, at very, let's, let's say the very best, right? So we have this kind of, we have the core of who we really are, right? This is our authentic self, right? And we're told by society and by our, our ego and all the stuff to kind of protect this and cover it over with this like this protection mechanism this facade right this defense mechanism right right so it's like don't just say what you feel in the moment but say this thing that like works right right in this situation and we keep doing that

for all of the all of these you know different situations and these scenarios whatever because we've been told that's what works like you can't just say what you feel so just do what work yeah and so at best at best you do all things that work, right? And women do, women, again, they have the same thing. It's like, hide the crazy. Like, don't it, don't talk about this. Like, yeah, don't act like you like him. It's the worst thing you could do. Hide that part of yourself and all that stuff, right? So they're doing that. So she's doing all of those things. Yeah. The guy doing all of those things. Yeah. And at the very best, the very best, yeah, it goes well, then they end up, they end up, you know, see me together and starting a relationship, at which point they both go, oh, cool,

now I can stop doing all of the stuff. Yeah. Because now I'm in this relationship with this person. I can start being myself. Yeah. And the other person goes, who the fuck is this other person? Exactly. Where's the part? What? Like, who are you?

And that's super weird and incongruent and creepy. And they run away. Exactly. And then certainly for me and for us guys, we did all this, like when that happens, we go, oh my God, who I really am must be so unattractive and horrible that as soon as I reveal it, as soon as I finally reveal it, the woman runs away. Shit, I need to hide that even more. Right.

And even more defense methods than shit to like hide this forever. Yeah. Only perpetuates your problems. Right. What you were trying to avoid. And this is my thing. What I find is when you come from the when you come from the authentic self-expression place, yes, there's a structure that makes it as effective as possible. But fundamentally it's about your own words and communicating who you are and now and feel, right?

Yeah. So by doing that by because that's so to me, in my opinion, because that's so rare, when you come from from inside of who you really are, and you have this you have the self-ownership to just express that and be like I'm just going to express this I don't give a fuck either way what happens is that gives that other person permission to strip down their defense mechanism and come from who they really are and the connection that you form with that in that way to me is can be like instantly instantly like deep and profound right it can be the and the relationship that whether it's relationships friendships business relationships thing like that but I've formed from being willing to

to come from that place have been like instant, you know, instant best friends ever. Right. But you were saying, it's like, yeah, yeah, that stuff, that kind of stuff can work. But it's like, why? Yeah. I think it's like a short term thing that like it's, it's the mouse in the cage and they're feeding them the thing. You know, that shit works, right?

It's a psychological mind fuck. But, and you could use it on anybody. And it is human nature, but I don't think it will ever, like, you know, lead to a long-lasting relationship because there's nothing authentic about it, you know, it's, right? I mean, that's why I was glad when I was going to have you on and was reading through your bio that, like, you weren't into that whole pickup artist thing. Because, like I said, I know that stuff. I know that it works.

I've been on the receiving end of it. It's human nature. I think some people even do that kind of shit subconsciously without even realize. it, you know, because and it, and it does get people hooked and stuff. But like, people are like, it's no different than the mouse in the cage. You're just addicted to that person. You don't genuinely like them. You're not getting that person to like you. You're getting that person maybe addicted to you or there's some sort of dysfunction going around, but that doesn't last, right? Like, that's how I feel about it. I would say, I would say, I mean, works to, works to what extent

because it's like, well, first of all, if you read the game, uh, Mystery isn't someone you particularly want to model as a, as a, you know, as a life goal. I mean, he's on his, he's on his way to a mental institution and suicidal at the, and the first chapter of the book. Neil Strauss himself, after writing that book, then went through years of therapy. Yeah. And to come out to write the book The Truth where he renounced all of it. Yeah. No, he's a totally different guy now.

This is not, this is well. I'm not sure about that. Well, I don't know. I read his, you know, little posts on Instagram. That's what it appears, his quotes. But I mean, you know, what works to what extent is like, yes, you can, you might be able to get, use some of the stuff to get like a short term, like some, maybe like a short term hookup with somebody who, you know, you might not have been able to have sex with that night if you

hadn't used some of the stuff. Yeah. But again, like if as soon as you're using it, now you have to keep using all this stuff to maintain it. Right. Now you have to keep doing all these tricks to cut like keep maintaining this facade that you've built. Yeah. And then you're like the fear is worse because you're like, oh my God, what happens when I'm really myself? And again, the only reason, the only reason that people feel that they need to engage any of this is to protect themselves from rejection. Right. Right. So they're like, if I do the stuff and I won't be rejected. Well, guess what? You're going to get

rejected anyway. Right. Right. You caught. There's no wet, There's no way for there's literally no, no material that's going to work 100% of the time. It's going to be, this is what's, this is what's promised by a lot of these CD, PUA companies. I'm like, yeah, just say this, you just say this magic phrase, then it'll, then you, like, it's totally rejection proof and she'll instantly want to have sex with you. Right. Like, they sell stuff like that to, to guys, unfortunately. but the fact remains that only that you know a certain percentage of people are just not going to be interested in you or they're not going to be available even if they are interested.

Exactly. And so rather than trying to use stuff and that's exactly, rather than trying to use stuff to try and prevent the possibility that you get rejected, why not just accept the fact that some people, that you're not everyone's cup of tea and just be okay with that. And then you can then you don't have to do any of this stuff and you can just come from the place of who you really are. Is that easier? Yes. I feel like at the core of everything is the biggest fear that everybody has is somebody doesn't

like them for who they are. And you know what? Sometimes people aren't going to like you for who you are. It is personal. It is because they don't like you. But who cares? You know, and if you could get to that place, that's freedom, you know? And I think that once you face that fear and you get past it, you know, it makes life

lot easier. I got to that place. You know, I had that fear and I see it in other people sometimes, and I'm always like, let's go to the worst place case scenario. Like, no, like that person maybe didn't like you because of you. Maybe it was something you said or you did or, you know, but who cares? Somebody else will. No, there's nobody out there that every single person will ever like. I mean, it doesn't exist. Exactly. And conversely, there's a percentage and this is one of the one of the exercise I do with guys on the first day. Yeah. literally proves that there's a percentage of women

out there walking around right now for whom you are their exact perfect type. Right. And so literally just showing up is enough. Like all you have to do is go say hi and she's like, oh my God! And they're out there, they're like out there, they're walking around right now.

Right? So all you have to do is go up and find and you can't you can't know that just by looking at him so you have to go and you have to go and just do something and try something and say hi and that's that's often really really powerful where i've where i've had it had a guy like do this exercise where it's like again one of the frame is like guys guys often put a lot of pressure on themselves is like i have to be smooth and i have to have this like right perfect line yeah so one thing we do is we do the wrong line we do like stuff that's like this is never going to work Right? It's intentionally stupid. But it's fun. So, for example, we'll do one where they're going up, getting attention and stopping correctly. And then just saying, hi, this is totally not a pickup one. But can I get your number?

Right. That's it. Right. So it's like that's never going to work, right? It's like that's, you haven't even had a conversation. she has no idea who you are right it's stupid so you're saying it's small in the face it's like oh this is a funny stupid this is a funny stupid game and yet almost inevitably on every course where i have like four or six guys uh one of those times that everybody everybody does a couple one of those times

a guy says just that nothing else but just that's like can i get you know about she's like yeah okay and he's like, wait, what? I have guys like literally, wait, wait, wait, what? Really? She's like, yeah, do you not want it? He's like, no, but I didn't even do anything. Like, how? And she's like, okay.

And I've sent guys like, like, just walk away, like, just in, they're just having a mental breakdown. They're like, I can't believe this. And then I'm like, go get her number. And then he goes back and gets it. He comes back. And he's like, but I didn't even do anything. I'm like, right. it's like but so it can be this.

I'm like, yeah, it can literally be that easy. So when you're teaching guys, how do you teach your classes that you teach? Do you have classes? Do you have seminars? Are they online things? Like, you know, or do you take guys out in the fields? Yeah. So the way the course works is there's, it's like a hybrid course.

So there's an online eight week course that they go through with a bunch of material and specific things to, you know, exercises to go do. And then there's as part of it, there's also a weekend workshop. that I teach in person with a small group of guys. And we just, we spend most of the time walking around outside in, you know, cafes, coffee shops, bookstores, whatever it is, just talking to people.

Right. So you send them out to go talk to girls and to, like you give them that kind of practice. It's like that hardcore kind of stuff? Yeah, it's, I mean, it's people in general and we build it up. And then eventually, yeah, most of the end of day one and day

two on the Sunday is just striking up conversations in different environments and different situations. And then just working, you know, working through the different structures and then, you know, giving them specific feedback about what could be improved and, and how they could have gotten a bit further with something, whatever it is. And I would say like 90% of it is just taking away a lot of this pressure that they feel like, oh, you know, I did this, I did this wrong or I forgot that step. And it's just like, it doesn't matter. Like, oh, I. a lot of the time that is taking the pressure off of having them realize, like, the outcome that you got is exactly the same outcome that I would have gotten. Right.

Like that person just, she was whatever, not available, not in a social mood, not interested, she wouldn't have been interested with anybody. It's okay, right? It's not, you didn't fail by not getting this outcome, right? Again, it's just going back to that inside out thing of just detaching from this outcome and just enjoying the process of just being social and connecting with. people, which is what as humans were designed to be able to do. Right. And that's another, that's another huge point as well, is that most of the, most of this sort of that, the pickup stuff and the material out there is based on this thing of basically you're, like,

you're not, there's something wrong with you. You're not good enough. You're lacking things. And this is an additive process where I'm going to give you all these techniques and give you all these things. And then you'll, then you'll have enough, then you'll be good enough to be able to, like, get this result. and my stuff is coming from the place of,

we all, it's literally programmed in our DNA to be able to connect with other human beings. Right. We're designed to be able to do that. It's just years and years and years of negative experiences, of social pressure, of schooling, of, you know, past relationships, of your parents, whatever, that kind of deep that out of you

and causes you to suppress your innate abilities. And so what I'm doing is taking them through experiences where they can start to essentially just find and cultivate the ability that they already have within them. What is the demographics of the guys that find you? I mean, I know that you're like called yourself maybe like a geek or you were like, oh, the prototype of the kind of guy that I'm talking to typically. Explain what you had said to me before, the guy from the TV show.

Yeah, so that I would say like, I would say Richard Hendricks from Silicon Valley is sort of very much my guy. So they tend to be in their mid-20s. mid-30s, usually a kind of a technical, analytical job description, software engineer, engineer in general operations, finance. So a guy who, you know, likes to plan ahead and creates a real feeling of certainty, which he needs, from kind of knowing, you know, they like numbers and logic and order and planning because that gives them the sense of certainty. And so that's why in social situations, that way of thinking does not work for them.

It doesn't serve them. Yeah, that totally makes sense. You can't plan out, right? They'd love to be able to, but they realize you cannot plan out. Like, if this person says this, then I'll say that. And then if they say this, then I'll say that. Yeah. And if they say this, then you can't plan it out.

You have to be willing to throw yourself into a situation where there is some level of uncertainty and some level of discomfort that's being created from that. Uncertainty, which is where social anxiety comes from. Yeah. And so I know and people, I have guys my age and I'm in my early 50s that like I feel like they've had this issue their whole life, you know. And and, you know, a lot of times it's not just that young guy. You know, it's the guy that got divorced or was in a long term relationship is now single again. And they're exactly where they were before.

And they can't get another relationship because they still have that going on because they never sort of conquered it. You know, somehow they did wind up in a relationship. and it lasted a while. They were lucky, but they can't do it because I have friends that have these kind of issues. You know, that could benefit from yourself. Because I think a lot of guys tend to be more overthinkers and planners, you know? Oh, for sure. I mean, I've helped.

I've had guys in the mid-40s, 50s, a doctor in his 60s, actually, who had an amazing experience in one of like horses. So, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's certainly full of ages. and I will have a segment of guys who come out of a marriage and they're like, I have absolutely no idea how to date in this sort of modern world or whatever. Yeah. So yeah, I definitely help with that. And yeah, again, it's usually around this overthinking

and just helping them go through these experiences, which give them the ability to enjoy the process of throwing themselves into a social situation where there is this uncertainty and becoming okay with that. Now, do you do remote coaching too? So if somebody like, you know, gets at your, I don't know if you have an ebook or whatever it is that they would get initially. And then do you do some kind of remote coaching if someone wants you to talk them through, you know, going out and doing it in real life, you know, just like you do for the people that come to meet you in San Monica, but may say they're not there. So yeah, I mean, there's there's the online course on its own as well, which is probably you won't get me like walking through everything. Yeah. But that is that is something that a lot of guys get. I mean, you know, I have had customers as far away as Australia and stuff like that. So someone in Australia, they're not even, I don't think they're even allowed out of their own country at this point.

So, so yeah, they can they can do the course on its own. And then there's a, there's obviously, you know, they have to be a little bit more of an action. taker and a self-starter because at the end of every module, there's, here's some stuff where you're going to have to go outside and actually speak to people and do this. Yeah. And with me not there to kind of be like, come on, then, you know, that's a, that's a, that's a, often, you know, a big leaf in something that the guys struggle with. So, but yeah, the online course is also available on its own for guys that can't make the in-person training as well.

Yeah, I guess I was just wanting to know everything that you offer so that we could put it out there. So you have this online course that you offer people. you also have the weekend seminar that people could go to. And that's right now in Santa Monica, because that's where you're based. Where do people find all of this stuff? So you can just go to Ryanblack.us.

And everything's pretty much there. There's a bunch of kind of free resources as well. So there's a script that helps a free sort of script and some copy paste stuff that guys can use to just get better results with online dating, which is obviously a big, I think now, since the last few years, I forget when it switched over,

but the most common way for people to meet now is online. Yeah, I'm so glad you brought that up because I was going to say to you, like, does this translate to online dating too? Because that's how most people are meeting people nowadays. Yeah, I've definitely always been a proponent of kind of meeting and connecting in person. So the few things I always say is, number one,

whatever you do, do not make online the primary or only way that you're meeting people. Right. To me, especially as a guy who's not a, you know, not like a Brad Pitt looking kind of male model, it can often be, it can often be quite frustrating and soul crushing to be swiping and swiping and swiping and getting very, very few. any matches. Right. So, but as an addition to also making the effort to, you know, start conversations and be social and meet people in person, it can be a great way to shift a guy from a place

of where he feels this sort of, this sense of scarcity, right? And he doesn't want to, when you're in scarcity, and you do get sort of the occasional date and it doesn't happen than often, then that guy is going to, is more likely to be more nervous and because now he's like, oh, I don't want to school this up, right? This might be my only date for the next three months or six months or something. And that immediately will start engaging in people pleasing behaviors because he'll be like, I need to modify myself and I need to say the kind of thing that I feel that this person will like me if I say. And so immediately then you're you're coming from that outside in worldview. Yeah. However, those little

however she reacts and whatever she said, it's affecting their internal state. And so instead, you want to be coming from a place of abundance where it's like, I've met a few people in person. I'm texting a few people here. I've got a few things from online.

And when you're arriving on a date where it's like, you know, if this isn't going well, we're not connecting, whatever it is, I can just cut it short and I can text one of the other girls I'm speaking to and meet up with them later. You're arriving to that place

with a very different energy in much the same way as like if it's a salary negotiation or you're getting a job if you have three other offers you're going to arrive in that in that room with a very very different energy to it's like versus if it's your only opportunity and you literally need the money to be able to pay your rent right right the way that you're going to behave you're not how are you going to know how are you really going to be able to negotiate from a place of strength if if you know if that's the case so it's a exactly the same thing but i i recommend it um but in addition to to meeting people in person, which should be your primary thing. And the fundamental philosophy is the same. It's really interesting. Even over text, the energy of, I need this text to work,

and I need how to reply to me, and I need this to go well, comes off, even if the words are the same. It's the weirdest thing. But basically, the philosophy and the stuff is the same. There's structures which help make your communication as effective as possible. But it's about filling those in with your own words to make it authentic and unique. One of the biggest things about online is that first message has to be unique and different to everything else. Because most guys are sending the same thing. Most guys are just sending like, hey, sup or whatever. Right.

Or whatever it is. So as soon as you can immediately stand out by saying something unique, which requires you again. Why are guys sending hey? Because it's like it feels like you're not really putting yourself out there or risking anything. Right. So it feels easy to do. It's like, oh, she replies and there's no big deal. It doesn't feel, it doesn't, you don't really feel that sense of rejection as much if like you don't get a response from hey.

But if you're able to be okay with like throwing out there something that's a bit random, a bit different, without worrying too much of like, oh, this might come off a bit weird or whatever it is. And you're coming from that, coming, just coming from that energy of I really don't care right away. whether this particular person responds back to me or not, then counter-intuitively, the less you care about getting a response, the more likely you ought to get a response. Right. So in general, the stuff I do online stuff I teach

is about intentionally being a bit divisive, about intentionally kind of really throwing stuff out there that's maybe a bit risque or whatever. And what I want is that basically there's no way that you can possibly sort of be on the fence or indifferent. Are you either going to really love this and think it's hilarious and great, or you're going to, or you're going to hate me, right, and block me immediately.

And that's what I, that's what I'm going for because it's like, again, it just makes you stand out and makes you very different. Right. And now, so in your, in these online courses and what you teach,

it's about dating, meeting women, finding the right women. And now is it also about like how to sustain that relationship? Is it for people who are also in a relationship, how to keep those women interested, how to continue being yourself? Or is this strictly like, oh, this is like, yeah, you date. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. So the, the courses kind of end to end. So it doesn't just end it like, okay, no, you start with her great, well done, job, done kind of thing. Yeah. It's much more about everything sort of progressing in a, and everything, all the mindsets and everything build on themselves. So you're taking, you're taking. taking this person

and kind of down this road where it's very very likely I mean the thing that I would say I'm actually the best at and differentiates me a lot of the time from most of most of the coaches out there

whatever they're usually like not in not actually in a relationship hardly at all like they don't have long lasting fulfilling relationships they're just going on and the next girl next girl next girl next girl look how awesome I am I've slept with this many girls It's like, if you've slept with that many girls and you never have a long-term relationship, you have a psychological issue.

Like, there's something wrong with you. Like, you should not be someone that people want to model, right? Like, because why don't these women want to be with you? Like, what's going on? Or are you pre-rejecting them because you're like, oh, I don't want them to get too close and then see who I really am. Right. I see that a lot in a lot of coaches where they're actually scared of, because again, they're doing all this material and all these techniques and all the stuff to get them. So then it's like, oh, I don't want to peel back this layer and reveal who I really am,

because then she could actually reject who I am and that would devastate me. Right. Going back to something you said. So yeah, but by, because we're starting right from the very beginning, we're starting with this is who I am and this is what I feel and this is what I want to express to you, then it's actually a hell of a lot easier to, to, to, um, segue that into a long-time relationship if that's what you're looking for. And so my kind of the, the process,

that I say is like whether a guy wants to just be dating around, which is fine. Like a lot of guys kind of just missed that phase of their life. I certainly didn't. I certainly didn't have it. Or whether the guy wanted to find the one, you know, settle down and be with one go monogamously, I would say the place to come to that is from a place of abundance. If you're going to be with one person, it shouldn't be because, this was the

you know the first got lit and this happened this this uh often happens a lot and I warn guys against it is they go they go through the course they start going out they start meeting it they start um you know

going on a bunch of dates and I'm like please whatever you do don't just the first girl that you end up going on a few dates with and sleeping with please don't just immediately make her your girlfriend um because what's going to happen is

Then in, in, you know, three or six months or whatever, that relationship is going to end. And then you haven't built all these skills and hung them. And now you be back at square one again. So I say, like, arrive at that. You want to arrive at that monogamous, amazing relationship with that private person from a place of multiple quality options. Right. And so that what I, what I take them through and what I teach is a way to enter these, you know, these new relationships, multiple new relationships. in a way that's incredibly ethical and honest about exactly what's going on.

So it's not about sort of dating a lot of different people and just kind of like not saying anything and kind of cheating and whatever it is. It's about having them willingly choose to want to be part of your life in this specific type of relationship with both eyes open kind of thing. No, like you're saying, knowing that you might be dating two other people or three other Yeah, and that both parties have that choice and that freedom to do that. Right. And then over time, what will tend to happen is one of those relationships becomes kind of more of a primary relationship.

And then after a certain period of time, then that, you know, that person you can choose to be just with that one person to be the novelness with them. But then you're doing it based on, you know that this is this person, you know that this person, and ticks all the boxes that you're looking for and has everything and you simply just naturally will move into that and be like i don't really feel the need to spend time with any of these other women that they will give me a certain thing here and a certain thing there but this girl has everything i've ever i you know i've ever wanted and that's not a process that you can know right for like date you know you see with somebody the first time um or whatever it is you've been in a few months you can't know that yet so i always say like it's going to it's that it's a little bit of a process so that's the only

thing, if you're talking about sort of the rules and certain things, I would say that that's one of the, you know, few sort of rules I have of like, don't jump into that too early and come, arrive at that from a place of options. And real quick, last question. Do you, I mean, do you have any, you know, because there's that Patty Stanger, you know, the millionaire matchmaker, her big thing is like, oh, you're not allowed to have sex until this many dates and don't put it in here or there. You know, that's what she tells the girls. I mean, do you have any rules around when a guy can sleep with a girl or anything like that or is that just you know what's funny is uh my girlfriend was actually on that show twice no way what was she like in the audience you know meeting the guy she was one of the girls

she was one of the yeah she was one of the girls oh my god hilarious did she ever going on any of the dates did she ever get picked for the date you know because normally it would be like a bunch of girls they all talk and then you know three girls get chosen you know or two girls get chosen by the guys was she ever chosen i cut this out i'm not sure exactly i think she ended up going on a date Oh, so she did. I'm not sure how far down the process she went. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, that's so funny.

She was on that show. Do you have those kind of, do you have any kind of rules when it comes to SEX for your guys? I tend to, I tend to not necessarily, like to, in my experience, there's been, there's been relationships. I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of misconceptions around this. Yeah. I think a lot, a lot of, a lot of girls have a misconstructions. that like, oh, if I sleep with this guy too soon, like he won't take me seriously and all this stuff. And I don't think, I don't think something like that is true at all.

So in my experience, I've had, I've had relationships where, you know, I, we waited a fairly longer amount of time than it's than sort of average. And it was five, six dates in before we slept together the first time. Yeah. And that ended up not actually being that long lasting or that great a relationship. And I've had conversely times where I said with a girl on the first date, we were together for years. So I don't see any correlation between any of that. And again, I find it, I find it one of those rules that sort of women do that's actually, I don't see the value in it because you're making, you're making this guy wait.

right and and again what's the what's the what's the what's the like why like what's the fear behind that it's like oh we sleep together too soon and then he just like like uses me or whatever yeah well if if that's the type of guy he is don't you want to just know that yeah yeah right so and and for as long as often for as long as again because we we have these like mechanisms and these and these and these ego defense things right so the girl's sort of hiding stuff or whatever and then eventually withholding sex, even though she would actually want to do it. The guy's sort of doing these things

and he's acting in ways to kind of say the right thing to the girl. So it's all a lot of inauthenticity until eventually you end up seeing each other and then you can find, oh, this is actually me. Well, why not just remove all of that? And just like, if you feel it, do it. And then you'll see who this person really is. Yeah.

And what, like, what's the harm? So that I don't have any specific rules around it. What I do go through in terms of like going on dates, one of the big things to do is I encourage guys to move the conversation and direction where you can have a kind of be talking about sex in kind of a matter-of-fact way, talking about like previous sexual experiences and stuff like that. And doing that in a way, I think is important to show that the guy is non-judgmental about sex. Right. So she's opening up and talking about previous sexual experiences, whatever it is, and he's like, oh, that's fucking cool. That's awesome.

Right. I had a similar one like this and they're like going back and forth. And as well, like that helps move things towards the sexual direction in general. But the main point of that is allowing her to feel safe that this guy will not judge me as a slot for being, for bringing out my sexuality. For sure. And that's a very useful thing to do if you if you'd like to see what you're. someone, you know, on the first date. That's a pretty good idea to do anyway. And it just start, I think it just starts things off in the right place versus when a guy expresses things that are maybe a bit judgmental around, around sex or whatever, like, oh, that girl's acting like a whore or whatever, then that will trigger if the girl likes him and, you know, wants to him, she'll go, oh, this guy is, you know, like that around, you know, when it comes to

sex. Okay, cool. So now I will act like the good girl that, that I think he wants to. me to be. Totally. And you won't get a good blowjob because she'll be too afraid. You're going to judge her. Yeah. And now he's just caught up to himself for the next like five dates. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. You got a lot of good advice. I feel like, you know, I could talk to, I could just listen to you for another hour. Again, explain where people could go to what's your website again. I will put all your information in the description. There'll be a link to your website so people could get your online courses and stuff. It's all available.

Can you give your website again? Yeah, it's Ryanblack.us. Okay. And there's a, it's kind of, once you get on the site, you can kind of choose your own adventure. There's the messaging script that I mentioned. There's a mini kind of messaging product. There's some other kind of seminars and stuff like that

that you can just watch for free and get a sense for kind of the material and stuff like that. Oh, that's great. Thanks so much for calling in. I'll put all of your information in the description. And I hope a lot of guys sign up for your course. That's awesome. Well, thanks so much for taking the time with me today.

This was awesome. Yeah, it was great. Thanks so much, Ryan. Thanks for coming on. Great. Well, have a great rest of your weekend. You too. Bye.

All right. Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous. If you are on YouTube, make sure to subscribe. I love YouTube as a platform for my show because people comment there

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slash strictly anonymous podcast. The link is also in the description below. Thanks so much for listening. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly Anonymous Confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers is now available not only in paperback and e-book but you can pre-order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out till August

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There's a gang-bang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories, and they're all told in the third person, and they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person, and I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct. It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two, and then skis. around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format. And finally, the audio book is available coming out August 25th. But you could pre-order it now. And if you

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